The F Plus - 191: The Merchants of Urine

Episode Date: October 18, 2015

Have you ever been out in the middle of nowhere, probably camping or playing golf, and then realizing you really, really need to pee? Have you ever entertained the idea of being the secret MacGuyver of peeing, using a machine to discreetly empty your bladder while chatting with company? No? Okay, well, have you ever spent late nights on the Internet, looking for synthetic pee to go with your 'peeing robot' costume for Halloween? Not that either? Um... okay. Well, congratulations! Here's an episode about urine and urine accessories. This week, The F Plus has a few thousand photos to look at.

While you guys are waiting, here's a fucking enormous collection of 1990s badly photoshopped Mary with Children porn. Thank you. I see it's on imagefab.com. And I'm back. What the hell is this? Oh, welcome to the F+. It's a terrible place. And there's terrible things right with enthusiasm.

In the room tonight we have Boots Rain Gear. Counterfeit synthetic urine is out there. Buy from a trusted source whenever you shop online. Stog! This collapsible bladder is able to hold up to three liters. Jack Chick! If you don't have considerable thigh gap, you're going to have a hard time using this with your pants up. Oh my god, it's the return of the bunny bread! You don't have considerable thigh gap. You're going to have a hard time using this with your pants up. Oh, my God.

It's the return of the bunny bread. I found this salad dressing idea on allrecipists.com. Hello to me. And Lemon, who found something on fish.net called, Has anyone else ever passed a drug test? There are no Affirmative responses I looked through 20 posts And nobody said yes

Hey, Can't Talk Now, peeing, can't talk now. Peeing. Sorry. Peeing? Why are you peeing? Yeah, yeah. Oh, because I pee sometimes when my bladder gets filled with liquid. Ooh, okay. That's how bladders usually work. Is everything going well, like when you're peeing?

Is it okay? Pretty good, except for the fire. I was with one woman recently. Okay, several women. Okay, now by woman, what do you mean? I think I, I don't know, I fucked something recently. At all points in Bunny Bread's life, that's true. I fucked something recently.

Anyway, we're going to move away from that and on to the topic of this episode. And this is an episode given to us by Bomberjacket nearly one year ago today. Unless you're listening to this because then it'll be over one year ago today. Happy anniversary!

Yay! So this document is entitled I Sell Urine and Urine Accessories Let's do it And it is all about different things relating to pee And mostly the economy around pee And there's more of a urine economy than you would think We're going to start off on quickfixurine.com.

You know, because until Congress gets off their fucking ass, there's no such thing as a waiting period on urine. Yeah, and it's been at least a week since my last really good urine fix, so. Hey, Lemon. Lemon, is everything OK? This website isn't making me want to stab my eyes out. Well, yeah. I mean, the design of it is is, you know, bootstrap.

But don't worry. You're going to you're going to feel sick very soon. They have a synthetic urine belt for sale. Yeah. Yeah. Don't don't skip ahead. Spoilers. Yeah. Yeah. Don't skip ahead. Spoilers. Yeah.

So we're going to find out a little bit about quick fix urine. The prices are not cheap, but, you know, when you're sourcing urine, it's difficult. So, Boots, tell me about quick fix urine. Yes. Yes. I have some quick fix urine right here for you. Okay. Tell me about it.

Yes. The quick fix synthetic urine is the clean, pre-mixed laboratory urine that everyone is talking about. Everyone. Everyone. We were. Yeah. You may have heard it talked about around the urine cooler.

Boots, that is true, but that's only because I just started a job as a developer for FetLife. They really make you get into it there, don't they? Back to the pitch. Instead of generating the urine in a human body, Spectrum Labs has perfected a means of creating urine in a laboratory environment. Hooray! Yay! This laboratory process results in a cleaner, fresher urine

that is toxin-free and balanced for pH, specific gravity, creatinine, creatinine? Creatine, I'm sure is what they wanted to say. No, creatinine, and several other urine characteristics. Wait, if it's the stuff that makes things, does that mean that all of the developers who call themselves makers are just drinking urine all the time? Absolutely. Yes.

Finally, somebody catches on. Yeah, we also carry the Canadian Quick-Fix synthetic urine for those who are located in Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, West Virginia, California, Ohio, Colorado, and Canada. None of those places are America. Suck it, you guys. It's that primo Canadian yellow. Is it just bottle of urine and maple syrup?

Stop being jealous that I can get better synthetic urine than the rest of you. Since those labs test for the presence of uric acid, also known as urea. Oh, I can't imagine that this is about testing anything. But anyway, go on. Each box of QuickFix synthetic urine contains a two-ounce sample of urine, one heat pack, a flip-top cap, and a temperature strip that reads between 90 and 100 degrees. Woo-hoo! Once the synthetic urine is warmed between 90 and 100 degrees in a microwave for up to 10 seconds, it becomes suitable for use.

Attach the heat pack and keep it warm for up to 8 hours. Boots, the product that you're talking about, it sounds terrific. It really does. Yeah. But my question is, what sort of uses can I find for your urine? Oh, sure. There are scientific uses. Oh, okay. Yeah, instead of generating the urine in the human body, Spectrum Labs

has perfected a means of creating urine in a laboratory environment. This may sound familiar to you. And then you, like, literally repeat yourself. Yes. So, that's a scientific use. Including the word creatinine. So that, I mean, okay, cool.

Any other uses? There's urine therapy. Although not recommended for internal use. Promoters of urine therapy believe urine to have many curative powers. Yeah, I mean, there are certainly people that... Yeah, watch season one of Nathan for you. Some cultures,

especially Indian... Seriously, don't do that. Don't do that. Some cultures, especially Indian, have traditionally used urine as a medicine. In Ayurveda, its practice is called Amaroli. Urine has been prescribed in India for over 5,000 years for health benefits. I think prescribed might be a little tough.

So just to clarify for all of us, creatinine is actually a real thing. Oh, okay. It's a phosphate that's found in muscle and apparently is inside of urine. All right. But are there any other uses that I can find for your terrific product? Sure. Fetish. Oh.

Believe it or not, another popular use for QuickFix is by the fetish community. QuickFix synthetic urine is used instead of regular urine because of health concerns. But, but, but, okay. But regular urine is sterile when it comes to... Not mine!

No, sorry. Regular urine contains impurities. Our synthetic urine mimics the look of regular urine and provides a healthy way to play. Healthy. Healthy! That sounds healthy. I got one last important use.

What's that? Pranks. Of course. What could be funnier than dousing your roommate's bed with urine? Not much. I guess not. It's time to quit the podcast. We've got a new thing to do.

I mean, F plus live four. Yeah, there it is. The fake urine wars. That doesn't sound fun to me. How about dousing your roommate directly with urine? That'd be kind of funny. Anyway, so that does sound fun. So I should do that?

Why should I do that? Doing it with fake urine will reduce the chance of getting your ass beat. Yeah, that's likely. Oh, don't worry about it. It's fake. Don't worry. It's identical to real. It's got much more crete than nine.

I mean, basically, I totally did pee on your bed, except for I didn't actually pee on your bed. Cool. Let's get a burger. The synthetic urine is healthy and doesn't contain the nasty toxins human urine does. Again, speaking mostly of my personal urine. Okay, so that sounded very helpful. You certainly at no point mentioned drug testing. Nope.

I think you're pretty well in the clear there. If you're a scientist and want to just totally check it out and see if there's drugs in our urine, you're not going to find any. Oh, interesting. That's pointless. Hypothetically, for a scientist to look at this product, they wouldn't find drugs in this product, that is. Right, yeah.

So why even bother? It doesn't make sense why you'd send some of these to a drug testing lab because it was like, oh, what's this, QuickFix? Never mind. So, Jack Jack, will you go through the instructions of how I can use this QuickFix? The product does sound terrific. Yeah, of course. It's not cheap, but how do I go about this?

Yeah, no. I mean, it's definitely very confusing to have your own synthetic urine, and so following instructions is very important. What is this in synthetic urine? Do I drink it? Yes! Should I pour it on my roommate's head? Yes! We do not recommend it for internal use.

Except for we do recommend drinking it in the one where it talked about medicine. Okay, so... So prior to leaving the house, which you're going to do when you're doing either urine therapy, fetish, or pranks, you're definitely going to make sure to leave your house

for those. Open the top of your quick fix bottle and microwave for 10 seconds. If you can't microwave your quick fix synthetic urine, simply tape or rubber band the heating pad to the bottle at least one hour before you test.

Test? Test what? Test the integrity of the urine. Now I understand why you used that word. After heating, close the top and shake the quick fix bottle. The temperature strip should read

between 94 and 100 degrees Fahrenheit. If the synthetic urine is below 94 degrees Fahrenheit, place in microwave for a few more seconds. If the temperature is above 100 degrees, allow the bottle to cool. Tape or rubber band the heating pad

to the quick fix bottle to maintain temperature until your drug test. Oh, my what? What? I don't know why you're calling attention to this. I'm just, you know, this is just, you know, hypothetically. Okay. I mean, you said it, not me.

Right. Your drug test prank. Your prank is done sober. You're pranking your employer with synthetic piss. When placed inside your clothing pocket, the heating pad will keep the quick-fix synthetic urine near 100 degrees Fahrenheit for at least 6 hours. Wow, so walk around with this pee taped to you

for a long time. Whatever you do, don't confuse it with your bourbon flask. Keep going. Check that your QuickFix synthetic urine is between 94 degrees and 100 degrees Fahrenheit.

Shake and pour the contents of the quick fix container into the urine collection cup at the facility. Oh, I know. This is for getting past the urine lock when you lock yourself out of work. Yep. That happened to be last week. I wish I had quick-fix synthetic urine. If only. Quick-fix synthetic urine can be reheated with hand warmers an unlimited amount of times. Okay.

Some settling may occur. Just like in real urine. Yeah, just like real pee. My piss is made of Jamba Juice, too. Oh, fuck, I wasn't paying attention to the pan and my urine broke. Shake bottle before and after heating and right before you test the product. Your urine came out clean, but we're a little bit concerned about the calcium sediment that is... Don't worry about that.

I just drink milk. It's fine. I actually eat bones. Okay. Bone collector. I actually eat bones bone collector okay so that is quickfixurine.com and that's as much time as we need to spend on that site

because Bomber Jacket has provided us with a whole bunch of different URLs there's also uriasample.com which is a sort of similar product but But we're going to move on to part two of this document. Part two of this document is called Things You Pee Into. So this is the Euro Club. This is a product which I've been told is advertised on the Golf Channel constantly. Oh, I know what this is.

So, welcome to the Euro Club. How many times has this happened to you? You're playing 18 holes with your best buddies, drinking beer, water, sports drinks, etc., space period. You're coming to the third hole with no restroom in sight after you've played your 18 holes. You're also very bad at planning. There are no trees or bushes around you.

You'll just have to go. What are you going to do? Die. The Euro Club is the discreet, sanitary way for your urgent relief. Created by a board-certified urologist, it looks like an ordinary golf club, but contains a reservoir built into the grip to relieve yourself. The Euro Club is leak-proof, easy to clean, and no more embarrassing moments. And everything that I read is right next to a stock photo of a woman

leaning around a corner, peeping on you while you're peeing into a golf club. Hey, looks like you're pissing in a golf club there. I sure am. In comfort. What I'm really surprised by is I just did a Google search for Euro Club space public space indecency

and got no legitimate results. That's very surprising. Well, there's three steps to keep you out of the woods. Unscrew, this is step one, unscrew the Euro Club's triple seal leak-proof cap. Step two, clip the privacy towel

to the Euro Club and your belt or waistband. So, at this point you just have this towel flap around your dick. It just looks like you have a very odd-looking dick at this point, but you are well hung.

Jesus Christ, just take the golf club and go to the bathroom. What's wrong with you? Why did you buy a club for your piss? I just don't like to give away my swinging secrets here. Step three, discreetly relieve yourself. Then get back to the game. Hey, that's a cool golf club.

Can I borrow it? Oh, my God, it's leaking. But it was leak-proof. It said triple C, a leak-proof cap. Oh, shit. Yeah, good game, Gary. I'm not shaking that. So, well, the privacy shield

hooks to the sides of the pantser belt and adds stability. This allows freedom of the hands to manipulate the club and zipper. The entire club is made of a non-porous material. Therefore, carrying and cleaning is effortless. It is literally effortless. You will never do the effort.

You don't need to. Just don't bother going through the effort. Just buy another one. The same guys that get confused by Pringles are going to look at this and think, oh, goddammit. How am I going to get the piss out of

the club? Capacity is over half a liter, twice the volume commonly urinated. So do it twice, who gives a shit? And the length is like a standard 7-iron. More importantly, special wholesale prices are directed to encourage club makers to brand Euro Club and include it in their accessory lines.

Yeah. Just like gloves or umbrellas. I don't know why nobody's taking us up on this. Nope. It's quite the mystery. Do you like pissing in golf clubs? Well, yeah, but do you like pissing in golf clubs that really advertise your love for the Chicago Bulls? Yes. All right. Well, yeah, but do you like pissing in golf clubs that really advertise your love for the Chicago Bulls? Yes!

All right, so that's one option, to pee while you're at a golf course, and that's obviously terrific. But what happens if you need to pee at Bumbershoot? I mean, obviously you just pee on people at Bumbershoot. But another option is that you go to use the Stadium Pal. Yay! So, Bunny Brad, tell me a little bit about the stadium pal if you would oh i would i would indeed this is the home of the world famous stadium pal brought to you by biorelief.com the stadium palace appeared on radio shows and tv shows all over the world the palace helped numerous sports fans enjoy their favorite sporting event

especially when it comes to tailgating. Is there drinking involved in tailgating ever? Not once, but theoretically it could happen. Every week people attending sporting events have made tailgating one of the most important events in the week. Hours are spent planning on what food and drink will be necessary. And when the drinks go down, it is only a matter of time before someone needs to break the seal.

Wait, they mention food too. Do, like, one for shitting in? Yeah, when the drinks go down, it's only a matter of time before someone needs to break the seal. And finds themselves spending more time looking for a restroom line to stand in hoping they don't pee in their pants than enjoying time with family and friends. The Stadium Pal is the ultimate portable urinal and has opened the doors for many other users.

Long-distance motorcycle riders that participate in the Iron Butt have found that the Stadium Pal is an absolute necessary. That's a really good name for a long-distance motorcycle ride. I participate in a different event called the Iron Butt. So, in the Iron Butt, have found that the Stadium Pal is an absolute necessary. Paragliders that spend hours in the iron butt, have found that the Stadium Pal is an absolute necessary. Paragliders. Paragliders that spend hours in the air have found its uses immeasurable.

How fucking long are they up in the air? Get fucking down here! No, the tank's not empty! There's no way to stop until the tank's empty! Oktoberfest, Mardi Gras, New Year's Eve at Times Square, and the list goes on and on. Since its popularity, its actual use is sometimes overlooked. What? Many men who have experienced a prostate problem have found that the Citium Pal is just what they were looking for.

So check it out, see how it works, and see if the Pal doesn't seem like one of the best marketing ideas you've ever heard. It's a marketing idea. I thought it was like a... It's an actual product that exists. It theoretically exists in our minds. Is this an MLM scheme? Yeah, we're going to get sucked into a pyramid scheme, aren't we? So, oh god, you fucking piqued my interest.

Absolutely. Well, I should have never let you into my house. So, Boots, all I'm saying is if you buy three stadium pals and a Stadium Gal, you'll unlock the next tier, and then you'll be able to get the Quick Fix Synthetic Urine. You said I'd immediately be a silver-level marketing agent. Well, I mean, you have to pass the test to get to that level, and this joke is going nowhere.

How do I get the double diamond? Sorry. God, stop it. Do you guys want to talk about strapping your piss to your ankle or what? Yeah! I sure do. Alright. The Stadium Pal Kit is the ultimate portable urinal for men. It is completely discreet and safe to wear for almost any occasion. Almost

any occasion. Probably not an orgy. For convenience or recovery from prostate surgery, there is not an easier item to use that allows for complete freedom without worry about where the closest restroom is. Safer to use than in indwelling catheter. And more practical than an adult undergarment stadium pal has opened the doors for so many men who used to be afraid to go out in public for fear of

having an accident. What makes it unique is the male external catheter made of a hundred percent silicone. It is a latex-free material that is clear to see through so that the skin can be inspected if necessary. Oh, dear! Hey, anybody want to see my dick if necessary?

Hey, who wants to see my leg sores? Oh, hold on. You gotta see them through the Vestigium Pelt Kit. Is it falling off yet? No. Okay. Gangrene hasn't taken over completely. Lucky day. Male externals come in different sizes.

The measurement needed to determine the size is a girth measurement. Using the sizing guide helps to choose the best fit and takes all the guessing out of which size is needed. Each catheter can be worn once and has a maximum wear time of about 24 hours. Once it is removed, it cannot be reused. Well, we... Additional catheters can be purchased

separately. Oh, they can. You'll sell more things to us, will you? Uh, you can't. Oh my God! I'm sorry. I went to the fucking sizing guide. Yep, yep, yep. And? Print this file out and cut out the half-moon shapes. Measure yourself in a relaxed state

closest to your body. If you find yourself in between two sizes, manufacturer recommends you size down. Well, yeah, you want... We know you're erect right now. I really want it to be airtight Water sealed Oh my god this is horrible

With cake resistant nozzle So it's basically Am I right in thinking that it's like Just a condom that attaches to a catheter Is that your general idea Yeah you can fuck people too And then you just tape that to your leg And then hang out.

It's like, hey, what's up, guys? Well, that's terrific. Before we go away, I'm just checking out their Twitter. Their Twitter account. And they're very active. Like recently, they're tweeting about sort of back to school. Back to school means kids are back sharing and passing germs. So pee on your leg.

So pee in a bag. Dining out should not involve multiple trips to the restroom. The stadium pal can help one to feel confident. So did you get that memo? I'm sorry, you were saying something? Well, I probably shouldn't. You seem in bliss now. So, that obviously is terrific for men,

and that's wonderful and great, but I assume that there's just probably nothing for women to do, right? Isn't that right, Stog? There's no option for women? Yes, there is. There's the Stadium Gal, the discreet portable restroom system for women. Because a lady shouldn't spend her time waiting in line at the ballpark.

Once again, we have adapted a product that has already been used in the healthcare industry and provided it to those who hate the waiting. It is called a female urinary pouch. The pouch is non-latex and contains an odor barrier pouch film.

At the bottom of the pouch is a convenience string that connects to the leg bag system worn on the inner calf. So you never said anything about an odor barrier for the male one? Is this an assumption that I'm going to smell like pee already? Yeah, men just, that's what, yeah. Men smell like piss all the time. Don't worry about it.

That's called musk. It is one size fits all and is cut to fit one's needs. Pouch stays in place while using adhesives that are provided. Application is explained in the instruction guide. Oh, okay. So do we Oh, you're just not going to give us an instruction

guide? We don't get to know? No! I can't picture how this works. Look, you're smart. You'll figure it out. You'll figure out how to use this. Men don't need instructions. You just piss into a bag, and then it goes down the tube, and it goes into another bag. See? So it's essentially, is it like a Luna cup that connects to a Ziploc bag?

Yes. Oh, cool. That's great. Don't tell our competitors, though. Hey. Hey, what? Hey, I'm Jason. Hi, Jason. What's up? I'm Jason. I'm a man. I don't care about your stupid, though. Hey. Hey, what? Hey, I'm Jason. Hi, Jason.

I'm Jason. I'm a man. I don't care about your stupid lady product. But I got the Stadium Pal. Hey, guys. It worked great. Thanks for getting them out to me so fast. Here's a picture of me with my Stadium Pal during the NASCAR Tropicana 400 at Chicagoland Speedway the other weekend.

Pretend you're looking at a picture. Sure am. Over 100,000 people in attendance. I was skeptical at first, but tried out and only had to leave my middle row seat once during the four-hour race. Thanks again. Aren't you worried about being judged by the other attendees of the NASCAR event? No, I'm not a NASCAR event.

Oh, that's gross. Hey, you got a piss bag on your leg. Fuck you. Hey, that guy didn't piss himself. You're a damn liberal. That piss bag ain't American. Hey, so I'm Dan M. Oh, hey, Jim.

Where are you from, Dan M? I'm from Fort Smith, Arkansas. Okay, cool. Great. Thank you for a wonderful product. I used the Stadium Powell on my last motorcycle ride, a weekend trip around the state visiting family. Around 80 miles of riding, I was over to come with the need to pee,

but I did not need to stop for fuel or anything else. So I peed with what seemed like five or six miles. Wait, what did you do? He pissed for five or six miles. I peed for what seemed like five or six miles. Oh, I had to take pee at night school. What does your bladder look like? Anyways, I felt so much

better and could, you know, continue the trip as refreshed as my one. Everything was so comfortable and easy to wear. I wore the Stadium Pal all day Saturday and Sunday and no one would tell I was wearing it. Didn't shower once or take it off. Draining the collection bag was actually easier

and actually cleaner and more convenient than relieving myself the other way. Oh, yeah, the bad way. The old-fashioned way. I'm post-toilets now. The pre-9-11 way. But now we're going to move on to part four. And part four is actual printed books on pee drinking.

Yay! So, Bunnybread, tell me a little bit about Drink Your Own Water, a Treatise on Urine Therapy by Tony Scazzaro. He's got a profile picture of himself standing in front of an American flag.

Well, I know this is safe then. Alright, if it's patriotic. There is too much sickness in the world. God has provided everyone with many natural ways and means to heal ourselves. One of them is the seemingly

unpopular and unscientific system of urine therapy. That's a good qualifying word because it is neither unpopular nor unscientific system of urine therapy. That's a good qualifying word, because it is neither unpopular nor unscientific. You would be correct. Believing that there is a free, natural medicine that can heal most ailments sounds totally ludicrous. Agreed.

Particularly if you add the fact that it has been around for thousands of years. Piss has been around for a while, I'm sure of it. No, I think he's talking about ether. Look, I'm a Seventh Day Adventist, man. The earth and piss are only 4,000 years old.

It has been around for thousands of years and works both externally and internally. Most people are understandably incredulous to learn that their kidneys can simultaneously produce a prognosis and a corresponding remedy for any sickness the body may have.

Uh-huh. Drink your own water brings a whole new meaning to the term free health care. Hey, poor people. You want to get better? Drink your own piss. And also the term legal liability. The list of diseases for which it has been effective is long enough to consider it a miracle remedy.

In this book, you will learn the toxic effects of chemicals, the implications of nuclear radiation. What the fuck? A different meaning of the word learn. Nuclear radiation will do bad things to your dick. Don't read heads, dog. What did we say? What did we say earlier? The nutritional problems caused by our diet.

The hazards of medical mistakes. What? Like, say, if you were to drink your own piss. For just spitballing here. As a means of curing cancer. Pissballing, I guess it would be. Curing all that radiation. The kidney's advanced system for healing. The remarkable

ingredients in urine. The testimonies and history of urine therapy. Why urine is the ideal tonic for the restoration of health. Practical ways to utilize this personal remedy. Why? Why? Why in the world would this make any sense hey i'm alan mauser and and and and the author makes a really great effort to explain in

detail and does explain deeply the pros about this therapy this is a good book to really understand what most people ignore about our unvital substances. I believe there's a thank you. Thank you. What's your name now? Alan Mexico. Thank you. Alan Mouser relocated during the writing of this.

And then, Stog, you are Papa Gigo. Papa Gigo. Interesting topic. Would not drink pee. It's something to keep in mind if you are stuck with no drinkable water or life-death situation. You have no drinkable water and you're in a life-death situation. But you do have this book on hand.

Yep. I wouldn't drink my pee, but it's good to know someone else will. Hey, I'm tea shop wisely. Meaning that the plain white teas, they shop wisely. I was blessed to discover this. Don't overlook the wonder drug. I bought this on the Kindle. OMG, I can't believe how this book dropped in my e-book recommendations list,

but I am so glad it did. What the fuck else are you buying? Like, what the fuck else are you buying? Just snake oil. Literal snake oil. Synthetic snake oil. Oh, right, of course. I am a diabetic, and for several reasons, after catching pneumonia, I have been struggling with additional health issues.

Arthritis, high blood pressure, protein deficiency, fibromyalgia, kidney problems, bone density loss, hair loss, brittle nails, and lymphedema. This was life-changing. Yes, I became a pill-popping medical pig. So you were a cop? Yeah. Hey, medical pig. Medical pig, you. Medical pig. So you were a cop? Yeah. Hey, medical pig. Medical pig. Hey, medical pig, pig, pig.

Medical pig, pig, pig. I was not satisfied with these temporary fixings. Every doctor wanted me to believe these conditions would be for life. For four years, I decided to take my health into my own hands. I changed my diet, exercise, and constantly researched my health issues. And then there was drink your own water!

Yay! Yes. This, I was at my last straw. Why not? I was already half there. My new diet and exercising was already in place So I did it! This has been a capital blessing to me After one month of drinking two ounces a day

My body made some drastic changes Probably in sodium content High blood pressure is normal Joint pain is gone probably in sodium content. High blood pressure is normal. Joint pain is gone. Blood levels are stable. Hair and nails are growing. Kidney stable, and it actually makes my face look so much younger.

Yes, I know it's hard to believe, but the hardest thing is I can't tell anyone I am doing this. Oh, they can tell. They will think I'm crazy. What I love about this is, all right, so I changed my diet. I got healthy. And just as that was happening, I started drinking pee. And then everything got wonderful. Isn't that amazing, though?

The pee fixed it after she changed her diet? And then she did all the exercising? So, hey, tease shop wisely. I'm with the Neighborhood Association. Have you noticed that you haven't been filling jars with your urine and sharp implements and burying them in the front yard? Yeah, no. I mean, you guys did complain about that a lot.

Now I have a different use. Okay, well, we really do need to purge the evil spirits that are in your house to make sure that it's not bringing down the property values on the astral plane. My doctors are excited to see the improvements. They have eliminated and reduced medications. They ask a lot of questions

trying to figure out what made these changes so suddenly after four years, but I won't tell. I just let them think they are doing the work. I continue paying them. Good. You fools! Take my money, please.

Tell what? They will think I am crazy. I won't even tell my friends or family, but they are all so curious to know my secret. What I am doing to look so great. Okay, you may say this is a long Amazon review. You may say, why should I believe you? You don't even know me.

You are right. But your urine knows who you are and what your body needs. Wait, my urine wrote this book? Give it a try. Why else would I write such a lengthy report? It's certainly not insanity. I am excited and it works. It's not as bad as you think.

The taste is based on what you eat. But what if you're drinking piss Won't it taste pissier Read the book You'll understand Mine tastes like vanilla coconut Oh I was gonna ask No it doesn't Jesus

God Oh, I was going to ask. Okay. No, it doesn't. Oh. Jesus. Jesus. God. You're the fucking worst. Why isn't my username my best? It's like vanilla coconut. I also like to mention I seen a woman guest on the doctor's TV show. Oh, here we go. That's like seeing a doctor, basically.

She wanted to enlighten people on the advantage of drinking your capital urine. I really felt for her, trying to face this urine battle on belief alone. The doctors were aware of this historical medicine, but made jokes. How disturbing this was to me! But do you really believe they would promote their selves out of business?

Hum! Okay, I'll hold. Wake up, people! Aren't we tired of being stuck on drugs? Then give this a try. The wonder drug is in us! Okay, so T-Shop Wisely has some other reviews on Amazon. Yeah, she does.

Some of them are interesting, but one of the most recent ones is for a product called Colon Cleanse. It's an all-natural way to lose weight. And I'm just going to read the first sentence of the review. Sure. Okay. I really enjoyed the holidays. And what's the first sentence of the next paragraph?

Unfortunately, digestion was a problem. This is the worst Brian Lumley short story I've ever read. Wow. Each bowel movement, I had noticed the increase of energy and relief. Yes. Apparently she bought a Steve Harvey book, too. Yes, yes, she definitely did. Now I really look down on her.

On the book Stone Cold Lover, Winged and Dangerous, book one, she says, Tried to read three times. Sorry, book did not keep my interest Amazon is preventing me from going to that page anyway so that was

something about pee by Tony Scalerzo who also wrote drink your own water he also wrote all about the spirit world our mothererzo, who also wrote Drink Your Own Water. He also wrote All About the Spirit World, Our Mother and Father God, Who is Mother God, and Power Animals and Their Symbolism. And in his author bio, he says, It is like John Lennon who said imagine.

Fuck you. Yeah, he did. It is like John Lennon who said imagine. He's the only person who's ever said it, too. He invented the word. Anyway, so Boots, you got a book, right? Yeah, but my name is not Boots. Oh, okay.

My name is P.P. Powers. Holy shit. First of all, P.P. Powers, you are not very good at GIMP. I'm assuming that's not Photoshop. I think are not very good at GIMP. I'm assuming that's not Photoshop. I think I'm very good at it. Okay. Check out that brushed glass filter I stuck on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It looks nice. Anyway, what's up? I got a book. It's called Urine Therapy! Confessions of a Mad Pea Drinker. So this is like a Burroughs novel? We'll find out. I hope so.

Urine therapy seems downright gross, but it definitely works. Okay. Here's my two cents worth of input from my four-month trial with urine therapy. Urine therapy cured me of chronic fatigue, irritable bowel syndrome, fibromyalgia, dandruff, depression, and bad skin. What could it do for you? I don't know. What could it do for me? Well, some say that drinking one's own urine is the cure for every disease. Oh, no.

Such as people who write books about it. Oh, my God. Yeah, I don't doubt it. such as people who write books about it. Oh my god. I don't doubt it. Here you will read about my personal experiences with all the above chronic ailments and how I cured myself by ingesting

my own midstream morning urine. Cured yourself of what? So it's got to be the morning stuff? Like the nighttime stuff's no good? Yeah, it's got to be midstream. You don't want early or late stream. The beginning and end of the stream are poison. Prime the pump is what he's saying.

Send a couple dribbles downwards or start peeing straight up in the air and let a few of them miss and then catch the rest in your mouth. I just realized I'm not incognito, so Amazon's going to start doing terrible things to me. Yeah, same here. There's the opening sticker.

Just don't put it in your cart. Miracles of Urine Therapy. Anyway. Who'd have thought that all we need for excellent health and wellness really does come within our bodies? Charlatans? Absolutely.

Are there freaks to write this shit? What better mode of self-improvement is there? Most? Literally anything. Well, not anything. There's things that are worse than drinking. Injecting yourself with piss wouldn't be better.

Exactly what I'm saying, yes. And then, Stock, you bought this book, right? Yes, yes, I did. I bought the book, dear. Okay. Oh, that's I did. I put the book there. Okay. Oh, that's a fun accent. What's going on, Stock? I'm sorry, Wendell C. Thomas.

My name is Wendell C. Thomas Dare, and I bought a book, and this is the pleasant rewards. You're in therapy there. What is this accent? I don't think it's an accent. He just puts deer on the end of things. This is Tourette's. This is a pretty little book, rather compelling to the point there. I enjoyed reading it very much.

It's a mole man accent. Other books on urine therapy are more extensive and detailed, and we probably don't need any more of those there, but this one gives us a more intimate revelation of one woman's personal experience of the process, especially the benefits, dear. Okay. Oh, so pee-pee is a lady. Okay.

Yeah, dear. I have read four or five other books on the subject a year or two ago, and all were worthwhile, but none of them ever mentioned the taste, the flavor of fresh urine, dear, except for the one that said it had a faint salty taste. So,

no book that you've read that talks about piss is like, by the way, it's going to taste kind of gross. No. Reviewers love to talk about the taste of piss. I mean, some have coconutty kind of piss. I don't know. My piss tastes like Luna bars, Derek. No, no, no.

Luna bars have always tasted like piss is what you're really trying to understand. Are you going to whisk in the umami flavor of the urine? Yeah, yeah. When I started sipping urine more than 20 years ago, I vaguely remember licking a drop of my finger, perhaps, yes. There may have been a faint salty taste there, but as I increased the amount from day to day, it's tart flavor predominated. This would be a cousin of lemon juice or dilute vinegar there, which are

acidic, the one from citric acid, the one from acetic acid. Urine, of course, contains uric acid, but it was more than that. Urine had its own distinctive flavor, which I enjoyed very much, was the main reason why I never stopped sipping it.

Often, double comma, after each morning sip, I think, this is delicious. I'll have another, dear. Is that what you think? That's what you think? Yeah, dear. Since I like vinegar and olive oil as salad dressing, it just occurred to me that...

No! No! No! of oil as salad dressing? It just occurred to me that. Oh, no. No. No. Finally, a recipe episode. Fuck! Yeah, Bomberjack, why didn't you just do a recipe episode? This whole episode was just a honeypot, wasn't it?

Yeah. We got another hour of pea recipes. Buckle in. It just occurred to me that I might try chilled urine and olive oil on salad there. Why the olive oil? Over the years, I've felt that the flavor does vary a bit from time to time, depending on our intake. Following a meal of beef the evening before, the evening has an unpleasant bitter taste, for example.

And similarly, after a meal with asparagus, the flavor of asparagus pleasantly permeates the urine. Pleasantly! Pleasantly. That's the thing asparagus does with urine. Pleasantly! I think if you consume as much urine as Wendell Thomas does, you'd be like, hmm, asparagus, that's refreshing.

Nice change of pace. Dare. It's as refreshing as a walk in the Maine woods, dare. Keep going. I've tried it warm and cold, and each had its own enjoyable qualities. So when I enjoyed the therapeutic qualities of your rind, I did not hesitate to consume, without qualms,

larger amounts daily. God, you're so gross. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Just stop for just a quick second on that sentence. Yeah? Does that mean that you're saying that, look, I started out drinking pee because it just tastes really nice.

Yeah. But then I realized it was a panacea, and I was like, whoa, shit, I need to double down on this. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I have read how some cultures seem to have accepted

urine therapy for thousands of years, especially the people of Indian China there. One wonders how it ever got started. My vision of someone accidentally, deliberately peeing on their fingers and then licking them is not too convincing. I have a suspicion, though, that in the course of oral sexual activity, one was more apt

to have one's tongue come into tongue contact with a bit of urine and was surprised at how tasty it was, and then... And then, what, this is to be continued? Mm-hmm. So if one conscripted the courage to taste that first itty-bitty drop, he or she will be handsomely rewarded, dear. Thanks, dear. You're welcome, dear. Thanks, dear. You're welcome, dear.

Does that mean, of course, there or dear? I could never figure that out, which of those words that was supposed to be. The greatest mystery. What was... In the course of oral sexual activity... What was that?

You know, like when you're getting a blowjob and... And you're pissing the girl's mouth? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, dear. I mean, I don't know. Well, you're not getting the right kind of blowjobs, are you? I guess not. I guess not.

I'll have to... That's on you. I'll just have some very serious conversations. And then, Bunnybread, you are L. Armistead. L. Armistead. What did you think of this book? Save your money! Save it!

The catchy title and the author of PP Powers are the only things original or interesting about this book. It is very short, and a high school student could do a better job of research. I mean, yes, agreed. High school students need to pee on more things is what I'm saying.

I need a website. I was definitely not impressed. The J.W. Armstrong book, The Water of Life, A Treatise on Urotherapy, is an excellent, informative, and enjoyable read that is worth every penny. Thank you. I am not J.W. Armstrong. So the only negative review is because it's not good enough for pee drinking.

Right, exactly. And then when you search pee pee powers, I get a whole bunch of vampire porn. You sure do. It looks like that's PS power. I'm going to piss in your mouth, bleh. Bleh, indeed.

So, F+, what did we learn from this pee-filled episode? I know that the next time I go to a golf course and I see a guy with sort of a vacant smile on his face... And a privacy towel. Yeah, I'm just going to run the fuck away. I know that the next time I go to a golf course and I see a guy with a sort of a vacant smile on his face. And a privacy towel. Yeah, I'm just going to run the fuck away. I hate golf. I'm only in this for one thing.

I'm only in this to jerk off into golf clubs. Fill this one up. Need another. Fill this one up. There's a Okay so So the human body Processes things And then expels waste Right?

This is what you learned from this episode That's how a bladder works Or liver No no no But what I'm saying is that the human body You process food, you expel waste And then like this pervasive belief Of like hey No, but what I'm saying is that the human body, you process food, you expel waste. Right. And then this pervasive belief of like, hey, you know all that shit that your body didn't want and got rid of?

Why don't you just put it back in your body and that'll make you better? No, Lemon. What? It goes by the philosophy of, hey, you left something behind. Whoops! Take a second pass. So, Lemon, I'd want you to consider this. It's been practiced for thousands of years.

Right. It has, yep. And as you know, modern medicine has only made things worse for people. That's true. That's true. Life expectancies just keep going down. Yeah. Right.

Expectancies just keep going down. Yeah. Right. Although, so it makes sense. It makes sense that you should use this product in order to, you know, decrease the number of toxins that are present in your body. Oh, toxins, you say. Now, that's a word that makes me trust you.

Yeah. I was kind of on the fence until you mentioned toxins. Have you tried to cleanse for your toxins? Have you tried to pee enema? Oh, my God. That's the thing, because it's never been through that hole yet. It might find some new things to explore. Exactly. The website is always thefpl.us,

and we've got a thriving community on Ball Pit. I just got a new email today because I get an email every time somebody signs up and it says, Lemon, a new user has registered for Ball Pit. Username, that's my fetish. That could either be our greatest member or our worst. But either way, that username is now taken. Can't have that.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. No doubt, it's not a mean fellow. Just because I want to turn your dance shoes yellow. See, I'm rather mellow. Some call it lazy, me and myself And I ain't with the daisies cause I'm no goddamn flower And every single dancer in circumference receives a golden shower

I'm here to insult the hip hop John Travolta You're thinking all that but really you're shorter than a midget I don't fidget with the ballet, fuck a dance Because that's what my pals say And brothers don't shake your rucks Oh my god, what the hell is this? Thousands of images of badly photoshopped Married with Children porn. What? You're welcome. Oh my god!

The bottom right of the first page there, when she's becoming a burger, that's just... I'll find something exciting about the job that Bud got Peg as the juicy burger. I'm jerking it now. You know what I'm really enjoying? The Mass Effect source filmmaker

blowjob advertisement in front of my screen. Jesus Christ.