The F Plus - 156: Auto Moronic Asphyxiation

Episode Date: November 27, 2014

Internet eroticism is a varied, confusing, and repulsive subject. To that end, this is an episode about people who have sex with cars. Confused? Well, if you listen to this entire episode, you'll still be confused. And more than a little grossed out. But hopefully entertained. This week, The F Plus is using Jason's email address.

Hello, I'm S.M. Larjay. Yeah! This is very good. I want to feel the exhaust smoke on my face. Can you name the truck with four-wheel drive? Smells like a steak and seats 35. Can you narrow? Can you narrow?

Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down, it's the country broad truck endorsed by a clown, Canyonero, Canyonero. Welcome to the F Plus Podcast, a wonderful place for terrible things, right with enthusiasm in the room tonight we have Boots Reingear. My biggest kink is that I torture my friends with licking various parts of their car until it's dripping wet with saliva. Kumquats up! I'm an all-American guy turned on by all-American big diesel pickups like Cummins, Powerstroke, and Duramax. Jimmy Franks!

I've also had some success leaning on my side and fucking the car sideways. John Toast. I'm a crazy tune driver and my other kinks are furries, robots, tuneophilia, seduction, big submissives, ball dominant, BBW, BHM, face setting, costume and role play, inflation, hyper assets, and cum inflation. Frank West!

I love fucking reptiles too. And Lemon. Licked car ass. Here lies fucking reptiles too. And Lemon. Licked car ass. Here lies his epitaph. Hey, F+. Hey, Lemon. Hello, Lemon. I got a problem.

Oh, God. A problem. Okay, let's solve your problem. What's your problem? Yeah, the other day I was at work and somebody came to me, I'm an IT guy, and was asking about my Android phone and how the calendar app

worked on it because she was thinking of switching from using iOS. At any point? Does your story get better at any point? Yeah. So I showed her my phone And she looked at it And looked at the calendar app And clicked on Friday And saw that I had scheduled car fucking

You know what? You know what, Boots? I had a similar situation Where I would open my phone at work And then I realized As I flipped to my calendar app widget, it said car fucking. Interesting. Amazing.

I put that item on all of your phones, because tonight we're reading about car fucking. Oh, it's also weird. This is another submission by Bomberjacket, who's done a bunch of these recently. Really good stuff. And he's called this one the Karma Sutra. And this document's good enough that I'll forgive that pun.

I like it because of the pun. Really? Yeah! You have no pun standards at all, do you? Nope. I'm a pun whore. A pun whore. Well, this episode, yes.

You are familiar, well, you're going to be familiar with the idea that there are men. It's all men. There are men who want to make love to their automobiles. I don't know why. I don't know why. So I think we're going to find out why. And let's start finding out why with the help of Jimmy Franks. Jimmy Franks, we have here a piece on the archive.org.

So this is public domain? Yeah, yeah. It's for everyone. And this is Deck Here, Dragon's Guide to Sex with Cars. So if you'll just go through a little bit of this and discuss how one has sex with cars. Parentheses for males. Yeah, I have a question.

Where's the for females section of this document? It's still in the works. Any day now. All right. Howdy. Read this entire document before trying any of the steps. Right? You might hurt yourself.

Having sex with a car. The phrase is sometimes misunderstood to mean sex in a car and sometimes is greeted with skepticism. How can you have sex with a car? The short answer is up the tailpipe. Oh, that sounds... All right, of course, what did we learn from this episode? Oh, man. I really thought there was going to be like a throttle bodies joke or like a Lisa.

No, no. There's nothing funny about the love between a man and his car. Well, the long answer is much more involved, including techniques, precautions, and cautions all designed to get you maximum satisfaction from screwing a car. Our first subject will be the tailpipe. All right. The tailpipe of the car is, of course, where the exhaust comes out. So in this sense, the tailpipe is an anus. No, no, no, it's not.

All right, look. First, we'll deal with some cautions you should know about. In most cars, the edge of the tailpipe is sharp. You should therefore exercise caution when doing anything with the tailpipe. Caution like not fucking a tailpipe? Yeah. I do what you got to do, man. But if the engine's been on for a long or even relatively short period of time,

the tailpipe will be hot. Do not do anything with the tailpipe hot. Tailpipe will be hot. Do not do anything with the tailpipe hot. Someone had to learn that one the hard way. Wait until the tailpipe is cooled off. The tailpipe will cool off faster than the engine, so you don't have long to wait. I call screwing the car while the tailpipe is hot, fucking the car hot.

Never fuck a car hot. I did once. Wow. Once. Wow. This is crazy. Masters of metaphor. I thought that was just the name of a Chivo Matto song. I fuck my tailpipe.

Oh. Fucking the car hot. The exhaust from the car contains poisonous gases. One of these, carbon monoxide, is a slow killer. It's actually a pretty legitimate tip for everybody, whether or not you're fucking a car. Now, never do anything with the tailpipe while the engine is on. Oh, okay. Okay, now the first thing you should notice at the inside of the tailpipe is usually coated with soot.

This is the part where this is a good idea. Like, you'll get burned, you'll get cut, and you're gonna die of carbon monoxide poisoning. I'm getting to that. But just real quick, just to sum up, you want to clean out the tailpipe so you don't get your dick dirty. Don't cut

it. You know, the usual stuff. The first way to fuck the car. Oh, no, we wouldn't want to get dirty when we're fucking a car. What's the first way? Well, the first way, there's two ways you can do this. One way doesn't require any equipment. The other way, which is much more rewarding, does. Now, the first way is to fuck the car raw.

This does not mean stuffing your cock into the tailpipe and thrusting. That would hurt. What? I think that's what raw means, but okay. Fuck the car raw. This does not mean stuffing your cock into the tailpipe and thrusting. That would hurt. What? I think that's what raw means, but okay. With the sharp edges. And it would be no fun anyway since the tailpipe doesn't flex. So what you should do is get behind the car and start jerking off.

When you're about to come, carefully put your cock into the tailpipe of the car and then come. Not while the car's hot. I was promised fucking a car. What are you trying to do, get the car pregnant? That's not fucking a car. This inverse pull-out method is doing nothing for me. The put-in method.

So he goes... So then Deck Here Dragon goes into the product that he can sell you. Oh, you mean the sexual interface unit from Teledildonics Division at Decker Dragon Industries? Oh, my God. Teledildonics! Yeah. So it's a dildo that

teleports itself to you Patent pending So yeah, so Decker Dragon he has a sexual interface unit that he can sell you it's basically sort of a clip-on pussy that you can attach to your car Let me tell you what you need to build

one of these. You need black electrical tape a beer koozie, a can of soda, and a hefty pair of scissors. Fuck the pair of scissors. Throw away the rest. What point-and-click adventure game have I been playing before this to get me to this point? Yeah, I think... What do I do with this inventory? This is why Police Quest V never got off the ground.

Yeah, Roberta Williams got really dark later in her career. All right. Yeah, so that's Decker Dragon. I believe that's a very old piece, and since it has sort of been scrubbed off the internet a little bit, only ending up on archive.org, some people haven't read it. Some people, such as this anonymous person from Yahoo answers, uh, boots.

If you'll, uh, uh, tell us what your problem is here. Uh, yeah. Yeah. I burned, I burned my penis and I don't know what to do. I am a Mecca. Well, okay. I am a Mecha... Well, okay. I am a mechanophilia, which means I like to have sex with my car

through the exhaust. And a few minutes ago, I did this, and I left my car on to get more pleasure, and it burnt my penis pretty bad. It even burnt my penis hole shut. So I can't... You got sutured by your car! Oh, fuck.

I can't be, but I am too embarrassed to go see a doctor. What do I do? Please. Okay, now I just picture, like, the doctor... I just picture the doctor being like, oh, don't worry, I've heard everything. And the guy's like, I fucked my car and my penis sealed shut, and he just stopped writing.

It's like, excuse me? Wow, that's sounding pretty bad. The doctor looks up something. Wait, no, that's anti-sounding. That's quieting. Yeah. Well, it asks you a question, and here I am. It's question mark.

Oh, hi, question mark. Hello. That's the best answers. I have your answer. Soak your junk in some turn signal fluid for ten minutes and you will be back to fuck your car tomorrow. I know.

I'm sorry, I know. I don't own a car. Is there such a thing as turn signal fluid? No, there is not. Okay, okay. Good. Well, of course there as turn signal fluid? No, there is not. Okay. Okay. Good. Well, of course there isn't.

I've soaked my dick in it. No more left. No, it sounds weird, but it works. I give you the honcho guarantee. Watch for the muffler bearings. They will shred your dick to pieces. There's also no such thing as muffler bearings. That was the Riddler's cousin,

Fred Nygma. Again! My dick is in all of them. And then, Boots, what did you respond to that with? I did? Yeah, it's right there in the askers rating and comment. We'll try immediately! Just find some turn signal fluid yeah do it buddy hello hello i'm ray hi ray try using paint thinner to ease the pain

then when you're ready use a sharp knife to reopen the hole again. Good thing about your situation is that you get to choose where you make your hole. So get creative! I don't think that's good for the car, is it? I pee out of the base of my penis now. Whee! I pee out of the base of my penis now. Whee!

And then before we move on, John, if you'll take the related questions there in the sidebar, just read all these related questions. Okay. I know I see them. Burned penis. Burned penis

when I pee. Burning penis. Penis burning. Rubbing alcohol burns my penis tip. And then underneath that is some other questions. Two in a row are, is it okay to send a picture of only your dick to someone? And can I help my brother in any way? Anyway.

So, Frank West, we're going to move away from the men's health section of Yahoo Answers and into the health and well-being injuries section of Yahoo Answers. And what's wrong there, guy without a name? Oh, Matt? Your name's Matt.

My name is Matt. Accidentally inserted my penis into my car's exhaust. Doesn't look like it's healing. Accidentally. I was just walking along and I slipped and tripped and fucked my car for five minutes.

I'm actually being dead serious on this. This isn't a joke. I'm 21 and I live in the countryside. That's not the part we don't believe. Hey, it may have, even if it actually happened, it's still a joke. I live in the countryside on a quiet valley and it was snowing quite heavily. So I decided to get a shovel and move the snow out of the way for my car to get through. Oh, good!

You're going to tell the story about your accident! That's great! It all makes sense. You're basically prepping for the story you're going to mention in the emergency room. This is my favorite episode of Northern Exposure. So, doctor, so I like to test the freshness of my butter by

rubbing it inside of my asshole. Right? And so then... I just happened to pick up the bagel that's the exact perfect size for my penis. It's not my fault. Anyway, keep going. The snow made a slant behind my car. So nevertheless, I had to stand on it to get to the smaller portion of the snow out of the way

and work on the bigger portion, if you know what I mean. This is where it goes wrong. I slipped. Using my reactions, I managed to hold onto the hedge on the right side of me for about five seconds, but this made it worse. My hand was so cold, I had to let it go because I couldn't even feel it. My hand just froze in five seconds flat.

Now probably the most embarrassing moment of my life, my penis slipped into the exhaust and thankfully my boxers were covering it. Why were you in your boxers? This story has a few holes. I'm just picturing Matt in front of a mirror reciting this, going like, yeah, okay, if I memorize this, go buy it.

Go buy it. Okay. Okay. Okay. How long does it take for a hand to get cold? Five seconds. Okay. Could have been worse, if you know what I mean.

I actually don't know what you mean, but okay. You're probably wondering how my penis got into the exhaust. My fly was undone. Ah, uh-huh. Now, knowing this, my penis was stuck because of how cold it was. It wasn't actually frozen, but stuck.

It's not how it works. Yeah, yeah. It was like vapor lock or something? Now I was almost dying to be so embarrassed. An elderly couple walked by with an odd, horrifying look on their face. I imagine it was probably actually the appropriate horrifying look on their face. That's what I was thinking. They came over and asked, are you okay?

I replied, yes, but freezing. At the moment they shoveled the snow out of them and pulled me out, I noticed a smirk came across their face and it ended up there. I'm sorry, it just hit me that the reason he thought it was an odd horrifying look on his face is because he's seen a lot of horrifying looks when he fucked his car. So he knows what an odd one looks like.

Right. Anyways. Please note this is very serious. I am nowhere near joking. My penis is now all blotchy, swollen, and covered in cuts since yesterday, and it doesn't look like it's healing. I've contracted my GP, but he's on holiday somewhere. And he helped to reduce the swelling?

Nope. Stop fucking cars. Swelling? Nope. Stop fucking cars. Oh, no, I mean, he didn't fucking, it's a complete accident. Yeah. Just, he wrote three whole paragraphs about it.

I believe this man. Well, yeah, I mean, he had to tell Penthouse about it. I wish this hadn't happened to me, but... Oh, I wonder why Matt's user activity is private. That's surprising, isn't it? Yes, hello everybody. My name is MyMouthWateryIs. I have a question. Is it wrong that I like to stick my penis into the hole of the car where you put the gas in?

Yeah. Yep. Yep. That's a mechanical problem. You shouldn't do that. When I hover over the dude's name, it just says, sorry, something has gone wrong. Wow. I don't want your Wow, that's... I don't want your browser, because that's a pretty smart one right there.

Correct, Yahoo. In case you were wondering, related questions. Am I putting my tampon in the wrong hole or something? If you're asking, yes. If you're asking, yes. If you're asking, yeah, definitely.

Also, I stupidly put wrong memory stick into wrong hole in computer? That's hot. That's a double wrong. Here's the thing, right? I was 21 and it was really cold outside. My memory stick was sticking out of my fly. My Mouthwateriez has a few more questions. Oh, does he?

Such as, why are my balls rectangular? My laptop keeps having an orgasm. How do I stop it? And has any astronaut ever jizzed on Mars or on the moon? So anyway, so we're going to leave Yahoo Answers. We got a bunch of sites here, and our next site is called sexwithcars.com. Oh, my. Now, sexwithcars.com is a visual feast.

I would definitely implore you to go to thefpl.us. We've got some links in the doc

which is going to take you to a long, long, long thread of cars being horny.

Like, cars with faces just being horny. Readers are going to be seeing those. Slutty cars. Slutty, slutty cars. So there's a bunch of threads on that, and they're all really, really delightful. But, you know, that is a visual thing.

So I just want to talk about my anthrocarb porn. My name is Halfdude, and I want to tell you about the vehicles that I live with. throw carb porn. My name is Half Dude. And I want to tell you about the vehicles that I live with. There's Lily, who's my darling little 2002 Hyundai Accent, my black little angel sweetie cakes. And then there's Lily's younger brother, a 2009 Hyundai Accent. Ew.

So I have a type. Wow. Oh, he goes for Asian cars. He's one of those. Once you go Acura, you never go Bacura. And my rank, by the way, tailpipe stuffer. Good. And how many posts do you have?

Oh, I'm glad you asked. 1,494 posts. Good. Wow. Anyway, so you guys asked for it. I'm starting my hand-drawn anthro car porn gallery here to cut back on making a ton of topics for every drawing. I'll just put them here. There's 39 pages in this thread. So if you like what I do, make sure to keep checking back.

Now, this is all free. I'm not doing commissions here. It's up to you guys to keep me filled with some awesome ideas of what model car slash truck slash plane slash helicopters would be hot and what they should be doing. I'm totally open to suggestions, XD. There would also be a chance for some of you to get some free prawn drawings of your real life lovers.

That is, if you can convince me, it's worth my time. Period, space, semicolon, space, P. For a certain definition of real life and lovers, maybe. Yeah, I was really trying to figure out which of those terms I had more of a problem with. Real life or lovers. Also, worth my time.

Right. Oh, I already know my opinion on that. Yeah. I'll either be using Photoshop by myself or, as Dr. Frankenstein knows, I stream the creation of my art in a private board on iScribble. Whatever. I use iScribble to do most of my pervy car art. Should be an episode then.

So let's get the show started. So anyway, so this is a drawing that I made called Lily Lovemaking. It's just sort of a car with her tongue out being horny. And Lily Lovemaking says, oh, God, please forgive me, Lily. I only draw things like this of you because I'm so attracted to you. Honestly, I love you, baby. Less than three. Well, yes, see here

my little Lily, carrot, carrot, during what looks like quite a passionate round of loving, and I'm probably back there somewhere, unless maybe it's a car dildo. What? Boy, she's just splashing everywhere, isn't she? What?

You should really have that checked out. What? I have a question. I have several questions. Your car's leaking fluids everywhere. It's probably a write-off. I have several questions, most of which are, what is a car dildo? So I think one of your other questions is, what would it be like if Sally was inflated?

Well, let me tell you, inflated Sally Carrera. Yeah, yeah. A lot of you will probably notice I'm already put this up before, but whatever. Hey, Sally is like a car's sex goddess, isn't she? So stop complaining, laughing smiley. This will be a nice treat if any of you are into the inflation kink. Somebody really pumped a lot of gas into this girl. Alright, so

for those of you who can't see this picture right now, it's a car with a distended belly somehow. Yeah, which is something and you go like, that's kind of weird, but that's only until you get to further down the page

where there's a car that's like up on Hellraiser meat hooks who has a giant floppy dong with a man sticking out of his urethra. That's pretty amazing. And then it vomits oil out of the penis. And right under that is Carver. Well, it's a series. It's a series, though. He says, ever wanted to see what it'd look like to see a guy get ate by a giant car erection? You know, no.

No? Then blasted out in an orgasmic spray of car jizz? Oh, I take it back. Yeah. I didn't know I wanted to see that. Now I do. I like that he goes both ways with the

eyes. Sometimes the headlights of the eyes, sometimes the eyes are just on the windshield. Yeah. Yeah. All of these cars are completely non-functional. That's sex with cars. Once again, I would definitely encourage you,

THEFBL.US, you want to be seeing this 39-page thread. Yeah, you really do. There's drawing after drawing. There's... He specifies... Show your friends. There's an annotation under one of the pictures that specifies

In case you were worried, I know you were worried But he reassures you That yes, that darker spot Under her belly with the slit Is a cargina Oh thank god I was worried What would I

Oh Jesus God! Oh! Okay. Okay. Thanks, I just saw that picture. Alright. Gonna leave sexwithcars.com

as fast as possible. Thanks a whole bunch for that. Bomber jacket. And we're gonna move on to exhaustsmokelovers.createmybb3.com slash thread-4.html. This is kind of a shitty forum. I like how the URL is a test. Yeah, the URL is a test to whether you want to go to the site or not.

Like halfway through, you're like rethinking your life. Like, really? This is where I'm going? Anyway, so this is Exhaust Smoke Lovers. I think that's pretty self-explanatory. So, John, if you'll introduce yourself, please. All right. Hi, guys.

Gary the Moderator, right? Hi, guys. Hi, guys. I'm Gary the Moderator. Yep. Also, I'm Gamwam. Do you have a nickname? I'm Gamwam. Gamwam. Hi, guys. I'm Gary, the moderator. Yep. Do you have a nickname? I'm Gamwam. Gamwam.

Gamwam. How many stars out of five are you? Seven? Yeah, seven. I'm hoping that this new forum will be a bit more successful and active than the last spam-infested one. I realize that our community is very small, so I don't think there's room for shy new, really. If you guys have something to contribute, then please do so. How about me?

I'm M30, gay, and live in the Nottingham area of the uk get to tell by my accent uh although i've got a strong fetish for exhaust smoke thick diesel and extravis for in particular i don't own a car or drive weird huh but i've had a number of experiences under a dirty diesel pipe. Oh, you dirty diesel pipe. Yeah. You know, it actually took me a minute to... You don't own a car. You don't drive. No, he's the only person in history to get a restraining order against him for cars. Alright.

Well, I've always had a fetish for smoking, and it's Develpoed into a fetish for getting smothered by thick diesel smoke and actually sucking it in. What is it about the UK that makes this happen? Especially if you move to Beijing. You would love it there. We have lower emission standards here, so it makes my life difficult.

I gotta really search for a good smoke. He went to Beijing once. It's like a sex tourism thing for him. Unfortunately, the good friend who used to humor me with my odd fetish... What? What's that person like, I wonder?

Yeah, I don't know. I wasn't prepared. Like a weird Henry Lee Lucas Otis Tool situation happening. Oh, fuck. That's gonna be an even darker movie. Now in Longer has a car,

so in searching for something Lacalish, Midzuck, who is into similar, has a motor and a pace to play and fancies some company and a videographer to join them. Although I do have some videos of my fun.

They are true well massive files. And once things pick up on Thay forum and i start to see contributions fro others ill think about posting some video snippets until then ill post some screen caps oh thank god i hope you guys enjoy the new forums i want to introduce myself i love play with fumes of all vehicles, sexually in a heterosexual relationship, but fume play I do with men if I find any into it.

I like verbal and role play with fumes. Yeah, and I only get turned on and enjoy it if it mates and is encouraging me or persuading me to sniff them in. And then here's where I start masturbating more furiously. Ig sat akbak of car inmate slap with engine on him and telling him to suck them in. Come oh, box suck on my hot engine fumes. That will get me hard. Or biker with gas mask on me,

making me suck his exhaust for a few seconds at a time until I cannot control myself, lol. Always looking for blokes who are wanting to explore fumes and smells in a relaxed, safe way. A love of verbal and role play is good, too. So far, I have experienced four sport bikes, two MX bikes,

Mercedes, Audi, Lexus, Toyota truck, Citroen sports car, Alfa Romeo, Holden V8 Oot, BMW, tractor,

Land Rover Love Diesel Oh, the tractor getting some rough trade in there Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm Tailpipe Lover Oh, I'm Tailpipe Lover Hi everyone, I'm from Italy And I have 22, yo Yo

I'm into smelly exhausts Like two-stroke ones For example But I like diesel too. Exhaust pipes are important for me. Love how the pipes look. Love seeing a man revving, making some noise, and having fun with his car slash bike slash truck without caring about the destruction he brings with noise and pollution around his vehicle. If someone wants to chat with me about experiences or fantasies or anything else,

feel free to send me messages. Hope I find some new friends here, because I've never known another with my same feelings about it. All right, all right, writing up this resume. All right, what's my objective here? Exhaust pipes are important for me. All right, writing up this resume. All right, what's my objective here?

Exhaust pipes are important for me. I'm Lord of Time 73. Okay. Hi, folks. My name's Natalie. Oh, hi, Natalie. Hi, I'm a real woman on this forum for sure. Oh, wow.

I understand. I'm 31 and live in Listershire I got into pedal pumping exhaust fun through my boyfriend Jason Why is boyfriend capitalized? It's his title I am boyfriend Jason Jason's so good looking

Let's come to the gym with boyfriend Jason I shall take you to dinner after. It's a capital B in boyfriend. That's why I'm talking this way. It's a proper noun. Kneel before boyfriend Jason. He found it a turn on to watch me pedal pump in boots,

then to play with and on my exhaust gases. I then got interested in why it turned him on, so had a look for myself. Well, I found out what I had been missing out on. Just listening to that waste pumping out of the car exhaust got me hooked. That's right, me, a real person. So much more fun I then had with it, which I'll post in the other forums. Just a quick note, we only have the one email address, which is Jason's. Oh, you would have fucked!

Wait, wait, Natalie! Natalie, you're clearly two different people. Why would you have one email address? We just find it easier! Why do you look like a sock puppet on Jason's hand? Just to confuse you all, he sat Smite Post as well.

To help any confusion, we'll stick our name at the bottom of any messages. Jesus Christ, you can't even make two. I guess you only have the one email address. Yeah, no, email address. The account is called Lord of Time, so it's already like... Lord S of Time? I don't... Yeah, email address is really

hard to get on the internet, so you know. So I noticed that all of these people are from Europe. Is this why Top Gear is so popular? Yeah! No, it's actually the other Is this why Top Gear is so popular? Yeah. On that side of the ocean? It's actually the other way around. Top Gear made this popular.

Shut up. I am Fabius. Hi, guys. I'm Fabius from Berlin, Germany. I am also into exhaust fumes. I love smetting them and sucking them in, breathing them. Yeah. Sometimes I connect my gas mask to exhaust pipes.

How are you not dead? I don't think I'm a villain and stalker. Why do you think this forum is so small? Good point. These are the survivors of the last forum. I was

looking at the thread, like, why is this thread only seven posts long? Oh. Most I've done is with bikes. Once with two at the same time. My dream is to get filled with thick diesel fumes off a hot truck.

I am always looking for same-minded guys, especially from my area. I don't know. You'll have to find another pervert in Germany that's into gas masks and leather. Good luck. Chances are you live above one. Oh, you're buying

Gas Mask 2 Sorry Hey Hey, Jimmy Franks Yeah I got another choice for you here I got two different

sizable posts by a junior member by the name of GMB1 He has posted two different things about his Prius One of different things about his Prius. One of his posts about his Prius is entitled,

Exhaust Can Something I Love. Exhaust Can Something I Love. And the other one, a little bit more direct and to the point, the other one's called Prius Sex. Jimmy Franks, which post would you like to read? Boy, I feel like I'd be doing the listeners a disservice if we didn't go with Prius sex.

Everyone's got their headphones on at work and they're just going, Prius sex! Prius sex! Prius sex! Oh, you bastard! Alright. Hey, this is Gimby 1. Two stars. Okay. Sorry, I misspelled. Prius sex.

Wow, I haven't posted here in years. I don't know why i'm so lazy about this because it really is great to have an online community of people that are into exhaust yeah clearly i wanted to just share about an experience i had today as you probably have read i have a prius i love the fuck of the tailpipe and i try to do so whenever i get the chance to use the garage at my parents' house. I'm pretty famous around here for that. What? What? Wow.

See that coming. I'm actually living at home for the time being, and that was one factor that worried me when I moved in, worrying that I'd be having exhaust sex every day and wouldn't be able to control my fetish. Oh, no. I don't know that Okay I don't know that you're doing a good job of controlling your fetish It turns out though that I have siblings living at home

While they go to school So I'm actually frustrated that I don't get to the house to myself more often I'm actually only having exhaust sex Like a couple times every two weeks Furthermore it's frustrating Because people are always coming home unexpectedly You never know what they'll just pop in There really are very few times when there's no one here.

And when I'm alone, I'm nervous that someone might arrive home to find me humping my car's hot exhaust pipe. Oh, you fuck hot. Okay. Yeah, well, yeah. It's good to know. We fucking hot. We fucking hot. Well, today's the closest I ever came to getting caught in the act.

Finally, my dumbass sister left the fucking house. LOL. JK, I was so frustrated because she was supposedly in school, and yet she never gets going before 11 a.m. So I was like, fuck, when will these people go to class so I can get some action with my car? Fuck! I think you used JK right there, but that's what I'm going to focus on.

Anyway, when she finally left and I was horny as fuck for some exhaust. Literally three minutes later, I'm opening the garage, starting my car and pulling it in. It was warm out, so I knew I'd have limited time to fuck the tailpipe. I was enjoying the crap out of the sweet exhaust fumes, but I'm so fat right now. You don't say. What? What? I am so fat right now.

When I moved, I heard a loudish sound from the pipe, as if I'd bent something on the muffler, or maybe I was messing up the heat shield surrounding the muffler, I don't know. Okay, I'm so fat right now, it had nothing to do with that sentence. It was just a helpful aside he wanted to throw in. I might be talking about my dick, I don't know. Anyway. Oh, okay.

After I heard that noise, I was nervous that something was wrong. As you know, it seems I'm always having bad shit happen whenever I catch a break exhaust-wise to enjoy myself. Bad shit is having sex with the pre-ins. No, no, that's the good stuff. I'm nervous, but try and concentrate on jacking off into the exhaust. The engine shuts down because it's warmed up. I turn it off and look out the garage window.

No one was there. I go back and start it up again. The engine comes to life. Oh, God! That exhaust is so fucking sweet, I gotta have it. So, I get back underneath to get my dick out of the pipe before

it gets too hot to fuck again. From underneath? Yeah. From underneath! Yeah. Okay. I guess you're Catholic. You got to have missionary sex. He's a bottom. He's a car bottom.

Power train bottom. Oh, there it is. Wow. And I'm like, fuck, I'm too fat. He just thinks that all the time. I open the door. Fuck, I'm too fat. He just thinks that all the time. I gotta open the door. Fuck, I'm too fat. I was afraid I was gonna break my exhaust and the muffler would be dragging on the ground. How would I explain that?

But it's so sexy. So I try to get my dick right into it. Then I hear another noise. Thinking it was something on my car running. I start to get out from underneath trying to figure out what it was. Then I look. I had this get out from underneath, trying to figure out what it was. Then, I look, I had this strange, surreal

state of mind. Holy shit! The garage door's opening. What the fuck do I do? Fuck it harder! You gotta come before they stop you! It's kind of in a daze. I'm sick with a bad cold now. I'd just woken up and was breathing exhausted and straight from the pipe.

It's like it's super turned on by the breathing it and licking slash sucking the pipe while it's running. Hey, the Prius is so clean. The exhaust is pretty benign. Oh, well, I'd like to think, LOL. Whatever gets you through, buddy. I guess like at all points in this thing thing I'm just trying to establish whether or not if you're a car fucker a Prius is a good or a bad sex partner

like is it is like lesser emissions is that better or is that worse I mean the site is called exhaust smoke lovers yeah dot create my bb3.com like isn't the exhaust I don't know yeah is a catalytic converter a condom like Yeah. Dot create my BB3.com. Like, isn't the exhaust the... I don't know.

Yeah, is a catalytic converter a condom? Anyway, the fucking garage is opening. I'm freaking the fuck out. Getting out like a flash. I'm under the car. I see my mom's car waiting there to pull in as the door starts moving up. I'm like, okay, think quick.

What the fuck am I going to do? I get to the car to at least turn it off. I thought, hmm, she's probably thinking, trying to commit suicide as she sees me like this and sees the car running. Think fast! What's my alibi? How do I explain the situation?

Now why does the mom instantly think that she or her son was trying to commit suicide? I mean, he's such a well-adjusted person. Why would she jump to that conclusion? Oh, it's Tuesday, suicide check day. It must be really hard to commit suicide with a Prius. Here's the list of alibis I came up with.

Oh, great, great, great. Let's see the list. A stick was caught underneath and I was removing it. Not... Wait, wait, wait. The first one's not technically untrue. You know? I'm just saying. Anyways. Not- wait wait wait. The first one's not technically untrue. That's true. You know? Just sayin'. Anyways. My phone ran out of battery and only my car charger is working. That is good! No, it's- fucking no.

My car is really dirty and I brought it over to the garage so I'd have all the cleaning equipment close by in the house. Cleaning equipment like my dick. I had some really heavy shit to move and didn't want to carry it all the way, so I pulled my car in. Parked in the garage so I wouldn't have to walk so far to throw all this stuff in the cans. Not LOL. Anyway, I pretended to be on the phone. Great. Yeah, so then it goes, sort of the conversation with the mother goes on pretty much without incident.

But then something happened after your mom left, is that right? Yeah, right, yeah. Anyway, after my mom left, I waited a bit longer, but still couldn't resist. You have a brain disorder! You obviously have a brain problem! Ohmb1 you're dodged a bullet anyway fucking the car fucking the car you're incorrigible i went right back into the garage just a few minutes later and fucked the shit on my car's tailpipe breathing in fumes jerking it hard getting the water condensation on my car's tailpipe, breathing in fumes, jerking it hard,

getting the water condensation on my face and in my sweatpants. It was so hard and so awesome. When the car shut off upon warming up, I put a tennis racket on the gas to get the engine revving a bit.

Then went in back for more sexy time. Hey, guys, what's the opposite of erection? Because I have one. An inversion. An innie? Oh, okay. Yeah, I've got an innie now.

Invection. Jerking off right in the exhaust pipe stream. Feeling it pumping hard and piping hot right onto my hard-on, then shifting to get my face right in there and sticking my mouth right into the pipe to get some whiffs of the toxic exhaust directly as it pipes out into the air. Anyway, it was a horny time.

I'll talk about it more later, but I have to go to bed now as I'm really tired. Bye for now. Oh, there's more to say. Oh, my God. That's tracheous. Hot read, but be careful, though, mate, is that petrol stuff can be nasty. Diesel is much safer for sexy fun time. Oh, God.

You have a man sitting underneath a car while he sticks a tennis racket on the gas. I don't think he's worried about safety. Be concerned with your personal safety! Yeah. It was a horny time. I really liked the

Cinemax softcore scene cuts he was giving, the descriptions of what was happening around the sex. And by liked, I mean absolutely hated. From the thread that Jimmy Franks did not read, Frank West, if you'll take the response from Rev It Up Man, because basically this post is the same thing. About the same thing happened in this post, too. But Rev It Up Man, because basically this post is the same thing. About the same thing

happened in this post, too. Rev It Up Man, what was your response there? I'm Rev It Up Man. I'm a girl, by the way. GMB, you and I sound like we're a lot alike. Although my preference has always been for older cars.

Watching the exhaust smoke, steam, blast out the pipe as someone revved the engine hard. And having that exhaust blowing on my body, especially my cocking hands. I've recently really gotten into newer cars. A lot of that is probably because I now live in a building with three zip cars in the garage. Oh my god, he's fucking people's zip cars. What's a zip car? Don't fucking zip car! Oh no!

That's as close as you can get to pedophilia as a car fucker. Oh my god. Sometimes I'll rent one for a couple of hours and drive out of town to a nearby nature preserve that no one ever goes to. Yes, I suppose I like the irony of going to a nature preserve to rev the engine of a car blowing wasteful pollution into the air. Carbon footprint on my dick!

It's at the end of a dead end road with no other way to get to it, so I'm reasonably safe from having someone catch me. That's funny, your life's on a dead-end road. But I just keep driving! I figured out that I can rev it from behind if I take a metal

stick, attach it to the brake pedal as a pivot, sort of press down on the gas on the right side when I pull up on the. Attach it to the brake pedal as a pivot. Press down on the gas on the right side when I pull up on the rope I've attached to the left side. It's a Rube Goldberg machine of fucking cars. Except for the concern...

Now smash your nuts! Except for the concern of being caught, I would spend hours out there just revving the engine and feeling the exhaust. Sometimes, though, later in the evening, I'll reserve one of the cars for an hour and go down to the garage to enjoy feeling the exhaust as the car idles. Usually when I do this, the engine isn't warmed up. So like you mentioned, the exhaust is cold at first and then gradually warms up. Like you mentioned, it's not hot, so therefore it's not hot.

It's not hot. But it gets hot, if you know what I mean. When I do this... That's literally what that means. When I do this, I love to just put my dick in the pipe and let the vibrating exhaust get my dick hard. Oh, Jesus. let the vibrating exhaust get my dick hard. Ah, Jesus.

If I do this for long enough, maybe ten minutes, I eventually will blow my load in the pipe. I love the feeling of the orgasm when I do this, because with no stimulation from thrusting into the pipe, or jacking myself off the orgasm, builds much slower. I can feel the muscles tensing as I'm about to shoot, and I'm trying to hold back, but eventually

the stimulation from the pulsing exhaust is'm about to shoot, and I'm trying to hold back, but eventually the stimulation from the pulsing exhaust is too much to resist, and I shoot my load. Good for you. I wish you lived closer, so that we could go out to the nature preserve together. It'd be amazing if we could go behind the car together and take turns fucking the car's pipe. I'm disappointed there's not a no homo at the end of that.

You know, rev it up, man. I know you keep going, but one of those zip cars is going to turn out to be vice, man. You're going to get caught. One more thing in the same thread. You remember Lord of Time 73? That actual real for real woman? Yeah.

Yes. Oh, yeah. Boots, if you'll take... There's a post. We just need to cut to what happened a while back oh wow, okay so, lordatime73, actual woman what do you want to tell us the story about?

I could be Jason, no, I'm not Jason nope, you're not, you're lordatime the real woman a while back I was round a friend's house. Jason, boyfriend, had come around and reverse parked the car on their drive.

When he was ready to leave, they asked their 17-year-old daughter, Millie, to open and close the gate to their drive. I happened to look out the window, and he was out there with her here chatting. They get on well. And he was, went to her here chatting. They get on well. And he went to

get the car. She opened the gate. Then she walked back down the drive and stood behind the car's exhaust pipe. He started the engine and the exhaust pipe Sorry. Not what that word is. He started the engine and the exhaust

pipe pumped its waste on her bare feet. She wasn't wearing any shoes. On what? On what? On here bare feet. Here bare feet. Not there. Here.

On here bare feet. Here bare feet. Yeah. Their drive is on a bit of a slow app, so of course he had to get a few revs to get the car moving. He was aware where she was, and of course carried on polluting her feet. I've tried this with him. Makes me play with myself.

Oh, yourself, the girl that is Lord of Time 73. Yeah, the non-imaginary girl. With my woman vagina, pussy. Yeah, the non-imaginary girl. With my woman vagina pussy. Yeah, that you have. The one that you have. Yeah. There's a whole bunch of other bits in this

thing from Bomberjack. It's 60 pages. We're skipping over all the furry shit because genuinely I'm having entirely too much fun on exhaustsmokelovers.createmybb3.com. I also like saying that. So we need to read here. This is a thread called Guy with Old Truck and Me at the Pipe.

I'm DieselFun20, Guy with Old Truck and Me at the Pipe. Hey, I want to let you all know I just met a guy that had an old gasser ford and he had a hard time starting his truck the old truck wouldn't start but then it acted like it wanted to backfire he was pushing it into the parking space to working on it where i was then he was working on it it, and making lots of black smoke. I quickly, while no one was looking, snuck up and was watching the black pipe smoke and inhaling all the black smoke I could. Fuck. The guy either didn't care or he wasn't looking.

It kept sputtering, and I kept huffing the pipe. It kept sputtering, and I kept huffing the pipe. Then the truck backfired and engulfed me in hot, nice black smoke. Then he started it again. Yeah, yeah. It was a ballroom blitz. Everybody was revving. And exhausting. It sputtered, catching a few times.

Then he gunned it over and over and over again, making my face black, and I kept huffing the pipe until, boom! My heart, I was so hot and horny, it blew, spewing loads of cum in my pants. Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Hey there, sorry about my truck, it does that at, oh, oh. Oh, Boots, I'm sorry, did you find my story dubious? Am I Gam-Wam? Yeah, you're Gam-Wam.

Gasser that makes black smoke. Isn't it usually blue of white for gassers? I assume you didn't get any sort of pics of this. No. No? No! Before the guy was smoking me out? Whoa! That's a different context for that phrase.

So many of the terms here are actual sex adjacent. Before the guy was smoking me out, he was working under the hood. Didn't have enough time to get the camera going. As for the black smoke, I think it was over-fueled, and it was flooded. Great smoke out, though. Uh-uh. Uh-uh, uh-uh. Uh-uh, Pixar didn't combust.

Yeah, cool. Just reading back through all your other posts, these random encounters, see, they happen to you quite a lot. What's your secret? I don't know. I just have a thing for hot smoke, I guess. Lol. So, all these encounters you've written about, and you

never managed to get any pics at all to prove it? No! No pics or vids! It didn't have the time, or the camera wouldn't work either, or bad timing, I guess. I will take some pics, though. Next time. I see. So when I asked you the same question before

on one of your other threads, Ooze said, I don't have a camera. Listen, I'm an administrator of this site. I take the huffing serious. You never mentioned it in the first instance of this story

that you actually spoke to the other guy. I find a lot of your stories incredibly hard to believe, especially that they seem to happen to you with alarming frequency. I'm not saying I don't believe you at all. Yeah, you are. But what I will say is, comma, period, period, if you would like to create a specific section of the forum just for fantasy writings i'll be happy to do it so just massage me and i'll and let me know oh good job

phoenix right i'm not calling you a fucking liar i'm just saying if you want to fucking lie i'll put you in a box i like that he actually had to have the thought, though, of like, this guy's obviously lying. On the other hand, he's posted smoke huffing shit, so that's still pretty good. This forum has just under 400 posts total. Yep. And it still manages to have internet drama. That's impressive.

The internet's pretty amazing, isn't it? It really is. Yep. Boners and pretty amazing, isn't it? Yep. Boners and internet drama, the two constants of forums. And if you're looking for boners. So we got one more tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny little thread here. And I think John Tost should do it. Oh, all right.

So this is another plea by our venerable admin here. Gam-wham. Gam-wham. Hi. I'm Gam-wham. Where did that cough come from, Gam-wham? How did you get that? I don't know. I don't know where this cough could have came from.

This is weird. Anyways, I need black smoke. It's been over two years now since I've had any fun frowning emoticon. Is there anyone in the UK, Midlands of the North of England, who has a clapped out smoky old diesel car, truck, bus, or anything, and fanciest smoking me out. I don't have a car. It's out of Motocon.

Man. Come on. Of all the people on this forum, there has to be somebody. I need it. I need it. I need it. So, F+, what did we learn

from this? People, I learned that people who fuck cars are bad at the internet. Now, how so? They seem very internet. Well, they're good

at being on the internet. They're good at being internet, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, like, misspellings, dumb beliefs, smiley faces, it's all there. I learned that people who fuck cars aren't that good at fucking cars. Like, of the posts that I believe actually happened, all of them are like, Oh, my mom's coming in, or, oh, I couldn't stick my dick in the tailpipe. You know, it's like. You'd think after so much

practice, they'd get better at it. And a whole lot of them don't have cars. This is the one demographic you'd think you could count on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're going to advertise on tailpipstuffers.createmybb3.com, it would be hard.

Like the new neat, no, no, you don't own it. Okay, fine. I feel like at the end of this car fucking episode, I understand car fucking less than I did when I started. Yeah. Yeah. I thought it would be people sticking their dicks in cars, but now it's like people just shoving their mouths on tailpipes. Yeah.

And then ejaculating in their pants. Or ejaculating in the tailpipe. Yeah, into the tailpipe, yeah. In the tailpipe of a rented car. Because there seems to be... I mean a rented car. Because there seems to be... I mean, from this feature, there seems to be two things. There seems to be people that are...

Like, the car sex people seem to be a little bit more into the actual fucking of the car, and then the exhaust people are a little bit more into just, like, asphyxiation, I guess? But neither of them are, like... I mean, even, like, fucked up fucking good. It doesn't make any... I don't... I do not get what's happening.

What's also interesting is that there's no... You'd think that there'd be interlap between the two groups. Like, usually, sort of, you know, like with the chocolate hoses, usually there's some, you know, symbiosis that happens between, you know. But no, like, the people who like the exhaust don't cohabitate or they're not like the fish that travel on the shark. Like, the people that fuck the exhaust

and the people that breathe the exhaust are totally exclusive. And they don't yeah. They both come inside of it. It's awful when you go to a car exhaust party and you all think you're going to smell the exhaust and there's cum in the exhaust pipe. Oh, that's...

Yeah. That's in my scene. I'm from the south side of the city. We don't do that over here. On another note, buy my corporate advice book. Why is there cum in my tailpipe? Yeah, no, I mean, not to belabor the point, but, like, it's fucking, it's so confusing.

It's so confusing, because, like, I was assuming, like, oh, you know, the majesty of the car, or, like, I don't know. I mean, some sort of it does it doesn't make sense there's no there's no real I mean there's no fucking happening and then like and then the part where I was like okay so so this this this exhaust things about

it's about asphyxiation right you want to asphyxiate on the car view no that's a bad thing like that's a downside for you is the asphyxiation yeah I would breathe fumes all day that's a bad thing? Like, that's a downside for you is the asphyxiation? Yeah. I would breathe fumes all day if it weren't for the asphyxiation. It really comes across

like a fetish that someone made up. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you think that that's... Do you think that somewhere out there, there's just like a super powerful hypnotist that just manages to convince swaps? Like he comes up with a fetish and then convinces a swap of the internet to follow it? No, I think it's like the Batman religion thing.

Or, you know, like, ah, ha ha, we're doing this as a joke. And then everybody actually starts fucking the cars. And then now it's not a joke. Yeah. Jesus. I mean uh wow or it could be the other way around or like a different way around where somebody started as a joke and then all these people came out of the woodwork like oh finally somebody understands it's like no

uh wow yeah no thanks one more time to bomber jacket uh this is this is i mean this is the stuff we love to be surprised we love to be surprised. We love to be surprised. And we were like, oh boy, car fucking. And then we didn't, we didn't know what we were getting into. We didn't know what to expect. And it was very wonderful. Again, document up on THEFPL.US, which, by the way,

will have a new, completely new structure and redesign before the end of the year, so that's going to be cool. Yeah, we've pretty much exhausted the old one. How many more exhaust puns do we really need there? How many times can we get the same one over and over again? It's not a new pun. Anyway, go to ball pit. Thanks so much.

Bye-bye. I like to fuck cars. Can I be in the show? I really like to fuck cars.