The F Plus - 131: Ask a Stupid Question, Make a Stupid Podcast

Episode Date: March 29, 2014

What is there to say about BlurtIt.com that hasn't already been said about the Visigoths? Well, quite a bit, now that I think of it. The point is that BlurtIt is a populist Q and A website, less popular than (but just as stupid as) Yahoo Answers, where people ask all sorts of dumbfounding questions about genitals touching other genitals, and then the answers prove dumber than the questions. This week, The F Plus is suffering from panic panic.

I got a question mark You gotta need to always take some shot in the dark I don't have to make pretend the picture I'm in Is totally clear Welcome to the F+, your source on the internet for terrible things read with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have Boots Reingear. I have been spitting up gray matter from my lungs for a while now, and I am concerned. What could this be? Your brain's apparently Jimmy Frank's.

What to do when a cat eats meth? It's fun. Do insects see us as gods? Frank West! What is your favorite age? And Lemon. What is wrong with Bobby Fisher? Castle and Kingside?

Come on. Give back all your old hatred now to the world. Cause he treated you bad. Cause you couldn't keep the great unknown from making you mad Cause you know, you know, you know, you know Hey, F-Less. Hey, Lemon. Hi, Lemon.

How is it going? Are you doing well? Doing great. Great. Hey, what are your opinions on religion and sex and politics and relationships and dogs and the internet?

My opinions are authoritative and popular. I'm against all of those things. I want more. Or less. So, Montreth recently stumbled across a site that I'm surprised we hadn't heard of until now. It's called BlurtIt.com. Actually, you know what? Let's come up with a definitive pronunciation of this for the episode.

It's called BlurtIt.com. Blurt it. And BlurtIt is a place, and this is really what's innovative about Blurt It, is that somebody just randomly types a stupid question onto the internet and other people type back responses. I haven't heard of any site like that before. Nice fresh new format for us here. You know, so let's just start out here. Jimmy Franks, you are Stephen Vakula, and you're just going to blurt your first blurt. Stephen Vakula.

Is girlfriend-boyfriend culture good or not? The whole concept and press on the importance of sex is a bad message. I talk with my daughters about this and tell them that when you're young, and especially given the TV shows and media concentration and focus on sex, it is unrealistic in life. That's true. People don't have sex in real life. Yep.

Total time in my total life that I've spent engaged in sex compared to everything else if you really think about it is grossly overstated not getting much i think that means he's constantly having sex if i'm reading that he's constantly talking about it but it doesn't really yeah he is he's just constantly talking about the fact he has sex and as we all know the time you spend doing something is directly proportional to how important and pivotal it is in your life it's true getting stuck in traffic is the most important thing to talk to your kids about rapid eye movement a topic of conversation sex is great don't get me wrong but this but this major focus on having sex is the issue that is unrealistic Sex with someone that means something to you is much better than sex with just a person. All right.

Okay. For one, the STTs... Sorry? Is he saying he's not having sex with people? For one, the STDs of today are not the forgiving or controllable types they were in the past. Sure. Sure. Those STDs became bastards.

They don't make them like these yeah right i miss when syphilis was lethal yeah the permanent diseases and consequence dictate that sex be with not only someone that you have feelings in a relationship with but also that is healthy and safe okay mtv when it came out was about music oh good yay now your post is about this yeah today he doesn't even play music except as a soundtrack for the let's have sex show it airs go back to mtv does mtv actually broadcast sex house now god i hope so i tell my girls to just have fun there's no rush nor should there ever be a rush to have

sex let's have fun as a euphemism for fucking yeah they will have sex and enough of it and should think of sex as giving something of themselves that they can never get back and they get that much from the person that they have sex with in return they should think about it as yeah and telling them that will not fuck them up, will save them from getting fucked up. Thanks, Dan. So they had better be careful, as someone may look cool today and gone tomorrow.

As someone may look cool today. Wait, if they're going to die tomorrow, you should probably have sex with them now, really. Fuck now. My name's Chris. I can't believe it. Anyway, I'm Chris. Your verbose and well-thought-out answer deserves a wow.

Thank you. But I personally feel that it is not good to allow your girls to watch MTV. I don't see where I wrote I let them watch MTV! I use MTV as a reference, not as a statement that I let them watch it! It was kind of hard to keep the thread of what you were talking about with you suddenly breaking into an old man rant

at the end there. These kids with their baggy pants and their pagers. All right, Boots, you have a more serious, important question about relationships and sex. You're anonymous. How can I find out whether a girl is virgin or not?

That's the end of your question. I'm all done. Yep. In and out. Done. Wait, in and out? Is that how I tell? In and out is one way to find out. Isfahan, you are also anonymous.

Yes. Here's a test a doctor can perform on a guy or a girl to tell whether or not they have had sex or not. Just ask your doctor. Make sure it's a doctor that's constantly wringing his hands. Ask your doctor about whether or not they've had sex or not Ask your doctor about boy hymen Frank West, you are Beth Jones You can find out if she is a virgin By either taking her to the doctor

Or using your finger She would still bleed no matter what age if she was a virgin But sometimes a girl doesn't bleed during the first time Huh? or using your finger. She would still bleed no matter what age if she was a virgin, but sometimes a girl doesn't bleed during the first time. Huh? Even if she masturbates, she would still bleed. Hope I could help. Nope, you couldn't. That is extremely dangerous,

Beth, assuming that this person knows what you mean by bleeding. She doesn't say what to do with the finger. Yeah. If you jam it in her eye, she'll still bleed. That's an accusatory finger. Are you a virgin?

Oh, I see. If you ask her if she's a virgin, and you point an accusatory finger, and she starts bleeding from her mouth or from her nose or something. I'm also anonymous. Yes, she may still bleep, but it depends if it has been bro-ing so other thing, like sports. There are a number of reasons

why she may not bleed. A number of resins. There are a number of resins why she may not bleed, but this doesn't mean she isn't a virgin and no other way. But if you thin that she is not,, but this doesn't mean she isn't a virgin, and no other way. But if you thin that she is not, the doctor

can she. But if she is, then she may bleed when you have sex. Boots, you're also anonymous? Make a huge scene about it one night. Start breaking stuff. If she still denies it, break something bigger to get your point across.

If she continues to deny it, tell her to prove it. It works every time. Trust me, little buddy. Skip her! But I do that every night. She's sitting there at the dining room table. She's smashing dishes, and she's thinking to herself, I'm not going to tell him until he breaks the microwave.

I'll know he's serious if he breaks the microwave. I'll know he's serious if he breaks the microwave. Jimmy Franks, you are Geraldine Chrysanthemum. If you grow, grow up with old ladies, you might know when to distinguish

between them. What? What? But sometimes girls lie about it. Like distinguish between old ladies and virgins?

No. Distinguish between different old ladies. Like, that one's Gertrude. That one's Martha. So the only way to know is to study your species. What? The way she carries herself is important. Virgins have a way of walking.

Her legs are close to each other when she walks. But if she's not not you'll see a great deal of space with her walking so you can tell by the way she walks i'm gonna fuck your legs apart can i do the next one yeah by all means okay this is. Oh, sweaty. Girls have this little thing called a cherry, and if they are virgins, it will be there, and if there is no cherry, she is not a virgin. You will know, sweetheart. You will know.

The second you will know is a little foreboding. You will know. So this person actually thinks like there is some kind of cherry. Yes, just like a maraschino cherry. There is a literal cherry. Like in Pac-Man. That's where we get the phrase, a cherry on top. Frank West doesn't know where a vagina is.

Boots, you have another very short question, but it's an important one. Yeah. Why do people get married when it's so pointless? Frank West, you are Jay Kelly. Jay Chelly, Winnie the Pooh. Jay Chelly, I see where you're coming from. It's like, why I have to marry you

to prove my love to you. Then like if your husband and wife cheat on you or do something, you have to pay you to prove my love to you. Then, like, if your husband and wife cheat on you or do something, you have to pay all that money to get a divorce. Why not stay boyfriend-girlfriend or sugar-mama-sugar-daddy? And if they mess up, you can just let them go and move on with no problems, lol. That's how I'm looking at it. But I do want a wedding.

It's just a traditional thing to do, I guess. Getting married is stupid, but I do want to get married. Is there any way I can do a wedding without the marriage stuff? I think we already did an episode on that. Ispahan, you also have a very important question. This is in the philosophy section of Blur. Yeah. Is there such a thing as a

wizard? Blurred it. Blurred it. My name's Anonymous. I really believe there's a wizard out there. It's like unicorns. People think they do not exist anymore, but they do.

But they do. But they do in a far off land. You might think I'm crazy, but every storm you see comes from me. Anonymous? Oh, yes. Is that a threat? Every fire you see comes from my friend. Every snowflake you see comes from my other friend.

Without us, you would have nothing but the moon and stars, which have no fire anywhere, no fire in the stars. That's what I'm saying. Without those, we would have nothing but the stars. There's no ice in space either, so... We work our lives to let people know there are wizards

in the world. We found a magic vine in our yard. When I am mad, mad clouds move in when my friends are happy it snows or heats up the point is believe in wizards and let magic belong to the world once again are you charlie brown oh when people have feelings weather happens wow one of our friends only gets happy in the way like for like a quarter of the year. Frank West, you are the final anonymous on this page. Wow. Way to impersonate God.

Sack religious freak. Sack religious freak. Isfahan, can you be the second last anonymous in this? DJ Sack religious. I believe it, but I don't understand. E, I can't thing that power.

Jimmy Franks, what would you rather talk about? Weirdos or emos? Weirdos. Weirdos. Always. Hey, Jimmy Franks, what's your definition of a weirdo? You're Alex Crikey.

Well, someone who talks or dresses definition of a weirdo? You're Alex Criket. Someone who talks or dresses in an unusual style and makes no attempt to conform. A loner maybe with little or no social skills who is awkward around people. Stalkers would be weird too as they think it's okay to behave like that when it's actually really creepy.

It's behind your matty. Is it normal to write down people's classes, phone number, and occasionally the address of their house and memorize what car they drive? You need to go to Is It Normal for that. I can't answer that here. I'm not sure how Maddie picked up that's the thread of conversation we're having. Is it like classes as in upper class? As long as we're on the subject of stalking. Working class.

Yeah. Untouchable. Boots, I want you to be Max Atwood, the most likable person in the world. Please be Max Atwood. Oh, I love you, Max Atwood. I'm definitely a weirdo.

Okay. I'm a lolly-loving bisexual anime otaku. Go to jail! I get rejected by two genders. And that is just the tip of the iceberg. I'm 19 and have an imaginary friend. I dropped out of high school at 18 in the 10th grade and i fantasy role play on facebook jesus christ so you basically anyone like me anyone like me anyone like me no all right well uh well, Jimmy Franks wanted to talk about weirdos,

so, Isvan, you're going to be talking about emos. Hey, I accidentally dyed my hair black. Should I come out to my parents about being emo? Well, I guess I gotta be emo now. My hair's dyed black. Yeah, lifestyle change. How do you accidentally... That's the first question.

Well, you know, it just gets filthier and filthier and filthier. Lol, how did you accidentally dye it? What color were you going for? Anyway, yeah, I don't think there is anything to be ashamed of for being emo. There were two emo girls in the same grade as me, and everyone liked them because of their personality

and how they were unique. So you should be proud. Actually, one of them was kind of hated because she turned into a skank and started seeing other girls' ex-boyfriends and bragging about it. That's not an emo thing, though, is it? You know that sentence earlier where I said they were liked? Well, one of them wasn't. But

I don't backspace because that's lame. The only thing I hate more in skanks is gossips. Frank West, you are Sarah Thompson. Come out as Eom, you mean you're actually gay? Most

Elmos... Get through it. Most Elmos are but also... Kiss, kiss! Okay, this person has meant to type emo twice now and they've misspelled it both times. Most Elmo's...

Most Elmo's are but also liking to wear black. Or certain frilly things doesn't make you eom. It's a style. Elmo stands for a movie, and not a group you want to join. The rank's off. Because this whole following is for people who are depressed

for no reason, cutting their wrist for attention and act slummy and mopey all the time. Because it thinks to make them cool and different. Well, they only have a reason, so I'm confused. Guess what? It doesn't. Aww.

Yeah. Take that, emos. Eoms. Elmos. Take that, elmos. Make teenagers who have everything in our spoiled brats seem like they don't appreciate all the gifts they have been given. If you like black, cool, shiny, silly, frilly emo jewelry, which makes you

look dumb but cool your style, but Eom is not like being born gay. What the fuck? You get to choose whether or not you want to enjoy your life to the fullest, or be another cowardly teenager that cries for no reason and just wants attention. Wow, hold on.

Hey, Boots, what did you just find? I found a real quick one that Sarah Thompson had upvoted. Oh, okay, yeah. So, Sarah Thompson, maybe this is me anyway. Hey, did SEAL Team 6 get the bounty for killing Bin Laden? No. And most of all, Team 6 are long gone now, too, taking a lot of secrets down with them thanks to President Obama. Holy shit!

Oh my god! Now that Obama had them killed, someone's going to have to have Obama killed to keep the secret. that Obama had them killed, someone's going to have to have Obama killed to keep the secret. I'm kumquatting through the wars and conflicts thing now. Yeah, I imagine. Kumquatting. Kumquatting. It's a verb.

Kumpotting. Kumpotting. Here's one. Here's one asked February 28, 2014. Why is there still war in the 20th century? Aren't people afraid of dying in wars? Someone should just tell these guys. Hey, you could die, buddy.

Get together, child soldiers. I am out of here. It's the 20th century. Excuse me, did you know it's the 20th century and war is now lethal? here century excuse me did you know it's the 20th century and war is now lethal jimmy franks uh what do you do if you like a guy but you know he doesn't like you so you do so do you tell him and he will realize he likes you too or wait and let him be your secret crush help you've covered a lot of ground in your question but i'm going to try to address your points thank you so much all right okay first off i'm an expert on this type of stuff thank god

my sis was in the same boat now she's been with her man nine years okay flirt with him but don't make yourself come off as easy every now and then avoid him make him chase you guys love that trust me yeah give it a few days dress very cute make him pay attention to you ask him for help on stuff even if you know you can do it okay but also flirt but not to muck and member not come off as ease guys hate that but don't try so hard let nature take its course and if there's something there, trust me, it will bloom. Great! Good job, Anonymous! Guy, you know, he doesn't like you, so that that's not gonna work. Yeah, we shouldn't give Anonymous

a hard time. He's been living on a boat with his sister and her husband for nine years. Yeah. Yeah, no, that's fucking beautiful, terrific advice, because men hate sex, they like pains in the ass, and working

too hard for something that's not worth it. Boots, you're also anonymous. Boy, am I. You find out how he feels about you through a friend. If he showed interest, you approach him and talk to him, but take it slow. Don't just blurt out.

Which, yeah, no blurting here. Do not blurt. Don't just blurt out he's the greatest thing since peanut butter. Ask him to a soda. Might as well go to a soda. Want to go down to the sock hop at Soda Fountain? Yeah. Okay, but no parking!

Ask him to a soda or something, and go from there. If he showed no interest, don't secretly worship him. Let him go and move on. Oh, right. If you want something you can't have, you might not see what you're missing out on. Wow. Into the quote book with you. I like this guy named Chris, and we are in middle school, but he doesn't like me, so what do I do?

I like to talk to him about hanging out with me. That's my primary topic of conversation. I hang out with him and then we talk about hanging out. Anyway, uh, hang out with me. Me and a couple friends. And a couple friends, and when you do that, wait so he

can answer. Oh, this is advice apparently. And don't bug him, but make sure you look and dress real pretty and act girly and be yourself, and then make eye contact with him and flirt with him a little and you should be fine. Good luck. Gog get him and he deserves someone

like us girls. Yeah! Dig lao chao! Gog get him. Total period count for that post? Zero. Frank West, you are the final anonymous on this page. Dress better than you do now. Yeah!

Put on some makeup and dresses. Do you hair? Clean yourself up a bit. Jesus. I could do an alternate reading of that one. Oh, yeah. Put on some makeup and dresses. Do you hair?

It's dress better than you do now. Put on some makeup and dresses. Do you hair? It's dress better than you do now put on some makeup and dresses and do hair. And just like you might also like the recommended ones are all the same one. I like this guy, but how do I find out if he likes me? Okay, wait. Oh, man. Oh, my God.

Sometimes I just get too many tabs open at the same time and have to choose one. Yeah, our cup runneth over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, Jimmy Franks. Yes? How to make a homemade tattoo gun out of an electric razor. I'm asking how, not why. Can I make one out of a straight razor?

Do you want the instructions? Ideally, the first step should be dial 911 and then proceed. When the ambulance arrives, you can stop. How to get herpes. I'm Robin Burden, and I'm glad you asked. Making a tattoo gun out of a pair of hair clippers is possible. In fact, it's a common method used by prison inmates to tattoo each other. As a warning, though, these prison tattoos tend to look pretty bad.

So I'm guessing the improvised devices that prison tattooists use may have something to do with that. By the way, they absolutely give inmates hair clippers. It's just part of your standard issue. Before I go any further with the whole hair clipper idea, I'd really recommend you take a second to consider purchasing a proper tattoo gun instead.

Because there's no way you could fuck that up. No thanks. Yeah, a tattoo is for life. Unless there's no way you could fuck that up. No thanks. Yeah, a tattoo is for life, unless you're prepared to go through months of painful and expensive laser treatment. So I'd recommend making sure the gun you use is of a reliable quality. Now, if you're looking to get a tattoo on the cheap, even buying something like the 15-1 tattoo would be better than making your own gun. I just wanted to just briefly, the sort of the recommended tattoo on the cheap here is a tattoo gun available from T-Mart.com.

That's T-Mart.com for the low, low price of $57.99 for everything you need, including they give you rubber gloves and disposable razors. But, you know, it's like a soda stream. It pays for itself after the first couple. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, if you want the quickest way to a lawsuit, Tmart.com. Get your own tattoo machine. Making

your own tattoo gun, if I haven't managed to discourage you yet. Here's one method of turning a pair of hair clippers into a buzzing tattoo gun. Secure a 12-gauge guitar string onto one side of the clipper's blade. Attach an empty ink tube from a bureau pen to the edge of the clipper opposite the guitar string. You may want to use super glue. Make sure the ink tube is protruding above the blade level. Thread the other end of the guitar string through the ink tube.

Okay. Cut this end of the guitar string in a way that leaves a really sharp tip. When you turn the clipper on, the string should bob in and out of the ink tube. Dip the sharp tip in a pot of ink and happy tattooing. There's no way this person will get farther than maybe like a tenth of a second in. Ow! Wait a minute. What the hell? Holy shit.

I didn't write about that. They go around the next day, hey, check out my tattoo. It's a dot. You'll know it's working right when it's playing Dick Dale and the Deltons. If you don't have one, I have one. Oh, well, okay.

Yeah, go ahead. Great. Go ahead and do it. Yeah. Uh, what's the grossest thing a couple have done in front of you and where? All right. Keith Old. Keith Old.

All right, go. G'day, Penny. Thank you for your question. Nothing too gross as I recall. Regards. Well, there's a fake button right underneath there. Thanks a bunch, Keith Old. I got nothing.

I'm not sure why you asked me, but... I've never even seen a couple. Lemon, can you be Gene Wright? Gene Wright. Yes, absolutely. I can. A couple in Arizona sold their dog because the buyers wanted it for dinner. We called the cops, but they arrived too late.

My cousin ran after the buyers, but they got away. We found out later the poor dog was sold to a hot dog vendor. Mm-hmm. Wow. I believe it. Yep. Yeah, that's totally believable. Mm-hmm.

So apparently there was like a dog drug deal that happened right in front of them where they ran after the buyers. The more I visualize it, the less I'm able to visualize it. Yeah. Frank West, you are the anonymous at the bottom. I was going to say the last anonymous. Yes. I'll tell you via email after you have proven me beyond any and all doubt that you have already celebrated your 18th birthday.

Yay! And your 18th birthday is bolded and underlined. Yeah. Also, so is after. This dude is serious. He doesn't really care if you're 18, but you have to have had celebrated your 18th birthday. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We just kind of let it go by. Oh, this person is anonymous, but they have a very lengthy profile on the site. Sure. And I'm just going to read a tiny blurb of it. I'm also a life member of the American Association for Nude Recreation, which is a group of around 50,000 nudists who simply enjoy fun things in the nude because we, as a group, believe that if Almighty Gowd had intended for human beings to be born naked all the time, we would... Naked, naked, naked, nude, nude, naked, naked, nude.

Tattoos. Naked, naked, naked, nude, Mensa, naked, naked. Oh! Yeah, I saw Mensa, so I was scrolling down. I was like, oh, boy. So there is a lot of threads about penis enlargement. Well, foreskin restoration? Yeah.

You know, I didn't actually see any foreskin restoration in here, no. But I did see the penis enlargement. So we had to choose the see the penis enlargement, so we had to choose the best possible penis enlargement thread. Well, blurt it, brother. And by the best, I mean the best spelled.

So, Jimmy Franks, if you will ask the question posed in this thread. Can I increase the size of my panic? Anonymous there at the top. Jimmy Franks. My panic size is very small.

I want to increase that. How I can increase suggests me and my sex time is very less also. I think this next one's for me, too. No, no, this is a different person. It's spelled differently. Oh, okay. So, Isfahan, you're the next anonymous. I am.

Hi. I am just 20 years old, but my pen in this size is 5.2 inches. I will not 7 inches. How to make it. Please help me.2 inches. I will not 7 inches. How to make it pools help me, thank you. Oh, can I be anonymous? Yep. Good.

The penis is blood! Deadly sinners! Deadly sinners! I'd like to point out that is the first time the word penis has been spelled correctly. Welcome to the F+, penis is blood. Penis is blood. Increase the size of the blued vessels.

Streak the penis with your hand. Exercise to increase the blood flow and to increase the vein size. That's the basic way exercise and stretch. Streck. And streck. A serve is the size of your palm.

Each daily three plus serve fruits, three plus serve veggies, three plus serve grains, three plus serve veggies. Three plus serve grains. Three plus serves proteins over meat. Please. Three plus serves calcium dairy. Dent navel.

One multivitamin a day. One cup of water every half hour. Other vitamins of your choice. Six to eight meals a day. Exercise one plus hour a day. Always warm up, then streck before you do a session. Are you having troubles with impotence? Consider obesity.

Yeah. Weights or no weights is fine. Sure. YouTube exercises. The best. Exercise every muscle in your body throughout the week. Start with the highest weight you can handle, then work down gradually to a low weight through the session. That's not how that works.

What? Do it until you can't. Don't stop for muscle pain. Muscle pain is good. Stop if you have bone pain. Right. Okay. As many reps, as many sets, as little rest time as possible per exercise.

I'm feeling the burn. Take another weight off. Mon cardio. Two's upper body. Wed cardio. Thrust a lower body. wed cardio, thrust, a lower body, fry cardio, sat core, sun, your choice, or rests.

Can I be the second to last anonymous? My penis is cross, how straight. My penis is cross! It's really ticked off, man. Why have you not made me bigger yet? house straight. Penises cross! It's really ticked off, man! Why have you not made me bigger yet? And anonymous help please provides take pills! Just any pills. It doesn't matter.

This really does seem like the sort of topic who would bring out the absolute best answers. The list of also-asked ads! Yeah, what else is in there? How to increase my pennies size.

You'd think someone who's so preoccupied with their penis would know how to spell the word. How I increase my pennies size. How to increase my pine size. How can I increase pannish size? How can I increase my pennies? How can I increase panish size? How can I increase

my pennies? You know what? I bet a lot of these are the same person. It's just like... There are two others that are in panic size. Yeah. Okay, so that was a very silly sight, so we're going to do this one instead much better.

How can I improve my sex power? Okay, so that was a very silly sight, so we're going to do this one instead, much better. How can I improve my sex power? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my client only wanted to improve his sex power. How can I improve my sex power? You're the first anonymous, it's fine. Make a paste of tea and tomatoes and use it on your penis at least 15 days regular. Eat up, penis! I love you! Oh, penis isn't eating lately!

He must be sad! It's really getting thin. Just take it from me. You're gonna want to wait for it to reach room temperature. Don't just put it on right off the stove. That will gave a long stay power. Someone told me, and I tried it, really helps. Boots, you are the anonymous that seems to want to talk about garlic a lot. Oh, that's good.

You can improve your sex power by using garlic Sure, right Step right up Just take three pieces of garlic in the morning Time for one month But be careful, it causes side effects Like mouth ulcer Then take lemon juice too in the noon time

And take vitamin Lemon juice is the last thing you want You should rub salt in your wound. Then take vitamin minerals capsules. Also, it can heal your sex power naturally. One month with lukewarm milk. And take fruits, too. Steal them.

Sure. You might get your hand cut off. Fruits are the best source of vitamins. Yay, one more thing. If you're not able to chew garlic, you can buy Himalaya garlic pearls from Chemist Shop. Unnecessary asterisk. Garlic pearls is a medicine made from garlic juice. Both nonsense.

Packed in capsules. Good luck, friends. Medicine. nonsense packed in capsules good luck friends medicine i like how the stupid kind of cancels it out because that guy's salt called it sex power and this person who is also stupid knew exactly what it was talking about oh yeah sex power oh yeah sex power i know what that is when you're in bed one night and you're the boy, put your feet on top of hers and see if she reacts. If so, then put your hands on her boobs and see if she reacts. Then, if she wants you to do something else more sexual, you are ready to have sex with her. This post brought to you by the kid who sits next to you in sixth grade.

Sex power. Oh, my God. There's so many. I like how there is hand slash S. So if you happen to have a second hand, put that on our boobs, too. Somebody should do Kiana Tate. Frank West, take it. You don't need to think about sex.

You need to think about those books. Tony Soprano? Hey, Lemon? Did Anonymous' mom come into this thread? If you want to improve your sex power, then eat red dry fruit like anna, chuck knitter, and many more. And do an exercise daily. I'm 100% you improve your sex power.

You wear red underwear. That's quite a punchline. Sex power secrets they don't want you to know about. Jimmy Franks, what was... Wait, could anybody tell me what Chuck Netter is supposed to be? Or Anar? Nope. Dry red fruit, obviously. I think they mean Chikandar.

Hey, Jimmy Franks, what was this question also asked as? Oh. It's in the right column. It's the last thing in the right column. So this post, again, is how can I improve my sex power? Well, many ways, Lemon. Yeah, how could I improve my sex power? How can improve my sex power? Right. How improve my sex power? How can improve my sex power?

Right. How you improve sex power? How I improve my sex power in time? How I can improve sex power? How to improve sex period? How I improve my sex power? How I can improve my sex power? How I can improve my sex power. I've improved my sex power

and time. Not only is my sex power out of whack, my time is. Oh, I'm sorry. I just had my sex period. Isfahan, what happens

if you were to rip up a cardboard Ouija board? You'd be out about 18 bucks. Well, if the last time you played with the Ouija board, you conjured up any type of negative entity or didn't bring the cursor back to the word goodbye, when you were done playing with it, then you could be in trouble. First off, ripping up the Ouija board will not get rid of the negative

entity if one was conjured out. Sometimes it only... I'm sure he's still out on that. I feel like there's conflicting theories. Sometimes it only makes it worse. So if that's E, or letter Y, you ripped it up, you're possessive SOL.

If you didn't bring the cursor back to goodbye, and you did not bring in a negative entity, then whatever entity you did ask to play with you and that board is not gone. Holy shit. But other than that, but other than all that, ripping it up would not hurt you or anybody else. Jimmy Franks, you have a different opinion. You're the next post down there, the next answer down. Oh, I'm a synonymous.

You would have ripped up a cardboard pieces of a Wii board. MVP. MVP, yeah. I was thinking that. Okay, which one of you guys heard that? If you make a mess, then you clean up the mess. One of the related topics to this one for some reason is, do you love anyone? Can 10-month-old babies eat chicken nuggets?

Also, why are you taking custody of my 10-month-old baby? That's fine. I'll just make another one. Some of these answers are ridiculous. Mainly because from six months, a baby can have things like chicken. So why not chicken nuggets? No, they shouldn't. No.

Or fish fingers. Oh, god shouldn't. No. Or fish fingers. Oh, god damn it. I find it silly how some people constantly fret about what to feed their babies. That is silly. My son is eight. Why are people worried about the nutrition of their children? My son is eight months old, nearly nine, and he will eat anything ranging

from sandwiches cut up to mashed potatoes and beans. Fish fingers and chicken nuggets are his fave. He doesn't gag at all, and he's a happy, healthy boy with the perfect weight. I feel by giving him a wide range of food

that is paving the way for a balanced diet later in life. Yeah, that's a good example of a balanced diet. Fish fingers and chicken nuggets. No, no, a balanced diet later in life. Yeah. First 10 years are all crap. After they've been in the hospital.

We're going to wait until you get type 2 diabetes. Then you're going to get a balanced diet. I personally do not want a son who's fussing at the table and doesn't want to try new things. Would you jump off a cliff if someone said so or that it was

the right way? No. Just to be clear here, your way is the jumping off the cliff. What I said. That sounds dangerous. Would you jump off a cliff. But I said... That sounds dangerous. Would you jump off a cliff, please? Would you? I wish this person would jump off a fucking cliff.

So why do people ask what to give their kids? Yep. You're the mother, so you decide what he or she eats. Simple as. Not every baby is the same. That's... When it comes to nutrition, every baby is baby is the same. When it comes to nutrition, every baby is pretty much the same.

Frank West, you are Guana Le... Lewallon? Guana... You try it. You're as good as any. I'm Guana Lewallon. Guana Lewallon.

I'm Guana Lewallon and I'm...wena Laren. Gwena Laren. I'm Gwena Laren and I'm money blurter. Ah! Yes, as long as they are small pieces and the child has teeth. A lot of moms don't believe in it, but ask your child's doctor. My kids have been eating chicken nuggets since they were around six months

old because they had teeth. Teeth is not the indicator that your children are ready for solid foods. They're continuously eating chicken nuggets. It's a conveyor belt of chicken McNuggets. And they are a healthy weight. Someone please help. They will not stop eating the chicken nuggets.

Oh, there's a lot of comments. I don't want to read any of them. They make me sad. They make me sad. Let's go to a happier subject. Jimmy Franks, which of these two questions would you like to answer? I have two questions. They're similar, but not the same.

So which would you rather answer? I am a werewolf, and I think my girlfriend is a vampire. Stop right there. Oh, come on. All right, all right. Let's hear the other one. Okay, well, I didn't even get to the question part. I'm a werewolf.

I think my girlfriend is a vampire. Am what I'm doing going against our nature? That's question number one. Okay. And the second question is, what are true facts about werewolves and vampires please don't say it's not real or any of that crap oh oh man yeah i should have i should have waited oh gosh yeah it's up to you baby whatever you like oh man uh if i can only choose one i really i i still

want to go with number one i'm gonna trust my trust my guess. Yeah. Terrific. I'm feeling that one. So Jimmy Franks, this might be a, I don't know if this is a funny question or anything, but I'm a werewolf and I think my girlfriend is a vampire. Am what I'm doing a going against our nature? I'm Pam Kruger. There are 103 answers. There are 103. Yeah. No, you're not destined to kill each other.

Don't you know you can both still be friends? Because friendship is stronger than going against nature. Kind of like love is stronger than hate. I like how it's apparently understood that werewolves and vampires are natural enemies. What you have to understand is if you click on most of these responses a lot of them think they are vampires or werewolves they're answering from personal experience they're experts they're experts in the subject there's a vampire werewolf fairy in there frank west you're the first anonymous oh boy don't hate appreciate dude i'm half and half werepire and yes any human reading

this would put us in a mental hospital. We have to keep this on the down low, guys. Halfwerepire. Werepire. So, when the moon is full, he turns into a burning bundle of sticks. No, that's a different spelling of pyre. Come on. Okay, I just assumed he misspelled pyre.

He misspelled everything else. It's not the greatest idea to put these kind of questions on the internet, but... They can track you! Wait, actually, no, I think that's just a really good motto for this website. Yeah. P.S. It worked with my parents.

Like I said, I'm half and half, so yeah, if you don't hate each other, you should be okay. When I was four, my dad went out for blood and never came back. Half and half. We're apart. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, my God.

Yeah, boots, take it. I'm a werewolf. And my best friend in the entire world is a vampire. We do not fight at all. We have so much in common, we have del-cared ourselves, sisters. But some of our vamp friends hate me. But we do not let anything bug us. It don't matter what species as long as you are

friends. God, I hate it when people actually think that vampires and all werewolves hate each other. They don't. Oh. No. Jimmy Franks, next anonymous down, please. I'm a vampire werewolf fairy and that's why I sparkle

and oh my gosh, it's so fun to dance through the woods and suck the blood out of all the little animals that come up to me. And then I catapult them through the trees and go hunting. Sure. Rip them to shreds. Right. The flesh is so delicious.

Great. I have a string hanging out of my mouth and I have a boyfriend who's a vampire pixie merman and he's so little and cute. We all go swimming all the time and we we suck the fish dry, and they die. I like this poster. All right. Boots, this is a little bit of a callback. Okay.

Hey, this is in the food and drink section, healthy food specifically in Blurr. I just had the most incredible raw food experience. Fresh chopped vegetables served in a bowl with dressing. Anyone know what this is called? Oh, I can answer that question. I can answer it. My name is...

I want to be first in the phone book. It's a bail bonds company. In my experience, such food is usually referred to as salad, and the dressing is called salad dressing. Oh, interesting. Sometimes a salad might have a special name. Example, a salad with a Caesar dressing is called a Caesar salad. A salad with apples and walnuts may be a Waldorf salad. Maybe. It may be.

Don't be too quick to judge. Salads consisting of very large, chunky vegetables may be referred to as crudités. Vegetables chopped very finely and slathered in mayonnaise, or worse, salad cream, may be called coleslaw. That's not what coleslaw is, but whatever. Wait, I have a... Oh, yeah. Shit, where did it go? Oh, there it is. Yeah. Wait, I have a... Oh, yeah. Shit, where did it go? Oh, there it is.

Yeah. So somebody is going to be Irshad Mirza. I guess Jimmy Franks. Jimmy Franks. Or Irshad Mirza. Yes. What is the importance of time in our life? Time is the most precious thing in this world.

Because time wants past to become your past. And past can never be back. Only those who value and respect it will reach the summit of success in the year life. By Irshad Mirza, researcher. Researcher of what? The application of periods and exclamation marks. Yes. All right, so let's close out this episode

with a long-ish list of actual blurted topics we did not get to tonight. A little R.E.T. house style. Let's start out with, let's see. Let's go Isfahan first, please. Okay. Is there a Yu-Gi-Oh! sex game?

How do we know what we know? My girlfriend has had sex with six different guys a total of twelve times, four of those times in bed and eight times in cars. She said none of the times did the guys take her blouse off or touch her breast except maybe on the outside.

Is she kidding me? Yes, it's a joke. Why is it that? Is she fucking kidding me? I mean, come on. Is Chatterbait a safe website? No. No, it isn't.

I can tell you it is not. You'll find Mario fucking Yoshi there. Well, no now you know. Why do I not want to have sex with my boyfriend? Could it be I'm straight? What can I use in place of anal beads? What can't you use? Remote control.

How to ride a man sexually tutorial? How to get your boyfriend to have gay sex with you? Come on! Let's have gay sex this time! Tired of us somehow having straight sex. No straighty. No straighty. How do we keep doing that, incidentally?

If you were straddling a guy sitting on a chair and his breathing gets really heavy, then after Erdun asks to go to the washroom, does that mean he most likely bursted? Yeah, probably. I'm a straight male, but I love to look at dicks. Is it normal?

To not know what words mean? Yeah. Can I drink a fat girl's urine? Can I please? Please, can I? Hang on. How fat? Why do guys think girls can't give a good handjob? I've got something to prove. I love you, Blurtit.

Frank West, what do you got? I'm a Christian, and I'm 15. I recently went online to look at women's bodies parts. I didn't do for the same reason as porn. I just wanted to know how it all works. Even so, I was a little sexually excited, but I suppressed it. Have I sinned? Yes, you lied.

A lot. Yeah. That entire thing was a lie. It was a lie. Lemon nailed it. What guy that doesn't want a kid has unprotected sex with a girl every time they have sex

and never use protection? Unprotected sex when they don't use protection? Damn. Well, the first time it was in quotes. Oh, unprotected. She had to define her terms. These are not questions, most of them And with question marks Yeah

You're not paying attention, Frank West That's a good question As it turned out, of the four Herman Cain accusers, two are porn stars and a third one is a long-time liberal political activist He, he, he, typical liberal accusers, two are porn stars, and a third one is a long-time liberal political activist. Hee hee hee, typical liberal accusers.

Especially the porn stars, do you think? No, I don't. Not after that. How skinny do pricks have to be? Is there a standardization board that I can review with? I want to make sure I fit. I'm sick of all these fat cocks.

Do any of you girls out there find stripping and go-go dancing wrong? I find it sick that women who take their cloths off and dance with a pole for selfish men just for money were not sex robots, were people. Who agrees with me? Sex robot. Sex robot. I feel like that's the poll that you're most offended by here. Yeah. Jimmy Franks, what do you got?

Why do I like being a sissy who wears pretty panties? Jimmy Franks curse check. When a guy figures a girl, isn't that the grossest smell ever? This is a new Andrew Dice Clay routine. Or a new Andy Rooney 60 Minutes bit. What will I need to inflate myself like Bambi Blaze does? Ever killed a housefly?

There's a fly been hovering around me for hours, and it's getting annoying. Didn't want to ninja chop it. I'm not in the mood. Any normal ways of getting rid of the pest? Widows are open. They sure are. Widows are sluts. That was in there just for that, wasn't it?

When is the next time I can have sex? Baby! Baby! Baby! The internet says it's okay! Yeah. As soon as you finish up, you just crank up the egg timer. And you watch it with your chin in your hands. Which panties can men wear?

How can make a person unconscious without using chloroform? Because I looked into it, it's expensive. They ask you all these questions. Technically, dead people are unconscious, right? They lack consciousness, yes. Where can I find lonely, sexy women who like young men?

Oh, dear. I think Jimmy Franks is about to end up on a database somewhere. A database of young men who are willing to have sex with lonely, sexy women? And have problems with participles? Drink semen can increase height or not. No, baby, I promise you'll be taller. You'll be taller. Now, this one I have to ask twice because I'm not really sure.

Yeah, you do. Because there's no punctuation. As many times as you need. Yes. Okay. I'm going to give it a few reads. Yeah, you do. Because there's no punctuation. As many times as you need. Yes. I'm going to give it a few reads. All right, good. What's up? My butt is sore a lot?

Okay. Good. What's up? My butt is sore a lot. He keeps complaining while it's up there. What's up? My butt is sore a lot? I think that's my favorite one. Hey, what's up my butt is sore a lot i think that's my favorite one

are we going to be sucked into a black hole and i'll die tomorrow is that a is that a hadron collider how do you know a girl is a virgin after having sex with her? Truth isn't self-evident, is it? No. No, a girl having sex and still being a virgin, that's what's going to cause us all to be sucked into a black hole and die tomorrow. No logical problem. And finally, how do you know what a guy is thinking?

Am I right, ladies? Yeah. What a guy wants. Let's read things instead. Okay, yeah. I forgot my PIN number. Can you help me? Nope.

Cannot. Why are people being racist? Can you give me some examples? Examples of why? Yeah. Is it legal to kill bacteria? Genocide. I have a dull ache

in my right side just below the ribcage. The ache radiates from the right front to the middle of my back, mostly on the right side. I've had upper and lower CAT scans and several chest rays that show nothing. What could it be? I've been to a medical institution,

so please diagnose me, Internet. I don't know what this could be. Have you considered asking Blurred It? Yeah. How to increase fat with medicine. How could I improve my sex? I am 27 unmarried. Oh, 27.

I have no idea. What do you believe to be a sin? How to get a boy hard on the phone. Oh, no. The only thing I can do on the phone is make a boy horny. Yeah. Could my dog be a racist? I don't know.

You'll have to give me some examples. Why are dogs racist? How do I tell my girlfriend I really am sorry after a fight? And when do I say sorry she says

I didn't mean? How else can I show her I'm sorry? That was a lot of Canadian sorries. I like that about that question. Why do a fish

has to lay so many eggs? Yay, slutty fish! Why do a fish has to lay so many eggs? He's just standing there with his fish tank of fucking fish. Stop! Stop laying eggs! Stop it! Oh, why does this have to happen?

There's got to be a better way. What food do I serve with a sandwich tray? Fish eggs? Caviar. How to make dog fat. Okay, try one more reading in that, just in case. How to make dog fat. Maybe with dog fat.

Is that a recipe? Is that what they're looking for? How to get a very hard erection. Like a difficult one? Get an expert erection. Yeah, this one's in hardcore mode erection chivo iron man erection

how do you know if you're a vampire I have had a milky creamy taste in my mouth for the past week any ideas what could be causing this are you a baby

it's a you should be eating chicken nuggets by now, really. It's been a non-stop stream of Cadbury's Easter cream eggs. They're going to go away soon. All right, well, I got a couple more here. How to get white teeth overnight. Is the Luigi board real?

There is more than one time that that question has been asked unblurted. People striking out left and right on that. Where are you, Mario? On the Luigi board, there's an uh-oh. Anyway, can werewolves get food poisoning? I don't understand. I thought being a werewolf was supposed to prevent this. This is actually a question that's really fucking amazing.

What does sex mean? I don't know. Some people don't know. I don't know? It's confusing. My dog ate some multi-grain Cheerios with banana and milk and now has had diarrhea for days. I tried giving her some white rice from the Chinese food I

ordered last night, and I think that made things worse. What should I do? Feed her fucking dog food. Feed her whatever food. You mean chicken nuggets? Yeah. My baby and my dog eat out of the same bowl. This is a slightly shorter question

than the previous one. Are gays okay? Yeah, they're okay. Nothing great, but, you know. Can you just check in on them I mean I want to make sure I worry hey you guys doing alright alright they're not awful

but they're not great either can a person get MRSA by going to the funeral of a dead person who died of MRSA in the blood there's just aerosol MRSA in the funeral of a dead person who died of MRSA in the blood. There's just aerosol MRSA in the air at a dead person's funeral.

Depends on what you do with a funeral, I suppose. Also, the funeral of a dead person. Anyway. It's G.G. Allen's funeral. Well, yeah, you could get any kind of virus. Even 30 years after the fact you could get MRSA from G.G. Allen. Is it okay for men to wear panties

and Kotex maxi pads? Just that brand, though. Yeah. Why can't an airplane stop in mid-flight? Why does white people's hair grow faster than black people's? Does anyone know how to stop bleeding? Please answer right away.

This one's a puzzler. Do watermelons taste different? Than what? They taste different. Do they taste different than they used to. They've been changing them. And finally, I want to be gay. What should I do?

A dude. That's a good start. Yep. Oh, well. So we visited several fonts of information. So, F+, I'm hoping you learned lots from this. What did you learn from Blurted? That vampires and werewolves can be friends.

Yeah. That's a nice message. Ebony and ivory. I learned that vampires and werewolves cannot be friends. and ivory. I learned that vampires and werewolves cannot be friends. One of the things I noticed from this is that Yahoo Answers is

a place where somebody asks a question and then there's a best answer from several bits of criteria. And Blurt It said, best I don't know. Let's get rid of that feature.

Let's be more egalitarian about this. So, it is one of those wonderful places where every opinion has equal weight, and everything is a fact. So, you know, I like that about it quite a bit. There's, how do so many of these sites exist i don't know what does that happen well yeah like one sure okay sure there's one place where people say dumb things to the internet fine there's There's so many of these. I mean, it's good for the podcast, but what the fuck? Lemon, Google's fucking hard. Yeah. Like, you want

to do research, but you don't want to have to, like, you know, type words and then filter things out and be like, I don't know if that's the one I... You just get somebody to answer it for you, and the first person who blurts out whatever the fuck is in their head... Yeah. But you still have to... somebody to answer it for you, and the first person blurts out whatever the fuck is in their head.

Yeah. This saves you the aggravation of Yahoo Answers, having this hierarchy of things, like people can have opinions on the other opinions. This way, you just get a blanket, garbage mess of opinions

thrown at you. It's delicious. But you still have to cycle through that stuff, though, because, like, you know, like, you ask a question, and for God knows why, you know, 40 people, I guess, you know, because they're, like, have as much time on their hands as you do, but, like, people, so you have to, I guess,

decide on the opinion that you think is right. What's the social aspect of this? Like, are people just, like, meeting each other? Like, do people go, like, oh, yeah, you know? I don't even know... She's a fucking smart lady. Well, I don't even know the mentality...

They're like, has anyone seen so-and-so around? Yeah, I don't even know the mentality... But if you look at some of these questions, they're like, has anyone seen so-and-so around? Yeah, I don't even know the mentality necessary to, like, make use of these sites, like the question and answer sites. Because some of these questions, somebody had to have that question, and then they had to retain that question long enough to sit down at this site and type it in. And there are other people who apparently just, like, hang out and answer questions as they come in. I don't understand. While we've been recording this episode, I've clicked on probably like 30 different people's profiles and every single one of them I clicked on, it shows you how many times they've answered, how many thanks they've had, how many followings they've had, and how many followers they've had.

And every single time, is zero following zero followers zero there's social elements to this site that nobody uses nobody has ever used apparently i was gonna say that that would actually make a little bit of sense it's like an incentivizing factor if like you know you got thanked a bunch and all of a sudden it became because you know like i was for years super duper confused about you know as a as a web developer i use use Stack Overflow all the time, where, like, I type a question, and then somebody on Stack Overflow has also asked my question, and then it has an answer, and that's terrific. But I don't understand the people that squat on Stack Overflow,

like, waiting for PHP questions so that they can answer them. Yeah. Like, that's crazy. But, you know, that provides a helpful service. This, on the other hand, my dog is throwing up and shaking. What is wrong with him? Why are you asking that question? You're not going to get anything out of this.

THEFBL.US, the website fucking where Russian spammers really just beat the shit out of us. And you can complain about the word spastic being used. Otherwise, you can go to BALP, B-A-L-P dot I-T, and that's a good place. It's fun. Bye-bye. Good night.

Good night. I accidentally touched a used condom The only one hand I'm covered Sweet smell in the air I accidentally touched a used condom. Accidentally? Yeah, I accidentally touched a used condom. I washed my hands immediately. Sure. That evening, hands touched my tongue without me even thinking about what occurred earlier.

Whose hands? Your hands? Yeah, hands. Just hands? Hands touched my Yeah, hands. Just hands. Hands touch my tongue. I live inside of Evil Dead. What is the risk of my

contracting HIV? It's transmitted through soap, right? I think Asuka Jr.'s too long to read the whole thing, but that first paragraph is awesome. All right, take it. Okay, the virus that is believed to be the cause of HIV and AIDS is highly vulnerable to oxygen. No! This is to say that if it is exposed to too much oxygen, it breaks down.

Wait, what? How would it exist in the world, then? No, only if it's like too much. If it's just sitting in there That's why people join the Mile High Club because there's so much oxygen in the cabin. That's why it transmits so well through blood because there's no oxygen in blood.

Yeah. So if you have HIV, the way you kill it is to introduce a bunch of air bubbles into your veins and it takes care of it. Get the oxygen in there. I smell a sequel to Dallas Buyers Club here.