The F Plus - 159: But Is It Deviantart?

Episode Date: December 20, 2014

We're all familiar with DeviantArt as the best place on the internet for crudely drawn pictures of Sonic The Hedgehog hit with a shrink ray and then eaten alive by the the girl in Lollipop Chainsaw. But did you know that DeviantArt also has a large archive of written work, such as poetry? And did you know that the great majority of that written work is terrible? Okay, I'm sure that second reveal wasn't much of a surprise, but we do have some in store for you. This week, Finland meets its match.

Lies of obeying her before. Man, everyone says they feel my pain. Fuck you. There ain't nothing again. You lied to me again. You put a fucking bullet in your brain. They say they know what I'm going through. Man, fuck you.

Oh. Welcome to the F+, man. It's a super artistic place for terrible things. Right with enthusiasm in the room tonight, we have Jimmy Franks. I'm down for a diaper change because it's about time. I put trust in you and you ask me of mine. John Toast. Finally, the rap battle we've been waiting for.

Frida Kahlo versus a Bulbasaur. Honey Bread. This is Daffy's nightmare. Finally, the rap battle we've been waiting for. Frida Kahlo versus a Bulbasaur. Honey bread! This is Daffy's nightmare. Being sucked into a tanky drawer. I can't do a Daffy Duck impression. Fuck this. No, you can't. From Lou Reads the Internet for you, it's Lou Fernandez.

Your mama's so ugly, she make Lady Gaga look hot. I wouldn't fuck her with a blindfold. Bitch got the gina rot. Gina rot. Vagina rot. And Lemon. The stick pushed hard in Ginny's tush and she exploded into a red velvet gush.

Red velvet gush is my least favorite Baskin Robbins flavor. I am sensitive. I am sensitive. I am sensitive I am a sensitive artist I am a sensitive artist rebrandings holy shit am i boy there's a whole bunch of podcasts that like to talk about things like you know design and uh rebrandings and stuff like that um that's not our podcast however there was a uh rebranding of a site called deviantart.com never heard of it uh with which we are

somewhat familiar um and they have a bold new step towards the future. They have a logo that's like an equal sign with a slash through it. Or maybe it's a Z with extra stuff on it. Yeah, it's a dollar sign. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a new currency in Kwatlus. But, yeah, so they're on a bold step towards the future they're their slogan they're boldly facing the future um which certainly means nothing at all

um that sounds like something like a convicted athlete would say in his speech i'm boldly facing the future with my loving wife who forgives me i just gotta wait it out till you forget then i can play football again yep so what we uh what we uh are going to be doing here is looking at some of the content of deviant art that's a little bit more appropriate for our podcast because you know it's usually a place for people to you know have uh um you know uh popular video game characters being inflated while pooping themselves. I was going to say, we're going to have an extra,

like an additional podcast of this, where it's just like, all right, there's Sonic, and he's inflated, and there's Eek the Cat, and his girlfriend, and they're both inflated. But we don't have to do that. We don't have to do that, because DeviantArt has a poetry section. Yay!

That's right. So these artists of DeviantArt can provide us with the finest poetry they know how, such as Gothmoth by Demon Robber. BunnyBread, will you start us off with Gothmoth? Gothmoth by Damon Robber. Hello. Hello. This is Damon Robber.

The Gothmoth is flying in the night sky. It is dispatching dust all over the land. As people sleep, their minds are changing. A transformation is taking place. There's a good rhyme. They all have dark dreams. The world is turning off. I really think so.

When the people wake up, their personality has changed. They can feel the darkness. They put on dark eyeliner and dress all in black. They leave their house to go to work or shopping, dressed in Victorian fashion, of course, or modern cybergoth or steampunk. The world has changed.

We're all goths now! You know, I mean, Maya Angelou, I recognize that you want to, like, speak to a younger audience, but I'm not sure this is the way to do it. When he had awoken, Gregor Samsa found that he woke up and he just didn't care anymore, man. I'm a moth. Fuck it.

Put on some eyeliner. I like Gudrun355's comment, a transformation for the better. I like your poem very much. And then DemonRiver replies, I totally agree. A beautiful transformation. You're right, it is good. I am awesome. Just in this world, who's going to drive past these guys and call them faggots?

If everyone is scoff, then there's no more townies. If everyone is scoff, then there's no more townies. This is actually something that I think we should definitely watch out for, which is that DeviantArt is such a hug box for people with minimal talent that if you do find any comments during this episode that's not fucking glowing, let me know. All right, so... Before we move on, I wanted to say I really like Player Mike's comment, which is very nice history. Which I don't think I've ever been

as perplexed that quickly by three words in a row. Does he think this actually happened? Does he? I'm gonna offer a choice up to you right away here, which is two different poems that I'll have to read because I have a DeviantArt account and you need a DeviantArt account for the mature stuff.

So these are two different mature poems. One is called Cunt Tree. And the other is called Fuck You With a Hammer. Is there one called Fuck You With A Country? There is not, no. I'm going to go with my heart. Fuck You With A Hammer just endeared me immediately. Sure.

Fuck You With A Hammer. All right, here we go. My name's Looking Glass Girl, and this is Fuck You With A Hammer. Its categories are literature, poetry, horror, and free verse. That's a good tag. All right. So fuck you with a hammer. Take the gaping hole in your heart and shove it up your flapping vagina.

You fucking whore. Disgusting, putrid, skanky ass fucking cunt. Where did you learn that lies were like honey? Was it daddy? And bitching was sports? Was it mommy? Free verse. I feel sorry for the earth you trod like people. I feel sorry for your tastelessness and your self-annihilation.

I'd like to think you could be reached, but no, there have been efforts. But you turn them into chances to be the sick slut that you are. So fuck you with a hammer! So hard your entrails cry in malice, and your world comes crashing down. Your marriage to

shallow living will take your imaginary maidenhead like razor with a vengeance. The end. Yay. Yeah, I got some snaps. Happy birthday, Grandma. Oh, man, I'm in the wrong Hallmark section.

Well, maybe not, actually. You can see the comments, right? Yes. Yeah. Bunny Bread, will you take Kim. You can see the comments, right? Yes. Yeah. Bunny Bread, will you take Kim Sing down there in the comments? Kim Sing. Oh, damn, girl. You still living with the same person as last year?

Yup. Oh! Oh. Oh. All right. All right. All right. So we need to get to the weed poetry, I think. Weed poetry is really called for. So this poem, Lou, take this one.

This is called 420. Okay. It's featured in the dope collection by gory tory 666. The Franklin mint dope collection these will only go up in value they'd have to alright 420 by katori witch

613 420 april 20th the international day for weed a day to unwind and fill that need a holiday amongst dopers and stoners to get high and relive their boners or was that relief i don't know i like all right to get high the days of summer wine and huge boners. To get high and relieve their boners.

Yet what happened before on this day is a mystery. So let's go back through time and history. The German Nazi leader Adolf was born. Oh, what? Okay. Okay? That's Hitler's birthday. Oh, sure.

412K. Gotcha. Yep. Okay. Voted dictator's birthday. Oh, sure. 412. Okay. Gotcha. Yep. Okay. Dictator who took the lives we mourn. They never thought it could occur. Now we study the Jewish massacre. Can you go on a bad trip on weed?

Because I think I am. Yeah. Yes, you certainly can. Oh, shit. Here we go. Normal students studying for quizzes. Now dodging from the bullet whizzes. Disruption.

That guy's a whiz with bullets. He's great. Terrible. Disruption, catastrophe. Oh, and destruction. Two students killing others at their construction. Yeah. When the bombs do not detonate,

they marched in while the children ate, they carried in an arm and gun, and shot them. One by one. They shot their arms? No! Before you celebrate a day for cannabis, remember the lessons you should not miss.

But you can smoke your weed and fire that bong. And fire that bong. But remember that history is never gone. That's a little bit of a departure in your weed poem I didn't expect it to be going in those

various directions hey man I hate to be a buzzkill with my 420 poem Cypress Hill oh if I'd only thought to do it terrible I can't remember his name the German Nazi leader Adolf Hitler was born Oh, if I'd only thought to do it in a terrible... Oh, I can't remember his name.

The German Nazi leader Adolf Hitler was born. Jimmy Franks, another choice for you here. We got two different poems. You can read one of them. Would you like to read Horny Cannibal by Ice Fire X or Ignorant Fucks by Carnival of Carnage? Don't do that to Jimmy. Those are both angry Samoan songs and you know it. I'm going to go with the first one.

All right. Horny cannibal by ice fire X. Terrific. All right, take it away. Horny cannibal by ice fire X. Everywhere I go, I see crows.

I see death. Everybody is dying. I don't know what's going on, but I'm starting to get turned on. Oh, I don't like this. No. I don't like this Twilight Zone episode. You're just fueling my system.

I guess I'm fucked up, but I'm ready to fuck you up. Oh, I get it. Hey, okay, you see, I'm stiff, just like your guitar rifts. Huh? Oh no, I'm falling into a guitar rift. Getting shaky. It's kind of like an earthquake in my pants.

I'm ready to stuff your muff like a priest plays rough. Whoa! Deaf Leopard is getting even worse. Good God, I want to fuck. Jump back. Fuck myself. What the fuck? Good God, I want to fuck.

Especially when I see that bitch waddle like a duck. I'm a fucker after I run her over with my truck. Come on. All right. Okay. I'm so sick. I don't know what's wrong with my dick. But I'm going to get you pregnant.

Pregnant. I sit there and watch you rant make yourself useless and water my plant before I make your face slant well good job reaching for the rhyme that time it gets better bitch I'm getting tired of you

I'm gonna do away with you take a lamp to your tummy wrap you up in a sheet like a mummy to your bed you're you up in a sheet like a mummy. To your bed, you're not gonna be a mummy. I'll beat you so hard you go rat-a-tat-tat like a Tommy gun. You're so crippled you can't even run. You're finished.

Done. We invented the remix. Guess what? You're my supper. I am your horny cannibal. I invented the remix. Guess what? You're my supper. I am your horny cannibal. I fuck you up like my dick up in you touching my baby. Then I cut that shit out and eat it like a chicken dinner. I am the winner. Call me the sinner.

That was really fucking terrible. You're a cotton mouth king. That was super terrible I mean just in construction alone that's probably the worst one so far so far I mean we're gonna I love the sadism in here great job top notch sadism really

thank you I like that this guy his chosen weapon is a lamp yeah sometimes he uses his dick that's true I was just gonna say you really see the hug box here like on the next page of comments

night golems like I don't like it but if I say why I'll sound like a jerk, so I'll just say it's creative. I don't like it, but it's still creative, which is a good thing. I expect people not to like it. Wait, wait, why? Why? I don't get it. Okay, so this next poem,

Mr. John Toast, this is called Please, Master Ellipsis, I Warned You. It's by Sarcastic Aquarium, and it's under the tags Literature, Poetry, Spiritual, and Urban and Spoken Word. Well, I'm expecting much from this. I don't know why the word urban doesn't have quotation marks. Yeah. Hi, my name is Sarcastic Aquarium. from this. I don't know why the word urban doesn't have quotation marks. Hi! My name is Sarcastic Aquarium.

Okay. I was excited today. Was the day I got Pokemon Platinum. You were what today? The only way to get it pre-owned. I'm sorry, I was exited today. Thank you. Someone walked out of me. Was the day I got Pokemon Platinum. Of course, the only way to get it was pre-owned.

So I went to the store and walked over to buy it. The clerk turned to me and said, Let's hope you keep this. Nobody else has. They all returned and seemed pretty freaked out. Oh, well, that's 15 pounds. I'm British, apparently. I thought to myself, whilst handing

the money over, what? Freaked out? Nonsense. I turned away with the game in my bag. Wow! I can't wait to try this. I ran upstairs and pushed in the game card, turned my DSi on. Weird. I thought to myself, the picture of myself I had taken with the camera from my DS had gone. God.

I turned the game on first before I started my own account on it. I wanted to check out the player before mine's save file. I started it up. Is this going to be a creepypasta? Shut up! I'm building something here. God damn it.

Can you switch to a British accent yet? Sure. No, he can't. Let me switch to my British accent. One sec. Okay. The trainer was male. The name was Slayer. I'm collecting Pokemon!

This is how I am. Pokemon! I look closer at the scream. Weird name. Hee hee, awesome. Come on! Help! I look closer at the scream. Weird name. Hee hee. Awesome.

I let out a small giggle. People give their characters on these names weird names. I decided to check out the Pokemon. There was two in the inventory. There was a Growlithe level 1 and an Archenine level 55. I was quite disappointed. It looked like this guy, whoever he was, had just transferred Pokemon from another game and was not bothered with it. I sighed and started walking around with the trainer, but suddenly it seemed that the Growlithe was poisoned, and it was close to fainting. Suddenly the text popped up saying, Archonine wants you to heal her daughter.

I... I ignored this. I kept walking with the trainer. Piplup's HP dropped to a half. Please, Master, heal Growlithe. The text came up again. I was a bit unnerved by it. But I kept walking. Again, there was a sudden Growlithe cry.

It was at 1 HP. The text came up again. Master, if Growlithe is hurt, you shall hurt too. Just remind people this has a poetry tag. This is a poem. It's free verse. Actually, it's not. It's urban and spoken word.

Yeah. Can't you hear me blinging the flavor? Yes. Yeah, now that you mention it. That Pokemon got low miles. That Pokemon got low miles. That Pokemon got low miles. Pokemon got low miles. Okay.

I got a bit creeped out now. How was the game doing this? How was it putting text on the screen? I don't know. I yelled at the game. I yelled at the game. I don't see why I should. It's just a game.

Out of rage. At the stupid game, I made the trader step forward. The screen said, Growlithe died. Archonine is mad. I got a shock. How did it even come up as died? Pokemon can't die. Can they?

Suddenly, the text came up again. I warned you. You hurt my son. It's time for you to feel the same. The screen faded to back And there was a small bit of light in the room Like I was in a cave Suddenly, Arch and I appeared behind me Master, I'm sorry, but

The screen cut off, cut of rather And went black I sighed, did the game break? I switched the DSi on again Or did I? The picture on my DSi had been changed to an arch-knife covered in blood. I screamed a little and pushed

the power off. I heard noises in my ear. You think you can turn it off and forget? It was in my head! Well, no. A life for a life you didn't even try. Suddenly my flesh was torn in. well no a life for a life you didn't even try suddenly my flesh was torn

and like a wild dog had attacked me the eyes of a dog were above my head and my skin kept tearing and tearing so there was nothing left I warned you next time the game tells you something do it

that's my story yay it's over that's my story. Yay, it's over! That's my urban and spoken word literature poetry spiritual. Yeah, that certainly was urban. Thanks for listening. Jesus! Hey, Sarcastic Aquarium!

Hi! This is Arceus Sama. Oh, you're named after a Pokemon. I like you. Not bad. Oh, thanks. Although, as someone who writes them, sometimes I do suggest maybe trying to slow it down a bit.

The way the speaking was was a little bit rushed. Wink. I won't bother about grammar since it's pointless in the long run, but don't be surprised if a grammar Nazi comes on and harasses you, LOL. Just maybe try to capitalize your eyes. It's a very good idea for pasta, though. I never thought of something like that. Tonguey face. Yeah, haunted video game.

I think that's really breaking new terrain yeah yeah he picks up a video game from the store and something's covered in blood and he dies in the story and then types it up yeah that's nothing like any other creepy pasta i've heard of i'm sorry um that's that was that was me that was sarcastic wasn't it yeah it was a sarcastic aquarium it's all right guys okay thank you is it okay thank you for the tips kare kare i'll keep them in mind is it over I had to take my headphones off I'm scared alright well now that your headphones are back on if you'll take this poem Lou

this is called shaman hyphen monster and they were really worried that we would pronounce shaman incorrectly so it's spelled s-h-a-y-m-i-n it was always a shaman incorrectly, so it's spelled S-H-A-Y-M-I-N. It was always a shaman me. All right. See, this monster is ashamed.

All right. I'm shaming that monster. Shaman Monster by AhsokaTanoFan2. Sure. I am in ball. Waiting until you release me. Do you know what I feel inside me? Maybe.

You swap with me? I feel like a monster. I feel like a monster! Yeah! This many... Monster. This many battles changed me into bad side you must try it yes i like it forgiving you know what this word mean you will scream it into me when you release

me forgiveness you will you will kneel to me. I don't want to live this way. Being with you never was so great. Oh, shit. This is like an Avril Lavigne song now. So now you see me. Broken paw. Cutted ear.

You do this to me. Me? Me. Are you proud now? Please wish setback time to this moment and reverse it. To your death, I will be with you. Even after you death. Because I do all for you.

You. You. My trainer. Forever mine. Forever. For. Foe. forever mine forever for foe please be be with me

please shaman will you go to the prom with me check yes or no I never really thought what it was like inside the ball, but you know, you really cut to the core. Yeah, like Pokemon is apparently the scariest thing fucking ever. My name is AquaflareD21.

Okay. That was one of the best things I ever read. I've read two things. It was a great Gatsby in this fuck you F. Scott Fitzgerald I got a shame in this document by the way I didn't mention it earlier

this document another one from A. Meat he's been doing a lot of terrific shit and he put together a lot of terrific shit and he put together a lot of terrifying, terrifying poems insofar as they're horribly written. But then there's

some that really do shine with some quality and some that really bring some nice rhythm. So Bunny Bread, if you'll take this poem, which is, it you'll take this poem, which is, it's a literate poem. It's in the transgressive

category, and also the urban and spoken word category. Oh, so it's going to sound a lot like a Pokemon creepypasta. No, it's not going to sound anything like that. It's by LOL, am I right? And this poem is called Eatin' Out Ms. Pac-Man.

It's got a chorus. Should we sing the chorus? Yeah, we should sing the chorus. We all sing the chorus? No, you'll introduce how the chorus goes. Oh, I want to sing the chorus all to myself.

Come on now. All right. We'll share Ms. Pac-Man with nobody. No, we can all sing Ms. Pac-Man. It's fine. Ms. Pac-Man is a ho. It's like when Buckner and Garcia went blue. All-Man with nobody. No, we can all see Ms. Pac-Man. It's fine. Ms. Pac-Man is a ho. It's like when Buckner and Garcia went blue.

All right. Hello. It's Lala Marite. And this is entitled, I forget, Ms. Pac-Man. I think it's called Eating Out Ms. Pac-Man. Oh, that was it. Yeah, all right. Eating Out Ms. Pac-Man.

Ms. Pac-Man. Ms. Pac-Man. Ms. Pac-Man. Ms. Pac-Man. Ms. Pac-Man. Ms. Pac-Man. Yeah, she knows she bad. Ms. Pac-Man. Ms. Pac-Man. Ms. Pac-Man.

Yeah, she knows she bad. Eating dots and shit. Let me start that over. Eating dots and shit. She a bad bitch. Ghost trying to beat. Let me start that over. Doki doki. She's snacking on them. Ms. Pac-Man. Ms. Pac-Man. Ms. Pac-Man. She got that. Wait, she got that good good. It's a pretty good good.

I mean, you know, as good goes. She got that good good, Ms. Pac-Man. It's not that good. What? Yeah. Ms. Pac-Man. Ms. Pac-Man. Ms. Pac-Man. Ms. Pac-Man, Ms. Pac-Man.

Let me get that ass. Is that it? Oh, I was eating out of Ms. Pac-Man. That was some real shit from the streets. Thank you. This is like one of those poems that was on the TV show Oz. At no point did anybody perform cunnilingus on Ms. Pac-Man. I'm strangely disappointed.

Hey, that's a great point! Like, we know she bad. Yeah. She also ain't having that shit. She did hit him with the okie-dokie. Well, that's sad. Normally, she's the one who does the eating. That is true, so it's a nice...

Yeah, it's pretty clever, actually. So that was Eat Now, Ms. That is true. So it's a nice, yeah, it's pretty clever, actually. So that was Eat Now, Miss Pac-Man, which is a little bit of a nice segue here, because A-Meet put together two documents, both of which are available on the first one that we've been reading from here. It's 31 pages, and it's mostly sort of for theme poetry, mostly about video games. Uh, but then after finishing this document,

uh, a meat, uh, messaged me on ball pit. And he said, and he said, Hey, did you know that deviant art posts rap battles?

And I said, no, a meat. I didn't know that. Please open up Google docs and start copy pasting some shit. So that's what we're going to move on to now. These are all rap battles that have appeared in DeviantArt. I think I'm going to start out here.

Who can do a Fat Albert? All right, Bunny Break, you're Fat Albert. And I'll be Mario. Okay? alright Barney Break we have a winner and I'll be Mario okay so this is rap Mario bros versus Fat Albert match up we've been wanting to see this has the

socio-political tag okay yo I'm Mario in case you were slow I'm fatter badder ratter radder than you, you freak show. I've got the skills for the Bills. I've got skills for the Bills. Okay, jumping that kills. Heck, even Luigi could beat your dumb friend Bill.

Mamma mia, look at that. Is there something wrong with your face? Oh, no no it's just Your weight spread it all over The place Fat is in his name What was Cosby thinking When he gave you a show

Look at me don't you see It's a me Mario Hey hey hey Just shut the fuck up We'll see who's the fattest Mario! Hey, hey, hey. Just shut the fuck up. We'll see who's the fattest. Okay. We'll see who's the fattest when we play Buck Buck.

I'm thinking I'm going to be the fattest, too. You say you're so fat, but I smell a rat. Once you got Albert, boy, you never go back. Every other day, you got to go save that girl Peach. Not once do you score. Not one time each. DeviantArt has fetishes for people like me. But you're nowhere to be seen

in all their Peach fantasies. Suck my dick. God damn it! Hey, it's Luigi time. The man green is lime. Look at Fat Albert, he can barely even rhyme. I got my own mansion, what do you have?

A punk puny junkyard and a makeshift band. I want to eat my pasta, the lunch that you took. I could tell it was you when you stepped and the ground shook. One look at you and that's how they wrote the fat joke book. Give me back my pasta, you overweight crook. What? I'm Luigi. I feel like doing a lot of fat snaps on a guy that's called Fat Albert.

Hey, hey, hey, that hurt's coming from you. Oh. Asshole. Hey, hey, hey. over the line man hey hey hey I've got a rap for you unclog the pipe in your head so you can get a clue no one even knows you

you're always a second fiddle ask no Luigi say yeah only a little. Brother, I invented more of me to love. And Rufy, watch when I jump. It's death from above. We'll have some fun

now with me and all the gang laughing at your failures. You can't do a thing. Nah, nah, nah. Gotta sell my fat dick. Hey, nah, nah. Gonna sell my fat dick. Hey, hey, hey. And then in the footer there, he gives proper copyright to Nintendo and Bill Cosby. Oh, good.

Oh, good. That covers all the bases. Now I'm lawsuit proof. Bill Cosby would probably approve. I guess he has other things to think about these days, though. So, let's see. Well, let's... I guess we could do...

I mean, there's all sorts of rap battles from the Sonic universe, which I'm sure is super interesting. But what we're going to do instead here is... The epic rap battles of cartoons.ilight oh never mind that's that's that's fucking sonic anyway uh so so what we have here is a uh is a sonic the hedgehog my little pony um crossover um and this is epic battles of cartoons twilight versus shadow um so i will be is Epic Battles of Cartoons Twilight versus Shadow. So I will be Twilight here and then, Lou, if you'll take Shadow, please.

Use your, you know, most devious, terrifying voice. Okay, so I think I'm a little pony. Okay, so here we go. Who the hey are you? I've never seen you before. Oh, wait.

I remember. You were with that whore. Damn. Named Rouge. You two make a nice couple. The hooker and the emo makes me want to lol. Couple and lol. That's funny.

By the way, what's up with your skin? Black and red? It's like you're trying to be Satan Your past is so broken, it can't be repaired Let's see what wraps you got Ooh, I'm really scared You should be scared I'm gonna blow your minds with a blast of chaos

Your death warrant's been signed by the princess herself, cause she knows you're a goner. Once I'm through with you, she'll give me the honor of being top dog of the elements of harmony. Not even Discord can compete with me. Beware, little filly. I'm

the power of the power I hold. Punishment's a dish. Best serve cold. Ice cold. Oh Best serve cold. Ice cold. Oh, ice cold. Great Celestia, that last rhyme stunk like a skunk. Keep a lid on that temper.

Chaos control yourself, punk. Trixie's rhymes could beat yours. They're just that atrocious. If there's one thing you're not, it's Twilight- Say it. Say it. If there's one thing you're not, it's Twilight-alicious. Yeah, that's right. Fucking make up a word and then don't even rhyme it with the word.

God damn it. I'm a royal alicorn. What are you? A clone? A failed experiment? A mutant? Doesn't matter. I've flown. You with my magic at this rap battle.

So if I were you, I'd want to skedaddle. If you're planning to leave, go ahead. Be my guest. The next jest will be best for me to win this contest. My rhymes are awesome. Yours just suck. Five words about your rapping?

I don't give a fuck. Doesn't matter what you do. I'll be better than you. Don't try to deny it. You know it's true. Better beat it, girl, or I'll be better than you. Don't try to deny it. You know it's true. Better beat it, girl, or I'll tear off your horn. You should never have challenged the ultimate life form.

The ultimate life form. Who won? Who's next? You decide. No more? I kind of see there's a pattern coming here. It's like, hey, a bunch of references from the thing I'm in. Fuck you.

It's basically it. I think you may have ruined the next five of these. The insults aren't even really relating to anything. Just, hey, fuck you, Sonic. Yeah. We got... This actually will not all be cartoon related. We are going to do one more cartoon related one.

John, is Yugi Muto, is that the Yu-Gi-Oh guy? Yeah, that's the kid from Yu-Gi-Oh. All right, cool. I know that. I feel great about you. Yeah, we feel great about you. Not only do you know that, but I knew you would know that. I feel great about you. Not only do you know that, but I knew you would know that. So, John, would you like to take the

role of Yugi Muto or Ash Ketchum? Well, yeah, I'll do Yugi Muto. I'll go for that. Alright, and then you can cast your adversary as well. Well, who does a good... Who here is the best Jack Check that is not Jack Check? None of us! Yeah! adversary as well. Who here is the best jack check that is not jack check? Ooh!

None of us! Yeah! That's pretty good. I like that. Let's go with that. Alright, so I cast Bunny Bread then. Alright, alright. John Toast versus Bunny Bread. Ding ding! It's my turn. Draw. I active lyrics

that'll kick your ass back into the past. You're outdated, Ash. Oh, come on. Your franchise is hanging on a thread. I'm rolling in cash. You got that bitch, Misty. I got Anzu Mizaki. Yeah.

Brock is nothing compared to Jo Nochi and Honda. Gary and Paul are worthless. Decide Okaiba, dude. I'll set a card face down, and now it's your move. Wow, I understood a whole bunch of that. Yugi! Cut off the nerd shit. It's time for some Pokemon raps.

Here we go. Woo, bitch! Yugi, I choose you to have your ass rammed. My monster's real. Yours is just holograms. Did you to have your ass rammed my monsters are real yours are just holograms did you ever have to deal with the likes of Team Rocket? your two greatest opponents were

girly white haired maggot rockets yeah maggots, yeah, mogots yeah, you get it I don't need a pharaoh's ghost or expository ramble so ditch the millennium puzzle cause you're unable to battle oh my god, I can't need a pharaoh's ghost or expository ramble, so ditch the millennium puzzle, cause you're unable to battle- oh my god, I can't rhyme.

Oh god. And by the way, I'm going to switch to a tem, and I'm playing Passionable Duelist while doing so. I thought you might do that. That makes sense, sure. And basically, when he changes into the Seagulls to Cubans.

I've been around for 500 years. I mean, 5,000 years. My raps are freaking raw. Before I played with cards, I was a teenage jigsaw. You still aren't a Pokemon master? I was already the king of games. My story's dark and edgy. Yours is soft and lame.

See this card down here? You better not be wishing. Oops, too late. I summon the Black Magician. Summon Black Magician! Oh, no, it's the Black Magician! I'm worth 2,500 attack and 2,100 defense. I'll put Pikachu and all your other Pokemon to rest.

To rest? You had female versions in Generation 2? My female version's hotter than all the girls you knew. God. I'm the black magician. You better watch your back. It's time to wipe your life points. Black magic attack.

Who won? Who's next? You decide, or maybe I will. Epic rap battles of animania. Who won? Who's next? You decide. Or maybe I will. God. Rap battles of anime. Yeah. I feel like Ash didn't even get a chance to retort. Well, he got killed by the black magician.

Let me check my Robert's rules of order here. I feel like this may not be sanctioned. This black magician is out of order. So what do you, F Plus participants, what do you know about the country of Finland? I think... Montreux. They've got a cottage industry of a bunch of material coming from there.

Yeah, pretty much. So what would you, you know, knowing what you know about the country of Finland, who would you think is Finland's greatest rival? Who Finland would want to really you know take on and vanquish in a rap battle Zimbabwe Toovalo

Soldier Boy all terrific guesses but the answer of course is Ulysses S. Grant so this is the epic rap battle the famous Finnish historical figure the country of Finland is Ulysses S. Grant. So this is the epic battle. The famous Finnish historical figure.

The country of Finland versus Ulysses S. Grant. Wow. Or, I guess it's Ulysses Grant, so maybe it's a different origin. Yeah, that's that other guy. He just does historical reenactments. Changed his name legally from Jonas Goldfarb. I like that they made this art. So I'll be taking the country of Finland.

Oh, it's the Finland from Italia. That's awesome. Sure. I'll be taking the country of Finland. Louis, you'll take Ulysses Grant there. And then there might be some fun extra surprises at the end of our rap battle. Now, I am expecting historically and regionally accurate accents on this. You bet.

You bet. So, Montreux, you might want to just fast forward for like 30 minutes. This accent's going to make you angry. All right, here we go. Why so angry, Mr. President? How about I make you happy with the present? I hand Ulysses S. Grant a present, which turns out to be whiskey.

That was the stage direction in my rap battle. Do these people know what rap battles are? No. No, they do not. Clearly not. I'm gonna school you. Here's a present. It's some liquor.

You're always drunk and raving. Into civil war, you're killing more than you're saving. I'm a decent fellow, but get me wrong, and I turn violent. You're a dwarf to Abe Lincoln's giant. Giant.

I'm the Scandinavian man of cheer. Bring in Christmas like St. Nick. I'm the Scandinavian man of cheer. Bring in Christmas like Saint Nick. In the end, you're about as together as a window shattered by a brick. Oh. Oh. Snarl.

God. I'm snarling. Well, it's a good reference because at one time, Grant was like by a window that broke. You know? Probably it's true. reference because at one time, Grant was by a window that broke. True. Probably is true. Yeah, maybe. Old window breakers.

All right. Snarls. Listen, you blonde-haired dunce. You're not so tough since you dished your guns. Just go off and give your fuzzball a bath. I'm the one who Lincoln needed to face the math. Throws bottle at Finland's feet.

I demilitarized the losers when I reached my station, and I made Christmas a holiday for the whole nation. What else can I find on Wikipedia? I trounced R.E. Lee. You're just

Sweden's whore. Now I destroy you like the Confederacy in the Civil War. Nice. And then I don't know who's saying this. What's with the attitude? Oh, that's a mysterious voice. A mysterious voice

chimes in and says, who's saying this part okay okay wait let's get one that we can actually use what's with the attitude what's that voice i don't grant arrives with a sudden arrival of snow confusing the two rappers oh no This happens in every rap battle. You said Amy Grant, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, good. Contemporary Christian singer Amy Grant. Of course. As is customary in a rap battle. Christ's love is in all from the brain to the heart. Now let's see what you did wrong from the start. Looks at Finland. Now, Tino, you did wrong from the start. Looks at Finland. Now Tino, you're a nice boy and all,

but you can't stand up for yourself at all. Who's Tino? Anyway, looks at Grant. And Mr. President, I mean no disrespect, but your administration was corrupt and imperfect. Looks up as a Christmas tree is raised.

I sing all the Christmas songs from jingle bells to, Oh, come all you faithful. Now let's all be nice. Admit I win and just be graceful. Sleigh bells are heard as a sleigh comes in. However, the Grinch looks out wearing his Santa outfit. Fuck it, why not? That's not how these work, Miss Grant.

Jokes out. I'm a mean one and I'm all green. And the most memorable thing from Dr. Seuss ever seen. You three are just a trio of sappy cowards. Nothing can kill me Not even Ron Howard Whoa! Oh shit, hope he just got served That's right, that one movie happened

Ron Howard, you heard me, motherfucker Points at Grant You need anger management Then to Finland You grow some And you need to sing other songs and show some! Pulls out a sack. All three of you suck!

So go into my sack! Shoves all three to the back. I'm stealing Christmas, and I'm not giving it back! Grinch snickers before walking off. Hold it! Who's that? Who's that? Who's that?

Who's left? Grinch halts and look over, seeing Herod the Great. Of course! Of course! You call that hate? I'm Herod the Great. You live on a mountain while I rule the Jews. If none of them kill me, then I'll kill them first, fools. You try stealing Christmas?

I tried stomping it at the root. And people just call me one twisted fruit. Grinch simply winds the finger next to his ear. You green-furred thieving isolated punk. You make me want to hurl. I killed my wife, but you lied to a girl.

Herod raises a sword, but is stopped by a glowing light. Jesus descends from the heavens my children I have come back to absolve you of your sins including me no you're kind of a jerk

pause for laughter Herod takes in a deep breath clutches his crotch and keels over oh wait that burn like like, hurt you before your balls? Okay. But I have something great for you remaining for.

It's called Salvation and it means so much more. Oh, I see why this was written. This is like the end of Hell House! Yeah. Grinch, by the way way drops his bag as Finland US Grant and Amy Grant get out

it's the spirit of Christmas that's what it's all about better than songs or presents or stuff or blood all about I restore all souls give away to paradise I shifted the long viewed paradigm.

Yeah. Paradis. That's very bold. That's rhyming. Yeah. Only Jesus can do that. Why is Jesus using corporate speak? I'm a symbol of religion and all around goodness.

Jesus is a symbol of religion. He's got that part right. Handing out sacrifices and ultimately forgiveness. Handing out sacrifices and ultimately forgiveness. Handing out sacrifices. For goodness. I came to save you all. You should know better by now. I may be the sun,

but I'm the one who bows. I give a sweeping bow before vanishing into light and then the four look over before nodding and giving each other presents. The angel at the top of the tree then winks. So sassy. This is the best Christmas ever.

Credits roll. Is this Rankin or Bass's fever dream, I wonder? Hey, young samurai 18. his fever dream, I wonder. Hey! Hey, young samurai 18! What did you think of this poem? I'm sorry, rap battle. Jesus is victorious today!

Indeed, he did. Indeed, he did. He did. So that's a weird way to save people, but I guess it works out pretty well. We mock, but think of all the people that read this and came to Jesus because of this. Yeah, as I say, you can make fun of their their their brand of ministry

but this is how exactly how you reach these people I mean their language tracks I want to print these out hand them out yeah you need to speak the rap language you know make it hip with

this should have been an urban one so we're gonna to move on. We could do a piece by the same author, which is America versus the Confederacy. Oh, who wins? I feel like we covered that. Probably somewhere in the middle of that shit. Yeah, you know, Finland showed up. You know, but that's OK, because we have another country on country battle to deal with instead.

So this is the Cold Rap War. The Cold Rap War. The piece starts out with an anime drawing of one guy who's supposed to be Russia, who's shirtless, who has his penis just below his navel, and then a six-year-old girl with an earring that's supposed to be the United States. Sounds about right, yeah. All right, so I guess, Lou, if you'll take the USA, and Jimmy Franks, if you'll be the USSR please. Alright.

Cold War by Total Weird Weirdo666 This Total War is getting hot. Look at you Yakami with your fucking nukes with all your fucking nukes. You sicken me you stupid red.

You make me want to puke. I am the US of A The land of the free And there ain't no motherfucking Russian That scares me I saw what you did to China You sick bastard you USA breaks down crying

So I'm rocking South Korea Before you get to him, too. Between the two of us, we could destroy the whole Earth. But I'm poised and ready in case I have to attack you first. Between the two of us. Because the USA could amass all of its nuclear weapons and then combine them with all of the nuclear weapons that South Korea owns together they'd have the same amount

Pusostya child sit down before you hurt yourself you're nothing but an infant put those bombs back on the shelf I don't really want to hurt you but I can and I will don't underestimate me for I'm also poised to kill.

China agrees with me because he sees I'm right. This is an idiotic thing over which to fight. And you, capitalist pig, just let me emphasize, geographically speaking, my dick is twice your size. May I add, blah, blah.

Calm down, Dracula. And run the danger field, all in one. My Russian accent, get no respect. Listen to them, children of the enemy. All right. All right. Well, Mr. Soviet, if you think size is so relevant let me just remind you i'm a size of the planet you remember the moon yeah that thing's my bitch now your motherfucking

i'm motherfucking america That's the hell. How? I just realized your geography is way wrong. It was like, wait, no, that's not right. America, if you look, America is a fourth the size of the planet. Oh, okay. This is America, so it's not that good at math. Yeah. And then USSR is

bigger than that USSR is twice the size of the planet or is it twice the size of the USA which means a quarter of the planet is USA half of the planet is USSR and then the other quarter is like the ocean

and everything else miscellaneous etc that is exactly right okay you think your kami ways quarter is like the ocean and everything else miscellaneous etc etc that is exactly right okay alright you think your commie ways are of such great taste yet you could only get some dumb metal ball into space yeah the Russian space program

is such a joke reference to the Sputnik which is the only thing that that Russia ever got into space yeah it's sad that they quit so many years ago American space program is doing fucking terrific buttoning. Which is the only thing that Rush ever got into space. Yeah, it's sad that they quit so many years ago. American space program's doing fucking terrific. Democracy is better in more ways than you can count.

And I'd rather die of diabetes than ever go without. And I also just happen to maybe die of diabetes. And statistically, I probably will. Oh shit, I probably will. Oh, shit. Is this the part where Wilford Brimley busts in?

Awesome. We won't get any older and we'll never die. Your wasteful ways make me feel nauseous. Who could have known someone so dumb could be so damn obnoxious? You know what? I think you're just scared of me because you know I'm much greater than you will ever be. So tell me, America, what's up with all this sass? Shut up before I send out homeboy Cuba for your ass. Become one with Mother Russia.

You know you want to, nyet. Just stop before one of us does something we will regret. That's a cautionary tale. Really makes you think. I think the Soviet Union sounds more reasonable in both exchanges. But I don't know. It's a tough

call. Who won? You decide. The author. Total weirdo. 666. Warning. Do not take this too seriously i don't even begin before you said something before you said something i was thinking i don't want to start world war four here you know i just want to uh in history today we are starting to learn about the cold war the korean war etc Talking about the conflict between communism and capitalism and so on,

I got bored and started doodling Russia, Cuba, and China as gangstas. I began to think, what if the communists and capitalists had been members of rival gangs? I began to draw this, and a rap battle began to form itself out in my head. So I wrote it. I have no experience whatsoever writing rap. Doesn't show. What? Well, now you do.

And very little experience listening to it. I also don't know. I also don't know all that much about the Cold War. Does DC talk count? Just blowing my mind though i can assure you that the news boys did that was kind of like the boys are back in town uh though i can assure you that i did not start writing this without doing some research first

so forgive me if my way of portraying the soviet perspective of the situation is a bit off i'm i'm pretty damn proud of this. If I did something wrong, please politely inform me. I'm also very proud of that hammer and sickle bling on Russia. Yeah, it's... You managed to sort of draw a hammer and sickle, although the sickle's

all fat and weird in one part. It says more Cold War related Italia art. Yep. Just some more bullshit bullshit the same fucking idiot those of you don't know italia is the show where countries world war ii era countries are turned into gay boys and fucking jenny is that true wait which is true yeah we've covered it a number of times where's that show air air? No, no, it's Disney XD. Blam! Blam!

My name is Fallout Woman. Okay. Hi, Fallout Woman. I just wanted to say Russia! Smiley on fire. Smiley destroying itself in flames.

That's all. Oh dear. Oh sorry, my name is Astrethia. Oh dear, Tilda. This is awesome. And I like the gangster style of these two. Oh, I love Tilda. This is awesome. And I like the gangster style of these two. Oh, I love that gangster music. This is hard because they are both good.

But I'm going with my country, America. Oh, America. And then Shorty Fish, Bunny Bride, if you'll take Shorty Fish, please. I hate rap, just to let you know but i will let this slide because gangster russia in his bling oh my god i like that i like that just sort of like that that the the deviant art uhArt universe is like so homogenous and out of touch that one of them would be like would be like, alright, I'm

going to draw the USSR and the USA as rappers. Okay, so they're going to be rappers. So let me start. Okay. Blonde white guy. Ooh, yeah. I'm drawing a rapper. Yeah, everybody at DeviantArt seems to have

the same, you know, perspective on rap as Acier does. You take off your shirt and go, yo, yo, yo! Yo, yo, yo! Alright, we are pretty deep into it, so

we don't have a whole lot more time left. So we're going to have to pare these down. Would you like a rap battle between Santa Claus and Frosty the Snowman? Nature's greatest enemies. Or a rap battle between Dr. Phil and Oprah. Oh my goodness. What?

This is Sophie's choice. I know. Yeah. Uh, well, well then can you give them both over then? I don't need them. I'm good.

Fuck it. They both go in the trash well who do we want to hear imitations of more I think I want to hear a Dr. Phil voice I guess it's Dr. Phil versus Oprah at least they're real people instead of countries or anime

yeah so Bunnybread do you think you can manage a Dr. Phil? Oh, I think so. I think so. And then Lou, do you think you can manage an Oprah? Oprah. I'll try.

All right. Trying is all that counts in F plus voices. Oh, man. All right. So this is this is the epic rap battles of history with two historical figures, Dr. Phil and Oprah. It's by Weird Kev hyphen 27. So, Oprah, you've washed up.

Get with the issue. You're like, Obi-Wan, I'm Vader. Gonna cry? Here's a tissue. I'm a thousand times better. You're racist. You're whack. You're confused with Paula Deen for some reason. Look under your seat.

You all have a pat of butter. Because you won't let anyone on your show who's not female or black you're also confused by what wait this is a person who's never watched who is this oprah by the way i think i'm wait a second now i i i have been around nobody's on your show that's fat i have been around a grandmother at one point in my life so i've seen episodes of oprah so i know that's not true all right here comes oprah here comes oprah oh you do not want to go there my hoe because without me you wouldn't have had your own show not just blacks

I also let on LGBTs nigga here I here I have a this is not since juggalos using ninja

has there been a worse sidestep of wanting to say nigga but not being brave enough to type it? I've never even seen that word. It's N-I-C-K-E-R. Yeah, knicker. Knicker. God damn. Horrible.

That's exactly what Oprah says at the top of every show. What up, my knickers? She's just talking about knickerbockers. That's all. Okay, so here have a I got my ass kicked by Oprah Club sticker. I put the win in Winfrey. You cameoed in Scary Movie 4. When it comes to talk show hosts, I'm the one everyone adores.

Huh. Allores. Huh. Alright. Jesus. This is weird. Please, Oprah, my show spread like an infection. You're so damn ugly, you couldn't give Gayle King's dick an erection.

You see, because she has a penis. Come on! Hey, wait, I got some racial slurs, too. Hang on. Okay, good. Yeah, that's right. We all know she got a small dick, too, because she's a woman. You got Antoine Dotson searching around saying, we gonna find you.

What a confusing burn. Gail has a dick. Ha ha ha. Oh, P.S. It's a small dick. Ha ha ha ha ha..s. it's a small dick ha ha ha some people call it clitoris I don't know I ain't no doctor and it really ain't no

secret you're a dirty ass lesbian I'll put you on blast wait let me call your girlfriend Stedman wait yeah I went there is Oprah fucking Gail or is Oprah fucking Stedman make up your mind she's a lesbian because she's fucking no wait a second oh all right well anyways he has a small

dick that he calls gail king sure okay yeah i went there but i wouldn't go to your vagina you got a thousand tongues there from the u.s down China. I'm the first person to ever make that rhyme. Hmm. So, you have a bunch of people that love you and you get a lot of cunnilingus. Oh, burn! Burn! Alright. Bitch, I've been the world's most

influential woman for years. Why don't you go and have another intervention with Britney Spears? You think you could survive without me you jerk then explain why there's reruns of you on my network so before you celebrate

your victory celebration ask yourself did I get a black man running this nation did I wait let me see she is responsible for Barack Obama's presidency no

she voted a million zillion times remember that time I stuffed the back oh shit everybody gets a car yay we forgot what you said before so Everybody gets a car. Yay! We forgot what you said before!

So, once again, thank you very much, Ameet, for this document. There is a bunch more. There's an epic rap battle between Elmo and Freddy Krueger, just like you wanted. The American vs. the Federacy, of course.

There's a bunch of pokemon and sonic ones so uh f plus what did we learn from this i learned that if anything's popular on the internet then idiots like this even if they're not into anything that the video is about we'll just latch on to it it's like oh i i hate rap and i don't really i can't really write rap and i don't really like it i I really like anime. But the Zephyr Rec Battle is a history YouTube series. It's popular, so I'm just going to do that. You know? I'm just going to do that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because people know about it. No one's subscribing to my Let's Play. I bet this will work for me. Yeah. I learned that Ken Burns of Civil War could use a lot more contemporary Christian music. Yeah. What do you think about it.

Amy Grant should go in everything. Well, it just does seem weird that, I mean, probably 80% of these people, they hate rap, right? They hate actual rap music, I'm guessing. I don't even think they have enough familiarity to hate it. I think that it's just like all they listen to is anime theme music, so they don't even know what it is. They heard Top That on Teen Witch, and they said, hey, yeah, that's pretty good. There's a lot

about the DeviantArt community, which is very big. It's lots and lots of people doing lots and lots of stuff, and it's confusing to me because I know that DeviantArt as an institution, they're just trying to kind of sell people's posters, right? Like, you know, you do a picture of a Mega Man looking all majestic, and then you try to sell

a poster of that to somebody. That's the reason this exists, right? I don't know. I honestly don't know why DeviantArt exists. That may be the front. To spit in the face of God, that's why they do this. Yeah, it's a topic that we've touched on uh a lot is that you know you um

um you know everyone that creates everyone that that does art or whatever like you you draw an inspiration from wherever you draw an inspiration from but but i don't think that you can i mean fan art is just confusing because you can't you can't really simultaneously be a fan and a creator in the same breath. That just doesn't work. You need to take inspiration from whatever, but once you're actually creating, it can't just be, oh, you remember that one Yu-Gi-Oh episode? That will never play out to be anything. Yeah, but they don't care about actually creating.

They know that they put it up here, and at least, on every one of these, even though, like, they hardly had any views, one or two people in the same fandom were just like, yeah, that's great. You wrote some words. Good job. Great point. That's all they need. You know, they don't, they don't need anything else. The fandom just becomes this addiction loop.

So it's not even about quality or interest or anything. It's just like, you know, I like this video game. I want to be looking at more things of this video game. I want feedback on my work. I'm going to go into this echo chamber. I wish my feedback was in some sort of loop. The website is always

thefpl.us Thanks once again to Ameet for a terrific document. Really fun to listen to. And by the time you listen to this, thefpl.us will probably have a whole new redesign. So you should look at that.

And it'll be great. What's new in your world, Lou? Me? Oh, I just found out that I didn't get into the New York Podfest, so that's an anti-plug. Sure, sure. So don't go to the New York Podfest. Fuck those people.

They actually offered me a slot for next year. So if I live to 2016, I can do it there. So don't go to the New York Podfest, parentheses, this year. Fuck those people until next year. There's going to be some good shows there, but not me. Oh, okay. Wow.

Other than that, not a whole lot. Just doing Lou Reads the Internet. I just did a great episode on Vore, which had some great political stuff in there about people hitting politicians. All right, have a good one. Talk to you later. Bye-bye. Bye.

I'm rapping all day and I'm rapping all night. I'm rapping to the beat and I rap it up tight. I rap in the morning and I rap till I'm done. And everybody knows that I'm rapping to the beat and I rap it up tight. I rap in the morning and I rap till I'm done. And everybody knows that I'm number one. Cause I'm rapping, I'm rapping, I'm rap, rap, rapping. I'm rapping, I'm rapping, I'm rappity rapping. I'm rapping, I'm rapping.