The F Plus - 169: I'm Gonna Cuddle Everybody In This Room

Episode Date: March 13, 2015

Being social animals, humans need human contact. There's been research done, but it's a self evident truth: We feel better about ourselves when we think there are others in our lives who support and comfort us. But what if nobody cares about you? Well, in that case you sign up for a cuddle party. A cuddle party is a place where people touch each other in a nonsexual way, insist that the way they touch each other is nonsexual, and use the word "boundaries" a lot. And if you aren't creeped out just yet, hit the play button and find out how long it'll take. This week, The F Plus puts touch in your sex.

I also like how at first glance the cuddlery logo totally looks like a dick you have to squint your eyes and be like oh it's two spoons hugging each other it's not like a cock with pistachios for testicles you got the touch

you got the touch. You got the power. Yeah! Hey there, welcome to the F Plus Podcast. It's a safe and warm and welcoming place, and you're going to hear terrible things read with enthusiasm. In the room tonight, we have Boots Reingear. I'm available for platonic and holistic cuddling session, completely platonic. I will come over and give you the gift of healing touch. John Toast. You're cuddling the time the way you want.

Victor Laszlo, I'm sort of a gray A, which means that I'm mostly asexual, which means that I'm not too big on sex. That's why I'm on a cuddle site, not a sexy one. You get what I mean? Nope. Poor Tex! Toast, will you cuddle with me?

Ugh. Everyone's favorite Finn, it's Montreth. I'm Jeremy and I'll fucking cuddle you. With my teeth. And Lemon. Now I know what I was missing and often confusing with my sexual needs all these years before I met my husband. I took finding him before I felt safe enough to ask for a cuddle when I needed him.

I'm catching up on years of cuddle deprivation now. Oh, the poor bastard. Lucky guy. Come on, cuddle a guy. Go to the guy. Hey, F+. Hey, Lemon. Hey, Lemon. Hey, things are looking up for all of us today.

Oh, really? I'm glad. Good, yeah. Okay, so, you know, over the course of this podcast and the, you know, number of episodes we've done, we've done a lot of very gross fetishes, right? You know, from dragon dildos to the lift and carry fetish that I still don't understand. Dick bugs.

There's still a watch fetish episode on the horizon, which is confusing to me, but all of this sort of gross human sexuality stuff that can really be off-putting. And it's probably costing us listeners. Oh, yeah. Yeah, exactly yeah and gaining us other listeners right so uh i want to uh spend tonight uh doing a very uh you know

light-hearted um enjoyable not at alled-up community of cuddle parties. Cuddling! Does this also include snuggling by any chance? Snuggling! I think that might be a little too racy for this community. So we're going to start off, appropriately enough, at CuddleParty.com. You'll see they have hidden the Double Dare logo inside of their own logo. Oh, hey.

Yeah, exactly. The physical challenge is a hug. So this is CuddleParty.com. It's about the healing power of human touch and the community that that brings. I think we're all going to be sort of emotionally um better uh by the time this episode's over so so boots i got a question for you what is a cuddle party oh a cuddle party is a playful social event for adults to explore communication boundaries and affection boundaries Boundaries? Yes. I know my boundaries already. Running out

the door. They're about a hundred miles away from a cuddle party. My boundary is your front door. You can come to a cuddle party to meet new people, to enjoy amazing conversations, to touch, to be touched, to have fun, to practice asking

for what you want, to practice saying no to what you don't want. That's always so much fun, asking people what you want. Don't touch me! If I want to practice saying no, don't touch me over and over again, I'll just ride on the bus.

I'll just be a woman for a day. Oh, we should try that, Boots. All of the settings structure to be a safe place for exploration and enjoyment. You can even come to a cuddle party just to cuddle. I mean, I kind of thought... I didn't know that there was so many loaded down extras. I got a little bit more, so I feel like... Okay, so that's what a cuddle party is.

So am I right in thinking that it's a welcome circle and a mini workshop? Is that right? We'll find out. After you arrive at the event location, sign in and change into pajamas in the private changing area. The cuddle party starts with an hour-long welcome circle led by a certified cuddle party facilitator. Oh my god. That's right, a certified cuddle party facilitator.

Are there uncertified, like, rogue cuddle party facilitators? I'm sorry. Yeah, he's giving the rest of them a bad name. I'm sorry, I got stuck at hour-long welcome circle. I don't care who the hell is leading it. Remember, if your family members express any

concern about the cuddle party, they actually don't care about you. We do. We care about you. If someone comes up to you on the street and says they're a certified cuddle party facilitator, make sure you see their identification. Alright, well, tell me a little bit more. This welcome circle is where we create the structure and safe space

for the socializing to follow. It's also where we break the ice and get a group of strangers to feel not so strange to one another. You know what's strange to me? Fucking cuddling with strangers. Problem. God, everything is so euphemistic. That's okay. And then we happy and the touch and the feel good.

It's okay. These upcoming bullet points will probably comfort you. Like my cuddle party. I'm always comforted by bullet points. This is where you and other cuddle party participants can introduce yourselves, learn about the cuddle party philosophy, get oriented

to the cuddle party rules, practice the cuddle party communication skills, and be led through a few icebreaker exercises. When you go through the rules, how come when you say no fucking, you always do that finger quote thing? I want to see a debate between, like,

Nietzsche, Schopenhauer, you know, Hume, and the cuddle party philosopher. So, okay, so great Cuddle Party Philosophers throughout history. I ignore personal space, therefore I am. So, okay, so then, you know, then after we got our introductions, then there's two hours of self-directed adventure and connection, as we would all assume. What? Indiana Jones? Yeah, that happens.

And then there's a closing circle. Can you tell me about the closing circle? At the end of the event, after the traditional puppy pile, for those wishing to participate in human lasagna, Wait, no! I can make that phrase worse!

Does that mean... I thought you said this wasn't a gross episode, Lemon. It's not, it's about touch. It's very nice. Then what did we just read? Emotionally uplifting. I love human lasagna, I hate human Mondays. At this point, I would actually feel better

if this turned out this was a front for a homicidal maniac who cops people up into human lasagna and eats them. Oh, at this point? Come on! If this turned out to be a cult, it would improve my perception of this group. At the mention

of human lasagna, my dog started licking my hand, so... Uh-oh. Bad timing, dog. Bad timing. The Cuddle Lifeguards conduct a brief closing circle What? To share with you some

Some people stay under the dock, man. To share with you some closing thoughts for the road. Encourage you to bring your learnings with you as you travel forward and give everyone a chance to share any parting thoughts with the group. I'm grossed out. See ya.

Look, your fucking derision is coming from a place of ignorance, as it usually does. So that's fine, because you have questions. I know you have questions. And there's a whole page of frequently asked questions.

Why? Why? I know you have questions, and there's a whole page of frequently asked questions. Hi! So, Victor, I got a question for you. Who comes to cuddle parties? Freaks. Oh, the answer, Bill Arning. Yeah, that was a nice answer, but it was a pretty short answer. I'm sure Victor can give a longer one. I'll tell you who comes to cuddle parties.

Singles. We often have more singles than couples. Singles really appreciate the opportunity to enjoy some simple physical contact without, as one participant said, getting into a situation. Judge told me. One more strike and I'm out. Also, couples often find that the short boundary and communication workshop we start each event with

actually helps them at home, too. Yeah, because nothing is more fun than bringing your quarrels and relationship troubles into a space. Okay, so you have both singles and couples. That's pretty impressive. What other possible groups could you have? We have women.

Oh, yeah. There's like a big stamp on there now with women. Women are sometimes afraid they will be expected to be close to someone they don't want to be, but they always discover that we really mean it when we lead the guests through practice in stating our choices and boundaries, including saying no. Very often, women find the nurturing, with both men and women, to be just what they wanted but didn't know was possible until now.

Do you want to cuddle? No. Do you want to cuddle? No. Do you want to cuddle? No. Well, this was enriching. Goodbye.

I'm feeling skeptical about all this, Victor. Well, if you're feeling skeptical about cuddling with men you don't know, please check out this article entitled Women Skeptics. Is that people that don't believe that women really exist? These strange creatures known as women.

The title of the post is Men Are Bastards! and other tales of the general skepticism of women about men. And it's written by Marsha Baxill, the queen bee of the stuffed animal kingdom. Okay, I just looked at the

random section of the text and it starts, a male cuddle monster. Okay, so you have singles, you have couples, you have women, anything else? We also have men. Oh yeah, that makes sense.

There's a social idea that men only want sex. It's not true. Yep. Men are just as appreciative of opportunities for non-sexual cuddling as are women. Sure, they don't see it as an in or anything.

What do you mean an in? You mean in your pajamas? This is about cuddling women. Like... Yeah, when I was in your basement after F Plus Live, I spent all that time with Bunny Break cuddling. Well, that's not fair, because all that time with Bunny Break cuddling. Well, that's not fair, because everyone does that with Bunny Break.

Yeah. So, uh, so you've got young and old, you've got beginners. Is there any other groups that you have? Well, we have our special varsity cuddlers. Da-da-da-da! Oh, it's Moose! These folks dive

right to the middle of the puppy pile, are comfortable and relaxed from the start. Their comfort is usually contagious. No. They got something contagious anyway. Yep, that's not all that's contagious. So is the thing that's dripping out of their neck. That's comfort.

Virgil the Drippy Cuddler. Hey, poor Tex. Why would anyone need to learn how to cuddle? Good fucking question. Why would anyone need to learn how to cuddle? Well, we have found at the hundreds of parties we have facilitated that it's not the cuddling that most people come to learn. Yeah, sure.

It is the boundaries and communication skills that are most appreciated by our guests. I came to this party to find out how far I'm allowed to touch other people. The way that you just say the word boundaries over and over again really puts me at ease. I didn't come to touch

other people. I came to learn when I can touch other people to the point they tell me to stop. Once boundaries, choice, and communication become easier, the cuddling happens quite naturally. Don't you want to get into a pile of people, many of which don't understand how boundaries work? Does that sound fun? It's the only way they'll learn. fun. It's the only way they'll learn.

Okay, so one more question for you. Sure. I don't know why I'm asking this, but what if no one wants to cuddle with me? Then you are a furry. Sad trombone. Everyone, including you, has a choice about who and how to share touch. Touch. That's not a sentence.

Who to share touch. That means that there may be people who say no to your invitation. Maybe. But you're learning your boundaries, so who's to say? However, it has not happened yet that a guest finds no one willing to cuddle with them. There's a challenge. As far as they know. Even if it did, you can always ask our facilitator for some help and support.

Hey, bitch! I was picked last for cuddle. Teacher, can you cuddle with me? This Chicago dog's looking for a bun! Not sexually, of course. Oh, right! And, uh,

one more thing. And what if I get turned on? Oh, well, you know, it would never happen. You know, never, ever. Like, who would ever get turned on to these things? Never, never. Well, okay, it happens sometimes.

It happens sometimes. It's perfectly normal when we are close to people, especially if we don't have much chance to enjoy touch that is not about sex. Our agreement is to not act on it.

It goes away. Really, it does. But sometimes it leaves a mess before it does. What'd you get with touch? Avert your eyes from your own boner. Don't feed the sumo. Bounce your eyes away. Just

trying not to think about it just makes me think about it more. Oh, I've got a question. Why can't I bring my kids? Oh, no! Oh, no! Well, you see, cuddle parties are for adults to relax.

Federal and state statutes require... 18 and up for legal and safety reasons. We do, however, have... I'm sorry. We do, however, have a few certified facilitators who are pioneering family cuddle parties. Oh god damn it!

Where a limited number of children are allowed with their parents. No. No. Not. No. And an unlimited number of adults. Sure. Now remember, not all facilitators, hashtag, have the

option to try this if it interests you contact us at cuddle party HQ and we will fucking call the cops yeah I'm just imagining like some weird guy like please email

detective rogers at cuddle party HQ dot com god damn it there's a cuddle party police squad CuddlePartyHQ.com Oh my god. Damn it. There's the Cuddle Party Police Squad. CPPB. Get on the ground or I will throw stuffed animals at you. Get on the ground!

Get on the ground! There's one that's too long to read, but I like the tone of it, which is, Why should I have to pay for cuddling? And the first sentence is, You don't! should I have to pay for cuddling? And the first sentence is, you don't! No one could possibly charge for cuddling. And then it goes on to say, however, there's other things that we charge for, so yeah! I think we'll find out that lots of people can charge for cuddling. Yeah, that one right there.

It's not as impossible as a slime. Wait, you pay for the space, atmosphere, band, and janitor, and in case you need it, the bouncer. Cuddle bouncer. In case you have to get thrown out. Sorry, do the pajamas really stay on? Yep. Thanks. Yep. That's why they have a hole in the butt

uh okay because we're all prospectors we're already we're already we're already uh at a choice uh i'm gonna let john toast take this choice here. Oh, yay. All right. So this document, by the way, put together by a partnership between Portex and Montreth. One to Twin Powers Activate. Continental cuddling. Their boundaries with each other are whole countries. Entire oceans.

But they're well-defined, at least. I was at work a couple days ago, and poor Tex goes, oh, I got this idea for a cuddle party, Doc. I need to put it together. But I'm kind of stalled out. And so I got on Steam. That's his monotrip.

And now there's a document. So anyway, you get to make a choice here. Okay. Piece number one is entitled More Spoon for Your Buck, colon,

How to Make the Most Out of Your Cuddle Party Experience. And it's by Reed Mahiko, the Warren Buffett of Snuggling. All right,

so which one of us is changing our podcast name to this? Wrong choice. The other one is Confessions of a Christian Cuddler. I wish that was all started with K's. I think I'm going to go with the first one. Alright! Because I need some tips.

I don't blame you for wanting to read from the Warren Buffet of snuggling. I would just like to let you know. I don't blame you for wanting to read from the Warren Buffett of snuggling. Better than the Donald Trump of snuggling, I'll tell you that right now. Oh, God, what a horrible thought. Yep. All right, well, let's start us off here. Hello there. I'm Reed Mahal, the Warren Buffett of snuggling, and I'm going to tell you how to get more spoon for your buck.

How to make the most out of your cuddle party experience. Okay. You've heard or read about cuddle parties enough times that you finally check the website, said to yourself in your best skeptical voice, huh, seems harmless enough. Three hours of massage, spooning, and conversation's not pretty okay. Yeah, that sure was my first reaction to all this. It's not a very good

skeptical voice. So you read about cuddle parties enough and you thought to yourself, hmm, this could work for an F-plus episode. Then your boss calls up and yells at you for ten minutes after which the idea of cuddling a bunch of strangers sounds like heaven. There's a

nice little snapshot of the psyche right there. It's like the picture of the person that's walking around with a cigarette in their hand going like, God, I just want to hug someone! Fucking, jeez. The reason your boss yells at you

is because you're looking at fucking cuddle party sites when you're working. Well, the please fire me sign didn't work, so this'll do it. In a moment of hug-fest crave-induced courage, you email your RSVP for the next cuddle party. And now you're thinking, what the heck do I do now? How do I make the most of all this?

Make sure nobody can call the police. Well, I'm glad you asked, because here's the 4-1-1 on getting the most food for your buck. Radical tubular, baby. As the kids say. All right, great. So you've got an enumerated list. I love those. I love those.

I sure do. Here are our top ten tips. Our top ten tips on how to get the most out of a cuddle party. Great, cool. Number ten. Even if you're feeling a tad nervous, participate in the welcome circles,

hug exercise, and the now world famousfamous Cow Exercise. What? What? Whoa. That's where you jerk the guy off, right? It's just cow tipping. World-famous.

Come on. You may have heard all the news reports about five people dying in the last Cow Exercise. That's just a hoax. Come see the world-famous Cow Exercise. Number nine. After the cow exercise, an amazingly silly exercise designed to make us feel less self-conscious about being serious

grown-ups who shouldn't be touching feelings with one another. Be prepared that your self-conscious inner critic voice will mug your playful side and try to tell you that you're nuts for coming to a couple party. Your inner critic is just scared. Let us break you down

so that we can rebuild you as a couple party participant. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's like Est, but with more cuddling. Now I know everything inside your body is going to tell you that this is a terrible idea. Ignore that. Your inner critic, or as we like to call it outside, dignity.

That's just pride fucking with you. Fuck pride. Oh, let's see. Your inner critic is just scared. Our advice? Say, thanks, inner critic, but I'm going to keep cuddling right now. Take a deep breath,

and stay put for at least two minutes. We'll bring out the restraints. By the way, you have to stay for another two minutes every time you feel doubt. This is about boundaries, but if you feel doubt, that's how they get you to stay.

I'm leaving! One, two, three. Maybe I shouldn't leave. 1, 2, 3 Maybe I shouldn't leave 1, 2 Number 8 If you have difficulty saying no Powerfully in your everyday life Announce during the welcome circle that you're here to practice saying no

And invite everyone to get at least One no from you today Oh dear So if you want to fuck me You gotta ask me twice and invite everyone to get at least one note from you today. Oh dear. So if you want to fuck me, you gotta ask me twice. We have to like have like, you know, a majority vote in the Senate. It's the opposite of cuddling like. Coming to a party and telling everyone to get the fuck away from me. Yeah.

Listen, I didn't come here to cuddle. I came here to tell y'all to fuck off. Yeah, don't fuck me. Listen, I didn't come here to cuddle. I came here to tell y'all to fuck off. Yeah, don't fuck me. But now I gotta stay another two minutes. Number seven. If you're really scared about getting rejected, go to the person in number eight above. Invite them to

snuggle and receive a big, fat, scary no. Knowing that not only are you helping them work on their stuff but you don't have to take their rejection personally. Ask yourself how scary really was it to get rejected? I feel like we

flipped at some point. It was about now I want to do this when before it was like I didn't know if I want to do this when before it was like, I didn't know if I wanted to do this. How scary was it to get rejected

from a person I went to explicitly get rejected by? Yeah. So now I'm just imagining everyone else is cuddling, there's two people on the side.

One of them is like, do you want to cuddle with me? No. Do you want to cuddle with me? No. Do you want to cuddle with me? No. All you want to cuddle with me? No. Do you want to cuddle with me? No. Alright, let's skip down to number five, please.

Alright, number five. If you're one of those people who loves to cuddle, let everyone know that you're a cuddle support. Genetically engineered to spoon. And that's the cue for everyone else to leave you the fuck alone.

That's a weirdly shaped person. My cuddle savant. I'm the robo-cop of cuddling. It's the only thing I do well. If only I could get paid for this, but nobody would pay to cuddle. I'm just walking up, giving a criminal a tight hug.

Your move, creep. You don't understand, I'm the Bobby Fisher, giving him a criminal tight hug. Your move, creep. You don't understand. I'm the Bobby Fisher of cuddling. Do you see? He once cuddled ten people at one time. He cuddled a man in Reno just to watch him snuggle. All right. Invite the group to see you for foot rubs, hand massages, back rubs,

back of the head scratching, full body hugs, etc. etc. You know, blah blah blah fucking blah blah blah. You can even ask the shy people if they'd be okay with you asking them to cuddle. Ask them if you can ask them, okay.

I can't parse that. Just make sure you give them room to say no powerfully and that you get a verbal yes. Because that's what shy people are good at. Make them sign a form. Shy people are really good at forceful no's. What's number four? Well, number four.

Practice checking in with the people you're cuddling every once in a while by asking them things like, Is this okay? I'm sorry. I don't have the right voice for that. Things like, Is this okay? Is how I'm touching you right now good for you? Is there another way you'd prefer to be touched?

How would you like to be cuddled? There really is another way I'd prefer to be touched. Is the absence of touching a touching option? Is this bug you? Is this bug you? I'm touching you. I am touching you. I am touching you. I am touching you. Well, you're cuddling yourself. Invite

them to ask you for what they'd like as well. Come here to give other people what they want. Let's go skip to number two. Number two. Don't be afraid to cuddle mingle with everyone who's a yes. Meaning, make sure you

cuddle with everyone you want to, as long as they are a yes. I don't know if I can emphasize how much you should really get consent for all this shit. That last part was me. This is important because some people who are so scared, no one will cuddle with them. Okay. Because some people are so scared, no one

will cuddle with them, that they stay with the first person who says yes for the entire cuddle with them. Well, some people... Okay. Because some people are so scared no one will cuddle with them that they stay with the first person who says yes for the entire cuddle party. Oh, this is just my backup cuddler. You know, it's just... You're the one I was wanting. You're my security cuddle. There's nothing wrong with this. There's nothing wrong with this.

But if you want to switch cuddle partners, take a deep, fear-releasing breath and announce, I'm going to cuddle-mingle the room now. Please excuse me. I'm going to cuddle everyone in this motherfucking room! And next, by the way, you need to unleash that inner cuddle monster of yours.

It says that, Rar. So what we've just learned is there's a very fine line between being a parasite and a cuddler. Yeah, I'm basically a tick when you think about it. Am I sucking out the blood good enough? Sucking out my will to live. Realize, number one. We hit the top one here.

All right, here we go. Realize that a cuddle party is a safe space for you to make yourself feel uncomfortable. Wait. Think about it. This means you might want to explore the edges of what's usually comfortable for you and see what's possible. Try it. You might like it. That is so fucked up.

I'm already at the edge of what's comfortable by being here. I don't know. Blur your boundaries, like blur your boundaries maybe. Yeah, exactly. Test your boundaries with people that we're encouraging to not have boundaries. Eh? Yeah, this is all about getting close and asking what the other person likes and what you like and testing your boundaries and going beyond them.

But there's nothing sexual about this. Come on. I got to say, is this what Stephen Colbert is planning for the top ten list? This is quite a departure. I would just like to I just like to let you guys know that I googled cuddle party Finland and nothing

came up and that makes me very happy. I would imagine. I'm surprised it wasn't a political period. I'm just going wasn't a political plan. I'm just going to read in full the text from cuddleparty.com forward slash rules. Error 404!

Oh dear. Uh oh. We're in international waters. First rule of cuddle party, you know not talk about the cududdle Party rules. God, from the left sidebar, this is like, by majority, almost by majority, decidedly Canadian. Yeah, it's just British Columbia. Just British Columbia.

Those weirdos. Alright, so let's see. So there's so much more stuff to read here. There is the Cuddle Party Diet. Alright, yeah, I'm going to take a little bit here of the Cuddle Party Diet. You run away from

cuddle parties as quickly as possible. This is by Reed Kyle. No, that's a cuddle party workout. The aforementioned What was it? The Warren Buffet. Yes, the Warrenmentioned what was it? The Warren Buffet. Yes, the Warren Buffet of snuggling. And Marsha Baszynski, who I believe

is the stuffed animal goddess of all time? Yeah, the queen bee of the stuffed animal kingdom. Yeah, the queen bee of the stuffed animal kingdom. So, yeah, again, snapshot of the kind of people involved in this. So anyway, this is the Cuddle Party Diet.

Does cuddling lose to... Fucking Fox News headline. The Cuddle Party Diet. Does cuddling lead to weight loss? No. No. The end. Well, let's explore it in our six-minute segment.

For those of you who ate too much this Thanksgiving, sure. It's not even date-stamped, but anyway, or who are already strategizing a New Year's resolution to counteract all the holiday sweets, you may want to try the latest thing, a new weight-loss plan called the Cuddle Party Diet. It's fantastic. You can make new friends, get some affection, and leave feeling relaxed

and elated. What could be better? Humorous as though it may sound, a number of recent studies have indicated that cuddling may all actually help you lose weight. But how can this be? It can't be. The end. Breathing will let you lose weight if you don't

eat anything else. Fucking. I'm sorry, I just I'm so disgusted by the aspect of cuddling. I'm finished. The fetish studies go, but aspect of cuddling. I'm Finnish, so the Finnish say just go, but the fucking cuddling with strangers is... I love that we've reached the cliff for Montreth, and it's cuddling.

Yeah, I didn't think... Every time someone says fucking cuddle party, I'm just like... Whatever fucked up thing you can dream up, Montreth has a file on it, but cuddling? Every time someone says fucking cuddle party, I'm just like, bleh! Whatever fucked up thing you can dream up, Montreth has a file on it, but cuddling? No, she's out the door. We're out. So, yeah, I talked about oxytocin for like a long time.

Actually, it should be, you might want to read that because they bring that up a lot. Alright, so humorous as though it may sound, it could be true. A number of recent studies have indicated that cuddling may actually help lose weight. How can this be? It all goes back to a chemical your body makes called oxytocin. Oh, come on! Why did you make me read this, you bitch? I didn't slay

my hot stove in this doc for you to not read the next phrase go on just do a couple calisthenics stretch, warm up take a running fuck

it all goes back to a chemical in your body makes called oxytocin the cuddle hormone as it's known it's known. It's released when people are physically affectionate with each other. In addition to counteracting stress, which causes weight gain, oxytocin

curbs impulsive cravings for things like sweets, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I read cuddle hormone, so congratulations. Hey, don't we have Victor here? I mean, he's a medical kind of person. What did they teach you in medical school about cuddle hormones?

Look, I'm just saying, go to Wikipedia and search for cuddle hormone and see where it takes you. Chrome is fucking up. What's this red zero of zero? What does that mean? Better yet, let's go to DeviantArt and search for cuddle hormones. Cuddle hormones sounds like a move in an anime.

So as crazy as it sounds, cuddling leads to weight loss does make sense. Why wouldn't feeling more confident and healthy result in shedding a few pounds, excluding the whole oxytocin curbs cravings angles that the scientists and lab mice figured out? The lab mice figured it out? One logical side effect of simply feeling good about yourself?

One yourself, yeah, would seem a drastic cut in the urge to self-medicate with food. Happy people binge less, it seems. It turns out that our less-than-affectionate culture may be a culprit in packing on the pounds. In our attempt to feed our skin hunger, we often reach out... Isn't that one of the bands that Jack listens to? Nah, that's like an 80s goth band. We often reach out for things that don't actually address the problem. A snack, some chocolate, booze, yeah, all skin things, right?

Or a new pair of shoes that we can't walk in. What? We reach for a snack instead of a snuggle, and years later, we find ourselves still touch-starved with the added depression of being overweight and a closet full of barely worn shoes. Thought I dropped that metaphor, did you? What are you talking about? So, the next time you feel like self-medicating from a bad day at work with a piece of chocolate, try turning to the person closest to you and asking them for a hug instead.

Nothing against chocolate, but wouldn't it be better to just share a treat with a friend while holding hands? Make sure the person in question is chained to your basement so they can't leave. But I need both hands to eat all this chocolate. It's actually not a bad idea, because then you'll just get banned from the Godiva store. What if my girlfriend is a pile of chocolate? What then, asshole? Just think, at the end of your life, do you want to regret all the people you didn't molest? And here's the very last sentence

in my article. Learn more about oxytocin, the cuddle hormone, and that's a link that leads you to this page, which I will read in full. Error 404! Not found! It's because there is no joy in cuddle parties. Cuddle hormone.

The last thing that we read from CuddleParty.com because there are other Cuddle Party related sites. There are so many. You know what? There are two Precious Moments figurines looking at this website going, this is a little saccharine. Alright, so this is the last piece here

from CuddleParty.com and Montreth, if you'll please just read the title to this piece here. Okay, where's the link? Click on the link. You got a link? CuddleParty, it's not an orgy. Really.

By who? By Reed Michalko, the David Hasselhoff of Plato. Protest? Excuse me, excuse me, Reed. I think David Hasselhoff is the David Hasselhoff of Plato. Pardon me, sir. He's the David Hasselhoff of everything. See, I think a better title would be

Cuddle Party is Not's not an orgy, really Wait, where are you going? Protest? Doff too much? I don't know what you're talking about Cuddle party, it's not really an orgy Not with that attitude Okay, should I go on? Uh, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah We're going to do this in parts, but you'll take the first part One of the most frequently asked Okay, should I go on? Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's it. We're going to do this in parts, but you'll take the first part. One of the most frequently asked questions we get about cuddle parties, is it really a cover for an orgy, right? In today's day and age, somewhere, somehow, we became convinced that sustained affection must lead to sex. Therefore, a group of adults touching each other affectionately over a three-hour period must turn into an orgy. I mean, should. Should.

So, cuddle parties are the Gilligan's Island of sex? Every week, man. Wow! Wow! The rest. Wow! Wow! The rest.

Ironically, the Gilligan's Island of Sex is another one of Reed Malco's titles. I'm still trying to understand. Hey there, little buddy. I'm still trying to understand the joke, because it doesn't make any sense. Right, yeah. I like it. I don't know why I like it. The two concepts

of touch and sex got stuck together and squished. You got your touch in my sex. He gets a sex in my touch. Either way, it's an R&B song. Is this a Nicki Minaj song? All of a sudden,

touching became having sex or on the way to having sex. Therefore, cuddling must lead to sex, right? The answer is no! No! Cuddling doesn't have to lead to sex. It doesn't have to be that way.

At cuddle parties, adults are shown how to practice welcome touch and affection play and have it. Wanderer front is not lead to sex! Ta-da! Hey, hey, hey, hey, leave some room in that hug for Jesus, come on. It totally says

ta-da in the text, by the way. Oh, yes. Hey, Boots. Okay, so it's not an orgy, but it's a prelude to an orgy. People meet at cuddle parties and then go off somewhere else to have sex, right?

Although we certainly... Why do you seem so wound up? I certainly believe that consenting adults have the right to do whatever they want as long as they're not harming anyone. Cuddle parties are not an event one attends looking to cruise or pick someone up. Sure. I think you're needed.

You may find that you meet someone that you're attracted to, and during the course of cuddling you may discover that your tastes and dislikes and beliefs are very like-minded, and maybe you go on a date. But, if you're coming to a cuddle party to get laid, you're coming to the wrong party. How many words can you replace the word laid with and that sentence would still be accurate? Someone cuddle my cock. laid with and that sentence would still be accurate.

Someone cuddle my cock. Once again, cuddle parties are affectionate play events where adults can explore welcome touch and affectionate play and not sexualize them. In fact, many men and women have shared with us the amazing relief they discovered by being able to be touchy

feely with another and not have to feel like they've got to take it to some other level. Why, it only took weeks of pressure to break down their boundaries and convince them that this is their life now. Yeah. The freedom of not having to seal the deal or get a phone number or feel like you're just as equally attracted back

or just as interested in them or you'll hurt their feelings is something many of us are just not used to experiencing in social settings. Hey, Victor. Why cuddle if you're not going to have sex? It's not normal! Oh, my.

What a great straw man this person, this site has. Oh, Lemon. I mean, website fact. What's not normal is that belief that we have to dry hump everything in sight because someone's aroused, or that touch and affection can only exist within or on the road towards sex and lovemaking. You know what else isn't normal? Thinking people think that. Where did this come from? Asexuals.

This internet notion of like, everyone around me is just having orgies in the street? Why? That's so weird! What the fuck are you talking about? Well, it's because, you know, those people only consume like, pop media and it's like, oh, there's sex in there, so it must be like that in real life. I'm never going out of the door, you know. I'm fucking all the time on TV. I'm just trying to think of the things that I've

seen in my life that I haven't dry humped. Now... You can count them on one hand, really. Which you're using to masturbate. Which I dry hump a lot. Now I'll ask you, who says that first base has to lead to second base? I mean, the intrinsic grammar of that saying. The rules of baseball.

Baseball will be so much shorter, though, when you think about it. Why can't baseball just be a guy getting to the first base and then just hugging it for three hours? I think that's what cricket is. Honestly, that's what most baseball games are if you watch them. Yeah. Fair enough. But who says that first base has to lead to second base, that cuddling has to lead to sex?

Ill says she wolf of the SS. How did she get reelected? I didn't know you had met her so sure a group of people gathering together in their pajamas to cuddle isn't an everyday occurrence but maybe just maybe that's the problem

is this the part where like the battle hy Battle Hymn of the Republic starts playing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep reading, and we'll wave this flag behind you. Yeah. Whether you're single or in relationship, we all have an innate need for contact, and most folks just aren't getting enough. Somewhere along the road to grown-up-ville,

our need for touch, which was so nurturing and instrumental in our development as healthy human beings, as infants and children, became wrong. As we sped down the rocky road of adolescence and sexuality society, turned on the blinking hazard signs,

and it was, DO NOT TOUCH! Blink. DO NOT TOUCH! For the blinking hazard signs, and it was, Do not touch! Blink. Do not touch! For the next 60 years, I mean 60 miles, the danger slippery when wet signs and the touch equals sex billboards are everywhere. That's true!

There's always that Bon Jovi album coming out over and over again. Yeah, I think all the slippery when wet signs are on the rocky road to adolescence. And by the time we reach grown-upville, we're touched, deprived, affection-awkward, scared, and way

confused. Hey, Victor. I think that was supposed to be touch-deprived, but I like that pause in there. That's more accurate. Hey, Victor. Yes? I got a parenting question for you So at what point With your children

Are you going to just withhold affection From them for the rest of their lives I mean isn't it fun When you just randomly do that to your child One day Daddy can I have a hug Nope that's done now for some reason That was 8 months ago And it was the best decision I ever made Daddy, can I have a hug? Nope! That's done now for some reason. Gotcha.

That was eight months ago and it was the best decision I ever made. I'd just like to say that if you use words like grown-up will, then you're not in grown-up will yet. Yeah. Nothing stunted about this. My kids do believe in the cuddle monster though, so... Yeah. Nothing stunted about this.

My kids do believe in the cuddle monster, though, so... So what is your belief about cuddle monsters? Do you have a belief about cuddle monsters? Yes, it is our belief as cuddle monsters that everyone needs to be held! And we've made it our job to create the context for this. Oh, I knew you were Protestant. We want to create the opportunity for adults to disengage touch from sex enough that there is some healthy room where touching and physical contact can be something other than sexual, i.e. cuddling.

I.e. creepy. It may be unusual. it may be crazy, but we're sure it's normal. You know, I can already touch my friends without having sex with them. I don't fucking need a cuddle professional to teach me. Is that a Finnish thing?

Yeah, I can. I've been having trouble with that. I communicate with my friends just entirely through blowjobs. Oh, speaking of that poor text, it was so good to see you at F+. You know, like, so many work meetings are just awkward because I start

off with a handshake and then I start fingering them and I don't even know how I got to that point. So, this obviously... Good to see you too, Victor. This cuddle party sounds terrific. Just a terrific place, and obviously people should attend. You can attend

in Calgary, Chicago, Edmonton, Montgomery, New York, Seattle. I'm going to need a minute to clean the liquor off of everything. Cuddling dungeons from all over our great nation. Yeah, actually, while we've been doing this episode, I became a cuddle party facilitator, so you should come by my house for a cuddle party, listeners. You could not have said that any creepier.

Wait, you're an ordained Unitarian minister and a cuddle party facilitator? Yeah. That's been a crazy ten minutes. I'm also a ship captain. So, that's cuddle party, but maybe there's not a cuddle party on the horizon, or maybe these cuddle parties aren't hosted in your area, and you've got a little bit of cash to blow. And you're looking just for some, you know, some no-strings-attached cuddling.

Well, no problem. This is the Snuggle Buddies. Oh, God. These are, and I really don't think I could put this more plainly, these are cuddling prostitutes. Are they all like, also, do they also all make stock photos, judging by this one? Yeah, there's

like a no chance that any of these people in these photos. Alright, so Portex, introduce me to the Snuggle Buddies dot com. Alright. Was Snuggles Buddies dot com taken? Welcome to the Snuggle Buddies dot com.. Was SnugglesBuddies.com taken? Welcome to the SnuggleBuddies.com.

You probably came here looking for a stuffed animal for your kid. Well, guess what, asshole? You're in our world now. Here at the Snuggle Buddies, we strive to provide you with the most relaxing and enjoyable professional snuggling experience possible. Sure. Which is technically true, because the most enjoyable professional snuggling experience. This has to be a fake site set up for like a CSI.

Just come on, really? As a professional cuddling service, we are masters of platonic touch that offer a personalized experience which strives for your absolute happiness. Whether you want to cuddle for friendship, relaxation, or therapeutic reasons, we would be happy to be your snuggle partner.

Many people do not get the amount of human touch they want or need on a daily basis. I need it! I need it! I need it! And a professional snuggling service is the solution. Our experienced cuddlers will soothe your mind and your body

and soul into blissful relaxation. We don't discriminate against anyone and would love to be your snuggling partner. Yeah, I fucking, I get it. It is very easy to call us and set up a meeting with any of our trained professional snugglers. Touch therapy isn't an alternative therapy that has shown many remarkable benefits.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Bring on the horse! Look, I'm running an illegal snuggling ring. Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Bring on the whores! Look, I'm running an illegal snuggling ring. Yeah, yeah, yeah, bring on the whores! Bring on the whores! I don't even want some fucking female snugglers. I need to get some sausage in my snuggling. Oh, hey.

Show me the male snugglers! Did you want a male snuggling whore? Hell yeah, I do! What's up? Well, hey, I'm Scott, a certified Chandler Bing impersonator. I understand the deep and primal nature of being next to another human being. I thoroughly enjoy snuggling and cuddling with just about anyone. It's my goal to ensure that we stay in the moment and experience the therapeutic benefits of the time we have together all cozy.

Oh, goddammit! I'm available for in-call and out-call. That's the most bullshit response to an honest... That's really gross. Believe me, I cuddle better than I smile, which is really strangely awkward. Uh, that's great, Scott,

but, uh, you know, I don't know. I'm not convinced. Is there any other male whores here? Well, hello, I am Holden. I am an egg wearing a toupee. I am an eccentric man-boy in touch with his sensitive side, and I have an uncanny ability to locate and touch yours. I am... 9-1-1! 9-1-1. I am 9-1-1!

9-1-1! Hello, 9-1-1! I'm confident, adventurous, and hysterical. Look hysterical! I just come in screaming and running around the room. I am a failed musician but a successful vegetarian. Oh my god.

I want to reach through the internet and punch you, Holden. I am fortunate enough to earn a living performing body double work in movies. You know those scenes when a famous actor has to reveal his naked ass? That's my job. Bullshit!

I'm just an average working ass stiff. Bullshit! You'm just an average working-ass stiff. Bullshit! You don't know. It's like a fucking character in Zoolander. Oh, I'm an ass model? Speaking of friends plots. Well, he's not a face model.

I'm also obsessive-compulsive, but in a good way. And I have her suit, but beautifully shaped feet. Is this one of the superheroes from that MMO? Like, that we did It's not Whenever a casting call Asks for somebody with all their facial features Squished into the middle of their face

He's the first one there He totally looks like that little mitt face Like me At the end of our session You will laugh and wonder, why do I never meet someone like this in real life? This is not real life, this is cuddling. So he sat down and he was like,

okay, I'm going to need to use a name for this. Okay, cuddling, we'll be holding. Holden! Why do the cuddle sluts not have porn names? They sound like stage names. No, he's just... He was inspired by that part in Catcher in the Rye

where he just wanted to cuddle with the prostitute. He's like, that's my life. I genuinely had to scroll up to cover Jeremy's face because he was freaking the fuck out of me. It's like that's Smiley. So, you know, obviously, I mean, this website here,

the Snuggle Buddies website, you know, not the greatest website in the world. Maybe you're not impressed. Well, that's okay, because obviously there's competing organizations that also do cuddling prostitution. Of course. Such as the cuddlery.ca.

In a way that one of my favorite new tags to T-H-E-F-B-L.U-S has been Great Britain's Greatest Pervert. This whole thing is a super Canadian thing. I don't know why this is a super Canadian thing. This is a... I don't know why this is a Canadian enterprise, but... Well, it's very cold in Canada, so... By the way, let's do

a guess here. Anyone want to guess the Snuggle Buddies? How much does it cost for an hour of snuggle service? Too much. 20 bucks and a copy of Santa Claus the Movie? $1. I'm going to say $60.

Correct answer, $80. Oh, hey. $80. And then there's also some out-call charges. You have to pay for their gas, and you also have to pay for their toilet. What about an overnight cuddle? Yeah, no, that's possible. Eight-hour overnight, approximately five hours of sleeping.

That's $325. Five hours of sleeping for eight hours of cuddle. So three hours just like, God, give me out. BYO CPAP. Anyway, so that's the Snuggle Buddies. But we are going to thecuddlery.ca. They have locations in Calgary, Edmonton, Ottawa, Toronto, Vancouver, and Winnipeg. Yep.

So there's a whole bunch of cuddlers that you can meet and pay to cuddle with you, which obviously, obviously sounds like a terrific idea. But then, you know, you're thinking to yourself, well, wait a minute. What if I, like, cuddled with somebody? Like, that would be a fucking great money-making venture for me. Well, that would only be true if you were certified. So, Victor,

tell me about the cuddling certification plan. On your cuddling application, one of... On your cuddling application, one of your options is I am in a crisis, yes or no? Yeah. Oh, dear. Okay, okay, okay.

Of the people we've interviewed to become cuddlers, less than 10% of the candidates who thought they were good actually were. Look to the man to your left! Look to the man to your right! I'll give him a hug. With some guidance, some bad cuddlers improved so much that they were hired after. What?

Mary Lynn, who has an education degree, a massage background, and exquisite cuddling skills, can teach you in one or two hours how to finally satisfy your partner's non-sexual cuddling needs. That's quite a turnaround. Well, the course can be taken alone with your partner in a small group, two to four people who subscribe individually, or in groups that you organize, like a Tupperware party, but for cuddles. For the two, three, and 4, and group of 5 or more options,

use the quantity field to indicate the number of participants. Oh, of course! This course can be held downtown for the month of February or Burnaby with a group of 4 or less. Otherwise, the client must host.

Is Burnaby a month in Canada? It's a special Canadian month. It's the cuddliest month. It's a part of Vancouver. Okay. That sounds great. How much will this course cost me, Victor?

Well, the one-hour course, even though we told you it'll take you two hours, is $149. But for two hours, the course is $249. So there's a deal to actually learn how to do it. They said that in one or two hours they can satisfy your partner's non-sexual cuddling needs.

In the two hours, what are you getting that's not in the one hour? If they can tell you how to do everything in one hour, why don't they? Don't fuck that. I just picture, like, Mary Lynn's getting up out of the cuddle,

and then the person on the end of the bed, like, on all fours, like, Wait, I have so much more to learn! It's like cuddling sensei. You have to cuddle the pebble from her hand before she can turn it off. As a slight departure from this, I just want to tell you just a little bit about a topic

very similar to cuddle parties, but perhaps slightly different. This is pheromone parties. Oh, I've heard of these. Oh, no. Yeah! Oh, no. Yeah!

I knew about this, too, and I don't remember why. I told you about it. The person in the picture on the website is not really making me want to go anywhere near him. Well, here, it'll be fine. It'll be fine. But that's what the pheromones are for. Let me tell you the

steps to the pheromone parties. Okay, step number one. Guests sleep in a t-shirt for three nights to capture their odor print and bring it in a Ziploc bag to the party. Odor print? White, clean, and cotton are best, but this is a party, not a lab, so do what you can.

So, make a shirt all sticky. Put it in a bag. Bring the bag to the party. Okay, step two. Bags are labeled pink for girl, blue for boy. Each bag is assigned a number. The tumbler explodes. Hey, I want to smell shirts that people have been

wearing for three days out of a plastic bag, but I don't want any weird dishes. So then they number it, and then bags are placed on the table. Guests smell the bags. Guests smell the bags throughout the party. I spend so much of my leisure time

smelling people's sweat, you guys don't even know. I already smell bags as much as I want to. I'm not on the clock here. I don't know. What the fuck happens next? Oh yeah, if a guest finds the smell attractive, they take a picture with the bag

at a photographer's station These pictures are projected as a slideshow on the wall at the party If you see a picture of a guest you find attractive holding a number this is your green light to talk to them

Hooray! No, that's just hey. That's hey. Oh, shit, yeah, you're right. This is the green light to talk to them. Hey! I noticed you were just smelling my balls. Hey!

Hey! It's like a key party, except it's more of an armpit party. It's like a key party except it's more of an armpit party I just want to like take the shirt And like in the bag just like try and find The weirdest smells And just put it in there and seal it and then bring it And just see what looks like it Yeah that's what I was thinking just leave an old banana in there

Like put some cream cheese in there Step six is where we Resort to blackmail At the end of the party A Facebook album is created and all the pictures are tagged So if you At the end of the party, a Facebook album is created and all the pictures are tagged. So if you missed your match at the party, you can still contact them. And if you don't

want your boss to see this picture, you can send us $50. I'm still thinking. I'm still thinking about your boss sweat. What's the tag that whatever can be used is probable cause? Oh my god. I just scrolled down to the first picture it looks exactly like you would think it would

I do like that the quote from CNN is just what anyway so that was pheromone parties I just wanted to you know it's definitely worth mentioning But there's things On the topic of cuddling That are relevant

Such as, are you familiar with Tinder? I am Great, here's Cuddler Oh, what? It's the Cuddler app Ever want just a cuddle? It's location based I looked at the URL and I thought it said cuddle trap

Yeah cuddle rap Do the cuddle rap So Yeah rap Roy Orbison in my arms You can just find people in your location That you know want to cuddle with you So that's That's the best.

And their logo is a D, dry-humping another D in the word cuddler. Yeah, there's a lot of that. Yeah, I just want to say that every time I read that web address, I read it as cuddle crap. Cuddle crap. Alright, we are very, very much at the end here,

but there is a site called Cuddle Comfort. Cuddle Comfort is a singles website for singles that are just looking to cuddle. To remain single. To remain single. Look, I just had a one cuddle stand that one time, I don't need any strings attached That's exactly what it is

There are billions of people to cuddle with on this planet Honey, honey When I was just hugging her, it was just a hug When I hug you, we're cuddling Need something Yeah, so Cuddle Comfort has singles that you can

look at, but it also has forums. Boots, you are Bubbles0418. I was wondering what anyone might think about a kiss during cuddling. Because although a kiss is mostly usually a romantic gesture,

in context, that level of affection can make a session even more oxytocin rich. I'm getting turned on. They really think that oxytocin is magic. Yeah. Although even in the context of platonic kiss, it might at best walk the line between platonic affection and romantic affection.

But that even a difference exists. Oh. Besides, of course, sexual interaction can't be just platonic. But that's not nearly what I'm talking about. Oh, Kermie.

I liked how you swallowed your own throat while you said that. There's like a word limit to how long I can keep that voice up. By the way, Boots, before we move on, could you pronounce that emoticon again for us? Oh. That's how you pronounce it now. Okay, so would you... I think, John, I'm going to give you the choice here. Would you like to read the Cuddle Comfort profile of TeddyBear87 or Primeto13?

Hmm. I don't know how to quantify those two choices. Well, TeddyBear87 is 27, and he lives in Georgia. Primeto13 is 40, and he lives in Miami-Dade. All right, I think I'm going to go with Bromito. All right. Because that sounds like a winner. Bromito13.

So his photo is two men lounging on the couch, and one has a sticker over his face that says you, and the other one has a sticker over his face that says me. That way the police can't identify him. I'm going to be your belly bitch. He's got another one that's a stock photo of two men hugging and then it says, male affection is not wrong!

Exclamation points. And then another one says, this is not gay! Hi. Hi. I am, I'm Prometo 13. Okay.

I'm your boy next door type. I wear men's clothes and I am not a flamboyant effeminate queen. Oh dear. Nobody accused me. Okay. Stop it. Stop. Gay, gay, gay, gay.

Hey, stop. All I wish is for a tall guy to bond with inwholesome activities, watching movies, read comic books, discuss politics and religion. You just want to cuddle up and say, like, what do you think about theology? I think that Jesus... A tall guy, yes guy yes age early 20s to late 40s yep very picky who will treat me like his little brother or cousin that's all yes height is a must because it cements my silly need to look up at a guy who towers over me, but in a kind, protective, loving way.

I seek male affection. Nothing kinky. Just a close buddy who will provide me with all the men hugging my heart grave. You sure nothing kinky? Cockroach warrior, you sure? Well, and, um, nuggies, because that's what an older cousin would do.

And call me champ, tiger, etc. Holy God. Do you have any deal breakers? Hello, treat me like your little cousin. Oh. Oh, well, yeah, I'm glad you asked. I only have two deal breakers. I, you must be masculine, and I, I, be taller than me, above 5'7".

All else is negotiable, and I need all else. Great. Oh, man, Prometo, you are not fucked up at all. That's terrific. So, Prometo... You must be this tall to participate in my issues. So, one last piece here from the Cuddle Comfort Forums. This is a post from Andrew, and Andrew says,

Hello, Fetal Cuddle Connoisseurs! I visit a cuddle club, a cuddle group in London, and it's totally fantastic. As we already know, most women will happily cuddle men or women, whereas men will mostly only cuddle women. In our group, men do hug men, but there's no lingering moments, no intimacy. My experience is that I feel a tremendous amount of comfort, pleasure, and sometimes a beautiful connection cuddling up to the women,

particularly when they want a spoon cuddle, but feel nothing either way when I hug one of the guys. So I find that I can hug a guy, yet am repulsed by the thought of even touching his face or hands, even though I consider myself very open and liberated. I consider myself not fucked up, so I'm not.

That's the catchphrase of the internet, is it not? So my question is, do guys want to cuddle girls because that's what they're used to? Girl friles and mothers? Or is there something more primal, even, I don't know, vaguely sexual going on? Shut your dirty, filthy, whorish mouth. No.

And we, i.e. heterosexual men, are still a little repulsed by other men. The oxytocin released when I cuddle a woman feels almost instant and noticeable. Yeah, imagine that. It can be very intimate in the cuddle group, but still innocent. Clearly women get the oxytocin

hit when they cuddle up to a man or a woman. Maybe gay guys can tell me if they enjoy cuddling women as much as men. Maybe people in the comment can comment whether we, male and female, like cuddling women as it reminds us of when we were kids. Yeah, that's not fucking crazy. And thanks for your time.

Maybe all women are a little bit bi-cuddlers. If they just go with it. There's one thing I want to read. I think it's a perfect summary of this whole thing. Great. Some random person makes a blog post or whatever

about cuddle parties, and most people are like, ew, that's gross, and it's boring or whatever, but there's one guy who responds named Derek. Okay. And this is in response to everyone talking about how gross and weird it is. I think the perspectives of most of the

responses here are a bit off and just a little superior. Many people do not choose between a cuddle party and actual long-term emotional intimacy. They choose between a cuddle party and having nothing at all. Yep. Yep. That's true.

It is not a matter of satisfaction any more than the thousands of magazines with beautiful women on them are better than a real woman. It is better than doing without completely. Yes. A large number of people are simply bad at getting relationships

started and keeping them and they grow weary of rejection and they long for human contact and often they can be great people who are only bad

at getting someone from the opposite sex interested in them initially. In our world, this person is forced to live their life with little to no

actual physical contact and other people and this can be quite painful. If you need proof of this, you only need to see the massive quantity of prostitution, pornography, magazines, sexuality being used to sell everything, and for the purpose of this discussion, the success of an idea like the cuddle party. of this discussion the success of an idea like the cuddle party. Unlike the article and most of the responses, I see it as a chance for a decent person like me to choose

between touching another human being and having nothing at all and choosing to touch another human being. I see no problem with that at all. This happened to a friend of mine. Oh, you think this is weird and gross, huh? Well, I'm desperate. Checkmate.

French Merrick. Well, F+, what did we learn from all of this? That you can have a cult without an actual, like, the cult part of it. Because this is everything cult. I mean, it's like breaking down people. Oh, you have boundaries, but let us do your, you know, take those boundaries away. And, like, getting people in weird groups where they're there

for hours at a time to break them down. And you even get, like, the weird pseudoscience. Like, oh, the oxytocin. It means that this is a legit thing. It is very cult-y. I learned that you could have a... You could, like, based on the about pages and the FAQ pages and all the information

pages they have, you can actually base a community entirely on backpedaling. Yeah, there is so much of that and they just go over... Like, this community, I mean, even down to Derek there at the end, like, this community is really into repeating themselves. No, seriously, it's cuddling.

It's not sexual. No, it's not sexual. Is it really sexual? No, it's not. No, I know it probably should be, but it's not. Yeah, if I were the kind of person who could write, like, text scripts,

I'd want to write a script for, like, how much sex is actually mentioned. I mean, it's all in the negative. Like, oh, it's not about that, but how much sex is actually mentioned. I mean it's all in the negative. Like oh it's not about that but how much sex is actually mentioned as opposed to cuddling on those pages. Because I'm betting there'd be a little bit of an unevenness there. There is one thing that I learned looking this shit up.

What's that? And that was so you know on the internet there's a forum for fucking everything. Literally fucking everything as in you're fucking everything in the world. You have a forum that says like, I believe I'm an anime dolphin and my wings made out

of dicks, like, there's a forum for people. They're just like, I agree. But I looked all over and there are very, very few posts in the way of cuddle party forums. So the internet took this is. So, the internet

took, this is the thing that the internet took a look at and decided, no, we're not going to make a forum for that. Actually, there was one link to a polygamy website that was like cuddle parties, and all the polygamists were like,

cuddle parties are fucking creepy. Yeah, that's what, yeah, there's a whole thread of polygamists making like, cuddle parties are fucking creepy. Yeah, that's what... Yeah, there's a whole thread of polygamists making fun of cuddle parties. I tried to find things like cuddle party experience, a cuddle party blog, and stuff like that, and I found posts from all over the internet and forums of just every shape and size

for anything you could think of, where someone says, hey, I found out this thing called cuddle parties, what do you guys think? And all the responses are, no. Well, because the thing... I mean, the thing that's that's well so much of it is is obvious i mean i mean they're they're i mean they're they're kind of just up front with their mommy issues but like but another thing that's that's really obvious is that this this whole community i mean it should be called settle parties because like everyone's like like, so I'm really not that likable. I don't get much touching.

You're probably not that unlikable. You don't get much because you're here. So, you know, I don't know. Let's fucking do this thing together. Just, like, whatever. There is an Indiegogo project for CuddleCon, which, by the way, Jack, check you missed it. Valentine's Day in Portland, Oregon. And Nutshell. You could have been to CuddleCon. Oh, by the way, Jack, check you missed it, Valentine's Day in Portland, Oregon. And Nutshell.

Oh, yeah, and Nutshell, too. They could have gone together! They could have represented the podcast. I think CuddleCon could also be a good name for a lot of the members of these groups and websites. They were looking for $33,000, but they only raised

$2,400. $2,000. But it's Indiegogo, so, but they only raised $2,400. You know, but it's Indiegogo, so they get the money. No free hugs here. So fuck it. Yeah, I learned that there are upsides to living in a country where your personal bubble is the entire room. Website is always

THEFPL.US You can look at other episodes. website as always thefpl.us you can look at other episodes and then you can sign up to ballpets if you've got boundaries if you want to express your boundaries share your boundaries or just make an account called boundaries

come to ballpets that's ballpets.it alright bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye That's B-A-L-L-P dot I-T. All right. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye-bye. Coddling. Don't touch me. No.

No coddling. Don't touch me. Whoa. Hey. Don't touch me. Hey. Hey. Don't touch me! Don't touch me! Hey! Oh! Don't touch me!

La la la la! La la la la! La la la la! La la la la! La la la la! For just a second, can we have Lemon read that quoted text in that Rainbow Dash voice? From the funny episode? I'm going to cuddle mingle. I'm going to cuddle mingle. I'm going to cuddle mingle the room now! Please excuse

me! Thank you. You're welcome! So what we've just learned is...