The F Plus - 196: Made With Mechanically Separated Podcast Parts

Episode Date: December 7, 2015

There's a lot of recipe websites out there, and a lot of websites owned by giant food conglomerates. Fortunately, the internet has a way of synergizing things and these corporations provide their very own websites which encourage people to cook with their products. Looking for a salad recommendation from SPAM? A cocktail recipe by Hormel? A filling desert that includes a large quantity of Velveeta? This is vertical integration at its finest. This week, The F Plus is cooking pad see ew with Raisin Bran.

This is the F Plus Podcast, a'm about to have me some fun. Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. This is the F Plus Podcast, a delicious place with terrible things read with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have Nutshell Gulag. You'll score big when you serve the scrumptious dip featuring cheeseburger soup, cream cheese, tomato, bacon, and french fried onions. Oh, God, every word of that hurt. Jack Chick. Oyster crackers, parmesan cheese, spam classic, pineapple tidbits, Swiss cheese. It must be cheesecake.

What the fuck? Oh, yay, it's Ace Rockwaddle. Hey, do you guys know who Benedict Arnold was? He was some guy who betrayed your country. And lemon. Combine yogurt, Hellman's or Best Foods real mayonnaise and sugar in a large bowl. Toss with strawberries and blueberries. No, don't do that.

Yeah, yeah, do it. Come on, do it. Do it, you motherfucker. What are you, a pussy? Do it. Put strawberries on your mayonnaise, asshole. Now dance for me, motherfucker. Dance.

Sit down in your underwear. It's better doing that than letting it go all the way through your system. Hey, F+, Susie Tron. Hi, Lemon. Hello! How is everyone doing tonight? I'm doing fantastic. Okay. Okay, good, plus. Suicidio. My lemon. Hello. How is everyone doing tonight? I'm doing fantastic. Okay.

Okay, good, good. So I got a great group here. I got the Jack Chick. I got the Nut Shell Gulag. I got the Eastern Guadal. I've got some good cooks. So I want to ask you, what did you eat today? What did you make?

For dinner tonight, I made some kalua pork with garlic noodles. Interesting. Okay. I was relatively boring. I just had some ginger beef. So what we're going to do here is I want to give people... Fuck it. We're doing a recipe episode.

That's what I want you to do. Yay! I'm sure this will end well. Yeah. So we were talking about this Before we hit record But it has been about half a year Or so since our last

Food recipe Episode And I think it's time So here we go This was a document provided to us by Montreth Thanks Montreth Thanks Montreth Montreth. Thanks, Montreth!

Thanks, Montreth. Montreth, you know, is good with the specific gimmicks, and so what we're going to be looking at here is an all-recipe, it's a recipe episode, not an all-recipe episode, it's a recipe episode, except for here's the hook. Every recipe we will read tonight

is a recipe published by a food corporation's website. Yay! Consumers and tastes so good. The document in this case is titled Craft Recipes. Okay, so let's start off with a nice recipe called Creamy Burger Cake. That's two words I like to hear together. I'm sorry.

Burger bake. Burger bake. I apologize if creamy burger cake didn't sound appetizing. Creamy and burger. Let's be honest. I don't think it makes a difference whether it's a bake or a cake. So this is on Campbell'sKitchen.com. It's a five-star recipe based on 15 different reviews.

Jack Check, if you'll start us off, please. Absolutely. So this is a family-friendly casserole. It's ready in less than an hour. Ground beef, creamy pasta sauce, and tomatoes are topped with buttermilk biscuits and baked to golden brown deliciousness. Yeah, you betcha. Okay.

Okay, here we go. Alright, you guys ready for what you're gonna need? So the first thing you're gonna need, first thing you're gonna need here, okay? One and a half pounds of ground beef. It doesn't specify what kind of ground beef, but if you're making this recipe, you're gonna want the 80-20.

1% lean. There's kinds. One jar of 14.5 ounces of Prego brand homemade Alfredo sauce. Or, you know, library paste. Whichever. You're going to need one medium tomato

chopped. That's a vegetable. And it's not canned. That's a fruit. One tablespoon Worcestershire sauce. Okay, okay. One cup shredded mozzarella cheese or cheddar cheese. What the fuck? Totally the same thing. Those are interchangeable.

How dare you? They're both cheese. Can I just get that into like a pack or something? I don't know. The yellow one or the white one? Who gives a shit? Yeah, the one sounds kind of Italian, so I don't know. You won't be able to tell the difference between that and the Alfredo anyway.

Yep. One package, seven and a half ounces, refrigerated biscuit dough. Because making biscuits is really hard. It is. All right. So what you're going to do here, you're going to heat the oven to 400. You're going to cook the beef in a 12-inch skillet over medium-high heat, stirring often to separate meat. Pour off any fat.

Into a shot glass and down it. That's not right. That's the best part. Beef fat shots. All right. So next up, you're going to stir in the sauce, tomato, and Worcestershire, and heat to a boil. Reduce the heat to low. Cook for five minutes.

Spoon the beef mixture into one and a half quart casserole. Sprinkle with cheese, if desired. Arrange the biscuits on the beef mixture. Why am I boiling hamburger? Boiling hamburger. You know that cheese? You didn't know what kind of cheese it was? You can put it on if you want or not. Yeah, it's optional.

Yeah, fuck it. And then, yeah, you just bake that for ten minutes. Oh, god. Okay. So, there's a lot of reviews. They're exceedingly positive. But on page two of the reviews, Nutshell, if you'll take Kelsey, please.

Okay, let me... Love this dish. I tried the pre-grilled Alfredo with bacon sauce, and it really added a great depth of flavor. We used two cans of biscuits in a 9x13 pan, and it turned out great. I added a diced onion to the meat instead of fresh tomatoes. I used a can of diced tomatoes!

There we go. See, now it's canned. Good. There you go. A definite crowd pleaser. Prego Alfredo with bacon sauce. Okay, um, I want to play a game with you guys. If any of these posts mention Rotel, I win.

I don't know what that is. Absolutely. You don't know what Rotel is? No, I don't. Oh, you put it in a crockpot with Velveeta and then you regret things. It's all my life, basically, is what you say. Speaking of Velveeta, it is time for us to

read a Velveeta recipe. We're going to be leaving the Campbell's website and go instead to craft recipes. No, you cannot load my location craft recipes. And this recipe is called Microwave

Chocolate Velveeta Fudge. And you could be the first to upload an image. Are you playing a game with us? Is this which word does not belong? So, no. The thing is, is this actually makes a lot of sense. The first step in this, I'm pretty sure, is going to be to use a microwave roux.

Oh, it's got peanuts in it. That's nice. Oh, conch. Michelle, if you'll make some fudge for us, please. Okay. Sure. Velveeta gives this microwave simple chocolate fudge a creamy, truffly appeal. What? Because there's truffles in Velveeta.

Yep. That's the secret ingredient. That's why it's so expensive. Have you ever actually tried to buy Velveeta, by the way? It is really expensive. It's weird. It is actually in a nut shop or something like that. Somewhere way north in Canada, it would be $36 a jar.

Jesus. Wow. That's expensive vegetable oil. Yes. It's edible polymer. So how do I make this? What do I need? What do I need?

Well, you're going to need one two-pound package of powdered sugar. Holy shit! What the fuck? Oh, my God! Uh-huh. I had no idea. All right. Now, this is, in fairness, this is 40 servings.

So, just so you know. 40 truckloads? It's a good thing this recipe goes a long way. Everybody's just going to be beating down your door to fucking eat it. I'm just noticing, by the way, that unlike so many of our other recipe episodes, when you go to craftrecipes.com, you do not get nutrition information. Funny, that. All right.

One half cup unsweetened cocoa powder. Okay. One cup of butter or margarine cut up. A cup? Oh, jeez. Butter or margarine cut up. Butter or margarine, yeah, sure. Eight ounces of Velveeta cut into 12-inch cubes. I'm using margarine and Velveeta? Well, you gotta get your oil with your oil, you know,

mix them up. And in that same vein of thought, one and a half cup of Planter's creamy peanut butter. One and a half teaspoons of vanilla, which dies a slow, shrieking death covered by the flavor of Velveeta cheese and peanut butter.

Can I just put like a vanilla Coke in there instead? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And one half cup chopped Planter's pecans. Man, okay. Let me try to do a Google image search for chocolate Velveeta fudge while you're reading the recipe. Sure.

You mix the sugar and the cocoa powder until blended. You microwave the butter and Velveeta in a large microwavable bowl on high for three minutes or until the Velveeta is completely melted and mixture is well blended. Stirring after each minute. Okay. Wow. Add sugar mixture gradually, stirring after mixtures well blended. Stirring after each minute. Okay. Wow. Add sugar mixture gradually, stirring after each addition until blended.

Note, you may have to knead in the last sugar addition by hand. Do I have to touch the fucking thing? Well, it gets really stiff. Add nuts. Mix well. Spread onto bottom of 13 by 9 inch pan sprayed with cooking spray and refrigerate for two hours until firm. Why don't I just throw the cooking spray in there too?

Mix that in the bowl. Weep at what the world hath wrought. So if you do a Google image search on chocolate Velveeta fudge, you get a whole bunch of pictures of essentially squares of brown slime. They look really oily.

I wonder why that would be offhand. It's quite the mystery. Hey, Nutshell. Yes? Are there any special extras to that recipe? Special extras? I don't know. Let me see. Where are the special extras?

I do actually want to add there is nutritional information. Um... Special extras. I don't know. Let me... Where are the special extras? Do you scroll down a little bit? I do actually want to add... There is nutritional information. Oh, there's... Yeah, there's kitchen... Oh, there is nutritional information. Terrific. Yeah.

Oh, I was wrong. Thank you for noticing. I can't see the special extras. It's below you may like. Yeah. Scroll down. You may like. Oh!

Prepare using jalapeno, Velveeta. That's special. Great. Oh, it's like Mexicaneno, Velveeta. That's special. Oh, it's like Mexican chocolate pretty much at that point. Yeah, exactly. That's how that works. It's Velveeta fudge surprise. Holy fuck, boss. Okay, and then, so that made perfect sense,

the two pounds of sugar, the entire thing of Velveeta. But that wasn't enough. No? How can I make a double recipe of this? That's a stumper. Oh, prepares directed, doubling all ingredients and using two 13 by 9 inch pans. Oh, thanks directed, doubling all ingredients and using two 13 by 9 inch pans. Oh, thanks so much! Wait, how do I make a triple recipe, though?

I wonder. Acier, tell me a little bit about the nutrition in this 40 servings. This entire tray that you've made has 5,200 grams of sodium. Wow. This entire tray that you've made has 1,200 grams of cholesterol and is worth 7,200 calories. So how many is that in Weight Watchers points?

All of them. All the points. You get no more points for the week I mean that's That thing is That is four and a half days worth of calories For your average person But you know

That's well spent For sure How else are you going to eat that Velveeta otherwise Acier I would like you to make a choice here. We have two different recipes. One is from Campbell's Kitchen, and the other one also from Campbell's Kitchen. So your choices are cream of mushroom dip or savory sausage apple tarts.

Oh, God. I mean, like, I can see the first one is just take some mushroom soup and then add some shit to thicken it. There you go. The other one is completely mystifying me, making my gorge rise. We'll go with that. In that case, here we go. Savory sausage apple tarts. Welcome back, Campbell's

Kitchen. Yum, yum. So this will take 20 minutes to prep. They take an hour and 15 minutes to cook. And we'll serve 24 unlucky human beings. It takes just 15 minutes to bake, but be warned. You may have a hungry crowd waiting near the

oven door. Because they're all refusing to eat that. Serves 24 people. Right, right, right I know how to party Alright, what you're gonna need One half pound sweet Italian pork sausage Casing removed, we don't care about the brand

One medium onion Alright Two large Granny Smith apples Because we don't want flavor interfering with any of this No, gross One package Pepperidge Farms Puff pastryry Streets. Sheets.

One egg. One half cup grated Parmesan cheese. All right. Make it. Heat your oven. Wait, cheese? Cheese. Grated Parmesan cheese.

Yeah, because Parmesan would make that taste so much better. Nothing better than apples and fucking Parmesan. Yeah, because you want apples and sausage to smell like feet. Mm-hmm. Alright, how do I make this? Alright, you gotta heat your oven, you gotta grease your pan, cook the sausage and onion until the sausage is real brown. Pour off any fat!

Wait, why would any fat develop in this pan? I have no idea. Add the apples to cook until the apples are tender. Unfold the pastry sheet. Roll it. Cut it. Repeat.

Okay. So you press the pastry squares into mini muffin pan cups. So I guess you get kind of this poofy-looking shape and thing. Fill it with egg. Oh, sorry. Brush it with egg. Spoon your sausage mixture. Bake it.

Put your cheese on it if you want. So it's an option. And bake it. Alright. I mean, it seems reasonable. To be fair, there's a grand tradition of marrying sweet and savory flavors, but I don't think this contributes to that legacy in any way. This is not the way to do it.

Let's just hammer this home. Be the first to write a review! Nobody had the balls to try this. This savory, Campbell's savory sausage apple tarts, I mean, it sounds delicious. And I am one of 1,377,045 people who like this on Facebook. But I need a cocktail with this. Of course you do. Is there a cocktail recommendation that I could have?

Nutshell's got an answer for me. I do. Well, you know, you want something light and refreshing. And what's more refreshing than Crystal Light Lemonade Mint Juleps? Many things. Many things. Everything? Many things.

Drainage water. You know, they don't even give you the dignity of having actual booze in this to cushion the blow. It's a mocktail. No! So it's two quarts of boiling water, one packet of the two-quart drink size, or two packets of the one-quart drink size of Crystal Light Lemonade or Pink Lemonade flavor drink mix, and one cup of whole mint leaves, because a plant has to die for this recipe.

Let me ask you, like, okay, so when you reach for the Crystal Light Lemonade Mint Julep, first of all, the fact that a virgin mint julep is absolutely sacrilege. But, like, I'm sorry, so mint and sugar water? Like, that's just, that's too difficult and complicated for you? Well, it's too many calories. Well, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Crystal Light. Crystal Light. You know. Fuck! God! But it's okay, because Nikki Omlin says that she loved this recipe and used more mint than it called for and thought it was great. As opposed to Carrie717, who thought the mint was way too strong

every time she went to drink it all. She could smell the mint, and it made her not want to drink it. Kraft actually approves of this, because nutritionally... Mint julep, you stupid dummy. Nutritionally, this drink counts as healthy living, because for the following reasons. Low fat, low calorie, low sodium, diabetes

center. Diabetes center? Yes. Whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop There you go. I have, so now we're going to be going to this keeps getting worse thanks so much Dump Mantra

so now we're going to be going to Hormel.com so there's a whole bunch of different recipes on Hormel.com none of which are really linked because that's not how the site works so instead we are going to be going for I'm going to be telling you about the Canadian Bacon Breakfast Kebabs.

You can rate it today. It has a rating of 4.5 stars. And here are the ingredients. So you're going to need one package of Hormel Black Label Canadian Bacon unsliced. Ooh, fancy. Right. Okay. Then, getting fancier

now, eight frozen French toast sticks. Wait, what brand? That doesn't specify. RML must not make French toast sticks. How the fuck am I gonna know what to... What the fuck is a French... Just whatever you find in the frozen section, goddammit.

Okay, okay, I'm sorry. One package of strawberries hulled. What does that mean? Hulled? It just means that they removed the leaves. Two bananas sliced. Maple syrup. Just an indeterminate amount.

Some amount of maple syrup. All right. Good. Okay, the next thing you're going to eat is eight 10-inch wooden skewers. That sounds delicious. It's fiber. Alright, I'm down.

And then finally, powdered sugar, if desired. So, this is a very sweet thing that has Canadian bacon in it. Oh, God. I found something worse. What did you find? I found sea salt

pepperoni chocolate bark. Well, the sea salt pepperoni chocolate bark! God! Yeah. So let me tell you a little bit about the sea salt pepperoni chocolate bark. You're going to need a teaspoon of sea salt, two cups of milk chocolate

chips. I don't specify the brand. Then one five-ounce package of Hormel pepperoni minis. No. And finally, and here's where the marriage happens, one cup of dark chocolate chips. Right? Oh, my God.

Milk chocolate and dark chocolate. Yeah. That's blowing my mind, I'll tell you. And then the teaspoon of salt. Why can't I have a teaspoon of sea salt? And they're like, yep, that's sea salt chocolate bark. That is something we included in this in minimal quantities. Not chocolate, chocolate, chocolate,

chocolate, chocolate, and then there's some pepperoni in there for some reason. So you're going to want to line a large baking sheet with parchment paper, then sprinkle some sea salt over the parchment. Wait, I have a bottom? Okay, fine. Yeah, no, that's the perfect fucking place for it. Come on.

Then in a microwave oven, you melt milk chocolate in 30-second increments until smooth. Then you repeat that with dark chocolate. God fucking damn it. That's a finicky dark chocolate. God fucking damn it. That's a finicky shit recipe. God fucking damn it. Then you're going to spread a thin layer of half the milk chocolate over the sea salt carefully. Then you're going to alternate dollops of milk chocolate

and dark chocolate over the surface of the milk chocolate layer, then swirl with a toothpick for a marble effect. So pretty. Gently press pepperoni into the chocolate, then refrigerate for 30 minutes or until chocolate is hardened. Break into small pieces and serve to somebody. Would you like a drink to go

with that? Yeah, what drink do you have for me? I've got a jalapeno bacon margarita. You bastard. How dare you have a jalapeno bacon margarita. You bastard. How dare you have a jalapeno bacon margarita? At least this has alcohol in it. It does. Oh, okay.

Well, that's definitely better than the tulip. You've got some tequila, and you put some lime juice in there, and some triple sec, and then some bacon syrup. Torani makes a fucking bacon syrup? Yes. What? They're Torani brand bacon syrup. Oh, God.

You mix it all up, and then we're not done. You know, it's not a margarita until you've properly ripped the glass. No, it's not a margarita. Until you've properly ripped the glass, right? So you should rim it with Hormel Black Label jalapeno bacon. You go fuck yourself. That's what you do. You son of a bitch!

Hormel is a place that keeps on giving. Do you like to use bacon? Every recipe's for you! Yeah, where else will I find bacon recipes on the goddamn internet? I mean, how about some bacon s'mores? Okay, so that was the Hormel website, but mantras got hit after hit. This is the General Mills. It is called the General Mills Convenience and Food Service website.

Oh, dear. I do like convenience. Great. But I'm afraid to ask. It's very, it's very, very. Convenient. This just rolls right off the tongue. Right. So, Jack Chick, I want to make tricks on a stick.

Why wouldn't you? No, I don't think you actually want to do that, Lemon. I do. Unless you can convince me otherwise. I want to make Trix on a stick. All right, all right, I got this. I got this, I got this. Okay, okay, great.

Kid-pleasing fun is in store with a Trix brand cereal snack on a stick made with marshmallows. Not enough kids are diabetic yet. This serves 48 people. So what you're going to need is you're going to need two pounds of Trix brand bulk pack cereal. In case you were curious, that is SKU number 11963.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is what the orphanages are serving now. Your measurement is one bag. Right. Now, then, to make the marshmallow mixture, you will need one pound of unsalted butter. Okay. You will also need four pounds of miniature marshmallows. Jesus Christ. That's nine quarts of marshmallows, apparently.

Okay, why not just a fucking ball of sugar? Step one, spray large mixing bowl with cooking spray. Step two, add cereal to mixing bowl. Set aside. Step three, heat butter and marshmallows in heavy bottom large saucepan over medium heat until mixture is melted and smooth, stirring constantly. Remove from heat. Allow mixture to cool slightly.

Okay. Step four, pour marshmallow mixture over cereal and mix well to coat. Uh-huh. Step five. Form into balls using a heaping number ten scoop. I don't have a number ten scoop. God damn it. You can use two fives.

What kind of industrial orphanage kitchen do you have? It's the General Mills Convenience and Food Service. Maybe holiday gas stations are serving this? I don't know. Yeah, then you dump a fucking stick into them and that's it. I did actually have a problem with the recipe. I see in stage two it says set aside.

I'd like to propose that set aside belongs on step seven. Set aside all your hopes for the future. Mommy, why did you make this for me? Because I want to drink your sweet sweet blood, darling. Yeah, like, so you see this picture, and the picture kind of looks like

a caramel apple that's covered with tricks. And so I saw that, and I was like, oh, that's interesting. I wonder what the inside of it is. Oh, it's a giant fucking marshmallow! Yeah, it's pretty much I wonder what the inside of it is. Oh, it's a giant fucking marshmallow. Yeah, it's pretty much just a glob of tricks all the way through. God Christ. It's worth, each one of them is 270 calories.

Right, right. Oh, that's what kids love. Oh, yeah. Another site from the General Mills family. This is Pillsbury.com. another site from the General Mills family. This is Pillsbury.com. And, in a nutshell, if you'll tell me about loaded potato

cereal nachos. That's a lot of words all in one name. Did you just play, like, loaded, dog? Food lottery here? I mean, I've actually been reading a lot, because there's a site, I'll put it in the show

notes, but there's a site that I found recently that is all computer-generated clickbait articles. Okay. So they scan, like, BuzzFeed and Upworthy and shit and then just generate their own, like, random clickbait articles. And so I was reading a little bit about, like, how that site created. And now, like, I'm looking at something like loaded baked potato cereal nachos, and I'm like, okay, that's not a human, right? I'm inclined to agree with you. That is not a human.

Hey, ladies. Does your husband like sports? Of course he does. Of course. Czech cereal and potato chips are piled high with toppings for a delicious, savory snack. Perfect for game day. What game? I don't know.

The game. Okay. Ingredients. Three tablespoons butter melted. One tablespoon ranch dressing mix. Four cups corn Chex cereal! Wait a second, it took this long for ranch dressing to come out? Yeah, yeah, yeah! Four cups potato chips,

two cups shredded cheddar cheese, eight slices bacon! Yay! Crispy cooked and crumbled! One tablespoon chopped fresh chives, and just in case you didn't get enough ranch dressing flavor, one fourth cup ranch dressing! Yay! I wanted ranch't get enough ranch dressing flavor, one-fourth cup ranch dressing.

Yay! I wanted ranch dressing with my ranch dressing. What if we mix the ranch dressing powder in the ranch dressing itself? You're not supposed to do that. Bad things happen. All right, what do we got here? How do we do this? Are you okay? Yeah, I just inhaled some bourbon, though. Oh! Ouch!

Should follow that down with some loaded baked potato cereal nachos. Ugh. Well, I'm not feeling anything now. How do I make this? Yeah, lay it on me. Oh, shit. You want to know how to make it? Yeah.

Not really. A step-by-step list. Not really. Okay. Let's see. Heat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Line a 15 by 10 by 1 inch pan with cooking parchment paper.

Why would you use parchment paper for this and not fucking foil? Because it's fancy, okay? In a large bowl, mix melted butter and red dressing mix. Add cereal, toss to coat. Spread mixture in single layer and pan. Bake three minutes.

I'm not doing that. Well, then you won't be ready for step two. Damn it. Stir in potato chips. Sprinkle evenly with cheese and bacon. Bake three to four minutes, or until cheese is melted. Sprinkle with chives. Those poor chives.

And drizzle with ranch dressing. Serve immediately. Before you have regrets? Here, here, here, here, here. Before they realize what you've done. I really want there to be like a review on this where some lady is like, I used barbecue potato chips and this tasted awful. All I want to say is this is like some of those previous math tricks

from me doing the multiplication. This is legitimately for one serving. Sodium, 1,110 milligrams. Fuck! That's all your salt! That's it! You're done! Fuck!

What a good game day! Wow! Am I tense about the game or is this just hypertension? Yeah, Ted keeled over in the second half. Am I tense about the game or is this just hypertension? Yeah, Ted keeled over in the second half Okay, so I Okay, there's, oh my god

I'm just scrolling down trying to find Okay, Ace, you're going to have to make another choice here Oh boy Don't do it, Sophie These are terrific titles. Okay, so title number one, Mother's Day Mug. That sounds like pottery.

Right. Title number two, Skiing Valentine Mouse. Wow. How evocative. That is a beautiful name. If that's actually a food thing, it's got to be elegant and tasteful and dainty. It certainly is. All right, so the skiing valentine mouse it is.

This cute skiing mouse is sure to please your valentine. Servings, one. So what you want is Because this is hard so you need help You want some Kellogg's Kellogg's trademarked Rice Krispies treats Trademarked original bars Okay that makes sense

You want some Keebler trademarked fudge sticks original cookies Canned frosting or Creamy peanut butter Details Canned frosting or creamy peanut butter. Details. What? Canned? Canned frosting or creamy peanut butter. All right. I always missed my childhood where I got to eat canned frosting and jelly sandwiches. I eat canned frosting and graham crackers.

Now, this is the hard part. You want two heart-shaped candies. And then a piece of Red licorice And then three semi sweet Chocolate morsels Alright So cut into pieces Blah blah blah

For the mouse body Press a larger piece into Okay so stamp it into heart shapes Blah blah blah Cut the small piece of treat Into thirds for the mouse ears a larger piece into... Okay, so stamp it into heart shapes and blah, blah, blah. Cut the small piece of treat into thirds for the mouse ears. Do some other crap. How are they expecting people to go

to all this work when they couldn't even be ours to make Rice Krispie squares on their own? Because it's not about the actual making of the food. That's the bullshit part. The fun part is doing the pinterest crap where you cut it up into pieces and glue googly eyes onto it you trudge into the the living room with it here honey here's this glob of really low quality candy

and treats that i mashed together with fucking canned frosting and creamy peanut butter. I love you! Alright, alright, alright. It's time for us to get a little healthier here, guys. Okay, you're right, Grits. Do that. Yeah, no, we're gonna move on. We're gonna move on to the nectarine broccoli salad. This is gonna be a lot healthier. That's actually two organic ingredients.

I want to say this sounds healthy. It's hyphenated! He means organic as opposed to inorganic. Yep, no, it's going to be good. All right, so Lemon, I know you're laughing, but this dazzling salad. Okay, yeah, right. It's going to dazzle you, right? Dazzling salad features a surprising combination of broccoli and mango or nectarine.

a surprising combination of broccoli and mango or nectarine. Okay, so not bracket mango or bracket nectarine broccoli. Let's be fair, let's give them a chance. It's the mango or nectarine dash broccoli salad.

Tossed with ranch dressing and orange juice. What a bitch! See, but then you add... That's when you... That's when you add the dash of hot sauce. What?

Because why not? Right into your eyes! To give this sweet and savory stunner a pleasing bite. Sriracha or Frank's? Uh, well, we'll get there.

We will get there. Okay. So, in terms of ingredients, you need four cups coarsely chopped broccoli, two and a half cups seeded chopped nectarines or seeded chopped and peeled mangoes. Yeah, I hate it when I get nectarine seeds in my teeth. Yeah. So, I mean, that's super good. It's pretty basic.

Okay. Half cup slivered red onion. Totally easy. Got it. Half cup slivered red onion. Totally easy. Got it. Half cup reduced fat ranch salad dressing. Yeah. Now here's where you're losing me. No, no.

Don't worry. You're coming back to me. Okay. Because then we're going to add in the two tablespoons of orange juice. Why is that in there? Because Kellogg's hates my soul. One teaspoon of grated orange peel. Right, want to get the zest in there.

Quarter teaspoon of hot pepper sauce. Okay. So I'm going to use some Franks in this. I think that's really going to give it some zip. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can do the, I think you should do the buffalo wing Frank sauce. Yeah, absolutely. So then we're going to finish that off with one other ingredient.

I think you probably have noticed we haven't had anything that was branded Kellogg's yet. Oh, I have noticed that. So wait, so what? Okay, so this is like vaguely Asian, sort of. Like, this is kind of like the remnants of what a Chinese delivery place would have at the end of the night. Yeah, exactly. So what could possibly be more like those crispy chow mein noodles than a cup

of Kellogg's trademark Albran trademark original cereal? See, it's totally healthy. Your colon's gonna be so clean. Wow. Holy shit. Can I sub in corn pops instead?

How about kicks? Yeah, I think... I don't know if I have kicks, but I think corn pops is absolutely an exception. I've got just the sauce for you as well, incidentally. Brought to you by Frank's. Right. So what you want to do is you get you some Frank's Red Hot

and some ranch dressing, and you mix them up. Yep. That's it. There you go. Cool. And then That's it. There you go. Cool. And then just drink it? Well, I mean, I suppose you could put it on the rest of the shit you're doing. Because you want some

ranch hot sauce? I mean, there you go. I really feel if we're going to be doing that, what we want to do is we want to take the Frank's Red Hot Asian Sauce and mix it with heavy cream, and then whip that shit into stiff peaks. Yeah, Bollywood whipped cream.

F+, how have your mornings been lately? Have they been good? Has it been easy to wake up lately? I'm afraid to answer this question now. It's been horribly confusing. I'm feeling shell-shocked. Don't worry about it. Okay, I'm going to improve your morning with my top

of the morning spam breakfast bake. Oh, god'm going to improve your morning with my top-of-the-morning spam breakfast bake. Oh, God. Oh, a top-of-the-morning to you. Okay, well, you know, let me tell you a little bit about this top-of-the-morning spam breakfast bake. Your morning yawn will turn into yay after one bite of this blue ribbon winning comfort food dish. Comfort food. In so much as the icy embrace of death is comfortable.

Where exactly did they win this blue ribbon? From Pabst. Well, Lemon, I mean, it's a blue ribbon winning recipe. How many stars is it pulling down? Yeah, it's got two stars from 173 yums. Wow.

Blue Ribbon recipe links to nothing. It mentions the Blue Ribbon recipe several times. This is featuring Spam Hickory Smoke. I mean, no, it's not, but okay. Along with a flavorful mix of ingredients, it's one easy and tasty crack-a-don creation. You have to be on crack-a-don. Anyway, so we got the butter.

We got the hickory smoked spam. Don't fucking get the non-hickory smoked one. Okay, then you need a ten and three quarters ounce can of cream mushroom soup. Ah, cream of mushroom soup. The common man's bechamel. I think that's the same thing. Aren't they synonyms? Yeah. A half cup of diced onion.

Three cups of thawed frozen diced potatoes. What? Thawed frozen diced potatoes. What? I did not know that was a thing that existed. Doesn't that, like, hash browns or something? Home fries. Right. Oh, that's what that means, isn't it?

Okay. Yeah, that was... Okay. And then a quarter cup of Italian herbs cooking cream. What the fuck does that mean? What does that mean? I don't even want to think about that. Italian herbs cooking cream. Something else that comes in a can?

Or maybe an easy squeeze bottle. While you're looking up that, we're going to need some flavor. So three tablespoons of ranch dressing mix. Yay! Yay! Yay! A 16-ounce can of refrigerated buttermilk biscuit dough, because that's what you eat in the morning.

Why not? Two cups of shredded sharp cheddar cheese. And then some sour cream. Yeah. So Jack just found it there, and the cooking cream is essentially like a Philadelphia cream cheese with some dried spices in it. So essentially just more ranch dressing is what that equates to. Holy shit, I can buy a Spam football?

You could buy Spam flip-flops. You could buy a Spam camo baseball cap. And then you know, the idea that Spam really hatched onto the Monty Python thing is frustrating to me. But, in a nutshell, your name is Kimberly Jo Ferry, and Jack Check, your name is Spam. It's down in the comments there.

How many servings does this make? Hi, Kimberly. One 12-ounce can of Spam makes six servings. Didn't answer my question, robot. That's okay. It took it a month to do so. Okay, so my name's Ron Huff. We tried this breakfast bake, and it was easy and very good. We'll make again.

Thanks. Great to hear. Thanks, Ron. Oh my! This sounds good! Gotta try this soon! We hope you do! That's somebody's job.

Somebody goes into work every day and writes those things. Alright, so we are getting close to the end and we've still got some more mantras to get through. So, in a nutshell, I some more mantras to get through. So in a nutshell, I think I'm going to have to have you make a choice here. We got one more recipe to read on spam.com. Which is it going to be? Will it be corny pancakes? Spam fries?

I love spamam muffins! Which of those would you like? Oh, the muffins. Okay, you love Spam muffins. I love Spam muffins. Who doesn't love Spam muffins? All right, well, that's terrific. So they are heart-shaped. Yay!

The muffins themselves are, and then you put a piece of Spam on there that is also heart-shaped, so that's delightful. Aw, so cute! So tell me about it. Well, it's a heartwarming breakfast treat. Delicious heart-shaped muffins topped with tasty heart-shaped Spam Classic. What's not

to love? It's a heart attack. You remember the thing you took a picture of? I don't love that. Yeah. Okay. Two 12-ounce cans Spam Classic divided. Two and a half cups all-purpose flour.

Saints and sinners. One and a half cups cornmeal. One half cup sugar. Four teaspoons baking powder. Two cups milk. Two large eggs. One half cup vegetable oil. One cup canned whole kernel corn.

And one cup shredded Colby Jack cheese. You heard me! You heard me! You heard me! What are we doing with the corn? You're putting it in the goddamn muffins! You're punching it into the cornmeal. I'm gonna put the corn in the muffins. You can put the corn in the muffins!

Okay. Heat the oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Lightly coat heart-shaped muffin cups or pans with cooking spray. Cut one can Spam Classic into eight slices. In bowls, stir together flour, cornmeal, sugar, and baking powder. In separate bowl, whisk together milk, oil, and eggs. Make well in center of dry ingredients. Pour in milk mixture.

Stir until well mixed. How do I make this well? You should just make a divot in the middle of the dry ingredients. Oh, that kind of well. Yes. Okay, okay. I thought it was some sort of quality judgment. Okay. Don't make this poorly!

Dice remaining Spam Classic. Stir diced Spam Classic, corn, and cheese into cornmeal mixture. Fill each muffin cup two-thirds full with batter. Bake 15 to 20 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted in the center of muffin comes out clean. That's the only way to keep these horrible undead from rising during the night. That's how you know it'll just whip right through your colon. Meanwhile, in skillet, cook sliced spam classic until golden brown. Cut slices into small heart shapes using small heart shaped cookie cutter.

Place one heart on each muffin before serving. You know, what they're showing in the picture does not say golden brown to me in any way, shape, or form. Hi, I'm Antoinette Wilson. I put Spamdish in the State Fair and Yellow Ribbon. I was happy to get that.

Spamdish good, make pretty! Uh, quite a while ago, I don't know, I don't remember exactly when Montreux was putting this document together but I remember that she sent me the recipe for sunrise tacos because I remember this photo very

vividly and it's essentially okay okay so here's how you make tacos according to BettyCrocker.com oh Betty oh my god so what are what we are all Here's how you make tacos, according to BettyCrocker.com. Oh, Betty. Oh, no. Oh, my God. So what we are all looking at right now is a picture of a taco with a face.

And fingers. Wait, hang on. I got a modal here that enters my email address, so let me just type that. I would totally put that on somebody's chest when they're sleeping, so they wake up and that's the first thing theyug. Yep, absolutely. I would totally put that on somebody's chest when they were sleeping so they'd wake up and that's the first thing they saw. Okay, okay, so here we go. Like a horse's head. Yes! You're going to need four old El Paso stand-and-stuff taco shells.

Okay. What if I just got, like, different taco shells? What if I only have the sit-and-stuff taco shells? Do not. Betty Crocker does not fuck around, dog. Oh, sorry. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, sorry, sorry. Yeah. My hands are up here. Okay.

Okay. Just take it easy because Jesus Christ. Okay. So tacos. Taco shells. That's how you make tacos is with taco shells. Okay, I'm with you. Obviously not tortillas because that's gross.

Right. Right. So now we're going to need the next ingredient in taco shells or in tacos, which is one bag of refrigerated hash browns. I don't think that's actually an ingredient in tacos. You're wrong. You're wrong. Oh, yeah.

You're confused because you're thinking about like that tacos usually have meat in them. Got you covered. You're going to need 20 cocktail size smoked link sausages. Oh, no. These are breakfast tacos, so it's okay. But, you know, maybe that's not enough meat. Maybe we should have some moon meat. So how about eight small slices of

pepperoni? Oh, only eight? God. Well, thank you. No, it'll go really good with the four slices of turkey bacon. Oh, fucking... Sweeping out the meat drawer today, are we? This can't get any worse. Oh, no, it certainly can't.

So, then we're going to need a little bit of protein, obviously. So we're going to need six eggs. Okay. Then, that's, you know, yeah. And then half a cup of shredded cheddar cheese. Alright. That seems low on the cheese,

doesn't it? It does, actually. There's probably going to be a whole bunch of ranch to cover that, so don't sweat it. Yeah, we might get to it. Then a quarter cup of Old El Paso Thick and Chunky Salsa. Oh, goddammit. That's a descriptor

I love to hear with my breakfast food. It's thick and chunky. Then you're going to need another half can of Old El Paso chopped green chilies. Then salt to taste. Then pepper to taste. Separate. One tablespoon of butter or margarine. That's it.

And two grape tomatoes. You might be asking, why do I need two grape tomatoes? I am asking. That's for the nose, you dummy. Oh, okay. So then some sour cream, obviously. Sour cream. Right.

So yeah, so you heat the oven, and then you put all of the shit, like, together, right? Place hash brown potatoes on a cookie sheet. You bake that. Then in the skillet, you cook the sausage, the pepperoni, and the bacon over medium-high heat until brown. You remove that from the skillet, set aside. Wipe the skillet clean with a paper towel. I can't imagine why we're removing grease in this situation, but whatever. That's the best part.

In a medium bowl, you're going to beat the eggs with a wire whisk. Stir in the cheese, salsa, green chilies, salt and pepper. Wait, what the fuck? How do I do it to take? Okay, that's okay. In the same skillet, you melt butter over medium-high heat. Pour egg mixture in the skillet. Cook for about five minutes, stirring frequently, until the eggs are set, but still moist. Divide cooked potatoes evenly into four plates. I had no idea until I read the sentence that was supposed to be sun rays.

I really thought those were jazz hands. They're supposed to be songwraids. I really thought those were jazz hands. And then finally, cook each cut bacon slice into a lip shape. Cut tomatoes in half. Using sour cream for glue and outside of shells, arrange pepperoni for eyes, tomato half for nose, and bacon for lips. If desired, garnish with additional cheese and sour cream. Oh, darling, I long for your bacon lips.

Lemon, don't you think that was a bit too easy? Yeah, I do think that was a bit too easy. You did some expert tips in there. Well, that's fine. Let me give you some expert tips, okay? Alright, I'm ready. You know, we're an advanced podcast. Okay, so, expert tips. The Ole El Paso Stand and Stuff Kids Recipe Contest encourages kids to be creative in the kitchen.

It's way cool. Way cool! If I saw that as a child, I would have run screaming from it. I think I would have actually said, fuck you, mom. So that's an expert tip. I was high strung. Also, if there's no sour cream in the fridge, fuck! Nope, nope, push through it.

Push the fuck through it. If there's no sour cream in the fridge, use mayonnaise or plain milk. I take offense. Or, you know, toothpaste. Why not? Why not ranch dressing? That calls for ranch dressing right there. Come on.

You're letting down the ranch fans, guys. I know, right? We're not cool with. Why not? And then my final expert tip. Do your scrambled eggs end up looking more like rice or peas than eggs from a restaurant? Is that because you're cooking rice or peas? Avoid too much stirring

and cooking too long. Useful, useful advice. If you cook eggs for too long, they turn into legumes. I'm a concerned parent, and please read the nutrition information of this breakfast. If you wonder why more children are obese today,

this is a perfect example. A perfect example of a great sunrise taco is what it is. Then I'm going to post all of the nutritional information. And then scrambled egg whites with ketchup or salsa would be a healthy breakfast. Yeah. I am a redhead says, if I serve something like this to my child, I'm afraid he would have me committed to a loony house. Seriously, this is a plate full of

sunrise heart attack. I like her. Yeah, this is for one serving. Sodium, 1,730 milligrams. Yep, yep. Absolutely. This is meant for kids. Gotta get them while they're young.

Yeah, wow. Betty Crockercker lives when kids have strokes hypertension this oh my god yeah 46 grams of fat yeah the whole thing okay so uh all right one last thing i think we have room for. And, you know, nutshell, these are, you know, these are definitely, you know, these are recipes all made for you. So I think I'll let you make the final choice here. Oh, goody. So option number one is a cheesy potato casserole. That is coming from the Walmart recipe website. I think I've

eaten that. Another one from the Walmart website is America's favorite grilled cheese sandwich. Oh, God. Another one from the Walmart website, homemade candy corn. And finally,

also from the Walmart website, PB&J Sushi Rolls. Ugh! What the fuck, man? I'm gonna assume that that's kind of like the Twinkie Sushi. Ugh, man. Every time you use those words together, I get flashbacks.

I didn't even eat it. I just smelled it. Dude, I fucking ate one, man. Yeah, they were horrible. No, they were not good. Unless you're J.W. Friedman, in which case you think they're delicious. Who's that J.W. Friedman guy anyways? I don't know. I don't think he even owns a television. I'm held

spellbound by the alluring mystery of America's favorite cheese sandwich. Okay, well this is America's favorite grilled cheese sandwich. Wow, shit. The prep time is only two minutes.

They do it in a microwave or something, don't they? It's mom approved. Holy fuck, why does the cheese look like that? Alright. Well, this is America's favorite grilled cheese sandwich. I'll just let that sink in a little bit while I read the ingredients list. America loves

to eat orange paint. Two slices white bread. Two Kraft singles. Two teaspoons butter or margarine. Two teaspoons! Okay, where's the cheese? We must have symmetry in all things. Shut up. Is there cheese anywhere?

No. Okay. Sorry for asking. Step one! Fill the bread slices with singles. How do I fill bread slice? I like how it's already wrong. Like, step one is wrong.

Step two! Spread outside of sandwich with butter. Why would you do that after you've put the fucking cheese into the... Step three, cook in skillet on medium heat for three minutes on each side or until singles are melted and sandwich is golden brown on both sides. Oh, that's... I mean, that obviously... America's favorite! That's my favorite grilled cheese sandwich.

It's really, really good. But I feel like I would like it... I don't know. Can you spice it up a little bit? Can we substitute anything? Is there anything that we could change in this? Sure, you commie bastard. Prepare as directed using one of the following options.

Bacon and tomato. Add two cooked slices Oscar Mayer bacon and two thin tomato slices between the singles because we must continue the symmetry of twos until our two overlords come and take us away. That sounds fine. Yeah, that's a BVT. Easy. Two na melt. Easy to not melt.

Spread bread slices with Kraft Real Mayo Mayonnaise. Nope, not doing that. Inside or outside? It doesn't say. It doesn't say. I'm confused. Just dunk it in the jar. Just both sides.

One outside, one inside. Just slather it, the whole thing with fucking mayo. Just compromise and put it on the edges. This sandwich has too many sides. Cover one bread slice with one singles, two tablespoons drained and flaked canned tuna, second singles, and remaining bread splice. I can't say it! Bread slice!

Bread slice! Who the fuck wrote that? How do you fuck that up that bad? Well, I think at the point that you actually have to type out two singles, at that point, your concept of plurality is just confused, and you

lose the ability to write then. Aliens. In addition to the mayonnaise, you're also supposed to put butter on it. Spread with butter and cook as directed. Do not deviate from the directions. Strict, great rules. That sounds

obviously great, but when I have America's Favorite Grilled Cheese Recipe, I also want it to be sweet. Can you help me? Boy, howdy. Prepare using cinnamon raisin bread. What's that called? Cheesy cinnamon raisin bread. What's that called?

Cheesy cinnamon raisin grill. Wow. So that sounds super good, but it feels like it doesn't have enough bread in it. Double decker grilled cheese. Add a third bread slice between the singles. Oh, good. Ruining forever the perfect symmetry of twos. Hey, uh,

I, uh, I have friends over a lot, and that bothers me, so I'd like to fix that. Is there some way that I can cook for people, and then they won't come over anymore? Yeah, uh, you're gonna need to dig a small pit underneath your living room floor. Okay, gotcha.

And corral them in there. And when you've got them there, you want to make grilled cheese for a crowd. When preparing sandwiches for a crowd, place buttered sandwiches on baking sheet. Bake in 400 degree Fahrenheit oven six minutes on each side or until singles are melted and sandwiches are golden brown on both sides. So at this point, it's a sandwich.

But it's neither grilled nor cheese. It's a cheese food product. So more importantly though, more importantly, if you look in the comments, you can see what the perfect classic accompaniment to the grilled cheese sandwich is. Whoa.

Is it that wonderful drink? No, no, there's a serving suggestion. What, ethanol? No, it tells you, you know. So, I mean, because everybody knows, right, you have the grilled cheese sandwich, and then you have this one specific thing that goes with it. What is that? One half cup baby carrots and one half cup grapes.

Yep, exactly. Like, mixed together? I thought it would have been strong brown bread. The carrots are the nose and the grapes are the eyes. The old carrots and grapes. It's a classic. That's why. Because those are what you use for those Halloween tricks, right?

You know, oh, this is a bowl full of brains. Eyeballs and fingers. Yes. It's a classic trail mix. That's why I remember being a young boy scout and eating carrots and grapes on the trail. I remember being a young boy scout and eating carrots and grapes on the trail. So, F+, what did we learn from this? That I'm not very good at pronouncing the word Velveeta.

Also sliced bread. Or was it sliced bread? That was giving me, it was bread slices. Oh, bread slices. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I learned that I'm not hungry anymore. Right. Ever again. Ever again. Yeah, apparently. I learned that I'm not hungry anymore. Right. Ever again.

Ever again. Yeah, apparently I just don't know how to cook. Like, I haven't made any of this garbage. No. Food. No, no, no, no. Oh, God. When was the last time that you paired broccoli and mango?

Such a classic combination. I'm actually, so I'm pretty surprised, actually, that all of these recipes didn't have more brand references. I gotta say, I'm genuinely surprised that we had maybe a third of the recipes with ranch dressing. I really would have expected all of them to have ranch dressing. Yeah, I mean, even, like, when we did the General Mills stuff in the middle, like, I think that they were doing it best, because, like, you know, they were doing the Old El Paso and the Pillsbury, just trying to, like, mash all that shit together. they were doing the old El Paso and the Pillsbury just trying to mash all that shit together. I guess if you're spam,

I mean, you know, there's only so much spam you can put in there. You'd think that the big parent companies would put together recipes that would use products from different smaller companies, though. So you'd have a brand name on every single...

Yeah, not a single company, I think, actually advocated for a specific brand of actual cheese Singles don't count And Kraft definitely could Or Flour, I mean, you know, Pillsbury could have gotten in on the Flour and you have McCormick and Schmick's Ground Allspice and you know, on and on

Mind blown The thing that I was thinking about is I understand if I'm a food conglomerate, then I understand why it's in my best interest to try to put together a recipe, like, website that people will use. But do you think that this kind of shit, do you think it actually finds an audience? I mean, all recipes, all recipes is real. That's genuine.

People are writing those things. People are cooking those things. And then they do do the brand tie-ins, like sponsor content and stuff as well. I'd say yes, just because this stuff is so similar to all brand stuff. I mean, all recipe stuff. So more importantly, actually,

there were a number of these recipes that at the top there was this little tiny link that said, sourced from X and X blog. And I clicked through were a number of these recipes that at the top there was this little tiny link that said, Sourced from X and X blog. And, like, I clicked through to a couple of them. And they're, like, you know, just these regular shitty food blogs where somebody's like, I love making utter garbage. Here's my fucking shitty recipe.

It's the curse of Pinterest food. That's, oh, my God. I didn't, okay. Because I guess, like, the thing that was in my head most of this time was, like, you know, somewhere out there, like, is some sort of blogger that gets hired by Hormel, and then, like, she bangs out a recipe and whatever. But you're saying that, like, you're saying these things, you're saying people are eating these things?

I guess that was what I'm having a hard time with. Yeah, like, it's the reverse of what you expect, apparently, is true. It's not that this is some fucking corporate kitchen where, I don't know, throw this shit together and they'll fucking eat it. Some lady is like, I serve this to my kids. They love it every single night. And Hormel's like,

fuck it. It didn't work for us. Who needs animal testing when you can get people to feed it to their children? Who needs animal testing when you can get people to feed it to their children? The website is always thefpl.us where you can buy merch, and that's pretty cool. I do love merch. Do that. And then, I don't know, I guess you could probably do other stuff.

Why would you want to? If I bought a shirt, my existence would be complete. Well, okay, that probably speaks for everybody then. So everyone should do that. But what if you wanted to show off your shirt? If I wanted to show off my shirt, I could tweet it to the F+, or I

could share a link on BALP at B-A-L-P dot I-T. And, yeah, do-T. And yeah, do those things, you know, talk to us. We're lonely. At least I am.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. All you have left is one craft dinner that I brought back for you last summer And all you have left is one reminder Of the time we spent when I was blind All you can taste is that one craft beer What's your favorite rap song, Acer?

Actually, I was going to say, I liked Bouge de L'Ave by MC Solar, but I don't remember the lyrics. I haven't listened to it in quite a number of years. Okay. Sorry, man. I'm sorry. The correct answer was Pussy Got Low Miles. Well, find the lyrics for that.

Oh, no. You don't need to do that. Here we go. Pussy Got Low Miles. That Pussy Got Low Miles. Pussy Got Low Miles. Pussy Got Low Miles. Yeah, boy!

Wait, I have to play up my completely idiotic, I have no clue about rap personality here. Oh, yeah. That complete artifice. Well, no, in truth, I did actually listen to a lot of rap in my ute, such as it were, but

that was quite some years ago, and I haven't really followed it since, but I thought it was a lot more entertaining to be like, oh yeah, everything is just gangsta rap, which is about babies and guns and shit or whatever. It's about babies, yeah. Yep, big fans of babies.