The F Plus - 208: I Am Only A Mouth Yet Cannot Scream

Episode Date: April 6, 2016

Sooooo..... Fleshlight has forums. Did you know this? We didn't know this. Spooks found out about it and now that's what we're reading. As it turns out, this is a surprisingly active forum with a community of members who discuss the finer details of the plastic sleeve that they masturbate into. With that comes some of the standard themes you'd expect, like Harry Potter and gay panic. This week, The F Plus gets it on while Jimmyfranks is jammin' on his bass guitar.

hey stog yeah what would be like if this was like your fantasy come true and like you got harry potter in a room and he's down for anything like he's game like he's down what what sort of sexual thing would you do with harry potter i don't know i just think about going through the nine and three quarters um portal over and over again? Wow. That is exactly what I would have guessed. That is just dead on. Let's say if two people go through the nine and three quarters platform

at the same time, they can get stuck together. There's got to be fan fiction about that stuck ass to ass ass to ass oh where's my arm Welcome to the F Plus Podcast, a terrible place with terrible ideas for what we could put our dick into. In the room tonight we got Lemon. I was watching some Asian porn today, and I noticed something.

I don't think Asians have dentists. But that can't be true, because my dentist is Japanese. Bunny bread? First girl creeps up on me and gweeks me. If you don't know what that means, it's kind of a poke to the side of the ribs like a tickle. She says, I didn't mean to scare you. I say, no, it's all good. And then, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Jimmy Franks. How much lube would a fleshlight like if a fleshlight could like lube? Stog. Sleeping with dogs also keeps you warm. However, girlfriends do smell better, in general. And Boots Reingear. Love to see a Bellatrix Harry Potter freaks line. Oh gosh, you're a little witch pussy.

Damn, with a little black pearlescent case shaping like a Bellatrix wand. Oh fuck, she's hot in Harry like a Bellatrix wand or fuck. She's hot in Harry Potter. Bellatrix Lestrange is someone I'd love to fuck. Yeah! An O to Bellatrix. Hey, F+. Hi, Boots! Hey, Boots.

Hey, you guys like sticking your dicks in things, right? Yes. Absolutely. They're called women. It is America's pastime. Oh, it's good that you gave them dignity, Bunny Bread. Yes. Just this once.

Don't tell nobody. Yeah. Well, sometimes, like a woman or a man or whatever sort of kind of person or whatever you're into is not available for you to stick your dick in and sometimes you need to find something else. That's called another woman. Okay, okay, yeah. Yeah. Yes. Sometimes it's called another woman

sometimes it's called a fleshlight. Oh yeah, that too. Oh, a fleshlight. Yeah, I think we've talked about fleshlights on here before. Yeah, yeah, we I'm sure, it's impossible for us to have not mentioned that, yeah. But what's a Fleshlight? Well, a Fleshlight, it's a sex toy,

but we can get into more detail from the Fleshlight forums themselves. Oh, helpful. Oh, good. Spooks has provided us a document. Wait, hold on, hold on. So there's a community of people that need resources about this? Yeah, they're called Vaulted. It, hold on. Hold on. So there's a community of people that need resources about this.

It seems pretty straightforward. Yeah, the WikiHow article isn't cutting it for them. They need more help. We've got to get more in depth. We're going to dig deep into that fleshlight. Yeah. Say it. Say it, baby. Just get real

fleshy, real greasy. Let's get balls deep in that fleshlight for them. Oh, my it, baby. Just get real fleshy, real greasy. Let's get balls deep in the Fleshlight Forum. Oh, my God. Great. So, thankfully, this forum is very helpful. Very helpful to new users. There's a beginner's guide to the Fleshlight. Oh, yay!

Provided by a user named Sarah Life. Sarah Life. Yeah, Jimmy Franks. Oh, yeah. Could you start on the FAQs for the beginner's guide to the fleshlight for us? Question. I do not own a fleshlight yet, but I'm looking to buy one. Which product should I choose?

Many first-time buyers try to find the fleshlight that's most realistic or most like a real vagina. Many first-time buyers try to find the fleshlight that's most realistic or most like a real vagina. However, many times they run into problems doing this because the sleeve that they buy is not intense enough for them to feel anything after years of using only their hands. Oh, my God. Okay. You're making a lot of assumptions, and I think all of them are correct. Most veteran fleshlight users suggest that first-time buyers select a more intense texture like the Stamina Training Unit or STU. Destroyah, Stoya's signature texture.

Oh, clever! Oh, that's good! Or Nipple Alley, Riley Steele's signature texture. Is it a nipple that you fuck? I'm gonna look it up. Is it an alley covered with nipples? It's right next to Diagon Alley. I've got a nine and three quarters for that alley. Never mind.

I'm sorry. These are high intensity sleeves that help make the transition from your hand to your fleshlight much more enjoyable. Okay. Sure. A common question. Are all fleshlights molded from real women or porn stars?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I was wondering. Fleshlights that are attached to a name and a picture of a porn star, for example, Stoya or Riley Steele, are real-life molds of their vulvas slash mouths slash anuses. We take plaster casts of their body parts. It's very romantic. Sorry. And then we make them...

What's that? So, I'm sorry. Okay. Okay. You take plaster casts of their parts. Is that what you just said? That's right. Great.

Okay. So, I mean, the idea of you taking plaster casts of a vagina or a butthole is, I mean, that's whatever. But, like, you take plaster casts of a woman's mouth? Are the police present for this? Hey, look, look, look. We take plaster casts of their body parts, but remember, this is only the outside. We don't shove the plaster into their various orifices because that would be really invasive for them and very difficult

for us to do. And more importantly, it'd be tough, so fuck it. The outer molding is purely aesthetics, and their signature textures are crafted by our designers to intensify your flight with them. Making plastic fuck

socks is hard. It should be noted that the Pink Lady Stamina Training Unit, or STU, the Flight, the Pure, the Vibro, and Sex in a Can, fleshlights are not molded off of real vulvas. They are artist renditions of the vulva based on hundreds of photos put together. Wow! Hundreds of photos.

The perfect vulva. Yeah, the weird science collage of vulvas. The gestalt vulva, yeah. Let's skip down a couple posts to cleaning care tips. Oh, good. Don't bother? Someone asked me

once if you can ejaculate inside your fleshlight, and the answer is yes, of course you can. It would be a pretty shitty sex toy if you couldn't finish inside of it. But here are some tips on how to keep your fleshlight clean and usable for as long as possible. Cleaning your fleshlight. The fleshlight cleaning question is one of the most popular on the blog. If you don't clean your fleshlight properly immediately after every use, it will get gross with dried semen and it can start to grow mold.

Oh! Oh my God! Okay. If you use soap, the product will start to break down, rendering it useless much, much faster. So, the best way to clean a flashlight is to take the sleeve out of the case

and put the orifice over a faucet or shower. Turn on the faucet and let cold water run through it, possibly putting your fingers inside and rubbing around until it no longer feels slippery. Oh, that sounds great. Yeah, I think the cleaning seems a bit straightforward here. here yeah i gotta say uh the uh nipple alley just must have been really popular because you can no longer uh purchase uh riley steel's nipple alley there's still um there's still a case pending on that so too many yeah which is disappointing but but i'm glad that uh but uh these the stoia um signature uh device the destroyer yeah because i've always wanted to stick my dick in something that calls itself the Destroyer. Wait, is that a Fleshlight or is that a Todd McFarlane toy?

It's both now. It's going to be both, yeah. It's going to be both. Thanks, I've got one more question for you. Shane's coming off my Fleshlight. The question is, it's on post seven. What is DGS, the death grip syndrome? And why does my flashlight feel amazing on the first try?

Well, if you have DGS. Is that when you're masturbating while listening to the death grips? Yeah, yeah. If you have DGS, or death grip syndrome, it means that you have been masturbating with your hand for a long time and have gotten used to squeezing your penis pretty tightly to reach orgasm. Come on, come! Come on, get out of there! Sometimes it can make it difficult for the man to orgasm from sexual intercourse with his partner. for the man to orgasm from sexual intercourse with his partner.

If the man doesn't get the exact same type of stimulation he's been used to getting through masturbation, super tight, really hard stimulation, then he won't be able to reach orgasm. The fleshlight can help reverse death grip syndrome. The hard case makes it impossible for you to squeeze too tightly, forcing you to relearn how to reach orgasm with more subtle stimulation. During your first couple of uses,

you may not enjoy your fleshlight very much. It may take you a while to get to orgasm with more subtle stimulation. During your first couple of uses, you may not enjoy your fleshlight very much. It may take you a while to get to orgasm, and it may not feel very good for the first couple of times. This is because the nerves in your penis have to readjust to different levels of stimulation. People say the adjustment period can take anywhere from 5 to 20 flights

before you really start to feel the fleshlight's texture and enjoy it. Just be sure to always use the fleshleshlight during this retraining period, not your hand, so that you don't undo all your progress. It's an acquired fork. Flight, by the way, is the Fleshlight forum community is so big that they have their own jargon. Your Fleshlight will require multiple uses before you can really appreciate it if you

use it once and toss it you're never gonna go really feel the texture and never going to really have the type of intent it's mind-blowing orgasm that the fleshlights are famous for there you go oh this is this is quite a world that we live in Yeah well that's We've learned a lot About how to use And the cautions we need to be taking care of Step one Put your dick in it

Step two don't be bummed out if it feels weird Step three Why don't you fuck it some more dummy Yeah so Step three, why don't you fuck it some more, dummy? Yeah, so... So, still within the beginner's guide, we've got a question that Lemon has for us. Yeah, um, my name is some guy, whatever. I'm a flight attendant.

He doesn't want to admit he's here. Remember, flight is jargon. Anyway. Is fleshlight safe for oral? Yeah, so maybe this is a dumb question, but one of the first things I thought about when getting myself a fake vagina was,

can I eat this thing out? Why? I just want to know if I can. It's my Everest. I don't know. I'm sure it would taste like absolute trash, but there might be something gratifying about it. Who knows?

And it'd add some variety to the stuff I do with it. Just wanted to make sure it won't, you know, kill me or something. There's a gun inside. Yeah, no, I just don't want to die from my fleshlight juice. This thing that I shove my dick into

about 50 times a day, is it safe for me to have it in contact with? Yeah. Yeah, lick silicone, loser. to shove my dick into about 50 times a day. Is it safe for me to have contact with? Yeah, lick silicone, loser. Stuck, take keeping it real. Keeping it real. Hey, I'm keeping it real. I'm an F-light attendant.

Yeah, you get it? You get it? Sure do. Well, I'd lick all the FLG orifices, but not that pink horse pussy. No, sir. All right. So, keep it real. Fleshlight. Pink horse pussy.

Pink horse pussy takes me to BadDragon.com Good night! Full circle! By way of Horse-News.net I got a question for you guys. What's up? My name is TallJerry. That's nice.

I'm liking these usernames. And the question is, what is the fleshlight doing to me? It's killing you. Yeah, you didn't try to kiss it, did you? What is this destroyer doing to me? I get an overwhelming feeling to use my destroyer, and my cock is rock hard wanting it so much, I will hide my destroyer so I do not keep using it.

So you wouldn't use it? Just like only on weekends? How are you going to hide it that you won't know where it is? He drinks. Oh, well. Okay. Jimmy Frank's astro mage. Ah, this is astro mage.

Oh, hello. It is calling out to you i was gone all weekend and i knew my bliss was getting lonely oh boy we're getting pretty close to the stuffed animals forum now who's taking mr bean you are okay my name. Bean. It's called Flesh Crack. Cigarette Emoji. Whiskey Emoji. Pill Emoji. No, no. It's what? Flesh Crack? It's called Flesh Crack. Cigarette

Emoji. Whiskey Emoji. Pill Emoji. It's called Flesh Crack. Oh, you're so right. It's called Flesh Crack. Bunny Bread, you are J. James 91. I've never been more J. James in my life. It's Jimmy James. You have a nice avatar.

That's what the head of your dick looks like. Alright. It's winking at me. Ow! Oh, J. James 91. I use my fleshlights like, no, tomorrow I have a 12-end growling and I'll rotate a different

one each day nearly two times a week to experience what I've so far. Oh my god, you're a pimp! And I can't stop checking! Can't stop checking off all the time. My balls struggle to come after ejaculating seven or eight times. Then like nothing comes

out. That's my record in one day so far but a bit more practice and a few supplements, I reckon I can do a lot more damage to my flesh. Let's happy face. Is that why somebody were to ask you, hey, Bunny Bread, can you do an Australian accent? How would you respond? No, comrade.

Hey, JJames91, what color is your dickhead right now? Well, it's kind of a bleeding fucking red because it's bleeding. Fair enough. Scrolling past your dickhead avatar. Hey, fuck you. What's hard to get it like that? All right, I'll scroll back up. Stare right into the face of it.

Yeah. It looks back into you. You know that Nietz back into you you know that nietzsche quote what's the nietzsche quote if you just ain't shit but hoes and tricks if you jerk off seven or eight times your dick can look like that too yeah it worked for me well as long as we're getting philosophical, let's get religious. Oh, good. Yeah, man. I got a question for religious people.

Is using fleshlight a sin? No. I feel I'm qualified uniquely here. Oh, well, hey, any Christians or religious folks here, I wonder whether using a tool such as a fleshlight is considered a sin. I guess the problem is not that much using an FL, but more the fantasies which are involved in using it. Or do you think it's possible to use a flashlight without having thoughts about humping a woman? Probably most religions prohibit entertaining thoughts of having sex with another person unless you're married.

And then this is about your wife. to having sex with another person unless you're married and then this is about your wife okay so so your question isn't is masturbation a sin but is masturbation a sin if while i'm masturbating i'm thinking about having sex with a woman in that weird scenario i mean i'm thinking about having sex with another woman that's not, you know, my wife. With the plastic pussy that's, you know, the destroyer. I'm thinking of Stoya. That's a good device. Why don't you just think about having a destroyer as your mistress?

Like, take it out on the town a little bit. Buy it an apartment. Take it to church with you, why don't you? Put a little church hat on the fleshlight. I'm glad you came here with that question, because I got an answer for you. My name's Pumpin' Paul. Oh, I don't like your avatar, Pumpin' Paul. Pumpin' Paul.

I'd like you to meet J.J. What's his name? J.J. 91. J.J. 91. Oh, you don't want any pumping bull. I don't call myself a Christian,

but I think masturbating can steer you from committing adultery as long as you are pro-life and reproduce or have plans to. Then what harm are you doing in the eyes of God or any Christian? Yeah. Master, we can see you're from adultery, but only if you're pro-life and reproduce. Only if you take a bullet for a baby fetus. No! I bought this fleshlight because I want to reproduce.

I'm retired. Make little mini-Destroyahs? Yeah. That Destroyah's tits are going gonna get pretty big when she gets pregnant if you have the option of fucking a pussy but you choose to fuck a fleshlight instead you should be concerned i am i am definitely concerned where do you live pumping paul uh i live portland all right kel-2 where's kel-2 kel-2 oh yes Where do you live, Pumpin' Paul? I live... Portland. Alright. Kel2? Where's Kel2?

Kel2? Oh, yes! I know this story. It has nothing to do with masturbation. I think the problem with masturbation would be that you had... Think about sex while doing it! Stupid! Okay, what should I be thinking about instead?

I'll get to that later. And that's what is said to be a sin. See? Stupid. Sinner. Shitty, stupid sex sinner. So you mustn't think about sex with someone unless you're married to that person. Understood?

So marry every single woman you see from now on. Okay. Okay. How's your polyamory cult working out there, Bunny Red? Pretty good. Except for the marriage shit. I hate that. Can you masturbate without thinking about nailing a chick?

No! What the hell, the point of masturbation? What the? Cal 2's stupid. Unstog. Yes? You're going to be post-22 Cascatero. Cascatero. Cascatero.

Hi. I'm Cascatero. I'm El Cascatero. Personally, I don't care what the church, a priest, a pastor, or the Pope say about masturbation. Weedly, weedly, weedly, weedly. I enjoy my body as I feel comfortable. I want to fantasize about my slutty neighbor who howls like a werewolf when she comes.

I had listened to her while waiting for the elevator. Or about Sister Martha, the 20-something nun that used to be my brother's cachesm teacher when he was nine. That's my business i mean i agree but like your brain seems like a weird place cascatero jokes on him i'm his neighbor but i like i'm imagining that your neighbor um uh comes and then just starts singing Werewolf from London. Hey, Lemon. Yeah, what's up? Tall Jerry's back.

Tall Jerry is back. Yep, that's right. Yeah, so Tall Jerry, I'm having unwanted erections when sleeping. I only want two erections when sleeping. I have three. Okay. So see a doctor because I woke up in pain because my penis is hard as a rock and have trouble getting back to sleep with my penis still hard?

I am not good. If only there was a cure for a hard dick. What's the cure for a hard dick? What would you prescribe? I got nothing. You got nothing? Medical science hasn't been advanced enough. Oh my God, I will continue to walk the earth.

It'll be my own personal episode of Kung Fu. Knowing that you look like David Carradine gets my dick hard now. That's pretty good. Let me just put this belter on your neck. Okay, so my penis is hard. I am not being

a good Christian sleeping like this all night. My pastor judges me for the way I sleep with an erection. It's actually your chiropractor, because you can only sleep on your back now. Hey, I'm super faded. Oh, yeah. What's up, super faded? Lol, you ain't being a good Christian having an FL. I mean, by your standards, not mine.

I think you are in the losing your religion homosexual experience, my little face. Only homosexuals have erections, stupid. I didn't understand any of that. I sat in the super faded. I understood a happy face. But I spoke with such confidence when I said it. You did.

You did. And that's awesome because I know that you're located in Arizona Bay. Oh, God. Fuck you, Bill Hicks. Just fuck you. Can we have Tall Jerry and Super Fated continue to explore this topic? Tall Jerry, you have another problem.

Okay, yeah, yeah. Okay, please. When people talk a lot, I had an erection when sleeping in the hospital ICU and the nurse was looking at it. I probably would too. Have an erection, that is. Holy fuck shit, yeah, smiley face.

Good job, Mr. Bean. Wait, why the hell were you in the ICU? I mean, it's not really... Unless you don't feel like sharing, that's fine. You just said. If you're getting boners in the middle of the night, I wouldn't worry about it unless they hurt you. Which you said.

Our dicks go up and down multiple times during a sleep cycle. It's like the elevator. With a URL. No, that's not a URL. That's a thunder line. So your source is super faded. I think to sort of preserve the ability to get hard and procreate the single most important thing to do in any species single most important you can think of nothing that a species would

value more than getting boners in bed yeah no no no okay no i i i that seemed wrong but then when i pressed my mind to think of anything else that would come up before it, I couldn't And got a boner as a result, yeah. I'll be right back making an order. I hope Amazon can do overnight delivery. I got a bunch of babies. It's the most important thing. They're dumb as shit. What? Also, I think it would depend

on how much fluids you have before going to bed. If you're drinking 500ml to 1000ml have before going to bed. If you're drinking 500 milliliters, 1,000 milliliters before you go to bed, then your heart on might hurt. And you should get up and take a piss. Especially because if you don't, the stagnate urine puts you at risk

for urinary tract infection. It's underlying, but also still not a link. Because urine collects in the penis. Yeah, that's how it works. Yep. That's where... That's how you get hard. It's leftover piss.

A shitload of problems arise in our body from stagnant substances, mucus, respiratory infections, blood, life-threatening clots, or thrombosis that can lead to deep vein thrombosis. Heart attack, pulmonary embolism, or stroke. Sedentary lifestyle, no exercise. Blood gets thick. Cholesterol levels skyrocket. Blood vessels become stretched and weakened from buildup of plaque. Blah, blah, blah. I mean, I believe you.

This totally makes sense. I just think everything is about just like old fluids. If you just get blood transfusions every day, then you're solid. Yeah. If you aren't shitting well, it could be due to stagnate lifestyle, which puts you at risk for constipation and impaction, where the shit is actually right at your anus, but your sphincter muscles will not poop it out. Uh-uh. We're not going to do it. Nope. Mm-mm. It're not gonna do it. Nope.

It's mine. You can't have it. I worked hard for this shit. Anyway, read the first part again. If your boners are hurting you, then it may be pre-epism. Hi, I'm not a doctor, but I'm gonna tell you what's wrong with you, even though you've already been at the hospital.

I went to medical school on the streets. I am sorry. What sort of credibility do you have at the Fleshlight Forums? I'm a Fleshlight Doctor. The disappointment is over. I have 203 posts. Oh, well. That's clearly worth a PhD.

You're a flight navigator then, don't you? No mere flight attendant. Anyway, I've noticed myself. Sometimes I chug down like 600 mil liters of water and lay down. I wake up with a diamond dick and an abdominal pain. Once I piss, it's all relieved. Ask any questions, if you any bro, I'll try to help. One more time with that last sentence?

Ask any questions, if you any bro, I'll try to help. Cool, thanks. Thanks. If you any bro, I don't know how I'm supposed to... No, no, that was fine. Yeah, ask any questions. If you're... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got an implicit...

Ask any questions if you any bro. It's got an implicit logic Ask any questions if you want to, bro. It's got an implicit logic. It makes so much sense. Let's question her sexuality. Yay! Hey, Stog. Hello. You're Country Guy MD.

I'm Country Guy MD. Where was this guy in the previous post? I was in Maryland. He's the country doctor. He doesn't give advice to city folk. Yeah, out here our cell phones don't work. Your thoughts, gay or not? Okay. The purpose of this

thread is to get input from a few people on something I've been thinking about lately. Lately, I've been having a fantasy about getting a jerk-off buddy, but with no toughing. Every time. God damn it.

How often do these arrangements go down? Not often down here. I consider myself to be straight, and I do not find men attractive. Of course not. Basically, I want someone that can enjoy everything normal guy friends enjoy, with the addition of watching porn and masturbating together.

Okay. The way I see it, friends should be able to do just about anything that they enjoy together. Guys watch football together? Why can't they watch porn together? It's true. You root for the same team. Most guys that watch porn also masturbate, so I don't see what the big deal is.

Most guys? Because most guys don't watch porn and masturbate. I don't want to see who the guys that watch porn but don't jerk it. Well, I just like to follow the plot. Intriguing, yes. Oh, reverse cowgirl. What a revelation.

I love the lighting in this scene. Just look, look, look. I'm going to rewind several times. Where's it going to come? Oh, it's her face. Amazing. Well, that's $20 I've lost. I would also like to

note that I would be getting off all the porn and masturbation, not the sight of another guy masturbating. Why? Okay, yep. No, no, it's just, look, hey, teamwork. It makes the dream work. Yep. Below, I'm going to list

a few of the situations slash fantasies that I think would be fun with a friend. All right, I'm on board. This doesn't mean that I'm being there, of course. It's a fantasy, but just, you know. I'm on board, Super Hetero. Let's go. No homo. No homo.

Absolutely no homo. One, going to a strip club to enjoy some dances, female strippers, and drinks. Female drinks? No male strippers, and drinks. Female drinks? No male strippers. Absolutely none. Now, which kind of drinks? Yeah. Like a fuzzy navel?

No, dude, we drink Michelob. Oh, yes, Michelob. Afterwards, going home to watch some porn and masturbate or play with my fleshlights it should probably be pronounced mastelbait yeah just know that every time

he says masturbate he says the spells are wrong yeah okay thank you thank you Frenchie why don't you go back to your surrender country while I play Star Wars with my fleshlights oh burn you got slapped by Country Guy MD. I'm going to be your jerk-off buddy.

We're going to watch the football and suck each other's cock. No, it'll progress to that. Only American fleshlight Star Wars fights here. Yes. Number two. Watch Sunday Night Football. wars fights here yes number two watch sunday night football turning on to some porn in between quarters and rubbing one out yeah right the way the lord intended yeah yeah yeah okay why don't you like monday night football why is this a weekend only thing? On the Lord's Day, after all. Monday's a work day, duh. I can't get drunk then. My bad.

Number three. Simply watching porn. Discussing the scene. What we like and don't like. I like the part where they fuck. I don't like the part where they don't fuck. While jerking off. While jerking off.

I need a co-host for my podcast, okay? I, for one, rather like the butt stuff. Well, I don't like the butt stuff. I felt like the butt stuff seemed a bit rushed. It was sort of forced. Can I get that for you, by the way? Number four, going to sporting events and again going home to watch porn and J.O. Oh, my God. This is so hetero.

This is really hetero, yeah. Number five, spontaneous jerk off slash porn sessions I need another person for this sometimes in the car I get the urge to pull up my cock and rub one out oh that's why you're in the police blotter so often

sometimes it's not my car and by the car he means the public transit. Everybody on this bus, if I jerk off, will you guys do it too? They can't arrest all of us.

Like it won't be gay or anything. No gay guys at the back of the bus jerking off. Sunday night football. No gay guys at the back of the bus jerking off. Sunday night football. No gay guys at the back of the bus jerking off. That's our spot. What a weird form of segregation this is. Number six, et cetera. Basically anything normal guys do with the addition of masturbation and porn slash porn

discussion i read that as porn porn discussion like porn on porn oh man what's a real hot porn on porn action damn it finding a friend that would be into this is something i am seriously thinking about doing so i would like the input of others on this forum. What do you think about it? Do you have any experience with something like this? Again, I would only consider to act on this fantasy

with someone that is straight, and a 21 to 35 age range. Sure, so they have to be straight and, you know, lithe and handsome. Gotcha, okay. Yeah, good abs, you know. In a straight way. Also, if they could call me their brother, that would be good too,

in a straight way. I need to make it extra creepy. M25, so I'd like to keep it somewhat close to my age. Someone that is not creepy or dirty. LOL. Oh my god god you can't have two of those okay so looking for a jo buddy ps no fags no pervs only i can be the pervert here i realized that this would be hard to find. Most guys I would consider this are either bi or gay.

Right. Again, does anyone have experience with this? How did you find someone that has this fantasy? Any advice? How would one go about finding a friend like this? Thanks for listening. Country Guy MD. Yeah, so there's a bunch of replies here, but post number

seven is by Mr. Full Force. It has Jimmy Frank's name on it. Oh, boy. Is there a Chrome extension that just blocks all avatars? Mr. Franks, do your best. What voice speaks to you with that avatar?

This is Mr. Full Force. Yeah, that sounds right. Jamming on my bass in Indio, California. Oh, people must hate you. Of course he's a Rush fan. I just had my first MMF threesome last Monday with my cousin and a girl, an older girl, 36. He's friends with benefits with, and she's a squirter on top of that.

It's only my fourth time having sex, so I was pretty nervous, which made it kind of hard for me to get it up and have it stay up, but we started out with my cousin fucking her first, and she was blowing me with a condom on, which doesn't feel that good, because you can't feel the wetness of her mouth, and that went off for a little while until me and my cousin switched places,

and I started fucking her for a couple minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were going at it, doggy. And it was really nice because she was fucking me back by pushing back on my dick. But I was still pretty nervous. So I started to lose my erection. So I switched back with my cousin. And she started blowing me again.

Boy, all of this losing your erection all the time is totally a thing that happens to young guys who haven't had sex very often. That's super normal. It's just a thing that happens to young guys who haven't had sex very often. That's super normal. It's just a thing. You know, if you're new at sex, you forget how hard odds work. Hey, he was fucking her like an animal, LOL, and she was moaning pretty loud, and we had a T-shirt under her ass because she squirts. Not really projectile squirting, but quite a bit does come out.

And finally, he came on her ass, so he went in the other room and let us finish he lit some candles for us excused himself like a proper young gentleman right uh i started fingering her with my thumb and i was swirling around inside her which made made her come really hard, and I could feel the fluid that squirts out start to build up because I pushed my finger out of her. Needless to say, this got me hard. Oh, this gets you hard. Yeah. So I started fucking her doggy for a couple minutes again,

but I was beginning to lose my erection, which made the condom slip off my dick while I was inside of her. When I pulled out, because it couldn't stay hard, I noticed I didn't have the condom slip off my dick while I was inside of her. When I pulled out because I couldn't stay hard, I noticed I didn't have the condom on anymore and we were freaking out to try to find it, but it got stuck inside her, so I had to stick my finger in her really deep to get it out. Oh boy. Okay.

This is still on the same topic. Okay. I didn't pour myself enough gin for this episode. This wouldn't have happened if you had used it in a destroyer. I knew what we were going to read today and I still didn't pour myself enough gin this wouldn't have happened if you had used a destroyer I knew what we were going to read today and I still didn't pour myself enough gin for this after I had retrieved the condom

I just asked her if I could keep fucking her without one and I got out before I could and she said yes to try to get myself hard again I started fingering her again I was swirling my thumb around in her and I was making her cum twice and she got pretty loud. But I wanted to make her even more wet, so I started playing with her clit, and I gave her a really intense orgasm, which made her clench her legs shut while I was still fingering her.

She got really loud, LOL. Bingo! I was hard again. Okay, we got 14 seconds. Let's go. So I started fucking her doggy for a couple more minutes. She was pushing back on my dick while I was fucking her, which allowed me to fuck her faster, and it was amazing. And I pulled out just before I busted. I shot the biggest load into my hand, and it felt amazing.

Afterward, my dick felt so good, which lasted for the whole day. And by the end of the day, my dick was still wet from her pussy, lol. My sheets had stains everywhere from the puddles that she squirted out, and it made my room smell like sex. Wash yourself. I immediately washed the sheets after she left, even after my sheets were off my bed. My room still reeked of sex, so I sprayed a lot of air freshener

because my mom was going to be home shortly. When she asked about why I sprayed so much air freshener, I told her that my dog had made a really stinky fart. And I had to spray the light because of how bad it was. Oh, my dog really does have stinky farts. So it didn't raise any suspicion, LOL. Sure, because the two of you fucking smells like dog farts. Also, I was fucking the dog for a while.

So, you know, it farts when I fuck it. Well, there you go. My first threesome, and it was amazing. Even though my inexperience caused minor hiccups, there's no one else I would rather have had a threesome with other than my cousin. We are really close. Oh, God. You didn't pick a strong enough accent for this, did you, Jimmy Franks?

We are really close, and I'd do anything for him. Now, all I need is to have a threesome with two chicks. Smile a face. That Now all I need is to have a threesome with two chicks. Smile a face. That's all you need. That was a good response to your thoughts, gay or not. Jesus Christ. I'm Olong Johnson. With Capitox.

That's fucking awesome, man. Congrats. I've had a few tag teams, mostly in college. I've had a buddy watch once while I got my dick sucked. I had a friend fuck a chick he met in a bar in front of me. What is a three-way or not?

I don't know what it is about watching a chick get farped right in front of me. It's one of the biggest turn-ons I've experienced. Wish it would happen more often. And MrFallForce has another response. Oh, good! It's one of the biggest turn-ons I've experienced. Wish it would happen more often. Yeah. And Mr. Fall Force has another response. Oh, good! Yay!

That avatar's back. Yeah. Nice, man. Sounds like you've had your fair share of crazy sex-periences, LOL. I thought it was funny that your friend busted in like a minute, LOL. I might have done that, too, but I couldn't stay hard for more than a couple minutes because I was nervous, LOL. Until you met my cousin. We were boning her for about an hour. A little afterwards, her and my cousin went for a round, too, but I don't bounce back that quick,

so I just jammed out on my bass guitar while we were boning it. It was the craziest thing I've ever done. And it might be just a once in a lifetime thing but i'm trying to work on making it happen again by getting to know her better believe it or not we basically just introduced ourselves to each other and then made some sort of awkward small talk they just started fucking from there lol hey hey guys do you like this do you hear this bass like i know the odds the odds of this are so incredibly slim, but there is a chance that that is Ricky Republican.

Bunny Bright, can you give us a completely different thread? Yes. Oh, good. This is a new link. It's a new thread. I'm excited. Hey, bros! What's up? There we go.

There's my bros. Alright, I'm Red Mustang! Fucking yeah! Alright. So, say there are two straight guys together, and they both have fleshlights. And they decide they're going to flesh together. They're going to flesh together.

That's some Hellraiser shit right there. I'm going to let you roll that sentence around in your mouth for a little bit. Yeah, Lemon, I'd like to go over, but I'm just going to stay home and flesh. Well, we can flesh together. No! Hang on. Before you we can flesh together. No. Hang on.

Before you answer that. Okay. Okay. Okay. Is that gay? You know, like, what do they moan, you know? Is that gay? Oh, my God.

What do, you know, just for instance, what if they also get verbal about how good their dicks feel, you know? With, you know. Is that gay? We'll say, what if they're just watching straight porn? You know, that's not, that couldn't be gay, right? What if they had a few beers? Beers is straight.

That's pretty gay. Well, shut up. What if they're watching football while they're fleshing, you know? I'm totally not that other guy. Right. Just watching football and jerking off. That's just what you do. It's just a bunch of men on screen in big shoulder pads with tight pants.

That's a social satire that the 15-year-old Lemon wrote. So, yeah, they're watching the football while they're fleshing out. What if any combination of the above, you know? You say, okay, so they're watching the football, you know, while they're fleshing out. What if any combination of the above, you know? You say, okay, no. Don't take us too seriously. I'm just fucking, you know, fucking, fucking around. Just having fun on this side and trying to get a rise out of folks. Trying to get a rise out of folks, are you?

Okay. Yeah, helmet face, DTF. Smiley wearing a World War II infantry helmet. Oh, I'm down to flesh anytime. I mean, I joke, eh? Hello, my name is Star Trek Flight. This is my only post on this forum. You're not going to watch football and fuck, are you?

I hope it has a whole lot of import. It's going to be worth it. Okay, it's only gay when they make eye contact. Oh, okay. In my humble opinion, gay means that a man is emotionally attracted to the other man. Sorry, to other man.

Therefore, if a straight man would accidentally have sex with another man... I just fell into his ass. I fall down a lot. There's a lot of asses on the floor. I would not consider him gay. He's not emotionally attracted to him. Right, I hate him.

Accidentally have sex with another man. Yeah. He's not gay. Can I take the next post? And it's only because I'm super in love with the username, which is 2pumpblow. My name's 2pumpblow. Sup? Yeah.

Hey, 2pumpblow, how many posts you got on this forum? I got 2,381 posts. I'm blowing all over the Fleshlight forums. Okay, once of all, I don't care what anyone says. There is no accidental sex. Period. I have had sex with guys that was no emotions besides horny. By the way, it's only

gay if you kiss. Oh, alright. Yeah, that's all. That's all I gotta tell you. Okay. Shit. Too plump blow! Okay. Followed by two posts down

is a post by Butt Nut. What does Butt Nut have to say? Oh, shit! That's awesome! Best quote of the year right there. Oh my god, Butt Nut! Yeah! Did Chuck D ever call you back about you

being his new hype man? Yeah, boy! Buttnut in the house! I could take another one. It's pretty much the exact same topic as the previous ones. The fun thing about the URL in this one is it tells us a lot

about Spooks. Is that it ends with ampersand highlight equals Harry plus Potter. Thanks, Spooks. That was Spooks. So, you know, we know what Spooks we're searching for. Another great set of avatars.

Jesus Christ. That's hitting the floor. Yeah, I'm Labia Lover 10. Boy, you sure do love Labia's Labia Lover. That's one thing I know about you. There's more for the lover.

I'm thinking Arby's. Labia Photoshopper 10. To his is something I would really like to get a feeling about how would this feel about it. I am street. I'm sure I'll believe you by the end of your paragraph.

And I do not consider myself as gay or bisexual. When I was in junior high school, I had a few buddies I would hook up with. I would hook up with them. And whack off looking at Platboy. It's all Platinum Boys. I never had the urge to want to suck or jack another buddy off.

But? It was always about looking at the ladies getting horned up and shooting a good load. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have always been an avid masturbator. Spells that right. Look at him. That's one of my favorite magazines. Masturbator connoisseur.

Aficionado, yeah. I got a two-for-one with men's health. my favorite magazines. Masturbator connoisseur. Aficionado, yeah. I got a two-for-one with men's health. It made sense. Oh, but yeah, he spelled that right, but the sentence is, I have always been an avid masturbator and after my divorce. Period.

No, no, no. Part of him died. He just wanted to, like, he wanted to imply that pretty heavily with the sentence structure. Yeah. I want to try to find a few others to share by interest. I'm a little shocked how it is viewed today.

Most of all the ads I have placed. What? I don't know. Yeah. Oh, am I? I don't think you understand how periods work there, labial lover. I get responses from men more into cock than they are pussy.

It didn't always be like this. Why can't men share masturbation as an empowering experience? Empowering, huh? Yeah, and an affirmation as a normal thing we all do and enjoy. Even though it's empowering. Okay.

What I was wanting to know is... A plus sentence! Other men on here on the forum that have jerked off with another guy and don't have sexual hang-ups about it. I just feel this thinking to have that if you masturbate

with another man, you're gay or bi. I just think it's two guys enjoying M and sharing masturbation. What do you think the M was supposed to mean there? There's just too much to spell out masturbation again. Enjoying masturbation and sharing masturbation. I'm sorry. I'll fix that sentence. I only got one hand.

No, it's the left M&M. I guess I'm just sexually frustrated. Sexually frustrated. I don't date a lot. That was Elmer Fudd left. Oh, Fuddstrated. Didn't date a lot. That was Elmer Fudd laugh. Oh, Fudd straighted.

Didn't really work out. Yeah. And I've been wanting to find a guy that shares my interests and jacks off as much as I do. It's been very defacult, though. I keep running into this homosexual thing. Hey, I just like jacking off the woman in the female forum. Where's the female forum that just like jacking off the woman at the female forum. Where's the female

forum that you keep jacking off to? I'm signing into the female forum as Cocklover10. He's good. The dick's just hanging hard. How's that forum, by the way? Pretty good. You know, I'm the only poster, but it's fine. Lemon, you want to take der? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Totally. I would like to take der. Would it be okay for a guy to masturbate with his friend if he were married? Twist. The friend is female. Just these kind of things I'm thinking about anyway funny story i had a friend who i used to jack it with back when we were kids we did it quite frequently but i never showed him my penis he had this bunk bed and laid in it while i was sitting in a sofa

under it we used to watch harry potter and this other swedish movie which had a sex scene not porn in it that was about as good as it could get for us i remember how we wait so it was back when harry potter was okay yeah no the halcyon days of the first several Harry Potter movies. Okay. I remember how we used to rewind that particular sex scene 100 times while frantically jerking our dicks in unison. Well, I'm laughing hard. Synchronized jerking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what we were doing. We were frantically synchronized jerking. I'm laughing hard, ATM, because I remember we used to crack up after like 20 viewings because at the end of the sex scene, the guy brawls and moans like an animal after the woman asks, did you finish? And the man replies, no, I got cramps in my leg, which it was pretty hard to come to that scene, lol. Yeah, we're all laughing out loud.

Yeah, no, I also laughed pretty loud at hard. Hard, it just, it was hard. It was laughing hard, hard. I used to climb up to him and kid around while he was almost climaxing. I made him laugh while he was stroking it like crazy. It was funny as hell to see him trying to get off, jerking his dick 500 mh while laughing hysterically. Yeah, I think that's probably what I was going for, was that he was jerking his dick 500 miles an hour.

Which, I'm not sure how, I mean, because it's not like that's, there's a direction to it. It's not like he propelled forward. Maybe he does. Maybe when he jerks his cock, he just slowly inches forward. Well, very quickly inches forward. Oh, yeah, very quickly inches forward. It's a whole Speedy Gonzalez kind of thing. Anyway, he would be jerking his dick 500 miles an hour while laughing hysterically at my jokes.

Good times. I have another one from El Cascatero that you guys might be interested in. Okay. Hi, I'm El Cascatero that you guys might be interested in. Okay. Hi, I'm El Cascatero again. Hey. The only time I masturbated around other guys was while in my teens with a bunch of neighbors. We had a sleepover in the house of a friend and started watching porn.

I'm talking about 1980s here. Okay, okay, sure. Without saying anything, one by one, we started jacking off, most doing it with their dicks inside their pants. So it was a synchronized thing, like the one guy started, and then he, you know, he laid down the beat,

so then the next guy was like the hi-hat jerk-off. I remember taking mine out and jacked without a hurry until i shot a load spraying the window without realizing my friend's sister was peeping through it so does she whip it out and start jacking it i don't know. All right. Thanks, Doug. You're welcome. All right, cool.

Good story. Hey, second page. I'm Lady Iceman. I'm saying, no, no, sorry, not with a dude. I don't think I can get or stay hard with a guy in the room, let alone shoot my load. So anyways, click on page two and look at Lady Iceman's avatar real quick. load. So anyways, click on page two and look at Lady Iceman's avatar real quick. Lady Iceman's

avatar is a male ass. Yep. Hey, hey. Hey, this is Alien136. Oh, that's mysterious. No way I'll ever do that, even if it was a chick

I don't care for I don't care for penis or clit too much I'm a loner I'm a loner so the fleshlight created your perfect oh my god well then it's great that you know the fleshlight arrived to you like in prophecy

god bless I don't ever have to leave the house again. I got my fleshlight and my Pizza Hut app on my iPhone. I'm a loner. Well, that's slightly less convenient than the times that you used to just fuck the pizza. I mean, fucking we come back to this all the, where it's like, where it's like, uh, this one is like a dude, and then like, we'll jerk off together, like, that's fine, right?

Like, I mean, sure, I guess. But it's not gay! No, that's where we have a problem. That's where you and I differ, internet. Hey, so, uh, so this site has testimonials. Yay! Yay! After that educational and nuanced discussion of sexuality.

Yeah. Let's get more into the sort of more like personal tales of wonder and experience. I fuck plastic. So I'm going to read a post from Juergens911. Okay. And this is called A Night of Fine Dining. This is my only post in the forum. It was from 2006.

First off, I'm a fairly new member of this enterprise. I was a little reluctant to participate, but after much debating and disappointment, I decided this product was for me. After I purchased my nondescript, fleshy hole of amazing glory... I wouldn't say nondescript. Mine was.

What's that on your bookshelf? I can't quite understand what you use it for. That's weird. It's just like a Caucasian vagina. It's very nondescript. It clearly is. It must be art. Is it art?

I ordered the Jackson Pollock. I just made mine the Jackson Pollock later on. After I purchased my nondescript fleshy hole of amazing glory, so gracefully named Susan, it was heaven on earth. Gross. I took my fleshlight out to dinner the other night.

What did your vagina eat? The finest this town has to offer. I ordered the prime rib, and she got the chicken Caesar salad with extra dressing. Oh, I get it now. Oh, God. After dinner, we went back to my place.

I put on my favorite Ricky Martin CD and started to work my magic. Now, which Ricky Martin album would you prefer? Oh, God. I'm glad we got away from the gay stuff You can see how dated this is Because now I just play Ricky Martin on Spotify She let me slip my fingers into her Then a curious thought occurred to me I wonder if she likes to be eaten out

Does she like it? She does Oh Yay That's nice if she likes to be eaten out. Does she like it? She does. Oh! Yay! That's nice. My tongue and her nondescript hole were meant for each other. Nondescript.

But she, what a lady, is supposed to be. Yeah. A dirty skank. Right, yeah. She drowned on my Poseidon's triant and licked up and down my mighty four-inch Goliath. I love that sentence. I love that sentence. I love that sentence.

In the end, I'm very, very happy that I made this transaction. Friends, family, and women are all futile when it comes down to my speed bump. Non-descript fleshlight. You ran over her? Sure.

Gotta destroy the evidence. Can't let anybody know I jerk off. My Poseidon's trying it, my mighty four-inch Goliath. Hey, Jimmy Franks. Yeah? Can you give us a testimonial? Sure.

This is the European hurricane. The European hurricane. European hurricane. Anyway, ever since I got my first fleshlight, my wish and desire for a real woman kind of disappeared. Yeah. Why would you need a real woman who complains and talks a lot of useless nonsense when basically you just want to fuck her. Sure. Yeah, you know. I agree. You know what?

European hurricane? Stick to flashlights. Totally. I think all women on this planet would agree with me. Are there more people who agree with me? Especially the Wonder Wave is great stimulation for almost real vagina. Hey, guys. especially the wonder wave is great stimulation for almost real vagina hey guys do you want some poetry i love this podcast

hey you're handy andy shit yes i'm handy Andy. Ooh, that's an avatar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got three tits and I'm handy, Andy. Recognize? I've had my Vortex for a few weeks now and I can't praise the design enough. Awesome! Holy shit, it fits my dick and everything. To hell with that 10.5 out of 10. I give it a 50 out of 10. Ha ha, numbers.

Nice. I'm in love with the thing. I haven't even thought of a poem or two for my... Wait, I have even thought of a poem or two for... Fuck it. Oh, The Pink Vortex. Oh, vortex. Oh, vortex.

With skin so pink. You're my new true love. That's what I now think. Hey! Handy Andy. Question for you. Fucking yeah. What do you think the word poem means?

Don't give a shit. Stuff that rhymes with the words. Stupid face. No. Okay, no. Just curious. That's all. Fucking retard.

Go fucking woman, man. One of them. All right. Woman. Ode to Ice Vortex. This is part two. Yep. I don't know if you're going to be able to follow the plot Vortex. This is part two. Yep. I don't know if you're going to be able to follow the plot if you didn't see part one.

Pink Vortex and now Ice Vortex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a Homeric odyssey. Yeah. I was going to try and make my first Pokemon joke there. Dude, if I halt or whatever. Your first Pokemon joke. You didn't even forget your first.

Alright. Oh, Vortex. Oh, Vortex. With lips so clear. That's the best blowjob I've ever had, my dear. Woo! Yeah!

Whoa! Author! Author! It rhymes. Thank you, Handy Andy. Once. it rhymes thank you handy andy once that no seriously that could go up on a bathroom stall somewhere that could work i don't know i feel like you need a little bit of subtext like parentheses ice vortexes that i fuck every once in a while in sharpie i would write out the entire like user's beginner guide okay and then finally at the bottom there you know

very tiny tiny tight well i guess you take really long shit so it's not so much shitty as it is i'm just hoping to see a glory hole in there and you know i scan everything hey god hey god is this glory hole gay hey glory hole I want a guy's dick in my mouth but not in a gay way I'm thinking about football the whole time are you a gay glory hole

so those are some nice poems handy Andy yeah yeah yeah sorry very literal and to the point yeah I like the fuck. Abrupt, much like the most... Oh, yes, Ken! ...interactions in this forum.

I can. But we've got a longer forum one here. Okay. I guess Jimmy Frank should take. Oh, boy. It's called Flight 1223 Requesting Permission to Take Off. Permission denied. You're grounded, Moog.

Oh, God. Hang on. God, how many, what is that, a woodchuck? Yeah, it's like a flashlight with a gerbil on it. Oh, God. Yeah, it's a groundhog. Yeah, somebody was really turned on by Caddyshack. Well, yeah, I mean, you know.

Chevy Chase looked pretty good in that movie. No, no, not him. The co-star. Oh, yeah. Bill Murray is his name. This is Mog007. I'd like to recite a poem. Flight 1223 requesting permission to take off.

I'd like to preface it by saying I've never been shy about putting my penis into things I shouldn't have. I've tried other masturbation sleeves and I've tried a blow-up doll. I've even put it into more dangerous locations, like a piece of melon or my ex-girlfriend. What? Why ex-girlfriend. What? Why ex-girlfriend? Why? Yeah, what happened there? I don't want to go into it right now, so.

Okay. Having preempted that, I'd like to present my testimonial with a holiday theme. Think towards the night before Christmas and you'll see where I'm going with this. On the night before Christmas, I jerked off into a plastic sock. How many times have we read the night before Christmas? It was just another day in which I'd wanted to romp in the hay.

Okay, what the fuck? This is not the night before Christmas at all. Nope. When I heard the knock on the door, I knew who it was for. I threw it open and saw the van. It was the FedEx man. This makes sense. I got a big stupid grin.

And down below, I felt I'd grown a fin. How thin is your dick? Fuck! What? So every time you get happy, you think you grew a fin? Maybe I'm a dolphin this time. It's a boner. I retreated to my room with the box like some rabbits being carried by a fox.

That makes sense. I hope this is the last furry thing we talk about in this book. I think all the blood is leaving your brain and going somewhere else. Into my fin. I calmed down and laid on my bed upon which the box was shred. I was delirious with joy. I'd gotten a new toy. I played with the labia and with the clit.

I even inserted my fingers into the slit. Nice. I felt the wonderful wave and I hoped beyond hope that I would behave. Oh, behave. The stage was set and I was ready. Tempted to call her Betty. Okay, I'm gonna stick my dick in this, but first I gotta name her.

And Santa Claus comes in from the chimney and... With this magnificent device over my cock, I soon realized I should buy some lube companies stock. Good poems. Fuck you. Every couple that works so well.

Slowly at first I pumped away, finally having my romp in the hay. I took my time. I wasn't in a rush. I was finally getting some tush. Rush tush. He's finally getting some tush. Crush tush. He's finally getting some tush. I played with the end cap, fiddling with the strength of sucking,

using my imagination to pretend it was a girl bucking. My God, dude. It's no wonder where the waves get their name. This clear lady wouldn't be easy to tame. I think she would. I feel like your flashlight's probably pretty docile and valuable. I don't think it does a lot of talking back.

The harder I try to resist, I realize several facts. Resist the flashlight, and you'll be brought closer to climax. So if you don't fuck the flashlight, you come in the flashlight harder. Excuse me, madam, no! I said no!

I said good day! Maybe the flashlight's a Chinese finger trap. That's pretty odd. Oh, that makes sense. I'd be lying if I claimed the orgasm was just okay. I can't wait to try it again later today. Perhaps next, I could use my shoe. Pretty soon, I'll be ordering the three for two.

So the flashlight was just you getting up the courage to fuck a shoe? Well, this worked, okay. The next logical step is to fuck my footwear. It just makes sense. Oh, those odor eaters are going to feel like a girl's mouth. I know it. Yep. My dick's going to smell delightful.

Gross on so many levels Boots do you have anything nice for us to read instead? oh nice sure I'm gonna read this what the fuck thanks Spooks I'm doing this to myself here.

Yeah, good job, Spooks. Yeah, also, the name. I'm TylerDurden77, and I got a question. Uh-huh, what's that? Using fish paste as lube, is this okay? No. No. No.

No. From every direction, no. That's not okay. Is it okay to use fish paste as lube? We thought, okay, we answered this. Is there certain types of fish to avoid? Help, please. We already tried to help.

Certain types of fish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Obviously don't use mackerel. Maybe not that fugu fish. Oh, boy. Okay, bull's head. Fish paste is not okay. Because the oils fish paste contain,

it would also be smelly and not very easy to glide in and out of a fleshlight with. God damn. I enjoy the sensual smell of fish and it's smooth fish paste yeah those oils man they could screw it up yeah yeah thanks good looking out i like that it's like it's like oh yeah that wouldn't be good for the fleshlight respect the lady you gotta have your priorities man yeah um

sure yes outcast outcast is it on the same page right no no I just pasted it oh okay Is it on the same page, right? No, no, I just pasted it. Oh, okay. Hi, my name's OutKast.

I have no relation to the hip-hop band. That's because it's with a C. Yeah, we will figure that out in a second. Yeah. How many of you eat pork and feel it makes you horny? Oh my god! Odd question. eat pork and feel it makes you horny? Uh, what? Oh my god! Odd question. And, uh,

just, uh, real quick. I'm sorry, Outcast. Uh, you, um, you put a poll out in the field that, uh, 20 people answered. How did that poll go? Okay, my poll is, do you eat pork and does it make you horny? Two people answered. How did that poll go? Okay, my poll is, do you eat pork and does it make you horny?

Two people answered, yes, I eat pork and it makes me horny. Eight, 16 people answered, yes, I eat pork, but it doesn't make me horny. And two people said no. Okay, so that's what they mean. No. At least two people

are keeping it hollow. So that's what they mean. At least two people are keeping it hollow. So that's what they mean when they talk about the 5%. Yeah. 5% of the population that eats pork and it makes them horny. It's an odd question, I know. But

how many of you eat pork and also feel it makes you horny? Okay, now skip down to your second post. Okay. No, I am not Muslim or Jewish. No, I know that. That's pretty fucking obvious.

I actually have tried this myself. Whenever I eat pork, I feel extremely horny, and I even did a control experiment without any seasoning, flavoring, sauce, or any other additive. Just plain old pork chops. That's not what a controlled experiment means.

He tried, alright? He didn't fuck the pork chops, so look. He's doing well. He didn't say that he didn't fuck the pork chops. Well, yeah, you're right. We're not at the end of this post yet. I even then tried with pork that has been

untreated without any hormones, antibiotics, stereods, or any other drugs along with being a fat, clean, healthy diet plus being remised, raised humanely along with being slaughtered with the least amount of pain and torture. Well, okay, yeah, I mean,

sure, whatever, fine. Same story makes me extremely horny within 30 minutes tops. And it's just all pork? Yeah. It doesn't matter if it's a pork chop or a banh mi or a pork sandwich. Like, no matter what. No matter what. Okay, okay.

Well, I don't want to go to a diner that you're at. I read some research online into this, and a lot of people have claimed the same thing happened to them. Even a lot have said it gives them wet dreams. They can't stop looking at women, and it makes them really horny. So I request if you guys could please maybe take the survey and even perhaps do some experimentation. I would really appreciate it as I find it interesting how food can affect our sex drive.

You can also comment on other foods or meat which makes you horny. Whether it's frozen yogurt, coffee, donuts, chocolate, candy, beef, chicken, or any other edible thank you p.s please make a fleshlight out of pork oh thanks thanks so no yeah now that we've done that, what do you think we learned tonight? I'm keeping kosher. Yep. Okay. You'd like to get rid of the impure.

Do you think that has been the cause of your sluttiness so far, Bunny Bread? Is that, like, you haven't kept a kosher lifestyle? I have found a scapegoat here, yes. This is pretty good. Oh no, it was the pork, baby! Oh, Jesus Christ, honey, I had bacon like three weeks ago. That's the problem. That's why I fuck 12 different chicks today.

I mean, Jesus, what am I gonna do? I'm not made of stone. I'm made of bacon. Now, is it gay if I wanna fuck a male pig? Well, if you wanna jerk off with a male pig while watching football, that, yeah. I made a bacon. Now, is it gay if I want to fuck a male pig? Well, if you want to jerk off with a male pig while watching football, that's different. Oh, okay, cool. Thanks, guys.

I got to go. Yeah. Bye-bye. Head to the hog farm. See ya. Yeah, the community that would sprout up about Abram, this thing, is really, really strong. Because I remember having a conversation not that long ago with somebody,

and he was like, well, you know, I mean, it's something that should be finer than it is intellectually, because it's like, well, you know, the idea of sexual devices for women is so commonplace and acceptable that like that for men is you know like tit for tat sort of thing and i was like well i i mean sure i guess except for like that's the thing is that like is that men can't fucking they have to they have to form a fucking community around it. And brag about all of the different fleshlights that they have.

And also, the disembodied vagina thing is super weird. All of the pictures of the women. There's pictures of the women holding a cup that is their vagina. And then trying to pose sensuously with it like this is my disembodied vagina pretty nice huh yeah every single uh every single link that we've clicked on tonight has had a giant ad at the top of it for the annika albright right yeah our newest fleshlight girls and she's looking sultry but holding a a replica of her vagina of her vulva hey guys who wants to punch this tube yeah the thing i found weird enough was like that they

have fantasies about fucking the thing that could easily be fucking that was just so goddamn weird it's like okay it's one thing to have fantasies about nailing the entire dallas cowboy cheerleaders okay i had to grab my flashlight because i was fantasizing about my other flashlight what is that shit oh man i get so hot and heavy thinking about the thing that's actually in my hand right now yeah i uh i mean i mean clearly just like just a whole bunch of like of of uh of uh stunted uh sexual maturity uh and a uh community or a company that is making bank exploiting them like these things are like a hundred fucking dollars and these motherfuckers are buying a dozen of them well but you know i think that's the brilliance of it is that their their marketing is just like hey you want to fuck

a rubber thing here yeah what's the problem with that it's great we're not gonna we're gonna send it to you in a really nice box it's not gonna be this you know we you don't have to hide it you don't need to be ashamed of fucking this rubber toy. It's okay, man. Let your freak flag fly. In fact, we're going to charge you a premium for it. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you seen the ones where they're, like, secret?

Oh, like a Switchblade pocket Pussybutt? Like, they have one where it comes in a fake can of Guinness. No, no, no, no, no. No, I'm not weird. I'm just fucking this can of Guinness. Jesus Christ. Wait a minute. No, that's not a can of peanuts.

There's a snake in there. Exactly. I was just like, do they have it the other way around? Do they have a flashlight that the thing just pops out when you twist it or something? Oh, shit! You thought you were going to fuck me? Oh, you got me again. Oh, I thought this thing was filled

with party snakes, but now I just see it's just a plastic vagina. And if you want to prank someone with a can of... That doesn't work at all. Go to Ball Pit. That's right.

Ball Pit. Ball Pit. B-A-L-L-P dot I-T. It is a forum with, as of this recording, 62,257 posts, as opposed to the Fleshlight Forum's 360,892 posts. I mean, mostly it's the same subject matter, but still. And the Fleshlight Forum is filled with other dudes asking if it's okay to jerk off

with other dudes while watching football. Whereas we already know it's okay, so it's cool. But what the ball pit has that the Fleshlight Forums don't have are the threads and posts that Zeka have been making lately. Because they are confusing and incredible.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The thread is called, what's the newest one? It's Secrets of the Admins of the World. Bring me me. Yeah, so there's something where he's playing a game of liberal crime squad, but then reality is collapsing in on itself. I understand about 35% of it, but I love 100% of it. This ongoing thing where I'm like a lizard, but also a vampire,

and having a conversation with Dota superstar Dendy. So check it out, because I don't know what it is, but I love it. Oh, yeah, it's great. Bye-bye. Anyway, bye-bye. Good night. Good night. Now I ain't no clown to sleep.

I guess I'll go down the street. Oh, cause I would never dance. I think a woman who can take an entire fist up the ass is a lady of the finest quality. I tip my hat into your ass.