The F Plus - 146: Don't Patreonize Me

Episode Date: August 1, 2014

What is the value of art? That's very difficult to say. It's possible to get your art to sell for hundreds of millions of dollars, but first you'll have to be dead and have your life's work liquidated by David Geffen. If you're unlucky, you're a webcomic author, constantly making Tumblr posts advertising your work to an audience of nobody waiting for the day that everything hits big. And that's where Patreon comes in. A crowdfunding service with no possible benefit for the world, Patreon wants to turn whiny, self-important Best Buy shelf-stockers into whiny, self important internet celebrities. This week, The F Plus can finally buy the special paper.

I'm just, can I take a moment to just say that I'm containing my rage so hard that my eyes are watering? Is that... Yeah, that makes sense, yeah. I guess, but thank you for verbally confirming. Yeah, this, oh, this guy's got a punchable face, that's interesting. Yeah. For one. Yeah.

Look at them yo-yos, that's the way you do it. You play the guitar on the MTV. That ain't working, that's the way you do it You play the guitar on MTV That ain't workin', that's the way you do it Money for nothin' and you choose to freeze No, that ain't workin', that's the way you do it Let me tell you, damn guys ain't dumb Maybe get a pistol on your little finger Maybe get a blister on your little finger.

Maybe get a blister on your thumb. We got to install microwave ovens. This is the F+. Please give me money. Your place on the internet for terrible things. Please give me money. Red with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have Boots

Reingear. For every dollar I get, I'll add a new character to my Sonic Twilight crossover fanfiction. John Toast. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys, and whose admission was like that of horses. Ezekiel 2320. Yes, fun. I am

pledging two hours of my time a week to the F Plus podcast. Poor Tex! Patreon is my favorite Eeveelution. And Lemon. If I get $100, I'll wave it in the face of these cocks.

And then wave my cock in the face of these cocks. What if you get $100? Look at that, look at that. Money. Chicks. Money. Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, I know I'm a good citizen of this modern society Depends, are you a cop? Listen, I just want to know That you are

A supporter of the arts And the artistic endeavors I'm smelling rat toast Let's bail Is this an episode where I get to draw Whatever stupid cartoons I want and you all give me money? No This is an episode where Other assholes draw whatever stupid cartoons I want and you all give me money? No. This is an episode

where other assholes draw whatever stupid shit they want and then other assholes give those assholes money. God dang. Oh boy. I'm glad I'm not emotionally invested in this subject matter. Yeah, you won't get angry at all.

Okay, so we have done a Kickstarter episode. We did the Indiegogo episode. Oh, yeah. We did Offbeater, the porno Kickstarter. That was hot. And the internet has no bottom. And to that end, we are going to be going to Patreon.com.

we are going to be going to Patreon.com Patreon.com is a place where I sign up and I'm an artist and then you should give me money because I'm an artist and unlike some other things where you can just sort of take the money and run

basically you're sort of in the same way that you have like you have a marathon runner and the marathon runner's like, oh, you know, why don't you pledge $10 for every mile that I run? These artists can do the same thing, where every piece of work I create is worth whatever amount of money you pledge, but you can just define what a mile is

because you rubbing your ass on a piece is because, you know, you rubbing your ass on a piece of paper is also a piece of art. It's progressive. Okay, so hang on a second. Okay, so you said like marathon runner, people pledge money for every mile you run, that sort of thing. That's all for charity, so this is going to be

helpful, right? This is going to go to people who need it? Well, in so far as these people are charity cases, yes. You'll start us off with Jake Richman. Oh, gladly. So Jake Richman is creating webcomics. Oh, good. And with Jake Richman,

because he is creating webcomics, he starts off his Patreon pitch with a webcomic. So you will be playing the part of Jake Richman. And Portex, you are going to be playing the part of Jake Richmond. And Portex, you are going to be playing the part of the Medusa that he talks to. His Medusa friend.

His invisible Medusa friend. It's a little Medusa girl. Is that Gorgon? I really hope that's not a child. Wait, no. Actually, Jake Richmond would say you're wrong because he says Jake Richmond is creating webcomics Medusa's Chainsaw Unicorn Squ, Squids, and Superheroes.

Not Gorgons. That's just racist, then. Anyway, so please, read the webcomic as written. All right. Jake, I don't understand Patreon. Is it a superhero? And I'm thinking of superheroes So any word that I don't understand I think is a superhero

It's not a superhero Alright Pretty good, rolling start here Here we go Patreon gives our fans readers and friends an easy way to support our comics every month. You're looking for money to fix your deviated septum, is that right? I was about to say there's never been a septum more deviated than this.

Jake, you know not to put your retainer on your nose, right? Actually, I believe that type of voice is a deviant art septum. Nice, beautiful. All right art septum. Nice. Beautiful. All right, carry on. Oh. I'll be creating 10 to 15 comic strips each month. Jesus.

Yeah. You can decide how much you want to give for a month, and every month I'll get that money. Can I do a dollar? Sure, or just 50 cents, or five dollars, or whatever. Really? That's so nice of you to just allow me to give you as much money. Or a hundred dollars?

What's the money for? Is it for me? Kind of. It's for me. That means no. Almost. Insofar as we're all made of stars, yes. Yeah.

Yeah. It'll pay for living, work, and expenses like rent, food, art supplies, and studio space. Yeah, rent and food are artistic expenses. So it's like getting a job, only better because it's not a job. Yeah, I'll be able to spend less time working to pay the bills and more time making comics. Fuck you! Sorry. More Medusa comics?

Sure. I'll also have time to work on other stuff. Like my superhero ghost comic, Kiss, or my Squid Comic. Yeah, sure. I've never heard of those, and for good reason. What about gifts? Oh, you mean rewards for people who give certain amounts of money each month? Fuck damn.

Yes, and a few of those. Hey, Jake, what's the reward for that? Oh yeah, mostly the reward is I'll make more comics for everyone. I'll keep doing the same thing I'm doing. Give me money to make comics and I'll reward you

by making comics. Please, please, giving money to me is its own reward. Yeah, there's the milestone goals, too. If we generate enough money every month, I can afford to get rid of the ads on my site. Oh, so you have ads on your site. This is how you can tell I'm a real person, because

but I like the ads. In the last panel, I was going to say, they certainly have the cadence of an infomercial down. Yeah, I'll also be able to do some cool stuff like drawing events, monthly 24-hour Medusa comics, and a regular-ass Medusa feature. How do you have a 24-hour comic? Wow! Yeah, judging by the quality of this one, I want to see this for 24 hours.

Huh. What should I spend my half of the money on? You're not getting half the money. I think I'll get a new 3DS. I mean, you'll be getting a new 3DS. Don't worry, I'll be getting a new 3DS. That sure was humor. That's the proper comic strip setup. Endless ramble.

And then nerd reference. Yeah, it's pretty spot on for how newspaper comics are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Leading questions from the audience plant. As long as you end on something that kind of resembles a joke, you can just make the comic strip about whatever shit you want. It's not even a joke, because this guy

does think a 3DS is a business expense. Yeah. It's recent. Anyway, so now we're does think a 3DS is a business expense. It's recent. So now we're out of the comic, and Jake, please give me your pitch here. Oh, yeah. Like, whatever was in my nose, I got out of. Use your first month worth of Patreon money to get your deviated septum fixed. I did, and now I sound like this.

Hi. Whatever. Hi, I'm Jake. I do a webcomic called Modest Medusa. I want to be making comics all the time. You picked up a lisp somewhere along the way. Well, the dentist bill is different. Yeah, I want to be making comics all the time. But unfortunately, I end up spending way too much of my time working on other jobs to pay the bills. Oh, dear.

I fucking feel for you. Yeah. Yeah. By becoming a patron, you can help me pay for business and living expenses, meaning that I'll be able to spend more time making comics for everyone to read. Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay.

Okay. Uh, but shit, I can't listen because the fucking pitch is the comic again. So, okay, this is going to, I don't want to say this out loud, but I'm going to give you $10 every month. Oh, thanks. You're welcome. Thanks for the $10 you gave me. You're welcome. Yep.

Yeah, you have just joined the Modest Medusa Postcard Club. Oh're welcome. You have just joined the Modest Medusa Postcard Club. Oh, good. A few times a year, I'll send you a postcard featuring new Modest Medusa art on the front and a little personalized sketch and message

on the back. You'll also get the previous rewards with a desktop wallpaper and gratitude. Great, great. You'll also get the previous rewards with a desktop wallpaper and gratitude. Great, great. You know what? I actually found an additional $15 and it just so happens I love copyright infringement. I just fucking

love copyright infringement. So what happens if I give you $25 or more every month? You get the sticker of the month club featuring characters ripped off of Adventure Time and Nintendo. more every month? Oh, you get the Sticker of the Month Club featuring characters ripped off of Adventure Time and Nintendo. Yep.

Uh-huh. What's the last sentence of the Sticker of the Month Club? You can even suggest characters for Medusa to dress up as. So I can cosplay your shitty character. Yes.

Well, so how many patrons do you have there, Jake? Oh, not that many. Maybe 105. Oh my god. They pay me $673 a month. Yeah, that's... Alright! Oh my god. They pay me $673 a month. Oh!

Oh! Alright! You know what, Jake? You might be the most successful person we've read. Thank you. Fuck you. Well, he certainly worked so hard. You know, he got a hobby and then people paid him to do that hobby.

Yeah. Fucking. Well, you know, I didn't want to give him money before, but I really do want to see Steve Guttenberg as a shitty naga, so I got $25 here. Oh, can we do that? No! No, we can't! We can't give this guy

money! In case you thought I was an awful person, I also give money to other people, like Dave Sim. I give him money every month. Oh, good. So, in essence, you're giving their money to somebody you decide needs it.

Yeah. A horrible, a horrible sexist man. Yeah, let's be fair here, though. He might be giving him that money to get Dave Sim to go away. Dave Sim might have showed up at his door and been like, have you heard about the female void?

And he's like, here, just go away. Take this and go away. I'll pay you every month. Just go away. That is something I really do not understand about Patreon is because there are so many people on there. Almost every single person on here will say, give me five bucks for me to post my shitty YouTube videos and

comics because I need that money desperately to live off of while I do this horse shit. Incidentally, I'm also going to give that money that you guys have given to me to other people on Patreon. It's just a societal circle jerk. It's people retweeting in order to be retweeted.

Like, that's all it is. Well, they're still... No, because they're still giving money to each other. They're still giving it, but they're giving it in a way that, like, I'm giving you the money, and then you're giving me the money, and we're just all fucking cum over our money. I know, and I'm saying that the pretense... No! No! No! We're going to leave Jake

because we need to meet Chris. And I've got to say, Chris is probably going to make you a little happier. So that's fine. Tell me a little bit

about Chris. He already makes me happy from the picture. This is all right. All right, so what's up, Chris? My name is Chris Cesarano. Cesarano.

What are you creating? Game analysis videos, articles, podcasts, and more. I'm also a sentient creature. Oh, okay. That was going to be my question. I'm so glad. Chris, I have a question. What's after Patreon.com on your URL here? What's your name?

My Patreon account is RamblePack64. Thank you. It took me my entire lunch break to come up with. All right, Chris. Tell me about yourself. Okay, let me calm down a bit here. I'm just so angry at this Lego guy. I don't know what I'm going to do.

Greetings, patrons. My name is Chris Cesarano, and I make a lot-o, little-bit-o everything. At the top of the page, you will find my most recent video of my Ramble Pack video game analysis series, where I try to dissect a game's story and design and determine how well it accomplishes its goals.

Well, that's such an unusual thing to do that I have to watch it regularly. All right, guys, get this. I'm going to make a series about video games on YouTube. I'm going to really play up the angry nerd angle, which I don't think has ever been done before. Exactly.

So angry, I aim to set myself apart by being an angry nerd. By trying to be a bit more positive in my outlook, which is why I'm screaming at the Lego man. As well as using what background and usability and design that I have to provide more in-depth insight.

Alright, can I find a site where you can use your... But that's not all! I also run a podcast called the Ramblecast. We all know how much overhead that has. As you can subscribe to on iTunes or via the RSS feed.

I've always been drawn to podcasts. That have made me want to be part of the discussion. And to such my friends and I try to provide the same sort of experience. We also tackle recent controversial subjects at times. Trying to find the middle ground amidst all the radically screaming sides. Is that regarding video games? I think that's so... I'm guessing it's going to be like Bill O'Reilly

playing Mario Kart with other people like the guests on his show. Screaming out radically different world views. Cut off his mic! Hey guys, I'm really liking Bravely Default. Let's talk about Gaza. Yeah. I'm also a regular features writer

for Gamers with Jobs. Wait a second. You either don't belong there or don't belong here. Hoping to quit that job. You slipped up when you told people on Patreon this. It's just plugging Gamers with Jobs at that point.

I know Gamers with Jobs mainly as a podcast and not as a website, but you need to make your own podcast. Hmm. I wonder why they didn't want you on. So tell me, so you write for Gamers with Jobs, and you currently are working at a job, is that correct? Since you asked. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I currently work a job that doesn't pay all too much. I can pay most of my bills and occasionally treat myself to a game or movie, but otherwise I'm essentially living paycheck to paycheck. Right, yeah. So I will be honest with you. Right now, Patreon is more of a tip jar than anything else. Whoops. That's more honest than a bunch of these, so...

Yeah, yeah. Does anyone own gamerswithshittyjobs.com? Let's expect a little more than maybe an extra lunch every month. Gamers with dead-end jobs. But you know what? That's okay with me. I'd rather just get the work out there and be encouraged to provide more content. Hey, Chris. I want to know a little work out there and be encouraged to provide more content. Yeah.

Hey, Chris. I want to know a little bit more about you. What do you enjoy? I enjoy melodic heavy metal, films, fantasy novels, cooking experiments, and girly whiskey. Girly whiskey? It's girly in parentheses. Did somebody color water brown and give it to him? Whiskey's pretty much whiskey as far as I know.

Lilac whiskey? Alright, alright, Chris. It's just got an umbrella and a maraschino cherry. So this is your pitch and, uh, how many patrons do you have? I have two patrons.

Okay. Thank you. And, uh, how much money are you getting every month for this? I'm working on that

free lunch every month. It's $3 a month. Yay! Oh, that makes me feel good. I see two, I see two glaring mistakes with his pitch.

One is admitting he has a job and, uh, the other is admitting he can pay his bills. Oh, that's refreshing. I like to picture him sitting down at McDonald's with his three McDoubles, like, inhaling every one, going like, these ones are going to go towards me making content. So, hey, John. You are

Davy Jones. No, not that Davy Jones. A different Davy Jones. And is cartooning hard work? Well, if you want to ask me, cartooning is hard work. I thought so.

Oh, and it is pretty expensive. Even though I ended that first sentence with an exclamation mark, I just put ellipses after it, so that's another same sentence. Writing is hard work. Pretty expensive. Pens, brushes, and ink, special paper,

and the countless hours add up. My goal is simple. I want to make money creating my comic strip, Charmy's Army. Why? What? Which, if you were wondering, if you thought that this comic strip, in your mind, just looks like every other shitty newspaper comic strip,

you might be right. It's two ants? It seems to be an ant at a bar. Only one is a cyclops. No, it's just bad perspective. Well, yeah, he's on Patreon.

No way! To do this, I need patron support. I'm sorry. I need patron support. I need sorry. I need patron support. I need to drink myself into an oblivion. Expensive taste.

It is capitalized, so. Hey, y'all. I'm looking for that patron. Just breaking off for just a moment. So this guy is pretty expensive. Pens, brushes, ink, special paper. Portex, does this look

like it's painted to you? No, it looks like you just shilly got the dodge and burn tool in fucking Photoshop. I mean, yeah, it really looks digital. The whole thing looks digital to me. Yeah, that's why I was wondering about special paper. Well, sometimes what fucking idiots do

is they'll say, I need the good paper to make a cartoon, and then they'll just kind of scribble on some, like, you know, really high quality stock and then scan that in and run that fucker through Photoshop. And then they act like, oh no, that was part of the process. I had to put it on excellent paper. It's either that or

I need a fucking Cintiq to do it, so you know. Okay, Davy Jones, what is Charmy's Army? Well, I'm glad you asked. Charmy's Army follows the adventures of Charmin Packy Good lord. Ew.

As he fumbles through life as a soldier at Fort Hill. Oh, good. It's a newspaper comic not only about ants, but also about army life. Yeah, army ants. Army ants. God, good. It's a newspaper comic not only about ants, but also about army life. Yeah, army ants. Army ants. Alright, tell me more about Charmy's army, please. His limitless

imagination will take readers to scenarios unlike anything ever witnessed in the funny pages. Along with his friends, Frenchie French, and Weaver Wood, Fuck you. Charmy will one day become an icon, standingy French, and Weeaboo Wood, Fuck you. Charmy will one day become an icon, standing toe-to-toe with Charlie Brown,

Opus the Penguin, and Garfield. False. Yeah, that's gonna happen. I like Frenchy French. It's like Richie Rich, but, you know, with a striped shirt and a baguette. I am so French. I'm betting the character you just imagined

is way better than anything he came up with. That's the thing, is that if you were clever, Frenchie French would be a fun character to write. Yeah. What? Fuck. Do I have to pay in U.S. dollars? No! I'm sorry.

Sorry. No. Okay. Pay in any currency. Oh, thank God. As this is a U.S.-based website, everything is written in dollars, but you can use any currency and it will be automatically converted. And PayPal is now accepted.

Wow, congratulations. Thank you for explaining how the site works. Yeah. There's people on here just not patronizing anything because it's all in U.S. dollars until they come to Charmy's Army and it's explained to them. Ha ha, I just stole your excuse. Oh, I'm so sorry, I can't pay in dollars, otherwise I really totally would. I'm sorry, I just got all these lira laying around, I can't do anything for you. I don't have much money, Can I still become a Patreon?

Yes. Please only sign up to donate what you can easily afford. Even $1 per month will make a huge difference. Good for him. And would be greatly appreciated. Don't go take out a loan on my account. My cost to support this strip

run me well over $100 per month with website fees, art supplies, and production costs. I pre-act-iate every cent I can get. What to do.

Okay, so let's say theoretically, hypothetically, you get yourself up to $2,000 a month. $2,000 every month. What do we get if you get $2,000 a month. $2,000 every month. What do we get if you get $2,000 every month? Well, if I get $2,000 every month,

I will sing! Oh, well. Hey, here's a little gem for you. Ever heard of the term singing for your supper? Little gem for you. If I reach this goal, I will try and get at least one song recorded for everyone.

I have written a ton of silly parody songs. Oh god! I will gladly make a monthly fool of myself if I reach this level. You make a monthly fool of yourself before you reach that level. Jesus. But now I'll sing it.

Oh, oh, I can't look at these webcomic people. I really, really can't. Alright, we're going to move on to cosplay. Portex. Well, do we want to know how much I got? Oh, yeah, okay. Okay, how much money did you get? One dollar per month.

Yay! Yay! But that was from one patron, so that dollar isn't being split among four people. That's good, I guess. But it's going to make a huge difference, he said so. The top patron is Jimmy Peck. Yeah, that's my buddy, Jimmy Peck. Oh, I can't imagine they know each other personally.

All right, so, Portex, you're making cosplay, right? I am. I am making cosplay. How nice of you to ask. What's your name? Lady Alpha 13. And you're a college student, is that right?

Okay, tell me more about yourself. I'm a college student who's studying business. And this is where it led you! Yeah, the business of people just giving me money. It's a good business. Oh, sorry, I'm saying I too much. I need to speak in the third person.

Lady Alpha 13 is a college student who's studying business. She hopes to open her own hobby shop when she gets older. Yeah, this is her secretary writing this. She currently lives with her loving father who supports her love of cosplay, but only as far as words. Do your cosplay shit on her. Dad! She's an adult now, after all, right?

No. No, clearly not. Dad, I'm going out as I poison Ivy again. Yeah, whatever. Oh, and she has a cat, a dog, snakes, and some fish, but those are always supportive of her as long as she feeds them. You know, until

she eats them because she doesn't have any fucking money to spend on cosplay. Lady now works at a restaurant making minimum wage. She pays her phone bill, rent, and her car bills. Could be worse, but it still ain't easy on two days a week. We work in a restaurant two days a week?

What possible way would I have to earn more money? I'm asking people. It's really the only thing I can think of. Sadly, because she lives in a college campus, jobs are scarce. That is the truest thing ever said by humans. Also, there's no liquor stores. We know how those college towns just have all those unemployed people?

Yeah, I just... Don't you hate it when a college moves in, or like there's a college in a town, and all business just dries up? It just shuts down. But don't... There's no stupid places open every night to do stupid things. However, Lady's next big goal is to go to PAX East, presumably for donuts, in a few months.

Aim high, sister! If you would like to see LadyAlpha13 make it to PAX, gas tickets, cosplay, food, hotel, etc., please donate! Less than three! Thank you so much! Alright, so LadyAlpha13,

your system is that we're paying you per photoshoot. So LadyAlpha13, your system is that we're paying you per photo shoot. So every time you do a photo shoot, I give you money. What if you end up getting $150 per photo shoot? If I get $150 to photo shoot,

if we can make it through to the end of this project, I will do a mass photo giveaway. This means finding a location, driving out there, paying a photographer, and buying those prints. Okay, this is actually worth mentioning. Because, so there's tiered rewards. So tickets, $70 per photo shoot, tickets. Then gas is $150 per photo shoot.

Food is $150 per photo shoot. And photos and prints is $150 per photo shoot. So you're a business major. Yep. Yep. She's crunched the numbers. That's how much. So the question isn't, what will you give me if I give you $150? The question is, what will you give me if I give you $150?

The question is, what will you give me if I give you $150? Yeah. Look, as best I can tell, the way that the numbers go is you say, Daddy, can you buy me this? And it just happens. Alright, so what if you end up getting $200 for a photo shoot?

I cosplay. I cosplay. Sure. If you don't a photo shoot? I cosplay. I'm not sure. If you don't get that, then you cosplay. I will be pitching in as much as I can so the overall goal has been shrunk from around $2,000 to $1,250.

What? Why is that in the $200 per photo shoot? Because business. Goals in order. Gas is $150. Food is $150. If we can get photos and prints, that would be around $150. Are you fucking rain, man?

Maybe. Donate a couple hundred bucks and I'll tell you. It's my next cosplay. Definitely. Definitely dressing up as Elsa from Frozen. Definitely. Definitely. Alright. Okay. It's time for a

nice little fork in the road. Are we looking for Christian edification or photography? Christian edification. Christian edification. Christian edification, of course. All right.

Isfahan? Yes, sir. What's BibleFlix doing? Okay, well, BibleFlix is creating animated scripture. Okay. Animating the Bible, verse by verse. The whole thing? I'm already thinking of a couple verses that would be very interesting if this person animated it.

I'm just interested in the beginning of the cartoon where there's just a bunch of people begatting other people. Yeah. Bible Flicks plans to animate each verse of the good word in beautiful and compelling videos.

These videos will be shared with our donators and subscribers for only $1 a month. Nowadays, it's Thank you. All right. The money we receive from donations will go toward accomplishing our goal of animating the entire Bible and spreading the word to 100,000 people or more by producing high-quality animated verses. I mean, are you sure this doesn't exist? I mean, not high quality, but, like, there's so many Christian cartoons. Clearly, this must have already happened. And to, you know, how high quality is high quality?

Because, you know, the Prince of Egypt took quite some time to animate. Just, you know, just saying. I don't know if the poor tax these days. Cartoon nerd fans. That was just one story. Like, so they're going to animate the entire thing like that? Yeah.

They're going to get Jeff Goldblum. I can't wait to see the episode where that bear kills those kids. I forgot what book it's in, but a bear totally kills some kids because they made fun of somebody. I forget the book, too, but that was Elijah. I remember that one very heartily. Very happily. All right. Anyway.

Some of these may feature Painted characters and artwork And others may be visuals from God's beautiful creation What does that mean? This is a huge project As there are over 31,000 verses But you can help us animate The entire Bible one by one

By pledging a dollar a month Animate all the Bibles Because we have no idea how long it takes to animate stuff. All right. Well, you know what? You got big dreams. You got big goals. You sure do have a logo that's a cross in front of clouds.

So you're innovative. What happens if you get $5,000 a month? And we spread the word to 5,000 people. Duh. Okay. Well, what happens if you get $10,000 a month? Okay. Bear with me here. We spread the word to 5,000 people. Okay. Well, what happens if you get $10,000 a month? Okay. Bear with me here.

We spread the word to 10,000 people. Okay. It's a relation thing. $25,000 a month. Okay. We're going to mix it up a bit here. We're going to spread the word to, get this, buckle up, 25,000 people. Okay.

Everybody hold up. Let me get on my phone. All right. Okay. Yep. The math checks out. $50,000 a month? 50,000 people.

$100,000 a month. Yep, that still holds. $100,000? 58,000 people. No, 100,000 people. Yeah, John, check that. Oh, give me a sec, give me a sec. Jesus.

I've been doing so much math. All right. Yeah, okay, we're good. So, I feel like, I mean, you got no money, so that's nice. I feel like you don't quite understand how this Patreon thing works. I sure do. The first one they animate is consider the lilies of the field, because that's what they're going to be doing. Which I guess you wouldn't understand how Patreon works,

because your pitch never used the word furry. So you don't quite get what you're doing here. All right, all right. I think we're back. I think we're ready for some more webcomics. Except for poor text. Yay. So J. Lee D. is creating sexy web comics.

Who says porn can't have a story? I don't like how this website's looking at me. So I create original comics. The current series is Post. A post-apocalyptic. Yeah? You like that? Yeah.

Oh, so it's not about postmen. Or like cereal or something. It might be. Or it's not about a stick in the ground. Who says porn about post can't be sexy? This post-apocalyptic story about two men and how their world of simplicity and danger is changing around them. You'll also see how their relationship evolves. It is hard to be open emotionally most of the time.

Imagine having to do it in a place where bandit is said on a regular basis. Oh yeah, that's why Johnny and Haji never got it on. I also create fan comics. Mostly they're centered around the Marvel universe and mostly involve Spider-Man. And Spider-Man's dick.

Well, yes, obviously. Yeah. Whenever I get a page done, at least one original... I update whenever I get a page done. I'm just as motivated as every other webcomic artist. I want this to be my

job, but I don't want a schedule or anything. Is that a thing? Creativity. Fuck. So then, as for thanks, a book is only as good as the people who read it. So whether you can become a patron or not, thank you for visiting my page

and showing interest in my work. I hope you enjoy my work and have a good day. Please note, my comics are strictly for adults only. Patrons claim they are adult by pledging their support, and my other sites give clear warning that the content is adult and not meant for those underage. I can also be found at Smack Jeeves.

Man, if books are only as good as the people who read them, I can think of some really bad books. Fucking gods. Sorry. Do you want to know what happens if I get $250 a month? I kill someone? Probably But you don't want to know what else happens?

Consistency Oh Wow It's inconsistent for $249 a month $249 a month? I don't give a shit Yeah, what the fuck Listen, if you guys don't give me money The art's going gonna look super shitty

and inconsistent. You're fucking lost. Alright, well, J.D. Lee doesn't seem to have any Patreons, and I think that might be the fault of just the work not being exhibited. So let's read one of our pages of comics here.

That's because people don't know if that dollar sign is US or Canadian dollars. Sure, sure, sure. Okay, so I'm the lady in the tube top. Isfahan, you're the guy with the sort of mohawk thing. Bucci, the black guy. John, you're the little

twink, and I guess that's it. Alright, so here is an actual strip from one of JD's it. Alright, so here is an actual strip from one of JD's comics. Alright. Ah, water down vodka. I love you. My kinfolk, he knows me so well.

So, I'm finally gonna ask, how exactly did you and Colt meet? Baron. Drink. Gulp. Stage direction. There you go. You mean how I came to tolerate his inane babble?

Oh, damn! Oh, no. Please, can we not? Uh, what? Why not? Vodka cringe? For the listeners, that voice had a vodka cringe to it. Vodka cringe. That's a sound effect.

Vodka cringe! It's coming from her temple. It is. My vodka cringe is tingling. Maybe her eye said that. Her eye shouted vodka cringe. Vodka cringe, you need to sashay away Oh

Beautiful I was gonna say It's like a louse in her hair Or something Vodka cringe Anyway I've been actively avoiding the telling of this story I don't need to hear how my brother lost his man virginity.

And that's end of page. Because as we all know, there's two types of virginity. There's your regular virginity and then there's your man virginity. Also, this is how people talk. Yep, sure is. Hey Lee, you suck. Why did nobody donate to those comics?

Alright, so Boots, you want to be Edward Methany here? Yeah, I really do. Edmund. Edmund Methany. I am Edmund Methany. Yeah. Oh my god. He's like the nerd mold

from which other nerds were cast. What's it? The woolly... Woolly willy? Yeah, woolly willy. There you go. Alright, so Ed Moon, tell me about yourself, please. Oh yeah, I've got a... I do photography and photo doodles.

I'm a photographer, a doodle, an artist, a poet and a cat person don't say yeah I started taking pictures when I was 12 following my father who was also a photographer around San Francisco with my little insomatic camera

wandering in and out of traffic trying to get photos of seagulls and pigeons damn you cautious drivers. Yeah, if I pledge, will he continue to wander in and out of traffic? Because I will give money to that. Relive those healthy on days, Edmund. If I pledge more, will he stop wandering and stay there? Now, many years later, I have a somewhat cockeyed, obsessive view of the world.

To prove how cockeyed my view of the world is, look at my glasses. I'd like to push my camera, my creativity, and my vision to their respective limits and beyond. Just to find out what they can really do. Yes, sometimes that means something breaks.

But it also means that I have developed a unique and interesting style that I want to bring to office. Like the prostitutes that I hire! Wait. Pushing your camera to its limits doesn't actually... If you're breaking it, that means you're doing something wrong. I don't know. I can't tell if it's a picture or a doodle or whatever that is.

But either it's really faded around his face or he has mange. Because it's like his beard is out in patches, it looks like. Oh, it can be both. Maybe it's just got a sheen to it. Super glossy beard. Your assistance as Patreons will help me keep shooting,

keep developing, and keep imagining. My goal is to create content that is not quite what you might be expecting. Images that you want to look at again and again to find something new in or to think about. I don't think I will want to look at these images again

and again. Something new in or to think about. That was some great and or grammar. Well, I scrolled down and I figured out why that black and white photo looks that way. Because there's another color picture of his beard. Oh, I scrolled down and I figured out why that black and white photo looks that way. Because there's another color picture of his beard. Oh, it's just... Oh, wow.

His beard is 50 years older than him. Yeah. It's all gray. I want a new beard. I'm gonna shake this beard and start over. So, we can't properly convey how much your art sucks, but Jesus, your art sucks. Like, it is fucking terrible.

It is so, like, just the worst. Shut up, it's a style. It's like Dr. Katz. Okay, so if I pledge $100,000 a month, and by the way, there's only ten of these tiers. Oh my god, he's giving me $100,000 a month... Oh, wow. And by the way, there's only... Oh, my God. There's only 10 of these tiers. Oh, my God. He's giving me $100,000 a month.

What happens, theoretically, if I pledge $100,000 a month? Keep in mind, there's only 10 of these available. Okay, okay. Okay, really, the question here is more of what I won't do if you support me at this rate. Happy birthday, Mr. President. Well, nothing immoral or illegal, of course.

Oh, fuck it. And nothing that will screw over my obligations to my other subscribers. But if the Pentagon happens to have extra cash lying around, I would be happy to act as a deterrent to attack by sending art to our enemies, showing our superiority.

What? But this is why the terrorists hate us! Hey, fuck you, Taliban! Look at this shitty Photoshop! Yee-haw! Hey, I drew Muhammad. This'll get him to stop, right? Well, no, because they won't recognize him.

Well, it'll just be an arrow that says, this is Muhammad, except for he'll write it in English. Oh, shit, it they won't recognize him. Well, it'll just be an arrow that says, this is Muhammad, except for he'll write it in English. Oh, shit, it's perfect. Get him to draw Muhammad. That way, like, all the people are like, I want to draw Muhammad. To get him mad, we'll be happy. But then the people, the Middle Eastern, like, terrorists,

will see it and be like, what the hell is that? You know what? I think I'm actually onto something here. I said, alternatively, if you really hate, I mean, I mean, really hate the hate, I mean, I mean really hate the stuff that I do, then if this is the support rate for you, sign up at the support rate and I will

do absolutely nothing for the month in terms of art. You're already doing nothing in terms of art. Not a thing. You're not doing anything in terms of art. Well, except for the stuff that I owe other subscribers, of course. Oh, yeah. All of art. Well, except for the stuff that I owe other subscribers, of course. Oh, yeah. All of them. I love the tear that's like, I'll do fucking and, I mean, not anything, but I'll do and,

not anything, but I'll do. And by the way, that dude is getting $42 a month, so. He is getting $42 a month. Edmund, what happens if you get $1,000 a month? Health care. Pardon? Health care. I can generate a revenue stream of $1,000 per month.

I can afford to get health insurance for my wife and myself. How unhealthy are you? You have $1,000 a a month in healthcare premiums. You've seen my beard, right? Healthcare for werewolves is different. You have to get a vet and a doctor. I just picture his wife gut shot on the floor

like, honey, please, and he's at the computer and he's like, just wait! The money's coming in! Just wait, it's gonna come someday! Alright, this is a pretty quick one. John Tost, what do you got there? I'm creating YouTube bollocks. Just hand

over the money and nobody gets hurt. I mean, I'll be hurt if you don't give me money. Hey YouTube, it's Tuesday. Here's my testicles. I write and make crappy internet videos. Oh, you're that guy, huh? Oh, yeah, I'm the one.

You're responsible for all of this. I can make better ones with money. I'm not saying if you give me money, I'll suddenly make an epic Black Buster Summit. God, come on. I don't think you're actually English. I'll suddenly make an epic Black Buster Summit. Oh, God. Come on. I don't think you're actually English. I think this guy's as English as you are. What are you talking about?

How could you tell I wasn't English? Or Summit. It's a character. It's just that with a bit of financing, I could devote more time to the creation of videos, and less to the pursuit of my day job. And everybody has

this part where they talk about how much they hate their job and wish they didn't have to work at it. My job is carting knickers to the shop on the lorry. Can't there just be like a, just something on the Patreon front page that just says everybody on

this site wants to quit their day job and just be done with it and then they won't have to write that first paragraph. Yeah, just boilerplate. Just paste in there. Well, I'm going to keep doing what I do, but feel free to pledge if you want to see more and better. And allow me

to buy new underwear and slice tabs. I'm pledging to have those. It's wacky. Are you looking at my bum? Here's a picture of me covered in chips or fries for you in the colonies. Hey, Paul Niafiki. Yes. I noticed most people on here get asked to be paid per month.

What sort of... I noticed that you're not asking for monthly payments. What sort of rate would you like to receive money on? I am asking to be paid by the bollock.

So I only get two payments a year. Oh, I see. Alright. You get $10. No, it's a single payment of $10 ever. $5 per bollock. Yeah. That's $10, sir. Alright.

Now, on your way. Thank you. So, Roboto. Let me tell you a little bit about Roboto. Roboto is creating a rat-weight. Roboto is creating a rat-rage webcomic. Oh, good, we finally got to the goddamn furries. Yep, yep, yep.

What the heck? I'm only as awesome as you can make me. No. No! You're not very awesome. How awesome can we make you, though? Well, the point is that if I suck, it's your fault. Yeah. Okay, so...

Well, the point is that if I suck, it's your fault. Yeah. Okay, so... The thing that's good about Roboto is that he put a fucking lot of text on the screen, but the top of it says the short version, so we're just going to read that. Okay, short version. Rat Rage updates every Saturday right here on Patreon. And also sometimes on Sundays. It costs 50 cents per

page update to subscribe. Wait, what the fuck? So he's getting Patreon money and it's a subscription? Mm-hmm. What the fuck? Per page? Per page. For page updates. Holy shit. When you're making furry content, this is the sort of shit you can dictate to people.

And they will laugh it off. If you want a regular page update and higher resolution pencils, inks, and final art without dialogue, because my dialogue sucks. Well, the word balloons cover up all the mouse tits, so I guess...

Don't do that. Yeah, that's exactly right. It's $2.50. And if you want a regular page update, high-res pencils, inks, and final art, and access to the Swords Illustrated Swimsuit PDF. Which if you scroll down, you can see the cover of it.

Yeah, I can see that. Scroll back up. All right. That's $5. After each chapter is complete, subscribers will receive a nice PDF of that chapter for easy reading on the go on their computer, phone, or tablet. And finally, Rat Rage will only be available to Patreon subscribers after the end of the first chapter. Oh, no.

Uh, I stole Steve Harvey's mustache. Pay me enough and I'll give it back to him. Anyone want to give me money? Just want to know my tears? I do want to see your tears, actually. I would love to see your tears. Anyone? Yeah, hi.

I don't see any skunks here, but that's fine. What if I give you $300 per webcomic page? Okay, so $300 for a webcomic page. This is the absolute least amount. This is the least amount I'd need to support myself for working on a page per week. We at this were definitely good to go. Fuck off. Well, he's not getting that, so that's good.

Sorry. I have a headmate who's like an actual artist that gets really pissed off when you say stuff like that. Anyway, so what if I give you $600 per webcomic point? Okay, if I get $600 worth per page, I will create an official riveting refuge, and that's in quotes

because obviously it's a term that we're all familiar with, riveting refuge. I thought that said refuse at first. I was going to, yeah. It's thrilling garbage!

Oh, that should be the name of this whole site. Riveting refuge. It's thrillingilling Garbage! Oh, that should be the name of this whole site. It's riveting red news. It's Thrilling Garbage.com. And so there, in the Tumblr page, you can directly contact Rye and Jinx, who I assume are my shitty furry comic characters, and ask them about their business. Being on Patreon.

I love that business. That's what's in their pants. Or anything else, love that person. That's what's in their pants. Or anything else for that matter. As well as Bodyguard-for-hire requests, where there you can submit a request of a character that needs your help with the chance of the story... One more time.

Prepositions. Bodyguard-for-hire requests, where there you can submit a request of a character that needs help with the chance of the story to be cataloged into a separate bonus webcomic update featuring the character and the mission. My fursona gets to be included into the comic. That's great. I think so. Maybe. Okay.

So, okay. I've sold off a bunch of my fursuits. So what if I give you $1,000? You don't need a fursuit. All you need is a Steve Harvey mustache. Look, if I reach $1,000 per page, and I highly doubt I will, but if I do, awesome. I will release musical themes based on character themes. And events in the

story created by my talented friend S's. Lots of them. Who currently works on Steven Universe. And with me on Cry Amore. So if I give you a thousand, you'll get someone else to do more work on your comic?

Sure will. Yeah. And by the way, it's $1,000 per webcomic page update. So $1,000 per time period that I can change at any point. Yeah. Yes. So anytime I update the page, you're just paying me again. Mm-hmm.

The song from that last one will be about character themes, too, so I'll just be like, I'm an angry rat, man, I got anime hair. I'm angry. I don't know how wind works. Yeah, that animation on there. That animation is too strong. Although I gotta say that this little angry

animated rat dude is like, he's really mirroring my own feelings about this page. He's pretty good. Alright, Boots, we have two pieces left. One's going to you, and one's going to Isfahan. So do you want to be the lady that talks about

her pantyhose? Or the fella who talks about knitting? So do you want to be what you pretend to be or what you actually are? Oh, I'll be what I pretend to be. That's the lady who talks about her pantyhose. Great, alright, well this is Penelope's pantyhose. You're Penelope.

And just tell me about yourself. You start off by saying you're getting $227 a month for this. That's great, because 227 is my favorite show. 227 is a comedy. Yep. Penelope's Pantyhose is a comedy and entertainment vlog with legs. But do you know how to use them? I don't.

You don't know how to even change. $50 a month, I'll learn how to use them? I don't. I just got them. Maybe I can change. $50 a month, I'll learn how to use them. They're mostly just the background. Anyway, Penelope's Pantyhose is a comedy and general entertainment vlog about a harried office temp who, in order to make ends meet, moonlights as an internet fetish model. Oh, and the other shoe drops. Hey!

Hey! Good job. You, and the other shoe drops. Hey! Hey, I'm... Good job. You're so under the radar here. The other title for this is Whatever Helps You Sleep at Night, so, you know. Begun in 2008 by screenwriter Chris Burdick, Hallow's End, Cannibal Taboo. Oh, I love when those things are on.

Yeah. Penelope's Pantyhose has amassed nearly 8,000 subscribers and almost 9 million views. With patron support, we hope to increase show frequency and quality, as well as branch out to other media. We thank

you all for your patronage and for the continued support of our fans, given our little show over the years. So branch out into other media. So in addition to YouTube also being on Vimeo. Yeah. Yeah. No, look, we're going to have like Hanna-Barbera's going to do the animated series and

you know, we're going to branch out to lunch boxes and you know shirts and whatnot. I think Esfahan there wants to give you $10 a month. Is that right? Yes. Oh, God, yes. I mean, sure. Great. That makes you a hose monkey.

Jesus. I can't believe you said that to me. Taking that back. That's a really mean thing to call a fireman. Yep. You get extra episodes, production act takes, live streaming shows, once we have our webcam. Plus, you get extra episodes, production, act takes, live streaming shows, once we have our webcam.

Plus, you get every award offered in lower tiers, which aren't really anything. Oh. Uh, okay. Yay! Uh, you know what? I'm gonna give you $25 a month, but I only want one thing, really. I only need

one thing for $25 a month. Oh, thanks, hose monster. Goddam thing, really. I only need one thing for $25 a month. Oh, thanks, Hose Monster. God damn it, stop with the slurs. Oh, yeah! That's my stage name, baby. Purchase for Hose is good. Yeah, I'm gonna follow you on Twitter now.

Oh my god, really? I've been making out like a bandit this whole time. I didn't even realize it. Yeah, you should really be paying a premium for that shit. And then here's a picture of your legs on Twitter. Hey, want to know what I'll do if you give me $50 a month? Yeah, I really do, actually. Oh, Fred, you own Facebook?

First of all... Oh. That's really twice as much. But you didn't say what I would become, what I would be called. Oh, yeah, you'd be a host-keteer. Jesus. Why did I ask? R-I-P-O-F-F

What are people called that pledge a hundred, actual non-fictitious people who pledge a hundred dollars a month? They're, uh, Nyloniacs? Eh. 250's a Lycronaut. 500's a sheer genius. Terrible.

And 1,000 is a Hosemeister General. Oh, man. She was like, guys, I can't think of names for the last five tiers of this. Eh, fuck it. Like Hoser wasn't one of them? It's weird that you peaked at Hosemonster, which isn't very good anyway, Eh, fuck it. Like, Hoser wasn't one of them? It's weird that you peaked at Hose Monster, which isn't very good anyway, but you somehow got worse.

Like, Hosemarie isn't one of them? Also, eventually you're probably going to get $1,500 a month. What happens if you get there? Oh, uh, an e-book? Okay. I've long planned a Penelope's Pantyhose.

Sorry, I got somebody else's lip in there. Yep. I've long planned a Penelope's Pantyhose novel, and this will facilitate my creation of it. Oh, so we'll get an e-book at $1,500, but what if we get $2,500? An i-book. Oh, yay!

An old laptop. I'm holding out for the oBook! What I really want is an eBook? Sometimes yBook? It's an interrobang book. I like that. $1,000 a month we get a better camera.

Every month we get a new camera. It's better than the last month. And then at $3,500 a month we get a better camera. Every month, we get a new camera. It's better than the last month. And then, at $3,500 a month, we get a crew to hold the camera. Like... And then, at $7,500, we get a thing for the crew to shoot with the camera.

It's very incremental. Like, yeah, I don't think... Like, these kids don't seem to understand that, like, oh, it's... Pat, patrons like Kickstarter, right? Like, you just put down random dollar amounts and say, we'll do a thing? No. Sure. That's not how that works.

I also like how non-coy they are being, speaking of cameras with this, it's like, oh, she's like a fetish thing in the show, that's the comedy of it. But if you don't eat enough, we'll seriously install a webcam. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Webcam has dropped a couple times here. Can you guys do this? Nice job covering it up. Do this pantyhose thing, you know, as a joke. Yeah, you know, just for fun.

Oh, it's comedy. There's a framing story. Pantyhose comedy? I mean, really, what's more funny than pantyhose, guys? Come on. Pantyhose comedy? I mean, really, what's more funny than pantyhose, guys? Come on. Dot com.

You know, I also, like, it's so, like, and, like, it speaks to just how shitty, like, Indiegogo is. That, like, they can't even get their own fucking video hosting. Like, they just, like, jam a YouTube video in the middle of their site. Like, fuck it, we're not going to pay for anything. Alright, so Boots took the pantyhose. That means Isfahan, you're the crocheter. Alright. Except I posted the wrong thing. He looks like a guy that's been on a vampire weekend.

Louis Mensinger is creating crocheted creations. Oh, I'm so sorry. He's a professional hooker. Fuck you! Asshole! That wasn't a joke for me. That's actually what it says on the page. Who I am.

Hey guys. I'm Louis, and I run Louis Loops, a blog and YouTube channel where I crochet. Here's what I do. I make a few different kinds of videos and creations. First off, I do tutorials to show you how I crochet different things, as well as patterns and tutorials for how I make certain parts of my pieces. I also do time-lapse videos called Watch Me Crochet, where I crochet different

characters in pop culture. And lastly, I crochet viewers and YouTubers in a series I call Crochet Me. What? I try to come out with three videos a week, but often it only comes out to about two every week, so you can see why I need money. And that won't drop off at all! Yeah. I've been trying to get a bunch of my patterns written in as many videos as I can up, but that takes time, which is something I don't have loads of thanks to the necessity of money... ellipsis... which is where you can come in to help. Well, and here's where I explain what Patreon is. If you just blacked out and woke up with this webpage staring at you,

thanks for visiting me while you're drunk. And pledge money. What do you get out of it? Well, other than helping me out, I also get a bunch of content. Yeah, what do I get out of it? You fucking assholes! Stop thinking that you financially gaining is what I get out of it? You fucking assholes! Stop thinking that you financially gaining is what I get out of it, you dick!

Well, I didn't assume that, sir. Please sit back down. Alright. I'm so sorry. Alright. Take a moment here. Other than helping me out, also get a bunch of content that you wouldn't normally. Things like

longer, more in-depth tutorials, extra episodes of Watch Me Crochet, Patreon-specific crochet knees, a decision in who I make next. I guess that's like, who are you wearing? Patreon-specific discounts and sales in my Etsy store. Being known as an awesome human by me. Well, you know, your opinion is all that matters to me, so... my Etsy store. Being known as an awesome human by me.

Well, you know, your opinion is all that matters to me, so. What do you get? The same thing! Yay! Oh, I just realized he has a crocheted bow tie around his neck. Yep, he does. Untied, of course. Untied, yeah, you know. Doesn't want to come across as stuffy.

Alright, this is my Patreon-specific crochet figure. It's a dollar sign that is on fire. Is there anything you'd like to know? Let's see. Hey, I got something. Yes, you. What is it? My name is Candy Briones.

Briones? Briones. Candy, we don't have time. No, we do. We do. We've got time for this. We name is Candy Briones. Briones? Briones. Briones. Candy, we don't have time. No, we do. We do. We've got time for this. We've got time for this. We've got time for cartoons and comics and animated shorts and more.

No, we've done... Okay. I'm a dreamer, believer, rebel, rainbow connection. R.A.P. Jim Henson. He's a dead guy. Anyway, so I have a thing called Taco El Gato. It's Taco El Gato.

Great. I'm sure you do. All right. That means... That looks... That means Taco the Cat. Yeah. So it is my awesome comic, I think. Something like that. Yeah. It's a... Come on, come on.

Step right in, my friends. My name is Candy Cecilia Briones, and I need your help. Yeah, I need lots of help, actually. Yeah, but that's not... I think you do. But that's not what Patreon's gonna provide. Help not only with the money, but with's not... I think you do. But that's not what Patreon's gonna provide. Don't worry, don't worry, don't worry. Help not only with the money, but with sharing my comics with all your friends.

Friends, I think, are those voices that are outside my head. I don't quite remember, but do you like cats? Do you like cats? Sort of. What about tacos? Sure, sure. I know Boots does. Action? Yeah, action. Sexy kittens, if you're into that furry stuff.

If you answered yes to all, then this is the comic for you. Yeah. Okay. I signed up for this Patreon page because I really want to push my cartoons and comics, especially the Taco El Gato series. It's a nine series. It's a nine series? Okay.

Yeah. It's a nine series. It's a nine series, where we follow Taco Fluffy, aka Taco El Gato, on his 9 alternate lives. The current series is when he becomes a super dash hero. Just click and indulge in the Taco Cattiness. The Taco

Cattiness? Taco Cattiness. And it's a page drawn in, I believe, crap. I've never used that program before! It's a state of mind, really. Hey, I got a question for you.

I got a question about Taco here. Hey, what kind of cat is Taco? He's a cool cat. He's a cool cat that gets the boot from the Super Duper Club, like the Justice League. Thanks to himself, I guess I suck, but hey, I make tacos. Gonna feed the hungry instead, cause there ain't no hero done that before.

Hey, Candy. Candy, I'm almost on board with giving you just a shitload of money. Ooh, I like shit. I just want to know how good a poet you are before I commit. And if you have any poems about this taco cat. I do, I do. I wrote poems

about my taco cat. It's called The Girl Who Cried Taco. Or maybe that's The Girl Who Cried And then like parentheses because of taco I don't know I cry a lot Girl Who Cried Taco

Taco Girl Who Cried R.E. Taco By me Candy Bry Oness Oh sweet and sour sorrow, why did you come down on me so hard? My destiny was far in the distance.

Was it even there? But in my journey, I have always heard a soft whisper in the air. Mew! Oh, my inspiration! Whoa, my passion! Where art thou? Nowhere in sight, I assume.

I assume. And once again, I hear in the air, Mew! Wow, that's a goddamn cat. This is pretty much Edgar Allan Poe right here. I ignored it. It's got the same tense. Many years went by.

Faith in oneself can only last so long. I felt like a hit bottom. Oh, how it hurt. Then, mew! Jesus! It is close. Meow! I think we swung to the depressive side here.

A whirlwind of gasp! That not even the vacuum of space could replicate. There! Because it doesn't carry sound. It carries tacos, though, I think. There! Right under my nose. Happiness like a child in spring.

A lone tear falls. My inspiration, my passion, in an alley, in a box, an abandoned cat brought me hope. And then picture a fat Peggy Bundy as a cat. Yep! That's what that is. Thank you, thank you.

You're the next T.S. Eliot. Good job. I'm really getting a I-wanna-be-Fritz-the-cat vibe from this. Yeah, this looks like if our crumb were reincarnated today and also had an aneurysm. Yeah, like, I recognize that you think that

not taking your medication helps the process, but it doesn't, nor does it help anyone around you. Also, like, if I give $25 a month, I get an original sketch card in color. It can be anything. But can it just be a shitty drawing of the Joker? Is that alright?

Done and done. I've got dozens of those wallpaper in my room right now, actually. Where else can I find a drawing of the Joker for $25? Who's to say? Really? You know. You can also possibly get a shitty picture of

a cat reading some purple with a purple background that says L-O-C-K-N-E-S-S monster on one of the posters. And also a bunny rabbit that I think is pooping a cotton ball.

So, we're good? No! No, we're not! We're not! You're not! I'm worse for knowing ya! Fuck you! Look, I got five patrons! Wait, I've got five patrons. How much money did you get? The fuck? $33 per month for this horse shit?

Yeah. People have fucking relatives. For $33 per month for this crap. Does anyone here have any idea how long I spent searching for an animation job when someone's getting $33 per month for this crap. Does anyone here have any idea how long I spent searching for an animation job when someone's getting $33 per month for this shit?

Lunatic horseshit has vomited all over. Have you not seen TacoElGato.com? Because it exists, and there's sure a bunch of stuff on it. Is there?

Oh yeah, Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like, what Candy here is not lacking is output. Like, there's definitely plenty of things made. That's one thing she has over the other people. That is one thing she has over the other people, yeah. We can read the bios of every scribble. Sure. Sure.

It's too bad she's not reached her goal of $40 per month, because at $40 per month, she pledges to promote her comic. $40 per month. Promote Taku Ogato Comics. Get more people to read Taku Ogato Comics. That's what she'll do.

She'll promote it. And then just to close here, Steve C is creating tweets. I'm awesome. I have two Patreons. I am making two cents per tweet. Well, it's more than I'm making, so I guess he wins.

That's two cents more than... You tweet enough. You can go to the vending machine with that shit. That's true. I'm getting zero dollars every time I tweet, so, yeah. Hey, Steve C. Yeah, you look like a nice kid. Let me give you a penny. What do I get out of that?

What do you get? That gnawing feeling that you're missing something important. You know, if I think you had that, I think you wouldn't have made the site. That's what you get when you pledge. I pledged, by the way, I pledged my own self, the guy that's making the tweets for a cent.

I pledged to trans-metropolitan video game criticism. So this lady here, Cara Ellison, is getting $2,351.24 every time she writes an article. Oh my god. So Lemon, how much money...

Okay, so this podcast is one of our hobbies. Each one of us, it's a hobby that all of us share. You know. How much money do each of us get for making this podcast? Zero. Oh, that's weird. Maybe it's because it's our fucking hobby. Maybe it's because it's our fucking hobby. Related to that, what do you think we learned from any of this?

I learned what an aneurysm feels like. I learned that. This is pretty infuriating. I learned that the people that use Patreon have less of an understanding of what Patreon is, does, and should be used for than the people who use Indiegogo and Kickstarter, and that is remarkable.

Well, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Should be used for. What should be used for? There is actually one thing that I have considered giving money to on Patreon. Give me a best case scenario. It's a video series called Smarter Every Day.

And it's a science education thing for kids that a guy is doing sort of as a hobby. But there's obviously money involved in the making of the videos. And I would like to see more of them. And I like it. It's an educational fun thing that makes sense. It's productive. It's providing a service to the people who are using it, as opposed to just pay me to do this thing that I kind of want to do

that a million other people out there are doing, and I certainly don't have enough skill to do it as a living. Yeah, that's what I was going to say I learned. Now we've gotten to the point where people wanting to do something is enough justification for them to receive money for it in their own minds. Basically. Like, you know, you see, there's people that have hobbies that they're kind of making stuff for, and people that, like, whenever someone has a hobby that, you know, they're making videos or music or whatever, fans of it, if they get enough

of them, fans will say, well, you know, I like what you do, I want to give you, like, a couple of bucks a month for it, you know, just to show my support, because I like what you're doing. You know, giving people that option, that's fine. There's no shame in that. But, you know, when it gets to the point where people say, like, you know, my super awesome furry space manga needs, like,

a bunch of people need to pay me money for it because god forbid I'm not going to get an actual job ew. Like could everyone just give me that and then it turns into like this was brought to you by everyone's great patronage. You know I made this thing on my own time. You know I was

you know doing this shit just not on any schedule just whatever the fuck I feel like however the fuck I feel like. thanks to you guys giving me money for it. Thanks. The two most infuriating things about this are when people go like, I need this money to quit my job

to do this thing I'm going to do anyways, because that has to happen, otherwise I'm not going to make it. And they're going to make it anyways, but they try and phrase it that way. And then, yeah, the other thing is like, oh, I need all this money for all these money for all these materials and all these things to make this comic. I'm just going to make

and Photoshop on my computer anyways. I guess it's just the phrasing of it like, they absolutely need this or without their patronage they won't get it. Trying to put on the desperation. It would be, well, in some cases it wouldn't be better because of some of the things

these people make, but it would at least be a little more palatable if people said like hey, I like making this thing if you want to give me a tip for it awesome, but it's just I just hate this like, yeah just this desperation trying to put it on the front.

To your point Boots, I don't see a point in patreon that couldn't be better solved a different way you know that that if the science thing if it's got some sort of um you know if it's got some sort of like indiegogo or whatever the behind it or there's just a page with like a paypal button and it's just like hit it like because i because I recognize that idea. Like, I've actually, um, I've been really hoping that, uh,

Flatter! That's what I was going for. Flatter. Um, and that's a thing where basically there's, like, microtransactions of, like, cents. So you have, like, an account, and then you go to a site, and you like a thing, and you kind of, like, give them a couple cents. That sort of thing, that sort of thing that sort of

thing is good like I feel like these patreon guys like it pisses me off because like like I don't really see a good end to it and like and I hate the people that are like that are making their own money like from this whole thing you know what I mean yeah well it's also

it's just fucking egotistical where it's just like I'm making shitty cartoons, and I don't have any motivation to do it unless you guys give me money, and what you get in return is I make shitty cartoons. It's like, oh, how the world would be such a darker place without your shitty webcomic.

I better donate to this. Like, oh, you guys are gonna be sorry if I don't make this crap. I've got some bad news. I've got some bad news for the people who actually are getting decent money from their Patreon. It's still, it's an income. It's still not a job. Yeah. That money could dry up

at any point. You could fall into some medical bills, but you don't have insurance for it. And you will. I mean, you know, these patrons are not lasting for a year. No way. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like, I mean, when I was living off of commissions and stuff like that, yeah, medical bills, yeah, commission money does not cover that crap. No. Well, because the other thing to it is that we have a pretty well-understood concept of, like, you make the art, the art exists, somebody buys the art, and then eventually perhaps you're into some point

where the Pope pays you a shitload of money. But, yeah, I mean, artistic expression is, the Internet has made artistic expression so cheap, so wide, so commonplace, which is great. I mean, it's absolutely great that you can draw your comic or have your band or whatever and really spend very little money

in doing that thing. Yeah. But the flip side of that is that you're less special. Yeah. You're less special, and that's okay. Yeah. Fucking have a job, do the job,

shut the fuck up. Yeah. I would much rather have the ease that the internet affords to get my stuff out there than to, you know, have to spend like 20 years clawing my way up somewhere just to get something

out there in the first place. Time was artists had actual genuine overhead. And that's why they starved. Well, because the thing i'm sorry i know this uh end piece is getting a little long but there's so much to say there's a lot to say but like yeah but the but the the common uh phrase the year so much is is uh this from the artists of like of like i just wanted to get out there i just want my voice to be heard i just want

people to to to you know pay attention to what I'm doing and that kind of stuff. Which is, if true, then you're lying about this other stuff. Yeah, what's the money about then? Yep. Alright, anyway, thanks very, very much to Yellow Jester there

for submitting this content. I think this is the first piece from Yellow Jester and it's great. I think we're at the bottom. I don't think that there's another place for panhandling

on the internet. I'm happy to be proven wrong, but I genuinely don't think it gets worse from here. I've got bad news. At least four were made while we were recording this episode. Alright, thanks so much. Have a good one. I've got bad news. At least four were made while we were recording this episode. All right. Thanks so much. Have a good one. Bye-bye.

Bye. Ball pit. Oh, yeah. The journalist got paid today Got me a packet full of change So the journalist

got paid today Got me a packet full of chain If you believe my word, I'm hard on days I'm stepping on shoes to take my place What do you guys think about Israel-Palestine? Also Mario. What do you think Mario would think about Israel-Palestine? Uh-oh.

That's all.