The F Plus - 197: Yahoo? Answers!?!?

Episode Date: December 14, 2015

It's been years since our last full journey to Yahoo! Answers, and it's actually kind of comforting to see how little the site has changed. From topics ranging from Race Relations in America to Anime Appreciation, as well as the ever popular "Hey, how do you spell the word pregnant?", Yahoo! Answers has always been a very reliable source of baffling and unintentionally hilarious questions from across the Internet. As long as there's a question, someone will have an answer, and sometimes that answer will just raise further questions. This week on The F Plus, Lemon just can't read the word "fights" for some reason.

Dear Diary, today I changed my head into a dragon head. It was itchy. This is the F Plus Podcast, an informative place to find terrible things right with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have Boots Reingear. How do you become goblin? This is serious. Frank West. The Quran or Quran is just a book. Islam is a false religion. Christian is the only true religion. Alien abductions are real. A terrific man with a terrific username.

Our guest this evening is Achilles Heelys. Circumcision is a fraud and a hoax. A forescreen is not a birth defect. It is a birthright. And Lemon. Sex to get pregnant? What the hell is that? Spell check, please. And no, you don't need to have sex to get pregnant.

Hey, F+. Hey, Lemon. Oh, hey. Hey, Lemon. How are you guys doing? I'm feeling just a little on the grumpy side, but I'm all right. A little on the grumpy side? Now tell me about your grumpiness, Frank West. Well, I was just thinking there are so many questions out there that haven't been answered, and it really bums me out.

Okay. Well, that makes sense. So you're saying that you have questions and you want answers. Is that what you're saying? I would like a place on the internet where the

whole of humanity's knowledge could be collected and answered to people. Okay. And you don't care if the answers are good or bad, right? Well, no. But I'm assuming they'd be fantastic. It's the internet. Right. Yeah, he's saying he wants to change the focus of the podcast so that we offer advice to people?

Okay, good. Well, to that end, it is time for us to return to Castle Yahoo Answers. Oh, boy. That's what I've based my life on. This was a document that was provided to us by Digital Walnuts,

and it was one that I held back for a little while, you know, because Yahoo Answers is a special place, and it needs a special time. And that time is now, so, um, so, hey, Cloud9, by which I mean Boots Reingear, I have a question for you.

This is in Arts and Humanities Philosophy. Are black people white underneath? And also, are white people black underneath? That's my follow-up question. All right. I'm Cloud9. That's my follow-up question. Alright. I'm Cloud9. And I have here what is clearly the best answer.

And I say that because it says best answer in front of it. And the answer is yes! Black people are white underneath. Um, oh, well that's the best answer, I guess. Yep, have you ever heard humans are the most versatile species in the world because they can adapt to any environment?

Well, when some Homo sapiens immigrated to other parts of the world, they adapted to it, not just in terms of lifestyle, but also biologically. Have you ever noticed what happens when people go into the sun for... Sorry. When people go in the sun for long periods of time... Oh, damn. That was going to be a better reading for a minute. Yeah, sorry. Their skin color changes temporarily. So, in order to adapt to the extreme

climate and temperature difference, like in Africa, those homo sapiens have evolved differently in melanin production with constant exposure to that climate. And so, black people are white are people underneath, but with centuries of biological geographical change in them. So the geography of their cell structure has changed. Yeah.

Well, you wouldn't understand this cause you're not a bio geo major. Well, I don't know if you guys know, but I live in Southern California, and everyone's black, so... Oh, yeah, yeah, I've heard about that. Like, if you go down to Orange County, it's just black people at Go-Go. Anyway, that being said, black people and white people are the same, aside skin and hair color.

We treat both ethnic groups with the same medications. I know, when you say we, are you the person giving everyone medications? Yeah. I'm a doctor with a biological geography degree.

And sometimes you teach. Hey, I'm Corey. Hey, Corey. No, the skeletal structure is much different between the colors. Science proves there are different species. As far as racism goes, it would end if we could all learn to respect each other. White men leave their woman alone. Black men leave white women alone, etc.

Until there is respect, racism will breed on. Wait, so just everyone has to leave white women alone, etc. Till there is respect, racism will breed on. Wait, so just everyone has to leave white women alone? Does everyone leave white women alone? That's where racism comes from. Alright, that's our promise to you white women. When a daddy and a white woman love each other very much.

Leave her alone! Leave her alone. That's why I'm still single, but to end racism. Hey, Achilles Heelys. Your name is Tess is a girl. Okay. You're not Tess. You're just

a point of fact. And I just have a question for you. How to marry a fat woman? How can you marry a really fat woman? OMG, how can you be so judgmental?

Are fat women not dateable? I'm an obese woman. Why can't you love me? I'm obese because I had twins last year, and although I always try to work out, the fat just won't go away. I feel sorry for you if you don't marry a fat woman, because there would be more cushion for the pushing.

This is the best answer so far. This is not helping me marry a fat woman. It's only been seven years since the question was asked. Perhaps a better answer will come along. Well, I get there because I'm going to answer your question. Oh, okay. But to answer your question, you can find a woman at Old Country Buffet. Fall in love and get married.

Where? Where can I fall in love? Old Country Buffet. Fall in love and get married. Where can I fall in love? Old Country Buffet. Wasted away in the frozen yogurt aisle. Warren or Jimmy. Hi there. I'm Mrs. B.

Well, first off, woman is a plural term, so I don't know if you're looking to find a long list of fat women to marry. Just one. Also that. But anyway, I would assume it would be the same way you would marry a skinny woman.

You'd fall in love with each other and make the commitment to spend your lives together. I don't see how that could work. Secondly, fat is a relative term. What's fat to you may only be a little chubby to the next guy. Well, that was helpful, but do you have any sources that you cited

for that? I do. My sources are, good luck with that. That's the Yahoo Answers version of PS Fuck You. Hope this helps. I'm Crockett4309, and I'm not sure of your question. You say how to marry, then how can you marry? They should be right before your eyes, meaning everywhere you go you should see them.

If this is not good enough for you, then find fuller female websites. As far as the how you can part beauty is first inward and then outward, it all lies in the eye of the beholder. Well, now I understand why Tessa Segarro got the best answer. These are actually even less

helpful the further you go. Including one Iloyla Kano, maybe. Something like that. Anyway. Strat by marrying a real skinny one. After they have been married for six months, watch how big they get. Yeah. They only stay skinny, pretty when they are single.

After they hook you, it doesn't matter so much. And they dive into all the foods they denied themselves before. Have you guys seen, you guys like stand-up at all? Because I'm working on my set. Open mic on Yahoo Answers, Nate. I'm just trying to get my time in. It's really good to get up on stage, you know? It's good to get up on stage.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you can make it on Yahoo Answers. You can make it anywhere. Okay, so next question here. This is, if my wife got pregnant by an illegal immigrant, could I have the babby deported upon birth so we could move on? One can only hope. I feel like Yahoo Answers may have an automatic filter that just changes the word baby to babby.

How many results are there for... Oh, Yahoo doesn't actually give you a number of results. Oh, no. Okay. Anyway, so yeah, if my wife got pregnant by an illegal immigrant, could I have the babby deported upon birth so we could move on? Question mark. Follow up. As a couple?

Update. Yeah, I could time a trip with her to Guatemala just right. You sound like a good person. Yeah, thank you. I am. You know, other people disagree, but I'm glad that you really get me.

Boots, take Sugar Glider Queen, please. Okay. Here's the best dance. Honestly, it's Babby every time. If you want to spell it Baby, you have to be like B period A B Y. The autoc but why is it? Okay. If you want to spell it baby, you have to be like B period A B Y or something. The autocorrect is really

aggressive on Babby. No, no, that Babby was born on American soil, so that Babby is American. BTW, this is the negative part about grabbing all the illegals

and shipping them out of here. Oh, this is the negative part. Okay all the illegals and shipping them out of here. Oh, this is the negative part. Okay. Otherwise, it's fine. Some have families they started when they got here, but see, those kids are American. So parents go back to Mexico when the kids get lost in our already overcrowded foster care system. When the parents just go, all right, fuck you. We're out of here.

Uh-huh. Nobody looks that far ahead, though. They just want you to load up a truck and ship them back. Yeah, never mind our ancestors were immigrants. Never mind we are breaking up families and leaving kids without parents. The system in place now is not right. It needs fixing. I don't agree with illegal immigration, but I certainly don't agree with shipping them out at all costs.

Wow, that's bold. You'll never sign up for the Trump committee with that kind of talk. And BTW, you cannot get your wife on a plane when she is far in her pregnancy. They won't allow it unless she is approved by a doctor, and even then, third trimester, probably not. Being that she is overweight, that is a high-risk pregnancy. She's overweight? You're too fat to get on this plane.

We're on Yahoo Answers. They just assume. Take it elsewhere, Tubby. How did you even get married? What? Are you jealous? This is referring to the previous question. Anyway, she'd never get approved for flight. In fact, long car drives would be out

of the question, too, unless you wanted to deliver the car drives would be out of the question too unless you want to deliver the babby on the side of the road so sugar glider queen out okay thanks i will also thumbs up you oh no i need an account um so what do you think the germ of this of this uh this question is like why do you think this thiser, like, already got pregnant by an illegal immigrant? Or I guess I'm just trying to parse out why this question was asked. It must be already pregnant because then he takes all the advice of, no, if it's born on American soil, it'll be an American citizen. And says, oh, well, then I'll go to Guatemala and she'll give birth there. And then what? And then she'll be a

Guatemalan citizen? And then the baby is like, be free to roam in Guatemala, baby! You're home! Is the guy, is he an illegal immigrant? Or is there another illegal immigrant?

That's the question. No, his wife got knocked up by an illegal immigrant. Oh. And he wants to ditch the baby. The best way to ditch the baby is to go to Guatemala. You're right. It was very clear. I'm sorry. Well, that post about illegal immigrants was not racist enough.

So to that end, we're going to go to travel Asia Pacific Philippines. And I have a question I want to ask you. Can Filipinos date Mexicans? I am Filipino and I like this Mexican guy.

I told him that I like him, but I'm afraid that since there's many boxing gifs with Filipinos and Mexicans... Wait, what? What word did you think that said? I'm afraid that since there's many boxing gifs with Filipinos and Mexicans... Gifs? Comma. I think I can't date him because of our culture. Every time there's a heavyweight championship,

Mexicans and Filipinos give each other gifts. And that is a problem in our relationship. How are you seeing the word gifts? I was like, Boots, do you want to tell him? How do you think the word gifts is spelt? That's weird.

You did it twice. I was like, I read that. That's weird. How did I read that? You did it twice. I was like, am I... I asked you to repeat it and you did it. I'm like, maybe the doc

that says gifts. Weird. Did I skip gifts in there? Nope. Nope. I just read that wrong. G-I... I mean,

G-I-F-T-N-S are in that word. You're right. It's got the right letters for it in there somewhere. All right. Well, many boxing fights, anyway. And then, Frank West, you are me.

I sure am. Oh, he's still checking the movie. That's one of my favorite usernames. That's fantastic. Honestly, Mexican culture is just like Texan culture. Filipinos are a stranger culture to me, with the dog meat and fighting spiders and whatnot. What?

What? What? You know. Then again, if he's Mexican-American, he's boring. Oh, sure. Okay. The same goes for Filipino-Americans. Once you're Americanized, you loose the culture almost completely. Hey, me.

Tell me what it says when you highlight over your head. Sorry, something has gone wrong. Sorry, something has gone wrong That's what happens when you highlight on his head Okay Achilles Heelies, by which I mean Fucata Mimi Oh yeah I think you're probably an expert in the subject, so I'm just going to ask you this. This is in Entertainment and Music, Comics and Animation.

Is falling in love with anime characters wrong? YouTube link. Many people commented and argued this video. Some said that anime characters are imagination. Another said this is a mental illness. One said falling in love with anime characters is the result of being bullied by real females. And another said that both real females and anime characters are impulses in our brain. The anime matrix has you, Neo.

That was a good argument somebody made in the past. Well, you have an answer for me? Well, let me put you at ease. No, not at all. In fact, that's totally fine. Me myself often finds animated characters are better and more awesome and cooler and blah blah blah than real people. And I fall in love with anime characters like every time

when Cool Hands some hot character pops up. Oh my god. Because they're so cute and handsome and irresistible so I can't help it. Don't you think so too? Yes, obviously.

We're both creeps together, yes. Creeps? I don't... Well, anyway. Many otakus, anime fans, probably think so too. It's okay if other people says, that's not normal,

or, are you crazy? Or others like the answers up there. But in my opinion, it's totally fine. Oh, it's fine. Yay. It's totally fine. It's fine. It's fine. Mom, it's fine.

Um. Maybe you'd find it difficult to admit that real people is better than anime characters because that's the only imagination or any other else but don't worry many other people especially hardcore anime fans like me

for instance think so too I I can't tell that you're a hardcore Hardcore anime fans, like me, for instance, think so too. I, uh, okay. I can't tell that you're a hardcore anime fan, Fukada Mimi. I got used to reading in Japanese. I can't read in English anymore. Oh, sure, you have to read right to left, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I guess you shouldn't be some sort of freak, or even worse, or, uh, weeaboo,

who thinks that anime is the best and doesn't care what other people says. Wait, so, otaku good, weeaboo bad? Uh, duh. Oh, okay, sure. It's okay to say that anime is great, or so-and-so, but you should never be more open to other people's opinions, because you won't love it when it ends up to a never-ending debate, right? Oh, yeah. Angry fighting on the internet would make me sad. Never done it.

Well, okay. I think that's all. Hope this helps ease your problem. Eee! And did you have a source for that important, helpful text? Sources. Me. Yeah?

Oh, God. I gave you five stars. Sorry, me. I'm a kitten. Hello. Oh, hi. What's this? I am lost, ghost. Oh, hi. What's this? I am a lost ghost.

Oh, no. You're a ghost and you're lost on Yahoo Answers. That's terrible. That's the worst haunting ever. I am stuck here until someone properly answers this question. Okay. You're truly doomed. So, to answer your question if falling in love

with anime characters is wrong, maybe not. Maybe it's like falling in love with the person on your fantasies. In time you actually believe that they truly exist. That they are real and hope someday you could actually have

a romantic relationship with them. And what's wrong on falling in love? As long as you're not hurting anyone. Why not? Why not? Why not? Wait, that's a different site.

Once again, document put together by Digital Hamster. Terrific document, 29 pages. Love it. Lots of great titles. And for example, the title that I clicked on actually went to a different link, which was, Is it bad to show my hamster movies with suggestive themes? It depends on your hamster's upbringing.

But that's not the most important question that we need to ask. I think the most important question is this one right here. So, this is in Society and Culture, Cultures and Groups, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered. And here's the question I want to ask you.

What does it mean when a gay man gives you socks? A friend and I started seeing each other. He is... Oh, I got so close. Oh, I almost made it. He is Promiscuous. The Greek god of promiscuity. Hey, I'm Promiscuous.

Welcome to my club. It's gonna be my new Xbox username. The word is closer to Proboscis than promiscuous. Anyway, he is promiscuous. Last night, he left white socks on the sofa. Does this mean anything?

You know there are gay symbols like rainbow, silver rings, and the other thing. But I am just learning. Does anyone know what white socks means? Probably the other thing.

And Frank, you are surfstud at fbcglobal.net. It's the role I was born to play. There are many ways to interpret this sign. One could be that he left his socks there on accident. But if you want to interpret the sign as a sexual thing, then maybe he's thinking that you knocked his socks off or that he wants to knock your socks off.

Oh, I get it. Maybe you can ask him the meaning of this sign. Okay. Well, you know, I'm a fan of New Jack Swing from the 90s, so I should leave boots on the couch, right? So that we can, you know, imply knocking them? I don't know. I don't think you should leave me on any couch. Yeah.

Don't leave boots anywhere, man. He can't find his way home. Can't. Really can't. But I can now, because I'm kitty45342. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't think white socks mean anything. He probably just left them there by mistake.

Ask him. My gay friend say I don't mean anything. Your gay friend's abusive. So, the next section that we have in front of us is the pets and animals section um and let's talk about uh ghost animals so achilles heelys yes which of these would you like to read? Or answer, I guess. Where are dead animals? Or, I think my cat might be possessed? Well, you know, it's around Halloween.

They're both scary, but I think I want to know if my cat is possessed. Okay. Well, my name's Jay, and I think my cat might be possessed? What is wrong with her? The rest of the time she is fine, but when I squeeze her stomach really hard, poop comes out.

No! Don't do it! Why are you doing that? Are you saying don't do that because she's possessed? Is that a special thing you shouldn't do to possess cats? Oh, no. Last time I did it, there was some blood. Is my cat possessed? Help me.

Well. And then actually... I don't have the update yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Achilles Heelies, if you will take Dogstar, please. What's your full name, Dog will take Dogstar, please.

What's your full name, Dogstar? Dogstar. Seriously speaking. Yeah. Yeah, sure. It's always speaking about serious. Well, I suspect the same thing would happen to you if I squeeze your stomach really hard.

Let's try it, shall we? Update! No Dogstar, it wouldn't. I am not a cat, stupid. Oh, he got me. Actually, I think you are a cat, stupid. Frank West. Yes. You also get to make a choice. This is also about animal care Would you like to read

If I feed my baby squirrel That's a question The other question is How do I stop my parrot I need to read that one I think How do I stop my parrot? All right, well, why don't you ask the question this time?

All right. How do I stop my parrot? My parrot sits on my shoulder, and he mates on me. Is there any way I can stop this? He mates? He mates on you. He mates on me. With who? Does he bring a lady over?

Want to come back to my shoulder? Even after he finishes, he brings out his food as in to feed me. What should I do? Please help me. Well, Texas Angel W Latitude can help.

Watitude? Watitude? Something like that. Watitude. That's killies healies. Oh. Well. When your bird mates on you place, if it back in its cage, do not let it

finish. However, this means the bird likes you and has bonded with you. If you allow it to continue Oh no. Oh no. Uh. To

mate on you. Now it always will. Birds are smart. And if you stop a behavior... Birds are smart! Okay. I mean birds are smart. Summer.

They have bird brains. Bigger than my brain. And if you stop a behavior or don't tolerate it, or it associates mating, will you? With being placed back in its cage, odds are strong, it may stop. I helped you. Oh, Boots, Boots, Boots, take a sarah!

I'm sarah! You are a very clever parrot. You should be happy. But if you want an answer, I will answer it. The parrot likes you. Don't make it feel bad. I speak only in five-word sentences.

And then Frank West. This is going to be the last one in the section. I don't know why you're laughing. That's weird. I was just thinking of something funny. Too much oxygen in his lungs that he needed to get out all at once. Well, that's fine. Because this is a very

helpful question and answer section of this podcast. So, ask a question that will be answered, and then we will all be elucidated. Is my dog retarded? And

how many question marks does that warrant? One, two, three, four, eight. Okay. She is completely un-potty trainable. She pees on her bed and lays on it. She is disgusting. She's an eight-month-old shepherd mix. Yep.

I have tried crate training, which did not work. I have tried setting timers for her to pee, and she does not pee. I have tried- PEE! You heard the ding, dammit! Have you tried squeezing her really hard? No, just

poor blood comes out. I have tried spray bottles, but she doesn't mind being sprayed. I seriously think something is wrong with this dog. My vet has no advice for me. Suggestions I haven't tried? Please! Give me some advice.

Should I read these updates? Sure, yeah. Okay. Update. Umbilical cord training sounds like the answer to my prayers. Ooh, that's a weird prayer. Oh my god, thank you. What a great idea. Umbilical cord training. Alright.

Okay. Where do you get an umbilical cord from? You don't ask questions. Oh, okay. Update two. Also. She doesn't ask to go to the bathroom like other dogs I have had we have that spray go here but a different brand

problem is I'm not spraying it in my house how can I get her to want to go outside oh wait what what I think I think he's got a spray that makes dogs want to pee What? I think he's got a spray that makes dogs want to pee in certain places, but instead of spraying it outside, he's just spraying it in his house.

I'm not spraying it in the house. That would be my... I mean, I would suggest maybe not. Maybe doing it in a place you want the dog to pee. Hello? Hi! Hello. Hi! Hello. I'm Etta. I have an answer to your question.

Dogs do that. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Best answer. Let's start by relevance. Okay.

We are going to move on to the health and hygiene section now. And I just have a question for you, Achilles Heelies, by which I mean Ursan. Oh, no. Yeah. This is in Health Alternative Medicine. How can you grow a third set of teeth? Hmm. Well.

How? Very rarely. There are people that have a third set of teeth. It's only for people who are also pigs. Schwarzenegger made a documentary. Even then, it isn't always healthy or a full set. But the majority of people will need to grow that third set by paying for implants. That's how implants work? Yep.

I'm a dentist. Oh, so like when the rappers go to the dentist, they're like, you want an additional 16 in there? Let me get going. Listen, more serious matters are at play here. Actions of bonus! With the magical eight question marks again. That's how you know it's a good one. I want to think the digital walnut searched question mark, question mark, question mark, question mark.

That'd be a good search on this site, actually. Okay. Actions of bonus! Bonus! I'm a student that is learning about physical emotions and I want to become a doctor. I'm a student that is learning about physical emotions, and I want to become a doctor. And I was wondering... If a girl puts her leg between a guy's legs, does it really give them a Let's see That would be

Is it any amount of asterisk Yeah this would be fucks Okay okay Legs between a guy's leg Does it really give them a fucks It's the only way I can But you know Frank take I think your name is thinking

Yes Rubit This is funny Do you mean if she touches it with her leg Frank, take, I think your name is Thinking. Yes. Groobit. This is funny. Do you mean if she touches it with her leg? Many guys will get a fucks if they rub their member up against, say, a desk. Hold on, let me try that. Specifically just desks.

I got a desk right here. How'd it go, Boots? Is it opening new horizons? I don't think this feels very good. No? No. Okay. My desk's pretty sharp.

I think I kind of have to go to the emergency room. It can probably wait. A Harman Korman boner. Contact on that area feels good. Usually no matter what it is. Unless it hurts. In order for a guy not to get a fucks while a girl puts her legs in between his

his dislike of the person or the situation would have to outweigh the like of his member. I don't 100% disagree with that either. With some guys, it really doesn't matter. They'll still get a fucks. I'm David A. Yep. I don't believe you're set up to this question.

However, you're probably very young and need to know that this is true. A girl only has to get really close to a young guy and doesn't even have to touch him to cause him to have an erection. All you have to do is seem like you want to touch him anywhere on his body. I guarantee a female placing her leg between any guy's legs will give him a fucks. Just such a, like, I don't know why, I mean, that is the most erotic position that Yahoo Answers can think of. You know what's happening in here? What's that? The word boner was totally, the word boners is fine.

Yes. The word boner is being censored. Oh my god, you're absolutely, yeah, that's it! That's what it is! That's it! I was noticing they were all five esters. Boners, fine. You can have all sorts of boners. A singular boner, that's no good.

I just don't want him to have no friends. And then, Achilles Elyse, I believe this post is made directly for you. Please read the answer by Achilles Species. Oh no, you found my alternate helpful account. Alright. Oh, helpful.

Oh yeah, I'm about to do it. So what you're saying is in your current persona, you're less helpful than a Yahoo answer username. Yep. All right. If the girl is the guy's grandmother, aunt, or mortal enemy, then no. Also, you must understand, for guys, it can happen even when the guys are not thinking that way.

What? They can be thinking of nothing, and it happens. It can be affected by automatic body processes like heart rate, blood pressure, etc. And also by emotion thoughts. Lemon, can you take weirdo? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My name's weirdo. It would me.

Can you take weirdo? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My name's weirdo. It would me. It would me too, weirdo. Okay, this might be... Oh, all right, all right, all right, all right. Boots, you're going to have to pick. I like both of these and I can't decide.

Okay. Also in the health and helpful health section. First choice. Boob jobs didn't work. I can't do a surgery. Ellipsis ellipsis now. So that's number one. And option number two is girls only hyphen vagina problem.

I think I want the boob job one. All right. Boob jobs it is. Just so I can hear the title again. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you got it. Yeah.

Okay. So boob jobs didn't work. I can't do a surgery. I'm sorry. It's not double ellipsis. It's ellipsis period period. No? And again, eight question marks. Yep.

That's totally his search. I know that that's what the search was. Okay. I'm the tramp, right? Yeah. Yeah, I'm the tramp. Accept implants. Nothing on this earth I'm the tramp. Except implants. Nothing on this earth can increase the size of your boobs.

Wearing padded bras, etc. will fool people. However, what happens when you get a boyfriend or get married? Let me tell you something, honey. Small is beautiful. Don't take my word for it. Just accept the way God made you wholeheartedly, and you will recognize your own beauty. Update! I need to increase my boobs!

Thanks, The Tramp. That was really helpful. I'm Bones. I'm bones? Yeah. I've heard of a way to trick your reproductive system into believing it is pregnant. And I've heard the breasts get large. And firmer. And I do not know if

breasts remain large, assuming you want them larger. Sorry, I don't remember where this tactic surfaced. Ask a doc. He may call me a quack. Fuckin' doc. All right. Ask a doctor.

He'll tell you I'm full of shit. Also, I'm Kiana A. Okay. Hi, Kiana. Yeah, listen. Instead of getting a Bob job... That's where you get... Instead of getting a Bob job...

That's where you get plastic surgery to look more like Bob Odenkirk. It kind of makes you gaunt and gives you a big bald spot. Which I would be really scared to do. Just stuff your bra with cotton, not tissue, because it looks fake. But you have to do that with a padded bra, as one that's been padded down. Not a regular one. I think if you're cleaning, stuffing a padded bra,

you have very serious breath problems. So yeah, so this is the third section. First section, social issues, race, and culture. The second section was pets and animals. Third section, health and hygiene. The fourth section is, how is pregnant spelled? I want to go back just a moment, because in a question that we're not going to read, hey, how to get rid of bad body odor, and then like five ellipses.

There's a username who is Bella Swan in leet text. Oh, wow. there's a username who is Bella Swan in leet text oh wow that's all I wanted to say wow if we had more time or there were fewer pages then we could go through a whole bunch of

how is pregnant spelled but we do not sadly so Frank you're going to have to tell me how is pregnant spelled. But we do not, sadly. So, Frank, you're going to have to tell me how is pregnant spelled. I have a number of options. Okay. How is pregnant spelled? Pregent?

Pregent? Pregnant? Pregant? Pregant? Pregant? I want to go off on a Pregant. Prangent. Prangent. I want to go off on a prangent.

Pregant. And that's it. I'm going to go with prangent. Prangent. Okay. So, prangent. My name's Melissa. Can I get... Oh, god, that was hard.

That was fast. Okay. Parenting, this is in pregnancy and parenting, trying to conceive, so it's in there. Okay. Anyway. Can I get Prangent Arno? No. Prangent or no.

Been with a boyfriend for five years. Never go pregnant. He's the only... Wait, what? Sorry, what? No. Oh, God damn. Oh, what a foul. I feel so bad.

Been with my boyfriend for five years. Never go prangent. Has the only one that doesn't have kids. I want to be a mommy. And I'm sure everyone else wants the same thing. And then take question mark,

please. Who? Me? Okay. Yes. I'm, hmm? Yep. If you have been having unprotected sex for five years, then yeah. If you have been having unprotected sex for a year, yeah. However,

Wait, I want to hear more hypotheticals. If you have been having unprotected sex for one year and eight months, yeah. You should have a call-in show. However, there is a big difference between trying to get pregnant and just having fun. I had a friend who was having unprotected sex for a year and a half. Wait, does that count? Is that a year and a half? Yeah.

Okay. And they both thought she couldn't get prego. Well, then she did! It's all about timing. Don't stress about it. If you're worried, go to the doctor and both of you get checked out. I want to be a mommy. Alright.

Achilles, I'm going to give you options, and these are great options. So, these are terrific options. Both of these are very good. I'll be happy. Either way, here we go. So, this is in the household quandaries. Would you like to read

Ripping Up the Floor? Oh, sorry, I'm sorry. household quandaries. Would you like to read ripping up the floor? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Not that one. Would you like to read why do I have so many maggots? Okay. I've been asking myself that all day, but yeah, all right. Or would you like to read should I get a bigger toilet?

Well, both are integral to my life. Yep. I believe I'd really like to know about a bigger toilet. All right. Your name is Stella Blue. Should I get a bigger toilet? I keep taking massive feces. If my boss finds out, I'm fucked.

Oh, my prize-winning feces. Keep taking first feces our company ever had. I keep taking massive feces and I've clogged the toilet five times since they moved into this new apartment, Ellipsis. Should I ask management if I could get new plumbing and

toilet? Toilet? Toilet. Toilet. Alright, well, I'm ready to expose some things about toilets that you never knew. Alright. Toilets aren't built to expel enormous stool waste that the body can produce Wait, they aren't?

No Okay That's not what they're built to do No No Clearly not Maybe it's different in Canada Most people understand that at times

A bowel movement can be phenomenally large Many boys men try to get as many witnesses as possible to the event. That's true! Yep, they sure do, Stella Blue. It's my suggestion that you find a tool to keep as handy as a toilet brush that you can easily disinfect and wipe with toilet tissue, and use it to make the fecal matter smaller in order to go down the toilet without a hassle. Like a chef's knife?

Yeah, a shitpick. Yeah, yeah. Having company over, gonna get a new shitpick. It's not anything to be embarrassed about I would suggest An old or new metal Long handled spoon Oh no

Oh no It helps when you're sharing When many boys are met Honey have you seen what happened to the berry spoons I gave it a little wipe with a paper towel. It's fine. Well, I'm going to help. Like a ladle, but spoon-shaped.

You can keep it in a large cup near the very back of the toilet. Keep a bottle of Clorox cleanup or something similar in the bathroom. Spray and clean the toilet tissue. Out of sight. Oh, but not out of mind. But more like out of your

business, your work site. I mean, do it at home. Far less expensive than buying a new toilet, many healthcare workers have come across the large bowel movements and have had to improvise in order to get the waste to flush without clogging the stool. So, sorry, healthcare workers. There's a bunch more, but most of them are like,

Dude, what big poops! There's a bunch more, but most of them are like, dude, what big poops? So we'll skip that and go straight to another household problem, which is attacked by a microwave. Okay. Attacked by a microwave. Sorry for details, but I feel it's important so I have this magic chef sorry for details is this a common courtesy

that needs to be I'm so sorry for these details so I have this magic chef microwave we got almost a year ago and since maybe the first month it started to act strange the plate inside would not turn and the light would not come on either but this was random.

Sometimes unplugging it and plugging it back in or giving it a slight nudge would get it to turn, but it would always heat. Sometimes I would just shut off during cooking, and that lasted longer than three minutes. So today I needed to cook something for eight minutes. That's what the package called for. I started it up, left the kitchen to another room to do a little texting on my cell phone, which I can't do in the kitchen. And head back to the kitchen maybe four minutes later with my phone

in hand, and I don't even get four feet within the microwave, and all of a sudden, starting from the cell phone, I get some kind of huge electromagnetic wave shock traveling up my arms, into my eyes and brain and most of my upper body. It basically stopped me in my track,

singular. I could have swore it was... I even saw an invisible, watery-looking wave hit me in the face coming from the microwave. Call a microwave exorcist. It's the abyss.

My eyes started to dim. It is the abyss, and I was just about to pass out if I didn't step back and run out of my apartment. One of the worst feelings I ever had. Didn't feel too good for the next two hours either, and was pretty spooked. Any of you guys have any idea what the hell happened? I knew this microwave wasn't working

right, but I didn't think it would be dangerous for any reason. Am I okay, though? Is it possible I got some kind of radiation out of that? I understand how radiation works. Or just a shock? Any of you guys who have knowledge in this subject,

please let me know what the hell happened, and am I okay? Thanks a lot. Serious answers only, please. Okay. And then Achilles Heelies, if you'll take Lloyd Burrell, please. Your microwave oven is faulty. The problem's with the plate and the light, but it's also leaking. All microwave ovens have a device in them called a magnetron,

which creates magnetic fields and microwaves, also known as radio frequency RF radiation, at 2.45 gigahertz. Sure. Yeah. 2.45 gigahertz. Sure. Yeah. Collectively, we also call RF radiation and magnetic fields EMFs.

Ooh, that sounds the crazy alarm. Electromagnetic fields. Your cell phone also emits RF radiation at a similar frequency to your microwave oven. Hence the reaction between the two. RF radiation at a similar frequency to your microwave oven.

Hence the reaction between the two. What? Oh. Oh, I was following you for a while. Oh boy, that's what I learned in school. What you experienced was a reaction to these EMFs, which is quite normal. We are made of 70% water. What the fuck?

You're almost reasonable for a while there. So you're made of water, so therefore you liquefied yourself and short-circuited the microwave while simultaneously short-circuiting the cell phone. Okay, yeah. Yes, this is quite normal. Right. These kinds of EMF exposures can be extremely dangerous. My advice here is to stop using this microwave oven. It is not uncommon for microwave ovens to leak.

Even new ones. See this link. Where forms of cooking are much safer. So, do you think that when they were working on the prototype for the smartphones, the Kyoceras of the world were

having meetings, like, well, what happens if somebody's ever in the same room with a microphone that's a microwave with this thing okay i agree that would be a disaster only if only if people were made of 70 percent water they're not what i what i like about this question is that I have a product that is less than a year old and it is defective why don't I go to Yahoo Answers

and ask about it and then nobody will tell me to go back to the manufacturer and get the fucking thing replaced I don't know I mean that'll help you like with the microwave itself but it won't help you with the microwave itself, but it won't help you with the aching waves of the abyss

crashing down on your soul. I mean, that's something a manufacturer doesn't check against. Frank West, you said you found a username you were quite delighted with. Is that true? Yes. What is that username? That username is heartzaviersmommy.

X-A-Y-V-I-E-R-S. Responding to the question, could I get Prangent want to be a mommy? Responding to the question, could I get Prangent want to be a mommy? So Xavier is imaginary at this point. So we are coming down to the end here, which means that it's probably time to answer those large questions. I'm talking about those big questions that

have plagued humanity for forever. I mean, forever. Since inception, really. So Boots, you are Mari with a I'm-a-r-i with a heart? Yep. Okay. So...

Oh, sorry. I needed to prepare myself for this very serious question. It's weird how this word is spelled. That is weird, huh? Okay, so we are in society and culture, religion and spirituality. And my question is this. Babies stay babies forever? I'm anonymous. If a baby

dies, then go to heaven, they don't know the difference to bad... They don't know the difference to good and bad and stuff? If they can't age because, you know, you don't age or whatever in heaven, do they then

stay babies forever? Um, um, yeah, I'm Mari Star. Okay. No. Babies don't stay babies forever. In my Christian religion, a lot of couples are married and sealed together forever, and all children born to them are

automatically sealed to them forever. If the couple has a baby, and the baby has a birth defect that only allows the baby to live for six months and then dies, the couple will be given the chance to raise that baby in our post-mortal life. How do you feel about the journey of changing diapers, motherfucker? Babies and children who die and return to God, the Father's side, wait until spiritual parents come, and then are raised by couples who were married and sealed, but unable to

get pregnant here on Earth. So many couples in my Christian faith do not despair if they don't get pregnant here on Earth, as they know that in our post-mortal life, there will be many children and babies that need worthy, righteous parents to raise them, and those children and babies will be sealed to the parents forever. Source, fuck Jaina.

I looked up sealing, and it's a Mormon thing, so now that all makes a lot more sense. Yeah, that's definitely mystical. Everyone's a Mormon thing, so now that all makes a lot more sense. Oh. That's definitely mystical. Everyone's like, oh, Mormon. Because I also was wondering, because she kept saying, like, my Christian religion, which seems like weird, like, speak. But if you're Mormon, I see why you would say that. Yeah.

And everyone knows the Book of Mormon internally is called the Fuck China. And everyone knows the Book of Mormon internally is called the Fuck China. Star Star Gina? Spore says, Babies haven't fallen short of the glory of God. So, some people believe they become angels. Source?

Atheist. I think question mark asks the right questions. Okay, what's that? What about sperm? Are there zillions of flying sperm in heaven? I personally created most of them, so I shouldn't complain. You created most of them, so I shouldn't complain. You created most of them?

Most of them. Most of them. Well, when you get to heaven, you're going to have to raise all those sperm. I don't know. You're sealed to your sperm, and you have to raise them all. Gregory says, no, they will be adults in heaven.

Wait, you just skip everything? It's terrifying. No, heaven doesn't exist. Sorry. From God or imaginary. Can you imagine being an adult and having to learn the basics of language?

Object permanence? He didn't say that they were as smart as adults. They're just physically really dumb adults. Just like 30 years old, and someone puts their hand over your eyes, and you're like, oh, I don't know. Oh, you're back. That's awesome. But like forever. Yes, that does happen to me, but let's get back to Yahoo Answers.

Right, yeah, because your brain has moved past the development stage Right We are going to read A Yahoo question and answer About ghosts But Boots you get to make a choice here Okay

So option number one Ghost Like I don't know 30 periods or so Okay, so option number one ghost like, I don't know 30 periods or so, question mark Are you skipping one? Am I? Oh, yes, okay, so ghost, lots of periods question mark

ghost question mark Okay ghost, nine exclamation marks and a question mark uh oh and that's it yeah okay uh i want the the really excited one okay okay um then let me give you this link and move my microphone i don't know why he needs to do that. Oh, just move the microphone. Okay. Ghost!

Ghost! Ghost! Are they real? All made up! That's my question. 17 people have answered it. So, Booth, you're one galaxy.

I am one galaxy. Galaxy 2 Unitas. It says I answered this 37 minutes ago. I don't believe that. Well, because then later on it says two years ago, so... Oh, I was copying and pasting my own thing, I think. Okay.

I paste this every time someone answers. Someone asks the question about ghosts. This dude sits on Yahoo Answers and every day searches for ghosts. He's got a bot that is ghosts and then a whole bunch of punctuation. The answer that everyone's looking for, yes, ghosts do exist. They only reveal themselves to certain people, and only some people can see them.

Many people believe that ghosts are not real because they are either, one, terrified, two, haven't experienced or saw a ghost, Three, they think it's pathetic. Or four, ridiculous. You were too ridiculous to believe ghosts. There are videos about ghosts, but mostly faked, and some are real. You can see ghosts mostly in haunted places, but ghosts can't really hurt you.

If you want to know more, go to different places or research. Warning, don't research on creepy things at night time. You'll get paranoid. Good luck! Okay, very last choice here. I know there's been a lot of them, but Digital Walnut

giving us really great choices, so we have to make them all. Here we go. Frank West, how is penis spelled? P-A-N-I-C Okay, I'll find that, but first, let me give you your options. How is penis spelled? Penis.

P-E-N-I-S. Penus. P-E-N-U-S. Pines. P-I-N-E-S. Peenie. P-E-N-I-E Wait, they get better

P-E-N-I-X P-E-N-I-X He was the worst Star Trek character And finally Panis P-A-N-I-X P-E-N-I-X I'm going to have to go with

P-E-N-I-X That's fantastic I'm going to have to go with Phoenix. That's fantastic. I hope you're feeling a bit daring there, Lemmy. Oh, you son of a bitch. You had to pick this one. Okay. No, I'm really glad I picked it. Okay.

Well, your name's Day Day, but before we get to your answer, I'll need to ask my question. I want to read the question. Okay, fine. Yes, by all means. How's Deloitte's toy touch a penis? El Wenz is the penis I try to suck its nuts but so I

end up eating out its ass go Oh my god Please help me I wish there was a new episode of Quite Exasperating I don't knowating I don't know what

I don't know I wonder if Mantra's up to guess I see penis in there Sucks I think I see vestibule Yeah Vuts vs butts Vuts vs butts

That's just like lousy Russian at that point I ends up deriating out of its ass Gyo-liz butts. Butts vs. butts. That's just like lousy Russian at that point. I ends up deriating out of its ass gyoal is. How to touch a penis. When it's tough the penis, I try to suck its nuts butts

or Oh man, I'm stuck. When I touch the penis, I try to suck its nuts then a word or I end up dating...

Or I end up eating out its asshole. Eating out its asshole. Please help me. Great. Even when you translate it, it doesn't make sense. And then, Achilles Heelys, I see that the very end of this document

has a list of questions without answers. Would you please give me all those questions, please? Oh, sure, yes. When I get... Yep. This is incredible. please oh sure yes when i get yep i won't read ahead anymore but that's good all right but i need to look away all right so do dead people exist i mean that's a good question. I mean, and like, depends on what you mean. Like, Rene Descartes would say no. That's, yeah. And this is something I think that the Republican debates are answering,

which is, what should a Christian hate? Everything! But why is my boxing bag oozing? That's a, are you a minor character on Hannibal? Well, you know, as a follow-up, are animals considered naked? And would I be a funny god by trying out a bit of pagan magic? Trying out a bit of pagan magic. Trying out a bit? Trying out a bit. Yeah.

How was time invented? Well, it was invented back in... Well, you know. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, that helps, because now I need to know, where do I insert the penis into a woman? Everywhere!

Why are you asking me? Ask her. No. Would a sandwich with only mayonnaise on it ruin my diet? I don't know. Is your diet consists of sandwiches with only mayonnaise on them clearly

I'm on the egg white diet it's a new thing allowed to eat all the egg whites I want oh boy well this is a question

I've been asking myself are there any Jews which helps to know if you can skunks kill people Are there any Jews? Which helps to know if you... Can skunks kill people? Oh wait, are there any dead Jews at that point? We could combine all these into a mega question. Yeah. The Voltron of questions.

Oh boy. But, you know, really, most important to me is I get a lot of boners even about candy bars. Is this normal? I don't know.

I mean, you know, sometimes the font use I'm like, I like the Milky Way font. Yeah. Lemon boners. And how can people be mermaids? Step by step.

Oh, sorry. You have an answer? Okay. There's more. Step by step instructions for eating a hot pocket Which helps Red is at least the last five It's really important to know

Can I have butt sex with hemorrhoids Oh no Is the butt sex On the giving or receiving end The hemorrhoids are on the receiving end But Are Pokemon real? Yep.

Because my kitchen sink smells literally like just went for a jog vagina. Eating weed gets you high? Yes. What are the ups of being a team mom? Probably that eating weed gets you high? What is the sexiest animal? Yeah.

Can raw organic chickpeas get moldy? Why is wrong with gay people? And why does everyone think anime is cartoons? Oh, I can't imagine. Clearly not. Weeaboos or whatever the bad word is. Mom, if I eat poop, does it eat its own? I, wow. Question mark, space question mark.

The first sentence of why is wrong with gay people is, gay people are weird. What happens if a feminist is wrong? Oh, I get it. Is it wrong to covet a lunchbox? Yes. Okay. Yes. I did not find any, any.

I did not find a single Wikihow article on how to eat a Hot Pocket. But there were six results for Hot Pocket, one of which was how to be an airhead with pictures but F+, what do we think we learned from this? The Yahoo answers has remained this magical land it is a website that hasn't changed

in function, scope or content in 15 years. No, no, no, no. Yeah, it's been the standard bearer in dumb shit for quite a while. And they even gamified it. If you see on the side that there's a leaderboard, Aunt Katie there has two billion points on this thing. No, like two million points. I feel like it's the opposite of a room full of monkeys with typewriters, where it will generate every possible incorrect permutation of a word,

if you'll give it enough time. Yeah. uh yeah um i i it's it's it's kind of nice that it's that it still exists and is still i mean active and still stupid um i think that i i like i like kind of going to the home page and and seeing like these um these weighty questions like, why would anyone vote for Hillary? Do unborn lives matter? Like people just really trying to get in a nice debate. Spaghetti or rice?

Most people say spaghetti. The website is always thgfpl.us, where you can listen to the audio and watch the video for F Plus Live, which you should do because some really, really terrific readings in that Frank West piece still makes me smile a lot. What do you like on Ball Pit these days, Boots? I like a thread that I thought of earlier and then didn't have ready and now I forgot what it is. I like the thread I posted, where I posted all the things I didn't read at F Plus Live. Oh yeah, I like that one a lot too.

It's pretty good. And that's all. We also have other websites. Go to those too. Bye bye. They also have other websites. Go to those too. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bonus question. What is Large Hard-On Collider? Ha ha ha!