The F Plus - 216: DOWNLOADING PLACEBO.EXE

Episode Date: June 20, 2016

Victor is feeling a little under the weather, and it just so happens that Quantum Man offers "The World's First Downloadable Medicine". In keeping with the spirit of alternative medecine served over the internet, Quantum Man is a gaudy site that promises to cure influenza, malaria, meth addiction, constipation, food allergies, insomnia, erectile dysfunction, and not having your prostate stimulated. And in addition to all that, the product can perform the ever-popular "cleansing your body of toxins", all for the cost of many installments of another cost. But how does it work? Computers are involved. Beyond that: Shut up. The F Plus is supercharging our prostates.

My name is Victor Laszlo, and my favorite wrestling move is the hands-free prostate exam. Oh, dear. What do you use in place of hands? Like, what do you use instead of hands, Victor? Feet. He's kicking up your ass. Whatever I can find, really. Yeah, whatever's laying around the ring. Quantum, welcome to the Quantum F Plus podcast, a quantum place for quantum things, read with

quantum. In the room tonight we have Boots Rangier. MalariaSafe is designed to repair the biological terrain of the immunologically compromised individual typical of the indigenous people of the malaria regions. Ew, poor Tex. Quantum!

John Toast! Don't delay. If you feel you or someone else is possessed, most likely your intuition is right. Hooray! It's Victor Laszlo! While using Super Cell and discontinue any drugs you are taking, that has a side effect name that ends in itis. Oh, and lemon. I'm not going to top that. Yay, Victor.

Hey, F+. Hey, Lemon. Hi, Lemon. How are you doing, everyone? How are you doing, Victor? How are you doing, Victor? Well, my throat's a little scratchy, so I hope we're going to learn something about making me feel better today. I'm sorry that your throat is scratchy.

Well, I think that I might have a help for you here. Oh, boy. And that help has been provided to us by several people in conjunction. This is a document compiled by the Lesbiathon and the Heavenator and the Moon Man. Oh, the Lesbiathon. They rise out of the sea, unlike the land beast, the Bahamoth. Did you write that one in advance? No, I didn't.

The Bahamoth is always with me. Oh yeah, they talked about that in Gezi. Jesus. They lived in Jizri. And that was... yeah, okay. Okay, so F+, I'm so sorry to take us away from staring at pictures of wikiHow, which we like doing. But we gotta make an episode, and today's episode is going to be about quantum medicine. is going to be about quantum medicine.

The document is entitled Quantum Medicine or How to Sell as Little of an Actual Product as Possible While Still Engaging in Alternative Medicine or Yay, Victor. Yay! Written by Dr. Scott Dracula. Wait, are you saying you had Victor on this episode just to needle him on something that would make him very mad? When does that happen?

No, I never do that So we're going to be going to the Quantum Man site There's a catalog and the first part of the document is titled, Okay, What the Fuck is This Website? Boots, if you'll

walk us through that, please Sure There's a remarkable amount of purple and green on this site website. Boots, if you'll walk us through that, please. Sure. There's a remarkable amount of purple and green on this site. I like it. Shut up. Those are quantum colors. It's an exciting, sort of refreshing change from usual.

Yeah, the site was designed by poor Texas T-shirts. Yeah. Quantum man! Extraterrestrial technology. Yeah, so, yeah, we're... Quantum man! Quantum man. Extraterrestrial technology. Game changer. I just keep getting through nests of headings here. In this site, you are witnessing the most mind-blowing technology since man first stepped foot on this earth.

You mean HTML3? Uh-huh. Okay. Yep. A technology quietly tested and proven for safety and efficacy in clinical trials in multiple different applications for more than a decade.

A technology... Oh, could you tell us the clinical trials you're talking about? I'm sure he'll get to that at some point. Yeah, okay. Okay. Okay. A technology that will beneficially change the world more than all previous technological advancements combined. A technology so unbelievable

because it's light years ahead of its time. But light years, you know, forget it. It's a parsecs ahead of its time. A technology of extraterrestrial origin. Please enjoy the bounty provided by an advanced civilization. Quantum Man, world's first downloadable medicines. And then there's a brief overview of the technology, which is just an image. Boots, could you explain what the image is?

Yeah, we've got a flowchart of sorts where a bunch of boxes that aren't labeled are connected to other boxes on lines that are not labeled. And those point to what appears to be Atari 2600's Yars' Revenge. And then that, there's a bolt of electricity that connects that to a human brain. Oh! And then that, there's a bolt of electricity that connects that to a human brain. Go! Yeah, listener, just picture like of an early 90s episode, early 90s issue of Wired Magazine vomited on the page. That's pretty much what happened. Harold?

Yeah, it looks like sort of filler footage for an unfinished episode of Reboot. Ooh, I brought that up again. Oh, Reboot again. All right, well, there's a whole bunch of products that we're going to have to learn about, have to learn about, and that begins with the data chip. John Toast, will you explain something to me

about the data chip, please? I'd be glad to explain about the data chip. It works on an Android phone, an iPad, or an iMac, which apparently is touchscreen. Are we going to be able to... Because after all that iDosing,

we're all hooked, so this is going to help us get out, right? Or it just might be a new addiction. That's fine. Either way. Really? The answer to that is revolutionary quantum alchemy. Zag, or the Zurich Alpine Group, is the private humanitarian medical research group

that employs quantum man. Zag developed a radical new quantum information technology derived from quantum physics. From this technology evolved the activation-coded data chip, trademark, that can be downloaded to your personal computer, And that's humanitarian? Yes. Human fingers. Yes. displayed on your screen for 10 seconds with your fingertip, quantum bio-information linked to the data chip trademarks. Activation codes is then uploaded directly to the interface of your brain's neural network

via quantum teleportation. So not the normal, boring, run-of-the-mill teleportation. By the way, I pronounce the quantum teleportation that way because that's how you pronounce things when they're purple. Those are links. This is a hyperlink to just later in the document. Oh, it is. Hmm. Let's sit filing that away.

This quantum data delivers physiologic directives that program the brain to effect a medical solution. To what? Because... Having money? Okay. Well, to answer your question, here's more

words. Because skin is a good conductor of electricity due to its positive charge, it readily attracts free electrons. When you place your fingertip into the electromagnetic field generated by these devices, the photon-driven data of

the data chip quantumly transfers through the skin to the neural network of the brain, your body's quantum computer. Quantumly. Victor, what are your thoughts on this? Victor, you're on board, right? Like, what do you prescribe to a patient

if they're in the unfortunate situation where their skin is negatively charged? Yeah, yeah. Protons, of course. Stat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

In a bath, I tell them to, like, fill the bathtub with protons and then jump in. Yeah, but doesn't your hospital complain sometimes that you just walk into rooms and go, Jesus, take a bath! In protons? you just walk into rooms and go, Jesus, take a bath! In group chats? Yeah, I've got a stack of letters asking me to quit saying that to people. Well, in other words, other words being one thing,

the other words, the data chip, trademark, serves as a portal for the data from Zag's quantum computer to your finger via the electromagnetic field of the device in order to access your brain's neural network. See? Simple. So this is how touchscreens work? Yeah.

Little did you know that capacitive touchscreens also led to quantum bullshit. Well, they lead to a lot of bullshit, that's for sure. But it's usually just because of venture capitalists. That's true. See the diagram below that illustrates the overall process of this novel medicine delivery system. And that diagram, by the way, is the exact same diagram. It's a little...

It might as well be. Well, the flow chart is different, I suppose. It's labeled this time. Yeah, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. It has an extra green cube. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, the portal access key now. Yeah. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. It has an extra green cube. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, the portal access key now. Makes all the difference. Moreover, according to the

understanding of quantum physics, information is what makes up all things. Hey, Lemon. What? I've got something I want you to see. This article wants you to see and I'm sure you'll love it. It's the YouTube video below, What the Bleep Do We Know? Fuck you!

Oh, but it's just the superposition part from two to three minutes. Oh, yeah, no, the informative part of that movie. The part of What the Bleep Do We Know that makes total sense and isn't bullshit. You know, that part. God. Quantum Man is the personification of this quantum data that literally performs quantum alchemy in creating

medications on a quantum level that are more pertinent than... More potent than... I'm just saying... More potent than prescription drugs without their toxicity. Quantum. Guys, guys, guys. If it's the personification of the system,

does that mean that I have to kill a person to get it? Yes. Yeah, it's that guy on the picture right there. Yeah, that guy was cut open. That's his actual brain getting exposed. No, it means the quantum's in your finger. You touch the touchscreen and a little man pops out like, Hi, I'm the quantum man.

I've been looking for you for years. Why is the sidebar for a bunch of pet conventions? Because they're going to be at those pet conventions. Why? There's a booth number and everything. A horse can't put his hoof on that iPad,

they'll smash it! You rub the iPad on the horse's face, dummy. Furthermore, the data chip is capable of delivering hundreds of programs with repeater sequencing, such that one application of data chips provides directives several times a day, up to 30 days, with extreme precision and no loss of potency. Extreme precision. As opposed to kind of precise quantum

jumping physics medicine. As a result, the compliance resulting from the ease of use of quantum extreme Oh, it's a new thing. Quantum extreme medicines far exceeds that of conventional pharmaceuticals. Okay, okay, okay, great.

So we all understand at this point what the data chip is and how it works. I think it was explained pretty well, right? Yeah, I'm satisfied. It's like that one question on that one thing we did where the guy was like, what if you could just eat the good food and stuff and not have poop anymore? Like that, but for medicine. That's my guess.

All right, so we're going to look at a little bit of the medicine that's provided at the bottom of every page. There's the following notice about quantum, sorry, about counterfeit quantum medicine that says counterfeit notice, beware of imposters, only portal access keys, trademark or packs,

trademark uploaded directly from the site. Quantum man, site.com are genuine and effective. So, if you get fucking bootleg quantum medicine, that is your problem, asshole. Yeah, when I'm shopping on Quantum Man, I don't want to get roped into

bullshit accidentally. It's the Quantum Man that's, like, dressed up like Spider-Man with a Harry Potter head. I'll get you, Quantum Man! Hey, Lemon. Yes? At the very bottom of the page, click on Mobile Version.

Click on Mobile Version. Oh, there's a lot of scrolling I have to do. Okay, here we go. And Mobile Version takes you to a 404 error! Which makes... Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, wait, wait, wait. I'm gonna...

Since a monitor can work from that diagram, I'm gonna touch it with my quantum finger and see if it'll bring it over. Right? You don't have a quantum finger. You just... You didn't buy it yet, asshole. All right.

Can you get a quantum asshole? So, yeah, it didn't work. So, poor Tex. We need to explore some of this medicine. And we're going to start with the quantum library. I don't understand how a library can be medicine, but I'm sure you'll clarify. It's covered in rainbows and sparkles. It's already doing so much better for the world.

Be Quantum Library. So this is... We're in the Quantum Library. So this is the Quantum Library. The Quantum Librarian is a small creature living on your finger that gives you medicine, or not. The library of quantum knowledge and healing. Over the past several years,

Zag has employed numerous exceptional individuals in various areas of required expertise to work with the quantum computerization of the data its team has collected in its research globally. Yep, okay, so smart people worked on this. Gotcha. Okay, smart people make things. They also made things that are used in things. Gotcha.

Yeah. Whenever you stick your butt on the Xerox machine, that's transferring your quantum ass into the future. Is that the way I get fired? Yeah. You just tune in, Billy. Lemon, you're quantum fired. Whatever the case, Zag has collected a vast treasury of Quantum Master programs waiting for use by Zag's researchers, who always have at their disposal this library of quantum knowledge that can be delivered via a Portal Access Key registered trademark. Alright, gonna look a little bit into the Portal Access Key while you continue. Among the massive number of quantum programs are such programs that can be described in lay terms as having the following abilities.

Time reversal. All right. Yeah, that's already pretty good. Seems like a good thing to have. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Gene repair.

As in your genes in your body, not your genes that you're wearing. Right. Stem cell replacement. Stem cell? What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? Well, what would you want to replace your stem cells with? Well, my stem cells are actually mostly packing peanuts and shredded up newspaper for filler, so I'm glad that we can get the good shit in there.

Since I subscribe to the quantum library, I've grew back my umbilical cord. I'll bet you there's more information on those shredded newspapers than on your on your quantum library. It's mostly Garfield comics, but I still agree. Neural transmitter replacement and spiritual cleansing. I think that means you poop really hard.

The above is but a mere sampling of some of the far-reaching quantum capabilities of Zag's quantum master programs, with new ones being added as quantum discoveries are made by its dedicated group. Okay, okay, gotcha. Or as we make this shit up.

Pfft, the hell you say. With the existence of Zag's present inventory of master quantum programs on the quantum leap of knowledge they represent, their possibilities of health and well-being improvement, health and well-being improve... Okay.

And restoration are beyond the imagination of present-day scientists and physicians outside of Zag. It's beyond your imagination, Victor. I mean, that is true. I couldn't have imagined this. Unicorn organs in there. Yeah, that's... I'm not arguing with you there.

Grind up a manticore's testicles for fertility treatment, dumbass. Well, no, they did that in the 20s and 30s. One of the graphics that exists in the sidebar here is a graphic that says, Got a question? Ask a doctor. I agree. Why did you end up here? You know, I gotta say, though,

we're shitting on this, but I gotta say, I think something is quantumly being transferred to my brain while I'm reading this and hearing this, because I can't hear any of this without hearing, like, public domain, new-agey kind of music in the background, like you'd hear from a movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely, yeah. I just instantly hear it in my brain.

I can't not. So, Victor, I know that you're not an epidemiologist, and I can't say that apparently, but you're not an epidemiologist, but you recognize that there are certain diseases and viruses that are ravaging this world. Which would you say is the bigger problem that we need to read about right now um malaria or the common cold uh geez i was i wasn't expecting those choices i mean yeah you know there's a pretty bad cholera outbreak in Haiti.

Well, I don't have anything for cholera. I'm so sorry. Let's go to common cold. Okay, common cold it is. I mean, because if you are looking for, if you do have a problem with anything else, you could just get money download and fix it that way. The malaria is spread by the concept of mosquitoes. But, Victor, you're going to do what so many people in your profession have not been able to do,

and that is help us cure the common cold. Oh, my God. I'm going to be the first doctor that knows how to cure the common cold. Hell, yeah. It'll be like that Futurama episode eventually. Most things are, really, when you think about it. All right. ColdVac, the common cold vaccine the enormous cost of the common cold globally the economic burden resulting from the population

suffering from the common cold accounts to amounts to hundreds of billions of dollars in the usa alone the economic impact of the cold virus amounts to $40 billion annually. Okay, I mean, where are you buying your Sudafed? Because I feel like mine's not that expensive. The following are statistics provided by Mark Fendrick, MD,

co-director and author of a study by the Consortium for Health Outcomes, Innovation, Cost-Effectiveness Studies, or CHOICES, at UMHS. And then you've got some statistics, and I'm sure those are delightful and helpful. But, you know, we're already on the book, so you can just skip that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, I want the second last statistic there.

Okay. One third of doctors prescribed antibiotics for their patients cold with $400 million spent on prescription drugs. How often do you prescribe antibiotics for colds? Me personally?

Yeah. Literally never. Uh, literally never. No, it's one doctor prescribed it and it cost $400 million to get it. No, a third of doctors. Wait, maybe I need a new doctor then, because when I go in with the common cold, my doctor just, like, throws a bottle of antibiotics at me, like, just half-heartedly, just like, you have to get the fuck out of here. That is because you go in there and you go,

hey, have you heard of Homestuck? No, he's like, I brought my own hospital gown. I can't prepare it. Look, Lemon, Car Cat gave me a cold, and that's... I just gotta deal with it, alright? Sounds like Homestuck ended. So, Victor, I'm gonna ask you a question here um and it is how cold how cold vac common cold vaccine works i guess it's not a question it's more of a statement well well let

let me answer your statement with a statement about how cold vac trademark common cold vaccine works. Great, thank you. ColdVac vaccine programs your entire body's defenses in such a way as to fortify your biological terrain, making it inhospitable to all common cold culprits. It turns off the cold button. Now you're no more cold.

Sammy the Sneeze. Who switched this on? It takes that Mucinex guy from the commercials and stabs him. That's actually not the stupidest explanation of a vaccine I've ever heard. But let's keep reading. All right. You simply purchase ColdVac and receive a number of its portal access keys, or packs.

Accessing these packs via your personal computer, smartphone, or tablet allows your body to quantumly receive, or upload, ColdVac's master programs. ColdVac, common ColdVaccine, is a radical new quantum information technology derived from quantum physics. information technology derived from quantum physics. So, like, since cold vac is always in purple here, can I, like, register

it as a trademark of writing it, like, blue or orange or something? You can actually register it in a different shade of purple. You'll be fine. Ooh! Only one cold vac, common cold vaccine pack is required to be downloaded every 10 days for protection.

Every 10 days? Yeah, you have to buy it every 10 days. Right, because that's how a vaccine works. You revaccinate every 10 days. Beginning with the very first download of a cold vac pack, the person is 100% protected from getting a common cold. For 10 days. the person is 100% protected from getting a common cold. For 10 days.

But a person requires only four months of vaccination on a continuous and uninterrupted basis to become 100% protected against getting a common cold for one full year from initiation of the vaccination. Oh, okay, okay. So once every 10 days, for four months, uninterrupted, covers you for a year, at which point you start over.

Mm-hmm. Okay, no, vaccination. Vaccination, of course. I understand exactly how it works. Yeah. Each cold vac download delivers programs with repeater sequencing that deliver physiologic directives several times daily

for its entire 10-day duration of action with precision. What? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, so you're saying you're giving me this thing that you say is going to make me feel better and I have an investment

that'll make me feel better and then I start feeling better? That's crazy. They should have a name for that. make me feel better and then I start feeling better? That's crazy. They should have a name for that. It's called ColdVag. Pay attention. Oh yeah! Thank you. That sounds awesome. Jesus toast. I'm sorry. I haven't been paying attention.

We didn't all go to quantum doctor quantum school. I was there and not there at the same time. Let's see how many more times I can say the word quantum. A lot, I imagine. I bet it's a lot. Who can we guess? The entire universe,

including the human... The entire universe, including the human body and disease that attacks it, operates according to the principles of quantum physics. Oh, Jesus Christ. Confirmed. Everything's made of

physics, so obviously we can physics the shit out of you, right? Yeah, we're all stardust really, man. We're gonna shake the sick right out of your ears. You're gonna eat the string theory and then pass it through your asshole. Since quantum man's common cold vaccine is

quantum design, it is completely compatible That's my favorite use so far. It is completely compatible with human physiology contrary to conventional vaccines which are of a chemical composition and not quantum compatible. As such, which are of a chemical composition and not quantum compatible.

As such, they are not compatible with human physiology as evidenced by their potential for adverse side effects. Yeah, and then if you go to England, you've got to get all sorts of adapters. So in the next article, can we place bets on how many times the word quantum is going to show up? Sure, go ahead. What do you want to say?

We should have had a quantum drinking game. Ooh. That was a very small drink. Wait, so, yeah. You have to get an eyedropper. Yeah, a quantum drinking game on this is also called a suicide pact. I'm just going to do it with a glass of water, but I'm probably still going to die. I'm going to say the next page has 20.

20 quantums. 20 quantums. All right, great. So here we go. I'm going to tell you about another problem that is raging through our country and our society and our world. And that is crystal meth. But fortunately, I have the meth blocker.

Start out with a graphic that says meth epidemic and then a guy underneath an umbrella looking sad. That clip art guy isn't addicted to meth. It works. So protect your children from becoming addicted. That's not rain that's falling on them. That's the blue meth. So protect your children from becoming addicted to See, that's not rain that's falling on them. That's the blue meth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's bad.

So protect your children from becoming addicted to meth. Zag realizes the concern of parents today whether their children might run with the wrong crowd and possibly get involved with meth use without their awareness. With our new quantum children, you can download new and better children

to replace your old ones. With new and better meth. When meth is the number one street drug of concern in the U.S., that's a good statistic, this worry is legitimate. The old saying, quote, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, is appropriate. However, the preventative efforts to educate the public about the evils of meth use, although necessary, has not stemmed the tide of rampant meth use as history has proven.

And some people, unfortunately, their brains are hardwired to try meth at some point that that, yeah, no, no, no, yeah. The program did birth to be meth addicts. No, some people not to be addicts, just to try it. Oh, okay, okay.

It's in your DNA, just like... Like fate Oh, okay, okay. It's in your DNA. Like fate is. Yeah, or like you're born knowing how to suckle a breast so that you don't starve to death. And also to suckle meth. Yeah, all you have to do is replace the tit with meth, as I often do. Right. And it's the same thing.

There's so many people from ancient history who suffered from this problem. And they couldn't even find math, so they never really got it. Well, shit, look at Moses. You said Moses, right? Yeah, yeah, Moses. Yeah, so like his stick turned into a snake and he's talking to plants that are on fire.

I think Moses might have been cooking in the desert. So anyway... Now... Oh, no, you were going to Point out his biblical inaccuracies there Well I was going to say The bible is more LSD than meth But anyways I was also going to say

Did you guys never get the talk from your parents About you know puberty Like when you would start growing hair in odd places And looking at girls and wanting to try meth You know When you get that urge. From deep inside? Oh, okay. So, yeah, I talk a little bit more about, you know,

some great statistics about meth use, but we're going to get to the technology here. Meth Blocker, meth prevention vaccine, utilizes Zag's radical new information technology that programs the child to never become addicted to meth. They can just keep doing it and doing it and doing it and doing it, and they're never addicted. It's great. Sweet.

They can quit any time they want. Why are they still doing it? They're not addicted. You simply purchase meth. Because it's fun. They can stop any time they want. You simply purchase Meth Blocker and receive a number of its portal access keys. Accessing these packs via your personal computer, smartphone, or tablet allows your child's body to quantumly receive, one, upload Meth Blocker's master programs.

Your child, toddler, or infant can quantumly receive, two, Meth Blocker's programs vaccinated by either touching or holding the child during the brief vaccination process. So you upload it to yourself and then it's like a Van de Graaff generator at that point? Like you touch it and then you touch them? Yes, but

yeah. Yeah, touch the children. I have become the Bodhisattva to quantum bullshit. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, touch the children. I have become the bodhisattva to quantum bullshit. Believe in me. Meth blocker is a quantum extreme, register trademark, or just trademark, medicine that uses information rather than chemicals to heal the body.

What? What? Why are we vaccinating infants for meth addiction? So they don't get addicted to it, idiot! Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry! Let's stop, everyone! Victor Laszlo wants small children to be addicted to crystal meth! I'm against that, personally! I'm kind of on the fence, actually.

You know what? You know what? I'm gonna say it. Boo Victor. Oh, shit! Oh, no! Yay, Victor. Yay. I'm going to say nay, Victor. Chemical-based systems do not...

Oh, I skipped some, but it didn't really matter. Unless you skipped any quantum. Yeah, but you skipped, like, 17 quantums. Meth Blocker is a quantum extreme medicine that uses information rather than chemicals to heal the body of what ails it. It is known that the entire universe, including the human body and disease that attacks it,

operates according to the principles of quantum physics. That's four? Are we at four or five? Also jinx. No, it's six. Oh, six, okay. Chemical-based systems do not, according to these principles, and as such are not compatible with human physiology

as evidenced by their side effects. Hence, meth blockers... Everything has quantum physics in it, except for chemicals. Right. Right. Yeah. Hence, meth blocker has none of the problems associated with conventional vaccines, where foreign materials are injected or introduced to the body.

Yeah, there's nothing foreign about quantum vaccines. It comes from your iPad. It's the most natural thing in the world. It has none of the problems associated with conventional vaccines, where foreign materials are injected or introduced to the body. You know, problems such as helping you get over the disease that you have right now. That's a problem. This stuff doesn't have it.

It has none of the problems and none of the benefits. Nothing foreign is entering your body. It's just reprogramming your physics. Meth blocker is recommended for any age prior to the age of 14, wherein the brain is most malleable to programming, and before the age when meth addiction typically becomes a threat.

Even toddlers or infants can be vaccinated with meth blocker vaccine without any concerns, none whatsoever, of side effects whatsoever. Children as young as 12 are reportedly using meth. Sure, I mean... Quantumly, though. They're iDosing it, and yeah, it's fine. They're reporting to their friends

to look cool. Yeah, I tried meth yesterday, man. This cropper had all the meth once. Ooh, oh boy. This sentence fragment is wonderful. Here we go. Due to the extreme safety of this vaccine... Extreme.

It's too fucking safe, man! It is recommended that children become immunized as soon as possible, not knowing their vulnerabilities otherwise, because meth use is rampant. Quantum man considers this vaccine as important as any other vaccine that prevents life threatening complications. As noted earlier, meth blocker provides that child who is properly vaccinated,

programmed because vaccinated, programmed to the same word, a lifetime immunity to developing dysfunctional behavior that leads to meth addiction. What's our count so far? Is it seven? I think it's eight, isn't it? Or is it seven or eight?

Just seven. Here we go. So benefits of meth blocker vaccine. Number one, programs the child's brain to erase any dysfunctional predisposition to trying meth. All right. Okay. Surely no harm will come from that.

Bullet point number two. See, do this thing you don't understand because somebody you respect tells you to. Now you'll never try drugs. Built-in daily repeater programming provides consistent potency that runs for a lifetime of protection. Well, then why is the other one only in front for a year? Repeater. All you got to do is reprogram your child's brain every day. Okay.

Scramble the eggs. Does this work on like broken bones and stuff? You could reprogram your child's brain every day. Okay, I'll scramble the eggs. Does this work on, like, broken bones and stuff? You can reprogram yourself to not have broken bones? I'm sure that we will come across that, yes. Note, there is no possibility of any of her side effects. I've already been through that. It's safe at any age, even a fetus! How does the fetus touch the touchpad?

Because the fetus is touching the mom, and the mom touched the touchpad. Can I reprogram women to carry me around? Even though the fetus is not actually touching the mom, it's in a bag. Okay, here's the ultrasound, and here's the quantum man touch

screen. We're rubbing it on your belly. There you go. That's what I goof for the ultrasounds for. This is the arm. Touchscreen, we're rubbing it on your belly. There you go. That's what I goof for the ultrasounds for. This is the arm. I can see he's scratching his arm a lot. We should probably cure him of his meth addiction. This provides parental peace of mind. There's a lifetime satisfaction guarantee. It is compatible with all medical conditions and medications.

What does compatible... Okay, medications I get, but what is it... I don't... Okay, never mind. And it works on a quantum, ding, level within the multiple realms of the body via quantum, ding, computing. Ding. Rather than a toxic pharmacological approach. Yeah, because all pharmacological...

Pharmaceuticals are approach. Yeah, because all pharmaceuticals are toxic. Yeah. Order now, before the age of 14, sooner the better, even during infancy, to prevent that child from developing dysfunctional behavior leading to meth addiction. This will cost you $125 for... I haven't figured out what the thing you get is. I'm going to guess... Is it like a.apk? Is that what we're getting?

I'm going to assume you just touch the touch screen and it just makes a pattern show up and then you're cured of everything forever. Well, not everything, obviously. You've got to buy this in pieces. Okay, so... I mean, well, not everything, obviously. You gotta buy this in pieces. Okay, so...

I did click to buy it, and then when I went to it, it just shows this generic web page cart, and it just says, what's in my cart? And that's my question, too. I have no idea what the fuck I'm looking at. Like, it doesn't even say, like, oh, you'll get this, or you'll download this. It's just, do you want to get Meth Blocker?

Yeah. There you go. Maybe it's just a screensaver. Oh, these flying toasters. Now I don't want Meth. What's the quantum, what was the quantum count? I don't even know. Seven. Seven? I thought we read it out like 11 or something. We need more quantums. Sorry, somebody was paying attention, hopefully. Anyway, you didn't get to 20, that's for sure.

So, uh, so John Toast, I'm Anyway, you didn't get to 20, that's for sure. So, John Toast, I'm going to give you two choices here. Quantum. Quantum. Quantum Toast. I'm going to give you two choices here. The first is called Quantum Sex. Ooh.

Quantum. And the second is called Tiger Tail, which is a male G-spot stimulant. Quantum. That is actually a really tough choice you've given him. Actually, yeah, they're both pretty strong. I think you would like either one. What was the first one again?

Quantum Sex. Ding. Oh. No, you can't. We're not counting anymore, Victor. No, that's just a sound Victor makes when he gets an erection. Believe me, I know. That sound did not come from his mouth.

I thought it was yay penis. Yay, Victor! Oh, dear. Well, I want to learn about the male G-spot because the male orgasm is so hard to attain. It'd be really neat to learn how that finally works. So I'm going to...

I'll tell it to all my brothers. I'm going to link to you Tiger Tail, and I'm going to read the description here in the doc, which says, Tiger Tail, male G-spot stimulant. Warning, pictures of tigers fucking, and also and also two dicks leaking pre-com or something. It is gross as fuck. Hey, Lemon. That first warning came a little too late. I scrolled down

before you said anything. That's great. We're looking at the tip of a 63-year-old dick. Yep. Oh my god! Just hot. See, Toast, now you're gonna need this

tiger tail. I will, by the way, be leading seminars at some point of how to use Google Chrome's Web Inspector so that you can remove images from your screen on the fly. So I'm no longer seeing leaky dicks. Anyway, so tell us a little bit about Tiger Tail.

Why is this page grosser than that porn thing we went on? All right, fine. The Tiger Tail, trademark, male G-spot stimulant. The male G-spot. The prostate gland is an exocrine gland whose technical function is to store and secrete a slightly alkaline fluid that constitutes anywhere from 15 to 30% of the volume of the semen containing spermatozoa and seminal fluid from the seminal vesticles. Victor, I don't know who to believe. Is that true? Is that true? Prostate make cum? Yes, no? Yeah, that's a part of it, yeah. It makes some of the fluid. Okay, yes, no? Yeah, that's part of it, yeah.

It makes some of the fluid. Okay, gotcha. If I'm going to go through all this bullshit and all these shitty pictures, and the end of it's just going to be, oh, just put a finger up your butt, I'm going to be very mad. No. All right. No, you have to download a finger to put up your butt.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a picture of a finger that you then press on your butt. Download Quantum Buck 6. All right. Imagine walking in on somebody just pressing their butt up to their iPad. that you then press on your butt. Download Quantum Buck 6. Alright. Imagine walking in on somebody just pressing their butt up to their iPad. Science! It is believed

that the alkalinity of the semen helps to neutralize the acidity of the female's vaginal tract to prolong the life of the sperm swimming their way to fertilize an egg. Copy-paste from a Wikipedia page. The prostate also has smooth muscle,

which aids in ejaculation of the semen during sex. Aside from the prostate's functional capacity in procreation, it is considered a tantric philosophy to be the man's emotional sex center. Well, I think we might be a little bit out be the man's emotional sex center. Well, I think we might be a little bit out of the science range at this point.

We always hold conventions at the emotional sex center and it gets really weird every time. You know, I mean, I get a discount. It's fine. I mean, okay, the hotels suck. I agree the hotels suck. Yeah, yeah. They really suck.

They really suck. Manually massaging the man's prostate is known to release a considerable amount of emotional and physical stress. However, since massaging the man's prostate is usually accomplished by digitally penetrating his anus, at least we didn't wait to get to that,

this is not acceptable to every man. So, by digitally, do they mean using your digits, or do they mean digitally as in through the computer? I'm going to guess they mean using your digits in that particular. Yeah, because you're going to quantumly penetrate his anus now. Hey, I'm okay with you quantumly stimulating my emotional sex center, but I don't want any of that gay shit. It's a quantum exit portal, not a quantum entrance portal.

Trademark. In terms of erotic sensual pleasure, proper stimulation of the prostate provides a wonderfully, powerfully wonderful experience. Thus, the prostate has been deemed the male's G-spot. Boy, oh my god, this is really hearkening back to the Cater Buxton method

now. Radical new technology programs a brain to supercharge the male G-spot! Oh, finally. I'm looking at that picture. Tiger's fucking! Radical! That's great! I mean, you're looking at the picture of the tiger as fucking.

Is that really the one that you're bothered by? I can't see the other one now, so I'm not totally distraught. I'm staring so hard at that one so that I don't see the other ones. Alright, here we go. To work properly, the prostate requires that the neural endocrine system of the body is functioning correctly.

This is a vastly complicated system of hormones and nerve connections, all regulated by the male's brain. If there is any interference in the system or the male's regulated control of the system, the male will find his G-spot performance less than satisfactory. Even worse

is the prospects of the prostate becoming diseased and developing cancer. I mean, yeah, but, okay, sure, yeah. As a result, it is important that prostate health be maintained, and more or more than sexual pleasure will be compromised. Think about it.

Zag. The private humanitarian medical research group that employs Quantum Man, trademarked, has, oh, ding, by the way, has developed a radically advanced quantum, ding, information technology that generates activation-coded portal access keys. Oh my god, we keep having to go back here. Can you just take it from...

It's a sentence that starts, from this technology Zag has developed? If it's past those pictures, which I'm not going to look at again. It's before those pictures. Oh boy. It's the suspense that gets me. From this technology. Let's see those pictures. Yes. Oh, boy. Fucking shit. It's the suspense that gets me. From this technology.

Let's see. Okay. From this technology, Zag has developed the ultimate prostate gland simulator branded Tiger Tail. Tiger Tail is quantumly designed to powerfully stimulate the man's prostate by programming his brain to supercharge his prostate and its associative neural hormonal pathways while removing any interferences that may exist in there. If you do it right, you'll shoot a command match, dick. Hey, Victor. If somebody was in the ER and they said that they had a supercharged prostate, what would you do for them?

High five. But where would you high five them? As high as I could. So is this like when the Flash in comic books will vibrate something to solve the problem? Like, you vibrate your prostate, and now you can defeat Sinestro?

That's how I usually do it. As a result, Tiger Tail will cause the male user to experience an intense physiological and mental high unlike ever before. Okay. Okay. Great. Good.

Good. Excellent. Just found out the brand. Tiger Tail. Tiger Tail, as its name suggests, literally brings the beast out from within the male psyche and ignites the sexual fire within the prostate. Literally? A tiger will burst out of your chest.

You become a furry. That's why it's called Tiger Tail. Precum juices will readily flow. See, told ya! They're all into this! It's Virgil the Drippy Dragon all over again. His internet's so obsessed with Precum Virgil the Drippy Dragon all over again. Is the internet so obsessed with pre-cum?

Quantum the Drippy Quantum Particle. Will readily flow within 30 to 60 minutes of uploading one or more doses of Tiger Tail. Should that be the desired time of sexual thought and activity? So if you want it to be half an hour, it'll be half an hour. Okay. All right. Uploading Tiger Tail, and I'll set it to 60 minutes. And done.

All right. Here comes the pre-compound. No, no, no. The architect yanked that from the plan. I just, to break away for one moment, I like on the left sidebar it says, all proceeds go to a charitable foundation. Oh, does it? Alright.

I'll look into some of that. I bet I'll find really reputable sources here. That just takes you to the Zag information page. The charitable foundation of zag so give me money i'm a charity fuck you um god where where are we i don't know we were at pre-cum oh how could i could I forget? Thank you, Victor. Thank you. Welcome. Since each dose of Tiger Tail lasts for 24 hours, enjoyment of its pleasures will remain on tap for that length of time

until you decide to ramp things up sexually. Upload at bedtime if desired and wake up ready for action. You'll need to change your sheets. Tiger Tail works great either uploading it 30 minutes prior to a sexual endeavor or at bedtime with much to look forward to in the morning.

Regular use of Tiger Tail will dramatically increase your load that pleasurably contributes to the rocket launch of your ejaculate. It's like the Coke and Mentos thing. I got you. Just make sure to hold yourself down, otherwise you spray around the room. It's not water worth!

Remember when YouTube was just full of quantum pre-cum videos, like just people uploading that all the time? I take the tiger tail, then my prostate gets supercharged, and then I go to sleep with a supercharged prostate, and then I wake up with a hard-on, and everything's wonderful. You've flooded the room, and you're no longer in your bed, because this is nothing but pre-cum. Boots, we were talking a little bit about the humanitarian organization of Zag.

What did you just find out about them? Oh, yeah. Okay, here's the statement. Since Zag is strictly humanitarian in its global agenda, all proceeds received from the sales of its products on Quantum Man's site will be channeled to its private charitable foundation to fund further research and development of its new products with a significant portion of its proceeds aimed at improving medical care in developing countries.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yes, the charitable foundation is itself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The charitable foundation of making more things to sell. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, you know, it's like Ronald McDonald House. It's like if Ronald McDonald House said, like, you know, the charity you're donating to is the, you know,

the charity, you're contributing to the pleasure of people in America by eating more of our burgers. If it's Ronald McDonald House was actually towards building Ronald McDonald House. Yeah, exactly. There you go. Lemon, do I have to read this? No, you don't. You absolutely don't.

Oh, good! I can close this page! Yay! No more drippy dicks. That might have been the grossest thing I've seen on this podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Again, let me... I'll schedule a seminar. I'll teach you how to use Chrome Inspector. It's great.

Anyway, so let's see here. So I think poor tax. Yeah. It's time for us to make the world a better place. I disagree, but we'll do it anyway. It is time for us to make the world a better place So we're stopping the podcast Taking the site down

So are we going to help people eat? Like, are we going to sort of feed the world? Or are we going to help people poop? Well, if you got rid of one, then the other doesn't really become a problem, does it? I got one product called Q-Food, and the other one's called Q-Lax. All right, well, I'm the most mature person in this podcast.

Yeah, I know. So I think clearly we need to pick the poo-poo. Okay, good. All right. Poo-poo. It's actual poo-poo. Act the poo-poo. Okay, good. It's actual poo-poo. The header image is a toilet. Oh yeah, that has poo-poo in it. On a level. I mean, sometimes. Not always.

Not always. Sometimes. So, we're going to talk a little bit about the QLAX. It's a long page. It goes on for a little while and repeats some things. So let's actually start with

Radical New Technology Yields Quantum Laxative That Obsoletes Conventional Laxatives. Alright. Radical New Technology Yields Quantum Laxative That Obsoletes

Conventional Laxatives. What are you counting, Victor? His erections, I thought we established those. Put it in the spreadsheet. Uh-huh. As noted above, the various compounds, drugs, and

chemicals available to relieve constipation can cause health problems worse than the constipation itself. Sometimes you take X-lax and your head fucking explodes. We all know how that goes. The entire universe including... And the entire universe including the human body. That's my favorite galaxy in the universe is the human body.

And disease that afflicts it operates according to the principles of... What do you think? The principles of what? Principles of peer-reviewed science. No, no, no. Newton's laws. No. Bayside high. I mean quantum physics. The chemical-based

laxatives do not operate according to those principles and as such are not compatible with human physiology as evidenced by their long-term ill effects if abused. Medicine is not compatible with the human body. Gotcha. Well, yep. Common sense.

To solve a quantum problem... What do I need? What do I need? Oh, it's fucking amazing You must offer a quantum treatment Within a quantum operating system Oh yeah, QOS Yeah

Quantum, quantum, quantum Therefore Zag, the private humanitarian Medical research group that employs Quantum men Has developed the ideal quantum laxative-branded Q-Lax. Isn't that the thing Jack uses to record the podcast? Derived from extreme advances in quantum computing, Q-Lax, smartphone, or tablet.

Wait, no, Q-Lax, sorry, I skipped a line and it still made about as much sense. Q-Lax consists of portal access keys. Oh yeah, you just skipped the part where we're talking about this boilerplate shit. Yeah, to download to your personal computer, smartphone, or tablet. Accessing these packs allows your brain to quantumly receive, upload QLAC's master programs. Now, wait. No, receive is download. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is receive is download. Yeah, yeah.

Why is your brain uploading it from the system? Because they didn't reprogram their brains to spell properly and use words the way they should. Oh, I should sell them a program. This is probably all just a front for the FBI to gain

more information about people. I mean, is it really information that they need, though? Who to call if we need more food? You can just look at the Trump fan page on Facebook, and you'll find all the information you need about these people. Yeah, but I don't want to put my finger on that.

I'm pretty sure they'll take any information they can get. Well, that's definitely true. Okay, so what Portex, what does QLAC offer? Like, is there some sort of bullet point about the things that QLAC offers? Oh, there's roughly eight zillion bullet points.

Alright. Rapidly relieves constipation without cramping or griping. Stop your fucking whining! Take a shit already! Release constipation. I'm sick of your not shit. If something would relieve your constipation with cramping, I think that that would do a very terrible job of relieving your constipation.

You know, take giant salad tongs to your torso and just squeeze the poop on out. Promotes regularity consistently. Premium service. It's ideal as a maintenance program. Another point is one dose provides 24 hours duration of action with programs automatically repeated several times a day.

I can't explain why I've been taking so many breaks today, sir. I'm sorry. Use it to prank your friends. It's fine. Does not damage the intestinal tract or cause lazy bowel function. Ah, your fucking bowels.

Get to work. They come over here. No tolerance or addiction develops. That was a... That's a concern? Yeah. With laxatives? You take so many laxatives,

you get addicted to it? I just like them too much. They're just great. I just kept guzzling. That's anorexia. It actually is a thing. Oh, really? Victor says with an upset look on his face, staring into the distance.

Thank you for being here, Victor. I would hate for us to be proven foolish in the Quantum Manifest episode. That's never happened before. We've never been wrong about anything and nobody's ever corrected us. It's true. Does not cause vitamin, mineral, or electrolyte

imbalance or loss. It's compatible with other medications as iPads usually are as long as they are not responsible for constipation. Otherwise they duke it out. Fight! Poop! Don't poop! Safe for all ages, even infants and toddlers.

Throw a phone at your baby. Do infants get constipated? Uh, yeah, actually. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. No, no, the, actually. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. No, no, the next line's the fun one.

Okay. Safe for pregnant women and the unborn fetus. Just the one. The other one can go fuck itself. That's actually, like, the last thing you want is a fetus to take a shit. Yes, that's actually really bad. This solves that problem. Look, if the baby dies,

it can't get constipated, dumbass. Well, except for the mother. She's got rectal tissue. That's a problem, too. I suppose so. No possibility of any adverse side effects no matter how long term it is used. See, see, Victor? It's fine!

Yeah, yeah. The baby takes a shit and then lives in it until it's born. Bullet point, everything's fine. Yeah. How about you download a program that eliminates the shit? It also helps restore gut flora

balance. Gut flora was my name before I changed to the poor text. I loved you. I followed your wrestling career so closely. It was really good. Yeah, yeah. It will not promote eating disorders. Oh, I see.

It condemns them with a stern look. Yeah. Yep. It does not affect the absorption or metabolism of other medications. Agreed. Let's see. At the end of every one of these bullet points like that, I just want to scream out, because it doesn't do shit!

No, it doesn't do shit! That's the point! Pay attention, Toast! Superior efficacy to conventional laxatives. Guaranteed results, unlike regular laxatives. And it helps heal hemorrhoids. You almost missed that.

You also missed clinically tested and proven. Also ultimate convenience and privacy. Also works on a quantum level within multiple realms of the body. Oh my god. Alright, um, okay. So we are a ways in. I was, uh, hoping

to have a sort of stronger grasp of what was happening here, um, but, um, but I don't know why. You still have hope. I don't know why I was expecting that. So there are a lot of... It's a big document. It's 41 pages, this document.

I mean, three people makes sense. 41 pages. So we'll have to skip over the refund policy. But it's pretty funny. THESPL.US, we've got the documents up. Because we are going to skip to the testimonials. Because, you know, there's people that have paid for this. And obviously they're smart people that make good decisions.

So we're going to find out about them. Whoa, quantum chiropractor. Awesome. Okay, so there are testimonials to read. So, Victor Laszlo, your name is LW. You're from the USA, and you have written... Your name is LW. You're from the USA, and you have written... USA. You know, that chant is actually really good with your terrible throat condition.

USA. That's really like the American experience at this point. USA. USA. We're still aggressive, though. I'm proud to be an American. So anyway, Victor, your name is LW. You're from the USA.

And you have written, I believe, a poem about your experience with Quantum Man site? Yay, Quantum Man. All right. This is about Quantum Ayahuasca. What is that? It is so powerful and so wonderful. A dosage of bliss. Really fun.

There is no interference with daily activity. Quantum ayahuasca download is my friend. USA. I got a sense of well-being. A sense of comfort. LW, USA.

USA. USA. Hey, y'all. Is that MS? Yeah. I saw the light. It looked like a purple light, beautiful. Not from within myself,

but a separate entity. What happened is, it contracted itself, and then it returned as a ring and came into the center again. Then beyond it came this lower frequency light, orange-red, and it formed some donut-like appearance around the purple.

That's a butthole. Yeah! It's great. I took the medicine, and's a butthole. Yeah, it's great. I took the medicine and then I buttholed. Both moved into this core or center. This was something new that I had not experienced before. It was coming from a separate intelligence. The color was

very enjoyable. It did this for quite some time. There was also a sense waves of well-being and awareness that something was allowing me to relax and be at peace while this process was going on. I'm Multiple Sclerosis from Great Britain. Hey, I tried some

quantum cannabis. Oh, quantum cannabis. That sounds legal-ish. I have ingested marijuana orally for years on a daily basis. Believe that. This serum is far super-eure. Just like you're reading yeah super you

I'm super you I haven't been this happy in years I'm not hyper more myself I don't feel stressed nor weighted down by mundane things cause you know marijuana

I really wish that was a Cause, you know, marijuana. I really wish that was in there. My name is cause you know marijuana. The pot smoking helped. Yeah, finally. It's an awakening. I'm more aware of my

surroundings. Things are more noticeable. I'm more focused. It feels natural, wholesome, vibrant. It allows me to appreciate everything more. It places me in an elevated state. I'm LR

Canada. When I think of people stoned, I think more perceptive and more... Yeah, I'm appreciating things more. Oh, I'm appreciating things more. Oh, okay. See? Like this episode of Adventure Time

I've watched 40 times so far. I have much more wit while on the quantum magic mushrooms download. Yeah. The air freshener? It definitely becomes sharper. I'm more creative in my comebacks.

I laugh quite a bit. Can I take this for this podcast then? Even better. Yes, Toasty's a laugh at his own jokes more. Yeah. The best Congress money can buy. My thought patterns are clicking a lot faster, making connections more clear in thought. On three downloads of Quantum Magic Mushrooms Download Trademark, there is a huge effect on my thought pattern and emotional state.

I'm more in my control of my thought and emotions. I was very pleased with my emotional stability during an emergency situation. The door, somebody, the pizza guy showed up. Oh, fuck, what do we do? He knows! I was very pleased with my emotional stability. Oh, yeah, the emergency situation, which is completely foreign to me. Usually...

There's one thing I can say about magic mushrooms is that emotional stability is a real feature. Yeah. That's the magic. I'm definitely feeling the same thing I thought five minutes ago. That's a thing that's happening. Usually I would have fallen apart. In a

highly stressed situation, my physical being isn't feeling the weight of the emotional despair that normally would occur when an emergency situation arises. Okay, so you're not high right i make better lifestyle decisions that's a new quote apparently for me that's one of the better decisions uh it allows me to come to terms with certain epiphanies regarding myself

to have certain epiphanies regarding myself. To have certain epiphanies about my character is really in light inning. What the fuck is that dash doing there? I see you have the same hyphen issue that I have. That's a side effect.

Super Eeyore. It's almost as if these are all written by the same person. Why? Taking you to quantum court. That was the quantum magic mushrooms talking. Sorry, man. The tiniest, most adorable court. Quantum slander.

Because it allows me to make better decisions for me, not just in business, but personally. Being on three downloads really enhanced the clarity.

It always does, doesn't it? Taking a heroic download dose. Holy shit! I'm the Timothy Leary of this shit, dog! It's a guitar tab of audio drug. So does that mean that he has like three different cell phones that he's touching at the same time? Yeah, so that was great.

I problem solve a lot quicker. I'm from Australia. Are those two things related? What? Are those two things related? No? Are those two things related? No, no, not at all. I just, you know, I'm the most evolved Australian. So there's so much more in the document.

Once again, thefbl.us. There's a lot more in the document, a lot of fun. But before we close here, Victor, we found a list here of different names and titles of products provided by Quantum Man. Could you go through these, please? Sure. Here is a list of Quantum Man's names and titles. Michael H. Weehara.

Quantum Man TM. The Guardian. The Sexstreamist. Sexstreamist?xtremist? Sextremist? That's my favorite reality show. The Chiropractor. The Quantum Germ Killer.

What? It doesn't only kill quantum germs? Only quantum germs. The Painkiller, trademark. Zurich Alpine Group. Zag. The Exorcist. The Hitman. TM. What? Alpine Group. Zag. The Exorcist. The Hitman.

TM. The Specialist. The Quantum Doctor. Ding. The Allergist. The Fat Killer. The Rejuvenator. The Psychiatrist. Okay, I think we've got a good lineup for this heist movie. We just gotta cut down on the cast just a little bit.

We're not getting rid of the fat killer. He's plot essential. No, no, I wasn't saying that. And we're not getting rid of the sex dreams. I mean, that's the key. That's the linchpin of this movie. Well, you mentioned the rejuvenator, but I just noticed in the quantum sex category, there's he juvenate and she juvenate.

What about me juvenate? And also real Renew F+, what did we learn from the Quantum Man site? I've learned that people selling new agey medical You know, woo woo bullshit Have learned to take the same model that shitty mobile games do Which is just sell a bunch of things that you use to unlock other things

and let the money flow in. Yeah, but their unlocking system is patented. It's the best unlocking system that there is. Yeah, you know. It's just... I think that actual quantum computing is still several years

of practical use. It's several years out of our grasp at minimum. I mean, unless you have an iPad. But we're already here, you know, brainwashing through quantum physics, so that's fun. There's no way this is selling that much to make this worth it, though,

right? Well, I mean, what's worth it? If it was, then he'd have actual testimonials, I would assume. No, not necessarily. But there were. Didn't you hear them? Oh, sorry. I quantum didn't quantum hear them. Multiple Skorosis said this was great.

Did you see the guy that is the director of the Zurich Alpine Group? I showed you his LinkedIn page. He also works for the newspaperich Alpine Group. I showed you his LinkedIn page. He's also the... He also works for the newspaper in Honolulu. Oh, okay. For the Sasquatches. Yeah.

He also does parts for General Motors, so he's... So, I mean, actually, to that point, I feel like this is almost a weird little middle point of um because we did that uh we did that episode uh on extreme mind we were talking about how like these people

these people uniquely to f plus subjects don't believe the bullshit that they're selling and i feel like quantum man is kind of somewhere in the middle where like I don't I think that they believe a little bit of the hippie magic woo woo that they're selling but they're also like highly exploitive and just trying to get money

through whatever means right I think they use a special technique called quantum cognitive distance okay and how does that work well on one level they say like oh it uses the quantum thing to do the thing and you touch your phone and now you're cured

you know like all that stuff kind of like when they're talking about it writing about it they say all that like oh hey isn't this nice but then when it gets to the effects it's all like you can throw it at a fetus you can put it on your dog don't worry about it because it does it because when you're on that part it's like don't worry about it because it's not like, you can throw it at a fetus, you can put it on your dog. Don't worry about it, because when you're on that part, it's like, don't worry about it, because it's not actually doing shit.

So don't worry. So the cognitive dissonance is on one webpage. It's also really weird, because they say, oh, you won't get addicted to constantly doing it, because it's just you fiddling with shit on your phone, which nobody's addicted to doing, so that's fine. Yeah. There aren't stories

of kids, like, wasting their parents' bank accounts. Yeah, and if you want to fiddle with shit on your phone, come to Ball Pit. Yay! What's the website for Ball Pit? That's B-A-L-L-P dot I-T. Alright, well, I'm gonna go there right now, so, uh, bye.

Bye. Quantum bye. Bye. These endings are the best. I'm ready. My, my, my quote is racist. All right,

great. Yay.