The F Plus - 209: Clips Against Humanity

Episode Date: April 10, 2016

Founded in 2001, clips4sale.com has served as an open-air fetish bazaar catering to all sorts of hyperspecific sexual interests of the people who are willing to pay a premium. We try to prepare ourselves, but nothing could prepare us for these animated GIFs. This week, The F Plus reacts to visual things. And you would too, buddy.

Well, you know, I don't like to associate with people like you. Like, I feel like I have a certain caste system that I like to hang out with. Boob addicts, that's great. But, you know, I need to hang out with my people. I don't like the bourgeoisie boob addicts. The bourgeoisie. The bourgeoisie. The bourgeoisie.

The bourgeoisie. Give me $14.99 because this is the F Plus Podcast, a terrible place for terrible things, right with enthusiasm. I need $3.99. In the room tonight we have Boots Rain Gear. This nerd has a rocking body and knows how to jerk. I need $2.99. Frank West. Video need $2.99, Frank West. Video game control her.

I need $49.99, John Toast. Her big tits are going to bounce all over as she mercilessly fucks the man thing in her lair. Just give me a dollar and lemon. Poor penis jerker. Are you a boob addict on a budget? Yes. I mean, is this... Are you asking me?

I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this.

I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this.

I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this.

I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this.

I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of this. I Hey, F+. Hi, Lemon. Hi. Hey, Lemon. Do you like new video distribution channels? Boy, do I ever.

I feel like this is a trick question. No, of course it isn't. Why would you have the expectation that this would be a trick question? Wait, if this is a trick question, why have I already given him all of my money? Without context, yes, I do. Okay, well, you know, there's lots of new video distribution channels out there. I mean, obviously, you know, Amazon started their own. Nobody cares, but that's fine.

And then there's Netflix has their own. Some people watch Hulu, apparently. And these are all terrific places to watch videos, but none of them are fetish porno.

And so to that end, we're going to look at a site called clipsforsale.com. Oh, yay! Finally, an online service that provides adult videos to us. Thanks, Lemon.

I'm so tired of all these sites keeping all the clips for themselves. Finally, they're selling them. Clipsforme.com. Finally, they're selling them. Clips4Me.com So, Clips4Sale.com, I think we've talked about it a little bit in other podcasts, but just as a primer, Clips4Sale.com is a silk road for weird fetish porn. That's one way to put it.

That's really gilding the lily. Yeah. By the way, I have a clip for sale where I gild a lily in my underwear. Five bucks. It's hard to gild a lily. You're telling me. There's a whole bunch of places on the internet

for regular porn. There's fewer places on the internet for um for uh regular porn there's there's fewer places on the internet for kind of like niche porn and then clips for sale.com is a place where uh very hyper specific fetishists um can request and receive videos from um prostitutes that fill these specific requests so i mean this is the free market at work right here. This is, like, this is disruption. Yeah. And it works for the prostitutes, too,

because they only have to do this once, and they can just resell it. That's nice. That's nice. I'm sure that they don't... I'm sure that they don't dream about this. Yeah, sure. They just do this once, and they never have to do it again, right?

That's how prostitution works, right? Yeah. So Ameet is a terrible person and so because of that, he's provided us with a Clips for Sale document and because of that, I poured myself a beer

and then I went, all right, it's time to record and then I went, wait a minute, I'm going to record Clips for Sale and so I poured myself a whiskey as well. So I think I'm ready.

So let's start off uh nice and light here uh with oh boy okay now we're gonna have to actually go to cliffs for sale for some of these oh yay and uh every video has an animated thereIF of what the video is. Anyway, let's start off nice and light here with Kaya Gets Hayley Young's Surprise Hula Hoop Strip Dance. And Boots, if you'll take this one, please. Sure. Scroll down past the animated GIF. All right. Kaya Gets Hayley Young's surprise hula hoop

strip dance what can I say after getting super wet and turd on from training Kaya how to hula hoop for the first time ever I just can't help myself we ended our session with her thinking we would pick up again tomorrow

but after watching her shaking her ass, spinning her sexy hips with a hula hoop rolling across her tight stomach, I had to cheat lol. You had to cheat on Kayla? I pulled her back and made her sit on the couch as I explained to her

since she did so well for her first session that she deserved a reward. Oh, that's nice. Like a bonus? Like, are you going to give her, like, dental? I slowly strip off my sexy bikini right in front of her, giving her a lap dance pretty much. Pretty much, you know. It was just kind of like, I shrugged the whole time.

I don't know about this. She's instantly excited, obviously turned on and not sure what to expect. I tell her I wanted to give her a special show slash lesson. Show lesson, okay. Yeah. Completely naked now with only my sparkly pink Converse

on. Naked hipster. One. I pick up my hula hoop and start giving her a sexy yet teasing hula hoop show. Just slowly doing it. Oh, it fell down. Oh, shit. Yeah. It's hard to be sexy.

Wait, let me speed up the sexy. She loved every minute of it. I can see her now more turned on than before, so I told her before we really ended for the night, she had to get another session in for herself. Happily, she jumps up with her hula hoop and assumes position. Okay, okay. As she's about to begin,

I sneak up and start to remove her bikini top, telling her she should try once naked. The clothes just get in the way, of course. Yeah, no, no, that's always a problem when you're hula hooping. It's like, oh, fuck, my bikini. Ah, it's so bulky. Kaya surely doesn't hesitate

and takes off her bottoms as well. Feeling as sexy as she looked looked she goes at it again getting better with each turn of the hula hoop this is one you don't want to miss I don't need to watch it now you described the entire thing I want to miss this by the end we were both so

turned on we couldn't get to the bedroom fast enough enjoy until tomorrow's training, which calls for heels only. Oh, and a Hulu Hoops. Oh, and Hulu Hoops, of course. HD MP4, 1280 by 720 Pro Cam. What category is this in? 699. What category is this in?

Not applicable. Oh, really? I have category Hulu Hoop. Oh. Oh, you're right. Sorry. Category Hulu Hoop. Related categories, not applicable. Oh, really? I have category hula hoop. Oh. Oh, you're right. Sorry. Category hula hoop. Related categories, not applicable. Keywords, not applicable. $6.99 for five minutes

of naked people doing the hula hoop. Yep. 241 megabytes. Oh, I liked all those hula hoops, but then these naked ladies got in the way. Fuck. Couldn't get it up. I wish this had tracking data. I want to know, like, how many people downloaded these things.

I don't, you know, I don't think it's too early for a choice. So, John Toast? Ooh, all right. I think it's, I think, I think let's go straight to a choice here. So, John Toast? All righty. All righty, righty. Which of these exciting, sexy, sexy videos would you like to read about?

Number one is, do CPR for me. That's pretty sexy. And the other one is, nerdy girls do it better. I'm going to go do CPR for me because... There's nothing sexier than saving a life. It's true. It's true. It's a good reason. That's very saving a life. It's true. It's true. It's a good reason.

That's very humanitarian of you. That's nice. All right. Boy. Oh, man. These animated GIFs. Is there a Chrome plug-in that just never shows me? Oh, but then Chrome would know that I downloaded this plug-in.

Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. The background animated GIF is even worse. Okay. Plug in. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. That's... The background animated gif is even worse. Okay. Ooh, I'm so glad I'm incognito. John Toast, do CPR for me.

Oh, you want me to read about do CPR for me? That is exactly what I want. Oh, here's do CPR for me. Wumpf, hud, simp, wumpf. Right Here's two CPR for me. Wumpf hood simp. Right, yep. Click for preview. Nope. Tia loves her boyfriend very much,

though she wants to vary her sexual life. She wants something quite new, and she just dreams about trying CPR. She's in a coma. She read that Cosmo thing. Three exciting ways to spice up your sex life. One drowned. First, hook a taser up directly to your heart.

Second, she dreams about her boyfriend's big, warm hands on her breasts pushing her hard. Cracking the rib cage. Yeah. Applying enough pressure to save her life at the expense of her ribs.

Let's see. We can't guarantee. Our listeners cannot guarantee that's not what it says. I know. Yeah, okay. I'll cut down on the asides because I can't come up with an aside that isn't as ridiculous. You make a good point. Okay. So she dreams about lots of his warm air inflating your chest.

It's like you said. Dreams about his lips touching your gently. All these she wants to try right now. I'm getting so excited. The only thought about it makes her wet between her legs.

Her boyfriend agrees and starts fulfilling Tia's dreams. She is on the seventh heaven. Well, not anymore after the producers find out about this. Where can you go? She becomes... You must be the only person both listening to and participating in this podcast that could possibly start singing the 7th Heaven theme song.

I had to watch a lot of it as a kid. Terrible television. Because, terrible television. Anyways, she becomes really horny and asks for more and for more and for more. And yet she keeps just getting CPR instead. Resuscitate me, bitch!

And finally, she begs him to push really hard, as hard as he can, and not to let go. Well, that's not how CPR works. You just keep shoving. He does, of course. Are you breathing yet? I'm going to compress you so good. He does, of course.

But at this moment, her heart stops, alright? Yeah, I mean, I don't... I don't disbelieve that, yeah. Her boyfriend can't understand what's going on. I was turning into the opening to an episode of House. Oh, I think it was doing backwards CPR. He is in desperation. But now he has a great chance

to realize his skills that were just fun a couple of minutes ago. You can also buy the same video in another format. Do CPR for me, MP4HD at 1080p. Do CPR for me, MP480. Other medical-resistant videos. Want something similar or have a different idea? Order by custom video or your own script. Check the top of the page. If you like this video,

go to our store. Donate to motivate us shooting more quality clips. More quality clips? Can I improve the quality if I donate? Hey, Lemon, you want to know what the category is? Yeah, I do want to know. Medresis! Bow to me, for I am Medresis!

And what are the keywords? Dr. Reese's Monkey. Oh, I'm sorry, what was that? What are your keywords? Oh, yes. Monkey. Oh, I'm sorry. What was that? What are your keywords? Oh, yes. Chest compression, kissing, CPR, medical fetish, mouth-to-mouth, resuscitation, and topless. All right. Well, this is a 16-minute sort of vlog.

Man, I only like clothes CPR videos. $16. Yep. $16. Oh, boy. Pay for your fetish motherfuckers I clicked on the chest compression keyword

oh good I got some really fun ones here there's several different videos all titled how CPR turned cousins into lovers oh boy there's one called double heart attack is not an excuse was all titled How CPR Turned Cousins Into Lovers. Oh, boy. There's one called Double Heart Attack Is Not An Excuse. Wow.

It should be. In a lot of cases, it should be. If you have two heart attacks, I think your heart just starts again. It cancels out. Oh, okay. Coach, I can't go back in there. Listen, double heart attack is not an excuse. You get out there.

So, yeah, so as we're reading this, once again, a document provided to us from Ameet. That is at AmeetSA on Twitter. And so if you have strong feelings about any of the content in this document, at Ameet, Twitter, go ahead and harass him. Oh, boy. Here we go. Okay.

I don't want to click that link. I really don't want to click that link. I think you want to click that link. Okay. Go for it. Frank West. You know what? I can read this out of the document. I don't have to go to ClipsForSale. Okay. Go for it. Frank West. You know what? I can read this out of the document.

I don't have to go to clipsforsale.com. All right. I'm going to just read this right out of the document and not see this thing at all. I don't think you're doing proper justice to the material if you're doing that. Fine. All right. Frank West. So I've heard, and I don't know if I'm right or not,

but I've heard that hollies't know if I'm right or not, but I've heard that hollies come on ironing board handjob? Is that right, or is that another, like, Huffington Post? All hollies are coming on ironing board handjobs? Oh,

God! Oh, my God! Oh, that is so much worse. Oh, my God! This might surprise gift is horrible! Oh my god! This might surprise you, but it's taking a long time to load, so the anticipation is building. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you go into inspect mode, and then you can just delete the image tags.

Roll and roll and roll and roll. Wow, this is... I am not seeing the thing pop up. Oh my god. I'm so bored! Alright, so just go from the dock if you need. Come on, ironing board handjob. Mm-hmm.

Oh, the ironing. You're fired. That's the worst thing that's happened in this podcast. Yeah, that's not true. Just before I got there. Yep, daddy, you see it? Yep. Alright, alright.

Oh my god, that's a quick cut. That's the greatest quick cut of our generation. Oh, wow. Please describe it for us. Okay, so there's just a girl... No, wait, the text. Oh, just the text, alright. Holly's come on ironing board handjob.

Oh, that's a confusing title. I wonder what that could possibly mean. Holly performs a really hot iron handjob with her father. Ooh, boy. I'm sure father is going to be the worst word in your description. Emphasis not added, by the way. There are three exclamation marks. This night, Holly wants to go clubbing, but

first she needs to iron her curve-accentuating dress. Her father looked to his daughter and gets very horny because she is nearly finished for tonight. I'm nearly finished, too. Only the dress is missing. She is wearing black stockings with sexy high heels,

saucy lingerie, and iron her dress on the ironing board. Fine. Good. Okay, so you're done, right? That's fine? And that's the... Oh, no, wait, sorry. There's a little bit more. There's a lot of dust on my screen. He never, ever wants to allow weed her to go out

in this hot dress. Allow weed. Yeah. Smoking that out of the way. Allow weed! There you go. Better. Now she has to employ a ruse. Hand job! What?

The best ruse ever created. And then ninja smoke on the ground. Wank, wank, wank, wank, wank. Poof! She wants to give a hot iron handjob with flattening cock and balls to him if she can go out to paint the town red. I feel like Holly never learned how to give a handjob.

Iron stroking, hard ball and cock balling, ball flatten action, extreme cock pressing and hot cum shock. End. Awesome power. You can watch it on your phone, too. Oh, good.

That's great. How much would this cost me? This is $12 for 13 minutes. That's less than a dollar a minute. Oh my god, that's actually per minute. That's the cheapest one yet. It's true. So, Frank West,

if I were to find a video like this by searching through related keywords, what sort of keywords should I be using? Holly, brunette hair, long hair, white slash Caucasian, and tattoo. Yeah, that sums it up, I think.

That's all the important points, I think. Really. I'm looking for girls with tattoos. Oh, he's rubbing an iron on that guy's cock. Oh, whatever. She's got a tattoo. That's pretty good. Yeah, I had closed a link, and I... Why is an iron in there?

That's great. Man, you know, at first, this gif was pretty bad, but it's been shown to me like 20 times now, and it's still pretty bad, but it's been shown to me like 20 times now. And it's still pretty bad. I'm kind of disturbed by the guy has like a widow's peak on his gut.

Mouth soap the gay out of you. Oh god. Hey! This is shot from a couple different angles. I found a dildo and some gay

porn in my son's room and on his computer. I go to confront him about it, and he denies it! I know that he's lying. It's for school. It's a project. So why is your son ten years older than you?

Yeah, everybody's young teenage song these days is into Pink Floyd. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's a popular band. The kids today love Pink Floyd. When he finally admits to it, I have to punish him. I don't want my son to be gay. I had no idea that he was gay until I found all this hidden porn and toys in his room. I'm going to clean the gay out of him. I don't want my son to be gay.

Oh, I know what I do. As his matriarchal figure, I'll punish him harshly for his sexuality. That'll work. And the best way to do that? Sticking things in his orifices. Yeah, you know. Non-gay things. I order him down

on the ground and slap his face for being rude to me. I lather up the bar of soap and jam it into his mouth. I know how much he hates it because it was the worst punishment that I did to him when he was younger.

Every time he gags, he spits soapy bubbles at me as I slap his face and tell him to take it like a man. I tell him to take it like a man. Yeah, mixed messages, lady. Yeah, mixed messages, mom. I don't want you to be kinda gay.

I want you to be really gay. No half measures in this house, young man. He is such a little bitch for all the gagging that he does. Since he thinks he is gay, I figured he wouldn't gag so much because he should be used to taking cocks down his gay throat. I lather up his face and keep soaking his mouth, humiliating him and yelling at him for being gay. humiliating him and yelling at him for being gay. Every time he talks or answers a question bubbles fly out of his mouth and soapy drool drips out too.

I will not stop punishing him until he likes girls and turns straight. So this is going to be a long scene. I leave him on the floor covered and lathered with soap and tell him to keep the bar of soap in his mouth until I say he can take it out

but he has to like girls and not be gay before that happens no mother wants their son to like cock this is a lesson he won't soon forget that's the only true thing so far. Yep. Yeah, that's exactly.

I looked at some of the other videos by this user, which is Miss Bianca Baker. And one of them was called Please Stop Mommy. Did you guys see the name of the guy in that? Yeah, I looked at some by the guy. Seth Baker 420. Yeah, I was a son by the guy. Seth Baker 420. I think I played against him in Counter-Strike.

Seth Baker 420's other videos, You're Turning Gay, Castrating My Valentine, Sissy Foot Bitch. I feel like Seth might have some issues. Hey, guys, I want to pose a... Bloody stepmom squirting foot job. I want to pose a new game. I want to pose a new game for us. We should play a game called

Is it a clip for sale or a mindless self-indulgent song? I was going to say metal band because I just found one called Your Cock Is In My Jar Now. Look, I'm just saying, I think I heard castrating your valentine on a mindless self-indulgent album is all I'm saying.

Oh, these two do vor as well. I wonder how that works. Shrinking and devouring my annoying brother. Well, as far as I can tell from the gifs, and I'm not watching more than that, the castration is sort of gently rubbing scissors against the cock a lot. So, boots. Safety So, Boots.

Safety scissors. Boots. Lemon. Let's get to something slightly more, what do you want to say, vanilla. Good luck with that. Yeah, yeah, it's fine. We're on Clips for Sale. It'll be fine.

So, I like cock whacking, and I also am a fan of Tales of the Brothers Grimm. So, Boots, can you tell me about the littlest cockwhacker? Maybe today or tomorrow she'll find another...

Hi-diddle-ho-diddle. The littlest cockwhacker. The littlest cockwhacker. I met Alex Little a while ago on a shoot for someone else, and I knew I wanted to book her for an H.J. scene for myself because she is tiny. And I love short girls. Seriously, she's 4'8".

Anyway, turns out she's also really, really good at jerking off cock. Okay. Sure. And the full version. Yep. She starts out by teasing me and showing off her body. And then she gets to work jerking my cock and showing off her mad hand job skills. Mad handjob.

I guess I've never seen a super proficient professional. No, dude, it's great. Sick handjob, bro. It's great. She gets one of those little tech deck skateboards and goes all up and down. Does like ollies and flips. Yeah, she goes goofy foot all over my cock.

720 handjob. Goofy what? Keep going. Jerk or die. Nice. This girl is a cock-whacking expert. She did a ton of awesome stuff, like tickling the head of my cock with her nails,

squeezing my dick between her fingers while jerking the chest. That sounds terrible. Ah! Oh, God. Are you having sex with a julienne peeler? Shit. That sounds terrible. This is how Fran Drescher gives handjobs.

Do you like that? That's Fran Drescher, by the way. Perfect. That's good. Thankcher, by the way. Perfect. That's good. Thank you. I mean, thank you. And most especially, she did this thing where she rubbed the underside of the head of my cock on her palm while jerking me with the other hand. So she gave a hand job.

That's pretty normal. I mean, I don't know why that's the part that's the most amazing. That was pretty fucking amazing and I don't think any other girl's ever done that to me, but it just keeps getting better! How could it possibly? And that's not all. Because then she teases me with her ass and pussy

before finally spreading her cheeks open for my cock and giving me a world-class ass job. So does he just call everything in sex a job? It's not anal, it's an ass job. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.

To clarify, it is not anal. It's hot-dogging. It's otherwise known as hot-dogging. Oh, I see. Yeah, it is hot-dogging. Okay, never mind then. To finish, she rubs the head of my cock and jerks me off until I cum all over her spread fingers. Jess hands.

Clips for sale. Category. Ass-cheek-fucking. What are the keywords? great ass cheek fucking. What are the keywords? Alex Little, short girls, small girls, small hands, whack job, porn stars, cock rubbing, jerk off,

cum on hands, cum on fingers, happy ending. Disagree with that last one. Clips yourself. A hand job is like a normal thing. I don't know how you managed to make it sound so unappealing. I don't know how you did that.

Frank West, I know what you like. I know what you like, and that's why I'm gonna... Oh my god, these gifs. Okay. Frank West is now pulling out his collar like, ooh, oh no! And that's why I want you to tell us all about

Betty Boo's 22 Pie Initiation Batty Boo's 22 Pie Initiation Holy shit I'm laughing like stonks I don't know if this is a spoiler or not But the category is CLOWNS

Oh my god. Oh my god. Whew, okay. Battyboo's 22 Pie Initiation. Yep. Battyboo just loves her dress so much that she won't take it off when Bippy wants to have some naked fun. You know how Bippy is. That was interesting.

Bitty- Battyboo insists that she loves the colors and it was a perfect dress for a clown. Bippy has other ideas about her polka dot dress that involve pie, pie, and more pie. Oh God, come on. You just have no imagination, do you? Uh,

well, Bippy rains on Batty's parade with a shower of 22 wacky pies. Some with crust. Sea lemon? You weren't expecting crust, but it's a thing. Yeah, but pies are wacky and some of them have crust. Now, if they have crust, I think you

owe Frank West an apology. I think you better get back to all of the other balloon popping videos that you do. You do a lot. You do 25 pages worth of balloon popping videos that you do. You do a lot. You do 25 pages worth of balloon popping videos. That's our baddie boo. Sometimes dressed as a clown, sometimes not.

Anyway. Look, I'm sorry. If some of them have crust, I'm going to need to go get my credit card. Just give me a moment. I'll be right back. Well, pies of all colors are hurled at the silly clown who has never been messy before so it's a real eye but she's a clown how is that possible is it really immaculate clown makeup that she wears anytime they were anytime they were in a routine where a pie was coming at her she's just like wait

i'm not ready wait what do you mean makeup? That's just what clowns look like. Oh yeah, that's true. So it is a real eye-opener for Batty when the pies start flying and she realizes that this isn't no normal clowning around. X, X, X. Wait, X, X, X, X, X, X, X, X, X, X, X, X, X.

As many X's as it takes to get you to not watch this. Batty is an unrecognizable, pied-up mess of a clown by the fifth pie, let alone the fifteenth. Well, then stop! Why did you go all the way to 22, you heartless bitch?

Unrecognizable. Wait, she's a clown, but she's covered in all this wacky shit? What the fuck is she? I don't know anymore. You can rightly assume that both of these clowns are beyond sloppy by the end. Lots of messy and wacky

clown pie action without Bippy's usual crazy high-pitched voice by request. I'm tired of that shit. As a special request, we're not going to be annoying. You're welcome. I doubt that.

That is a promise the F-Plus can never make. Nope. When you slap me with 22 pies, I talk just like this. Oh, man. I don't know why I enjoy Roger Rabbit jokes so much. All right. So the next thing in the doc here, this doc, by the way, 18 pages. 18 pages of clip for sale.

Like, the attrition builds immediately. Mm-hmm. Just so many dangerous clicks. Because sometimes you'd be on websites and you know you'd be on some sort of like forum and then you're like oh let me search around for more stuff like in this situation it's like how fast can i close this window anyway uh so the next thing uh in this document, Ameet has titled, A Fetish Saga in Six Parts. Please read all of this.

Oh, good. All right. Well, we're going to have to trust you, Ameet. So, John Toast, if you'll start off with Break Failure Clip 1. Break Failure Clip 1. Rachel and her boss are looking for paperwork for a client. They look everywhere and cannot find it. When her boss leaves a room to look in another office, Rachel stumbles upon some of her boss's paperwork

that indicates he's been conducting illegal activities. You shouldn't keep paperwork like that. It's just irresponsible. It's just in a little folder labeled Bad Stuff. CSI used Cardlot. She decides to report him to the police. Unbeknownst to her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No nouns. Absolutely no nouns. Her boss is... Excuse me, I'll listen up. I got a pronouncement to make. From Bannounse. Her boss is standing around the corner

and she's what see his planning and sees what she is planning. When he returns, he doesn't let on that he knows what's up. Instead, he tells her she has to drive to another office to look for the missing client's paperwork. Fuck this is a brake failure.

Driving fetish video. There is no pedal pumping in the series. Fuck this clip. Contains no foot fetish material. It is the intro to the video that spells out the storyline for the remaining clips. You're fucking kidding me? The lighting in this clip, and this clip only,

is poor due to the sunlight in the background. Oh my god! This clip just mainly sets the concept slash scenario for the rest of the series. This is clip one in a series of six. So that is five minutes for, or five dollars for four minutes of backstory. It's five dollars for the pilot episode. It's just establishing the world and the characters before you really get into it.

Alright, Boots, you're next. Yeah, I've got break failure clip two. Yeah, I've got break failure clip two. There's no way Rachel's boss is going to let her assist in putting him in jail. Putting him in jail. When he leaves the office, he crawls under Rachel's car and cuts the brake line. Okay. When Rachel gets into the car and drives away, she's totally unaware of the puddle of brake fluid left behind. She drives to the other office.

Fuck this clip contains different angles of her feet on the gas pedal and brakes as she drives. This is clip two in a series of six. All right, series two. This one's $6. Clip two in a series of six. Here we go. Brake failure clip 3.

More driving. Different angles of her and her feet on the gas pedal as she drives. This is clip 3 in a series of 6. Brake West. Brake failure clip 4. More driving. Different angles of her and her feet on the gas pedal and brakes as she drives. This is clip four in a series of six.

That was totally a copy-paste. They changed it from three to four. Good job. Alright. Brake failure. Clip five. Oh my god. More driving.

Different angles of her and her feet on the gas pedal and brake as she drives. This is clip five in a series of six. I'm looking at your images and, uh, no, the angles are not different. I'm not even sure that the still image is different.

They're talking about the journalistic angle. They're coming at it from a different perspective. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Generation foot. I'm fucking glad you got it. Fuck you. David Simon's best work. Brake failure clip

six. Rachel notices the brakes are sluggish. She tries frantically to stop the car, but cannot. In the end, she uses the emergency brake to stop the vehicle. She makes a call to the Pollux. What? She stop the vehicle. She makes a call to the Pollux. What? She makes the what?

She makes a call to the Pollux. She dials 911 and gets the Pollux. Hello, Pollux. I'd like to report a dent. Kevin Pollux? And then to a towing company and explains to both places what happened to her. The video ends with her waiting for the tow truck and police. This is clip six in a series of six. Yay! And if you bought all of these, you've spent, uh, like $30?

Money well spent. The last one's $7. No, the last one is $25. No, sorry, you're right. I don't know how to read numbers. I never read. Wow. Okay.

Oh, you can buy it all as one video for 25 bucks. Oh, okay, okay, okay. No, I want to buy a piecemeal, please. That's my fetish. Mm-hmm. So this is something that's very exciting. Oh, this, oh my god, oh, this Clips for Sale link is totally safe for work. This is amazing.

This is so good. There's like a dark red, there's like, um, flowers in the background? This is, oh my god, this is the best Clips for Sale link ever. Okay. So, I'm happy I'm here. AFS says, Urethral sounds and vibrations. Loop and place these sounds and vibrations

against the glands or frenulum portion of your penis several minutes prior to ejaculation. Is this eye doser for your cock? Yes. Nice. Do not use your hands for your cock? Yes. Nice. Do not use your hands to stroke or caress the penis. Apply pressure to the glands

or frenulum. Application of sound vibrations during ejaculation delivers a strong stimulation at the point of orgasm. Right? I think that you're not going to experience otherwise. No, no, no. I'm picking up cock vibrations.

No, this time when you come, you'll notice. Fuck a theremin. Fuck a theremin. Sounds really good. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. So each urethral vibration is a compression of unique tuning, beaning, humming, low bass, which is the wrong bass, and high-pitched vibrations that deliver high or low frequencies, waves to the nerve points on the glands across the shaft and around the frenulum region.

Warning, application of sound vibration waves post-ejaculation will aggravate the nerves and cause discomfort. Visit our main studio to view the KM masturbation instruction video. Hey, Lemon. Hey, Lemon. What category was this filed under?

I'm sorry. What category was this filed under? Oh, you wanted to know what the urethral sounds and vibrations was categorized as. That makes perfect sense. It's the category you would expect. Eyebrow shaving, of course. Hey, how much does it cost? Well, you know, bear in mind,

bear in mind, bear in mind, it's two minutes long. Right? It's a full two minutes long. It's a full megabyte. Yeah, it's one whole megabyte, which means that the compression rate, at that point,

the compression rate is really bad. that point, like, the compression rate is really bad. But anyway, so two minutes long, it is $59.99. It's 50 cents a second. It's as much as XCOM! But hey, it includes my favorite... It includes my...

I don't know, I get really turned on by guys with triangle hair. Hey, hey, hey, we're knocking this, but it does include my favorite arcade game, Resolution X. Semen is the weapon. Okay. I'm only going to buy it. I won't buy this because it's not in flack format Boots, I'm gonna give you a choice And the thing that you have to know about the choice that you're about to make Is that there's two completely, totally viable options

Both of these options are great I understand why both of these were included in the doc And you can choose either one of these, whichever you like, okay? So, option number one, The Desperate Women. Right? That's option number one. Option number two,

Some Sexy Eye Crossing, just for you. Yeah, those are both really good. Yeah, they're both really good. Both equally good, I think. Both equally good. It's a really difficult choice, but I think I'm going to go with sexy eye crossing. Oh, interesting.

Well, this animated gif is going to make you giggle. Unlike the other ones. I don't believe you. I'm not going to giggle at all. So to those of you that are not looking at ClipsForSale.com, congratulations. I'm glad that you're spending something else to do with your time. So what you're going to want to do is just imagine like a Naughty America video, but with absurd eye crossing in it.

This is the close up of my eye crossing. This porno actress's name is Crystal Rain. Although in the tags, it's Crystal Clark. Maiden name? All of course, of course. Before she got married to... Before she got porn married. Yeah, I was about to say.

Some sexy eye crossing just for you. Just for me? Thanks, Crystal. Hey there, thank you so much for offering your help today. As you can see, my eyes are extremely crossed. I can't see that. Yes, I can see that very well. I haven't been able to get them uncrossed. I have been studying

way too hard in school, and naturally my eyes have begun to cross slowly. That's what happens in school. You know? But I had no idea it would become so bad. And now they're stuck. Do you have any suggestions on how I can uncross

them? Great! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sit back on that leather couch with the Hello Kitty pillow and masturbate with a plastic dildo. Oh, I haven't made a Hello Kitty piddle yet. Great, okay, so you say I should with a plastic dildo. Oh, I haven't made a Hello Kitty piddle yet. Crickets?

Great, okay, so you say I should masturbate and then extreme orgasm will make the monk cross? Okay, I'll give it a try. Extreme orgasm? Yeah. Okay. Skateboard. Oh, no! They're getting even more cross than before. Oh, no!

They're getting even more across than before. Oh, God. My orgasm now has them totally across, almost touching. Your orgasm was too extreme. Almost touching? Almost touching. They've crossed so much, they've broken the bone barrier between my eyes.

I now look like Sonic the Hedgehog. Oh, now your video is going to go way up. Totally. Your idea didn't work. Now what should I do? Try a blowjob? Are you serious? You say a blowjob can help

uncross my eyes? Okay. Let me pull out that cock of yours and start sucking it real soft and then hard. Sucking it soft and then hard. Yeah. I mean... I'm focusing too much on your cock

and it's making my eyes cross harder than ever. Come on, lady! I'm actually starting to enjoy it. It makes me feel light-headed. I really like this feeling of my head eye crossing gives me. Okay. It makes me so horny. I'm going to suck chalk until you come all over my cross-eyed face.

Yes, give me all your cum, you know. I think I'll keep my eyes crossed a little longer. I'm starting to like it. Hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. What up? Category eye crossing. Yeah, but I'm sure there's some keywords involved, right?

Keywords. Crystal Clark. Eye crossing babes. Sexy eye crossing. Eye crossing orgasm. Eye crossed. Silly face solo. Silly face blowjob.

Simulated blowjob. Eye crossing blowjob. School girl. I think silly face solo is a spoiler for Star Eye crossing blowjob. School girl. I think Silly Face Solo is a spoiler for Star Wars Episode VIII. Alright. Now we have to delete this podcast. Oh, she did the

tags wrong. That was a journey. What a comedy of errors that was. Oh wow, Silly Face blowjob is like her thing. Like, that's what Crystal specializes in. Silly face blowjob. Silly face blowjob. Oh, my God. Okay.

So, okay. So, we have one more before we move on to the user request section. Oh, good. And, yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep, you're right about being excited. That's what you should be.

So, John. What, Jared is a dog? Yes. John, it's your first time trying on a new snorkel, right? It is my first time trying on a new snorkel. Thank you for asking. Again, this one's not... I mean, it's a silly image,

but it's not, like, an image that immediately makes me depressed. It's not animated. That's a nice first. Yeah, I like that. Okay. This is my first time trying on a new snorkel. I got a new snorkel!

It's a proper one this time. There's a backstory there. Of course... My lady, what are you wearing? That is a snorkel for a harlot! I said get out. Of course, it's pink to

match my mask. Well, actually, it doesn't match your mask, because your mask has a different hue of pink than your snorkel is, so they actually clash. It's a little tacky. The snorkel's like a bubble gum, and the goggles are like a lavender. This is not working at all.

I know, I know. It's really offensive. Welcome to the F Plus Podcast. Fashion advice read with enthusiasm. The F Plus Podcast. It's not read, it fuck you both, then! Fashion advice, read with enthusiasm. The F Plus podcast, fashion advice given by the least qualified individuals. I'm wearing khakis right now. I got pajama pants on! I try it on for the first time and play in my bathtub.

I do a lot of breathing in and out of water. I pose and play with the snorkel. I explore the function of each valve and feature, as I have never tried on a snorkel before. I think the features? I guess I'm not that familiar with snorkels. Isn't it just a tube? Are the hip, cool snorkels of today more complicated than the snorkels. Isn't it just a tube? Are they more... Are the hip, cool snorkels

of today more complicated than the snorkels of my youth? Enables two breathing actions. You guys want to invest in my app? It's the Uber for snorkels. This snorkel's got Bluetooth, dog. I'm pretty giddy throughout the video. And I say silly things like,

I think it's time we dove in. Before stepping into a foot of water in my bathtub. A bit of a discount. Because the first three minutes is just me fussing with the mask and snorkel. Wow. Fuckkel. Wow. Fuck editing. Wow. Hey, do you want to know what the category is? What's the category?

Snorkel gear. Oh, I'm sorry. Snorkel gear. So I'm looking through all of the other ones for Mel here, the woman in the snorkel thing. And it looks like Mel is sort of a free-spirited individual that just decided to film herself doing dumb shit and be like, I don't know, maybe something like this is erotic. Like, here's me drinking out of a red Solo cup. Do you like that? No.

Let's do porn with the spaghetti against the wall method. It's like, ah, let's see if it sticks. Well, that's why she made 927 videos. Hey, one of them's gotta work. I'm gonna read the title and description of one of these. Alright. Deodorant Tease.

This video has four short clips of me putting on deodorant and showing off my armpits for you. I honestly don't know why the words deodorant tease together. Sorry, go ahead. Is that it? That was it. Oh, okay, okay, fine.

On one knee, nine, I am kneeling down on the floor. Every minute or so, I stand up and show you my other side. All right. Good job. Air mattress destruction. Oh, yeah, no, I was looking at that one, too. The description is, I have a fancy Roots Queen air mattress, but I am not happy with it! Fuck you.

Big plate of pasta. I have a big plate of pasta! Good job. Oh, she's got a Crossing My Eyes video! Oh, you know what? I think you're my favorite. I think you're my favorite person.

Somehow you've been posting this many videos for sale and I feel like you haven't let it get you down. There's a certain delightful naivete to you I really enjoy very much. And that's why I'm going to buy all your videos. Okay, so

yeah, so these are the clips that were made by request. There's more of these than we should read, by which I mean more than zero. But, hmm. Okay. Yeah. I think this is probably the right one here.

So Frank West, some Eclipse for Sale user, requested that Andrea Rosso would do textbook humiliation. And Andrea Rosso was kind enough to provide. So if you'll read me about it, please. Oh, that's what you mean. Yeah, I was thinking the other... I was thinking exactly... Here's how you humiliate.

No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. Humiliation via textbook. No, she's no, no, no, no, no, no. Humiliation via textbook. No, she's humiliating the textbook. Wow, there's a lot of layers to this. So embarrassed right now. Wow, she does a lot of cosplay as Daphne. Oh, Daphne, right.

Jesus Christ, that's Daphne, bros. Textbook Humiliation, MP4. This was a custom commission. Wait, is that all just... Yep. Yep, this is entire... Oh, Isaac. If you're interested in a custom video,

don't hesitate to email me at info at andrearoso.com. Info at andrearoso.com. Oh, thank you for... Now the spammers don't know what to do with you. You've written the email out properly, and then... And then you stuck it out. That's amazing.

I found your favorite book, and I don't understand how this can be your most important possession. Me neither. It looks like the Encyclopedia Britannica. No, not my Guinness Book of Encyclopedia. Oh, that's what it is! Yeah!

You read it all the time, and it makes me angry, fed up, and annoyed. I hate this book so much that I am going to destroy it just to watch you squirm. Watch as my strong hands rip the cover off and slowly rip each page.

My sexy boots stomp and crush the defiled pages. See how strong and powerful I am? Look how weak you are as you get humiliated by my harsh words and actions. No wonder you cannot handle a real woman. This destruction is way more satisfying than you ever were. I mean... Fair enough, I guess it probably is.

I feel like I could write a psychological thesis on a clip for being sold on the internet of a lady ripping up a book for somebody's sexual satisfaction. I feel like there's so much you could get from that, meaning-wise. Okay, so what's i mean what's the what's the opening paragraph look like um fuck i haven't thought this through never mind

time you need some time you know like you know maybe take maybe take a year off go backpacking around europe you know really get your head together okay okay here's the thing you have to make it at least as long as this video which which is 35 minutes. It is! Oh, shit! I will say that this person, in contrast to our previous subject, much less taboo diaper party play part two. Oh, this is what Clips for Sale does to people. All right, we're going to do one more. Before we step away from Andrew and Rosu,

I'm kind of mesmerized by the preview images on all these because they play at double speed. Yep. So it's like... Yeah, there's a Benny Hill vibe to it, huh? Yeah, but it's like... They should... It becomes like it's less...

Like less titillating than Benny Hill because no shit's happening in it. How titillated were you by Benny Hill? Because no shit's happening in it? How titillated were you by Benny Hill? I was, like, 11. I guess, and there were boobs. Fair enough, fair enough. Like, 11 on the titillation scale? Yes.

No, but I'm with you, Boots. These all look like they should have, like, Maple Leaf Rag playing under them. Yeah. Old silent films. All right. And the last one in the request here. Frank West, this video is called Masturbation and Orgasms in Rain Jackets E. In Rain Jackets E.

Is E a variable? Solve for E. And rain jackets E. Maybe E is a variable, or... Yeah. Solve for E. It's the calculus constant. Oh, of course, of course. This is in the category of cape fetish! Request. I would love to see you dress up each other in the rain jackets.

Zip them up. Pull out the hoods. And pull them up. And tie the drawstrings without allowing the hoods, and pull them up, and tie the drawstrings without allowing the hoods to hide your eyes. This is very important. This is important. It would be very awesome if you then

touch each other in all the naughty places and maybe give each other an orgasm. Only maybe. He's putting... Why each other? What does this happen? Is this a word that he thinks He's putting Each other Is this a word that he thinks exists? Yeah, each other

That happens a lot actually in F+, I don't know why Well there's just people Certain weird people with fetish get a fixation On a weird word way to spell it It's hard to type when you're typing By slapping your dick against the keyboard That's what you think word way to spell it. It's hard to type when you're typing by slapping your dick against the keyboard. That's what you think.

Only noise should be you girls, and plus, do not ever pull down the hoods. Only noise should be you girls. Only noise should be you girls. Only noise should be you girls. Only noise should be you girls. Only noise should be you girls. Only noise should be you girls. Only noise should be you girls. They're all as aching.

Token like birds? A hawk's head. My trigger is eyes and hoods, and the surprise of what happens while you are dressed in hooded garments. Toughest part is, please do not smile or laugh at all. Wow, this guy must have...

While I'm watching? That's genuinely the toughest part of this. Do not enjoy it. I think this guy requested this video because they stopped making Assassin's Creed games because judging by this description, those are like gold. It's like Raver.

This guy is why they wouldn't make the female the star of the Assassin's Creed game. Oh, hood, yeah. It's like Raver. This guy is why they wouldn't make the female the star of the Assassin's Creed game. Oh, hoodlady. Jump off into that hay, y'all. Also, I hope this guy was pleased by this video because his request was masturbation and orgasm and rain jackets. Rain jackets appear in this video.

orgasm and rain jackets. Rain jackets appear in this video. So I guess you get one out of three, buddy. So the next piece that Ameet provided is called Shorter Pieces. And these are things that we can read directly out of the document, which is terrific because, oh, yay. Okay, so uh, uh, John, just start us off here, uh, with the vengeful feminization

curse. Vengeful feminization curse. You are the worst neighbor ever! Clip for sale! Considering my neighbors can hear me recording this podcast, yes. I caught you spying on me, and now I'm

taking my revenge. I put a curse on you that will physically turn you into a woman. You'll have to endure sexual harassment from big scary horn men. That does sound scary. I wouldn't like that at all. Horn men. While you become a

petite blonde babe with giant tits. I'm sure that'll teach to respect women. I'm not sure. I'm unsure of that. That's maybe one of the least respectful things towards women we've read yet. Confuse Justice Man away. Boots, what do you got?

Real dentist. Sorry, real dental root canal. One of my silver fillings broke a few months ago when the cavity started to decay. When the video begins, I'm already at the dentist's office for a root canal. I filmed whenever I was left alone during the procedure. I'm wearing a dental dam for most of the video, but near the end, I give a post-surgery update while my face is still half-frozen and show off my brand new composite filling. I doubt, well, maybe dental dam

has a phrase with two meanings? Yeah, it's a big rubber thing they put in your mouth. Oh, okay, so that's different. Okay, gotcha. Okay. Oh, shit, I gotta get a root canal. Wait, maybe I can turn this into a positive. Can I look at an asshole at the same time?

You can. Hip and belly. Brittany shimmies her meaty hips into your brain. How does she do that? Painfully, I guess. It's Brittany, bitch. Every time I turn the lights out... Hunter's erotic belly dance will leave you stunned.

Terrence's long nude belly needs kisses. Kiss Rose's black patch and tum-tum. How many people are in this? As many as it takes. Taryn, Rose. As many as it takes. Yeah, yeah.

We got Brittany, we got Hunter, we got Taryn, we got Rose. Fitness model Jazz with her toned flat tummy needs attention. What is this, the American Gladiators? Or a rious tummy and hips built to please. Oh, I'm so glad they're back for a reunion tour. Key says, kiss me here.

Felicity ballet stretches and tummy shots, what a tease. Taryn does a hip jerk that will blow your mind. Molly hip and belly. So many cuts. No jelly. Thanks. Young fuck. Erica puffs belly from heaven.

I had to click on the video because I just would need to make sure it wasn't a bunch of stuffed animals. I like the way. And when you did click on the video, did you see the watermark of what website this is from? Herbarethroat.com? Yeah, herbarethroat.com. By the way, I like the way Frank read that last line without the comma. Erica puffs belly from heaven. I suppose that is selling him short.

It's literally the only comma in the thing. I should have read it. That's true. Oh, this is an anorexia thing. How loud and long can I handle it? One of my by far favorite albums is Run the Jewels 2. And I can't help but enjoy it as loud as my iPhone will allow. I'm playing it off the speaker on my iPhone because I'm on the bus and I fucking suck.

Watch as I blast my music into my ears. It's so loud at points that I am unaware of me actually rapping along. Oh dear. After 20 minutes, I am unable to handle the amazing beats on this album any longer. I take the headphones out.

I tell you about the state of my ears after. So, it's a girl with her iPhone. I'm looking at the video. So, it's like, she's got her iPhone and she's listening to the iPhone with the earbuds. And so,

nothing happens because she just is watching somebody listening to the song. Yeah, even in this clip, even she sort of, at one point, shrugs and goes, well... Yeah, she genuinely shrugs to the camera. You bought it.

Oh, Autumn Adams. You're an enigma. What do you got, John? I think she's doing like crafting she's just like might as well double task and make some eggs or something there's a second gopro on her for her crafting

my mind belongs to clips for sale but my hands belong to etsy bravo hey there long to Etsy. Bravo. Hey there. Would you like to hear about Caroline's mind-fucking-ass? Yeah! You know, I really would!

The lovely Caroline Pierce has been disappointed that you haven't fallen helplessly enslaved to her lovely breasts. But she realizes that's because you're an ass man, and she promptly turns around and sways her sexy

ass back and forth as you fall mindlessly under her spell. And she... she fucks my... Where does the mind fucking... You're getting horny. Very horny. Very horny. That's nice. Bad boys.

What you gonna do? Officer Jojo gets a call. Go check out a potential drug dealer hanging around the streets of one of the worst ghettos in Second Life. Oh, oh, wow. No. Doki do life. Oh, oh, wow. No. Doki doki.

Oh, no. Furry avatars from that side of town are bad, man. Oh, no. Wow, it's literally... Oh, man. Yeah, it stars Daddy Nasty King and Officer Jojo. Oh, man, Daddy Nasty King is fantastic in anything.

That's a sharp left turn. Shortly after finding him in one of the many strip bars, he talks her into a deal. If you can work this strip pole in your slutty cop uniform hard enough, they'll come with your quietly. Come with your quietly? This looks like the best... They'll come with your quietly.

They'll come with your quietly. No questions asked. This looks like the best. Ill come. Ill come. Come with your quietly. Oh my god. Ill come with your quietly. This looks like the best. No questions asked. This looks like the best orb from that earth site. As Jojo slowly grins on the pole, watching him admired her curvaceous body, she notices an outline of his huge cock starting to show through his pants. Officer Jojo's natural detective instinct

set in, and she has to investigate if actually he's concealing a weapon, or his cock really is that massive. One more question. One more question. Is that really a cock? Or is that a gun?

Oh, so the Columbo just turned around. Wait. I'm going to have to suck it just to be sure. So this is a reboot of Bad Boys at this point? Shit did get real. Reese lighting matches for candles. Reese is using matches from a matchbook to get a few candles lit. She has trouble getting the matches to light,

so she has to do many, many strikes to get a match lit, if she can even get the match to light. The main focus of the video is her arms. What? Yeah, I mean, it's really hard to strike a match. They're like...

Main focus on the... Arms. Yeah! Her arms, as she repeatedly strikes the match on the matchbook. Love it. You strike it for a long time. There are five different camera angles from her right side.

The deluxe model. Right side, over her right shoulder, behind her, in front of her, and from her left side. I'm going to need to request another video. I can only do it if it's over the left shoulder. This is not good for me. I'm sure that she'll do a video for you. You'll have to watch the video to see just how many matches Reese was able to get lit in this 15-minute custom video.

So it's someone lighting matches for 15 minutes. to see just how many matches Rhys was able to get lit in this 15 minute custom video. So it's someone lighting matches. So is it like speed match lighting? It sounds like it's very slow match lighting, actually. Okay, so am I going to be impressed by how slow she is at it? How bad she is? Yes. She's really bad at lighting matches.

Damn it! Shit. I fucking broke that one. Shit. So the next video is from Princess Asli. Who has 667 videos.

And one of them is Climax Control 3. Do you want to come? Do you deserve to come? These are the questions you must answer. This is the moment. Wait, wait, wait.

You're going to be... Frank West, you're a fan of the English language, right? Yes. You're going to love this sentence. Okay? Yes. Be prepared a fan of the English language, right? Yes. Okay, great. You're going to love this sentence. Okay? Yes. Be prepared to fall in love. This is the moment for which you've been waiting.

Oh, well, no. Good thing they didn't end with a preposition. That would have been really gross. Wow, it's all my favorite tenses. This is the moment you've been... Wait. Do this right. Okay. moment? You've been... Wait. How do I do this right? Okay.

For which you've been waiting. Sweet release from your chastity. But not without a price. That's right, my pet. You have to earn your orgasm. You're the best. Stare into the spiral, releasing your body.

However, this time, instead of feeling the tingles grow through your helpless limbs, you're going to feel the tingles growing in your cock. Cool little impala. Reach that hand down and start to stroke it for me. I know how badly you need this. If you want to climax, you better pay that cum tax. Which I think is a

Run the Jewels lyric. Also enjoy Climax Control and Climax Control 2. Category Mind Fuck! God, all these Democrats introducing no cum taxes. Jesus. Oh, I'm sorry. She only has 663 videos as of this recording.

Do three more. Make it perfect. So many of these. So many. Oh, sorry. Hey. You know what? I'm fin-dependent. Okay. I mean, I doubt you are. Oh, like financial dependent?

Yes, I bet that's true. You need to break your financial domination habit before it's too late, don't you? It's become so easy to send your cash to convincing and conniving women. Tonight I'm Dr. Phil. Well, I am ready to give back. I have come up with a way to put a stop to your superfluous spending. Okay. I have developed a way for you to become fin-dependent.

Just do as I say, and you might walk away with a completely broken bank account. Wait. Without. Without, yeah, without a completely broken bank account. Oh, without a completely broken bank account. I'm sorry. So from the video, it looks like we're taking financial advice from a real housewife of New Jersey who is recording this in front of her collection of thousands of shoes. Well, is this even like a sex clip?

Or is this just like a self-help for people who just keep spending money on clips for sale? And she's just targeting this audience. No, yeah, yeah. Because the only keyword is Fyndom, so like her video is like stop that. Stop doing that. Are you wasting your money on

stupid girls on ClipsForSale.com? Then give me $13 and I can help you. You just paid $13 for 10 minutes of me sitting here talking. You clearly need help. Stop. Hey, I got a video for you guys. What do you got, Boots? It's called BRK House Cleaning.

That sounds great. I love that. Big ol' pear-shaped ass! Thanks, Lil' John. I love you, Boots. Once again, my friend, Big Rope Katie. Too shy to face a camera, but at least she gives me what you big-ass lovers want, her large robe.

Watch her in the bathroom with a towel. Watch her as she titties up her bedroom wearing her white panties. Jerk it off for her pear-shaped large robe. Do I have to?

Uh-huh. I'm not gonna disagree with you. I'm a little scared. Frank, what do you got? Tanya smokes fake cigarette. A slim model from Brazil is sitting on the couch. I'm sorry. A slim model from Brazil is sitting on the coach with the legs wide open.

Driver, take me. I'll be in the back. She gets a smode from the cameraman and pretends to be smoking. She's hot as hell. Recorded in extra large size with GoPro camera. Guest starring Craig T. Nelson. One of the keywords is police-icle

I think a GoPro is a terrible terrible camera to shoot porn with like porn through fisheye is yeah but it's waterproof so well oh boy oh boy GG and so well oh boy oh boy gg and brandon lotion and compare hands gg and brandon love their hands

and today they're gonna do a hand comparison with you oh fucking really yeah yeah they are all right whether you like it or not, you have no say into whether Gigi and Brandon compare their hands. I don't know why this was my limit in particular, but I'm fucked up. The more you talk, the more Gigi and Brandon are going to compare their hands. Alright, fine. I'm shutting up now.

They're rapscallions. In this clip, Gigi and Brandon, they compare and measure their hand with a ruler. They have one hand together. They share one. Well, Brandon's hands are larger.

Gigi swears she's cheating. They state out loud the measurements in centimeters. They compare thumbs to little finger, hand spans, length of middle finger, and more. Oh, what could be left? And more. Well, lastly, they rub tons

of lotions on themselves and each other. Fine. I'm pretty excited. I'm pretty aroused. I don't imagine I could be more aroused than I am uh, I'm pretty excited. I'm pretty aroused. I don't imagine I could be more aroused than I am now, but I am pretty aroused. Oh, you think you cannot be more aroused? I think we could probably end here, right? Because there's nowhere else to go, right?

No! What? We still have cling film mummification bondage. Yay! Yay! Yay? Experiment the feeling of deprivation. You are gradually wrapped

into layer over layer of cling film. As I keep adding more cling film, you become unable to move your hands, your arms, your legs. Your breath decreases and you cannot resist the arousing sensation in your groin.

You are trapped like a mummy and laid on the table, helpless under my claws. You cannot move. The end. I'm afraid I have to say this next one without moving my mouth. Okay. You can do it. So just watch closely and you'll see. moving my mouth. Okay. You can do it. So, yeah, okay,

so just watch closely and you'll see. Yep. This one's called The School of Hard Fucks. Can you drink some water while you read it? Sure I can.

Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. Veronica's failing home study and Professor Slappy is threatening to put her in summer school. But Veronica will do anything for extra credit so she can go

on to regionals once the school lets her for the year. But Veronica will do anything for extra credit, so she can go on to regionals once the school lets out for the year. Category, puppet porn. Thanks, Amy. Thanks, Amy. Thanks, Amy. By the way, this should

probably surprise nobody nobody but puppet porn is Veronica Chaos's deal that's what Veronica Chaos does is puppet porn but you know takes a break every once in a while

to film herself being fucked by R2D2 who is not a puppet he's real to film herself being fucked by R2-D2. Who is not a puppet. He's real. It's just R2-D2 with a Hitachi magic wand coming out of it. Alright.

Again with the Force Awakens spoilers. You can't sit with me! Okay. That's right, you second-rate swine. You can't sit with me! That's right, you second-rate swine. I skipped you, Frank. I'm sorry. You can't sit with me, asshole. You can't sit with me!

That's right, you second-rate swine, Frank West. I'm completely and utterly out of your grasp. I am a snob in so many ways that have nothing to do even with money. You think you can buy me? Think again. No matter what, I will never even think twice about you. Let us say this for my entertainment.

You don't interest me whatsoever. You are so fucking boring, primal, and predictable. Go back and crawl into your cave till, wrong till, I decide I want to use you again. The end. The cave till.

Yeah, yeah, till that cave. And apparently the video is just a woman with fake tits sitting there. Well, the shirt says you can't sit with me on it. It's true. To let you know. Well, I'm really glad you took that one, Lemon, because it let me have this one.

Swirly girl. Swirly girl, in the toilet with me. This time, you're right up in my face, which happens to be inside of a toilet bowl. Uh-oh. I'm having trouble parsing that. Uh-oh.

The cold water whips around my head and hair, soaking me with who knows what kind of toilet germs. I could feel my hair being sucked down the drain this time. Shudder. I do end up with a pretty killer hairdo afterwards, though. Category swirly.

Killer. Killer is the right word. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know we're not supposed to talk about it, but the gif accompanying this is amazing. Yeah. Describe what the gif is.

All it is is her upside down, her hair going into a toilet bowl, and she just goes has this oh expression and that's the entire thing so good so John Toast will you finish us up with the

very very very very very last piece which is just a list of titles that Amy just provided for us oh gladly these are some great titles flutter eyelashes and vaping that Amy has provided for us? Oh, gladly. These are some great titles. Flutter Eyelashes and Vaping. And next to that,

Amy has helpfully, very helpfully, and thank you so much for that, put Terrifying GIF Alert. I should have listened. This link is the one with the terrifying GIF next to it. Oh, I gotta verify this. One sec.

Oh, yeah. Amy's not lying. Alright. Ice cream dick lick. Eating chicken and broth. Ignoring you. Hatitude. That's a Team Fortress 2 update.

Unique, sensual, modern, emotional, expressive pee dance in leotard and purple pantyhose. What's the character limit on this? It doesn't have one? Okay. Oh, I'm sorry. That went on to two lines.

So that's actually unique, sensual, modern, emotional, expressive, pee-dancing, leotard, and purple pantyhose. Generous, nonchalant, wedding throughout. You know there's a tag section, right? Fucking my hairy armpits with a dildo. Click! Here's a good one. Nape-shaven in the summertime.

Wait, no you're not! You're not! You're not fucking your armpit with a dildo. You're fucking your arm crevice with a dildo. I owe my $6.99 back, lady. Lemon, all your criticism has made me a moody sex kitten. Frowny face. Mindfuck, vaporize. Inhaling my second

hand vape will be the end of you. Batman milked and executed. Triple X. Limp dick karaoke. Karaoke. Karate hottie shows off 15 different ball kicking techniques far than close up with volunteer. The Human Santa Puppet.

Crushing six mini Yule Logs. No way. Okay. The Ultimate Christmas workout compilation. And finally, what every person on Clips for Sale is doing, crying and texting. I said, are you up? Are you up?

Are you up? Yes. Fuck. Okay, so F+, what did we learn from this? I have a question that's suddenly nagging me. Yeah, what's that? What advantage does a hard dick give you in karaoke? Leverage? Tamika thinks limp dick karaoke. She gets a kick out of singing

She gets a kick out of singing Into his limp dick Oh Yeah It's not what you thought I learned that It was quite a lesson Thanks Tameka

I learned that capitalism is inescapable Boy it is It was quite a lesson. Thanks, Tamiko. I learned that capitalism is inescapable. Boy, it is. Yeah. I learned that the entrepreneurial spirit is still alive on the internet. It's nice to see all these young go-getters really try and make new markets for themselves. Yeah, Limptic Karaoke Lady, she has 2,996 clips. You see, that's the inventor spirit right there.

Yeah. On a site that looks like MySpace. Yeah. And one of the things I was actually kind of confused by was like, oh, I wonder if Clips for Sale is now doing MPEGs mpags or like you know because the gif is not the most elegant way to do this but uh they're just holding to they're holding to myspace standards it's all about elegance on clips for sale.com absolutely um yeah this is uh um this is way less desirable than just

like doing like out and out porn I mean clearly like this is I well it's different you know different strokes good one you said that out loud good job

I was actually trying to I was trying to think of an alternative way of saying that. Okay, bye. That's your fault. I'll be going to the lion cage anyway. You know, I learned what I want to learn. What's that? And that is, I'd really like to know some stats as to how much these people actually make

and on what clips they make that money on. Because I really, in my mind, I'm really like, it might be like they put out a bunch of clips and some of them make a ton of money. Or it might be like, I'm just really curious which ones actually make money.

If they are making money, if it's like what percentage return they get. Yeah. I would, I would assume. Yeah. It's gotta be like any other like internet, like old rush where, yeah, I'm sure that there's the one person would assume yeah it's got to be like any other like internet like

gold rush where yeah i'm sure that there's the one person out there and she's got like the the smoke the smoking fetish video and she's making crazy money and then everyone else is like doing the same thing hoping to do that same thing yeah these clips really feel like the smartphones that came around before like the iphone and all that, really made it there. It's like, oh, this one has Windows and has a pen. It's like they're trying to get on the ground floor, but they don't really know how to do that well because nobody's really shown them how. So it's like, well, just put it out. Just put it out.

Just put it out. Somebody will buy it. Or alternately, these are all very successful. It's true. That's why I want to know. It's a possibility. Some of these must be. Some of these must be.

I mean, the ones with like... Like the people that are doing 2,000 videos and 400 of them are balloon popping ones. They didn't get to 400 and say, maybe this is the one that's going to make money. Well, but it's possible because it's possible if they like, you know, got... I mean, we're all just making wild conjecture at this point but i would assume that like you know you're doing a couple and then you do a balloon popping video and it does and it sells a couple and then you're like shit i'm gonna do that over and over again i mean or these people are millionaires that's also possible i doubt it you know really the clips for sale

instead of their byline being the number one downloadable video clip site, it should be Clips for Sale. We live by the law of averages. I think that this site, I mean, outside of the service that it actually provides, or that it wants to provide, provides another service by accident, which is,

you know, I, so I will confess, I am no stranger to internet pornography, and so, like, when you see the animated GIFs, you see imagery that's sort of vaguely familiar, but then through this fucked up lens that really spoils a lot of your taste for the whole thing. So this is kind of a clockwork orange for internet pornography. It'll either make problems a lot worse or maybe better. And if you want to make your problems a lot worse or maybe better, you should check out Ball Pit.

What should I check out on Ball Pit? Fucked if I know. Hey, Boots. I love illustrations from Wikihow. So do I. I think they are terrific and I love playing video games in a browser me too so is there anything

that I can do about my two loves can I marry them in some way damn dog I got a site for you it's damn.dog damn.dog yeah Dam.dog. Yeah, if you missed it when I was doing it, I bought dam.dog because it was available, so obviously I bought it,

and then it was like, fuck, what do I fill this with? I have no idea what to do with this domain. And so I just put wikiHow images on there and then made a game out of it. And there's about 120. It's fun. It's really fun. I'm on it right now.

Goodbye. Bye. Bye. The next section that... What did you find first? It was still like... Yeah, the previous lady was still open on my screen. I just like... I tabbed back to it and I saw tongue-washing Pope.

I lick this tiny Pope's head and face until he is covered with my spit. Watch my long tongue whip across his face. Three minutes, four dollars. Category religious. I lick my pope back and forth. What pope is that? It's not Benedict.

It's like Pope Armin Shimmerman. I think it may just be generic Pope. It's not an actual Pope. Actually, yeah, the placard on it just says Pope. It says Pope. Maybe it's just a guy named Pope. I think it's just maybe a guy named Pope, but he is actually wearing the little Catholic helmet or whatever it is.

It's Joe Paul II. So this is what he's been doing. So the next section is called Shorter Pieces. I didn't think that went through. I didn't think that went through. Let's move on. Shut up. I thought I was thinking about it.

I'll be excited to hear that joke later. I didn't hear it at all. I said that's what he's been doing and then I realized, oh wait, he died. Yep. I've been wondering why he hasn't been in the news recently.

Oh, fuck me.