The F Plus - 160: To Serve Otherkin

Episode Date: December 27, 2014

Listen buddy, I don't want to eat your human food. I might look like a human, but I'm actually a bullfrog in my soul, so I want to eat bullfrog food. Except I don't want to eat bugs because that would be totally gross. And if that doesn't make any sense, you need to check your Making Sense Privilege. This week, we're exploring the delicious recipes of Kin Food: A website set up specifically to distribute recipes to tumblrites who refused to be pigeonholed (unless they're part pigeon and part hole). This week, The F Plus has a soft spot for people eating folks.

I don't have fun, or don't find humor in things like necroboners or afterlife farts. Welcome to ZF Plus, a very tasty place for terrible things, red with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have Jack Chick. I'm eating strawberry jello but pretending it's clotted blood because I'm a gross little bad emoticon heart. Jimmy Franks! So if you're a cannibal kin, does that mean you're hungry for other cannibal kin? Boots ring here!

Do you have any recipes for a Legend of Zelda media kin mayhaps? It's your Aquano! Ah, tag my recipes with gun kin pulls. And lemon. Mealworms and crickets are generally alive. Sorry about that. Hey, F+. Hi, Boots.

Hey. Hi, Boots. Hey, you remember a very long time ago we did Otherkin? I do. I do remember that. Do you remember what Otherkin are? Jack Chick apparently doesn't. No.

Okay. No. Okay. So Otherkin are people that like to think that in an alternate anything that isn't human so that they can express a longing for their proper reality. Bruce Reingear, are you trying to tell me that other can believe that inside of their minds is another ethereal spirit that lives in another dimension that exists inside of their minds is another ethereal spirit that lives in another dimension that exists inside of their head?

Yeah, and they're hungry. They're hungry. They're hungry. They need to eat. They need to eat. And you know, you and I, like, you had dinner tonight, right? I did, yep. What did you eat? No, I haven't. It was a pork boon.

Kind of like a pigskin pork boon. Yeah, just fucking human garbage. I mean, human... I mean, I hope not. I hope it wasn't garbage. I mean, like the garbage food the humans eat.

It's your perception of garbage. And that is not satisfying when you're a dragon at heart that makes sense i mean that makes sense the dragon is gonna want to eat dragon food but but but we couldn't possibly we couldn't possibly live in a world where there's some sort of website like i don't know let's say Tumblr, where somebody would put together a whole bunch of recipes for otherkin? Um, well, Bomberjacket

provided us a document, which he titled The Otherkin's Diet, which is a Tumblr blog called kinfood.tumblr.com that offers wonderful otherkin recipes and tips for how to properly satiate that inner need for proper food for your true self.

One last question before we start. Are any of these recipes going to be infuriating? I don't know about that. I'm sure they won't be. One of the easiest foods to make. We'll start with T. Jack Chick, what have you got for us? Yes.

Well, so I have side experiment number one, which is pine needle tea. Well, this isn't exactly a side experiment. Perfect. Okay. This is something I've been dabbling in for years, but it took some experimenting to weed

out what you can and cannot use. Pine needle tea is a very relaxing menthol slash mint taste that can be used to clear sinuses as a sleep aid or just a delicious drink. I've been making pine needle tea for a few years now, but when I first started, I came across a lot of mistakes. Learn from my findings. Here are a few things you need to know before you get started. You do need to use a certain kind of needle. Though no needle will poison you, most of them will taste bad enough

to make you want to stay away from the idea of pine needle tea forever. The correct tea to obtain your needles from is Pinus strobis. The easiest way to tell if you have the right needles is by looking at the pine cone of the tree you're questioning. Pinus strobis, or the green-white pine, have very thin, long pine cones. Number two, make sure to clean your needles before using them.

You never know... Every junkie knows that. Yeah, they do. A little bit of spit and then a wipe on the sleeve and you're all set. There you go. You never know what's peed on them, been sprayed on them, or brushed against them. To clean them, rinse them with warm water and dry them by laying them flat on a few paper towels. This required a pinus strobus needles, a mug, milk sweetener, and a fork.

Step one after step two. Step one after step two. Fill your mug two-thirds of the way full of hot water, as hot as you can possibly stand. Two. Step one, step two, step one, step two. Yeah. Step 2.2, I don't know.

Add in your needles. You can use as much as you'd like. The more needles you use, the stronger the taste will be. I have a relatively large mug. Yeah, I know, right? So I use two pinches. I'm blown. Stir and let this soak for five to ten minutes. Step three.

After the desired amount of time has passed, use your fork to fish out the needles. Make sure to get them all out. And then throw the tea out! Because it's garbage. Step four. Add your desired amount of sweetener and milk, and you've got yourself a delicious cup of tea. Wait, so this is

just fucking how to make tea? Yes. Yeah, that's... Hot water. God fucking damn it! Yeah, I was going to say, is this recommended for a certain breed of other kin, or is it just a general fun thing to drink? Maybe it's our job to guess what sort of...

No, actually, it's tagged for deer kin. Oh, okay. Oh, that makes sense. Thank you. That makes sense. Oh. Thanks, Tumblr. That's cool if you're in Herbivore.

What if you're like a bird or something? Jimmy Franks? Yeah. Oh, this one's tagged Ravenkin. As I say, not just birds, though. It's also good for badgerkin. Yeah, it is. Mammals or aliens.

You know. All right. Yeah, Ravenkin. Mammals or aliens. You know. All right. Yeah, Ravenkin. Earthworm chow. Ingredients. One cup earthworms. One half cup large onion chopped. One half cup water.

One bouillon cube. One cup yogurt or sour cream. Three tablespoons butter. One half cup mushrooms and a whole wheat flour. Gonna need a saucepan for this one. All right. All right. Wash earthworms

thoroughly and place in boiling water for three minutes. Pour off water and repeat the boiling process twice. Why do you have to... You gotta boil the shit out of them earthworms. You gotta triple boil them earthworms. Because you don't want your worms to actually taste like worms, I guess.

Bake on cookie sheet at 350 degrees for 15 minutes. Three boils and then a bake. Okay. You're doing all this in a saucepan, though. Oh, yeah! Roll the worms in flour, brown in butter, add salt to taste deep fry them what the fuck

well you don't have to deep fry them you could just do a saute but also i should note this has the tag easy now add your bouillon cube and simmer for 30 minutes saute onions and mushrooms and butter add onions and mushrooms to the worms. Stir in sour cream or yogurt. Serve over rice or noodles. What the fuck? What in unholy fuck? You boil it three times, then bake it,

then saute it, then fucking boil it again? Yes, because you don't actually want to taste the worms. You're not a badger, you're not a badger you're just a badger kin most people shudder at the mention of earthworms for food but they are 97 protein and one of the most available and healthful foods outside your door hey hey blue stockings go forth you get you got any advice uh yeah i I do. My name's Blue Stockings Goforth. I reblogged your comment, but I added,

don't fucking eat worms! You are not a badger! I know he's clearly a badgerkin. Also, just for the record, the badgerkin tag is amazing. Hey, A.O. Yeah? You've got a problem with this sort of food.

Aw. Yeah. I was going through your insects tag, and near the top, you're recommended to a bird kin to buy mealworms and crickets at a pet store. Are they dead already or what? Because I really like crickets, but live ones freak me out. This is Wolf. This is Wolf. This is Wolf.

They're generally still alive. Sorry about that. I'm freaked out by... Oh, God. Yeah, so I'm an insect eater, Ken, but I'm freaked out by the concept of the thing that my thing eats. I'm looking at the Badgerkin tag, and there's basically two kinds of posts.

There's the kinds of posts where they recommend eating earthworms, and then there's the kind of posts where they recommend eating gummy worms. I'm anonymous, and I've been following this blog for a while, and how active it's been today is making me wriggle in excitement. I'm an arboreal king. I'd say demon kin, but not really that kind of demon most think of. I was wondering if there's anything bug-like that isn't bugs. The human part of me is repulsed by actually eating insects.

But gosh, I would really like some. I'm not the best at looking through tags, though, uh-huh. A bug like that isn't bugs i'd say sauteed or fried onions are a good go-to and rice sauteed onions in rice i don't think we have many recipes that are bug like You could also eat gummy worms and fruit gushers. Unfortunately, that's all I can think of right now. Sorry, darling. If I think of slash find anything, I'll post it.

So keep an eye out. Tagged demon kin. He's a happy demon. Why is it tagged arboreal kin? Lemmon you got a question yeah yeah thanks thanks for hey I just want to thank everyone here

on kinfood.tumblr.com for listening to me you know as another kin I like to look at this insanely too populated blog about food to feed me because of my dumb fake thing that exists in my head.

What's your name? Oh, sorry. My name's Trans Cats. Oh. God fucking damn it. Mayor Bloomberg doesn't know yet how he feels about trans cats. Anyway, so hi. I'm a vegan catkin, right?

And I... Yeah. Sure. And I often find myself craving insects spiders crickets moths butterflies and grass hoppers even snails as a cat punctuation super hard since i can't indulge in the real thing um for reasons that are beyond me uh what are some good substitutes for the crunchy texture of their outer skeletons and gooey insides? Oh, and the texture of wings

is something I really want, too. I hope Fox can answer me. He's a smart guy. Things like roast seeds, peas, granola, etc. are great because they're small, crunchy, and savory. Also grapes, especially thick-skinned ones like musc are great because they're small, crunchy, and savory. Also, grapes. Especially thick-skinned ones like

muscadines because they're small and have the outer shell and then squishy inside. For squishier things like worms, we have gelatin recipes in the insect tag that can probably just as easily be made with vegan gelatin. I would link you all... If you blindfold yourself, they feel like brains! Oh no!

Here's a bowl of eyeballs! Oh! I would link you to all these recipes, but my laptop keyboard is going haywire for some reason today, which is why it took me like a half an hour to type this out. You can find out what I'm talking about in the birdkin and insect tags. I'll try to edit this post later if my laptop stops acting up. For the above-mentioned reasons, this is the last ask I can answer for today until I can fix it. Sorry!

Where's the button to restart it? I wish I was, uh, could figure out how to use a computer, Ken. Aww. I'm a six-year-old secretary, Ken. Can you please go to TransCat's actual page?

And just so that we know how to address them, could you give me their pronouns, please? Sure. Okay, so it's my page here on Tumblr. It's at transcat.tumblr.com And here's an animated gif of shitty fucking

watercolors. Yeah. Okay, so we are here. We are cats. I'm Nala. My human form is 20 years old. Goddammit, why don't we have our bingo cards ready? Wait, we do have a bingo card!

Oh, thank you for bringing that up! So, let me break off briefly here. To say that in the last episode that we released as of right now, we mentioned the bingo card. And a fellow by the name of Dole, he showed up with a ball pit account specifically to show off the bingo card that he made. We got some other people that did some bingo cards. One actually did a Windows EXE, which is awesome. A couple people printed ones out. But this guy, Dole, actually did a

JavaScript bingo card generator. So I'm going to give all of us here a link to that page. Right? So here's the page right here. Now what I'm going to want you to do is just hit new card there, and you'll generate a new bingo card.

I would encourage the people at home, if you're listening at home, go to thethefpl.us. That's the new website. And if you go to the slash also made section, we've got some other stuff that we made, including this bingo card, so you can play along, not only for this episode, but for any other episode you're listening to.

So, all right. So now that we got that figured out, you all got your cards set up. You know, please play along with this episode. We'll see who has the most squares filled in. All right. Great. Now, back to Nala. Let me just go back to that paragraph, because I'm assuming a couple of you have bingo pieces on this one. Okay. I'm Nala. Let me just go back to that paragraph because I'm assuming a couple of you have bingo pieces on this one.

Okay, I'm Nala. My human form is 20 years old and identifies as a vegan, demisexual, panromantic, feminine cisgender, multiracial, neopagan, a neurotypical,

eco-feminist, post-modern, dianic witch, and other kid. Bingo! I was... I kind of believe you. I do. Wait, you actually have bingo from that? Well, holy shit!

Well, I guess so far, because terrible advice, I think the recipes count as terrible advice. Sure, sure. Extreme narcissism, which I think is at play here. The bad writing, free space. Obviously fake story, which we're about

to get into. And a list that is way too long. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha about to get into and a list that is way too long jimmy franks honestly i will be sending you a prize in the mail yes i have a couple of these i'm going to give out i've also i've also taken please normalize my fucked up behavior internet and poor understanding of human emotions in general. I was born with it. Lemon and I were talking about this. We were like, this is probably going to take like a couple episodes. It took seconds. One sentence.

Thanks, trans cats. Let me finish myself up here. Okay, now let me keep reading. Okay, I was born with the spirit of a feral jungle cat. I am in the process of discovering the species... No, the specifics of my species. Yeah, what's a cat, really? But I do know that my origins are in Central America.

My spirit sister is a domestic Savannah humankin. What? And I am currently inhabiting her real body in this life cycle. We are on a journey to find our spirit brother, the cat who holds the key to my true identity. Follow us along the way. My preferred pronouns are share, share self, and chi. I believe.

It's him. Why didn't my parents beat me? I asked them so many times to beat me. Or maybe they beat me a lot. Either way, my parents will be blamed for this post. I'll roll with that. That person's infuriating. That person's so infuriating. We need to go to. That person's infuriating. That person's so infuriating. We need to go to somebody who's less

infuriating or maybe more infuriating. Ayo! First, just read the URL. I can part for this. Wow. This is kinfoodtumblr.com some shit.

Kinfood via vegan Klingon gach lazy smurfs. First time I've seen those two words together in a URL. This is vegan Klingon gach from lazy smurfs guide to life. That's what that is. I want to take life advice from a guy called lazy smurf so here's a bunch take you a bunch of shit throw on the plate you're done and the idea here is apparently you're you're chopping up turnips because they look kind of like worms uh that's oh beets rather since this is very worm like i thought it would be very good to reblog it for the badger kin who cares oh my god i eat worms and things that look like worms and

things that are worm because like i want to be a badger because honey badgers don't give a shit but i don't actually eat worms oh my god no uh success i could just. Wait, those are kind of healthy. Fuck. Are there any worm-flavored Doritos? What can I enjoy this recipe with, your worm? What can I enjoy it with? What can you enjoy it with? Oh, shit. You can enjoy it with vegan blood wine.

Kapow. Kapow. Is that just the blood from a vegan? That sounds okay. You know what? I got to find that. Hey, guys. I'm, I guess, a kind of otherkin that eats bees. Maybe I'm like a varroa mite otherkin.

Somebody like this. I like that. Okay. And I've got a BLT sandwich. You see, the B stands for bee because I spelled out the word B-E-E, which also is homonymous with the letter B. Bee larvae, when sauteed with a little butter and a few drops of honey, taste very much like bacon.

Sometimes when I talk about eating bees, I hear concern about the problems plaguing bee populations. Naturally, I would never recommend a bug ingredient that is threatened. Oh, for fuck's sake. God damn it. Oh, for fuck's sake. God damn it. So, fuck it. I primarily eat drone larvae, which I get from the beekeepers, whom I've bee-friended.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Is this just all, like, Batman supervillains that are posting their favorite recipes? When you care for a BLT? Unlike worker bees, the drone's main purpose is to mate with the queen.

They do not participate in pollination, nurse larvae, or help with hive construction. They buzz from hive to hive to see if anyone needs any mating done. Blah, blah, blah. Periodically, they remove the... Many beekeepers have a special comb just for drones.

Periodically, they remove this cone altogether, toss it in the freezer to kill any extras, like mites, and then either throw it away or feed it to the chickens, if they have any. If more people know how delicious they are, I think the chickens might have to peck elsewhere.

Anyway, the ingredients. Bee larvae. One egg white. One teaspoon of butter. One quarter teaspoon of honey. Oh, that's not kosher! You're eating both the animal and the product of the animal! Well, okay, I could...

Damn it. You gotta separate your bee and your honey plates. Absolutely. Cross-contamination. Gross. No. One tomato, one leaf lettuce, two slices of bread, one tablespoon

of mayonnaise, one pinch of salt. Saute the bee larvae. I'm actually gonna put a bunch of eggs in this. Saute the bee larvae in the butter actually going to put a bunch of eggs in this. Saute the bee larvae in the butter with a tiny bit of salt and a few drops of honey. Once larvae become golden brown and crispy looking, remove and mix in enough egg white to

cover and bind them into a mass. Then return them to the saute butter, pressing them together into a patty. Toast the bread, slice tomato, spread mayonnaise on toasted bread when ready. See, this is... That's how mayonnaise is added

to it. Place knife into mayonnaise jar, take knife out of mayonnaise jar, put knife... I'm glad you spelled it out because I was seriously out of luck. What do I do with this mayonnaise? Do I fuck it? Do I eat it out of luck. What do I do with this mayonnaise? Do I fuck it? Do I eat it out of the jar? Help!

Hey! You laugh, but these are kid books. We have to spell it out. Those are all valid options. I don't want to dissuade anybody from however they like to get mayonnaise out of the jar, really. Okay. Sorry. That was judgmental

of me. I apologize. No, I don't. It's a super quick question there. I know that the BLT was one of a couple of different recipes you had on this page. Can you just read the ingredients of the first recipe that you

had? Oh, you mean the scaramel apples? I do mean the scaramel apples, yes. Okay. The recipe includes apples, caramel, skewer sticks, wax paper, and mugs. Now, what about these scaramel apples makes them special or different in any way? Well, they're spooky for Halloween. Oh, okay.

On account of them having all sorts of bugs on them, just covered in fucking bugs. There's a picture of this. Yep. Yep, those are some fucking bugs, alright. Lemon? Lemon? Oh, right?

Yeah. The thing is, like, you know, being on a Tumblr community, we've been kind of excluding an important group of people. Oh, God. What the fuck?

What the fuck? Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Shh, class, settle. I know my kind isn't exactly known for eating, but would it be possible for you to come up with something for Androidkin, please? I would love to. I love Machinekin and the like, and I love Androids. I'll see if I can figure something out.

As it's a difficult request, and I have a couple others on my plate, it might be a while. But if I haven't figured something out in a couple of days, resend the request. I'll make sure I get you something. couple of days, resend the request! I'll make sure I get you something! I've got a different person, because I'm instead of being whatever kind of kin Lemon was. Uh-huh. Yeah.

You're a machine kin, I think? Android. Android kin. Yep. I'm a robot kin. Gynoid, to be more specific. And I'm looking for good recipes that will help with my dysphoria thanks well uh hey uh wolf we got a we got a robot kin tag uh machine kin tag and an android kin tag darling all three will help you yep got it all here we. We have all those three tags because somebody said,

God damn it, I'm not a machine kin or an android kin, I'm a robot kin. What's wrong with you? We are all inclusive in the ways of weird shit here. Jack Chick, you've got a question? Yeah, I do. Hey there, love the blog. If there's someone out there who shows something for Robotkin that isn't oil-like, ha, big shocker, robot not wanting oil,

I'm looking for more of something like an energy booster of sorts, a Mediakin from the Rockman slash Mega Man universe. Might equate to it an E-Tank or W-Tank. If anyone has any suggestions, feel free to shoot them. Thanks! Feel free to shoot me! We're gonna shoot the motherfucker who has any suggestions.

I'm Fox. Gourmet Gaming posted a health potion. It's not from the same verse, but maybe it's to your liking. I'll reblog it, and if it's not what you're looking for, or if someone more familiar with Rockman slash Mega Man knows

what would be better suited, let me know! I like that you're, like, in the weekday, you're a, uh, you're a forest ranger. And on the weekend, you give advice to other kin.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. I didn't even know there was a thing called Mediakin, but I guess... Oh, yeah, yeah. Mediakin is really popular. That means that you think that you're...

You know, you think you're video games. Yeah, totally. Yep. Or a Lord of the Rings, or a Breaking Bad. And here's the... And the pizza that landed on the Rings, or a Breaking Bad. And here's the... I'm the pizza that landed on the roof, a kin. Hey, AO. Sorry, I'm busy catching my gorge here.

What? You've got some tip here for other possible machines. Maybe also for Android Kin, Robot Kin. Who knows? I do have one. It's get outside, you stupid shit. Sorry, I said that wrong. So I made popcorn and sprayed it with

gold and silver sprays and then listened to chiptunes. Fuck's sake. And it relieved my dysphoria for one glorious night. Thanks so much for all your tips. Eh. Thank you for letting us know. Huggles!

I've got a... Fucking grape. Actually... The moderators, they're just just like they're on it i mean they're it's like the best customer service support you can imagine where it's like oh man i got this thing where i feel like i'm a gargamel from the smurfs and i wonder what he'd eat and it's like oh hey i totally got that for you here's a smurf casserole here's the ingredients all right see ya yeah i've got uh it's like, oh, hey, I totally got that for you. Here's a smart casserole. Here's the ingredients. All right, see ya. Yeah, I've got a... It's me. I've got a tip for other Cybertronian kin like me.

Okay, what's that? They're Transformers. Anyway, I would recommend carbonated energy drinks and the like. I used to drink Vault Soda, and it always reminded me of liquid Energon. I don't know if you can find Vault anymore, but similar energy

sodas should do the trick. You might also try Jell-O made with Sprite. Good luck! I thought Transformers just lived on product placement. Good luck! I thought Transformers just lived on product placement. And American flags.

Explosions. American flag built by Ford. Hey, Lemon. You got some questions and some problems to get through. I'd like to hear about them. Okay, cool. No problem. I can get through this. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. I love this blog so much.

So many great recipes. I want to try them all. Anyway, would you possibly have any sort of food for Reaperkin? What? It might be difficult, but I'd love to see what kinds of things

you come up with. Keep being awesome! Well, I'm sorry for being a bit daft, but I don't know what Reaperkin are. If you could give me some more information, I'd be happy to help. Uh, oh, well, uh, Reaper as in Grim Reaper.

I'm not sure how else to describe them other than that they're entities of death and sometimes classified as subspecies of angel or demon. I hope that helps. If not, that's okay. Well, gosh, that is a toughie. If I might be a further bother, what would you like to eat? What sort of foods do you feel drawn to as a Reaper? Also, please don't take me, XD. Well, anything like a soul?

Sort of sweet, light and airy. You should have fun with this one. Sure, I think I have just the ticket. They're a bit more tangible than a soul, but definitely light and sweet. I'm going to tag them under Reaper Cannon, unless you'd like something else. Smiley face. You didn't fucking suggest anything. Why do you think you helped? You didn't help.

Well, actually, this is Wolf. I think I'm piggybacking on a different post, but I was just thinking, which is a dangerous thing. Any being who enjoys eating light and hairy things such as souls or spirit energy or anything of the like and has a sweet tooth can probably satisfy a few urges with cotton candy. I know it makes me feel grand and

gives me all sorts of lovely feelings that involve eating spirity sort of things, so yes, cotton candy. I am for whom the sort of things. So, yes, cotton candy. I am for whom the bell toils. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. I don't believe in the soul, but I feel like if I did, I would feel it was kind of cheapened by comparing it to cotton candy. Hey, guys.

I'm Akarana Corridor, and I guess I'm probably a hallway kin. Okay. Oh. I mean, I have to believe you at this point. There's fucking no verb or noun that you can not put. At least that's a real thing. That's fair.

Give him a point for that. Yeah, it's true. Anyway, I find that if you combine A&W cream soda with rich vanilla ice cream, it makes a smooth sweet flow that tastes and feels like delicious

souls. Especially if you spoon off the foam that collects on the top and eat it. Just thought that might help someone. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So he's saying a soul is like a fucking root beer float? No, an A&W cream soda float. Well, me and Joni are going down to the malt shop to go get a soul.

Hey, Ace here. That post- Boos just did a lot of people liked it they sure did quite a few people liked it and you know Kryptonite liked it Lord Chow liked it Ghost Faggot liked it did anyone else like it

yeah there was fucking my chemical romance he liked it there's Grandmaster Pyro chemical romance. He liked it. Grandmaster Pyro Kitsune. That liked it. Wow. Floral Assault liked it. Capricious Randomness liked it. Trapped in this machine

liked it. Brad the Magnificent! Caroline And liked it. Happy Hellhound. Toxic Canary. This other one was liked by someone either named Vanilla Scum

or Vanilla's Cum. Those are both good as is Shut Up Aaron. Yes. Do you think fucking My Chemical Romance is like the act of fucking or is it just a yell maybe they're just fucking my chemical fucking my chemical romance uh jimmy franks you've got a you got a bit of an odd request uh hey uh uh yeah this is kind of an odd request, but mykin type is a fictional species that feeds on soul, which in universe is like static. Any chance you have some recipes that are, quote, staticky? What?

I'm not horribly sure how to explain. Bob rocks. I'll try to find some recipes with them for you. Also, you might find a couple things in the Reaperkin tag there too you're liking. Also, you mind if I tag this slash them with Reaperkin, or would you prefer something different? Jesus Christ. This guy was so helpful, he startled me.

Basically, if you're like the screaming angel of death, apparently all you eat is candy. If you're like the screaming angel of death, apparently all you eat is candy. Reapers are super into brownies that are cut in the shape of a heart. Wow. That's okay. Badgers are really into earth to gummy worms

apparently. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Reapers enjoy drinking the Shinigami smoosh. The last two instructions are optional taste it and drink with bliss.

Tasting it is optional. That's true. Fold that crap down. Hello. Well hi there. I am anonymous. Hi. And I have a question for you, Wolf.

Yeah. Okay. Well, what are some passionate things that a succubi like me can eat to keep satisfied? I am tired of strawberries possessive with whipped cream. We have a succubus kid tag?

I mean, we have a succubus kid tag. I'm not sure what else you'd like. What sort of items, Jimmy Franks, what sort of items are in the succubus tag? Well, I'll tell you. How about some kind of weird, like, looks like red peanut brittle? Yep. Go for some, you know, cinnamon bears.

You know, maybe a cupcake with some pink frosting on it. Very sensuous. I'm just spitballing here. Hey, I actually have another question. Me, the succubus that you were talking to earlier. Go on, Anonymous. Cool, so this is my question from a year ago. This is a little embarrassing,

Cool, so this is my question from a year ago. This is a little embarrassing, but do you guys know of any substitutes for a certain not-safe-for-work body fluid? It's not easy being a single succubus. Semicolon. Okay. Kingdom JavaScript function yeah

yeah I actually had a conversation about this the other day yeah yeah you know those icing packets that come with toaster strudel things I'm kind of embarrassed that I'm telling you this. Jesus Christ. Jesus.

I don't know if I'm more embarrassed for you or for me. But, you know, like Pillsbury or whatever. Oh, yes, as a succubus, I certainly do. Yeah. Well, if you take those and microwave them until they're all gooey, it looks and feels roughly like semen. It certainly does with the men I fuck. Yeah.

And there's some stores online where you can order. I can't believe I'm saying this. Please finish your sentence. There's some stores online where you can order edible cum lube. If you're willing to. Oh,ube. If you're willing to. Oh, wonderful. If you're willing to Google that, that is. But yes, icing packets and cum lube.

I hope I helped. Icing packets and cum lube. Icing packets and cum lube. And after that, Wolf went and shot himself in the head. He's committed to the cause. What have I done with my life? All right, so I think I'm starting to understand how to fucking read Tumblr. Really?

I've been on the internet my entire life. I cannot figure out how to read Tumblr. It's like upside down, right? I'm not saying, like? I'm not an expert, but so for this thing we have here, we're going to start at the bottom, and then we're going to go up. And that's how we follow

a conversation. Of course. Yeah, logic right. You know what I think when I'm reading a website from the bottom up? I think this is worth a billion dollars. So, Jimmy Franks, you're the instigator of this conversation. As a machine kin, trash machine kin to be exact,

I have found I've been able to satisfy my cravings by letting things go stale or wither slightly. Most people would consider stale chips and such trash. Does anyone have any ideas of food that doesn't keep well, but it won't kill you if you eat it? Like slightly withered lettuce, McDonald's chicken nuggets, etc. And is there a way for meat to become stale but not grounds for food poisoning? And Ayo, you're going to be Fox this time. Oh, this is not something I feel comfortable giving advice about because giving erroneous info would mean accidentally encouraging someone to ingest something that could make them very ill.

I do appreciate you sharing this info with us, though. I suggest you try and find a forum or other online community geared towards freegans. They would like to have much more experience and knowledge about this sort of thing. I'm getting hepatitis,

Ken. I'm just going to pipe up in here. I'm anonymous. And for the trash machine, Ken, when making guacamole, it sometimes turns brown if not entirely sealed. It tastes the same, and I'm pretty sure it's still completely safe. It just looks rotten. I hope that helps.

Yeah, I try to draw a line so as to not give potentially harmful advice, so I generally disregard trash or spoiled food-related asks or tips. But as an avid guacamole eater, I think this is relatively solid advice, as long as you are careful not to leave it out too long, etc. It's just oxidized, like how an apple will turn brown when exposed to air. But seriously, when it comes to requests and recommendations like this, do your own research and don't take posts on this blog and Facebook because it's certainly possible we're wrong and your safety is more important. Attention, Internet! Don't do what Tumblr says!

Wow. That's sane advice. And Jack Chick, you're a user named 977 as Quiole deactivated 2014111. Bananas and apples also turn brown when cut up and lemons shrivel up a bit on the inside. I can't think of anything else for kins who like trash, though.

Or maybe a drink that's brown to remind them of garbage juice. That's a great post. What would you tag that post, Boots? I'd probably tag it Lonely Mountain. Nope. Answers. Nope. What would you tag that, Boots?

Oh, Lonely Mountian. Lonely Mountain. Mountain. Answers. Trash and Machinekin. Two? Two? Shut up. answers trash and machine can to to shut up shut up immediately my name is

Pessoa people and let me click on myself to find out what pronouns you should use on me apparently I'm pan slash bi slash polysexual but i'm ace's laughter but i'm also straight and uh oh man the more i read a tumblr the less sense it makes okay so a people to the trash machine kin try making pancakes, but not adding eggs to the batter as to make them rubbery.

They're still tasty and, of course, safe to eat, but they have a texture that I think would be to your liking. You get nearly the same effect by making pancakes normally and leaving them in a plate the whole afternoon. But I can't resist them. Oh. Yeah, rotten eggs. Can't resist. It's great. Woo.

Delicious. I just wanted to mention I was a little bit distracted just because I was trying to figure out how much a bottle of cum lube costs. Did you discover that? Yeah, I discovered two things. I want to tell you the two things that I discovered. First of all, a 250 milliliter bottle of cum lube is $6. But if you buy eight bottles together, you can get the ninth one free.

Oh, yeah, man. Sure. but if you buy eight bottles together you can get the ninth one free oh yeah man sure you can you can get like 55 gallon drums of that stuff on Alibaba but you know the shipping is a bitch fantastic the other thing I learned is that when you go to yourself I wonder how much a bottle of cum lube is that's not

a pleasant search to get there. Like, let me browse the catalog. Focus! Focus! Put your blinders on! How the fuck did I not mark off a recipe or instructions for something terrible before now?

So the next thing we have, I was just looking in the doc. I already forgot who this doc was provided by. Who provided this document? It was Bomber Jacket. Our good friend Bomber Jacket. Yeah, Bomber Jacket's been on a roll. Yeah.

Jimmy Franks, you've got a question for us, right? Excuse me. Anything that could curb a craving For human flesh for a demon kin Heavy metal Not using actual human flesh Of course Heavy metal 100%

200% But Jack Chick Be honest Does that actually curb your craving for human flesh it can I mean it just depends on what metal you're listening to

I don't want to get into this what about like enough is enough does that does that curb your craving for human flesh I mean if we're talking about 90s butt rock I I prefer slaughter, personally. All right. This is it.

We don't need to go down. Yeah, this is Wolf. All I can think of right now is to offer you our meat recipes. Also, if you have the space, time, and money, you could get a whole pig from a butcher and cook it. Pigs are probably the closest animals to humans if you're looking meat and flesh-wise. I'll keep looking for other things that could help you, but I hope that's enough for the time being. Don't go eating people now. Like, Wolf here is at Rob the Parrot levels of non-judgment.

Right. A couple people. Like, I put this website together knowing I was going to attract a few weirdos. I made my bed. Now I got to lie in it. I am deeply committed to this. I am committed. I'm going to stick with it no matter what.

I'm going to take all you kinfolk seriously. There's quite a few people that liked that post there on the Demon Quinn, including the passive-aggressive Jamaican, Butts Burgermot, Devil Demon Fuck. And Girls Upper Boy Babysitting for Satan. Hi, I'm Cannibal Ken. Of course you are.

I was wondering if there was anything human-ish tasting. I'm being serious. It's really weird, but it's who I am. No, it's not. It's not who you are. Well, yeah, technically i'm not supposed to answer this um but i got a soft spot for people eating folks i mean i got a soft spot for people eating a few of my closest friends are people eating sort of fictives, and I love them to bits. So we do have a post about that here.

Click this link. Now, I often hear that Post tastes pork. Now, I often hear that pork tastes closest to human. And having been near lots of pig roasts and the occasional person burning themselves, I can tell you they do smell similar. Is that a laugh line? It's the only ask I'll handle about this on Kin Food, for probably smart legal reasons.

But I can look for more on my Kin blog, link in the fact, if you're in need of more help. Oh, I'm told veal can taste very similar as well. Apparently the best account of the taste, texture, and other properties of human flesh comes from a man named William Seabrook. You look him up, there are several articles that detail his descriptions. It might be useful to any kin who have cravings for human flesh at any point. So the amazing thing about this post is that you know how we were reading down the names of people

that reblogged it and liked it? This is the only thing of all the content we found where people questioned it. Well, he did kind of... He was a little touchy about the trash can stuff. It's like, I'm not really sure about this

no wolf was but the people responding to this like all the people reblogging it there's like three people that are like that are that are questioning yeah oros borosian says god help us all like well there goes the other kid neighborhood yeah like uh i dream in words says oh god i'm fucking horrified please tell me this is a joke and this sort of goes against uh tumblr's nature of uh of always being okay with everything isn't it yeah hold on i am a fictional thing that eats fictional other things but you're talking about eating a real thing and I'm not okay with that. That's gone too far, sir. All right, coming up now is a list of tags on kinfood.tumblr.com slash tags.

So this is the full list of all tags used in this Tumblr community. That's a sign for me to drink more alcohol. So sit back, relax, and get ready. Take a drink or three. All right. Yes. All right.

We've got Amoeba-kin, Android-kin, Angel-kin, Anime-kin, Asgardian-kin. Oh, yeah. Badger-kin, Bakanakokin. Whatever that one is. Bargistkin. Because you want to be in a D&D book, I guess. Bearkin. Beekin.

Birdkin. Bird of Paradisekin. Because you've got to be special. Borkin. Bobcatkin. Bookwormkin. Camelkin. Changelingkin.

I'm a naughty bookwormkin. I bet. Chickenkinworm. King. Chicken. King cougar. King. Cow. King coyote. King crab. King crow.

King Cthulhu. King. Fantastic. Yeah. Surprise to nobody. Cyborg. King. Yeah. What?

Deep inside my soul is a person who's got an artificial arm. And don't confuse him with Androidkin, goddammit. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Deerkin. Demonkin. Dexterkin. Dexterkin. My fucking god. Wow.

I can't help but smile that's awesome I'm Buster Poindexter Ken while I'm cold here my other self is feeling hot hot hot I knew what the road was going to be. I just didn't know which way we were going to paint it. We've got dinosaur kin and dog kin, dragon kin, dwarf kin.

All right. Egypt food. Whoa. Typo. Egypt food kin is what I meant to say. Yeah, what the fuck? I'm a baba ghanoush kin. Yeah.

Deep inside, I'm just ground up eggplant. Eldrazi kin, whatever that is. Elemental kin, you get four types. Air, earth, water, and fire. That's it. Eldrazikin whatever that is Elementalkin you get four types air, earth, water, and fire that's it

there are no others Periodic Table of the Elementalkin Not just Wolfkin but Ethiopian Wolfkin Of course Ethiopian Wolfkin walking in a train of X and his hair was perfect

Oh yeah Not Fwnkin, but just fawn. That's it. Faekin, felinekin, as opposed to catkin. We've already covered that, so we got felinekin. Ferretkin, fire

spiritkin, which is different than a fire elementalkin. Fishkin, flamingokin, flykin, foxkin, gargoylekin, kin. Fish kin. Flamingo kin. Fly kin. Fox kin. Gargoyle kin. Ghoul kin. I'm totally a ghoul kin.

That's my kin. Goat kin. Goat sea kin. Oh, fantastic. Is that a... I want to call this a gunkin we're all gunkin here now he's a gunkin yeah gunkin i can fit him with gunkin's eat later and griffin can oh my god yes

gunkin actually is fucking guns yeah i'm looking at it. This is amazing. You know what food is appropriate for a gunkin? Bullets. I bet it's sugar. But wait, there's more. What else is there? Hedgehogkin. Hellhoundkin. Hobbitkin.

Honey badgerkin. Horsekin. Primthurskin. Hyena kin. Iguana kin. Insect Keaton Jack Frost? Yeah, that's correct. Kin. I'm just going to put a kin on the end of that Leopardkin Lionkin Lizardkin

Machinekin Mane wolfkin Wow the wolfkin are really precious Yeah they are Mechakin Mediakin Merfolk What?

Mongooskin Monkeykin Moth kin. Mouse kin. Myth kin. Navi kin. Order now and you'll also get these kins. Kins such as the octopus kin.

The otter kin. The owl kin. The pondokin. The otterkin. The owlkin. The pondokin. The pendokin. I like that version better. The pegasuskin. The penguinkin. The phoenixkin.

The pigeonkin. The pigkin. The pigkin footbrawl. The plantkin. The polar bearkin. I'm wearing a polar bearkin right now. And if you're hornykin, come ride my ponykin. Porcupinekin.

Raccoonkin. Rabbitkin. Raptorkin. Ravenkin. Reaperkin. Redpandakin, because, yeah. Robotkin, Rodentkin, Sanguinarian. Hmm.

All right. Scorpionkin, Sealkin, Selkikin, Shapeshifterkin. You got me, Shapeshifter-kin. Back and forth. Sheep-kin. Siren-kin. Slime-kin. Snake-kin.

Soul bond. Slime-kin. Wait. No. Slime-kin. Wait. Wait. Space-kin.

Space-kin. Space-kin. What's your issue oh you're right never mind I don't have one spiderkin squirrelkin no are you gonna take a stance that that's fucking unbelievable and the rest of this is just

every time I try to figure out some sort of fucking like universe where it makes sense to them it still breaks squirrelkin succubuskin, Swankkin? Swankkin? Swankkin! Yeah, boy!

They want to be Hillary Swank. That might be Swank... No. Yeah, dog, Swankkin. Oh, it is Swankkin! Okay, that... I just thought we was all swankin'. All right.

Silfkin. Tanuki kin. Tanuki kin. Hey, there's no squid kin. Tanuki kin. read the next one. Tapeworm kin.

Yeah. Aim high. Yeah. I want to be the worst shittiest other thing That I can be I'm actually pleased by this Because I thought it was like all these people being I need to be the most awesome fantastic

Ass kicking thing I'm a tapeworm In my soul I'm also a burden Anyway I'm just googling flu virus kin right now. Tiger kin. Troll kin.

Usagi kin. Vampires. Vampires! Just vampires. Just vampires. Vulcan kin. Vulcan? Yeah, Vulcan kin.

Then there's vulture kin, weasasel-kin, Werewolf-kin, Whale-kin, Wild Dog-kin, Wizard-kin, Wolf-kin. Yeah! I can't believe this can still get worse. Wolf-pite. Wolf-per-tinger? What's that? Wolf-per-tinger-kin. Wolf-per-tinger-kin. I thought it was like a turducken. high. Whoop. Oh, well, per Tinger. What's that? Well,

per Tinger. Well, per Tinger. I thought it was like a turducken. Like it was a wolf and a tiger. No, it's like a jackalope. Oh,

okay. Uh, anyway. Oh yeah. So that thing can, then a Wolverine can, and of course a zombie can. That's fucking infuriating. I wonder if there's anything in the miscellaneous tag, but wait, a zombie kin. Of course. That's fucking infuriating. I wonder if there's anything in the miscellaneous tag.

But wait, there's more. There's also air, alcohol, autumn, bread, chocolate, Christmas, completed recipes. Am I hard on completed recipes? No, no, no. This is the miscellaneous tag. This is other things. Dessert, dirt, drinks. Non-alcoholic. Energy.

Fried. Gaseous kin. Why? What? Tagging's hard. Gelatin. Glass. Grass. Meat with fruit. Paganism. Peppermint. Planets. Restaurant food.

The planet tag came up in the Space Kin post. Sandwich. Smoke. Smoothies. Snow. Soup. Stew. Trash.

Winter. Trash. Let's go with that. But are there any Media Kin worlds that we could explore? Yeah, that's cool. Because MediaKin doesn't explain enough. We need special tags for Clockwork Orange, Dungeons & Dragons, Firefly, Harry Potter, Harvest Moon, Homestuck, Legend of Zelda, Magic the Gathering, Magical Girls, Minecraft, Pokemon Portal, ROTG,

Who cares? The fuck is that? I don't care. Never mind. I don't want to know. Fuck it. I thought it was right to try it out first. I don't want to know. Sherlock, Star Trek, The Elder Scrolls, World of Warcraft, and

Yu-Gi-Oh! Of course. Well, that whole group was easy to put in a box. You know how I was confused at the different things that could be Kins? When it comes to media... That's a pretty tight view. I'm actually a Dwarf Fortress Kin. Wait.

It's a dark secret. Sonic the Hedgehog did not appear there at once. Holy shit. That's a dark secret. Sonic the Hedgehog did not appear there at once. Holy shit. That's a good point. That's not possible. I know. I wonder if Sonic the Hedgehog is a little bit outside

of the kind of Tumblr experience. Like if that's more of kind of a DeviantArt thing and the Tumblr people are just a little bit you know like no search results for Sonic

I even looked under Hedgehogkin and there's still nothing Sonic in there huh wow mind is blown wow okay I mean yeah you can get results from Sonickin on Tumblr but I will say Jack Chick not a lot of

results alright so what do you think we learned tonight Sonic Kin on Tumblr, but I will say, Jack Chick, not a lot of results. Alright, so what do you think we learned tonight? I learned that other kin apparently just subsist off of sugar and nothing else. Well, sure, we would assume, but now it's confirmed. Yep. I got a lot of really good ideas on what to

feed guests for the holidays this year. What sort of guests are coming over? Oh, well, there's my grandma kin. My little brother kin. Is that how you make yourself feel better that only one person's coming over for Christmas? Yeah. Yeah, pretty much.

I was actually surprised at the lack of bacon in the recipes. Again, Tumblr, not the same community. This is much more of a broiled kale kind of community. Yeah, also you have to be very sensitive and pretend to be vegan online, so you can't use bacon in it. Oh, right. But it's okay to eat all those gummy things because they've got gelatin in them. Yeah, but you don't know that because you're stupid.

Right. Yeah. You didn't know that. Got me again. I find these people so infuriating and exhausting. No, but the last time we did Otherkin, Tumblr wasn't the thing it is now. So,

this is fascinating because we're coming back into like the same sort of you know the same sort of group of people but they've become so much more fucking infuriating yeah yeah yeah yeah well because i was because tumblers have been allowed to grow and just continue to like accelerate like a a fucking abhorrent viewpoint just it's galling like every word is galling and it and it also like you know it it speaks to a fear that i kind of you know that i kind of hold for myself personally which is that uh you know i have i have a daughter and i like her and you know i think she's smart and cool and stuff like that. And so, like, you know, I want... Picking who's parent likes child. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But this is what I'm saying. I'm going to tell you why I feel guilty about liking my child, which is that, like, you know, I think she's smart and she's cool and that I want her to, you know, like, follow her bliss and do her own thing. But, like, you don't want to, like,

tell her at any point that she's special because like it feels like if you tell somebody that they're special like this is the natural way that that ends oh i'm special am i well how special am i am i fucking dean cannibal i'm gonna i'm going to bet just off the top of my head that if you pay even like remotely any attention to your daughter whatsoever she'll probably be fine yeah i mean i i think that there's a big difference between telling your child that they're special and devolving into fucking other kids it seems to me like this is such a such a massive attention grab that this is these are people that haven't actually ever received any sort of positive reinforcement for anything that they've ever done in their lives. You know the common symbol for being fucking special?

I'm that. I'm actually a swan. Yeah, and if you got tips on how to make food that will look and taste like your roommate, come check out Ball Pet. It's B-A-L-L-P dot I-T. Also, check out our fancy new website. It's a fancy new website. For those of you who are unfamiliar

with the concept of Flatter, we're trying that on the site. It's a little experiment we're doing. And a bunch of other kind of cool things on the site, as well as the F Plus Bingo. So come check that out and thank you to Dole. Thanks again to Bomber Jacket

for a great document-ish. I mean, great, you know, with the fucking finger quotes. Yeah, and congratulations to Jimmy Franks for winning Bingo in seconds. Jeez. All right, bye-bye.

Good night. That was the cutest gunkin ever. There you are. Yeah. I think you're a turn left kin. No, I'm not. I'm just cosplaying as a turn left kin. Oh, I see. That's how it works. Yeah. I think you're a turn left kin. No, I'm not. I'm just cosplaying as a turn left kin. Oh, I see.

That's how it works. Yeah, it's just a dalliance. I'm not doing that after this week is out.