The F Plus - 116: Does An Ellipsis Count As Three Words?

Episode Date: November 25, 2013

Every year when November rolls around, conversation frequently drifts into one of two subjects: The moustache I totally would be growing if circumstances were different, and the novel I totally would be writing if circumstances were different. In this episode, we're concerned with the latter: Persons participating in National Novel Writing Month (or NaNoWriMo), mainly by hanging out on a forum and spitballing crappy ideas around. This week, The F Plus buys a hundred head of Satan's cattle.

Okay, so somebody started a post in the National Novel Writing Month forums entitled, So I Just Like Start Writing? I was funny, yeah, was funny, yeah, right. Hey there, this is the F Plus Podcast, Terrible Things, Red Enthusiasm. My name's Lemon. And I'm Isfahan. Isfahan, how are you doing this week? I'm doing great. It is, as you know, the month of November. Oh, are you growing a stupid mustache?

Yes, but it's also National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo, as it's known among the kids these days. Yeah, sure. Yeah, and I am participating, I'll have you know. Oh, you're writing a novel, are you? Yes, and since you asked, I'm going to tell you about it. Oh, I don't remember doing that! Yeah, well, this novel is a steampunk novel, you know, steampunk like that. I don't think there's too many genre fiction entries in NaNoWriMo, so...

Steampunk with dragons, they're little dragons, they sit on your shoulder. It's about the story of an orphan named Bliss Fahan. He's taken to study martial arts at a jujitsu dojo where he learns the ancient art of the katana, and he gets superpowers, and he is the chosen one, and there's a girl with big tits who falls in love with him. How many words are you, how many words do you have? Well, the goal is 50,000 words in the month of November. It is currently November 24th, and I have about 4,000 words.

So it's a good pace, good pace. I've got to pick it up a little bit, but I'm feeling good. Yeah, I think you need to pick it up a lot. During your NaNoWriMo experience, have you felt like you just kind of are adrift, kind of unmoored, you know, like you need to talk to other hopeful writers? Yeah, you know, it's always good to

do some workshopping, some brainstorming, bounce some ideas off of people. There's a site where you can do that. NaNoWriMo got its start on the internet, I'm pretty sure. And so, yeah. There's a whole bunch of people out there willing to tell you about their

genre fiction novels. Oh! So it's like a conversation where people tell you about their novel, except everyone does it all the time. Yeah, and nobody ever responds, or they respond poorly and with empty opinions.

Well, that sounds like my kind of thing. Readers assemble! In the room tonight we have Isfahan. Hey guys, so I'm writing a story that's about a girl who works for and is raised by the SWAT team, I know, right? Bunny bread! This tale follows a brother-sister duo as they struggle through adolescence and life with the help of Melvin, a magical pegadonkey with his own issues, including gas.

It's your aquato! A cough from the direction of the children pulled us reluctantly apart. Boots ring here! All right, get this, guys. A song lyric is the answer to the mystery. And Lemon. I have some other ideas, including falcon tick, sparrow, tarantula, turtle ant, rhino beetle, scorpion lizard, and cricket.

Hey, F+. Hey, Lemon. Hey. Hey, Lemon. Hey, what's something that you guys haven't really gotten around to? Like, something that you've kind of been putting off, and that you know would be good for you, but you just say it happened at the time. Oh, quitting the podcast. The language of glorious Nippon.

Reproduction? 10,000 push-ups. Oh, 10,000 push-ups. Sorry, that glorious Nippon. Reproduction? Uh, 10,000 push-ups. Oh, 10,000 push-ups. Sorry, that was mine too. Reproduction! You just haven't gotten around to it. My biological imperative. One of these days, I'll fuck. I don't know.

I'll get around to it. Anyway, as you know, November is National Novel Writing Month. It is indeed. And I know that you guys have been looking to write your own novels, been really wanting to do that, but you've been, like, you need advice. You need help. Yeah, that's true.

Getting that novel off the ground. Sparky the Axolotl Wizard isn't going to write itself. Well, as it happens, the nanowrimo.org site has forums, and this really is, and you can go on the forums and get feedback and advice and

encouragement. We're going to read some of that now. Boots. Boots, what is Ghost Rider? What is a Ghost Rider? I want to write a story about a cowboy haunted by ghost writers sure however what's that

another novel oh I thought that was ghost writers no yeah like not the PBS show that changes shit up considerably I thought like you could get somebody to write your NaNoWriMo novel for you he's haunted by it he can't get any writing done because people keep writing

his books for him Come on! Oh, no! This word document, too! However, there's not any real mythology On Ghost Riders Other than the song Clearly not talking about Marvel characters

Clearly Actually, given what I know about NaNoWriMo writers, you do have to specify that you're not talking about a Marvel character. These creatures are extremely important to the story, so I need to decide what they are. Sure.

Good to establish characters before you write them down. You don't know what they are, but you know they're important. They're ghosts and they ride. How can this be complicated? Is Harry Potter a boy or an axolotl? I don't know. The ghost riders are not the only fantasy element in the story.

There will be genius, lucky, bottle cities, gargoyles. Capitalized nouns. One. The ghost of a natural disaster, like the Dust Bowl or the Galveston Hurricane 1900, etc. Two, ghosts that can't be defeated, trapped forever in the sky.

Three, wizards who are ripped apart by magic. Four, sponge for negative energy. Evil ghosts are used as a tool to absorb evil energy, then safely swept away into the sky. Do any of these sound good enough? No. Nope. Which do you like the best?

The Marvel character. I like that one the best. The cage! I want to mix them up so they're wizards who are also sponges. You gotta think outside the box here. If you have your own idea, feel free to share.

Go fuck yourself. And I'll take it. Alright, so tell me a little bit more about Ghost Riders, will you please? Yeah, the Ghost Riders in the sky has two elements. I'm gonna guess sky is one of them. So two elements, okay. Yeah, two of the most common natural elements, which are cowboy ghosts and cattle owned by Satan.

I think that album drops next week. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Cattle owned by Satan? Yeah. That's what it says. Yeah, it was done by RZA. Cattle owned by Satan, huh? From the song. Oh! Told says. Yeah, it was done by Rizzo. You remember. Cattle owned by Satan, huh? From the song.

Oh! Told you. Okay, yeah. Yippee-i-oh. Yippee-i-ay. Cattle owned by Satan. I like the idea of the event ghost. They are formed by the reaction to an event from the victims, the witnesses, and survivors.

All of the grief, horror, regret, and misery of an event bottled into one mega-ghost. That's a million ghosts. I don't know how you would even write a plot without a ghost in there. Shakespeare knew it. Oh, this Hamlet script's just flailing. It needs something to pick it up a little bit. I think I will cast the event ghost

as the cowboy-shaped spirits. These event ghosts are dangerous and too powerful to confront directly, so a clever plan is devised to trap them. They are tricked into tormenting red-eyed cows instead of people. The event ghost can't harm regular people until they capture these cows. In this way, the mega-powerful ghosts are defeated and harmless. It's never a good sign when the

more you explain, the less sense you make. Oh, here, here. How hard is it to capture a cow? They just basically sit there, and sometimes they go moo. No, you're not understanding this. The cattle are people from Texas. Am I right, folks? I refer to them as sheeple, but alright. Yeah. Oh, so we've suddenly gotten political, have we?

Yeah. When the MC... Okay. When the MC is struck with a branding iron, he is given access to powerful magic. Damn, dog! That's not how I wanted my tattoo! We haven't introduced the hype man yet.

And coming up to the stage is... The price that is using the magic might turn him into a cow forever. Even if he doesn't use the magic, carrying that brand for too long will turn him into a cow. I think this is good. I'm sure you do.

The MC has a motivation not to want the power, that is, the power to not be a cow. The power to not be a cow. I already have that power. A motivation to complete his quest, to save his estate, and a long-term

goal after completing his quest. His quest state at a long-term goal after completing his quest is he's playing an emulator, removing the brand, forsaking his powers. MC is haunted because the spirit of Texas genius, Loki. Yep. Texas and genius.

There's a reason why you always see those two words together in a sentence can only give his power to someone who really loved Texas. Someone who represents what Texas is all about. He is a freaking cowboy. Big trucks. Where do you think this guy's from originally? I don't know. I think he's Alaska.

Yeah, probably. It's Peter Bogdanovich. So, Isfahan, I know that you're feeling a little bit sort of self-conscious and unsure of yourself. Yeah, I haven't wanted to admit it, but yeah, you've got me pegged. Yeah, so do you want to just talk a little bit about your novel or your novel-to-be? I would love it. You know, I just wish more people a little bit about your novel or your novel to be? I would love it. You know, I just wish more people would ask me about my novel. I have a story I am itching to write, but I want to know if others would read it before I dive in.

Sure. Yeah, yeah. So that's the... Before I bother writing the story, I want to know if you want to read it before I dive in. Sure. Yeah, yeah. So that's the... Before I bother writing the story, I want to know if you want to read it. Yeah, the Bantam Books approach to publishing, which is before I assign you, I need to know that I can sell a million copies.

Alright. The story revolves around four young students who meet during high school and have adventures that involve zombies, aliens, river serpents, evil organizations, superpowers, and a few seriously

skewed villains. Oh, you had me until you left out bacon. Yeah, oh, and... What? What? Oh, and the four students happen to have their own quirks as well. Dustin is a zombie. What?

Annie is an alien. Marcus is a vampire. And Isla is a shapeshifter. Wow, what a twist. The words that you just wrote, again, in the sentence after. They're all ninjas. One of them's a transformer? They morph into animals. I'm thinking of calling them animal orphers. Anyway, as the story progresses, the plot becomes more and more complicated.

They realize they are reliving memories inside a telepathic field-slash-machine while in a comatose state, being held hostage by the evil organization mentioned earlier. Which I didn't name. No, it's called mentioned earlier. Yes. If it was that other guy writing it,

it would be capitalized. They escape with the help of some hackers and other friends. Hackers don't have to hack anything, they just help them escape. Yeah. And realize the reason they were being held hostage was to have parts of their memories rewritten. Specifically

to erase their friend Quentin Rose from their memories. Quentin was a close friend of theirs who had a very powerful and potentially dangerous ability. The group sets out to find Quentin, who has had his memories rewritten and has been stripped of his

powers. The Capitalist Society has extracted his powers and reproduced them in a mass through vials of what they call the Rose Serum. Armed with this capitalist serum, the society wages war on the world. Oh, God.

So this is just maximum flight, really. Maybe. Isla and her group of friends must stop them, but they don't even realize who the true enemy is. The true enemy is the internet. Oh, it's an allegory for the war on terror. Okay. Oh, got it. Okay.

I left out a lot of details. No shit. But I would really appreciate some feedback on this story idea. Is it too cliche? Does it sound intriguing? Would it be something you would read? If I were to distribute this somehow, it would probably

be serialized and illustrated. Right, exactly. Just one wouldn't be enough. Plus, I'm looking for someone who can serialize and illustrate. So, imagine it less as a novel and more of a weekly story posted on a website.

You really want to make a webcomic, but you can't draw. Yeah. Plus, you've played a lot of role-playing games and named every one of your characters Quentin Rose. Is that correct? No, I am Quentin Rose. Okay, thank you. We're done here. Oh, I wanted to answer your question.

In answer to the question, no. Nope. No, I wouldn't. Well, I'm going to wait for more people to respond to the thread. I'm also going to chime in with no. Okay, well. I'm going to say, why don't you actually write it?

But I want to know if people would read it first. That's kind of positive feedback. I don't really want to encourage this. Well, I read this, so what's stopping me from reading the book? Hey, Bunny Bread! Yeah! So you have some sort of fantasy novel, right? Do I ever.

But you're having problems with the ending. You're just not sure. I know that the ending can be the most difficult part sometimes in a novel. Aside from the beginning and the middle. Sure, those are complicated too, but I feel like if you just write the ending and then stop, everyone's happier. Or just skip that part, maybe go to the end and then stop, everyone's happier. Or just skip that part, maybe go to the end and stop. So, anyway,

you need some help? What can I help you with? Yeah, I need to know, well, you just help me make a decision, because I've been flipping this coin for a while and it's been landing on its side. Sure, well, that wouldn't give us the deep story that we're looking for. So, what's the question? Can you help me to decide

whether I should save my elf jerk of a father? Don't act like this is the first time I've ever asked this. I don't know. I don't know the answer to that. You dropped the letter and it meant self-jerk. Can you tell me more about your elf jerk of a father? I guess. God, I hate talking about

myself and my elves. But okay. The world is actually coming from a college assignment. My class is creating stories within a world we built together. And some background. In this world, we have, amongst other things, the usual humans

and elves. You know, the usual elves. We also have the dark elves. Normal elves who don't like the equality with the rest of the world practices and moved off to live in the mountains and practice their jerky misogynist ways and pee. E-face. When a

human and an elf have a child, the result is called a diminium. And they are some of the only beings in the world with control over magic. Bet you didn't know that, did you? Good thing I'm here. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking, is that it's a good thing that you're here.

Yes. My Master of Calamonies is a Dimitium who results... Oh, I think that's the main character. Doesn't matter. My Master of Calamonies is a Dimitium who resulted from a dark elf and a human woman. El and she... Right. Upon discovering that the child, Bala, was sickly and not likely to survive,

El went back to his home in the mountains. Fifteen to sixteen years later, Bala and his mother are living in a hovel. Mom is drinking herself to death to forget El. She lets slip El's name. Oh, Jesus. Such a hovel. Mom is drinking herself to death to forget L. She lets slip L's name. Oh, Jesus. Such a complicated name. How did she ever let that slip? L. And Bala runs off

to find him, hoping that he can bring him back and improve their situation somehow. Skips some time. I didn't really say L's name. They were just playing Battleship. Yeah. Someone yelled out bingo after a while. Skip some time. Bala finds him.

Turns out he's a jerk. Sort of. He has views that contrast sharply with Bala's, but Bala knows his mother really loved L. Jesus Christ. And still has the faith that he can help her out somehow. Wait for it. Wait for it, twist. He's sort of a prince or something.

Then he was turned into a vampire with some kind of vampire spell. Then El gets sick. Bad sick. He's learning magic while he stays with the dark elves. And he thinks there's a way he can save his father if he works hard enough at it. But their relationship is very strained. And I can't see Bala, who is a walking entity of Sass,

saving his... What element are you made of? Sass. Sass elemental of I'm fast just imagine like a humanoid embodiment of TMZ TMZ damn it

TMZ I think you mean yeah Perez Hilton I was actually thinking like an energy of pure men on film sketches yeah I was just envisioning Monique but you know small like an energy of pure men on films sketches. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was just envisioning Monique, but, you know, small. She knows she'd look good.

And anyways, we can't see Bala saving his father out of the goodness of his heart due to every horrible thing El has done to them. I thought he might make a deal with El. He'll do his best to cure the elf's illness if he promises to go home and save his mother. Every horrible thing up to and including telling us the plot of a fucking novel that doesn't make any sense? Yep.

That's unforgivable. This is where I hit the wall. Oh, no! Oh! Oh, no! I'm so sorry! This is where it seems implausible. So, anyway... Weird, you were just digging the bullshit sideways. Sorry! This is where it seems implausible. So anyway,

it's weird. You were just digging the bullshit sideways. Does El keep his word and does Balak keep his? Should I bring in something completely different to complicate things? Just need more complications. God knows. I.e. an invasion of some sort?

Trying to destroy the Dark Elves? Should El even accept this offer? Any and all suggestions or thought provokers are hugely appreciated. Citizens banned. Breaker, breaker, one, two, one, two, it needs some help with this novel over.

I ain't ever been reading. I got a shitty, shitty novel on the way there. Come back. I've created a percentile. This is just like if Lord of the Rings was a lifetime. I've created a percentile dice roll table just for this particular circumstance. Shut up, nerd. Okay, so, Acier, you seem to know non-English languages. A little bit.

You seem to know non-English languages. A little bit. What the hell? How in the hell do you pronounce a Z that has a tail on it? I have no fucking clue. Oh, no, you can do better than that. I think it's going to be glottal stops. It's going to be glottal stops.

What about a D that has a tail on it? Another glottal stop. You know how you pronounce that? Please kick my ass. But if the D is at the end of the word, I don't know how you have a glottal stop at the end of you pronounce that? Please kick my ass. But if the D's at the end of the word, I don't know how you have glottal stop at the end of the word. Do it, Acer. Zod. Okay, so tell me about your story containing...

Oh, don't do that, actually, because Zod shows up way too often. You're going to have to punch yourself in the throat a lot. Anyway, tell me your story about Zod. It's pronounced frog. I think it's going to be wiener. Alright. Frog.

No, it's a shoday. Shoday. Oh, shit. I wrote this awesome thing and I'm going to share my fav lines. Great, I love awesome things. It's the awesomest. For some reason, I doubt that your thing is awesome, but okay.

Oh, come on. I'm going to read it to you, and you're going to be blown away by how awesome this is. It's even in quotes. It's attributed to something. Now, this story, the story that this comes from is almost complete as we speak. And the plot is relatively simple. Just like me. Yeah, let's say only that Cabal and Sade are enemies.

And that a moment before this scene, Sade was climbing in the hills. Good, all right, good, yep, scene. We are set. Terrific. I'll get Ron Howard in here, and he'll make it about as good

as The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. All better than that. We could do better than that. Better, better, better. What sort of hills are we speaking of? Hilly hills. Mountains. I love hilly hills. Drummonds. The hillier the better. This is what they say to each other.

This is the important part. This is what they say to each other. This is the important part. This is what they say to each other. And then there came a volley of arrows. Did they say that as the arrows were coming? Yes, they say that. So they're narrating their own story? No, that was the cue to the enemy so that they would notice.

And then there came a volley of arrows, guys! Come on, guys! What is this? This roared a shoddy. He turned and looked down the end. Another game of volley of arrows, guys! Come on, guys! What is this? roared Shade. He turned and looked down the hill. And there was Cabal, his enemy. Cabal was coming at him again. Cabal had been blackened and burned in his own fire, but Cabal was still coming.

So Cabal was running towards the volley of arrows. Okay. Yeah. Also, he was setting a fire as he did so. How could you still be alive? demanded Sade. Did not give me cookie. I was about to ask you that

very question, shouted Cabal. He raised a spear, the head made from a golden brown metal. So, bronze. Yeah. And launched the weapon with all his might. Yet metal! So, bronze. Yeah. And launched the weapon with all his might. Yet a wind

was gusting around the hills, said McCullen, and that wind caught the spear, carried it wide. The spear struck in the hills, launched itself in the rocky ground. I don't know. Bronze is really heavy. I don't understand how it would get caught, like, kited around in the air.

Aerodynamics. Okay. Sade hauled the spear out. Come to me, Cabal, said Sade. He knew that this time he had the advantage. His enemy no longer held fire, which meant his enemy had lost an advantage. And Cabal was weak.

Sade held the spear comfortably, mimicking Cabal's own movements. You come here, said Cabal, and I shall impale you intestinally on that spear which you stole. These are really good characters. Oh, P.U. Weird. I wouldn't have expected these characters to sound like nerds. This is just a LARP transcript.

You come here and do that. Said Sade. If you can. Your mother was a rat. Shouted Kebel. Your mother was a scorpion. Oh, fuck you. That's a comeback day.

I do not. And just then he dropped the bronze mic. I do not like these Monkey Island sequels at all. Did Robert E. Howard write this? This is like riveting. I will kill you. You will die. On attributed text. Yes.

And later Sade threw that same spear at Witch Miss and killed instead Cabal's companions. Okay. You have a diminutive penis! Shouted Shade. Did you not promise me a bundle of arrows? Where are your arrows now?

Oh, Cabal. Shoot me now if you can. Oh, Cabal. Will you finally kill me today? Is this the writer asking? Because I hope so. God, that was... Well, guys, I hope you liked those. That dialogue surprised me as I wrote it.

I didn't think it could be this shitty. Wow. Wasn't that awesome? That was fucking terrible. And then they did it. It wasn't awesome at all? Oh. Do you think it's possible to find love on the battlefield?

Wow. So this is the kind of website, the NaNoWriMo forum. God, that's just fucking... At no point did anyone say... Yeah, it's perfect. I love it. Did no one just ever say that out loud? All right, anyway. The NaNoWriMo forums.

It was definitely thought up by somebody who communicates mostly through writing. Forum posts. Or typing. Typing all those extra letters is hard. Anyway. Typing, yes. Anyway, so this is the NaNoWriMo forums, and that's the kind of place where we can get feedback and critiques on our writing, which is terrific, because I have 200

words I'm going to give you, and then you're just going to give me some critique on my 200 words. Okay? Good? Simple as that? That sounds wonderful. Get out, you bum! And stay out! The professor don't want your kind

upsetting his customers. I think that's going to be enough. We'll give you a call if... No, I have 200 words! You allowed me 200 words! It seemed like 200. Are you sure that wasn't 200? I'm not done yet!

Okay. The kindly doorman punctuated his statements by shoving... Okay, that's got to be 200. No! Fuck you! All right, all right. I was treating him more like an audition. The kindly doorman punctuated his statements

by shoving me with his beefy arms and his sausage-like hands through the double red doors. His hands are like sausages? That's crazy red. I mean, you don't know how red those fucking doors can be. They weren't red double doors. They were double red doors. Ooh, that's some red doors!

Shit! what other meat supplied to his appendages? Red, red. With one final heave, he sends me tumbling down five steps to the street. I know there were five because I counted them as I hit.

So you went down the steps cartoon style? Ow! Ow! He glares me with his salami-like feet. He caressed me with his prosciutto hugs.

He glares at me in righteous indignation through piggy eyes stuck in the middle of a large doughy face that can't hid the satisfaction he feels in his superiority to a large, doughy face that can't hid the satisfaction he feels in his superiority to a drunk bum such as myself. Although

I am pretty sure he couldn't spell it. I don't know what it is in that sentence. No, he couldn't spell it. I-T. Couldn't spell bum. Don't worry, I'm sure some more tense shifts will explain things. He had much difficulty thinking with his foie gras-like mind.

I make the appropriate attempts to stagger to my feet in my professed three sheets to the wind condition. Dusting some imaginary dirt off his slightly rumpled white shirt, he re-buttons the top button of his gray

pinstriped vest and grunts satisfied with his work. He ambles back inside, shuffling his shiny brown patent leather shoes along the wood floor. I watch him until his big, ugly mug and pointed ears, I am sure

his mother loves them, disappears behind the doors. That's not how you insert a parenthetical. Motherfuck! That key's broken for me, so I just use commas instead. Okay. That was fucking stinky, too.

Holy shit. So any critiques there, guys? Anyone have a critique? No. Just keep it as is. Go to every single printing press you can and say, please. Bear in mind that the National Novel Writing Month, it's not called the National FanFiction.net Post Writing Month. It's Novel Writing.

So the actual goal that all of these people have in front of them is 50,000 words. So fucking 50,000 words of So, fucking 50,000 words of that shit. Yeah, well, before I made it to 200, I don't see how the other 49,800 could be that bad, really. Yeah, you can't exactly ruin it from this point. Yeah, you wouldn't kill yourself from the attrition.

Yeah, I think he's got the next catcher in the rye going here. He was a big phony. This makes me want to shoot John Lennon. Alright, Boots, tell me about your character's super terrific fear. What?

You have a character and your character has a fear of something. My character has a fear of the village people. Oh, that's wacky. Oh, that is actually. I'm just going to go take a smoke break while Bunny Bread makes all the jokes we're thinking of right now.

So my assassin has a crippling fear of the village people. Do I say gay now? Yes. The group that did YMCA. Oh, that village people. Oh, I was thinking of their various other hits. Like, shit. In the Navy.

It's basically her kryptonite. And I'm finding myself writing a scene in which she actually encounters them. And she's having flashbacks to some traumatic childhood event. But what could cause a fear of the

village people that would leave her incapacitated at the sight of a construction worker, an Indian et al. some 15 years later. Going to a fucking wedding? Any ideas are greatly appreciated. Oh, don't write this. Don't write this.

Don't write this at all. That seems to be rather safe advice. That doesn't seem to explain it at all. Don't write this. No, no, it does, really. Keep them with a cliffhanger there. And then 15 years later, don't write this. No, that doesn't make any sense.

Isfahan? Yes. Would you read the post entitled, R-E colon and then a unicorn came? Ooh, okay. I want to know more about this last verb in the sentence. Yes. It was so glittery.

Yeah, rainbow. I put a random Japanese-Mexican man in an Asian mega mall to drop a hint where to find a hidden ninja school. God damn it, this is hurting me. I don't know why you chose this voice to read this. This doesn't make any sense. Complete miscasting. When my sleuth had difficulty finding it,

even though it was on the mall map, I actually intended on using non-structured schooling in quotation marks for some reason as my way of seguing all the plot points. Oh, this is going to be one of those bingo card readings. Yes. I just tabbed over from TVTwerks to tell you about this. They had to handle a bomb threat.

They get to use skills I mentioned earlier, see the first witness again, and then take whatever's left to the scrapyard where I can drop more clues. I'm just reading the words here. I have no idea. What the fuck has happened? Use that sentence.

They're going to work with the giant monster handling team in the local Asia town. God damn, you're getting angrier. I glossed that over with a Gilligan cut. Oh my god, I called it. And then spend the rest of the chapter having my sleuth wander around the city for a lead. I want them to go into the enchanted forest. Why am I asking questions? This has to be Tim Rogers.

It absolutely has to be Tim Rogers. Could be. Well, he is good at writing 50,000 words. You know I went to Japan once. Yes. 50,000 words. You know I went to Japan once. Well, I'm writing a breather class for them to announce that their next

assignment will be to have a camping trip into those woods. Meanwhile, since the other MC is a park ranger, his plot points are related to schedule, whoever rings in on the call thingy or personal curiosity, which means

he's all good. Whoever rings in on the whatchy or personal curiosity. The call thingy. Which means he's all good. I wish I was better at the sort of planning years ago. It's so well planned now. Just imagine how bad it was before. One of my stories suffered because I had no means of dropping hints or getting characters to the next plot point.

How do you know when your story suffers? They say, because the story say kill me we're getting characters to the next plot point because i'd given them too many disadvantages and i didn't know where i was going in the first place maybe give them less disadvantages i don't know i don't think he's quite overcome that last part imagining your story suffering would be like the plot of Johnny Get Your Gun. It's just the stories in a coma just bashing kill me

on the pillow. Yeah. Boots, there's one thing that I, well, there's a number of things I know about you. But one of the things I know about you is that you are a fan of Game of Thrones. I am, actually. Yeah, you are. So, I'm just going to tell you. Like, a song of Game of Thrones. I am, actually. Yeah, you are.

So I'm just going to tell you. I'd like a Song of Ice and Fire. Sure, sure. Yeah, offer more about this. That's good. I'm just going to tell you a little story about Game of Thrones, and you're just going to tell me, well, you're just going to like it. You're just going to tell me how much you like it, to what degree you like it.

What's your favorite Game of Thrones book? Is that Song of Ice and Fire? That's the actual name of the series, Game of Thrones is the first book. The best book is A Storm of Swords. Okay, great. So maybe this will be like that book. We'll find out. So I know George hates fanfic, but I love his world. I would write during the time of the Mygore's reign. Did I say that word right? Nope. Okay.

But I am writing a reimagined Billy Goat's Gruff story in honor of Martin. Yay. I'm going to do NaNoWriMo this month. Actually, it's NaMo. He got it wrong. Oh, yeah, he did. National Month of Writing Month. I'm going to do something else, completely divorced from you idiots.

Oh, actually, I need to actually restart that because the sentence is very important to read correctly. So here we go. I'm going to do NaMoW-Ri-mo this month. Writing a retelling of the Billy Goats Gruff. There's a period there. But, the Billy Goats are warriors and their house sigil is the

Black Ibex. The troll has been a slave to a blood mage serial killer and has incest-borne children who are cannibals. House Ruff of Sternmount will take up the call to rid the kingdom of these brigands. I'm a nerd!

Oh, shit. Oh, my God. Twist ending. Do you like my t-shirt? It says this is a t-shirt. It says winter is boring. It's a much better t-shirt. Okay. Acier, just take the next one down, please.

Well, that took an unexpected turn toward the weird. So, I'm just wrapping up my story. All planned out logically. Right near the end, my MMC. My mega main character. My main main character. The mega master of Cow main character I thought that was like a mega MC you know, super upon, anyway who just went to the police about murder

finds himself instead to a den of cannibals didn't you hate when that happened? is a group of cannibals called a den? no, I think it's called a pod of cannibals in this case a business of cannibals that happens in your cities, right? you go to the police and instead, pod of cannibals in this case. A business of cannibals. That happens in your cities, right? You go to the police and instead, oh, cannibals!

Yeah, the stand-up comics really need to retire that bit. Don't you hate going to the police about a murder? You pass like cannibals. Hey, carry on. So, thrown into an underground bunker, he's tortured by an insane person wearing a mask that looks exactly like his girlfriend's face before someone comes in to stop it.

Oh, so these are the mean kind of animals. Another person wearing the same mask. And he's told that his girlfriend lied about her identity and she never really existed to begin with. Which was the bigger shocker. Nerds. Because wait, you would be, if said uh your girlfriend lied about your identity you would be surprised right and then they would say also your girlfriend never existed at which point you would try to rectify that with the first thing he said yeah

oh man i don't like this you didn't exist but I'm really pissed off that she lied to me. Please, this is just a plot of Total Recall. It is? This is just every dream I've ever had. Oh, fuck. Let me just change it up a little bit. No original ideas. It is getting too close to Total Recall. So, the person who told them strips off the mask, and she's the queen of the country.

Okay, that's good. Oh, good, yeah. That was not part of the plan. Granted, it's a fantasy, but it has been majorly understated up until this point. And that's just basically flew out the window in the last thousand words. Majorly understated. Yeah, you guys have been a great help. Thank you.

So he just uses a lot of superlatives, but writing the same thing. All you need is another 49,000 words to fly out that window, and you're good. Yeah. Okay. Oh, Bunny Bread. Yes. Which, I'm going to give you two things.

Because I make no wrong decisions. That's how I ended up here. I'm going to answer this call. Which of these two things do you like better? Oh, both. I mean, all. Which of these two things do you like better? Zombies or prostitution?

You know what? You don't have to choose. Why don't we go with both? Zombies and prostitution. Well, if payday two is any indication... Can we combine with both? Zombies and prostitution. Well, if payday two is any indication, can we combine them somehow? Will you please read the post entitled Zombies and Prostitution? You got your peanut butter in my vagina.

Oh, you got your vagina in my peanut butter. All right. Either way, my dick smells. So, in my current idea for a novel, or novella, still banging out the finer points, but not likely to change at this point. Because, fuck you, my main character is going to be a madame. Not just any madame, though. She's a witch, a brouhaha, who reanalyzes dead bodies for the express purpose of having them perform this sex. No, no, shush.

This is perfection. That's one option. Okay, one. And the only one. I want to know if you... Have you considered crystal meth? Because if you're looking to staff, that's really a faster way than the voodoo.

The voodoo is sexier. The meth makes their teeth go away. Sure. I like... I don't want to have sex with this meth addict. I'll have sex with this dead lady instead. See? See?

The dead lady, she has her teeth. Though rocky. It's more exotic. Sometimes they have the worms. But no, it's okay. All right, keep going. It's romantic. The thing is, I may try to get this published if it turns out decent.

Huh? What if it doesn't turn out decent? That would not happen! Shut up! I hate you too, Mom! Not a realistic possibility. What would be the legality of this? Me publishing a book.

Your crime against literature. Guilty. Are you asking if convicts can publish? Is this legal? No, I don't even know. I tried to get to LegalZoom.com. I couldn't spell it, so I ended up here. Does it matter if the zombies are sentient or not?

Allah! Brought back to a limited sort of life. Or simply dead bodies with the ability to be ordered around. Furthermore, would any publisher accept a novel like this? Do you think this is too creepy for, I don't know, fanfiction.net? No. You, sir, are too creepy for fanfiction.net. Let's take your picture. Oh, sir, are too creepy for fanfiction.net. Let's take your picture.

Oh, fanfiction rejected it. It's time to go to Scholastic. Everywhere I've looked into Bans necrophilia. Are there any that don't? Or any way that this scenario wouldn't be classified in that way? What are the rules regarding prostitution and sex work? I mean, just in general. This is outside of my novel.

I just want to know what's legal for me to offer women. Anyways, thanks and... Thanks. I'm so happy. That's what I meant to say. I'm not so good with English. I'm sorry. It comes out different because I have an accent.

Oh, yeah. Let me just real quick. Well, as you asked, let me go to Amazon, and I am searching the Kindle store for the words zombie erotica. Oh, okay. Okay, there's only 226 results. Oh, shit! One of them is a novelization of Frankenhooker, isn't it?

Kind of, actually. The second result is a book called Frankenslime, a sordid sexual horror story. Well, what can you say to that? I don't know. Oh, okay. Yes, Vahan?

Yes. How much of you are in your characters? Are you talking about a self-insert? Well, let me tell you. I know the self-insert never happens in internet-written stories, but... Mm-hmm. This is the first time for everything. My MC, she's rebellious, doesn't want to go to school,

doesn't like rude ampersand annoying people, likes shocking people slash making statements, doesn't like school dress codes, is annoyed by most people, is a troublemaker, ampersand has period, which is the worst place for a period. Yeah. Apparently she just thinks you have to put a period after so many words. You do.

A whatever, I don't care attitude. That's in quotes! Yeah. Whatever, period, I don't care attitude, period. She really doesn't care about her period. No. They're just all over the place. I'm bleeding so what, jealous?

Yeah. I'll put a period wherever I want. Kind of rebellious. Don't want to go to school. Ampersand don't like annoying or rude people. In fact, I hate them. Sure. They drive me crazy.

I mean, seriously? You could say excuse me instead of pushing through people. This isn't even about a fucking story anymore. This started out as an email. It's their novel. Seriously? How hard is it to say that? Ampersand, then when ooh bump into someone, you don't say sorry.

Seriously? What happened to matters? Three. Just going on number one of my rants. I could seriously go on, ampersand, on, ampersand, on. About how annoying rude people are, ampersand, how much I hate them all day. There's a lot of ampersands coming up. Okay.

Just know, every time he says and, there's an ampersand in his place. Gotcha. They're seriously one of my pet peeves. One good way to really annoy the heck out of me is being rude. Seriously. Oh, seriously. Okay. Another thing I hate is when people repeat themselves.

Anyway. If you're asking how much of you are in your characters, how much of your characters are in your post? Yeah. I mix up Facebook and this forum all the time. Maybe her book is just about somebody who checks Facebook on her iPhone all day. Yeah. Just crossing out Dear Diary at the beginning of every... Yes.

Every chapter, yeah. Dear Random House. Nice. As you can tell, most people annoy me. They seriously do. Yep. I, however, am just so popular. That's not in there.

I'm not really a troublemaker, but sometimes I have the same attitude my MC has, period. Ampersand. Sorry. And I love shocking people and making statements. Like, I would go to school, W-slash my hair like an anime person. No, you fucking don't.

W-slash all my colored extensions in just number two, see how people react. And they didn't give a shit? Yeah. And then it turns out I was homeschooled? I forgot about that. My mom wouldn't give me books out I was homeschooled. I forgot about that. My mom wouldn't give me books when I was a little girl. All she did was make

me watch TV, and this is how I turned out. Oh, God. It's really fun and really funny seeing what people think. Oh, and a really like stupid school dress code. I mean, seriously? It's so annoying. I wouldn't know anything about that.

Annoying. I couldn't wear my fave shorts to school. The beginning of the school year, just because they're de-stressed. Oh, this is written by a 50-year-old man. The school doesn't want people wearing anything de-stressed because of foot skin. They'll shrug my shorts. Honestly, don't chew anything. Wow. So,

it's like really annoying. Wait a sec. Great, I'm rambling again. And how many times have I said like so far? Not nearly as many times as you said seriously. So, in her mind, there was a point in that, let's say, paragraph where she was really

on track, and then she rambled from that point? Yes. Are we sure this isn't a text or a speech-to-text program? Like, it's just because she left it on at the wrong time? Hey, Dragon Naturally Speaking. That would be the best thing ever,

just like a kid in a high school with Dragon Naturally Speaking on a laptop sitting in a hallway for a half hour and then submitting that. an NLM. Dragon also knows how to replicate the mindset of this person in text. They don't just know what they're trying to

say, they know what they're trying to type. My MC's best friend is nothing like me so far. My MC, on the other hand. But then he's only been mentioned once in the story and hasn't talked a lot so far. Because he can't get a fucking word in edgewise, I'm sure.

I love this story! Where your main character is fighting for attention over the narrator. No, this is the MC's best friend is nothing like me. Oh, uh-huh. Okay. But then he's only been mentioned once and hasn't talked to lots of us.

So, whatever. Yeah, so Lemons Ray is the main character is fighting with the narrator for attention. So, yeah. Yeah. My character, Ivy, that's me, by the way, laughs a lot, just like me. Oh! I probably laugh like a thousand times a day. At least.

At symbol least. That's allowed. You seem like a happy person. Yeah, that sounds like you. She also seems really happy. She just seems happy and has an attitude. Oh, God. Which I have.

By the way, my full name is Pussy Not Worth It. Yeah. The new Bond girl. I put out. Good for you. I'm pretty much a really happy person. Seriously. I'm like that from the first half.

I'm happy over rainbows, glitter, bright colors, anything pretty. Pretty much anything. And you're right. This is a 50-year-old man. Pretty much anything and everything. Except rude people. Yeah, seriously. Seriously.

She also kind of punky, too. Lol. For fuck's sake. Just like me. Wait, wait, wait. She's also kind of punky, too? No, she also kind of punky, too. She also kind of punky, too.

Will you read the sentence that is immediately before she also kinda punky too again? Okay. I got happy over rainbows, glitter, bright colors, anything pretty, pretty much anything and everything. Okay, yeah, she also pretty punky too, yeah. That's pretty motherfucking punk, man. That is punk as shit. She also kinda punky too. Lolz.

Just like me. I'm a total punk rocker. Seriously. I wear cuff bracelets and skulls every day, and I never take them off, ever. And I love spikes and studs. I wear spikes and studs every day. Oh, and I wear a leather jacket that has zippers on the sleeves. So punk rock.

Lols again. Just like Michael Jackson. Yeah, Michael Jackson was very punk. He was the ultimate punk rocker. Fuck yeah. Eddie Murphy. Him and Jodeci? Oh, shit.

You remember those two poppies? What? You are awesome. Fixed. Sorry. I'm so going to use this. I might make a few changes, like add some stuff. Wait, what you just wrote there is going into your novel?

Yeah. Yes. I'm still describing my novel. Okay. Seemed pretty good to me. Some stuff, number two, making my own, but I'm gonna use this. Mercy Bow. Cool.

We're going to overthrow the Mercy Bow. When I'm done writing, I'll let you read my story. When I'm done writing, I'll let you read my story. I'll let you read the think boy. She rolled her eyes. So when do I do anything by the rolls? The voice was silent.

Thorin smirked. Thought so. Nevermore Chaos. Will the predestined champion rise from the chaos, or will the world be doomed to darkness? Read and find out. And look for the next Nevermore book next NaNoWriMo. Yay.

Wow. Nevermore. That's a good name. Good name for somebody who likes glitter and punk. This person is either a distillation of every teenager, or they are just trying way too hard. That's a 15-year-old man. So, Boots, which lighthearted topic would you like to close on?

All right. Because we are coming to the close, and we need a nice novel subject for that moment. So, what would you like to talk about? The inner workings of the society of gargoyles or the holocaust? Which of those two things? Please tell me these two are combined, just like

my zombies and pussy. These are not combined. I'm going to go with the inner workings of gargoyles. Fucking anti-Semite. Anti-Semite! Yeah, you're always trying to avoid talking about the Holocaust.

Why is that, boo? It's Nazi. I know how you said that we want the last ten minutes of our episodes to be based entirely on reflections of historical atrocities. It's a good podcast theme, I think.

But I'm super in gargoyles. Laugh a minute. You know, I mean, Mark Maron's doing a lot theme, I think. But I'm super into gargoyles. Laugh a minute. You know, I mean, Mark Maron's doing a lot of that these days. Here's another thing that was bothering me lately. Let's talk about Somalia. That's right. Oh, I'm going to talk about Gargoyle Society for Urban Fantasy. Good.

All right. Terrific. Oh, gee, Seth. I'm working on UF Monster right now. Any guess what that would be? University of Florida Monsters? Ultimate Fighting. It might be Urban Fantasy.

Oh, yeah. It's Urban Fantasy. Oh, it's Ultimate Fighting. Okay. Our Ultimate Fighting Monster. I feel like that's cheating. If one guy is like a big burly Russian and the other one's Godzilla, I don't know that that's fair.

I guess that's what makes it ultimate. Yeah, yeah. Gargoyles are known for turning into statues, but they are... That's actually, no. Grotesles are known for turning into statues. But there aren't... That's actually, no. Grotesques are known for turning into statues. Gargoyles are... I'll give you three guesses where this person got all of their gargoyle knowledge from. The cartoon, and you can keep your two guesses, sir.

Was it covered in Twilight? I'm going with Ghostbusters. I'm right, it's me. But there aren't that many around in modern day cities. And you can't hide among the statues if you are the only statue. So how do gargoyles adapt? So you think that like in the Middle Ages there were just gargoyles everywhere? Yes.

People's fucking hobbles. Just throw a grass gargoyle on it Art Deco very nice Oh man Brutalism killed our entire movement They learn to transform into more ordinary objects

like street lamps chairs or a fat stack of Benjamins. Yeah. Which are just lying around in modern society. Ordinary objects, yeah. I was going to say, what kind of city do you live in where just, like, people sleep fast? I tripped over a fat stack of Benjamins just the other day.

I would make it rain with gargoyles. I'm fucking moving to the States. That does it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I live in Little Wayne Video, California. Ow. Ow, please stop making it rain. Ow. Allowing any gargoyle to transform into anything would be too much.

Limitations are more interesting than powers. I was thinking that gargoyles would be given transformations from their boss or whatever they have. They have to have something. So boss, I've been... There's a gargoyle boss, right?

I've been a street lamp for like two years now and I think I'd like to get promoted up to maybe a chair. Do you think you could do that, boss? You have two more years of chair left. So in your story, it's not that gargoyles exist and then people carve out likenesses of the gargoyles. But people just happen to carve monsters on buildings, and then all these shapeshifters show up.

And they go, oh, I'll make myself look like that monster. That'll be convenient. Nobody carved them. The gargoyles just showed up there, and people were like, oh, whatever'll make myself look like that monster. That'll be convenient. Nobody carved them. The gargoyles just showed up there and people were like, oh, whatever. This isn't suspicious at all. Listen, people in modern day cities don't have enough time to look up and see what's on top of buildings. It's true. Or inside those stacks of buildings.

I haven't looked up in years. Yeah. I need to see if Ashton Kutcher's iPhone home screen has changed. Yeah. Now I did an inventory of these gargoyles in this building yesterday, and there were eight. There's only seven now. Anyway, the question is, how is gargoyle society organized?

Poorly, I would imagine. Let's find out. Gargoyles can move around in the daytime, and salt will trap them in whatever transformation they are in. Assume they are creatures of flesh and blood, and can only hide from people by transforming.

Though this may change as needed. So, their flesh, how do they turn into stone? Is that the salt? Oh, magic. My continuation of this'm definitely going to go into magic. My continuation of this is definitely

going to make sense in the context of what we've been talking about. Okay, well then elucidate me more on your terrific world.

Well, giants have a really cool society. Yay! Oh! Awesome. Now that all the questions about

gargoyles have been answered. Okay, so answer is cool. Yeah, yeah, about gargoyles have been answered. Okay, so answer is cool. Yeah, yeah, standard gargoyle story. Giants require lots of food to stay big. So some giants are really big, and other giants are really small. Oh, that's why they're called giants. The rich get richer, and the poor get poorer.

You see? Is it unrelated to the giant thing? Just making social competition. Amen, brother. I'm aware of that. They had the big thing in Ottawa recently. It was Occupy the Grocery Store. And then there's the mythical food lion.

Ho, ho, ho. Kill the bankers. Food lion. Ho, ho, ho. Kill the bankers. Let's all just appreciate the last good Occupy joke that could possibly happen in this podcast. Yeah. Didn't he use the word recently in his Occupy joke?

Yeah, well, maybe. Listen, Quebec is a weird province. Fair enough, fair enough. They're a little behind. Okay. This motivates some giants to a life of crime, turning them into ogres and trolls by virtue of their actions. What's the difference between ogres and giants and trolls and shit? Shut up.

Okay. I love the idea. Got it. Okay, so the answer is cool again. Is that correct? Cool society. I just want us all to just get behind the mental image of a giant dressed up in a shirt coat and a vest threatening shopkeepers.

Giants have this nice, interesting dynamic among them. I want something cool like that for my gargoyles. Yeah. Well, giants in real life have a history. Wait, so this was unrelated to your story? You were just stating facts about the giant civilization? Yeah, he never actually said

this is also in my story. As we all know, giants have a really cool society. I wish I could write that well. This person really stands out as the only person we've read who's had a hard time conveying their thoughts. Anyway, if we want to answer this question, how is gargoyle society organized,

if you could somehow tie them in with the oil industry, that would be awesome. Wait, is this somebody else? No, this is still me, okay. Same author, yeah. It's weird that I'm saying you, but okay. I'm trying to pack in as much... Well, he knows he's not gonna

write it, so that's why he's talking in second person. I'm trying to pack in as much Texas flavor as possible. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, that's why we've had this Texas accent the whole time. After Mesquite Barbecue Fritos, you can't pack in any more Texas flavor.

Gargoyles love it! Alright, the really good gargoyles are going to be great big oil derricks and the smaller ones have to be those little oil pumps that go up and down. Ooh, that's good. You obviously haven't read the next sentence. It goes, so getting gargoyles invested in ExxonMobil would be exciting. Jesus Christ.

Oh, but invested. You mean they're actually just putting in their money that they got from the life of crime. Okay. Hey, you know what? That's a giant. My urban fantasy needs commentary on capitalism. They, of course, wouldn't invest in British Petroleum, because those guys are assholes. Yeah, those guys

are dicks. Ruining the American countryside. You wouldn't see Exxon Mobil doing that. Oh, sure. Also, it doesn't really fit with the Texas flavor. Uh, I hate all your stories. I don't know, which is the best one? Which is the best one of everyone that we read? I'm gonna go with the

Unicorn, Un unicorn came one. That had nothing to do with unicorns and was just about Japan? Yeah, it was just this girl bitching. That was pretty good. I want to go with Sade because I didn't know Acer could do such a perfect, pitch perfect impression of Sade.

I wish you were saying the sweetest taboo right now. Well, I didn't think so. Sorry. Too good for me. There's a quiet storm. And it never felt like this before. There's a quiet storm.

That is you. There's a quiet storm. And it never felt this hot before. Giving me something. And there we go. Around about an hour of I'm embarrassed to admit it, but it's the book I wrote. Hey, it's fun.

What did you learn this week? I learned that some people have very poor ideas of what writing a book is like. Sure. Sure, of course. I mean, first of all, it requires actually fucking doing the thing. Yeah. Even the super successful famous artists

will tell you that the publication and publicizing process is extremely soul-crushing and more than a little bit embarrassing. Sure. But the NaNoWriMo community doesn't focus on that. They think if you write something,

then it's awesome, and you should run with it. There are no bad ideas, even though there are. And I think the origin of that is because this whole process is very informal. You don't sign up for NaNoWriMo. You can declare that you're writing, and I guess people will be impressed or whatever. There's no prize other than satisfaction,

but at the same time... We could buy a shirt. But at the same time, there's also no consequences for not finishing. So in this consequence-free environment, there is no reason for people to critique honestly. It's all just a big

feel-good happy fest. It has no teeth. If you don't say, oh yeah, that's a great idea, you should run with it. Yeah, that's a big feel-good happy fest. It has no teeth. If you don't say, oh yeah, that's a great idea. You should run with it. Yeah, that's a great... I would read it. Then you're considered like a stick in the mud or trying to stifle creativity. And so yeah, it's

just... It might be a good exercise, but I don't think anybody should take it seriously at all. The slogan on nanowrimo.com, or.org rather, is the world needs your novel. And maybe someone could read those words and they would be true. But I think in most cases, the world doesn't actually need your novel. need your novel this this like applause and and deification about people like you know indulging their artistic whatever is is doing so at the sacrifice of everyone else yeah it's of everyone

else that like that thinks that there should be just sort of a general level of quality to things, and somebody that thinks that you should be able to, for example, go to the Android store, right? You want to find a stupid game to play on the bus, and you don't want a thousand fucking terrible games out there. Not everyone needs to produce. Not everyone needs to produce. And what you can do is you can work on it, and you don't need to necessarily make everything public.

Not everything is necessarily for public consumption. And if it takes a completely arbitrary event like NaNoWriMo to tell you to write a story, then how much of a passion project was it in the first place? Armenia Heart gave us this one, so thank you to the two people involved in Armenia Heart gave us this one, so thank you to the two people involved in Armenia Heart. They went to thefpl.us and submitted content as you as well, Ken. And our forum is ballpits, that's B-A-L-L-P dot I-T.

We've got all sorts of very, very nerdy forums. There's a 33-page forum on Dungeons & Dragons. Yep. I've not looked at it myself, but I understand that there's some sort of actually, like, ongoing Dungeons & Dragons game happening. Yep, we play in Roll20. We mostly use the thread for logistics,

you know, scheduling games and all that. Makes sense. There's also a thread about discussion and recommendation of metal bands. Yes. Jack Chick started that one. Discovering bands you didn't know existed. Jack Chick is a font of information.

And you should come on down and participate. In the meantime, I'm going to hit stop on this recording. Goodbye! Good night. Why would my book be banned? Boy, where do I begin? My latest novel is about a reincarnation of Jesus Christ Who turns out to have been an alien-human hybrid That should be enough right there

But worse, he doesn't know who he is And he's an atheist The story is set in the future And there's a long scene with two junkies Taking, well I'm not done, fuck you Taking a new drug that's all the rage And doing all kinds of grotesque things under its influence. This book isn't just

gonna get banned, it's probably gonna get me marked for death in an Al-Qaeda fatwa! Yeah, Al-Qaeda cares about Jesus. My name is Matt Butts! Yeah, it is. That's the funniest thing you've ever done.