The F Plus - 113: Boink The Clown.

Episode Date: October 10, 2013

Coulrophobia (the fear of clowns) is a word that's only about three decades old. Presumably before that, people who were terrified of clowns were just called Person Who Has Seen A Clown Before. But a much less discovered topic is the one of coulrophilia, translated from the latin it means Perverts That Get Boners When They Think About Clowns Doing It, or more simply Tuesday on Fetlife. This week, The F Plus accidentally applies to work in the Circus.

I thought I was not logged on to my work Gmail account, and now I think that doc is on my work Gmail account. That'll be good. Your boss is like, oh, rip-trop the clown, huh? I'll just go with it. Yeah, you know, it's my thing. Hello there! This is the F Plus Podcast, Terrible Things, Red Enthusiasm. My name's Lemon. I'm Boots Reingear. Boots, how are you doing this week? Oh, great. Just wonderful. I think I've learned a lot since the last episode we had. Yeah, this is a podcast that teaches. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if you remember last week, we were talking about people that are really into...

The flat, flattening. Yeah, they definitely were into that thing. So, did that change you, like, spiritually? Spiritually, in a sort of esoteric sense, I've been really trying to jerk off to it and having

a lot of problems. Sure, that makes sense. It's a difficult subject to masturbate to. I don't know if you've noticed this. Well, like everything I learned from the episode indicated that it was really hot and awesome and sexy.

My penis does not want to agree with me. Alright, well, that's fine. That's fine, because maybe that's not for you. You know, maybe you just need to abandon that subject, find a new one. This is the Internet. There's plenty of fetishes out there. Okay.

So I know that every year when the Gathering of the Juggalos rolls around, you look at those photos and you go like, ah, you are homeless and addicted to crystal methamphetamine. And that's true. and addicted to crystal methamphetamine. And that's true. But what if there were clowns, like just clowns in general, like maybe clowns that didn't listen to appalling music? Do you think that you would find those sexy?

No, but yes. Well, you know what? We're going to find out. So it's clowns fucking, and it's going to get really, really really really terrible really fast here we go boy in the room tonight we have boots rain gear too bad happy dave sucks at bowling jack chick putzo's cock is just about one of the most beautiful dicks i've ever seen in any porn flick. Welcome back, Frank West. I think about your hot clown ass every night while I'm rubbing cotton candy and silly string up my ass.

And lemon. As the back of the box says, there's only two things in life. Number one, clowning around wild anal whores. And number two, eating hot, wet, stinky clown pussy. Amen, brother. Hot and fly. A kiss and then more strife. You're up and you're down.

Stay cool, dear, it's Clown Town. Clown Town. Clown Town. Hey, F+. Hey, Lemon. Hello. How are you guys doing? Terrible.

Not horny. Okay Terrible. Not horny? Okay, great. Not yet. I got the perfect solution for you. I got two questions. What's your favorite part about sex? Probably the part that is sex. Yeah.

What's your favorite part about the arcade shooter game Carnival? The announcer. The announcer. That guy's awesome. The classic graphics. I said the music. The answer to both questions is clowns. Clowns are sexy, despite what every fiber of your being wants to believe.

I don't think that's true. I think that you are, in fact, lying to me. Nope. Clowns are... Well, okay. Look, I'm going to prove you wrong. First, I'm going to punish you for arguing with me, and so I'm going to take you to FetLife.com.

I trust you entirely. You would never lead me astray. Never have, never will. Good. Okay, so we're going to go to FetLife.com, and we're just going to read a couple of posts, and by the end, you're going to be sold on this whole sexy clown thing. So let me start out with a question for you. What about being your clown turns you on?

My name's Sofonda Silicone, and for me, it's even more than the makeup. It's my big inflatey hips and boobs. Anyway, huge cartoony feet. Okay, good. We dive straight into the inflation fetishist

merger here. I am going to tell you something, not to spoil too much. This is the most tame piece in the dock right here. Oh, my. No place. Yeah, it only gets more perverted from here.

So, Boots, if you'll take Moxie Shy, please, and just, you know, luxuriate in the G-ratedness of it all. All right. So, FetLife is the most clown-centric I've been in my kink exploration. Sure. I think, because even being the boy for a wax play demo is the expected-slash-accepted realm of hot, sexy play, doing it with a clown nose would just be odd. sexy play, doing it with a clown nose would

just be odd. But I find clown groups on here and it's where I spend all my time. So I see the question and think, does it turn me on? It's your fetish, but you need to know whether or not it turns you on? Yeah, I take an existential

approach to my bonus. I like that you're scientific about it. Yeah. That's nice. Is there a Heisenberg principle to it? Like, does measuring your horniness make you not horny? What exactly is your horny level? Well, let me tell you.

I put on the clown nose, and that just happens to be on my desk. And I'm not the least bit. But then I have to open my mouth and breathe easy, and I start to feel like a big dumb goon whose lips move as I type. The sort of doffus who misspells dofus. You're an idiot. I'm sorry. Keep going.

And forgets he sat the pie on the chair because the counter space is full. Then I think of clown shoes and all the ways they can trip me up, making my face plant on that counter, or spilling a pie into the face of my boss, who of course retaliates. And I can't even... By running around, chasing with a giant hammer,

is that how your boss retaliates? Yeah. That's what my boss does. I don't know how you guys work. And I can't even see down to my tingly parts because the nose is so big, which is also stupid and perverse, but my hands have gotten busy,

which gets me thinking about rubber gloves and the silly contrast of tight black gloves smashing pastry into a dumb clown face, gagging the mouth and gripping the honk. Nope, not sexy at all. Wait, wait, is honk the word that meant you just came? Yes. Yeah.

Yes. Oh, you gross lunatic. Well, after hearing that, I really want to hear more from uh moxie shy um so so boots will you continue uh with uh your post entitled the custard curse what is what is the custard curse the custard curse i want to mention that uh i am currently looking there's there's uh there's ads on the side and the ad that I'm seeing on the side is fake

glory hole dildos so so you can buy like a wall with a bunch of fake dicks coming through it that you can suck because what the hell? Is it going to look like

one of those hunting lodge things with all the kills mounted on the wall? Yeah, they all have the names underneath. Oh, fuck. Okay. The custard curse, please. Okay. The custard curse. please. Okay.

The custard curse. Clown TR. I don't know what TR stands for. While walking in the park one day, I was surprised by a sudden urge to kick a little man in the pants. Sure. He was wearing a loud suit and bending over to tie his shoe. He looked like a vaudeville stooge. And there was a mud puddle just off to the turn in the bath ahead.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, wait. Hang on. Hang on. I got to undo my belt for this. All right. Go ahead.

If I boot him just right, he'll land flat in his face. I smiled at the thought, but was dismayed to find myself skipping towards him. What? The man jumped out of the way as my foot kicked over my head. I hadn't run at him. What? But I did an impossible backflip. Oh, what? My speed unchecked until I was face down in the puddle.

Jesus Christ. Bozo! Bozo! Bosco! Pantalone! Otto Blotto! Big dumb goon! The little man chuckled as I lifted my head, sputtering mud.

Yeah! Okay! Never mind, never mind. For a second I didn't believe you, but I am totally back on board now. Totally. He did a little dance and slapped me back down with a rubber chicken, giving me another face full. Okay, yeah, that all makes sense. I think it lines up. It's time for me to get retrospective. That is. Yes, I for me to get retrospective. That it is. That it is.

Yes, I wrote this over ten years ago. And it's true still today! There is some extreme wham in it, but the poop is from cartoon animals. So it's really just paint. Rest is posted on my page.

Couldn't figure out the link thing. Enjoy. What? I'm enjoying very much. Rest is posted on my page Couldn't figure out the link thing Enjoy What? I'm enjoying very much If you look at the first link You can see the whole story Somebody else linked to his full story I'll read you the last line

From that full story I assume I don't want to click on that The only thing better than a muddy pratfall is a pie fight. We are going to have lots of fun. Iris out. Okay. That was a little too tame

for my taste, really. I think we should cover the topic of... I'm going to give you three words. Just chew on them. Just enjoy them. Okay. Forced clown transformation.

Oh, goody. As opposed to voluntary clown transformation, which I guess is just putting on a costume. As opposed to voluntary clown transformation which i guess is just putting correct as opposed to that forced clown transformation story where somebody gets turned into a clown shoe and then their dad who's a clown can't find his other shoes so where's the sun as uh my name is clown one and this topic is called Force Clown Transformation The thoughts of a force clown transformation have been at the forefront

of my mind for quite a while now Good lord Yeah, that's like if you diagram out my brain you know, bills I think about it when I'm in the shower just when I have some spare moments, riding on the bus or something. I'm reasonably new to the fet when I have some spare moments, riding on the bus or something.

I'm reasonably new to the fetish scene, so wondered if this was a good place to start. I'd be keen to hear people's thoughts and ideas on the subject. Also, are there any local clowns who would be prepared to make something like this a reality? Is there anyone out there who's willing to kidnap me and force me to be a clown? This is FetLife, so yes, all of us.

This is where he's starting? Yeah. You don't want to start at something like, I don't know, a dick in a vagina. If you're going to swim, you're going to just want to jump in the deep end. That's how people drown. Correct.

That's exactly how you don't want to start. So pie splat? There's nothing more sensual or seductive than tying someone up and slowly applying white grease paint. Yes, there is. I think of at least a couple.

Followed by the rest of the clown face. And then finally the red nose. The piece de resistance. And hair. Of course. The reveal is the best part. When the guy is then shown his new face in the mirror. Smiley face.

Oh, so Batman. The first Batman movie. Yes. Right? Yeah. At PieSplat, have you had this done to you? I bet it must be a great feeling. Not yet, winky face.

I've been tied and pied, though, but I'd already applied my face. Oh've been tied and pied, though, but I'd already applied my face. Oh, dear. And costume in front of the other person. For me, it's the next

step. Smiley face. I think it's the smell of the makeup. Do you have, a seven year plan? All right. Year one, tied and pie. No, year one tied. Year two, pie.

Year seven. I am now working as a clown. It is my job. working as a clown. It is my job. The soft grease paint being gently applied to the face by someone else's hand.

And all the while the other person has no idea what they'll look like. No, I think you have a pretty good guess. And if they don't like it, wham! A pie. And easily

cover that face. Oh my god. You're seven plus one week kicked out of the circus. Alright, well, that's the creepiest thing I've ever read. First of all, this is a problem because you have to get

into being a clown and then try to get into other people forcefully turning you into a clown. At which point it's like, oh no, grease paint. Oh no, no, you don't want to use that brand.

Don't use that brand. No, no, no. I'm just imagining like, you know, groups of clown fetishes, fetishists ambushing people, putting clown makeup on them, showing them a mirror,

pieing them in the face, and then running off into the night. I think that happens in the movie Slacker. Lebo? So Lebo, it's me. The idea of forced clowning may sound a bit harsh but i completely agree that a somehow unwilling recipient all rp of course is funny exciting and deliciously hot so forced bad unwilling good okay sure i'm. Absolutely. No idea why being forced to look act silly is sillier than someone who just wants to look silly.

Meh, that made sense. Embarrassing and humiliating. Just like your writing. Someone losing a bet Or signing a circus job contract Without reading it first What? What? Well, I guess I gotta toil in the coal mine now

Fuck, I knew I should have read this This isn't working for General Mills at all. I mean, it's a constant. I know the last three job interviews I did, I was like, Dan was like, by the way, are you guys actually a circus?

And I was like, whoa, you caught us. You know you have to tell me if you're a circus, right? It's like, I put out a pie pie and I'm like, are you sure? And then they pie themselves and I'm like, I fucking knew it. Alright, finish it up. Or being hypnotized at a circus show.

Or whatever. Whatever. But no choice but becoming a silly clown. What is... Winky face with an open mouth? Grimace face? Maybe that's the clown nose. I've consciously skipped those

involving explicit violence. Are completely fantastic stuff. Not my kind of thing. Get off, fat life! Yeah, this forced clown transformation really doesn't make sense when you add a unicorn in. It's just, you know, really outside the realm of possibility then. I don't mind being kidnapped, tied up, pied in the face, forced to be a clown for a living.

Right. But as soon as you hit me, or somehow make that an unrealistic situation? Hang on, I don't really believe you all right boots what do you got agreed forced or surprised clown transformation is a turn on for me put woman into deep trance. Change her clothes. Redo her. Makeup. This is a separate paragraph in between the words redo her and makeup.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wake her up. Engage. Reaction. Or her ties to chair. Like, the way she's networked to it. Yeah, well, no, her emotional ties to the chair. Her ties to chair, or otherwise immobilized and redoing her look.

Very hot. As per Clown Transformation Stories, As per Clown Transformation Stories, is there an archive similar to MCStories.com for mind control lovers? Pick a fetish and stick with it, motherfucker! Come on! No. MCStories is probably my least favorite musician.

What's up, y'all? Have you heard MCStories' cover of Green Jell-O's Three Little Pigs? No, that's Green Jell-O Sucks. That's not... Oh, you're right. I hope I can play those two completely different songs. Oh, I'm so embarrassed. You know, not as embarrassed

as I am, as I went, that's not the right Green Jell-O song. Listen, for all of those Green Jell-O fans out there, in the year 2013, I'm so sorry that I've offended you. Don't worry, guys, I'm a kindred spirit.

Also, it is 2013, just so you know. I apologize for forgetting the wrong... We were making fun of Green Jello for ten minutes before we started recording this podcast. Rock, roll, pumpkin. Say it again. Rock, roll, pumpkin! Hey! My name's Pineal Eye.

We have to go back to clown shit. Yeah, I mean... Wait, you just thought it would be a super long diatribe on Green Jello for the next 40 minutes? It's a little less creepy. We can fill up the time, I'm sure. A little. Alright, we've got Green Jello here in the studio.

Alright, no. Okay. No no we're reading clown fetish material here we go my name is pineal eye and everything's gonna be fine there certainly won't be there certainly won't be horrible things in here uh what kind of clown so fellow clown fetishists what kind of clown would you like to be? Or like to fuck? And clown number three from Killer Clowns from Outer Space. Which one's number three? No, it's credited that way. Oh, okay. Fair enough.

Let's actually skip right to our protagonist here. I think we need somebody in this podcast we're going to like. Somebody that we're going to kind to get behind and really appreciate. So, Frank West, if you'll take Happy Dave. I would love to take Happy Dave. If you know what I mean. I don't. You'd like to accept the role of?

Yes. Oh, yeah. I had the pleasure of playing a fucked up butcher knife wielding evil clown in the indie feature Dead American Woman which should be out in the fall. Yay! Happy Dave!

Some of the highlights are I drill a bitch's brains out and skull fuck her on camera. Jesus Christ! I choke and rape the dead American woman to death and lick her face and smear my makeup all over it. Yay! Happy Dave!

Happy Dave! Happy Dave! Classic Happy Dave. Happy Dave is here again! I blow a lawyer's brains out then I ass rape his wife as I drown her in the bathtub. Jesus Christ! Unfortunately, I get strung up by real flesh hooks, tortured, and dragged through the woods

to be buried alive. It is unfortunate that there were consequences to your actions. Unfortunately, I don't get away with it. You guys are so judgmental! There is something the whole deviant family in this one. Here's a clip if you dare. I don't.

Warning, it's graphic. Copy and paste in your browser. No. No. That's a command. Jesus. Jesus Christ. Also, warning, it's graphic.

Okay. Sure. I didn't pick that. I wouldn't have expected that sort of thing. Fucking. I imagine, have expected that sort of thing. Fucking. I imagine, actually, Happy Dave here probably just goes to every FetLife thread. And he's like, oh, you're into pain, huh? I was in a movie called Dead American Woman.

Yeah, maybe this is not really Happy Dave, but just Happy Dave's marketing team. Happy Dave's marketing team, huh? Yeah. Your fictitious world is worse than the one we live in. Where Happy Dave would have his own street team. Oh, fuck. Okay.

Oh, okay. Okay. Jack, Jack, take Feral Minette. Feral Minette. Feral Minette. I've recently become obsessed with the underwater game city of Rapture. Fucking Christ. Thanks, Lemon.

The citizens have lost their sanity after years of overuse of plasmids, which alter the user's genetics. Basically, they've devolved into crazy mutants with fucked up faces. I'm going to use this as an inspiration for future clowning. Yay. Splicers, that's what they're called. Jesus. Fuck.

Oh, this game's so hot. Lucy Rain. Boots, if you'll take Lucy Rain. Boots, if you'll take Lucy Rain, please. I would say the clown in me has a cute, girly thing going on, but also naughty, since my clown name is Flicka the Labia. Awful. Terrible. Just garbage.

Zero to 10. So bad. Okay, I don't think you got it. Zero to 15. There's sort of a double entendre there. I'm making a clever pun on the common name Flicka. Zero to 45.

If anyone is from Portland, want a clown with us? There's a group of about six to eight of us. Oh, no! God! Come and join our clown circle. We're just clowning around.

Dear Google, please always put on Google Maps where this meetup is. That way, everyone in the world will know to avoid it. Here be dragons. Are you saying it won't go down with the clowns? It would be like in Google Maps.

It would have a detour around clowns. It's one of the options you can check on Google Directions. Avoid traffic, avoid clown meetings. Okay, all right um so this is uh patchwork all right so my name's patchwork i'm a i'm a patchworth rather i am a 33 year old uh dom male i'm from seattle uh i'm straight. I'm from Seattle. I'm straight. And I'm looking for a mentor slash teacher. Anyway. Ladies and gentlemen, I direct you to this your attention to the center ring.

I am the good reverend Pumpkin P. Patchworth III. God fucking... He's a reverend. Pumpkin P. Patchworth III. You know what I'm going to say? it's actually a pretty good clown name. I inherited the family business. While I am still learning the noble ways of the clown,

I am an artist with many skills. I'm a cartoonist, writer, singer, actor, and training myself in the art of balloon sculpting, ventriloquy, photography, shibari, and I have an interest in learning hypnotism. I'm also slightly ADD. Shocking, I know! He's also a

member of the group asking us ASPY slash autistic question. Have you met the Nerdcore rap scene? You will never do anything else once you find that uh i'm still relatively new to the bdsm community i'm still learning the ropes figuratively as well as literally how many times do people make that joke on this fucking site god damn it i'm still learning the ropes. Her, her, her. You fucking idiot. Oh.

I'm going to be angry about that sentence more than any other sentence. Okay. Trying not to get too hung up on it. Oh, fuck you. Okay. At this point, all I really know is that I'm a top. But other than that, I'm fairly inexperienced in both anything else, so I'm a really good top. I want to learn how to be a great top, and I'm willing to admit my ignorance rather than pretending to know what I'm doing. Not only looking like a fool, but also possibly hurting my bottom.

That was a joke everyone else wasn't making. Correct. That was a joke everyone else wasn't making. Correct. So, if there are any doms out there that are willing to take a young clown under their wing, let me know. My personal interests are vast and many. Obviously, I'm big into clowns and the circus in general.

I am also involved in the furry community. So the two have a bit of a crossover. Yeah! Yeah, you are the single merger point Of these two communities I'm sure Whenever someone in the furry community Needs to contact someone in the clown community They go through this guy My leash

There's a message An ambassador from the clown kingdom to the west. I enjoy anime, paranormal romance novels, good god, stand-up comedy, coins, cartoons, and video games. I'm basically all over the geek map. I've already started... No, I'm in a specific place in a geek map. It's called a fucking sinkhole i've already started trying to get fit oh good and and have been having some success on that front

i have a long journey ahead of me but i'm enjoying the trip for now i'm just looking to meet new people network and learn more about the hows and whys of the kinky community. Local friends would be ideal, but I'd be happy to meet people from all over. After all, I've been known to leave the state for conventions in the past. I've been known for that. But only that. Definite potential to hit a munch while I'm away from home. What?

Is that a thing? I've been known to leave the state for conventions in the past. Definite potential to hit a munch while I'm away from home. Is he abusing little people? Sure, yeah, he just punches munchkins. I'm hoping to meet more clowns. Artists are generally cool people. I am an intelligent person.

I am an intelligent person. There should be a comma right here. There isn't. I told you the person's so stupid. So instead, how it reads is, I am an intelligent person, so stupid. Ignorant comments are not welcome here. I may be a fool. What?

But I will not be treated like an idiot. One last thing. Despite the Halloween theme to my face, I am not a wicked clown or a juggalo. My background isn't based on horror movies. That would be ridiculous. That would be, yeah. If he took that, he would be an outcast. That's true. An outcast with an in-group.

I may be a bit spooky, but I embrace my clown side for what it is. A way to entertain and have a few laughs. I don't take myself or the world around me too seriously, and I'm not here to scare people most of the time. So I bid greetings to you all. Let the show begin. I don't like him. So he's not down with the clowns, but he'll go down on some clowns? Yes, that's...

I'm going to keep milking this joke. You used that on me a couple hours ago. We were discussing it. I'm glad you got a chance to use it. That's good. Okay. I think we could probably get a little pornier than this okay yeah that's what we need to do

so uh this is a very long story uh called um clown encounter um took it and edited it down and then I need to edit it down significantly

because this bodes well edited it down, and then I need to edit it down significantly further. This bodes well. Because she did not edit it nearly enough. It is fucking long. So, okay, if Frank West, you'll actually just start from the top of page nine. So just start, hello there, silly little Tommy? Yes, yes, correct. Okay, so this is an excerpt from the story.

I don't remember what the story is called. This is from part three of it, entitled Send in the Clowns. I think it's just called Clown Encounter. Oh, I thought it was a better name. Never mind, no, it's just called Clown Encounter. It's just like the called Clown Encounter. It's just like the generic Clown Encounter. It's called Clown Encounter, and then chapter three is called Send in the Clown. I think that's one of the reasons that I really respect you, Lemon, is you're always looking to think the best of people. Yes, and then I get to be angry at my disappointments.

Fuck. Fuck. Okay. The ad on the side of the page right now is an 18-inch dildo. Oh, I have nipple clamps. Boring. Do you have anything bigger? Okay, excerpt.

Hello there, silly little Tommy. I am Nurse Giggles. Dr. Chuckles will be here soon. Well, this sounds fun and lighthearted. Tom tried to speak to the clown through the pacifier, but couldn't. Why not? Just spit the pacifier out, idiot! Nurse Giggles reached around with her pink-gloved hand and took out the pacifier from Tom's mouth.

Tom screamed, Let me out of here, this isn't funny! Help. Nurse Giggles just laughed softly and said, This is really funny, Tommy, and soon Dr. Chuckles will be here, and will use his magical devices to make you

silly. I think the magical devices have been used a bit too much on Nurse Giggles already. Really, has Dr. Chuckle gotten actual medical education and all that? Can we see his graduation? I'm going to need to see. No, he's got a PhD in music studies. He's just making that joke because those people are unemployable.

That's all. Giggles then rubbed her pink-gloved hands over Tom's forehead. All of a sudden, Tom felt calm and fell silent. Yeah, that usually happens. Yeah, I mean, you know, it's a reasonable reaction to pink- to Pam's hands.

Tom's part parrot. Then she covered him with a blanket and he thought it was nighttime, so he slept. All of a sudden, two more clowns magically appeared in the room. One was a simple clown with a white face and red makeup wearing a plaid clown suit, yellow tights, yellow gloves with embroidered lines on the back, black clown shoes, orange hair, a hat, and a name tag that read silly on it. That is not very simple. No, that's about it.

You've described every single thing about it. There was a lot of colors involved, and there was accessories. The other clown wore a red, yellow, and blue clown suit with balloons and buttons patterned on various parts of the outfit. His arms were covered in white sleeves with blue rings, and his legs were covered the same way. He had multicolored socks on a big red pair of clown shoes. This is just...

Is he going to describe every... He had oversized cufflinks. Don't stop. Keep going. Keep going. Don't stop. And wing gloves were covering his hands. His face was pinkish.

A gust like... I don't remember how to pronounce that. A gust like... With white paint outlining the mouth and some red paint as well. Jesus, you are such a bad writer! I mean, in addition to everything else. You are a terrible writer. He had a big red rubber clown nose

and white paint near his eyes and black lines that made crosses near each eye. His outfit was topped off with long blue hair and a tiny blue hat. His name tag read Dr. Chuckles. Yay. You don't need to describe every single thing. His left sleeve was blue.

His right sleeve was also blue. He describes the characters from the middle outwards. That's just a fiction. You know, really, I always expect a higher level of discourse in my fetish pornography writing. So I'm glad you guys are trying to review it here. It's got attention to detail, I suppose. Silly move near Tom's right side as Dr. Chuckles moved to the funny control panel near his head. Oh, I like funny things.

Fucking Christ. Tom's penis was throbbing against the... Against the what? Wait, wait, wait. Stop. Take a breath. Tom's penis was throbbing against the diaper he was wearing. I can't.

You can do it. Dr. Chuckles then spoke. Hello, my friend. I am Dr. Chuckles. What is your name, you silly willy? Tom replied, name is Tom

and I am no silly. Whatever, take off that clown makeup, you sicko. I'm sorry. I apologize when I called you a bad writer. I'm sorry. I apologize when I called you a bad writer. I was wrong. This dialogue is so natural.

You have redeemed yourself, sir. Dr. Chuckles replied, you may not be silly now, but soon you will be. Just relax. The fun is about to begin. You can't move, so don't try. Actually, the way the paragraph breaks

it goes name is Tom and I'm no silly whatever so take off the clown makeup and then Dr. Chuckles replied no Mr. Bond I want you to have a boner in your diaper well then what happened? Dr. Chuckles then began to punch the buttons

on the control panel next to the table. As he did, Dr. Chuckles looked up at the other clowns above him in the balcony above the big operating room. Class, here we have what we call a human. Today we'll be using the usual methods to stimulate and modify this being into a silly clown like us.

Oh, shit! to stimulate and modify this being into a silly clown like us. Yeah. Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Okay. Wonderful. I can't believe it. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay, Boots, take it from Nurse Giggle Then Said. Nurse Giggles

Then Said. That is a nice little penis you have, Tom. Dr. Chuckles is tickling your funny bone now. Just relax. Dr. Chuckles began to say, Tickle, tickle, tickle! While moving his white-gloved fingers over Tom's genitals. Tom's penis was throbbing.

The hard tickling was so intense. Suddenly Dr. Chuckles, sorry, suddenly, Der Chuckles stopped and placed a little balloon thing over the tip of Tom's penis. I think the words penis and genitals are really just amping the story up to the proper level.

Please, he's a doctor. You're right, you're right. He's got a certain medical detachment. The rest of the machine continues to tickle Tom. The intense sensations of the tickles because Tom to start peeing...

I want to read that sentence again. Yes? The intense sensations of the tickles because Tom to start peeing into the balloon thing that Dr. Chuckles put over his penis. Perfect. Tom was very embarrassed, but the clowns sure did seem happy to see this happen. Don't they always seem happy?

Isn't that the point? The tickling machine then stopped and went back above the table. Dr. Chuckles took the balloon off his penis and then tied it and handed it to Silly, who placed it inside a box. Dr. Chuckles pressed some more buttons. I have no fucking idea what's going on here. Uh, pee balloon, uh, box. Okay, you're caught up. You're caught up.

Penis, penis. Medical procedure, medical, clown medical school? Yes. I think I've summed it up. Yep. Good job. Well done. Dr. Chuckles pressed some more buttons on the device near him

as Silly began to rub his soft yellow gloves over Tom's helpless body while Nurse Giggles grabbed a pair of soft fabric-tuned gloves from the instrument table and cradled Tom's head with them. Tom felt very relaxed and comfortable. Despite his relaxed state, Tom was still very hard and was becoming very turned on by all this silliness.

Dr. Shuckles then spoke. It's a good thing they captured a clown fetishist and not somebody else. He remained completely soft because he wasn't into this. Now that all the initial testing is complete, we will start with the messy testing

of this being. Okay. All of a sudden, from him, a big clear hose came down from the machine above directly Tom's... What? Above directly over Tom's face, and another hose went over his torso. Where did the's... What? Above directly over Tom's face, and another hose went over his torso. Where did the hose come from? Above.

From above. Okay. You know, up there. Sure. Nurse Giggles took off the big fabric toon hands and put on a pair of pink rubber ladies' gloves. Is that sexy or less sexy? Not gloves for ladies, just ladies' gloves.

I can't really actually visualize any of this. Yeah. Gloves that are rubber ladies. Gloves that are pink rubber ladies. Yeah, well, Jack, just crawl inside of Tex Avery's skull, and then you'll be able to envision everything. They sort of look like dish gloves to Tom. Dr. Chuckles slipped a pair of big, puffy,

vinyl-covered tune hands. Ooh, that's a good sentence. Sorry. Yep. Dr. Chuckles slipped a pair of big, puffy, vinyl-covered tune hands from the instrument table over his gloved hands. Silly put on a pair of yellow rubber gloves. I feel bad for Silly. He just keeps getting the short

end of the stick here. I feel like the gloves are really the focal point of this story. Like, that clearly is what you're jerking off the most to, is the gloves being taken off and put back on. It's tough work for Silly, being a young resident in this... It's fresh out of Clown Medical College I'm no Superman Clowns Hopkins Keep going, why are you stopping?

Dr. Chuckles then pushed some buttons on the panel Beside the table and spoke Now we will use the funny fluids upon this specimen! Yay, funny fluids! Yay! All of a sudden, the nozzle over Tom's face began to squirt red syrup out of it. The nozzle over his torso began to squirt chocolate syrup out all over his body. Shit!

Another hose began to come down from above and over Dr. Chuckles grabbed it over with the oversized hands. What? This hose was very different from the others. It was a clear ribbed hose like the other two. It was different, but it was like

the other two, but this one had a red thing at the end of it. It was sort of wet and silly looking, and the white liquid was oozing out of the tip. So Tom, to Tom it looks sort of like a red rubber penis. Dr. Chuckles positioned it near his buttocks and slipped it in between Tom's buttocks

and into his tush. His tush. Is he getting a cream pie enema? Is that what's happening? Oh, Jesus. The ultimate pie.

Tom could feel the warm fluid filling up his colon slowly. Nurse giggles began to smear the red sweet syrup all over Tom's face with her rubber gloves. Silly began to work his rubber glove fingers over Tom's chest, smearing the chocolate syrup all over his body. And Silly's feet turned into a pie. It's even better than that. Dr. Chuckles then reached below and grabbed a pie from the cabinet. It was just a simple green pie. Oh my god! Don't worry, guys. The pie from the cabinet. It was just a simple green pie. Oh my god! Don't worry, guys. The pie

is sterile. Do you like pies? Dr. Chuckles asked Tom. Yeah, I do. Tom moaned as his face way covered in sticky syrup from one of the doctor's evil contraptions. Yes, I guess.

Moans. He said moans. He said moans. He said moans. He just said it. Doctor Chuckles then splatted the pie directly over Tom's genitals. Tom's penis and balls were now covered in warm whipped cream. Yay! End of chapter.

Yay! They turned him into a pie! I totally did not see that coming. They turned him into a pie and then pied him. Yeah, in the junk. Oh, shit! Wow, okay. Oh, boy.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah? Oh my god. Oh my god. I read down. Yeah? What did you read? It starts with Tom was unable. Well, just read that then. Tom was unable to speak now

and was in sort of a vegetative state, mindless and very horny. Sure. I'm usually horny. Sure. I'm usually horny in my comas. Yeah. We are going to make you a new face, Dr. Chuckles sputtered out in an evil way. He continued to smear the makeup on Tom's face

until a perfect red and white clown face was made. The helmet continued to pump green liquid into Tom's head. Oh, by the way! Dr. Chuckles then reached over the instrument table and pulled out a big clown nose and put it over Tom's nose. Tom felt his penis releasing into the strange contraption as Dr. Chuckles affixed the clown nose to his face.

His human thoughts were gone. His body was tickled and transformed silly. He felt gallons of cum being sucked out of his penis into the machine above. Wow, Tom's got a weird body. Suddenly, the device over his penis came off. Tom's penis was now bright red and rubber-like. The probes came off his nipples and belly button

as well. The helmet began to automatically lift up off his head. Tom's hair was gone now and replaced with bright green clown hair. He was still naked, clad only in a clown face and gloves, plus he had a strange new honker. So if you need to, rather

than dye, you dyed his hair from inside of his skull? Is that? So in the fiction of this guy's mind, clowns have rubber dicks. Sure. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.

There's a reason they wear baggy pants. That doesn't even make sense. What's the connection? I don't understand. Nurse Giggles ran her fingers through this new clown's green hair as Dr. Chuckles took out a big sock filled with powder and began to powder Tom's face and genitals. Once the doctor was finishing powdering the former human,

he pulled out a fresh diaper and placed it on the specimen. Right. Why does baby fetish have to enter into this? I was totally into this until the baby fetish. Jeez. I need to make sure I got a little something for everybody. I don't recall that they ever took the diaper off, actually, now that I think about it.

You know, there was plenty of act breaks here. There's all sorts of... There are literally thousands of words that I think about it. You know, there was plenty of act breaks here. There's all sorts of... There are literally thousands of words that we've skipped over. And that's just in a segment of a segment of this full story. Oh, okay. Dr. Chuckles then said,

This operation was a success! Further tests await this specimen! From behind the table the three minds that brought the specimen into the room were ready to take the specimen to his holding cage they floated the new clown onto the stretcher

and whisked him away to be continued sure good I'll be looking forward to part 19 entitled chapter 19 clowns clowns clowns diaper diaper penis rubber oh shit okay hey uh boots what is it that you like the most about clowns is it the fact that they're mysterious or are you just really turned on by the red rubber nose um let's say i think a frowny face makes me happy

uh i feel like i gave you two options oh the nose for sure then all right uh will you tell me about the red rubber nose? The nose, so often overlooked. You have such pretty eyes. You have such pretty lips. You so seldom hear, you have such a pretty nose. For some reason, that's true. Yep.

The clown's face, even if it's not going for classically beautiful, does try to call attention to all of its features. The eyes, the mouth, and yes, even the nose. Classically beautiful? Look, I know I don't have a classic beauty. I have a, you know, John Wayne Gacy kind of music. Sometimes it's just a dot of color on the end, traditionally red. Sometimes it's more face paint than just a dot.

But more often than not, instead of simple makeup, it's something else altogether. The classic clown nose, Round, red, rubber. Jesus, you lunatic. Soft rubber, hard rubber, foam rubber, sometimes even plastic. We're all clown fetishists. Do you really need to go into this? Or made from a tiny crafter's pom-pom. It can attach to the face via spirit gum or by an elastic band around the head or simply hold onto the nose under its own powder

either due to how it was built or by little clips Hard red rubber ball on a band around the head I wonder if I'm the only one that's ever contemplated creating a dual-purpose clown nose ball gag for some piece of clowns Sorry, that was on the side there Unfortunately you're not I don't see the clown nose as being sexy in and of itself egg for some bliss of clowns. Sorry, that was an aside there. Unfortunately or not.

I don't see the clown nose as being sexy in and of itself. It's sexy because, to me, clowns are sexy, and it's part of the package. But, if you need me to hand you some kind of justification, well, it's round.

Round like breasts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you've got breasts that look like clown noses, that lady is busted up. So I said breasts because they're sexy, but do you need an example of something else that's also unequivocally sexy?

Yep. Good. Round like little bear toes. Not the toes of bears, but like naked toes. Round is curved, and curves are sexy. Plus it's red, the color of lipstick and nail polish,

the traditional color of lust and passion, the color of blood, the color of life. Oh dear. Oh god. And hey, some of them honk when you squeak them. God damn it.

What I like about clowns is that clowns are mysterious. There is a mystery to clowns. There are actually a plethora of mysteries to clowns, but I'm going to single out and discuss two of them here,

both dealing with their appearance. Clown white, face paint, wig, rubber nose, costume. The first mystery is who is she? Because really, she could be anybody under all that. Who could she possibly be? A stranger?

A co-worker? A friend? A clown? An enemy? A relative? A pre-op transsexual, virgin, virgin, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, slut, jailbait. Good, good, good. Seven years married and getting itchy. Sex with a clown could be... Independently of the seven years married just getting itchy sex with a clown could be anonymous sex

it could also be one way anonymous sex you don't know her but she knows you oh isn't that hot unless they're both clowns it's two way anonymous sex they know each other but they don't know that the other one knows them. Delightful.

You don't even know who she is, but does she know you? It's one of the dramatis personae of your life. It's a mystery. Why did I use Latin there? Also a mystery. No, no, no. It's because that's always used at the beginning of really terrible fantasy novels. And regular plays.

But it's the other mystery where I focus a lot of my clown fetish energy. It's the form of cheese balls. The mystery of... I think you mean cheese balls. That too. The mystery of what does a clown look like naked? I haven't really talked about the costume in this post, mainly because I'm trying to keep it short.

Am I doing a good job of that, by the way? Good job. Am I really just condensing my... This is the same post as the one I started. Yep. Yep, okay. Good, yeah. And it's a segment of the same post that you started.

Clownfuckers are wordy. Oh, shit. You could learn a thing or two from mimes. Hold on. I just need to get a word count uh 2090 words good anyway

I'm trying to keep it short 2090 words but the traditional choices include the full pattern bodysuit or the crazy outfits with pants and long legs, and the shirts got long sleeves. More often than not, clowns are found wearing gloves. So a lot of the time, the painted up face is the only exposed part you see.

This makes my imagination spiral out of control. I usually have pretty good control over my sign, clearly. Yes, it's possible that if I were to strip a sexy clown woman naked, I'd find the same thing that I'd find if I stripped a sexy non-clown woman naked. What, jail time?

Yep. A sexy clown woman. Yeah. A sexy clown woman. Yeah. A sexy clown woman. It's all context, women. I don't see what the problem is here. It's all context. But there are other possibilities, and that's what I tend to focus on.

If all I can see of her unclothed body is her face, it makes me wonder if everything else follows the same pattern. White face, white body? Is it just her facial skin that's white? Or is she that same hue from head to toe? Fuck. Oh no, it gets much worse.

Okay, here we go. Yeah. Just imagine a sexy lady clown putting on your makeup. You know what? I might get lucky tonight. And it just starts just... Just the point of the creeps paint all the way down.

No. Women take so long to get ready, am I right? Jesus Christ. Anyway, you're distracting me from reading the next part, and you definitely want to hear it, so here we go. Mouth ringed with bright red. Is that every major orifice? What? What?

Does she have a vertical clown smile centered over her vulva? What? Does she? Are her inner labia, quote, pussy lips pink? Or, quote, fire truck red? No. No. Are her

pussy lips the color of pussy lips? Or are they the color of a completely different thing? Well, yeah. Traditional pussy lips. I'm hoping for the latter. And Well, yeah, traditional pussy lips. And if she's got another red stripe covering her anus... Like the beer? No, do not slow me down. Okay. If she's got another red stripe covering her anus,

is it a separate stripe from the vaginal one? Or do the two red lines converge over the perineum, becoming one? Oh, Jesus Christ, what? God, it's hard work being a sexy lady clown. These are things you gotta think about if you want to be a real good clown. These are the things you gotta think about if you want to be a real good clown. Essentially, this is just very similar to the teachings of Aristotle, when you really

get down to it. The red rubber nose perched upon the face's protrusion, but the body has other protrusions. And aren't bare breasts just crying out for red rubber clown nipples? No.

No, they're not. No, I confirm no. Hmm. Two against one. You lose. Then, as concerns the rainbow wig, comes the old cliche, do the curtains match the drapes? Does she, in fact fact have rainbow pubes? Does she in fact have rainbow pubes?

Yeah, yes. Of course. Okay, good. Here's an aside. Here's an aside. Here's before I'd ever heard the word merkin, or discovered the notion outside of discovered the notion of a pubic wig outside of the bounds of my own imagination, I thought I had invented slash created the concept of a pubic wig outside of the bounds of my own imagination, I thought I had invented

slash created the concept of a pubic hairpiece during my musings about clown nudity. Shave her natural pubes off and apply her little rainbow brush with spirit gum. I was a genius, I was. So I invented the merkin, even though I didn't.

As a young man, I had many musings about cloud nudity. As a young man, I thought that you should have a machine that could calculate. Then I found out that was invented many years before I was born. The few

touches of a face paint above would... What? Something... Oh my god, did something happen to Lemon? Oh god, they got him. Somebody call the police. I just pictured it!

Dr. King has got him. I pictured the merkin, and then the drawn-on face. And then the pussy mouth. So presumably you've got a red clown known, like, on your lower pubis. Hopefully with googly eyes. That would be extremely silly. Oh, it would be hot. You're right. You said hot, right?

Oh, shit. Okay. Back with us here. Of course, it could also be that a clown's naked body is as different from her head as her head is from a non-clown human's head. What? Yeah.

In which case, I can't even begin to speculate what I might find beneath the plant's building. But man, oh man, would I love to find out. I don't know if you figured this out from my post so far, but I really want to fuck a clown. But that's not all. It's all H.R. Geiger down there.

Every time she comes, I can hear Emerson, Lake, and Palmer. But that's not all. The hair, the makeup, the nose, the costume, that certainly isn't everything. That's by no means all there is to clowns, nor is there any... nor is there all that is to the sexual, kinky, and or fetishistic appeal of clowns. But as I said earlier, I'm not covering everything in this post. I've only got 2,100 words after all.

I'll come back at a later point and talk more about clown fetishes. Yay! Talking about clowns as agents of chaos. About the religious significance. About BDSM use of cordial philia as fear play.

Corliphobia. Yeah, you're absolutely right. Yeah, corneal phobia is what all these people have. Oh god. And more subtopics than you can shake a rubber chicken at. Who knows?

I might even talk about the rubber chicken. So stay tuned, all my Twitter fans. Fantastic. He wrote this entire thing as a series of tweets. Okay. Would you... Okay.

So, Frank West, we have to close out. And I'm going to give you the option of what to close out with. And I will say, both of these pieces are totally fucking great. So, would you like to read the inventory of clown fetish themed sex toys? Or would you prefer to

read a story about a mime who has sex with a clown and realizes that she's not a mime, she actually is a clown? Is the porn store the porn toy store called Wicked Wonka? Is that the one we're talking about? Is it called Wicked Wonka? Wicked Wonka?

Yes. It's a hard choice. I'm going to go with Wicked Wonka, personally. Wicked Wonka, all right. So, boy, they should get sued because that's the Willy Wonka font they're using there. Yeah, you should get the shit sued out of you people for this. Okay.

Let's go to Frank West. If you go to the toy section and run through all of the fun things that we can buy here. WickedWonka.com, by the way, their slogan, Impure Imagination. Oh, God. This is the clown fetish toys. First on the bat, there's the Giggle Clown Paddle. It's very lightweight. You won't get any arm fatigue.

I always get tired, personally. Virtually unbreakable composite material. It's smooth on one side, slightly textured on the other for different sensations, and flexes slightly on impact for efficient wraparound contact. Oh, and it has a hanging and wrist strap-all,

so you can easily carry it around, you know, in public. How much does it cost for a Giga Flaming Paddle? It's $20. $20 for a paddle to hit people with. It's got polka dots on it. That's fun. What else is there? There's the

Rubber Chicken Paddle, the classic comedy prop. Jesus Christ. Holocast Latex. Awesome. I can't stress this enough. Awesome for impact play. Hold by the feet for thuddy. Swing it into the neck for stingy. A twofer.

By the way, it's not even a paddle. It's just a rubber chicken. That was on you only ten bucks. A regular rubber chicken. But give me the word paddle, just to give you a clear indication of how you must use this.

I mean, if you want to use it for just ordinary rubber chicken activities, you're going to need another rubber chicken. Skip to the pig. The rubber piggy. Need a little piggy for your little piggy? Soft hollow latex, nothing but piggy? Soft hollow latex, nothing but thun. Soft hollow latex, 17 inches

long, nothing but thun. $13. What's the... Oh, I'm sorry. How much is... How much is the next... What's the next piece? The next piece is chattering teeth. Someone into... Someone into biting automate the process with these wind- is chattering teeth someone into someone into biting automate the process with

these wind of chattering teeth you know I'm I'm really into biting people during sex but there's just gotta be a better way just wind them up and let them I really would watch the shit out of bizarre

fetish infomercials. I'm getting like there's just this clown biting this other clown and he's like, I'm fucking tired. And he looks at the camera and then the whole screen goes colored and he gets these things and he sets it to biting while he goes and makes a sandwich in the other room.

Hey, Frank West. Yes? I'm really into looking at things, but sometimes I'm tired of doing it with my face. How could I look at something with, say, my hand or my butt? Boy, do we have the product for you. It's called Peepers, and it turns your hand or a similar appendage into an instant puppet

the color may vary so they sell branded googly eyes for your dick or butt or both get them coming and going you know I'm kind of Or both. Get them coming and going.

You know, I'm kind of into play violence. I like to threaten my women. Do you have a good product for that? We do. The Bang Flag Gun. Is someone threatening to invade your play space? Pull this on them.

Pull the trigger and show them you mean business. Comes in small and large. That's one of the guns that says bang! It's just a... Some of these... Are they just buying these from

ordinary clown shops? Yes! Are any of these for sex? You know, I'm really... Frank West, I'm actually really into sort of a sub-format, right? I'm really into clowns, but also I'm really into masonry.

Do you have anything that would be able to help me out with that? Boy, do I. We've got a rubber brick. You can beat people with it it's foam it looks very real only seven bucks

for literally just a brick of foam we fucking cut it out of our mattress I understand that I can use I can use a comb as a sex toy I don't understand how or why that is would you please explain to me how this works no

no I cannot if sensation plays your thing you're gonna love this No. No, I cannot. If the sensation plays your thing, you're going to love this. Kind of 15 inch... It's kind of a 15 inch long, scratchy, tingly, weird kind of thing. And it's fun. That is fun. $2.50 for a large comb. $2.50? That's boring. I want scissors instead.

Hey. Sell me giant scissors. No, fuck that. Fuck that. I have a problem. I have a serious problem. Sometimes when I'm getting down and dirty with some serious just like clown fucking. And clown fucking and

you know, I use the chattery teeth and I use my own teeth. But for some reason, after a while, some kind of, like, waxy residue will build up on my teeth. And I try to brush it off. My toothbrush is just too small. And it's a real problem. Do you have the solution for me? Boy, do we.

Sensation and impact play and cleaning your teeth all in one. 15-inch toothbrush. You said it. It was real. My teeth. Rockin' old pumpkins. Oh, God. Rockin' old pumpkins.

Rockin' old pumpkins. Rockin' old pumpkins. Rockin' old pumpkins. Rockin' the pumpkins Rockin' the pumpkins Rockin' the pumpkins Rockin' the pumpkins Rockin' the pumpkins Rockin' the pumpkins

There we go. Around about an hour of there's only two types of people in the world. Ones that fuck clowns and ones that don't. Hey, Boots, what did you learn this week? It's a very lopsided Venn diagram. This week I learned that I'm never going to stop wondering what a clown looks like underneath its clothes. Is that just something that's just going to haunt you now?

Like, I mean, how often do you see clowns in your day-to-day life? Like, if you had times per month, what would you say? I work at a university, so probably about ten. Sure. Okay. Okay. What are they typically doing, like, when you see clowns in the wild? Horrifying people, usually.

Yeah? Just being a frightening and intimidating presence in what should be a safe place. Yeah, sure. what should be a safe place yeah sure i i it's they're such a weird it's such like the concept of a clown is is so strange to me because like you know the the idea of being terrified by clowns or being creeped out by clowns and and sort of subverting that like doesn't even i mean that's the cliche now like like the idea of clowns actually being wholesome, I mean, that's the weird thing. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. It's such a strange thing that

this one very specific form of entertainment has held onto this tradition and this sort of classic aesthetic that is just goddamn gaudy. Yeah, because at no point maybe at some point before entertainment

was created, people went, oh hey, you all have a red nose. That's terrific. But that time is clearly over. And the aesthetic that they put forth is horrifying. Like, it's terrible on every level. And it's not sexy.

I'm sorry. It's not sexy. Whoever says that is wrong. I'm going to have to agree with you, but if you do disagree, let us know. Come to our website. Yeah, come to our website, which is thefpl.us, or you can go to our forum, that's ballp.it, that's the ball pit, and tell us the last time that you went to a Green Jell-O concert.

dot it, that's the ball pit, and tell us the last time that you went to a Green Jell-O concert. They lasted from 1981 to 1995, but then 2008 to present. So if you are in the Los Angeles area and you're looking for an experience that will make you go,

Green Jell-O! Actually, based on the Wikipedia page for Green Jell-O, if you're in the Los Angeles area, you're probably in Green Jell-O. Alright, goodnight. Goodnight. With me, Chase Bader. With me, Chase Bader.

With me, Chase Bader. With me, Chase Bader. Let me be your immortal slave. And with me, Teenage Baby Oh yeah Over the next few weeks I masturbated Fervorously to the thought of Ken Violating and besmirching my innocent Virginal mimey-ness

In my fantasies he tried everything He could to break my eternal silence Sometimes he'd use torture which for clowns is Tickling pies in the face. Incessant honking horns. Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. Sometimes he'd use colorful toys and expert tricks

until I shrieked with intense pleasure. I fantasized that he was trying to fuck the mime right out of me. It was hot. Really hot. So super hot. A few months later, we threw an all-clown sexy dungeon party. We locked people up in cages with balloons and tickled them,

ate cotton candy, had dirty contests and relay races, ate birthday cake off another naked clown, made subs worship our giant clown shoes, and tied people up with balloon bondage. I had never had that much fun in the dungeon. My cheeks hurt the next day from all the smiling and laughing.

We also love balloon animal dildos. There's nothing like being fucked by an inflatable giraffe with googly eyes. I suppose there really isn't anything else like that. No, no, compare it to another experience.