The F Plus - 172: Untidy Whities

Episode Date: April 4, 2015

Hey, so have you ever had a wedgie before? And follow up question, did you find the experience intensely erotic? Well, for your sake, I'm hoping the answer to at least one of those questions was "no", but the members of WedgieHaven.com are not quite so lucky. This week, The F Plus patents our unbreakable G-string formula.

We're gonna start doing ads on the podcast? Yeah, it's just gonna be like, we gotta take a break. STAMPS.COM! Fuck the post office! People will pay us not to advertise them. BANOBOS! A pretty girl in her underwear If there's anything better in this world to care Welcome to the F+, a painful podcast with terrible things, right with enthusiasm.

In the room tonight we have Boots Reingear. You, the viewer, will post a picture of the best, most fun, or most painful wedgie they can think of. Jimmy Franks! I was daring to put as many ice cubes in my butt as I could and wedgie myself until they melted.

Yes, fun! The wedgie intensity level setting was designed so that the people like Noah could enjoy World of Wedgies without all the physical annoyances that can come up in the world of real life wedgies. John Toast, I have just this question. Is there any danger when you sperm like this?

Jack Chick! I'm sure a lot of you with automatic garage doors have thought about what it would be like to attach your undies to them as they're lifting. And Lemon. Pikachu was smiling, talking to his friends, until Raichu grabbed his tighty-whities, giving Pikachu a big wedgie.

Ah! Tighty-whity wearing nerd! Pikachu blushed. His Pokemon... Pikachu blushed. Drop mic. It's super effective. There you go.

Another classic. Hey, F Plus. Hey, Lyle Lemon. Hey. Okay, so I don't know. It's 170 episodes in. 70 episodes in and we in this podcast

have sort of continued along with a sense of anonymity, which I think sometimes is disarming to the listeners. They want to know more about us. So to that question, I'm going to ask the question that I'm sure everyone wants to know.

Boxers or briefs? I actually wear boxer briefs. I'm going to ask the question that I'm sure everyone wants to know. Boxers or briefs? I actually wear boxer briefs. I'm naked from the waist down. Pass. Pass. Kilt. Utilid kilt. Utilid kilt. That's your underwear.

You wear a utilid kilt in place of underwear. Yes. You wear a utilid kilt under pants? No, I wear a utilid kilt under me. If you go to pants somebody and you see a kilt underneath, that's going to throw you for a loop. You just sit down and have a think at that point. He wears coveralls over his Utila kilt. Obviously, I wear my Utila kilt over my other Utila kilt.

Come on, guys. Okay, okay, okay. Well, we are going to be going to a very very fun uh website for fun that's underwear based and yet i was gonna say not completely fetishy but we never we never do anything really fetishy on this on this would you say it's base layer based i don't is that a joke i joke? I don't get it. It was a joke. Can I give Squint a wedgie?

This was a document given to us by Dole. I think this is his third, and that document is wedgiehaven.com. Good. Yeah, wedgiehaven.com. Finally, a safe place for wedgies. It is a PHP bulletin board, and we can learn all about wedgies. Now, we got to get into the lingo here first. It is a site of very pleasant avatars.

Yes, the avatars are so pleasant. You're going to enjoy looking at them so much. Yeah. So we need to get into a little bit of the technicality here. So Boots, your name is Trekboy008, your Grand Admiral. Yeah! And your avatar is horrible.

I hate it. But you have made multiple posts in Wedgie Techniques. That number is... Oh my god. I think you've listed at least 140 different wedgies. 177 to be precise there.

Okay, great. So let's just go through a couple of these wedgies. I'm just going to tell you the name and you tell me what that wedgie is. Sure, yeah. So a standard wedgie, what is that? You grab the back of the victim's underwear and pull up. Makes sense. What's a Melvin? Melvin is when you grab the front of the victim's underwear and pull up. Makes sense. Classic. What's a Melvin?

Melvin is when you grab the front of the victim's underwear and pull up. Okay. Okay. What about Frosty the Wedgie? Oh, Frosty the Wedgie. That's one of my favorites. That's when the victim's underwear is soaked in water and put in the freezer for an hour. Then the victim is then given a wedgie in his frozen underwear.

Why would he let you do that? I feel like you have to be a willing participant in that wedgie. I've done that so many times. A Melvin omelette? What's that? Oh, yeah, this is I just recovered from one of these. Crack a few eggs down the victim's underwear and give him a Melvin.

So literal. I thought something involving the balls? No, there's no creativity whatsoever. Hanging wedgie? What's that? Yeah, that's when a rope is run through the back of the victim's underwear's legs holes. The rope is then thrown over a tree branch

or something similar. Someone then yanks on the rope, raising the victim in the air. The rope should then be tied off. You're like the Vlad the Impaler of wedgies. Can I get a diagram for how that works? Yes. Something 00 Trek Boy.

I care very much about this world that we live in. Yeah, me too. What's an environmentally friendly wedgie? Oh, yeah. This one's really important for us and the animals and their kids of the future.

Yeah, environmentally friendly. Where the victim is stripped to his underwear and has rocks, pine cones, pine needles, dirt, sand, leaves, bugs,

grass, etc. put down them. Now he's given a hanging wedgie. Which was the one I previously described. Fucking, okay. And then what if he needs some help? Like if he needs his life saved. Wedgie. Which was the one I previously described. Fucking okay, and then what if he needs

some help, like if he needs his life saved? Oh yes, the life saving wedgie. This is when a victim is pushed off a ledge, dock, couch, etc. and is held from falling by a wedgie. That could go wrong really fast.

Is there a life saving Melaving Melvin, too? Yeah, you just turn him around so he's facing you. And then you push him off the ledge. Quick, quick, catch me! Quick, quick, catch me! No, never mind! Oh, yes, number 93, the elevator wedgie, one of my favorites. This is when the victim lies face down on the floor right in front of an elevator so that his head is facing it.

Someone then sits on his legs while another person grabs his waistband, goes into the elevator, and then goes up a few levels. A few levels? Also known as the Tex Avery wedgie. How stretchy is this underwear? Sounds really fun. Wait, so I'm honestly having trouble parsing that. Yeah, never mind. Go ahead.

I give up. There's so many more wedgies to get through. Yeah, this is cartoon physics right here. Boots, I have an office party I'm going to be attending soon. I'd like to know more about the Xerox wedgie. That's a Xerox trademark, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've worked together with Xerox for years on this one.

Yeah, they wouldn't want to get in trouble for all this. Wait, are they liable for this? Yeah, yeah. I'm proud to finally have them on board. Well, Xerox innovated it, but then Apple came in and stole it. Oh, that's... Let me read you an excerpt from our joint press release. Okay.

The victim is stripped to his underwear and he is tied up. He is then given a semi-atomic wedgie and has his name written on his bare ass cheeks. He's then lifted onto a Xerox machine with a photo of his face next to his ass. Now make as many copies as you want and post them throughout the school.

What? Wedgie seems like such a small part of that. Yeah, it used to be about the wedgies with you, man. I think we're getting into some fetish creep here. All right. No, there's not going to be any fetish in this at all. We're going to be pretty clear of fetish. This is just a fun place for wedgies.

clear a fetish. This is just a fun place for wedgies. Like this thread. This thread has the perfectly family friendly title of Ball Damage. I gotta call my farmer's agent and make sure I'm covered for ball damage.

Hey Jack Chick. Hi. By which I mean Mystery123450. Do you have a problem there? I do. I do. Jack Chick. Hi. By which I mean mystery123450. Mm-hmm. Do you have a problem there? I do, I do. Can someone please help me? I want to know if I can do a hanging bondage speedo wedgie for at least an hour. Will it cause any permanent damage to my testicles? damage to my testicles?

How long does a hanging wedgie take before it will permanently damage them? Please respond. I'm going to respond. I'm pessimism 101. Oh. I mean, I feel like I'm... Okay, I'll take the introductory class. You could take my class, but you're probably going to fail it.

I was going to say this, there's probably not a lot of optimism to be seen on this website. Wedgie is the best you can hope for. Thank you for keeping me in Red Bull and cheap vodka for the night by attending my class. So, about your wedgie

bullshit. As with anything in life, there's always a risk. If permanent testicular damage is of real concern to you, it is best to do some research and consult a doctor first before deciding. I love to do it. Fly on the wall at that office visit. Doctor, doctor, I want to give myself a wedgie for at least an hour. No, 45 minutes, that's it. As long as you can go.

If permanent testicular damage is a real concern to you, but, you know, most of us would blow it off. Yeah. Ask your doctor if wedgies are right for you. Right, you know, because the kind of person who would be on this website would be the kind of person who has health insurance. Statistically, your chances are low. One documented case in 2004 is all you will find on the subject, but that doesn't

mean it can't happen. Citation needed. Nah, I trust Pessimism 101. As for how long, there's no definitive answer. Basically, if something doesn't feel right, it's best to stop immediately, unless it's wedgies, then go for that shit, bro. Like pain in your testicles. Yeah, like...

Hey! Like, say... say hey if hey what's up hey it's punching you nuts yeah you're a legend around this this is a horrible commercial yeah i'm gonna say you're exactly the guy to ask this question yeah i was about to say this particular topic may not be an objective source yeah listen i punching your nuts. It's not just my name, it's what I do. My credo. Ow, ow, ow. God damn it. Hey, I just hung myself by my briefs for a few minutes and my right testicle hurts more than

usual, so I'd be careful, bro. More than usual. You just got your nuts punched. It hurts even more than the background pain I normally feel in my right testicle. Normally I'm punching other people's nuts. Now that I know what it feels like. I've just learned empathy today.

Yeah, is this the pain they experience when I punch them in the nuts? Maybe I should stop. Nah! I was born into this life. Look at my name. So Isfahan. Yes, sir. Up until this point, I mean, you know, I'm hoping this episode will change my mind.

This episode about wedgies will change my mind. I've never been a fan of wedgies, never really participated in wedgies, but I do smoke. So can you compare and contrast the two? Yeah, okay. Look, okay, peep this. My name is Darkstar6545, and wedgies are like smoking. Am I right, folks? I'm done with wedgies.

I don't want to be in my bathroom anymore, wedging myself until I can't no more. What? All I'm doing is wasting my time. Truly, I feel... No. What? No, you're not.

It's okay. Thanks for the affirmation. Truly, I feel emo when I do it. I'm just hurting myself trying to have a good time. Soon I'm going to graduate. Then I'm going to go to college. I'm going to go to wedgie school. Yeah.

When I move in with my best friend, I don't want to be locked up in the bathroom torturing myself. But I may not have a choice. But I currently want to be locked in the bathroom torturing myself. But I may not have a choice. But I currently want to be locked in the bathroom torturing myself. He wants to kick the habit before then. I have a girlfriend now. I don't want to do that kind of stuff around her in secret or in public. I don't know about you guys, but just like masturbation, I'm done with this. I'm done with masturbation I'm done with masturbation.

So you quit masturbation first? Well, it's so hard to get around the stretched underwear in front. No, he's already kicked masturbation. Now it's time for wedges. I mean, I really feel like he's not thinking about the couple's possibilities of atomic wedges here. Yeah, he's moving from front to back on his vices. Well, I started here. Take care of the back.

Hey, yo, I'm WedgieBoy69. Hey, WedgieBoy69, what's up? You may remember my brother from the Chivos episode. Anyway, wedgies aren't like smoking. They're like crack. Ha, I get it.

Yeah, and not that easy to quit cold turkey. You'll be back. Slash. Hey, try pulling up your underwear. It's good for you. Oh, sure. We all would love to quit wedgieing. It's just not that simple.

I want to tell you a little personal story that I have my name is ZZ Top 21 what's your favorite band ZZ Top 21? Aerosmith I was about to say that's regrettable on a number

of different levels yeah I mean yeah I'm on wedgiehaven.com and I mean, yeah. You know, I'm on wedgiehaven.com and I have no taste. This post was liked by SinaFan777. Ah, I see the bridge club has arrived. Okay, so

I'm tired of giving myself wedgies. Right? I want someone to bully me and then give them to me. Where will I find the Roger Klotz of my life? You, give me all your wedgies. So, here's my plan. I'm 18 and the people that I'm looking into bullying me are around 15. I don't want anyone recognizing me.

That'll go well. bullying me are around 15. I don't want anyone recognizing me. My plan for actual bullying is to contact someone... Oh, fuck. Oh my god. Wow. Keep reading. My plan is to contact some 15-year-olds from a different school. Yeah, it is.

I'll get whoever is a bully and in a group and I'll text them and ask them to wedgie torture a nerd for some information and some cash. If they agree, I'll tell them that I'll send the nerd to a designated spot so that we pick up. It's like wedgie

hitmen. Will I disguise my voice on the phone? Are you like an NPC from a like an MMO or something? Oh, come back to me with ten torn waistbands. And I shall give you the money. They must be from a nerd. So, yeah, then the next step, obviously,

I'll show up as the nerd and get wedgied to hell. You just know he's gonna, like, dress up as a stereotypical nerd, like a big giant bow tie, pocket protector, tape on his glasses. This is like a scene out of Welcome to the Dollhouse.

Will you do this? No, really, will you do this? So I'll show up as a nerd, get wedgied to hell. I'll then give them the information they'll need, and I'll have them steal the cash I have on me. So, okay, next thing. Then I will contact the bullies, satisfied that I have my information, and I will suggest that they keep

on bullying this nerd, etc., etc. So, hopefully I'll have a bully that wedgies me at least once a week! Oh, that's gonna work out great for you, buddy. Yeah, I can see no problems with this plan at all. That's my very rough sketch of how I would get a bully. Any thoughts? Advice?

And someone just pick any response in the thread. Hey! What? I'm Captain Hammer! Hey, Captain Hammer. You know it! It would be much much much easier to just give a friend you know his very rough house story. And trust me, everyone Hey, Captain Hammer. John, what does I'm Feeling 22 think of my idea? It sounds like a good idea in theory,

but I doubt it will work. He's right, though, right? It does sound like a great idea in theory, right? Well, I think it's important that you read his follow-up, though. Also, about this, about the roughhousery whatever yep uh some people don't have any i mean just some not me some people this is subtle like some people in fox news this is subtle i see no way this blanket in poorly you know what fuck sarcasm i'll tell you exactly why this is one of the super stupidest ideas I've ever heard. Oh, my God.

Number one, how are you going to find out about who the bullies are at another school? I mean, like, I'll have a plant. How are you going to get their numbers? I'll have to bribe someone. Number three, why are they going to text back to a stranger that they've never met before? Because I promised them... Number four, they're going to think that you are a freak. I don't think they would think that.

That is something a fucking lunatic sociopath would ask them to do. Hi, will you torture a random stranger for money? How much money are we talking about here? Teenagers don't like to inflict cruelty on others, do they? And get paid for it.

Number five. They will most likely just stop responding to you after they find out what you want from them, but there's also a chance they might just call the police or tell someone who will end up calling the police. So my advice is go back to the drawing board. Yep, that sure was subtle. Also, what kind of dumbass nerd would get told to go somewhere get wedgied and then keep allowing themselves to be told to go somewhere to get wedgied again it's like i noticed when you tell me to go to the park there's a bunch of kids there who just wedgie the crap out

of me i mean i realize it's you but from the point of view of somebody outside your brain, that makes more sense. Hey, I'm Ryan95. Okay, Ryan. And your best bet for going for people older than you, like 21 or the same age. Sure. People younger will be less inclined to want to give you one. For example, I'm 17. I got to wedgegie off people around

23 or 24 not long ago. Oh, boy. Did you ask for their IDs? Not because I wanted it, but that's besides the point. Well, I don't... What? They knew me as the wedgie hustler. I'm an annoying

enough shit that a 24-year-old gave me a wedgie. I swear to God, I've never done this before, but now's the time. I've always wanted to try this. Yeah. Okay. So,

I think that we got Jimmy Franks in the room, and you know, the curse hasn't struck us yet, so Jimmy Franks in the room, and you know, the curse hasn't struck us yet. So, Jimmy Franks, why don't you tell us about your wedgie fantasy? Oh, yeah. It's just part summer. What's your name, Mr. Franks?

This is Wedgie Luver 247. Wow, you never rest from being a wedgie luver. He never stops moving wedgies. Sorry if this is in the wrong spot, but anyway. We all know as wedgie lovers that at some point you fantasize about certain wedgie-related scenarios that you wish could actually happen to you. I would like this topic to explain some fantasies I've pictured,

and if you've also had certain fantasies, please share. I'll start off with just one of my fantasies for now, and an ad for later. All righty. One scenario I picture is being dragged off by my legs into the middle of the woods by a vine. The vine pulls me so I'm stomach-side down over a boulder. So it's a sentient vine. Yes. The vine pulls me so I'm stomach side down over a boulder.

So it's a sentient vine. Yes. Then two more vines grab and restrain my hands, and then a third vine rips off my shirt and pulls my pants off. Wait a second. I'm just watching Evil Dead. Yeah. Yeah, totally.

And that same vine then loops and ties itself through the leg holes of my tidy whities and then lifts me off the boulder so I'm, you know, hanging wedgie. You gotta, I mean, admire the dexterity of those vines, really. It's a pretty quality vine. I let's go of my hands. I let's go. I let's go. I let's go of my hands. Jesus, take the wedgie. Let's go with my hands.

Jesus, take the wedgie. When you saw only one pair of footprints, that was when I was carrying you by your underwear. You have only one set of skid marks. Let's go with my hands, but still has my ankles tied and still has me wedgied. Starts off by loosening the wedgie so that I fall forward a little and then pulls again and does that repeatedly. It's kind of...

Yes, please describe this in more detail. Thank you. It's kind of hard to explain, but it's basically giving you a bouncing wedgie. But instead of bouncing you up and down, it's bouncing you forwards and backwards. So it's... I can't think of the word, but that's not... You know what you're thinking of? You're thinking of Bam Bam from the Flintstones. It does that for a while,

then it lets go of my legs, so now the vine that's giving the wedgie is the only vine holding me up in the air. That's when it starts doing a regular bouncing wedgie. Does that for a while, then the fantasy is over. It just magically ends somehow.

Too soon. That's just one of my... Scene missing! So Jimmy Franks, now having read that post and noticing that it's quite tame, know that the next one won't be.

So who would you like to pass the Jimmy Franks curse off to? How about... Your pick, buddy. I like you, Lemon. Oh, yeah. Oh, thanks. Okay.

You give us shall receive. I guess that's genuinely pretty fair. Okay. Okay. Karma. Okay, my name's Mick, and this is my wedgie fantasy. What's your preferred underwear type? Oh, my preferred underwear type is briefs. I'm both a giver and receiver, and I'm either gay or a lesbian.

Okay, so my most'm both a giver-receiver, and I'm either gay or a lesbian. Okay, so my most recent is about my brother. Uh-oh. Moving away from work permanently, and then mom decides, yep, to take in a foster child. Oh, no. I see he's Australian. Who happens to be a late teenager by that point. I would be 26 to 27, and hopefully, well, yes, a late teenager, 26 to 27,

hopefully on my way to be saving up for a house. We get along awkwardly at first, and then gradually we warm up to each other. So one day, I'm browsing Wedgie Haven, and I see a post in questions titled, How do I get my foster brother to wedgie me? Oh, God. I've seen this meet cute. Lift of the Magi. Not bad. Not bad at all.

And, not even thinking to make the connection, reply with Challenge him to an arm wrestle. Loser gets a wedgie. The next evening, when mom is out dancing and I've taken the night off from martial arts. Is that how you're saving up money for a house? Yes. I'm not going to go to my badass class today.

My foster brother, I call him Eric in my daydreams, approaches nervously and says, Hey Mick, want to arm wrestle? I'm Eric in my daydreams. Approaches nervously and says, Hey Mick, wanna arm wrestle? I agree and win without a challenge. Then he says, Come on, best of three. Loser gets a wedgie.

This is the first scenario. You know, it's very common when we read of people trying to trick other people into indulging their fetish, but this is the first time you've seen a double trick into a fetish. Oh, yeah, but if I win, you've got to wedgie me. I think it's time to start checking the municipal water supply. The Minnesota fats of wedging. Suddenly, I make the connection, and I remember my advice to the WH member

from the day before, and I tell him about it. Wait, what? No! You're fucking ruining the key fob, asshole! Yeah, you could flip the con here. Come on. Okay, so I tell him about it.

He gets all embarrassed and shy, blushing and stammering and so on, but I reassure him that it's okay, and I remind him of the fact that I am also a member of WH. He grins shyly and asks, so, uh, do you want to give me a wedgie?

I laugh, spin him around, and yank up on his boxer briefs, and he laughs and squeals! Yay! I just picture him being hoisted up by the underwear and bringing his little arms and fists into his mouth. Like, eee! Yay!

He screams. He's like, oh, I've never actually had this done to me before. Shit. My English is not so good. Wedgie. I did not mean wedgie. This isn't erotic at all. I kind of lose my attention at that point.

You don't say. But just the thought of, and the most important parenthetical in the world, but just the thought of having a, parentheses, non-sexual, parentheses, relationship with someone that just

happens to involve lots of playful, mutually appreciated wedgies is just so great. Yeah, that'll hold up in court. The reason I'm focusing specifically on the new foster brother scenario is because Yeah, yeah. You can't stop.

You're already in it. I know. It's because Mom was just talking the other day. It's because Mom was talking about just that a week or two back, as my brother is indeed looking for work in far-off places that would require relocation. Yeah, dude, you totally want to go and molest some fucking foster kids. Hell yeah.

Hey, thanks for liking my post, Robin Hood. I like the picture that the mom is just sitting there, and it's like, well, you know, your brother's moving away. Maybe I should bring in a foster kid. And then it just does a push-pull on this guy's face, and he's just wedgies popping up over his mind, like, oh, yeah. All the wedgie scenarios from that.

His eyes spin. It's just a bunch of, like, worn-out briefs all the wedgie scenarios from that. His eyes spin and it's just a bunch of worn out briefs. It's like Requiem for a Dream, just the eyes dilate. So Isfahan, wedgie lover 247 was kind of bored tonight, is that right? Yeah, yeah. Kind of bored.

Okay. Searching. Yeah. No, that's it. Bye. Okay. Searching. Yeah. Cut it. It's fine. Cut this. Cut this. No, that's it.

Bye. He's got tons of posts on this. Yep. Yep. Okay. I was kind of bored tonight, so I felt like sharing one more fantasy tonight. These are not song lyrics. So I'm sure a majority of people here are familiar with the Pokemon Machamp.

Oh, God. I'm not. I see Lemon is familiar with the Pokemon Machamp. I'm sure a majority of people here are familiar with the Pokemon Machamp. Oh, God. I'm not. I see Lemon is familiar with the Pokemon Machamp. I'm not. Where's Portax when I need her? Yay! Oh, God, no. Not Machamp.

Why did you summon me here for this? Hey, guys. Oh, God damn it. Not again. I'm tired of this pact. Fucking gypsies. Thinner too. Poor Texas.

Poor Texas. Hell. Whatever. Yeah. If not, Google is your friend, lol. So I imagine a ma champ using it as upper arms and hands to hold me in the air by my arms,

and then use it as bottom hands to give me a wedgie while holding me in the air. Another thing I imagine it doing is using one hand to hold my wrists, using a second arm to hold my ankles, holding me in the air as if I was laying down stomach first, then using its two other hands to wedgie me by my leg holes. Is this a spider or something? I'm wondering, yeah.

I'll try to remember any more. I just remembered this one and wanted to share before I forgot. Tonguey face. Oh, it's Pokemon Goro. Oh. Yeah, pretty much. Hey guys, I'm Mudkip Lover.

Oh, more Pokemon, alright. Hey, hello. My fantasy is to be dragged into what's by an invisible force. He strips me down and puts me in 50 unbreakable G-strings. What?

Unbreakable. That's like the balloon juice of this fantasy. It doesn't stop there. He goes dumpster diving behind the strip club. Hi, my name's Titanium Underwear. No, that's the item you get from that quest I was talking about earlier. You have received the unbreakable G-string. titanium underwear. So that's the item you get from that quest I was talking about earlier. Unbreakable G-string.

You must wear the 50 unbreakable G-string in order to... Okay, so then he then lifts me up to the tallest tree in the forest and hangs me on two branches. One branch... I'm in capitals now. One branch holds the front of the leg holes. And one in the back.

He then ties up my hands and feet. He also blindfolds me and makes me drink lots of water. He thought I was dehydrated. Fucking Katamaria fetishes here. He leaves me there to hang for six months. That's hot. And then he comes by every four hours to feed me. And then Brad Pitt asks him, what's in the box?

Yeah. After about six months, he brings a girl and does the same thing with her and puts her right next to me. I'm totally lost as to what fetish we're in now. Okay. Okay. He makes it so we live forever. Get through it, Toast. My son has quite the imagination.

Okay, okay, okay. Get to the end. Get to the end. He makes it so we live forever and for the rest of eternity, me and the girl coming this summer hang there

with 50 unbreakable G-strings waiting for every four hours for him to feed me. He also curses us so that whenever she looks at me, she squirts. And whenever I look at her, I get a raging boner. A film by Wes Anderson. I like how only he's getting fed. Hey, do you want to know what my age is?

Yeah, I really do. Hey, from the bullshit I just read, guess how old this human being is? I can't. I cannot. He is 24 years old. Yay! What's your preferred type of underwear? Hi, I'm also a mudkip lover.

Oh, good. There's four of you. This is the other side of my psychosis. So I need to move my mic a bit. So I have lots of fantasies. Yeah. I sure do! Yeah. Oh, wait, that's not the one I wanted.

So do I! Sorry. There we go. Give yourself clean. I get teleported to Antarctica An invisible force makes it So I stay hot on the inside forever So I don't freeze to death Well at least he's thinking out

The logic of his fantasy He strips me naked And places me into an unbreakable g-string That has an un-meltable ice up my ass And a direct single bar of soap Holding it in. What? Oh boy. Is that what you use as a fastener?

Yeah. Okay. He then puts Forever Icy Hot, which means it can't go away everywhere. After that, he puts shampoo everywhere in the g-string. He then blindfolds me and clamps my nipples. No!

Now it's getting weird. He shovess me and clamps my nipples. Well, now it's getting weird. He shoves a vibrator up my ass, which pushes the bar of soap and the ice further up. He turns on the vibrator. He then ties up my hands and feet. He then puts a vibrator in my mouth and puts two clamps and two vibrators on my balls.

After this, he dyes my hair pink and puts Steve Forever Icy Hot all over my balls. After this, he dyes my hair pink and puts Steve Forever Icy Hot all over my body. He then goes up to an 800 meter tall building in Antarctica. And hangs me there in a Melvin for the rest of time.

He also makes it so I live forever. So that means I have Icy Hot Everywhere, a G-string hanging Melvin, ice in my G-string, a bar of soap up my ass, shampoo in my G-string, pink hair, two vibrators on my balls,

one on my ass and one on my mouth. I'm tied up so I can't see. And I'm stuck hanging 800 meters in the air. I think the point where he started reiterating was where he started jerking off. I think it might have happened earlier than that. You know, I think what's happening with Mudkip Lover

is that he doesn't actually know what gets him off. So he just keeps typing different things and he like looks down at his dick and he's like, did that do anything? No, all right. All right, so I blindfolded me and clasped my nipples. Nope, nothing yet. All right, so then he blindfold me and clasp my nipples. Nope. Nothing yet.

All right. So then he shoves a vibrator up my ass. Nope. All right. Soap up my ass too. Fucking hell. God damn it. I'm surprised the Mudkip Lover has such a cheery disposition.

He's a fighter. So, you know, at no point, because I was looking through this, at no point does anyone go like, oh, my God, Mudkip Lover. Yeah, I like that the next response is like, I have a lot of way to keep private, but I really like this topic. I'm like, Rogue Warrior, did you see what just happened to both of you? I know you're a furry, but fucking shit. So then Wedgie Lover247 posts again and says, hey, you guys, sorry for not posting for not posting for a while but hey hey what's with all the arguing i was in jail for 60 days i had a warrant out for me i'm sorry can you pronounce can you pronounce that word properly uh yeah i can try okay but hey hey what's with all the aggruing let's keep this fun and entertaining lol anyway came up with a new one

to share with you guys so i assume everyone has seen the ghost wedgie scene from scary movie too oh yeah yeah certainly it is we have our own version of imdb is that the one with charlie sheen i don't know probably well this pretty with this new fantasy pretty much starts off like that except of the ghost being the same ghost from the movie it's an invisible presence of the same dominican guy from my earlier fantasies so he starts off the wedgie the same way as in the movie scene, gripping the undies the same way. Then after a while, he kind of throws me higher in the air by my undies and then catches me by the bottom trims of the leg holes and starts wedging me that way. Then he throws me in the air again, and this time he grabs me by my leg holes with both hands. I'm just hoping everyone is picturing these images the same way I'm picturing them.

Is this a wedgie mod for Devil May Cry? What the fuck? I think these were moves you could unlock in prototype, if I recall. But you get the point, lol. That's all the ways I could imagine getting wedgied in the air. You can picture more ways. Please, be my guest. And then Mudkip Lover

goes, I got some ideas! Seriously. So I worry that we might be, you know, a little, you know, granted this is, you know, wedgiehaven.com. This is the wedgie episode of the F+. But I still don't want us to be one note. I want us to, you know, have variety

to our reading. And Dole has given us some variety. So, Jack Chick, you get to choose from the following threads that are not explicitly about wedgies. Thread number one is called The Power of Ice. Okay. Thread number two is called Swirly. Yay. Okay. I think I'm going to have to go with the Swirly.

All right. Swirly it is. Here you go. You are the Wedged 55. Wouldn't it be the Wedged? No, no. It would be the Wedged 55. Clive Barker is the Wedged.

55. Clive Barker's the wedged. 55. Oh, I don't know why we are wedged. Duh. I was out of friend's house this weekend, and there were three of us. I convinced my friend to help me give the other friend a swirly, so we grabbies him and pushed him to the bathroom, but then we heard my friend a swirly, so we grabbed him and pushed him to the bathroom, but then we heard my friend's mom come down, so we stopped.

But later we grabbed him again, he realized that he couldn't fight us, so he just do it. Ha, but now he wants payback! Ya, ick, short story, halal. That's good stuff, man. So some other people respond that they enjoy swirlies.

Oh, yes, swirlies are very fun. It's terrific. Thank you so much for making that. Yeah, I'm here. Oh, that's Cummy. I'm Cummyum. Oh, yeah, Cummyum. I'm Cummyum.

Okay. You've been banned. Cummyum. Me three ispickly poop ones. I got banned Yum. Okay. You've been banned. Cum Yum. Me three, a spickly poop one. I got banned for some reason. And even Mudkip Lover is still among them. This guy got banned.

Hey, Cum Yum, how many times have you been liked? Zero time. All right. Just wanted to know. You're welcome. So then people don't, you know, they'll deal with Mudkip.

They don't care. I love the response. The first response to Cummy, I'm just Leonardo going, what is it with you and shit? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So people cannot abide by Cummy. So Leonardo eventually responds,

it's waste that your body doesn't need, and it's poisonous. How is that a turn-on? And Cum Yum has a response for that on page two. I do appreciate Cum Yum's ability to just masterfully derail this thread. I don't like this thread. Here we go. And ruined. That's what I love about these forums. In a normal forum, you'd be, oh, that's a troll. But in this, you're like, I don't like this thread. Here we go. And ruined. That's what I love about these forums. In a normal forum, you'd be, oh, that's a troll. But in this, you're like, I don't know.

It's hard to tell. I don't know. Now that you said it's poisonous, I never gave it much thought. I googled befoblums with it. And I def don't want to die from it. E.coli. And can give you in creas pimels. And thank you, Sir Wedgie, for sticking up for me.

I don't go feet athiire. Lol, I'm going to stop try as... I'm going to try to stop F-sake. I'm a juggalo outside here. Yeah! See, I got some ninjas here. I'm a juggalo outside here. Yeah! See, I got some ninjas here. What is a juggalo? It's this.

I'm reading the third grade level! Taco boat. And I've been trying to find out if I'm gay or not. Still not sure. Well, if you are gay, on your profile, make sure to say no nut in your butt.

Because I'm FD then, so thank you, Readlydeed. Readlydeed. Readlydeed. Readlydeed. There isn't even a person on here called Readlydeed. Readlydeedly.

Hey. Yes, Jimmy Franks. Now, oh, that's the only thing uh hey uh Jimmy Franks uh now uh oh before we before I move on I just want to point out something from the doc because this is a fucking harrowing thought uh uh Dole provided us with this doc he also provided us

uh with a burner account that we can use to to to to read the site and at this point is the point where you now need an account to view this stuff. So everything else we saw was public. This is now the private stuff.

You're getting successfully logged in. Wedgie Haven after hours. Jesus Christ. So I'm pretty satisfied with the self-wedgie. I feel like it's a nice comfortable thing I understand everything about the self wedgie so I'm

well this is going to change the self wedgie as you know it oh my god that's the name of this post I hate all these clickbaity titles I changed the wedgie you'll never guess what happens next. You'll cry when you read wedgie number four.

The way this mother gets a wedgie will make you smile. Two reasons wedgies are bad for you. They're both in your pants. This is wedged and confused. Picture of Alison Brie. Hi, all. I used to be a regular poster to wedgie forums many, many years ago. And under a different handle.

Come, sit by the fire. Let me tell you a tale. No respect. No respect at all. Stay a while and listen. I check in occasionally to see what's going on in the wedgie community and see if there are any new posters in my age slash area. Why would they have to be in your home?

You like wedgies? Wedgie hookups. I was sure I wouldn't post again, but I've sat on this technique for a couple of years. He's coming out of wedgie retirement. I'm getting too old for this shit. There he is. But I've sat on this technique for a couple of years, kind of hoping someone else would stumble across it,

and it's time to let you all have it. Well. Oh, no. Doc. Takes a book out from a chest, like opens it up, blows the dust off. Well, this will help self-wedgiers more. Don't feed the wedgie after midnight. Well, this will help self-wedgiers more. This may be the wedgie after midnight. Well, this will help self-wedgiers more.

This may be of interest to general wedgiers, too. Up until now, if you wanted to wedgie yourself, you had to use either your own hand or a rope. Using my hand sucks because, number one, you know it's coming. And number two, you don't just know how big the wedgie is going to be. Well, just sit on your hand, and then it'll be like someone else is giving you a wedgie. Ooh, nice. Using a rope and hanging yourself is crude.

Also, you die. Just ask David Carradine. Dude, that was coming. We have not been kind to David Carradine. Nope. He wasn't very kind to himself either Fair enough That's what I was thinking

You're not wrong Using a rope and hanging yourself is crude You either get a slack rope and no wedgie Or a tight rope that gives you a couple moments Excruciating hanging pain Before it rips your undies off It's almost like this isn't a pleasurable experience after all. There's got to

be a better way. Black and white with the red X over it. Or you could wear three pairs and feel like an idiot, I guess. You want to know what it is, right? Insustentiate? Absolutely!

We're hanging on your every word with this one item you won't hang your feet will be on the ground but you can use the same logic you would use for a hanging wedgie to create a wedgie that will legitimately feel like your underwear

is getting pulled ah stop I'll buy it I'll buy it right now whatever it is I don't care I'll buy it pull your und buy it right now. Whatever it is. I don't care. I'll buy it. You can even pull your undies back out of your butt and they will just get yanked back up. I want to hear this

in an Anthony Sullivan voice. I wonder if he is talking about the WedgeBot 3000. That's terrific. Yay! And you'll be able to do it in one pair of underwear. And you won't destroy

your underwear by doing so. And. Oh. A ShamWow. Because you won't hang, you won't need to worry about getting stuck slash escape routes slash other nonsense. Oh, finally. $199.95. Oh, my God.

Do you still want to know? Yes. Oh, my God. Yes. Cocktease. Can you pull it into your butt crack? Oh, you might like this the best. Using a particular technique with this item,

you can increase or decrease the intensity of the pulling feeling by a lot. It won't get up to the super crushing or stabbing pain of hanging, to the super crushing or stabbing pain of hanging, but things will get pretty epicent. They have hashtags, dollar signs. I wouldn't want to curse on this forum. This is like a timeshare scam, isn't it? I promise there's a free lunch in it for you. No, no, no.

See, you get two people you know to let you do a wedgie on them, and then they get people to do wedgies on other people. The pyramid no, no. See, you get two people you know to let you do a wedgie on them, and then they get people to do wedgies on other people. The pyramid wedgie scheme. Yeah. I know you all... Everybody pulls each other's underwear up. It all works for all of us. You all want to know what it is, right? It's a top-down, bottom-up

system. Yep. Hmm. Sorry. No. So, yes, I'm excited to hear what this is. Yeah, yeah. On second thought, maybe I shouldn't. No. So, yes, I'm excited to hear what this is. Yeah, yeah. On second thought, maybe I shouldn't. No! Oh, man!

You people don't deserve it. Oh, God damn it. Only you high schoolers and older will have a shot at getting the item anyway. I can pretend to be Rose. College kids should be able to get it easily, but maybe you want to discover this one for yourselves is it sex? I'll kill a college student if it'll get me this

do I give myself a wedgie with a bottle of MD-2020? is that what you're saying? it'll feel about as good this only works, this is fueled by debt after all with much power comes much responsibility maybe I'll think about it

for a day, and then there's a smiley face who's putting lipstick on, or fucking itself. I don't know what that smiley face is doing, but there it is. I think it's rolling around the floor, laughing with the satisfaction of knowing

that it teased her cocks. So, obviously, everyone's totally took the bait, and everyone's really super fucking... Tell us, tell us, tell us. Yeah, tell us, tell us, tell us, tell us, tell us. And then he has a long post that I just summarized. So would you just read my summary of the post there? Surgical tubing.

Yep. Yay! You're welcome, F Plus listeners. Yeah, you really don't want this post. Now you too can... There you have it, surgical tubing. It can be found online generally, and I think some scuba supplies shops carry it.

I've heard rumors of it at other places, but I've honestly never seen it on retail, only online. Best of luck and enjoy. You have a couple pointers. What's pointer number two to give myself a wedgie? Perhaps the most important of all. If something goes bad, the sound of surgical tubing flying to the other side of the room can be loud.

You probably should be doing this when no one is at home. But what if I'm already alone? You know all these people still live with their moms. We're all alone. That's why we wedgie ourselves. We all die alone and we all wedgie ourselves alone. Um... John Toast? Yes? so's alone. John Toast.

Yes? Is it time to say goodbye to the wedgie? No. Let me see. Oh, it is. And your name? My name is Gold Tech. And gather close, kids. I've got a book to read you. It's called Goodbye Wedgie.

Goodbye Wedgie. Goodbye Wedgie. Goodbye Wedgie. Goodbye Wedgie. Goodbye Wedgie. That's good, too. So I've decided that I need to stop wedging myself. Don't try and talk me out of it, because I've had far, far too many times when my friends almost found out.

Oh, my God, how humiliating. Yeah. So, I thought to myself, if you're not coming back to wedgies, why not go out in style? So I need you professional wedgeologists to tell me what to do for my farewell performance. I'm more of a wedge-aholic. My advisor told me I was wasting my time, but... Your farewell performance, and we already used the David Carradine joke. Yeah.

In my possession, four wedgies are, number one, gray boxers, four sizes too small. Stripey blue boxer briefs, four sizes too small. Black boxer briefs with a hole in the front. It's the sexy pair. Blue strippy stretch boxers. And gray strippy stretch boxers. I read strippy wrong before. Oh, and by the way, before I continue,

please help me out here, guys! You know, they don't make that many sizes of boxers. So in order to have a boxer size available that is four sizes too small for you, you have to be like a double XL or something like that. Well, I wear medium. So this dude has a doll size? I guess this dude is fucking fat. And then next post down, Jack Jack.

Yes, yes, my name is John Hammond. I guess this dude is fucking fat. And then next post down, Jack Jack. Yes, yes, my name is John Hammond. All metamorphosis wedgie, cocoon wedgie, each layer filled with something different than lick each pear. Of course. I have no idea what I just read. Welcome to Wedgie Park His location is Isla Nubler So yes, it's that John Hammond

Hey, I'm self-Wedgier Okay If you have a hook or something Like that Hook a rope through the back of your big boxer leg holes And give yourself a hanging wedgie! Hey guys,

I'm quitting cigarettes. What should I do? You should smoke a cigarette! I think my favorite part of that post is I think my favorite part of that post is it's him six months afterwards. You're still thinking about this, right?

So, you know, Dole there hitting all the holes, so we've got all sorts of fun wedgie action, and he was good enough to include wedgie poetry! Awesome!

Holy shit, there's a chat! Sorry. We, of course, cannot read all of the Wedgie Poetry, but, you know, we can read some select pieces. So let's start off with a poem by SelfWedgie13

called Squeaky Clean. Boots, if you'll take this one, please. Yeah. I'm Self-wedgie 13. Different from the last guy I read who was called self-wedgier. Wow. I'm not sure how this happened, but I suddenly got the idea

to write poems about wedgies. Good. The first one started out as a haiku, but I added a couple lines and made it a tonka instead. It's basically the same thing, but with two additional seven-syllable lines at the end. Then I decided to write a few more. What? This is what I've come up with so far.

Hope you enjoy. That was a great story. Oh, my God. Have you started? Yeah. Squeaky clean. Alternatively, the first Tonka could be used as a standalone, simply

called Wedgie. Jesus. All briefs up my butt, as high as I can get them. I love my Wedgie. Feeling my underpants cut. Deep in my butt is lovely.

I pull on the front, leg holes sliding through my butt is lovely. I pull on the front leg holes sliding through my butt. Pressure on my balls. Wedgie Melvin back and forth. The squeaky clean burns so good. This one's called

Hanging Wedgie. Oh god, there's more? All right, great. I rope through my leg holes, hoisting me in the air, hanging by my briefs. I love my briefs up my butt, holding me above the floor. Wow. And my last one is... Atomic Wedgie!

Atomic Wedgie! Atomic Wedgie! Atomic wedgie! Atomic wedgie! Atomic wedgie. Okay. I pull on my briefs higher than I thought I could. Waistband on my brow. The best technique of them all. I love atomic wedgies.

Woo! Can't believe he fucking did it! I'll add more of these as I come up with them. Also, if any of you can come up with a Tonka or any other type of poem about wedgies, feel free to post them here. Well, sure, I'll do one. I'm Sleepy Psycho. I cannot look, can't think, can't entertain the thought. The elastic looks so loose, the fabric so lax.

I want to tighten it, want to see the cotton grow and fold in on itself. I want to hear the protest of my victim. I want to feel soft cotton and drink in the delicious stretch that cotton will give. But I can't, I mustn't, I won't. Good poem, huh? Yeah. I don't think your poem's over yet. Oh, shut it.

I want to feel it on the inside. That was the worst song by P-Funk I've ever heard. I disagree. I think my poem is over. Because we need to read another poem. Wait, sorry. Read the second last line of your poem, please. Okay, I'll read the second to last line of my poem. Wait, wait, sorry. Read the second last line of your poem, please.

Okay, okay, okay. I'll read the second and last line of my poem. Okay, so... Okay, okay. But I've also felt my heartbeat and my face heat as I struggle to find an excuse. I've cursed myself as I scheme further events. I've blamed myself as I remind myself

that the pleasure I feel should only be provided with consent. So I do. I hug and I pull and I laugh and threaten and ask for help and remind myself to do it all over again no to never do it again oh to never do it again

it was the I hug I pull I laugh and I threaten and I ask for help alright so there's more poems before you go though Sleepy Psycho what were you previously known as I laugh and I threaten and I ask for help. All right. So there's more poems. Sleepy Psycho. What were you previously known as? Oh, well, I'm Sleepy Psycho right now.

I'm a lieutenant commander. But I was previously known as. Oh, OK. OK, got it. Got it. I was previously known as my wedgie fetish. Oh, yeah, very nice. Yeah. And I think passwords are irritating.

Why are you not moaning? My wedgie fetish. Okay, so there is more poems, and I think Jack Chick there's a poem on this page called My Ass. You'll take that, please. My Ass by Adam.

My ass burns like a thousand candles as the wedgie pulls tighter. Creeping up my crack. My balls scream in agony. Except balls can't scream. So I use my mouth. Of course. Okay. Yeah.

I howl like a banshee. Whatever that is. Screaming. My underwear goes higher. And higher still, like a duck in flight. My ass burns, and I kind of like it. Shit. Wow. I'm not snubbing that.

I know. It was way too good for you. All right. I know it was way too good for you alright so let's get to the important matters that we need to attend to I'm talking of course about Harry Potter fanfiction is Snape in this?

he's got to be come on it's Harry Potter fanfiction after he shat on the sofa Snape needed this? He's got to be. Come on, it's Harry Potter fan fiction. After he shat on the sofa, Snape needed a new fetish. Mr. Potter, stop pulling my underwear up. I don't like that. Yes, so this is a Harry Potter

fan fiction piece. It was written by boxers of the best. Oh, did you call my name? Oh, dear. Oh, why? I believe I have been summoned. Oh, God. F plus masterpiece theater.

Oh, my. Oh, have you found my Harry Potter fanfic piece? I should have been more clear in my spell. It's awful, but it actually sounds like he's worked on it. He's powers in front of the mirror. Do you mean awfully delightful?

Do you mean crumpets? Still got a bit of soot on my face. So yes, boxers are the best. This is your Harry Potter fan fiction. I'm laughing for no reason. Part one, getting ready for the Quietitch World Cup.

Harry woke up on that dismal autumn day elated. Why? Well, Harry was going back to his fourth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. But before that, he and his friends Ron, Hermione,

and all the other Weasleys were going to the Quidditch World Cup. As Harry got out of bed, he looked at himself in the mirror that was hung on the door Harry as you should know Had messy black hair

He was skinny but he had a hint of muscle And had green eyes Harry's dazzling eyes Then looked over his body Scar whatever You know yeah Semi-toned abs Do you really need character descriptions

and fan fiction? Don't you assume that the people that are... Okay, fine. Well, I'll need to work on that at Hogwarts. Okay. Briefs. Shit, I forgot to change out of them after last night. So Hogwarts does an underwear check?

Yes. Now, Harry did normally wear briefs. He usually wore boxer briefs. But because he lost a bet with his friend, Harry didn't normally wear briefs. He usually wore boxer briefs. But because he lost a bet with his friend Ron, he had to wear briefs all of yesterday. Harry didn't mind the briefs, but he was happy to get back into his boxer briefs. As Harry looked at the red and gold briefs,

he felt a tingle in his butt. Suddenly... It's a crossover with Star Trek The Next Generation. Suddenly, his briefs were yanked up, and he heard Ron laughing. Gotcha, mate! Ron laughed. Yay.

Actually, Harry said, walking away, I got you! With that, he turned and grabbed Ron, exposed briefs, and yanked them high up. Harry Potter's a 42-year-old shopkeeper. Ron screamed in shock and his face turned red. Oh, we didn't get Hermione.

Harry, Ron, get ready, we have to leave soon. Hermione yelled from downstairs. We'll be there in a second. We'll be there in a second. I'm sorry, we'll be there in a second We'll be there in a second I'm sorry, we'll be there in a second Apples and pears Yelled Harry and Ron simultaneously After that quick wedgie battle

Harry and Ron went to get their bags ready They would need three days worth of clothes For the World Cup Ron had packed quickly And was slipping into some Hogwarts briefs when Harry laughed. Hogwarts briefs, really? I suppose you have

some with Dumbledore on them. Shut up and get ready, douche! Oh, sorry. This is a hate crime, right? You mean these accents? Yeah. I mean, after all the fucking hate crimes that the British

have inflicted on us. Boots. Boots. I have no idea what you're talking about. Sad Ron pulling his pants up. Harry Selected. This is about a new character named Harry Selected. A pair of dark, nay, blue

American Eagle boxer briefs. American Eagle. Product placement, alright. American Eagle in Britain. And quickly threw on a shirt and pants. The boys ran downstairs to see all the Weasleys waiting. Come on!

Said Fred. Move it! yelled George, finishing Fred's sentence. Oh, sorry. Well, let's get going, said Mr. Weasley. As the boys were walking, Harry heard Ron yelp

in surprise. As Harry looked back, he saw Ron's briefs, the character called Ron Spreefs, being yanked up by none other than Fred and George. Oi! Lay off him for a little bit, Harry said. Okay.

Friend said. Are you gonna be our wedgie slave in the meantime? I don't like spam. Said George, grinning. What, no, I will not be- Harry yelled as Fred and George grabbed his box of briefs and yanked them up. See, Rod, I need-

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam, spam, spam, spam. At least Harry had some non-embarrassing undies. You with your cartoon briefs. So, babyish. At least Harry had boxer briefs on. See ya, George. Oh, and by the way... If you two don't keep in those

wedgies until we get to camp, you'll regret it. Great thought, Harry. The last time he had a wedgie while using a portkey, it only got worse. Well, at least he was going to see the Quidditch World Cup. Wedgie or not, it was going to be great.

End of chapter. This is Laura Linney for PBS Great Performances. Support your local PBS station. Guys, or else this will happen. There's a part two. It's a threat, yeah. Part two, making cap. While we will not read.

I already have to burn my passport at this point. Well, if the English are going to reinvade, they sure aren't now. What's your problem, Miss Vaughn? We're just taking the Mickey. I like Jason Statham's performance there at the end. That was great. While we will not read more of that in a British accent,

we do have one more story to read, but that story is going to be a choice. Jimmy Franks, you're choosing. Jimmy Franks, make the choice here. I'm ready. Bring it on. Bring it on. No whammies.

No whammies. Big bucks. All right. So option number one is how to train your kinky rubber dragon a true wedgie story. I'm just going to stop you right there. I'm going to stop you right there. I don't even need to hear an option number two. Really?

You're just going to me? Okay. Okay. This is unprecedented. For what it's worth, the other one was the vampire's past a Final Fantasy VII fanfic, but you're that confident. Great. Okay. You're a terrific but you're that confident. Great. Okay, you're a terrific chooser.

Terrific. Okay, so this is... I thought the second one was better. This is how to train your kinky rubber dragon, a true wedgie story, and why don't you just take this? I know nothing about it, but if you'll take this and just tag out when you're ready.

Hang on just a second. Bring up there we go uh uh this this is wedgie fox uh hey i know this story sounds a little strange but i can assure you it is all 100 true yeah oh good that'll make me feel better about what we're reading. Backstory. This weekend was the Manchester fur meet. You know, the day went as normal and everything, but towards the end, I got talking to this new furry I'd never met before. As we got talking, he told me he was into rubber and fetishy sort of things, and then afterward, he was heading off to some sort of fetishy slash alternate nightclub, and underneath his clothes, he showed me he was wearing a full pvc suit

and why wouldn't he do all this i mean you just met him yeah the person i was stopping with had gone off to meet some friends so he said to just head back to his house when i was ready and text him when i got there so i asked this for you if i could go along with him as i'd always wanted to see what one of these clubs is like uh i think this is i think this is trigger alert wedgies start here it's for the people wanted to skip all the preamble and get to the uh later on we went to a hotel where he was supposed to be meeting with some friends who were also going with him but they didn't show later wedgies haven't started you later turned out we'd gone to the wrong hotel, XD. While we were there, we got talking again about random stuff,

and I told him I liked giving and getting wedgies, and I asked him if he'd like to give me one. But what shocked me was what happened next. He didn't know what a wedgie was. The motherfucker. I slapped him across his stupid face. Well, his mascot head. He has never lived. The mascot head spun around on top of his head.

Boots, you want to take over here? Well, can you imagine just sort of standing in a hotel lobby and just seeing two people in fur costumes just having this conversation? Well, yeah, because I'm averting my eyes. Yes, I've had a fever before I actually had to explain to him what one was And walk him through how to give me one

XD So I turned around, lifted my jacket and t-shirt And pulled out the waistband And I have my white boxer briefs for him I told him to give me a wedgie You just grab the waistband and pull upwards as hard as you can. You can't play a little coy?

I mean, you know, just like a little bit of, you know, a little bit of play. You realize how rare it is where you get a situation where somebody will just give you a wedgie after about like 10 minutes of conversation. This guy's just jumping on the opportunity. He's like, I finally found a veggie. He cannot wait.

He cannot wait. I mean, isn't this in the lobby? I gotta pluck that fucking flower right now. Let's go to waste. So he grabbed and pulled. He gave an okay veggie for his first time. Got the underwear halfway up my back. It could have been better.

That's just okay? Yeah, I just like to picture Hoisting and then he just kind of turns around like the Wedgie receiver just hands on his hips like, that was alright. Is that all you got? He's got one of those diving scorecards.

6.3 Later we went into a nearby restroom and hotel so he could show me his full outfit. The place was dead, so we didn't have to worry about people coming in. I happened to have on me at the time my bondage dog mask and PVC catsuit as well. What?

For those of you going WTF, basically it packs some of my toys as it originally intended them for later at my friend's house as he had asked me to bring them. Yay for open relationships!

What a goddamn weird adventure game inventory that is. I'm raising the roof and nobody can see it. I can taste bile on my tongue. Pretty sure this was a Saints Row DLC. Anyway, while he got into his costume,

I put on my catsuit and bondage hood. When I emerged from the cubicle, it was one hell of a sight. You've got such sights to show you. A guy in a kinky rubber transvestite dragon costume, complete with boobs, corset, and heels, and another guy in a PVC dog costume transvestite dragon costume complete with boobs, corset, and heels. Another guy in a PVC dog costume with big goth booths.

Booths. Booths. Big goth booths. Yeah, we can't subvert the goth diner. Hey, welcome to the convention. You want to buy some crap? I like big booths, but I have no idea what I'm talking about.

Imagine if someone had come in then it could have happened because you're in a fucking hotel bathroom doing this Jack Chick take over so we messed about for a bit cuddled spanked and groped just because we could

then while we're posing in the mirror I noticed he left his trackies on around his ankles, so I pulled them up and... Track pants, maybe? Yeah. See, I thought it was like a tracking bracelet. House arrest bracelet. Yeah.

Alright. Pulled them up and lifted him clean off the ground. Gave him a bouncing pants wedgie. Lifting him up and down like he was a set of weights. Oh a bouncing pants wedgie, lifting him up and down like he was a set of weights. Oh, bouncing pants wedgie! Oh, you are British. Okay.

I bet if you'd come in through the door then you'd think you'd been drugged. I'd be too busy dialing on my phone. Yeah, I think at this point so many people would be walking in and then looking up and then instantly walking out. There's like a crowd of 20 people outside the door now. I don't know.

I'd be kind of impressed by, you know, a dude, you know, picking up another dude who was probably about, you know, 250, 300 pounds by his pants and bouncing him. It's kind of impressive arm strength. Yeah. Anyways, after that, we put our clothes on over the outfits and took the masks off before heading to the club. Didn't really get or give many wedgies after that, but I really need to teach him the art of wedgie giving and teach him the ways to use wedgies to really humiliate people. If he wore that outfit, he would make a great wedgie mistress. You guys already know our masters of humiliating yourselves, so I don't really think you have to worry about that. Isn't dignity an important part in that?

At the club, the photographer took a pic of us together, so if the forum administrators are okay with me posting a copy here, I'd be happy to show you what we both look like. I'm not. No, I'm not okay with that. Exhibit A. And then there's some other crap. Pretty good comic, though.

Ah! Ah! They're crap. Pretty good comic, though. F+, what did we learn from this? I learned that the F has excellent British accents. Well, I have a great British accent. I don't know about y'all.

Actually, speaking of that, I was actually kind of surprised that throughout wedgiehaven.com, there wasn't that much overt Britishness. I mean, these people might have been British, but I wasn't seeing a lot of water closet. I happened to see several people were from Australia, but weren't distinctly Australian things they were talking about. It was Australia and Boston, it seemed to be. Yeah, Boston. A lot of Boston wedgie people there. Sister cities. Well, I mean, in fairness,

I'm sure that people in Boston get wedgied a lot. It would just stand to reason. I'm sure British people have a much more fancy schoolyard bully technique. Oh, he did a knicker flipper. Oh, knicker flipper. I like it.

Well, what I learned, or at least I got re-emphasized here, was that it seems like people with a lot of crazy, weird paraphilias seem to be on these sites. But I don't know

whether it's more likely that they have these weird fetishes just because they have so many of them. Or if you get people with so many weird fetishes but not this one and they're just like well I can kind of glom on to this weird thing I'm sure they'll accept me even though I really want to do all this other bullshit.

So you think it's like a lot of other fetish adjacents? Yeah. That's what I can't determine whether they just have all these because they have so many or if it's like a lot of other fetish adjacent. Yeah, that's what I can't determine whether they just have all these because they have so many, or if it's just like, well, this other thing I wouldn't be able to get enough for a community, but if I jump on wedgies, I'm sure they'll just welcome me with open arms. Yeah, that's why I think it's kind of a focal point,

you know. It's got a little something for a bunch of different fetishes. Yeah, you know. Yeah, I mean, genuinely, like, it's a little bit, like, it's not, like, even though it's a fucked up fetish, it's a little bit like it's not... Even though it's a fucked up fetish, it's one of those that is not deserving of how in the hell did you get that fetish as a tag?

Because it's kind of... I mean, we kind of get it. Yeah, there is genital contact involved. There's genital contact at one point you were dominated and you've hung on to that. There's humiliation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's, I think it's kind of just like a focal point of different

attractions. So maybe that's why it's not British, is because it's too pedestrian. It's no stuck-in-mud fetish, that's for sure. The British are like, been there, done that. Colonies can have it now. So where does the garbage juice come into this? We need to find a site where people

have like marmite spread on their armpits. Alright, Montreux, get working. Thanks to Dole for the document, and we'll see you next time. Bye-bye. Ball pit. Ball pit. Flatter.

When I found out it was a sister who really liked polka dot undies. Polka dot undies. Ball pit. Flatter. Flatter! Stamps.com! Squarespace! Dollar Shave Club! Bonobos!