The F Plus - 138: The Sound Quality Is Inaudible

Episode Date: June 1, 2014

It's easy to wax poetic on the trancendant power of music as an art form. What goes beyond words, beyond thought, and into a pure rhythmic experience can change you irrevocably. And then you hear a Ke$ha song and wish music never existed. We're looking at extreme audiophiles - people who experience music in such a way that it can only be quantified by large sums of money spent on useless crap. This week, The F Plus ruins your speaker cables with our negative energy.

How audio works. Contrary to what most people believe, electrical engineering has nothing to do with audiophilia, and therefore we don't have any meaningless measurements on our website. This is a man who's selling power cables. Welcome to the F+, your place on the internet for terrible things, read with enthusiasm, but they sound very, very good indeed. In the room tonight we have Boots Ring Ear. Computer doesn't have ears. That's why they use crappy cables. Jimmy Franks! Yes, I spent all my life savings on Valhalla cables.

Now I'm running on fasting fumes to afford the next week. Isfahan! I don't know what placebo is because I have never had it. How do I get it? Frank West! I listen to the music and nothing happens. Poor Tex! After I told her I will take her to Hello Kitty Land in Japan,

she got so happy she didn't sleep for four days straight, but she said she is scared to travel in an airplane, so we need to travel there with a car. Hello Kitty. And Lemon. I just want to take it to the extreme, and now I have a mental disorder? Alright, start us in, Boots. Hey, F+. Hi, Boots. Hi, Boots.

Yeah, I'm driving this one. We're going to catch on fire by the time this episode ends. Hey, I want to ask you some questions here. First, in the last month, how many feet of braided silver cable have you guys bought? Bought? Two. I want to say 13 dozen.

Let's just say I have more in my possession now than I did, but bought is kind of... That's good. I like that. They fell out the back of a truck, did they? So, on your guys' turntables, are your turntable surfaces made of marble or mahogany? That is a personal question. I have a closet where my turntable has been

for the past six years. That's very disappointing to me, Lemon. Both. You obviously don't take sound quality as seriously as some of us do. That's true. I'm not as seriously as you do. No! It's very serious.

I've taken on a second job. Oh, okay. And I've put all of that money into making the sound quality of my stereo as good as possible. You guys remember we did that water episode? Yeah. I do.

Yeah, where... You want me to pour water on the stereo? Yeah, please. Please, I got a point here. In that water episode, we covered some products that were trivial and pointless with a lot of really meaningless subjective qualities. Yep.

So we did that, and now we're going to do sound audiophile stuff, which is completely unrelated. Oh, nothing like that. Well, in terms of personality. Yeah, I've got a document here that was provided to us by Lady Frenzy. Lady Frenzy! Yeah, Lady Frenzy has been really good to us lately. I've got Lady Frenzy again!

It's a recurring case. It's chronic. Chronic Lady Frenzy. Yeah, so let's... I'm sorry, it's very commonly fatal. Your Honor, I was just stricken with a case of Lady Frenzy. Case dismissed.

Great. Hey, Jimmy Franks. Yes, I want you to tell me about your product. Oh, gladly. I work for a company called Less Loss, and I'm going to tell you today about a program called

the Blackbody Ambient Field Conditioner. That sounds... That detects ghosts, right? That sounds very fancy. It won the Publisher's Choice Award 2010 from Stereo Times, so you know that that means quality. For what it's worth, just so the listener knows, this looks a lot like a flux capacitor.

It does, yeah. Yeah, so for the listener, this is a plastic box with a dumb logo on the front, and it has no power cables or components inside. Oh, all right. The black body is unlike any other filter or conditioner, right? All power filters and conditioners address noise found on wires, but there's another type of noise altogether.

Until now, this inconspicuous type of noise has been largely unacknowledged. It's caused by constant electromagnetic interaction between gear and immediately surrounding objects. Stands, racks, nearby signal wiring, enclosures, and other objects containing circuitry or not. So like if your cat's too close to your stereo, that's going to create some noise. Well, if my cat is too close to my stereo and I turn it up all the way, then yes, there will be extra noise. The noise of a fucking freaked out cat.

Oh no, there's wiring in my studio. Well, that's a problem. Well, there's no wiring in my studio. That's also a problem. There's two types of objects. Objects that contain circuitry and objects that don't contain circuitry. And apparently they're both a problem.

What about the human body? Like, is me just being in the room, does that cause problems for the sound? For optimal sound quality, leave the room. It's probably best to listen to music in a void without actually being in a body. Just a void.

You just astral project and you can hear the sound better. But ghosts cause electromagnetic interference, which interferes with sound quality. Look, this type of radiated noise is not confined to wires. So the black body works by absorbing these reflections, effectively solving the problem. Being the only conditioner of its kind, it offers a level of performance previously unattainable. Because it doesn't exist. Okay. Previously and currently unattainable. Because it doesn't exist. Okay. Previously and currently unattainable.

That's pretty impressive. We're going to scroll down just a little bit. I'm going to ask you a question here. Okay. And your answer begins with quite simply. Wow, there's a lot of text. Yeah, there's a lot of text. Wow.

That means there's science in it. Also, this product is no longer available, but Lossless do sell as a replacement. You can buy a six-foot power cable for $600. They recommend having two of those and put in between a power firewall, which costs $4,000. Money well spent. Right. That's like a street fire. So I got this question for you.

So what does EM radiation have to do with hi-fi? Glad you asked that. Good question. Quite simply, different materials proximate to your circuitry will affect that circuitry. So your component enclosures, equipment rack, scattered CD collection, and all other objects in the room, including the air surrounding your circuitry, are active participants in this shared EM ecosystem. It's a vacuum that sucks all the air

out of the room. Finally, we figured out the perfect way to kill Metallica. Many have tried. Share all their files illegally on Napster. In this mutual network of interaction, the EM radiation emanating from your gear

interacts with all other objects' absorption and reflection patterns in a complex fashion. Much like the echo and diffusion of sound waves from various objects in a church, only much more quickly, to the point of occurring practically instantaneously. What does that mean? Someone explain that to me? Sound waves move and reflect off of things. You can apparently prevent that from happening.

With this box full of thimbles glued to a circuit board? Which part of the thimbles on the circuit board absorb the evil air particle noise things? It's the black part. Yeah. Jesus. I'm a girl. I don't understand science. Well, since objects always selectively absorb

and reflect EM radiation, leaving their own spectral signature in the reflection, they affect your component whenever its circuitry sees these colored reflections. That is racist, sir. Oh, no, no, no, no. The coloration we speak of is low-level. Oh. Wait, that's still racist. So that's low-level racism? It does not cause grave distortions such as data fallout errors,

although this can occur with the introduction of too much near-field UV light, for example. But its presence is palpable even with nearby objects. Listen to music in the light. Listen to music in the dark. As long as you're on a planet that has a sun, you're going to have some problems. But its presence is palpable even with nearby objects, which electromagnetically interact with the gear in only a passive way by means of their own reflection. The easiest way to convince yourself of this is to take your entire CD collection,

place it all over your system as close to your electronics as possible. Have a listen. Then remove them as far away as you can. Listen again. You'll notice they sound exactly the same. When they're moved away, the sound substantially clears up due to the absence of multitudinous and haphazard EM reflections from the discs, which were placed all around your gear. I'm picturing a seminar where a guy's up on stage saying all this, and there's somebody down in the audience who's looking to his left and looking to his right at the other people and just nodding. Then he starts nodding slowly.

He's like, yeah, I get it. Is this making sense to you? just like nodding and he starts nodding slowly he's like yeah I get it to be fair the people they're selling this to probably have a big enough music collection to completely cover the speaker so that could affect the sound quality well if you hang them up it also keeps birds away from your garden so you know that's a pretty good description of the product Lemon

you're going to be burning Panda. Tell us about your experience with this product. No problem. I just wanted to mention that there's a really super helpful chart at the very bottom where there's tips, which is showing you where to put the black box in relation to your stereo. And you don't want to put it 20 hyphens away from your stereo. You don't want to put it 20 hyphens away from your stereo. You don't want to put it zero hyphens away from your stereo. Ten hyphens is about the right amount.

All right. So, yes, anyway, I'm burning Panda. On March 25th of 2010, I said this. I purchased and installed two of these wonderful devices and was immediately struck by the new level of spaciousness and clarity imparted to my system. A skeptic friend. Just some quotes.

Is he a true friend? Yeah, this friend. Look, here's the point where he ceased becoming a friend and became a friend. He still foolishly claims he can't hear my pair Anju speaker cables. I just like to keep an interruption. A three-foot pair Anju speaker cable is $2,800. Oh, my God. Is that one or one pair?

Oh, Jesus. Wait! I can hear your pair Anju speaker cables. They're saying, soccer! Soccer! Oh my god. Okay, so this friend asked me to close my eyes and judge when

the black bodies were removed and replaced. Of course, I could not tell because his negative energy completely swapped my negative energy. You're the reason nothing in new age works too. Yeah. Can we get some crystals set up here? Cause they like hearing guitars.

So, I mean, it fits, right? Oh shit. Uh, double blind testing. Be damned.

I have ordered third, which I shall mount over the listening position so it can affect the ambient fields of my body. Thank you, Leslock. And Leslock looks up from, like, flipping through its money to say no. Thank you. See, I was going to make a joke about how

mounting the cable over the listening position in the form of a noose but apparently these damn expensive things aren't even long enough to do that so whatever just need to buy more this is definitely like kind of like with model trains this is definitely the kind of hobby

that addresses people with who are a bit older and have a lot of disposable income yes because they're making things reassuringly expensive. Don't worry, it works. Would it be this much money if it didn't work? Yeah, exactly. Frank West, introduce this product that you've pasted into the Skype call. The Shakti Stone? The stone, rather?

Yeah. Do I put this in my sauna? Pour hot water on it. Looks like it could do a good job of steaming up a sauna. That may be the only thing it could do a good job at. Hey, you're not filled with confidence, Mr. Salesman. Actually, yeah, the corners are flattened, so it wouldn't even make a good bludgeon. Jesus, that's fine.

That's where my mind goes. That's where his mind always goes. I'm going to go to my alternate dimension and kill myself. Every time he's not talking, just assume he's thinking that. Just make a good improvised weapon. All right. All right. What do you got here?

So Shakti Innovations was founded in 1994. The goal is to design products that improve the performance of electromagnetic components in the automotive and audio worlds through a unique patented process that absorbs and dissipates what is commonly referred to as electromagnetic interference. I thought the goal was to fleece old rich guys, but that sounds good too. By its very nature, it's already constantly dissipating. Well, it's sent out by the government to take over your mind, so this will help it not, or do, or replace it with music. A unique patented process that absorbs and dissipates old people's money.

Well, no, it doesn't dissipate it. It actually collects it and goes to central repositories. Yes. As good as today's components are, they all self-generate EMI, which degrades signal transfer functions. The legendary electromagnetic stabilizer The Stone

was born. It's a little rock. It's a stone. The user only needed to place the unit in close proximity to his component's power supplies and other critical circuit locations to realize audible sonic benefits.

The kind of sonic benefits you Ooh, audible sonic benefits. Audible. I mean, other... The kind of sonic benefits you hear. You know what? I bet in this community they talk about inaudible sonic benefits all the time. Yeah, just benefits to the sound. Obviously you can't hear it, but it totally sounds better. As opposed to visible

sonic benefits. Well, no, like, this doesn't really improve the audible sound, but you can feel the difference. You can smell it. This is a warmer, warmer kind of bullshit. So you just, you place the rock, apparently, on the cables? Yeah, just, yeah, in the middle of the cables.

Or just near them. It's a rock with some wires in it, and you put it near your cables. Okay, sure, yeah, absolutely, no problem. If I go outside and dig up some rocks and put them on my cables, what effect will that have? That depends. Did you pay thousands and thousands of dollars for them?

Hey, not thousands of dollars. Frank West, I want to buy Shakti the stone. How much will it cost me? It'll cost you $2.99. Oh! $2.99. I got you. That's reasonable. $2.29. I can't, I'm sorry. Wow, that's even better!

It's like we're in an infomercial now. Why does it say $2.29 dot and then like a hyphen after it? $2.29 dot negative. So it's $2.29... They're leaving space to add more zeros. You could also buy the Haleograph Soundfield Optimizer, which is a bunch of Waverly wooden rods

I think it's a menorah I know if you've got a cat it's going to want to climb on it It's three-eighths of a menorah How much is what the fuck else you just said You can get that for an easy one-time payment of $1,695. Plus shipping. Two things I want to point out is, first of all, it's the new and improved version of the wavy wooden rods.

Of course. And secondly, the patent is pending. So they went into the patent office and said, I got some wavy sticks. Yeah, we'll get right on that. But wavy sticks, they make the sound good. They make the sound good. Wavy stick? Wavy stick sound. It's made with exotic hardwood, which I'm pretty sure means balsa.

It contours the frequency, amplitude, and time coefficients of the first reflections you hear, which produces a stunning increase in realism. I take back all of the fun we just made. And if you've got some clothes out of the dryer that are still kind of wet,

you can hang them on there overnight and they'll be ready to go in the morning. Those are the nicest sounding clothes you're going to wear all week. Giant egg beaters, I guess maybe. What else we got? We've got something for Portex. We're going to move on to there's going to be two characters in our episode that we're going to focus on.

This one is Jeff Cate. He's an inventor. He's got some wonderful things. This is the first of them. How do these sites keep getting uglier? It doesn't make any sense. We started at such a low bar. The next one's going to have animated gifs.

There's going to be like a rotating CG skull. Yeah, bleeding skulls is next. A dancing baby with $3,000 headphones on. So Portex's temporary alter ego, Jeff Cate. Hi. What's the name of your company? Jeff Cate's Amazing Emporium of Useless Bullshit for Dumb Idiots. I think that's right.

Machina Dynamica's Brilliant Pebbles. Yes, Machina Dynamica, I believe. Machina Demica. Yeah, sure. Machina Dominica. And your product you're introducing to us are the Brilliant Pebbles? Yeah, the Smart Rocks. So, the Smart Rocks, for anyone who wants to know, are gemstones shoved into cheap little plastic bags akin to something a kid would buy at an amusement park at Silverdollick City and shit.

So this is like the previous product, just without all the engineering. Yep, these are prettier. Well, she did ask what happens if she just dug some rocks out of her backyard. Yeah, this is what happens. Yeah. Well, what the heck is it? All right, well, what the heck is it? Brilliant Pebbles, smart rocks, is a unique and comprehensive system for tuning the room and audio system based on special physical properties of highly symmetrical crystal structures.

None of the rocks in there are symmetrical, but fuck it. They're highly symmetrical. You said it. They're highly symmetrical. They're so symmetrical they don't look symmetrical anymore. You know what? You said crystal, so I'm just going to get out my wallet right now. All right, cool. Brilliant Pebbles has been evolving since its introduction six years ago at the London Hi-Fi Show. Sorry, the London Hi-Fi Show.

Especially the number of applications, many of which were discovered by our customers. We didn't discover them. I don't even know what our rocks do, but our customers seem to find uses for them. We gave them to these dumbasses, and they said, I think this makes sound better. And we said, ka-ching, and you know, smart rocker boy. Why don't you buy them, tell me what you think.

Brilliant Pebbles addresses specific resonance control, and the Hi-Fi My Absorption problems associated with audio electronics, speakers, and cables, as well as acoustic wave problems associated with listing room boundaries and the three-dimensional space within the boundaries. So Paper Mario doesn't have a problem with these, but you will have a problem with your sound quality. You're entering pyridine territory with this here. Yep. So, you know, Fruity Pebbles

comprises a number of precious and semi-precious stones. Crystals. Oh, okay. Running my charge card through again. Swiping it

through the monitor. Yep. Selected for their effectiveness. If you want a free wolf shirt with your bag of rocks, we get that to you for an extra

$2,000. The original glass bottles for Brilliant Pebbles have been replaced by clear Ziploc bags, because those cost way less for us, and it doesn't matter. What's the actual reason? Which have more linear response than glass?

Oh, of course, of course, yes. That sounds scientific, yes. Yeah, that sounds scientific. Sure. Look, I graduated Skunchmore Community College for sound of shit. You guys didn't. I understand what's going on when you put rocks next to your speakers. We employ a number

of highly specialized proprietary techniques in the preparation slash assembly of brilliant pebbles to enhance the crystal's inherent characteristics. The fundamental operating principle... What? You ass... Oh. If you put the Brilliant Pebbles

next to other Brilliant Pebbles, that enhances the Brilliant Pebbles music ability? It's a feedback loop. Except it doesn't... Except it eliminates feedback. Yeah, except it eliminates feedback. It's like a gifted school, except it doesn't, it contributes. Except it eliminates feedback. Yeah, except it eliminates feedback. It's like a gifted school, but for rocks.

Right. You put a bunch of gifted crystals together, and then they all succeed. Yeah, you put, well, you know, if you buy one bag of rocks and another bag of rocks, then... Then I've charged you for two bags of rocks. Right, exactly. And, you know, so I, you know, it works Right, exactly. And, you know, so it works good for me. So, you know. I feel like you should just be able to skip the middleman and just put the rocks in your

ears, therefore just magnifying the experience. No, having rocks in your ears. Now, Jimmy, are your ears made of plastic? No. That'll be a problem. You're right. I'm sorry. That was pretty stupid.

I know. Quit being a dumbass. See, the fundamental operating principle of good stones involves a number of atomic mechanisms in the crystals. Oh my god, they have atoms in them? Well, you see, I come from a universe written by Marvel Comics, so, you know,

atoms and crystals and energy and shit. So, the good rocks will enhance the performance of your audio system so your favorite music and even your experience playing online fantasy games will become a mind-blowing auditory experience. And let's be fair here.

If you're here seriously considering these rocks, you absolutely play online fantasy games. I'd just like to point out that the phrase online fantasy games actually is a link to a website which he's probably getting money from if you sign up, just in case he's not

squeezing enough money out of you. Yeah, online fantasy games and you guys might be thinking, you know, World of Warcraft or, you know, something like that. No, it's Drakensang Online, your epic fantasy adventure featuring a viking, I think in the middle of an orgasm while his finger's getting broken. No, he just missed his bus.

You have rag orgasms, Portex. I've never seen a dwarf gnome have an orgasm. What's that guy behind him doing? Yes. My name's Thomas. Hey, Thomas. In February 2006, I said this. I can't believe it!

Earlier today, I rearranged things so that my quantum electroclear line stabilizer is closer to my system. I took the micro pebbles off the top of the electroclear and put the bottle in my pocket. Then I spent an hour listening to music. I had finished listening to a CD the second time through when I suddenly realized that the pebbles were still in my pocket. So I put the bottle back on top of the electro-clear and wow! Wow! Wow! I almost felt like Alice in

Wonderland! Ah! Ah! Ah! And then I took a bunch of hallucinogenic drugs and I thought a rabbit was talking to me. I felt like I was ten feet tall. The system sounded so amazingly new and organic and correct, it's difficult to even put it into words, but the sound is now very tactile,

and it felt as much as heard. Wow! And the soundstage? It's as if my listening room has grown enormous in size. Thanks, thanks, thanks! You know what I mean. Oh, so you grew small, you didn't grow big. Yeah, that's the other part I also wanted to know.

So I'm looking at the photo, and you literally take the bags of crystals, and you tape them to your cables. Yeah, you scotch tape. And how much do you imagine going in someone's house and just they've just got pebbles

taped everywhere? How much does a tiny, tiny little bag of pebbles cost? Uh, let's see. Will the micro? Yeah. Micro with a K. I guess that's like when you have to spell crab with K when it's fake crab.

The harsh lines on the K as opposed to the C help guide the sound towards his wallet faster. Okay, well those are a mere, just one small contribution of $29 each. Not bad.

I see micro brilliant pebbles is... Oh, wait, how come... Okay, okay, that's a... Micro brilliant pebbles, if you scroll down, is $29 each. But scroll up, where you actually add it to your cart, and Micro is $39. Oh, you see that?

Nifty. They go up $10 by the time you want to purchase them. Well, similarly, check this out. Mini Brilliant Pebbles are $59 each, but in the drop-down, they're $79. Large is $99 until you order it, which is $129. Wow. And extra large is $129 until you order it,

at which point it turns into $159. It could only be more blatant if when you click on a link, it goes to a page with just like 72 point font says, I'm ripping you off. Terms and conditions. Click here to order. I don't think that's fair. I believe that there's

probably a lot of valid use for that product. The same for this product, Isfahan. I like all these URLs. What the fuck? Sticky tech dots? Oh, this is the stuff you use to keep your laptop

from scuffing your desk. Okay, folks. Stuff you use to stick your poster to the wall. What's your product called?

It's new! Jeff? I forget your name. Machina Dynamica's brand new product, codename Blue Meanies. Room tuning device. Machina Dynamica's new product, codename Blue Meanies, room tuning device.

Machina Dynamica's latest product, codename Blue Meanies, is a set of four adhesive-backed three and a quarter inch blue dots that are attached to the walls of the listening room, one dot per wall. If there are only three walls in the room, if you have a triangular room in your house,

two blue dots should be placed on one of the walls. Codename green meanies are now available for the ceiling of the listening room, one or more per ceiling. If you have multiple ceilings in your listening room. Okay, so what happens if you put a green

one on the wall and a blue one on the ceiling? The climax of Raiders of the Lost Ark. What if I use them to stick a note onto my fridge and the blue one on the ceiling. The climax of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Don't even joke about such things. What if I use them to stick a note onto my fridge or something? Then you are living the good life. Because these things are expensive.

Look, the blue meanie is neither a damper nor a resonator, so its location on the wall, unlike dampers and resonators, is not critical whatsoever. Technically, that is true. Yes, you know, I'm giving it to you real here. Technically, that is true.

Anyway, buy it. It's expensive. You know it's good. A blue meanie can be placed anywhere on the wall, semicolon. It can even be hidden behind a picture or bookcase. Because as we all know, sound just travels through things. Well, until it finds a blue meaty. I imagine someone going into a house now

and you're visiting someone and you accidentally knock a painting off the wall and then there's these things behind it and then you turn around and you see they've taped rocks to the sides of their machines and you turn around again and there's just waving pieces of wood over there and you're like, oh my god. Yeah, they call it Night of

the Rich Dumbasses. This wouldn't come as a surprise. Like, this kind of person, you would know that they were weird up front. Four white, three quarters of an inch removable paper stickers are provided to cover the blue dots if desired. By the way, these paper

stickers probably cost a few hundred dollars, just guessing. Sure, if desired. By the way, these paper stickers probably cost a few hundred dollars. Just guessing. Sure, if desired. Making them less conspicuous. Because if there's one thing audiophiles don't like to do, it's show off all their crap. I'm hoping that the stickers are just like really bright neon glittery like My Little Pony stickers

to cover up. Because you'd much rather want to be known as a brony as a dude who bought fucking blue dots and stuck them on your goddamn wall. You hope that about all stickers. I just put Diego stickers all over my walls to cover up my blue dots. It's less embarrassing. If you draw around them, they become a blue's clues.

Oh, not bad. Oh, boy. Well, now that Lemon doesn't like it, I do like it. You're welcome. That's your barometer. Does it make someone angry? Codename Blue Meanies operates via mind-matter interaction.

It actually says that. That is correct. That's the only thing correct we've seen so far on this site. The subconscious mind interacts with room boundaries, i.e. closed-in spaces, producing a claustrophobic reaction that interferes with and degrades the listener's sensory perception. It's like putting in a better set of interconnects. And I think you all know just how much putting in a better set of interconnects improves sound quality. It also degrades people's opinion of you.

It's a two-in-one. The price is $99 for a set of four blue meanies. That's four little blue stickers. Wow. You say several times in the copy, does not work. You think it works.

Yeah. So literally the way that this works is you put them on the wall and you think that the walls don't exist anymore? Well, there's additional benefits. Yeah, additional benefits can be obtained by placing more than one blue meanie per wall and placing one or more blue

meanies on walls of other rooms in the house, bolded. Oh my God. Likewise, so yeah, it's almost like the more you buy, the more price improves. Oh, by the way, they're still $99 for a set of four. Likewise, one or more green meanie can be used for the listening room ceiling and for ceilings of other rooms in the house.

Oh, that's nice of you to tell me more things. So, like, would it be okay if I bought, like, if it works in other rooms in the house, can I just dedicate a room to just sticking thousands upon thousands of these things on the walls and ceiling? As the person selling these, yes, you should. Well, but the thing is, is if you did that, it might actually alter the audio quality of the room or the space. So if you did that, it might work. You got to figure it out, man.

You gotta figure it out, man. The price that you mentioned, the $99.99 for four, stays the same, but the $25 each for the green meanies goes up $4. Yeah, it's $29 in the drop-down. Hey, I wanted to say something.

I listened to the Dots last night and there seems to be a clear improvement in the music music less congested. Strange. That was very strange. He listened to the Dots. Another happy customer. They talked to him.

I listened to the Dots, and they told me to divorce my wife. Strange. Hey, guys. I'm also Jeff Cate. And I've got another new invention for you. Great. This is the Baby Promethean Mini Isolators. Ooh.

Not that. Okay, so I'm just going to guess what these are with that before we play it on. Okay, good. Judging from the description, I'm going to say it's a ping pong ball full of sand that you stick next to your system. That is way too complicated. There's obviously four cheap springs. What? You're fucking with me.

If I click on this and I see... What the fuck? What the fuck? Tell me about it. Tell me about it. Muck and the Dynamics new product, Cryo Baby Promethean Mini Isolator, is a cryogenically treated, high-performance, hardened steel compression spring for isolating audio components from structure-borne vibration.

Three baby Prometheans can isolate a component weighing up to 30 pounds. Heavier components can also be isolated by using a sufficient number of springs, one spring for each 10 pounds. What this means is you stick your fucking stereo on top of a bunch of springs. It's like if you're trying to, like, build something and the instructions have been translated from, like, Japanese

to Korean to English. That's what this sounds like. So you can turn your stereo into a lowrider, right? Yes. Or a shitty mattress. Hydraulics? It looks like this picture was taken and then he turned it upside down. Yeah.

For some reason the picture, the illustrations... Because they seem to be hanging from the ceiling the way it's oriented. They're not supposed to be that way. Spring diameter 1 inch, uncompressed height 1.5 inches, compressed height 1 inch. Their low profile and outstanding lateral stability allow baby Prometheans to be placed directly underneath the component. Recommended load is 25 to 30 pounds for a set of three springs. When isolating lighter components like CD players, the set of springs should be preloaded with a slab of flagstone, granite, or marble, or a two-inch thick maple board might suffice. Might.

In many cases, three or four 12x12 marble or ceramic tiles from Home Depot can be stacked to achieve the desired load. See photo below. Home Depot? Wait a minute. You don't want to recommend people go there. They might find other things. Is this compatible with my Shakti electromagnetic stabilizer? What about my bag of rocks?

Yes. Put the rocks to the Shakti stabilizer and then put springs underneath it. I was in the other tab googling how much 1.5 inch 10 pound capacity springs cost at Lowe's. And? And while I was looking, he said Home Depot, and I came over.

I was like, oh. I already know how much they cost. They're $13 each. Anyway, each spring is rated at 10 pounds, so five springs are required to isolate a 50-pound component. Yep, yep, definitely. Baby Promethean can isolate very heavy components. However, due to center-of-gravity considerations, a large 24x30 hardwood plate should be placed under the very heavy component

with springs placed in a wide pattern under the hardwood plate. For example, ten springs required to isolate an amplifier weighing 100 pounds. Yeah, so basically take your CE player, balance it on three springs, and hope nobody sends their beer on it. I just want to say that if this episode has been out for a couple of days and nobody has provided me with Coily the

Spring Sprite fan art, I will be very disappointed. No springs! Baby Prometheus. Okay, so let's take a break. Let's take a break from Jeff. Let's spend a little bit of time on Stereophile.com. That sounds fun.

What's the website design on that going to look like? It's actually an improvement. It will have ads that will obstruct your view quite a lot. It does. It does indeed. I always wanted to know what a stereo magazine would look like if it was also a guns and ammo magazine.

So, I got a question. I was hoping somebody could take a poll for me. And that's gonna be Lemon. Lemon, tell me, and that's going to be Lemon. Lemon, tell me, how many female audiophiles do you know personally or have met? Well, you know, I've been out there, and I've been talking to a lot of people, a lot of audiophiles. Presumably a lot of them are men, surprisingly enough.

And I've not found anyone who has met... Wait, how do I phrase this? I've not met anyone who knows 100 or more female audiophiles. That makes sense. Or 50 to 90. Or 30 to 50.

Look, and really, here's what matters. Everyone knows none female female audio files. There's outliers to the statistic, but really, like, if it comes to cases, nobody knows any female audio files. Ever. Of the people responding to this, what percentage of them were female? Oh, what percentage of the responders were female? Oh, what percentage of the responders were

female? Three. Three people out of, oh boy, 230? 266. Somewhere around there? 266. Alright, yeah. Which means... 1%.

Yeah, that's been my findings. None. I hope that someday I'll meet my dream girl in the high-end room. There's no sex in the high-end room. And then I'll get to touch your high-end with my sex dick. First you gotta put screens around my crotch. Yeah, it's got some rocks taped to it so you can hear my dick really well. My name is T.

Hey, T. And a girlfriend I once had was an audiophile. It was I who made her into an audiophile. You were the one they spoke of in Prophecy! Sorry, but I have not found a single female audiophile so far. If I can find one, I'll marry her. Instantly. There is no choice.

That's a threat. It is going to happen. My name's Jim! Many females have been amazed by the sound of my high-end system, but I've only been able to convince one to improve her system. If you know what I mean.

My name's... They're not even using their high-end audio systems to get laid. They're just like, you should do this too. All right, thanks, see ya. I'm Matt Grew. Hey, Matt! Yeah. My ex-wife, she became an audiophile years after we divorced.

Had she selected this hobby years earlier, I might not have walked out. Oh. Oh, shit. Wow. Wow. Take that, bitch. Does he write Netflix reviews in his spare time?

My name is Matthew Neal. Hey, Matt. Hello. Like to meet some. Okay, I got it now. Hi there, my name is Ken Kirkpatrick. My wife's ears perked up when I brought in the turntable. By the way, she's a dog.

She much prefers the sound of LPs. She is going to go get her old LPs from her parents' house. I was getting excited until she started talking about her Carpenters and Disco LPs. Maybe one audiophile in the family is enough. Fuck that Carpenter shit, I'm gonna put on Kraftwerk. Yeah, no, no, uh, late R.E.M. albums. I will, and I have met one. I met her in college, I just graduated. The only problem was, she was a bit strange.

Sure. Unlike everyone else. She's a weirdo. My name's Gene Ray. My significant other and I are women who do love great sound.

We have some other ladies involved on an informal basis. I have some other ladies involved on an informal basis. I have found going into a sales outlet does cause the gentleman to be somewhat uncomfy in dealing with me. I will not hazard a reason

why. Because they're not socialized. Anyway, I'm into fin dom if anyone wants to hit me up. That's what you gotta do, yeah. If you're a woman who's just trying to bulk money out of dudes, you should go after these audiophiles. Hang on, hang on, hang on.

Gotta write this down, gotta write this down. Fine, rich nerd. They are obviously loaded. Isfahan, John Grimaldi, please, please, please. Okay. they are obviously loaded. Isfahan, John Grimaldi, please, please, please. Okay. Alright, which page is he on?

It's in the Skype. Oh, okay. My name is John Grimaldi. They don't exist. I tried like hell to find one five years ago so that I could marry her and live happily ever after. Oh dear. But every woman who I thought had shared my orgasmic lust

for audio. Oh dear! I later found out and faked it. Get your hands off my stereo, you fucking creep. So that's a different concept of faking it, then. They faked their audio orgasm. It was so disappointing. It was emasculating. Yeah. They reveal themselves when

they start comparing the size of your audio budget versus the size of their engagement ring semicolon. Then they broach the subject of turning your listening room into a nursery. I finally gave up and married a woman who's half-deaf, post-menopausal

and rich. I'm in heaven. You got it all figured out, John Grimaldi. Yeah. I think I really puffed into the microphone. Sorry. Hey guys, I'm Mark Donner-Weber. Mark! Yeah.

Early in my courtship, sorry. Early in my courtship with my wife-bot, she was interested in audio beep boop that may not be a euphemism sex robot you know wife bot should be interested

in your audio setup you didn't program her right well she was she was interested in audio but after marriage it became painfully obvious that it was merely a ruse of the courtship ritual we all play with our perspective mates.

Our perspective mates. Yeah. Now, my daughter seems very interested. She knows high-end sound, has a decent entry level for a nine-year-old, mid-slash-high-end system, daddy's hand-me-downs.

But this begs the question, is this because she's daddy's girl? It seems that females just aren't that interested as a whole. But their exits simply exceptions. What? Boop. Wifebot says you're

wasting money. I got a good question for you, by the way. My name's Kijetel Weddleboe, something like that. Anyway, my question is, do they ever listen at all? Hey! That's my time!

Your stand-up could use some work, I gotta say. The thing about women, they're just not interested in conversation. I just noticed that in the previous thing that we were reading, somebody left a comment that ends with, Stevie Nicks helped. I don't know what sort of fucking death spiral you're in, but if you're in a place where Stevie Nicks helped,

like, you're in a bad place. There's nowhere to go but up. Stevie Nicks got me through some rough times, man. You're an optimist, Jimmy. So we've had some fun times here. We've listened to some ridiculous products. We've heard the rational thoughts of audiophiles. I don't remember that part.

What's the problem with audiophiles? They're bad listeners. Yeah, let's move on to a real hero in optimizing sound fidelity. We're going to talk about a guy named Patrick82. So I'm Patrick82, and I started an important conversation.

A conversation about vegan food and audiophilia. Vegan food for better sound, calmer body, higher resolution. Oh my god! This won't body, higher resolution. Oh my god! This won't be crazy at all. Oh my god! I'm pulling up, like, a beanbag

chair, and I've got some popcorn, and I'm just gonna enjoy this. Patrick82 is banned. Yes. Everyone in this thread is banned! Because they couldn't handle the truth. For speaking the truth. Yeah. But Patrick82, oh, sorry, we're on the site headfi.org

And Patrick82 managed to get out 3,790 amazing posts before getting banned. Alright, Patrick. I have switched into vegetarian food because of my girlfriend. I didn't notice a difference in listening performance.

There, the end. Then I switched to... The end. Then I switched into vegan food and didn't notice anything still. However, when I ate dairy products again, my body felt weird. I sat on my chair and felt jumpy, like there was something in my body that wanted to get out. You had to poop.

It was difficult to listen to music when my body was behaving this way. Then I stopped with the dairy, and after a few days my body was calm and relaxed. Now I can hear more resolution in the music, and the difference between wave and flack is much greater. Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! What? Oh, PETA has their new ad campaign all laid out for them. Yeah. A couple of years ago when I was eating meat, the difference was only subtle between tweaks, but now it's huge. Has anyone else got improvement in resolution from different foods?

I have also started drinking linseed oil. Wait, no, you didn't let me finish. I have also started drinking linseed oil. I think no, you didn't let me finish. I have also started drinking linseed oil. I think it makes the music more liquid. So the first response, I'm still Patrick82 responding to myself because this is

too important a conversation. I don't think the human body is meant to be digesting those foods. It sounds like it takes more energy and the body vibrates more because of it. So he just drinks some milk, and then he just shakes around until he falls over, like a washing machine that's, like, unbalanced or something. It's called a milkshake, idiot. Milkshake. I get it.

It's like feeding the car with the wrong gas. I plan to mass dampen my body to... What? I plan to mass dampen my body to reduce this problem, but I found the source of the problem from the inside. That works too.

What is mass damp... I don't know what that would even mean. He'd cover himself with a crate foam. He just... He eats it. This guy wants to listen to music. It takes him, like, 45 minutes to get ready. Take off all his clothes.

Yeah, clothes cause vibration or something. He drinks linseed oil and then rubs it all over his body. Yeah, see, that's what he... So you open up the door and he's naked, covered in linseed oil, and I assume blood. There's nothing on the walls. Close the door, you're vibrating! Exactly! I'm listening to Enya!

Jimmy Franks? Tell me about the problem that you have, Patrick82. Oh, man. What? I need to upgrade my ears i noticed that real life sounded as bad as my audio system horrible then then i cleaned my ears of q-tips and it made a subtle improvement, but still not good enough. Oh, God, this is a serial killer in the making.

Now my audio system sounds better than real life sounded before I cleaned my ears. Shocked face. How can I continue tweaking the system now? Here's the weaknesses. I can't hear enough detail from real life. Jesus. I want much more. Any ideas how to improve them?

Any mods? I want to bypass the ears. Tongue sticking out face. How do I do it? Is there a device that can be purchased? Do you want like an IV full of music? Like injected into your bloodstream? What the fuck are you talking about?

This guy is either living in a dystopian cyberpunk future, or he's a serial killer who chops off people's ears. I'm not sure which one I like better. And tries them on. No, the sound quality doesn't improve with your ears either. Gotta keep looking. It puts the headphones on its ears.

Or else it gets the... My name is Virametal. Patrick, I feel your pain. I was having the same problem, but the doc recommended an interesting solution. A week spent in an isolation chamber. That's not why he recommended that. That's what I choose to believe he recommended it for.

At first I thought she was crazy, but it was worth a shot. Once I emerged, it was as if the world had sung to life. The birds chirping, the engines humming as if the whole veil on our very existence was lifted. May I suggest a sporting event after the chamber? Many interesting sounds can be found there. And a number of people who nobody is watching.

Is this the audiophile version of, like, autoerotic asphyxiation or something? So this dude went to his doctor and was like, Doctor, real world doesn't sound good enough. And the doctor's like, you should lock yourself up for as long as possible. Will that make you sound better? You alien doctor.

I just clicked on Virometal's profile, and I like how HeadFi organizes a profile, because you get them to list every headphone they own, every headphone amp they own. Every headphone amp they own. I don't know what a source is. I guess that's where the music comes from.

Like their preferred... Oh my god. It's like you want to find out something about vibrametal and it's like, list of jargon! The interest, it says interest in parentheses non-headphone.

I assume every user before that kept listing headphones, headphones, headphones, headphones. Guys, we gotta make a fucking rule. We gotta nip this in the bud. List all the things that aren't headphones that you use. It's fine, by the way, I have two questions for you. First of all, what do you do for a living?

What do I do for a living? Well, I make love to beautiful women on my yacht. Yeah, sure. And what are your interests? That's actually probably the honest answer of most audiophiles. The women are full of rocks because I can't hear what they're saying. What are your non-headphone interests? Well, I'm a bit of a mass media junkie.

Books, movies, music, obviously. Sports, television, etc. What? Oh, I like mass media. You know, as a form. I like things that I can consume. Favorite books, books. Favorite movies, movies.

I think the mods looked at music, obviously, and they're like, Bant, no, that skirts under the wire. I like the things that let me use my stereo. I'm an, well, to that end, I'm an avid runner and workout warrior, although, to be honest, the vibration of me running

totally kills the music experience, and also, you know, the grunts and crying of people in the gym. I'm assuming that the list of all the headphone specs that's similar to the eyeglass fetish people listing their...

Oh, the Samsung Shure things, yeah! Also, I'm a supporter of University of Oklahoma Athletics. Guys, I was looking at Patrick82's profile. Guess what he's previously owned? Brilliant Palace. Oh, yeah.

That's a good segue because I don't know how to paste a link. His non-headphone interests are Hello Kitty, Taddy Teddy Bears, and Rabbits. He is so a serial killer.

Yeah, he's definitely a serial killer. That's a good segue because, I don't know, Portrax? Mm-hmm. Why don't you tell us Patrick82's first impressions

of the Brilliant Pebbles? Okay, so I'm Patrick82 and just ignore the sounds coming from the closet there. That's a mouse that I taught to scream help me every once in a while. Anyway, I got the...

Sound quality out of the closet isn't very good, by the way. Really? More rocks. I can hear the screams perfectly, actually. Anyway, I got the Mini Brilliant Pebbles. The Mini. And tried it in different places in my system, with different spots on top of the chassis.

I have a huge RFI problem where I live, and I had very high expectations that would cure some of the problem. And I was surprised. I did some quick A slash B-ing each time I moved the glass bottle into a different position. You know, on that one person's skull, on that fridge I have full of severed fingers. Yeah. Exhibit A, exhibit B, that's fine. Yeah, that's fine. I didn't hear a different at all.

When I removed it and put it on my table, it still sounded the same. I'm assuming I'm talking about the glass bottle. Anyway, wow, my ears really suck. Well, it can't be the rocks. I paid so much money for the rocks, it could be the rocks. I paid so much money for the rocks, it must be my ears. I didn't pay anything for them. What a fucking perfect

distillation of this community that sentence is. Yes, yeah. I need to try long-term testing and we'll post back then. And he did. He totally did. He has a sexy alert impression. And most of the people in the thread

made fun of him for buying these pebbles, but his defense of himself is on page 2, post 22. Page 2, post 22 of this clusterfuck. All right, just... Well, he manages to convince himself it might be a reverse placebo, and his first, maybe I made myself believe there wasn't a difference so I would save

some cash and buy food for the money. It's like an abusive relationship. It's like, he hits me but it's because I'm stupid. I haven't been paying attention to the timeline of these posts but that may have been like, hey, is there a way I can get bionic robot ears implanted because my human

ears suck balls. The whole reason he wants the upgrade is so the fucking pebbles will work. It's a flaw of the human body when you think about it. Okay, so my defense, just because I didn't hear a difference after 15 minutes of testing doesn't mean there isn't one. Sure. This doesn't change anything. I still believe it makes a difference.

I just can't hear it yet. Only a fool would say it is a placebo without trying to fully understand it. That's what I try to do. One year testing is the absolute minimum. Look, the voices in my head are more clear than the music. This can't be right.

I need to drown them out. When I come to think of it, I always wanted to buy a tweak that does nothing because I was bored of always hearing night and day improvements and wanted it to stop. Oh, my God. It never stops. It never stops. He wanted to buy something that does nothing.

Yes. That's the only way for something to work. I wanted these sour grapes. It's nocebo at its best. Dang. I was my cheapest tweak and cost me only $30. Coincidence? I guess it gave me exactly what I wanted.

Now it's time to find the truth. And then next we hear from him is on the news. Yeah, well, 15 minutes later, he figured it out post-25. Oh my god. I didn't follow the instructions properly.

I only removed the tape, but the cotton inside should have been removed as well. That was a problem. Does he mean the cotton from his bottled medication? Yeah. That's why my medication wasn't working. I was ingesting cotton. I was eating the

cotton first. It turns out the pills, which I thought were pebbles, under the cotton were helping. And then if we scroll to the bottom of the page, just the text in red. Just the text in red. OMG, it works! Isn't it amazing how I wanted something to work really badly and then eventually it did work? Well, you see, I'm an emu.

It's not a placebo, is the thing. Hey, I'm an emu. It's not a placebo is the thing. Hey, I'm Patrick 82. You remember how I found that the Brilliant Pebbles would be so good? Yeah. You know what the biggest problem with those were? They're too fucking small. Oh my god.

You bought the mini Pebbles and they're too small. This is going to be a giant Easter Island. I made my own 10 plus kilogram Brilliant Pebble. Mass damping could be extreme. Oh my god. You bought the mini pebbles and they're too small. So I made my own 10 plus kilogram brilliant pebble. Mass damping to the extreme. Oh my god! If a bunch of tiny pebbles work, then one gigantic pebble must work even better. Alright. You rock the sound quality like a vandal.

The hills are alive. I light up the stream and wax a chump like a candle. You do those things, yeah. acts a chump like a candle. You do those things, yeah. So, I'm not going to tell you a very long story about me going to Turkey and doing a bunch of dumb things. Thank you!

Yay. Oh, good. But anyway, I went to Turkey, and then I entered a souvenir shop or something. There were many stones inside. Something deep inside me told me to buy a stone. So I looked around the store, and I saw a black stone made from onyx. It drew my attention.

Then the seller asked, what size do you want? I said, as big as possible. If I buy something, I want it extreme. Holy shit. Which is what I said at the sex shop earlier that day. I want it big and black and extreme. And vibrating. Something to do with vibration.

Now there's an echo coming out of my asshole. Then the seller said, it is impossible to make a stone this big from onyx. It will crack. So then he recommended marmor instead. And I said, okay, let's do it. So he took my order and told me to come back

the next week to get it. The price was a million lira, which was about $30 at the time. So next week, I got the ball, heavy as hell. The seller gave me a bag to carry it in, but it broke before I got to the bus station. A couple days later, it was time to travel home.

Problem with airport security. Oh my god. I placed the stone ball inside my bag and was going to take it to the airplane with airport security. Oh my god. I placed a stone ball inside my bag and was going to take it to the airplane with me instead of put it down at the luggage compartments. Sure. Someone might steal your giant fucking hunk of stone.

Just so you know, luggage is a link to eBay's section on luggage. Nah, that's an ad run by... He didn't actually do that himself. Okay, well, you gotta admit. I wouldn't put it past him. I placed the bag under the rubber rolling device

and it went inside some kind of x-ray machine. I was waiting for my bag... Tell me more about this airport! I was waiting... They have machines that fly through the air? This big metal bird didn't want to adjust this giant gastrolethema. I was waiting for my bag at the other end when the machine suddenly stopped with my bag inside.

Then I put my arm inside it and tried to pull out my bag, but the friction was tight and I couldn't do it. But suddenly the machine worked again and the bag came out. What the fuck? When I stood up, I saw airport security staring at me with mad faces. Yeah. Yeah, I would imagine. They yelled very loud, open the bag. This wasn't turkey?

Yeah. Huh. All right. Maybe you shouldn't have reached into the machine to grab it. I had wrapped the ball with my underwear to protect it, and I didn't want to show them my dirty underwear. Then they took the bag and opened it themselves. They slid the underwear aside and saw the big round stone ball,

and they left it without saying anything. Then I sat down at the terminal, and everyone was staring at me. Yes, I imagine they were. I don't remember the flight home, because I blocked it from my memory because of embarrassment. The next thing I remember, I was 100 meters from my home, and the straps in my bag broke, and the bag

fell to the ground. Luckily, the stone didn't break. Finally, I had the stone in my home, but I had no clue what to do with it. I rolled it on the floor, and I didn't have any idea, so I put it inside my closet for the rest of my life. There's an epilogue to this It was there for 12 years doing nothing Until today

Wait So that means that you died Today and now you're a ghost writing this Probably No it means his life is over now that he has finally Heard the truest sound ever. Yeah, it's like a

2001 moment. Yeah, the eternal quest is over. I put the marmor stone on the rear of my P300 power plant and got fuller bass with more oomph. I get longer attack and decay and it sounds very full. It sounds dark with whiteness still on top.

Less frequencies are emphasized because of mass damping with this Marmor stone. Broken length. So you knew you needed this stone, but not how to use it. Yeah. The base has never been this huge before, and it doesn't even interfere with the rest of the music. Everything still is distinct. It sounds amazing. it doesn't even interfere with the rest of the music.

Everything still is distinct. It sounds amazing. The ad on this post is granite countertop sale. Portex! Portex! You're Sovkiller. Post 11. Sovkiller. Sovkiller. Post 11. Sovkiller.

I'm Sovk I'm soft killer. Who unbanned this guy? OMG! Happy, happy, happy. So the instant, like, every day he checks to see if he's been unbanned, as soon as he's been unbanned, he comes back.

Um. Oh, shit. Got one last one. Yeah, this is the last one. It's actually a real, it's gonna be a real fast one. Okay. But it's an incredible question. Who wants it? I'll take it. Okay. Whatever it is,

it's gonna be good. Uh-oh. Oh my god. Why wife? Why wife? What do you do with your wife? Why ever get married? I'm still Patrick 82. That's it. Why would you ever need a wife when you have

a boulder in there? How good. Frank West, is that an actual quote? Yes, no, that's from the last thing you posted on the second page. Will you please read that then? He's just responding to someone. That's pretty much the whole response. Yes, this is an audio podcast, you see. Hey, Jack Chick.

You can hardly tell with this kind of sound quality. A man named Azure told Patrick 82 off for posting stuff like brilliant pebbles again. And what Patrick 82 says is from my ban I learned not to post chat logs of me talking to girls.

I learned not to post chat logs of me talking to girls. I just realized we can't not do question about eggs. Jimmy Franks, Patrick82, sorry, ask us a question about eggs. Patrick82 is

amazing. Can we just make the rest yeah certainly prolific this episode is going to be titled Patrick 82 and Miscellany that's fine we buried the lead on this and the rest if you click all posts for Patrick 82

there are over 100 pages yeah he's posted 3791 times before he was banned, but I'm assuming that ban doesn't last very long. I'm Patrick82. I have two eggs in the fridge, which are approaching the expiration date,

but I cannot consume these since I turned vegan. Okay. Unless I'm mistaken, eggs are chicken babies. Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! You are six years old! Hold on.

I'm not done. Okay. What will happen after the expiration date? Will a baby chicken be born? Instead of throwing these eggs away, can I wait until they're born and put the chickens into my cage and feed them? Oh my god. And then I chop up

the sick chickens and sacrifice their bones to the audio gods. Will this improve my ears? Poor Tex, you're... The eggs are not fertilized. They will rot. To which Patrick82 responds, how do I fertilize them? Listen, guys, I was fucking a chicken the other

day, and its screams of agony or crystal clear. I think I'm on to something. Every one of his posts is amazing. I'm Limping Glitch. They have to be fertilized by the rooster, but this has to be done before the hen actually lays the egg. So I'm afraid you're out of luck here. Why not give the eggs away to somebody who wants them? Ah, I'm Patrick82, by the way.

Ah. So it's the same as when human females have eggs once per month? Nope. Is it the same as that? It is closer to that than having fertilized eggs with chicks on them. Look, look, nothing will

grow from the eggs without a male? I tried it with my girlfriend but was unsuccessful. But I will learn how to do it properly. I want to reproduce a lot. It is actually, it is, I think it's impossible to find a banal

Patrick82 post. Every one I've seen is amazing. Ask to your question, wait, wait, ask to your question about why not think of the eggs that somebody wants them. My girlfriend feels sick from eggs, so I can't give it to her. I don't have any friends. There are gangs outside my apartment. I don't think it's a good idea to give them my eggs.

You know what? You can sell them and buy a cosplay costume. One of the longest threads on this forum is the share your favorite Patrick82 quote. Oh my god. Oh my god. Just because the tree doesn't have ears doesn't mean it can't

subconsciously hear itself faint. Alright. We have to do the chat log. We have to do the chat log. Okay. We have to do the chat log. So the chat log that... We need a girl for this. Who wants to be a girl?

I'm pretty good at that. All right. Frank West girl. Who gets to be the boy then? All right. Great. Okay. Where's the link to it?

I don't have it. Here we go. So yeah, Frank West was talking about the post where Patrick82 said that he shouldn't post his chat logs with girls. This is the chat log

that helped him learn that lesson. The one that got him banned? Yeah. One of the times. One of the times. Someone told me to get girlfriend because it would help me enjoy the music more. I found a chat room and started sending private messages. And they called me creepy, freak, crazy, and told me to fuck off.

Oh, wow. That worked perfectly. The first time four astersterisk is actually mean fuck. I don't know what I did wrong. I love the idea. It's like, you should probably get a date. Will fucking the girl help the music? Yeah, that's what I wanted to point out.

He doesn't want a girlfriend. He just wants better sound quality. And somebody said having a girlfriend will help you enjoy the music more. Oh, that must mean better sound quality. She's going having a girlfriend will help you enjoy the music more. Oh, that must mean better sound quality. She's going to go to a bar and tell a lady, I bet the acoustic in your vagina are fantastic. Well, I guess you'll have to find out. The closer I get to you, the better this music sounds.

I mean that literally. I managed to make a longer discussion with somebody, but she went offline before I finished showing all my pictures of my audio system. What did I do wrong? And we can be certain that's not a euphemism. Bro, you've got to open with your chivos. All right, so this is a 45-minute conversation here. It took place on 4-20 of 2007. Okay. Okay.

Hi. You like music? Yeah. Me too. I have built audio system. Oh, cool. It costs $50,000. Wow.

That's expensive. Yes. But it sounds amazing. You like to exercise? Sometimes. Yes, I train three to five times per day. Here's a YouTube video of me doing this. I'm using audio cables in my workouts.

Oh, cool. It's an actual YouTube video of me doing it. Oh, wow, that video's still up. What is he... Yeah, I don't have any dumbbells. I'd rather buy more stuff for my audio system. Wow, okay. Yeah, that's cool.

The video's funny. Why is it funny? I don't know. It just is. Okay. You're working out and eating some oatmeal. That was funny. It was cornflakes and milk.

He is already thinking of ways to kill her. Whatever. Still funny. Please, please be humorous. I have switched over to oatmeal now because it is easier to eat. The milk used to splash all over my desk. You think I look buff in that video? Yeah, real sexy.

Good, I like to train extreme. Cool. I need muscles so I can tweak my audio systems better. I have wrapped my system in 100 sheets of ERS paper It shields against EMI slash RFI And then I sent you a picture of that Oh, that's really cool You think it looks pretty?

Yeah, it looks awesome I have also done the insides Here's a picture of the insides Oh, I thought it was like the inside of a person He's hollowed out to listen to This girl is amazing for having stuck around this long Oh, I thought it was, like, the inside of a person he's hollowed out to listen to. This scroll is amazing for having stuck around this long. I've made chambers for airflow. Here's another picture.

Okay, this is definitely talking about a corpse. Yeah. Cool. Cable in the middle is Nordost Valhalla. It costs $3,000 for two meters. Power cable. Wow, that's a lot. You must be rich.

Yeah, but it's worth the price. I don't work. I sit at home all day listening to my audio system. That's cool. I'm also using Magic's magnetic levitation feet to stop vibrations from entering the equipment. What does that... That's great. You know, that's great.

Tomorrow I'm getting more of them. They give more low-level detail in the music. You're using headphones? No. Here's a picture. She hung up. That's it.

Can you imagine just the desperate cyber slut. I'm just going to hang out there, I need this, I can't, I can't do it, I can't do it, I am out! I can't take it! So, uh... The YouTube video link is valid still, so... Yeah, no, I encourage everyone to watch the video for approximately 20 seconds. Yeah, just make it to the oatmeal.

Or the cornflakes, I'm not sure which. I clicked, I added in a tab and then I clicked back to it and it was immediately his face on my screen eating the oatmeal. It was not. So what did we all learn tonight? That you do is crazy. Very profound. There was some other stuff too.

Tape shit to shit. It'll sound better. There's a lot of this world that I can't even understand. Because, for example, if you look at Patrick82's profile here, he's a happy hardcore fan.

It's like, hey, what do you like for music? Oh, happy hardcore. That's what I listen to. And that's usually the weird... I mean, the thing about audiophiles is they listen to Genesis. So they're hearing shit regardless. Like, whether or not their shit, like, you know, is on 50 levels, it's still fucking Genesis. So it's going to be awful.

I've learned that the amount of Pringles cans that I've accumulated under my bed over the years, if I spray paint them black, I could probably sell them for about $500. Probably, yeah. Throw into something about crystals and vibration and harmonics. Exactly. I've just posted a video from Patrick 820

called How I Build My Paradise Power Cable, wherein he takes a punching dummy which he has put a name tag on top that says skeptic and taped a power cable wherein he takes a punching dummy which he has put a name tag on top that says skeptic and taped a power cable or a sound cable around him and then spends two minutes beating him up. Oh my god, yes

that is what happens. That's not crazy. You're right, that is, you're right. You described that correctly. Yes. I've just learned that something that is always obvious all the time is that if you can actively tell learned that something that is always obvious all the time is that if you can actively tell people

that something doesn't work and they will still find a way to convince themselves that it works if I were to come up to someone and say you know if I let this mule piss into your eyes it will totally make the

video quality of this movie look better. Also, I just lied about that. I'm scamming you. They'll be like, what, really? Man, I gotta put piss in my eyes more often. Do you think, I mean, so a serious question here. Do you think that Machina Dynamica Machinandomica

is, do you think that's, like, do you think that guy's loaded? Like, because obviously, Because obviously he is... No. I think he believes his own stuff, so I don't think he's smart enough to manage the money that he gets. Yeah, he's the Alex Chu of sound equipment. I imagine he probably gets about the same income, too.

Sure. I imagine he probably gets about the same income, too. Well, sure. So you're saying that, like, somebody that would actually do this thing would just go buy, like, a case of springs at Home Depot and then just portion them out. But this guy's actually, like, trying to vet his springs to have the best sound, something? Yeah, he could just say, oh, they've been treated with... So, therefore, these are the ones you need. And if half a dozen people buy it,

then he's happy and he feels good and maybe he believes himself. Yeah, that's the narrative that plays out in my head. He started out wanting to scam people, but then he was so good at it, he actually convinced himself that it's not a scam. It's real stuff. One of the things that I find odd about Machina Dynamica

is that if... Because Alex Chu can sell you a ring or, I think, a pill, right? He has pills, right? Yeah, gorgeous pill. Yeah. So Alex Chu has a ring and a pill, which I feel like is still a little bit of market confusion. He could probably just stick with the ring. But Maka and Adamica, there's fucking, I have no idea, like 40, 50 products maybe?

And which is supposed to be, like, if I'm a sucker, like, am I really gonna, I'm gonna do all of them? I guess I am. I'm probably going to do all of them, aren't I? Yeah, yeah. In for a penny, in for a pound. Because, like, you do the thing, and then, like, you know, it still doesn't fill that fucking hole in your life. So you have to go buy another one instead.

Yeah, I, uh, I'm sorry, I just saw a Patrick82 post titled, Need Ideas for Building My Waterslide Pyramid. Anyway! I'm still going through his YouTube video, I've just posted one, where he plays tribes against a giant horde of defenseless bots, all of which

he has named Skeptic. Holy shit. I wonder why this guy got banned. On that note, I'd like to once again thank LadyFrenzy for introducing us to Patrick82. Thank you for the document. Thank you also for being named Lady Frenzy. Lemon really wants to point out that your name being Lady Frenzy is a bright spot in his day of reading this horrible bullshit. So when you're listening to a guy stalking women,

building water slide pyramids, buying giant stones, wasting his life, and trying to fuck a chicken to help his sound quality, whatever the fuck, just lean back in your chair, have a sip of margarita, and say,

my name's Lady Frit. Exactly. Spending thousands of dollars of apparently someone else's money. Unless he had some rich relatives or something. Yeah, you can say, life ain't that bad, because I'm fucking Lady Frenzy. Yeah, you want a place to complain about audio quality of previous episodes? Ball pit, B-A-L-P dot I-T.

Good night. Good night. Good night. Outro Music