The F Plus - 202: The Forum And The Fury

Episode Date: January 30, 2016

Life can be frustrating at times. To that end, there are sites on the internet where people can go and type the subjects of their anger into a form for others to read. These screeds can be on any subject, and restrictions of logic, spelling or grammar do not apply. Also, posting a screed usually means you get involved in flamewars with the other users of this website. And while none of this is helpful for the people involved in posting on the website, the results can be read aloud and help you feel better about yourself. This week, don't smash your keyboard. A portal might open up.

I want to actually hear from anybody in the comments if anybody's under the age of 25 now who has ever actually still found porn. Woods Porn? Like rotting in the woods by the train tracks. You found Woods Porn, right? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I found Woods Porn. I grew up in the golden age of Woods Porn. The golden age of Woods Porn. Welcome to the F Plus Podcast.

An infuriating place for terrible things. Right with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have Boots Reign Gear. Doorknobs are f-fucking stupid. Door handles are awesome. Poor Tex. Hi everyone, I love you. Yes, Fahan.

I prefer the finer things in life. Like my sneakers have to be Nikes. Check, check. Here's the deal, Baconator. You're working in a job designed for a kid. And Lemon. Oh, great. Thousands of men and women jerk off to you nightly,

and that fucking whore at the Food Lion said you were cute? Where? Hey, F+. Hey, Lemon. Hi, Lemon. Hi. You guys have all of your issues under control? Nope. I sure do.

I'm bubbling rage underneath just at all times. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Yep. I'm sorry to hear that. Well, as you might be aware, it has been some time since our last foray into Rage-centric websites. Oh, so it has.

Are we talking about the rapper The Lady of Rage? No, but that's a weird poll. What's your favorite Lady of Rage song there, Jack Jack? Afro Puffs. I'm going gonna go canonical. Yeah. Ruffin' stuff, man. I go chronological.

Way too early for a reference like that. Anyway, what we're gonna be dealing with here is a document that was given to us by Caroline! And we're gonna be looking at three different websites. All of them center around, you know, people on the internet who need to express their frustrations.

Who need to express them publicly and who want to presumably engage in meaningful and insightful conversation with those around them. Sorry, I choked on nothing. meaningful and insightful conversation with those around them. Sorry. About things. Sorry, I choked on nothing. I was just snickering for no reason. That's fucking weird. Well, while I'm raging, I definitely want to have a meaningful conversation with people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I hope you guys like the color red because here it comes.

Oh, I'm seeing red. This is Rageagerant.com. Good God, that's great. Wow. It's pretty much the No Fear logo. Yeah, it is. But anyway. I like the speckle brush from Photoshop

with a bit of blur sort of stretched downward. It's a nice effect. That's Rage. So let's start out with this rant here by Exile. That's a nice effect. That much rage. So, let's start out with this rant here by Exile, and that's you, Jack Chick. And, uh, Jack, you're upset about vegetarians, isn't that right?

Uh, yeah, I'm very, very angry about fucking vegetarians. Seriously, I'm getting real tired of hearing all this, I don't eat meat bullshit! I've asked them why I don't eat meat bullshit. I've asked them why they don't. Their responses are always the same.

It's barbaric to slaughter animals. I'm just trying to help the environment. I just don't like the taste of meat. Really? It's barbaric? So I asked them their reasons. They give me their reasons, and then they have reasons, those motherfuckers. Lemon, do me a favor. Yep.

Ask them lions over in Kenya who do it to survive if they'd ever switch to plants. Okay, be right... Oh, no. Well, he's gone. I don't think we're ever going to see him again. All right. Oh, this episode got awkward. What would happen...

Let's keep reading. What's about to happen to Lemon? We don't need him. They just look at you as a potential meal because it's instinct. Helping the environment. Fucking seriously? You are eating all the goddamn plants.

You're not helping shit. I have to admit, that's a pretty weak argument. But raising cows takes up more energy and space than eating plants? No, vegetarians are eating all the goddamn plants. Yeah, they're eating all the plants, so then the cows don't have anything to eat, poor tax. God, can't you vet this through your fucking skull? Nettles, redwoods.

Just picks up an entire Venus flytrap and just shoves it down your face. I can understand if you don't like the taste of meat, but really, how can you not like something that is essential to your survival? OMG, guys, have you ever really truly seen a healthy vegetarian? They're all yellow and shit from a lack of protein. Forget that shit.

This is seriously one of the most retarded preferences I've ever heard. Nah, these people should have been swallowed at birth. Give me bacon. Give me steak, chicken, and pork. It's tasty. It's healthy. It's life, people. Give me life, people.

It's life, people. Give me life, people. It's life, people. Exile out! So, uh... There's a guy named Randy who works at the Minnesota Zoo, and he does not fuck around. He is not nice.

He's stronger than he looks, right? Yeah! That went really poorly. I don't know what happened in the rest of your rant, but I didn't like that suggestion at all. Yeah. It's really convenient that you live in the zoo. Now we're going live

from the lion exhibit. Also, it does give you an excuse to be a real mess when you eat your lunch. Okay. Also, it does give you the excuse to be a real mess when you eat your lunch. Okay, uh, Portex. Yeah? So, what is it that offends you about Guy's hair? I'm assuming Guy from, uh... No, no, no. Guy. Guy.

I thought it was... wasn't it Guy from Fatal Fury? No, he's from Final Fight. How about... You're totally right. I'm so sorry. He's baiting me. Jesus fucking Christ. I wasn't going to make a video game joke.

Trap sprung. So anyway, Guy's hair, and then period, so that's the sentence. It's just me. Right. It sure is. Yep. We won't expect anything great. Is it Guy's hair sentence. It's just me. Right. It sure is. Is it guys hair or is it just you? Okay, so please tell me I'm not the only one girl with this view. I think that guys should

simply not have super short hair. Longer hair that hit just about their ears is hot! So like a bowl cut? Yeah! Three stooges, man. Fucking hottest thing ever. When they flip it to the side, I just find it attractive. And when your boyfriend has a skater personality and style, his hair always looks better long.

When your boyfriend cuts their hair super short, even after they know you are strictly against it, that just pisses me off. Admittedly, some guys look hot with short hair. Look at Eminem or Justin Timberlake. Guys shouldn't have super short hair. Some of them look hot with short hair, though. How are those the two hot guys that come to your mind? They have short hairs.

How? Look, I tried looking at Eminem or Justin Timberlake. Oh, the two hottest guys with short hair. Let'sem for Justin Timberlake. Oh, the two hottest guys with short hair. Let's see, Justin Timberlake and Kid Rock? No. I think he didn't do that.

The certainly important thing about Eminem is that his career was always predicated based on his physical attractiveness and no other details. That is true. But other guys look better with long. I just think that at 14, the guys should keep their hair shaggy! Zoinks!

What? What? What? Okay. All guys should have long hair, except for the ones who look hot with short hair. Yeah, exactly. Alright, so which post

about God and religion would you like to read, Mr. Boots Rain? We have God Made Ignorant People by CJ614. Okay. And then we have Religion by

Asphyxia. Yeah. I'm going to go with the more mysterious one. I'll go with Religion by Asphyxia. Well, you chose the one that talks not only about Christians, but also it's got a rundown of all of the different religions. So this will be fucking... Everyone's going to the burn ward now.

Yeah. So I'm going to start by saying that every stupid religion is full of hypocrites. Sin like crazy. Repent even crazier. What? Repent crazy.

Sin like crazy! That's what my shirts at the shore say spent it in half last weekend I went on a repenting spree yeah I am so tired of these bible beaters and every time I meet one I want to beat them with a bible then you become the bible beater

no that's my joke gaze too long into the religious abyss tell them to read it Then you become the Bible beater. No, that's my joke. I want to take their power. Gaze too long into the religious abyss. Tell them to read it instead of try to preach from it. Because they're definitely not living by it. And there's no chance they've read it. That thing is fucking long. Just give me the clips and that's fine.

Yeah, I got some opinions about Jehovah's Witness, but you don't need to hear about that. You need to hear about that. You need to hear about Catholics. Oh, okay. I mean, give me the second paragraph about Jehovah's Witnesses, actually. Could you do that for me? Okay, if I have to. Okay, thanks. So I give these idiots their spotlight for about 15 minutes, and I say,

Wait, so you are Jehovah's Witnesses? No. The one guy who was actually talking the whole time says, yes, sir, we are. I replied without skipping a beat. So, what did you witness? You should have seen the dumbfounded looks on both of these idiots' faces as they look over each other for an answer to my question.

No. No, they definitely had a response to that. They definitely had a response to that They definitely had a response to that No, this totally happened Yeah, you weren't there Okay, so Did you witness this?

It made this off when you were visiting the lion Those idiots faced each other and made idiot faces They totally did The story checks out I just said, okay, well I think we're done here Have a nice day I closed my door, walked in, started on this rant

After holding my sides, laughing For 20 minutes Then later I learned that they They converted and now they're atheists Like me I destroyed their whole religion Fedora's just fell from the sky and landed right on both their heads. It was amazing.

Yeah. Like a were-nerd. They open up their suitcase and take out their trench coats. It's like transforming into a werewolf, only the fur comes out under your chin and nowhere else.

No, the back, too. Hold on, hold on. Now, Catholics. Do I really need to say much here? I'm gonna. The answer's yes. These people have a pope that's supposed to be

some holy old guy who is all-knowing and awesome and full of pure win. Oh, fuck you. You're right. You're right. Good job. Don't even get me started on the whole hilarious rumors about Catholic priests either.

Hilarious, huh? Child molestation is like a fucking gas station. This person laughed for 20 minutes over the word witness. So the word Pope was in quotes, but neither hilarious nor rumors were. Nope.

I don't even have time to write so much here. Anyway, these are the biggest of the hypocrites of all the religions I've ever seen. Okay. Hey, what was the last paragraph that you wrote about Muslims? Because it sounds fucking... I'm sure this will be great.

At 72 virgins? What kind of reward is that? I was watching Robot Chicken and they showed those... Ah! Wait. Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Did something happen? Well, no. Did something bad happen? Look, in most major religions, if you don't live a virtuous life, you are sentenced to watching Robot Chicken for all eternity.

So they did the research here. That would be effective. Anyway, in Robot Chicken they show these 72 versions being nerdy World of Warcraft retards that are all men. And I hope that's what all you morons got. Because that's what I am and maybe I'll get laid then.

Yeah. So wait, so you're hoping that their religious beliefs actually are true, and so... Yeah? I don't follow, because isn't he making fun of the religion? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was angry about it. So then you went through, you did Jehovah's Witnesses, you did Catholics, you did Muslims.

And then, what are your feelings on Christians? Christians? Hypocrites. Ooh, a twist. Great! Okay, thanks a lot! That was helpful! Yeah, you're welcome. In response, a few people registering usernames of various gods to show up to just kind of mess with this person, and Aspicia keeps, like, coming back

and arguing with them. Even though it's obviously people posting as Thor and God and stuff. There's Thor, there's Odin, there's God. Well, no, because you did some research, right? Because I'm God,

right, Boots? I'm God, and on August 28th of 2010, I noted something. It's my religion, so I know. I noted that, except Catholics were around hundreds of years before Christians. Yes, ma'am.

Yes, sir. Did you salute when you said that? No. Are you saluting now? That's good, because he's not a ranking officer. No. Nobody is going to come in and critique Lemon's trousers and how he doesn't have them properly set. Your gig line is fucked up, Lemon.

You need to square that shit away. Is that my Google Maps location to the next gig? No. Wow, you're just all laid up, aren't you? You are unset. Oh, no, I'm sitting in this chair.

Oh. Well, I take back that salute I didn't do So this one, will you tell me something about fat people in scooters? Will I? Fat people in scooters Trying to keep their weight

Hi everyone I'm CJ614 Okay, so it's really dawned on me that overweight people should not be going out and buying mopeds and scooters for fuel economy. I really like capitalizing words, by the way. Transportation. Okay. It's an ignorant choice, in my opinion. Ignorance a bit, but whatever.

In reality, it's like a deaf child buying an iPod. Am I right, folks? For what apparent reason, I don't know. Wait, no. So they're not able to use the mopeds and scooters then. So, no, your metaphor is awful. Your metaphor is really bad. For what apparent reason, I don't know.

Oh, sorry about that. Yeah. But really, fat kids, you would be better off walking burning the fat off than trying to get great gas mileage, if that is your real name, on your 50cc go-ped. You deserve to have a brick thrown at your skull each time I see you on one. Each time? Well, I mean, there's just like

the one fat kid. I really like his usage of the passive voice there, where he's like, you deserve to have someone throw a brick at you, not me, whenever I see you. Whenever I see you on a scooter, someone will throw a brick at you. Hey Gary, CJ614 sees a guy

on a scooter, you should throw a brick I'm just confused So he's seeing this like all the time Is he living in like the bad fat part of town where there's just like motorcycle gangs of bad guys and rascals Looks like someone's a little lost It's Mary, where's the McDonald's

Quick, go through a narrow doorway! Alright, so... Hey, guys. My name's Asphyxia, and I believe this is the very last piece from Rage Rants, because we have other sites to look at. But anyway... So I'm Asphyxia,

and texting... You know, it's one thing to have to type on my damn phone but to not be replied to is really annoying the other really annoying thing about texting this is texting that's the problem right is people will text you saying hi right you reply hey what's up then you wait a few days to call them to find out what was up that day and they'd say hi and then never reply again. I wasn't making polite conversation I wanted to know what was up.

So like even then it's just like birds, clouds. Yeah. No what was that movie about? Explain it to me. Was the guy's wife dead or not? I have a touchscreen phone. It's cool, but it isn't too much fun to text on.

Now, I have unlimited minutes to talk to anyone else who is on a cell phone, but 99% of everyone in my phone would rather make my type on my phone instead of talk on a period period. I don't mind text. I have unlimited of those two, but if you plan on having a conversation, just call someone period period.

Don't make me break down my calling plan further. I have four gigs of data, but right now I'm on a promotional for eight gigs. But that goes away if I renew my contract. But anyway, texting. But I do get unlimited punctuation. I just want to talk to all the people inside my phone. If you just need to make them a quick reminder about something or briefly ask a couple questions that wouldn't take much effort to answer,

sure, texting isn't a bad idea. When you want to have a full-blown conversation with me through text, I'll probably end up calling you going, why the hell are you asking me loaded questions that would take me all day to type? Wow, you should take this comedy bit on the road. Why don't we just call? Or, you know, to the person that you're having the problem with.

So I am getting tired of texting at this point. I get to spend 30 seconds to type something that I could say in 5 seconds if someone would just call me period period. So they just call you and go, hi, and then hang up. What's up? They call back, hey, what's up? And then hang up.

Over. You do anything later today? Society should have never advanced past the walkie-talkie. Roger Wilco. I understand the great benefits of texting, though. I used to text all the time or in places that I couldn't really talk a lot. That is a huge benefit to text instead of call.

But when you're sitting in your room doing nothing and I am sitting in my room doing nothing, you know, in the rare chance that that would be the case, I'd much rather just talk on my phone than type on it. Linda. The moral of my mini rant is that

I'd rather verbally speak to people when using my cell phone instead of typing. Do you get this yet? Do you understand? No, not really. So not smoke signals. So if you want to talk to me, then talk. If you want to type, do it on Messenger, on the computer,

or on this epic website called Rage Rant. Hold for applause. You know, I just, okay, well, while Lemon's holding for applause, I'm going to go ahead and pitch my idea for an app. Fine, because I'm going to hold forever, because it's not fucking coming. It's going to be like a really hipster app, marketed

to hipsters. Instead of texting, you have to do semaphore. That would work, too, because the phones have the gyroscope, right? Yeah. So you would actually... Oh, because the phones have the gyroscope, right? So you would actually... You pick your flag. So good. The F Plus podcast, your greatest source for semaphore jokes.

The great part is that you'd need two phones. Yes. So there's an upsell involved. You'd need two apps. Or, well, no, you'd need the phone and then, like, the nunchuck for the Wii remote. You'd need the phone and then the nunchuck for the Wii remote. Now I'm picturing people smacking themselves in the face with the phone attachment.

It's pretty great, isn't it? Okay, so we are leaving the Rage Rants because we have other really angry places to go to. Such as the Rant Central Forums.

Before seeing it, I'm going to guess we have a red theme as well, but maybe with a black background? Wow. Well done. What do you think is in the header image? A giant airplane that has been split in half

and is full of screaming ballerinas I'm going to say also a screaming face Now that's how you party in half You didn't guess a guy in a hoodie with a scarf over his face Okay, so This is the Rant Central Forums The background is in black, it's carbon fiber That guy is really upset that there's a Photoshop filter

Has eaten his city He's crying out for a minute Oh no, the interlacing is eating into my arms And so this is the Rancentral forums And Jack Chick Your name is Aris524 And you got a question to ask, right? Is this considered abuse on her?

First, my mom never hits me. Okay. Good. Me and my father got into a fight at McDonald's. We threw ketchup on each fooling around. Im older, Im 15, he is 13. I got some ketchup on some woman clothes, and my mom had to reimbursed her

for the damage my mom never hits me but she reimbursed other people her head explodes like on scanners but it's full of ketchup so it just made it worse now you have the ketchup it's her charge up attack my mom freaked out on me

Told me I was immature baby And my brother too In front of people in McDonlads McDonlads? I love this post Leaving McDonald's she told us That she get us some Pacifers and some Pampers

And a playpen. People were looking at me. Like she was right. She took away my X-Space box and my I-Space pod and cell I can't go out on weekends now. Yeah, because you're gonna... Wait, she took your cell away. Then you should be able to escape. Well, no, just the one. It's fine.

Oh, I was talking about, like, you know, biological cells. Oh, yeah. No, it's a terrorist sub-organization. No, it's the Dragon Ball Z villain. It's an animation. Alright, that's the rest of this episode now.

Yep. On the car ride home, she is yelling at us, telling us when she goes to Walmart, she should buy us a crib and stuff. Telling me we made her look like a bad mother. She's being a total fuck to me. Can I turn her into CPS for abuse, saying those things to me?

I sure hope not. What is that? No. No, keep going, keep going. Child Protective Services gonna take your mother away? No, it turns her into Child Protective Services. Isn't it slander or something saying lies about someone?

I don't think she's lying. She said I was immature and now I'm whining on the internet. Clearly she's lying. Actions have consequences. Saying I need pampers and making me look bad in public. For the record, he started it. My brother, not me.

I thought it was your bother. You were throwing ketchup at each other. Like, oh, she made me look stupid. I looked really fucking cool and I had condiments all over my fucking face. This is the first time his mom has ever been mad at him, which she seems like a very patient woman.

It's not fair she's doing this. She took away my games, and I can't go out now because of that fuck. I want her to chill out and give my stuff back to me. Sure. No one got hurt. She doesn't get that. I really want my mom

to know I'm not a kid. She could not talk to me like that. We were throwing ketchup at each other. Well, and someone did. I mean, she was inconvenienced by A, being embarrassed, but also like you spill shit on a woman's clothes, so then she had to pay for the woman's clothes. You inconvenienced her to say that nobody got hurt as being disingenuous and incorrect.

Well, I didn't get hurt, therefore nobody got hurt. Okay, that's true. I'm 13, remember? Thanks for clarifying that, Lemon. I didn't understand what the kid had done wrong, but now I do. The first response to this is by a user named Sporkium, who's a supermod. And Sporkium's title is The Voice of Reason. And, yeah, it says,

No, it's not considered abuse. You and your brother are immature idiots and should not be allowed in public until you learn how to behave yourselves and should definitely keep you off the internet and revoke your computer privileges, too. And what do you have to say about that, RS524? What about her lies? Telling me and my bro we need

pampers and stuff. She dissed me in public for no reason. You were throwing ketchup on each other. So Wildcard also tells this person you act like an idiot in public, act like a baby, get treated like a baby, and he has a response to that, too.

It's true. My mom just didn't call me a baby but told me I belong in Pampers again. Look, people, you heard her call me a baby in McDonald's and tell me that she was going to get me diapers in a crib for what I did. I have witnesses. Don't you think that would you

help with swycle services? Yeah, call up witnesses. Yeah, I sure did call her a baby. I'm going to start a GoFundMe for this guy's mom She needs something to drink What's the end goal? Yeah, exactly What's the end goal? To ship these kids off to China?

No, no, just rye Just deliveries of rye to her house The end goal is rye Well, the end goal is rye Yeah, that's true, too. It's not fair. It was only ketchup we threw on people, and the people in front of us were old, like in their 60s,

and wouldn't know even if it was on their clothes if I wanted to say anything. Oh my god. Okay, this is way worse than it was before. Yeah. It's not fair, you know. I don't want to sound like a Winnie baby. Thank you.

She had to pay 45 bucks for the clothes I ruined, but that was her choice. It was your choice to throw ketchup on each other. You forced her hand. I mean, she was being a good person in that particular situation. I want to put this kid in a headlock and then fire him into the sun. Lemon, I think you're going to reconsider that statement after you hear the next line. Great, great. My mind is open.

Bring it on me. But no other mom would tell me that I should be in diapers and need a bottle. Only mine does that. Nope. That's how uncool she is. How many moms have you tried? Other moms would have beat your ass. For real.

Yeah. It was only McDonald's, no place fancy, and it was ketchup. The ketchup was fancy, though. It actually does say... Well, does it still say? It used to say that. I don't know if it does say that. Her telling everyone name a baby and belonging

and pampers and stuff was foul, you know, and a bunch of lies. No one got hurt. It was only ketchup. Because of her, people think I need pampers on me now. She needs to chill the out. So was he just like, no mom, you don't understand, this isn't blood, it's ketchup.

You're such a dumb bitch. He is completely divorced from any sense of remorse or responsibility for like, he doesn't even think he did anything wrong, because that's probably why all his privileges have been taken away. Because he's too fucking privileged. And, yeah, so the rest of this forum...

I mean, everyone else in this thread just kind of, like, slaps him around. And just... Jack, will you just read the two other posts that he has to defend himself? Sure. I just want her to stop being a bitch and chill out with me. Mom, bring some of that rye over here. And

if not a whiny bitch, don't I have rights? No. Nope. Nope. Nope. Not the rights you think you have. You are under 18 years of age. I will say this is interesting though, is that, cause though, because clearly what has possibly happened is the reason this kid's acting like this in the first place

is maybe mom was just too permissive or whatever, and now he's finally getting punished for maybe the first time ever. Clearly. We're just witnessing this total, like, wait, what? Why? A day of reckoning is at hand, but why? And as reckonings go, it's pretty mild. Yeah, she talks shit to him, which if he finds this podcast, oh man.

I hope he doesn't throw ketchup on me. My shirt's super expensive. So, by the way, we're not just in the Rant Central forum. We are in Rant Central slash Ranter's Delight Because it's on and on and on and on and on The ranting don't stop until the break of dawn Thank you Just waiting for minutes to do that

Anyway, so this thread Waiting for minutes to do that Anyway So this thread Is And also like So this thread Is called to fart or not to fart That is the question So

My name is Snillek And I'm a gift master And I have been banned for farting. Let's find out. To fart or not to fart? Is farting acceptable in the part of the world where you live? If yes, why and how can you fart in public?

If no, why is farting unacceptable? Oh man, that was a great rant. Fuck. Is this guy related to the guy that was wondering why you can't wear a KKK mask in public? Is this like an idiot friend?

Listen, just a random question, and then boots your system folder. Yes, like an idiot friend. Listen, just a random question, and then boots your system folder. Yes, I'm system folder. I fart whenever I have to. I'm pretty sure you can cause damage if you try to hold them in. When it comes out, it comes

out. I don't care where I am or what people think. If I know I'm going to be in an enclosed space with other people, I might drink some milk beforehand. Turn up for farts? Oh, let me just use his image macro again.

Yay! That wasn't a macro. Well, not macro. Sorry. Jack Check actually just pointed out that Snilock, the guy who was banned, he was banned after managing

14,115 posts in probably three years, because he joined in February 2012. So this forum was really dealt a blow when this guy was banned. Why is this thread seven pages long?

What? Because we want to know if we should fart or not to fart. There's so many. The stats on the site indicate that his posts equate to 12.48% of all posts on the forum. And then right under system folder there, Isfahan, your name is Spud17. I swear to god, every avatar is

an animated gif. The fish head one is legit making me laugh. Alright, my name is Spud17. I'm a potato doomhammer. Low random. Alright. It's a normal human function and farting is acceptable where I live, to a degree.

It depends on the mindset of the person hearing someone else do it, as well as the closeness of the fart. And here's where I pull out my telescoping pointer, and I've got a chalkboard behind me. If it's in a closed space like a lift, then people will rightly screw their face up.

Not because of the smell itself, but because they can't believe the farter couldn't wait five seconds for the door to open. Also, because of the smell itself. I grew up seeing my Nana cock her leg to make her anal announcements, and it always cracked me up. And being English.

Whoops. What? Who is? What? Jack Chick. What the fucking fuck? Yeah. Jack Chick, who is your favorite actress in anal announcements? Um, uh

Nevermind Pinky Being English, I have a natural fondness for toilet humor with a U I admire a man who's not afraid to let one rip in public, and if I know them, I'll give them marks out of ten. With all the shit we have to deal with in the

daily grind of life, I think those who think farts are disgusting and should be let go in private are somewhat uptight. People like Joan from down the street, who always held her farts in and claimed she never passed gas, and then died from bowel cancer, are a good reminder to forget the ridiculous notion that farts are and claimed she never passed gas, and then died from bowel cancer, are a good reminder to forget the ridiculous notion that farts are gross

and just let them rip. Although I won't deny that sometimes a little discretion wouldn't go amiss. I remember the, you know, you know Mikey from the Life Cereal commercials? He didn't fart once and he died. Hey Boots, hey Boots, hey Boots. hey boots did you see the word discretion is a link you should click that link where does it take you boots

it takes me to wiki how to conceal your farting in public god damn it 13 methods alright so how to conceal your farting in public here we go this is like 4 weeks since I've been on this site Yay! Thirteen methods! Alright! So, how to conceal your farting in public. Here we go! WikiHow episode number five! It's been like four weeks since I've been on this site. This is great.

I'm going to guess around step five. It says, do you really want to conceal your fart in public? Some people appreciate farts. It's a bit like a perfume. And again, this WikiHow article, by the way, it's all broken into different methods. And it's all the places that you end up farting, like in a train, in the library, or at a disco.

Where the guy is thinking about giant musical notes. Well, at the disco, there's that hugely loud music, but if somebody farts, there's that record scratch, and the music stops, you'll be like, who farted? Method 11, how to conceal your fart in public while in high school still liking a boy. Alright, alright.

Back to Raid Central Forums, guys. Come on, back to Raid Central Forums. You have to drag us back. You're an even worse mom than the one that didn't let me throw ketchup at people. We're gonna call CPS and get assigned to a better podcast. Here comes Aish! Whoa, what?

Here comes Aish! Oh, here comes Aish. Hi, Aish. Hey! What's the worst thing you ever intentionally did to another person, either as a joke or out of vindictiveness? I broke his arm off and then shoved poison in the stump. I could think about answering that, but I'd kind of like to know your role. Descriptive text.

Oh, sure. Yeah. Okay, so I'm... You know how you sometimes use forward sl like when you say actor slash writer? I use hyphens. Good, so fuck you. That's my choice. So I'm a poet, and I'm a mage,

and I'm a warrior, and I'm a goddess. Yeah! Unless you're a poet minus the mage, warrior, or goddess parts of being a poet. I'm not a dental work goddess. Anyway, drumroll! I once released hissing cockroaches and scorpions into someone's house

after pissing on their CHA filter. What's a CHA filter? I was hoping somebody else would answer that. Cha-cha-cha! Isfahan, what's a CHA filter? Their charisma filter. I don't know.

I knew I shouldn't have asked a nerd this question. Oh, it's the water filter. So like the thing that filters water. So like a Brita filter. That's what that is. Okay. So pissed on the thing that goes into their drinking water. I wonder if this person also calls band-aids adhesive strips.

Gelatin dessert. I use Adobe registered trademark, Photoshop registered trademark brand software. I like using facial tissue to clean my nose. Yes, absolutely. But the worst is probably this one once upon a time my ex wouldn't leave me alone so i fucked his best friend and a week later had a threesome with two guys and then immediately went to his house and fucked him telling him all about the other exploits after

i came and shoved him off me saying i'm'm done now, thanks, go away. That's just confusing. That's not real. Yeah. No way is that real. That's a thing I did. I'm an awful person who pretends to be even worse. Totally. I'm a shitty person and a shitty liar.

I'm a double threat. I have ready access to hissing cockroaches and scorpions. Yeah. So Isfions. Yeah. So, Isfahan. Yeah. You are Lannister hater, and you are terrifying. All right. That's why you have that image.

Yeah. Is that why I get this one? No, I think you can speak to it. So, what's your avatar there, Lannister hater? My avatar is a semi-automatic pistol with the trigger lock on. But oh, that's gonna change! Okay. I've done some pretty bad things.

Some of which I can not say because of legal issues and to preserve any moral dysanxia that any fellow ranchers might still possess. Most involve sexual exploits. Some involve the deaths of animals. This is an ad lib, but some involve both. When I was much younger, I mostly cast spells on those

that angered me. What? Dave Boustain is back! It's like Alex Bell. Oh, it was horrible boyziness. As I grew older, there were more violent things. Semicolon. Not so much your cliche ass whippins,

but physically harmful acts nonetheless. Homemade napalm is a very versatile thing. Ammonia iodine crystals work great as a non-lethal touch explosive that it can print forever upon a person's mind just how close to death they may have come not that I can talk about it due to legal issues or anything yeah

I know what this person's read I always regretted harming animals I love and feel great bonds with them. Oh, no! Oh, fuck's sakes. Maybe it wasn't an ad-lib after all. Holy shit.

Probably the reason why they were harmed, I guess. I don't know. Any man or woman of principle knows that... Lenny! Controlling your own fears and loves for the purpose of honor is requisite to the most feared and loved this guy's this guy's a serial killer i only ever ruined one waziness that nobody that knows that story would ever begrudge me that one that hey mark are you that. Hey, Mark. Are you okay? Squirt. My psychotic break is getting worse. I don't have

nightmares anymore, in fact. I don't remember my dreams at all. Haven't for years. I've posted 749 times. And what's your sig? Fistful of Xanax. Take more. It's Lydian.

It's a two-fistful of Xanax morning. Hey, are you guys talking about doing awful things? Oh, yeah, we totally all are. My name's Mark. Cool. Hey, Mark, you're like a Linux penguin that's also a Superman? I'm a flying penguin. Cool.

I'm a posting freak. I once rapped my cousin Jonathan in saran wrap head to toe. Placed him in a 55 gallon plastic drum and stuck a running water hose in the top of the plastic. I'm not saying I feel good about it. Tonguey face. So your name, so you're

Walter White. No, he might be Oler Karbooster. Oler Karbooster. I'm a pastiche of the two. Completely wrapped in glum glum. Alright, and we are

leaving the Rage Central, Rant Central forums, and we are going to be going to our last site of the night and that is WTF.com now that is not the site owned by Mark Maron

WTFers, WTFanots WTFanots WTFers listen here's something that's on my mind these days need the rest of us to listen to that podcast in five years let's say imagine like all of the people that like just heard me on my mind these days. Be the rest of us who listen to that podcast in five years. Let's say, imagine like all of the people that like just heard me do that

and just like reflexively hit fast forward. I was trying to. Anyway, so this is dedicated to my PE teacher. So you ask me why I'm not representing the school in any sports?

Why I didn't try out for the badminton squad when I said I wanted to do it, but quote, missed the tryouts? And on top of that jizz yourself over how quote, disappointing that is in front of the class? That's inappropriate.

Well. Oh, you could have done so much better. My life isn't so good, but at least I jizz whenever I'm disappointed. Wow. Well, in that case, you've hit the jackpot, right? Yeah, yeah. Fine. Oh my god, I'm never going to mouse anything!

It's a dead-end job. Everything I do is wholly without merit. Are you going to keep waiting? I'm very disappointed in you. Sir, are you going to keep waiting for your date or sheet order? I think I'll just do it. Also, I love the idea

of badminton tryouts. It's the badminton... It's the badminton squad. So, you're fucking out of production. Look over there, it's the all-stars. Varsity badminton. They try to run through the paper, but they're not strong enough. A letterman jacket for badminton.

Guess what nerdy was badminton, Congress? We just made a few fans very sad. Okay, so what was I fucking... Okay, so you assume that I'm antisocial, emotionless, and cold kid, so I'll damn straight live up to that. It's pretty obvious that you favor the girly girls who spend hundreds of dollars on glam and fashion but so freaking what i say can say for certain that i've got enough intelligence to make up for the sweet cute lovingly kind superficialness not like other girls

other girls can form sentences uh forgive me for protecting my ego and pride this year while whilst you drown in your own, I protected mine, you drown in your own. Fucking metaphors are my jam. But you have no power over me. One is not obliged to join a team at school. It's really part of the curriculum. And hey, babe, guess what? I, too, am

disappointed. I was wondering if you were gonna jizz. Yeah. There's the money shot. In how you fail to conform coherent thoughts, I mean, if it's really the exercise you're worrying about, I do do sports. I actually wrote do do.

Hi, Stog. I'm going to go leave now. Hi, Stog. I do gonna go leave now. Ice dog. I do do sports in school. Just not competitively. So yeah, bam! Heroics get over. It's not competitive. So what, like, they're on the yoga team?

Yeah. Stop talking and lift me up on your shoulders and carry me around the room. Hey Lemon, can you describe what people's reactions to that were in terms Hey, Lemon, can you describe what people's reactions to that were in terms of if there was some sort of way you could upvote it? Oh,

if there was some sort of way you could upvote it, yeah, okay. So, my post got some activity, you know. No favorites, no retweets, it's not Twitter, motherfucker. This is WTF.com. So I got six likes, cool. I got one lol funny, and I got one sword smite. Sweet.

So the like involves a broken thumb. Yeah, the thumb is like... People can also facepalm me, or they could oh really me. Yeah, they could agree or disagree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Boots, what do you think about your parents? You don't need to read that thread at all. Just tell me what you think.

What do you think somebody on WTF.com thinks about their parents? Is this a talk about Boots Moth? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yep. Oh, this is in the discussion forum of Life Sucks Which is a sub-forum of Sparta I'm Rose Arnt

I hate my parents OMG, I'm so fucking tired of my parents' bullshit All they do is judge me on everything I do If I get a new piercing they flip That other guy's teacher just is All they do is judge me on everything I do. That's probably a good thing. If I get a new piercing, they flip. That other guy's teacher just is, so, you know, it's...

My parents, post-generator robot. If I talk about getting a tattoo, they say I will regret it. I'm 16, and if I ask to go to a concert, my dad has promised me that any if I ask to go to a concert my dad has promised me that any concert I want to go to I can go as long as it's not in Chicago. So I find this band.

It'd be funny if they're like in Florida or something. So I find this band. There's like a backstory there. His dad in Chicago. This band I'm absolutely in love with. Sleeping with Sirens. Awesome, dude. I'm going to go to YouTube and look this shit up.

It's a good idea. How many seconds is he going to last? You're going to love them. They're very pretty. That says good things about what this musical sounds like. So, okay, go on. And I asked my dad if he would take me. And, of course, I get the usual Oh no

Where is it at? Who is the band? When is it? Do you know how far that is? Is it Sleeping With Sirens? What? Oh what's he saying? It's not in Chicago Why does your voice sound like that? Oh god

Take that hat off, you asshole! Alright, sorry. Okay, back to the post. And the all-time famous one. Do you know what happens at concerts? Honestly. I live in Iron Mountain, Michigan. It's a little town.

At this address, and anyone can come and see me. We can go to the concert together. In the Upper Peninsula, and the concert is in Grand Rapids, which is seven hours from me. Now, to me, that's not far to drive, and I honestly think I should be able to go. But, of course, I don't. How is this even fair? He's always telling me about these times when he was my age and he went to concerts,

drank and smoked pot. Why in the hell could I not go to this concert? Because concerts are dangerous and there are drugs. Who the fuck cares if there are drugs? I don't care. And even if it's dangerous, I'm 16

and we all die anyway. It's just fucking bullshit. They always tell me no and judge me. She died as she lived listening to the worst music imaginable. That's not true. I could give her recommendations on the worst music imaginable. Party Balloon?

Is that what they're called? Party Cannon? Is that what they're called? Party cannon? Thank you. One of the things that I think is kind of interesting in this is that when you look at this, so then people are offering either advice or the F plus special, which is somebody going, I don't have that problem. Goodbye. Which happens a lot. the F plus special, which is somebody going, I don't have that problem. Goodbye.

Which happens a lot. But like, but the interesting thing is like looking at the amount of people that are talking about like their like grown up experiences and their grown up lives. And they're like, yes, I remember when I was a teenager many years ago. And it's like, wait a minute.

You're not a teen. What are you doing? Why are you on the site, you motherfucker? Also, sleeping with sirens sounds really bad. They're sirens. Well, somebody disagrees with you.

Masquerade says, I like the sound of this band, but the lyrics are fucking terrible. You like just like... They're poets, not singers. What I think is interesting actually is that the first response to this lady is like a completely reasonable thing. What's the

first response? The guy's basically like, yeah, that's a really long overnight stay. It's going to be a lot of gas money, so maybe you should find something that's a little closer. It's just like, what the hell are you doing, internet? You should be ranting at this lady or something. Yeah, why is this making me so angry?

Isn't this reasoningwithteenagers.com? Reasoningwithteenagers.com. Look, I'm glad you actually brought that up, because on that note, we are going to be tackling something that, you know, we're going to get to some really smart ideas here. So to that end, this post is called, What the fuck is with some girls and the pictures they post on Facebook? It's dumb. Poor Tex. I'm not poor Tex.

I'm not poor Tex. What's your name? My name is Lisa Marie. And what forum did you post this in? Posted in the Life Sucks forum. Because life sucks. Like Sparta and forums. I don't know what that means.

Like, there is this girl and she uploads pictures every single day. Fucking what the fuck? Fucking what the fuck? She either uploads pictures of her nails and nail polish or her eyes or her purses or her new earrings

and she'll even post random pictures of herself multiple times a day! I'm assuming that silence means you're all as shocked as I am? Yeah, I can't believe it. Oh yeah, definitely. I'm just, yeah, I just sucked all of the air out of my lungs. A self-absorbed teenager will...

Yeah. Well, I never. It gets worse, it gets worse, okay? I mean, I guess the constant uploads of herself is alright. I just don't see a point in uploading shitloads of pics of yourself in one day. You look the same as you did three hours ago. Is she the only girl that does this that I know?

Wait, no. She is the only girl that does this that I know. Well then, why do you say some girls as if this happens all the time? It's just some girls. She doesn happens all the time? Some girls? How fat is she? Why does anyone give a damn what color nails you have or what kind of nail polish it is? Unlike my opinions

that everyone wants to hear. No one does give a damn. That's not why she's posting them. Yes, yes, I see. I have purple nail polish too. And yes, I totally. I have purple nail polish, too. And yes, I totally see a reason in posting images of your purses. And then you have girls who post pictures of themselves sitting on the toilet, high and drunk. How do these people expect to earn guys' respect that way?

You know, by winning Grammys. You're talking about Amy Winehouse, right? Look, unlike other girls, I'm not Amy Winehouse. Okay. Isfahan? Hi. Time for you to make a choice. Oh, boy. We got two threads.

Both of these, once again, all of these threads we're reading here Are given to us by Caroline Caroline You know what I like about Caroline? What's that? She's a real down-to-miles girl I thought she was a crazy bitch

So, Isfahan Which of these two threads Strikes your fancy? Is it Just Another Emo Kid by Flamebait? Or is it Fuck Everything by Masquerade? I think I want to fuck everything. All right. That's a circle jerk song right there.

Want to fuck everything fuck everything fucking everything my name is masquerade i've been banned what an asshat um uh i've been trying hard as fuck to get a well-paying job. Clerical work or a chef's assistant or something. And they just now decide to call me about a job as a fucking chef. So that's good, right? No, it's a fucking chef. Fucking roasted balls, sand ranch sauce. I'm fucking

joining the goddamn military now, so I can't take your motherfucking job even though I would really, really fucking like to be a goddamn chef. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Semicolon. I used to drive to the dog. What the fuck was it? Lost it.

Did not knew. Affin slash Pacific. Oh, God. The portal is opening up. Oh, no. Hey! Oh, no. Oh, no.

I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far.

I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far.

I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far.

I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far.

I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. I hope he doesn't run away too far. T6 open bracket Pete... God fucking damn it. That portal just opens to the next pen over in the zoo. Yeah, exactly. Those lines are out there.

He'll be back in a second. Guys, that same zookeeper was in that portal. Did the lions banish him there? And then I edited to add 21 pictures of a nuclear explosion and words cannot express my frustration and rage even though I just

used a bunch of them to do that. Clearly the answer is join the military. See? It'll work. Oh boy. Fucking damn it. That's quite a setup. Fucking damn it Just let that hang Just let it sit there That's fine

Hey Boots Coming to the end This is the second to last piece But your name is Beef Roller. All right. I'm Beef Roller. I'm a pizza slinger. I'm a Decepticon.

Sure. Ever been kicking back on a nice sunny day in your backyard, you think? Ain't no one else around. I think I'll just go full body tan while I'm out here. Well, I did while I was sunbathing, buck naked. I happened to fall asleep in the 105 degree weather. I woke up with a star all right. Can rotisserie chickens spin it around?

I ran in, took a nice cold shower. I've had plenty of sunburns. This one wouldn't be so bad if my penis didn't get it too. It's actually blistering, cracking, peeling. Yay! I have no way to describe how it feels as I sit here on the comp with an ice pack on my genitals and try to keep the painful throbbing down. Fuck!

I hope I get this better. Fuck! I hope this gets better soon. Beef Roller Saturday. It's Dustin's girl. I get this better. Fuck. I hope this gets better soon. Beef roll is sent to you. My name's Dustin's girl. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't mock your pain and laugh at your duress, but ha ha ha, your penis is burnt.

The end. That's the purpose I put it in here for. Don't expect sympathy. DG. So if he's laying on his back, it's probably got, it's just like the top half is burnt, so it's like a two-toned penis now.

So he looks like a killer whale when it tans. That'll be great. Yeah. All right. The very, very, very last piece here. Is... Yes. Thank you, Caroline. So, the very last piece here. I think Jack.

I think Jackie burned us. He has. So, this is in whatthefuck.com forums, Insane Asylum. Ask a ranter, and your name is Slacker, and you're right near Da Beach. That's true.

Where girlies are giving me kisses. What the fuck is this shit? How do I deal with this? I have a tick. I don't know how it got there. On my sack. No, it's just your other testicle. Don't worry about it.

I am freaking out. I have a big ass fear of ticks in the first place. But on my fucking ball sack. I have a big-ass fear of ticks in the first place, but on my fucking ball sack! What the fuck do I do? No good. No good. I pulled on it at first because I had no idea what it was. Truthfully, I thought it was a piece of my shit

that go away. You should backflip onto your dick there. I... What? Everyone knows that the going away process for shit involves getting it smeared all over your nutsack. Come on.

Let's not stall on this. Hey, hey, hey, hey, Boots. I meant not stall on this. Hey, Boots. I meant to talk about this, but Gigi Allen did not do a good job when he toilet trained you. Not Gigi. Great Grandma Allen. Great Grandma Allen.

Oh, you mean the punk artist GGL and the raise me. Yeah. But it wasn't coming off, so I examined the area, and I nearly passed out when I saw it. Help me quick! Colon, gun,

colon. I guess it's an emoticon that doesn't work anymore. Edit. Yeah. I've never had a tick before, and I've looked it up, and God knows I do not want to pull the tick out wrong and have an infected ball sack. Go to the doctor, Dad. If only there was trained medical professionals

that could help me with the situation. Yeah, but they'd be like, Ew, balls! No, no, they'd be like, Well, did you smear your shit all over your ball sack like you were supposed to? Gross doctor, I've got a tick on my balls. I need you to get it off.

Ew, gay. Can you read your next post? So Great White Ninja tries to help him here and he says that you can use a pair of small tip tweets to remove the tick. And then he says that if you're worried about a disease, you can save the tick and take it to

a doctor. Where I live, some doctors are happy to identify a tick free of charge. Happy? I don't know about that. That's... I can identify that! That's Mr. Bubbles! And that one's free of charge. Happy? I don't know about that. Hooray! Oh, boy! I can identify that. That's Mr. Bubbles. And that one's

Rainbow and Kittens. Like a law and order scene where the guy's putting away file folders. Yeah, I've seen them. Anyway, so that's my suggestion is, you know,

get tweezers or pick it off. I don't recommend going to the doctor at all, other than afterwards. You could always go medieval on your sack with an exacto knife. This would reduce the risk of improper removal. Apparently. Just get a square

out of your scrotum. Reduce the risk from what? Of improper. Where did it start? He was going to blow Torch's nuts off. Obviously, when you pick up an X-Acto knife and are going to put it on your balls, you're obviously not doing anything improper.

So cut it off with a Chinese chef's knife? Maybe X-Acto knife? Look, it says X-Acto right in the name. Like, I'm pretty sure he knows what he's doing. Anyway, so that's Great White Ninja's recommendation. And what do you have to say, Slacker? Thanks. I currently do not have access to tweezers as they are in my parents' bathroom.

I do not want to wake them up at four in the morning to tell them about this. Yes, you do. What kind of fucking night did you just have? What did you do. What kind of fucking night did you just have? What did you do, slacker? Was it slacking? No. Fuck, that's not a tweezer. Yeah, yeah, it does.

What? twisting the tick when I try to pull it out. Yeah, it does. It's not too good. I also found out that it's a dog's... What?! Which reminds me that I did have my dog next to me, and I did pet it quite a few times. Oh, my God. Then I did my business right afterward. So I could pretty much see where the tick came from and how it got on my nuts. We have the tick's origin story.

Shit. And then Dustin's girl comes in and gives Slacker three links, none of which are wiki how. Yeah, I'm really disappointed by that. Yeah, totally. So none of that's going to work. So, F+, what do you think we learned from any of this? I learned that Sleeping with Sirens is awesome.

What's your favorite Sleeping with Sirens song? Kick Me. It's also the only one that I found with a googling. That one. With a googling. Which one of them do you like? The one with the bad hat. Okay.

Oh wait, that's his hair. I've learned that being angry makes it difficult to think straight. But apparently some people it doesn't really matter much. So they might as well be angry. I think people also

really, really just love having people just pat them on the back and just reassure them on how right they are. And I think in the stuff we were reading, it gets more obvious how young of a teenager the poster is, depending on how much they were demanding justification for anything that they were mad about. Just like, I cut a dude's head off, but he kind of deserved it. Like, you guys are with me, right? And when they're told no, they just kind of wig out. I like to think that there are probably like a thousand of these sites,

thousands of these sites, that exist out there, that all have a community of 150 people and just all offer the exact same service. Starting one of these sites with the angry smileys and the black background and the red text is kind of like putting a bad religion CD

in a Best Buy shelf. The Teenage Moves will eventually show up and glom onto it. It's just a matter of time. In that case, could we just make a line of them, like E.T. with the Reese's Pieces just under a giant box, and then just trap all the teenagers there until they can't pose anymore? You're right, that is a good point.

The masses of humanity have always had to suffer. Now Satan allowed him to sing her voice. The website is always thefpl.us, and I think T-H-E-F-P-L dot U-S. And I think we have a forum. Isn't that right, Boots? We have a forum. Yeah, it's called Ball Pit. Tick on your ball pit.

And I don't know. See you next time. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. We'll see you next time. We haven't done a Rage episode in forever! You were accidentally doing the old-style intros. That makes me more mad!

I thought we ditched that shit! Yeah, we phase out these kind of bumpers because they're weird skits and they don't really go anywhere. I thought you were immediately going to tell us what we were reading as soon as this was happening. I thought it was going to be, Oh, you're angry! We'll never fear, we have Rage Ran, boom,

we're forward. I'm saying this is not my fault at all, so you guys know. Yeah, no, no, no. You got any more notes for me? Alright, hang on, look to camera one, and wink, and then start the fucking recording over again.