The F Plus - 200b: Retrospective | Part 2

Episode Date: January 21, 2016

For the second half of our restrospective, we've got a lot of topics we need to cover, including how Victor Laszlo deals with depression and what STOG does in an elevator. Those important matters discussed, we touch on the visibility of women on the internet, how The F Plus met Left Handed Radio, and jokes so bad that they need to be augmented with crickets. The ridiculists then share a few stories about dealing with exhibits in real life, some favorite (and regrettable) moments from the podcast, and a bit of our plans for the future. All this, plus some clips that will delight and/or enrage, depending on how your day is going. Enjoy!

This is the F-Plus Retrospective Episode Part 2. Uh, I'm sitting here in a room with Victor Laszlo. Yay! Frank West. Hey! Stog! I spilled the blood. Bunny Bread.

So you were recording this shit the whole five years? Mm-hmm. Boots, rain gear. Stog spilled the blood. Nutshell Gulag. Hello! And your friend on the internet, Adam Bozarth. Yay!

It is a crowded room. Crowded room in here. It's cozy. It's actually an elevator. So we went through... In the last episode, we were sort of talking about Portal of Evil and kind of up until F Plus Live. Do you have any F Plus Live do you have any F Plus Live memories or were those all

blocked out for you? Y'all got me a birthday cake one time and it had a cat on it I saw the picture of that cake, it was awesome Yeah, that was a kick-ass cake That was a fucking tasty cake too Didn't it say I'm sorry on it or something like that? Yeah, so

There was a There was a lesbian run bakery In the city and I called them up at one point And I said Yes, I'm looking To commission a cake wreck And the person answering the phone said

I'm sorry, what? And I said a cake wreck And she said I don't know what you're talking about I don't know what that is And then I was like are you the baker? And she says no I'm sorry, what? And I said, a cake rack. And she said, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know what that is. And then I was like, are you the baker? And she says, no, I'm not the baker. And I'm like, can you put the baker on the phone, please? Yeah, sure. The baker gets on the phone.

I was like, yeah, I want to get a cake rack. And she goes, oh, my god, really? And she's like, what do you want? And I was like, I want an ugly baby or a retarded cat. And she's like, what about both? What about I was like, uh, I want an ugly baby or a retarded cat. And she's like, what about both? What about a fat, ugly, retarded cat? Yay! The best cat.

And she's like, what color do you want the frosting to be? And I was like, mm, like gray. I can, I found this frosting that'll stain your teeth. Do you want that? Yup. Did it actually stain your teeth? Oh yeah It did It was like a dark green

Yeah you can tell who ate it Like it came with a warning Do not touch this frosting with your fingers Not intended for human consumption Yeah like the color of Like if you came across moss in the wild Like that's the residue that it left on you. So, yeah, that was

enjoyable. Did we ever successfully have a hookup during F Plus Live? Nope. What, you and me? Well, no. I can't believe you've forgotten, Lemon. Actually, Boots and I had a hookup. Did you now?

Yeah, sort of. Briefly. I mean, it was a dalliance. I don't know. Yeah. Well, it's the pink light shining through the bathroom at the W Hotel in Minneapolis, really. Really set the mood.

No, no, I'm talking... Oh, that... Well, no, that was me seducing you, stupid. It didn't kick in until four years later. Oh. Perhaps in another section of Minneapolis. No, you and I smooched. Didn't we?

Was that you? I didn't kiss another bearded motherfucker, did I? You did, you did, actually. Oh, God. I didn't know about this. Now I gotta check myself for beard lice. Beard lice, beard lice, da-da-da-da-da-da. Kinda had a moment with the twine ball. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I didn't, yeah. Yeah, you didn't. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I did, it was awesome. Yeah. There's a place in Minnesota, Darwin, Minnesota, that has, it's not the world's largest twine ball. That is not their claim to fame.

Their claim to fame is that they're the world's largest twine ball. That is not their claim to fame. Their claim to fame is that they're the world's largest contiguous Yeah. Twine ball made by a single person. Yes, the world's largest continuous ball of twine made by a single human being because every other group of the record has been broken. And it's not true

anyway because it's atrophied enough that it's not a continuous ball of twine anyway. Because people have been cutting off chunks of it. Right. Oh, wow. And so basically you go to like essentially some guy's house and he's got a gazebo out in the back. Earl. It's not some guy.

His name was Earl. Okay. Wait. Earl was some guy. Okay. Tell me the story of Earl then. Tell me the story of Earl. The story of Earl?

Yeah. Earl's not interesting. I mean, I don story of Earl, then. Tell me the story of Earl. The story of Earl? Yeah. No, Earl's not interesting. I mean, I don't remember Earl's background. I just remember I called to make sure, because I rented the van so we could all go out there. Right. So I wanted to make sure they were open, so I called the number. Uh-huh. And this lady answered, and I said, yeah, we're going to come out.

I don't remember how many of us, 10 or 12 of us, whatever, are going to come out. And she said, she said, okay, well, I'll call Earl over at the twine ball and tell him to open it up. So it's such a big tourist trap that they don't open it most days. Well, and when we got there, they weren't open. Earl wasn't there yet. Well, they probably have to keep it locked up

so that people don't steal the twine. We didn't get to meet Earl. We got to meet his work. Earl's clearly with the CIA. Earl also accomplished what was it? Wood carvings, right? Yeah, there was a bunch of wood carvings.

Wood carvings like little delicate wood carvings? No, very specific. Like he'd carve a single piece of wood into a and I use quotes, a functional set of pliers. Right. Oh, yeah. But then he'd do it so that like the handle itself was a set of pliers.

And then he had ones that were. A tiny set of pliers. So it's like Matryoshka dolls of pliers. Yeah, you'd have one thing that was all, but it was actually like a thousand sets of pliers. Ractal pliers. Yeah. That was one set of pliers, all from a single piece of wood. Pliers upon pliers upon pliers.

There was also the, there was a news, there were several bits of newspaper up on there talking about momentous events in, I don't know, Minneapolis history. And then one of them was just- Darwin, Darwin history. Darwin, Darwin, Darwin. Okay, I don't want to lump you in here. I'm sorry. Thank you.

Not a good name in Minneapolis. Anyways, Darwin, and they were talking about one of the things that made the front page fucking news was, here's a mailman that's really fat. Was it like, were they proud of it? That was seriously it. Or was it a controversy? And not only was that printed in the newspaper, but then somebody said,

I need to cut that out and frame that. Holy shit, that mailman is fat. I'm going to pass this fat mailman down to my children's children. Hey, Carlton. Hey, Carlton, it's you. It's you in the paper. Yes, I know, Errol. Shut the fuck up.

So, Adam, I have a question for you. So, you've got this group of people that uh that end up like kind of making a podcast and then like and then they've all met each other and then you're kind of coming into the thing blind like is that weird is that stressful what did that moment feel like uh it well this may surprise you but it's not the first time I've met people from the internet. Okay, sure. So that really didn't faze me. Had you met white people before?

Oh, no. Especially not white people. That was the most intimidating part. Yeah, I understand. Have you ever mail-ordered white people from the internet? I've tried many times. There's just none to be found. So they get stuck at the airport, and I need to give them more money

to get them out of the airport I was more intimidated by the fact that you guys knew each other like just you guys have known each other longer than I've known you right but it didn't that kind of like all went away

when we when I like first know, joined up with you guys at F plus live three. When we rode the bikes around the lake. Oh no, I met up with him at, what was that bar? The bar before the other bar? Drunkies. Drunkies. Drunkies. Drunkies.

Yeah, yeah. drunkards? Drunkies. It was drunkies. I bought you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I've also, I had met Boots prior to F Plus Live

because he was in Brooklyn once. Yeah, I'm like the F Plus sort of screening committee. You're the scout. Oh, okay. He's the vetter. He's the vetter. You do paperwork?

Yeah. Boots is the only reason I attended any F Plus Lives in the first place. I met with him because... Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, really. I was scared shitless. I thought internet weirdos are fucking weird.

Yes. That was it. I mean, you're not wrong. Well, no shit. But I only tried to knife you like once. Well, it was once, and I'm happy about that. And you're not good with a knife, it turns out. No, really terrible.

Much better at video game knives. I thought it'd be pretty much the same. Yeah, so I met Boots and Bump in Chicago because they were doing like a US tour. I think you met roughly everyone. Yeah, almost everyone.

I think they plotted a map of the internet and drove it. Yeah, and I mean, I was scared shitless because I don't I think they plotted a map of the internet and drove it yeah and I mean I was scared shitless because I don't know what the hell goes on in these people's brains and then I met them and they just turned out to be you know white people yeah

white people is it interesting to tell the story about like how how we met you, Adam? I suppose. I guess because it is such a... I think it was like a turning point in a lot of different ways, right? Yeah.

Because I remember that when we were doing... So we were doing this podcast competition show, let's say. And then our goal was that we all had to put all of our sound files in the same bucket. And we knew that we were all putting our sound files in the same bucket. And so I think everyone did the same thing, which was download everyone else's shit and listen to what they were doing. And then Boots downloaded yours and somehow the audio like somehow the audio, like it didn't export correctly or something like that. And then, and, uh, I don't know whether or not, cause like we probably would have listened

to it again or something like that just cause we were so obsessed. I don't, well, maybe not. I don't even know if we would have like caught it, but yeah, like, uh, Boots just said like, Hey, you might have like caught it but yeah like uh boots just said like hey you might have like a an error i forget what even was it was probably like maybe a missing audio track some someplace or something you know like it just sounded dead uh but there was a compliment in there as well because i because i really like the stuff you were doing like more than any of the other podcasts were in that thing yeah well yeah you guys were it just opened a form of communication uh-huh which turned into a really

good thing yeah no and then from there i had i started listening i think when we got to a point where we could hear more of what the actual shows were i was interested in like listening to you guys i also started listening to the complete God to everything from there too. Those guys are great. but yeah, like, and then I think I sent you guys like, uh,

uh, an email back just saying that, like, I thought you guys were really funny and, and like the show, like the, what you guys do is way bigger than what, um,

was like possible to show off. I think in that the podcast reality show well i mean it was it was i mean nobody absolutely nobody i mean nobody could have done a good job on that show because like it was it was a it was a show about being a funny podcast and it was like constraints in which it was impossible to be funny so it's it's one of those things like um where you just take something that's hard to do and then you make it harder for fun yeah yeah yeah and yeah it's a thing we did for fun um knowing that very little would come out of it and we got to spend like like three hours just waiting on Skype on a Saturday afternoon. It was, yeah, it ate up the summer.

Sure did. It really ate up our summer. But, yeah, I mean, I still am glad we kind of did it because it really, it kind of kicked us in the ass, um, in several different ways. Yeah. And, uh,

we, I think we learned a lot. I think both of our shows learned a lot from it. Absolutely. Um, I think that's fair. Yeah. But not from necessarily Matt Besser.

Nope. I don't think he learned anything from it either, though. I don't know what anybody learned, really. I think learned is a strong word. But it was definitely an interesting thing that I'm glad, ultimately I'm glad that I did, and I'm glad you guys did. Because I think it also exposed you guys to a whole new set of people, too. Right?

Yeah, and I think that the two things that that were the best walking away from that were kind of a um a reforming of priorities because you're making a thing that you enjoy and then and then you try to succeed in making the thing and everything about it sucks and then you like it it forced i thinkots and I to kind of like relook at what we were doing and and focus on the part that's fun yeah and also uh our sound quality because we were kind of ignorant of the fact that or I was ignorant Boots was not ignorant I was endlessly frustrated right yeah I think that was like yeah I think you guys got that advice through the show, right? Jesse Thorne.

Jesse Thorne. Yeah. Yeah, because my brother and my brother and me do the same thing that we're doing now. Oh, they do that that way? Yeah. Oh. They're all in different places. I had no idea.

I had no idea. Do you think people know that we record this from all different places? I would hope so. No, we're out. Eventually. I've been driving to Minneapolis every time. That's why we're in an elevator. We're in an elevator.

But I think that among the other decisions that we made that were great, I think that when we started to have people submit documents oh yeah that was oh yeah phenomenal decision that we kind of made on accidents i think that was a great idea just because it let you guys focus on the quality of the podcast and it let a lot of people kind of participate in the podcast by finding stuff for us i thought it was a great idea well that started with the race for ridiculism right yeah so yeah because we did a little contest and then there was like there was um we were like oh you know if you want to submit like some a document

um then we'll kind of look at it we'll pick a winner and then that person will be on the podcast and then we got a bunch of documents that were great. And then kind of a lot of shit changed. That was the point where we met Montreth. That was the point that we met Cheapskate. JT. JT. A couple other people. And then, like, a lot of great submissions.

And then we kind of realized, well, like, this makes more sense. Is that not where Montreth came in, or am I wrong? Yeah, that's where Montreth came in, yeah. That's what we just said. Try to keep up. Thanks, Montreth! Victor, stop slapping him. Victor keeps slapping me.

You know, that's probably why this happens. Guys, I'm going to mash all the buttons on this elevator so we can keep this podcast going for another 20 minutes. Make him light up like a Christmas tree. Like in the shape of a Christmas tree. I want that shit to look like Vegas. Press, press, press, press, press, press, press. You don't have to say press, Doc.

Do you say press every time? I mean, does it help? Yes. Okay. I usually just make a little noise. Do other people, like, leave the elevator when you get in, Stock? They try to. Close button, close button, close button, close button, close button.

I'm trapped in an elevator and this guy won't stop saying close button. Victor. Yes? I have a question for you. Yes? Um, Victor. Yes? I have a question for you.

Yes? Um, what spell did you put us all under to convince you to just always say, Yay, Victor, anytime you want? It's not even in a reference to anything. It's just a thing that we all do. I don't understand why I do it, but I continue to do it. Um, so, what happened, uh, this was, I mean, geez, this was back in the I guess the latter part of the TF2 days

everybody was still playing but it wasn't like you know we were on boots a server by that point I don't know I just I had had like just a really shitty day week month year I don't know but it was really like in a foul mood and

not really much fun to play with. One night I was just on and just bitching, being that person that probably ought to just turn the game off and leave because you're not really... Sure. So you're complaining about people fucking up at the game or whatever? Well, just complaining about life in general and I was kind of being down on myself. Sure. You know, just stuff nobody wants to hear about when they're trying to actually have a good time playing video games. And I said something at some point, and poor Tex just said, aw, yay Victor. And it just was like exactly what I needed somehow. Like it was just the sweetest, you know, like somehow just the perfect thing.

And I was like, yeah, yay, Victor. Yay, Victor. And it just kind of became a, you know, people on my team started saying it when I, you know, when I was playing well and, you know, to counteract all the cursing that people were doing on the other team. Do you use that in your own life, then? When you get sad, do you just whisper, yay, victor, to yourself? Sometimes. Okay. Does it work? Sometimes.

Sometimes is better than no times. You know, and I mean, I try to use it with my kids. We say yay a lot at home. Oh, yay! Whenever something happens, just remember the positive. Remember that, you know. We say yay a lot in general in this podcast. Do we?

There's a lot of yay. A lot of ironic yays. There's that. They were ironic? I'm very stupid then. Did I not say? I feel like I might have said yay when you introduced me like 10 minutes ago. Yeah, I definitely say yay.

Most people say yay. Yay. Yeah, and I think it all came out of the yay victor, which was Portax was the first one to do that, and she was just being a good friend that day. She is, in general and in life, a trendsetter. It's true. I grew my hair out and started listening to Weird Al. She is a fashion icon.

Yes, we were all wearing Hawaiian shirts with Daffy Duck on them. Shit, yes. Suffering succotash. Oh, no, wait, that's the cat. Yeah, you fucked up, Stog. You're at the Portex party. I fucked up. I'm going to Looney Tunes jail.

You are Looney Tunes jail. Just make yourself flat and slide through the bars, dog. You'll be fine, stog. Put that acne hole up. Nutshell, nutshell. I have a question for you. Does being in the show and almost always when you're on the show, you're in a room of men, does that

register at all, or does that seem like a thing that happens? Do you like that? I'm used to it just because I have a lot of the stereotypical nerdy interests like Dungeons and Dragons and horror movies. Not a lot of ladies at your D&D games?

No, not except for the times when my GM's sister comes and visits, and then she's the other person in the – I've played in ones where there have been before, but it's just in general there aren't a lot. And so it's not – I don't really give it a lot of thought. Do you give – I mean, because I i mean this is not really necessarily on point but like but do you feel that more a changing about like about like nerd culture like like uh nerd cultures approach to women do you feel like that's changed at all or is that largely just the same and will stay the same? I think women are more visible as being nerds.

I guess I don't really think about it that much because, I mean, I like nerdy stuff, but I like stuff that I don't think is nerdy too. Sure. But no, I think there um more visibility with women doing stuff nerdy nerdy stuff i'm sorry i'm not very good at this um and i think that it'll probably take and there's been some you know backlash against that i mean people feel threatened when something that you know they've built a lot of their identity around and suddenly appears to be more popular with other people. Although I don't think that's really the case.

I think there have always been women that have been interested in this and now it's just more the more... This is more Reddit. Yeah, sort of. I do want to, I don't know if this is accurate, Yeah, sort of. I do want to, I don't know if this is accurate, but I want to think that the visible backlash is itself a good thing,

because that kind of means that a lot of this shit's coming into a head, and there's only one direction for it to go, I hope. I think that like a lot of things where you're seeing people who aren't white males doing it more um i think that there's been progress and i think that there there will be more progress but you kind of have to keep that forward momentum because you get the whole thing where people get burnt out on on caring about whether or not people are included in things and stuff like that. Right, yeah. Yeah, and then they start running, like, Trump for president.

Yeah, stuff like that. Where they're like, oh, racism and sexism, isn't that something that we solved already? It's like, uh, no. Right. It's something we have to keep working on. But I think it's kind of,

I mean, it's also easier to be ignorant about that idea because, like, I remember um and and probably later than i should have i remember like recognizing that like i would be you know in whatever online community and there would be people and in those people like while i would always just like have the default assumption of male that was incorrect but the women who were involved in these things like were secretive about that fact because it knew that that meant bullshit for them yeah basically i mean they knew that they couldn't like you know like use their voices or

like identify themselves as women because then their lives would get worse there was a little bit of that in the POE group, but I think it got filtered out pretty quickly because that was the one group where I didn't ever feel like I had to play with the microphone off. I could just talk and be myself, and I didn't have to worry about getting slung a whole lot of shit like that. I don't know what it is about that group of people, but I just didn't get that much,

as many of the bad creepy vibes as you usually get from random online game matchups. It was a strange group because we were very welcoming to anybody that was on board with the kind of bullshit that we were always pulling on there. Yeah, pretty much. But anybody that questioned it got punished severely.

Yeah, we didn't ever kick them. We'd just make it really – we'd just make them, like, unable to move. Stog would read all of their posts. At a certain point, I was running the server, and I developed some modifications to it. Oh, man. And one of them was called the Lady Mod. Oh, yeah. And Lady is a hip-hop artist who is shrill and crude.

She's the female Plies. If you know who Plies is she's the she's on the same label as plies yeah yeah there's nobody that doesn't know who plies is whatever anyway uh anyway what the mod would do is you could assign it to a person and you could just type in i could type in slash lady and then the name of a person. And then they, and only they, and coming through the app but not through the server, would hear an entire lady song at full volume. And if they disconnected from the server, they'd still be listening to it. Yep. And one of the great things was that that wouldn't make sense.

And one of the great things was that that wouldn't make sense. At no point would you figure out that you would join a game and then somebody would identify you to receive a song. And so these people would be screaming in the microphone about the shit that only they were hearing. So you're just hearing somebody's private pain. He's private pain. Yeah. Whenever a new person came on,

you know, whenever we had a new player, like, one of the first things I would do would be to lady them. It's a litmus test. It's initiation. Right. Well, most of the regulars about an hour in would be like, you know what, I haven't heard any lady tonight. Somebody played some lady on me.

Yeah, I would beg to get ladied. So it was a real nice early test of, you know, are you going to be fun to play with? Are you going to be a pain in the ass? Give you 30 seconds of lady, and if you flip your shit, well, that tells me something. Or if you go, what the fuck is this? That's crazy. You know, all right, come on in, dude.

Have fun. Boost, while we're on the subject, do you want to mention the Hanson mod? Yeah, yeah, I was just about to bring that up. A friend of mine who was barely conscious drunk suggested to me the dumbest idea that I had to go ahead and do. It was the best idea. Well, yeah, it turned out remarkably

popular for unfathomable reasons, but the idea is that every 10,000 times somebody dies on the server, it plays the entirety of Hanson's Mbop for everybody. It had this little pop-up that was like, you know, you made 10,000 kills or something like that. And 10,000 is common enough in a video game that it'll probably happen once a day. Oh, I'd say it was a little longer. It was like once every three days.

It was infrequent enough to be sort of a treat, but it was frequent enough that it happened more often than I expected. Right. I've since put that in several games that let you replace sounds anytime.

Like an improbably long killstreak, I'll just be like, well, that that's gonna be handsome I heard Mbop in a store the other day and I probably made a real scene like like I was just so excited I was like I gotta find Boots' number

like I gotta just call him and be like listen Macy's got 10,000 kills. I've heard that song so many times, and there are things that I've heard in it that I'll just go, why is there so much record scratching in this song? There's a lot of it. If you listen to the song Mbop, the whole thing has like, wiki, wiki, wiki, wiki, wiki, wiki. Well, you know, every song in the late 90s had to have a record scratch. You did have has wiki, wiki, wiki, wiki, wiki, wiki. Well, you know,

every song in the late 90s had to have a record scratch. And honestly, it was still a song written by, or at least recorded by children. Like 13-year-old Mormons. What does this song need more of? What needs more?

It needs more record scratches, for God's sake. That's what the 12 year old's gonna say i'm gonna get my dad's vinyl records from the attic and ruin those can it have some laser noises too like so who thought that who thought i know boots thought was ball pit was a bad idea did anyone else think it was a bad idea i didn't think it was gonna be i didn't think it was a bad idea? I didn't think it was going to be conceivable. Yeah, I didn't think it was a bad idea. I just didn't think it would work.

It would be popular. Yeah, I didn't think it would be. But I've been, I mean, right from the beginning, the first time I got asked to do this podcast, I was like, yeah, that sounds fun, but it's never going to take off. Now we're six years later and doing a retrospective, and it shows what the fuck I know about anything.

Hey, Lemon? Me too? Hey, Lemon? I think Ball Pit was a good idea. Ha ha, Lemon! You guys used to get a ton of comments on every episode on the F Plus website. Yeah. So I figured it's like people wanted to talk about this show, and I guess a lot more.

People wanted to talk about this show, and I guess a lot more. Yeah, and I've been consistently pleasantly surprised by the steadily growing popularity of it. It's gone from eight people telling jokes to each other. And seven of those people are Isfahan. But I mean, it's grown and grown and grown from really steadily and you know we've got a really devoted listener base you know people that are invested they're submitting documents all the time they're you know it's it's really turned into a really cool thing that well and that's i mean and that that to me, is, I mean, personally, that to me is really rewarding of, like, of the fact of, I mean, to be candid, like, our actual numbers haven't changed in a long time. by with consternation because you're looking at like you know a year maybe a year and a half where there's kind of like a flat line as far as like as far as like website visits and stuff and i can't

say that doesn't bug me but on the other hand like the uh the community like that we have of like of like the people that like that listen to the thing and then pay money to sign up for a forum and post in this... I mean, the forum's not about the podcast, but it's... The people posting the forum and provide the documents and provide the drawings. The drawings are delightful.

Oh my god, I love the art. Keep up the art, people. Keep bringing the art. We love your fan art. We have a whole page that's just fan art now, don't we? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I built, because we haven't had one in a while,

so then I built, like, the F plus slash fan art, which just, like, pulls every piece and then randomly sorts them. But, yeah, that's great, because I feel like there's an effect and there's an enjoyment there that's like a little bit more than I don't know like well you know I got something I need to listen to something while I'm on the bus like it feels like

it's a little stronger than that which is nice it's nice what can you think of any like moments that get stuck in your head Victor say it Can you think of any moments that get stuck in your head? Victor, say it. Whoa.

Say it, Victor. Say it. He's literally holding a knife to your throat. Come on, Victor. You can't do it if you're watching. Say what Bunnyford wants you to say. What was it? I remember another group of people that had a lot of rules about what you could say and couldn't say.

They were also fat. Yeah. That's Bunny Bread's favorite moment. My favorite moment is not really a moment exactly but when we did the bad dragon episode like back then i would get like my add was really kind of bad and like while other people were reading sometimes i would be doing the kumquat thing and like type typing shit into the search boxes see what else is on this site that maybe we didn't come up with. It was weird enough for me like you want a dildo

of not even just an animal but a fictional animal. And then I stumbled across like the gallon of concentrated cum lube that was you know you could buy it by the

gallon. Yeah it by the gallon. Yeah, it had the appearance and consistency of Elmer's glue was the way the picture. But I just remember, like, that was something, like, didn't break in me, but something was like, I don't know, that was the bridge too far. Wanting to be fucked by a fictional animal. Listen, shove all these things in your ass that you want, but come on! A little bit of something for that. I'm actually more okay with the fictional animals because it means that they're not as likely to go out and molest a poor animal.

I guess, but I don't know. It was just... But then, like, I need a gallon. I need this thing to come a gallon, you know, or... Of Elmer's glue. Well, not necessarily a whole gallon at once, but at least a gallon's worth over a lifetime.

But I'm going to do this enough times that I need to buy it in bulk. It's still just... Maybe I'll make some for my friends. We'll have a little party. There'll be canapes. So it's like a Tupperware party?

Or what kind of? What do I need to bring? We store things in Tupperware. In the city right now, they are currently building, it is called U.S. Bank Stadium, which is fucking monstrosity. It is disgusting. It is terrible. They essentially tore down the Metrodome,

which was the football stadium and then they built a stadium on top of it like they tore it down into rubble and they were like there that's a great place for a stadium um but alas they built rubble yeah it's it's it's it's terrible so so anyway so they're building that and then um uh then – so while that's happening, they have the Vikings playing in a college stadium, an outdoor stadium, of course, because it's winter, so let's have everyone play football in January outside. But, yeah, so there will be these moments where you'll just see like five guys in Vikings jerseys doing the open-shouldered waddle down the train tracks. And every time I see that, I think to myself,

guess what, nerds? It's football congress! Point 18. If, while your skin is white from lack of enough blood in you, do you bleed quite noticeably less than a normal person should, or more likely not bleed at all? 27. To the words, come on outside, it's a nice bright sunny day, and there's a lot of people out.

Seem like more like a bad thing than a good thing to you? Yes. As opposed to the guy who said it to you, saying it with a big happy smile? Don't tell me to go outside. There's a sunlight out there and I'm pretty sure the captains of all the football teams are out there to beat me up.

The captains of all the football teams? All of the football teams. They put down their arms to band together. Guess what, nerd? It was football congress. It's a special football team made up of football captains. It's the football mock UN.

The captain of the captains is at the front of the gang. I think of the... It was the team made up entirely of high school quarterbacks. Yeah. Never mind. I think I fucked it up. up entirely of high school quarterbacks. Yeah. Never mind.

I think I fucked it up. Thanks, Boots. Crickets. Who did the first crickets? Do you remember? I thought it was... Boots, did you do that? Or was that Isfahan? Might have been Isfahan, but it might have been Isfahan.

No, it was Isfahan that put them in when he edited. Oh, okay. So I don't remember who earned them. Okay. God bless them. Probably me. I really enjoy those moments where it... Because it's almost always me when I'm editing.

I'm usually punishing myself when I'm editing. It's like, holy shit, that joke was horrible. I need to put a spotlight on it. Yeah, I think I've done it to myself. I'm pretty sure I've done it to Stug. And I know I did it to you once, and that was the one where I used like many, many different insects

layered on top of each other. The joke locusts? Yeah, the joke locusts. Not just crickets. I just take those out. I just take them right out. I take plenty out. Oh, yeah.

We suck that much. Yeah, I... Each one of our recording sessions is an entire 12 hours. That's the thing. A cricket's moment is a joke so bad that the moment is so awkward it is hilarious. How come we evolved to be dark inside? Yeah, exactly. I mean, you know,

Linkin Park is always singing about the darkness inside. Wow. Crickets. Alright. They've come to ruin the harvest there's so many crickets no oh my god they're locusts they're joke locusts it's a plague of sarcastic crickets

do you think we'll ever do anything with that F plus song that we commissioned? Because, Oh, people actually might not know. So, so I spent, as I mentioned in the bumper for that episode,

boy, I don't even remember what episode it was. But, but I, there's a site called horrible jingles. And for $10, he will write a jingle about anything that you like and so um and so i gave him uh i said i said i need a theme song um for for my podcast it's called the f plus like

this is our tagline or whatever uh and then he writes back and like he sends me this thing and it was it was so god awful that like I thought he was mad at me. My theory on that is that you gave him too much information and that if he made something that was the slightest bit listenable that you'd actually use it for something in promotional terms, which I don't think he ever wanted. Sure, sure, sure.

I got a jingle commissioned as well. Yes, you did. My jingle was commissioned. All I said was, I want a jingle to thank Stog, because Stog needs to be thanked. Yay! And that'll be in the show notes. Hey, Stog! What?

Stog! Do you know your name Rubs with dog? Yeah Hey, stog What up, stog? Do you know Your name doesn't rhyme with thank you

But thank you anyway You know what gets stuck in my head? What's that? What gets stuck in my head Is lover and fighter man Yes! Oh my god You know what gets stuck in my head? What gets stuck in my head is Lover and Fighter Man. Yes! Oh, my God. Like that voice gets stuck in my head.

John Arbuckle, you are my right-hand guitar friend. Like that voice gets stuck in my head and then lines from that song. head and then lines from that song. John Barbaco began powerful chords of playing while Garfield began to sing with mighty rocking voice. I am real man, hard like steel.

Always hungry for lasagna meal. Busting heads winning every fight. Need to see you naked tonight. Come on. Go on. I am a lover and fighter man.

Not a loser and crier man. Baby, bake me egg in a fryer pan. All right. Because I am a lover and fighter man. Every day I'm punching and kicking. When I come home, I want you for licking. Natalie Portman hair falls. Wow.

Wow. Stupid dogs, their heads I crack. Ow. You want to rub my back. Ooh, that feels good. I am a lover and fighter, man. Yeah. Not a loser and trier, man.

John Arbuckle then began shredding like Madman with guitar solo. A macko! Shouted John Arbuckle as flames and lightning burst out of his guitar. Natalie Portman screamed and clapped in excitement at the rocking concert. She ran to Garfield with love in her eyes. Garfield, you are a rock star

stud muffin, but now I want you to play me like an electric guitar and make me wail. That was gross! Fantastic. That was Academy Award nominee and winner Natalie Portman. I like the idea of Natalie Portman

saying all that and then turning away and saying, God, that was gross. I didn't want to say that. The stog thing that's stuck in my head is James Joyce. It's specifically the very end of it where he goes, My darling brown-arsed fuckbird, James Joyce. You should have had stog make a jingle for the show.

Yeah. It wouldn't have captured the stoggy essence as much as that other guy it really wouldn't have been as stoggish enough um oh actually since we're thinking about running gags uh namecheap was being weird yesterday when i was searching so let me just as we're recording this i'm gonna type in petting.zoo oh Oh, can I demonstrate what my phone does? Free.petting.zoo. Yeah. Yeah, free.petting.zoo. So my phone has this new feature.

Hello, Samsung. Play free petting zoo. Playing free petting zoo. Free petting zoo free petting zoo where did those voices come from yeah so then so then at one point uh i redesigned the f plus uh that was fun actually that was actually like that was probably the most fun i've ever had building a website

um was like knowing what i wanted to build like and and knowing where all the content was and just trying to like organize it in a way that made sense. It's also been kind of fun to be able to play. Because we were, so right now we're using a structure called Kirby, and the last one was Joomla, which was an out-of-the-box CMS. It was a security nightmare. It was a security nightmare, and it was fucking horrible. It was a favorite of Turkish hackers, if I remember.

It was a favorite of Turkish hackers. Turkish hackers really hated jumla yeah they did so yeah and i've i've run into this i've run into a lot more of these situations um afterwards uh because um you know the that's um that's a that's a huge problem with wordpress days, is kind of not necessarily Turkish, but somewhere Middle Eastern hackers, like a site that I manage, went down, and then it was, in its place in the site, was the Palestinian flag and the Justin Derulo song. Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.

That's what they thought would get their point across. Yeah. So so that old site was fucking awful. And and putting episodes on that was really painful. And with the new one, it's really easy. I kind of imagined when I was building it that I would want to be writing more blogs, but that's not the case. I never really sit down with a drink and go, like, I'd like to write a blog today. I think that must just come from reading other dumb stuff that other people

have written for the internet. You know, maybe you're a little gun shy about it. No, I think that's true. I think that's true. I, I,

I do want a side podcast where we read what Lemon wrote in the few blogs he did. There is material there. It definitely is. Yeah. It's a meta F plus. Have you met people in your real world lives that belong as F plus material? No. Yes.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Wait. I'm sorry. I heard a yes from Frank West. I mean, there's the people on the street we always meet. There's a story actually. Really?

We? Well, okay. I'm sorry. I forget Bunny Bread doesn't go out and talk to people. Right. Right. I hate people. He's a very antisocial person.

Yes. Never met him. Drawn. He's chaste antisocial person. Yes. Never met him. Drawn. Chased. He's actually a virgin. Boots! God. I was saving myself for you. He was a virgin before me.

There we go. But this is a story I told to, I think, a handful of people at F Plus Life 3. Okay. But it was probably my first experience with people being really weird, other than myself. So when I was in elementary school, I was with all the weird kids, and there was this one girl, and she was really sweet, and if by some miracle she listens to this, I hope she is not offended. Oh, right.

That sounds good. I'm excited. But she was also in the weird kid programs like I was, and she, at one point, started insisting that she was a dragon. And at first it was sort of a casual thing. Like, she sort of felt like she was a dragon and, oh, you know, whatever.

We sort of made fun of her, but it kind of went on for two years and kept getting bigger. And then at one point she got really furious at us and told us all that we would see one day she was a dragon. And she came in the next day. She, she got on the bus the next day wearing a grocery bag that had been colored with like magic

markers not like to look like a face really like it sort of had eyes cut out but it didn't it hadn't been colored in any consistent way and she announced oh dear my human disguise is failing and

the idea that a person could do that sort of blew my mind oh dear, my human disguise is failing. Oh my gosh. And the idea that a person could do that sort of blew my mind. And I think I never really got over weird people after that because that was just so fascinating. Did she, did she, like, so, when she's in that moment, like she take steps to make her story to battle incredulity? Or was she like, oh, yeah, I'm just going to do this. I don't need to back up my story.

It's clearly believable. My human disguise is failing. Well, she was like, I have to – I mean it was clear she had gone home angry. And she's like, I need to show the other kids that I am a dragon disguised as a human. And this is the best way to do that.

But, I mean, to be fair, how else would you? Right. Like, I can't give you a better way. And I should emphasize, this wasn't like first grade. This was, like, fifth grade. Okay. Oh, wow. Oh, Jesus.

Related to that, there's a Left Handed Radio bonus episode called Thanks for the Ride Torp. Yeah. Adam, I'm guessing you had a big part in writing that? It's improvised. But I came up with this idea of, of like just being in the car as somebody explains something like that you know that's so uncomfortable yeah it's it's actually it's honestly one of my favorite things that you've done oh thank you the left-handed radio is done but yeah um because it's uh it's it's just it's incredibly like it's

like 17 minutes long like car ride conversation between two people and it it goes just off the fucking edge with this this guy like sort of very quickly revealing that he's another kind dragon and and but the guy who's driving him is like guy who's getting a ride from him. It is not cool with it at all. Just like gets out of the car on the freeway. No, but that's, I mean,

that's, that's, that's, that's one of those left-handed radio things that I always really liked is, is when a sketch is not necessarily like that the premise is like a a thing that's that's dealt with in four seconds and then like the there's a there's a power rangers episode or a sketch where they they think somebody at work is a power ranger yeah um And that sketch itself, like, would be kind of obvious,

except for, like, the play of it is that, like, he explains what Power Rangers is, and the boss is like, yes, I obviously know what Power Rangers are. It's the 1990s. We all understand what Power Rangers are. Yeah. Hey, Bob. How's your lunch break?

Oh, hey, Sam. It's good. Hey, listen, I got a question. You know that new intern, Mary? Is she a Power Ranger? Like, you know, from the kids' TV show? I know what a Power Ranger is, Bob. And no, of course not. Power Rangers aren't real.

Hey, good morning, Mary. Love the outfit. Thanks, Sam. Sam, she's wearing Mary. Love the outfit. Thanks, Sam. Sam, she's wearing head-to-toe pink, exactly like a Power Ranger would. They always wear the color of their outfit. Bob, I know how the Power Rangers dress, okay? Power Rangers are so popular right now that everyone is aware of Power Ranger specifics, okay? My kids love them. Yeah, I do, too. I watch that show when I am baked, and it's so fun.

I'm your boss, alright? I don't need to know. We're talking about the Power Rangers right now, and how it's a surprise cross-generational hit, but Mary, our intern, is dressed all in pink because her mother is a breast cancer survivor. Yeah. Hey Mary, uh, so there's gonna be an office party today at

five. I hope I see you there. That sounds like fun. A lot of fun. But I have plans to meet up with my four friends at the juice bar. At a juice bar? You know who else hangs out at a juice bar? The Power Rangers. They hang out at the Angel Grove juice bar. I know, Bob. I know, okay?

My kids watch Power Rangers literally every afternoon for hours. Thanks to the video cassettes I bought them for Christmas. I know they hang out at the Angel Grove Youth Center's juice bar, okay? That doesn't change the fact that Power Rangers are not real. You know what? It just... Hey, Mary? You know those four friends you're hanging out with today?

Are they interns in the office as well? Not at all. There's Marky, who's a science major, Ping, a zoologist, Josh is a junior karate instructor, and Dark Juan is a hip-hop dancer. We are all friends. Uh-huh. Oh. Well, that's nice. Did you hear that?

She has a multicultural group of friends exactly like five teenagers from Angel Grove. You don't have to tell me! You do not have to tell me. When it comes to Power Rangers, you can just assume that everyone on Earth knows what you're talking about because they do, okay? That does not change the fact that Power Rangers aren't

real. This stupid toaster never works. Oh, yeah, I know, it sucks. Sometimes you have to hit it on the side, and it'll start again. Thanks! Pterodactyl! Hi-yah! What? Did she just... Sam, she just did a high kick, and she screamed pterodactyl. Pterodactyl, I know,

okay? Kids are weird these days, all right? I heard another one of the interns call a bagel a bagel. That's weird, too. Really weird. Yeah. Everybody's just got gymnastics fever since Carrie Strug landed that fault, okay? Carrie Strug's not a Power Ranger, and neither is Mary, because Power Rangers are not real. You know what, we're just...

Hey, Mary, you a Power Ranger? A Power Ranger? Yeah, one of the five teenagers gifted with a morpher from Zordon, the floating hologram. I know what you're talking about. Generation Xers like myself enjoy watching Power Rangers, too, because we find its stilted acting humorous. But Power Rangers aren't real. Now I have to go.

Remember to stay away from pills and guns and drugs. Boy, Bob, you look like a real asshole. No, I do not. Sam, if you don't see it, you're crazy, man. I know the Power Rangers origin is hard to believe, alright? That disembodied hologram of a head. Again, you don't have to go over

to the Power Rangers origin because they're still incredibly popular. Okay? You should see the crowds of kids at KB Toys every time I go to the mall to shop for hardback books. Yeah, I hang out a lot at KB when I'm high, so I see the kids. Bob, I am your boss.

I can only look the other way so much. Alright, I know. Sam, my point is, after meeting Mary, I am positive that the Power Rangers TV show, and the movie, by the way, are some type of insane cinema verite experiment. All right. Look, Bob, you're high right now.

Incredibly. You don't have... Okay, don't agree with me on it. Look, you have no proof of this, all right? Power Rangers are just not real. Is it Friday yet? I hear ya. I'm getting some water. I'm dry as a bone.

Was that Skeletor? Yeah, but he likes to be called Scott, and he comes highly recommended. Yeah, that's well, thank you. Yeah, one of my favorite weird things we did was I wrote this, I intentionally wrote this

joke at the end of a sketch where a character confuses Twilight Zone with Twilight. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's something Anna actually does. She'll say, like, oh, remember that episode of Twilight? I'm like, what, the Twilight Zone? Are you talking about the Twilight Zone? So I had her and the actor in that sketch, Aaron Burdett,

just improvise the rest of that conversation of, like, why do you think that's okay to say? And then I think that part goes on longer than the original sketch. Yep, yep. Yeah, because I just, well, Anna being frustrated is always funny to me. Oh, I agree. That's good, that's good. You just always funny to me. Oh, I agree with you. That's good. You just always want to frustrate your own girlfriend.

She's the funniest. She's the funniest ever behind you guys. Wow, that is a backhanded compliment right there. I'm just saying that she doesn't listen to this. No, no. Hey, Michael. Quick cue. Sure, what's up, Richard? Can you tell Trevor to print these BOCs in black and white from now on?

Sure thing. Thanks, Michael. Open or closed? Open's fine. Thanks, Aruni. Okay. Oh! Oh, my God! Where am I? Where am I?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Michael! Ah! Oh! Oh, my God, where am I? Who are you people? What's happened? Oh, my God. Oh, my God, it hurts.

Whoa, whoa, what's wrong, Michael? My inside's feeling like gravel. Why does my back hurt? Hey, Mike, come on, calm down. What, you want, like like a little Advil pouch? Where am I? Where am I? Where am I?

Michael, Michael, you're at work. You're in your office. What? Office? I'm only in the eighth grade. What's happened? Michael, you're not in eighth grade. You're the assistant to the vice president of sales of the Clear Creek Empty Water Bottle Company.

I did what? Am I in trouble? No, no, no, no, Michael. You work here. As my assistant, you help me sell bulk used plastic water bottles. Is this for detention? I want to go to soccer! I'm getting scared.

Is he joking? Hey, Michael. Can you help me out again? I'm so sorry. The router isn't working? The router? Like a power tool? No, Mike. I know the difference between a router and a tool.

It's the thing that keeps the internet on all the time. Ha ha. On all the time? How do you get phone calls? Don't you have to do it over the phone? Wait a minute. Something's wrong. Mike is the one who's good at computers. Mike, what's the last thing you can remember? I was at Tony Monsanto's house because his parents went to Aruba

and Spoon bought a six-pack. And then he called me Tycho. And then I sipped a beer. Oh, my God, I'm huge. Beer? Guys, this morning Mike said he hadn't had a drink for a few weeks. Maybe he just sobered up.

Since 8th grade? Oh my god, look at me. I'm old. I'm ancient. I'm like 35. What happened at high school? Did I go to college? Am I go to college? Am I a virgin?

This is like some real Twilight shit. Twilight? Like the vampire movie? No. No, the old show with the smoking guy and it's all science fiction ruining people's lives. Da da da da da. Twilight Zone? Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant.

Sorry. This is like some Twilight Zone shit, right guys? Too late. It's kind of like, why did you say it if you had no idea what the reference was? I don't mean to call you out on it, but it's just a little weird. Jojo, I knew what the reference was. I just didn't say the last part of it, okay? I just, I don't

know Twilight as a reference. I don't think about vampire sex or whatever those books are about, okay? So, to me, Twilight is a reference. I don't think about vampire sex or whatever those books are about, okay? So to me, Twilight is Twilight Zone, okay? Wait, you don't know if it's about vampire sex, but you just said it was about vampire sex, so clearly you're aware of it. I'm sorry, Tracy.

I'm just trying to figure out where you're coming from. It seems like you have insane reference points. Okay, JoJo, you're blowing this way out of proportion. I just misspoke, clearly. Why are we even arguing about this? Mike is, like, dying. We'll get to Mike. Name one Twilight Zone episode.

Like, the actual title of the episode, or, like, the theme? No, not the title. What is it about? Name one plot to a Twilight Zone episode. I'm just trying to get a feel for you here. Okay. Well, there's that one where the guy is just annoyed by everybody

and he wants to read all the time and then he gets his wish and everyone disappears but then his glasses break so he can't even read the fucking books. Is that what you want? Is that good enough? All right, you pass.

I mean, to be honest, that was like in a Simpsons cartoon. Thanks for giving me credit, but I could have just gotten that through osmosis anywhere. But yes, I did see that episode. Now I don't believe you. Now for no reason you went back on winning, and you brought up that you possibly could have seen it somewhere else. Which makes me think you did see it somewhere else

and are just self-sabotaging. No, it's both. It's both, okay? I'm just... I'm just surprised you let me off the hook that easy for that particular one. Right? There was time! Oh no! There was time! Everybody knows that one. Everybody knows... You time. Oh, no, there was time. Everybody knows that one.

Everybody knows. You know what? Fuck you. You name one. Oh, okay. Well, let's see. There's the one where there's the gremlin on the wing and William Shatt.

Let's see. What else have we got? There's the one where the kid can think people into fields and turn them into jacks in the box. Both of those were on the Simpsons. Um, well, I met I met somebody from the internet once. Okay.

I think I told you guys about this like right after it happened. But it was when I was working at a computer store and somebody was looking at one of the computers for sale and she says that she was having trouble connecting to her website. And she's like, and as I'm looking to see what the problem is,

she's saying, you know, I like to, okay, I don't know if you know this, but there are certain individuals that are being stalked by the government because they live an unconventional lifestyle. Oh, no. To which you said, of course, of course. I'm aware. What? Okay.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, okay. So as I'm looking at the screen, it's blocked by the, like the content filter. Don't get ahead of me. Government content filter. So the content filter won't load up the David Icke forums. Yeah. For whatever reason or another, maybe they've posted like nude, nude photos of aliens or something on there of lizard people.

nude photos of aliens or something on there of lizard people but i just i turn to her and i say it looks like it's being blocked by uh the the store and she's like oh okay now that's the store the store is blocking that that's what you're saying like yeah and she's just like she kind of like rears back like okay well thank okay, well, thank you very much. You're still young. You got a lot to learn. But thank you for your help. And then just I never saw her again. Well, she had to fucking make tracks because she knew she'd been fingered right there.

Yeah. That's it. They were closing the net down on her. It was a very public place. it was a very public place I worked with at an agency that I worked at it was one of those agencies where there was you know the graphic designers were over here

the salesmen were over here and then the nerds were over here and then they were like alright you get to hang out with all these nerds and I was like actually then they were like, all right, you get to hang out with all these nerds. And I was like, actually, that's not where I succeed very well. And so there was a guy sat close to me. And, I mean, you know, like he had memorabilia from, you remember when they remade Splatterhouse for no reason?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. What? Oh, boy. He had a bunch of Splatterhouse memorabilia. Like, okay, that game sucked initially. Like, you really love the remake? That's weird.

And so, like, he loves Splatterhouse. There was another game that he really liked, too, which I don't remember, but it was, again, just an odd choice. But the thing he loved loved loved loved was Sonic the Hedgehog uh oh ding ding ding ding ding ding yeah yeah yeah and he was like

he was like man I just love Sonic I just love Sonic and I was like you just can't get enough of that blur blur right right and and so like as you know I have to work with this guy, like, whatever. And, like, at no point did he, like, rub dicks on things in my presence. So I was like, all right.

So I was mentally kind of, like, walking this back of, like, I have a skewed perspective. Like, I have the wrong perspective of Sonic Franz because it's just through this sort of filter of the stuff that I look at, and that's not accurate. And the fact that you like Sonic does not mean that you're weird, right? This is what you said to him. I like Sonic. Okay, let me explain how you feel like Sonic affects me personally.

Watch me do a Sonic spin dash. Gives me these cold shivers up and down my spine. So anyway, so anyway, he, so we're going through and I kind of like, I'm always just mentally telling myself, like, it's not that, it's not that, it's not that. And then at one point, he goes to, I think, Penny Arcade or something. He goes to some game convention, and he wants to show me photos because he doesn't understand social cues like, I'm bored of this. I don't want to see photos of this. No, it's like me with pictures of this i don't want to see photos of this and he's like

yes exactly would you like to see a hundred men in graphic tees right and so and so he um he uh uh he goes like oh yeah it's like this is i got to talk to ferdinand and he's like he's like flip flip flip flip flip and then flip and then there was a moment where he flips and then flip back and then put his phone away like whoa and so you ever have that thing

where now you have to mentally piece together like what exactly you were seeing and so I had to like mentally reconstruct that he accidentally flipped to a photo of him dressed in a diaper oh oh no whoa yeah we haven't we haven't talked much after that. Jeez. Oh, no. Yeah, it's, I don't know. It's like, it feels like, I mean, because that's kind of rare, but like, but the fact that, the fact that it is rare is almost weird because like, because.

It should be more common. Yeah, I feel like it's weird that I don't run into hyper perverts more often. Well, the thing is. We probably do though. Yeah, often. Well, the thing is... You probably do, though? Yeah, we... Well, sure. Our experience with hyperperverts is that they're really fucking open about it,

but we're only... We're in their territory. Right. So much of the time when we see that. You run into them in, like... You meet them at the library and they suddenly jump in with, Hey, by the way,

I like to fuck everything you've ever dreamed of. Yeah, or they bring the conversation back around to their S&M poly lifestyle, no matter what you're talking about. It's like, yeah, I know that's part of your life, but you don't have to wedge it into every single conversation. I was at a Walgreens, and I heard a guy just talking to a woman in front of him in line, just like, I don't understand these young girls going out. They're having unprotected sex.

They're dating all kinds of men. They don't know what they're doing. And it's just like, oh, you post on the internet. He could have just stopped with, I don't understand young women. Yeah. But it actually, I mean, it kind of, both of those things are kind of like, there's a corollary there of like, that these hyper perverts that we run into so often um they don't talk about this and that's why like when they get online and they sign into you know big papa come back like that's why they go fucking hog wild

because like oh my god finally now's my chance i just i think there's a decent number of them who are open with like people, but you're never going to get close enough to be one of those people they're open with because you aren't that kind of weird. Well, I mean, if anything, Tumblr has taught us that sexuality

is a complete panoply of choices and intensity levels. Sexuality is a giant choices and intensity levels. Sexuality is a giant pick-and-mix station. Yeah, exactly. It's a bulk candy station. Sexuality is a golden corral.

So we all express our sexuality in different ways. Some people write about their boners. Other people podcast their boners. I did a woman named lesbatronic which is a delightful name um and uh she was uh she's doing this like long long youtube video series called let's play gender where just every day she reads out a self-described gender and definition thereof. And so I did one for her, and the one that I picked from a long

list was Canis gender. And Canis gender is described as a small dog-like gender. What? And in the video I said, I'll use it in a sentence. I'm Canis gender because I think dog is a gender. Dog.

The dog gender. Stog. The stog gender. Dog is real. Stog is real. Please. I just want to jump actually back into the podcast itself. I just remembered something out of all the years of drinking. Okay, well, thanks.

Let's mark that fucking shit down on your calendar, dude. Red letter day. All right, did anybody else remember anything? No. Nope, probably not. Next you're going to tell me you can remember a chick's last name. No, not even a first name, but thank you for trying. I know big ass, bigger ass, tattooed ass.

That's it. That's all I remember. So there was a particular episode where I embraced my inner racist fat woman, and there was bacon grease, y'all. Yep. I know what you're talking about. but i want to talk about that because yeah you know i i've moved past that i'm a better person now i'm less racist and fat and womanly but still diabetic and there are two folks who said things that I loved, and first off, it looked like poo-poo! That's one of my favorites, too.

It just coincidentally happened that everything that came up did actually look like poo-poo. I mean, it wasn't her fault. Jesus, yeah, well, hey, shit. Stuffing. Typical, you know, traditional stuffing. uh deep fried and on a stick oh yeah this shit on the stick oh my god hey there paula dean again we're gonna move on to

the other appetizer which is deep fried stuffing on a stick. Now, if you're like me and have gotten all your ideas from the 4-H fair, then you are a classy human being. Yeah. Okay, let's start it off with our ingredients. You're going to need, first of all, the stuffing, right? Okay. Sure.

That's going to need five tablespoons of butter. You're going to divide spoons now. Five separate spoons. Okay. Are we going to need five tablespoons of butter. You're going to divide spoons now. Five separate spoons. Do we really need the... You know what? Never mind. Are you dare questioning me? That's to make sure you get exactly five tablespoons because if you miss out on one of those,

it ruins the recipe. Yeah, my lord. One pound of breakfast sausage. That's a bulk sausage. We don't want to get too fancy. We've got one cup of diced onions, of course. A half a cup of diced carrots. A half a cup of diced celery. We'll just throw those in the garbage. We don't really need those.

It's going to make that garbage smell nice. It really is. One bag of unseasoned bread cubes for stuffing, of course. One sleeve of saltine crackers. Now, I don't want you to go out there and get any of that Ritz shit, because you want to put on airs for everyone. You're going to crush them and just sit on them Oh, okay. any of that stuff. One quarter chicken stock, four eggs, you're going to smash them with your fist. Now, we get to my favorite part, the frying. Oh, okay. What do we need for frying? Well, we need

oil, goddammit. We need lots of it. We need to get all the oil that we can possibly find. Go right down there to Louisiana and get all the stuff from the deep water. It just says oil. Paul, I don't have any oil. Can I just throw butter in the thing and just heat that up? I will allow it.

Thank you. All right, so I've got some 10W30 here. I'm going to add butter to that, of course. Now, two cups of all-purpose flour. We're going to need some special equipment. Now, I know y'all can't afford the big stuff, but let's see if you can find some sticks in the backyard. Twelve of them.

Wooden ice cream sticks. No more skewers. You have to eat the ice cream off of them first. Yeah. Butter ice cream. So you know it's properly fried when the joke at the end of the stick is covered. Alright, now. Let's get down to it.

You're going to preheat your oven to 375 degrees. Grease a 9 by 13 inch baking dish with one tablespoon of the butter. Well, four. That's 17 tablespoons of the butter. Touch yourself while doing this. Yes. I thought that was implied pretty heavily. You're going to brown the sausage in a large skillet over medium-high heat until it's cooked through, y'all.

Transfer to a plate while spooning off the excess grease into your mouth. And under your body. Yes. Leaving about two tablespoons in the skillet. Add four tablespoons of the butter and melt that shit, honey. Add the onion, carrot, and... No, let's skip past this part. Okay.

Add the onion, carrot, and... No, let's get past this part. Okay. Meanwhile, in a large mixing bowl, toss together bread cubes, saltines, poultry seasoning, parsley flakes, sage, salt, and pepper. Stir the sautéed vegetables... Stir the sautéed candy bars

into the mixing bowl. Pour in the chicken stock and eggs and toss together. Turn the stuffing out into the prepared baking dish. Now bake in the preheated oven for 35 to 45 minutes until the top is golden brown and the juices, oh, the juices, y'all, in the stuffing are bubbling. Oh, God.

Preheat that oil in the deep fryer to 350 degrees, whatever the hell. Cool the stuffing completely or not. I don't even care anymore. Cut into the 12 squares. Remove each square from the dish and wrap it around a wooden stick. Press it onto the stick with your hands. Now, we've all put shit on the stick, haven't we? Come on.

Make the stuffing from a log shape around the popsicle stick, leaving two inches of the stick exposed for the handle. Okay, so what's the goal? What am I doing here? What should it look like? You're waiting for death. No, no, but this food, what am I trying to sort of construct?

Oh, you can still see this past all the grease, okay. This should look somewhat like a lump of corn dog. It looks like poo-poo. Poo-poo isn't a corn dog you're silly have you ever swallowed a corn dog hole i have when you shit it out it doesn't look too different when you shut it back out is the stick still in it

you don't think i got waste all that time with chewing do you well i like the boots voice. I like when the boots voice shows up. Oh, yeah, the boots voice. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that one. Yeah. Can you pick the real boots?

Which one of us is the real one? Oh, don't shoot me. Shoot the other one. I really love you guys' voices. I've always been kind of envious that you're so good at it. Yeah, good at voices. You are. You're guys' voices. I've always been kind of envious that you're so good at it. Yeah, good at voices. You are, you're good at voices. I'm also jealous of people who are good at...

I'm not. This is like my only voice. Talkin' like birds? Do you guys like to laugh? I'm sorry, I'm sorry! My fedora is a hypercube. I gave mommy head and a whim job. You both have a nice time.

Thank you. Hi, I'm a real woman. Fuck, I'm too fat. That sounds horrible. It was excellent. No, baby, I didn't go nowhere. Oh my god, my mouth is like magnetically attracted to your tech right now. My brain is so large that my head won't fit on your screen.

Crickets! Bye bye, kill kill, see you in hell! How to live in a haunted house. You had an arse full of farts that dragged you from my booty, Lemon. I got 18 donuts. And then the munch session can begin. My email is sluttymixslutslut at hotslutdotslut. Hey, get to it, Barton.

I don't know, but I like cock. Oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm in love with Judas Judas. Examine that body. When kids lay their eyes on this product, millions will want one, I hope. Thanks, everyone. One day someone will watch a movie with me. I'm sorry, Matt, if this gets me bad, but Jesus fucking Christ,

this is the gayest hippie shit I've heard. Glad back. Thank you. And a woman be like, suck, suck, suck. And a man be like, I is calm now. I need 250 words. Why stilling bad? Eating weed?

Can someone lay it down? Hot-nusted moment, pussy. I'll clean your house with chocolate. Eating weed? Can someone lay it down? Hot-dusted mama pussy! I'll clean your house with chocolate! This trooper's badass creed is just awesome. What's wrong, cuz? Small children should be on leashes in public. Just wanted to review while it's fresh in my mind.

Isn't he cute? Yeah, I'm Mrs. Roper, bitch. Coming this summer, who was phone? I ain't the fucking cheating type. Oh, man, fuck. They can't even defend themselves for crying out loud. They wanted to say some beaver. And I'm sorry.

Like, we know that you're hearing these accents and you're upset, but it's fine. I'm not. Mine was great. But I think that's yet another mistake that we made really early on, is that we started out way too character-based in every reading. Yeah, I went overboard on this one. And it was unhelpful, because the voices are funny if they're serving a purpose. Oh, I actually ran into something that made me think about that when I was looking up my stuff for FF4. I found one story that had been read by someone else who looked like they were kind of trying to start to do something that we do.

And they just had this YouTube video where they were just reading the entire thing. And one of them had just chosen the worst voice in the world. And I was just like, you're going to do this. I can't listen to this for 20 minutes. Wait a minute. Was one of those people Bunny Bread? They sound like Edith Bunker. Because one of the things that sometimes gets edited out is where Bunny Bread goes, oh, five pages.

Five pages of text. This seems like a job for Edith Bunker. She's perfect for every occasion. To be fair, the stamina that Buddy Brett has for performing Edith Bunker is impressive. At the first Us North Live normal voice We did rock band For the after party And he sang The most incredible version of the Beastie Boys

Sabotage entirely in the Edith Bunker voice That was great I believe I got four stars I mean That same night No no I think it was maybe the second one yes it was the second one um was uh i don't know if we talked about the story before but like but um there was a point where uh we were at a karaoke karaoke thing and uh kumquat sob asked stog hey stog do you know the chameleon

song right and dirty and stog says no and then kumquat says hey stog will you sing the chameleon air song right and dirty and stock says no and then come up says hey stog will you sing the chameleon air song right and dirty and stog says yes um and there was there was uh there was no he gets up there and this is i mean it's a hipster bar right and he gets up there and and there's no sense of like timing or or or rhythm or, like, consistent tone. Like, it's just a frenetic thing that happens to you. And so the few of us that were there for this, like, we were loving it. And then, like, there's a bunch of, like, hipsters in the front. And they start out.

Like, he gets up and he's doing and he's doing this and they start out and they're like no come on yeah this this guy and and so they start out like completely just cynical about it they think it's lame and then like as he continues like they recognize the realness of what's happening this is really. And then by the end of the song, like, everyone is up on their feet. And Stog's going, Riding dirty! And I'm riding dirty!

On that day, that group of hipsters found out that Stog is real. And their hearts grew three sizes that day. Their hearts grew three sizes smaller. And their hearts grew three sizes that day. Their hearts grew three sizes smaller. One of the things that I enjoy about Nutshell's reading that I can never do is, like, an unyielding cheeriness as the text itself is, like, completely revolting. Like, that's an impressive skill.

Thank you. Yay, me. It's not as good as the awkwardness, but yeah. We all have that in different... I like the Hulk voice. Well, you know, it's supposed to be read with enthusiasm, so by God, I'm reading with enthusiasm. Hey, Lemon.

Can I talk about one of my favorite moments of doing this podcast? Okay. It was the day that you and I discovered WikiHow. Yes. I think it was our old... discovered wiki how together yeah with our clothes on though you don't need to know that though I think it was our old submissions system where somebody would just submit like a URL and like a single example usually yes Yes. And before you continue, will you please describe the worst submission

we ever received from that system? Was it a condom filled with shit? It was a photograph of a condom filled with shit. It was like, we thought you guys would like this. We're like, what? Of course we would. Thank you. Thank you. This would be great to read.

We spent a whole bunch of time trying to figure out how that would make sense in podcast format. The F plus terrible things read with Usigan. One terrible thing is a condom filled with shit. Go to the website and look at it. It's worse than you imagine. Anyway, go ahead. Well, yeah, anyway, somebody submitted a wiki how. I'm like, well, let's see what this is about.

How to inflate an air mattress. Yeah, and then like I was just at work in an afternoon and just kind of wasting some time, and you're probably home. And I just said, hey, check this out. And I sent him a link to some Wikihow article, and he sent me a link to another one. And we put together two episodes worth of a doc in an hour yeah um because yeah because at the time i think even

more so than now although now it's still very relevant uh every single fucking article on that site was incredibly dumb yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah which I think we talked about in our last spate of WikiHow is that, like, is that the bulk of it has increased insofar as, like, that it's a little bit less, like, article by article, I feel like it's a little bit less useless than it used to be. Which isn't to say that there's not thousands upon thousands of idiotic, useless, how to stop at a stop sign. That's a featured article. That's on the homepage right now above how to make a pig costume. I like to imagine that people read that, look it up, and read it as they're in traffic. Oh, my God.

What the fuck is this octagon? i've been driving for 35 seconds now this is my first record shit oh we never covered this uh yeah no and that was that was easy because i don't think i mean we we didn't we didn't even barely work on that it was just like hit the random button a bunch of times then like search for the easy shit and we're good yeah yeah i just i just remember sitting at my desk at work and just stifling laughter um because because it was just a never-ending stream of you and me sending just just absurdly idiotic articles to each other which was more pleasant than the time that you were researching the document for fucking adult dvd oh well yeah you did both sissy kiss and adult dvd talk those those were both very

unpleasant those are very disgusting uh sissy kiss is the one that like i had i had i had to do it like 20 minute stints because i because like so much of that site is just like it's horrific because it's like because it's it's very sexual um but it's also babies right um yeah i i actually nearly quit the podcast in the middle of that recording yeah i mean i'm i'm not exaggerating like the i i think i was dead silent for the last half hour of that episode because I was just gritting my teeth. I can't just pull up and go, you know what, fuck you guys, because then they have to start over.

And all this would have been for nothing. The only reason that episode happened is because one of the very first things I found was the Baby Kate story. And I saw the word whim job in there, and I was like, well, BunnyBread has to read this, so I have to make an episode around it. Right, right, yeah. And for what it's worth, that reading is still funny. Yeah.

Even though it is revolting. Wimjob. It's not like that story itself is like is like oh well you know everything else is disgusting but that's just fun times like that story is fucking revolting too um uh but i don't know i've got to admit there are some episodes that that i haven't listened to i i listened to that one but i don't really remember that much of it aside from the popsicles. But like the bug sex one, I was just reading all the comments on it and stuff. And I was like, you know, I think it's okay if I just...

Hello, my name is Kenny38D. I'm a pretty lady. A few months ago, someone on here, sorry, I forgot forgot who was looking for info dot on whether or not anyone has tried a bug torture i found a group where both the men and the women enjoy having this done to them well there are men in the group that like to use different kinds of bugs such as ants, worms, bees, grasshoppers, and crickets to bite their cock and balls. Okay, Levin. I'll be fine. Actually, I have a favorite moment I'd like to share.

Please. Adam, do you remember the episode I've Also Got an Idea for a Reboot of Young Guns? Yeah. Yeah, sort of. Do you remember Juggernaut Lonely? Oh, shit, yeah. He made a painting for Juggernaut Lonely. Yeah, that's hanging up in my office right now.

A mixed media piece that hangs in Lemon's den. His lemon den. Yeah. That was a lot of fun to read. Adam, the way you just said, Yup. Yup. You were doing your presentation.

I liked his yup, but what I liked more than that was his, Um, whom? This is a story of Primal in conflict with versus glamorous. Themes of love, sex, and death plays in a millius of Hollywood celebrity and money.

Venice Beach and his boat in the Pacific Ocean. What? Uh-huh. Buddy is personified as the alter ego of our hero, dangerous like a vampire cowboy. Cowboy.

Is that a vampire cowboy or a vampire, and then you're calling me a cowboy? It's like a vampire cowboy. Buddy is also a great white shark and a major story player, ending in a deadly romantic climax. Watch film actress Taryn Manning in a double role as rising, quote, star actress and the, quote, pop star and acting tour de force for Miss Manning, delivering the roles of rival lover to the lead, K.O.

What? Yup. With K.O.'s ex-past love, parentheses. You know, maybe it's a good idea to write scripts on peyote, but probably not write pitches on them. What? No, you're fine. You're fine.

Are you peeking yet? No, I'm almost there. Good. With K.O.'s ex-past love, parentheses, the likes of Dora Beard. Sure. Beard. In parentheses. Hurt, but loyal to him, haunts in the story world.

With young, hiding-next-door neighbor porn star Riley Steele from Piranha 3D in Digital Playground. Jesus Christ. Wow. When handsome and seductive KO gets dumped on his boat at sunset while planning to ask his, huh, true love, hmm, and in marriage, he is heartbroken. Devastated. Are your balls still in your pants or have they been blown out?

My balls are just confused at this point. Yeah, that's the emotional journey your balls should be on. In Juggernaut Lonely. Juggernaut on. In Juggernaut Lonely. Juggernaut Lonely. Juggernaut Lonely. Colon, an emotional journey for your balls. Spiral into his sad, mad world of sex and pain. Cut to flashes and video scenes from ScaredCherry.com, an original Voyeur Thriller web series.

Oh. Uh-huh. All right.com, an original voyeur thriller web series. Oh. Uh-huh. All right. Okay, sure. But K.O. wants his true love back. Well, love at any cost. Pretty people will die. Oh, no.

Babies will be conceived. Sex will be had, like it or not. Oh. Mm-hmm. i tell that to my wife all the time probably the creepiest sentence i've ever said in my life sex will be had like it or not and a 15 foot great white shark will eat bloody flesh hopefully in the same scene. Mm-hmm. Oh. Yep, I'm peaking now. I bet.

This is the peak of your life, actually. Yep. But, love, quote-unquote, wins. Maybe those are scare quotes. So what do you guys think of my movie, Juggernaut Lonely? So, Mr. Soderbergh, the studio has sent the script in. I'm not sure you've thought this through, but I bet you can make it good.

Wow. I mean, the entire section was just fucking crazy and it's never gonna get made as a movie but you just went ahead with it and you fucking sold it they might stop doing movie reboots and finally finally make a killer shark ghost

vampire cowboy movie yeah so F plus have we learned anything from any of these experiences like has like like has and i i'm i'm i'm actually asking this question like like has this has being in this podcast changed your life in in different. Well, for me, yeah. I'm worried about people. Yeah. I'm worried about people recognizing my voice or something.

Like, oh my god, it's you! And I'm like, no! I'm worried about this coming up in decades later. You know. Did you say all these things into a microphone? Yes, I did. Because I thought it would be funny. When I'm serving in Congress, this is not going to work.

Senator Bozars is going to have a lot to explain. Good luck. No, F Plus has been pretty awesome because I just get to read sometimes horrible, sometimes funny things and be goofy with people. And it's great. i like it a lot that's a lot i've had to explain um god knows how many horrible things to co-workers when something's brought up on the internet oh yeah i suddenly know what it is yeah oh man one time oh shit maybe i shouldn't even say this but

one time i was i was with uh the beginning of a great story well um i was with members of the extended family and one of them said oh you know they have a big dog and a tiny dog and um they were like oh yeah and you know the big dog we had to try to get him to not have sex with the tiny dog because they can get stuck together and i immediately opened my dumb ass mouth and go, oh yeah, that's called nodding. I thought it was normal for dogs. And then they all looked at me and I'm like, I can't tell you why

I know that. A girlfriend of mine was a veterinarian student. Also, she was a dog. But she was weird. There's an extent to which that silence doesn't necessarily help you no and then the dad was like well I actually

used to breed dogs a little bit because I knew someone who did it and I've never heard of that how have you heard of that oh god um I'm gonna go in the other room I had to explain bronies to some people

but that's about it my dad has listened to the podcast so that's been weird too oh wow that is weird so I I have parents that

would want me to succeed in different ways than I have parents that would want me to succeed in different ways than I have. Their definitions of success are different than mine. And so at one point, as sort of a fuck you dad moment, I was like, I have a podcast and X number of people listen to it. And then he spent a moment being impressed by me, which was great. A moment. And then he listened to it? Well, so then he's like, well, how do I listen to this thing?

And I'm like, we don't need to go through that. Like, it's fine. It's fine. Backpedal, backpedal, backpedal. And yeah, so I had to walk that back, um, which was difficult. I mean, I don't know, like my sister listens to it, like, like some friends, but, but I will say that like, that like, um, in casual conversation, like in casual conversation,

I'll bring it up, but I will also like, I'm not, I'm not the guy with the band. Like when I'm in a casual conversation, it's like, I do a podcast. They're like, oh, what's it called? It's called the F+. Oh, yeah, don't worry about it. It's fine. I don't care. Like, listen to it or don't.

I don't give a fuck. Yeah, I don't really know anybody who listens to it, honestly. I mean, other than, like, people who are on it. Sure. I know a few people. I liked that this year's... The thing I picked for this year's F Plus Live was a thing...

It's a little gross, but like... People... That's a thing you could send to ordinary people and they'd get the humor in it. So I like that because now I can send them that if it ever comes up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Instead of my previous choice. I keep the singing episode on my cell phone just in case someone asks, hey, what kind of podcast do you do? And I just usually pull out the singing episode and I show them one of my songs and then I walk them back away. And that's usually the end of the conversation.

That works out to me just fine. So do you like to party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party? Let me hear you holler. Can I also, we like to party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party? Let me hear you holler. Can I also, we forgot to mention, but there was a point where, because we mentioned it in the episode, but we did that F Plus Sings episode, which I've heard a bunch of episodes more than once. I've actually only heard the Sings one once,

and the reason for that is, after we released that, people did remixes of it, and the remixes are amazing! Yeah! And so, like, the idea of not hearing any of those tracks without the backing audio that clearly should be there

just doesn't seem right. Yeah, they seem naked. He's got a Samsung Galaxy 3 by me. Galaxy Petty by Flea. Because the other one, I want to say, I think offhand I want to say it's a lady frenzy one, but I'm sorry if I'm wrong about that. That's the best choice by default. She did a lot.

But, like, so it's a remix, and it's not even from F Plus Sings. And so instead you have, like, this little piece of Isfahan, and then you have Jack Chick reading the recipe for microwave roux. Said to the backbeat of that ça, dis-moi. Oh, oh, the... Yeah, sadness part one. What's all that I can do?

For some reason there's live in a calmness? Who refused to become a monster? I believe in the only evaluation of the devil's times of transparency before criticism within my own was an impossibility of redemption and was called creation.

One cup vegetable oil. Two cups old cup of flour. Pour the vegetable oil into a microwave safe glass bowl. Do the Dew with God.

Cook in the microwave until the desired color has been achieved. Do the Dew with God. Yeah, no, I think that good and bad, I think that I'm so happy to have done this with all of you. I'm really glad that we had people along the way

that found it and appreciated it. And I appreciate them for that and for the ways that they contributed. Because, like, I mean, as far as that document thing goes, I mean, I can say this for certain. If we didn't have, like, the level of document submissions that we have, if we didn't have that apparatus set up,

there's no way we we would have run out of steam long ago we would have absolutely burned ourselves out like researching our own documents there's 100% certainty and so thanks and any closing words

yay Victor yay Victor I just want to say yay, Victor. Yay. Well said, Boots. Finally, somebody has the courage to stand up and say that. Alright, bye-bye.

Bye-bye.