The F Plus - 110: This One's Mainly About Butt Ghosts

Episode Date: September 13, 2013

According to a 2012 Huffington Post omnibus poll, 45% of Americans believe that ghosts are real. And according in a 2008 survey published by Psychology Today, 44% of women admit to having rape fantasies. Statistically, this leaves an inevitable overlap for those two Venn circles, and that's what we're exploring. From several sites around the internet, this is Astral Sex - it's kind of like a Scooby Doo parody porno, except all the visualization is being done in your head, which probably makes it worse. This week, we're back from some time off, and THIS is what we're reading!?

At what point may I begin to fart in front of my girlfriend? Another day. I'm falling fast. Hello, hello, hello! This is the F Plus Podcast. Terrible Things, Red with Enthusiasm. My name's Lemon. Hi, Boots Reingear.

Boots, how are you doing? Great, great. I've got some really good stuff for you tonight. Ooh, okay, good stuff. Primo, primo, real sticky, sticky F Plus content. Ooh, the sticky, icky, icky. Mm-hmm. All right.

I've got this. Lemon. Yeah? Have you ever wanted to fuck something that isn't real? I don't mean, yeah, I don't mean just like imagine you're fucking something. I mean just literally be fucking something that isn't there and totally just getting off on it in its absence of a presence. Fucking something that isn't there. Yeah.

I got to go with no on that. No. Yeah, me neither. That's ridiculous. Yeah. But what I have for you is what's called astral sex or paranormal. I guess astral sex is what it is. And it's having sex with things like ghosts, specters, demons,

but projected from another plane. So they're not really there, so you're just kind of pretending, but it's happening. There'll be an explanation for it, but it's not going to make any sense. Yeah, that's usually how that goes. Right.

Okay, so we're fucking demons, we're fucking ghosts. Where are we? We're talking about, I'm assuming, I'm just going to guess, we're going to talk about our emotional attachment to Zed. Oh, boy, yes. All right. Well, in that case, who are you going to call? The Ridiculous.

The Ridiculous. Yeah, we can have a date Yeah, we can have a date Yeah, yeah In the room tonight we have Isfahan. What anime starts out where a girl is actually a ghost and she pleasures herself in front of the guy she loves? I see your aqua waddle. I don't know, just buy her a make-up Ouija board and ask a ghost about it.

Jack Chick. Sheet ghosts are not sexy, okay? Boots, rain gear. Sex with no chance of getter preggers or estedes? Sounds nice. We need to welcome them back one more time from Lou Reads the Internet for You, the podcast, Lou Fernandez. Dead lovers and husbands are notorious for inhabiting a woman's womb usually they do this just to keep the woman they love from finding another suitor or to be born again as that woman's newborn child certainly and lemon what if one had sex with a ghost doll

bought up bought off ebay be polite and ask it first will the doll be giving you esp messages saying that it's really ready and willing or if i get a spirit that's in her teens or her twenties, I'll be set, but I'm ready to get the ghost job of a lifetime, please. K, thanks! It seems like most ghost dolls would enjoy bondage and roleplay. My brain just exploded. I can't parse that at all.

Ow. Oh yeah, this ghost doll is a dirty ghost doll. Alright, I'm hitting stop. I can't believe some comments I'm reading. Jesus Christ. I'm Anelia Michaela. You sound fun.

Yeah, I got a question that I'm going to answer, I guess. All right. What is astral sex? Okay. What is? Some people might wonder what astral sex is. So let me explain what astral sex is.

Okay. Deal. Oh, okay. Look. Some unawakened people would find it weird, and some brainwashed Christians and even other brainwashed religion believers... B-A-L-I-V-E-R-S. B-L-I-V-E-R-S.

They eat the livers of women named Bea. Bealevers. There's great power from consuming the body of Bea Arthur. Oh, wait, sorry, hold on, a pop-up just slid across my screen, I'll close it. Oh, by the way, Lemon, if you're curious about my answer of the perfect fantasy sex person, there you go. Has anybody subscribed to this e-zine? Wait, was there an actual answer? Yeah.

Because religion be-a-livers would find it destrubing and de-scoosting. They certainly would. For me, astral sex is just a nother type of sex. Oh. You can have astral sex with a spirit, twin flame, soulmate, aliens. They are not aliens for me. I call them highly spiritual advanced star people. That's a great acronym. Yeah.

Who sass. And even a human from miles away. Damn! But it requires that both persons are divine. That will say highly spiritual. Astral sex will not work if a tiniest bit of darkness excised within you.

That means any form of fear, doubts, etc. To be able to experience astral sex, you need to be clear of all your darkness and work with your inner divine light, love, harmony, passion, happiness, and everything else that comes with the love of God. Yes, hapiness. It is kind of hard to explain what astral sex is for people to truly understand this.

That is actually spelled right. Way to get ahead of her. They would need to experience it themselves. Yeah. They would need to experience it themselves. When soulmates, twin flames, get connected, they most likely start to have astral sex. Perfect.

Oh. First step in any relationship. So that's how you know if you've met your soulmate or not. If you've had astral sex with her. Yeah. Right. When our star's fucking. No, guess we're not meant to be. If they are not to get her feisically...

What browser are you using that doesn't put those squiggles underneath? Like you're writing a blog. Yeah. Get her feisically. Like, you're writing a blog. Yeah. It's her fisically. Look, if you look at the squiggles,

you're a brainwashed person of someone. Brainwashed spell checker type person. You're right. I'm a little robot in society thinking that words are only spelled one way. She's typing astrally here, all right? Yeah, you don't have to listen to what Mavis Beacon says. Physically with F-Y-S. Yeah, you don't have to listen to what Mavis Beacon says I have also found that most starseas Usually will experience this wonderful phenomenon

With astral sex Including people that is Connited With their starfamilies And twin flames Other will also be able to experience this amazing phenomena

with their divine light get stronger and start to be fully awakened. But your partner needs to be... She's consistent. She really thinks it's spelled that way. To be fully awakened.

Well, otherwise it will not work. Oh, well, that makes sense. Well, then it's non-consensual. Non-consensual and becomes astral rape or something. Well, no, no. It's just a problem when astral sex somehow turns into a figment of your imagination. Oh, right. Yeah, sorry. If you're twin flames, if one flame is like working on a flame that's not awakened, that's like sleep rape.

Does anyone have any fucking idea? That's a serious problem, Lou, it's not to joke about. I'm not joking about it. I don't... Does anyone have any fucking idea what the hell a twin flame is? It's when you have a soulmate, you both have flames. They're the same flame. And then you have both have flames. They're the same flame. And then you have sex with yourself

because they're the same flame. I guess it's like when you light two cigarettes off the same match. It's when you listen to the Bangles song forwards and backwards. I was actually trying to run to the same Bangles joke. I'm glad it's done. It's not good.

Oh shit, we're surrounded! Did we just have astral sex? Astral Rex is simply sex between souls. That's my glam rock name. With little spindly arms. Ooh, this is when. Astral sex strengthens the bond extremely deeply. Many times when I have had astral sex and visions,

I have woken up and I am still feeling that I have or had multiple of orgasms. Oh. Sorry. Multiple of orgasms. Sometimes, or more often, I can feel that my twin flame is seducing me be, giving this seductive vibs that penetrates into my head, fills my body, and lands straight into my heart. Aww.

An antique-y sensual feeling that fills my heart, and suddenly my heart shows me what wibs he gives me in his vision flashes. What was that sentence supposed to say? I have no idea. I said it. I think maybe what she does is she's deliberately triggering typos. She can get the red wiggly lines and just kind of stare

at them. Yeah, they're like lay lines in her post. That's it! It is like having real sex, even if the partner is not there with you at the moment. That's not really a lot like having real sex, even if the partner is not there physically with you at the moment. That's not really a lot like having real sex, though. He slash she can be on the other side of the planet.

Or is mine up into one of the GLF motherships. I'm flying away now. You are crazy. Yeah. What? Why would you say that? Hmm. But anyway, so we're going to move away from her because she's crazy.

So we're going to move over to Aaron Pavlina. She's sane, right? So we're going to move over to Aaron Pavlina. Lou. Lou. Hello. Would you please tell us basically the same thing, but in more detail and unfortunately spelled better? Of course.

Astral sex, the ecstasy of out-of-body pleasure. Oh, shit. The content of this post is for mature audiences only. Read at your own risk. I'm out, guys. Sorry. Explicit rating in iTunes again. You're probably already familiar with what it's like to have sex with a physical human being. But did you know...

Yes. What are you implying, lady? But did you know that you can also engage in sexual liaisons outside of your physical body? Yes, it's true. You're not limited to the physical. There's a whole other world of sex, pleasure, and unbridled passion awaiting you outside of your physical shell.

People actually say unbridled passion outside of romance novels? Damn. Ladies like this do. Well, today I'm going to tell you all about it. Who live exclusively on healthy choice dinners and Cheetos. There's more than one way to have non-corporeal sex. You can have sex in your dreams with a dream character.

You can have sex while astral with another corporeal being. Or sex while astral with another astral playmate. Hot damn. You can also have sex with a demon or low vibrational entity. A low vibrational entity. Sometimes you don't want to have gentle sex, so you go for a demon. Yeah. And go on the down low with a

low vibrational entity. A tuba. Or you can go completely beyond the confines of the physical and non-physical and have a blissful ethereal experience that is unlike anything you can imagine. Yes. As opposed to sex with a demon, which is so normal. Look, it's better than any kind of sex you can imagine.

Because you're certainly not imagining this. Your limited imagination could never even conceive of what the sex is like. My mind's already blown. If you're a woman, having sex with a demon or astral entity will feel like someone's stimulating the G-spot of every single one of your chakras at the same time. My chakras have G-spots? All of them do.

I had no idea. Only if you're a woman. That doesn't specify that. Oh, yeah, it does. You're right. You know, I guess if you're a guy, it's like, you know, it's all right. It's like having a beer or something. Wait, wait. Does that mean that my chakras all have prostates?

Maybe. Wait, are there men male chakras and female chakras, or are they all G-spots? I don't know, man. This thing is not informative. I thought you were the one who knew this. Why are you asking me? Alright, keep going. It's ridiculously

pleasurable, and something no human can accomplish. So it can turn enticing very quickly. But I urge and caution you to avoid this slippery slope of parasitic sex. It's not worth losing your soul. No human male can please my chakra the way the Baphomet does. You've got to... If you do find yourself in an unwanted sexual relationship

with a non-corporeal entity you've got to ask the archangels to sever your connection and protect you from being visited by them anymore just a clean break just end it and find a playmate in real life to satisfy you even though they could never do it like having all your g spots in your chakras so you have to call up gabriel to call up Gabriel and get a restraining order? I bet Gabriel is not happy to get that call. I told you them demons were no good. You didn't listen to me. Okay.

So moving away from Aaron Pavlina here. And I'm going to be telling you a story about Ella. Who's Ella, you ask? I'm so glad you asked. Who's Ella, I'm asking. Yeah, you are. Ella is my personal succubus. I don't think it works

that way. What? She's mine. My personal succubus. She belongs to me. I'm sure she's not just telling you she's a succubus. She belongs to me. Are you sure she's not just telling you she's a succubus? Well, let's find out. My name's Legendary. Are you sure she's not telling you you're her only one? No, I swear.

Is it a monogamous succubi? She tells me it is. Yeah. And, you know, if you can't trust a succubus, really. Exactly. Log into her email and find out. Okay. I need to talk to you about Ellis. I'm sorry

Ella. So Ella. I am currently in a relationship with a succubus. Her name is Ella. I first encountered Ella when I was up on night surfing the web. I was looking for random stuff.

That's what it does. Since I was bored, I typed in summoning angels. He's on the night shift web surfing crew. Your security guards at work, ladies and gentlemen. Yes. Yep. That is true. Nothing of interest came up.

Afterwards, an idea came to mind. I decided to search how to summon a sexual ghost. Like anyone would. Why did you bother telling us the first thing you typed in? So I checked my email for an hour. There wasn't really much. Nobody had anything to say on Facebook.

Played this little congregate game. It was stupid. Anyway, how to summon a sexual ghost. I searched through the results until I found stories of people who had experiences with sexual beings known as succubi. I read through tons of stories. It got me very interested inuccubi. I read through tons of stories. It got me very interested in Succubi. I spent about one hour looking at the stuff. I started wanting a succubus.

At that moment, my back started having this jingling. It went down and up my back in a slow, arousing way. So it's like that movie The Tingler. my back in a slow, arousing way. So it's like that movie The Tingler. My hand that was using the mouse started feeling a sensational numbness to it. That numbness was sensational. As opposed to an emotional numbness.

I instantly stood up to shake off the feeling. Isn't this guy fired yet? But I couldn't help but have an excited feeling that I probably have my own succubus. So I went into the bedroom and laid down, waiting for this succubus of mine. Moments after I laid there, the tingling began,

starting from my right leg and moved up and down to my pelvis, and then it would switch to my left leg. This is the R-rated version, because it's like that witchcraft series of movies. Are these the signs of a stroke? Hey, baby, I'm going to make you taste copper. Copper. Some legs and tingling.

Okay, anyway, so there was legs and there was tingling. Okay. Anyway, so there was legs and there was tingling, and at that instant, the tingling went to my sexual area. Are you not allowed to talk about your junk when you're in this astral?

Is there a rule here? I don't know. Because it's got different names. It's just the area. It's a lot longer to say the north upper quadrant of my chakra. Why don't they just shorten it to Space Boner or something? Is that shorter than sexual area? I love the sound of Jack Chick saying Space Boner. Space Boner. I love the sound of Jack Chick saying,

Space boner. Space boner. Okay, okay. It felt like something was slowly stroking my sexual part. It caused me to have an erection. Space boner. I started to have this out-of-breath sensation, but it was very comfortable. I felt breathing on my face.

Then this amazing, incredible sexual sensation started overwhelming me. At the same time, I felt as I can only describe as a soft bottom sitting on my sexual area. soft bottom sitting on my sexual area. So legendary. How was the strip club? I'm into a soft bottom. And in the mix, it was such an intense sexual tingling

that I caught myself moaning at the same time. I couldn't believe what was happening. Then it slowly went away. A couple hours later, when I went to sleep, I couldn't believe what was happening. Then it slowly went away. A couple hours later, when I went to sleep, I had a dream where this short, black-haired woman, very hot, would appear, and we would have intense sex. And the next morning, I woke up with an intense erection.

Wow. That's an unusual experience and obviously means ghosts. I dreamed about fucking and woke up with a hard-on. I'm the most unique person in the world. That was the first time I came into contact with her. Yeah, all right, I'll just do this one. A couple days later, I started trying to communicate with her I could not hear her voice, but it was like she was speaking to me telepathically

I asked what her name was, and she responded, Ella I started talking with her, asking her questions, and she would answer every one A couple weeks later, when I was with a good friend of mine I told him about the whole thing He said that was creepy and weird Then I heard him about the whole thing. He said that was creepy and weird. Then I heard him moan a little. I looked over at him

and he was looking down at his sexual area. Ends up he was having the same experience with Ella. This is a ghost three-way. That is a dirty, dirty, dirty succubus.

Ella! Ella, I'm right here! Stop that! Already, he's just proven his own title. Ella is not his personal succubus. Well, it is his personal succubus, but he's a ghost cuckold. Yeah. So they high-fived over her?

Yeah. Dude, she wants the plan! Except she wasn't really there, and they were just touching wieners. So they high-fived over her? Dude, she wants the plan. Except she wasn't really there and they were just touching wieners. The loneliest Eiffel Tower. Imagine there was a ghost between us, dude. Yeah, you and me, bro. We're putting our sexual areas around female parts

together, bro. Sexual areas around female parts together, bro. This ghost bottom is so soft. I love the hippie crazy bros. He had the same experience in front of me, as I was in awe that not only was it public, but that it was the succubus I had. As I became slightly angered at my friend

and at Ella, I left. This guy seems to think you cannot end a sentence until you've used six or seven commas. That night, Ella apologized for me for what she had done, and I forgave her. Ever since then, we have been close.

I'm sorry, it's my upbringing. Yes, it's nice to meet a penitent succubus. Boots! Hi. You are Truth in Darkness. Hello there, I'm Truth in Darkness. You sound cool. Oh, I need to change my voice a little bit. I'm Truth in Darkness. You sound cool. Oh, I need to change my voice a little bit.

I'm Truth in Darkness. Back in the day, when I played D&D, my character was lawful neutral. How interesting! I think most humans fit that category. They can sway a little one way or another, but not to either extreme. Then there are those who are either extremely good or extremely evil, as far and

few between as they may be. Thus, I think it is reasonable to extrapolate this notion and say that most spirits and other entities are also lawful neutral. What are you talking about? Thank you for listening to my report on good and evil.

Some people are good. Some people are evil. Some people fall in between the two extremes. Goodbye. Goodbye. You see, he's avoiding an alignment penalty when he makes negative... Shut the fuck up.

Shut up, nerd. What did you find, Acer? Well, because, like I mentioned, I was following the same path that the legend had followed. Sure. And I, too, found how you can summon a ghost to have sex with a male.

Or rather, I should say, I found somebody else trying to follow that so I'm just following his footsteps. And he asked the bastion of knowledge Yahoo Answers. How can you summon a ghost to have sex with a male? It doesn't matter

if the ghost is female or male. I want to know how to summon any gender ghost for sex. It doesn't matter if the ghost is female or male. I want to know how to summon any gender ghost for sex. It doesn't matter if it rapes me either. If you're summoning it for sex, and then it has sex with you. That kind of looks like the earlier stuff. I was under the impression that was bad, but now it could be okay. I'm confused.

Signed, The Ghost Hunter. It's fine. Answer that question. My name is Noodles. What on earth would you want to do such a thing for? Why would you want to disempower yourself to such a low-level entity?

For the reasons you described, he's gonna fuck him in the chakra. Yeah. Look, have you any idea what you are trying to get into? These things are not toys to play with, you know. You cannot just turn around when you have finished playing and say, right off you go now, I've had enough for one day. The energies that you are wanting to connect with don't just go away because you want them to.

How will you cope with the constant energy drainage when it is back day after day, night after night? How will you deal with the nightmares that will inevitably follow? Think about what it is you are hoping to do. Surely you don't really don't want this to happen. I just hope and pray that no one is daft enough to encourage you. As with your way of thinking at the moment, you don't need to summon one. One will find you itself.

I truly wish for you a future filled with peace and happiness. Aw, thanks, Noodles. Day after day, night after night of unimaginable pleasure. With Ghost Raper. Hey, Jack Chick? Yes?

You should read Leafy's response. Oh, okay. Hi, my name is Leafy. Well, if there is one ghost that you say masturbate to a picture of her, she will masturbate you at night, and you will wake up gasping for air, and the only way to stop it is by saying a certain two words similar to Nightmare Witch. Sources.

X Factor Magazine. Looking into paranormal investigation. But what are the two words? What are the two words? A certain two words. Fight Bear Witch. Fight Bear Bitch.

And it's similar to a Nightmare Witch. White bear bitch. And it's similar to a nightmare witch. Whatever that is. Similar. It's fun. By which I mean town girl 41. Uh oh.

You seem distraught about something. Take it out of the dock, please. You seem distraught about something. Take it out of the dock, please. You seem distraught about something. Can we help you with anything? I don't know. My name is Town Girl 41

and I... Possible Incubus Pregnancy? Oh my god! Okay. Did you just fuck all of the dudes in Incubus? Because that was your first through five mistake. Well, based on the title, possibly.

It's either Incubus' baby or Nickelback's. Either way, I make good decisions. We're both fraternal twins. First of all, I'm pregnant. I still can't believe I'm even typing those words to think that I really thought I was going to get through perimenopause. That's not how you spell peri.

At least... Paranormal? Yeah, paranormal. Yeah. Oh, okay. Good. So here... Well, perimenopause is... Anyway, perimenopause. Yeah. Who cares? It's P-A-R-I. Oh, okay. Good. So here, well, perimenopause is,

anyway, perimenopause. Yeah. Who cares? It's P-A-R-I, menopause. So here is where the really spiritual and weird part

of my experience takes place. Okay. About two months ago, I got home from work and took a shower. Oh! I was really tired

and I just wanted to get into something comfortable and climb into bed. Okay. I felt very lonely all into something comfortable and climb into bed. Okay. I felt very lonely all of the sudden. I sat down on the edge of the bed. Almost immediately, the air became electrically charged with a particularly kind of eerie energy in the room.

You ever notice that people that are into ghosts are just fucking terrible storytellers They're like I'm pregnant, okay, here's the story I'm fucking around in my room, right and I'm looking out the window I did something and then I felt something Anyway Thinking I would just rest my eyes for a few minutes,

I lay back onto the bed and let my towel drop at my sides. I was completely nude at this point. Oh, yeah. But I wasn't the least bit concerned because no one else was in the house. Or so I thought. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. What happened next was nothing short of amazing.

No, I've seen this movie. They start phone calling, right? They start phone calling? Are you a Martian? Martians are well known for their phone torment. I'm looking at you right now. Hello, I am making a phone calling. Alright, sorry.

I'm looking at you right now. Oh, I'm making a phone call. All right, sorry. Spiritual presence grew more intense, and I felt the air literally caress my toes and legs and then my inner thighs. Then everything was still for about a minute or so. Suddenly, I felt a sharp electrical feeling surge around my pelvis, and I was quite literally jolted awake even though I never fell asleep.

So, not true. Anyway. Startled, I opened my eyes and saw a beautiful golden ball of light kind of hover over me in the air. That's good. That's super erotic. Well, it was probably the size of a softball, maybe a little larger.

Oh. I began to see its thoughts in my mind, because I knew they weren't mine. It was very sexually frustrated, and I could tell it was extremely interested in me. Then it should just be one giant blue ball, should it not? Yeah, exactly. That is the most perfect joke setup we've had in a long time. Glad I was able to step up to that one.

Aw, shit. Really thought I'd get stepped on. Swish, fade away, three points. I felt the creature suddenly want to gratify itself, and in the process... How did that work? Wait. Just little hands

come out of the balls. It was like a spiky ball. I don't know about you, but I'm imagining the balls from the movie Phantasm. Oh, see, I was picturing that children's toy Madballs, but like with dicks. That's way more erotic. Yeah. balls, but like with dicks. Okay, that's way more erotic, yeah.

I feel like it. And in the process used my body to do it. I was horrified at the prospect, but I couldn't move. Over the course of what seemed like several minutes, the creature began to stimulate my breasts and nipples.

It accomplished this task by charging the air around the top of my breasts to act almost like fingertips in a way. I can't describe it any more than that. So you won't. Well, I'm satisfied with that description. Sure.

Swirls of energy began to move in and out of me very rapidly. I could feel the creature's gratification was building, and I felt powerless to do anything about it. I hope this... I really... I've never more wanted to hear the description

of a cum shot. I'm really looking forward to it. So I just decided to hang on for the ride and let whatever happened just happen. Whatever. Good happened. Whatever. Good policy. I suddenly felt all of this creature's anger, semicolon, rage, frustration, and the desire explode into me, funneling down there in one instance. I literally felt a super wave surge of heat and tingling contractions hit my, like, a water facet down there.

I think this is the part where she started masturbating. It was literally a simile. Yeah. The heat was so intense, semicolon, it began to roll throughout my body. I climaxed. Yay! It was super hot! All right.

The orgasm was so intense that I was able to clench each hand it a fist. Okay. Okay. The orgasm just rolled around inside me for several seconds. Wee! It was amazing. Less than two seconds later, I was able to climax a second time. Wee!

When I was done, I felt the spirit entity had left. The experience was over. I fell asleep. Did it promise to call you later? The spirit hid it and quit it. Did you get its name? Come on, don't it and don't it. I gotta go.

I got a meeting in the morning. I'm not convinced that this spirit wasn't just like the super. the building super. You know, he's not always fixing the plumbing. He complains it's because he's an orb of light. But he's really angry about his inability to fix the plumbing due to being in... Mrs. Orb of Light is just not putting out these days.

Well, are you ready for this? Yeah! About two days ago, I just got back from my 16-week ultrasound. The technician told me that she heard two sets of heartbeats. I'm having twins! Well, not exactly. Also, I don't have a heart. One fetus is much bigger than the other.

After thoroughly comparing previous scans taken throughout my pregnancy, plus running more tests, the conclusion was this. One fetus is about 16 weeks, and the other is over 7 weeks along. Lies. Yeah.

If Victor listened to this podcast, he'd be so mad right now. Guys, I didn't know that could happen. I thought that when twins happen, it was completely, you know, the same conception that was then just split or something like that, right? No, apparently you can...

Your womb is like a hopper. You just stack them up in there. The problem is if you have two orgasms too close together, one baby is delayed. The old double barrel shotgun, huh? If you think of it like an oven, there's a top rack, there's a bottom rack. That makes sense. You got a there's a top rack, there's a bottom rack. Oh, that makes sense.

You got a baby on deck. That's good. I was not having twins, per se. Instead, I had become pregnant twice. Sure, sure. This is exactly where I prove how smart I am. I was stunned. I asked the doctor how this was even possible.

Well, that's what I call him anyway. He told me that I was one of those rare women who are able to ovulate while pregnant. Sure. The medical term for it is called superfetation. Pretty amazing. Thanks for reading.

I'm just going to Google superfetation for more information about how true this is. It comes up. That was an interesting film pitch. You said you call your movie Batteries Not Included?

No, that is the... Let's keep the first paragraph and then change everything else. Isn't that the plot of The Entity? Are you familiar with that movie? No, no. It's a movie about a woman being raped by an invisible demon. Ron Silver's in it.

So there are cases of superfetation. Oh, sorry. No, I want to know about superfetation. Well, I was just going to say, there's all five people recorded having it, so this woman is in here. So which one of these do you think it is? Alright, next!

But how many of them are caused by a ghost? Well, actually, we still need to stay on this page because, Jack Chick, take Rashida, please. I'm so glad. I was really hoping for that one. Yep. You cannot get pregnant by a spiritual being.

However, if you want to chat, you can email me. It's on my profile. That's how Rashida just ends every correspondence. Nah, slutty and stupid. I think I got an in. I'm really lonely. Aww. Aww.

Geez, I don't think you should keep you should have kept the second child wait yeah do you know which one is the spiritual child like or did two different orbs of light fuck you I thought she said it was it was like 16 weeks since the

uh oh you know misunderstanding wow so what happened was what happened was he actually um It was like 16 weeks since the... Oh, maybe I'm misunderstanding. Wow. No, so what happened was... Super slow sperm. What happened was he actually... What he actually is, he's an orb of light spy, right? So his second wave of light jizz was actually a time-delayed jizz bomb. There's like 10 band names in the thing you just saw there.

Time-delayed jizz Bomb is totally mine. That's alright, Late Jizz is gonna be mine. We play Grindcore! Yay! Yeah, he just listed off the lineup for Screaming Terror Fest. Really? This is great. I don't even know if the Inc incubus will stick around for the kid.

The father is still in the picture. Oh, you want me to read that? Oh, yes, please. Rockin' the World adds, frowny face emoticon. I don't think you should have kept the second child that you believe is fathered by an incubus, brackets, demon. I don't even know if the incubus will stick around for the kid. But you should be careful with that kid. If his father really is...

Well, it's time for me to teach you how to be a proper ball of light. If the father really is an incubus, it could be very dangerous growing up. I saw this in a movie once. Oh! Well! The authorities have fucking spoken! The little boy was always dangerous, and people got killed

around him. Wait, he's fucking talking about The Omen? Probably. That was a movie, right? I think he is. He knew what he was doing and his mom eventually killed herself because she couldn't handle his evilness. Rocking the world.

Peace out. That advice also applies to the band Incubus. It's going back to the previous. Pardon you while you burst into flames. Okay, so we need to hear about real sex with ghosts. Canceled this week on HBO. Okay, so Lou, can you please tell me about real sex with ghosts? I'd be happy to.

Yeah. Real sex. Is it a ghost pirate? Yeah, I don't. Well, that's a, that's real sex with the skull. Or it's a poison ghost. Real sex with ghosts, interparanormal relationships. I have met some very interesting people in my life.

From those that believe they have seen a ghost, been touched by a ghost, kissed by a ghost, and had a sexual intercourse with, or a sexual encounter with a ghost on all regular, all on regular occasions. Boy, English is hard. Are these people for real? I am currently doing research into the phenomena of spectrophilia or,

and paranormal sexual encounters. So please, anyone who has had this paranormal phenomena happen to them on a regular basis, please get in touch with me as soon as possible. Because when doing research, anecdotal evidence is awesome. I have began to believe over the years that what people were in life and what they practiced does not change just because they died.

Many would love to believe that once we pass over, we go to our great reward and change our thoughts and behaviors, or those that lived an evil life go to hell and are punished for their sins. Of course, that's a simplistic fairy tale. But what's the actual truth? But what about actual demented crazy ghosts why can't you ghosts just be crazy definitely an insane clown bossy track right there and those people that have crossed over that suffer from sexual addictions

could their behavior sexual fetish carry over into a real haunting many say that they do and have had the personal experience. It is also my current findings that women are more apt to be involved in ghostly sexual encounter. Oh, is it? Yeah. This person does not understand how singular and plural works. It is also my current findings that women are more apt to be involved in ghostly sexual encounters with men, that women are more apt to be involved in ghostly sexual encounters with men, though I personally believe men are less likely to become forward-fearing ridicule.

That's true. That's true. Like men never brag about disreputable sexual conquest. Never. This doesn't happen. Unless it's with a personal succubus. Well, and men also never, you know, submit themselves for any sort of embarrassment or, you know, cause for ridicule.

Ghost sex. I have investigated ghosts. I have investigated ghosts that practice bastinado, foot whipping, variously known as bastinado, Variously known as bastinado, falanga, brackets, falanga, and falaca, brackets, falacqua, is a form of torture wherein the human feet are beaten with an object such as a cane or rod, a club, a piece of wood, or a whip. Oh, but only... What? What?

I don't know if you understand the segue that I made into Bastinado. You're going to hit my feet with things. It's one of those actual demented crazy ghosts. Damn it. I don't understand why this is ghost sex, but it is a form of punishment often favored because, although extremely painful, it leaves few physical marks, though evidence can be detected via ultrasound technology. It exists alongside other... Are you talking about me? I'm afraid of visual scars.

I don't want you to report me to the police. I've already got two strikes. Gotta keep it on the down low. Let's see. So this says, okay, it exists along other BDSM whipping practices as a rare fetish slash paraphilia. Many French Quarter ghosts in the New Orleans area seem to favor this paranormal foreplay in essence. What?

This, of course, was documented by the historian, Anne Rice. So how much you want to bet, like, they went into just general talking about who people have had sex with ghosts, and then they get into this very extremely specific singular practice within the subset of BDSM. How much do you want to bet that's what this person is into?

No way. That is not at all. What are you talking about, man? What this melty-faced lady, Gina Lehner, is into. Oh, is she melty-faced? She is. This real sex with ghost person is a melty-faced person? Yeah, she kind of looks like the mother from Psycho just before she died.

Yeah, this goes on for quite a while. You sound upset about this. Well, it doesn't seem to... Well, it makes as much sense as the rest, I suppose. Well, in that case, we'll just... Wait, real ghosts have been said to get under the covers and

pursue a person until they get what they want. Kissing, snuggling, physical foreplay, and complete sex with astral penetration. For the victim, sensations are quite real and not ghostly. And may take the form of your super. I'm obsessed with the super.

Wait. It's happened. Hey, it looks like the carpet's dirty. Also, I'm a ball of light. Hey, yeah. I'll come fix that window. I also may appear as a raping ball of light. Just so you know. Please finish out that little paragraph there.

I like it a lot. Actual physical sensations of strange hands grabbing you and touching you in places that, well, turn you on. Most ghost sex assaults, or at least those that are reported, are AI told by men and women usually home or in a strange place, B&B, hotel sleeping alone. That sentence made no sense. However, they can also occur when two people share a bed. Ghosts often like to masturbate people in public or cemeteries. or cemeteries. Or so I have been told by... Yeah, that makes sense.

Or so I have been told by a psychic paranormal investigator from Florida who tells me that this occurs to him twice daily. He told me... Stop walking through that cemetery, you asshole! How a ghost actually performed fellatio on him at a funeral while he was fully dressed.

Yeah, sure. That is... Good. a reputable source. Of course. You want to hear about my first sexual encounter with a real ghost? Do I? This is my first sexual encounter with a real ghost. Paranormal oral stimulation by a real ghost of my nipples

was the first actual sexual encounter I had with an unseen entity. I was very astounded. Freaked out. And when this went on underneath my clothes in a public location in 1967, I really thought I was going nuts. Yes, it really happened to me but to document it and

how, I have no clue. The end. What? A ghost? How do I tell you clue. The end. What? A ghost? How do I tell you about this thing that happened to me? An unseen end. What time a ghost licked my nipples? It was pretty good. Sorry.

Too much information. I believe you mean your upstairs secret area. Oh, sorry. My upper chakras. Isfahan. It's fine. Mm-hmm. Would you please teach us how to get ghosts out of our vagina and anus? Okay.

I would be happy to. Good. Thank you. I am an expert on ghosts, vaginas, and ani. Well, then you found your dream career. The really shitty part, though, is when you expel the ghost from your womb, then it starts beating the shit out of your feet. Hey, I want to test you on whether or not you could,

in addition to being an expert on this, Oh my god, this diagram! if you could be a writer for the New York Post. So to that end, what do you call your article about womb ghosts? A womb with a boo! Fuck you. Or, alternatively, a womb with a boo.

Yeah, that's much better. Oh, wow, that's a great picture. On the womb ghost picture with the lens flare. It's a great picture. The womb ghost picture with the lens flare. Womb ghosts are very real. Technology ought to be the enemy of superstition. Flip the switch on some zenith infrared spectrometer and presto, Bobby, those gnomes in the closet turn out to be just raccoons. And yet technology seems merely to have put more ghosts on record.

That's true. All that video and photos and incontrovertible evidence. Well, that's because you weren't using Zenith. Duh. Ultrasounds, for example, have exposed the all kinds of specters, notably including a teddy bear, the ghost of the mother's

dead cousin who appears in a photo sharing a womb with a fetus. See diagram? Baby over here, ghost Ted on the left. Ghost Ted. It's a ghost teddy bear. It's a ghost teddy bear. So how does that work? Woo! I'm going to snuggle with you at night.

You will be comfortable. Woo! There's another great diagram. Attacked by the glow slash departed ancestor At the time of intercourse And there's like a Spider attacking a woman's Womb or something Yeah it's a bunch of

Centipedes like converging on a clitoris Oh so that's just normal sex right In the majority of cases The subtle body of the ancestor An ex-lover, husband or even a total stranger ghost Then attacks the person fetus In the mother's womb, the subtle body of the ancestor, an ex-lover, husband, or even a total stranger ghost then attacks the person fetus in the mother's womb at the embryonic stage. Even prior to conception at the time of intercourse itself, the subtle body of ghosts enters the body of the mother through her vagina and it impregnates the entire uterus with black energy.

Okay. The spermatozoon, uniting with the ovum, is also covered with black energy. Okay. The spermatozoon, uniting with the ovum, is also covered with black energy. This impact is minimized with increase in spiritual level, regular spiritual practice, and prayer before and if possible even during intercourse. Whoa! Whoa! If I'm

fucking you and you're praying during it, I am no longer fucking you. That is the end of that account. Come on, no black energy, no black energy, no whammies, no whammies. The prayer can be the following lines. Oh God, if today's contact is going

to culminate in conception, please protect the conception from any type of ghost attack. Let the conception be sattvic. Isvan, I have a very important question. Can men get ghost pregnant? So glad you asked, ghost pregnant men.

In the photo below, this subject's wife had passed away from cancer. In an article, men, quote, really do have phantom pregnancies, unquote, on DailyMail.UK. Did anyone ever question the fact that these men might have a ghost living in their bowels? No. Well, haven't you ever taken a shit and then when you got up there wasn't any shit in the toilet?

No, no I haven't. Hey, Jack Chick! Jack Chick! I have a ghost in my butt! Speaking of Honey I got a ghost in my butt Many strange stories

In the far east have circulated About ghosts living in haunted persons Anus or rectum Some just think that they have been Attacked by a ghost or evil spirit Still others know That a real ghost has crawled up their butts Some just think that they have been attacked by a ghost or evil spirit. Still others know that a real ghost has crawled up their butts. What ghost crawled up your butt?

Those pesky ghosts are said to cause mad uncontrollable bouts of farting and serious constipation or diarrhea. Mad uncontrollable bouts of farting is the technical term. Oh, dude, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's the ghost in my head. It's a ghost. Yeah, it's a ghost. You know.

I can certainly attest to this, as it has happened to my husband on more than one occasion. He blamed it on a ghost. on more than one occasion. He blamed it on a ghost. And felching out ghosts is usually a bigger fear and reality than one might think. Felching? How can you possibly? You might be surprised at how much people fear felching. Felching ghosts.

It's not as pleasant as it sounds, really. Many male ghost hunters are prone to such anal ghost intrusions and possessions. In the past eight years, it has been related to me by a person that specializes in such removals that a particular ghost hunter or well-known fame has seen her more than once.

He states that he keeps getting reinfected because it is like an open portal to them. I don't even know where to start. Is this how you get the kid back at the end of Poltergeist? Oh my god!

Look, I can't help it. My ass is just really alluring to ghosts. Carolann, come out of the ass! Carolann, get out of the ass i think i think carolyn get out of that ass okay so assume this ghost is uh is remaining in this mortal realm to uh to finish a final task what do you think just drives them into that ass to seek this out. I just had to cause one last bout of uncontrollable mad farts, yo. Yeah.

Used to be like, I don't know, a guy who made chili. He was like a really famous chili guy. Died. He wanted that one last fart. The colon is one of the most ignored organs in the human body. We brush and floss our teeth, exercise to improve our cardiovascular health, and then we go out and eat fast food and processed food

because we are worked out and we deserve it. Unfortunately, it is the colon that takes the brunt of this kind of behavior, and when toxins build up in the colon, it makes the whole human body feel lethargic and ill. When you have an anal ghost, waste elimination is more

important than ever, and is one of the most ignored issues that we choose not to face today. And now, a prayer to Saint Michael to remove an anal ghost. Oh, thank God. To remove anal ghosts? Yes. Good. Oh, great angel

Saint Michael, hear my prayer. prayer please in your divine justice and wisdom remove this ghost that infest my bowels and anus why does he never answer my phone calls remove this foul ghost from me as you did the devil from heaven in your wisdom bless me and free me from this evil affliction now and forever. Amen. That didn't work at all. Guys, I gotta go take a shit. Can you handle the podcast without

me for a few hours? A few hours? Dear. I'm just doing it for the worst church choir ever of all the prayers that are and they're asked you have the and now we lead the congregation in a prayer to saint michael to remove any anal ghosts yeah sorry i can't i can't save your baby because i'm busy removing got a lot of anal ghosts to get out today. There are only 24 hours in a ghost day. What happens to the ghosts when they're removed? They just go to another anus? I don't understand how this works at all.

Yeah, yeah. It's like, you know, just like releasing, like, you know, insects into, like, backyards. They'll just end up in somebody else's house. Okay. Okay. Okay. There is a surprising amount of content about ghosts being inside of ACR.

You would think it would be, like, really hard to find. Oh, but it's not. Okay. So ACR, Oh, but it's not. Okay, so Acier, trying to decide on which of these pieces to go for.

I think what I like... I'm going to recommend for him the Anomalous Anal Ghost Phenomena. That's actually where I'm going. If you'll take the Anomalous Anal Ghost Phenomena, please. Oh, Jesus.

Anomalous anal ghost phenomena? Well. Skipping over so many paragraphs of other ghosts being inside of wrecked things. Well. Well, my husband, Riley, has had an anal ghost infection on several occasions in the past few years. The phenomenon can be very disturbing and unnerving, and the word frightening does not equate to the level of panic it caused me. At night, laying in bed after a ghost hunt with his group, he would begin to let out gas.

That's what he calls it. The stench was horrible. It smelled like something dead and raw sewerage. It even formed word with the sounds of his flatulence.

What? R-V-C-D-E. formed word with the sounds of his flatulence. What? Yeah. R-E-C-D-E. And it went as far as cursing out individuals in restaurants. That's actually pretty cool, man. Church and a funeral of a close relative. The intense passing gas attacks my husband had actually produced audible words that clearly sounded like a man speaking with a gruff or raspy voice. It would say,

I was going to try to fart that. What else would it say? What else would it say? Most asses say that. She did it kind of phonetically. You are doomed in a fart. So it's ass Tourette's? Yeah.

It was in a farty-sounding voice-like sound. Or, mother ffff-k. He is mine until the day he dies. That's a really long fart to say that. Well, it takes an anal ghost for that, clearly. Sure. At first I thought it was Riley just playing

games with me, throwing his voice like a ventriloquist until the black diarrhea started while he was still asleep in his favorite chair. Yes. Maria started while he was still asleep in his favorite chair. Did going to the doctor ever enter your mind?

No, I live in the States. We don't have that. So his favorite chair remains present tense. Yes. It's still my favorite chair. It's just a little dirty is all. Yeah. If the voice from his anus was not enough, when it grabbed the sheets and started pulling it inside him.

What? There was grammar there. The sheets were trying to get into his butt? No, no. The demon inside of his butt was pulling the sheets inside of his butt because it was cold. The ghost was reaching out and pulling the sheets up of his butt because it was cold. The ghost was like reaching out and pulling the sheets up, like trying to

floss out the butt so it was clear. I mean, after the black diarrhea, wouldn't you watch it? God damn it, butt ghost, you're always hogging the covers. It sounds to me like the ghost hunt is really probably a gay bar. Yeah.

He's going out and he would just have a... Has it ever occurred to this guy to stop hunting ghosts? He's kind of asking for trouble here. I think that maybe they like hunting ghosts. Oh no! Gosh darn, I got hit by the anal ghost again. Oh well.

Well, guess I'm just going to have to get felched again. Oh, well. Well, guess I'm just gonna have to get felched again. Mmm. Uh, I feel like it's cocktail time, real quick. Good night, drinks. Lou, uh, scroll up to who you're gonna call ghost flushers.

Oh, no way. And, uh, if you'll just read the first, uh first cocktail recommendation, that first paragraph there, please. Many say Russian vodka enemas or those with 151 rum, Everclear, champagne will do the trick quickly, but only a jigger of the beverage is needed, unless it's a common practice.

And you might as well break out the funnel. Some people actually do these alcoholic drink enemas as a sexual or common practice throughout the world. Warning. Too much can kill the ghost inside. And the person dies right after. Oh, by the way, the person might die. Oh, so you're just having a party with your butt ghost.

Also, it gets you really fucking drunk. Is the idea that the ghost gets so drunk that it just slips out of your ass? I don't know. Just put a banana peel up your butt. Really, all you're doing is replacing one ghost with another if the person dies right after. You're a ghost trapped inside your own ass? Wow, that is an awful afterlife. I'd just like to say that

while my client did participate in butt chugging, he was only doing it to get rid of his ghost. One should never let a ghost die inside them. Or do an enema with alcohol of any type unless supervised. Oh, okay. So if you have a doctor's note, it's all right. Unless supervised by, you know, your bro.

Yeah. Felching out a ghost before it dies is your first priority. What is it because it's such a horrible verb? Why do you guys think we're obsessed with butts? All we're doing is belching ghosts out. I have a really weird favor to ask. I need to get a ghost out of my ass.

It's going to require me putting... It's like when you first hear about the thing about snake bites. You know, it sounds weird, but... So I need you to... I'm going to pour some Everclear out of my ass. And I need you to suck I'm going to pour some, ever clear up my ass. And I need you to suck it out before the ghost dies. That is, you know, you couldn't be simpler than that. Many self-given enemas used at home are the pre-packaged disposable sodium phosphate solutions

in a single-use bottle sold under a variety of brand names or in generic formats. These units come with a pre-lubricated nozzle attached to the top of the container. Some enemas are administered using so-called disposable bags connected to disposable tubing, despite the name such units can commonly be used for many months or years without significant deterioration. Patients who want easily

more acceptable, more gently accepted enemas often purchase combination enema syringes. Okay, this is turning into a completely different episode at this point. This is a Wikipedia article on enemas often purchase combination enema syringes. Okay, this is turning into a completely different episode at this point. This is a Wikipedia article on enemas now. I wanted to point out that this person has a disturbingly complete

amount of information regarding enemas. No, just for ghost reasons is all. It's not like, I mean, I do have about 45 of these things, but just for medical reasons yeah improper administration of a ghost removing enema may cause it may cause an electrolyte imbalance Insane, if you won't sleep with me, I'll still be with you. I'm gonna meet you on the ice.

The ice will be clean for a dark good night. The ice will be clean, or I'll go insane. And there we go! Around about an hour of creepy orgasms! Boots, what'd you learn this week? I learned how to get ghosts out of my womb, vagina, and anus. Well, I mean, you were already a dabbler in the field, but now you've had a master class. To be clear, my vagina was already mostly clear of ghosts, but my anus was just jam-packed full of them.

was just jam-packed full of them. Yeah, there is... I mean, you know, like... You know, the F+, as a group, ends up reading about people wanting to fuck weird things. Yeah. That's something we've done in the past. That's something we will do in the future. A sort of a lifeblood.

Rue the day that I would ever get bored of it. But in this particular case, I don't even understand what the handle is. Other than, I mean, I guess, like a spectral being is making you cum, and ladies seem to like that as far as the porn tells me but but like there's not

there's not you know that they're not getting on with Loki like there's not like a specific concept to the affection it's sort of faceless and amorphous which is what a ghost is in the first place yeah I wonder if that's more or less like healthy than the people that are having sex

with real, like, fiction, specific fictional characters and not amorphous astral entities. I think that's an argument you could make. Because, I mean, you know, like, people that would have, I mean, let's say somebody is, like, just super into bondage and discipline, right? Mm-hmm. I can imagine that. Right. Okay.

I would argue that the person that's just really, really into bondage and discipline, and that's just a thing that he does, and then he also has another life, is way more emotionally put together than the one who spends all of his time on FetLife and walks around the neighborhood with a collar. Yeah. So if this ghost sex is really just sort of a get in and get out, sort of get your jollies on with some ridiculous bullshit that did not happen,

I mean, you're doing better than Loki wives. Yeah, so good on ya. Congratulations. And we would invite you to go to B-A-L-L-P dot I-T. That is the ball pit. And tell us about your ghost lovers. Not even your ghost lovers. Call them your ghost fuck buddies.

And it could be the reverse of that movie kids because uh in this and because in this uh in your in your story uh you just fuck casper and then ditch him yeah tell us about your paranormal sexual activity nobody's gonna get my reference all right good night I'll go insane If you wanna sleep with me I'll still be with you Gonna meet you on the Astroplane Astroplane Before dark at night Astroplane

Or I'd go Casper, the dopest ghost in town All the chicks wanna fuck me cause I'm fucking Casper