The F Plus - 108: The Staind Lyrics In My Signature Will Demonstrate My Intellect

Episode Date: August 4, 2013

On a planet with a population of 7 billion, it's easy to get overwhelmed by the shortcomings of other people. Hopefully you have friends, loved ones, and a strong vibrant community where you can be a part of a greater whole, providing for others while benefitting from their care. But if there's not the case, there's a lot of other angry idiots on the internet you can shout at. We're looking at whyihatepeople.com, a site where you can complain about the stupidity of others while trying avoid pot/kettle conversations about your own stupidity. This week, The F Plus has been thinking about peeing on your coat.

🎵 Hello there, this is the F Plus Podcast, Terrible Things, Red with Enthusiasm. My name's Lemon. I'm Boots Reingear. Boots, how are you doing this week? Pretty good. There's a lot of things I'm upset about, I guess. Sure, okay. But I don't know how to deal with that.

Are you upset about, like, real things, or are they kind of stupid things? Uh, no, just everybody else in the world's pretty dumb, and I'm much better than them, so I really don't know where to go and what to do and how to deal with that problem. Sure, well that's a difficult problem that, that for some reason we all have to deal with. So you're feeling like an unwarranted sense of superiority against others. Yeah, I am on the internet, right? Right. And, I mean, you just need to, I don't know, kind of like blindly type unfettered garbage about how

smart you are, but then prove the negative while you're doing so? Yes, that is precisely what I'm looking for. Well, that's terrific. I'm going to introduce you to a site called whyihatepeople.com This is a site for people like yourself

people who have no idea of how good graphic design works is a site for people like yourself. People who have no idea of how good graphic design works. Or forums in general. What you do is, whatever it is that you're mad about, you go to

the site and then you slap the keyboard for a while and you demonstrate your superiority complex. You DHV, you demonstrate higher value and all the ladies get wet.

Cool. So can I on the forums itself, can I express my superiority over the other people on the forums? Well, that's going to be a problem because there might be a fight if that happens. And God knows they don't approve of drama here at whyihatepeople.com. That's a shame. All right, let's see what happens.

Readers, assemble! In the room tonight, we have Boots Ring here. Yahoo Answers has to be one of the worst sites on the internet. Check, check. The parasitic morons I work with. Yahoo Answers has to be one of the worst sites on the internet. Check, check. The parasitic morons I work with. John. Coughing bastards. Knockout the lock.

Nonstop verbal bulldozers. Stog. Are you smarter than a fifth grader is a cheating scam? Go to letstandradio.com to listen to more Adam Bozarth. Thank you for wasting my time, jerk. And Lemon. People who cut me off when I'm so painful To be no one Hey, F+.

Hello. Yes? What? Who's feeling angry? I'm pretty happy, actually. Not yet, but I'm sure I will be. Okay, see, the problem... I'm feeling angry.

No, yeah, I'm not really buying it. See, the thing is... Does that count? Shut up. Other people are on this planet, and that makes us all angry because we hate people. It's true. Agreed?

That's true. I agree with that. The thing is that people are always spouting cliches, and that's why I hate people. Well, I hate people for more than that, but that's a good start. To that end, we're going to be going to

whyihatepeople.com. Oh, good! Creative naming. I like it. Boots, can you start us off and give us a little primer of the website that we're on here? You're probably here because you Googled I hate people or something close to it.

Is that why we're here? No, we're actually here because one of our listeners named KR sent us here. Good guess. So we hate KR then. Yeah. Yeah. Bad day? Irritating family. Self-centered friends. Yep. yeah yeah bad day irritating family

self-centered friends yep does everyone seem oblivious to the world around them sure we all do then you're in the right place uh huh whyihatepeople.com

is a place to rant about people and their irritating behavior join the whip forum woo and tell us about it when you're done and you've gotten it off your chest, take a look around. You'll find many in-depth discussions on just about every people-hating topic you can think of.

Look at website. Oh, so this is the welcoming person-hating forum. I hate people. Post your forum. Hey, friends. Do you hate people? All right. I hate everyone except for you. Hey, friends. Do you hate people? I hate everyone except for you. You're cool.

We don't really need to spend too much time in the preamble. Let's just jump right into it. Jack Chick. Yes. I'm sorry. Misanthropologist, which is not bad. I don't know. I kind of like it.

Miss Anthropologist? Nice. Anyway, what's up with you exactly? Alright. So this post is titled F star it or I quit. Alright. Fack it.

Yeah, the star stands for fuck. F asshole. I thought it was fick it. I think the star stands for fuck. F-asshole. Fuck it. I thought it was fick it. Anyways. I do have some experience with dropping out. Back in the 70s, I lived in the rural Appalachians for a few years.

I did have a crummy house with electricity, so I wasn't technically off-grid. But the ground froze up hard one winter, and the idiots who had installed the plumbing hadn't buried the waterline deep enough, so I had no running water all winter. It was an interesting experience and all. I just wanted to go back home after a while. But what is off-grid, exactly? No electricity? That means no TV,

no running water, no internet access, etc. Back in the 70s. I didn't have etc. Back in the 70s. I didn't have any internet back in the 70s. Oh, I'm so sick of DARP, I'm going off grid. It might be fun for a while, but it gets old pretty fast. If you have to pump every gallon of water you use by hand, the simplest of tasks becomes a lot of work.

And what do you do for... Well, there isn't any yet. And what do you do for heat? Wood. Wood heat is dirty, dangerous, inefficient, and a lot of work. And it takes huge quantities of wood to even heat a very small house.

I knew two brothers from urban Ohio who went what now would be called off-grid. They had 30 to 40 acres of land. They built a shack and put in a wood stove and dug a well. No electricity, which means no refrigeration. They lived on peanut butter,

supplemented with acorns that they either soaked or boiled to get the tannin bitterness out. So they were giant squirrels. I'm just picturing them taking soaked or boiled to get the tannin bitterness out. So they were giant squirrels. I'm just picturing them taking like pine cones and putting peanut butter on them. Oh, my tail is so bushy today. I love living off grid.

So what do you guys do for a living? Oh, we're rescue rangers. Picturing two, you know, six foot tall squirrels wearing flannel shirts. Our neighbor is the littlest hobo, have you heard? After about a year, the younger brother couldn't take it anymore and went back to Toledo, leaving the older one alone in the woods. After the novelty of living in the country wears off, you start to miss civilization. After a few years, chances are you'll be desperate to get back home and get another job.

And good jobs are getting harder to come by these days. Now I'm not... The first few months of boiled acorns are so nice, but after a while it just loses its charm. Yeah, I just want to get back and use a copier. Once your teeth start falling out and doing scurvy, it's just all downhill from there. By the way, it's got to be pretty bad to say, oh, man, Toledo was better than this.

It's the 70s. They wanted to get back and use a ditto machine. Oh yeah, that's right. Now I'm not saying it can't be done if you really want it,

but you need to be pretty certain that you do want it. I'd suggest taking a long camping vacation to see how you like roughing it. It's miserably cold

in winter, hot and crawling with blood-sucking bugs in summer. And at the very least, you'd need to own the land you're going to live on. In the USA, all of the land is spoken for. It's miserably cold in winter, hot and crawling with blood-sucking bugs in summer. And, at the very least, you'd need to own the land you're going to live on. In the USA, all of the land is spoken for. It's either government-owned or privately owned.

So unless you want to be nomadic and have to break down your campsite when somebody catches you on their land, you should look into land prices. Which, of course, takes money to buy and money to pay the taxes. I'm going to live in a cloud. Fuck you. Just live in the hollow earth. Oh, there you are. taxes. I'm going to live in a cloud. Fuck you. Just live in the hollow earth. And then somebody posts a hobbit house. It's like an Instagram shot of a hobbit house. Yeah, apparently.

Without the filters, you just wouldn't get the hobbitness. You're good with metaphors, right? I guess. Isn't that true? You're really good with what metaphors? Willy dang doodle? Willy dang doodle? I think Willy dang doodle, yes, is master of metaphors.

Take, for example, the title. Forums are like the herpes of the internet. Absolutely. Can we just plug Ball Pit right now? Yes, Ball Pit. B-A-L-L-P dot I-E-T. Catch it. It's full of herpes. It's more of a simile than a metaphor.

Metaphors are like the language of the ocean. So does that mean that if one forum fucks another forum, that's how it gets the HPV? Well, I'll tell you. I don't even know how that would logistically work. You know, when you post on a forum, you post on every forum that forum has been on. All right. I'm sorry. Tell me about this theory that you have here.

Should I be drinking? Yes. I think I should be drinking. Willie Dang Doodle. Why do you ask questions that you already know the answer to? Forums are like the herpes of the internet. Last year, I went through a phase where I was alone and depressed. I couldn't afford to go to shrinks, and I don't want to take happy pills. I

started trying to find places where I can speak my mind. I turned to internet forums. Yay! That was a good idea. Always good for your mental health. Celebrating! Welcome to VH1's Behind the Lack of VH1. I've never

cared about forums or anything like that, but last year I just went a bit overboard signing up to whatever forums that were out there. I went on a forum bender, man. That's what I'm going to tell the FBI if they come knocking anyway. I'm trying to clean up my information that's spread out on the internet. I've gotten rid of Facebook and PhotBucket and all that shit. But the forums are all run by bass turd.

That's true. A type of fish. Speaking from experience? Yep. Those fucking fish. Fish poop. I just want to know everything and they give nothing. No, I thought it was bass turd.

Oh yeah, it is a bass turd. But forums are run by bass turd who won't take my friggin' info off. What? So you mean to tell me that signing up to a forum where I've had a few beers is like screwing a bar skank and developing red bumps on my crotch for life? You've never screwed a bar skank. That's not in response to anything either. He's just running up to somebody and asking them

that question. I don't screw barskanks. And I'm pretty sure if there was a cure for herpes then I would be able to buy it or have it prescribed. Yeah. So why when the possibility of deleting

a forum profile is possible, do mods refuse to do it? It's a friggin' FORUM! NOT! Friggin' HERPES! Well, then why did you write that metaphor, asshole? I mean, what I like is that he wrote the metaphor in the title and then was like, no, I'm going to explain the metaphor now. I'm going to explain the metaphor and why it doesn't work.

Yeah. for now. I'm going to explain the metaphor and why it doesn't work. Also, if I make up this thing that may or may not exist, then you should take my info off of forums. It just makes sense. You mean to tell me that these arseholes have my information stored on their databases and when I ask them politely to remove

it and remove me from the forum they refuse. What reason do they have to refuse to disable my profile and take my name, IP, DOB, and location? They're taking my IP! Because it's funny. You don't know. He might have a static IP. But they're taking it?

Yeah. They're not giving it back either 192.0.0.2 they're stealing all the internet willie dangoodle isn't unreasonable he says they can keep my posts oh how magnificent

yeah I just don't want to be associated with them anymore if somebody reads the whiny Brit with a cigarette shit I wrote when I was going through an emo quarter-life crisis and finds out who wrote it... Quarter-life crisis.

If they find out who wrote it, I could lose my job. Yeah, Walmart does not fucking tolerate that shit, let me tell you. Mr. D-Doodle, something tells me your life never stopped being a crisis. Hey, William, so I was browsing my son's Pokemon forums, and I saw something you wrote that really bothered me. I know it's you because I memorized your IP.

Pikachu is like the herpes of Blue Version. It could destroy my future career that I'm currently on the first steps. Collecting change from people if they come out of the corner. My career of being an English professor. I'm not going to buy burgers from you. I saw what you posted. No! You have very incorrect opinions of me too, sir.

God damn it. So you like panty sniffing, huh? I think you're not a good fit for our lingerie store, sir. I've started Operation Delete Myself From The Internet. That's a good code name. Yeah. I think posting on a forum is probably the best first step in that operation. Yeah, totally.

I'll detail my method on this post. Oh, fuck. I'm not proud of the last two years, last year in particular. I'm just trying to put the past behind me. Let's dig up everything this guy's done. Quick, track his IP. I want to move forward with my life. But knowing that anybody can trace all that stuff back to me,

if anybody used my computer, they would be able to find what I wrote unsettling. Doesn't he know how to erase his browser history? Don't tell me that it's impossible! I just want my details on unnecessary places that I barely use,

forums, and stuff like Facebook and Photobucket. I'm not all over the internet. I just have too many accounts on stupid shit that I'm embarrassed about. Second question. What's the first one? Apparently.

What was the first question? I don't want my stuff on the internet. That was the first question. So second question. Okay. Yep. So the chances of me erasing my existence from the internet is going to be slim. Wow, you've already given up from the previous paragraph.

This is a real, like, mission accomplished moment. I feel like you flew in on a jet. Ah, fuck it. So how do I cut the tether? So these posts and accounts won't go away. The forum accounts won't go away because of the people

running them. God damn it, why does he keep saying this? Then how do I create a new presence on the internet? A new, more horrible presence. You think I fucked up before? Just watch me now. Create new account? If those things were ever discovered,

or if anybody hacked my computer, they'd never find those things were ever discovered or if anybody hacked my computer they'd never find those things. It's child porn. Pretty sure. Just wants to join the internet relocation program. I just really like the idea that he

signed up for all of these accounts with the exact same username, and then probably his first post was, Hi, I'm blah blah blah from this country, from this province, or state of country. I am this many years old. Yeah, I picture this guy writing on a piece of paper. Dear FBI, I do not want to have a paper trail on me. Putting it on with an envelope.

To FBI. Sign it. There we go. Sir, this is a foodie on me. Putting it on with an envelope. To FBI. Sign it. There we go. Sir, this is a foodie forum. We don't care about how big your dick is. But you wanted to eat my dick, right? You see, we want our cashiers to be winners. And after watching you so handily defeated in the Digimon vs. Pokemon battle.

Why didn't you choose a Legandary? All right, close it out. Separate my computer from the past things I've opened. I need some friggin' help with this! This is my friggin' career on the lot, friggin' line! Fuck off! Mr. Doodle, I have a suggestion. I'd like you to listen up.

My first suggestion, how about trying shutting the fuck up? I think my first suggestion to Willie Dang Doodle is nobody gives a fuck about you. If the F-Plus only had one message, I think it would be that. And I'm not saying that in like, I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just saying like, it's freeing as soon as you know, nobody gives a fuck about you.

Right, yeah. Oh, an asshole on the internet with stupid opinions. I'm going to focus on this. I got to look him up and make sure his boss knows what he said. Yeah, this piece of hay in this haystack. This is really going to stay down. Alright, nutshell. Yes?

You've got some particular thing that you're angry about. Would you like to share? Tired and uninspired? Well, my problem is that Facebook is freaking disgusting. If you have one, you are a hypocrite. Okay.

Because I don't read books? You pronounce er in a weird way. Or faces. Faces aren't books. Why the hell would I want to know what's going on in my peers' lives? I see you seven hours a day. I don't want to see your damn face unless I have to, or worse, know what's going on in your life. Pictures.

Very personal. I don't want to see your udders. Thank you. Girls, take these pathetic pictures of their saggy or microscopic boob cracks. You're not W-D-Y-J-D. Whatever that is. What is that? What the hell?

What did your Jesus do? Died for my sins, duh. That sounds like something you'd say if Jesus crapped on the rug. Look what your Jesus did. Rub his holy nose in. Well, when we got him, when we adopted him from the shelter, he was our Jesus. If I Google that, it takes me right back to why I hate people. Good.

Good. All right. And WTF is up with girls taking pictures of themselves in the mirror. How arrogant are you? Anyone takes 500 pictures of themselves is disgusting, especially the bikini ones. Statuses. No one cares what you're doing. No one. Also, typing lyrics

to their status doesn't make you cute and artsy hoes. Some examples of annoying is the dick in statuses. I love you, boo! V, heart-shaped thing. 3-3-3. I call them butts. It's a heart with five butts.

This person has problems with capital letters, but it's something like don't tell me you LN% hearts VE and then break my lesser than three sign.

Yeah. Going to Taco Bell with my girls. Love ya. She's taking her breath to Taco Bell with my girls Love ya She's taking her breasts to Taco Bell So this is Facebook's fault Yes It's not like your friends are fucking idiots I hate it when people express themselves

Stop being a hypocrite You're not adorable Lemon it doesn't work like that Okay Self descriptions I think most of the stuff they write about themselves Double. Lemon, it doesn't work like that. Okay. Self-descriptions? I think most of the stuff they write about themselves isn't even true, but it's what they want to be true. Example, I'm a free spirit.

I don't care what people think of me. Yatta, yatta, yatta. Yatta! Yatta, yatta. Switchy guys. Look guys we're nerds and how if you didn't care what people thought of you you wouldn't have typed this lame ass

description you've cracked the teenage girl code don't you have to actually like go out and look at somebody's description in order to be able to see it she's like clicking on people's description like people to be able to see it. So, like, she's, like, clicking on people's description, like, people's, I guess, pages, and going, like, what the fuck?

Oh my god, you're not a free spirit? Duh! To be perfectly fair, I spend hours doing that every week. Take that, high school. Also, also, this was... So, Lemon, you're saying you just click on a bunch of profiles of teenage girls on Facebook for hours each week?

No, but I do spend a lot of my time reading the posts of stupid people and being angry at them. Hey, I'm one of your Facebook friends. Well, stop going to Taco Bell with your girls. Yeah, seriously. To be fair, this post is more than three years old, and back then, Facebook was like a wild west.

Yeah. This was before all the aunts and uncles moved in with their bad opinions on JPEG form, you know? Right, yeah. Alright, close it up. People with a million friends?

Nice trite looking popular. None of these people actually give a damn about you. Whatever helps you sleep at night. Facebook relationships. Meeting a lover on Facebook? Must I say more? I heard the internet's full of pedophiles. I hate it when people try to get laid.

Some other things that annoy me. The quote gossip. Typing like this. I can't really put that typing into speaking form. Typing like this. There we go. Typing like this. Typing like this. Tip and lick this. There we go. Tip and lick this. Tip and lick this.

Tip and lick this. Tip and lick this. The lack of a life people have. I could drag on, but I'm out of ranting energy. In conclusion, Facebook is just a desperate cry for attention. This is why I don't have one. Did everybody hear me? A desperate cry for

attention! Attention! But isn't being alive a desperate cry for attention? Oh man, you're getting too dark for this podcast. That's why we're all dead. We're all dead here. Let's pretend that we're dead.

Oh no. No. No. Stop quoting L7 immediately. We're dead. Oh, no. Fuck you. No. Fuck you. No. No. Fuck you. Stop quoting L7 immediately, and instead, read the words of Ken Pachizakri. That was L7?

I thought it was the breeders. Ken Pachizakri! I am responding to your post about Facebook is freaking disgusting if you have one you're a hypocrite my name is Kenpachi Zachary and I am an anime from Kansas oh the anime for Kansas

anime carry on my wayward Naruto Carry on my wayward Naruto With his powers he has become dust in the wind Alright shut up grandpa I am sadly the only person that voted so far. And sadly yet, I agree with you. What is that? I have one picture of myself just so people know, yes, this is me.

You don't want to know what's up top? My dad has a bunch of relatives that I have never met. Found them on Facebook. My dad and siblings were all friends with them. Talk to one. She told me who she was actually related to me and who weren't, so I added them. Post, hello, on all

their walls, trying to get to know them. Guess what? One replies out of like seven. Yeah, that's one more than I would expect. Yeah, me too. Well, now I know why I never knew you, you selfish, worthless SOBs. There's a side of my family I don't speak to because they don't poke me often enough.

Hey, Bill. Hey, Bill. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I see you have ten fingers. Can't poke with any of them, huh? Can't press one into my chest? Hey, Dad, why did you forget to tell me about these people? Uh, yes, I see you have ten fingers. Can't poke with any of them, huh? Can't press one into my chest. Hey, Dad, why did you forget to tell me about these people? Yes, I forgot. Just hold on.

I gotta make a call. He knows. Close down the accounts. He knows about you. Two angry anime smiley faces on soapboxes. They're saying curse words. I really hope that's the only emoticon that's activated on the TV. And for my mom's side, they're the same way, but I've known these jackass stars my whole life. Why does why I hate people block out curse words?

They hate people, not morality. Well, I mean, you wouldn't want Vegeta's girl down below to get, you know... Oh, we hate everyone, but we wouldn't want to offend her. And the fake gossip on Facebook! O-M-F-G! I didn't see what anyone says! Friends do not gossip about their friends! Yeah, nobody does that.

Never. Nope. Not at all. Never. Nope. It's especially dangerous when you teach teenagers how to gossip. But seriously, guys, did you hear about what Bunny Bread did? Oh, my God.

What is up with him? I never liked that guy. I heard he's had sex. Wait, he's had the S-E-X? He is out of the Christian club. All right, get in. I hear people talking on the phone about stuff on Facebook. I'm like, stuff you.

And they try to talk to me about it like I'm like, I'll make this perfectly clear one time. You are their friend, not God. It is not your right to judge your friends if you do not like them. Do not have them as friends, period. Period. Honestly, I only get on to talking to the very

few people, and none of them are acquaintances, even though I do have a few of those on there just because I'm nice and I don't want to ignore the request. Who I care about. Wait, so the people you care about the most are the people that know you the least? Oh, well, actually, I can Yeah. I've seen Mad Men.

And the one million friends thing, I agree. Facebook is what I believe to be an addiction if you don't have one. Slat. Forward slash runaway. Dilly dally silly shally. Tifa Lockhart, my waifu. He also, but he has a follow-up question, too.

And I don't understand how I'm a hypocrite. Explanation? Now I'm mad at you! You know what I'm pissed off about, guys? What? Nurses. My name's Pandora, and this is one of my six posts hooray nurses i hate the people i work with so much just because you ladies are nurses and i'm a secretary

doesn't mean you can talk to me like i'm an ignorant piece of shit excuse me mrs super nurse you're a bitch and no one likes you except for your little power squad who fallow your every move. Oh my god, this woman works with Super Nurse? Yeah. I love that show. I hated it when they ripped it off and made it Nurse 911.

Oh, and you're average. Get over yourself. You're not the top of the top. There's a lot of spelling mistakes, but I'm just skipping over. There's nurses here with way more experience than you. I hate all nurses, but I hate the nurses that

are less good at being nurses. Show some respect, and your squad needs to grow up to effin' Diana, bitch! Show some respect. And your squad needs to grow up to F and Diana. Bitch. F and Diana. F and Diana. F and Diana is totally a Quentin Tarantino character.

Miss Priss, I'd like to piss on your coat. Oh, no, my coat. piss on your coat! Oh no, my coat! You know, this might be a non-sequitur for some reason that reads as like a quote from the Smiths for me. Miss Priss, I'd like to piss on your coat.

I can't stand these people! There is no sense in being rude for no reason! I'd like to tell them all... I'd like to tell them all. Bitch. I'd like to tell them all when I think about them. Thought about you.

I thought about you yesterday. You know, if she did, that would piss on your coat. I was thinking about you the other day and I just really wanted to piss on your coat. I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you. Bitch.

You and me, later today, urine, coke. Anyway, I'd like to tell them all when I think about them, but I can't. Want to know why? Because I get fired. I can only vent to the other secretaries who feel the same way. These bitches irk me so goddamn much.

They want to act like they're in high school, too. Gossip, gossip, gossip. Mind your effing business. Yeah, this person never talks about other people behind their backs. That's right, bitch. These ladies are over 30 and act like they're 14. Goddamn. I'm 10 years younger than them.

The only thing is I act my age, and they act like children. Grow the fuck up. Is this a 14-year-old secretary? Suggest a tag projecting like an IMAX? Does this form, do only hypocrites come in this form, or does posting on this form make you a hypocrite?

Is there a way that I can make you a hypocrite? Pandora's other posts, because I really want to see what else. Well, Angry Medic has only one post and it's in reply to this. What is it? I'm with you. I hate floor nurses. They are a pain in the ass and treat everyone like crap. Like all the sick people that are dying of diseases or injured or anything like that, you know.

Well, I mean, nursing isn't a very stressful job, so it just makes sense that they would be really, really, really nice to everybody around them. Yeah, they should be super pleasant. And that they need to take the time to listen to your stupid anecdote about your fucking weekend. Nurse, nurse, I might, I think I need more medicine. Oh, fuck!

She has my painkillers now, fuckface. I'm sorry, I already ate all your drugs. You can't have any more. Oh, here comes the Oxycontin. Here comes the Oxycontin. Oh, go. Have you seen that sick guy in Sickbay 315? He is such

a whiner. Fuck it, I know. Does anybody even like him? Boots, I don't know if you noticed this. Boots, but Alpha 480V managed to beat the pussy off

with a stick for long enough to give a post which is good because he has a lot of time that he has to spend getting laid, but he managed to post this, so I think we should read it for posterity. Are you talking about the robot from Mighty Morphin

Power Rangers? Sure. Yes. Thanks, Doug. You're welcome. Aye yi yi. Aye yi yi. Hey guys. I'm Alpha 480V.

I'm not high definition. I'm DVD resolution. Well, you're the torrent that's much quicker to download, so I think I'll go with you. High school was tough for me. Being introverted, highly intelligent didn't help. It was boring for me. I was glad to get out and start working, earning money, and being able to move on with my life. Oh, God. Most notably everybody.

Okay. I had my high school reunion last summer. I didn't want to go, but my then-wife, ex-now, talked me into it. Did he divorce her for this? Yep. That reunion sucked. Goodbye. We might find out later in this, so I won't commit to that statement. It was an interesting study in human nature.

All the jock-slash-preppy-slash-stuck-up-slash-mean-people that was just one person all hung out in the same groups that they hung out in high school. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure the losers stuck together, too.

My wife and I, along with a couple of free-ins and their spouses, hung in our group just like high school. I was like, yeah, we went to the high school reunion, so we then decided to go get food out of the dumpster. I went to my high school reunion lately, and I took it as a chance to go talk to all the people who I didn't really like and really skeeved me out when I was in high school. You know? Like, that's... Yeah, that's...

I was really looking forward to it. Right, a good thing to do with your time. Just like in high school, we were ignored, just like school. People never change. No, no, they actually do. Other people get over what high school was like. People never change. Also also i take quaaludes

this time sincerely thanks dog i eat right and exercise regularly i'm getting older and i want to live a good long time. That being said, it was amusing to me to see what all these people that I hated in high school looked like after so many years. Most of them were fat. Out of shape, graying.

The mean girls that had the nice sun-kissed skin in school were all wrinkled with leathery complexions. Ha! I loved it. Steve Holt. Ha ha ha ha! That sure was an alpha level post.

Alright, I want to break change subjects a little tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny bit. So it's nothing shit now? This is a this is a thread that was started

on May 1st of 2011. It is a thread about the death of Osama Bin Laden. Oh, good. This will be tasteful. And I just need to say this on the outset.

I need to say this on the outset so that you just know that it's going in. The man calling himself Preacher is the owner and moderator of Why I Hate People. Awesome. Just to make sure that nobody thinks that we're going

to be searching anywhere tasteless or horrible, we are going to take the thread Osama bin Laden dead confirmed and start with the poster entitled Cartmanland. Excellent. Nothing to be scared about.

Can I try to do this in a Cartman accent? Oh, no. No. Okay. No. Please don't do a Cartman accent. Do a Donald Duck accent. John, John, I think this one's for you.

Cartmanland. Okay. Obama has pulled a very clever trick. I don't know whether Bin Laden has really been killed or if he existed at all. I'll give that a moment to sink in. Here's what I want to do. I'm running for Illinois State Senate. I'm also going to be behind

one of the biggest atrocities in U.S. history. We call this the long con. Now, you're a great actor. You've got a lot of potential. That's why you're going to pose as this terrorist leader. I'm going to use you later on

to bolster my career. How does this end for me? Like Ted Kingsley in Iron Man. Spoilers. Also, we're going to shoot you. No biggie. But this ought to make Obama really popular among the brain-dead, redneck, patriotic part of the U.S.

population. Mainly the birthers and the tea partiers. That went over well. I'm sure this person posting isn't a birther at all. You know what? I like this guy all of a sudden. At all the rallies, all the Obama signs, they were like,

Oh, Osama's dead? And then they just turned it around. Obama, yes! Yay! He did something we like! Now, let's see whether they'll embrace him or demand a death certificate this time. LOL. I don't actually think that's how death certificates work. Do you actually think, like, SEAL Team 6, like, immediately crashed into the building and started doing paperwork?

Call it. No time of death. Bin Laden died in Nigeria. I want a picture of Obama hogging the corpse of Osama Bin Laden, or it didn't happen. I heard that as Obama hogging the corpse of Bin Laden. Give it. That makes me happy for some reason. That's how patriotic I am. Now that's mine.

I want to keep it for the night. The second year of Navy SEAL training is actually just them filling out forms in triplicate, so that's why they were well prepared to be able to deal with this. And how do they make sure nobody messes with it? They put a SEAL on it!

Alright, who wants to be the voice of Preacher? I do. You do? All right, Jack, there are... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I didn't get through the end, which I think is pretty good. I'm sorry, go ahead. I think the latter is most likely to happen.

Obama may have killed Bin Laden, but that don't change the fact that he's part... Whoa! Beautiful. Way to go. Wow, I was wrong about you, Cartman Land. don't change the fact that he's part boy. Beautiful. Wow, I was wrong about you, Cartman Land. Turns out you're not a good guy. Alright.

Okay, so Jack Chick, you'll be taking on the role of Preacher? Yes. Which is a reference to something, but we don't need to go into that. It's a comic book! Oh, I could tell you about that! No, I don't reference to something, but we don't need to go into that. But anyway, um... It's a comic book! Oh, I could tell you about that! No, no, I don't think you can, actually. Fake photos, a private DNA test, and buried at sea.

Now then, what's wrong with this picture? Not enough guns. According to Sharia law? Give a feeling that the CIA asset was dead a long time ago, and for whatever reason this has been done now? I'd expect at least one classified terrorist attacking the U.S. and another in Europe, and then another manipulated war in some other country where crime is popularly being done, and they have their own oil supply and equally useful resource. Bin Laden? No.

Bin Kant. Oh, this must be that Southern humor I've been hearing so much about. It's mildly clever. That word sounded like that other word. He's just another program moron like the rest of the sheeple around the world. There's no point in trying to talk to such imbeciles because they are not capable of listening and they are certainly not capable of learning something new unless the government tell them.

It's not their fault and you should feel a certain amount of pity for them because they do not have the ability to think for themselves like we do. Land their mind. I'm not simply open to anything else. Well, that's for iPitypeople.com, isn't it? Mr. T's website.

Oh, holy shit. Holy shit. The next one for Preacher is also pretty good. Yeah, yeah, the next one. Keep going. All right. Hunt around.

Bin Laden has been dead for years and there are even some fairly credible suggestions that the U.S. has had him on ice for that time, waiting for the right moment politically to wheel him out again.

Interesting that this happens just as Obama has to start thinking about re-election, eh? I want another credibility scale for suggestions. Look, no matter how much the ticket costs, no matter how good it sounds, don't go to Osama Bin Laden on ice.

Not as good as him. The poster is really good, but it's not as good as him. The poster is really good, but it's not as good as him. It's just a lot of him with a microphone in front of the cave wall. They're just slipping all over the sand on the ice. Oh my god, he's reusing that material again?

He's worse than Ricky Gervais. The thing is, the thing is, that you have to have an opening question in mind. You're able to come thinking in one, more than one dimension. My only dimension is with Earth. I tend to think on Earth and in dimension X, where Krang is from.

Well, you're not thinking racist enough. That's relevant to my interests, because I'm a fan of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Don't you know when the Technodrome destroyed that building, it was a false flag operation? 99% of the population are not. If the government's like media say it, then it must be true, which clearly to any thinking human is absolute bollocks. The entire Bin Laden operation is highly suspect from the start. The most modern man in the world was living in a village of sortists from a military base? Really?

I mean, come on. A chopper crashed yet no one was scratched? A select group performed a DNA test, then cleansed the body according to Muslim tradition, and then chucked him into the ocean? according to Muslim tradition, and then chucked him into the ocean? We all know that none of the agencies involved gave two hoots about Muslim tradition. And where in the Koran does it say that a cleansed body should be thrown into the ocean? Yeah, good point. Pirate Koran.

Pirate Koran. It's more of a guideline, really. We'll see them towelheads don't actually know what an ocean is. They don't care anything about Muslim tradition. Also, they didn't follow Muslim tradition. This is highly suspect. Stock, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, My name is Sarletta, and this is about video games. Hey, what have you noticed? Kids are getting violent.

Very violent. Now there's a Smith's lyric right there. Kids are getting violent. Very violent. I'm going to need evidence on this one. On the other day, I watched Dr. Phil with two L's. That's a different document. On the other day.

That's the Russian knockoff. And there was a mother complaining that her kid threatened to kill his sister and all his family. This isn't a unique case. There are thousands of kids

like him and I think the next question is oh my god yeah what's the next question who's the blame I think it's Tony Danza who's the blam

you pronounced la blam pretty weird who's the blam? Yeah, you pronounced the blam pretty weird. Who's the blam? Who's the blam? Today on Nickelodeon Guts, we're going to find out who's the blam. Who's the blam? Kids don't born violent.

Something must have made it like this. But what if Babby formed Don't Violent? How is video game formed? Maybe those kids should go back in their mother's womb. Kind of stick them back in there.

Kids don't form violent. Citrus, if that is not already a header, you have failed. We don't mourn violence. Yeah, there you go. I think violent video games are one of the causes. Sure, you can't spell. I don't understand why kids like to play so much war games.

Killing people is an awful thing. And they enjoy it. I just picture her running up to a group of kids when they're going like, I got you. No, I got you. And she's like, Stop it. What are you doing? Don't. Don't do that. These robbers should be in jail.

You cops aren't doing very well. Stop killing these Native Americans, you cowboys. We are living in a very dangerous world with very messed up people. It's a dangerous world. Wasn't that a band in the 80s? I love the album he did with MF Doom. It was really good.

What do you think? I love the album he did with MF Doom. It was really good. What do you think? I'm sorry for my bad English. I try my best. Your best isn't good enough. I did my best. Bad English was pretty good too. I think we're going to probably close things out with

a counterpoint to Stug's video game, Screed, I would say. Angry Screed. Boots, make the counterpoint, please. Yes, I am wise omni-27. Not wise enough to know how to spell the word man. I thought it was me-semen-27. Yes, I'm an antisocial baby-hating misanthrope. Yes, I play video games

that have violence in them. No, the two are not related in any conceivable way. What can you bring to the Kmart team, then? Well, I'm going to tell you. I'd probably be a lot more sociable if people would just accept that video games do not cause violence and mistrust. It'd be better if they'd be accepted as the art they are. But I can get to why I think that in a different rant.

People think that video games are a cause of everything bad. It's like hard rock or rap. Holy cow, why can't people accept that a form of media that tons of people worldwide find enjoyable is not some sort of incarnation of Satan? For fuck's sake. Good lord. I personally believe that a good round or two of a good game can relieve quite a bit of stress.

If I didn't get on Saints Row 2 or Call of Duty now and then to make my anger out on something or other, I'd probably snap. That's a problem. That's not a good solution to a problem that you have. It's my solution. But no! We have to find some sort of scapegoat

for all the things bad and find some sort of awful thing about them. Mass Effect. Oh, God. I already know how this paragraph goes. Hang on. I like Mass Effect, though. Let's see where this is

going. It isn't really a good game that had a microscopic sex scene that added to the character. No, it's a porn game. Just because for like five seconds you get to look at a thigh in a dimly lit cutscene. I do admit, when everybody was looking in the Petri dish at that sex scene, that was really weird. Yeah, isn't it really annoying when people don't understand something and then they get really upset about it

and then blow things way out of proportion and don't bother to learn anything. That's why I hate people! And how. Ooh, Call of Duty is bad because you use guns in it. And if you use guns in a video game, you automatically know how to use them in real life. Does that mean I know how to, like, use dogs? Which you don't.

It's a lot different than point and pull the trigger. Okay. Oh, and this is the worst part. When we try to just confront these people and tell them how our preferred pastime isn't as bad as the media makes it look, they steamroll us with bullshit statistics. In some event, they pull out of their ass

where the perpetrator just so happened to own Halo. It's insane. I hate media. They talk in specifics. Only children and stupid people think they're special. Which one are you? Maybe both. I'm both.

And I'd also like to point out that the icon of the next user is Mountain Dew. Take that as a yes. His name is Soda Ounce. Soda Ounce. Soda Ounce. God, people have... The guy below him is Rico Suave. Rico Suave.

With two E's. And then Solitude equals peace. Giant bitey mouth. Oh my god, just all of them are great. I know.

The Belial. Frow frow. Mr. Grimm. Insanity 213. In proximo. Oh my god. Mr. Grimm. Somebody really needs to read Mr. Grimm's.

Okay. Yes. I've studied sociology. Yes, I know it's still wrong. but I'm writing from a mobile device. I've studied it and I can't spell it. And learned that there are two schools of thought upon violence in video games. First, some view this violence as a stress reliever and may even prevent real violence happening. It's a stress reliever.

It's a stress reliever and may even prevent real violence happening the second others belive that gamers play video games. They lose a sense of shock and horror that comes with murder, therefore enabling more people to commit horrific crimes in cold blood. The video game adaptation. Well, that's the exact findings that I would expect from a sociology degree that would have a curriculum that included violence in video games

So DeVry has sociology degrees now Once the people kill three, once somebody kills three people and find out they don't actually get a UAV in real life they'll quit My name is Mr. Grimm, and I'm located in hell. No, nobody loves you.

I don't like it here. You know what? I hate people. Yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh! If you called your daddy to stop him all day, you'll never live like common people. You'll never do whatever common people do. You'll never fail like common people. You'll never watch your life slide out of view

and dance and drink and screw. And there we go! Around about an hour of people are shitty But I'm much shittier Boots, what did you learn this week? I guess this sort of thing is sort of a required element in somebody's life If they don't have anybody in real life to complain to Sure like a required element in somebody's life if they don't have anybody in real life to complain to.

Sure. I guess. Like, I can sort of see the use of this in helping somebody maintain a certain level of sanity, I guess. Sure, yeah, yeah. But I don't know. It's pretty annoying shit. Yeah. One of the things that, for me, you know,

I've personally, and i've battled with my smoking addiction like my entire life and and one of the problems that i have you know when i'm when i'm quitting is that um if you're working and you don't smoke then you can't ever leave your job and if you can't leave your job you can't't bitch about your job. Because you can't really just sit at your desk for five minutes and be like, this fucking place. But, you know, if you go outside, downstairs, you start doing that, then it's perfectly acceptable.

And yeah, I guess this is people that just don't have, you know, they don't have smoking buddies, they don't have just friends in general, and they need that thing. But I don't know why other people need to see it. Yeah, but it's also kind of a fucked up thing to base a community solely around that. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, I mean, because you go through this, and Daily Shampoo 48 here has got over a thousand posts. The site owners, who are shitbags, they're spending all their time on this ugly site. I don't know. You need to do that thing. Part of

complaining and letting off steam, that's valid. Also, you need to do that thing. I mean, because, yeah, part of, like, complaining and just sort of, like, letting off steam, I mean, that's valid. But also, you need to move on. You need to go somewhere else and not kind of just, like, fester in that hate forever. Or else, you know, things are just going to continue to be shitty. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and speaking of that, if there's a problem that you, the listener, have with us and our podcast that really bothers you, come to our website, thefpl.us, leave us a comment, and let us know what's wrong with us. Yeah, that's good.

Use as many profane words as possible. The thing is, is that if, let's say you're one of these people that are used to the whyihatepeople.com, you want to do something a little bit more forum-y instead. Is there an option as well? Yeah, there's the Ball Pit. Ooh, what's the website for that? That's ballp.it. Ballp.it. And can I post in a thread about this episode and complain about, I don't know, Stog's editing and your voice?

Absolutely, but with one requirement first. There's a $10 fee to sign up and to be able to post on our forums. It's a one-time fee. And it goes to help us support and keep this podcast running. That's good.

Well, if it's only cost $10 to debase somebody, I mean, God knows I've paid more for less. So I'm on. Great. All right, good night. Or morning. Or, well, goodbye. I don't know.

Listen to another one. Good, good. Good. You will never understand how it feels to live your life without meaning or control. And you know where that's going. You're amazing.

They exist. And they burn so great. That's why you can only wonder why.