The F Plus - 173: Sins of the Djinn

Episode Date: April 11, 2015

On this podcast, we've covered a lot of people who claim that imaginary things are real, BUT THIS... IS ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF THAT! We're looking at the universe of "Djinn", genie having people who have either conjured or purchased a noble thousands-year old spirit that they make do the dishes. Then things get weird after that. This week, The Thief of Baghdad is just looking for a nice cuddle.

You know, sometimes you'll see an article like, people don't believe in God as much anymore, you know, and you think like, ah, okay, so spooky things and superstitions are kind of on their way out for getting smarter as a people. And it's like, no, these people are abandoning religion for, I have a genie and a rock. I wish I was a little bit taller. I wish I was a baller. I wish I had a girl

who looked good, I would call her. I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat. Six-foot-and-four. I wish I was like six-foot-and-four. Welcome to the F Plus Podcast, a mystical and wonderful place for terrible things, right with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have Boots Rangier. I had the strangest urge to

listen to Damian Marley, which I felt was coming more from my gin than me. Kumquats up! Or is the place where you go and dump the bag of pee the place of gin? Portax. I wish I was doing an intro. Oh, man, I am. Genies are real. Left-handed radio's own Adam Bozarth.

I summon my genie by the names of Hackadosh, Baraka, Chaioth, Hakadosh, Alphonam, Aralim, Chazmalim, Seraphim, Malachim, Elohim, Benai Elohim, Cherubim, Ishim, and by the sacred name of... You probably expected me to cut you off, but I didn't feel like it. And Lemon. Do any of you want my gin?

He leaves my house by nightfall tomorrow night, even if it's in the trash can. I am having a shitty day. Got shitty news at the doctor's today. And on the way home, I was crying. My gin burst in with a bit of advice. Curse God! The Kool-Aid Man?

Wow. Curse God! Curse God! Curse God! Hey F Plus Hey Lemon Yes hello Are all of your wishes coming true this week? I hope so

I have beer, so yes? I wished I would read some crazy shit on the internet. Hmm, well, I don't know if we'll get to crazy things, because what we're going to read today is about, and here's a word, so the word that we're going to be reading about is gin. Now, it's not the thing that I'm currently drinking. It's spelled D-J-I-N-N, which I think is like the magic version of genie. Well, it's the original spelling of genie. I heard he was really big on, like, State of Trance. Is it the DJ-in?

So, yeah, so we are going to Jinn Universe. That's D-J-I-N-N Universe. This is a document put together by Montreth. And we're going to learn more about genies and the people that can enrich our lives. I mean, this is the magic that lives around us. You know, we can feel it. We know it's there. We just sometimes can't put it into words because we're trying to spell correctly.

These people aren't hampered by such things. All right. So we're going to learn a whole lot about genies and djin. And we're going to learn, for example, how to care for your djin. How to train your... Yeah, how to train your gin. So, Adam. Yes.

You got a little guide here on how to care for our gin, right? Yeah, that's right. Okay, well, it's a little long, but why don't you just start off from the top and just hit the salient points here. Caring for gin. Bringing home a new spirit can be intimidating as much as it is exciting. Here is a how-to to help you. This applies to pre-Islamic, Islamic,

Arabic, Egyptian, Afrian, and Norse gin. Just leave it in the pet carrier for a couple of days so it gets accustomed to the house. Put its litter box in the bathroom. house. Put its litter box in the bathroom.

How to connect. Once your djinn arrives, recite this invocation at any time. Last the night, break the day. Wake the sun, wake the moon. All bindings through the cosmos, you are unto me. A spirit of my own keeping. As master to servant, so is a friend, a spirit of my own keeping.

As master to servant, so is a friend to a friend. Your djinn is now tied to you forever. Wow, that was fucking easy. Yeah. Wow. This genie shit's fucking awesome. All right. Well, that's great. So I'm looking for a part of the connection process

that works with astral djinn. Specifically, do you have any invocations that work with Bislip Iblar? Bislip Iblar and Corco de Gin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How did you know? Oh, I'm a gin expert. This invocation works with Bislip Iblar and Corco Gin. Okay.

Mighty wind, fall quiet inside my spirit. You are crushed by my power and settled to these astral chains. Okay. Wow, this is like the genie slave trade. Well, we don't like to think of it that way. You can see the similarities, though, right? No, no, I really can't. So let's stop this line of questioning. I don't like your tone. This invocation works with the Hoonah to gin.

Yeah, yeah. I was concerned about that because I was thinking of getting a Hoonah gin. Yeah, Hoonah gins are very friendly and make great company. So here is the invocation that works with Hoonigin. Okay. Find no solace in this binding great Hoonah. You are no longer amongst the stars.

Gather your power from the abyss and exercise it for my gain alone. Okay, so mmm... Yes? I gotta say, I'm suspicious of your morality. Why? Well, I mean, because you're taking servants in order to amass great power for

your gain alone. Servants is a word we don't like to use. Are you sure? You might have used it earlier. Did I? I don't remember to use. Are you sure? You might have used it earlier. Did I? I don't remember that. Okay. No, you're right.

You're right. I'm wrong. I'm so sorry. I believe I said una de gin. Did you think I said servant? They do sound similar. So what exactly is a de gin ritual? What is a de gin ritual, you ask?

Yeah, that's what I ask. Rituals are usually performed over a period of time and use very specific ingredients when the djinn is bound to a vessel. However, there are rituals performed in adoration or appreciation of the djinn. Here is a sample ritual anyone can perform. The supplies needed, two lavender scented candles. So you can get those at any mall. Yeah, I mean yes. What? Yeah.

A white sheet so you can get that at any mall. Sand and paper. Probably in a drunk drawer. Lay the white sheet out. It doesn't have to be large. It can just be the size of a handkerchief. Place the candles at either end of the sheet and light them both. Take your sheet of paper and write a blessing on it,

such as, may Allah bless and keep you, or may Allah find favor in you today. Any good thought that projects positive light. Okay, and then I'm done, right? No, pour the sand in the middle of the sheet with a bowed head and your hands over the sand and paper and say, all good things grow of good things I will remember

to keep and spread the blessings bestowed by Allah with respect love and honor pour the sand in your hands and bow to each candle fold the paper and keep it on your person for 24 hours

as a reminder of your promise to spread blessings and now I'm done. Well, this show's reference will go a long way. This show's reverence and will go a long way to showing your jinn your appreciation and improving your karma to receive even more blessings. Blow out the candles, wrap up the sheet. Oh, fuck. What? There's more. Yeah, blow out the candles, wrap up the sheet. Oh, fuck. What? There's more.

Yeah, blow out the candles, wrap up the sheet, bag the sand, and keep them for another day. The powers of the djinn. What do you think would happen if I used, like, an unscented candle or, like, heaven forbid, like a beeswax candle? Oh, you might attract some sort of other wish-granting creature like a leprechaun or a

sphinx. Nothing attracts a djinn more than a lavender-scented candle. Boots, you had a question you wanted to ask, right? Yeah, I do have a question. I'm Faisal36. And hi! Hi, I wanted to know if there's

a djinn-summoning spell on this site. I wanted to know if there's a djinn summoning spell on this site I wanted to try that I thought I might have been misreading this going from one line to another but okay I wanted to try that any tips before conjuring the djinns I have read about them

as much that available on net and books has anybody tried it and is it safe to do I am beginner as much debt available on net and books. Has anybody tried it? And is it safe to do? I am beginner in conningering as it will be my first conjuring.

My first conjuring will be a conningering. Conningering the genie. My friend, my friend. My friend Donut Summoned a Gin as your first. For they are powerful and can be dangrious. Dangrious.

Dangrious. Dang-a-lang, dang-a-lang, dang-a-lang. Dang. If you have researched about them, then you should not even think of summoning them. Try something lesser on the levels of powers. It is much safer that way. Let's say if you're going to jump off a skyscraper practice with your rooftop first to see how you do. And that's how you work up to it? Yes.

If you have the goal of jumping off of a skyscraper. No, it's like homeopathy of jumping. If you jump high enough, then every day, like you try every day, you'll jump a little bit higher, and eventually you'll just start flying. Yes, yes, yes. Simpulale donut, summon one until you are 100% sure you can. So, what do I... So, what's the little thing that I summon?

Do I summon, like, a... A donut. A donut. Oh. You know what? If I could summon a donut, I would stop there I would be fine Because at the point that I get a genie

I'm just going to have him for donuts anyway Try for a long John But after that You guys kind of set So We are going to be going to all sorts of places. Who provided this doc to us? This document was provided to us by Montrith, and thanks so much for that one.

And this graphic design is going to just keep getting worse. Is that the order we're going in? So now we are going into this site is called Indotalismen. Indotalismen. Indotalismen. You got that Indotalismen. It's red on red, really.

Well, the background hasn't loaded for me yet. Oh, well, it's going to make things better for you. Indotalismen. Oh, well, it's going to make things better for you. Indotal is man. Oh, there we go. Whoa, this background just loaded. Whoa, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, so this is the About Us page for Indo Talisman. It is an e-commerce site that, obviously, you should trust your credit card information with. And they will sell you all sorts of magical with K items. But before we get into the purchasing, I'd just like to learn a little bit about this place. So, Portax, can you tell me a little bit about your business here? Yes, about us. After operating and maintaining this site since 2001, many of our visitors and customers have inquired about the people behind Endo-Talisman and have requested that we say something of ourselves.

We have often considered the appropriateness of this, as we do not want Endo-otalismen to degrade into a simple personal homepage. Okay, okay. That sentence is six inches above an animated gif of a feather going across a guest book. And I guess they figured by ancient artifacts

can summon monsters they meant JPEG artifacting, based on this background. can summon monsters they meant JPEG artifacting based on this background? That was a glowing email me logo. Pretty good. Yeah, yeah, I like the icon that says hot. You know it's hot because it's on fire!

Well, djinn are fire spirits, so maybe the djinn did it. With the whole barnyard family appearing on the pages. What the fuck was the end of that sentence? Whatever. I think that was a swear word replacement. Like you were saying, barnyard is

a fucking barnyard. Well, no, it was going back to it was continuing the thought about the simple personal homepage. Yeah, but that doesn't make... Oh, you know how those personal homepages are with the barnyard family on them and everything? What the fuck does that mean? Fucking whatever.

On the other hand, we do realize that some pertinent info does give assurance to our customers and help to build trust. But then again, presenting petty details of one's personality could diminish the importance of the message and purpose of the site by diverting attention to the personality.

This is quite a preamble. We prefer to bury our individuality in the shadows rather than have it in the limelight. Okay, here's my credit card! You know, he's got an honest animated gif. We're not simply going to describe who we are. He's stupid. Have some nonsense. I bought some magic oils from shadow people on the internet.

Considering the request as a whole, however, we have decided to compromise and say just a weenie bit of ourselves. Described in the third person. The person mainly responsible for endo-talisman goes by the name of Luxamur.

Of course he does. Whose real name may be found in certain pages of this site. So his name is Waldo, I guess. He wears an Eurasian body of short and light built. Sorry, slight built. That's different.

And saw the light of the world in 63. His interest in the occult began as a child and teenager when he had numerous psychic experiences, which made him inquire as to the nature of reality. Siri's study of the occult, mysticism, and metaphysics began at age 18. Before that, he was not serious about studying the occult. Mom, I'm studying the occult.

Just like for an hour on the weekend, you know. Throughout the years, he studied the teachings of various esoteric, megical, and mystical schools and colleges. Semicolon, as well as devouring hundreds of

books on the subject. Oh, don't do that. From one college, he acquired a master's degree on the sacred science in the field of esotericism. Semicolon. From another, a doctorate on metaphysics. He now focuses full-time running this online store. Copyright. Copyright. Copyright.

2003 Luxembourg. And then presumably fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck under that. Right, yeah, yeah. So I feel like the first paragraph was actually more informative than the last one. This is Ross Ulbricht's first site. So we're going to be, you know, obviously at some point we're going to be buying talismans. I mean, at some point. I already did.

That's what I've been doing this whole time. Oh, well, okay. Well, great. So you being an expert, Kamquatsops, then you'll, the perfect person that I can ask my frequently asked questions, right? Yes, yes, that's correct. Because I have, I have a couple frequently asked questions for you. Well, you better have a lot, because I have a lot of answers. So, Luxemore, uh, there are lots of scam sites out there that do not deliver or give bogus items.

What? How do we know that you are not one of them? Can we trust you? We can well understand your concern. Heaven knows how many of them are out there.

Concerning trust, you might want to initially make small orders to see if they... That's how trust works. Trust is like jumping off a house.

Buying things on the internet is like jumping off a skyscraper. You know what? That's good enough. Do you guarantee that the magical items will work or refund if it does not? We do not offer any guarantees nor refunds as Magickal items depend so much upon your own psychic attunement with them

by having faith in God's power and blessings as impregnating the items. Yeah. Refunds if you don't know how to work it. Did you come in it? Because I can't help you if you didn't come in it. I wish any business would do this where it's just like, yeah, so I bought this

car from you yesterday. Brand new and it doesn't work. Well, that's just because you don't believe enough in driving it. Yeah, this food you made made me sick. That's because your eating ability just hasn't leveled up yet. Is your stomach really in tune with the ceviche? Because that's why

you got food poisoning. Oh. At our end, the McGickal items are acquired prepaid by us from

adepts. What? What? What does that mean? And they do not offer any guarantees or refunds.

Yeah. Yeah. Trickle down bullshit. Hey, can I... Is it alright? May we have proof of your power or demonstrations of the power of your items? No!

Sold! We have nothing to demonstrate to anyone! No kidding. Oh, well, in that case, I totally trust you. Occult services and items should be freely given to those in need. Why do you charge for them?

Whoa. A little presumptuous on this fact. Although we put prices on the items and our services, we are not actually charging for them, in a sense. In another more accurate sense, we are. I mean, it's just, God! It's just pieces of paper. It's so easy to lie!

All you do is put those three words on the end of every sentence. No, I wish car manufacturers would take this approach as well. It's free. It could have been so much less political fighting if somebody would have just said, the United States does not torture, in a sense. Neither the adept producers of the magical items nor we as distributor charge for the powers within the items.

Yeah, I know that. Fucking good lord. Uh-huh. What adepts do charge are actually the compensation for their time, energy, and skill required to produce the items,

including the latter's physical representation. Yeah, that's how commerce works. So is this like how every Xbox sold, Microsoft loses money, and then they make money on the games? It's just so amazing. Like, look, I'm not charging you. All I'm doing is collecting money for time and labor and parts.

But I'm not charging you for anything. No, this is cost. Also, funds are required to maintain the website. Uh, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of fonts you had to buy. If only there was a counter on the bottom of the page, I could tell sort of how much bandwidth they probably go through. there was a counter on the bottom of the page, I could tell sort of how much bandwidth they'd probably go through.

The translation of materials, establishing and maintaining contacts, wages, shipping items, and so on, and so forth. All these requires funds. Of course, of course, of course.

Well, you know, now that you've completely worked up my confidence and you have me super into wanting to just buy things from you, so I had a problem, which is that I tried to use Adam's earlier spell to conjure a genie to be a slave. And that didn't work out so well. So instead I'm just going to buy a genie.

Ooh. You have a catalog. Indotalisman has an entire catalog of genies that I can buy. Let me just real quick, I just want to read the different genies that I can buy. Let me just real quick, I just want to read the different genies that you can buy from indotalisman.com forward slash genie dot html.

Okay, there's the flower fairy, the house hyphen hold genie, the solar hyphen ray ed genie, then of course there's the albino crocodile genie, the genie of the Arabian Nights, a McGickle Genie Pot.

Starring Method Man and Red Man. There's Genie and the Magic Vessel. I'm not sure how that's different. Starring Method Man and Red Man. Well, that one's got... No, that one's got Raekwon in it. Oh, yeah. And then there's the wish-fulfilling genie Cowbell.

The genie of obstruction. Then there's super-goomin thong genie. What? What is... Yeah, there's also the legendary goomin thong. I didn't know Raekwon was running with Cisco. Let me grant your wish.

Super genie. There's the boy wonder genie, the genie princess, the temple hyphen fairy, the fairy god hyphen mother, the muse fairy, the bodyguard genie, the genie prince, the Fairy God-Mother, the Muse-Fairy, the Bodyguard-Genie, the Genie-Prince, the Giant-Genie, the Fiery Super-Genie. It's a King in a Nintendo spin-off at this point. The Hanna-Barbera cartoon. Oh, the next one is the Scented Fairy. The Genie-King of the Middle East, General Blessing Fairy, and then McGickle Boy Kodum.

So, those are all available for prices that I can't really determine from the website. Well, you're not really buying it anyway, so just, you know... I mean, $10,000 is just a lot of zeros with a one somewhere in there. Yeah, yeah. I mean, because it,000 is just a lot of zeros with a one somewhere in there. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, because it's a whole store. But, I mean, maybe I just need to spend more time on this site, but I don't understand. Oh, how to order. Well, hey, hey. A lot of red text. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up?

Proprietor of this Genie website. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Luxor, I think my name is. Luxor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up? Proprietor of this genie website. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Luxor, I think my name is. Luxor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, you took some photos of genies, and, you know, we can't really describe them here, and they're amazing, and we should correct. Picture a small bottle of lens cleaning fluid. Yeah.

Would you describe a little about the process you used to capture these photos of genies? Yeah, absolutely. So these photos were taken by the adept hyphen producer of some of the genie slash fairy items that we offer. These were being prepared for the final product presented in the genie slash fairy magical items. If you look closely, you may see resemblances of the head, facial features, body, and limbs.

A speakale occult method, formula, and mantra was used by the photographer during the movie. Using a mobile phone to cause the genie to appear for the camera. I love that app. Bim salabim. I think he means Shazam. It's Mecca lecca hi, Mecca hiney ho.

Shiny ho. The spirits employ luminous ectoplasmic substances to manifest in some way. Double dash. They may appear differently when seen clairvoyantly as they are on the astral plane or etheric realms. Size is also relative, double dash. As seen through psychic vision, they are much larger.

I mean, that's what I say all the time. Also, they appear to be wearing the Emperor's new clothes and they look fantastic, apparently. That's nice. So I know you're all convinced by this place. Bottles of genie fetuses and whatnot. There's just this long list of instructions of how to order something, including Western Union animated GIFs. But I just liked this sentence in the how to order page.

Please add an additional US $30 to the total to cover, quote, correspondent bank charges. Thank you. Huh. Your money writes to you. My bank doesn't exist on this plane. exist on this plane. So, I just wanted to do a couple of, or at least one, testimonial here, because there is an entire page of testimonials on Indo-Talisman.

And, what the hell is that name? Oh, Chris. Chris from the USA. Do you see that one there, Boots? Yes. Greetings, Luxemore. Greetings. What the hell is that name? Oh, Chris. Chris from the USA. Do you see that one in their boots? Uh, yes. Greetings, Luxemore. Greetings. I've had only positive experiences from my dealings with you.

I like to share a testimonial, which you may publish or use in any manner that you choose. I know that secrecy is an important part of McGick. I'm not sure yet how to identify what cannot be revealed if it is not apparent. So if the testimonial below falls into keep secret, then do not reveal it. Otherwise, you may use it as you wish. As you wish, as mentioned above, Chris is my middle name. He can't give us full name because then we could use its power against him. Yes, testimonial!

I saw my aura! Of course. Wow! This is not the most profound experience I've had since I found Dr. Lee. What? Is that the name of the genie he bought? Uh... Ha ha ha! So, tell me a story.

I need to hear the story about ordering Dr. Lee. But I feel like sharing this one because it was totally unexpected. I must state that I had no prior involvement in McGick before I started ordering from Dr. Lee. I was in the toilet. Oh, dear. As I picked up the tissue paper, it turned very bright blue. The toilet is the last place to expect a visitation, so I was initially confused. I dropped the tissue, and it turned white again.

Then I realized there was a very bright, exceedingly beautiful blue light extending out of both of my hands. I raised my hand to the mirror, and the reflection was also in the mirror. More like my shadow from my hands had turned very blue. I did not know it was my aura. I was seeing at the time so I actually tried to make it stop. I began washing my hands

and the water was also turning blue while my hands was in it. When I realized I could not make it stop I went into my study and whatever I picked up would also turn blue while I hands was in it. When I realized I could not make it stop, I went into my study and whatever I picked up would also turn blue while I am holding it. My tenses turned blue.

Since the blue light extending from my hands was so beautiful and felt very peaceful, I decided to just enjoy the sight. I held my hands parallel to each other and the lights were now touching each other. After several minutes, the blue light was gone. Still confused about what the light was,

I began to research and finally learned that I had been seeing my aura. Aura now means a lot to me. It's one thing to read about aura, but to see it was totally unexpected. Thanks, Dr. Lee, for all your help. Thank you for all the money! Thanks, Dr. Lee.

I have more. I'm sure you do! Here, you may take it now. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, Dr. Lee, Dr. Lee? Yes, that's me, Luxemore. My name, my name is Ridwan.

Ridwan, Ridwan. And I did a bunch of boring stuff, but then I tried to go to work, and then in the morning before work, I tried the invulnerability ability. Used a knife. I had to be truthful. I stand by some bandages just in case. I told myself mentally. I have full faith in the agile.

I started to chop. Oh, no. I started to chop onto my right forearm softly. Nothing happened. Progressively, more forcefully, still nothing. I was chopping unto my forearm like I would chopping the chicken meat. So, you know what happened? Was his friends realized he was nuts and then

swapped out all his knives for like rubber knives. Fake knives. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I would chopping the chicken meat. Amazing, not even a scratch. I had to stop chopping as my forearm had lines of redness. Not painful, but

it will be difficult to explain to my family, friends, and colleagues and it was getting late for work. What, as a superhero? Because you're fucking invincible? I went to bathe. Alright, well that's all we

can take of this Red on Red site. And the thing is going to get actually a little bit less ugly now. We are going to be heading to creepyhollows.com So Adam, your name is Wasn't Me.

Your avatar is Still Griffin. So, yeah. And you're ready to Receive wishes is that right Ready to receive wishes Wait hey was it me Why should I listen to you

How many spirits do you have Zero Fuck you That's a stat Everyone gets that stat Oh wait No everyone gets that stat! Oh wait, no! Everyone gets that stat!

Wow, okay. So I was reading an auction just like I do every other day but something really struck me. The seller wrote, if you are not ready to have your wishes fulfilled do not bid. I know, every other seller has written this, but it finally made sense to me today. Okay.

I've had my spirits for over a year, and I'm just now seeing all of my wishes come true. I'm looking at a freelance position that is offering me double what I asked from my Devada, and it's exactly what I wished for. Wow, that sounds great. I mean, congratulations. My genie gave me freelance work. Yeah, I mean... Made an eye with my ultimate fantasies. It must be hard to type with those monkey paws. Last year this would not have happened.

It could not have happened. I wasn't even sure she existed until a few weeks ago. It's not that my spirits weren't working, it's that I wasn't ready. I guess deep down I didn't feel worthy of actually having my wishes fulfilled. So no matter what my spirits presented me with,

I never took them up on the offer to actually follow through with my wish. You see what I'm saying? No, I don't. I'm trying to see what you're saying. Does anybody know where my point went? No. It's got to be above your post somewhere. It's such a great internet

thing where it's just like, I'm selling something. Oh, wait, wait, wait. I need to talk about me for like 18 paragraphs first, so just bear with me. What? No, sorry, keep going. It just occurred to me today that we have to believe we are

worthy of the things that we desire, otherwise we'll do our part to make sure they never come to fruition. It's like my djinn are saying, now you get it. Oh, no. I hope this helps someone else out there.

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one that questioned whether or not they deserve something. No, no, you're not the, no, absolutely, you're not the first one of that. I just, I don't the first one of that. I just... I don't feel a lot of people have followed these series of conclusions you made afterwards. What are you talking about?

Well... I'm MStrange1. That's great, wasn't me. Moments of clarity are a treasure. They sure are. The problem is you never know what it's like to transcend until you transcend.

And... Smiley giggling the fuck out. This smiley is freaking out more than the last smiley we've had. What a perfect smiley read. And you hover over it and it says crazy. Yum. Hey, uh, Sportax. Yeah?

How many wishes? That's all. Only wishes. How many wishes? What's your name, too? Hello, I'm Gothic Mum. Where are you located? Oh, sorry. I need to bust out my British accent,

because I'm from the Isle of the Dead in the UK. I got three skulls under my head. I think I might be Morticia. I don't know. Wow. No, please keep reading Maltesha. I don't know. Wow. No, please keep reading in your British accent. Yeah.

Hello. I've been given a sign by... I've been given a sign by my Dajin that it's okay for a task for a wish. I'm thrilled. Always wish with consent.

Wow, this is like a Dom Sub sort of thing. Hey guys, my imaginary slave gave me permission to Yeah. So it's not really a genie, it's just a regular guy. But I'm not sure how much time they need to grant wishes, and if it takes a while, can they work on more than one wish at a time? Thanks!

Jade. My name's Soys. Here's something I didn't realize about Djin wishes. I stole it from Dee Dee's eBay listing. Hope she doesn't mind. First of all, your Dajin are... Your Dajin you own are magical beings.

They are at your command. It is what they do. When you ask for wishes, the last one you ask for is for it to return to its vessel. This is so you can have that power again. If you're not doing this,

then he or she might not be working for you. You guys realize what happened? That wasn't pink. Soice figured out how to wish for more wishes. Yeah, I want a new car and I want a sandwich.

And get back in the bottle, bitch! You didn't say you wish. Welcome back! You realize your name is Soos? Soys. Lemon's taking a pedantic stand. Yep, chose to.

Chose to because I feel as Soys also is taking a pedantic stance. So I'm in character. Okay. A Djin has no free will. They will bend to your will. They can be tricky, it's true. But with the proper seller selling them, you have no worries.

Even if they are still tricky, all you need to remember is to send them back to the vessel when you're done. You actually command this. To do this, you would say the name and then command that they return to the vessel in which they came until you call them again. I had no idea to do this. No wonder why my Dajin objects didn't feel like they were working. They were probably on vacation! Ha ha ha ha! Huh.

Um. What? And then, uh, Gothic Mum. What? Gothic Mum, a little bit later on. Slavecation. Gothicmum, a little bit later on... Slavecation. You respond to a terrific username, which is Dogmagma.

Dogmagma. Yeah. Can you just take the post where you're responding to Dogmagma, please? I'm not really sure, Dogmagma, but I asked my jinn to return to the vessel when he had set the wheels in motion. I gave him a date by which I wanted the wish granted well, the month, and I presume

he's back in his vessel now. You left the gate open, now the dog ran out. These guys are getting bullied by their imaginary friends. Hey, post more crazy shit on the internet, loser. He's like, can you grant my wish? No.

Oh, you know, I guess you're working on it. Listen, I'm busy setting these wheels in motion. It's in the works. It's on the back burner, babe. I'm working. I've put him in the recharging box? Sure. While I'm connecting with my vampire.

Yeah, of course. But I'm not sure if he should be in there while he's in the process of granting wishes? Eh? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Nothing about that sentence made sense. It is a bit confusing.

Mm-hmm. So some advice from someone with more experience would be very helpful sure would just in general ironically it wouldn't alright time for a choice come quiet no no no no

focus focus focus this is not an easy one option number one tell your Dajin to kill someone. It's a killing spell. Option number two. My dragon Dajin gets sexual on the first night. Oh, dear. Next on more.

I wish for more wishes. I wish for more wishes. Yeah, they're both really good. Got to go with dragons. Have to go with dragons. Okay. Kumquatsop, your dragon djinn are about to get sexual on the first night, and your name is Basing C.

You're a neophyte, and you have one spirit. His spelled number is one? What the fuck does that mean? He spelled one word correctly. No, he can spell the number one. What does that mean? He spelled one word correctly. No, he can spell the number one.

Hello, I'm Basingsi. I am new to this. I have one spirit, and I have spelled the number one. Congratulations. So, yes, I saw him. He was in dragon form first. He is red and gold gold But then he transformed into a human looking creature With red skin and gold eyes Not a human looking creature

Nope I was surprised at his voice It sounded more like a kid Than a 15,000 year old being I was satisfied I don't think I made anything up. You were wrong. One of these things is not like

the other. He kept saying in my head that he is real and he wants to be here. So here is when things get more interesting. I came out of my meditative stage and decided to go to sleep.

I was done daydreaming. I thought I'd dream instead. It was like 2 a.m. and Friday, and that's his favorite day, so I asked him for a sign, and I got one instantly. I kept hearing tapping coming from somewhere in my room, and no, I don't have any pets.

Only the dragon. Then I asked him to stop. He stopped for about two minutes. Then it started up again and I was shocked and I heard him laugh in my mind. He seems very playful, lol. So a 15,000 year old red

and gold dragon. I've just got a playful sense of humor. A powerful centuries-old being is able to conjure... Tickle, tickle, tickle! Then I asked him to stop again, and he did. And then when I was about to sleep, I heard a big BANG! Oh, that's not him getting sexual, is it? Your rectum makes a big bang?

And that startled me. Surprise, Riker said. And that made me, that just made him laugh even more. Lol, I was shaky, but I laughed too, because I was super excited about the activity I was getting.

Dang, he gets a kick out of me, lol. So after I get out of my shaky stage, I asked him to hold me. What the fuck? This poor dragon. Dragon cuddle buddy. Listen, listen. Don't question the motives of ancient immortal beings.

They're just going to like what they're going to like. They're not going to... Sauron, I woke up and you weren't there. I was scared. Come here. Come here. Everything's okay. Sorry.

Sometimes I just need to... I like this, you know. I worry that you're not going to be here someday. What's wrong, Parthenax? I just want someone to spoon me. He usually stays on my back, but he wasn't at that time. But when I asked him, he laughed again, and his laugh makes me laugh. And he was quite stubborn, so I kept asking.

I can be stubborn, too. So he sighed and finally gave in and held me. Okay, I'm just about sleep now, and I feel his hand rub my booty. Seriously, don't laugh because this is true. He just kept rubbing it. Don't laugh. Lemon, it's true. It's true.

It's true. It happened. A dragon rubbed my booty. It's true. A dragon rubbed my booty. True. The dragon rubbed my booty, Lemon! The dragon rubbed my booty! The dragon rubbed my booty! Then he started moving up and down, lol,

and I asked him what he is doing, and all he said was, this is part of bonding. Uncle Dragon. I was shocked and I didn't move. It felt good and then I just fell asleep. Proud father of the red and gold Asian gin. How did that happen?

That's your signature. My name's Veronica Hey, that's nice And then Basing C, do you have any response to that? Yes, he doesn't seem shy at all. And yes, it was way more than I expected because he was totally quiet the entire day. Just like now, I haven't felt him and he hasn't said a word. He might be lively at night, I believe.

Maybe he is still shy, and yeah, it is funny when he said, this is part of bonding. That little hornball! Ha ha ha ha! That's great, T.O.! Lol! Yeah, I was shocked because it was the first

night. He kept grinding on me until I fell asleep. Just go to sleep. Just go to sleep. Just go to sleep. Hi, I'm Elude Mouth 1 on page 3. Okay. And I'm

so jealous. Yeah. Yeah. I have a dragon djinn too, but I'm having some problems sensing him. Then I find out other dragon jinns are flirting with their masters. It's awesome to me you're not having as much trouble as I am,

but maybe I still have to figure out how to treat them. We're in the same boat, so... Sound of fingers crossing. Yeah! I got my dragon gin from Creepy Hollows, just like you did. Cho. I think I saw him in my

meditation last night. He... I also think he might like cheese balls, because I felt like something was licking my fingers when I was in psychology class today. And I'm just covered in Cheeto dust at all hours of the day. I'm so sad.

I don't know where you can go to. It tickled right where I had not licked the cheese off from. And how do you pronounce that jaw-dropping? I did that earlier. It's... So he's definitely around and trying to contact me. I get the feeling he might be very serious dragon personality-wise.

And then? I'm pretty cool, but also holding a sign that says noob. Okay, so we are near the end here, but before we get to our last piece, Adam... Yes? This is a serious subject.

It's all been serious subjects tonight. No, of course, of course, of course. But yeah, you know, it's, it's, I mean, you know,

we try to have some fun here on the podcast, but, uh, but Chai, he needs to apologize to his Dajin. Oh no. Yeah. There's,

there's some things have happened. Uh, they were unseemly, they were unprofessional and they were untoward. And he wanted to, he wanted to talk about it here at the podcast. So would you please read Chai's open letter to his

gold degen? Yes. Dear my bro, don't worry. I sent an email to store at creepyhollows.com and creepyhollows at hotmail.com and asked for whatever kind of help

to find you or get you. I apologize for loosing you on your sixth day with me. You see, today, I was thinking of how to get a sale while I was about to render an unpaid overtime as usual. Your gemstone was on my hands

while I was brooding about how to get one without violating the rules of our quality department. Then all unsolved problems flashed in my mind as well as the problem that I never told my family and my best friend. Death of a sales dumbass. Fuck you, that's my gin. Genie Gary, Genie Ross.

You see this lamp? This lamp costs more than your car. Gin Gary, Genie Ross, I guess. Then I was thinking of how I can ask for your help, especially with the sales, because I would not have quality time with you anymore, since I will end up rendering unpaid overtime every day and a Saturday overtime. You know that I live far so, so. I arrive home late in the evening and my body is just tired to even meditate with you.

Then while I was thinking about this, I tossed the gemstone like the level of my arm to my face. But your gemstone landed to a machine of the floor that we were in. And I could not see your gemstone since to a machine of the floor that we were in and I could not see your gemstone since there were no opening and the machine is huge and dark which is maintained only one year. So no way to get you back soon. I don't want

you to feel deserted. So he threw it in a genie destroying machine? Is that what happened? Yes. I was on top of my giant destruction robot, and you know how things are. There was a grate in the machine on the floor, and it fell, and it dropped, and I'm sorry. But the genie has internet in there, so he can read this letter. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Creepyhollows at hotmail.com is the support email for that machine. I know I am stupid, careless, and impatient, which I told you about. You already know why. But it should not have affected your gemstone unless you actually gave up on me already and jumped since I have no more sad moments than happy moments. That would be hilarious. He's like, I am done with this dumbass. Goodbye.

He just jumps out of his hand. And maybe because I have more wishes and plans than stories for you. But you've seen only I only asked for one wish for me and one

wish for my friend and teammate who is about to lose her job before I lose mine. I did not bombard you and asked for a lot of wishes in a day because the other collector said this is out to show respect and treat you friend, not slave. I don't know. Your name is Genie. I don't know. You know that I could not check that since I could not have had a pendulum. And aside from that, I do not know how to use it. I don't have money to pay my friend who can douse for you, but if

you really gave up on me already, I'm letting you go. I'm happy that even if I requested for a change to a female gin, that when I placed my order, still you came along and granted my first wish on your first day with me.

For my carelessness and stupidity, a million apologies. This is to a rock, right? I'm not screaming. The junior's like, I'm gonna fuck off and just go on the internet and read my favorite website, Creepy Halls.

He's fucking here, too. I'm sorry! Come back! Okay. If you really wish to go it will be best if you could find the perfect person for me a million thank you also for thinking initially that we could blend

just like an alto to soprano and a tenor to bass wrong bass tenor to bass we have one lost genie hope you understand that this is a tribute for my gin base. Wrong base. Tenor to base. We have one lost genie. Hope you understand that this is a tribute for my gin. If you have any questions or clarifications, please let me know.

I just don't want to be judged. This is my first venture in getting a real spirit. Suggestions on how to deal with the situation will most likely be mostly welcomed with tears, love 80% welcome

with tears, love, and regret I am love, light yeah, you're love and light I am love and light so people have people send a lot of condolences a lot of people feel, yes people feel very bad.

Sorry about your rock. And then eventually, Dali Lama, who's an active contributor and a vampire. Dali Lama offers that Dali will help kind of rebind. I think that's the word she uses. I don't know. Use magic shit to make him have a genie again. So seeing that opportunity, Lady Evelyn gets very excited

and jumps in that thread there. Portex, would you take that, please? Dolly, will you do that for me, please? I have been having some problems with my Ifrit. He is such a sweetie. He gives me different answers, chases away my nymphos. The red and gold dragons are part of bombing. Does he literally beat them off with a stick?

Well, beat them off, but not with a stick. And he says he wants a darker vampire. My liar vamp agrees. I feel so frustrated with him because I can't get a handle on him or how to speak with him. He was just impossible. Will you help me? That was such great reading you did for Love and Light. So, yes, this document, Montreux put together 47 pages.

47 goddamn pages. So that's ridiculous. And if you go to THAFPL.US, you can look at the doc. There's a lot more fun in here. But I am skipping directly to a thread that I have not read. But the reason I'm doing it is because in all red text, Montreth put, you must read this, it is the best story. So I'm going to take your word for it,

and we're going to find out what happens. So I'll start out. My name's Ozzy141. What method do you use to talk? Perfect. Shitty joke. you use to talk to the gym? Please continue this song because the next line is amazing. Okay.

I personally communicate with mine via Windows Live Messenger. Mainly it rings me on the phone. Mainly it rings me on the phone. Please read that with a straight voice. I communicate with Lit Nose Live Messenger mainly, or it rings me on the phone on a withheld number talking on the voice of my wife. I think that might be your wife. No, no. No, that's the other thing that grants all my wishes. I think that might be your wife. No, no.

No, that's the other thing that grants all my wishes. Hey-o. And then, uh, Boots, you are Green Witch with a Y. Yeah, Green Witch. I'm Green Witch. You never taught that. Windows Messenger. Too cool.

I wish Jin would just pop into chat sometimes. How awesome would that be? And also, this Jin doesn't even have a D. It's just a guy named... It's a Korean guy. I would love to chat with E and the new girl, R. And of course, the boys, too.

And sometimes Y. Let's not forget the boys. But they don't seem to want much conversation. At least the girls give me visions every now and then. No spoken words, though. I don't ask her to come on MSN. She just comes on when she feels like it. I need her.

Or when she likes. She logs in on my wife's account. I'm almost positive that's your wife. Based on what? And then Darkstar, Portex, if you'll have Darkstar's question, please. Yes, I'd really like to know more. How did this type of communication start? What did you say to your djinn to start this whole concept?

Sure, I didn't tell the jinn anything. I didn't ask it to communicate with me via MSN or anything. Just one day, I was on the PC, and it started messaging me using my wife's account. Sure enough, I thought it was someone else

that hacked her account, playing a joke on me. But after it would do... I ruled that out as a complete impossibility. It could only be a genie. But after it would do extraordinary things sometimes such as

say I am on the phone with my wife and talking to the gin on MSN at the same time, it would say the exact same words as what my wife has said to me on the phone, but on MSN, and at the same time that she is saying words to me over the phone. It might be your wife.

Your wife is fucking with you. Well, he's also the easiest fuck-withable guy in the world. Like, hey, I'm a genie. What? But this is my wife's account. So wait, what is the genie saying now? On the next episode of I Married a Moron.

It would also tell me things such as, your phone will ring in six seconds, and then it would ring! It would tell me what I'm doing in my room, etc. This is the best story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, F+, what did we learn from any of this? Did we learn anything?

The genies aren't real. I mean, yeah, I mean, this is like the same sort of like the bog standard, like I have an imaginary friend thing. And, I mean, they keep talking about wishes, but I don't see how that's any different than like, you know, Loki wives or, you you know like ghost hunters or anything like that i feel like everybody attributes some sort of like wish granting or or like wall knocking ability to all these things you know well here's here's the one point of departure

between this and loki wives is that is that uh loki wives have an imaginary friend that they're in a position of subservience to. Your imaginary friend just fucks them. But these people have imaginary slaves and then they still get fucked over. Yeah, they're still being...

Yeah. So what's sadder? In all the stuff we read, there was, there was always, like everything was talking about wishes, but never once did we actually cover like the description of a wish that was fulfilled, right?

Didn't we? No, not really. I don't think so. No. If it was, it was very, it was, I think they didn't even say what it was. It was just like, and wishes came true

at best. Well, I'm saying, yeah, that it was. It was just like, and wishes came true. Well, I'm saying, yeah, that happened a bunch where they were like, yeah, my wishes came true. I'm still here. Maybe that's just not in the document because it might make us reconsider it. It might be too... Or maybe people are making wishes like, oh, I wish that my McNuggets come to be warm. Hooray! Honey mustard, fuck! One ongoing thing on the internet is that people want to believe in stupid shit so badly

that they will not even ask even just the most basic of questions that would prove the weird assertions you're making. So I say, I have a genie he can grant wishes. At no point does anyone say, okay, prove it. No, I'm jealous. Yeah, and Evan's like, yeah, me too. Yeah, no, I mean, the internet

is a place that you can go for answers. I mean, not the correct answers, but the answer that you're looking for, you can fucking find it, no problem. I think another thing that I learned is that genie forums have some of the best smileys. Yeah. These are some really good ones.

You're going to implement some of these? The other thing I learned is that, you know, we didn't really cover this because it's not a thing, you know, it's readable, but nearly every single forum member of all the forums we've read have a link to their personal website of etheric spiritual tchotchkes,

and they all have one, and they're all the same. It's amazing. Like, oh, I sell haunted magic tarot cards. Oh, I sell magical magic tarot cards. Oh, I sell magical haunted tarot cards. And if you want to go somewhere where wishes can come true, come to Ball Pit. What's the website?

What's the address to go to Ball Pit? That's B-A-L-L-P dot I-T. It's not one of those fucking sites where I just sign up for free and post, right? You're going to try to make money off my stupid ass, right? Yes. Carl, no. We're not actually charging you, really.

Oh, what are you charging for? No, it's just time and labor. We're doing you a service. Please include it for Indonesia tax purposes. Yeah. All right, bye-bye. Bye. Bye. With too much patience and too much fear. Don't you imagine with a fire spirit.

Never been so lonely. And the fire will stop. Like, can we buy something for Montreth? Like what? A genie? Like an award? A genie. Yeah.

Can we buy her a genie. Oh my god, we should actually get her one of those things. I'm not giving this asshole my credit card information. I mean, I got an old bottle of Pepsi Blue if we just want to send that. Right, I mean, we can just tell her that we bought her a genie. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. I know this is nothing genie.

I'm thinking we could get her an award, like a little shitty plastic award, or a shirt from the mountain. Either way. A gold watch. No, I will

totally find, like, Can we get, can we get a, like a, like a trophy that has a pterodactyl on it? That's a great idea.

No such thing as a pterodactyl.