The F Plus - 192: Patent Pretending

Episode Date: November 1, 2015

Okay, we've spent a couple episodes highlighting the brilliance of people who consider themselves "idea people", but now it's time to spend some time thinking about the other end of the supply chain. Idea Connection is a website that caters to customers who are looking for a terrific idea that they can purchase from the website, along with any relevant patents for this idea. There's only one small problem to this: These customers do not exist because these ideas are really stupid. This week, The F Plus is getting verbally abusive with our GPS devices.

Welcome to the elect- That was really fucking- That was like, oh shit, I'm two words in, I don't know what word I'm gonna do next. Welcome- Oh, okay. No god, sentences last more than two words? Fuck you. Well, they don't for me in general, so...

Someone else has my issues, it's nice. Solidarity. The kids are looking for a far out, far out way out. And they're running from their stereos and television sets. But now their heroes are dying. To the Tudor Bear dance floors. And it's fading. And they're taking whatever they can get. Welcome, you brilliant people, to the F Plus Podcast. It's a wonderful, wonderful place with terrible things, right with enthusiasm.

In the room tonight we have Boots Rain Gear. This engine is good for long travel in space. It's very speedful, undangerous, economical, un-noise, and relatively easy to build. Nutshell Gulag. My idea's a recipe, and hoes like edible material tricky bites and trigger tools to hold onto

to see if biting meth no electronics. You roll out the ocean bait rider in the ocean's favorite spots. Bunny bread! Anywhere Gaming. It's like a PlayStation 3, except it has a built-in projection scran. He reads the internet for you. This is Lou Fernandez. My idea is the easy bike.

We only use one leg at once. My idea is to use both legs when we ride the bicycle at once. Sometimes it's hard to run the bicycle. And Lemon. Most attempts to overcome toilet paper roll vandalism are on making the dispenser stronger, but that is not the answer. A super strong dispenser can still be kicked off the wall or have the keyhole blocked by a frustrated user. Hey, F-Bless.

Hey, Lemon. Hello, Lemon. Hello. How are you all doing today? We are all doing fine. Yep. He speaks on my behalf. I'm okay. Yep, just fine.

Everything's just fine. Okay, you sound convincing. Absolutely. So, are you guys excited about living in this new economy and this new technology in this marketplace of ideas? Am I? I've heard those words before. Fuck yes. No, I think I probably made them up.

Okay. You might have heard them from me. Yeah, I feel like I heard them from you on an episode about ideas. About ideas? Yeah. I've got ideas. What kind of ideas do you have, Lou? Oh, I've got an idea to

put a robotic arm on this mouse I have. Well, that sounds terrific, but Lou, let me ask you a very important question. Do you have a patent on that idea? I wouldn't think I would need to.

It's such an original idea. No one could think of such a thing. No, absolutely not. Now, look, let me introduce you to professionals in the idea community. I'm talking about the good men and women at ideaconnection.com. Ideaconnection.com, registered trademark. Build on the genius of others registered trademark

so we've done a couple of idea sites before sometimes they're ideas given away for free sometimes their ideas given away for accreditation but in this case and here's an important distinction these are

ideas for sale these are ideas for sale. These are ideas which have been patented, and those patents are things that you can buy for reasons that are beyond me. They want money for these? So the idea connection connects ideas to basically null-noid nodes. Null-noids. basically null-noid nodes. Null-noids. Null-noid nodes. Yeah, avoid those. Well, let's find out what the Idea Connection can provide.

So, Boots, if you'll start us off here with Spencer. It's a cereal and milk dispenser. Oh, okay. It has been tweeted zero times and it has zero Google Plus ones. Sounds pretty good. Original. I'm sure I can Plus ones. Sounds pretty good. Original. I'm sure I can fix that. Okay.

Okay. Yes. Do I have a name? I don't have a personality? I don't think so, no. Your name's Spencer. Oh, yeah. Well, check out invention number 11994.

It's Spencer, the cereal and milk dispenser. The summary, it holds cereal in one container and milk in the other. Both containers hover over the cereal bowl, waiting to be dispensed into the bowl. Okay, and then below that

eventually we encounter a picture of two plastic testicles. So, congratulations. I was going to say cat feeder, but yeah, sure. What are you feeding your cats with? You monster. Well, it looks like cat food.

Looks like cat shit, actually. Anyway, here's the full description. If you were like most kids growing up, you ate a lot of cereal. It is safe to say the number one consumer of cereal is children. Uh, sure. Okay. But there hasn't been

anything... And done. But there hasn't been anything targeted at kids with cereal since free toys inside the cereal boxes. Until now. What about... Uh, what about all cereal? You see, there's some cereal in your picture there, Cocoa Krispies. That's not exactly marketed to fucking middle-aged women.

No, you shut the fuck up. Okay, middle-aged woman, I'm sorry. Yeah, you shut the fuck up, because I call it the Spencer. Hey, it's the middle-aged woman. You're right. That makes everything you said true. The Spencer, you say? Yeah, the Spencer.

It is the cereal and milk dispenser. Oh, you should have mentioned that before. I did. Oh. It's fucking asshole. Oh, you should have mentioned that before. I did. Oh. It's in the title. Oh. Shut the fuck up, I got a Spencer here. I got a patent on fucking asshole. Okay.

Not only does it allow the consumer to gradually dispense the milk and or cereal at their disposal, preventing soggy cereal, it also allows younger children to independently pour their own cereal without the worry of a mess. A parent simply preloads the cereal in milk containers,

then stores Spencer in the refrigerator until the child is ready to eat the cereal by pouring out the cereal and milk through the hovering dispensers, possessive for no good reason, without the worry of a mess. Say, Lou.

Yes? You were a child once, weren't you? That is true. Do you remember, like, when you would get up in the morning and you would have the DT shake so bad that you just couldn't manage to somehow pour the contents of the box into a bowl? Well, it's more that my hand is a flipper. So I couldn't really get the box properly. Didn't that kick it in adolescence, though?

I just had to bite through the side of the box and chew through the wax paper to get it out. Oh, that's right. They made that Lifetime movie about you. That's right. That's right. Any residuals from that? Flipper the boy, not the dolphin. It was not very popular.

I have a footnote here. It's an unreferenced footnote. Also has adjustable feature which allows the dispensers to be moved out of the way as not to get in the way while eating the cereal. Oh, yeah. I can see there's a hinge underneath

the mouse neck. Because it's supposed to look like a mouse, right? If you go to that second picture down. Yeah, it's supposed to. It looks like fallopian tubes instead, but yeah. The inventor's name is Ben Morris, now we know. Oh, did you see that? This is obviously, this

version is obviously printed for like a 3D printer, it looks like. And it has this weird tail to make it look more like a mouse. And then, uh, it is cat food dispenser shaped food bowl. Right. Except for a cereal because of all of the problems that we have.

Um, so, uh, so you have a patent on this, right? Yeah. It's a patent us three four nine five nine zero six zero cool i will i won't look that up never mind instead i'm gonna just move on to i think it's skate epods scat no it's scatty pods. Scatty pods. So, Bunny Bread, will you tell me about the scatty pods, please?

I sure the fuck will. Scatty pods! Oh, man. You ever skated before, bros? Huh? Like once, I was very bad. Yeah, I begged my parents for a skateboard, and then I got one, and then stayed in the garage for a while. God almighty, shut up. Hands-free electric skateboard with free wheel and mechanical brakes.

That's right, fuckers. Okay, now. Scattypods closely resembles the feel of natural skateboarding, surfing, and snowboarding all in one. That's the natural version, you know? We used to surf on these mountains and such. Are you sure that a skateboard wouldn't resemble the feel of natural skateboarding? I hate you so fucking much right now, bro. Okay.

Dude, I'm sorry. Yeah, I know. Yeah, all right. So skateboarding, surfing, snowboarding, and electric skateboard, all right? Just the way mom used to make. Shred, whatever. First, it doesn't need a remote control, alright? Remember when we used to remote control

your surfboard? Remember that? No, I don't. Yep, you should. Fuckface. Alright. Oh my god, you're so abusive! Eat shit! Remote control so your hands are free! Eat shit! So your hands are free, like in the above mentioned board sports, right? Secondly, it has a free will mechanism to simulate

the non-drag fuel coasting or bombing down hills. Nutshell, say something so I can yell at you. Good, Nutshell. Shut the fuck up. Alright. Third, the different setups of the motor, wheels, tires, trucks, battery location, and second

enables different ride stance and feel, you know? In other words, it's like crazy, fully fucking customizable, you know? There are other advantages. Wait, wait, wait. And benefits. Oh, there's more, which will be inherently obvious once one rides one of the scattypaws.

Patent pending. Of course. So, no, it's not obvious to me right now because I'm not riding. You're stupid, that's why. I hope you get beaten to death with your own four-line horse. I know. Hesher dudes. Do you know what my dick is laying on right now because I'm not writing. You're stupid, that's why. I hope you get beaten to death with your own board. I know! Do you know what my dick is laying on right now? If you get scatty

pod, you were right. Okay, so, problem. This idea, invention addresses the lack of scatty pods in the world. So, for the listener who's not looking at the doc right now, fair enough. Sorry. But the scatty pod is a double-nosed skateboard on two RC car axle wheels. Really hideous purple tires. If you ever wanted to go skateboarding off-roading and also

didn't want to live. If you go to their website, you can see that you can get a version of it that has a big handle and a nice little basket on the front of it. By the way, BunnyBread, what is that website? That website is scattypodsquarespace.com

Oh, okay. So you're very committed to this idea. Not only do you have a site on Squarespace, but you didn't buy the domain. That's like $10, man. I'm waiting to release the Squarespace. $10 a year. Look, I'm not sure if I'm ready

for that kind of investment yet. They've got a lot of other overhead costs. No, of course. You've got to buy more RC cars for your scattypods. It's the world's coolest personal electric vehicles.

There's lots of them. It is the best vehicle. It's a surfboard. It's a hang glider. It's a parachute. It's like a crocodile with lightning bolts. It's everything else in the 90s. Hey, Bunnybread, you're really cool, but can you tell me about the

golf pods all-terrain? Oh, my fucking God. What? Where? Christ, where? It's on the Squarespace site that you built. Oh, I made a site? Shit! What's it called? Squ site that you built. Oh, I made a site? Shit! What's it called?

Steadipod? Squarespace.com? I linked to it. I linked to it. Oh, fuck, man. Hang on. I need to research my memory banks and such. Oh, the G-pad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's talking about the G-pad, of course. The G-pad? The G-pad, yeah. It takes a while to load this thing into my brain. Holy shit, my ideas are dumb. Wait, no. Now you're abusive to yourself. You fool.

Fuck me. Oh my god, suck my own dick. Oh god, I hate me. I hate me so bad. Oh, shit. Okay, please talk about the key fight. All right. You mean the golf pod's all-terrain vehicle?

Yeah. All right. All right, so the Japot is an upcoming scatty pod built with snowboarding in mind, you know? While scatty pods simulate surfing and all that other shit I mentioned. Japot feels like snowboarding. I thought it was simulating skateboarding. Feels like snowboarding with more powerful twin motors placed in front. Just like snowboarding.

You know what? Exactly. You know the lack of... The problems I always had with snowboarding is not enough motors. There's motors, yeah. But not enough. This acts like gravity pulling a snowboarder over fresh snow. No, it doesn't!

Shh, just let him finish. But wait, I'm dumber. This setup enables a rider to attack, if you will, the terrain and go over turf and off roads. Also, J'P'K is envisioned as a replacement for golf carts, you know? Why? Because I said so. You can't put your golf club on it. No, no, man.

You don't need golf clubs and shit when golfing. You just, like, pick up your G-Pack. Hey, 60-year-old white men love skateboarding, don't they? Fuck yeah! With an addition of reattachable post and handlebar, just like in scatty pods, also can be configured to carry the golf bagachable post and handlebar, just like in scatty pods, also can be configured to carry the golf bag using the post and handlebar.

Does your fucking stupid question get answered there? I mean, okay. Shut up! Please help us finish the prototype by clicking the donate button above. Thank you! Somebody trying to cash in on the skateboard and the Sega market.

There's no donate button above. Yeah, that seemed to cost too much. They charge per letter on Squarespace? Oh, of course. Way above, way above. It's easily discoverable. Oh, shit. So you have a patent on the GPAT, right?

I must have been hanging upside down when I was designing this again. Moving on here. This document, by the way, provided to us by Montreth. We haven't read a Montreth doc in a while, so thank you very much. Montreth also

provided us a number of documents or a number of ideas for different documents for F Plus Live. Thank you again for that. But here we go with the idea that I think we're all pretty excited about. I'm talking, of course,

about flavored charcoal. So, let's show Gulag. Yes. Will you sell me on this terrific idea of flavored charcoal? I just ate, but I'm hungry all over again. Of course I will. Oh, my God.

Oh, how I wish I needed to vomit. I mean, I feel like you don't really need to say much. Flavored charcoal does most of the work. Flavored charcoal. Flavored charcoal. Oh, charcoal and it's flavored. The object of charcoals is to cook meats or vegetables with direct heat without any spices. To achieve this effect at present,

home cooks have several options. One, add spices or sauces to meats before or during grilling can be messy. Two, charcoals are plain and bland. Requires additional sauces. I don't eat the charcoal. Requires what? Sorry, addition sauces. Ooh, I hate subtraction sauces, but addition sauces are good.

America is so bad at math. Three, same boring routine of grilling. Flavored charcoals clearly makes grilling more exciting and less messy than regular charcoals and additional sauces. I just want to see an ad where somebody just has oregano head to toe just covered in it. It's like, there's got to be a better way. I'm going to lick myself clean tonight. Is this like when I go to the e-vape store and get like cotton candy flavored e-cig juice? Yep.

It's remarkably similar. What's your favorite flavor of e-cig juice there, Lou? Mint chocolate chip? I don't know if they make that. It's a classic. They definitely do. Rocky Road. I've been to one of those stores.

There are thousands of bottles. I won't go to those stores until they come out with a suppository. I like a butterscotch pecan is kind of my favorite. Creamed corn. Full description. Three out of four American households have a barbecue grill. Of this number, more than half the grills are used year-round, not just in the spring or summertime, as might think.

The majority of grills use charcoal or gas as a fire source. Each method can have a different effect on the food that is cooked. Drilling is versatile, a method of cooking that is constantly becoming more popular. This form of cooking has prompted the development of new products and ideas meant to make the process more efficient and enjoyable, in addition to making the food taste better. Many people prefer cooking food over a charcoal fire, giving a delicious natural flavor to the food. Prior to cooking, the food is often marinated with spices and juices. However, sprinkling or rubbing spices and pouring juices over meat such as steaks, fish, or chicken

can be a messy and time-consuming process. Oh my god, totally, totally. If only Ziploc bags existed, then that would be terrific. Yeah, it's so time-consuming. I always get into grilling because it's so fast. The problem with marinating something is that you have to, like, look at it the whole time. You're soaking up that juice, right? Keep soaking, goddammit.

Soak more. You better soak fast, you fuckface. Like it, you're soaking in it. No, I can't come over and help you with that. I'm marinating. No, I can't come over and help you with that. I'm marinating. No, literally. A new invention from Michael Jackson of Midway, Florida called Flavor Charcoal.

That's right, I said Michael Jackson of Midway, Florida. The Michael Jackson of Midway, Florida? Flavor Charcoal. Yeah. Would provide a convenient way for spices or juices to impart their tasty flavor to food cooked on a grill. It would eliminate the need for applying spices to the raw meat by hand or remembering to baste the meat in any juices or sauces during cooking. Oh, my God.

I always forget. Oh, I forget. Oh, it's so hard to find salt in this house. That's why they call him the king of popcorn-flavored charcoal. Uh-huh. Okay, okay, okay. Something's happening. Okay, there's crickets all over me.

Oh, God. Oh, God, no. It's like my meth dream. Flavored charcoal would be great to use for picnics, parties, and camping trips. It would be compact enough to transport wherever grilling was taking place. Oh, so it would be like charcoal, right? Flavored charcoal could be marketed to virtually all households. Hey, man, are you using that grape-flavored barbecue charcoal over here?

I can smell all the way to my campfire, plain old charcoal. Hell yeah! Stop suing me, you motherfucker! barbecue charcoal over here. I can smell all the way to my campfire. Plain old charcoal. Hell yeah! Stop suing me, you motherfucker! All my food, I can't... All I can taste is bubblegum. It's in the air. Listen, you're just like the goddamn city.

Leave me alone and stop testing the air quality. This air is 500 parts per million bubble gum. He's got whole documents attached. Charcoal PDF. Okay, so this sounds...

Wait, instructions on how to light charcoal? Oh my god, this is a great drawing of charcoal. This sounds terrific. Do you have any auxiliary products or services for sale? It doubles as a great drawing of a raisin. Let's see. Auxiliary products or services for sale. Based on a rough estimate and the comparison to other charcoal products,

I estimate the cost of goods, depending on the size bag, to be approximately $6 to $15 per bag. That's a great range. And also, bag. An infomercial or home shopping network channel would be the ideal place to advertise the product and introduce its advantages over other products to the consumers. Especially when people can't smell what they're buying on the television well no she's like

this is dumb shit I know where people buy dumb shit at state fairs well no if we were selling it at a state fair we'd batter it first and then deep fry it and sell it that way on a stick this

this idea is so gross like because what would you do like you would you would put like you would coat the the charcoal and oil and then light the oil on fire it's pre it's pre-coated yeah yeah like like like let's say you wanted to have like a mesquite flavor. Oh, wait. Right. Wait. Mesquite exists. Oh, how do you, is there a way to get a mesquite flavored charcoal? Do you have that flavor?

No, that's the only one I couldn't come up with. Okay. Yeah. I'm working on hickory, but probably never. I'm going to cook this chicken over some chicken flavored charcoal. Double chicken. I'm looking here at Michael Jackson of Hollywood, Florida. Midway, Midway, Midway.

Midway, Florida. I'm so sorry. So Michael Jackson of Midway, Florida. I'm looking here at Charcoal Doc. What sort of flavors do you have available to me? Let me get on over to the dock and turn my head sideways. Oh wait, no, I'm sorry. It's not

dock one. I meant to say charcoal dock two. That's where I realized that was. And then parentheses. Oh! And attached in charcoal dock two is a picture of charcoal. Look at that.

Oh, that's charcoal. All right. All right. Okay, this clears up a lot of shit for me. All right. Thank you. Product description. This product consists of charcoal briquettes in five different flavors.

Onion, green slash red pepper, lemon, garlic, and paprika. The majority of grills use charcoal or gas as a fire source. Grilling is a versatile method of cooking that is constantly becoming more popular. Instead of marinating food with spices and juices, which can be time-consuming and messy, just pour in your favorite bag of flavored charcoals and let the charcoals add.

Let the charcoals do the math. Well, this guy is a student at FSU. The charcoals will fuck each other and multiply. I don't, uh, yes, this is a great idea. I think there's nothing wrong with it. He's really into basic arithmetic. All right, good. So then you can buy patent number 5017413.

Sold. Terrific. I wanted to tell you about magic trash, okay? I'm going to move my microphone. Oh, why are you doing that? Oh, no reason. No reason. I'm just going to move my microphone up here because it's, I don't know, just because.

Magic trash! Summary! My idea, our invention, is a trash can with a shredder on top. It will be sturdy so it won't fall and childproof with sensors. My idea will help a lot of consumers who go through what i go through don't like taking out trash well i came up with an idea that it would be nice to have a shredder trash can that can shred cereal boxes soda boxes when i guy in bulk and take the stuff out the boxes, etc.

I love going to Best Guy. I think it's Shreed. Shreed cereal boxes. Shreed cereal boxes. I'm only now realizing that my daughter is sleeping downstairs. Anyway, I would not it to be safe

and sturdy. safe for kids. They can put trash in the trash can, but the adult will have the remote to shred it. It will be like two trash cans in one. You will be able to put trash at the top. When you shred, it will fall to the bottom, and they will come in all sizes and colors. I think even the president would like this idea. You know how the president hates ideas normally.

The president's just, why are you taking the trash out so much? Yeah, god damn it. I could get a lot more done for this world if not for this trash I have to take out. I love this idea. I want to see what it does to a can of frozen orange juice. And this would be a great item to have

and you save money on trash bags because your trash won't fill up as quick and it would be a mechanism, a mechanism on one side to crush cans. How neat is that? So neat. Pretty neat. I mean...

I would like to see the magic trash can destroy another magic trash can. Yeah, can it shred itself? You've created a black hole of magic trash cans. You fool! A trash singularity. No. No. Mine.

All right. What problem does this address before we leave? It's important we know because we don't fully understand the impact of the magic trash. You know what? You know, I mean, you're my friend and all, but, like, sometimes you're fucking pretty stupid. you're my friend and all, but like sometimes you're fucking pretty stupid. Because the answer to your question

problem this idea slash invention addresses, my invention is to free up space and spending less on garbage bags! Is it actually magic? You could have said that earlier. You could have screamed that maybe

and would have helped. You're whispering. Is it magic? I need to know. You could have screamed that, maybe. It would have helped. You're whispering. Is it magic? I need to know. I don't believe in such things. Montreth put two different all caps ideas right next to each other, I assume as a gift to me. And as a punishment to my daughter. The other one there was on-road sleepy driver's protector.

Nice. So, Boots, time for you to make a choice. And these are two fine, fine choices of different ideas that we have here. So the first one is Rocks Dislocation by Hydrasonic Effect Comma Plant. Heard it. Yeah, yeah. It's an old idea, but it hasn't yet been patented. Oh, okay.

And the second one is Malt Shop for the 21st Century. God. If only there was a malt shop in the 21st Century. You know what I would love? A fucking another 50s diner. Let's go with whatever the fuck

Rock's Dislocation by Hydrasonic Effect, comma, plant is. Oh, that's too bad, because I really, I've not heard enough Bobby Darin in my life. I really would like more. I think I've used Bobby Darin twice in this podcast. Did we?

I know I have. Alright. Here we go. Oh yeah. Good lord. This isn't going to make any more sense. Nope. Why do you mean rocks dislocation

by hydrosonic effect, comma, plant. Do you speak English? Shit. Jesus. All right. The invention, rocks dislocation by hydrosonic effect, comma, plant, constitutes a superior solution of the problem of rocks dislocation with very high, sorry, with high and very high hardness.

Realizing high rate of advance in parallel with some diminished energetical consumptions acquirement. At present, the rock's dislocation with high and very high hardness of rock in horizontal and vertical mine workings is realized using especially mine explosives.

The purpose of the invention, Rock's Dislocation by Hydrasonic Effect Plant, is the exclusion mine explosives. The purpose of the invention rocks dislocation by hydrosonic effect, plant, is the exclusion of the explosives to use the rocks dislocation, realizing high rate of advance and diminished energy consumption. I almost understand what he's

trying to say. Alright, so that's just my summary. Let's get into the real nitty gritty of this. We should really be doing if you almost understand it, could you do like a United Nations thing where you're doing like live translation? Because you can be universal. Yeah. Well, you know, the summary is for the scientists.

Now let's ask for the people. The full description is for the people. The labels. All right. Okay, good. Listen, you don't have a faith in our listeners. They know what's going on. Yeah.

Congratulations. You're trying to keep this invention for yourself. Here's the full description. The invention, Rock's Dislocation by Hydrasonic Effect, Comma Plant, may be used to the dislocation of rock with high and very high hardness from the horizontal and vertical mine

working in open light mines as well as in gassy mines. By the invention, Rock's Dislocation by Hydronic effect, comma, plant application is obtaining the following. And I got some point forms here. Is eliminated the explosives

using, comma, allowing the fire risk, comma, foul gases, dust elimination. Hmm. Is providing for the impulse

a very high maximum pressure at a short time of increment of the maximum pressure. Proceed. The pump driving being pneumatic or hydrosonic, one, the plant can be used without any problemy in the gas he mines. Of course, of course. Yeah, and the plant uses a simple and saving construction with reduced energy consumption on the dislocation operation, having at the same time a raised fiability.

You ripped this off from Carlos Mencia, didn't you? You're going to replace dynamite with mint? Is that what I'm understanding? With a hydrosonic effect plant? Mint blows up pretty. Anyway,

then when the conic part 36 is replaced with a convergent nozzle, the plant can be used... This is like... This is machine learning at this point. By the way, listeners, there was a guy who... I can't remember who it was, but a guy did machine-created TED Talks. Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. I'll put it in the show notes. Because, yeah, there was one for each section. There was one on science and one on community and one on sex or something like that. Oh, so good. Yeah, it's all just Markov-generated stuff. Then when the conic part 36 is replaced with a

convergent nozzle, the plant can be used like an unblocking plant for bins, using high-pressure and power hydraulic jets at a can be used like an unblocking plant for bins using high pressure and power hydraulic jets at a reduced fluid discharge for the unblocking. This guy's basically describing mountain enema. Okay. Is that like a Mountain Dew product? Yeah.

First it was Code Red, and now there's Mountain Dew enema. We need more enema in Mountain Dew. B. We need to step it up a little bit. Baja Blast just ain't doing it for us. So in conclusion the problem that this idea slash invention addresses is the problem which solves this invention This invention itself needs to be solved now.

Okay. Okay. So we got the solution here, right? But we need a problem. This invention itself needs to be solved now Okay Okay So we got the solution here right But we need a problem This invention is the achievement of some high rates Of advance in rocks with high and very high hardness In horizontal and vertical mine workings Achieving a plant

With raised fiability And diminished energy consumption In the dislocation operation I am available for consultation So did you viability and diminished energy consumption in the dislocation operation. I am available for consultation. So did you patent the genome of this magical plant? Is that what you did? I have done no

such thing. Great. When you say you're available for consultation, can I just ask you anything? Like, can I ask you, what is love? What is love? Oh, you see, when a comical part 36 becomes replaced with a conversion nozzle. Okay. I'm following.

And then the plant is used like an unblocking plant for bins. And that's how babies are made. Oh. Well, what if I have high or very high hardness in my groin region? How are your vertical mind workings? in my groin region. How are your vertical mind workings? So, this document that

Montreth gave us is 43 motherfucking pages. So, thank you. And that means that we get a lot of choices. So, Lou, select the two choices here. I think you might like one of them. Choice number one is the

pocket comforter. And option number one is the pocket comforter. And option number two is the bottle blender. And by bottle, I mean baby bottle. Oh. Pocket comforter, I think, maybe. Pocket comforter

it is. All right, here we go. The pocket comforter is... So does the baby bottle have a blender blade in it? Oh, my dead baby jokes. So the bottle blender is designed to help make baby bottles faster. Oh. So it's not like a magic trash kind of thing. We're already disappointed.

Does it make pressure so a pressurized stream of baby formula comes out of the bottle or something? Right. Just like normal titties. I don't know if any of you have bottle fed out there, but the bottle's just too slow. We got shit to do, kid. God damn it!

We got shit to do! I think this is a great idea. Anyway, the pocket comforter. Let me go back to the pocket comforter. Okay. Pocket comforter. Summary. A comforter that can hold items. Oh.

It's like the reverse of what it sounds like. Full description. A comforter with pockets that when you lay down, the pockets are centered where you can easily reach your item. Right, because I always lay in the same place underneath the blanket. Three pockets on both sides of the comforter. First pocket for eyeglasses. Second for pencil or pen and notepad.

Third for novel. I have a question lou yes could i put my pen in the eyeglass fuck you sorry fuck yourself with that pen to death i mean it fits in there so it wouldn't be okay i could just want all i want to do is put the pen there are three pockets on both sides you could put two pairs of glasses, two pairs of pens and notepad, and two novels. There's an awful lot of hostility coming from the idea connection. Fuck you. On top

both sides, pocket for cell phone, another pocket for remote control, and in the middle, a nice-sized pocket to hold whatever you like, like your other stupid fucking pen. There's one free-for-all pocket. For instance, bay diapers, small baby powder, small packet of wipes, sleepers, teas, meds, snack, a small package of cookies, or candy bar, etc. Oh, I like it when my candy bar gets all warm and squishy from being in my comforter.

This pocket is of a confusing variety of sizes. Yes. Well, you see it has five pockets that are used for things, and you have this wild card pocket that is only for baby items. Toothpicks or iPad. Can I get it with sleeves like a Snuggie? No. That's ridiculous. It'll hold a packet of wipes or meds.

Can I keep my gun in it? Sure. I love it when my gun gets all warm and squishy from hanging out in my bed. That is the holster comforter. I need a gun that is slightly more accessible than the one under my pillow. Yeah. So let me describe the problems that this solves. Problems this idea slash invention addresses.

It solves a problem of a small bedroom that do not have enough room for a nightstand. It helps people that cannot get out of bed, and it helps women that have a newborn baby, or if you just do not feel like getting out of bed. Oh, so Americans. It also helps people with unbroken eyeglass lenses. Yes. Endorsed by the Ophthalmologist Board of America.

Rand Paul approved. This is my auxiliary products or services for sale. Our interested client list came up. Walmart, Sears, JCPenney, Target. And then here's my price list. It's very reasonable.

Yep. So how many would you like? Like many. Also, have you heard Jesus loves you? Yeah. I'm glad you let me into your house. You know, I've actually seen quilt patterns for something exactly like this. Why? Why would you

say that to me? This is a terrible idea. I'm going to choke you here to death in your living room. Bunny Brady, you're a guy that likes to solve problems, right? Holy shit. Wait, cause. Cause problems. Okay. Well, I have two home improvement things that you can solve here. You can either create, or you can either tell us about the rope ladder rung for all forms of recreation, or you can add a floor.

Add a floor to just anything? Is this like the Acme hole that I can throw anywhere? I think that's already patented. Oh, shit. All right, well, I'll tell you about a goddamn floor, then. Feels useless without a hole. All right, Bunny Bread, we're going to add a floor. Man, do I love floors.

So tell me all about it. Do we get the names for any of these people? Contact the investment owner? No. Michael Jackson. Only if the patent information is shown. Oh, I want to know who these magical people are. They're all Jeremy Fernandez in my mind.

Hey, dudes, add a floor. Put your floor in your pocket! Add a floor. It is a portable floor system that interlocks together to raise the floor and change the look of any room it is in. It but can be moved room to room to give whole look. Wait a minute, bait and switch, this is move a floor. It give whole look, Wait a minute. Bait and switch. This is move a floor. It give whole look. Not half look.

It good. Add a floor is a box floor system that connects together. So I'm sorry. You hate your floor so you just add a floor on top of it. Shit yes. That's the tagline. Shit yes. With me, my thumbs up right there at the bottom right-hand corner.

Add a floor is a box floor system that connects together at different levels, can make a room become sunken living room. Rised bedroom, two-level living room. Do you feel living room not too level enough for you? Well, I give more living room to room of living. Another idea. Playroom ideas. Period.

All type of outcomes to fit whatever you want to design. I disagree that that's another idea. All types of outcomes to fit whatever you want to design. Hear me? Then next month, change it all around and start new again. If you move, take it with you. Another special part of this system

is that... Please take it with you. I didn't buy this shit. What moron is here before me? Nobody else wants this. Another special part of this system is that it is a storage area for your items you don't always have room to store. Things that you put on floor normally can go on floor. Storage.

You know, when we bought this house, it had a sunken living room. I love floor, but if I could just have more floor. He took it with him. Yeah, sorry. This one just goes straight to hell now. Storage. Problem of this idea and invention addresses storage, but mainly design change for living in homes and apps.

Give the owner many ways to change the look of dwelling, but not do anything other than set up the pieces in place and let your mind do the rest. Yes, for ad telekinesis. Yeah. let your mind do the rest. Yes, 4, add telekinesis. Product gives storage in each unit to help with storage in smaller dwelling. Plus telekinesis. Add a floor.

Invention number 11834. So let's try to... What the fuck? Add a floor! Is it Legos? Yeah, it's basically like storage boxes

that you can walk on. Not Legos, big Legos. Oh, so it's Duplos. It's big duper Duplos. It's like putting a bunch of toy boxes in your... or little mini chests in your living room. Wait, wait, I have an idea.

At a box! This floor is full of Boxes in your, or the little mini chests in your living room. Wait, wait, I have an idea. I have an idea. Wait, wait, wait. Add a box! This floor is full of treasure! What on A3-5? It's like a stage riser that you can crawl underneath. Like bunk rooms. Say nutshell. Yes?

No, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to pigeon hole you with culinary items but I do have two culinary items I'm going to give those to you if you don't like them I do have a third but I'm going to give these to you tell me what you think they're both things on how to cook with cats item number one

is cultlery with salt pepper and sugar in the handles. That reminds me of the toothbrush razor. Oh my. The second option here is table dishwasher.

You like those? You want to hear a third? Not sure. There's not a bad choice here. Door number three. I'd like to know what my options are. Fair enough. Then you are going to Not sure there's not a bad choice here. Oh, good. Door number three. What's a door number three? I don't know what my options are. Fair enough. Then you are going to read about the GPS Mardas. Okay.

So this is a portmanteau that does not work. Like, try it. Try to do it out loud. I know what they were going for, but GPSmartass. It's a GPS that will get you to the local martass. GPSmartass. My product is the GPSmartass. Yeah, absolutely.

Martas. Martas. Okay. Marty. Talking GPS with variable voices, accents, speaking styles, and most importantly, with humorous and sarcastic ways to get travelers where they are going. Because everybody loves humor and sarcasm when they're in the middle of nowhere.

Oh my god, especially computer-generated humor and sarcasm. It's extra funny that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So is this the term we're supposed to... Shut the fuck up! Oh, this gets better. This gets so much better. The concept is a talking GPS with an edge.

User would be able to customize the way the GPS corresponded. Could choose sex, nationality, region, accent, etc. Perhaps even singing directions could be specified. Opera, rap, rock, etc. The combination of the choices would dictate the manner in which the GPS would give directions. An African-American man from New York City would give directions in a different manner than a Latino man from L.A.

and so on. Oh, I think they'd be pretty similar. Given that it's the same asshole doing terrible racist impressions. Things consider. Making scathing or biting remarks When directions are not followed Bitterness in the recalculation

Pleas of expediency When directions must be followed In a very short distance Forecasts of boredom When the path will remain same For an extended distance Sarcastic or humorous statements About well-known locations

Businesses, landmarks, roads I hate this idea statements about well-known locations, businesses, landmarks, roads. I hate this idea. I hate this idea. Like, hey, your computer judges you more often than already. Oh, we're going to program it to respond to people differently based on their race, sex, and nationality. I don't see what could go wrong there.

No, I think this would be for the elderly RV driver who'd be like, this beater GPS just told me to fuck off. Yeah, because that's a booming market. I don't know. The baby boomers won't die yet. Take the next fork at the rate.

Get her done. Just like being home. Well, then they only need one voice, Red Green. Oh, no. Come on. Red Green isn't that hateful. Sorry. He just has duct tapes all the time.

Problem this idea and slash invention addresses. Don't apologize to him. Apologize to Red Green, you bitch! I'm sorry, Red Green! I love you! Show us how to make an air hockey table with duct tape again!

Is this because you don't find him handsome? No, I find him handy, though. Let's see. Problem this idea slash invention addresses is the boredom and monotony of travel.

There you go. This will solve all that. Okay. I'm good friends with myself. You know, I used to hate traveling, but now with racism, woo, it just flies by. Yeah, it's just like your racist uncle solves the boredom and monotony of Thanksgiving.

He's right next to you reading the billboards. That's true. I mean, that is true. He makes it less monotonous. That's true. I mean, that is true. He makes it less monotonous. Like, that one Christmas where

he freaked out about my sister's black boyfriend. That was not a boring Christmas. No, we do remember that to this day. That was a dull moment. Yep. And then he drove home really drunk. It's a good thing he didn't have a smart-ass GPS to get him extra riled up.

Yeah. Shut up, GPS. What do you know? You're from New York City. You don't know shit. Miscegenation. Excuse me. Miscegenation?

Excuse me. No, massage. Excuse me! The miscegenation nation That's my idea Is my turn to present my idea? Yep What do you have? I have the HIDIC

That's the HITC It is an acronym The HITC stands for Human Information and Tracking Chip. Oh, that sounds nice. Not a controversial idea. Good. Would you like to hear the summary of the HITC? My God, yes.

It is a chip which contain all the data of a human in his whole lifetime. Wait a minute. This is a Robin Williams movie. Ew. I mean, yeah. No, I like Robin Williams as this character. Here is the full description it is a trip which contains all the data of the person

the person's his permanent address, family details health record, bank accounts travel details, hotel check-ins cars transport details and last but not least the realtime tracking of his movements through satellite. Oh, boy. Wow.

Yeah. Pretty good, huh? Yeah. This is for tracking dangerous criminals, right? Nope. Humans. It's for tracking humans. Yeah, criminals aren't human, Boots.

You're stupid. It's not DC ITC. Okay. aren't human boots. You're stupid. Yeah, it's not DC ITC. Okay, data in the card. Here we go, okay? Data in the card will help in security checks at banks or airports, etc. You know how it's difficult to enter in your PIN number? Yep. Instead of entering in your PIN number, you enter in your entire life history.

Oh, yeah. I remember that. Alright, day one. Okay, who did I lose my virginity to? Let's see. Do you even remember? Hell no. Real-time tracking feature will help in security and keeping a track on the movement of the person.

Well, see, Bunny Bread's problem with the who-did-you-lose-your-virginity-to part of the form field is that there's only entrance for one name. Oh, that makes sense. That can be embarrassing. How many names can I fit together? You know?

Just put the Johnson family. The chip... Okay, the chip will be very small in size so that it can be implanted under the person's skin in the thumb, I guess. Because implanted chips never drift. Hang on. Hang on. I've thought about this. It will be powered by the solar energy.

The solar energy that resides within all of us. I used to call that the Lord, but okay. Inside your thumb. The power of a tiny sun. Yeah. And the data access will be through a special reading device with a passport known to the person. Because you can't remember your pin port, but yeah. Yeah, sure. known to the person. Because you can't remember your pin, Pord, but yeah. Would you like to know

what problems this idea slash invention addresses? Is it a lack of dystopian future? I mean, I'm waiting for it to show up. I mean, you really think I got to this point in my life without reading all of the works of Robert Heinlein? Absolutely not.

Um... Wow. Holy shit. Sometimes I feel like there's shitty coming out. Sometimes I'm, like, really proud of it, and then I just slam into a wall of silence. Hey, we're all thinking that it should be William Gibson that you reference instead of Robert. Yeah. Oh, my God. I feel so bad.

Okay, so the problem this idea slash invention addresses is personal identification and personal tracking. Which is a problem that we have in this world, is that there's not enough collection of our personal information. The problem this idea slash invention addresses is, ah, where's my wallet? Where did I put it? Oh, God, I lost it again. Ah! Your thumb says you're out of credits. Beep.

This is someone who watched Memento and said, I think I can fix this problem. This is a problem everyone has. Problem solved. I got a tattooer that says the information's in my thumb. I tattooed a barcode on myself for non-ironic reasons. Oh, we're going to have so much sex. All right.

And then we're going to record it in our thumbs. You're right. And then we're going to record it in our thumbs. Boots, we understand that we are, as a planet, in an energy crisis. And this is something that I'm really hoping that you can solve right now on this podcast. No pressure. We're going to do it. One of these two products will solve our energy crisis. You need to choose what's the way of the future. What's the way of the future?

I'm ready to save humanity. There we go. Option number one. Reusable sand power generator. It says sand power. The thing, that's pretty good. It says sand power. That's pretty good. You know, the thing in a sandbox.

Yeah, the biggest problem with the sand power is that it's a non-renewable resource. With the sand's gone, it's just gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so good. Obviously good. Good. Is it the way of the future,

or is the way of the future the underground wind turbine? All right. Or is the way of the future the underground wind turbine? My God, these are both so fucking stupid. It's cranked by the apes that live in the middle of the hollow earth. Okay, yeah, I have to go with the one that's most likely to bring up the hollow earth. The underpants wind turbine. All right. The underpants wind turbine. Alright. It is the underground wind turbine UWT.

Okay. University of Washington Toronto. In Tulsa. Tech. Okay. I have here it's the underground

wind turbine. It is a Pronounce it. Right. It is a hidden perpetual motion generator powered by water. Of course! That's why it's called the underground wind turbine.

Yeah. It's so simple. No one will see themine. Yeah. It's so simple, no one will see them or hear them. It's almost like they don't exist. Yep. The UWT is a simple construction, built underground, producing electricity for homes all year round, day and night.

No more above-ground wind turbines destroying our countryside. Once the UWTs are built, they can be covered over and hidden from view. Destroying our countryside. Right. Once the UWTs are built, they can be covered over and hidden from view. Destroying our countryside? Yeah. If there's one thing destroying our countryside, it's wind.

Well, you know, I mean, birds fly into it. You know? All of a sudden, all those wind turbines showed up, and then there was all this pollution. And the gang activity. That's what they come with. I've probably put up with maybe five hours of listening to my co-worker complain about

the frequency effects of the wind turbines in the farms nearby them. Oh yeah, sure. Because they rotate and there's frequency? Anyway, the UWT underground wind turbine

is a large tubular shaft comprised of concrete or prefab rings are constructed to a depth 100 feet plus at the bottom of shaft a water catchment tank is located above this is a turbine propeller motor running from the bottom to the top of the shaft is a water pipe the water is drawn up to the top by a solar pump. At the top of the shaft are a number of horizontal drilled pipes. The pipes continually drill pumped water to create a shower of rainwater. What? Okay, this is neither wind nor a turbine.

Yeah, but it's underground rain. It seems a little bit unnecessarily... She's not finished....elaborate. No, no, no. It underground rain. Seems a little bit unnecessarily... She's not finished. ...elaborate. No, no, no. It's simple. Oh. It's so simple.

He'll make it simpler. Wait. That's why I said up there. The downed forest created by the falling rain turns a turbine at the base, creating continuous electricity. There. The power of the rain. The whole construction can be hidden, obviously underground. A houses or a park can be built on top of it.

No one would know it's there. The UWT works 24-7 during the day. The pump is powered by solar and by night by stored batteries. What? The pump is what? What? Look, if this guy is not smart enough to tap the hidden wind energy of dirt, I don't care about it.

Okay, there's one thing I know is that water doesn't weigh anything. It doesn't evaporate. How does this get stupider with every sentence? Anyway, here's the problem this invention addresses. Green energy. Oh, yeah, That is a problem. No more wind turbines dotted our countryside. Well, that's okay.

This has totally destroyed the concept of green energy, so it's not a problem anymore. I use my green energy to... I tap it, and then I bring a creature into existence when I play. I was... I heard you talking, and I was like, I heard you talking and I was like, there's no way he's not

going to make a Green Lantern joke. No, no, no. It's a magic, magic the gathering show. Oh, okay, never mind. That's hilarious then. Okay. The UWT is hidden underground

in houses, parks, etc. It can be built on top of them. Auxiliary products for services for sale is the RES's Renewable Energy Company and has looked into my idea. Okay. They read the note I wrapped around a brick and threw through their window.

I showed up at their door and said, hey, you should hear about my idea I have. And they were dumb enough not to kick me out. Their security guards listened to me. They listened to my theory as they threw me out. I had a pretty quick synopsis. A presentation of what not to do. I'm pretty sure I met this guy at a Green Party meeting.

This is what I'm going to imagine everyone who complains about wind turbines thinks at this point. Why don't you just bury them underground? And also powered by water. And also powered by solar. And by batteries. Don't forget the batteries. And there's a perpetual

rain machine. And you know what else? I should get more blowjobs while we're at it. And then the Daros come out of their little caves You know what else? I should get more blowjobs while we're at it. And then the Daros come out of their little caves in the earth and, you know, devour the souls of your children and turn that into wind turbine energy. How are we going to get them to do that? Come on, be serious. Coming down to the end here, Lou, I have a choice for you. And one is a matter of life, and the other one is a matter of death.

And, you know, it's up to you which way you want to go. So the first option is ultimate fitness. It's the best workout you can have for your upper body. And the second option is Creative Coffins. Ooh. I usually publish my software through the Creative Coffins license.

My vampire software. Creative Coffins, I suppose. Creative Coffins it is. Alright, so this is... I suppose. Creative coffins. It is. All right. Uh, so, uh, this is, uh, Oh,

I know patents. I feel like we're running out of patents now. This is a bummer. Uh, so it's not patented. Stingy government just won't recognize my ideas, but you are available for consultation. Okay.

So my idea is creative coffins. Summary creative coffins are highly personal, reflecting the personal taste and style of the individual. One design is for one person, only making it highly unique and special. The full description is creative coffins are classified into five senses. Sense of touch. Sense of smell. Sense of vision. Sense of hearing. Sense of touch, sense of smell, sense of vision, sense of hearing, sense of sight. For sense of touch, it is made with hand-feeling materials, such as soft-touch rubber.

For sense of smell, the materials are made of natural flavor. For sense of vision, it is painted with your personal dreams, such as the animal kingdom, or the waterfall, or of video games. The waterfall of video games. I am sorry, sir. Your coffin does not meet

my olfactory requirements. Either the people in these coffins are still alive, or there's somebody rubbing up on your coffin to get all the five senses? Yeah. Yeah, it's a scratch and sniff coffin. You guys don't get your rub on the coffins of your loved ones.

It was a scratch and sniff coffin. Generally, we prefer cremation, but okay. You can sniff that. Well, make me a creative urn then. Well, make me a creative urn then. For the sense of hearing, it is built within a 24-hour MP3 broadcasting your preferred music or songs. Can you imagine that? A coffin that just broadcasts, like, I don't know, Venga Boy's song or something for 24 hours.

The people are, you know, trying to get in the movie. Stars break the mold. Hey now, you're an all-star. Get your grave on. In each of the creative coffin, each of the five senses is developed to embody a full sense of life. And to cover up the sound of the person inside, I inside screaming, for the love of God, let me out! There's so much manga, boys! I never knew how much manga fans could be in here!

The problem this idea addresses is the idea of creative coffins are able to address the problem of individuality and reflecting their personal taste and style. Yeah, congratulations. You invented Mexican spirituality. Yes, this is my very special day of the dead coffin. Right.

I mean. It smells like a churro. Also, I mean, kiss caskets exist, right? Sure, but that's just the sight. Okay. It's not the full experience. You don't get the full experience. What's the kiss casket

smell like? I mean, she's Simmons Balsack. I was going to say, it probably smells like skanky chicks brought backstage by the roadies. He fucks them all in the coffin. Yeah. That's the natural flavor.

That's the new rumor to spread. Gene Simmons fucks everyone in a coffin. In the same coffin. Yeah, yeah, just one coffin. Yeah, why would he? Never been washed. It's well seasoned. That's for the sense of smell.

The nails are made of natural flavor. It's also like the flavored charcoal. You don't want those juice drippings on there. This coffin smells like high karate and jizz. That's the way he watered it. It was his last wish yeah he died as he lives alright so

disgusting it's true so I think last thing oh no we can do more than one last thing right fucking 43 pages completely idiotic ideas I mean can I really stop Fucking 43 pages of completely idiotic ideas.

I mean, can I really stop? I think we need another one in all caps. Another one in all caps? Yeah. All right. No problem. Cool. So, Nutshell, you said you wanted to hear one in all caps?

Yes, I do! Well, that's terrific because I have a TV show treatment, one-page treatment of my TV show idea. I am selling my TV show idea. Awesome! It is a new concept that is not on mainstream TV yet. We'll see. If I were a TV producer with the necessary connections and resources, I would get on this project in a heartbeat.

You're not yelling enough! Sorry about that. It addresses a national major problem and hence has an inherent audience. Oh. Yeah! This nutshell's your steroid coach. You can do it, pussy! Three more reps!

Jill Carter, bro! Step into a slim jib! It is the type of show that will have consistently high ratings and stick around for a lifetime. Due to the nature of this sale, buyers will be buying... Okay, no. Due to the nature of the sale, buyers will be buying blindly, and all sales are final. Deliverable as a Word document.

I am selling all rights of the treatment except the recognition as one of the executive producers. You know, there's so many problems that this idea slash invention addresses, but what's the main shit? I don't think they're going to buy it!

Wait. Well, hang on, I'm going to address a problem. This is a TV show that addresses a national problem. Yeah, true. I wonder if this guy sold the bee in apartment 23. I mean, somehow that had to get greenlit, right? Well, I think that was this guy's idea okay the national problem of not having a show about

a self-centered crazy bitch James Van Der Beek hey guys more Kristen Renner on television I was just thinking that I'm glad he said it I'm always thinking that I'm glad someone finally said it it quiets the voices now don't worry new ones will take their place

James Van Der Beek James Van Der Beek James Van Der Beek they've all come out of the Ritter machine alright well we have one thing that we need to close on here and Boots I know that you have something you wanted to read

yeah it's a thing that's dear to my heart to close on here, and Boots, I know that you have something you wanted to read. Yeah. It's a thing that's dear to my heart, and it's a thing that's been a problem for a very long time. Okay, cool. Great. Real problem. Now we've got that TV show out. Yeah, we need to reconstruct the World Wide Web.

I mean, sure. Why not? Sure, yeah. Okay, so here's reconstruct the World Wide Web. I mean, sure, why not? Sure, yeah. Okay, so here's my summary. Sucks. Hmm? No, no, no, I'm saying the World Wide Web sucks. Oh, yeah, yeah, of course it does. I mean, I don't know what the World Wide Web is. I know what the World Wide Web is.

Yeah, the World Wide Web. Right. Destroy the World Wide Web and rebuild it to meet the standards that us Americans seek. Because it's the World Wide Web. Okay, gotcha. Yep. Yep. It's going to be like an in-home solution for America.

Oh. 24-7 security of the internet by the best computer specialists and computers. Computer checkpoints, etc. Okay. So think like Berlin after World War II. Yeah. I frequently am. Yes, wall. There's a full description. Bring the World War II. Yeah. I frequently am. Yes, wall.

There's a full description. Bring the World Wide Web this time it's a to a howlt and save all websites created to a storage device. Engineer a new better supercomputer. Build a computer checkpoint into the supercomputer.

With this computer we will be able to scan and detect any website that displays any illegal activities such as shell pornography, hacking, etc. Okay. Yep. We shall assemble the best computer specialist worldwide individual and organize

a 24-7 security business. The computer specialist will use their abilities to track hackers, prevent viruses, etc. All and every website ever created will be scanned through the computer checkpoint. So the magic

of the World Wide Web I mean, I'm going to call it what? 2.0? 3.0? 4.0? The magic of your World Wide Web is imagine the World Wide Web only without the freedom and deregulation?

Oh, yes. Cool, that sounds... What a fucking dream. That's the biggest problem with it. With a computer checkpoint. We've replaced websites with DLL files. Uh-huh.

All and every website ever created will be scanned through the computer checkpoint. If the website shows no illegal activity, it will be restored. If the website fails to pass inspection by the supercomputer, we will have the computer specialist to recheck the website to either agree or disagree that the website should be restored. Oh, my God. We should then consult the creator or creators of the website and prosecute

them for their crimes. The website should then be destroyed. Burn the website! We could probably use the super trash or whatever it was called. Look, put me in jail but leave my porn site alone. Let me just submit my

ketamine website through this filter. Here's my address. With this supercomputer, we should be able to detect whether or not that the men or women posted any pornographic site is 18 or older. If any man or woman is proven

to be under the age and exposed on the pornographic site, then the computer should also detect any site that contains any illegal copies of a CD slash DVD disc without the consent of the owners of the CD slash DVD,

as well as any computer program that is illegally used. Again, we shall confront the creators, prosecute them, and then desertoy the website. Any illegal hacking activity should be detected and investigated by the 24-7 security organization. If the hacker is considered to be a threat to the World Wide Web, then the 24-7 World Wide Security Organization shall track, so then take action against the hacker and prosecute

them to the fullest extent. Right, right. Somebody should, I don't know, there should be like organizations of people who are trying to find, catch, and arrest hackers. That should happen in your future. Yeah, why don't we have that? No,

you're right, I don't know, because the World Wide Web hasn't been reinvented yet. Yeah, any hacker that is trying to infest the web with a virus will also be convicted and put on trial. In that order. The virus shall then be removed from the web, and the computer specialist shall then work on reversing any

damage that the virus had inflicted. So, okay, so convicted, put on trial, then after the trial you remove the virus. Right? And everything on the internet monitored all the time. Well, by a supercomputer.

I mean, obviously not people. They're just backing up the supercomputer. A supercomputer and a specialist. Oh. An assistant supercomputer. This item goes hand in hand with the thumb chip. It really does. Basically, today's sites and future sites

will be first inspected by the supercomputer and then by the 24-7 security agent. Right. I am available for consultation. Oh, good. Hooray. Wow. Yeah, I mean...

Oh, look. This site's been shared on Google Plus by somebody. Was it Montreux, by chance? Nope. It was me. Okay. That was...

Something. That, I guess, I guess, I guess every idea was stupid. Uh, Bunnybrite, do you have something there by... Yeah, hello, I am, uh, my name is, uh, Innovative People Genius G International Superstar Georgi Petrov. Okay. Okay, tell me about yourself. Okay. Okay. Tell me about yourself. I want to say a thing about myself. Hydraulic strap

on dildo for synchronizing movement between two women. Yes, go on. You are intrigued, yes? Okay. What else is your idea? I have many ideas. Self-sterilizing toilet seat with simple mechanics and low cost.

I'm sure you can combine those two ideas. Simple mechanics. Toilet exists, you shit in. There. There. Finish. Green eco-food production and manufacturing systems, huh? It work well with toilet. I gotta tell ya,

I started laughing at the idea of the hydraulic strap-on dildo, but then I continued laughing at the mental image of the hydraulic strap-on dildo. You give me $25 every time you think of strap-on dildo. Yorji Petrov put his picture on the website. And F Plus listeners, you don't need to go to the website to find out that he looks gross. What a surprise.

F Plus, what did we learn from this? I am perfect. There are so many bad ideas on the internet. But we need to pay for them. They're terrible, but man, they demand our money. What I love about these ones is the gusto with which they go forth with the idea without any consideration as to why they've come up with the idea. The chip thing, the rebuilding the internet.

I perceive a problem in the slightest way and come up with the most fantastical solution without considering any of its repercussions. Also, they vastly overestimate how much their ideas are worth. Well, we don't know because we don't actually know what the prices are because how this idea connection site works. Well, $6 to $15 for a bag of flavored charcoal. Oh, that's a good point. Which they're going to be selling as a snack food at Whole Foods

in a couple of years. I'll be first in line. So, yeah, because the Idea Connection looks like the site itself wants you to sign up to the site in order to contact these people to

I guess purchase the terrific ideas from them. Do you think that these people, because there's been plenty of these people, do you think that they annoy their work colleagues? Do you think they talk about these ideas a lot in public? I'm pretty sure Boots met the wind turbine guy.

I think they scuttle around with overstuffed folders that, you know, snow diagrams all over the place. At least that's how I like to imagine them. Just inserting it into conversation where it's not necessary. Yeah. Oh, I have a real-life experience to share and hopefully pass on a lesson to any listeners here. If you're at any sort of social event, especially if it's a political social event, and you talk to another human being who says that what they do for a life is that they are an

inventor, what you should then say to them is nothing at all and turn the fuck around and walk away don't make eye contact it goes against your impulses but it's really the right decision like instantly you're like really? what have you invented? and then you are stuck

for the rest of the night with this man following you around I feel like you have a whole bunch of bad experiences that always start from going to a Green Party event, which makes sense, but still. Yeah, I mean, this is kind of predictable. I've kind of stopped doing that. You've heard this story before.

Okay. The website, as always, thefpl.us. We got stickers. We might have t-shirts, but they might be sold out. And our forum is... It's a blue... Somebody should make a forum. Somebody should make a forum.

Somebody should make a forum. This should probably call a ball pit. Okay, what do they put on the forum? Good job. Thanks for working. Pictures of your cat. Recipes. Oh, my God.

You know, Boots, I mean, it's so helpful to just have you around and just really work through these pitches. You know, that's why we get the level of sign-ups that we get from Ball Pit. It's just because you're always there. Oh, what they do is they'll buy something else from the F Plus website, and then I'll get an email saying that it's an error when somebody signed up.

Right, yeah, again, thank you very much. All right, bye-bye. I'm gazing at places that are in black with me Oh, I suppose it's just a sign of the times In the room. Tonight we have Boots Rain Gear. This engine is good for long travel in space.

It's very speedful, undangerous, economical, unnoise, and relatively easy to build. Boots Rain Gear. Fuck! God damn it! This engine is good for long travel in space. It's very speedful, undangerous,

economical, unnoise, relatively easy to build. Hey, it's Bootsy two times! This engine is good. Very speedful. Undauntious. It's on a meco. Unnoise. Relatively easy to build. Hey, it's Bootsy two times. How you doing? How you doing?