The F Plus - 157: HSSSSFFFAWWW-WUGGHHHHHHH!

Episode Date: December 7, 2014

There's many non-orgasmic things that have been compared to orgasms, but probably none are quite as silly as the traditional sneeze. The subjects of tonite's episode would disagree, we're exploring SneezeFetishForum.org - a place on the Internet where interested parties can go to try to spell out sneezes, and then get super turned on at the spelling of those sneezes. This week, The F Plus hopes your mother doesn't get a cold.

Welcome to the F+, a very sickly place for terrible things, read with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have Boots Reingear. Yee-hee-choo! Ho-hee-shee! Frank West. Ah, cracks. Go. Come quads up! Reg-a-sha-sha-sha-sha-sha! Jimmy Frank West. Cumquats up. Jimmy Franks. Hard to choose.

And Lemon. Ha-kitchi. See you. Hey, F Plus. Hey, F+. Hey, Lemon. Hello. How have your orgasms been lately? Have they been like 1 to 10? Traditional?

Traditional. Extra crispy? Have you ever thought about the fact that a sneeze is kind of like an orgasm? Pretty much constantly. I thought about the fact that an orgasm is like a sneeze. It's a lesser sneeze. I'm sure that we all remember, but very much back in the beginning of this podcast, these episodes that I personally can't stand to listen to because they sound too bad,

we covered a sneeze fetish community. And the stories from the sneeze fetishists that were, you know, wanting to let their eroticism be known. Do you remember that? The Lord of the Rings? Yeah, I had to go through an intense vetting process to get into that. Well, it might, I don't know. I don't know if it will make you happy or sad to know that they have laxed their restrictions to their forums lately.

They have laxed their restrictions to their forums lately. But we got several different sneeze fetish communities that we want to look at. And I'm still kind of confused at the whole sneeze fetish thing. So I'm hoping that now that we have the time to really just dig in deep. So we're going to start out here on sneezefurs.org. Because why not just get right to it immediately. And Frank West, you are a Rudy, and you have a question you want to ask us. Which do you prefer, colds or allergies? The impossible question of the day, Smiley.

Oh, that's in there. All right. Listen, we're... One of the mysteries of the ancient world. We discussed this briefly over chat several months ago, but I don't think anybody ever made a poll. I was curious. I have to say I personally am more partial to a character being sick

than being allergic to something. Of course, allergies are awesome to work with, particularly in visual art. What? Visual art. So can we walk this back to what the objective is of the writer here? Okay, so he's an artist, so he draws furry things sneezing. Yeah, that makes sense. I'm sure it's a DeviantArt so he's an artist. So he draws furry things sneezing. Yeah, that makes sense. I'm sure it's a DeviantArt account of furry sneezing.

Well, hang on. We don't even need to guess. We can just click on this DeviantArt link and... Hmm, that's not what I expected. All right, let's go. Keep going. Where am I? I have no idea. Sneeze fetishist

something? Sneeze fetishist. I'm in a world of fur and snot. But when I really give this question a thought, I know I prefer colds, because colds go hand in hand with some of my other favorite non-sneeze turn-ons. What? Such as coughing, wheezing,

shivering. Yeah! Cold weather. Hunger, sleepiness, dizziness. I could go on. So in this guy's furry's comic book, the main bad villain is a bottle of NyQuil. Listen, you suckers are just into sneezing. I'm into all sorts of symptoms. A character with a cold is more needy than one with allergies.

And neediness is something I really like in a plot. Oh, God. In a plot. TLDR, I like anything that makes a character sneeze. But I prefer cold slightly more because the other symptoms, particularly the sickness, really put the icing on the cake for me. Eh? Icing? Eh?

Icing? Eh? Icing. Eh? Icing? Eh? Huh? Hey, I want to tell you about grasses, dogs, and dust. Can I? Yeah. All right. Well, my name is Pangea, I don't know, Balei?

Pangea Balei, something like that. I'm female. You can contact me on Skype if you want. But grasses, dogs, and dust. Oh, my. The title lists me on Skype if you want. But grasses, dogs, and dust. Oh, my. The title lists my allergies, winky face. That said, I'm Pangea balei, or simply Pangea for short. Thanks.

Oh, is that how surnames work? Thanks. I'm a Mexican gray wolf. The Mexican gray wolf is a subspecies of gray wolf. Well, you guys, is this clarifying that he's a Mexican gray wolf, not a Mexican gray wolf? Yeah, because I'm not Mexican in heritage. I was actually raised Jewish. That's such a touchy subject for, like, actual Mexican gray wolves.

Well, right, because Mexican and Jewish are mutually exclusive. Right. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Okay, so I'm not really into anthropomorphic sneezes as much as I am into regular old real-life sneezes. What? Wait, like an anthropomorphic sneeze, like a sneeze with arms and legs? That's what I'm imagining.

Well, that's what I'm trying to imagine, but I just can't seem to conjure it. It won't spring from my head. Is this like a wind elemental? My kids are Mr. Sneeze, aren't you? However, I have been a furry all my life. I recall, parentheses attempting, parentheses. That's not how parentheses work, anthropomorphic art from a very young age,

prior to knowing about the furry fandom. That's how it starts. Unfortunately for me, the avatar you see on my profile is one of the very few decent pieces of anthro art I have completed. And it's a bit messy, I'll admit, tonguey face. That's definitely an MSP involved there. pieces of anthro art I have completed. And it's a bit messy, I'll admit, tonguey face. Needless to say, I've also had a fetish for other sneezes as long

as I can remember. Although, I refuse to admit it for the longest time. It's the textbook definition to, I need sneezes to get turned on without them i don't experience much at all i'm overall relatively asexual or gray sexual if you will oh my god are you a mexican gray sexual i'm assuming you've got your bingo cards at this point.

Can we mention that we've made the bingo joke a bunch of times, but nobody's actually put that together. So if you want to sign up, B-A-L-P dot I-T, put together an actual bingo card. We'll totally play with one. You can make one just for asexual terminology and for every other fetish as well. Yeah.

Because I don't think graysexual... I don't think that's a term that's come up yet. There's no end to the number of terms they could find for their very distinct sub-genre of sexuality. Anyway, if you want, put together a bingo card.

We'll try one in an episode. But I would love to be sneezed on. I asked for myself, I have a sneezing block. What? What? I have a sneezing block, so I find it difficult to sneeze in public. Even though my allergies

make me need to sneeze a lot. You should, uh... You should take a break and spend like a couple years working on the sneeze version of Bart and Fink and then you'll be fine. This is especially the case at home. Actually, since I live with dogs, and before you ask, no I didn't choose wolf as my persona due to my allergy to dogs. That was what you were going to ask, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I was right on the tip of my tongue. Yeah, I didn't do that. I've identified as a wolf-tharian long before I even developed allergies, even though I had to re-embrace the concept. Jesus, what the fuck? After all, wolves are just so common, and I had difficulty accepting that for a while.

Yeah. Aside from all that, I'm a paleontology nerd with a focus on paleoanthropology and mammal evolution in general. At this time, I'm seriously considering going for a major and career in paleozoology, but my difficulty with math has held me back for years.

I'm a badass. Not to mention that paleo fields are difficult to get into, and when you do, digs can be tiresome, boring, back-breaking work. Then what do you fucking like about it? Jobs are great, except they're hard. This is a fascinating thing. This is a person that's into, like, I really like paleontology, but I just can't stand the thought of the digs. Like, yo, all of the discovering things.

I'm going for a computer science major, but I can't stand keyboards. I still want to try it, though. I joined this forum in order to feel a sense of community. I hope I will be welcome here. Even if I don't post as much as I browse. Pangea, you need to get off the fucking internet. I don't know how old you are, but it's making your life worse.

And then the rest of the spread is people saying, welcome to the forum, and then he says, thanks for the welcome, individual person. Yeah, and that's all of his nine, or her, that's all of her nine posts right there. Is this post and then thanking people for being welcome to the forum. Kumquatsop, what's your dream man or woman? Oh boy. Yes, yes, hello.

Yes, yes, hello. My name is Sneezing Love. Sneezing Love. Yeah. Yes, hello. My name is Sneezing Love. Sneezing Love. Yeah. And my dream... No, your dream man

slash woman. Maybe, but there's no question mark. I'm writing this post in second person. No, she's just informing us. She's informing all of us of what our dream man woman is. Oh, good. I've been waiting for this. Yeah, yeah.

I have a being informed fetish. This is perfect. Okay, bear with me here. Bear? Bear? Who knows? Oh, boy. I do.

I know. Nobody can figure that out. I can't. I can't figure it out. After being a member of the forum for multiple years now, on top of having my fair share of dating slash crushing on different men and exactly how they sneeze. Wow.

I want to open up your Evernote. I bet it's confusing. What makes them sneeze? How often they do it? Et cetera. I would say I sound crazy for that, but then again, I guess it comes natural with the fetish, noticing this stuff.

I mean, yes, I guess. I guess so. Yeah, it would make sense. So after having all these experiences, reading some of your dreamy observations, and learning just exactly what I find attractive in a man, I've formulated my dream man into my brain! Oh.

And well, if I ever find a man out there like this, I'll be damned. That's my Falcyon of Blitz. That's my Falcyon of Blitz. He is six foot tall with curly, medium-slash-shortish brown hair that's a tad bit messy but only in the slightest bit. He wears mildly thick framed glasses that are black-rimmed, but only at night.

They're only black-rimmed at night. And when he's feeling sick or lazy. I have a thing for hidden glasses, but when they wear them occasionally, it makes them that much better. These are my sick glasses. He's a

businessman! With blue eyes, a tan glow, and a fit body type. I like successful Aryans. Terrific. And, oh man, does he have the worst allergies! Okay.

This almost describes me. He has a triangular shaped nose with slightly larger nostrils that flare I wonder how much more of the description will be this part. That flare and our tinted pink around the edges. All right.

Yep. He's got seasonal pollen allergies. Yeah. And he's allergic to the little things like cats, perfume, and dust. Is he allergic to down? No. No.

I'm only the people that are allergic to down. He wakes up each morning and has sneezing fits almost religiously. Uh-huh. When he awakens and gets out of the shower. He sleeps in the shower, too.

He sneezes multiple times during the day, and everything can make his sensitive nose go off in the blink of an eye. Especially when my hair brushes against his nostrils ever so slightly. He says, bless you, and thank you, and always excuses himself after a sneeze. In public, he muffles them into his shirt or the crook of his arm. Hey, Lemon. You've compiled some statistics on this,

haven't you? I have. I have. So, a couple quads up was just reading two different paragraphs there. The first paragraph, as you remember, was about this person in general. Six foot tall, brown hair. That was 87 words.

The paragraph after that was all about his nose stuff. And that was 118. So non-nose stuff to nose stuff is 87 to 118. I think you could sell this as a service Like you know baseball stats

To like sports sites His mucus is clear and runny Not green Oh boy Okay wow I just Got really into this I started the topic and ran with it.

Miles! Yep. Yep. Like I said, if I ever meet someone like this, I'll propose to them in the first week. And I'm the female here, smiley face. I doubt you're the only one yeah but it's a thing we've learned from people in fetish communities is that is that it's it's always the men and exclusively the men that are the ones that are kind of crazy about it right no maybe i'm wrong i think yeah no yeah there's there's definitely certain fetish communities that are exclusively male.

But, like, when it gets really weird, that's when it skews more female. That's just my amateur noticing. I think you should come up with a scatterplot and graph. Okay, yeah, absolutely. Name for this curve, yes. Yep, yep, yep, yep. FetishT3.js. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So if any of you would like to tell me about your significant other please do i would love to hear what everybody else's idea of a perfect sneezer and lover would be smiley face i want a man with a hard sneeze. I like a man with a runny nose. I got a response. Oh, great. Yeah, my name is Ka-choo! Ka-choo! Ka-choo!

I wonder how many people on this forum are onomatopoetic. And I've got some sort of experimental forum poetry. Yeah, alright, cool. How fun! I guess he'd be short,

as short as me or just a few inches taller, really slender with a cute boyish face, medium dark skin tone with either straight mid-length hair or short curly hair, brown hair, brown eyes. I'd also like... I'm also liking freckles these days.

Especially on darker skin people. He'd act brave. But he's kind of a fraidy cat. And even though he might not be the most capable at most things, he's always eager to give his best shot. He'd also be not terribly bright in most departments.

But ever the curious one... He'd be very good with people, always making them feel at ease, bright in most departments. But ever the curious one. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That sounds great. He'd be very good with people. I was making him feel at ease. Very friendly.

He'd be in a medical profession or in social work. He'd be allergic to my perfume. But mainly, he'd have kind of a poor immune system, so he'd get sick a lot, especially since we travel all the time. He looks like a miserable... Why would you all the time. He looks like a miserable... He looks like a miserable kid when sick. Pink-titted nose and cheeks, feverish, always feeling cold, always wanting me

to take care of him. He'd have wet little sneezes, almost never in singles, which he muffles against the back of his wrist. He'd be embarrassed by his illnesses in public. But a complaining little teddy bear went out home with me. Boy, this sounds great.

What a wonderful relationship you're aiming for. Yay! He lived inside of an iron lung! Is that Mr. Tickly Noses I see up there? This is Mr. Tickly Noses. Mr. Tickly Noses I see up there? This is Mr. Tickly Noses. Mr. Tickly Noses, hi, buddy. Hey, so I've recently, relatively recently admitted, discovered, admitted that I'm into gentlemen as well as ladies. Oh, what an amazing revelation.

Admitted, discovered, admitted. Here's double for you. Like sneezing, yes, homo. All right. So dudes, right? Yeah. Kind of runner, swimmer, muscular, where there are some nice hard lines to stare at, but not like massive arms of doom. Enormous sneezes.

Like the kind that make you jump. enormous sneezes like the kind that make you jump. He's both aware of the massiveness of said sneezes and embarrassed thereof in certain situations. How would this guy manage to swim? How would you get him in a pool? A great

example would be Jack Harry's... In a swim meet, you can always tell which one he is by the giant flumes of water shooting out from his face. Look at him go! Ideally, he takes The giant flumes of water shooting out from his face. Look at him go! Look at him go! Ideally, he takes a secret pride in being able to let it all out with a great big sneeze, but that's probably too psychological specific for, well, you know, another human.

I'm not terribly familiar with another human. A big nose, too! The flares and hitches and moves when he's got a sneeze. You know what they say, big nose, big sneeze. Wait, hitches? Like, hitches up its nose undergarments? I don't even know where to start

counting nose stuff to non-nose stuff. You stick the nose onto the back of a pickup truck. I guess massive arms of doom isn't nose related. Everything else seems to be. Also, he talks about said nose a lot. Probably has pretty severe allergies, especially when off his meds. Sooner or later, he goes off the meds for me for a couple of days. He's the one that said just grab them in the biscuits.

I can't believe I fucking beat you to the joke, Boots. How the fuck did I beat you to that joke? I don't know. I'm off my Humpty Hump game. Yeah. Ideally, lots of morning sneezes involving showers and towels and lack of shirts. But that's just the guys that I'm into. Let me tell you about a woman I'm looking for.

Okay. All right. Big butt. To be real with you, more important than sneezing. Whoa! Wow. Holy shit! Get off this forum.

This guy really likes big butts. Well, big loud lady sneezes are nice in stories. I think on an actual person, they'd remind me too much of family sneezes. Yuck. What? What? I don't know. Is that a thing?

I don't know. So someone sneezes like your family? It's like you can't. It's like someone looks like your sister. You're not. I don't. Yeah. Hey, just a question on your preference there for the big butt of women.

So you think large breasts would be a bonus, right? Right, right. But do you have any clarification on that? Well, large breasts is also a bonus, but you know, in the words of Sir Mix-a-Lot or Nicki Minaj's sample from Sir Mix-a-Lot. In case it's not specific

enough. My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hon. I mean, not to that extreme because love and feelings and emotional compatibility or whatever i'm just saying the booty counts i just hate to drag you back there i just yeah it's important it's important to be clear about things that you want in a partner okay yeah yeah so uh yeah, smaller nose, ticklish, and finish when she does sneeze. Frequently tries to stave them off before succumbing. Perhaps an occasional much louder sneeze. Occasioning banter.

I feel like you're just making up all the sneezing shit. Like, I'm not buying your sneeze fetish on the women. Yeah, I just felt like I needed to put it in there so there's no gay stuff. What if she's a woman of color? Oh, well, or just a lady with naturally kinky hair. Oh, man. She's got to have something funky happening with natural hair. Natural hair is awesome.

Even though for all the work you put in, it's really not natural. So like an afro pube? Yeah. She moves and it sways in the wind like fields of grain when she sneezes. He did not say nose hair. You know what? I need to do one more. By the way, we are on sneezefetishforum.org.

And I need to do one more. By the way, we are on sneezefetishforum.org. And I need to do one more here. It's by Geist. And I think Frank West, if you'll take Geist, please. Post number 10. Oh, there it is. Found it. Cool topic. I like both sexes.

So I guess I'll do both? I don't know. I'm starting to doubt this now. For a woman? I like thin, somewhat androgynous women who can dress ultra-feminine at times or hyper-masculine.

Have you seen Lady Gaga and I'm more of a fan of hyper-feminine and ultra-masculine. I prefer pale women So a pretty pale lady with dark hair And maybe a piercing or two I really like Lint rings

Tattoos are nice too Personality wise Smart Sassy A little rough around the edges You know your age is undisclosed here But I think I can take a guess. No, my age is clearly listed as zero.

Oh, you're right. Your gender is undisclosed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This lovely creature would be prone to all sorts of allergens, such as dust and pollen, but not so much that the sneezing was a constant thing. Yeah, that would be gross, I guess. I mean, you've got to keep that stuff to the bedroom.

Oh yeah, fair enough. I really have a thing for sneezing in the morning, so upon awakening, a nice fit of 5 to 7 would be just about right. He just wants a morning quickie. Sure. Hopefully, she would have a voice a little on the deeper side, and that whole morning voice thing would kick in.

So, Dr. Girlfriend? whole morning voice thing would kick in. So, Dr. Girlfriend? So far, this is exactly Dr. Girlfriend, I think. I wouldn't want her to make a big deal of it. None of that trying-to-be-coy stuff. Just go about the daily routine and let it happen.

Of course, she wouldn't mind if I walked I don't want one of those Victorian women that runs into her sneezing room Fits of this nature throughout the day would be a must And I hope she likes to kiss, because I sure do Making out after seeing a fit like that Yes that the day would be a must. And I hope she likes to kiss, because I sure do. Link. Making out after seeing a fit like that?

Yes. Boy. You don't need a Kleenex, let me get that for you. For a man? Not overly tall, but taller than me at least. Lean, nice arms. I like tattoos and piercings on guys as well.

But I really like nose rings on a man. Okay. That would be excellent. Long hair or some kind of punkish hairstyle like old school Liberty Spikes. What the fuck? 2014, you want to... So so far we've got all three members of Rancid

I don't think so Yeah just to be clear This was posted this year A sense of humor is a must He has to make me laugh Intelligent, likes to learn Loves nature, loves going to concerts And acting stupid in public with me

At the concert, I guess. Did I mention silly? For some reason, I like colds a lot better when it comes to male sex, so that a guy that was prone to them at least sounded like he had one due to weather and such would be awesome. This is a common thing, it seems.

I like those messy kind of unspellable sneezes. I don't want to be able to onomatopoeia that shit. The HP Lovecraft sneezes. Eldritch sneeze. The kind that makes shoulders shudder and people stop and wonder if he's contagious. That sounds terrible, lol.

He would know how to use the fetish in just the right way, but not try too hard. I think I'd like one of each. One man and one woman. I can have both, right? Nope, can't have either. Let's start with one. Let's just... Nope. Nope.

I think that's still punching above your waist. I'd sneeze for you, but your human ears would not be able to understand it. I want to tell you about my fetishy fantasies. Peewee Herman? Excuse me, I have a really nice sneeze. I bet I couldn't spell it. Hey, where are you going? No, I just want to tell you about my fantasy fantasies.

Before you get started, what's your name? Not Telling. No, I feel like it's important for the show that we know. No, it's not underscore telling. That's my name. Oh, okay. Not Telling. Please continue. So what are some of your wildest fantasies involving sneezing?

I'll name a few of mine, though this is certainly not all of them. I only have 11 for fuck's sake. Obviously it's not a complete list. Anyway, in no particular order, I want a cute, sniffly, sneezy boy to sneeze on me. Period. Yeah, we all want that.

Yeah, welcome to the forum, buddy. Taylor Swift song? I find a cute, sickly boy sneezing in the rain and rescue him. Smiley face. I guess I was just a fancier guy. So one of your fantasies is wanting a cute, sickly, sickly boy to sneeze on you? I want to want a cute, sickly boy to sneeze on me.

Can't promise to love you. A future boyfriend comes over to my house, and I find out he's very allergic to cats. Not deathly allergic, but it just makes him, I don't know, I guess, sneezy? For reference, I have five cats. Be prepared. Here's another fantasy. I meet the Oren High School host club in real life, and they all come down with a cold. So in the future, thanks, Vortex, for explaining that line to us.

Okay, number five. Every cute boy in the world catches a sneezy, sniffly cold, and I have to take care of them all. Wow. That sounds like hell. That's just like it. Be careful what you wish for. Yeah, this person's going to have the most ironic afterlife, the most unfortunate ironic afterlife ever. Well, actually, we're getting to some deep irony here.

A future boyfriend gets a really bad, sneezy cold and tries to hide it from me. But, of course, I know. Also, he has a high fever. What? I don't know why that's the two-boner, but whatever. Well, I think she just meant it'd be hot. Like, literally. Oh, okay.

So, number seven. This is another fantasy that I have. My family suddenly becomes incapable of sneezing for life. What? You know, so it's not ruined. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not ruined by my gross family. Yeah, sneezing is only for sexiness.

Yeah, yeah. Don't you hate it? You hear a really nice sneeze, you're like, oh my god, that was hot. Who was that? Oh, how awkward. Oh, man. Okay, so then number eight. A future boyfriend gets a really bad,

sneezy cold in the wintertime, and he's all shivery, so I'll have to keep warm. I'll have to keep him warm. I feel like I have many of the same fantasies. Number nine. The cute, sniffly, sneezy boy sneezes on me again, and I catch his cold, and then he takes care of me.

Back and forth forever. Number ten, a future boyfriend induces me and lets me induce him. Bonus, we have the same fetish. They blow pepper in each other's face? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I just shove cinnamon in his mouth. Number 11. A future boyfriend is all sick and sniffly, and I'm holding a tissue to his nose.

He sneezes into it and is all embarrassed. Aww. So that's some of mine. What about you? What about you, Boots? What about you, Boots? What about you, Boots? Who am I? Don't you love me?

I do. What about you? P.S. I love you. Or Psy love you. Psy love you. Book Gangnam Style. I'm in agreement with number one, number two, number five, number six, number seven, number eight, number eleven. Yep, yep, yep.

One huge aspect of my fetish is blessing, sometimes even more so than the actual sneezing. What? Yeah. Number one, I'd like to be able to bless people since I can't yet. What? Number two, sneeze in front of a crush and have them bless me. So why are you becoming a priest? There's so many people sneezing.

Number three, find something I'm allergic to so I can have it fit more than one or two at a time. I don't know. Four, Skype with someone around my age, the opposite gender, who also has the fetish. Boy, one day I hope to get on Skype. Wouldn't that be awesome? Wouldn't it be great if I was in a community with a bunch of people with a sneeze fetish? Sneezefetishforum.org. Number five, have a phone call with a crush where one or both of us ends up sneezing.

I have plenty more, of course, but I'd rather not ramble on as some of them can get quite embarrassing. Yeah, because this is not embarrassing at all. No. I want to know what these people think embarrassing means. And then, Jimmy Franks, let's finish this thread up here with Lotus of the Leaf. Ah, yes. This is Lotus of the Leaf. Okay.

Where are you, by the way? Oh, I'm at posting school where I'm validating. That may also be the status of my account. Amazing. Okay, these might sound strange and are totally not realistic in any possible way, but these are what I often daydream about. not realistic in any possible way, but these are what I often daydream about.

One, being shrunk down to a small enough size that I could go up a cute guy's nose and make him sneeze. I did not see that one coming. Wow. I'd start out just teasing, but eventually tickled the heck out of the inside of his nostril until he sneezed me out. Tonguey face. Man, the sequels to Indian in the Cover got really weird. Two, being turned into an animal.

Like, for instance, a cat. And finding a cute guy who's allergic to me. Then I'd follow him around all day. What the fuck? This is Werther Herzog's account, isn't it? Oh, sorry, was that it? Oh, yeah, that was it. That's all.

Oh, my God. All right, so are we ready for some fetish fiction? Yes. Yes. Good. Are you ready for some fetish fiction? Thank you. Hank, no.

Hank, no. Are you ready for sneezing? All right. So there's several pieces. This document, once again, provided to us by Cheapskates, quite the order provider. 41 pages this time. So THERPL.US, we got the document on there. But there's a lot of different kind of things that we can read.

But I think, and I think you might agree with me, that what we should really do is read the Pride and Prejudice sneeze fetish. Oh my god. Would you agree? Yes. Pride and Prejudice. I think this is a sequel? No, it's a prequel. It's a prequel to Pride and Prejudice. Oh.

Terrific. All right. So I guess, Frank West, if you'll just start us off here and tag in to come quats up when you're ready. Sure. A little setup for you. This one is set long before the book begins and also not long after Georgiana's almost elopement with Wickham. I like to think Mr. Darcy is pretty much a fantastic big brother who loves his little sister very much. That's it. Fuck, fuck, fuck! For a girl to whom the world was so wholly accessible, she asked for very little and received thrice her wishes with immense gratitude. Her brother simply wished for her happiness

and knew himself that there was nothing he would not do to preserve and cherish it. Let me just... How long is it? Wow, that's pretty long. Okay. Are we reading the whole thing? No, let's skip down to... Uh, you're running a fever. You're running a fever. Okay, yeah. That's a good place. Let's skip to the good stuff.

Right, exactly. You are running a fever, she whispered while she squeezed the excess water from the cloth thoroughly before she gently brushed it across his forehead. She did not speak any louder for fear of upsetting the ache in his head. May I not call a doctor? You may not. Mr. Darcy gazed up at her blearily, and, when he spoke, his voice was rough and quiet. I must ask that you do not.

I would not wish anyone else to see me in my present condition. Gotta keep up appearances. Alright, skip to Kumquats skip to Take hours past Right after the tilde Tilde Hours past Before he awoke again To find

His bad head Had only worsened, and the building tickle in his nose was threatening to burst from him at any moment. I'll do it, man! I'll fucking do it! He moved as quickly as headache would allow to snatch a clean handkerchief from the table and curl it around his nose and mouth. Ha heard she.

Ha ha. H-H. Ha. Rush. Ha ha ha. Ha. Ha. Rush. Sh. Ha. H-H. Ha. Rush. Sh. H-H! Ha! Hrush! Hrush!

Hrush! Oh my. This is really the best part about erotic sneeze fiction. Yes, absolutely! I was like, I'll fucking spend too long on a Pia. I don't know, that's pretty spellable. It was a matter of moments before Georgiana was by his side again, insisting upon fetching a doctor, for his temperature was further elevated.

Darcy caught her hand as she made to go and had asked her, in a pitifully slight voice, not to leave him. Had it not been most unlike him, she would not have been so shocked. Okay. I will stay if you wish it, she said immediately, and called for the housekeeper to fetch the doctor at once.

She took up her cloth again, having refreshed the water and dabbed at his forehead worriedly. Having done all she could think of to bring his fever down, she set the cloth aside and pressed a kiss to his forehead. I can only hope you will not worsen. The corners of Darcy's mouth twitched upwards at his sister's obvious display of love, but the tranquillity could not last, for he had to turn away

to sneeze again into his handkerchief! H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H- So am I supposed to be touching my genitals at this point? Yes, obviously. How could you resist? I mean, Jesus Christ, man. Okay. If you don't understand that the fucking spelling out of sneezing is a masturbation trigger, then I don't know why you haven't been paying attention. I suppose.

Yeah. Just put warnings for those things. I don't know why it's not in like 45 point fonts. All right. Jimmy Franks, pick it up. Unable to help herself. Skip a little bit here. Unable to help herself, Georgiana kissed his dark curls delightedly and gently squeezed his hand.

He chuckled softly at the sight of her smile. It would do you good to worry less about me, he said firmly. And it would do you good, replied she in relief, to allow me to nurse you back to a proper state of health. He only smiled as did she, and they sat in companionable silence for longer than either of them knew. Companionable silence, all right. Yay!

Okay, now I see I get it now. Yeah, okay, okay. Now it's clicking. Darcy's health did not seem to be improving. If anything, it was worsening. Where he could before speak, now he could scarcely comprehend Georgiana's words in order to formulate a response.

The only sounds which escaped him were his sneezes, which began to sound strained and rough. ... ... ... ...

... ...... His skin burned with a fever. Georgiana struggled to tame, and she could not help but worry that this would be the death of him and, consequently, her. She had come to rely on her brother these past weeks after the business of Ramsgate, and had long since looked up to him almost as a father. He was all that could banish her melancholy mood in favor of laughter and gentle teasing. God bless you, she murmured, a little too late.

Yeah, I'm Garnet. Hey, Garnet. You're killing me with the Darcy feels here, bro. And then sibling caretaking on top of it, my very favorite thing in the world, I am mush. I'm 27 years old and I'm made of internet.

You've had a lot of practice. So I found or rather Cheapskate found a post that is pretty special. Um, so you're familiar with the, the, the, the, the group One Direction, uh, and presumably one of the people in One Direction is named Louis. And at one point there is a YouTube video of Louis sneezing. Um, and if there was ever a post written for Kumquatsop, this would be it.

Oh my god. So, your name is Sneeze-Wuv, and what do you got to say here? Hello, my name is Sneeze-Wuv! Hi! Hello! We have hit Lewis

sneezed! As difficult as you'll smiley face! Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, we finally have it! It. Lewis. Sneeze. Ask to the control. Smiley face. Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, we finally have it. We. Final. That's not how I expected the reading to go.

Guys, guys, guys, guys I found this tweet Okay Yeah, it's a tweet and it's just like, you know, YouTube, whatever And I was trying to look for the video And then I couldn't find it So I tweeted her and she linked me it It's in the beginning, I am shaking This is the best day of my life

And he's fetus in it It's in the beginning. I am shaking. This is the best day of my life. And he's fetus in it. What? What? He's fetus in it? And he's fetus in it. He turned into a fetus at some point. I haven't watched the video,

so I just assume that's what happened. Excuse me while I cry my eyes out. Also, I'd like to thank Sima Mamak because she helped in the finding! Smiley face! My name's Death Note Owner. This is life! Life made! I can die happily now

knowing that he sneezed! Thank the gods! he sneezed? Thank the gods! He sneezed! Thank you for sharing. He finally sneezed! Ah! Those things are weird in Narnia. I'm Cupcake.

Finally it happened. And it's not a dream. Yay, yay, yay. Hi, I'm Directioner Hurt. Okay, Directioner Hurt. OMG, this is the best day of my life! Keep going, almost there Guys

Guys Guys Guys Yeah? My name is Rennie Guys Guys Guys

OMG He sneezed off the balloon hat What? He sneezed off the balloon hat. What? He sneezed off the balloon hat! How freaking precious! That is the cutest thing! And he sniffled after! And I'm pretty sure Liam did bless him.

This is the best day I will remember it forever! Will you now? This is Jennifer! OMG! We've been waiting for this for ages! Sneezewuv! You are my god upside down smiley face! A-K-D-F-N-R-G-W-I-B-S-O-G-A-K-R-G-R-H-G-O-W-R-H!

So, Rennie, I know that you read one post, but you did have another post there. I did? Yeah, you did. In the same thread, there's another post from Rennie. Oh know that you read one post, but you did have another post there. I did? Yeah, you did. In the same thread, there's another post from Rennie. Oh, my God! Ah! Snack-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back-a-back- A video of a member of One Direction sneezing is enough to send people into speaking in tongues. Yeah, absolutely. This is my life's goal.

I can't sneeze. Do you realize you are a freaking G.N. God? This is amazing. Thanks. You're a god. That might be the best thing that's ever happened on this podcast. That's going to be my return. So my name is Selena. This is, again, Sneed's Fetish Forum, and I'm Selena.

is Selena. This is, again, Sneets Fetish Forum, and I'm Selena. So, I'm a huge fan of hearing sick girls with congested voices, right? Okay, fair enough. And, meaning that the next best thing is when a girl can type in a congested voice.

Why does that mean that? Why does statement A mean statement B? So, ladies of the forum, how good are you at typing like you have a cold? You're welcome, F+. And, yeah, that's setting it up. So we'll start out, Frank West, you're Awko the Taco. Actually, I'm a little congested.

I guess I could type like a habacone, but it's kinda awkward. I mean, it depends on what I need to say. Huh. I mean, I guess good. I mean, it sort of seems like the sneeze version of blackface to me, but whatever. That's, I mean, I guess good, I mean, it sort of seems like the sneeze version of blackface to me, but whatever. It's okay. Uh-oh.

I'm DeSoku. Okay, great. I tried to do it, but it's hard to write things that are comprehensible while also being stuffy, but it's hard to write things that are comprehensible while also being stuffy. But there's like... Oh, boy.

Oh, wow. If it's not that bad, then teeth are left intact. Wait, are you still excited about that One Direction video? Is that what's happening? Rock-a-fuck-a-dun-dun. If it's severe, then it's hard. T's are Dow-D's. are down-Ds.

So words like the N, so, stay the same, but O's with hard O-T sound usually add the E like the at or the that, but you be creative

and mix up a little bit. Everyone's voice is different and that should really carry over into right here. Baby, I don't know what you're saying, but I love the way you're saying it. Just keep talking.

This is Sarah Snow. Did I say Sarah Snow? Sniff. I've bid. Hit him. Excuse me. I've been trying to get better at this for roleplay. Some kids rock with me.

I agree that it's hard sometimes. Hit him. Hit him. Hug. Frog in my throat i agree that it's hard sometimes to keep it, especially with the sniff sniffles and head ham throat clearing. Some people love it. Zombified it distracting.

What? No. If it's one, one,1, I usually just ask. Oh, and Parrot. Parrot? Let me take Parrot. Parrot? It's not really that hard to do.

The basics of it is just replacing all U-R-M's with B's and N's with D's. You can get a little bit more elaborate, but I don't think it's a very difficult skill. Thanks, Parrot. Thanks, Parrot. What the fuck? Sneezing isn't sexy. What are you people doing? All right.

I got another choice here. Another choice. I think Jimmy Franks, you get to pick this choice here. Oh, yeah. All right, here we go. So, story number one is called The Many Obs of My Very Sneezy Roommate, who is female, by the way. Okay. The Many Obs of My Very Sneezy Female Roommate.

Story number two is called Worst Day for This Woman to Get the Flu and an Acne Breakout. I gotta go with number two, Lemon. Alright, number two, no problem. Well then, you need to tell me what your name is. What's your name there, buddy? Yeah, what's your name?

This is the ultimate sneeze lover. I'll be the judge of that. What's your current? Banned after 64 posts. He loves sneeze too much. He's just so full of himself. But before I was banned, I was able to pin this tome. The following is a fictional story I made up.

Oh, it's James from the Muppets again. Hi. It features the flu, sweating, and acne. Sorry if it is too long and for the grammatic and spelling errors. All right. Well, thanks for the heads up. Is it too long for the grammatic and spelling errors. It's too long for the grammatic and spelling errors. Shanice is in head over heels in love with her best friend and roommate, Stephanie. Shanice and Stephanie met the first day of their second year at university.

When Shanice first saw Stephanie, it was love at first sight. But Shanice only became friends with Stephanie, never telling Stephanie how she feels. Because Stephanie at the time had a girlfriend named Diana, but Stephanie and Diana broke up before summer break. Now it's summer break and Shanice is staying with Stephanie at Stephanie's parents' house for the entire summer break. With me so far? I'm lost already. No, but

if I knew a little bit more about these characters, maybe I'd be with you. Well, Shanice is 21 years old, 5 feet 11 inches, has very dark black skin, has long dark brown curly hair, and has a curvy medium thickness body. Stephanie is 22 years old, 6 feet 1 inch, has very tanned golden skin, has long blonde straight hair, and curvy medium thickness body. I'm still back on the very dark black skin. Yes.

So she's like a night elf? Yes. I'm clearly exercising incredible restraint because I haven't talked about their noses yet. Yeah, that's, yeah, what the hell? Their first day of their summer break at Stephanie's parents' house was also one day before Shanice's birthday. Shanice plans to finally tell Stephanie how she feels tomorrow on her birthday. That night in the quest room, Shanice is super nervous about finally telling the love of her life that her love's her tomorrow. Number two, marrow.

Too marrow. If Stephanie was to feel the same way, it would be the best birthday present Shanice has ever got. But if Stephanie doesn't feel the same way, Shanice fears it could ruin their relationship. Shanice writes a love letter and puts it on the night table in case Shanice chickens out. She could just give her love that love letter,

which spells out how much Shanice loves Stephanie. Shanice gets ready for bed, putting on her thight white t-shirt and her thight white shorts lotion up and get into the bed. After two hours, the super nervous Shanice finally falls asleep. Okay,

I know that Shanice is a character in your story. And I think that's as much as I've gleaned. I was also a Stephanie and a Stenny. He also uses one and two multiple times in every sentence. Yeah. All right. Well, yeah, keep going because I'm sure this is going to.

Oh, yeah. The next day on Shanice's birthday, Shanice wakes up and she feels beyond sick. She has 103 degrees Fahrenheit fever. She feels like the room is on fire. Her body aches. She feels weak and exhausted. She feels nauseous. Her throat is so irritated and sore.

Her nose is very effeminate, sore, congested and running like a pipe. She lost her voice and she is persistently sneezing and coughing. She has a severe case of influenza. She says to herself with her weak, hoarse, and congested voice, No, no, no, no, no, no. Sniffle, please. No, sniffle. I can't be sick.

Sniffle. Not today of all days. It's quite a chant. She gets the mirror for the night table and her nightmare got far, far worse. Her entire face, her entire neck, her shoulders, her arms, and her back is literally covered in huge irritating red pimples. And because of her flu, she's sweating heavily, soaking her clothes and her hair. She's flushed. Her nose is red and her eyes are watery. Her acne is back and far worse than ever. She wasn't had acne since high school. See how she looks. The poor thing started crying. If Stephanie sees her,

she will be mortified. This is like a freak show barker that's narrating this whole thing. There is no a freak show barker that's narrating this whole thing. There is no... Please, we gave you our money. Let us see this. God damn it. There is no way Shanice is telling Stephanie how she feels. Shanice hopes the grammophobic Stephanie

will avoid a her. Grammophonic. All right, Frank West, pick it up here. Stephanie, wake. And here's a lot of sneezing and coughing coming from the quest room. Right, where you receive requests. Yeah. Stephanie says, don't speak, babe.

Rest your voice. Speaking may cause permanent problems. I will take care of you. That's not how a cold works. Oh, it's a flu. You can't just. Oh, that's not how a cold works. Oh, it's a flu. You can't just... That's not how a flu works. Don't speak.

You might break your throat. Yeah, that's a flu. Stephanie comes into the room. Shanice hides under the cover. Stephanie says, come on, babe. I wouldn't bite. Shanice undercovers herself. And Stephanie sees that she undercovers herself. And Stephanie, see that...

She undercovers herself. Shanice undercovers herself. Undercovers. Alright, I don't know what that means, but I really want For the Love of to draw it. And Stephanie, see that Shanice is not only very, very sick, but a massive acne breakout. Realize how mortified Shanice... She's both of those things. Realize how mortified Shanice must be, Stephanie.

Ask, do you want me to leave? That was a great opportunity to have a more carnival parker. Realize how mortified Shanice must be! See! Sneezing! Shanice nodes no. Right? Stephanie sits in this chair

next to the bed and says, Babe, I have something to tell you. I don't know how to say this, but the reason why Diana and I broke up is because Diana realized that I'm into you. What I'm trying to say is I love you. What I'm trying to say is I love you. What I'm trying to says is I love you. I just called to say.

You are the love of my life. You are the girl of my dreams and I want to be your girlfriend. Shocked, Shanice points to the love letter she wrote for Stephanie. It's like Scary Spice. It's actually a completely different Shanice. There's regular Shanice and shocked Shanice. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Stephanie picks up the letter and reads it.

While reading it, Stephanie gets this very bright smile on her face. Stephanie says, OMG, you love me. Wow, this is amazing. Wow, this is amazing. This is amazing. Wow. Wow. How exciting.

Oh, boy. Yay. This is the one person on the internet who's not using exclamation points. Stephanie reaches over and plants a huge kiss on Shanice, which then Shanice started sneezing, interrupting their kissing. That's gross. Don't forget where you are. Shanice says, this sniffle is the best day sniffle of my entire sniffle life.

That's a thought someone's capable of having with influenza. Yeah, yeah. I want to finish this up here. The girls spend the second day of summer slash Shanice's birthday with Stephanie taking care... I'm sorry, talking care. With Stephanie talking care of Shanice. Stephanie sings to her,

toke her temperature, bring her food and tea, give her medication. Ect. Later that day, Stephanie's mother, Lexi, comes home. What the fuck? Stephanie couldn't wait to tell her mother. She finally tells

Shanice how she feels. And Shanice is now her girlfriend. Now Shanice has the love of her life, Stephanie, and Stephanie's smoking hot mother, Lexi, taking care of her. Oh, boy. Okay. Yeah, so Lexi is 50 years old, 5 feet, so she had, okay. So Lexi, 50 years old, 5 feet 9 inches, has freckles, has long hair, or long, has

long red curly. Hey, uh, hey Cheapskate, can you hook us up with a freckles fetish for him? I'm really curious to know what that is, but I want to read a whole episode of it. I think you're freckles and I like you a lot. Yeah, so freckles has the long red curly, just the one, and a thin body. Shanice almost forgets about her acne and her flu and actually enjoyed her birthday. All right. So the third day, Stephanie caught Shanice's flu and Lexi take care of both sickies.

Shanice and Stephanie lay in the bed, sneezing and coughing, blowing their nose, act, but still enjoyed their time together. The fourth day, Lexi is now sick. With her nose as her... Okay. Well, I'm sorry. I did not expect that sentence to go there. The fourth day, Lexi is now sick. With her nose as red as her red. Okay. Well, I'm sorry. I did not expect that sentence to go there. Okay. Mm-mm. The fourth day, Lexi is now sick, with her nose as red as her red.

So now the three sickies call a nurse to talk care of them. This is how an Ebola breakout happens. After about a month, all the girls recovered and Shanice's acne cleared up. And for Shanice and Stephanie, even being sick for one out of the two months of their summer break, it was the best summer break ever for both of them. They had the time of their lives. They had the time of their lives. And I have a follow-up post. I hope someone likes the story.

And one person did. Yeah, and then you make three more follow-up posts. Sure do. You didn't ask for more story? Well, here it is. Okay, could I do a bit of the epilogue here? Yes, absolutely. No problem.

Seven years later, and now 28-year-old Shanice and a 29-year-old Stephanie are married, living in a house in their own. Stephanie's birthday is tomorrow, and Shanice is wondering what to get for her new wife. Shanice is at work, and a co-worker named April Weiss is sick with the flu, sneezing

down the place. Wow. Need to find a new job. Sneezing down the place. What happened to your place a new job. Sneezing down the place. What happened to your place of work? Someone sneezed it down. Shanice then gets an idea. Shanice is going to get the flu

for one of the fetishy Stephanie's birthday present. Shanice waited until the flu-y April went to the bathroom. Shanice goes into April's cubicle, then takes up some of April's used tissues. Shanice goes into her office and touches her nose

and eyes with the formite tissues. After work, Shanice goes to the mall and buys the brand of makeup, which she finds to be an irritant to acne. Shanice is also going to peer-poosely cause an acne breakout. Shanice gets home and greets her wife, saying, Hey, Steph, I have a big surprise for you!

Stephanie asks, What is it? Tell you? Shanice said, Tomorrow, I'm give it to you. Stephanie pouts and said, Fine.

Shanice goes under stairs to their room, and Stephanie joins her. The two girls watch TV till bedtime. After Stephanie falls asleep, Shanice goes to the bathroom and puts on the makeup she finds irritating, and then went to bed. Yay.

And then sick. All right. We are going to finish everything up here with one post. I think that you've recognized that some of your favorite topics have not been in here. I don't see any Harry Potter, but I do see Pokemon. Yay! So this is Pichu's Runny Nose Adventure.

Runny Nose is all one word. Yeah, Pichu's Runny Nose Adventure. Alright, so my name's Sonic Man. I've been banned. Apparently just writing stories gets you banned on this. Alright, so please comment

this story when you're done reading it. I want to hear everyone's comments on this story. I bet that's not true. Okay. So one. Pichu. Ah, ah, achoo, achoo. Vulpix.

Oh, boy. Is your nose running again? Achoo. Here, use the last tissue from the box. It won't help. He said taking it and blowing his nose in it. Nose! Now it's written. Achoo. Pichu drops the snotty tissue in the wastebasket, which is already full of soaking wet tissues.

Wow, I can't believe you used up one whole box of tissues by yourself. Yeah, I am Snick after all. Sniffle. And my scarf is already soaked from blowing so much. Volpix sees a little snot drop off Pichu's

soaking wet scarf. Oh my, your scarf is soaking wet. You've really been blowing a lot. Pichu sneezes into his wet scarf again. So much sneezing. Good job, genius. Inexplicable number two. Oh yeah, inexplicable number two.

Oh, I think I know how to help you here. Vulpix takes out a hat and taps it with a wand making a bunch of colored scarves come out. Oh, okay, magic. Here, these should help you. These scarves are so thin,

though he said untying one. Pichu sneezes yet again. Pichu's an asshole. Gift horse, look at that fucking mouth! Yeah, this Kleenex won't help.

Give it anyway. Whatever. These scarves aren't going to hold long. Pichu blows his nose in the scarf, getting it wet instantly. I was right. They got soaked the minute you blew your nose in them. Imagine that! Liquid makes things wet! Pichu drops the wet scarf on the floor. Wow, those scarves are so thin. Pichu drops the wet scarf on the floor Wow Those scarves are so thin

The manual was right When it said these shouldn't be used as tissues Where's the manual for a scarf? For a magical scarf That makes sense These are magic scarves Oh boy Pichu picks up the rest of the scarves.

If he uses them all at once, this will be a big, wet mess. Pichu puts all the remaining scarves on his nose and blows for 30 seconds. Wow. Those soaked up pretty fast, she said as Pichu dropped them all on the floor next to the pile of dirty tissues. But it's not over yet. My nose is still out of control here. Achoo, achoo, achoo. And then inexplicable number three.

Those scars went faster than I thought. Achoo. That's his version of Roger Wilco. Not again, she said as more snot began to flow from Pichu's nose. Boy, my nose won't quit! If I had more scarves, I would poof them up for you, but I don't. Achoo. Here, use this, she said, ripping the scarf off her Pokemon doll's hat

Are you sure? This is so thin I'm practically just growing into my claws Yes Pichu blows again and gets snot all over his paws and the scarf Pichu wrings it out and gives it back

You really blew the heck out of your nose into this little scarf. Ah, true, ah, true, ah, true. In the jungle, the mighty jungle. What will it take to stop your nose? Pichu suddenly starts feeling funny. I think I know what might help. I have to blow my nose for a minute with this very wet scarf. Pichu blows his nose very thickly for a full minute into the soaking wet scarf.

Really? I'm surprised that scarf can hold any more snot. Ah, much better. Now my nose isn't running anymore. That's good to hear. Achoo, achoo. Oh. No, that's the narrator's line. Oh, you're right. Okay.

You're right. Sorry. That's good to hear. Achoo, achoo. Oh, not you too. Here we go again. Again. That's the narrator. That's the twist ending. You bastard. Here we go again!

Give the narrator a call, you bastard! F+, what did we learn from any of this? I learned to get my flu shot. I haven't done that yet. I really need to. Yeah, good point. Good point. Listen to this.

Get your flu shot. There's a surprising number of people that listen to this podcast. And I'm sorry to say there's going to be probably at least one person who is really into Jimmy Frank's pronunciation of those spelled out sneezes early on in the episode. Probably. You know what?

And if you're that person listening to it, terrific. That's great. Enjoy. More like on a, terrific. That's great. I'm, you know, enjoy. More like on a hot appear. You know, enjoy that pronunciation. Have fun with it. And don't bother commenting. And then everyone's a winner, right?

Yeah. It's fine. Just enjoy it in silence. It's okay. Yeah. That's fine. Yeah, it's, I mean, the, obviously the, the, the sort of, you know, our general theory about like, you know, your first boner and, and how that, that goes. I mean, it, it applies here, but, but I mean, there's, there's more than one like sneeze

fetish community and, and they still like, I mean, structurally, structurally the porn is confusing as fuck. Because, like, because, like, it seems like there's, like, hurt comfort involved in it. Like, I mean, there was definitely a theme of, like, of, like, people taking care of other people. I mean, that's a factor but but i wonder i wonder if all of that other shit is is just like is just a like a side product of like well i fucking get boners from sneezing so i guess i also like you know handkerchiefs or something yeah what what i find interesting is usually there's kind of two sides of a fetish you know there's like the people who like inserting the chocolate hoses and the people who like to be chocolate hosed.

And there weren't, there didn't seem to be people who were really into sneezing a lot and being taken care of. That's an interesting thought too. Yeah, you're right. Like this is, this is Wasn't there like one person? I don't know. I felt like, I felt like

everyone we heard from was sneezing voyeurs. Yeah. Yeah, mostly. Yeah, I think I know why that is. Why is that? Because being sick sucks. There is that, which again, that also makes it difficult to write porn because having the flu is terrible.

Actually getting the flu for these guys must just be like, all my fantasies are being broken down in front of me. Yeah, it's like when your family member sneezes. There was a number of people who were like, oh, I don't like sneezing when it's like a family

sneeze. It's like, usually you don't connect fetishes to your family, but I guess usually your family doesn't dress up in fetish gear. Well, maybe yours doesn't. My mother's Annie Sprinkle, so that's just the life that I was born into. What a thought.

Rude. I think my favorite single person in this episode was in the beginning when we had the asexual Mexican gray sexual gray wolf. Yeah. Something who the biggest conflict in her life, his life, her life was the fact that she had to come to terms with her made-up magic spirit animal. Like, that was the worst fucking day of her life. Do you think that if you're in that, like, if you're a furry sneeze fetishist,

that, like, you sort of, like, slowly have to, like, admit the furry thing in the sneeze fetish community, and then in the furry community have to, like furry thing in the sneeze fetish community and then in this and then in the furry community if like slowly admit the the sneeze fetish thing you have that weird meetup where half of them's like who are those guys and where are their fursuits uh the website is always thefpl.us uh we have all of our uh episodes online uh as well as most of the documents that we've read from back to like episode, I want to say like 70, somewhere in there. So for all

of those episodes, if you go there, you can get almost always more content than we read. And speaking of thehefbl.us, there will be a new thehefbl.us after this episode. So the next episode that launches will have a new thefbl.us after this episode. So the next episode that launches will have a new website redesign written from the ground up in Kirby.

It's a flat file CMS. Big, big, big, big, big difference from the old kind of shitty site. So next episode, have a look. New site. Exciting. Then it'll be nothing to sneeze at. Oh, next episode. Have a look. New site. Exciting. Then it'll be nothing to sneeze at. Oh, shit! And I want to do one more little pitch

for Ball Pit, just because lately the shared expertise section has been super fun. Yeah, we've got an entomologist. Yeah, we have an entomologist now. Wait, like in the aroused context or not aroused context?

Well, that's a good question to ask, isn't it? So, yeah, the shared expertise section has... Oh, my daughter's up. Hi, daughter. How are you? The shared expertise section is just a place where people kind of talk about the things they're good at. And it's been a fun sort of thing. I've learned some stuff about Hebrew.

I've learned a little bit about typography, like Eastern European history. It's been fun in that. So, you know, have a look and pay me $10. So he can pay me $5. Yeah, pay me $5, pay Boots $5. Simone, do you want to say anything before we go? Okay. All right, pay Boots $5. Simone, do you want to say anything before we go? Okay.

All right, bye-bye. Bye. Never, never meant to see You okay there, Simone? Okay. Just record the sounds of her coughing and put them in for her. I was going to make that joke when I was like this. I'm not afraid to make that joke. Frank West, after the live reading, you're on. I'm going to be careful that joke Frank West after the live reading you're on

I don't want to be careful anymore