The F Plus - 226: This Is Not A wikiHow Episode

Episode Date: August 28, 2016

Launched in 1999, eHow is a content farm built to give advice on how to perform crucial tasks and it is, crucially, not wikiHow. It's still very much F Plus worthy though, as you can see from articles like "How to Give a Milk Enema", "How To Text A Girl Without Being Creepy", and "How To Kick A Cocaine Habit At Home By Yourself". This week, The F Plus reads an entirely new category of poetry.

Bloomberg tells me I can buy a Cizek castle for $13,000. You're right, I'm sorry. I read, a Cizek castle. I stopped, I'm like, I just... Nope, too late. We heard it. I can't take it back. That's recorded. Edit point. Edit point. Edit point.

Repeat that like ten times. Good idea, Frank West. This is not a wikiHow episode, but it is the F+, Terrible Things, Red with Enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have Boots Reingear. Don't slap a girl in the butt. It's tacky and often breeds an unwanted response. Yes, Vahan? If your day job is cramping your style, consider an anime-related career. Frank West? How to invoke the great wolf spirit.

Check, check. Wondering how to produce more seminal fluid? Some men feel the quantity of their man potion indicates how virile and masculine they really are. If you're worried about the volume of your semen, this podcast is for you. And Lemon. Change into the t-shirt or tank top and shorts. Put on the trench coat. Now take the fake penis and sit down.

Hey, F+. Hey, Lemon. Hey, Lemon. Hey, what are your scores right now on Dam.Dog? 53. Not bad, not bad. N-A-N. I'm looking at N-A-N. What does that mean?

Okay, okay. That's not a number. That's fine. That's fine. Yeah, so, you know've i've spent some time looking at um wiki how and uh the wonders that wiki how can provide and there they are many uh and voluminous um however um it was pointed out to me recently that wiki how is not the only uh advice site in the world um and I think that we've done

several WikiHow episodes and we really should branch out, right? We've probably seen everything that WikiHow has to offer. Well, that's not true. That's not true because I was just on there yesterday and I found a bunch of good shit.

Also, just an hour ago, I found out how to hit on a girl. Sorry, I'm sorry. How to pick up a deaf girl. And step number one is hold up a sign that says, Hi. You see, because she's deaf, you see. Anyway, we're not going to be going to WikiHow today.

We're going to be going to a different site called eHow.com. Excellent. I assume it combines the best parts of WikiHow and eHelp. Yeah, yeah, sure. That's what it is. Okay. This document is provided by Spooks And he describes it as Like wikiHow but not a wiki

Just on the internet This was a document Given to us by Spooks With additional articles provided by I think Gyro And Yavuz Sultan Salim So we've got a bunch of Things that we can

Talk about here A bunch of different advice that we should give out. And I think, Jack Chick, I think I'd like you to start out. Jack Chick, can you tell me how to host an inexpensive bachelorette party? Of course. I've hosted many bachelorette parties, actually, so I feel like this is a perfect choice. How many is many? At least three okay all right i want to know more later all righty we will certainly discuss that after i've had quite a bit more gin um all right hosting a party can always be expensive but who wants to skimp on a future bride with some trips tips and tricks in this article learn to host a

great creative and inexpensive party for your favorite bride to be uh so then there's some things we need okay um so first off we're gonna need cucumbers yeah we're gonna need a fucking overlay that just popped up really excellent. We're going to need knives. We're going to need Mardi Gras beads. Okay. We're going to need paper. We're going to need three balloons. We're going to need water, and we're going to need flour, as in the baking thing.

Right. So, okay. So, let's see. We can make, with the water, the flour, the balloons, we can make tits. Cucumber, we can make a dong. And then the Mardi Gras beads just for fun? Yeah. Okay.

And then the knives are, you know, for the. Listen, we have the ingredients. Let's not, like, jump the gun and assume what the instructions are. Okay. One of the cheapest and easiest party tricks Just needs one cucumber and knife per attendee Let each party goer Sculpt their own best penis Into a cucumber

I think you mean the other way around I think you mean the other way around I hope I hope you mean the other way around Let each party goer Sculpt their best penis Into a cucumber It penis into a cucumber. It looks like a cucumber now.

This party started as a bachelor party, but it ended up as a bachelor party. You forgot to include kidnappees on things you'll need. Well, how many party games have you played where the first step is to hand out knives? All right, we're all going to die someday someday let's do this shit so so so so lemon i think you're poo-pooing okay i mean it's harder than it sounds and the results are always hilarious a huge party hit heading out to a bar besides the average drinks and dancing, pick some Mardi Gras beads and start Guys Gone Wild. Instead of seeing girls flash their chests,

see how many guys you can get to flash their chests and give them a strand of beads to wear. Because that's what you're gonna see is the guys flashing their chests. Absolutely, yeah. Nothing uncomfortable's gonna happen after that. Nope. Nope. The hit of the night? A penis piñata! penis pinata oh man buying them online

can get very expensive but they are easy and cheap to make mix two cups of water and three cups flour to make a paste cut newspapers into strips blow up three balloons tape two together for the balls close yeah yeah and then just make a fucking pinata with nothing in the middle of it i don't understand so i need like i'm gonna make i'm gonna make a pinata but then i why do i need the balloons for the balls can i just sculpt it in the same way that i would sculpt the rest of the shit no you're doing the whole thing with balloons so like the the penis part itself is a balloon it doesn't say specifically specifically one of those wacky clown balloons. It just said balloon. So it's three balloons.

The third balloon is the top of the shaft for the head. Yeah, and then you cover it with plaster and then you break the balloon. And then nothing comes out. Just like a piñata. Yeah, right. And just like a real piñata, there's nothing inside.

Just like your marriage. Just like a party on the cheap here. Break it open. Nothing comes out. All right, everyone, let's go. I've got some concerns about this. Can you give me some tips and warnings after you scroll past a whole bunch of ads? Yes, yes, I can.

The piñata works best with two or more layers, so give it enough time to dry. Yeah. Cover the pi pinata with crepe paper Designs or cutouts of men from magazines Oh good It's a penis but it has penises on it Oh so that's what the picture at the top is That's what the Pinterest link goes for Dicks all over my penis

Dress like a real penis Remember to leave a hole to fill the pinata later Where should you put the hole? You know, that... One of the balls. Where should you use it? Never mind. They haven't even talked about what you

use to simulate the vast deference. Be careful with knives. You'll likely need something sharper than a butter knife, so be careful. Carve the cucumbers before the party goers have had too many drinks. Okay, so be careful. Carve the cucumbers before the party goers have had too many drinks. All right, so, okay, so your party, your party, your party is, I mean, assuming,

I'm gonna correct your sentence. So your party is, here's a vegetable and a knife. Okay, let's make a penis. Oh, that didn't actually work out very well because like I have a paring knife and a cucumber, so obviously it's, okay, we're done with that. Let's go to a bar. Hey, look, show me your chest.

Oh, that was uncomfortable, let's go home. Okay, now there's with that. Let's go to a bar. Hey, look, show me your chest. Oh, that was uncomfortable. Let's go home. Okay, now there's a piñata. Wow, that was a great night, Jenny. Thank you so much. I'm really glad that we didn't get a professional to put this together. I also like your implication that my future husband is sterile. On the plus side, it was like the first bachelorette party

that didn't ruin somebody else's Friday night. Just saying. He's not wrong. Yes, Fahan. I'm going to give you a choice. I got two different articles here. I want you to choose one of them, please. All right. Would you like to read the eHow article about how to live life like royalty?

Or would you like to read the eHow article about how to look and act like a guy? I already know how to look and act like a guy. At least I think I do. I'm making some presumptions here, but I definitely don't know how to live like royalty. Live and act like royalty. All right. So this is an article. Now, again, this is not Wikihow.

This is eHow. So this is an article by a definitive source. I'm talking about Lisa Bass. She wrote this, and she knows how to live life like royalty. Yeah. wrote this, and she knows how to live life like royalty. Yeah. Living life like royalty does not mean relying

upon wealthy parents or taxpayers to finance your every whim. Having a royal lifestyle should not mean having what you want. It ought to be more about wanting what you have. Already mucking some expectations here.

Still, appearances count when you want to live like royalty. While your odds of living like royalty by marrying a member of a royal family are not the best, there are a few small steps you can take to ensure you feel like royalty. Okay, first. Research your family history. It's not likely that you'll discover a long-lost family member who was royalty, but you may be able to claim some form of kinship with royalty if you go back far enough. Use an online search tool such as Ancestry.com to trace your roots.

Okay. And that is disappointing. DuckDuckGo.com, am I a king? Answer is inconclusive. Well, okay. Despite that inconclusive answer, you can still dress well in public, Lemon. Nothing says commoner

like walking around town in jeans and a hoodie. I'm wearing scrubs and pajama pants. Well, you're already further along. All right, great. If you can't afford tailor-made clothes, find a thrift store. Which is a good compromise, I guess.

Yeah, nothing says royalty like shopping in a thrift store. As a bonus, many thrift stores carry older clothes, giving you an old-money air that adds to your royal appearance. I don't know if that's the air that it adds to you. Yes, yes. Like Archduke Macklemore. Yeah. Okay, travel, preferably overseas.

A chartered jet is preferable, and first class is quite comfortable. But don't get hung up on the seating arrangements. Stockpile frequent flyer points or look for last-minute cut-rate discounts. It's not as if anyone is going to be asking you to check your crown or move it out of the overhead compartment. That's already very expensive, the thing that you're

talking about, but that's fine. Last-minute discounts on charter jets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh no, we just have this one on the runway. We're about to take off with nobody. Glad you showed up.

Regulations say it has to be in the air. The flight plan was filed and she just seemed ashamed to waste it. Okay. Go to exotic vacation places.

An important part of being royalty involves not being like everyone else. Like Bali. You want to avoid Disney World and the Empire State Building. Okay, well that doesn't have a runway anyway. There's no airport in the Empire State Building.

Travel to poor countries in places like Eastern Europe where you can rent a castle for $25 per night or less. Sure you can. Sure you can. And in case folks are wondering, there is no link under rent a castle for $20. I'm just going to go

on Airbnb and see how much I can get a castle in Prague. Ukraine castle rentals. I think Ukraine is a little better choice. Castle rentals in Ukraine think Ukraine is a little better choice. Ukraine, castle, rentals, and Ukraine. Okay. Available properties. Contact the rental aid.

God damn it. Now you don't know if it's $20, if it's $30. Be reserved, but not standoffish. Most members of a royal family would prefer that you like them, but popularity generally does not affect their job prospects. Because they have jobs. I'm going to say that Sir Nicholas disagrees fairly heavily. Plus, a

reserved nature adds to an air of mysteriousness, which is one of the major attractions of royalty. People don't want to think that royal families bicker about the budget, take out the trash, or act just like them. Okay. Sure.

It's rare that you're stuck behind royalty in a fast food drive through. Oh my God. Eat less often at restaurants, saving your money for fewer meals at nicer places. Okay. Okay. okay. I don't know why you guys are laughing. I think it makes sense.

Like, the Queen of England is well noted for only eating twice a week. Yeah, she eats a lot of cup ramen. I will have the Caesar salad! Well, no, no, no. No, you should order off the menu if possible. Oh, I see. So only order the Caesar salad if you don't see it on the menu. No, it's, I would like the Caesar salad,

but could you put some chicken in it? Blue is mine! Sir, we only serve sushi here. chicken in it? It blew his mind. Sir, we only serve sushi here. I want a Caesar salad. Dressing on the side! Present. Let the waiter know that

the dinner you'd like usually isn't a problem for your kitchen staff to make. Oh my god, okay. That will ensure you get your food spit in. Absolutely. Like all proper royalty. Yeah.

Next step, don't leave a tip. Find an inexpensive but unusual hobby, such as growing champion brussel sprouts or raising unusual mammals, like hedgehogs or ferrets. Nothing says royalty quite like trying to relate well to most people's interests by falling just short.

What? That's very likable. Wear a red and white striped top hat and curl your mustache. Put some gears on the top hat. Be eccentric in general. Move overseas to a much less expensive country if you feel the need to spend money to support your royal

pretensions. Mexico, Belize, and Costa Rica are excellent destinations for expatriates, kidnapping victims, and cheap. Yeah, no, go fucking move to Mexico and go act like you have a lot of money. That's just a fucking great idea.

The U.S. State Department estimates that four million Americans live abroad, with a quarter of them being retirees. Okay, and a quarter of those being royalty? Yep. I think of Americans living abroad, I think royalty. royalty? Yep. I think of Americans living abroad. I think royalty. Also, apparently this article is directed for

Americans? Yep. That's a fair assumption. But you also have to accept the downsides of royal life. An extraordinary amount of attention gets paid to royal families with lives every bit as complicated as your own. Be as gracious as possible with any

paparazzi, and never comment on rumors, whether true or not. Develop a thick skin and stoic demeanor. Okay, so in this fantasy you're already famous now. Yeah, I was going to say, we missed the step where anybody at all gave a shit about you. Well, I mean,

we also missed the step where they're, you know, receiving subjects and, you know, arbitrating the rule of law. Come on. You guys think there's a step missing, but obviously you've flown first class once and gone out to dinner twice a week. I follow your blog on restaurantasshole.com. People have noticed you. Embrace the good things in life. Don't complain. Royalty is, after all, a state of mind as much

as genetic fortune. Treat yourself as well as you'd like others to treat you. Yeah, one thing we... I don't think it's just genetic fortune. One thing we've learned about the Windsors is they're very magnanimous, interested in other people's lives. about the Windsors is they're very magnanimous, interested in other people's lives.

Henry VIII, he was all about the golden rule. Alright. There is an article on how to cook turkey with Sprite, and that's wonderful. I think that's very fun. However, it is next to an article called

Cow Urine for Weight Loss. So Frank West... I'm just saying, if anybody's interested in the turkey with Sprite, that'll probably be showing up at ball pits soon. Are you going to make it and take pictures? I'm not saying I'm not going to make it and take pictures. See, not saying I'm not going to make it and take pictures.

See, now I wish we'd pick the sprite one, because then Jack Tick would do the cow you're in. Hey, guys, I just want to tell you that the site upsets me. The site upsets me a lot. There's no fucking way to get to a random page. Oh, is that true? I also tried searching for something, and nothing came up.

Did you search for Harry Potter? Yeah. I did. That was my first search. Potted Potter groupon. Anyway, Frank West, your name is Adam Fonseca. I'll be the first to follow you.

And tell me about this. Cow urine for weight loss. Introduced to the mainstream medical world from India, cow urine, often served in a solution similar to soda, offers numerous health benefits

for those brave enough to try a truly alternative medicine. Pulp. Pulp. Pulp. Okay. Alright. Alright. for those brave enough to try a truly alternative medicine. Ah, pull, pop, pop, pop, pop, okay, alright. Alright. This is the most alternative medicine. The more alternative you get with your medicine, the better it is.

That's a hundred people saying this is a terrible idea. If your doctor says, oh god, that's the last thing I do, you're on the right track. If your doctor's like, what? I've never even fucking heard of that. Why would you do that? Boom. Do it. The butthole surfer's approach to alternative medicine. Along with documented benefits related to heart health and hypertension treatment, some people have benefited from cow urine for help in losing weight. Sure, yeah, absolutely.

I'm sure there's case studies and stuff. Chemistry and research. For all intents and purposes, cow urine is exactly what most people think it is. Okay. Is that supposed to be comforting information? How would you describe cow urine using two words? Let's pretend I have no idea what you mean when you say cow urine.

Please expand upon this. A waste product from cows as a result of from consuming food and water on a daily basis. Uh-huh. According to what? According to cow urine. cows as a result of from consuming food and water on a daily basis. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. According to... According what? According to cow urine. According to... According to cowurine.com. And every browser

is open. Oh, wow. This site is wonderful. This site looks great. Hey, spooks. How come you didn't send us to cowurin.com? There's a button on the top that says online consult. Yeah, you should totally drink cow urine. Well, guys, you need to look at the certificates, though. He's registered.

Good lord. All products are herbal and do not contain prescription ingredients. Okay. So, according to cowurin.com, the urine consists of three main parts. Urea, the end product of metabolism, uric acid,

which has strong antibacterial properties due to the acidity, and numerous nutritional minerals not properly digested by the animal. I like the implication that only cow urine consists of stuff. Yeah. Normal urine is just a bunch of pee. After numerous scientific studies, well-documented... I'm sorry, I can't say it without laughing.

Well-documented on cowurine.com. A non-biased source, naturally. Here reviewed, I'm sure. Cowurin.com has a link right on the left-hand bar that says, Be a franchisee. They're more and more impartial the more I learn about them. And when you click that, it gives you an email address. Man, it'll fix everything.

Computer, turn on and take me to cowurin.com. Thank you! Alright, keep going. Oh, God. Researchers propose that diseases ranging from diabetes to gastrointestinal disorders can be treated successfully with minimal to no side effects after consuming a cow urine solution under the supervision of a medical professional. When combined with hormones and additional vitamins found in everyday foods, cow urine can also assist in weight loss because you won't want to eat anymore. She's vomiting all the time.

Vitamins and weight loss. According to yogsandash.com, cow urine contains numerous vitamins often found in many major weight loss drug treatments, including vitamins A, B, D, E, and minerals like cretinine? Yeah, cretinine and gold. And also, according to yogsandash.com, buy this domain now for $1,995. All of my most trustworthy sources are up for purchase.

Yep. Enzymes critical to digestion are also found in cow urine because they were already used to digest, which is the active agent that assists in the weight loss process. According to a recent study published in the African Journal of Biomedical Research, lab rats who were administered a solution...

Oh my god, those poor lab rats. Administered a solution consisting of cow urine and vitamins, presented in a decreased appetite... presented a decreased appetite mere days after the initial dosage due to lower secretion in the pyloric gland. So by that rationale, if you have problems with indigestion, drink bile. Right? Okay. It's just more digest-y stuff.

You won't be in the mood to eat anything. Skeptics. Oh, are there? There are. Those bastards. I'm going to make a YouTube video of me beating up a heavy punching bag with the word skeptic on it. Skeptics.

While cow urine therapy is definitely seen as an alternative form of medicine that has well-documented results in the medical field, many people are still skeptical about introducing humans to a waste product from a different species. Cowurin.com!

Okay. I'm not over that. It is important to note that governing bodies such as the FDA have not approved the use of cow urine solutions or mixtures for the treatment of any disease or disorder and should only be used after speaking to a medical professional. Checkmate, skeptics. And then what? And then they say don't do that and you do it anyway.

Fuck y'all! You bought out, cunts! Tell that shit to Pfizer! Fuck y'all. You bought out cons? Tell that shit to Pfizer. You know, guys... I think cowurin.com is my favorite URL we've ever seen. Does what it says. Alright.

Alright. Okay. Let us all right um uh okay um let us move on to boots do you want to know how to have a long affair or do you want to keep an affair hidden so do you want a long affair or an effective affair? So basically, Boots, have you cheated or are you just planning on it? I want to know how to have a long affair. All right, a long affair. Okay, this one's a little bit long, so some sort of on-hand editing might be helpful. so some sort of on-hand editing might be helpful.

But this is written by a writer you might be familiar with. His name is Ehow Contributor. Thanks, Ehow Contributor. Forward-thinking parents right there. How to have a long affair. The idea of having a long-term love can be enticing. The fantasy of continuing a relationship under the nose of your spouse combined with a heated sexual nature is enough to make many people aroused. Don't expect to win any good Samaritan awards. But at the same time, if this is something you desire, you'd probably not cherish them anyway.

Okay. Here are some tips on how to have a long sexual affair without being caught. Alright, alright, great. Excellent. What is tip number one, sir? Meet the other person. Sure! Okay! That does

seem like a requisite now that I think about it. Well, they're not it's good instruction, they're not assuming anything. That's good. Now, because you're doing this on the quiet, you can't be as obvious as going to a local bar and picking someone up. I can't. In fact, you can't even meet someone on the internet or exchange communication at all.

Any communication breeds an immense amount of risk. Any communication. Okay, so you have to meet them but never actually communicate with them in any way, shape, or form. You heard me, right? I feel like that's contradictory. I feel like that's sexual assault. When you look for your counterpart, do it out of town and in person.

For instance, you're traveling on business to someplace halfway around the world, and you end up at a restaurant late in the evening. This is the perfect scenario, as you're way out of your normal time zone and don't have to account for your whereabouts. Sure, absolutely. Yeah, because

do it like a murder. Exactly. So far, yeah, we don't have a step where it's like, have another person to meet. That's a good point. Just meet them. Okay, and then fucking meet them. I'll skip a paragraph. All right. Establish the ground rules before you even sleep together.

No photos! You must never, ever, ever speak to me. I'm going to wear this mask the whole time. All right, first of all, we're going to be fucking for like months, okay? Again, not the most appealing conversation as you're trying to get in the other person's pants, but there is a way to make it sound sexy.

I think you should never call myself a secret. People love to be trusted with information, and you are trusting them with the entire world. So make it clear that there is to be no phone calls, no emails, no texts, no video conference, no pictures, no knowledge of where

each other are from. Such a huge reply. And we can marry for months. So make the other person complicit in it, and hope that they're totally okay with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give them ammunition for blackmail.

Absolutely. Establish trust, because, you know, trust. Create a code between the two of you. Right, well, it's really important to have trust with the person you're cheating on. Like third base coach arm gestures. This means blow me.

There will have to be little communication in order for each of you to know when you are meeting. For instance, if you take the same business trip every year, send a box of cookies to the other person from a name that means nothing. This will alert them whether it is on or off. No cookies, no nookie. Oh, man. You know they felt clever when they wrote that. I did. So shove it up your...

No. Please, no. That was a joke all of us were hoping no one would make. Sorry. I'm the asshole. Meet late in the evening. The longer the time you spend together, the greater the chance you have of getting caught. You see, humans

are awake during the daytime. When the sun goes out, they fall asleep where they're standing. Choose a different hotel every time. You do not want to be known as regulars or that couple whom the hotel staff gets to know. Therefore, you should choose a new hotel each time. Pay in cash. Even if they have to hold your credit

card for incidentals, make sure it is never charged. Also, never check in together. Simply leave the key for the other person in a convenient hotel plant or something. Jesus Christ! Just maximize your exposure to getting mugged and fucked over. Uh-huh.

I only need two keys. You know, guys, I don't think that this site offers very good advice. What do you mean? I'm not done here. Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. Keep your mouth shut. This is for both of you.

Jack chick. Don't tell your pastor, your therapist, a stranger, no one. Absolutely no one can know your secret. Okay. And the minute somebody whiffs something fishy you must abort and never meet up again that sounds cool uh this is this is all very super helpful thank you so much e how contributor um for your helpful advice on how i can have an affair do you have any resources you could provide any like, like, super-duper trustworthy resources that you could provide?

Oh, yes. Yeah. I do have... I've got two resources. They're both trustworthy, I assume. The first one is... Is this, like, a link? Yeah, sure are. Yes. Oh, okay. A link that says, hooks you up with singles for your discreet

little sexual affair. It takes you to affairguide.com. Make sure to click through. I don't know if I want to. Oh, affairguide.com is for sale. It sure is. The other resource is a site to help married people have long sexual affairs, and that is ashleymadison.com.

Oh, good. Hey. Plates where nobody gets caught! Where was that stuff about not leaving any kind of a trail? Like in communication? Yeah, yeah. I'm going to need to use a name, a password, a email,

a credit card. Use the internet to meet someone. Listen, the fact that they got hacked once means that they're never going to get hacked again. They figured out what happened and were able to stop that. It's roulette wheels at that point. Lightning never strikes twice. 31 black? Well, I know not to bet on that one then.

It's like when you break an arm when it heals back stronger. All right. Well, gentlemen of the F plus podcasts um i'm gonna tell you i'm gonna answer a question for you that uh uh i know that all of you have been asking um there's one about like how to make it's basically how to make your own roofies that I am skipping. But instead, I know that you people have been asking yourself, how can I cause self-induced impotence? A lot of our previous episodes will do it.

MyMasturbation.com Sissy kiss. Yeah. Yeah. So my name is Lassa Storms. I'm an eHow contributor. And I can help you keep wasps from coming into your house. I can help you wear the military rope on your uniform.

I can make tortilla warmers for the microwave. You can tell me what causes bloating during menstruation at the same time. But right now I want to help you cause self-induced impotence. So more than one million men around the world and one in ten men in the United States suffer from impotence. Impotence can be caused by a number of factors, some of which can be induced if you are trying to achieve impotence. But be aware that you can have lasting negative effects on your body if you try to become impotent. Like what? So there's a theoretical person out there who hears there's one in ten men in the U.S. suffer from impotence.

Lucky bastards! Those lucky bastards, yeah. Yeah, long-term side effects of causing impotence would be impotence. Those lucky bastards, yeah. Yeah, long-term side effects of causing impotence would be impotence. Let's see. So to induce impotence, you need to prevent an erection. And to do this, you need to prevent the brain from sending sexual impulses through

the nervous system into the penis. Wow! Is that where I just grip my teeth and go... I don't know. Sounds like a spinal injury problem here. Normally, sexual impulses cause blood to flow into the penis and

cause an erection. All of the needed body systems need to be functioning properly in order for an erection to occur. The medical definition of impotency is when a man cannot achieve and maintain an erection at least 25% of the time. Okay. 25% of what time? Like, just all the time? What if we drained the person entirely of blood?

They wouldn't be getting another boner, that's for sure. Okay. This can be caused by illness and other physical problems as well as physiological problems. this can be caused by illness and other physical problems as well as physiological problems. So more than 200 prescription medications are believed to cause impotence, including those for high blood pressure, depression, and pain. These medications are believed to cause temporary impotence. You may be able to get them from your doctor based on your medical history. So just, so, doctor, I need some Paxil.

Doc, I'm getting too many boners. Well, how often are you getting a boner? Occasionally. I need none. Sometimes in the morning, it fucking sucks. Impotence can also be caused by emotional reasons, such as stress, depression, and guilt, according to urologychannel.com.

That's another good URL. Ask your cable provider. Attention Comcast customers, urologychannel.com might be taken from you. Call your cable provider. You have to get the most expensive package to even get urologychannel.com. When these feelings are strong and overpowering, they can affect a man's sexual ability. Smoking and drinking, according to a study by the New England Research Institute in Watertown, Massachusetts, are both believed to affect a man's ability to achieve an erection. Whether the impotence is permanent and what other damage is being done to the body

are still being reviewed. It's permanent if you're always drunk. Are they really citing whiskey dick as a potential solution? Yes. Yes. By the way, you may also like the proper dress code for males.

Okay, so things to avoid. It is believed that regular exercise and limiting the fat and cholesterol in your diet can help prevent impotency. But be careful and keep in mind... Am I causing impotence? I feel like now am I treating... I feel like I'm treating impotence at the end of this. I think this is like a case of just know your enemy. Okay, okay. Not taking care

of yourself in an extended period of time can have long lasting effects. Oh, also, herbs such as ginkgo biloba and ginseng. It's not ginkgo biloba. It's not ginkgo biloba. Oh, no, you're right. Herbs such as

ginkgo biloba. And in this corner, in the green trunks, he's got a hard-on! He's got a hard-on! Dun, dun, dun. So, I feel like this article is

negging me because it's like okay so Ginkgo biloba or balboa totally works right And so it says so If you are trying to induce impotence Avoid these herbs What the fuck The amino acid L-arginine Yeah is also

Thought to help cure impotence so add that to the list Of things to avoid The references are urology fuck those references i just want to know what the third one is okay well i'm not going to tell you the first two anyway because the references are urology prostate cancer awareness week and men stuff this is a very non-judgmental article like it never calls into question why you would want to be impotent. Yeah, yeah. The next article down is unpleasant. Yep. I just got to say, menstuff.org is a hell of a website.

Oh, yeah? Tell me more. It's frames. Oh, my. It's got a bunch of squished GIFs all over it God, I have not seen a website without CSS in years That is terrific There's a bunch of faces

Of yuppies This file Created at 6.26am By Clarice Homepage Versus version 3.0 Man, stuff And now we boycott Target? versus version 3.0. Man, stuff. And now we boycott Target? I guess.

I mean, okay, fine. I'm on board. Alright. Okay, I think, I think, I think I gotta give another choice here, so Ridiculous. Isfahan, I gotta give another choice here so ridiculous

Isfahan would you like to help us all learn how to become a ninja or would you like to help us all learn how to become a gangsta I feel like ninja would be less potentially

racist. I don't know. Maybe. It is a crap shoot. Different group of people. Yeah, I do want to hear what Ehow has to say about how to become a ninja. Okay, how to become a ninja. This is by

ATS920. It has been shared on Facebook 149 times. What y' ATS920. It has been shared on Facebook 149 times. What y'all need? Bacon. Robot. A peg leg. Sporks. Let's face it.

Everybody wants to be a ninja. But not all of us are lucky enough to be born in 14th century feudal Japan and or as an anthropomorphic turtle named after an Italian Renaissance painter. For fuck's sake. Why are you all punching me? Please stop punching me. I was going to make a joke about how 14th century feudal Japan would actually be a super big bummer, but now I'm just sad.

Yeah. So how would one become a ninja in modern times? It's all about the attitude. No, that's no. It is. Look, sabotage, espionage,

and assassination are optional and in many cases not encouraged. Why can't you be a gangster? So, guys, guys, guys. I think it's worth noting that ATS920 has several articles on eHow.com. Okay. This is the only one that doesn't have to do with how to create a podcast.

Yeah, you can create a sports podcast. You can create a DVD commentary podcast. Yeah, you can create a sports podcast. You can create a DVD commentary podcast. How to record your podcast on a Mac using GarageBand. Look, you know how ninjas are agents of sabotage, espionage, and assassination. But actually, sabotage, espionage, and assassination are optional. And in many cases, not encouraged. By the people that hire them to murder? Okay, yeah.

Okay, here's what you'll need. You ready? Sort of. Alright, so get the checklist out. You're gonna need passion. Check. You're gonna need ability. You're gonna need strength. And you're gonna need love. Yeah.

For who? Something has to blossom on need love. Yeah. For her. Something has to blossom on the battlefield. Yeah. I feel gross. Yeah. First and foremost, ninjas are known for their stealth and invisibility. And their attitude.

And their attitude, yeah. Part of that is in developing one's own sharp reflexes. Grace, night vision. You can develop night vision. And ability to move quickly in silence. Think about whether you want to be an indoor ninja

or an outdoor ninja. Like a cat. That's what I was thinking. Darling, would you put the ninja out? Wait. Was he ever in? And start, look, start practicing right away. Next is the outfit. I thought I heard something scratching at the door.

Must have been the wind. Conceptually, part is tough. I assume he meant this part. You can easily go on the internet and buy a ninja outfit online, but then you have to come to terms with the fact that you are a commercialized ninja. You want to be a commercial ninja. I am so fucking sick of these hot topic ninjas coming in and fucking up the dojo. Ninjas with, like, Liberty Spikes and Doc Martin boots.

Just as James Bond is clothed by Brioni, you will be clothed by KarateDepot.com Karate Depot? So many fucking amazing URLs this episode. Yep. But KarateDepot.com

might undermine your ninja street cred. The other ninjas will totally judge you, man. KarateDepot.com is not a website that is for sale, though. It actually exists and it sells things. Oh, cool. That's the most useful thing yet.

Another option is making your own outfit. You could either kidnap someone and have them make it for you using either threats and intimidation or seduction. Wait, is that encouraged, though? Uh, only sabotage, espionage, and assassination

are not encouraged. Okay, okay. So, like, physical threats and sexual favors. Okay, great. Hey, make my outfit or else. I don't know how to... So? Maybe if I show some leg? Maybe. Okay, great. Hey, make my outfit or else. I don't know how to sew. Maybe if I show some leg. Maybe.

Why don't you make my outfit then, big boy? I still don't know how to... Can I go? How about if I step out of the shadow a little bit? There's another option. Or you can learn to sew and make it yourself. Spider-Man did it. No shame in going to a and make it yourself. Spider-Man did it. No shame in going to a fabric store. Okay, Spider-Man's not real.

Outfits need to be light and maneuverable as you will be doing many incredibly awesome moves in them. Falling on your ass. Generally, ninja outfits are depicted as being all black, but historically, there is no proof that this is true. What the fuck? Why in the world would they want an all black outfit? What if it's not you, man? Damn it!

I feel like I'm listening to Republican debates now. That part, I hate to be a super nerd here and not funny but that part's actually true the black outfits come from japanese stage conventions they usually just dressed in normal clothes right no totally and then they also made sure to wear their headbands that said ninja on right you had to wear the headband i've fucking seen godfrey ho movie yeah it it says ninja in english in like that asian that Asian slashy font. Yeah, Chinese takeout box container. It's got the yin yang on it

in the middle. That was regulations. Regulations were huge back then on ninjas. And before you go in, you had to knock on the door and be like, I'm a ninja and I'm coming in. And if someone said no, you couldn't go in. Ninjas are vampires?

Okay, anyway. Generally, they are in a solid color that is useful for camouflage. Maybe at night. Maybe like kind of a dark color. I don't know. What's the darkest color you can think of? Like navy blue?

Gray? Coral? Yeah. Oh, that's darker. He's right. Ninja boots need to be sturdy, comfortable, and virtually silent. Head covering must be secure and cover the entire face except the eyes. Ninjas are warriors. Master a few weapons and be a master at trickery. Attach a sword onto your back. Become swift and accurate with ninja stars.

Why is get a YouTube account not one of the steps here, dammit? Oh, I've got videos of people being inept with ninja weapons if you want them. Be able to cut at least, like, four water bottles in a row. Okay, yeah, yeah. Please remind me to throw those in the show notes, because those videos are the best. I think Boots and I are thinking of the same guy, I'm pretty sure. those in the show notes because those videos are the best. I think Boots and I are thinking of the same guy. Look in the show notes. I know what videos we're talking about

and they're great. Okay. Nunchucks, Sighs, Bo Staff. That's S-A-I-S, not like the thing Boots has been doing. Bo Staffs, Swords, and Vanishing Bombs are highly recommended. I love the idea of Vanishing Bombs. Where did the bomb go? it's been doing. Boastaffs, swords, and vanishing bombs are highly recommended.

I love the idea of vanishing bombs. Where did the bomb go? God damn it. Ninja turtle thing, ninja turtle thing, ninja turtle thing, ninja turtle thing. Oh, bombs. That's a Batman thing. Oh, okay.

And here's another paragraph. Get a mentor. And another paragraph. Get a mentor. And another paragraph. Ninjas are often... I mean, paragraph that good. Why bother fucking with anything else? Don't need to expound. Ninjas are often depicted as spies to learn secrets from their enemies and therefore gain the upper hand in combat.

Like, say, somebody committing espionage. Yeah, there you go. I don't encourage it, but... That thing that we're not supposed to do. Like, say, somebody committing espionage. Yeah. There you go. I don't encourage it. That thing that we're not supposed to do. Oh, I see. Think about who your enemies are and where you could disguise yourself in order to obtain undercover information. Dad. Dad's closet.

Yeah. Be prepared. I hid in the locker room and I discovered that the football team is going out for pizza after practice. Now to get out of this locker. Be prepared for each of your missions. Oftentimes, obstacles will arise, which will throw your plans off course. If you're prepared, you'll be better equipped to handle these spontaneous diversions.

Spontaneous diversions. Okay. Well, thanks. That was super helpful. I feel like I was like half clothing advice. Can I get like a warning on that one? Okay. Yeah.

Don't breathe loudly. No, that's a tip. I want a warning. that one? Okay, yeah. Don't breathe loudly. No, that's a tip. I want a warning. Oh. Okay. You brought this on yourself, Boots. Watch out for samurai and pirates. Fuck off. Oh, that's why you're... Fuck! They are your worst

enemies and toughest challengers. I'm sorry. I'm saying this in the wrong ways. Watch out for samurai and pirates. They are your worst enemies and toughest challengers because of their delicate swordplay and dashing good looks. And the cannibalism. What about robots? Robots are not specified here.

I just wanted to mention the thing that... It's fine, you chose right, because I think that was the better article. However, the How to Be a Gangsta has a companion article called How to Type a Gangsta Smiley. And I think you'll need a keyboard. And tip number one is type a lowercase q into your keyboard. The q represents a hat that is on sideways, which is the gangster element of the smiley face. Get it? Hooray. Which is the gangster element of the smiley face. Oh.

Get it? Hooray. Get the fuck out of here, you goddamn nerds. I'm going to tell you how to fight big government. Yeah! Yeah, I'm your hell contributor. Burn it down. You can fight the city hall and even Washington and win. If you have the courage of your convictions, you can still win.

Here's how to do your part for small government. Things you'll need. Guts. Oh, I'm checking that. I am checking that and I'm checking it again. Oh, now it's unchecked. Shit. All right.

You should double check that. You went too far. I lost my guts. All right. I guess these are categories. Yeah, what's the first paragraph? Talk. Okay.

People who espouse the dominance of the state count on individuals not to speak up. If everyone who thought that they were getting jacked, as in carjacked, by regulation and taxes said something, well, then they couldn't steal from us anymore. No, no, that's demonstrably not anymore. No, no, that's not, that's demonstrably not true. No, no, it's true, it's true, because once everybody starts speaking, then, you know, the military doesn't come down and just murder us. Hey, you're being audited, unless you'd

rather not be. Talk about how you feel if you feel like you're being stolen from by the state. Talk about it at church, cocktail parties, and barbecues. Watch people leave. Don't force your opinion, but make it be known. But also force it. There's a small percentage of the population who will take the lead with the idea, be that person.

You may influence people more than you may know. Ruin every barbecue you're invited to. Are you a silent libertarian? Okay, I don't know how we found you, but here's what you need to do. You clearly didn't get the memo that you need to talk about your beliefs at every single

possible opportunity. I'm a Ron Paul supporter. I don you need to talk about your beliefs at every single possible opportunity. I'm a Ron Paul supporter. I don't like to talk about it, though. Yeah. Next paragraph is right. Become and rant. Whether online or print, right. Take time to develop the ideas and spread them via the written word.

Start a blog. Write an op-ed in your local newspaper get it rejected by your local newspaper yeah uh help people who don't know you but think like you to know that they are not alone isolation is quieting the exchange of ideas changes countries that's why our founding fathers enshrined freedom of speech so So again, we're talking specifically about America here. Yeah, I'm going to skip a boring one and go straight to put your money in precious metals. Oh, wow. Wait, hang on.

I just checked off my last thing on Libertarian Big Mouth. Hey. Congratulations, Jack Chick. Thank you. Hey! Congratulations, Jack Chick. Thank you. If there's one way to make your belief that the state is out of control into real terms,

it is to put some of your money into precious metals. Um, why does A equal B? I don't. Now, let me be clear. No prudent person puts all his eggs into one basket, even if it is golden eggs we're talking about. How can I say this? Don't put all your money into gold, silver, and platinum.

Try bismuth. Californium. Cesium. Uranium-235. Keep it under your pillow. But understand why precious metals undermine the establishment. No. Central banks hate gold.

Oh, god damn it. You fucking stupid son of a bitch. Lenin of Soviet Union some fame. Some fame. He was loosely... Yeah, some people in the Soviet Union might have heard him. He was loosely associated with the USSR.

Yeah, he hated gold. Marx hated gold. They hated it because it forces money to be of an objective and tangible nature versus the easily inflated... Fuck. I'm an idiot. The easily inflated nature favored by those who would

build castles to the sky. You're really fucking sick of the goddamn liberal bias of the F+. Yeah, I got a tip. Fighting big government is not easy, but it allows you to sleep at night. I wish you slept more, crankhead. I also have a warning.

What? Fighting big government is what is right, but not likely what is easy. I wonder what your media consumption looks like. I bet I can guess on a few people that you really super like. So both the tip and the warning is fighting big government is not easy. Yeah. That's both a tip and a warning. Yeah, you want to sleep all night.

I wasn't able to put the light bulb and the yield sign or warning sign in the same point, so I had to write it twice. Okay. Frank West. Yes. I don't want to lead you in with this at all, but this is an article by an eHow contributor.

It's an eHow slash garden slash garden and long slash pests, weeds, and problems. What is your article called? Oh, that's definitely my category. Yeah, yeah. How to rid your yard of moles, voles, gophers for free. All right, I'm in. All right, excellent. I had a brainstorm one day.

What do animals hate? Answer, their own natural predator. I asked myself what animal a mole would consider to be a natural predator. Answer, a cat natural predator. Answer. A cat or dog. No. Incorrect. If you're looking for raptors.

Maybe these moles aren't very well educated, so they don't know. I mean, a dog would eat a mole if given the chance. Plus, better news. I had both a cat and a dog. But do they hate their predators or do they respect them as sort of like battlefield adversaries?

It depends on how much gold they've invested in. I wonder if your cat and dog ownership informed your answer at all. The answer that you came to. I discovered a method of ridding my yard of mole tunnels out of desperation. The solution,

making the mole tunnels smell like a dog and cat were nearby. Oh dear. Oh, oh, oh. Do I think I, do I? Are you going where I think you're going? Let me answer your question with the things you'll need. First you need a dog, a cat, and a knife. No, first you need

doggy doo-doo feces. That's exactly what I thought you were going to do. And second, you'll need kitty doo-doo. What is kitty doo-doo? Why do you have all that dog shit in your hand for my property value?

My soccer mom meter is off the charts here. Collect kitty doo-doo from the litter box. I saved my cat feces in an empty coffee can. Jesus! You just don't have a regular supply of cat shit? You gotta, like, hoard it. Honey, does the coffee taste a little strange today?

Never enough kitty doo-doo. I mean, cats and dogs both shit constantly. Ask my friends for kitty doo-doo. Well, Lemon, likewise collect doggy doo-doo from the backyard. If you don't have a cat or a dog, you probably have a friend who does.

Oh, that's even better. Hey, can I borrow your dog's shit? Hey, Charlene, I noticed your dog's been pooping, right? You got any of that? Why don't I take that? No, no, no. Let me empty your kitty litter. Trust me, that's a really good idea and I'm not creepy at all.

Would you like to buy a shirt? The process is free! You have nothing to lose by trying it. I tried all those expensive lawn care mixtures and they did not work. In fact, I think my problem got worse with them. What? I even tried those expensive electronic gizmos that you have to keep filled with size D batteries for another expense.

I had a mole move in next to one. That is how poorly that worked for me. Did you turn it on? Tiny picture of dog. From Pinterest. And the caption, a natural enemy of the mole. A walleye dog. Next, go to the

mole tunnels that are at the surface of your yard and are using a garden trowel. Dig a... Next, go to the mole tunnels that are at the surface of your yard and use using a garden trowel. Dig a little until you see the tunnel.

I think I just time traveled in the middle of that sentence. Yes, you did. Welcome to the future! Take a scoop of dog or cat and doo-doo and place it in the tunnel. dog or cat and doo-doo and place it in the tunnel. Close the tunnel back up with the same

dirt. If your cat doo-doo has clumping cat litter on it, that is fine, too. In fact, you know how that clumping litter is sticky. Well, I just think that further discourages the rodents. Why wouldn't you think that? Whatever you think is probably true.

Yeah, probably. And since the feces and litter are under the ground in the tunnel, it does not bother anything else. You've just buried a bunch of poop in your yard is all. My name's Melinda Pash! I am totally going to try this!

Oh, holy shit, this is the first one I've seen with comments. Yeah, this is the first one with comments. I'm Kate Chamberlain. Never thought about this way of getting rid of the moles when I lived in Oklahoma. Now I have them here in DeSoto. Got plenty of dog doo-doo. You're just bragging that you know how to spell doo-doo. Yeah.

D-U-Oom-Lout hyphen D-U-Oom-Lout. You see how it filters the word poo. Poo-sker spell doo-doo. Yeah. D-U-Oom-Low-T-hyphen-D-U-Oom-Low-T. You see, E-How filters the word poop. Hoosker doo-doo. Yeah. I'm going to play into this really quick. It's by Jerry Garner. Jerry Garner is an E-How contributor with such hits as

How to Make a Jukebox for Your Website. I don't know how that works. How to Repair Wind-Up Toys. How to Write a Letter of Testimony. How to Obtain a Boat Salvage Title. Holy shit, these magic spell ones. So all of these articles have had either zero thumbs up or somewhere between eight and 17.

The magic spell ones have 300, 600. What the fuck? They cast a spell to get more thumbs up. I see we discovered the niche. Jerry Garner has an article called How to Sell Vitamins Online. Yeah, he does. With a renewed interest in neo-pagan cultural

beliefs, a number of people are beginning to experiment with older belief systems that include an element of magic. With rising ticket prices and many airlines going bust. Oh my god. What? Okay, fuck that shit.

What? Oh my god. He's literally like, the reason you should use this spell is because in this economy... Also, Harry Potter, so... Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how this was done. Congratulations, Spooks. You know what we like. potter so yeah yeah yeah that's that's how this was congratulations spooks one of the things you'll need in how to cast flying spells is psychotropic plants yeah yeah great i think solo sim it might help you more but okay uh anyway uh how to cast flying

spells meditate frequently um the end uh most flying spells used during the 17th century involved a, quote, flying ointment that was made from belladonna or deli nightshade. Yes, I would imagine if you poison yourself, you could imagine you were flying. Let's just skip to the warning. All right. Keep belladonna out of the reach, children. Belladonna out of the reach of children. As few as three of the plant's sweet berries are enough to be fatal, and handling the leaves can cause pus-filled blisters to appear on the hands.

The root is the most toxic part of the plant. Anyway, put it in your fucking mouth. Yeah, that sounds like keep Belladonna out of reach of anybody. But this document, and, you know know I've said before About some of these documents But this document Spooks put together Really Really good document

Actually documents provided in pairs For easy choice Yeah If you go to THAFPL.US Take a look at the doc It's very nicely put together. But we are going to be ending on a

list of titles! Yay! Yes, so a reading of titles. I'm going to start off, if I may, how to know if a girl wants you.

How to cast a love spell, too. How to text a girl without being creepy. With pictures. That should be good. Just opening that one for them. Criminal laws on indecent exposure in Tennessee. This page intentionally left blank. Not with pictures.

How to know that a girl hates you. How to stop stalking. Ideas to write a boyfriend in prison. No, ideas to use. Oh, ideas to use to write a boyfriend in prison. Okay, how to have a felony charge removed in Tennessee. That's a great little journey we just took.

Yeah. How to date a preacher. How to become an ordained Wiccan priest. How to create online Wicca journal. List of real wizard spells. How to make a homemade love potion. How to deep fry Oreos.

Take some Oreos and throw them in the deep fryer. How to deep fry Twinkies with pancake batter. Laws for starting a restaurant. The journey continues. Oh, God bless you, spooks. One of his searches must have been Tennessee. How to make deep-fried Coke. How to make a deep-fried Mars bar with pictures.

How to make a model of Mars for fifth grade. How to go into space. How to make your girlfriend give you space. I really kind of wish that every single one of these is just a related article from a previous one. Oh, my God. That would be a great little, like, in. How to calculate classroom space for preschoolers. How to use your computer's calculator with pictures.

How to fix the mouse in dead space for theers. How to use your computer's calculator with pictures. How to fix the mouse in Dead Space for the PC. How to use a colander. Something watery? You want it less watery? Throw it in a colander. All the water comes out when I put it in here! How do I get the thing out of the colander?

This fucking thing has all these holes! Yeah. I got all this pasta in the colander, but the hole is too small for the pasta to fit through. What do I do? Mash it through with your fist. How to install Microsoft Word Spell Checker.

How to make a Microsoft Sam beatbox. How to use YouTube.com. How to win a Microsoft Sam beatbox. How to use YouTube.com. How to win a watermelon eating... How to win a watermelon eating contest. How to lose weight quickly. How to lose weight quickly and

somewhat easily. Up the ante right there. How to lose weight with laser treatment. Oh my. Cut the fat off. How to use water with lemon for weight loss. I don't understand that.

How to lose weight with an enema. So this is just someone getting more and more desperate. Wow, yeah. Well, it's after they've won the watermelon eating contest. Suck it all out. How to empty your bowels fast. How to give a coffee en out. How to empty your bowels fast. How to give a coffee enema.

How to give a milk enema. How do you take your coffee with milk? Enema's too bitter. How many sugars would you like in your enema? So how to give a milk enema. How to give a coffee enema. How to make yourself cry.

I see previous two. How to give a coffee enema. How to make yourself cry. See previous two. How to clean blood stains. How to cleanse blood. How to colon cleanse using lemon water. Oh, that doesn't sound like a good idea. Well, how about how to colon cleanse with vinegar? Well, now lemon water sounds like a great idea.

How to overcome an unhealthy obsession, such as being obsessed with colon cleansing. Yep. Do-it-yourself backyard ideas. Do-it-yourself love spells that work. Do-it-yourself colonic inner irrigation. Do-it-yourself animals. Do-it-yourselfpholstery cleaning.

Holy shit, Spooks. Okay, so wait, wait, wait. We got colonic irrigation, we got enemas, we got upholstery cleaning. What's next? How to clean human feces from carpet. Why are you not doing this in the bathroom? What to do when raccoons drop feces in your pool. Skim that shit.

How to make a good bass drop. How to play bass like Peter Hook. How to stop dogs from having gas. How to give a dog an enema. Frank West, you're gross. Yes. That's it. I got nothing. How to stop teenagers from snoring. How to start a teenage business as a website designer.

A fun game for teens to play when you're stuck inside on a rainy day. How to teach a teen to not be promiscuous. It ties into the fun game. How to be a teenage mother. How to talk to a teen about abortion. How to throw a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles party. A list of furry image boards. Oh, I think that sexuality just changed right there.

How to know if a turtle is dead. How to escape a crocodile death roll. What? Okay, I don't... shit, okay. How to escape a crocodile death roll. What? Okay. Shit. Okay. How to apply for your late spouse's Canada pension money. See, I don't know how they got from crocodile death roll to that.

Just so weirdly specific. Is that what happens when you retire from Canada? Yeah, I think so. Your Canada pension? Yeah, it's Canada pension. How to stop being late to work. Why is my period late since I'm not pregnant? Okay.

How to get pregnant with a baby boy the easy way. You'll need a colander. Usually people use adults, frankly. How to make your unborn baby smart. All it's doing is fucking kicking and having a heartbeat. This is bullshit.

This is bullshit. Can't even do simple arithmetic. How to keep baby carrots fresh in the fridge. Facts about baby turtles. Facts on drug trafficking. How to write songs like Tupac. Alright, yep.

How to select music for a baptism party. baptism party. Negative effects of rap music on teens. How to become a teenage rap artist. I got something. What do you got? How to find a perfect hot dog cart location.

How to grow your hair super long. How to make breasts grow faster. When do breasts stop growing? Oh, God, hurry. I made them grow too fast. How to make yourself pee faster. How to make a female urinal. How to get the cat pee smell out of your sink.

How to house train your horse. What? How to house train your horse. No, that's no. No, no, never, ever, ever. Why is a fucking horse in your house? That is crazy. Because he's training it. How horse in your house? That is crazy. Because he's training it.

How big is your house? The better question is, how big is my litter box? Until the horse is fully housebroken, keep the TV and radio turned off or muted. But what if the horse wants to watch TV? Fuck him. I'm getting to that. How to reduce morning erections. How to attract mature women.

Chinese dating rules with pictures. Can you be arrested for a racial slur? How to tell a friend your parents are nudists. Your friend doesn't need to know that. Well, they may find out. Good pranks to pull on your sister without getting into trouble. How to deal with a

flirtatious sister. Oh. How to get relatives to kiss in The Sims 3. Oh, good. Virginia's state law is about marriage to cousins. Yay!

How to date a hell's angel. How to contract the HPV virus. Oh, Spooks, you're the best. Human papillomavirus virus. How to tell if you have venereal warts. How to live

with HPV. Sperm donor locations in Texas. Oh, he moved. How to go to clown college. How to be like Donald Trump. How to be an evil villain. How to be like Donald Trump. How to be an evil villain. How to find unclaimed land. How to take over the world, super villain style.

Super billion style. Super billion style. How to legally start a micronation. No, you can't. You can't. Mm-hmm. How to survive start a micronation. No, you can't. You can't. How to survive World War III. Excellent. Wow.

Syphilitic emperor. Just listening to my KFDM album at World War III. How to raise the dead. How to become a secret service agent. How to stay calm during an interrogation. How to swear in Russian. List of angry emotions.

Damn it, I wanted the list of angry emoticons. Me too. How to live the samurai warrior way. How to fight like Bruce Lee. How to fight like Bruce Lee how to fight like Jackie Chan how to fight auto insurance companies how to fight off a shark

how to fight depression how to overcome emotional numbness how to drink alcohol with pictures how to tell if you're an alcoholic. Signs and symptoms of dying from alcoholism.

If only we knew what killed him. How to stop drinking alcohol. How to kick a cocaine habit at home by yourself. How to find a new and fun hobby. How to make your own joke website. Oh my. How to get on the top in Reddit. Oh.

Fedora hat tricks tutorial. Go back to the cocaine. Go back to the cocaine. You are our god now, sir. The effects of internet addiction. What causes a man to hate women? How to escape a woman's friend zone. How to wash yourself. How to escape a woman's friend zone. How to wash yourself.

How to get a life. How to begin to play the clarinet. Excellent. Oh, and the gifts just keep on coming because we are going to close this episode off

with a little piece of poetry. Jack Chick, what is this poem called? This poem is titled, A Poem Composed Entirely Out of Ehow Titles by Spooks. Yay! Yay!

Very. This is honestly the best doc we've ever received. It's probably the best doc we've ever received it's probably the best doc we've ever received all right shall i begin yes please how to say thanks after a first date how to know if a horseshoe is lucky how to keep an emu as a pet what are the duties of a duchess? How to pick the right condom size with pictures? How to rub meat?

How to kill a boa constrictor? How do newborn kittens find their mother's teats? Oh man, I need my bonkers. How to make sweet talk? How to make your own killer hunting scent? How to make sweet talk. How to make your own killer hunting scent.

How to blood walk. How to scare kids in a tent. How to become a plus-size teen model. What are the signs that a guy is interested? How to be a body double. How to deal with your teen getting arrested. How to be a body double. How to deal with your teen getting arrested.

How to dress like a mime without a striped shirt. How to study art history. How to dig through frozen dirt. How to start a mime ministry. A mime ministry? Yes, a mime ministry. Okay. How to help your horse gain... Good news, I'm not going to talk to you about Jesus.

I'm just going to use your fingers to draw the outline of the cross. How to help your horse gain weight. How to measure a pizza. How to decorate a horse for the Fourth of July parade. How to find swinging clubs in Ibiza. Okay, I'll give it to you how to tell if a papaya is bad how to get your rock band guitar to stop blinking why did my cream puff go flat how can i make my rain boots stop stinking how to count calories in a homemade food how to round to the nearest million how to get her in the mood how to recover from a near-death experience how to dress up as a greek god

how to swans mate how to create your own online bot? How to find registered sex offenders in your state? Registered sex offending swans. Yes. How to talk to girls on the street? How to make Greek yogurt taste like cheesecake? The best foot soak for dry feet? How to admit mistakes.

God damn it. Oh my. Wow. Wow. F plus. What did we learn from this? I don't know. If you take the pictures off wikiHow, it doesn't get any

smarter well I think the thing about this is that these things don't get edited they get written and then they stay and then no matter how fucking bad it is it just seems to stay so like this is

like this is an amazing wealth of shitty advice that hasn't been diluted by many people. Yeah, like, the voice is more consistent in these. And also, it seems better written. Like, just generally, there's capitalization and punctuation and people are spelling things right. I don't know if it's, like, edited, if it's, like, copy edited or just... I think people are trying to sort of, like, edited, if it's, like, copy-edited, or just... I think people are trying to sort of, like, put stuff in their portfolio

in a lot of cases, you know what I mean? But at the same time, like, I feel like that it's actually some fucking hell worse written. I completely agree. It's like, like, wikiHow, you're at least, like, okay, they're trying. Like, this, it was just, like,

that doesn't tell me anything. Well, I think the thing about this site specifically, and I'm not sure that I would say it's worse written, because I've read a lot of wikiHow articles. No, I mean, that's... Pretty badly written. And I think worse than this. But the thing about wikiHow that this site does not have

is that wikiHow is genuine. You know, like everything that it's doing with all of the terrible drawings and all of the terrible writing and all of the insane perversion. Like people are doing it from an emotional place. They're doing it from, you know, a place of excitement. Whereas this is a little bit more... It's sort of clickbaity. Yeah. Like, I actually, while we were reading this,

I tweeted out that Adblock has actually blocked 37 ads on every page. And, yeah, so, I mean, it's... Like, I feel like the articles are more manipulative, and they sort of seem like they belong at the bottom of a HuffPo article as those chum links of

like, you won't believe how big this lady's tits are. I just... I know you're going to be disappointed by this, Lennon, but we've reached another advice site that will not give us any fucking tips on how to have a threesome. Really? What? Yeah, I figured

this one would have it, because it doesn't seem to have any standards, but apparently it does. No, it doesn't. Well, wait a minute, because I think actually, it might actually have articles about threesomes. I feel like the search just sucks. Yeah, the search brings up nothing for me, no matter what I type. It just does nothing. Oh, you know what? I think Adblock might just sucks. Yeah, the search brings up nothing for me, no matter what I type.

It just does nothing. Oh, you know what? I think Adblock might be interfering with it, because we found Harry Potter stuff, but if I search for Harry Potter, I don't actually find anything. Yeah, it is really notable that Adblock is blocking a fuckload of shit on this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, this, like, Chrome hasn't lit up with as many block ads since we left Alex Jones' site. Which, by the way, Alex Jones... I think I've mentioned this before, but the Alex Jones site is actually the most invasive about your personal privacy. Like, it has hundreds of tracking scripts on it.

That's a digression, but anyway. This was probably just started as like a business thing. It is driven by demand media. There's a bunch of multicultural people on demand media. Yeah, the website is always thefpl.us, or you can look at documents, and you can check out our new podcast

that we just tried out which I think is probably still called Adjudicated Guess. Unless I came up with a better name. That could change. We're like 47% happy with that one. But yeah, check that out

and click around on the site. It's kind of nice. Bye bye. 37% happy with that one. Yeah. But yeah, check that out and, you know, click around on the site. It's kind of nice. Bye bye. Bye bye. Good night. so just sorry to interrupt but just to uh give you an idea lisa definitely knows how to live like royalty because one of her other articles is

how to clean out rust from a tractor. But regally! Oh, how to mount a scope on a Fugger mini-quartier. Like royalty. How to read the SKS rifle iron sights. How to clean an anchor chain. How to clean a Remington Viper. Lisa.

How to grow more if you are a 14-year-old male. How are you, Lisa? I don't think there's ever been an account more shared than Lisa Bass's. What are you talking about? I just want to know how to start a barbecue concession stand

in Texas. And right after that, I'd like to know how to start a barbecue concession stand in Texas. And right after that, I'd like to know how to download an Excel spreadsheet. How much does a gunsmith make in a year? How to tell the year and model of a golf cart. Anyway. Anyway.