The F Plus - 200a: Retrospective | Part 1

Episode Date: January 18, 2016

For our 200th episode, The F Plus is looking at a very strange group of people called The F Plus. This is part one of our retrospective episode, and seven of us are going to discuss the series of events that caused us to all know each other, start recording podcasts, and the absolutely terrifying act of meeting each other in person. Plus, we're going to be looking back on those moments that stuck with us, such as the Baby Drug Pusher, Boy Meat, and wanting to kill yourself because of your huge head. It's been quite a journey for all of us and now, perhaps, we've earned a couple of hours to reflect.

This is the F-Plus 200th episode of Retrospective, and in the rooms with me I've got Boots Reingear. I can grow a beard. Yes you can. John Toast. I have stole all your megahertz. Sure, kumquats up. I like whiskey on the internet. I mean, you like whiskey off the internet. Portex. What is the meaning of potato?

Ace your aquatel. It's the how many times you punch Potence times velocity And jack chick Let's all listen to Bench Press Yay I'm gonna pump some metal right now So F+,

I brought us all here In the hopes that We could figure out exactly What it is that we've done over the last six years Are we all sitting in the corner talking about it right now? Perhaps why we've done any of it

Masturbation This call's never gonna end Is this an intervention? Because you're the one who started this No, it is. Well, it's an intervention on all of our parts. So I don't know. And judging from wikiHow, our interventions don't go all that hot. I don't know if this will end up being a good starter episode to start on.

Because that's actually something I think about a lot. Of like, where is actually the best place to start? Because, like, I mean, chronologically, it would make sense to start at number one, but I think, I mean, we've done a lot of bad episodes at the beginning. Like, I don't know. I don't know where.

Like, if you were coming into this podcast completely blind, knowing nothing about it, I don't know where you would start. I i mean you say that like we have any more episodes beyond the one about cling film it's just oh do we shit capture that magic so uh yeah i just i kind of wanted to go through and uh talk a little bit about i don't know, the history and why the fuck we do this shit. Right. So all of us here in this room, we were all members of Portal of Evil during its heyday, right? Yeah.

Was anyone here active? I was not active. Profoundly active. I got people sending me death threats. That's active enough, I guess. For the site proper, no. I kind of came into it too late, but I read a lot of the archives

and a lot of the stuff about it. It was just kind of like a, oh, hey, here's a repository of a bunch of crazy shit. Let me read this. I submitted stuff on a regular basis and I got lucky with a couple. The best one was Grandpa Desad that was me i remember that one that was good oh so if you're uh so you're the one that burned that into my memory yeah if you're not familiar there was a site um god years back years back i want to say like 98 probably something like that i think it was definitely

98 it might have been 97 2000 actually i think no no no no because it was way before 9-11 i remember yeah it was before 9-11 but i don't think way but that's you know details yeah there were definitely sites submitted at it like in 1998 sure for sure but it might have been earlier but anyway so so uh it was a site um that was basically at the time if you were into uh looking at weird shit on the internet there was there was like three factions there was there was portal of evil there was uh something awful and there was fark and two of those sites still exist i forgot about fark there was also uh ogre but that was also terrible, not just weird. Yeah, Ogreish was for bad human beings.

There's always been the Ogreishes and the style projects. Yeah. The... Yeah. I mean, I think... Yeah. What's the word for nostalgia when you feel something bad

like the nocebo to the placebo? That's no exclamation point stout yeah thank you anyway continue my waxing back with shit colored lenses i think the thing that all of us shared in common with portal evil at least the sentiment amongst uh most of us has been that the thing that Portal of Evil had was, you know, yes, it had gross shit on there, but it wasn't gross for gross's sake. There was an extra element of spicy magic somewhere present. You know, and

there'd be plenty of non-gross stuff, too. Yeah, it wasn't all gross. That was the thing. I mean, it was, sometimes it was, you know, you'd look at the latest submitted posts and some of them you know some of them would be gross and another was just be fucking weird you'd be like the hell is up with this lady who likes dolphins yeah the whole thing was was basically a catalog of anything bizarre on the internet at a time when Wood could feasibly do that. Yeah.

Actually, I remember Chet's motto, Chet being the site operator, but specifically he was aiming to be the Yahoo of the weird. So that kind of dates it as well. Right. It wasn't just, yeah, we had weird and awful, but there was insane people. And, in in fact i remember the site that actually got me hooked on it to begin with and you can still find traces of it today it's just absolutely fascinating his site was called world's fastest greatest he was he was a mark he he fancied himself a martial artist and he was convinced that if you could punch really really quickly you would be the best martial artist of all time.

By punching really quickly, I mean he was basically waggling his fist. But he was the greatest at it. He was so good that he made a list of the top ten martial artists of all times, including things like the guy who invented taekwondo, Cao Qicheng, Bruce Lee, and he was on it twice. That's how good he was. Was he there for fastest and greatest? Yes, he was. I don't know because back in the web 1.0 days, there's a certain site. You know it instantly when you see it. The site that is made by a schizophrenic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rapid, like massive font changes, illeg, yeah. This is 2016, and there's thousands of CMSs, and they're really mature, and there's structures for getting your shit placed appropriately. Lunatics will still completely break it, because they'll look at some sort of pre-baked Squarespace theme and be like, hang on a second. This is not getting my point across adequately. But no, I think it's an interesting... I mean, I also vividly remember the thing that got me into Portal of Evil, and that would be

Oolong the Rabbit. Which wasn't evil at all, it was just adorable. Right. And yes, it was weird and insane. Oolong the Rabbit. Sorry, sorry, sorry. So, Oolong the Rabbit, for those of you it was just adorable and yes it was weird sorry sorry so Oolong the rabbit for those of you who tragically don't yet know Oolong the rabbit

Oolong was a rabbit owned and I hesitate to use the word owned but I think he operated yes by a Japanese man That was

The strangest I have ever seen a Japanese man In a not terrifying way Like it was It was very strange In You kept expecting a shoe to drop A really gross disgusting shoe But it was

Just adorable So what was this guy's thing, though? What was his thing? This man and his rabbit proceeded on a... I mean, years. It went for years and years of the rabbit balancing things on its head. Specifically?

Many, many things. Dorayaki, which looked like pancakes, which is why Dan Lacey does pictures of pancakes all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Many, many. You may remember the famous – this was before memes, but it was basically what memes look like now. But you may remember the famous internet picture, I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a rabbit with a pancake on his head.

Yes. And I saw that on forums everywhere back in the day. And that was Oolong. And I saw that on forums everywhere back in the day. And that was Oolong. And so, you know, I remember seeing that somehow. Because I came from Old Man Murray. And Portal of Evil is just a weird sidebar site that I would see.

And one time I happened to click through I don't even know what. And saw a rabbit with a pancake and other various objects on its head with Japanese stuff. And I had to know. There was a thing in my brain that did not let me desist until I went through every single one of that damn rabbit's pictures. Oh, that's what I came for. And saw every single thing. Yeah. Yeah. And you're not the only one, because when Dan Lacey, who is a very talented painter, discovered O Twitter right now and like so here is Barack Obama dressed up as David Bowie with a pancake on his head. Is he still doing that?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Wonderful. Well, I mean it's like – I remember seeing – Dan Lacey himself was a submission to Portal of Evil, drawing this unbearably smug comic that was proselytizing for Christianity. And then suddenly... For Catholicism specifically, it was Faith Mouse. Yeah. And then suddenly pancakes on everything. Yeah.

Yep. It was... Oh, that comic was so fucking smug. I wanted to strangle him. But... Yeah. And then pancakes. That's how much of an effect Oolong had on him.

He went from Faith Mouse, which was, as Azir said, conservative Christian cartoon-like animals, to drawing what he draws now, which is very different. The point of all this would be that there was a website that just

cataloged all this weird shit, and that's where we all, I guess, came down with a simultaneous sickness of having to look at weird shit on the internet yeah we don't have to stay on this one but one thing I really want to point out about Portal of Evil that I think is what attracted it to me at the first place is because like we mentioned

the other sites and the thing is like something awful would find something weird and they'd send their swarm of stupid nerds after it and they'd kill the site in a minute. Yep. Fark was just stupid right fark was the predecessor of reddit it was more of a yeah that's a really good point actually it was very much i was like what 12 13 when i read fark and that's the right age yeah um but what i liked what i think is really neat about portal of evil is that they have what they call the prime

directive and the idea is we link you to the site but we don't add we don't go into their forums or on their page we don't email them we don't ask them we just the idea is we link you to the site, but we don't go into their forums or on their page. We don't email them. We don't ask them. The idea is you think of them as exhibits and you let them be. And that's – And sometimes there was some bleed over by some people who were idiots, like some real big stuff. But for the most part, you could just look at it. And that reminded me – I grew up with MST and Portal of Evil reminded me of MST in that way.

And that it was like watch and ridicule and like marvel at this from afar, but don't like... But there's still kind of a weird respect there. That's so important, and something that it's mentioned in the F+, a little bit, it's mentioned on Ball Pet everywhere. on ballpad everywhere but like but like i think that that's that's super crucial of like that the weirdness exists um because it does and and you like like trolling people is not making art yeah like that's that's creating like and that's like then that's why like everything about Chris Chan makes me sad because like Chris Chan is just the the good example the effect of assholes

yeah he would have been an amazing exhibit on Poe back in the day but such is not the case now but I mean but I mean the thing with Chris Chan is that whole like saga even if you disregard how utterly and completely gross it got, it was never as funny as the Joan Oceans or the Patrick 82s or any of the sort of weirdos who were just left alone to do their own weird fucking thing. It ends up being a lot funnier.

thing you know like it ends up being a lot funnier well and i think and i think it's it ties back to the it's not gross for gross's sake right we're not we're not an ogreish that's or whatever that's saying oh look at all this you know gross shit that's really gross and you know we hate it right there's there's an appreciation yeah there's a beauty in there sometimes. I mean, sometimes there's inhuman monsters. It was a big forum drama of, hey, let's override the prime directive in this one case and all send this random Japanese guy a condolence. And that was a big deal that we interacted with. Oh, I remember that. Yeah. I sent him a cartoon of Oolong balancing halos on his head, and then someone on the Po forums told me to stop trying to get attention. It was pretty great.

It was not a perfect day. Just so you know, the Poe forums were forums. Right, right. We can look at it with all the tinting, all the rose tinting that we want, but like, first of all, that site was broken. It worked very poorly.

And also, it was incredibly aggressive. You could find out that you were on Portal of Evil from basic tracebacks. The one thing I don't do ever on the F+, is we never link to our subjects. I always don't have links. You have to copy-paste it. But you could still find out about it from Google searches or whatever. And when that happened and people came back into the fray, they were in the shit. It was really pretty terrible.

And sometimes they would come out okay. I remember there was a subject from the time that I spent the most on there. There was a guy named Watch Children who was, for all intents and purposes, a pedophile. Yeah. And that guy was horrifying. I didn't... And that was his thing.

But there were also... On the topic of... To move on from that. And on the topic of terrible... You know, the people coming from the sites. Yeah, because there were linkbacks, you would get people who would come into the forums. Right. And most of them were just like, how dare you call me? How dare you make fun of me?

How dare you make me evil? But, you know, there were some people that would do that and there would actually be some pretty funny stuff that would come from it. There was one guy called the Heartbreak Kid who was just this crazy weird. He was both like into new age stuff, stuff like crazy super weird new age stuff and write posts on the forum would have been an exhibit in and of themselves yeah and as you could tell from the um from his name he was also into wrestling i guess yeah i didn't know what that was about i thought he just was really pretty or something sure but you would also get some people that would come over and it was actually It was interesting to see the reactions

I forget the name of the exhibit But there was this one guy who drew pregnant Mega Man characters It was G-Tron G-Tron, there you go, thank you Or G-Tron, the way they spell it G-Tron, yeah But the thing is, he came over and he's like Yeah, this is pretty weird, I know

But I have fun with it, alright And he would be active on the forums And everybody would be like, you know this is pretty weird i know but i have fun with it all right and they just like he would like be active on the forums and everybody'd be like you know it's pretty weird right he's like yeah i know but he was like really chill about it so yeah you'd get a widespread of people so i i think that uh you know hopefully i'll have a couple good show notes for you um but there was uh a piece that uh recently was in the uh new Magazine by K-Thor, who is the other guy at Portal of Evil. And it's kind of good. I wish it was longer. But I liked it as kind of like a dissection of a guy who lives in New York starts a website like making fun of

weirdos on the internet, pays his rent with a website like making fun of weirdos on the internet, which is impressive. That's not something that happens. And then it's fun because he's making a website and that's his job and that's great.

And then the website gets more successful and the more successful it gets, like, the less fun that is. Which is, I think absolutely how these kind of things go. You can reach a tipping point with success that it's like, ooh, I don't like this anymore. I agree. That is what happened with something awful there was something that chet had written about that although it was a post he put somewhere in which he was getting tired of being threatened with lawsuits constantly right so uh so from portal of evil or kind of portal of evil news but that's that's not something worth talking about but like but like agreed moving on but so so from portal of evil um there ended up being a uh team fortress group that just kind of sprang out of nowhere i'm not really sure how exactly that came about

uh one of the guys one of the guys there uh was was just running a permanent server at all times, and it was available, and just on usually Friday, Saturday nights, there'd be enough people there, and it was set up so that people on both teams could just chat with each other. Yeah. And it just sort of became more of a social thing than a taking the game seriously thing. Right. Yeah, we just, none of us... I don't know what you're talking about. Frozen. a taking the game seriously thing. Right. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, we would just like, nobody really cared who won or lost

or if the teams got scrambled or anything like that. Like, nobody could give even less of a shit except for, you know, random people that would find the server and then get mad at the rest of us for not taking it seriously enough. And me and Kumquat. Right, and you and Kumquat, right, the super pro zone guys. Frank West can go suck a cock, you guys are the best.

Anyway, so since we were just talking the entire time, it just sort of turned into, and since we were all from the same website, we were looking at weird shit, it would just turn into, hey, I found a website full of weird shit, have someone read it while we're playing the game. So I want to say, so in my memory, in my memory, it was Acier that started the idea

Of just like reading weird shit on the server Right Because we had an aptitude of just I mean it was basically like Team Fortress was just a I mean it was a poker game basically Like there was a game but that was not Really Yeah

Originally like I said The server was open and so we you know i mean the voice was open so both sides could hear everything and we had we all collectively had a habit of pre-recording little snippets of whatever weird shit like uh there's some kind of thing about fag bears or something i don't even remember what a yard sale yeah or we'd have little sound clips and we'd start blasting them at each other and then when some random person would come in we'd and we'd have little sound clips and we'd start blasting them at each other. And then when some random person would come in, we'd find the weirdest thing we'd have in play of that. I had like a pre-recorded monologue about how demons were time traveling faster than light entities or something. Sure.

And then there was somebody, I think it was French Joyce, I may not be recalling correctly. I'm pretty sure it's me. I can tell my part of this when you're done. You used to play, like would record stories and then play them and then and then that sort of died out and people had an interest for it so i volunteered and not knowing that his stories were pre-recorded i just sat down and read the whole thing in one shot live and that was my immortal so yeah that's the thing i didn't pre-record those or at least i didn't pre-record all of them so i don't know what happened i was just on tf2 a lot

with you know the group poke name and playing with it and i don't know i don't know what brought it on i guess started getting late and i had a copy of i am legend um by richard matheson and i just like i just thought like you know, it was silent in the room, everybody was playing, you know, I guess we ran out of stupid shit to talk about. And I just thought, why don't I just start doing a book on tape

over the voice chat in this game for everyone? And then I did. And I read the entire book over a series of nights to everyone there. Just, you know, when it was more silent and whatever. And that led to me also doing, I read the entire book over a series of nights to everyone there. Just, you know, when it was more silent and whatever. And that led to me also doing, I read the entirety of Sass Girls X. Wow. You read the entirety of that?

I read the whole thing. I did voices, god damn it. I was not there for most of that. I was very drunk for most of that. I made it. I remember a bit of that. I was very drunk for most of that. I made it... I remember a bit of that. At one point, the stupid stoner character

goes from being a stupid stoner to he says he's secretly British, and I switched to a British accent. Oh, no. That was the start of that, then, I guess. Yeah, totally. Why did you say British accent like it wasn't in quotes?

Hey, I'm dedicated. I work in my art. I'm'm random and it doesn't show audiobooks incorporated has been calling me every day and i just closed my phone no but that's i don't know if that was the start of reading the weirds of the reading it was me but i definitely did quite a bit of it and i think that just that if i didn't start it i at least i think normalized it of like oh yeah we read stuff over the voice chat in our games and then acer did read my immortal which was delightful and you that was a great performance that's where i the noteworthy thing about that if you want to call it that is that i'd read all the typos verbatim yep and it was beautiful yeah

there's there's there's a bit of that on YouTube, isn't there? Yeah, there is. I still have the original Mike feed, but you only hear my reading of that. So My Immortal is a million-chapter Harry Potter fan fiction self-insert story. Yeah. So there's a Mary Sue, and then she's in Harry Potter world, and then she has sex with Mike Chemical Romance. The end. That's all I remember, really. Like you do.

No, there's an awful lot about clothes in that. Oh, that's definitely right. Yeah, no, fashion is described in detail. It's mostly about clothes, and she only winds up banging one of the Harry Potter characters or something. I thought there was orgies. Okay, never mind. I believe she talks a lot about how she's gothic. Oh, gothic

actually was F's. G-O-F-F-I-C, gothic. Do you think Ukad asked Tom and or son for some help? Sure thing, I said. Sadly, I went outside the door. Draco was still there. He was wearing a big black GC t-shirt, which was his panama.

Wait, what was that? He was wearing a t-shirt. A t-shirt? A t-shirt! What part of t-shirt don't you understand? All the important parts, apparently. Yeah. And, you know,

My Immortal is one of those things much like the Klingfilm site that could be fake, but it doesn't really matter at the end of the day. I mean, there's like, I don't know, 30 chapters of crazy...

44. 44 chapters. Yeah. It took me a little over four hours to read it that time. Yeah. And there's so much of it. It's just endless. That the person who went to the effort of doing all that is weird regardless of whether or not yeah and like that's that's that's my personal bar with it too of like you know if something smells like a like if

something smells like a troll i'm not probably not gonna read it unless we're sort of in the moment and it occurs to me and whatever but like the that's the thing is that like if you're if you're putting that much like is it possible that patrick 82 is a character yes that's possible but that's that's a weird thing to invest a lot of time into yeah i think one of the common beliefs about my immortal which makes it a bit unique um is that it's likely that like the first couple chapters were done by a real person and the rest of it was taken over by somebody else which makes it a very fascinating thing if if that's actually true fucking dread pirate roberts of fan fiction i am my immortal

um yeah so also on tf2 yep that was where you and i met lemon that's right yeah and i remember um i don't know if we're at this point yet but that's where you and I met Lemon. That's right. Yeah, and I remember, I don't know if we're at this point yet, but that's when you said, well, from the readings and from that had been going on so long, and I think we'd been doing random readings. People had just been randomly reading stupid internet stuff because we were all from Poe and we knew all that stuff at random times. And then you said something about making a podcast about it. Right before that, I did my first collaboration

with Lemon. That's right. Through TF2. Sounds like a eulogy now. There was a guy from... There was a guy from Portal of Evil called Mike Tyson? Oh! What do you mean, was?

There will eternally be a guy from World of Evil called Mike Tyson? With an exclamation mark, then a question mark. And he, one time on it, asked one of the other members a question. That video is still up, by the way. that video is still up and it's amazing yeah and it'll be in the show notes as well yeah i had the video i had the audio of it recorded there was a whole long conversation that went in a very bizarre way and very bizarre direction um and i i just took little snippets of it and added music to it right and then uh lemon uh sent you know sent me a message and said hey do you mind

if i put video on this i'm like fuck yeah so uh okay you mind check out that video and see if it makes sense i was yeah i watched that like last month i thought it was i thought it was still still very funny um so i remember it still being quite it stands up on its own my recollection of events sorry is that like we had so many people that wanted to listen to the reading nights that people started requesting that we record them. Yeah, it was the Shedcast.

Because the server could only fit 24 or 30 people. That's right, I totally forgot about that. Actually, in fact, a member of the group called Turtle, he actually recorded some of the readings and some of the nights like that in a podcast called the Garbage Day Cabalcast.

Yes. And I still have that somewhere on my computer. To be fair. And we were all like, well, what's a good format to record a large audio file? Oh, well, I guess a podcast. I had honestly never heard the word podcast before, and I thought it was stupid, so I was like, I don't know, okay, let's...

Yeah, when you guys first suggested it to me, I thought you guys were asking me for more stuff to read over TF2. I literally had no idea. Well, and then, and so we started recording the TF, the... I assume we'll link one of them in the show notes as well, but it was just somebody reading stories with four hours of TF2 game noise in the background.

Which made no sense. And it was fine. What a ridiculous thing to try to do. No, it was very Ennio Morricone, like the sounds of the movie are in the background. Yeah, yeah. It was hilarious. And one day, one of you messages me on steam or whatever and says hey

we're gonna do a reading night but without the tf2 and i thought that was the stupidest fucking thing i've ever heard i was like well that's the whole fucking point god damn it so so i uh i actually never got to play during a reading night um because the job i had i would get home uh after the readings had started and then it was basically impossible to get on the server so i always fucking hated reading nights like i was like oh sure you can play the game yeah these fucking things like i can't get in and like hang out because it was it was basically poker night right and so it was like well i can't fucking get in this is fucking stupid yeah but the thing was if you kept trying you would have gotten in because the uh audio could only the audio driver

whatever could only handle so many people at a time yeah it would boot people so if you made a good joke everybody would laugh and their server would crash. I was just about to say that. Yeah, it was hilarious. That's how you know you're doing well. You've crashed the server. Yes. So we were doing that. And then so as we were kind of like doing, I don't know, slightly more formalized readings. At that point, my girlfriend's dad was he was working at a

school and and one of the things that he would do with students is he would like every time you know they would get sent to the principal's office he would make them write a letter of why they got sent to the principal's office and he kept all

of these and and and so we so so one day like I was over at his house, and I'm looking through these things, and I spent about three hours on his bed just reading through this shit. And I was like, all right, I want to do something with this. I want this to be read. And that's episode one, which, again, I recommend nobody listen to that. I still like it. I think it was a fine idea. I just don't think we did it right.

I don't think anyone knew what we were doing. We had no plan going into it. No, no, no, no. It's like, here's some shit. Read it. Go. Right. Yeah, yeah.

And honestly, we've never had a plan going into it. No. We didn't have a plan going into this. No, we certainly didn't. Does it sound like it? into it. No. We didn't plan on going into this. No, we certainly didn't. Does it sound like it? You guys

invited me to the first episode, and I hung around for a bit, and it was disjointed, and I didn't understand what was going on, and I eventually concluded, oh, I see what's gonna happen. I see what's going on here. They're gonna record poor tax saying all this weird, stupid, gross shit, and they're gonna turn it

to mic spam, and then over next TF2, just out of context, it's going to be like, I want to fuck sneezing, and everyone's going to think I said that. To be fair, that's still my plan. Yeah, so I assume... That was brilliant. The long con.

Yep. So I think that in those early episodes, it's weird because a lot of our subjects in the early episodes are really, really good, but they're just kind of ruined by just sort of bad structure. Bad structure, bad production. Bad structure, bad production. Not good jokes. People kind of have annoying voices. Not production. Not good jokes. I mean, people can have annoying voices. Not

production. And the only time that I feel particularly guilty about it is just when Well Known Food Place comes back as a reference. A lot of our references are from very early episodes.

I actually have a very large head. And every single time I think about wearing a hat, the words, Sometimes I wish I was never born, come in my head. I am the biggest in the world! Dude, I feel just like you! I thought of killing myself, too! Yay! I feel just like you.

I thought of killing myself, too. Yay! I have the biggest, largest head in the world. I'm in high school, too, and people stare and talk about me, too. I can't capital W wear hats because of my head size. I can't really get a girl because the first thing they look at is my big ass head. People have always made fun of my head when I was little. When I was in grammar school, it didn't really bother me. But now that I'm in high school, that's the

only thing I think about. Sometimes I wish I was never born. Because of my head size, I am forced to live a different lifestyle than normal people. I hate going outside because I am afraid people are talking about

me and staring at me. Sometimes I wish God would have gave me something else, like a big nose or big ears, but I feel I've been cursed with a really big head. For a little while there, I was like, boy, I think Jack Chick made completely the wrong choice

with that voice, and then all of a sudden I heard sometimes I wish I was never born! Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, we'll do these callbacks to just really old episodes, and it just feels weird of like,

yeah, you're going to need to go 170 into the vault. Yeah. That's fine. It's going to sound like shit. The jokes aren't going to be great, but, you know, fuck it. But you might get that reference in the end, so... But that moment's perfect. Yeah, worth it.

But that moment where somebody says that they went into a well-known food place, which presumably, if we were to get that at this point, it would just be completely glossed over. I actually have a friend who listens to every single episode in reverse chronological order, and it was a rather interesting experience for him to slowly like the references would just kind of emerge out of the and I actually that's the thing that tempers a little bit of that

of like and I'm pretty sure I'm not alone on this but like I've watched a lot of the Simpsons and a lot of Mystery Science Theater and that means that you go through your life working back through the references, where all of a sudden you'll hear a David Bowie song

and you'll be like, oh, that's what the fuck they were quoting. All right. Yeah, there's so many songs I knew first from Weird Al. Oh, I bet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. I actually, like, I heard spam before I heard

Stand by R.E.M., and I remember being in Boy Scouts at, like, a Boy Scout camp thing, retreat or whatever, and we were doing some stupid craft thing that you always do because you're a Boy Scout, and I remember Stand came in on the radio, and I'm just kind of cracking up alone there, because I'm like, oh, yeah, that's what this is talking about.

That's pretty funny. But, um, not to get you know too emotional or anything but um i to go back to kind of what we're talking about it's emotional with the start um before i knew what the hell this thing would become i just remember lemon kind of coming to me and offering like hey i, we're going to try the thing without playing TF2. And I believe you asked me to be a co-host. Yep. Yeah. And that was like kind of like, oh, okay.

Well, I don't know what the hell this is, but that's cool. I'm all for that. And that's why in a lot of the earlier episodes until like later on when life got in the way. Yeah. That's why I was on every episode because I was the co-host. Right. And because this little thing, this weird little thing that you were leading because doing uh because doing vaudeville with you is is ceaselessly entertaining to me it was very delightful i enjoyed every moment of it yeah the one that sticks out of my head was the one where i i ate that biscuit while i was talking yeah Yeah, that was the best. You were just completely disgusted.

I think that's my favorite. It's like the ones that sometimes going back, some of the ones that hit me the hardest are things that I fucking hated at the time. And then I'll go back and listen to it. There's that one episode that I wasn't around for, and then Portax and Stog do the intro. Whatever, we did amazing.

Hey there, welcome to the F+. My name's Lemon. And I'm John. And hey, John, do you like science? I hate science. I live in a cave, and I think the sun needs to be blown up. Uh-huh. All right, well, uh, there's lots of science on the internet.

Did you know the internet's made of science? I'm gonna smash the internet with my bare hands. Oh, dear. Well, there's lots of people here on these websites, and they've decided that, you know, you don't really need to go to school to learn science. All you really need to do is just watch a movie, or just be a fan of a certain TV show, or even just, you know, fuck a flashlight that looks like an alien vagina. I'm gonna beat them up. Well, that's good.

Today we have some science websites with science on them. I love science! Hey, John, have you noticed that we've gotten strangely incompetent at this recently? What's that mean? Let's go to our readers now! Thank God!

Let's have someone else talk. Who's here in the room tonight? Okay, we've got Boots. We've got Bunny Bread. We've got Kumquat. We've got... Stog, that's how you do introductions. Sometimes Stog.

I like Stog's weird introductions. Okay, okay, okay. We've got Smokestack on bass. We've got... Okay, okay, okay. Jimmy B on drums. That is a disaster. That is horrible.

Oh, I need to listen to that again. Funniest intro in the history of the podcast. The thing is, so, like, for that one, usually the intros would be recorded with nobody else in the Skype call. But for that one, Boots was like, well, okay, everyone can stay in for this so they can see it, so they can hear it happen. And so everyone had to shut up. And Mean Stog did that and something Boots cut out which I really wish he left in was after we did that

fucking horrendous intro there was a few seconds of silence and Boots just goes Jesus and everyone else just burst out laughing pretty much summed up what I like about the fact that we had everybody else in that episode is that you can hear uh you can hear people like like grunting and moaning in the background yeah it was pretty great because they were i guess nobody

knew how to mute their mics back then because all you said was like just mute your mics and be quiet and shit and then they were just like okay and then you can you still hear them you can definitely hear us yeah yeah so yeah and and and sort of to uh to that end i mean that was why there's a break and i don't even remember what episode it happens but like because we had kind of like intro bumper and end bumper and then like recording session and i know why we did that but it still was not the right decision to make yeah like the vaudeville intros were were very fun for a while but it really got to a point where especially when i was doing them with you my my natural instinct was to just say oh fuck this right whenever whenever you'd ask me what i was what i was interested in that particular week and like and that frequently happened that happened quite a few times i don't

regret that we did them because i think some funny stuff did come from some of those but at the same time i gotta kind of say after like at first when you said like oh we're not doing the intros anymore i'm like oh fuck it's how are you gonna do that it's like totally gonna break the podcast you know it's gonna break the format and how we're gonna introduce and then like i listened to a couple without him and i'm like yeah that was the right choice i still i still don't know that that's that that's like i still feels weird to me that because we're not that deep into this into the strategy but like but like having um uh directly reader intros like into the intro is is odd and that still feels odd to me and i don't know what's better than that but like to start to start blind with reader intros i don't know i really like it actually

i think it kind of sets the tone for the for the episode and moves it forward whereas the the the intro bumpers were always like they always sounded really really contrived and like sound always intentionally we'll take one exception to that is that if you guys were to ever do another like 1920 radio play thing again i'd be all over that shit well that was fucking amazing yeah yeah so i don't know i i'm hoping i just i i hope that the the sort of facile intro that we do now is is good enough anyway you would usually introduce like kind of what the you would to the room as before we read you would kind of introduce the concept to us of like here's what we're reading and so that would kind of serve as an intro maybe a little bit delayed but i have a very subjective reason for liking that we just go right into it and is that i feel like in so many podcasts it's like youtube videos you have this

like like you know there's like this some intro is like oh here's the car here's the thing i'm doing on this podcast i'm gonna like just an intro And I just so many times I feel like listening to them just be like, just get to the fucking point. So how did I manage to convince all of you people to fly to Minneapolis on your own dime to read shit in a stupid bar? You didn't convince me to do it.

Toast convinced me to do it. He's the hero. Actually, you didn't convince me. Well, OK, you're right. You're right. How did I convince everyone but Acier to do that? So to be fair, I didn't go me well okay you're right you're right how did i convince everyone but acer to do that so to be fair i didn't go to the first one either because of i don't know some stupid boring job thing but no that's not you also thought it was going to be too nerdy come quite okay okay okay nope nope i went to the second one based solely on poor taxes and Jack Chick's endorsement that Stog was real.

That is true. That is actually a big reason I went the first time. I had already been to Minneapolis once that year to meet Lemon for the first time. And I'd met actually quite a lot of the people through our cross-country trip. But I had not met Stog. And I needed to meet Stog, and meeting Stog was the most amazing experience.

Because he is real. Can I tell you what is news to probably everyone with boots? Mr. Stog, our friend Mr. Stog, he is emigrating Into the fine city of Minneapolis

Really? What? He realizes that F Plus Live Is just like a yearly thing It's not an everyday thing Or did you lie to him? Yeah, I don't know Because I haven't I haven't crossed internet into real life very often at all.

And so the proposition of doing that first F Plus Live and then a whole bunch of disembodied voices turning into flesh was very strange. Oh, believe me. I mean, not even voices. I mean, I think, Portax, I think I've known you the longest. Yep. Joined a Poe about a week within each other. Yeah. And, I mean, we had interacted for well over a decade.

Yep. Confirmed. Around weird internet shit, and all of a sudden the prospect of this, you know, this ethereal concept known as Portax, you know, it was... And yet Stog being real is what

convinced you to go, I see how it is. Yes. You're not magical. Stog is magical. So for me it was actually like, I didn't even have any nervousness, trepidation about it until I got there. It didn't even occur to me, I'm doing something potentially really fucking stupid. It was more like, well, you know, I've been playing TF2

and then going and doing this podcast for a while, and it's been super fun, so fuck it, let's go do that. I just say, i did definitely have kind of that experience in stages because i actually met stog i think i think i met stog before f plus live the first time i met all of you because he actually since we were both in texas yeah that's right so we're both in texas we actually just hung out because he was in the area and yeah the the the evening with stog was quite delightful um but yeah it definitely did have that feeling of like well this is kind of interesting that i'm doing this and all of these people who were internet and video game voices in the world they

are now going to become real yeah and then they became real and I got drunk oh yeah you can't hear it in the recording at all don't worry about it I got very drunk I did Victor drove us to the Twine Ball did you make it to that toast? yeah he did at my insistence

I was hungover and nauseous off of Indian food on the van ride he wasn't going to do it. Was there puke? Yeah, I told him he had to do it. No, thankfully no. I was trying to convince the F Plus cast

to go to the fucking pizza ranch and everybody shot me the fuck down. Yeah, because we all wanted to go to Chipotle. Oh, yeah. Let's not talk about that. So those weekends are so much fun for me. Yeah. In addition to being really stressful.

They are incredibly stressful for me and really enjoyable at the same time. I remember actually the last one that we did. So it was, you know, all the people came in and we did the thing. And there was the pre-party the day before where I got super blasted. Because there was a point where Boots took the microphone from me

and then told me I should stop drinking and I should drink water. And then I went, I'm not drunk! And then I went, oh, God, that's what drunk people say. So, yeah. So we did that weekend. And then it was me and Boots and Frank West. And then Frank West left.

and then uh frank west left and then uh we just like me and boots just laid on the couch and watched and got high and watched dance movies because the idea of alcohol was so repellent to us at that point like it was just like yeah no it's couch it's just couch and that's yeah yeah f plus live is at least for me an entire week hangover. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nope. Yeah, it's, it's, it's. Yeah. I take, I took, I took three days off afterwards.

Wow. But what, it was a very small crowd the first time, and a very, you know, relative, you know, it was kind of a small group of ridiculous as well. in a very, you know, it was kind of a small group of ridiculous as well. But I remember it was sitting on my head along with meeting everybody and seeing the twine ball and doing all that fun stuff was I was like,

oh, we're like doing a live show in person. It's like, that's what, that's what like real podcasts do. Like real shows that do real things. That's the only reason I went because you all were like, no, we're going to get together. We're going to get together.

And I was like, cool, have fun, I suppose. No, no, no, you have to be there, too. I said, eh, I don't think that's true. And then Toast said, and then Toast said, no, no, no, they're reading stuff in front of people. And I said, oh, they're not just hanging out, they're actually

doing, recording a thing. Oh, okay, yeah, I'll find something, don't worry about it. doing, recording a thing. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'll find something. Don't worry about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember we had four people in the audience total. Is that right? It was not good.

It was us. I remember hitting the milestone of more audience members than readers. Yeah, that was F Plus Live 3. That's fine. That happens. And Yeah, that was F Plus Live 3. That's fine. That happens. Lemon, talking about F Plus Live 1, I have a confession to make. What's that? When we did that intro where you talked about,

I think the first food episode where you talked about eating Ethiopian food with the spongy bread, I said, yeah. I had no idea what the fuck you were talking about until we went to that bar that we did the show in. I'm like, oh, I see what he's talking about. Because that's where they had the Ethiopian food.

Our first two shows were at a Ethiopian bar that is finally closed in a move that should have been a surprise to nobody. So do you guys end up listening to this thing? Do you listen to this?

Do you listen to it multiple times? I listen to it quite often. I do. I do. I just, I'm not as good as keeping up with it, but I do listen to it. So I'm pretty current right now. I think I'm three episodes behind and kind of halfway through a couple of them. But recently, like, I really, really liked how the Monster Girl episode turned out.

It was gross as fuck, but it was one of those things that I remember after recording it, feeling this is super samey and boring and it's just going to be like, oh, hey, look, it's another fucking gross thing. And the way that it evolved ended up being so goddamn funny.

Like, I had to stop it multiple times in the grocery store because I was, like, curled up next to the cabbages, like, laughing. Blasting it over big bucks. I've had that experience, too. Not sure, what does a Wikia contributor think of this?

You know, this lady remind me of quicksand, a very warm quicksand. You sink down in her until you drown in pleasure forever in her womb. No, I mean, that's just like you antlion girl. I don't think so. Antlion girl drains you straight to death, I believe, while lava girl likes to smoke in a pleasuring bath for as long as you have left to live. I agree with you, but I just like slimes.

You say you like slimes, so does this mean quicksand is slimy? How is slime related to quicksand? Nothing, it's just a comparison. I mean, the way the age scene goes and how Luka gets gradually covered by the lava or sinking to remind me of quicksand. I am amazed there were no comment

for this one. Well, anyway, she looks strangely kind of cute, and there was something that was bugging me. What was that? How hot is she actually when she get you? I know Luca was describing how it feel in her, so is this wiki as well, but when it say as hot as a vagina,

frankly, I don't know what it means. No shit. Is it as hot as a hot spring or lower? Oh, underscore, oh, question, question, question, question. Sorry if you use the word hot so many times, although no one can blame me for this. I mean, I can.

Since she is lava, it would be hot, but not hot enough to kill somebody. That is what I am curious about. Lol, just imagining how hot it would be. Does it take for incontinence to kick in anyway? Where are they getting the fucking incontinence from? From themselves. That is always, always, always the thing

that I'm thinking about during recipe episodes. Of, like, that first recipe episode that we did was the first episode that I was in love with. That I was like, yes, this is perfect. Everything about this is great. And then, like, every time that we'll do another recipe episode, it's like, fuck, this, like, how do we not hit the same points? And then it works. For the second recipe episode, we accomplished that by having...

Oh yeah, Boots really liked that for some reason. I'm really excited, though. I'm really, really excited about the concept of taking like, okay, so I have a cup of corn syrup, but it's not quite sweet enough. Let me add a cup of sugar to that corn syrup. Yes. Ah.

And that's not enough, so I'm going to add sweetened peanut butter. Yeah, I know. What doesn't have enough sugar already? He advises that you never use reduced fat peanuts. Oh, of course. Choosy moms choose to give their kids diabetes. There are five reviews on this. Three of them are five stars.

One of them is three stars. That's fine and good. Obviously, these people are insane. But this person, something is broken about this person, because this person gave it one star. But their review starts with, I had such high hopes for this recipe. You and me both, sister.

I love the way sweet and salty and savory mix all together. Oh, and this is Jessica, the 53,214th person on the internet named Jessica, who worries that this recipe just didn't work for her because the texture of the quote-unquote sauce was off. What sauce? What did you expect? It was off compared to all the similar recipes. This is the worst

cookie sauce I've ever had. Oh man, the last two statements here are amazing. A peek into Jessica's psyche. Didn't blend. It just tasted like corn chips and extra sweet peanut butter.

And then she apologizes. Yeah, she says at the end of that, she says sorry. I mean, way to blame the victim here. Like it's your fault. I'm so sorry I had high hopes for this recipe. I'm sorry that sweetened peanut butter

and corn chips tasted like sweetened peanut butter and corn chips. You know, I think this proves that the 50,000 models of Jessica's we just need to scrap them. I like the first one. I hope for the steak, but it tastes too much like beef.

I'm sorry. Yes, I have but it tastes too much like beef. I'm sorry. God, yes, I have to read this first one by D. We didn't read this, did we? Go right ahead. Spread the joy. We make these a lot, and we call them Fritos dessert. Ew! Jesus!

They made it so much they give it a nickname. Ew! It gets better. You heard that after Frito's dinner. Yes. Never use reduced fat peanut butter. The sauce gets too hard. Add a little extra peanut butter to get more flavor. Add the one flavor you're using.

And, and... For a little extra treat, sprinkle milk chocolate chips over the warm topping. Best eaten when still warm. Just shovel it out of the oven into your mouth. I just want to throw up. You're supposed to let it cool and break into pieces, and they're eating it warm. They're literally just scooping a handful of ripping food and eating it.

I just want us to savor the sentence, we make these a lot but we call them Fritos dessert. And then follow that directly with best eaten when still warm. I like how they sprinkle milk chocolate chips on it

so it's just like, mmm, this peanut butter on Tostitos tastes great. You know what? It could use chocolate. Get some whipped cream on there, too. Let's get some fucking Rolo. Let's just put that in a big fucking vat and have some fucking Texas pie with it. Hey!

Hey, Martha! Go turn on CSI Omaha and get me some Fritos dessert! Chase that down with a strip and go naked and fucking... Anything you have to cool and break into pieces is basically candy, and they're saying best eaten when still warm, i.e. it hasn't cooled and hardened into candy

so you can't break it into pieces, so you have to grease your hand first! No! You just go to the shed and you get a fucking spade and you just shovel that shit right in. This is good cookie magma. I'll tell you how we topped

that first recipe episode. By doing a fucking recipe episode in person where we had to eat the gross bullshit. That was pretty amazing. Yeah, you where we had to eat the gross bullshit. That was pretty amazing. Yeah, you didn't have to eat the bullshit. That's why it's so amazing. Well, no, the other way you top it is have Bunny Bread do a Paula Deen impression

that he just doesn't stop improvising. There's a visual component that's missing to that San Francisco episode. Oh my god. The peanut sauce looked, to quote a wise internet sage, looked like poo-poo.

I remember the next morning after that one, Lemon and I were sharing a hotel room in San Francisco and I plugged in my laptop and I plugged in my laptop, my headphones, and I just cued forward to the point where we all bit into that Doritos sandwich.

And I was so happy that that sound was perfectly clear. Because that was the most important thing of that episode. You played it twice. Alright, so we're going to do this. Oh, Jesus.

Ready to take a nice big bite. One. Two. Okay. One, two, three. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh, my God. You can't really taste the butter. Yeah. Yeah, you can. Yeah.

But, no, so listening to the podcast, I listen to the podcast for two reasons. Why is that? I listen to the podcast, one, to hear how drunk I was during that night for episodes I'm in. And then, for episodes I'm not in, I listen to hear all my friends to hear the stupid shit they do. in, I listen to hear all my friends to hear the stupid shit they do. So, the ones that I'm not in, I'm surprised by the stuff that happens.

The ones that you are in, you're also surprised by the stuff that happens. That's fair, yeah. So, the only time I've listened to an episode and nearly come perilously close to actual mortal physical harm

was F Plus Sings, the episode. I was traveling at a high rate of speed down Highway 101 north of San Francisco. That's not actually possible. Well, I was on a motorcycle

at the time, so it was. So I'm listening to this, and all of a sudden, into my ears comes the dulcet sounds of Jack Chick Esquire in the fantastic musical production of Justin Hedabaw's what was it called? Immortality? Alright. Sometimes I feel like an immortal like I changed completely

teleportation through a secret portal as a rapper! I don't like this Andrew Dice Clay musical. Completely teleportation through a secret portal. Oh, yeah. As a rapper. I don't like this Andrew Dice Clay musical. Oh, yeah. And you expect it to, I'm sure. As a rapper right now, I'm at the bottom of the sea.

Just another piece of coral. Coral. Coral. Coral guide Is it that says You have to keep adding More and more syllables To each line Or you can rhyme I have a pretty

Fucked up moral Yeah I can write rhymes But most of my shit Is oral But I guess this can be A starting point I'm not some wannabe gangster I don't rap about smoking a joint

I just say whatever is on my mind Sometimes I gotta dig deep Yeah, some of my shit is hard to find Always living in the now Never go and rewind This is where all my lyrical thoughts are combined. Why can't a woman be born like a man? Underwater Coral, the musical.

Yeah, it did have that Pirates of Penzance feel to it. Gilbert and Sullivan. I'm an immortal? It was goth rap, right? Yes, the supposed goth rap. Yeah. And I'm not kidding. I started laughing so hard that my, like, I started to tear up.

And I started to laugh so hard that when you're wearing a motorcycle helmet, it fits very tightly. And I started to laugh, which made my cheek pads bunch up, and I couldn't see. And all of a sudden, a corner in the freeway approached, and I nearly died. That was so fucking funny. You realize

that that would have been a hell of a memoriam episode if the podcast fucking killed you? Yes. Like, I would have been a coral at the bottom of a sea. Yes. Like, I would have been a coral at the bottom of a sea. Oh my god, it would have been like a Sonny Bono kind of thing. Yeah.

Like, we'd have to do an episode about Kumquat, and then we'd have to make sure it's not that funny so he doesn't kill any more people, and it would just be... Do you... What?

You asked if we listen to this thing that we do yeah i will tell you what i listen to it quite a bit i used to listen to it pretty often in fact i have two i have a separate podcast app mainly so that i can keep archived episodes like that so i can listen to them because my main one that i use for like podcasts that update that do it it just it's not good at archiving them just getting a new episodes so i have a separate app installed so you have like an incognito session for the f plus yeah basically but i have it so that it's really good at like displaying all the old episodes and downloading them so i have that separate one installed just so i can either have a bunch of old episodes saved and also that i can

just oh yeah this old episode i want to listen to this again i can redownload it right right that's how much i listen to our show yeah i i i i've always felt like i don't know like like i've i've i've personally like you know it's it's the show that i that i've always wanted to do it's the show that makes me happy, and that's the only criteria that matters. But I think it's odd that what we have is definitely, unequivocally, not the most popular podcast there is. What? You don't say. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But uniquely, it's a replay friendly one um and you know like when i'll read stuff about like people listening to once again and then stuff like that and i feel like that's rare-ish don't you think yeah i think and i think that's because our episodes and what we do you know i mean you've got up and down episodes you know i think i think in general they're all pretty great. I can usually find general episodes I like. But I think our episodes are, because of what we read, how we read it, the format, they're very dense, both with material and with jokes. And that they're stupid. Yeah, absolutely.

I wasn't going to say that, but sure. They're dense in that way. Except for the WikiHow episodes. Right. Very smart. That was educational. Yes. But, like, you know,

another podcast, you know, maybe they'll go over one or two things or they'll go over some subjects, but it's just kind of them. It's like, oh,

what do you think of Star Wars? Like, they'll just, you know, just kind of regular discussion. Oh, they kind of ramble. Yeah, they just kind of ramble like I'm doing

right now. But our episodes, like, you know, there's stop points of, like, here's when we read this thing, here's the jokes we made of that here's like we went off on a tangent or a skit based on that there's just so much in each episode that it's like sometimes i didn't catch stuff until i like re-listened to them i should i should sort of just point out that there's still i think only one other podcast I know of that does the same sort of thing that we do.

And that's Lou. And Lou started the same week that we did. Lou started the exact same week that we did. I did not know that. And that... Proves creationism? I agree. Finally, someone said it.

Intelligent design. Here, hold on to this banana. Let's's not go intelligent let's not go too far i think i think the the one of the one of the and we will probably touch a little bit more on this in in in part two of this retrospective but like but i think one of the things that that i always struggled with is, like, taking a grasp of, like, you know, I'm not – I don't necessarily want to be more popular than other people, you know? And so I will confess that, like, my initial reaction to finding out about Lou Ries was like, what the – ah, you're stealing from me, my intellectual property. ah you're stealing from me my intellectual property um and then i listened to it and like and got such an appreciation of like the thing that he does and and there are still ones that are like because of the way that that show is set up like the the fact that he can go so deep into shit that is so disgusting and he's done he's done bug chasers more than once.

You know what I mean? Most people don't, so I guess that's a record for him. Yay! Hello. If we were doing the best joke of the episode rule, then we would file out right there. All right. Everybody stop.

file out right there everybody stop um are there are there moments that are there moments that like strike you are there ones that you like you're doing dishes or whatever and you think about some specific line or some specific moment

yeah yeah um that was the episode about the romantic bits of literature. And Bunnybread has a habit of just going off on tangents. Does he? Not exactly tangents. Oh, I know what a shocker, right?

And he was reading this Bunker 13 thing and just started turning it into a choose your own adventure and my wife will sometimes still go she has a lovely mouth just like he did because

this is Bunker 13 by Aniruda Bacal by Faber & Faber. She is taking off her blouse. It's on the floor. Her breasts are placard for the endomorphically endowed. In spite of yourself, a soft whistle of air escapes you. She's taking off her trousers now.

There are heaps on the floor. Her panties are white and translucent. You can see the dark hair sticking to them inside. There's a design as well. You gasp! Gasp, I said! It's written in second place. I can't believe it's written in second place.

Gasp, everyone! Gasp! No! Thank you. She shows you her vagina. You are likely to be eaten by... Don't read ahead. Wrapper and cling film.

That's always the right choice. Oh, shush. We save that till the end. The cling film is the end. Oh, that's it. Why bother reading anymore? Okay. What's that?

You ask. You see a designer pussy. A designer pussy does not notice you yet. What you do? North, west, east, south. Run. Okay. You cannot run. Designer pussy fucks you. You have scored three points out of 210.

Anyway, you see the designer pussy. Hair razored and ordered in the shape of a swastika. The alien denominator. Oh, God. That would take some skill. pussy. Hair razored and ordered in the shape of a swastika, the Aryan denominator. Oh, God. That would take some skill. Carefully, Vajazzle.

Sneak it in my Hitler hole. As your hands roam her back, her breasts, and trace the swastika on her mouth, you start feeling like an ancient Aryan warlord yourself. She sandwiches your nozzle between her teeth.

Yes, your nozzle! What do you call it? Penis? I just have to point out, in spite of what you say, none of this is happening right now. It is. It's happening to all of us. She sandwiches all of your nozzles between her teeth. Massaging it. I'll never be able to between her tits, massaging it with a slow rhythm, a trailer to bookmark the events ahead.

For now, she has taken you in her lovely mouth. Your palms are holding her neck and thumbs are at her ears, regulating the speed at her head as she swallows and then sucks up your machinery. She is topping up your engine oil for the cross-country coming up. Your RPM is hitting a new high. To wait any longer would be to lose prime time. She picks up Bugatti's momentum. You want her more at a Volkswagen. Steady trot. Squeeze

the maximum mileage out of your gallon of gas. But she's eating up the road with all the cylinders blazing. You let her out. You want to try different kinds of fusion. Very many asterisks. The end.

And that's sort of like the essence of the F Plus podcast distilled into a nugget for me. The other bunny bread one that I think about a lot is Baby Drug Pusher.

Yeah. Try it! No, just try it! Try it! You do math! You do math! I had a teenage neighbor who used to baby minus it

for my husband and me until I found out she was doing drugs. Okay. Oh, no. The baby, of course. Yeah. I think that's the babysitter's fault, really.

If you're babysitting a child and the child's doing drugs, I think that's on you. The baby introduced the babysitter to this kind of shit. The babysitter was doing really well until then. What are you, chicken? Now just try it. Try it. Try it. Try it, Melissa.

You like it. Yay! You do meth. Yay, meth. Yay! You do meth. Yay, meth! Yay! You like it. You run around now. You run around like me.

We run around. Yay! Best friends. Oh, my God. I love baby drug pusher. Anyway. Yeah, so baby Pusher! Anyway... Yeah, so Baby Drug Pusher. Or wait, what's happening?

Yeah, Baby Drug Pusher. Really, we could just have done this entire recording of just stuff we like that Bunny Brits said. Oh my god, the one from the Body Mod episode where he's doing, like, sweetums from the Muppets,

talking about, like, cutting the frenulum on his penis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you'll wait. Okay, so thank you for getting this far in the podcast. And now, here's a clip you're going to enjoy. Hey, guys! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! So, I've been depressed lately, but I'm feeling pretty good. Hey! Because I just had the best idea, and I've just been pumped all day. Okay. Hey! Hey!

I'm looking to cut the frenum on my dick! Oh, no! The frenum? The frenum on my dick. Oh, no. The frenum? The frenum. Yeah. I'm looking into cutting the frenum on my dick so I can pull the foreskin

back all the way. Sure. Isn't there an easy and at the same time safe way to do it yourself? Wait, wait. Isn't there an easy and safe way to do it yourself? Wait, wait. Is there an easy and safe way to do it yourself without going to the doctor?

Well, yes and yes. If so, share. I'm up for anything as long as it's safe. Because I'm all about safety. That's why I'm here. I'm going to cut the frenum on my dick. Yay! Yay! the frenum on my dick yay the frenum so um

you're a gangsta so I will describe my method times as I remove my frenulum oh good everyone must of course know what he wants the frenulum prep removes frenulectomy.

Frenulectomy? Frenulectomy, I can only recommend. The advantages are what? The foreskin can move further back. It is a major hub for the possible and masturbation. The foreskin is moving. I think that masturbation falls The foreskin is moving. I think masturbation falls within the realm of the

impossible. I'm imagining you know the one Muppet that's like a full body suit that walks around. Oh, tiny. And now it's now he's cutting his own penis. Oh yeah, the one that like the mouth descends like a drawbridge or something.

Yeah. Okay. Two, the penis looks better because the foreskin folds almost pull it backwards. This man... My penis was hideous until I did this. Three, the penis is a much better clean. I have the frenulum with three interventions themselves completely removed by the following method.

Prerequisite is clean and sterile. Hands and penis thoroughly wash and sterilize the intervention agency. Everything else in my body is fucking filthy. It's disgusting. I roll around in the mud all day. You gotta use your hands and your penis to thoroughly wash and sterilize. Use your penis to wash your hands.

Wash in the scalpel with my penis. First, I have the penis for about a five minute in ice water bath. Then you notice the cut knot. Oh wow, you are getting more of a caveman all the time.

After the sterilization of frenulum, I use a sharp pair of scissors. With a pair of scissors, cannot slip. What? The frenulum in the middle up to the glands, glands, lower passing throat.

Thanks for clarifying that. You're welcome, welcome. The glands, or glands. Glands? If you're a city folk. It bleeds a little. Do not panic. This is normal when you cut the bread.

Wait, hang on. I cut my dick open for some reason. There was blood underneath. What? Did I do something wrong? No, no, no, no. Penises want to bleed. It's just their natural state.

Next. What a weird side effect. Next. Next. Does blood have to do with dicks? Next. I have sterile gauze rolls inserted into the wound

and the foreskin closed. Wound glued otherwise. What? Wait, he says... I discovered my penis is a gorilla glue. That solves the problem. And I masturbated for a little while. Now I have a problem. Type him up one hand.

He said wound glued otherwise, which is in the past tense. So does that mean that this was attempt number two? Yes. This is about like number seven or something. Okay. Now I'm not freaked out about the blood bite anymore. First thing I used to glue it back together was like melted gummy bears. That didn't work.

Don't recommend that. Then I used some more blood. It turns out that didn't work. Then I took the foreskin with a sticking plaster strips and a sealed condom pulled over. If still, little blood comes out, which was not the case. What? I don't know. The next morning, I cautiously open the foreskin.

This is the first time I've been cautious in my life about anything. Right now, I decided to be cautious. The bleeding had stopped, by the way, and urinates after a further disinfect the wound. A new gauze... I used piss to disinfect the wound. A new gauze rolls and brought back the foreskin closed. Pissing to disinfect the wound so far is best idea. Yeah. But as I patched the booklet, easy to urinate can open.

This is a mad lib at this point. After a week, the wound has healed so well that I could resist gently masturbate. You could resist your gently masturbation? Up until then, he's been gently masturbating. Now I can keep my hands off.

Yeah. Well, the blood stopped. I guess I... Incidentally, pain are limited is easily bearable. After a few months after the wound had healed well, I have only the rest of the frenulum on the glans bottom. Excuse me, glans glans bottom. And after the well has

healed, well, after the well was healed on the inside of the foreskin in the same way away. Ultimately, I have, so to speak, a triangle cut out. With the result, I am very satisfied. The operation is now 30 years back!

What?! So I think this can be assessed. By the way, I'm 32 years old. Okay, well, we can circumcise your child, or we can get a little bit more creative. Well, creative, please, go on.

size your child, or we can get a little bit more creative. Well, creative. Please, go on. I don't want my son to have unattractive penis. You make it pretty. I hate all that brunulum. Didn't you enjoy that? Of course you did. Well, there's one thing. It was kind of almost just a running gag,

but it was mainly just to one episode. And I really enjoy it. I'll just think of it every once in a while. It was just the unmothering, unschooling, whatever episode. Just the running gag that Portex had of like, I'm this this, and I'm a huge

cunt. Oh, yeah. Well, I'm this, this, and I'm a huge cunt. Well, I'm glad you liked it. At least one person does, apparently. It's just the relish that you proclaim. The thing that I occasionally use in everyday conversation accidentally without realizing

that everybody what? Everybody doesn't list a stupid internet bullshit? Right. Occasionally, I will just say in conversation, I'm skinny, bye! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Another one that's

really old, but like, it's really appropriate. But that's the thing about being exposed to stupid bullshit on the internet over a course of decades is, you know, patterns emerge. Right. And the pattern of somebody popping into a forum thread and being like, this doesn't apply to me at all. I don't have your problem.

Goodbye. It was the perfect summation of that thing. And so now I say that in response to that happening in real life, like in a meeting at work. Yep. Yep. Yep. I absolutely do that all the fucking time.

Yeah, I couldn't get my code to compile. I don't have that problem. Goodbye. The other thing that, and this is DF+, this is also Portal of Evil, this is just living the life that I've lived, is that you'll be in these conversations where someone will be like, a furry? What's a furry? And then you have to, like, you can't. It's impossible.

Yeah, you have to, like, you can't. It's impossible. Yeah, you have to explain it. I've told myself, like, I'm not going to do that this one time. Like, I'm not going to explain to fucking Nancy, like, what a balloon fetish is. But no, I just like. Okay. I once accidentally found myself in a situation where I needed to explain other kin to my aunt. Right. Don't do that. That's a story.

So we have a new hire at work who, I was talking to him and he was about, you know, just his personal life. He was like, so I'm okay. Have you ever heard of a of a bear? You should have put your hands on your cheeks and been like, oh my, what? I was just like, oh honey, you have no idea. Did you start doing the choreographed dance of Bear Force One?

I'm not going to tell you I didn't see that. Something that, if we're talking about really early episodes, obviously one thing that I love that everyone that I've shown the podcast who loves is the original genesis of Fab Voice where he's talking about five-star bagel. I remember I showed that

to someone and he was listening to it and he thought, like he cracked up every single time Toast said burgle. He just thought that was the funniest fucking thing in the world. And then, after listening to it about three times, he finally caught on that, at one point, he says, uh, it's to pack on precious pounds. And he's like, wait, wait, wait, pause that shit, pause it, pause it, pause it. And it's what? He goes, wait, wait, wait, so, the point of the recipe is to intentionally gangly?

And I said, yeah. And he goes, oh my god, you have to play this ten more times now. I see this in a whole new light. Holy shit. And then he started listening to the podcast, so. Fire Star Bagley. 1, 1020 calories Ingredients used

Smucker's Brand Strawberry Jelly 2 Tablespoons 100 Calories Nutella Spread 2 Tablespoons 190 Calories Jiffy Brand Peanut Butter 2 Tablespoons

190 Calories Butter 2 Tablespoons 200 Calories Cool Whip Light 2 Tablespoons 190 calories. Butter. 2 tablespoons. 200 calories. Cool Whip Light. 2 tablespoons. 50 calories. You need the light stuff!

Sarah Lee Brand Blueberry Bagel. 1 bagel. 290 calories. A normal bagel would just not be fat enough. Why does she know how to spell bagel at that point? One, most bagels prefer temperature or not at all. Two, apply spreads to bagel in any order or even leave undesired spread. Did that mean you could leave the bagel out entirely?

you could leave the bagel out entirely. Though this may be a chore to apply two tablespoons of each apred to the bagel. An easier way to apply them is one tablespoon to each half bagel. Or even just make them lumps on the bagel to keep the flavors separate.

Or having difficulty. Number three. Enjoy the multitude of wonderful flavors as you pack on precious pounds. Actually, you guys want to hear the storied process that I went through to create Fat Voice? Sure, it's a long process. Yeah, I tried to do a Plankton voice and I fucked up.

Like Plankton from SpongeBob? No, Plinkett. Plinkett. No, from the Star Wars reviews. Oh, okay. Speaking of really early references that have sort of stuck with us, I don't know why it is, but that was one of our very first episodes. Squiddy was reading the thing about different flavored man pops.

Yeah. Like different sauces to put on a dick before giving it a blowjob, I guess. And every once in a while, I remember that my ball pit profile says, Barbecue Man Pop. Yep.

So I got one more important question to ask which is which is uh so we're now i don't know 200 and change in um do you think that the internet is does it still surprise you yeah no yes no okay well i want to hear i want to hear both answers. Well, so, yes and no. Like, it does not surprise me in that, given the infinite array of objects that can exist in the universe, somebody will masturbate to them. Right. Yeah. What, arrays?

Hell yeah, they're fucking hot. Yeah. So, it never surprises me when somebody, you know, finds a way to get turned on by some stupid bullshit. The things that surprise me always end up being crazy people nowadays. Like,

I don't know if the Have It Told Real Time, have we put that on? Has that been released as a... Have It Told Real Time is part of another episode. It was kind of in the Netflix episode. Anyway, go ahead. Yeah.

But stuff like that guy or the Laura Ingalls Wilder guy. What was his name? Charles the End. Yeah, that guy. Or Basil Marceau or Connie Marshall. that guy um or uh basil basil marceau or connie marshall or like because those people are you know sort of in our plane of existence kind of um they come up with the most ways to consistently surprise me yeah yeah it's like uh furries have been in existence ever well before portal of evil for that matter they're not surprising um and uh individual people like jerking off to various things completely not

surprised for anything somebody's getting off to it big deal uh however i never saw other kin coming that caught me by surprise and yeah the multiple systems and tulpas and the related things. Multiple systems did not because I knew people faking that shit since, like, 92. But anyway. Oh, Sybil, sure. Yeah, actually, that's – yeah, it went from multiple personality disorder to satanic ritual abuse entirely faked. That's a meandering monologue for another time. abuse entirely faked that's uh a meandering monologue for another time um the ones that always get me much like kumquat is actually the the the nutters because i mean it's not it they

find really weird tangents to go with it but it's also that laser like focus on a very specific topic and you can just look at that and go how the hell did you even arrive at that conclusion and i get completely fascinated i want to know more. Particularly people who get really weird and in-depth about religion, for instance, or misunderstanding science. Because, well, they're both topics that are somewhat near and dear to me, and it's just mind-blowing. But I would say, actually, to that end is why I'm still not bored of fetishes. I'm still not bored of fetishes. Um, and in fact, like I know for a fact that like,

um, one episode that we will be doing at some point soon, um, is an amputee fetish. Yeah. Um, because that's, uh,

in the hopper and that is, um, pretty remarkable. And another one, again, I know this will be read, but there is a document that is, it will be our most disgusting episode. It is called Acne Lovers.

That's the point I wanted to bring up is that I think the thing that surprised me about this is that in the past, there were fetish sites. And if you're a person that had fetishes, you'd go on there and you'd post a thread about your fetish. And now all of those threads have become their own sites. And you'll find a site for watch fetish people. And you'll find a site for lift and carry people. And there'll be competing sites where the different people have very specific versions of their lift and carry fetish. I was like, no, men do not carry women women carry men yeah the exhaust uh exhaust smoke lovers dot php.bb3 that's a good point because

there there was kind of a middle in the podcast where I got very cynical and I said, ah, the internet is dead. The only content now is on Facebook and Twitter and these stupid bullshit social media sites. And nobody has websites anymore. And I got very sad about, oh, well, that's why we don't have Portal of Evil anymore because the website is dead. Weebly's ads would beg to differ. Yeah. It's actually not true. If anything, it's actually sort of intensified the weirdness on websites because people go to blowyourexhaustsmokeinmyface.phpbybb3.com

and they feel freer. They feel freer to post videos. Videos of themselves with a gas mask hooked up to a motorcycle with exhaust smoke going into it. What? Well, it's not even, it's not just that. Like, there's also fucking clips for sale

now, right? Like, anything you want, like, somebody will be like, yeah, I'll fucking videotape myself for this. Fucking pay me. But, I'll fucking videotape myself for this. Fucking pay me. But I mean the thing that strikes me and why I'm actually always continually surprised by this, right, is when we first got on the internet on Poe a million years ago, it was sort of the new sort of thing coming to the world. And now you have people who have grown up with the entire collected works of human knowledge in front of them. They can access practically any information they want. And they go on Yahoo Answers and can't manage to spell penis correctly.

like the world is your fucking oyster and you're like i can't find anywhere on the internet to increase my panacea yeah it's definitely web 2.0 with you know 1.0 people right yeah but i will say that the internet still continues to surprise me and here's the thing i'm still surprised by the internet by the episodes that come out on the f plus yeah and so here's the thing like you know in joking or talking about it you know it may seem like i'm being cynical it's like oh there's like oh yeah of course there's a fetish for that but in the back of my mind i'm like there's there's probably not really a fetish for that you know like that's the joke that everything has a fetish and then an episode comes out where people have a fetish for watches and i'm like oh that, that really is real. Huh.

Or like a horror forum for ice chewers. I'm like, okay, that is really real? And so they're... I'm continually surprised by episodes, by material that comes out where I'll listen to the episode and just be like, wow, this was the thing I would joke about as being a real

thing, and it's a real thing. Well, Lift and Carry is actually a perfect example of that. The whole, like, yeah, men don't carry women, women carry men. Otherwise it doesn't work. One of the episodes I re-listen to most often, actually, is the

fucking F-List episode. That one's great. Oh, is that where they list our episodes? That one is so good. Right, that's why i listen to it i want to hear the fetish list or the furry list that one that one that one one of the things that i know about the the f last episode is is like how funny something can get by being gross and also, up until recording the F-List, I was like, Adam Bozarth is a funny guy. And we did the F-List, and I was like, holy shit! Finally, boy meat.

I don't think anyone has boy meat. I can do it. I don't think anyone has boy meat. All right, take it. Not in this room. Boy meat! Hyper hung! Shut up!

I'm sorry, you scared me. What? No, that's a terrible voice. Throw it out, Tray. My name's boy meat. Hyper hung shot a male looking for mature women. Girls his own age or teenagers who are curious if the rumors they've heard about what little Danny is hiding in those baggy shorts of his are as true or not. Oh my God.

Every scene will be considered with female characters, but please mind the kinks. If interested, no males. Love you, boy meat. Guess what, nerd? It was funny, Congress. I believe that was boy meat, wasn't that? Wasn't that that episode? Yeah, yeah.

You were pronouncing that way wrong. What was it ever? Boy Meat. See, I just can't do it justice. No, no, no. And that episode, to me, exemplifies many things. It exemplifies the sort of, it's the fetish matrix, I believe was the term in it. And it really is, because it's sort of given the infinite array of

stupid bullshit people can come up with. Somebody's claiming that they masturbate to it. And also, yeah, the advent of boy meat was a turning point in the podcast, I believe.

There's two periods of my life, pre-boy meat and post-boy meat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what do you think? Should we keep doing this? Another 200? No. Only if we have boy meat.

I'm pretty all right with it. I'm pretty cool with it. As long as I keep getting my stipend of dumpster juice. I think you mean balloon juice. Can you make some of the balloon juice? Yeah, fuck. I win. Let's all make the same joke

So, yeah, thanks a lot for this little memory lane trip We're going to be doing a part two, Nutshell, Bunny Bread Victor Laszlo, probably Adam Bozarth and Stog Anything you want to put at the end? Any final thoughts? Where are the TF2 noises?

Captain Profanity, can I ask you a question? Stab, stab, stab. Yeah, thanks for sticking with us. Let's keep going. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

I love you.