The F Plus - 22: This One's Mainly About Buttsex

Episode Date: May 8, 2010

The internet can, depending on the topic and the website, be an extraordinarily useful source of information. All over the world, people are using the internet for peer reviewed research and edification on a wide variety of topics, both scientific and cultural. And then there's sites like Yahoo! Answers, where dumb people ask dumb questions and then other dumb people answer them with dumbness.

I said what what in the butt I said what what in the butt I said what what in the butt I said what what in the butt You wanna do it in my butt, in my butt You wanna do it in my butt, in my butt You wanna do it in my butt, in my butt Let's do it in the butt you want to do in my butt in my butt let's do in the butt okay

i feel you watching me hey there welcome to the f plus podcast terrible things red with enthusiasm my name is lemon and i'm john and're, of course, commentators on the internet, a place where you can do research and ask questions. And how do you usually find out things on the internet, John? Well, if it's stupid pop culture knowledge, it really doesn't matter. It's usually Wikipedia. Other than that, try an extended Google search. I don't know, I'd try and put some effort into it. I just don't take any answer from any random person because, you know, it's the Internet. You – I don't understand. What?

Well, I actually, like, look up things and do a little bit of research and, you know, just don't take the first thing that pops into some random dude's head on the Internet. Boy, that doesn't make sense to me at all. You don't just ask a question and then any answer to that question is satisfactory? No, I don't. All right, I need to show you something here. This is a site called Yahoo Answers. Okay.

And this is a site where people ask questions about sexuality or, well, other things, but in the confines of this podcast it's going to be specifically sexuality because that's funnier. Yes. And so they're going to ask questions about their own personal lives, about what they should do. This is matters of health and science and mental stability and relationship advice.

And so they just yell a question into the ether, and then somebody else comes back and says something, and then that's the advice that they take. Oh. Are you sure they don't, you know, look for the best answer and check through, and they don't just, you know, take anything from that random dude with a weird picture in response to your question do they look for the best answer and choose it no they clearly do not look for the best okay and choose it there's usually one answer that's chosen but it's never

the best answer well i'm getting the feeling that for the purposes of this podcast, it will be the best answer. So what we have here, yeah, is an hour on Yahoo Answers. This is people with terrible spelling asking questions and then other people with terrible spelling answering them. Yes, and, you know, the answer doesn't necessarily have to address the question in any way or really help with it. It could just say whatever is on the person's mind or whatever stream of consciousness babble that comes to their head when they slam their head against

the keyboard. Years and years ago, when Yahoo started losing out the Internet game to Google, there was worry about, you know, Yahoo will never be relevant on the Internet again. But with Yahoo Answers, clearly that's proven not to be the case. Exactly. It's back on top.

Let's get to our readers. That's good. In the room tonight, we have Booth Reingear. I need some sex ideas for lesbian sex. Bunny bread? I'm a Asian. Could anyone tell me how to find a black girl to be my girlfriend?

Check, chick. Is it okay to be gay? I feel I am attracted to young boys. I... Come quads up. Is this a period or dior isfahan don't call it a comeback john how do you read things if er in podcast and lemon my girlfriend's pregnant but she's a slut so this is a this is a post uh from a a yahoo answers user called uh mccain slash palin 08 i'm sure he has reasonable uh political ideas yeah it's not it's not about politics at all I'm sure he has reasonable political ideas.

Yeah. It's not about politics at all. Any tips how to color and draw graffiti good? I enjoy drawing graffiti on paper, and I'm good at the creative lettering and all, but coloring is what I need because I always ruin the drawing when I color it. Also, so drawing tips would be nice too because I'm not that great, and I usually color with markers, sharpies, or color pencils. Thanks, Anthony. Any tips on how to draw a graffiti good?

Yeah, step one, actually make it graffiti and not you using markers on paper. Yeah. When coloring it, try using the colors in order of the rainbow. Roy G. Biv, try just shading. When it's shaded in, go along the edges with an eraser to make the words look cool. Here's something I drew and you can't really see it though,

but on the edges of chains I erased the sides. Hoped I helped. That's perfect. My Bob Ross is terrible. No, it was good good it was good enough that was really good and now here's some

happy graffiti there it is it's uh Oscar Jack you get four stars thanks alright Jack has another question about urban lifestyles who do you think is the rapper with the best wordplay rhymes multis and creativity who do you think is the rapper with the best wordplay, rhymes, multis,

and creativity? Who do you guys think I can't decide? That's a complicated question. And here's a Hip Hop Anonymous. Oh, Lupe Fiasco, no contest. Any rapper who can include a reference

to Street Fighter 2 in a rap song is creative enough to beat my D. Rowe. Asker's rating, five stars. Faux show, Lupe Fiasco. T-Bone has a Christian rapper, so he ain't in a bunch of music videos but he won the Latin American Music Awards he really can flow there was one song where there was just all this

real good sounding fast gibberish and then it slowed down and all you could hear is I ain't scared I'm going to cut the devil's throat with a switchblade that's pretty good badass to cut the devil's throat with a switch blade. That's pretty good badass. Good ass. That's good ass. That seems to be a new thing.

Okay, and here's I want to be a rapper. I like Jay-Z's ludicrous and Cassidy's wordplay. If Lil Wayne didn't rap like he is a retarded person, then I probably would like his wordplay. But as long as I cannot understand what he is saying, then I don't like him. I hope when he actually becomes a rapper that his name is I Want to Be a Rapper. Yeah. That actually would be a rapper that his name is I want to be a rapper.

Yeah. That actually would be a very good rapper name. Yeah. Yeah. Wordplay and all that would be Big L, Chino XL, Cassidy, Fabulous, Papoose, not Little Wayne. Papoose, not Little Wayne. Rhymes would be Nas, Papoose, Wu-Tang, not Little Wayne.

Wow. Damn. Two burns in a row on Little Wayne. Did Little Wayne take a shit in both their gardens or something? Wow. Yeah, McCainPalin08 finally has some views. First of all,

I don't think they are embarrassed because how people know exactly what people voted for McCain, so I don't think those people are afraid to vote Republican because they are embarrassed if they cared their country, they would vote Republican undecided voters are created

when it comes to the debates, because that's where it really matters, and that's where you see who's better. I'm upset with that reading, because there were far too many pauses in it. And I don't see any punctuation in there. Well, I know you guys are worried, but McCainPalin08 is actually a really helpful philanthropic advice dude. I would assume. What do you have for us?

Naturally. Well, he really helped out this lady called Gertrude. Okay, I got it. Ice cream addiction, help me. Ice cream addiction? Help me. I've been working really late shifts at my local Walmart, and I've found that nothing will satisfy me after a long day of greeting.

It's a girly job. Like the smooth taste of Ben and Jerry's. I just keep eating and eating and can't stop. Chocolate pours all over my face and couch. Ah! Chocolate pours all over my face and couch. But I just can't control myself. To me, ice cream is better than sex. What should I do?

My name is Susan Yerwonga. I'm a top contributor. You are consuming far too much refined sugar, and according to Nancy Appleton, there are 146 reasons why sugar is ruining your health. See website. Well. Help, I'm addicted to something. Well, it's bad for you.

You're welcome. Yes. Sugar is clearly the only thing wrong there. Help, I'm addicted to something. Well, it's bad for you. You're welcome. Sugar is clearly the only thing wrong there. That's how all the addiction centers should work. Just get everybody room and say, what you're doing, it's bad. To me, ice cream is better than

sex. What should I do? Try sex. What's the name? Emily. Emily's in there somewhere. Yeah, something. I would try frozen yogurt. I love it. It tastes just like ice cream! Give it a try.

Emily has no idea how to make a haiku. Frozen yogurt is actually like three times more caloric than ice cream. Yeah. It's called yogurt. How can it be bad for you if it's called yogurt? I just pictured

Gertrude's head right under the soft serve machine. People coming up, leave me alone. I'm almost there. I'm almost there. Ice cream Valhalla. I'm finally going to have my chocogasm. Okay, okay, hang on a second.

Hang on a second. In the related questions, there's five different questions about ice cream addiction. Yeah. Yes. Yes, this is the internet. Including addicted to ice cream. All right, McCain Palin come on take it I have the same problem since I'm 13

I still live with my parents they just don't buy it anymore I wasn't exactly gaining weight though I'm only 116 lbs because I'm a track and cross country runner and other sports so it really didn't affect me thanks for the story cool story bro I have a problem eating ice cream I'm skinny goodbye me. Thanks for the story. Cool story, bro. I have a problem eating ice cream.

I'm skinny. Goodbye. Yeah. Thanks for the update. I have a child's metabolism. Alright. Alright, so on Boots' recommendation, I want to ask about orgies. Is it illegal

to throw an orgy in charge at the door? I have an empty apartment with two beds and nothing else. I'm renting the apartment. There's nothing on the lease that says no orgies. It's just like having a regular party and charging at the door. Except you can expect the people inside are going to be having sex indoors. Wait, what?

I'm not charging for the sex itself. Just the admission. Hell, you can pay and not even get laid if you don't want to. You can just watch. I really need to know if this is illegal. Yes, it's certainly a priority. I'm an elk devil.

Take donations for flowers at the door. The activities are free. Oh. No, officer, we're just selling flowers. What? I don't understand. These people are all engaging in sexual behavior because they're sinners, not because of any sort of encouragement on the

place of the establishment. You know, officer, it's just so frustrating. I hold a party and everybody starts fucking. I don't know what to do. I just try to sell these flowers and then people go inside and fuck. And they're standing by the Chex Mix, wondering why I've wasted another evening.

Alright, Isfahan, actually, go down to Bigfella. Oh, I wanted to hear his rendition of Demi. Alright. Check your city. You probably need a business license. Have fun. Yeah. Why are you charging admission is the question you would be asked. If you can articulate why you are charging admission to the satisfaction of the officer,

if they find out, you may be okay. Big fella. So as long as you have a really stupid cop, then yeah, you're golden. Well, all cops are stupid. Duh. Whoa, dude. That's awesome. You want to be in my band?

Yes. Yes, I do. All right. Well, no, no, no. We can't skip over Chris H's answer. Oh, okay. I'll go ahead and do it. All right. Well, no, no, no. We can't skip over Chris H.'s answer. Oh, okay. I'll go ahead and do it. Chris H.

Yes. Technically, it was a yes or no question. I love people who help. All right. All right. Isfahan, your name is Roxanne S. in this thread, the last one I posted. Okay, got it.

And my name is Joe Makusa. And the question is, how often should I have butt sex with my girlfriend? My question again. How often should I have butt sex with my girlfriend? I'm trying to summon my Wisconsin mom voice. Well, to be honest, it depends now. now i mean are you both comfortable no that's the same voice as before damn it i can't do i uh my wisconsin mom voice okay never mind where where is the wisconsin mom voice i will summon it from how often should i have w Wisconsin boys with my girlfriend? Well, to be honest, it depends.

I mean, are you both comfortable doing it? Yeah. You should really ask her first if she wants to continue doing it. Some women don't like it and don't find it comfortable. So ask her how she feels about it. And if you're both all right doing it, just do it once in a while. Like maybe every other day or whatever. IDK.

So that's something you should probably ask her. I mean, she might want it different ways. So, yeah. Okay. That's something you should probably ask her. I mean, she might want it different ways. So yeah. Sources with my soul heart and make Dennis eternally less than three.

I love you for eternally. Colon three. You're heaven. That never ending list. You're my everything. My life, my world, my every fabric of being my reason for living. I'm so blessed. I'm thankful to have you in my life. Less than three.

You're so perfect. Colon. Close parentheses. We're MFEO hot. Everyone but us and our families are fugly nobodies. That a waste of air and space, colon 3. What the hell? Like, what?

Like, that's such a train wreck. Like, it's like not even an answer because it ends up just diverting into her talking about her boyfriend? That about her boyfriend. That's her sig. That's her sig. No, that's her source.

That's not her sig. That's her source. She put it in the source because it's her sig and she couldn't put it anywhere else because it doesn't support signatures. Oh, my God. They'd be like, fuck you. I'm putting this signature in here. You can't stop me. You're a fugly nobody.

See if she likes it or, you know or maybe just do it once a week. Do you guys know that was Juggalo Jake's girlfriend? There's a question down there. What are sex bands? It's a mystery that nobody will ever know. Alright.

Let's find out. A one, a. All right. Let's find out. A one, a two, okay. A two, three. Three. So Boots, will you ask the question, and then we'll just go kind of alphabetically down from this one. I just want to see how your relationship's doing. I hope your relationship's doing well.

Wow. This is C123C4. Would you say the relationship is over when sex is three X's a month? Now he says you're too big and wants only butt. No nut in my butt. He wants only butt like if i was just a giant butt it would be ideal you're not you've been lying to me if i was a chet i am 44 and he is 50 we've been seeing each other for 20 years. Sex was great when he was chasing me all those years.

Now we are in a second time committed relationship, living together. The first time we lived together was for a year. I left because he was ignoring me and being ruled. He had his own patriarch that came over. Hello, I am the king of apartments! Don't do that! After two years, I came back to the house we shared to try again.

He was over my house all the time, sort of hovering all the time, sort of hovering in the sky, ready for sex always, and sweet things to say. All was well. Two weeks after I moved back, he started sleeping on the sofa. After complaining to him why, he

said it was his blood pressure pre-seur meds. I said, okay. Now he says I am too big, and he has to work too much. So after a month of no sex, I told him we need to make love because I am stress.

Yes, I think that's true. That seems to be part of the problem there, honey. You're stress, you're not a butt, that's a problem. I am stress butt, we are to make sex. Isn't that just how it always goes with men? He turns me over and...

Aruga! And me and that... Fantastic. Fantastic. Now, how should I feel about this? I am an attractive woman. Should I put up with this bullshit? I feel he's trying to bring down my spurts.

Then you should go to spurt world. There you go. Plus, I still don't get what I wanted out of this at all. It was three mins. What should I do? Leave or work it out? Well, I'm Shadbelly. Well, it sounds like he's trying to drive you away, honey.

Sorry to tell you this, but get out of the house! you away, honey. Sorry to tell you this, but get out of the house! If you two have only been seeing each other for 20 years with no serious commitment, then he's just not that into you. He's got commitment issues

and he's probably freaking out right now. So once again, get out! That's a reason and well thought out argument. I think matures are pretty hot. I always fantasize about that. Anyway, you're not getting any younger, but if you feel that sex is really important, then you should find it elsewhere.

Possibly with me. Oh. All right, John, take your pick. possibly with me alright John take it back I'm gonna go with Lucky Star dot dot dot you need to leave him along he does not represent you and you weight should not be a factor at all and I would let him know that if he has a

problem with your weight then tell him he could leave I would not put up with his weight, then tell him he could leave. I would not put up with his bullshit. You could do him so much better. I think we're done with this page. Let's move on. It's a bunch of people who likes it.

I was hoping someone would do that. All right, one more on the topic of butt sex. Oh, yeah. It's such of butt sex. Oh, yeah. It's such a rich and varied topic, though. Alright, so boots, and then John. Last one, if... I know, but you're just constantly getting anally raped. Oh, that's right.

Yay! Just like in real life. Katie. Last night my BF and I were messing around, and then... When things started getting pretty hot, I wanted to tell him to, but... Me. Me. but me.

But when my ex and I were together, then he never wooed he said that was weird. And I was wired for liking it. I really don't want my new man to think I'm weird. What show would I do? And here's Sherry. Sherry's an expert. Anal sex can feel good if the guy takes it slow and doesn't hurt you.

My BF prefers it, so that's pretty much the only way we ever have sex. If you want him to do that to you, start out with normal sex, and then tell him you're willing to do anal if he wants to. Isn't that what she did? That's when he called her wired?

Yeah. They're wired! How do I lose a fatty big butt? It's not... It's not like other guys. It sticks... It, like, sticks out in his eye. Sorry. Alright.

Alright, we're gonna do this again with just, uh, I'll do Kaibaby and just pick whatever response you want. What are some good comebacks you can say to a girl that stole your boyfriend? This girl keeps bragging about how she stole my boyfriend, and she keeps running her mouth.

And if he had enough, and I don't know what else to say to her or him. Help! Oh, teenagers. Say, Bill, are you sure about this? Then she'll say, of course he is, you dust queen. Then you say, who are you calling a dust queen, you lint licker? Sources, Orbit commercial. Cleans even the dirtiest mouth.

Pour battery acid on her face. She'll be disfigured for life and he won't want her anymore. That's a pretty reasoned and well thought out answer. Say who already had him already

and she gets sloppy leftovers. That will be laughing when he leaves her for Simone else. I gave him eight. Poor battery acid on her face.

All right, Bunny Bread. Bunny Bread right there. This is a question you need to ask. You need to ask Yahoo. Oh, may I? Please do. Question. Why do black American girls have big asterisks?

Why do black American girls have big asterisks. Why do black American girls have big three stars? It is giant. I mean huge. What is it? By the way, I do like to have sex with big butt. I am just a little

bit shy to ask them out in case my friends or my family see me. What the fucking hell? How often should I have bit butt sex with my black girlfriend? Butts? How do they work?

Alright, I really want to do E14. I really want to do E14. Alright, my name is E14, and I am not racist. I really want to do E14. Alright, my name is E14, and I am not racist. It originates from West Africa, and it's exclusive trait, meaning they and their descendants only have it. Yeah, white girls can have a fat asterisk, but it's not thick. Never really, it's just jiggly, jiggly, flabby like jelly.

Never really, it's just jiggly, jiggly, flabby like jelly. West African trait, thick lips, thick nose, thick asterisks, thick structure. It's not a stereotype, it's fact. You can go to Nigeria, then go to England, and count how many big, thick asses you will see in both countries next time on mythbusters go get her don't stereotype there are many black girls who have tiny butts the ones who are large it might just be genetic. Some white girls have a large figure as well.

Not in my America. Also, if you like somebody, then ask them out and don't worry. If they are nice, you can introduce them to your friends and family later on. I like how you made that sound like one of those donation commercials. For the price of a cup of coffee a day, you can help somebody with a tiny butt. Yeah. Man, it's just such a downer whenever I'm watching something on TV and enjoying it, and then a fat ass just shows up, and I'm just, ah. Ah, it's just such a downer whenever I'm watching something on TV and enjoying it, and then a fat ass just shows up, and I'm just, ah. Ah, it's just my night is ruined.

All right. I know that I said that I was no more about sex, but then I found this. All right. All right, who can do Puerto Rican Girl? Ooh. Well, I think we would all like a crack at a Puerto Rican Girl, but yes. Go ahead. I'm now sad that I already did Puerto Rican girl once.

All right, well, bring it back. Puerto Rican girl, yucks. This is Brittany. That doesn't sound very Puerto Rican. God damn it. Bait and switch. Girls only. Girls only.

Have you ever had sex with two guys at once? You know, one on the front and one on the butt? I'm not a whore or nothing, but I was just wondering if it feels good and bad and is it something I should try? Please, serious answers only. By the way, I want to point. It was just wandering.

I want to point, yeah, the reason why I like this was that it was M not a whore or nothing, but I was just wandering. And I noticed the most incredible sight. Oh, that's called a luau, by the way. When one guy's doing the girl in the butt and the other one's doing it in the mouth. Oh, alright. Because, you know, the pig's rotating on the spit. Oh, okay.

I always refer to it as devil stuffing, but wow, thank you. Oh, you mean DP, referred to it as devil stuffing, but wow. Thank you. Oh, you mean DP and devil penetration. Sounds like fun! No, DP is different, okay? Yeah, DP is very different. I hope we can introduce Brittany to it someday. I was glad to have expanded your lexicon.

Oh my god, alright, Kumquat, that's terrific. She doesn't specify what she means by the front. That's true. Nostrils? I mean, how many are up there, you know? She could have quite the navel going on, you never know. Or he might just not be very well hung. Okay.

When did butt sex first start? Anal sex first started in the Garden of Eden. Eve said to Adam, let's make love. Then Adam said, okay. Eve wanted it doggy style, so she bent over. Adam said, hold on a minute,

while I get an erection. But, but Eve was hot and ready. So wait a second, Eve was ready like really quick and then Adam said, slow down, let's take our time. That sounds about right, yeah. This was before they ate of the tree of knowledge. Things were different back then. Then the old sly serpent knocked old Adam out and proceeded to have anal sex with Eve.

Did he? What? Wow. That looks like a good comic. Your King James is different than my King James, I think. It's King Jesse James, actually. Oh, well, this makes sense. She liked it enough that she eventually tricked Adam into eating the fruit of life

so the old sly serpent would pleasure her anally once again. Every since then, ale sex has been part of the forbidden fruit of life. I don't remember this from Sunday school at all. We'll knock you out with the fruit of knowledge. Check your ass. Alright, so this is Tully. I don't know, but my partner wants it and says he did it lots with his ex-partner, and she used to shout for him to put it in her bum when they were having sex. Oh.

Okay. Personally, I'm too scared and think it's going to hurt or something I mean will he get poo on you you know what and how does a dick up my bum give me pleasure a dick up my bum there's a dick up my bum-ba give me pleasure? Does a dick up my bum-ba?

Bum-ba. There's a dick in the bum-ba! I'm sure it's been around for a while, probably as long as humans have. Anal sex is a type of sodomy, which was in the Bible, so yeah. It's not like it's anything new. Alright, so it did actually start with

the snake story. It's like I learned something. Alright, another one. This is the butt sex Yahoo Answers episode. This is so good, though. I think this is all... Oh, it's...

It's interesting. Look at the one I just linked. Yeah, alright. Alright. Oh, I really want the answer for this one. I'm sorry. Oh, damn it, damn it. Okay, you go ahead, Bunny Bread. Actually, I like you better. No, it's unlikely that I'll ever get married.

You maybe. All right. All right. My name is Sphere. Is it true your butt gets bigger when you have anal sex? Is it true when you have anal sex, your butt gets bigger? Go ahead, Johnny. No, it is a lie.

My wife has her butt as small as it used to be and we have been enjoying anal sex for 37 years. He's been married for two of those years. Oh, Dale Dribble. I love that he needed to ask the question and the converse.

Am I a slut for wanting and about to do this? I'm 13 years old and I'm dating a 15 year old guy and I really want to have sex with him. And I really want to have sex with him. I even had him thrust me like once, but I had clothes on. But he was touching my body and everything because I really love him and I trust him with my body. And he has fingered me. I really enjoyed it. But I want more of him. And then his fingers and I having touched him before.

But am I a slut for wanting to have sex with him and letting him touch me like this? Best answer chosen by voters. Get a fucking dictionary. Hey, Brad, take the best answer, please. Okay. Alright, I am girl in dot dot dot. Girl in love-ve-ve.

Oh, is that what it was? I'm sorry. I prefer to think I'm in dot dot dot. Oh, you're right. I am in love-ve-ve. Well, of course it's okay. Happy face. I did it when I was 13, too.

But to a 16-year-old. That's not much of a difference. But anyways, I just want you to know that it was the best choice I ever made. Ever. We are still in love. And we came closer ever since I did that. You are no slut at all. And ignore all those other people. You are a beautiful,

independent, and strong woman. You make those good choices. Go do it! You are no slut at all. Oh, woman. You make those good choices. Go do it. You won't regret it. You are no slut at all. It is just a big change in your life. And change is good. So go out there and do what's right.

Sassy face. Go and have some fun, child. Because once you lose this opportunity, you will never have another one. Yeah, no one will ever fuck you again. It's true. It's 13 or never. That's how it goes. You're over the hill

at 14, bitch. Old saggy ass. Because once you lose this opportunity, you will never have another one like it. I mean, you're definitely in love, right? P.S. Oh, and don't use a condom. They're unhealthy. Oh dear.

Wow. It really, really takes some effort to get every single thing that you say. I think this is a troll. I don't know, but the asker chose it as the best answer. That's true. I don't know, but the asker chose it as the best answer

That's true I would like to state, however, that Jack Chick has conclusively shown us that condoms don't prevent AIDS Anyone want to take any of the other ones? I want da best ever LMFAO! Anyone want to take any of the other ones? I want da best ever. All right. LMFAO!

Wow, aren't you going to regret that when you get older? 18 to 20. Alex, to answer your question, you're not a slut for wanting that. You're a normal teenager. Sex is a wonderful thing, but I would wait. Since you're 13, you have a lot of growing up to do ahead of you. If you do it with him now and it doesn't work out, it'll rip your heart out. Sex is an expression of your love for that person.

My mom used to say being in love isn't something where you can just live with them, but rather having someone who you can't live without. If it's possible for you to live your life without him, then I would wait. If you do choose to wait, he should respect your decision and not push the matter

good luck that guy is never getting laid ever well no I mean he's not getting laid but I'm sure he's having sex just sort of forcing the issue upon some girl that he's knocked out

okay Arlette some girl that he's knocked out. Okay, Arlette. Yeah! Yeah! Oh, yeah. Oh, slut. Oh, yeah, slut. Oh, snap into a teenage boy. Let me take Blondie real quick.

Yes, you are. Sorry, babe. It's the truth. Very nice. Yeah. All right, this is Jumper33. Wow, yeah, kinda. Just don't get pregnant.

All right, this one is Am I a Slut Part 2. Am I a slut? Please read and answer. I'm 17 and I have a buff. We have had sex plenty of times. Then there's this other guy in my apps that I like. We talk on the phone and text a lot. I send him pics of me in wet t-shirts, sometimes even naked.

One night, we were outside sitting on the stairs and started kissing. Then he put his hand in my pants and started fingering me, but I haven't told my BF because I'm scared. That is the best fucking use

of a semicolon I've ever seen. I like that it has a space on each side. I also like that her username is very appropriate. Frizzy. Anyone want to cherry pick anyone you want? Okay, I'll go.

Oh, I want you to. Well, sorry to say, but yes, your behavior was rather promiscuous. Sorry to say, but yes, your behavior was rather promiscuous. Sorry to say, but that is my opinion. I'm glad you're apologetic about it. Yes, yes you are.

People like you or white women get no respect. You're single-handedly destroying feminism. You've said back all of them, just like a hundred zillion years or something. I hope your boyfriend finds out and kicks you to the curb. I don't understand why you put this question up here, unless you wanted to broadcast the fact that you're a whore, which would make you an even bigger slut. This is a talk show veteran, or talk show audience veteran right here. I have found the perfect one for me.

Holy fuck. Go for it. Alright. Ooh! IDK how to help, ooh, but yeah, ooh is a S-L-U-T! Sorry, how to help oo but ya oo is a s l u t sorry but if oo respected ur bf oo wouldn't of let him do that and oo tell him he's gonna go beat the holy sh asterisk t out of him at least if he likes ooh if yams the other don't know each other have no friends that are friends with them

to then made if all stop it keeps going you can do this you can do it you're halfway there you can do this go Rocky and these are your steps if all stop talking to the one who let

finger, ooh, ooh, my ass. You have a chance with the other but you want the other one that break as in a break on a car, it up with the other

I'm not gonna tell you what or how to keep both cows I've felt getting cheated on and it hurts like hell hope I helped I guess id add more but

I'm tiered and sources idk lol Id ad mor, but I'm tiered and igt. Sources, idk lol, elipsis. Wow. Oh, wonderful, wonderful. Wow. Oh, god. Those two oohs in a row

destroyed me. I didn't realize that that whole thing was going to be one sentence. To hatch I didn't realize that that whole thing was going to be one sentence. To hatch cheating and slooty behavior. Am I a sloot? Am I a sleuth? It sounds as if you have no respect for yourself. You need to

reconsider what you are doing in light of the rest of your life. Wow. I'm sorry, Lion King. Simba, don't fuck that slut. The circle of life doesn't include bitches. O's on the other hand. Now that's a different matter.

You are an asterisk slut. Oh, the worst kind. The asterisk slut. No! You're not a slut! Come on! You're 17! And young! Live life the way you want to! It would be best to tell your boyfriend, but if you don't want to, then don't! And respect yourself more! Why would whoo! Send another guy a naked picture of yourself! That's making you easy and cheap! Realize what you're worth!

And buy my new tape. Sweating to the oldies nine. Has anyone done number seven? Well, seven might be different on your word screen. Yeah, they mix up the answers. There is no such thing as slut. Alright, go ahead.

Okay, I can do it. I'll take your word for it. There is no such thing as slut. It does not exist in my dictionary. It is not a happy word. No such thing as that, really. I bet that answer is a total slut. No, I think he's a creepy guy on the internet.

People may consider you a slut, but mostly just those who don't feel good about themselves. A lot of the things you've done are slutty, but that doesn't necessarily make you a slut. You said you've cheated on your boyfriend, and most people do that at least once in a lifetime. If you're 17 and sexually active, there's plenty of people who are that way.

The only thing I can say about that is be safe and choose your partners wisely. And remember, that once you send someone a photo, anyone at any point in time can view it. Do you see? When you send someone a photo, it becomes like it goes in the National Library. Right, yeah.

If it's something you wouldn't want your parents to see, then you're, eh. Don't trust anyone. And never send new photos because it's illegal. What? And you never know who will see them. Once a photo is on the internet, it's there forever. If any trouble is caused over these photos, your kids will be who will see them. Once a photo is on the internet, it's there forever.

If any trouble is caused over these photos, your kids will be able to see them. And even your boss and coworkers will be able to access them. You also may want to consider breaking up with your boyfriend, because obviously he'll find out sooner or later. And if you really like him and you don't want to lose him, you should stop talking and texting this other guy and admit to your BF what you did. If he finds out from you, he won't be as mad. Won't be as mad, but still extremely mad. Cheese on you.

That's cool. Well, at least you told me, and I didn't find it out from somebody else. It's a good thing you told me. I was just about to Google your name again. See, porno pictures from Katie. All right. All right, all right, next question.

Oh, God. All right, this one is from... Boom! Boom! This one is from Boom. How can I tell if I'm having a period or a diarrhea? I don't know either. It's diarrhea or my period.

Additional details, it's a really dark red. You can't tell if you're having a period or making a little scene out of a shoebox? You know, I gotta really quibble on your pronunciation of dunna and weather. Yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right. Get a handheld mirror and look down. If it's coming out of your butthole, then it's food.

If it's coming out of your butthole, then you need to go to the doctor. If it's coming out of your vaginathole, then it's food. If it was coming out of your butthole, then you need to go to the doctor. If it's coming out of your vagina right before you pee, there is a big space between there and your butthole, and it's probably your period. My first five periods were mostly brown. If it's dark red, it may be old blood.

If you're worried, try asking your mom slash doctor, or go to the sites below. Best of luck! This broadcast brought to you by beinggirl.com, girl.com, cotex.com, webmd.com, health.msn.com, or Google it.

If you don't know you're a pussy from your butthole, just Google it. No citrus. you have to do the rating and response. Oh, fuck. I do like the implication that the mom is also the doctor for that family. Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, um. Asker's rating. Five stars! I worked it out! It's a period, but it was a really, like, dark red, almost brown. Oh, wow. It's fine. I want you to just read everything in that voice.

Like, everything. Yeah, for real. Not even talking about the podcast anymore. Just talk like that from now on. Anyone you meet. That's too much pressure on me, but I'll try it. Oh, man. Oh, man. No. I want

Kumquat to read Cass' response on this one. Cass? In Grover voice? Cass. Oh. Oh, Cass. Well, period is read, and it comes from your vagina.

Diarrhea comes from your asterisks. We gotta spell this. The way they spell diarrhea is D-H-I-O-R-E-A. Dioria. How did I do on pronunciation there?

That was wonderful. Yeah, I'd say... Okay, what the hell is Jem Jem Shaz trying to say? I don't know, but I'm going to read Ann M's. Okay. Take a look. Gross, I know, but you should

tell. Or if it's all messy, clean yourself, and then watch and see what hole it comes from. LOL! Also, if I, it was Dioria, you would be feeling like shite. That could be confused with cramps.

I guess if it's your first period. Oh, man. This message is from Lollipop. Shove a tampon up your ass and see if it stops! I don't think that's supposed to be ass

Oh Lollipop doesn't mess around I'll do the other version of that Shove a tampon up your cunt And see if it stops Lollipop cuts to the chase Lollipop doesn't have time for this This is from

Jam Jam Shaz For starters You shouldn't be bleeding from your From er star star star star And secondly You shouldn't be dripping Star star star star From er front

What could that be? I don't know You shouldn't be dripping what from your front? Dog pussy juice From er front. What could that be? I don't know. You shouldn't be dripping what from your front? Dog pussy juice. I don't know. I like the chopper reed. I'll take that one at the end.

Alright. Let's narrow it down a little. Is red or brown? Fanny or star? Be careful, and answer quickly. I touched myself. That is totally what that guy looks like, too. Big mirror, sunglasses, and handlebar mustache.

I think that is Walter's object. I'm going to take this. So is she bleeding from her... So is it coming from her ass or her pussy? It's like you came into the middle of a movie. You're out of your element, Donnie. Somebody should take the... What's that OE character?

The ones OE combine together. OE Sigma apostrophe register trademark. No, see, he's playing off of Stephen E. He says, different color, and then OE guy says, different holes. What? I mean, what? Big time sensuality

is confused. Big time sensuality! I am confused! And who isn't how does asking about getting pregnant make me look like a slut additional details why are some

of you answering my question with the same question I'm asking that does not help a picture of my sorority sisters that recently died in a car accident makes me look like a slut? Wow. People are horrid. Oh my god.

Oh my god. There's terrible people on the internet? Who the fuck knew? We're gonna disprove that tonight. Take what you want. I'm sorry you lost your friends that's terrible I don't get that either but that chick's avatar looks slutty

super slutty fucker best answer five stars people make no sense another answer by Nicola waters confused mature and nice language for a lady and by your avatar pick a lady you are not okay maybe i got you wrong i thought the use of c-u-n-t was intentional but i had a nosy at your profile and the fact you can't spell prize makes me reconsider your horrid language is actually down to stupidity.

I am sorry your friend died. It's just a shame that you display her picture on a forum such as this with all of y'all's bits hanging out. It's not cute. It's not cool. And do you think that girl's parents would like to remember her that way? I think not. girl's parents would like to remember her that way? I think not.

They say when you are pregnant, you have a glow, so maybe you glow like a star, which sort of resembles an asterisk. What the fuck? Getting pregnant doesn't make you look like one, but your picture sure does.

Have a nice day now. Parting shot. Take that with you. Asking about pregnancy doesn't make you look like a S-U-S-L-U-D, but her last question may make people think you are. You should have worded your question differently so people wouldn't get the wrong

idea of oog. Okay, King Mb'ir has been on Yahoo Answers for a little while. Sorry for your lots. I guess that's what way to know who. Yay! Oh, good.

There was a slut in R who had killed her three sorority sisters. Alright, uh... Alright, I think it's time for more butt sex. All right. All right, I think it's time for more butt sex. Of course. It's like Jell-O.

Yeah. We could step away from that. I just linked a pretty excellent one there. I did see that. I did see that, which is quite good, and we buy your well might. But right now it's time for more butt sex. Okay. Okay. Oh, fucking Christ, this one.

The only one that matters is VicSEO, and don't read it. Don't pre-read it, because, yeah, it's important. Don't pre-read it. Alright, so BunnyBread, you are VicSEO. Oh, thank you. Alright.

How can I prep myself for anal sex with my man? I would like to have anal sex with my man without making a nasty mistake. Quotation mark, quotation mark, ellipsis, and then two more periods. Does anyone have experience

with this? If so, please answer as soon as possible because he wants it, but it hurts and makes a nasty mess. Anal sex is quite enjoyable and we'll take some prep prep prep prep before engaging in it.

Begin by... Oh, pre-prep. I'm sorry. I like prep prep. So we're doing it that way. Begin by, one, pre-stretching the sphincter muscle by insertion of a medium-sized, well-lubricated dildo.

Do this for at least a week or more prior to anal sex. Two, self-administering an enema consisting of plain warm water without any laxative. Be a hot water bottle to wash out all fecal matter from within the rectum. Stop administering when the expelled water begins to appear clear. Do this about two to three hours prior to the act. Okay, in three hours it is anal sex time. I'm ready.

This is our foreplay. Three. Asking your BF to shave along the shaft of his organ in order to remove any hair. No hair allows smoother entry of the organ. That is a terrible idea. The stubble will mess her up. Shut up and go shave your dick.

Otherwise you get wind resistance. You need to have an aerodynamic cock to do anal sex. Otherwise it's just completely fucked up. Four. Using a lot of lubricant or KY on the male organ. I guess. Five. Engaging in the doggy position where you are on your hands and knees

and he can enter from a top. Six, using a condom is optional since you are basically very clean inside your rectum. And should you engage in oral sex immediately after he climaxes in your anal passageway, use an antiseptic or alcohol for continuing

oral sex. alcohol before continuing oral sex. It is imperative that you suck his dick afterwards, but first wipe it down with an alcohol wipe. Number seven, optional. Ask to mouth. That's a bad idea.

Ask to mouth is optional, but recommended. Oh, and P. O and P, yes. Good luck. That sounded like an instructional video, Bunny Bread. I could see the really cheap wipe to this list. And after each number appears on the video, it goes, bing. One, bing. I'm more of like those safety videos they'd

show you in chemistry yeah step one pre-stretch the anus all right john you're uh you're anna um next one are there amy guys that dislike anal? I refuse to ever have it done. I think I'm going to go asexual and never be in a relationship if it's true that all guys like anal sex. I don't know. Maybe I'm the only one who finds ridiculous generalizations hilarious. Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. Anna, lol, I totally agree with you.

I'd probably go lesbian. But actually, I've met a lot of guys who don't. I ask it every time I meet someone I'd like to date. I've gotten no because I know it's painful and sex is about pleasure, not pain. Cute, lol. What the hell? Hell no. Wait, wait, that's what it's looking like. and sex is about pleasure, not pain. Cute. What the hell? Hell no. I don't want shit.

Like I'm meeting some dude in a bar and like, so, um, you like to fuck butts? Oh, wait, maybe we should exchange names first. I'm Anna. Now that we know each other, do you like to fuck butts? Hell no, I don't want shit in my hole and my personal favorite backing away shaking their head no with the disgusted look on their face smiley face it's like they know anyways most guys lot, but usually before I ask.

It's like they know. Anyways, most guys don't care if they don't get it, but they still would do it if you are into it. I prefer the guys who refuse to lol smiley face. Somebody gotta do J.M. Pot, who is not at all racist. Go look for Asian guys. I believe here in Asia, especially in the philippines anal sex is

never done to a girl but rather than gays a little homophobia for good measure perfect fantastic i myself think it's disgusting because anus is dirty my penis is precious to me and don't want to insert to some dirty holes. Dirty holes. The next answer is from Linda, and she is very frequently an answer on any butt sex related Yahoo question. She's always in there all right um all right next one was uh from uh from uh jack check here i like that the best answer is from half of my heart is in afghanistan if i get a random girl pregnant am I legally obligated to provide financial support?

I got a girl pregnant after a one-night stand, and now she won't leave me alone. You poor, poor man. That is one selfish bitch Alright, I'm totally doing this wrong Alright, I need to start this over If I get a random girl pregnant There you go Tell it, brother

I did it wrong Am I legally obligated to provide financial support? I got a girl pregnant After a one nightnight stand, and now she won't leave me alone. My job offered me a position in Dallas. I'm in Chicago, so I'm going to take it because I'm both sick of the cold and because she won't leave me alone. I really don't want to be a father because I hate kids, so I'm going to leave without telling her. I'm not legally obliged to do anything for her, right? You know, Citrus, I'm really sort of dismayed at your pronunciation of the word M.

Yeah, I know. What the fuck? I don't. Can't you read? Damn. Somebody's hard. She won't leave you alone because you are her baby's father. She didn't get pregnant on her own.

It takes two to tango. But I fucked her. We ain't do no dancing. Own up and be a man and take responsibility for your life. At least pay child support. Otherwise, you are going to get a warrant for not paying. If you are worried it is not yours get a dna test you are legally obliged to pay child support for the child until it turns 18

ask any lawyer they've been served actually you are once the kid is born and I prove you are a fatale for DNA test, they will track you down and obligate you to financially support the child. I think that since you made this mistake, you should talk to her and consider her giving the child up for adoption. But you are going to be in trouble if you just bolt. She could sue, man. if you just bolt. She could sue, man. I want Colleen R.

Yes, you are legally obliged. You're the father. Well, if you believe that. If not, go to the court to get a DNA test to prove if you are or not. But if you are, yes, you are legally obliged to pay child support for your kid. Random girl or not, if you're the dad, then yeah. Then yeah. Well, it's not just yeah, it's like, yeah. It's like then yeah! Hell yeah!

I gotta question more. You gotta need to always take some shot in the dark. I don't have to make pretend the picture I'm in is totally clear. You think that all things have a way they ought to appear. And there we go. Entire podcast on Yahoo Answers. John, what do you think I learned this week? Oh, so much.

So very much. You know, despite all the evidence here, we've been going through a lot of internet stuff that's been like juggalos and those guys yelling at Mexicans. here i you know we've been going through a lot of internet stuff that's been like juggalos and those guys yelling at mexicans and you know you kind of like to think in the logical part of your brain that doesn't want to believe all humanity is doomed that that's just a really vocal minority or it's just you're looking at one subculture but then you get to something like yahoo answers and you're you see just the general yeah it's more general populace there.

Yeah, and it's just amazing how just not smart the whole of the internet is, the whole of the people that get it are. My mother, who is – she's elderly. She's an elderly woman. But she's a huge internet user. She's on the internet a lot and has been for the last maybe six years or so. Right. But she actually told me the other day, she said, you know, there's some stuff on the internet that isn't true.

So I'm saying it took her about seven years to realize this. Yeah. And I think maybe Yahoo Answers is good because it's a faster way for you to learn that. Yeah, well, it's just – you know, I also used to believe – this is just shattering my preconceptions, by the way, this whole podcast. I'm so sorry. No, you know, it's funny and it's got butt jokes, so I'm living with it. But I used...

You know how they say there are no stupid questions? Yeah. Yeah. I'm just going to say that. A lot of what the questions ended up being is, did you ever see My Name is Earl? I watched a couple episodes. You know the sort of fat friend of My Name is Earl?

Yeah. Who just asks just random shit like, you think dogs would eat cereal if they were given the option? Yeah. So many of the questions are just that, that exact thing. Here's some fascinating philosophy I just come up with. And that's the thing is that we're talking about the answers being stupid, but fortunately the questions are just as stupid as the answers. It's just – it's the two sides of ignorance.

You got people asking dumb questions that they either really don't want an answer to or they're just pitching it out there just to talk about themselves. And then you've got people who have no business in giving advice or answering these questions, constantly piping up with their opinions. And it's just you just ride the circle down the drain. But it's hilarious. And you get what you deserve.

The website, as always, thefpl.us When it's working. When it's working, which it is. It's working. It's just a little minimalist right now. Okay. And, yeah, we'll see you soon.

All right. And if you have any questions for us, please send them in. Bye-bye. Bye. let me guess jack you already blew out your last flashlight Let me guess, Jack, you already blew out your last fleshlight. No, no, don't worry. I went to Walgreens and stocked up. Also, Walgreens carries those now, apparently.

Walgreens carries fleshlights? No, they don't. That's a really mean name for the cashiers. That's just not nice. The fleshlights are in a new section in the back behind a curtain. And they've got their own cashier back there so they can bag it up so you don't have to take it. You know, I'm wondering,

do porno shops now get fleshlights and install them in the booths? Oh my god. I'm gonna say no. Why not? I don't know. Hey Jack, guess what? I don't want to know the things you're wondering anymore. God. I'm going to say no. Why not? You're made out of an adult line here. Hey, Jack, guess what?

I don't want to know the things you're wondering anymore. Sounds like you need your own podcast. Things on my mind by Jack Chick. Jack Chick talks about cum. Episode 50. Younger, hornier Andy Rooney. You know what I don't understand? Why don't they put fleshlights straight into the porn

palaces? Did you ever notice how the fleshlights in the porn palace are all worn out? It used to be. If I was jerking off, I'd certainly want to use a flashlight. Much better. And faster too. And faster, too. And why do I need to provide my own lube?

Lube? Really, if they're going to go the fleshlight route, they could just go the full real doll route and install fleshlights in there. I thought that's what those big gaping vagina holes were for. I'm wondering if my wife heard that comment. I'm hoping your wife heard that comment. He's got a spidey sense.