The F Plus - 180: r/un_away

Episode Date: July 5, 2015

There have been some recent controversies surrounding reddit, where just because of the actions of a few hundred thousand bad apples, the future of the website and of the fracturing social network is in question. But we at The F Plus are looking at the kind of thing the world would be missing out on if Reddit were to disappear today. To that end, we're reading the fetish prompts at r/dirtypenpals, to find the profiles of some netizens who are looking for love even though they are unlovable. This week, The F Plus is offering free drink refills and bottomless polka.

Yeah, I like it a lot. Cause it feels like the rest of me. I am unending anal. Is that like the porno parody of I Am Curious Yellow? Fuck you, Mom. I'm wearing this shirt to school. They're not gonna make me turn it inside out. I won't let them.

It's called self-expression, you bitch! Whatever happened to freedom of speech? Haha, suckers! You're listening to the F Plus Podcast. Terrible things read with enthusiasm. And in the room tonight we have Boots Ring here. Shy tomboy in the streets. Nutty cum slut in the sheets.

John Toast. I've always wanted some cock. Cum quats up! Reddit provides you an easy-to-use interface for managing what posts you see by letting you subscribe or unsubscribe from certain subreddits. And Lemon. I really want a slave girl, but that's not the interesting part. Oh, hey, Reddit crashed. That's great.

Forever? Oh, it only happened for a second. Yeah, the link is, yeah. Yeah, I clicked the link and I got a 400 error and I got really excited. Yeah, it's delightful when it happens and then unfortunately it stops happening. I'm looking for a fantasy where red is under heavy. Hey, F-Lust! Hey, Lemon!

Hello! Hi, Lemon! So, uh, what would be your prognosis on the health and well-being of the internet? Some of them are quite healthy. Sound of mind. Not enough porn? The plot of Gone Girl, but with a less competent girl?

Okay. I don't know. You know, I'm a developer, and I've read all sorts of articles lately about, you know, oh, the changing state of the web, and is web losing out to mobile, and that sort of thing. But there are exciting movements, you know,

on websites that are pushing the web forward, that are making the web a wonderful place to be. You know, champions of internet freedom. I'm talking, of course, about Reddit. That sure is an exciting movement. Because every internet needs a homepage. We've been to Reddit before,

but this is a suggestion that came in recently from Velvet Owl, which is a filthy, filthy username. I can't imagine what that's used for. But Velvet Owl, which is a filthy, filthy username. I can't imagine what that's used for. But Velvet Owl gave us a subreddit called reddit.com slash r slash dirty pen pals. So let me start out with a synopsis from Reddit

about what is r dirty pen pals. So this is the party line from Reddit about what is our Dirty Pen Pals. So this is the party line from Reddit. What is our Dirty Pen Pals? DPP is am adult subreddit for those who want to exchange dirty little orange letters with like-minded strangers. Post a request

and find someone who wants to play. Yeah, so this is a place where, you know, because obviously, you know, Red's a big community, but there's not a whole lot of, like, fetish perverts on there. Right, right. So you need to kind of, like, section them off. All right.

Would you guys like to go to the Old West Saloon? I'm already there. Terrific. I'm the mystery teacher, and I'd just like to welcome you To the Old West Saloon Well howdy there cowboy You just walked into the saloon

To wash down the trail dust And happened to spot me I'm Dixie Looking better than a $50 gold piece Right? I think they use dollars No It's a $50 gold piece. Right? I think they use dollars. No, it's a $50 gold piece. Like, inflation back then was crazy.

You look better than a Colorado doubloon, Excelsior! After a bit of small talk and making sure you can afford a girl like me, we are ready to head upstairs. We'll leave the kinks open since you are paying for it and all. Just don't kill me.

Or mark me up. And the rest should be fine. So, being as this is, the Old West Saloon, if you need inspiration, glance at the pictures of this page. And, uh, oh yeah yeah, like, you know. Set photos from Deadwood. Yeah, right.

Now, you don't have to be long on words. It's just long where it counts. Hell. Yeah. When I get all worked up, my words get mixed up. So if I start saying some crazy things, it just means I am enjoying the ride

and no need to be fancy about it at all. You'll get what you paid for, maybe a little more, as we walk up the stairs, you look me over, this is what you're doing right now, wondering how many men I have had since my last real bath.

It actually turns you on even more. Wow. I don't want to presume anything, but you like my filthy pussy. One at a time, boys. If I get more than one reply, you'll have to wait your turn. If you're possessive interested, how about you send me a little private letter right here on Reddit and include a good time for you so that I can get back to you later on. Example, now at question mark.

Or at question mark AM or PM. So I needed to explain to you how times work. Format your time. Now about that time of day. Central USA time for me, honey. So you might have to do some figuring to make your reply something I can answer correctly.

Can't make a girl do everything. Since most of you penpal cowboys ride off into the sunset, let's just assume this is a one-time thing unless you show me a little something this girl ain't seen before. Best opening line gets first response. I love the section there where it's like

when Metal Gear Solid character is explaining the controls. Private messages. Oh, if you want to fuck me in the pussy, hit the square button repeatedly. You'll need to unplug controller one. And yeah, so as I said, best opening gets the first response. And so the best opening so far on Reddit is upvote for that, lol!

That's from Maximum Writer, who is a verified male. that lol that's from that's from maximum writer who is a verified male big bold text yeah gary why are you sending pictures of your penis to the internet again i need to verify mom okay well uh it's time for us to read something gross, right? Good. Yay. So, Kumquats up.

I'm 31 M for F. Okay, sure. Let's talk about cum. Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that are covered with cum. Extreme amounts of cum plus age play. All right. Nothing gross here. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Also, because I happen to look away from this horrible text and over to the right, I see things about the rules talking about how age play is against the rules. Oh, well, that must be why you're deleted and your thread is still up. I can't believe something not befitting of the standards of Reddit has remained here. Yeah. Hey, did you know that... What? Did you know that VooKitty2

is starting a sexy book club for Dirty Pen Pals users? Oh, good. You know, I was a little nervous about the project, but then when I heard VooKitty2 was running it, I was pretty excited. Can I come on the books? Well, let's find out.

What do you got? I come quite a lot. Especially when I haven't orgasmed for a few days like now. Okay. Right. Then maybe I can shoot eight ten ropes. Are there people climbing up the ropes? Like, is that like a carnival game that you're playing?

Ba-choo! Ba-choo! Yeah, it's like Twizzlers. But in my fantasy, I have unlimited amounts of jizz. And I can just spray more and more and make it extremely messy. I can't be stopped. So, are there any girl out there with the fantasy to be showered and bathed in hot cum?

No. That's a spoiler. No. Or just want to talk about how much they like the white sticky stuff. Also nope. If we could add some age play too, it would be great. No, it wouldn't. I like to keep it

fun and dirty. A bit taboo and over the top. What? It's fantasy. And dirty. A bit taboo. And over the top. What? It's fantasy. So, ellipsis, the naughtier the better.

I'm open for almost any other kinks. Just ask. I'm coming all over this little girl, but let's make it a little all over the top. Yeah. Let's start with a chat about what we like, smiley face. I hate you. I like that the only response is from an auto-moderator being like, do you want to be gross somewhere else?

Go here. There's specifically a place for people who are this specifically gross about it and belong somewhere else. Oh my god, you're right! It's Ageplay Pen Pals. Yeah, so a bot is the only one to answer this, and the bot says, hey, you probably want to go to Ageplay Pen Pals. You're welcome.

No, that doesn't exist. Where there really are no limits to what you can request! Oh, shut up. Well, that bot did get one upvote. Hey, guys, why are all these people into having much older people, sex with older people? I can't believe that's what they're into when they talk about age play. That's crazy.

That must be what they're talking about, right? Hey, John. I want to give you the choice of what thing you'd want to read here. Because, again, we need more of the female perspective, you know? So you're asking me, all right. Well, no, no, no. I'm saying both of these pieces are from the female perspective. Oh, I see.

Yeah. So piece number one is entitled Chubby Slutty Bridesmaid. And piece number two is titled Huge Boob Humiliation. Oh, God. How do I choose? I don't know. I don't know. Oh.

I got to go with Huge Boob Humiliation. All right. Huge Boob Humiliation. Your name is Is Bigger Better? That's a question. Hi. My name is Is Bigger Better. The answer is yes.

Oh, okay. I'm what you might call overdeveloped. Yeah. I have the biggest boobs in school. Overdeveloped means you have that extra chromosome? Yep. I'm 5'2", but wear a 32K

bra. So that's 32 carats, 32 kilograms, 32 kilometers? Carrots is lower case. No, it's the predecessor to Warhammer 40K.

In real life, I try to cover up as much as possible. Not really possible. But sometimes I secretly want to be stared at, catcalled, harassed, and even humiliated. I'm not sure where I see this going, but maybe some girls and guys Want to make fun of the size of my chest What?

And make suggestive comments Embarrass me Try to steal me from my boyfriend Now Keeping in my cleavage I'm Los Conejo I think I better steal them from you, BF, and then we can do the rest.

Wait, so you're going to steal her tits? Yes, BF has the tits. I steal the tits, and then we do the rest. Which is the embarrassing, I guess. Thief! Thief! Boob snatcher! I actually, so I opened up an incognito tab, went to Amazon, and I was like, 32K bra, and Amazon went, yeah, okay, bra.

You didn't mean 32K. That's a typo. Let me show you some 32C bras. I'm a 39Z, double Z. Yeah. Guys, I want a woman to control me on Reddit! Oh. Okay.

Move my microphone. Turn my volume down a bit. Okay, what was I saying? Oh, that's right! I want a woman to control me on Reddit! Like a... Moderator? Like a joystick like they did with the statue of liberty

and ghostbusters 2 let's find out my name is tiny tiny underscore and uh here's my kinks humiliation anal bondage who cares uh no no you to keep reading those. Okay, so humiliation, anal bondage, BDSM, service, worship, cages, collars, leashes, cuckqueening, orgasm control, tease and denial, and chastity. Is cuckolding, is that supposed to be like a female version of cuckolding? Cuckqueening? In that order. I was like, first we're going to start with anal, and then we're going to end with chastity. I want to create a new Reddit account with specific instructions from a dom

on how it should be set up. I want her to have the password to it and to control all my activity on it. She will tell me where to post, what subreddits to subscribe to, when to comment, and who to RP and chat with. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, type your opinions on Call of Duty. Yeah, do it, bitch.

You slut. You love talking about the Avengers, don't you? Oh, thank you so much. It's great. Give me tasks that expose me for the own slut that I am. Here's my limits. Men, animals, underage, bathroom, self-pics. Sorry, I've been burned before.

And major violence. What? I'm honestly not clear on what he actually wants Well it was like I want you to log on on my account and like post for me like you give me posting instructions I think this is like the financial domination

that we read about before but for people who don't have money It's a reddit poster that's like force me to post gross shit on Reddit. Oh, I would hate that. Hey, guys. Hey, what's up? I'm Feral Troll.

Oh, I've heard about you. And I posted this two hours ago. Okay. Yeah, I just want to say, M4A group, welcome to fucking run. Welcome to fucking run. Welcome to fucking run. Yeah, this post may be a little long. As you click through the usual radio channels, a particular broadcast catches your eye.

Oh, good. You slowly turn up the volume to hear the voice of a rather smooth, excited commentator for a brand new favorite nation favorite game. Good evening, ladies and perverts. Welcome back to Fuck and Run. Back where we left off, fan favorite and Nigerian star, the Queen, had just been caught in the dreaded whack-a-cock. Okay.

The fast little thing just wasn't fast enough for the cockpulls shooting from below. From bellow. From... So the cockpolls... Okay, so she's in, like, a field with holes in it, and then there's cocks that come out of the holes. Yeah. And then you have to whack the cocks.

Yeah. But they caught her. Okay, I got you now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. Okay. Yeah, it's like white babe, butcks. Yeah. But they caught her. Okay, I got you now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. Yeah, it's like Wipeout, but sideways. Yep.

That sounds just as bad. Yeah. Like sideways the movie? Yes. It's like Wipeout TV show and sideways the movie. I would totally watch that episode of Wipeout. Or that version of Sideways. You can faintly hear someone's rapid scream

slash moans as if the recipient was being screwed by a jackhammer. Poor thing is still caught mid-air by the Russian bomb as the Russian bombshell takes the lead.

She slides under the cum guzzler past the slippery floors. Is she going to make it? What's the cum guzzler like is the cum guzzler sitting in a chair guzzling

cum? Yes. Is it a machine that guzzles cum? Yes. Okay. The answer to all your questions is yes. Wow, this is a magical world. You hear the yelp of someone rather panicked as she's dragged through a rather rough plastic-like surface. Oh, that sounds hot. Ooh!

Nope. She got caught by her eager little jack-o'-bots from the secret doors behind inside hot. Ooh, nope. She got caught by our eager little jackabots from the secret doors behind, inside her. Well, folks, that seems to be the last of the lucky runners that were still in play. Seems no one has been able to claim that million dollar prize. Another rather quick scream is heard, followed by a quick glerk. And the sound of a machine going at light speed. We can all relate to that. Ouch!

Seems like the queen was especially unlucky and caught one of the larger poles. Good thing we have a great medical team. Oh, looks like she's been fucked in half! Oh, man! It's alright, the medical team will take care of it. Yeah, you know, it's got needles. Hold it, folks! I just received word from our sponsors

for an exciting announcement. They're all pulling out, they didn't know what they were investing in. We'll be taking newcomers for the next game. That's right, folks, anyone can try to run at the gauntlet for those million dollars. Just send us a quick email or letter telling us of your abilities and limits and see if you

can be in the next show of Fuckin' Run. All right, after being a little inspired by the famous Price is Right posts, we'll be having soon... Wait, okay, so you're predicting a terrific post that will happen in the future? Yes. I didn't expect... Wait, I thought this was saying there was a Price is Right post before this that it was

referencing. Yeah, contestants shall pick a random number between 1 and 10. The lucky ones who guess right will be punished by the gauntlet's various fun obstacles. And they get to pick a number of 1 to 5. The closer they are to the number... Oh yeah, more picking numbers! Yeah. The more severe the game shall act with them.

While it will be fairly vanilla, and everyone is welcome to participate, vanilla like being fucked in half by a pole, I do ask that the people with as little limits as possible join to further ease the game. Please set a

PM with your kinks, limits, and see if we have room for you. Thinking about the vanilla part of it. Uh-oh, she's getting fucked by the Missionary Commission. I don't know. I'm a young bi looking fly. It's a great name! It really is!

Hi. Hi. It sounds like fun. It's new and original. I want to know what Cubquat found. Well, okay. Hi! Hi, I want to seed, PP!

What do you want to talk about? I want to seed, PP. What do you want to talk about? I want to seed, PP. I'm an M, and I'm for F, and doop-de-doop, show me your poops! I'm doinking you. For some ungodly reason, the idea of women pooping and farting is stupidly hot to me.

What are you going to do? Right? Change everything about yourself? Stop doing that. I want to hear from a lady that loves to push out a huge, big

loggity poop. I want to hear from a lady that pushes out a loggits poop. I'm all right. Okay. Thank you. Thank you for that. You're welcome.

By the way, our forum is ballpit, B-A-L-P dot I-T. And if you want to register the name Huge Big Logginyity poop, you should go ahead and do that right now. Also, my name's I want to seed, PB. Uh-huh. Jeez, it's been a bit quiet lately. Looking for women that get turned on when they poop. So, oh, you've posted in this, oh, you've posted in here a lot. What else, what else have you posted?

What other thread titles do you have? Is there anything you've ever thought to yourself? That's it. Darn, that was a huge hard poop. I really wish someone was there so I could show them how I did it. Okay, I was sitting here, right? You're never going gonna believe this. Okay, have you ever been taking a poop?

Yeah, I was doing that. And then, like... This one requires some backstory! Read the one I just leaked. Oh, yeah, please do. Please do read that. Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey, I want to see BP. Ah! You poop, I jerk off! I guess that'd be the long and short of it. Hi, I'm bits and bits and bits. That is hilarious. I hope you find someone. There's kind of a subtext in that post

like, please stop posting these. Okay, so I'm 25. I'm a man and I'm looking for a woman. But here's the most important thing. I'm-a gonna fuck you like a rhino. Alright. What's that rustling in the undergrowth? It's a horny rhino! All right. What's that rustling in the undergrowth?

It's a horny rhino. Prepare for jungle jungly sex, Mrs. Woman. Slammy slam like a distracted train. What? Or if prefer zoo time, watching people grunt and slip off, slink off, watching people grunt and slip off, slink away to separate enclosure? Does this sound cup of tea? PM, why not for long-term distractions? I have no sex virus.

Oh, the shit. I don't believe you. At least you're fully disclosing that you have the no sex virus. It's very responsible of you. Oh, and what was the other thing? Oh yeah, please to put extended reply in my letterboxes as otherwise entries of reduced height I will not reply within to. Great! I'm Master JX!

When did Don King's id come to life and post on Reddit I also posted big dick black guy fucks wives and girlfriends but puts notes on the videos uh Kumquat is finding so many terrific fucking things

this last one he needs to be done we need to start with this though Boots Tomquat is finding so many terrific fucking things. This last one needs to be done. We need to start with this, though. Boots, what is it that you love? Oh, I love sweaty girl hauls. I'm pervy piggy. Hey there, welcome to the sweaty girl haul. The wings are on special tonight.

This place is somehow worse than Hooters. Now opening where Obubigans used to be. At 8.15 we have bottomless polka. Bottomless polka? Bottomless polka. I don't know.

Everyone just polkas without pants on. I don't know. I panic. I also panic at bottomless poca. Endless salad and bottomless poca. Topless girls. I really want to start a kitchen nightmare spinoff now.

I forgot what voice I was doing. I'll do this one. I love the set of pretty girls, sweaty pussy, and asshole. Uh-huh. It's the spicy, earthy, and sweaty gin melange of lust. Oh, God. Puss must flow. I had that sprayed on me once while walking through Macy's.

Her cunt is the quincet's hot rock. Secretly like your smell? Want a guy who doesn't mind eating you out before you shower? I'm your pervy big guy. Now, why pervy? Why would you self-identify as pervy? That's weird. That's what I am. Now, why pervy? Why would you self-identify as pervy? That's weird. That's what I am.

Oh, okay. What, do you want to get all sweaty? On your feet all day, sitting in an office with just a desk fan, sweaty holes, cheesy toes, underarm goes in the nose. I prefer chat over RP.

This will be a surprise for you. I also like humiliation and degradation. Also, in addition to these other things. Yeah, want to make fun of a fat guy? I'm your pig. For some reason nobody replied.

And like, okay, if this were in person, it would make very little sense. But on Reddit, it makes even less sense. Like, hey, did you not shower for four days? Why don't you get on Reddit and tell me that you didn't shower for four days, and then I'll talk to you about licking your feet. Well, let's see. Oh, that's that's oh boy oh boy every one of these titles is

so terrible um uh yeah velvet owl uh i mean just taking it right to the wall um i guess we haven't read about water sports, so it's probably time to do that. Yay! Oh, good. John! You're a man seeking a woman? What are you looking for? I'm deleted, and I'm M4F Water Sports 30.

Fuck you. Dammit. Alright! I want to talk with a woman who likes things a bit wetter than your average bear. Someone who's enjoyed soaking her panties, wetting herself while masturbating, or even during sex and the thought of that exchange being mutual just drives her wild. I want to fuck a lawn sprinkler. If you do that thing while we're doing it, it'll be even better.

If you do that thing while we're doing it, it'll be even better! I love women that get especially wet and creamy otherwise as well. Wet and creamy? Fuck a bottle of ranch dressing. I don't know why not. My other interests include anal,

panty slash gunplay, and I have a bit of thing for impregnation scenarios as well. Let me know if you would like to talk. I'm sorry, I can't be your therapist. Hello, F+, my name is Eat More For Me. So I'm a man seeking a woman.

Cake and candy and pasta, oh my. I'm very into suggestions. I'm into food play, fat girls, weight gain, me or you, and many other things. Excuse me. Hey, you stupid townie Why don't you eat this pan of brownies Beautiful Very good

Here's some suggested scenarios Number one You are my spoiled little brat And want your breakfast to help your tummy Feel big and full. So you eat breakfast. Number two, we are snowed into a grocery store and you bring me food and helping me get fat to, quote, survive the winter.

I'm a bear. Number three! You were a homeless girl! I took you in and have been taking care of you! You were homeless because you ate yourself out of house and home! And now that you've got

me, your gluttonous ways are back! You're entitled and think you're a queen! You're what and think you're a queen. You're what Hannity thinks all homeless people are. You're the moocher class. You're not poor,

you own a refrigerator. Number four. Any food-based or weight-based roleplay you can come up with. And other. I just got really desperate there. You get crushed by a giant banana. Uh-huh. And have to eat your way up.

And I sit on the banana. So, Boots. Take 127 hours, but you eat your way up. And I sit on the banana. So, Boots... Take 127 hours, but you eat your own arm. It's a lemon. Boots, I've always wanted to humiliate you about something, but I could never figure out what that certain thing would be that I could humiliate you about. I mean, what kind of thing would you like to be humiliated about?

Well, let me tell you. Sorry, I need to introduce myself properly as I've never really confessed before that I am, in fact, humiliatrix. Yeah, I knew that. Is it bad that I like that name? And I'm a 26-year-old female looking for a male for some big cock shaming

oh who hit it John Cena back of the head out of nowhere oh it's big cock shaming something I encountered briefly and found strange but even more strangely hot big cock shaming I looked into it a little

so I have a couple scenarios in mind. But I want to hear from you all what makes the most sense. Turning off the computer. Okay. I'll make that number three. Alright. Number one, you clearly have a big cock. Well, thank you. But are self-conscious

and always wanting it to be a bit bigger. Or you are tricked into thinking that your nine-incher can barely please a woman. You always try to make it look bigger, but never measure up. So you're ashamed of your big cock, or you're ashamed of what you think is your small cock? You're ashamed of your big cock because it is so small. Schrodinger's fetish here, what the fuck? Until you shame the cock.

Is it really a cock? Number two. Your cock is so large that it's monstrous and hurts every girl you fuck. No one wants to... This is a familiar bit of territory. No one wants to sleep with you. Condoms don't fit. Hiding it is difficult.

It slips out of your underwear all the time. No, you don't understand all the atomic bombs. We were trying to kill it. We could do some back and forth about this. Maybe you want to show me your cock and be humiliated before you're allowed to come. Or maybe you want your cock locked up or made chaste. Locked up? Like send my cock to jail? In a slammer.

Are they going to do MSNBC shows about my cock? Yes. Orange is the new cock. Let me know your ideas of what you find hot. All right. Nobody did that for some reason. None of that. None of that.

There doesn't seem to be anything here. So many people on Reddit who have 64,000 people are subscribed to this subreddit. In addition to that post there, you got a little bit more traffic when you posted

in slash r slash NSFW Skype under the title Big Cock Humiliation and Control. I like how completely just single track all of these people are. Every time you click the name, it'll be like, I want to watch girls turn into balloon animals. Just hundreds of threads. Didn't you hear me, I want to watch girls turn into balloon animals. Just hundreds of threads. Didn't you hear me?

I want to. Okay. Fuck. God. Jesus. Like, I'll read the middle of one of these paragraphs and just get fucking goosebumps. Okay. Kumquats up. Okay. Kumquat's up.

Yes. Is there a, like, I heard that you wanted to pitch a sequel to the Home Alone franchise? Yes, I did. Okay. How does it go? Well, you see there was a house that they filmed in, but went to the wrong one. And it's called 29M4Femdom. Robbed the wrong house.

Okay, we can workshop that title, it's fine. Yeah, it's a great title. My name is ThrowawayLove77. I watched as you moved in a few houses down from mine. Everything that got brought in looked really expensive. My interest further peaked like a mountain. Yeah. More as I saw you come home last week in a new Mercedes.

Okay. Being in debt over my head, I decide there's only one solution to my problem. What's that? What's that? What's that? Break into your house and making off with some valuables. Oh, this is like social justice robbing. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Cool. Yeah. I study you for a while and notice you're gone every day from 2-5 p.m. I am not sure what you do for a living or where you

go or how you're able to afford your lavish lifestyle. That is a few houses down from mine. Yeah, but you know, it's on the other side of the tracks. Yeah, yeah. Watching as your silver Mercedes leaves your driveway, sneaking around your house to the back door.

Okay. Surprisingly, it's unlocked. Filling my bag with expensive-looking trinkets and jewelry, I see a room door open a crack. A room door! Okay. One of those doors that's attached to a room. No, it should be a comma in there. So I see a room door, comma, open a crack. Oh, a room door. Okay. One of those doors that's attached to a room. There should be a comma in there. So I see a room door, comma, open a crack.

Open a crack. A crack. Open a crack. A crack. And push it. Open all the way. We're in shock to see. Period. End of sentence. I couldn't see before. Now I can see. Oh my god, it's shocking.

I'm shocked. Ah, racks of whips and chains. Yeah, chained. It's like stained. It's been a while since I've broken to a house. My name is 2 Chain. Fluggers.

So just people selling shit Belts, cuffs, and other restraints Shelves Full of various toys Blind Folds Feathers and more I hear a door open and freeze

There you are standing in some hot lingerie With a long black rubber cock between your legs. This is Christ. Uh-huh. He's holding it in the knees. Is that what you wore to the grocery store? I've been caught in fear your punishment is going to be worse than the justice system. I can be a slave fulfilling your every command.

So you want to turn me in, perhaps even training me to sell me off or fight back as you make me endure your worst punishment ever. And teach me a lesson. Kinks of mine. Oh, I can't imagine. Oh, Raymond bonded CBT sounding pegging, anal stretching, punishment ever and teach me a lesson. Kinks of mind. Oh, I can't imagine. Kinks given oral remand.

Bondage CBT sounding. Pegging. Anal stretching. Water sports. Comedian. Humiliation. Name calling. Body odors. Body odors. Okay. No limits for this one. Please give me your worst please.

Can I get the specifics on which body odors you're talking about? Uh, sweaty girl holes. For me, they all just combine into one. I couldn't tell the difference. It's a gin melange. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, my name is Naked Wife.

Hi, Naked Wife. Hi, Naked Wife. Hello. I'm sick in bed and I'm bored out of my mind. Aww. Let's play Star Wars and have a little fun. Oh, boy. I'm usually an old Republic girl, but it might be fun to explore some newer territory. How adventurous.

I'll watch this other scene of Star Wars. That specific territory being in the months or years following Order 66. I don't... Good. I don't even know. I don't even know.

I don't even know if any of our fans know this. It's in the third movie. Don't explain this. Oh, sorry. This could go a few different ways and this is just a few of my ideas. Feel free to

throw in your own suggestions. Okay, number one, you're a Jedi on the run, and you meet a young woman with force sensitivity. It's like lactose intolerance. Don't do that around me. Is there any force in this room?

It gives me headaches. Okay, I'm wondering where the sexy... Oh, here's probably where the sexy comes in. Okay, here we go. Here's the sexy. Number two, a bounty hunter comes across a wounded Jedi or Padawan. Will there be mercy? Perhaps more?

Number three, it's a routine mission for an imperial officer but when stranded the last expectation is a jedi will rescue them can a change of allegiance be far behind so pretty good huh i changed my allegiance from rebel to sucking dick. Okay, here are the important things to know. The important things to know are that I only write in the third person! There is no budging on this one! I only

write in the third person. That's only what I do. I am afraid I will never stop writing in the third person. That's only what I do. I am afraid I will never stop writing in the third person. I enjoy longer posts that take time to build up tension and character development. Don't expect things to jump straight into the sexy. I like plot and tension. I have a guilty streak for angst. Hard limits on the erotic stuff are at toilet, violence, animal, incest, and age.

Toilet violence? That's weird when you have a list of, like, five don'ts, because, like, there's so many things. There's so many other things that exist in the world. Obviously sticking a shirt up your asshole is totally cool. Didn't say no. Hello, rebel scum. Now that I've captured you, take a shit on those two animals

having sex with each other, and also brothers violently having sex and they're young. Well, at least we took time to build up this story. Someone who is not me is pleased by that. Angsty toilet fucking going on in here. Somebody, this is the first one we've come across in a while that actually had an upvote on it.

That actually wasn't just the one upvote you get for just posting. So, somebody like this, I guess. John. get for just posting. So somebody like this, I guess. John. So it's me and it's you and it's Boots and it's Kumquat's up and we're all in this room together and Portex isn't. But, you know, she'll hear this eventually. So let's make her sad. John.

This is another one Kumquat found. Yeah. Kumquat found us. So, John, why don't you read this post and make poor text said. I'm looking for something a little different than my usual. I'm looking for someone to do either a trainer, ex-trainer, or trainer, ex-Pokémon RPG. Moving on. Keep going.

For the latter, I would be playing as the trainer. I could either be myself, or if you really want, I could be one of the characters from the games or show. If you wanted to be a Pokemon, I was thinking either Gardevoir or Lopunny, though I am open to others if you like, so just blaze a Ken or Charizard. That's you.

To be fair, that seems like, I kind of want to get into this role-playing thing, but I'm a little embarrassed. Maybe I'm not very good at the role-playing, like, the improvisational aspect of it. Why don't it just be a character that only says its name over and over and over again? You can fuck three humanoid-type Pokemon,

or just a fucking dragon. You know, that's the spread, I guess. If you want to be another trainer, you would be one of the girls from the main series. So, Misty, May, Dawn, or Serena. Oh, yeah.

There's also Zinnia and Courtney. Okay. My kinks that I'd like to include are deep anal, deep throat, rough sex, green pies, cervical penetration, squirting, and my cock being massive. Yay!

What the fuck is that? I'm a Pikachu that wants to humiliate your giant cock. Now, here's what I don't like. No scat, BDSM, pain, piss, or anything of that sort. Look forward to hearing from you.

What? I don't. Where is everyone? I don't understand how you cut the mustard on your yeses and your nos. That's so confusing to me. I would just like to know the distinction between deep anal and, like, anal fracking. I don't like it. This guy makes this post every day.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I totally noticed that. He makes the same post every day. Oh, my God. Wow. They're coming out of the end here, but this piece, once again, document put together by Velvet Owl. Thank you very much.

And this piece is subtitled. Okay. This piece is subtitled. This is probably the most offensive thing I could find on here. So, Boots, that's one for you. is subtitled, this is probably the most offensive thing I could find on here. Oh god. So Boots, that's one for you. Oh my god. I don't care

how the rest of this post goes, that opening is great. Yeah, I'm a 22 year old female looking for a male. The Skankmobile! My name is Skank underscore mobile. Well, my name's Titanium Teeth. It's like the bookmobile, only with skanks.

Oh, of course. Yep, hop on board when the Skagmobile rolls through your town. It's discreet. A tractor trailer painted plain white. But inside, there are skags. Isn't this the plot of the music video, I Do It Like a Truck? I have no idea what. Sure, I don't know what he's talking about either, but I agree.

That will be in the episode notes. Okay. Wall-to-wall skanks who choose to be there and get paid handsomely for it. Oh, some of them aren't skanks per se. Wait, so they're... Why are they paid? They're paid to... They're more docile, little, shy, submissive things.

Okay. There are even some virgins wanting to lose it, but not knowing how. What are they doing on the skank mobile? Well, it's because the skank mobile can pay really well for those girls. Ladies, get off the Skankmobile.

Oh, I missed the virgin trolley. I might as well jump on the Skankmobile. There are garden variety skanks, total whores, who will put out for anyone. And all of them are yours for a week. That's right. Just scan that barcode to your Skankmobile account, and she's checked out to you for a week. Oh, so it's like Uber. Or no, it's right. Just scan that barcode to your Skankmobile account and she's checked out to you for a week. Oh, so it's like Uber.

Or no, it's more like a zip card. Yeah. It's like Uber, but it has a little bit more respect for women. Wow. Alright. Just pay your deposit and return your skank when the Skankmobile rolls back into town to exchange her for another one. Oh, shit, I

spilled wine all over my skank. I'm gonna lose my deposit. I gotta call the skank cleaner. Excuse me, sir, there's something called traditional wear and tear. Yeah, just talk to the driver. He'll direct you to the right skank for you. It's

been a while. Admittedly, it has been a while, but man, the new Playmobil sets are fucking great. It's a whole fun new direction. So the Skankmobile... I mean, it does seem like a very modern sort of, you know, kind of like internet service. Yeah. It's not a freemium model.

See, like when you first sign in, you get one skank gem, and then you got to buy the rest. There's badges. It's gamified. There's social and mobile and local. I want to know more about the user skankmobile without the underscore. One more before the last one here. Come quads up. What do you got there?

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. What do you got? What do you got? Oh, boy. So, I am the Brass Duke, and I'm male, and so, human furniture factory.

So I have a specific kink today about turning girls into furniture. Okay. It is specific to today. Today. Tomorrow it might be about throwing tomatoes at the Moonos, but today. This was submitted one day ago. Take the, so it might not be accurate right now. Uh, my scientists have developed a very elegant porcelain that can be baked at low temperatures so it doesn't cook the girl inside?

Um... So it doesn't cook the girl inside? Um. So it doesn't? So concrete then. I want to make you into a very handsome table. A porcelain table? Or maybe a desk or nightstand. Or a toilet for discerning clients. I mean, that would make the most sense.

I feel like the whole human part of this furniture factory doesn't, like, it seems like a bad ingredient. Like, it feels like you've got the furniture, you can already do the molding, but the human is not adding anything to your furniture there. You can volunteer for the program. Oh, well, I will then. Or maybe you get

sold. This can also be non-con, and you can be captured and forced to become furniture! What the fuck? What the fuck? Chared against my will. Let me know what your kinks are and a little about your character and we can start.

I'm looking for a medium term RP. Paragraphs preferred. Also, feel free to send those envelopes at any time. If I don't get to you tonight, I will tomorrow. Ew.

Have it on my desk by Friday. This needs to be full paragraphs. Also, I've also made this post many times. Many, many times. This has the most upvotes of anything we've seen. Occasionally, I try changing the title to A Human Furniture Transformation, but still nobody responds. Oh, still didn't work out for you? I'm sorry.

It didn't even work when you changed it to adding the compulsory female slavery platform. Maybe because that doesn't make any sense. Oh, did they announce that at Google I.O.? Wow. Also, you did a thread called Someone's Got to Mine the Space Ore.

May as well be slaves. Slaves. It's a living. Okay. Very last piece here. San Francisco Tech. I mean, technology in general, but San Francisco Tech is kind of, is kind of known for being sort of male dominated, you know,

where all the, all the girls are in the furniture. And so it's, you know, it's a world that doesn't have that many sort of females in prominent position. Reddit, of course, a notable example, because their CEO, who I believe is currently the interim CEO, is female. Yeah. who I believe is currently the interim CEO, is female. Yeah. And so to that end, I have a fantasy about Ellen Powell. Oh, God, really?

Oh, man. Oh, no. Wow. All right. Hi. I'm a submissive guy looking to be dominated by someone playing as Reddit interim CEO Ellen Powell. What's your name? Okay. This is not pornography.

And how do I know you're really a guy? Oh, I'm a verified male. Oh, good. How do I know you're really not pornography? Oh, no, no. I'm a Dada is painting. Something I'd find really hot is if you gagged me as you fucked me so that I couldn't say anything in protest

as you control me against my wishes, unrelated to the Ellen Powell thing. As a scenario, perhaps I posted something that made Reddit no longer a safe space so you decide that a simple ban won't be good enough for me. You're going to find me, tie me up, and teach me a lesson I won't forget. Ban his account! No way! I am so better. Wow, topical and disgusting. That's Reddit. And the only thing that we've

read that has comments on it. Yeah. Including one by a verified female. No, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Neptune 9825 is a verified female.

And she participated in this gross roleplay. Wow. So what did we learn from any of this shit? Stay off Reddit? That's what you learned? That's what you learned? You finally came to that conclusion?

I mean, well, I used to stay off because it was just racist, but now... Now you get a whole list together of reasons. A community not known for being into women, just in general. Well, I mean, they're into women, but... Yeah, they're into holes. I mean, you know, women, furniture, but...

I'm really confused how that would work, actually. The furniture one? Yeah. Have we seen a furniture finish yet? I don't think I've seen that. There was a brief mention of one a long time ago. Yeah, I think the Choose Your Own Transformation or whatever that was called. There was some stuff in that.

I don't know if we ever read anything of it. But yeah, we've had, I mean, because obviously, you know, the podcast has grown and we've gotten some great submissions and one of the things that I've been super duper into is watching these fetishes not even get grosser

and more extreme, but rather like more banal and stupid. Yes. Like there's submissions right now in the hopper, like thumb-sucking adults is one. A fucking watch fetish makes me laugh every time. I giggle at that title over and over and over again. A fucking watch fetish? It's like a fetish.

Oh, wait, so is it like people So is it like people having sex with watches? No. Or is it just like people looking at an Apple Watch and going like, oh, that fucking watch. No, no, no. No, no, just like a Rolex. Yeah, or like an aviator watch. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, that's super fun to me. And, what? Yes? What I liked about this episode is that That's super fun to me. What I liked about this episode is that people are trying to be very concise. So while they have incredibly specific... They want to be incredibly specific about what they're into and what they're not into, they have to draw the line at three items on either side.

So you get these nice little definitely yes, are these disgusting things? But a definite no, are these three disgusting things? And that just leaves us like, what about the 20 other disgusting things that we saw on F-List? Well, and I was just going to bring that up, actually. I hate

I hate that this made me have this reaction. But my reaction to all these people is they're being so much less efficient than the F-list people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't really cross-index all this stuff.

But again, that's another thing that's always surprised me about Reddit is that the user interface, everything about exploring the site is terrible, which is not in any way a hindrance to its user base. So I think it's good to have a bad UI. It seems like it's worked really well for them. And I just want to read just a couple of titles only that were also in the document, such as I Just Really love Clueless. Guys who are packing.

Celebrity Gynoid RP. And then Kumquat. Do you have a list of titles you wanted to read there? I'm trash! Help me fill my ass up! Bulging bimbo urges help me prevent or lose erections

before going too far wanna chat to my girlfriend did you have a title in there about your wife my wife doesn't fuck me Did you have a title in there about your wife? Yeah. Did I? Yep. My wife doesn't fuck me.

How would you? It's Monday. Make me your slut. Oh, is it Monday already? Bare sex and risky cream pies! I wish I had been slutty in high school. Me too. Help me come!

I just, I have just one thing I learned. You're talking about bad site UIs? I've learned that bad site UIs work well for us because it makes fun and interesting new ways for these people to fail. Because the way Reddit is, is you post this thing and then people respond in comments to your post.

And it's so great to see, like, I like cum fucking the world! And then just underneath, it's like, nobody liked this. Go away. Nobody responded. And it's like, nobody liked this, go away, nobody responded, and it's the same in Tumblr, where like Tumblr is laid out terribly but it's like a string of all these people going like

ah, fuck, you know so it's like the bad UIs are like little gifts to us, so ttfbl.us, the forum is ball pits, Boots what do you got to say about ball pit uh, it's great okay, and bye oh like a like a, I do you got to say about ball pit? It's great. Okay. And bye. Oh, like a, like a, I do it like a truck.

With me. Oh, like a, like a, I do it like a truck. One more time. Oh, like a, like a, I do it like a truck. Once again. Oh, like a, like a, I do it like a truck. Just you. Oh, like a, like a, I do it like a truck.

With me. Boots, what have you got to say about ball pit? You know what? Bonobos! Like, you know, ball pit sign-ups have been fine. They keep coming in, and so it's like, I kind of just like just a series of shitty bitches.