The F Plus - 112: I've Got My Spine, I've Got My Woman Crushed

Episode Date: October 4, 2013

There's moments of blissful comfort that can be undeniably wonderful. To find someone that you care about, and wrap their body around your own, silently sharing a few moments of euphoric, peaceful togetherness, is there anything better than that? The people in this week's episode would say: Yes, it would be better if she was flat and she just spent an hour talking about how flat she was, that would be totally hot. Because this podcast is still going strong, and as it turns out we haven't exhausted the weird fetishes yet, so this time it's about the object of your affection being flat. This week, The F Plus can't just play the theme song once.

Boots, boots, boots, boots. Lemon, Lemon, what's up? Yeah. The F Plus finally has a theme song. Oh. Yeah. Okay, good. I commissioned a theme song.

I paid for it with my own money. How much did you pay for it? I paid $10. I paid $10 for an F Plus theme song. There's a guy on the internet who has a website where he'll make a jingle for you for two days, in two days, for $10. Well, that sounds like a deal. Is it any good? Yeah, so it's a bargain. Here, I'm going to play it for you for two days in two days for $10. Well, that sounds like a deal. Is it any good?

Yeah, so it's a bargain. Here, I'm going to play it for you. Alright. Stop it. Stop it. Do you want me to back up? No. Okay. Do you want me to back up? No. You liked it. Did you like it?

I paid $10 for it. Yeah, cool. What's this week's episode about? Okay, so did you hear the part where it got to the jingle? It gets to the tagline. He mentions the tagline. Let me just keep playing it here God damn it

Stop, stop, stop What's up? I don't like that That's not very good We're only It's not done It's 34 seconds long I think we can discuss this later

We can discuss this off air Surely there's something funny we're going to read this week Yeah of course there is But Should we Okay just There Should we Just Okay Just Okay There

Oh God Alright I like that it ended There you go Okay Is this Is this gonna be

Our permanent theme? Probably Oh Okay Well Um I need I really need Something to soften Okay, is this going to be our permanent theme? Probably. Oh, okay. Well, I really need something to soften this blow. What do we have this week, Lemon? Oh, actually, I'm glad you asked. What we have this week is a topic called flat fetish.

Oh, yeah? It is people that think that women or themselves being crushed into a two-dimensional shape is super sexy. So like Wile E. Coyote getting run over by a steamroller, that's the sexiest thing in the world. Isn't it? I would disagree with that. Oh, okay.

Well, he's their own, I guess. Yeah, so yeah, nerds jerking off to weird stuff. Taking away with our new theme song. One more time. Oh, no. In the room tonight we have Boothring here. I'd love to be shrunk down and stuck inside your shoe. What would you do? John! My boyfriend has a little crush on you, so I'm going to let shrunk down and stuck inside your shoe. What would you do? John!

My boyfriend has a little crush on you, so I'm gonna let you hang in his dorm room till it's greeting time. And he's kind of a pyro sometimes, so watch out. It's fun! I, like many of the other women in flat modeling, don't usually get into the industry by choice. Victor Laszlo!

I'm squishing the head of Julian's penis flat with a tiny squelch of delicious flesh. And Lemon. I'll tie you a spread eagle on the floor, set a timer, and I'll trample you any way you want for as long as you can take it till you beg me to stop. $100. Ugh. Uh, hey guys!

Hi. Hi, Lemon. Hey. How are you doing? I'm doing awesome. How are your boners? Hey guys! Hi! Hi Lemon! How are you doing? I'm doing awesome. How are your boners? Thick. They are frequent and extensive. Entirely three-dimensional.

Boots! Boots! Boots! Do not use those words! Those disgusting, horrible, three-dimensional words. No! What? No.

Look, I'm going to introduce you to the hottest thing in the world. Okay. And that is flat things. Two-dimensional people that are locked in a two-dimensional space. And that's super sexy. You know what? I don't even need to describe it to you. Victor is going to welcome you

to Flattened Cartoon Furries, the Yahoo group. Yay! We go back in time 10 years for this. All right, so... So, hey, Victor. I'm sorry. Hello.

Five of seven UK? Five of seven UK. Yeah. Five of seven UK? Five of seven UK. Yeah. Five of seven-uck. What do you got to tell us? Well, what I have to say is, hello, good evening, and welcome to Flattened Cartoon Furries. Oh, boy. Join straight away if you like, but you might want to read these tips first.

Okay. I've heard everything I need to hear. What are the tips? Flattened cartoon furries group guidelines. Number one, age, species, gender, and character are no object, but they whom the gods would make flat must first be furry. What? So he said, so shall it be.

Wait, that was an Old Testament rule. They redid that in the New Testament, I think. I don't understand how something can be flat and furry at the same time. Number two, any flattening method is acceptable. Road slash lawn rollers, ringers, 16-ton weights, elephant stampedes. Use your imagination. Oh, so this is like Looney Tunes-style flattening. Any flattening.

We're non-discriminatory about how you flatten here. Are there any other rules? Yes. Any medium is acceptable. Original drawings and stories, photo manips, found or captured cartoon stills, animated GIFs and movie files.

Although please try to make the latter no bigger than one megabyte in size, if possible. Most of us still rely on slowdoms and are not getting any younger. Now, with that in mind, what date did you post this, 507UK? I posted it today, July 2nd, 2003. Oh, okay. It's a good thing it's allowed, because 2nd, 2003. Oh, okay. It's a good thing it's allowed, because I did want to photo my nips. Boots, Boots, do you have a question?

Yeah. It's a well-written question. Yeah? What is it? Well, my name is Blankfield. Yes. Yes. Correct.

And I have a question that is, lucid dream flattening? Would it be possible to lucid dream and be flattened in it? Lolo suggested it, but I wondered if it could be done and how you would do it. Yes. Has anyone ever dreamed that they was flattened once? You're on a flat fetish forum. Yes. How do you dream something on purpose?

Yeah. Lucid dreaming. Is it possible to lucid dream? Yeah. If I was having a lucid dream, could I bend things to my will? Or how do definitions work? Yeah. Isfahan,

you are Alan, Alan S., you're Alan Sullivan. Okay. I am Alan Sullivan, or as I like to go

by on Yahoo, is Alan S. the M. Regarding flattened cartoon furries, I've dreamed of countless cartoony events happening to other people, not just flattening, and it seemed like it was actually happening, opposed to recognizing it was a dream. A few years ago on my birthday, I got mad there for some reason, I dreamed an amazing dream. Rather than skimp on the details, I'll just paste the email I sent my friend detailing it.

Oh, good. Yay. Wonderful. Not only are you going to tell us about your dream, but it's a secondhand retelling. Yeah. Quote, oh man, I just had the most awesome dream. Rachel, Tiffany, Morgan, Shannon, and a bunch of other girls were actually susceptible to transformation, and we just spent all day messing around with this and videotaping it.

Are those the women that you keep in your basement? Yes. First, Rachel slowly became a blueberry. Ooh! I'm so original. I wonder where I got that idea from. Her clothes ripping off in my backyard. Speaking of ripping off, she exploded.

But we were able to piece her back together like a puzzle. Because that's how people work. Really? That's how blueberry people work. Yeah. I am so fucking hot right now. I need to turn my AC back on. We also inflated Morgan until she was just a big flesh-colored blimp.

She was already on her way. Didn't take too long, did it? Yeah. She was already hot. This is the opposite of flattening. Some things happen to girls that were once created for this dream, but I remember crumpling them all up into one dough-like gob and sending out whoever was needed like Pokemon.

That's another one for the list of fetishes. Hey, Ron, I'm a Yahoo group, and I haven't typed the word Pokemon in a couple sentences. Yeah. I choose you, Rachel. Well, the remainder of the dream, me, Morgan, and Tiffany, the girls repeatedly ended up in different mishmash combinations, spent all that time for a grass roller,

since the steam rollers and other construction things were off-limits to those that weren't workers. Oh, well, we wouldn't break those dreams. We were so disappointed. There are rules to my dreams. Yeah. Shannon managed to get under the tire of one, but ended up stuck there. We're having problems.

We did manage to find a grass ruler, but it was the size of a croquet hammer. I was able to flatten Rachel in segments, but we really wanted the hard-hitting big gun. What the hell? I don't know. This is taking too long to flatten her. I love that even in your dreams you have performance anxiety and disappoint women. Then along came Phil, an ex-coworker who had found a job as a construction worker. Oh, I smell some cuckolding on the horizon.

I'll flatten your wife for you. He was cleared to use the steamroller. Thank God he came along. So he went behind the complex on a big strip of road, and I taped him plowing over the Walmart girls in sexy poses. Oh, by the way, they work at Walmart, I guess. There's no way that's not a metaphor. Yeah, I already work at Walmart.

There's no more low where I can go. I might as well go flat. Rachel even got stuck to the roller, and at one point we flattened Morgan and Tiffany on top of each other with our fronts facing one another. So it was a happy ending after all XD and one hell of a birthday dream. Unquote. Oh, good for you.

So what'd you get for your birthday? Well, last night. I'd like to point out that early on he said it didn't feel like this was a dream and it was happening. It just felt like it was actually real life. So if this happened in real life, Alan S. would just all be, oh, awesome. This is my lucky day. Yeah. You exploded and I get to put you back together in flesh-colored pieces?

And then flatten you. All right, Boots. I'm sorry, not boots. Matthew Sutherland. We're making jokes, but will you give your actual response to Isfahan's story there? Yeah, I could do that.

What did you think of his story? Oh, wow, man. I wish you could plug something into your brain to record the images. I'd so love to experience that myself. I have to admit, I do recall one dream where Winnie the Pooh had to say, I do recall.

I do. I do recall. I do recall. I say I say I do. I do recall one dream where Winnie the Pooh go flattened during like a stage show. During like a stage show. During like a stage show. Which is rare as he hardly ever gets flattened.

Or well I've never seen him flattened. That's what I was thinking too, Victor. And after the show I was asking him what it felt like. But then my dream broke off. Thanks for telling me, mate. John, you are Lucy. A little bit further down in the thread there.

Oh, okay. Once I dreamed, I was flattened. Close parentheses equals. Sure does. It was a place like the desert of the coyote. And every person could do it. It was considered funny. What the hell? The desert of the coyote and every person could do it. It was considered funny. What the hell?

The desert of the coyote? Yeah, so somebody drew a cave on a wall and she ran into it. Everybody was flattening. So you are still on your coyote trip right now. Is that the case, Lucy? Pretty uncreative one if you're trying

a cave on a wall. What happened next? Well, I lay down in a flat rock that was in the ground and a big rock squashed me but not flat 100%. I dreamed I was playing Dig Dug. I ended like one inch thin

like in many toons we see. Then other smaller rocks fall on me. After squashing, they bounce away, and they let parts of my body flatter every time. Oh, you're so funny. Oh, thank you, hand. I think you're great. For example, if a round rock fall, my flat body had a flatter round. Then other rock fall, and I was even more flat.

Hooray, W. Hooray. This person must have been going for the Guinness World Record of most tense shifts in a single sentence. There was other people who, too, was being flattened because they wanted in some moment i waked up in some moment i waked up oh lucy i just like imagine this woman being like you know maybe interviewed by a cop who's like so what did you see it's like, I were standing walk side at and the driver car man shot across. Yeah, she's a reason that eyewitness accounts are unreliable.

They interviewed her first and it's like, well, fuck this. Not just a police statement, but putting her on the witness stand. I have a response. We find the defendant not of guilt. I've got a response to Lucy. Oh, what's your response?

Oh, that sounds like an awesome dream. I'd like to dream a dream like that. Were you as yourself, or were you an animal? Are you trying to get me kicked out of this forum? Well, it is flattened cartoon furries, so there's precedent. I was an animal, yeah, that's it. Oh, I see, it was a honeypot question.

No, no, uh, take the actual response from Lucy. It was me as person. No, no, don't too, there was other people, but I didn't see them, close print, these equals. Being flattened felt strange, no, don't. Two, there was other people, but I didn't see them. Close parentheses equals. Being flattened felt strange, but didn't hurt.

Should've. I, too, had some dreams where I watched tunes with great flattening, but I remember them less, Coray W. Coray. Once had a female fox was flattened a lot, but don't remember very good.

This is... I think this is Yoda. I'd like to see what her job applications look like. Cool, cool, cool, cool! Did the dream happen, or do you something you think of flattening in your head before you fall asleep?

Fall, uh, sleep. Fall,. Fall asleep. So then they go back and forth. They go back and forth, and they start talking some more about Winnie the Pooh. Of course. And then William jumps in and says, I never saw Pooh flattened.

I never saw anyone from Winnie the Pooh flattened come to think of it. That's a sad life you live. So the next site that we need to feature here, unfortunately, has been taken offline by the fascists

at WordPress.com. WordPress! Unfortunately... Well, you'd think that WordPress would be alright. Unfortunately, purseboy.wordpress.com is no longer available. The blog has been suspended for a violation of terms of service.

Flat fetish, not cool. But if Purseboy would have been online, you would have been treated to a delightful, wonderful site where a guy writes fanfiction about posters. Not about the people in the posters. He writes fanfiction about the poster itself and what the poster is thinking. So we're going to take the first piece of fan fiction here. Victor, as I've said before, your voice always has reminded me of Beyonce Knowles,

so that's your role. And then Johnny will be taking the role of Beyonce superfan Lance. Oh. Not Lance Bass. It's just a fan of Beyonce named Lance. Hey, what's going on? Why do I feel so... flat?

I'm a big fan of yours, Beyonce. And so I got one of my friends to help me meet you. Oh, that's nice. Wait, are you that guy who was last in line at the poster signing? Yeah, but that wasn't just any poster. My friend the witch put a curse on this poster, so whoever signs it becomes it. What? I'm a singer,

not some sort of object. Not anymore! Now I forever get to have a real beautiful woman in my room. Yay! I'll tell it. And Iris out. Curtain rises. Bows.

I don't remember that spell from the spell episode. Well, you know, yeah, we only had a couple spells. It's kind of a poster spell. All the powers up and down make me a poster. Yeah.

Okay. Boots. Which of these roles would you like for yourself? Emma Watson or magazine editor? I'm going to be magazine editor. This story is called Cover Witch.

The celeb this week is Emma Watson. Oh my gosh! What happened? Why do I feel so weird? You sound surprised. That's because I am. This writing is awesome. You did read the papers before you signed them, right?

Well, my agent did. I don't understand. Do you have a good relationship with your agent? Well, we had a small fight right before I sent him the papers. This isn't the first time I've seen this. Angry agent signs up someone for this

without them knowing. What do you mean, this? But what happened to me? Well, my company has used state-of-the-art technology to turn your body into a 2D form and combine it with paper to form the cover of our magazine.

What? I'm a magazine cover? Yes. Oh, fair enough. We turn you into the cover of our magazine, and then you are auctioned off for charity to help raise money. And although the process is semi-reversible, you did sign a legally binding document.

And if it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure your co-star, Daniel, had a fight with his agent as well, because he seemed quite surprised when he woke up as the dress for your shoot. Wait, what? He had one of those Sears catalogs in his room.

OMG! Daniel is my dress too? Well, um, will I ever be me again? Mostly. You will only be owned for about a year and after that you will be

returned to us. Then you can make me whole again? We have unusual circulation. Yes. In a manner of speaking, as I said, it's semi-reversible. We can remove your form from the paper and make you a full body again, but

we cannot make you 3D. Oh, I just got a text that the auction ended and you were bought by some rich Harry Potter fan. Gulp! What is he allowed to do to me? Well, technically you're just a magazine,

so he has ownership and can really do anything except shred you under the auction agreement. But don't worry too much about that. What? Now, just while you're sitting on the table during your stay, remember to be thinking about what you want to do with your 2D form once you're back. Wrong yore. Because it's very important to my boner right now. Poster is always a popular choice.

But you can even go as far as to recolor yourself white and be used as pages for one of the books to be printed on. Or even be a DVD of one of them. The choice is yours. Oh, that sounds lovely! Thank you! And if it makes you feel any better, the tech to make you 3D again should be done in 10 to 15 years, according to a recent study. So with this technology, they figured out how to make people 2D,

but not how to make them 3D again. Right, yeah, exactly. Well, why would you want to do that? Yeah, they're like, why would anybody want to go 3D again I'll be with my waifu you'll rue the day you cross paths with me the editor Dr. Charles Exposition yes

that's pretty much all it was pretty much and that's where it ends too so he like was just jerking off to like oh that legal document doesn't make any sense oh love it yeah if anything these stories are more of a they seem like more of a morality tale to be careful where you sign things celebrities frustrated by nonsense yeah by way, I want to point out, like, will I ever be me again? I think mostly is creepier and weirder than no. Yeah.

Yeah. Could you imagine, like, being at a, I don't know, a Harry Potter convention or whatever. Emma Watson's there signing. Somebody walks up with a poster. She signs it. They take it. They look at the poster. And they look at her.

They look at the poster. And their face just kind of They look at the poster and their face just kind of falls and they're like, oh. Alright, so the next thing that we have is a post from metamorphose.org It's a non-profit. And what it is, is it's a link to a YouTube clip

where a guy is gonna jump to his death but then he accidentally link to a YouTube clip where a guy is going to jump to his death, but then he accidentally lands on a woman and crushes her, but it's funny. You know what I mean? Sounds pretty funny. Yeah, so it's funny because

he lands on her and crushes her. This summer, Jennifer Aniston got more than she bargained for. Yeah, so if you wanted, you could watch the video, but, like, he jumps and he lands on her, and then she's cardboard cut out. But, that might not be interesting to you, but it is interesting to the reviewers. I bet. Ismahan, will you start off with agreeing

that this video is pretty damn erotic? Okay. I agree. This video is pretty damn erotic. I, Alwass, have been turned on by the idea of a woman

being flattened like a cartoon character. I love the way they treat her like an inanimate object. Yay! Wait, wait, wait! Hang on a second, hang on a second. If you're looking for porn where women are being treated

like an inanimate object, you have to pick a whole bunch of different topics. You don't really need to be that focused. I love the way they treat her like an inanimate object, sawing her in half, throwing her away. Yay. The main character's girlfriend also mentions that

should iron his clothes on her, and she must come in handy as an extra leaf for the table. I guess you had to see it. If you have ever had a fantasy involving a flat woman, this will get your heart pounding. Victor, you have the terrific, terrific name of

Iron Maiden. Ow! Ow! No! Alright! Ironed Maiden. Ow! Oh, no! No! All right! No. Ironed Maiden.

Oh, my God. Ironed Maiden. That's amazing. All right. Ironed Maiden. Actually, I'm astounded that this video was made. The whole theme of this video is how sexy it is that this woman is flat. Great.

I love the comments people make about her and using her body as a table and an ironing board. You love that, do you? I love it. Love it. The shot of his scantily clad girlfriend carring her flattened body to the trash is sexy and strangly funny. I think that was a slip right there. Yeah, yeah.

It was stabbingly hilarious. I mean, uh... I love the part where he strangles her to death. I mean, I thought that was funny. No! Come on, now! That was just a slip of the murder all the whores. I mean, tongue. Tongue. The way the video ends is great.

I was worried that they would unflatten her, but instead she winds up on the side of a van. Yay! In a chainmail bikini fighting a dragon. Maybe if the man had her set up as a table or ironing board, it would have been better. But the idea of this man driving around with the flat girl on the side of his van is pretty sexy. Don't miss this video. This guy's super into woman-ness tables and ironing boards. Yeah. Yeah.

Don't miss this video if you like the idea of a woman being flattened out. In conclusion. Okay. So, we're going back to Yahoo groups. We're going to a different Yahoo group. Oh, we're not going to read from Pleasure Pancake? Oh, well, take it. Go ahead. Pleasure Pancake? Oh, well, take it.

Go ahead. Pleasure Pancake is a good name. I don't even know if it's any good. I just like the name. Well, take it. Okay. Wonderful video. I'm sorry that this is the only erotic story I've seen where a sexy woman is flattened out. I also thought the method she becomes flat by could be better,

like being hit by a steamroller or being pressed in a press, but I'm glad it exists. This is the first time he's come across this, but he's already got ideas on how it could be better. Yeah. Yeah. Finally, someone caters to my fetish!

This sucks, I hate it! Change everything! I'm an idea man. Packhurst certainly looks sexy flattened out, and the fact that everybody realizes she is a flattened woman is oddly arousing. Also, the fact that they make references to her using her body as an ironing board or table is pretty

erotic indeed. But she isn't used in such a manner. She does get used as a fan electric. And there is one last great scene where her ironed body is put on the side of a delivery van. Not perfect, but the best.

And only a flattening fetish erotica that I have seen. I don't think these people are reading each other's comments. It's the best and the only one I've ever seen. I'm going to be a beggar and a chooser. I like that every time the word erotic is prefaced by strangely or strangely. Yeah, I like that they're self-aware. But I still don't think they have a moment of reflection of like, I probably shouldn't find this hot.

Well, maybe they're trying to do the whole thing where it's like, trying to be coy about it. Like where you do like, hey, isn't this weird? And then you're really expecting people to be like, no, no, I like that too. But it doesn't really work when it actually is very weird. And you're talking to people who pretty much admit by being on the site that they're into this stuff. Yeah. You don't have to say, oh, this was strangely arousing, this thing we're all into already.

We don't need to read it, but I love that the very next comment is basically the exact same thing, just reworded. Yeah. I like the same parts of this thing that you did. What are the odds? They put her on a van! That was great. So I'm going to take you back to Yahoo groups.

This is a different Yahoo group. The first one was for flattened furries. This is for fine art of the flattened variety. This is the flattened art Yahoo group. It's the Flattened Art Yahoo group. And I just put a poll out there in the field in September 4th of 2012. So this is still going. But I put a poll out asking Steamrolled, which way would you squash the air stewardess?

Now, I know you all have your options, so let me just give you some choices. Okay. And Gallop is really scraping the bottle of the barrel here. Okay, here's your choices. Oh, God. She is spread-eagled. You drive the steamroller up to her head. It crushes her head, then rolls down her breasts.

What? That gets squished, ripping your uniforms. Her head rolls down her breasts? Yes. Rolls her... Yes. Yes. The thing that you described described that's what happens yes

uh that rips her uniform for some reason and crushing her beneath it rolls down to her fanny I'm not sure what the it is is this person British or not so

are we talking about a a vagina or a butthole does it really matter I mean would it make sense one way or the other no yeah

it's whatever you like, baby. Right. Exactly. So anyway, crushing her beneath, rolls down her fanny, squashing it, and splitting her skirt, crushing her legs and high heels, leaving the stewardess squashed and spread over the road. That option got three votes. Or nearly half. But less popular than the other option, she is spread-eagled on the road. You drive the steamroller up to her feet, crushing them beneath.

It rolls over her legs, squashing them, and ripping her skirt over her fanny and up towards her breasts, squelching them onto her head, crushing it flat, leaving the stewardess squashed and spread over the road. That got four votes. So it could have just been head first or feet first. Yeah. For some reason I don't like that as much. I'm not sure what it is I don't like about your... They have to describe it in painstaking detail. Yeah, I can't lucid dream

feet first. I wonder if the people in this community, the head first people are really prejudiced to get the feet first the other way around. There's a schism. Oh, you would say that. Can you believe they want the head first?

These people are animals. Can you believe they want the feet to be squished first? Those options are pretty good, but I like the idea of the steamroller falling on her and then slowly rocking back and forth. Get out of this group! Better dead first than head first. Actually, it's not listed here, but there was a zero votes option where the option was you turn off the goddamn computer and go outside.

You don't drive the steamroller over her. She's a person and that would be terrible. Okay. Okay. We're going to leave that because that's a pervy place. We want to go somewhere nice and wholesome. So to that end, we are

going to toycrush.com. For those of you listening, you're going to want to go to toy-crush.com there is a hyphen in between and right about now you're going ah is toy crush without the hyphen

just people who love their toys but the toys don't know it yeah toycrush.com is amazing. I could totally spend an entire episode on this site. It is terrific. I'm looking at stiletto heel figure skates.

So here's what happens. Women crush toys a lot. There's a whole bunch of videos. You can buy them. And women will crush toys. We're going to start out with flattening a slut toy doll. The description of this video, which is from their partner site, buttcrush.com, where people crush butts. That's a site where people crush things with their butt.

Oh, okay. It was like a merger. It was like an inter-organizational venture to get this animated GIF in front of us. Yes, Han. Will you somehow try to look around at the animated GIF to read the description of this video? It's going to be hard. Okay, one more cycle. Hold on.

By all means, take as long as you on. Yeah, by all means. Take as long as you need. It's fine. She seems to be enjoying herself. She's probably just laughing. Meanwhile, I'm going to follow the butt crush tag. I don't think that's a very good workout at all. Flattening a slut toy doll. No little slut is going to take on Mercedes and get away with it,

and especially not a bitch who's shrunk down to size until she can't defend herself. Like a giant, she puts her huge ass on the tiny girl and flattens her. Mercedes decides that smashing the girl wasn't enough, so she pulls down her jeans and sticks the tiny bitch right up against her ass so she has to smell everything while she's crushed between her ass cheeks.

Like a giant? I forgot the part of Jack and the Giant Beanstalk where, like, the giant torqued Jack to death. Oh, I didn't forget that part. I remember that part very well. I think you got a different fairy tales book than me. Can you read the tags on this?

Yeah, what are the tags on this? Keywords. Mercedes. Butt crush. Toy smashing. Toy destruction. Doll smash. Doll fetish. Ass. Doll smash. Ass. Doll smash is on there twice. Doll fetish. Victor, which smash. Ass. Doll smash is on there twice. Doll fetish. Victor, which one did you just find right now?

I found a toy baby is between Kim's ass. Aww. Is it really? It really, really is. That's kind of funny. That's the kind of image that you make on the office printer that'll really get you fired. So what's the description of Toy Baby is Between Kim's Ass, Victor? Well, there's a toy baby between Kim's ass.

Right. Cut. Print. Right. Any guy would love to be in this baby's position right now. Um, no? Beautiful, tall, and brunette, Kim finds a toy

baby doll and puts it on her coffee table. Oh, well, she's brunette. So far, pretty normal. Right. She then puts it face up, right between her two tight ass cheeks. Not normal. Not normal. Right. She then puts it face up right between her two tight ass cheeks. Not normal. Not normal at all.

She smothers the baby in between her white cotton underwear. What? She rubs it, and its little toy face plunges deeper and deeper into her sweet ass crack. This is the luckiest baby in the world. This is not the proper parenting technique. I disagree. It's the luckiest baby in the world. This is not the proper parenting technique. I disagree.

You are going to fail your high school parenting class. Do not follow these instructions. You know, the sugar baby is just they weren't testing well, so instead you're going to be crushing dolls with your naked ass. I got to say, I bet the fetish people are so happy that, like, modern art exists. It's like, man, I saw this thing where somebody crushed a baby doll with their butt. It's like, oh, there must be some art thing in California, right?

It's like, yeah, sure. That's exactly what I was talking about. Oh, you've heard of it? Okay. It's an art thing. Check out this hot brunette brat in her nice car that her foot slave bought for her. She pulls up and finds a baby doll lying in the grass,

so she decides to crush it with her tires and punish the hell out of it. Jesus. This hot babe is so good at pedal pumping that she goes over the doll with ease and shows absolutely no mercy with her strong feet. She used a car, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She just drives back and forth over a doll. These paragraphs must be like if you had a speech disorder

where you only spoke in keywords. Yeah. This hot babe vagina penis viagra. We're going to leave this place, and we're going to go to Flatopia. Yay. Flatopia is a fun place. Viagra. We're going to leave this place, and we're going to go to Flattopia. Yay! Flattopia is a fun place. It is my favorite

flat-flavored drink. It is age-restricted, so you can't actually sign in unless you have a Yahoo account. Sorry, John. Does anyone know of any games with flattenings, preferably girls, or where I can

find a list of said games? I know there's stuff like Crash Bandicoot made for us. Thanks, guys. Power Stone and so on, but any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! Boots. Oh, you're asking me?

I think that happens to Jim and Earl. Oh, okay. Well, Pocket Fighter is a good one. You can find that game on Street Fighter Alpha Anthology. It's a delight to squash Chun-Li with Morrigan. Also, Mario Party 56 and 77 being the best in my opinion because of what Bowser can do to Princess, Peach, and Daisy when they lose.

If you can get it to the Super Mario Kart on the Super Nintendo and Mario Kart 64 and Mario Kart Wii, I can't think of anything else. I still search eternally. Jesus. I wonder how much these people would get off if somebody showed them an NES. See, everything here is flat. I need to be alone. I still search eternally.

So, like, somewhere this person is still looking for video games. Walking down the road. All the lights out in their room. Just the glow of the monitor on their face. When he dies, his spirit will remain in the mortal realm, just searching, searching for more. Legend foretold of a man who... Who flattens Samus.

And anyway, Victor just found a wiki page here on Giant Bomb with 81 titles of... 81 games. Good. It turns out getting flattened in games is actually really common. Victor, take Flattened Clown Girl, please. Flattened Clown Girl. Take my Flattened Clown Girl, please.

Because, and I just want to tease this out, Flattened Clown Girl is going to touch on a subject which will be a focal point of a future episode, which I'm very excited about. See if you can spot it. Is this going to make me want to scrub my brain with bleach? You tell me. I don't know what your brain looks like these days. All right. Flattened Clown Girl.

This has been bothering me for the longest time, and I think it's what sparked my flattening fetish and my clown girl fetish both at the same time. Oh, God. God, that's an origin story right there. Here we go. Buckle up, boys. My parents were shot by a flat clown.

You made me first. Black clown. You made me first. I remember a long time ago, I was at the Ringling Brothers Circus, and a clown gag involved a bunch of clowns messing around with a giant bicycle. One of the clowns accidentally happened to flatten one of the clown girls. I remember it so vividly, but everyone I know passes it off as a dream I had. Really?

Do you remember the flat clown girl? Do you remember the flat clown girl? It's like Robbie. You're 25. I was only three or four at the time, so bear with me. I remember searching and searching for information or video of the sketch when I was three or four.

But a while back, I found some info that might lead me to it. It stated that this sketch has happened before, but not to female clowns. But I still can't find anything on the sketch, no matter how hard I look. If anyone can find anything on it, let me know. Thanks! sketch no matter how hard I look. If anyone can find anything on it, let me know. Thanks. This is the second reading in a row where somebody is on an eternal quest. We're already flattening.

I just picture, like, this guy and his family at breakfast and everybody's silent for a while and he just has a moment, looks up out of nowhere and is like, look, I know I saw it happen. And everybody's like,, god damn it, Robbie. Can't we have one breakfast? Don't bring this up.

She's out there. I'm going to find her. Look, she was a clown girl. She was flattened. I saw it. John. I'm going to make her my bride. That's what they all told Robbie that they were celebrating Thanksgiving apart.

told Robbie that they were celebrating Thanksgiving apart. John, you like to post on the Yahoo group, guys flattening guys. What did you think about this pic that I just posted? He said he weren't going to mention that, but oh well. Alright, fine. Oh, did you want to know my opinion

of the pic? Yeah, I posted a pic of Justin Timberlake. What did you think of it? Oh, well, I thought it was a great pic! Thanks. I would love to be six inches tall, laying on the floor underneath Justin's butt, looking up at him, waiting, wanting him to lower his butt onto me

and squash me flatter than paper under it, colon, carrot, parentheses. So you would love that? butt onto me and squash me flatter than paper under it. Colon. Carrot. Parentheses. So you would love that. So you would love that. That would be good. Be a positive. What a way to go! Oh!

Oh friend, oh friend. It would be awesome to be laying there and all you could see above you is butt! Ready to lower onto you and squish! Knowing that he is enjoying flattening you out as much as you enjoy being flattened. Can you feel your body so reacting out as he applies his tremendous weight onto you? Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, well, you've answered my question. We are going over to a new Yahoo group. There's just Yahoo groups all over the place in this document. This Yahoo group is called Flatman. No, no, no, no, no, no. Too easy.

I was actually going to say Flatman. Yeah, yeah. That one? Yeah. Okay. Hi, I'm Dan Flatman, attorney, yeah. That one? Yeah. Okay. Hi, I'm Dan Flatman, attorney at law. Fair enough.

It's behind. Tell me about yourself, MadDog2600. My name is MadDog2600. Hello, everyone. I'm a 21-year-old male. One of my biggest fantasies would be for someone to flatten me while I am sleeping in my tighty-whities. Now, this is the part where I change the channel on this dating channel. Won't you take a chance on love?

I wouldn't know anything about it, and perhaps the end steamroller would come in and start to drag me under, and as I tried to escape, I could feel my body being compressed into a pancake. And finally, I am pressed against the floor in just my tighty-whities, and I have a look of surprise in my face, period. I don't think you're really selling this at this point. At this point, I really suspect you have this fetish. I also have a conjunction fetish. I guess I would be flattened and I'd be in my tighty-whities.

I don't know. I just hit all the points there, didn't I? I don't know. I haven't thought about it, but what if this really specific thing happens? Would anyone want to flatten me in my white briefs? Are you actually asking for someone to come over and kill you with a steamroller? I would be happy to.

My name's Stuart Bartham. Stuart Bartham? If you had another name, what would it be? If I had another name? Yeah. Uh, shit. Oh, it'd be Boy Wonder. Yeah, that's what I thought. Yeah, I'm Stuart Bartham at work. You know, but once 5 o'clock hits, Boy Wonder.

Anyway, yeah, mate, I love that idea, too. Check out my photos of me trapped in a photo in Just White Briefs. I would keep your flattened form pinned to my wall and admire you as you look surprised and helpless in your white pants. Wait, he has photos of him trapped in a photo? So it's like he takes a Polaroid of himself miming that he's trapped in a box and then takes a picture of that Polaroid. That's exactly how I was picturing it, Boots. Your response? Yeah, I saw that.

Nice work. Is that you Yeah, I saw that. Nice work. Is that you? You look so helpless. How would you flatten me? What would you use? Do you like to be flattened? Not that this is just phone sex, but on a Yahoo group. Hi, Greg! Yeah, it's me

trapped in the photos. I love to be flattened or imprisoned in photos stuck in a pose in my underpants with a heart on. And totally unable to do anything about it. Yay. My captor tormenting me with a naked flame. Oh, by the way, I didn't mention that part. As he runs it over my helpless body as I can feel the heat through the glass.

He can communicate with me through telepathy only, as I obviously can't talk, and he can hear my thoughts like daydreams. Oh, everyone always runs away at this part. I'm going to keep going. My fantasy is to be trapped in a photo for all eternity. Oh, dear. Nothing more than a decoration on someone's shelf. Hopefully wearing a decent pair of underpants.

White. Well, that's why your mom always tells you to wear clean underwear. You never know when you'll run over a gypsy woman and be trapped in a photo for all eternity. I love the internet. The two guys who have a fantasy of being flattened in white underpants can find each other. It's kind of the magic of being alive these days.

Almost paradise. Knockin' on heaven's door. Oh man, I love that entirely non-sexual thing that you do. It's like, oh, this non-sexual thing I do is the best. I'm so glad you're into it. To flatten you, I would use a special gun like an episode of Batman in the 60s, where it alters

the structure of your cells and turns you into a two-dimensional cutout. As I shoot you, flop to the floor with a surprised look on your face. Okay? And then a trailing ellipsis to, of course, invite a response.

Oh, these guys go for a while, huh? Yeah, they do. I think Stuart Bartham got his pseudonym from when somebody went like, Boy, wonder what happened with him. And then Penn Jillette jumps in in the middle of that conversation because... Well, it's just a guy named Penn.

I just like the idea of Penn Jillette actually inserting himself. I'd love to flatten the both of you unexpectedly using my own kind of ray gun. Your clothes would collapse to the floor digging inside the waist of your pants slash jeans. Yay! I'd find the picture of you frozen in your tidy whiteys. So is that Boots imitating Lemon's imitation of Boots?

Were you pen right there, Boots? Yeah, that was me being pen. Okay, this is another pen. Okay. At the risk of sounding too topical, I could three-hole punch the photos and put you in a binder with the rest of my men. That is the final scene in a horror movie if I've ever heard one.

That is too topical. That's a rip on the headlines right there. Goodbye, horses. George Zimmerman, Edward Snowden. Everyone from Mad Men. Everyone from the Mr. Men cartoon books. Flat Man. Mr. Happy, Mr. Silly.

For some reason they all turned into Mr. Disgusted. I don't know how that happened. Mr. Yuck. Okay, so there is This is me actually I'm being nice to you this time I'm actually being nice to you Because there is a story

In One of these Yahoo groups About a guy Who Meets a woman And everything's going super well, and then the woman takes out his penis and puts it through a clothes wringer. Wait, the woman?

Watch this. Oh, I see, I see, I see. Yeah. And I find it really funny, but I felt like other people thought when I showed it to them. This is metaphorical. This is from The Spearhead, right? I knew if I took the blue pill, this would happen. Other people seem to think that was gross.

So instead, we're going to do this story called The Palace of Pressure. Now, we don't have enough time to do the entire story, but... Hello, I am Hans. Welcome to the Palace of Pressure.

Have you gotten a job yet? But John, if you'll just start us off. After the Palace of Pressure. So where has he been? Or were has he been? You don't want to read that forward? It looks so interesting. No.

It's a forward. Okay. But there's an author note in there that he says in the forward this is a flattening fetish related story, just to mention it. Then he says, I use different quotation marks for every character. Oh, he does?

Thanks! That's entirely a mild choice. This guy's just like, oh, that's what this other punctuation on this thing is for. I can just use it however I want. Okay. The Palace of Pressure. Where has he been?

His eyes were covered with a strange darkness, and the air was filled with a depressing mugginess so that he wished he wouldn't find out anyway. Trying to gather his senses and remembering what happened, he was interrupted by a stabbing pain on his forehead. Ow, my head is pulsing! What? Arrgh! This pain! What happened? And the Oscar goes to... this pain. What happened? What the fuck is going on in this? As he tried to pull his hands,

as he tried to put his hands on his head, they were blocked by a massive piece of metal. This person has transposed were and where, because they use where when you should say were. How does that happen in your brain? I don't know. That's a style point. Oh, okay. Like the quotes.

The quotation marks, yeah. Using a a style point. Oh, okay. Like the quotes. Just like the quotation marks, yeah. Using asterisks for quotes, yeah. Wondering about that, he tried to move his foots. I'm pretty sure that's how that's pluralized. Yeah, you're good. Yep. Is he Bob Ross now? I'm sorry, I thought I'd seen every

mistake. I never expected to see foots. This is the first time. mistake. I never expected to see foots. This is the first time. Okay. Wow, that just tickled me. He tried to move his foots, and yes, it revealed that they were caught as well. They were caught as well. That's a character in Skyrim.

They were caught as well. They were caught a swell. They were swelling. Soodily, he noticed that Was-Was lying on a kind of table, caught on it with his arms and legs. Wow. Oh, no. Wait, so this is a different person now? Yes. Oh, no, what? Where am I? What is that? What game? They all sound the same.

What game do you play with me? Why do they all sound like Mr. Garrison? This is just... This is my vision. This is how I see it. He's not sure. Let him go. Slowly lapsing into panic, he winced when he heard

sudden yellings combined with a deep noise of pleasure coming from the room behind him. At least he thought that was that there was another room. Ah! Ah! Ooh. Ah! Where the hell am I? Hey, do you hear me?

Come on out and don't play your games. Alright, so then, uh, Isfahan, uh, I would say choose a number between one and five, skip that many paragraphs, and then start reading. Okay. Five it is. One, two, three, four, five.

Okay. Ha, ha, ha. You are such a cute and funny little fellow. Let me welcome you in my palace of speaking, or pressure as my guests would call it. My palace of speaking? Yes. Or pressure. I'm not very good with English.

The Rotary Club was really not about changing the name of their building. This is now the Palace of Speaking! Well, no, no, as when the Fortress of Solitude got all of the conference rooms installed. Yeah, keep going, keep going. Yeah, keep going, Dr. Spacero. Speaking, pressure, what are you talking,

you derp? And why am I caught on that rock? Derp? Coughed. Coughed. Oh, this fire. This tranct. It will be such a wonderful time

to get on the things. I won't. Well, and the massive piece of rock will prevent the table of breaking if you won't cooperate. But no worries. I'll have my fun in any way with you, my little fighter.

The table of breaking? Is that something you can get in a D&D game? That is the longest combination of words where I know what every single one means individually. It's a cipher. Cooperate with you. I don't even know what you want or who you are. Wait a second.

You are the guy who commanded one of his scoochers to hit me. His scoochers? His scoochers. Scoochers. It's one of those hitmen that just kind of like slowly moves towards you on a bench. Yeah. Scoochers. I don't know.

He just slides over to you on his butt. He was trying to spell Skechers. He was talking about the shoes. Yeah. Who do you think you are? Are you crazy? Ha ha ha. And you, lanky guy, want to break this table?

How will you face me? You need to tie me on this table so it is fair. I see. How strong I am indeed. Alright, boots. Same rule. One through five and then read. I want to figure out where the splattening happens.

Boss! What shall I do with this paper here? He's heard from the other room. Just leave him. I need a new carpet for my room so we'll care about him later. Now come on over here. We have a new carpet for my room, so we'll care about him later. Now come on over here. We have a new guest who wants to get to know you. Get over here, you

crazy guy. Come on. Me like guests. Thank you. I forgot how to use the word I in between my lessons. No, Elmo is in this. Oh, okay. Oh, God. So you command your guys again

to do the dirty job for you. I forgot what voice was what. Me? Oh, no. Excuse me. I just prevent him to break you. If he welcomes over a new guest, he fully falls into love with them,

showing you how much he likes them. Wait, what? Keep going. Yeah. He falls in love with them, showing you how much he likes them. Wait, what? Keep going. He falls in love with them. Our guests look a bit deflated after this attack of love. Yay! Does that mean flattening's happening? Maybe.

Sounds like a freaking Power Rangers line. You can make a line already. All right, Victor. All right. Just pick a number and skip that many paragraphs. While the noises of the stomping steps become louder with every step he did towards his table, he asked himself what hell of a creature can make the earth crackling under its weight with such an intensity.

When the earth stopped shaking him like pudding, he was able to have a look on the guy who made the other creature yell frequently and heard on the guy who commanded him. A slow feeling of panic rose again inside of his body. Gulp. So you are the neat guy who want to welcome me? Gulp.

Nice to meet you. See, that's a pun. Because he used a different meat. Right? Sweating. I think this... Was that line done by Shaggy? Shaggy?

Zoinks. So like you wanna... You're the neat guy who wants to meet me, huh? Gulp. Casey Kasem's finest work. Really? Yes. That was one of our first guests, if you were wondering about his little tattoo here.

The tiny creature completely disappeared under him, and we never made it to scratch him off. Well, at least it seems to make him proud. So it still has its usage. I'm really wondering if I have no idea what's going on because we're skipping around or just because of how this is written. No, I guarantee that if we did every paragraph, you would be equally as confused as you are right now.

You know, I got that feeling. Guaranteed. I believe it. Tiny creature now knows who's the bigger reptile. Stares at him on his table with a small grin on his face. Me to contaminate.

Yes. You seem to be a big and comfortable guy. Gulp. Like zoink scoop. Now then, let's have a neat talk now. Rubs his belly.

You know something. Something you maybe want to share with us? Come on, you are such a nice little fellow. I don't want to force you to tell me that. Oh, Jesus Christ. Is this what it's like in John Wayne Gacy's head?

Alright, let me just close the story out because I'm sure that it'll all make sense here at the end. This will wrap a neat bow around it. Oh man, I really need closure. I mean, fuck the new Breaking Bad episodes. I need to know what's happening. Right, yeah, exactly.

This is pretty much as good as Breaking Bad. Jesse, we need to flatten. Sorry. I am the one who squishes. Yo, Mr. White, why am I so flat over here?

That was a bad Jesse Wood cut. Yo, Mr. White, why am I so flat over here? That was a bad Jesse Wood cut. That one has to stay. Damn it! My working man Jesse. Alright. Now you're going to be my next tattoo when I have finished

having my fun with you. See, it's a tattoo fetish, right? Because they're squishing them into tattoos. Oh, well, you didn't have to say that. That was so clear. I am so gonna show you how cruelly I can crush you between

me and that table. I am glad you refused to tell him the code. Now I'll have my fun with you. Prepare of getting pulverized to get to know what it means to be crushed in the most cruel way. Her, her, her. Without being able to make one thought, the gator slammed on the table and started rubbing him between his belly and the table, moaning in joy. I'm sorry, the gator what?

The gator slamed on the table and started rubbing him between his belly and the table, moaning in joy as he pressed him to his new tattoo. While he continued slamming and rubbing him on the table with all of his strength, his voice was heard through every hall and room of the building as he continued moaning to the terribly loud sounds of crushing, which made the halls rumbling frequently. Too bad! Another person! I think I should change my tactics! Curtain rise, curtain rise,

bows. You know, I just don't like the story because I'm really sad about all this slut-slamming. Slut-slamming! This test pattern,

it's so rare to see a TV show get cancelled in the middle of its broadcast. Oh, you never saw The Pits. I didn't.

I love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love,. I didn't. I love, I love, I love my calendar girl. Yeah, sweet calendar girl. I love, I love, I love my calendar girl. Each and every day of the year. And there we go. Round about an hour of people who know that it's hard when you're flat and alone.

Hey, Boots, what did you learn this week? That's a song reference. They're only you and me. Most of them are. Yeah, that's true. I just reminded how much I get a kick out of sexual fetishes that by nature remove the possibility of sex

from them. Yeah, it's just like a whimsical, wonderful land of sex from them. It's just a whimsical, wonderful land of strange brain chemistry. Yeah, I've always loved it too because it's so... I mean, and there's so many examples. So many examples of it

from the inflation fetish to D'Vord. Yeah. That's what your boner is tied to? That's the, that doesn't go with boner. Well, that, I don't know, it makes a bit more sense than, you know, being, being transplanted onto the cover of a poster or a magazine.

Yeah. So, so, yeah, I don't know, I don't even know where this one would start exactly. So, yeah, I don't know. I don't even know where this one would start exactly. Like, is it like, you know, you've got your Playboy and you're looking at it and you're like, oh, that's super cool. And then you just assume all hot women are also made of paper? Like, that's just a guess. Yeah.

No, nothing. My brain has ceased to be able to process that because, you know, we're, we're getting into some like, you know, grad school psychology level kind of research topics. So. Yeah. It's, it's, it's, it's, it was a lot of fun. Thanks again to, that's right, Montreth. Imagine that. Thanks again, Montreth. Montreth would provide us with something like

this. Yeah, Montreth, I think this is their, I don't know, 15th episode of Submission or something? Really enjoyable. The one thing that we did not read because it was just slightly too terrifying

for the podcast, there is a story about a man whose penis is forcefully goes through a laundry wringer, and then he gets a two-dimensional penis, which he eventually

enjoys that. See, I would have used a pasta roller myself. But if you want to read that story for some reason, we will have a link to it on thefpl.us. And our forum, where is our forum, Boots? Oh, it's ballpit, B-A-L-L-P dot I-T. And we've got really good sign-ups lately. It's been a lot of fun.

We haven't really talked about threads, but one of the threads that I very much enjoyed is a thread called Related to Nothing, I Just Like This Photo. There are currently 112 pages to this thread, which is like, you know,

idiots in fedoras, ponies with guns, Isfahan complaining about the guns being incorrectly held by the ponies. Come to our forum. Spend an entire day on that thread. Have a bath afterwards. Yeah, it's a lot of fun. So you should take part.

And please keep submitting stuff because we've really liked it, and it's been really, really, really fun. So thanks to all of you for it. All right, good night. Good night. I love, I love, I love my calendar girl. Yeah, sweet calendar girl. I love, I love, I love my calendar girl. Wow.

Victor, you are finding other really ridiculous fetish sites. Oh no. That's just from his bookmarks. Undermyass.com It's Tuesday. The time is 9.57. Let's find out what's under my ass. I was trying to figure out whether

H-O-M-S-M-O-T-H or like Hom's Mother. It's Homoms mother. Why is it called Homs mother? I don't understand why it's called that. Hi, this is my site. I'm Homs. This is my mother. I made a site for my mom.

Oh, okay. This is unfortunately not usable. Oh, we have to... Oh, so we have to leave this place.