The F Plus - 165: Redefine Paranormal

Episode Date: February 15, 2015

There's quite a bit of debate on the existence of ghosts, and all of those debates are stupid and pointless. But fortunately, there's a forum over at anybodythere.net that sidesteps the debate completely and cuts straight to the evidence. Psychic powers, paranormal investigators, chakras, demon lovers, it's all here and it's all spelled as poorly as you would expect. This week, The F Plus finds one smiley particularly troublesome.

Welcome to the F Plus Podcast! A terrible place, and there's terrible things, and they're frequently read with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have John Toast. Do you know who is guarding my baby? Jimmy Franks. In August 1989, I learned I was a unicorn. Portex! Other than you've been investigating

the paranormal for years, what are your qualifications? Are you a high priest? Drumquats up! The null alien Illuminati at the helm of the tune of the human loot, anti-loot, anti-man, anti-anti-man woman. And lemon. So Dad said I know all about the

psychic forum business and you need to stop about being psychic and you need to grow up. What did I say? It's who I am, Dad! Yes, Dad! It's who I am! A friendly ghost. That's all I need. A friendly ghost. Hey, F+. Hey!

Hello. How much time have you spent this week thinking about matters that are unexplainable? I'm always thinking of ghosts all the time. Pass. What sort of ghosts are you thinking of, Vortex? The big scary ones. They kind of get up behind me and they go, and it looks kind of like a sheet with the eyes

cut out, but I'm not entirely sure what that's about. Here's a question for all of you, then. What is it that's so scary about ghosts? They used to... They rattle chains. They used to be inside people, and now they're not.

Sometimes it's important to know that what you're fearing is the unknown. You have a fear of the unknown. And it's a fear that this episode will help you with. There is a website that is called, and this is right here in the header, this website is called Anybody... There! It's Anybody There? Paranormal and Psychic Global Community

since 2006. I don't know that the website has changed much. Yeah. So it is a terrific place where we can learn about those. Oh, wow. You did pronounce that correctly.

I did. Yes, that is how it's called. It's like three ellipses. That's a triple ellipsis. Anybody, triple ellipsis there. And then three exclamation points. Triple exclamation point. It's a declarative statement.

point. It's a declarative statement! So, this is a site of paranormal, psychic, and community forums. It's all about the unexplained. It's basically like X-Files, except David Duchovny's not involved, so we're pretty happy. So we're gonna

start off with a thread called, Am I Just Being Arrogant? And Jimmy Franks, are you just being arrogant? Maybe. This is not Jimmy Franks. Oh, who is it? What's your name?

This is Sassy Kitten Pants and Meow. You know, I have a pair of kitten pants, but they're not very sassy. Oh, Linda, try on these kitten pants it's been it's been coming very clear in recent years that i am sensitive to certain things and it's been brought to my attention that that's a medical problem if you're coming that clear it's been brought to my attention that I have raw mediumship capabilities that just need to be worked on and honed. What?

Like being a spiritual medium like ghosts? I thought you meant as opposed to a schooner or like other lords. Don't diminish his raw power. I found that out during a time in my life where I was just overwhelmed with activity and ultimately made the decision to kind of turn away from it and block it out so I could focus on other parts of my life. It's been roughly nine months. No, I didn't have

a baby. What the fuck? Something happened for nine months. Let me guess, you got pregnant? I mean, when she said, since I really opened myself up again, I mean, she was nipping it in the bud and making sure that we didn't make the joke. So she knew we were going to read this.

This is her mediumship. Well done, sassy kitten pants. Since I really opened myself up again, and in that time I felt a sense of guilt. I felt like I have this gift, and I'm supposed to use it to help people and spirits. To sound kind of lame about it, it feels like a calling. No matter what career path or anything else I may

do, helping people with the paranormal is my vocation. By posting on this forum? It is my destiny to start a really mediocre CBS show. I do like this concept of, well, by day I'm a fry cook. By night, I hunt ghosts. I'm not insanely well-versed in the paranormal.

I'm interested. I look into things. I do my research. But mostly I just follow my gut instincts. So is this something I should pursue, or is this a common type of arrogance, and I just need a reality check? I don't know. I mean, you know, if you're looking for a reality check, I'm sure that the members of anybody there can help you with that.

Yeah. Rose Rivers might have something to say. Hi there. I'm Rose Rivers. Well, the one thing I have learned over the years is that if spirits have put their mark on you, there's no escape. You can turn away,

but ultimately they will lure you back somehow. This is your pathway, the one of spiritual work, and they will ensure you follow it. How? How will the ghosts do that? Explain to me. They have powers. They'll just use the passive aggression.

Oh, fine. Don't speak for me. Oh, well, another living person would be doing this, but you can do whatever you want. I don't care. That's not in the text. Anyway, yeah, okay. That's not in the text. Anyway.

There's no point upsetting anyone by discussing it with them if it freaks them out and you won't get an honest answer to your questions either. Your first task is to get to know your guide, your guardian, and your gatekeeper. The three G's. That's your ghost though.

Ghost starts with a G. Coincidence? Your gatekeeper is the one who keeps out those who should not be near you. Your guardian will walk with you in this life. Your guide will do just that. So I get to get a whole cadre of ghost bitches to do my bidding? I got a ghost posse? Am I a ghost rapper?

You're ghost Chris Tucker from the Fifth Element. That's too bad. Sorry. Where was I? Okay. Set aside meditation time, no matter how short a period that is. It's an acid to come close.

Set aside medication. No matter how short a period. And ask them to come close and talk to you. Tell you who they are and ask them to confirm it. That confirmation will come a variety of ways, but be sure you will know it when it happens. Then take the route they give you, and they will. Come on to ABT and ask

a question. Someone always has the answer. Thanks, Bev Bighead. So you shorten anybody's triple ellipsis there to ABT? Oh. Okay.

By the way, I'm a medium and a rider. Good. I'm sure that's unusual on this forum. Your IP's been locked. Uh, uh... Hello, my name is Equal Minus Spirit. Uh, oh, never mind.

Um... Hello, my... My name is Equal Minus Nerd. I'm a grande fellow. Shouldn't we fellow grande? Hello, sassy kitten pants. I don't express myself well. Welcome to the forum.

So please bear with me. A hammer is a tool which does not need to be used in order to do the action of hammering. What the fuck does that mean? Like I said, I don't express myself well. Likewise, mediumship is a tool which does not need to be used in order to do the action of mediumship.

So, okay, so the first thing I can sort of see, like a hammer is a hammer regardless of whether you hammer with it, but I feel like you might need to do mediumship in order to do mediumship. No, it's backwards though because it's not a hammer is a hammer no matter what.

You can hammer something with like your shoe or like your forehead. You don't need a hammer for that. Ergo, you don't need to do medium stuff in order to contact spirits because it's all fucking made up anyway. Who gives a shit? Shh, don't give it away!

So you're saying I can talk to ghosts through my Xbox controller? All these ghosts call me a faggot. Come with the power of my mind. So, if I made it clear to you that you have both raw hammering capabilities and

raw mediumship capabilities, would it be my ego slash arrogance or yours that makes this information seem relevant or important? Neither, because it's not. I don't... Yeah. What the hell are you talking about? Well, I'm not trying to insult... Oh, good.

Well, that helps. I didn't feel insulted. I'm not trying to insult. Oh, good. Well, that helps. In fact, of the tens of thousands of people I've met in person or on this forum who have claimed they want to use their gift to help, you are one of the few who seem sincere. Wow, equal spirit is awesome at getting laid. Everyone else at the Seance sucks.

How you doing? So if I may, I would like to write a lot of words that I'm not going to read. All right, yeah, great. Terrific. Actually, without reading all of that, I think you should just read the first paragraph of section two. I mean, the first, I'm sorry, the first sentence of paragraph two.

Uh, yes. The first sentence of, wait a minute. Number two. Tomato, tomato, red fruit on a vine? Red fruit, curly bracket raspberry, tonguey face, closed curly bracket, equals tomato. Let's call this thing off. As final words of advice,

like attracts like. What? Yeah, like attracts like? Like, yeah. Semicolon. So people who are insincere about their motives attract spirit guides who are insincere about their motives. Since you are sincere, as soon as you have learnt enough to establish a connection with your guardians, guides, teachers, and advisors, what the fuck? Where do those come from? I don't know, but they're capitalized as well. Yeah. Use them as your primary

source of information. Always, always, always question. Okay. Yeah, sure. That's not going to be a problem for me. I've been questioning this entire time. People also say demand proof, but too often false evidence offered as proof can distract you from noticing your questions haven't been answered.

That's good advice for the fucking ghost forum. I hope this doesn't actually come up every single day. If you find you are not learning at a rapid pace and being able to do the things your teachers say they can teach, then somewhere inside of you and them is an insincere and selfish motives. Is your point there that people say to demand proof,

but I can't distinguish proof from lies, so don't demand proof because that's pointless? I'm Canadian. Oh, okay. Okay. Sorry. Sorry. That explains it. If that happens, ask your guardians to bring you the teachers who will help you

recognize and correct your selfish motives so that you can improve your ability to help others. I would let you talk to ghosts, but you just didn't want it enough. Also, I didn't know if you knew this, but there's a

difference. I provide you a bunch of links between spiritualist organizations and spiritist organizations. Yeah. Ding, ding, ding, ding. All right. I want to take you to a magical place here, and my name's Dark Rose, and who wants to learn the sealed holy spell? I do. I do. Who wants to my name's Dark Rose, and who wants to learn the Sealed Holy Spell?

I do, I do. Who wants to? I'm Dark Rose. I love the paranormal. Who wants to learn the Sealed Holy Spell? Hello, everyone. Me, me, me, me. As you know, I am a newbie in here, so please forgive me if I seem

rude or not polite because Dare offer you. Okay, try that one more time. Seem rude or not polite because dare offer you all my little knowledge about Phi Chick and Spirit Guide, which I got from old masters in my country who hide from crowded people in town and big town. Yeah, I gotta say. There's an ellipsis.

This is the small one of the now-lay-jeezy's. Oh, that's just how she thinks it's spelled. It wasn't a typo. Yeah, and they kept tight from many people, and they only give it to their chosen student, which only less than eight or nine students from all their students. Oh. Right? I got to say, judging from the person's bio,

this is a really good Indonesian accent you picked. Thank you. Yeah. Okay, then. I will straight to the point about it. My master told me, this sealed holy spell, like forgotten forgotten old legend which has been give it by the prophet who named kiter which he was prophet who live in king solomon age and he the ones who bring queen shabba chair in less than one second into king solomon palace oh yeah Queen Shabba Khan. I love her. I love her song. Through the Wire. It was great.

So I offer now this sealed holy spell to three members in here, but I guess the rest of you are bonus, who want to learn it with three condition from me. Oh, God. Yeah, there's here. Okay. I don't know if this is the spell or if this is the conditions, but let's find out. Number one, learn without any question, but feel it what happened after it.

Number two, ready run the ritual. Yeah, it's my run DMT. Like on my console? It's tricky to beat a ghost to beat a ghost. And number three, serious and not debate what I say or instruction. Only that what I can say, and I will wait your response. And Cheyenne has a response. Jimmy Franks, please.

Not to be rude, but I don't know of anyone here who would blindly have you work any type of spell without knowing exactly what it or you were about. I am a very God-centered person, and for me a spell would be useless as I can connect directly with God without any bells, whistles, or spells. Such a power-gaming bitch. That is what he wants from us. A simple one-on-one connection. Why cast magic missile while I know God? Well, I guess I am God if we have to play this game. Why does she still work here? Oh, she's friends with God.

Can't fire her. Hi, Cheyenne. I am understand what you mean. I appreciate your opinion. I can understand what you said was right. Connected with God, that's the right thing. But I am here not for debate about it, just for sharing. How many God names we know?

As I know, there are 9,999 God names. Hit the damage cap. That's 3,333 for known by humans, and it can be Arabic, Jewish, or any other language, and 3,333 god names for supernatural beings, plus 3,333 god names for known by rest of creatures, trees, animals, etc., besides humans and supernatural beings.

Every name have own special power and use for wish. If you research all holy books from many religions or ancient religions like Ten Command, you will find that name, but not all correct because all God names was the secret behind the secrets. Only saints know the secret. I don't need say that if what I teach there are one

of 3,333 from God names for humans knowledge that's a hard word for me Wow. Why I said this spell but the truth was it was holy pray because as I

know most paranormal in Western more like word spell or interest in it than pray. I hope you understand what I mean. I don't! What the fuck was any of that? I guess you just don't know the 9,999 words for God, I guess.

That's just embarrassing for you. Apparently. So you wanted to probably talk about mermaids, didn't you, Portax? I do. Finally, we're getting down to the nitty gritty. Let's talk about some fucking mermaids. Yeah, spells, and I genuinely don't know what we've talked about so far. Yeah, we've got some fish giner up in here.

It's going to be great. Oh, yeah! So, my name is Heart Divine. My catchphrase, I guess, is words are powerful. Heart. And mystical creature you are drawn to. Mermaids? Okay, Fox News.

Hi. I wanted to ask everyone, have you ever been drawn into something you don't even know why? Uh, no, no, that was a friend. I don't know what you're talking about. Was your friend a mermaid? It has been years, but I am always drawn to mermaids, and I don't even know why. No, I am not hang up on the

Little Mermaid animation. That's the title of the movie, because animation is capitalized. No, she watched, like, the Bargain Bin knockoff from, like, Romania. Hello! Welcome to Mermaid animation! Yeah, I was thinking it was German or something. This is Little Mermaid Animation.

Oh, if I give you one leg, you will only have half voice. Be entertained, child. Anyway, I was not hung up on Little Mermaid Animation, even though it was one of my favorite cartoons when I was a child. LOL! So I was obsessed with it, but, you know, coincidence. I would just happen to be so drawn to mermaids. I even found myself dreaming about them some time ago, dot dot.

I normally don't care about my dreams before, dash, but whenever I dream about mermaids, I tend to stop and think and ask myself, why? It was a feeling as if they were calling me or something. There are also times when I would always google on mermaids a lot. Got the google on the

mermaid there if you know what I mean. And I think you do. Bobby, you're getting the google all over the mermaids. The defendant was found Googling on mermaids. Whether it was a costume mermaid, a wallpaper mermaid, or those real mermaids in which I have no idea if it was fake or real ones, kind of videos or photos? I do, I do. Oh, which one was it?

Fake. It was the fake ones. What you saw were the fake ones. Right, or real ones, gotcha. There was a lot. Right, yeah. I kept asking myself, are they real? Are they not? No. Yes. Yes, they're very real. A spiritual friend of mine who have generation

a family line of spiritualists in her family, K-Mojo Jojo, told me that. They do exist, and not some myth just like fairies. Oh, I see. You're being speciesist here. Oh, I like this person. Bitch. Oh, yeah.

No, no. Mermaids are totally real. Not like those fucking fairy myths. Jesus. Who would believe that shit? I'm really hoping someone responds with, what the fuck you say about fairies? It could be

that I was a mermaid in my past life or IDK. She can't say for sure. No, you don't. You sure don't. I was just wondering if anyone has experienced something like this as well. It doesn't have to be a mermaid. Do you want to build a mermaid?

But with anything. Something you are drawn to, as if it's calling you. I haven't really went to the sea for so, so long. But every time I would feel this way, it's as if the sea and the mermaids are calling me, and I don't

even know why. I mean, they told me to kill my husband and still nothing's changed. I don't get it. It kind of bothers me sometimes, but I would just end up looking on the photos and make myself wonder, why? Why? Why?

Why? Hey, call back. Yeah. I'm glad you properly have a catchphrase at this point. Why? My friend also told me that there are different kind of level of mermaids, and some of which are posted are the low class type of mermaids, or so she said they have a different language,

but can understand our language too. She said some photos are fake but some are real. I think it was pretty interesting. Was she talking about mermaids there or just in general? Just that. Her friend. Those low class mermaids. Yeah, what is like a low

class mermaid? Is that like sea trash or something? Yeah, it's like the chavs in Britain or whatever, but mermaids. Like all the high-end mermaids are like, go right past that clownfish mermaid. Jesus, this is so gross.

My name's Rose Rivers. A friend who sits circle with us says she has been a mermaid in a past life, also a fire and then a water dragon. She put herself out, I guess. Yeah.

What she says is, there are many different realms. A fairy elven realm, a dragon realm, a water realm, and sometimes they cross with the spirit realm we know. It is very likely, with your intense attraction to mermaids,

that your medium contact, the tall or the short one, is right, and you have shared a past life with other mermaids. Somewhere in my past is a sphinx. I have a lot in common with a rock. I ask people questions

when they don't understand me. I devour them. You know how it is. I'm a sphinx. Hi, I'm Draco. I always liked mermaids. Thought they were an interesting species, but what I'm really drawn to are dragons. Enough about you. Let's talk about me. I'm skinny. Bye. I'm a dragon. Bye.

I don't like your post. It didn't mention me yet. In fairness, dragons are more kick-ass than mermaids. I wouldn't fuck a dragon, though. Hi, I'm Ryan. I'm walking the path of love and light. Oh, that's a nice thing to do. Wow. I'm male, by the way.

Yeah. Mermaids are pretty, but what really gets me is angels. Not necessarily Christian angels. B-T-W. So what, like the wheels made of eyes? Yeah. All right.

You know the ones that represent, like, Babylon conquering Judah? I like those a lot. They're sexy. It's pretty good. Anyways. I just like the feeling of They're sexy. Anyways, I just like the feeling of something celestial. Quote, unquote. Because that accompanies

something more colossal. Celestial. Though that implies more than just a conceived god. I got a word of day calendar, can you tell? Can you guess what my favorite tea brand is? Why does the bank keep moving my cubicle away from all my coworkers? I do like the emoticon, though.

The smiley with the eyes that are boggling. Oh, we're getting to that. We're getting to that. We're getting to that. But I would consider mermaids to be celestial. Aha! And there's a smiley freaking the fuck out. Can we please put this on the ball pit?

Yeah, it's sort of like a Jacob's Ladder smiley. Yeah, it's super happy, but its eyes are googling around all over the place. It's fucking fantastic. Saving this. Panastar from Las Vegas seems to be confused about spirit guides. I'm a tad confused. I mean, my charge is human, yes, but also not? And I'm

her guardian? Not in the parental notion, though. I mean, I protect her, etc. Dude, I've erected, with help, a one-foot thick barrier around the entire domicile to ward off unsavory spirits. I've done a cleansing to rid the place of negative energy.

I've even swapped out energies with another place to fool a demon. I've gone a cleansing to rid the place of negative energy. I've even swapped out energies with another place to fool a demon. I've gone to great lengths to protect her. But aren't spirit guides supposed to be spirits? Or am I a spirit guide trapped in a human form? Worried face. Wow, that's not a very good sitcom plot.

So confused. Me too. I just like the picture, like, I just like the picture, like, a demon, like, doing a little like, strut, too. I just like the picture like a demon doing a little strut like, I'm going to walk into this house and somebody switch the energy. Oh, fucking God damn it. There's a one-foot wall. I can't go in here. PandaStar, I think you were talking the other day.

You were telling me a little bit of something about your best friend. Is that right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My best friend, whom her human name will remain unannounced, is a seraphim. Oh, that's great! You know what? My best friend is a cherubim, so they should totally get together. Look, it's not angel-less.

Some of my best friends are seraphim. Yeah, yeah. I see six swings of light and like a huge aura shooting out of her head. Smaller fluxes on her body and still smaller on her feet. Oh god, she's on fire! Put her out! Yeah, her angelic name is Angelina, and she's

a very pure spirit slash person is what we expect. Angelina's a little on the nose. Maybe it's Angelina Jolie. I count her as my charge and make sure she doesn't get hurt or anything. Last thing I want is for someone to get ticked off in the divine realms and seek vengeance either on myself or, worse, the world. Due to my careful questioning, she's the daughter of the late Angela and the current Alexander. What?

Okay. I really don't want to face repercussions if she's harmed, yet I do have my own life to lead. All in all, it is very stressful. So you have an angel best friend, but your angel best friend has cerebral palsy and has to walk around with a crash helmet all the time? No, I'm pretty sure what happened is he saw a girl in a library, and her name was Angelina, and he stalked her and then built a wall around her house. Ooh, probably. Now she can't get out. Edgar Allan Poe in 2015! Do you think Alexander in that last section was really pressured to change his name to Angelo?

Come on, man. Fit in. We could de-Angelo if that works better for you. Should we change his name to Angel or something? There you go. Frangelico. Yeah, Angelico. Well, actually, so back on the spirit guides being spirits, I'm Rose Rivers again, and I just needed to respond to that. So spirit guides being spirits, um, uh, Rose rivers again. And I just needed to respond,

uh, to that. So spirit guides are spirits. Anything else is not right. You can be a guardian of someone, but not their spirit guide. My companion is currently studying to be my guide or one of them. He tells me it will take 10 earth years to learn the basics. So,

you see, it isn't possible for us humans to be spirit guides. No human lives to be ten years old. She reached the proper conclusion, but the path she took there is incredibly silly. Yeah.

Yeah. Part of that was right. And then, actually, that news, that news that humans can't be spirit guides, it's a relief to you. Isn't that right, PandaStar, on the second page? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to tell you all about it starting right now. Good time, Phil. Good time, Phil.

Terrific. Expertly done.. Good time, Phil. Terrific. Expertly done. Which, again, is a relief. I have too much to contest with right now, so I cannot deal with the responsibilities of a guy to top it all off. Being a guardian is stressful enough without having to peek in on her dreams and make sure

her mental health is okay, too. I need sleep, too. I mean, after all, the AP exam is in, like, two months, and I just can't juggle all three of these things at the same time. Well, so we've learned a little bit here about PandaStar's own psychic guide, but, you know, what's a forum if it's not a lot of idiots talking about themselves? This forum, by the way, full of idiots talking about themselves, provided to us by Dole.

Dole, the creator of the F Plus Bingo project, as well as an exciting project which will be announced soon. Ooh, porn? Sorry for being coy. No, much better than porn, genuinely. It's kind of like porn, but you can do it in front of other people. So I need to go to jail immediately then. but you can do it in front of other people. So I need to go to jail immediately then. So that project is on the horizon.

But thanks, Dole, for this. But anyway, this is a topic about your spirit guides. And the poll maker, Evie, asked the question, do you believe in spirit guides? And 102 people said, yes, I know who my guide is. And 121 people say, yes, I know who my guides are.

And then 81 people say, maybe stuff happens to make me wonder. 177 people say, not sure, undecided, but I would like to. And then unsure, smiley face looking around. And 6% or 1.2% of the population say, no, I don't believe we have spirits guiding us.

What the fuck are you doing on this forum? Get the fuck out. Yeah. I like that this forum has like six kids and black sitting in an alley smoking clove cigarettes going like i don't believe in your ghost man fuck you oh man my spirit guides are making me go to saturday school oh god mom always makes me go Such bullshit. Okay, so... So, John, your name is Me Too. You're on the second page there, top of the second page.

You are a supernumerary fellow. So I think that's like numerology? Numerology is a thing, right? It sure is. Okay. And hello, I'm Meto. I'm a supernumerary fellow, like you said. My life is in runes.

Get it? Because he's stupid. Suddenly I like this. Suddenly I like this guy. I don't know why. Suddenly I like this guy. I don't know why. I have met my guides in dreams.

There are three, all presenting themselves as male energy. And they are like the Three Stooges comedy characters. I have had many funny dreams with these three energies that I call my angels. I replace the energy in my house so no demons can get in.

Been on this podcast too long. I'm thinking about ghost threesomes right now. With the three stooges? Yep. With three ghost stooges. One's in her ass and one's in her pussy. Hey, Mo, what you got there? Just knocking off you chat ahead.

And then, come quads up, on page six, you got Will's man. Yeah, I'm Will's man. I'm a junior member level two. I see auras like you see people. Wow, that's, I mean, something. That's really impressive. Good job. None of them want to fuck me either.

So you see all auras with contempt and loathing. Great. Yeah. Because, you know, they have less gamer points than me. with contempt and loathing. Great. Yeah. Because, you know,

they have less gamer points than me. I know what my guy looks like, but when I asked his name, he looked at me and I got this tingly feeling all over my body. He says, that is what I am. You guys Popeye?

He has come to me three or four times now. Every time he comes, he explains something to me that is way above my comprehension level. When he told me that he was feeling, he told me if I could call upon that feeling, basically call on him, my true strength would come forth. Has also shown me my guardian spirits. He's an inspiration to me. I want to be like him when I grow up. What, dead? I want to be a ghost when I grow up.

Click, click, bang. I mean, you know, if you're particularly ghost-believey, then you all get to be like him when you grow up, right? Yeah, I mean, there you go. Jimmy Franks. This thread has so many pages so we're gonna skip to page 23 uh and this is a post by shadow of light which is a just a lousy lousy muse song just terrible one day three yes page 23 jesus Christ. Yep. This is Shadow of Light. I know who my guides are for the most pert.

Not all are per- For the most shampoo. I shall know who my guides are. Boo! Not all are perm in ant, nor a constant companion companion save one or two. One has been by my side since I was very young. They have come in dreams and in every day. The other

more constant that not was a father in a past life. One of my first. In passing, give or take on the spelling. No shit. What? This is not a very sexy first time story so far. Shows up only when I need info to pass a task or I'm about to face an event.

Never has he come with an ill air about him. And we have often seen wild times. Things always get interesting when he is around. The most elusive is a native spirit. Long, dark hair dressed in suede slash hide. Oh, God. Here we go. He shows up only on the side as a quick

glimpse. Oh, yeah. Hey, the glimpse are back. Glimpse. G-L-I-M-P-S. Oh, my God! How does that happen? There was that one superhero that was given out the glimpse of her panties. If there's ever a message he wishes I know,

the feeling of something on the horizon is impressed. He is like a signpost. I never know what is coming. I just imagine a signpost surrounded by cosmic dolphins and feathers and shit. I never know what is coming, but I know a fork in the road is quickly approaching. Thanks for the signpost.

I don't know what's coming, but I know what's coming. Often under my feet before I know it. Last but surely not least, my animal guides. The current ones. In one meditative journey, I was assigned to the care of a blue slash humpback whale and a penguin. Oh, adorable. I do not know

much of these two, but they appear when Jasmine cannot. Usually, they fill the time until she arrives. Hey, penguin, what do you know? Well, uh... My spirit guides are a DreamWorks cartoon. Yeah, they both have that smirk on when they go on a vision quest.

Jasmine is my pride and joy of my animal guides. We met in a dream. She was a detective and in need of assistance. It's a hard-boiled ghost detective novel. Keep going. Oh, wow. Do not ask me how a black cobraboiled ghost detective novel. Keep going. Oh, wow. Do not ask me how a black cobra can be a police officer. I never figured...

That's just racist, sir. I never figured that out, as I usually leave questions out of any dream. She was beset by a group of bikers and thugs, a lynch mob if there ever was one. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Kindle porn. Kindle porn on the way. She went behind a car to hide

then run. Got tangled on a barbed wire fence. Wait, she ran? She went to hide then run. No, but she's a cobra. Well, anyway, she called for help and I ran in to defend her. Got a little wild after that and we've been together ever since.

What does that mean? I've fucked a snake. That's a way better username than Shadow of Light. When needed, she changes color as black as a mix of all. Though, to be honest, it took a while to become comfortable around her, as I am the most calm out of reach of snakes. They have no arms, no legs, and can kick our butts. Okay, so she actually is a snake.

She actually is a snake. She's this animal guy that's an actual snake. I give them a wide berth. As in? Again, nobody knows how to. Never mind. I give them a wide berth. As in... Again, nobody knows how to... Never mind. I give them a wide berth and a healthy respect. In truth, they unnerve me.

Although I do admit, they are a little... Yay! I hug them. He's a sneaky. Of my understanding, anyone can have any number of guides, but do not think them a status symbol. A scene people boast before. We all have the number of guides we need to learn certain lessons. It is whatever we need to learn.

There's no limit that I know of. Animal, human, or other. Signpost? I've met mine in dreams, meditation, and in just in everyday activities. Low hull. And I've even been caught talking to them aloud in public. This was well before Bluetooth, let alone cell phones. Sometimes they just get you that way.

Wink. You got to love them, Ruffle. Before Bluetooth. Now I can picture this guy at the back of the bus, just like it's a silent bus and I know we're like, ha ha, Jasmine, you're a crazy snake. at the back of the bus, just like it's a silent bus and I know we're like, ha ha, Jasmine, you're a crazy snake.

I'm actually imagining like a cobra wearing one of those fucking dickhead like headset things. Oh, that'd be so cute. Hang on, I got another call. I got another call. Boop. So this thread has

168 pages. Looks like Dole went through most of them because we got one more post here on 164 by Riska. That's me. My name is Riska. I have ancestor guides and a guardian angel. One, I think, is a male German officer, and the other is a male Native American. They're cops. I seem to have warrior-like protectors and guides.

I believe one of them possessed me to attack my ex. Oh, dear. Oh. I don't think they liked my ex very well. I don't think your ex liked them very well. Wait a minute. Who are you? Wait a minute.

I saw this episode of Law and Order. Who played Riska? My ex would dream about demons attacking him and I noticed cut marks on his body when we wake up. One day I was sleeping on the couch with my ex at a friend's house and I woke up on the floor and I was pushed off the couch. My ex was cowering in the corner of the room. My friends and her husband looked at me and said,

Whoa, you just started beating the crap out of him and cussing at him. So I think one of my protectors possessed me to attack him. He's sleeping dangerously close. Man, it's a good thing I beat the shit out of you. You were gonna do something to me. Oh, don't worry, the snake in my head told me you were gonna be evil. Thank God I saved you.

My ex had an evil aura about him. No, no. Oh, wait. Oh, no, you're absolutely right! Oh, fuck! Okay, here's what my ex had. My ex had an evil aurora about him. My parents sensed that, and he was very controlling and abusive.

Yeah, he was controlling and abusive. All right. I think my spirit guide slash guardian, which is like slash fiction guardian, had enough and attacked him. So that's how I dealt with my psychotic break. There's a lot more in this document about psychic...

What are they called? Spirit guides. Yeah, there we go. Thank you. There's a bunch more about spirit guides. Things we can't get to all of it, but we will take this last piece here by Cookie, and that's because it leads into a poem.

So, Kumquatsof, would you start us off with Cookie here? Yes, hello. My name is Cookie. What's your thread title? Well, I'm a Grande fellow. Oh. My My name is Cookie. What's your thread title? Well, I'm a Grande fellow.

I don't... Oh. My thread is titled Farewell Toby Ellipsis Part. Bye, Toby. You're required to use ellipses. Go fuck yourself, Toby.

Hey. Somebody fucking possess me to kick your ass. Hey, I'm an energy vampire. Go fuck yourself, Toby. Hey. Somebody fucking possessed me to kick your ass. Hey, I'm an energy vampire. I can't help it. Oh, that's true. Oh, that's true. My psychic description is,

spirits are people too. Respect them. Wow. That's, wow. Alright. Yeah. I've just said a very tearful goodbye to my main spirit guide to Buckeye As opposed to my

side Yeah, I got my, you know, my weekday spirit guide and then my side piece It was sort of unexpected. I knew it was sort of unexpected. I knew it was inevitable,

but I didn't realize it would be so soon. Did he retire? He got hit by a spirit car. Ellipsis. Oh, no, wait, no. They took him upstate to a spirit farm where he could run around in the spirit grass. Yep. Needless to say,

needless to say needless to say I'm a mess my throat hurts from crying and my heart hurts having to watch him go I know it's going to take time to heal but I'm taking this as a

positive change and a further step in the right direction. I've finally gotten to a point where I'm able to stand on my own. Sure. I was using Tobias as a kid. Now I no longer have to wash myself with a rag and a stick. But I can't deny Toby was more than just a guide and protector. He had become one of my best friends along our journey together.

We had so many laughs, tears, loving memories, so many blessings through our years together. He's been as much a part of me as my own soul is. I will carry him in my heart wherever this journey takes me from here on. Be well, old friend. Keep

me in your heart wherever this road takes you. You will always be loved by me, never to be forgotten. What the fuck happened? Hey, Cookie. So his ghost died? Ghost divorced?

Yeah. In the arms of a main spirit guide. Fly away. Cookie, when you're dealing with these kind of painful moments, I mean, really the best approach is to write a poem about it. That's how the healing begins. Nope. The best approach is to write a poem about it. That's how the healing begins. Nope! The best approach is

to post an Enya song, which I did in my next post. Oh, yeah. But then later on, you write a poem about it. That's on page three. Can you share your beautiful poem about your lost spirit guy? I think it's a wrap. I don't think it's a wrap.

Yeah, please let it be a wrap. I hope it's a wrap. I don't think it's a wrap. Yeah, please let it be a wrap. I hope it's a wrap. Hello. Hello, my name is Cookie. Hey, Cookie. There's a hole in my soul. It's too big to hide. I'm losing my courage. I'm losing my pride.

I feel I'm losing my way because I'm losing my guide. You took every step. You walked by my side through every cold season and the rise of the tide. You watched as I grew. You toughened my hide.

You're crazy for this one, Cookie. What? The years have been good to us! Spent with my best friend, but our journey is over now! Our time has come to an end! I've never heard of a Tourette's wrapper, but I like the gimmick. Were you bitten by ODB, and is this your transformation? There's always one old dirty bastard walking the earth.

Yes. There can only be one man. I wish I could keep you here. But I watched as you go. I told you I love you, friend. And you whispered, I know ellipsis! I know ellipsis. There!

Okay. Yeah, so that is all that we need to read here about Spirit Guides. There's something Kumquat found a little while ago, and it is about psychic development, and that's psychic development via gaming.

Jimmy Frank, is it possible? Is it true? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Are you kidding me? What do you love, by the way? This is Sky Infinite, and I love the paranormal. Oh, yeah.

Is it possible that I could develop my claircognizance more with things like computer games? That is a terrible drag queen name. I like it. I like it. For example, if I were to focus on a game like Pokemon? Yes. Right? I mean, focus on a game like Pokemon. Yes. Right. I mean, I'm already doing that anyway.

My spirit guide is a Gengar. Some of you may know it. But when you get in a battle with a trainer of some sort, the next move or attack that the enemy Pokemon will make is actually pre-declared within the game's AI engine. No. But of course. Wait, you mean these games are programmed? What? When did that happen?

Of course the game doesn't let you know that between its set moves. Oh, bullshit. So instead of figuring out what a pulled out card is from a deck or using automatic writing, I can practice with simple games? Would this be more difficult? Thanks. Wait, wait, wait. So does this person want to, like, replace their tarot deck with a Pokemon? I think they're saying

if they learn... Is that what he's saying? I don't know. Learning how to exploit the AI in a game is like, it's like I'm psychic or something. Oh, okay. I used psychic. It wasn't very effective, though. There you go. Second page.

There's a poster by the name of Oh No! Oh No! Oh No! Oh No! It's taking a long look at psychic development in video games. John, if you could take that, please.

My name is OhNo. It's Mr. Bill. Games are very handy tools for psychic development. It has personally helped me a lot. I'm sure. In fact, it was through gaming. I first noticed that someone was putting Words in my head This guy asked me

If I would kindly do this and that And I did it, what? I first thought it was Miss Smith from English class But it turns out it's a video game Later on I figured it was one of my Helper spirit that had been trying to Communicate with me Gamings can certainly

Improve your ability if you start to practice it when you're playing. Anything you can do can be used as a source to develop your psychic ability. It just depends what works out for you. So this depends on the game?

Yeah. Okay. Depending on your games, gaming will improve your strategic side of psychic ability. I'm sure you must have a list here, a list that can help me out. As opposed to the tactical side of psychic ability. One of the games I used to play was, get this ghost recon.

There's many ghosts in it, though. 360 ghost scope, bitch. I mean, they didn't have mermaid recon, though. 360 Ghostscope, bitch! They didn't have Mermaid recon, so... Or Tobias recon. And as part of a small clan, we were just a group of psychics in a clan. Do not fucking play against them! You will lose!

Well, that's the thing. Often we got accused of using hacks into the game. For psychics, we're just using ability. It was quite funny. Okay. My spirit guide was a script that gave me headshots. Is there any other games that are really useful?

World of Warcraft is an amazing game for psychic ability. Well, it has graphics, creativity, includes graphics. No, Well, it has graphics, creativity... Includes graphics! No, it eliminates the guesswork of where your character is standing on the screen. So wait, World of Warcraft isn't returned to Zork?

I'm not interested. You're interrupting my IGN review. Okay, please continue. It has graphics, creativity, online players, maps, survival. You can do all sorts of stuff in the game. Your psychic ability will be stretched in this game more than you realize if you start to practice, that is.

It's a fun way to develop your psychic side. 5.8. Personally, gaming has helped me a lot. I've tried pretty much every possible way that could help one to develop psychic ability. Three smileys freaking the fuck out. That's the face he makes after playing WoW for 14 straight hours.

No, I'm fine. I'm fine. I need more Mountain Dew. All right. Well, we need to switch topics here, and we need to talk a little bit about the topic of time travel. It's a very useful paranormal psychic thing to do. So, Jimmy Franks, you're within. The Jimmy Franks within.

I know, but what's his name? Unleash the Jimmy Franks within. I believe time is a man-made thing. Well, it's capitalized, so maybe it means the magazine. I mean, he's right there. The spirit world has no time. They don't go by a watch. I, a few years back, was experiencing travel in my sleep.

I was going into the spirit world every night when I would go my sleep. I was going into the spurt world every night when I would go to sleep. Did you find the insane clown posse there? I tend to go to spurt world to help me fall asleep. Hey. How do I know, you ask?

Well, every morning it was like I had no sleep at all. I was very, very tired. Working all the time, 7.24. Did not help. Oh, man, just changing it up on us. Working seven hours a day, 24 days a week. Yep, there you go.

Then again, time is not normal to spirits, so I guess that would make sense. Seven minutes a day, 24 minutes a week. So I started researching and I realized that what I was not doing and did not know to do Apparently none of these spirits are copy editors.

Was when I went to bed meditate just for a few minutes. Tell my spirit not tonight. I have a headache. I have a spirit ache. minutes, tell my spirit not tonight. I have a headache. I have a spirit ache. I would tell my spirit not tonight, and it worked. So now, when I want to let my spirit travel in my sleep, I meditate and tell myself, go ahead, visit the spirit world tonight.

And it works. If you have to. Sometimes I remember. Oh, hold on. I'm going to back up and hit works. If you have to. It works. Sometimes I remember. Oh, hold on. Let me back up and hit this. Sometimes I remember it, and other times I don't. And it's more don't than remember. But you're sure that you do it every time.

Okay. Yeah. Funny thing, even when I don't remember traveling, I know I went. When I remember going, it's more visiting friends and relatives. Relatives. It's more visiting friends and relatives. Hey, woman who thinks that remember is spelled remember, where are you from? Florida, why do you ask?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Makes sense. And then Common responds to this. Hello, I'm Common. Hi. You can tell I'm super smart because I open up this with, Well said. This is why time travel, there

is no time clockwise, but all night, you hear the year. Ah, of course, yep. Exemplar. Exemplar. Exemplar. It was exemplar.

John Titor never gave a time just a year. Well, it's strange that I heard of him, but on here and nowhere else that I had to look him up and then turn it around and ask my other half about Jahone Titor.

I guess it's a different guy. He said who? Time Traveler. Traveler. He never heard of him at all trevor he has seen a lot and been through two wars so anyone would know it would be him although he hasn't been feeling good lately just asking anyone did anyone find out is John Titor real or not? Because if so, then the voices I've been hearing can't be a time traveler, or at least a different time traveler. John Titor,

as Dole pointed out in the doc, is a frequently referenced thing on Coast to Coast. It's a person that has been... He's a person that has been, you know, he's a person that has time traveled. He's

got lots of evidence of the fact that he's time traveled. Yeah. Wikipedia. Anyway, my name's Kiyodai. Kiyodai. When you go beyond our three-dimensional world.

You are correct. Um, no, no, no, no, no. When you go beyond our three-dimensional world. There you go. You are correct. The spirits, astraling, etc. Astraling, project, fuck it, whatever. Are of the fourth dimension.

We're there is no time and space. I've received messages that were late. Or sometimes three years ahead. Someone fucked with the clock on my computer. At this point in my life, whether I'm doing tarot or something like that, I concentrate on 10x, say, three months,

because in that time frame, unless something drastic happens, it won't change too badly. But after three months, too much can happen. So many ellipses. I mean, there's so many ellipses. I have to truncate some of them,

because Jesus Christ. That's like how you participate in this site. Like you're not allowed to. What's your ellipses, motherfucker? Banned. Okay, so for the people listening, every four or so words, just pause whatever music player you're using for like five seconds. There you go.

Then you get the real experience. Yeah, I'll put it on the listener. Now I don't have to do it anymore. Okay. There you go. And you get the real experience. Yeah, I'll put it on the listener. Now I don't have to do it anymore. Okay. So, I mean, I had no car, lost all my money, and home, and within a week I had to get 400 to get a U-Haul or something to get my stuff out, but within two to three hours,

because of a suggestion from one single friend, I had a roof over my head and a kitchen to eat from, and eventually I then got my own place and was almost... Okay, here we go. And was almost literal... Literal. Literal Lyle.

It's literal Lyle. It's literal Lyle. Able to start fresh. And the way I had to a few years before that. But there are no limitations, really. Only suggestions to time travel, astral, dreamwalking, etc. Just the code of ethics or morals. Or whatever tersum you have for them to guide you in you doings and travels.

But you still have to be careful. I've recently found something interesting about myself spiritually, and I've also come into contact with a spiritual maker. It was not just a random spirit that was created. I was born of very old souls. Spirits. Here we go. Well, yeah, because you type like someone's grandpa just got a hold of the fucking computer.

I wear a lot of bow ties. I'm thinking there might be a connection between these astral day trippers and people that have to dig broken keyboards out of dumpsters. I have a very easy understanding of working without limitations of time or space. Of course, it does throw

thins off a bit if I'm busy with that while I'm asleep, and it carries on during the day, Lamal. So I lose track of time because I'm a time traveler. Oh my god, so much sense. I'm sorry to interrupt, Lemon, but I just wanted to let everybody know that the end of that

paragraph has a SMILEY FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. It is pretty incredible. This is my favorite character from the series. Kumquatsop just put something that's just a wall of all caps text.

Which we cannot read, but fucking hell. Here, I'm just going to read one paragraph out of here. The Haiti line item. Zombies, ants of hell, sufferers, in lean, mortgage, debt, slavery, in line, in lane, to the ant work, mutt, do menial work, mule carry, mine elem, mine salt minerals, coal metal, yeah, it's that. It's that for lots of words. It's pretty great.

Well, can we just put, like, can we print this out and put Stog in a room? Yeah, it's a modern art piece. Don't let him out until he's read it a hundred times. Yeah. No, it's a modern art piece. It's just, just like one single tv of him reading this to the screen like he would probably do it on like a nondescript chair like wearing wearing the giant david burns suit yeah there you go uh but you know i mean you're gonna get posts like this when michelle bachman isn't doing politics anymore the script writer's got to go somewhere. Hey, John.

Yeah. By which I mean John 1013. Oh, well, thank you for finally addressing me by my real name. Yeah, so I hear you're calling all psychics. Calling all psychics. And before you start in with your calling all psychics post, will you share the poll question that you have there? Yeah. Okay, there's two options on my poll.

What's the question first? You have to ask the question first. Okay, so the question is, dragged around the house by some force. Okay, what are my options? Number one is dragged around house by some force. Sorry, I said that wrong the first time. I hope I get another chance. Oh, I do.

Number two, dragged around house by some force. All right. So calling all psychics. Wait. Oh, calling all psychics. I'm a grand day fellow. During paranormal investigation,

attacks may happen, leaving physical marks, scratches, and burns. But one of the least reported types of attack would be the psychic. Perhaps most may be more familiar with the term possessed. Sure, yeah, we would be. Hitchhikers! As they are now commonly referred to. Sorry to throw out this crazy dragon at ya.

That was just what they called them back then. God. I know you're used to calling them lackadaisical car hoppers, but we call them hitchhikers now. They have the ability to saturate their victim with their intense emotion, giving a person the feeling of being possessed. As a victim will normally immediately recognize the fact that these emotions are not their own,

some may act out on the emotion while the others will resist. It's like some crazy hitchhiker saying things makes you feel an emotion of some sort, like anger or disgust. Let's see. But the facts are that these attacks happen and some can be vicious and last for weeks

or even months Fear of reporting such attacks are for obvious reasons So how can investigators protect themselves or guard against such attacks? And if attacked how can we fight back?

Three question marks Calling all psychics for help Three exclamation marks With space on our side. Yes, thank you. Now remember, you are dealing with mostly non-psychics, so any ideals or advice on this matter would be greatly

appreciated. And that is a thread with 18 pages of responses. It's been read 13,000 times. And I like, I just like... Guru Boo is the first to respond, and he says,

I'm certainly no expert, but text. Yep. That thread looks very fun and is good, but time is short, and that means that we have to make some hard, hard decisions. Hard decisions. I'm born. I usually like Jimmy Franks to make these decisions.

I feel like he's got an eye for these things. So Jimmy Franks, and this is not an easy choice. This is my favorite part of the podcast. So Jimmy Franks, two choices here. Number one, ants with human eyes. Oh, my God. Sweet. Oh, my God. Are you familiar with that? This is a Dream Ants with Human Eyes. Sweet. Oh my god.

Familiar with that? This is a DreamWorks movie. Yep. So that's number one. And number two is Lucifer and How I'm Back. Man, that is a tough choice. Yeah, I told you. How Lucifer got his groove back. But, you know,

if you're talking Beelzebub, we got to go with number two. I feel like. All right. I'm feeling that. I want ants with human eyes. Well, now the human eyes on those ants look really sad. Jimmy Frank says, doomed us to Lucifer. So you're Dave.

No, I'm sorry. You're Dave. Dave. No, it's DJ V you're Dave. Dave. No, it's DJ Vive. Oh, yeah. C'est la vie. I love the paranormal. Oh, wait.

What? That was a different guy. Everybody loves the paranormal. That's a default message. We all love the paranormal down here. Well, that's what I love. Earlier on, I forget who it was, but a bunch of them were like, I love the paranormal. And then somebody else could change theirs.

So they changed it to, I am the paranormal. Everyone loves me. I am the paranormal. Yeah. There you go. Well, we all know angels exist. They are either reincarnated as human or are pure spiritual. I believe I am one of these high angels, and the one I believe I am is Lucifer.

Uh-huh. Sure, okay. Lucifer is not not evil. He is a worker of God, and God gave him a decision. Leave heaven, but live amongst earth as the cleanser, or stay with him up there. Lucifer chose to be a cleanser. Lucifer is older than time and is the purpose of the new world order. This world will fall again.

My army is here. You see them as aliens. I see them as my children. I have more than one species, and we are here to make change. I'm not too sure what I want to do yet is either purify or elo sin to engulf, but I know I won't do the second one. Have you all felt

all your life like you don't belong? Have you always felt different from everyone else? Do you have a very active but intellectual imagination streak? Are you highly psychic? Do you feel as if there's a stone in your soul waiting to get out and explode into something beautiful? Baby, you're a firework. Do people see you as different?

Were you energetic in school and felt it was too boring for it, being too easy, comma, comma, comma, then most likely you'll angel me being as I am and knowing through shapeshifting is crazy, but you who is the elect are safe, for I am not unlocked yet, but will be by 2016. God will talk through me, and I will do thy judgment. Don't believe me.

Ask a question about you, and I'll answer it. Don't say impossible is impossible. Einstein created the light bulb, everyone. Never thought it was possible till he proved him wrong. Also ask the greys about me. They may tell you dependent on their mood message me. I don't know what they want from me. It's like the more angels we come across.

And then did you have any sort of follow-up to that post there? When the first bomb drops, the real war begins, and all the fates of people will be left to me on behalf of the great Lord. 2016 is when it's going to happen. My army's strapped as Benson, and you shall fall onto it. My army strappers, Benson, and you shall fall onto it. Pretty metal. She bought a Samsung Galaxy 3 by me.

Man, that was good. Kumquatsap, did you have a response to that? Yeah, so this is a bit off topic. My name is Nicoletta. I've made two posts. One of them is this one. And I signed up just to ask this question. I thought this would be an appropriate thread to post in.

I'm selling a pair of my goat leggings. A pair of my goat leggings. A pair. Mint condition. Never worn. Goat leggings for sale condition. Never worn. Goat leggings for sale. Never used. That is more of a story.

Just put it on Greg's list in the goat leggings section, idiot. Well, apparently that was a good choice because the immediate next post is somebody expressing interest and asking if they do alterations. Oh. Hi, I'm 51 Degrees. I'm a boy band that never took off. My motto is Kyle Eli. Well, your band never took off because you didn't have any goat leggings. Yeah.

I roll smiley. Nice, Nicoletta. I may be interested in those leggings. Question. Do you do alterations? Those leggings appear to be European design. I can tell because the crotch appears small. Take that, you French fuck! Boom!

Ice burn. Spirit said knock you out. Goat leggings, monster cock. All right. Goat leggings monster cock Alright The last post that we are going to read here Is about Sex with spirit guides Because duh Now for the next hour and a half of reading

Yeah So support text Your name is Lauren Aus And I can give you some advice, what kind of advice would you like? Um, yeah, okay, so, um, I'm Lauren in the Aus, and, uh, sex with spirit guides and angels. What? That was, that was a heavy reading. Oh, sorry.

I am aware of succubus and incubus. And I know there is such thing as astral sex. And sex on the other side side which is more of a combining of energies. Oh, that's how he sold it to you, huh? But I am also on another spiritual forum and I'm starting to question

Hey! It's more about talking to waifus on the other side is fine. Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure. And I'm starting to questionifus on the other side. It's fine. Okay. Oh, yeah. Sure, sure, sure. And Em's starting to question the sanity of the posters there. Yeah, they're just weird. There's a whole thread on having sex with angels and guides. One poster was talking about how she was having sex with a very known archangel, and afterwards the archangel playfully stared at her ass.

Huh? How do you playfully stare? Playfully. Playfully stare. I command thee to turn around and bend over. Yeah. Wink. You're actually Gabriel? Yeah, baby, I am.

Excuse my judging tongue. This is my judging voice, but I thought sex was for reproduction and was more of a human experience. Well, angels are here to protect and guide us. Oh, see them putting a tutu together.

This might be kind of stupid shit, yeah. Other posters were talking about how their legs shook after having sex with angels. I either need someone to explain what this means or I'm losing respect for these so-called beings from the light

because they're dirty. Yeah, you slutty angels! They're pig disgusting just like 3Ds. I was hoping they'd be beyond the human experience and were pure I'm no prude

yeah you fucking are I'm no prude but this conflict of roles rubs me the wrong way. Man, you are fucked up in so many ways. And behold, by his right hand, I saw a creature with the head of a goat, and it was looking hot.

It was hot. Well, my name's Angle Hith, and I'm online right now. This is a long post, but I will be editing it down as I'm reading it. So let me start. That's really... I think the easiest way to answer the question is not why spirit guides and angels have sex with humans or how, but why the humans

who claim this feel the need to place human emotions and experiences on heavenly beings. I'm going to use these two words to include both spirit guides and angels. That's actually a good question. Let me just put this all in the contract here. Heavenly beings are, by definition, heavenly, right? They do not succumb to human emotion as we do.

They do not feel emotion as we do. They do not even function the same as we do. They are comprised entirely of energy, as we are, but there is a huge difference between us and them. Right? You're comprised entirely of energy, right? Kumquat is. I guess that makes sense.

Well, I am a smiley freaking the fuck out. I'm just a glowing orb of light with a headset on it. We've transcended human life. Indeed, spirit guides are often humans who have died and moved on to the next phase of existence. Now, with all that, romantic and sexual relationships between humans and angels slash spirit guides have been around for a while.

The biggest example is Jesus. Yeah! I'm on the edge. Having been born from a human mother and the Holy Spirit, you could even include the statue of, quote, Ecstasy and St. Teresa in there, which Dan Brown featured in his novel. Oh, well, if Dan Brown is involved, then case closed. Look, Dan Brown is not the only reference material I have, you see,

because it has been romanticized in the last couple of decades, especially when television programs make it sexy to be in love and have sex with demons or angels. For example, the television show Charmed. Okay, now it's credible. I was making poking fun before. And sometimes demons just

kind of punch people with their giant rock hands, as in the documentary Hellboy. just kind of punch people with their giant rock hands as in the documentary Hellboy? Then we look at the topic further. These women and or men truly believe that they can be satisfied sexually with heavenly beings. We are not applying the fact that heavenly beings cannot have sexual relationship with humans.

Going further, they perhaps don't believe that earthly men and women can give them the same pleasure, so they place these attributes of being lustful beings onto heavenly beings. Have any of them said that their husband or boyfriend couldn't produce the same results? More than likely. It's like a fucking Dr. Phil episode. What I am trying

to say is that these women slash men seriously do not believe that they can experience normal sexual encounters, so they fantasize and truly believe that heavenly beings can give them what they want. See also, Loki wives. Uh-huh.

Yeah, see also, I don't know, 20 episodes or so of this podcast. But you were talking about the leg shaking thing, and that's interesting. So the leg shaking after sex is likely one of the after effects of an orgasm. But it really depends on the person. Sometimes it is a tremor. Sometimes it is almost like a seizure. Depends on who you're talking to.

Broke into the Godfrog deadhead restroom. More than likely, these women and men have never experienced an orgasm. Yep. And I bet after fantasizing and creating these constructs, they could get there because their constructs knew exactly what to do. Because the person knew what would get them there, but they didn't know how to... Okay, never mind, never mind.

Because, yeah. And the added fact of their constructs having been a heavenly being. Then, one needs to take into account that some of these people are, and I'm sorry, just making it up for the attention. What? What? Some of them are! It's so sad! Some of them are doing it for the art.

I mean, some of them have actual cum golem. Some of them have a pony tulpa. You don't know. They haven't created a construct, but like the attention, these people eagerly... The people eager... The people...

Fuck it. I don't care. That sentence sucks. They are the ones just going with the flow, and on forums, it is usually a good group of them. I won't even get into the physical implications of how Sex the Spirit Guide or Angel would work, or when you share energy with a heavenly being

because it'll take too long. It's a little sad that they think they have to turn to heavenly beings in order to revel in their own sexuality. Concerned about virtue, Smiley. That's the face I make when I'm concerned about virtue. No, it isn't healthy that they form constructs in their mind in order to get there. And then a picture of pubic hair, I think.

Yeah. Hello, my name is Equal Minus Spirit. Oh, good. It's Equal Minus Spirit. He's always got something intelligent to contribute. You may remember me from my elaborate hammer metaphor. If you do not have a bicycle, no one can offer you to teach you how to ride it. Wise words.

That's true. Hey, Equal Spirit. Didn't you share some more helpful advice on page three? Probably about another household object. Probably. Equal Spirit says questions equals answers. Questioning answers greater than greater than knowledge. It never ceases to amaze me that people can accept that spirits can throw things,

push people, and start fires. people and start fires. You will not accept that spirits can manifest physical energy and forms and therefore have sex. In fairness, that actually does make sense. Like, people say,

oh, the spirit will, like, set people on fire, but having sex with a person? Now that's just silly. Well, if they try to start a fire, and that's the way they try and have sex, then yeah. It never ceases to amaze me that spirits can start fires and then blame it on me.

Spirits are assholes. It never ceases to amaze me that people can say they have sex and blame it on me. In fact, almost 40 years ago, there was a book written about haunted places in

Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. In that book, one of the contributors talked about two female spirits slash ghosts that did his laundry. Then they made him a sandwich. Am I right? Female ghosts.

Well, the ghosts don't want to get a spanking. Ah, ghost sandwich. Cleaned up the dirty dishes and even vied with each other for the right slash reward of having...

So the ghost of Pokey Girl's died. Oh no, this house is full of scary things like twins. They had both told him their names, and he was able to verify that he was able to verify that they had both committed suicide in his home years before he bought it. And now they're super horny. Because they knew what was waiting for them on the other side and it was this dick!

They killed themselves because no dick would satisfy them. Oh, thank God he moved into the house. So, what's two ghost girls like you doing in a house like this? You can't spell suicide without the D. Love it. Also,

previous occupants and friends of his were able to testify that they, too, had interacted with these ghosts. I like the ghost bicycle. Everybody got a ride. And then, John, just the last paragraph of the last post on here. Oh, are you addressing me, Electra17? Electra17? Yeah, my motto is love, light, and peace!

I love this! I really like knowing all of the genders of the people on this forum. Hey, every other forum that we go to, please do that. Yeah, that makes it a lot less confusing for us. It's way easier to make fun of you. I appreciate it.

Thank you. Hey. What? I got something to say. Okay. Spirit guides and angels do not have sex. They don't experience emotion and desires the way humans do. They've made a choice to help humans through the journeys

and experiencing the full range of human emotions slash desires would negatively impact their ability to do so. Remember, they are higher beings of the light. Of course, yeah. They aren't subject to our experiences any longer. Also, not to say there's some sort of code book, but I'm pretty sure it violates some sort of ethical statute. I have to go under peer review.

With Boo-Berry and fucking Slimer. Human spirits may be able to lust after other humans. I've had negative encounters with spirits that use sexual domination slash tool to assert power and engender fear. That use sexual domination tool.

They all use their sexual domination tool. Right. They all use their sexual domination tool. It's like that Doctor Who thing. Yeah. Sonic fuck driver. I'm not saying that I've ever had a sexual encounter with a spirit. Just that some of the lower level ones aren't above using it as a method to scare.

I don't think there's an actual sexual desire. They pop into your house and they go, Ghost dogs! I'm just going to point out that one of the links on the footer here says ghost cams. It does.

Live ghost cams? That's terrific! Hey, look, it's a bunch of boring rooms with nobody in them! I really hope a guy with a sheet like this walks across the room every once in a while. You know, it's not worth it. They always say they're free, but for them to do anything interesting, you always get paid. Hey, ghost, touch your pussy! Uh, what did we learn from this

bunch of bullshit? F plus? That I have to use more ellipses to see ghosts? Yeah. I think that's what's keeping you there. The problem between you and reality is punctuation.

The pause is where the ghost lives. The main thing to take away from this is something that shows up in every single stupid paranormal psychic alien bullshit we've ever seen is that since this shit doesn't exist, there is absolutely no way to have a

definitive, like, is this how it works, is it not? Like, every single episode we do that has shit like this will be like, well, I think I'm a dragon, and this is how dragons fly, and someone else goes, well, I actually, I think this is the actual physics of how dragons fly, and I think dragons are just spirits,

and I think they're angels and all that shit. Since it doesn't fucking exist, nobody can agree on how this shit is supposed to work. Yeah, there's no central text. No, but, but, but, Portax is actually the authoritative canonical source of this because she's the most Pokemon. That is true. That's true.

She's divine the most. No, this is like, this always reminds me, this kind of thing we read always reminds me of like, when you were like, when I was a kid and I'd play with my friends and we tried to play a game where we were just like, I'm Superman. Well, I'm Han Solo. Well, I shoot you and I'm dead. No, I'm not dead. I'm super, you know, it's like, like and you just like you would argue about what actually happened in this made up game you're playing because you didn't have anything like any concrete rules

or who you were or how to win or anything so you just do that forever that's these people's entire lives like they just do that for everything forever yeah this is the Calvin nice nice yeah I would say that like you know in the hundred and i don't know maybe 70 at this point

episodes that we've done like like there's there's two groups um it's either the uh the support groups uh where they're like i have a problem uh or or these uh sort of paranormal psychic ones like these are the forums where everybody absolutely just talks completely past each other they all just sign up in the same thing it's like why why even be in the same forum what the fuck why not just open up night notepad type into it and close it for the same fucking effect yeah because then you wouldn't get to argue well but then the thing is is that like is that like you know the, I mean, is sort of open and cheap. So why not?

You know, why not just create all of these different bulletin boards that are all like, OK, so for people that believe that all ghosts have sex with people, but they're all gay, sign up here. Like, you know, sign up here. Like, you know, divide and conquer, right? Are you describing Tumblr? Yep. The other thing that I learned is smiley face breaking the fuck out is the funniest looking thing in the world to me. It's in a tab right now

and I can't stop looking at it. Yeah, I opened it up in its own tab. Pretty good. The website is as always, thefbl.us. That's a place where you can comment on episodes. All of the episodes are there,

as well as other stuff, like that lady video that I did like 10 years ago. I liked it. The bingo game that I mentioned earlier, as well as some links to the secret project coming up eventually.

And you can always hit the flatter button, and we would appreciate it if you do that. That's a sort of optional way to sort of donate to the podcast, which is nice. The forum is Ball Pits, and Portex, hey, sell people on Ball Pit why should people sign up for Ball Pit you should be on Ball Pit because it has a bunch of nerds arguing with each other over which

internet thing they hate the most and that's my favorite thing ever this is Portex for Ball Pit thank you I don't think I can pay you in full for that voice over but I still appreciate it. All right, thanks so much.

Have a good night. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.