The F Plus - 228: United Nations of Dinguses

Episode Date: September 26, 2016

Nation States is a game where players can create their own idealized version of a country, ally with other nations in the game, pass resolutions, and vie for supremacy. Separate from that, the forums of Nation States is a place where people post in character as emissaries from their fictitious countries to brag about their totalitarian regime and brag about which memes are the dankest. The results are infurating. This week, you still like Huswyae, right?

Let us call this meeting to order. This is the F Plus Podcast. Let it be known that it is a terrible place. There's terrible things. They're red with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have Boothrain Gear. Just do whatever ends. Hold their civil and political rights very dear.

My man Jimmy Franks. Behold, comrades, the unparalleled rich culture of the People's Republic of Joseph Stalin's excellent mustache. My other man, Frank West. I am from the empire of afterlife heaven held. Your boy Achilles Heelys. Gentle sirs of honor are masters at memes. Normies try to make memes, but our official stance is that normies cannot into me-mean. And Lemon. Normies try to make memes, but our official stance is that normies cannot into me-mean.

And Lemon. The sanctuary of Juggalo Syndicate is a massive socially progressive nation ruled by a homie with a fair hand and renowned for its smutty television, anti-smoking policy, and punitive tax rates. The average income tax rate is 93.9% and even higher for the wealthy. We are now called to order. Dong. Hey, F-Bus. Hey, Lemon. Hey, everybody.

How do you feel about the countries that you all live in? All of the countries I live in? No, I was saying the respective countries. I was being respectful to your Canadian ass, motherfucker. Okay. Yeah, I'm very proud to be Canadian. Okay. What gives you your Canadian pride?

Beavers, Maple Leafs, hockey. The word A. to be canadian okay what what what gives you your canadian pride uh just beavers maple leaves hockey the word a yeah that's where it is pretty good yeah it's written on a hockey puck yeah seeing those words on every advertisement uh fills me with so much pride and uh desire to buy things uh i want to talk to you about making your country better than it is already. Right. Like, this is, this is, would you say we're going to make it great again?

No, I wouldn't say that actually. What I want to talk to you about is a site called nation states.net. It is a, I think it, yes, it describes itself as a simulation game. And I'll just read the text here in the front. Nation States is a nation simulation game. Create a nation for,

create a nation according to your political ideas and care for his people or deliberately oppress them. It's up to you um so this is like an online role-playing game where you can create a nation um and uh and then uh write about how good your nation is um and and and show people the way to what do you want to say greatness you you missed an important thing on the front page. What did I miss?

Yeah, what is this site inspired by? Oh, it is inspired by the novel Jennifer Government. What? That's weird. Yeah, Jennifer Government. The picture is like an eyeball with a UPC code on it on the earth. I read that book when I was a teen. I don't remember anything else.

I have nothing interesting to add. Great. Thanks. Bye. It's by Max Barry, who is also the author of Lexicon. Anyway, Nation States, it is some sort of video game, online game sort of thing, but most importantly it has a forum, and on

the forum, these leaders of these Nation States can talk about their government and the problems that they're solving. So I have a question that I want to ask you, the F+. And that is,

how would your nation attempt to defeat ISIS? So, I am the I am the Flukaluga. I'm the Flukaluga.

That's football club Luga. Sure. Hey, everybody. What's the status of your nation? Well, I'm a lobbyist. Oh, it's the status of your nation? Well, I'm a lobbyist. Oh, it's an ex-nation? Yeah.

Oh, how does that happen? I think that means you're banned. Okay. Hey, everybody. I just wanted to ask everybody a question concerning the fastest-growing terror group in the Middle East, ISIS, Islamic State of Iraq and Syria. Now, just as a disclaimer, I do not support ISIS in any way or fashion.

I just wanted to know how opposers of ISIS would use their nations in nation states, as well as allies, if any, would fight them and hopefully wipe them off the face of the earth or whatever planet your nation is based in. With that said, thank you for reading. if any, would fight them and hopefully wipe them off the face of the Earth. Or whatever planet your nation is based in. With that said, thank you for reading and have a good day. So, let's cut straight to the political tacticians

on this website. The hyper intelligent, the hyper evolved. And so, Frank West, will you give me the opinion of the Holy Empire of the Spaghetti Monster? It's on page two. Wow, I don't... I thought we weren't reading the

Pastafarian Doc. Pull me right back in. I try to get out. They pull me back in. Well, I would deal with it by nukes. A couple well-placed nuclear warheads and no more ISIS leaders.

Then I send in spaghetti in... Then I send in spaghetti in Marines to clean up. Spaghetti in Marines. That's cool. The best way to really just take out the leaders of something is the biggest possible bomb.

Does the bomb also have holes in it? The colander bomb? And then, Achilles, you are Theodosia? Theodosia. Theodosia? Yeah. Theodosia. Around 450,000

soldiers and marines are enough, backed with AFVs, aircraft, and warships. Aside from boots on the ground, there'd be humanitarian, material, and military aid. If duressh come, good luck. After facing a strong navy on the way, they would face numerous pissed off soldiers, National Guard, militia, armed citizens, and PMC that's armed to the teeth.

Theodizia policy of part-time conscription, monthly training, and generous subsidies on military equipment paired with gun laws that are zigzag compared to US. that are zigzag compared to U.S. Ownership are stricter, but if one passed test, they could buy an M2A1, a.k.a. Mod Deuce, or M4A1, Sot Mod 2, or other ARs, or GPMG, or HMG. Means that average Theodizian militiamen women would have at least a helmet, plate, or full protective vest, assault rifle, the most common are AK-101, and four grenade that would be provided

from local National Guard arsenal, only given in dire circumstances, not to mention Air Force. Yeah, this is new Roma Prime. New Roma Prime. New Roma Prime. Deal with ISIS like we dealt with

all those others who don't follow the one true pantheon and emperor demon the eternal. We would send in our mech squadron and a contingent of Nova Gold Armored Rangers, about 500 troops in total, and by tomorrow the whole area would be a puppet state of the Empire. A puppet state

of your empire yeah they have briar new rome prime oh okay yeah you're you're a lobbyist and also an x nation hey how come your rome collapsed too and uh boots you are eccles yeah i'm eccles i believe of the new york times democracy yeah that's true. Maybe? Yep. Yep. Space-time distortion, antimatter weapons, dimensional portal generator who will suck everything in a targeted area into another dimension. Planetary destroyers, mechas, hover tanks. We got plenty of ways to destroy ISIS.

This is why there are no terrorist organization in our controlled galaxies. I like that thread one is like a confirmation that everyone is on god mode. We'd use the best weapons and kill them in all the dimensions.

He posts a lot. We'd use the gray goo. It will convert any organic and non-organic matter into nanobots and devour everything. I can only imagine those cowards screaming and begging for mercy. Except there is no mercy, Isis. Sorry, I read that wrong. Except there is no mercy, Isis. Sorry. Sorry, I read that wrong. Except there is no mercy. Isis is the enemy of Ecleus

and thus it must be neutralized completely. Look, you had a nice little run killing all of those people in Syria, but now you've made enemies with Ecleus and you are fucked, buddy. Now you've made enemies with Eccleus and you are fucked, buddy.

So I'm here to represent the country of victorious Decepticons. Yeah. I've posted 6,956 times in this forum. We are iron fist consumerists, the victorious Decepticons. So we already control earth. But if ISIS members started sneaking through the trans dimensional warp point from another earth and annoying us to any degree worthy of notice, we just take over that earth in its entirety. Then to ensure that no more Isisers

rose up from its population. What? That's a word. That's what you call them. I'm using the right term, asshole. If they rose up from its population, we'd genocide said population. Right? That's a thing that you can do. You can genocide.

We'd genocide said population and enslave any who avoided the initial wave of death Then we'd use their planet as a resource world Yeah, using the Middle East as a resource world, okay Since mobilizing the Decepticon

military for an interplanetary invasion requires a non-trivial cost bracket, to say the least. So I guess you could leave that part out. Or maybe the editor added that part in. You can bet we'd take the entire planet and keep it so that we could drill out all of its oil and mine all of its metal. We'd like to make a profit on our wars. all of its metal!

We'd like to make a profit on our wars. It is perhaps fortunate for other Earths that some of our slavers stake out the trans-dimensional warp point area and grab any humans who leak through to our

side. Because of this, it is highly unlikely that anyone coming from a planet with an Isis would remain free long enough to cause the sort of destruction that would lead to a military response. A few Isisers. It's still a word, asshole! Might blow themselves up. Sounds like a delicious cold treat. Strawberry Isisers.

Get them with your dipping dots. Might blow themselves up in a slaver's hand rather than get stuck in the mines with body control chips. Oh my God. Wow. Wow. They have revolutionized the mind control chip.

But that would just startle a bot as large and built up as one of us. End of post. I suck. Fuck. What? Okay, so, all right. So we just kind of jumped into the deep end. How do you figure?

I feel like. All right, so we have. I can turn into a truck if I feel like it. So what we're... Okay, I don't come to do this show expecting the Algonquin round table, but this is a group of the worst shitty liars on the playground, all grown up, that are just one-upping each other. Oh, yeah?

Well, my dad's Cadillac is made of solid gold, and I drove all the way to the moon with it and ate all the ice cream. Yeah, this is the Pokemon versus Digimon battle of United Nations. Listen, okay, fine. Okay, Jimmy Franks, if you're worried about these unlikable people,

then all you need to do is you just need to read a different post in this thread and reclaim your faith in mankind, okay? So, you need to read Netarania. Okay. It's, look, look, Netarania is from the New York Times Democracy.

The New York Times is a classy institution. This is Netarania. Yeah. Undermine their savage religious masculine fervor by having their leaders hit with sleeping gas and then castrated and de-limbed by Royal Guardswomen What? who are well-endowed Amazonian warriors in stature and wearing golden plate armor that covers none of the erotic areas of the body.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Wait, wait. Hold on, hold on, hold on. We have to stop at this for a second. Yeah. Because I'm pretty sure we've established that there are no non-erotic parts of the body. No, I just like that he clarified, like,

on my planet, there are Amazonian warriors, but wait, I fetishize them. Naturally, this could only be carried out with divine intervention from an actual deity, but nevertheless, physically imposing women with overt sexuality on display is the complete antithesis of their core of beliefs absolutely humiliating oh so great effort would be put forth to ensure those torsos remain alive too unconventional sadistic and highly unlikely that's netteraria's way

see jimmy frank says your is your faith restored in this forum now nope and then uh last thing in the in the uh in the uh thread for this one uh boots if you'll just take that last post by eccles send over gray goo warheads which can devour everything biological Or non-biological And convert the entire Middle East Into a huge hive of nanothermites Again with the grey goo That's just the solution to all your problems Isn't it?

It is the solution to every problem It is the final solution Oh, that's an interesting term you just made up Where did you read that? I just probably thought it up Okay, probably, yeah The grey goo suggested it to me Oh, that's an interesting term you just made up. Where did you read that? I just probably thought it up. Okay, probably, yeah. The Grey Goo suggested it to me.

So my question that I want to ask you, the Forum of Nation-States, is what are your nation's largest problems? What are the largest issues you have in your nation and what is being done about them and achilles helios you are fognia so i assume we're getting some like really sensible like like big well that's that's big ticket items like like like you know deforestation right global warming yeah yeah yeah wage gap i mean we would assume that the site nation states would exist specifically to address these kind of systemic problems.

So what sort of systemic problem do you want to talk about? Public sex on the street. He's got oxygen problems. Okay. And here's the most important person in this thread. He's from the nation of Mika...

Mika Najima, I think? Mika Najima. Yeah, sure. Okay. So Frank West, tell me about the problems that your country has. Wait, but before that, let's find out a little bit more about what kind of nation you're running over there. Oh, that makes sense.

We should probably do that. I am Mikanjima. Maybe. Maybe? You can't prove it's not what I am. And I am a psychotic dictatorship. Cool. That's cool. Great. Mikanjima has more

than 99 problems, but the people for free Mikanjima are an anti-Mikanjiman, anti-feminist, anti-transgender, pro-men's rights, pro-free speech,

pro-democracy, pro-TRF, far-right fascist, that's fair capitalist, libertarian, terrorist organization isn't one slash r slash planet mikonjima oh wait is this my this is my signature

yeah i think so a subtropical a subtropical radical feminist but not terf japanese speaking island paradise that doubles as a safe space click where it says on a side note to expand for a side note to your

signature I need to know your OOC views though your OOC views out of country out of country so tell me about your views when you're traveling overseas

pro I am pro-centrism pro-libertarianism pro-anime pro-Japanese culture pro-otaku culture those are different those are different man pro-Japanese culture, pro-otaku culture, pro...

Those are different, man. Pro-real social justice. Pro-real feminism. And to go along with those, pro-gaming. Fuck! I like what you're laying down Makajima

Real talk Okay so those are the things that you like Shithead What are the things that you don't like Well I don't like SJWs The Regressive Flags, Radical Feminism Steven Universe, Undertale and Homestruck Fandom

Black Lives Matter and of course, all types of haters. What can you tell us on a side note? On a side note, I was formerly known as Zocoria and you should add 3,103 posts to my post now.

Because it's important to me that you know just how much time I have spent. God damn it, forums.nationstate.net. Well, 255 is just embarrassing. How much of my life I have wasted. You speak to me with respect I deserve. Nation State Forum Post Lives Matter. Oh, oh, this. Oh.

Okay. Even off of this, I am depressed by this. Okay. Here we go. Hey, you pick this one. This was all your fault. I mean, it's not wrong. Okay.

So, I'm from the Pantopian Empire. We're Iron Fist Socialists. That's fun. Like, our flag is like a swastika, but it's got extra legs and it's dancing. That's fun. Yeah, it is pretty fun. Come on down to the dancing swastika. We've got a half-off special on sausages this Wednesday. It's ladies' night.

It's like a boot filled with beer crushing your face forever. Okay, so anyway, what kind of of memes are most popular in your nation well yeah what kind of memes are most popular in your nation okay so do you guys like do your nations like harambe memes oh 19 of people. Pokemon Go memes. That's 11%. Political memes. That's a big winner. 35% right there.

What about rage comics? That's 19%. Or what about social justice warrior slash feminist memes? Only 6% on that one. Or how about celebrity memes? That's got a respectable 10%. Is that memes about celebrities or memes who themselves are celebrity? The memes...

And that's a dark cyberpunk future right there. See, you have to question these things when we're talking about abstract ideas of nations. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the future, celebrityism, like the concept of celebrityism, celebrity is distilled down to memes. That's not bad. That's not bad.

I am going to NaNoWriMo right now and say, I have this idea. Tell me how to write it. And then no one will respond. And then I'll be done. I have this idea. Tell me how to write it. And then no one will respond.

And then I'll be done. In Pantopia, all memes. Oh, I suck. In Pantopia, all memes must be approved by the government before being posted on the Internet. Pantopian Ministry of Communication and have been approved by the Grand Premier, an avid meme consumer himself, as a tool in, quote, cultural warfare against capitalism. The Grand Premier has launched meme campaigns against the U.S. and other capitalist states. The Ministry of Culture also employs an army of trolls known as the People's Cyber Cultural Army, I'm sorry, the People's Cyber Cultural Army, or the PCCA, to harass the enemy state's leaders online, as well as attack websites of things the grand premiere deems as, quote, cultural crimes. as, quote, cultural crimes.

One example is the PCCA's continued harassment of the band Nickelback and the movie Minions, of which the grand premiere has said it's literally the most capitalist thing in existence. It only exists to make money. It's so different from other movies. Yeah, I mean, Despicable Me was about the art. But then when they spun off that bullshit. Memes, trolling, and other social media tools are used by Pantopia in the never-ending people's revolution.

I'm pro-communism, socialism, Bernie Sanders, gay rights, USSR, USA! Surprising, right? I'm neutral on religion, western democracy, transgenderism, and feminism, but I'm against conservatism, capitalism, oligarchy, Donald Trump, and

racism. I am a hero of our day. I have a theory that it will be impossible for any of us to get through these without doing comic book guy Toby the Nerd from American Splendor or Snagglepuss because I think all of these posts have to be read in those voices

I think Lemon just did all three of those I think he did yeah it was a nice cornucopia yeah Lemon you can go now hat trick thanks a bunch guys nice cornucopia. Yeah, Lemon, you can go now. Okay. Okay. Hat trick. Thanks a bunch, guys. Okay.

So, Achilles Heelys, your name is Ruh? That is R-U hyphen. That's pronounced Ruh. Oh, you're right. You're a werewolf lawyer. Yeah. Alright. Since a lot of young

Ruvians use the internet, there is of course a heavy use of memes from them online. Though using them offline is considered to be one of the most geeky things a person can do. So a lot of them try and avoid doing that.

So geeky is a bad thing in your country? Oh, yes. You're a left-leaning college state. Yeah, well, I just do a fake nation on the internet. I don't do anything geeky. Oh, okay, cool. Awesome.

How's that cheerleader that you're fucking? So hot and in Canada. Ruby and... How's that cheerleader that you're fucking? So hot and in Canada. My sister. Ruvians tend to like old memes. If you see someone recycling a five-plus-year-old meme online, there's a good chance it's a Ruvian who still thinks it's funny. They also prefer ones that develop from streams, streamers, video games, TV shows, or internet videos. They also love the shitpost.

Most tend not to find Harambe to be all that funny, and it's relatively rare to see them create silly jokes about Ruby in politics. Many of them just tend to not find this type of irony very funny when it comes to that. In general. Oh my god! Oh! Is that oh my god or erma gurd? Erma gurd!

A lot of Rubians, young and old, prefer to keep their political opinions to themselves unless asked directly about them, are among others who they know share their political affiliation or are sufficiently provoked by the behavior of those that do not. So, yeah. That's cool. That's cool. I like that you're like meme hipsters. That's awesome. The fine- uh and then uh boots finish this off with uh

is it concert you tell the conservatarian states oh yeah yeah i'm uh the representative of the spokesperson of the conservatarian states. What kind of a nation is that? A capitalist nation. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Our, our,

our nation says vote against Hillary. Cause we got someone named Hillary here. Oh, what a coincidence. Mm. Yeah. We're pro gun rights and you know, yep.

You can guess the rest. Yeah. We're pro Nigel Farage. No, that's not true. Nobody's pro-Nigel Farage. We are. Who the fuck? Who the fuck would look at that pile of aged cheddar

and be like, yeah, I'm about that. But we're neutral on LGBT and Putin. We're neutral about Putin being gay. Yeah. I like that your country that's definitely not America is pro the American Constitution. Hey, hey. We like what they're doing over there. I can just get, you know.

Emissary, is the Democratic Party one of your cons? The current Democratic Party is. Oh, okay. Thank you for clarifying. Do you think this political commentary might be too subtle? One of our cons is safe spaces. You're against safety! That's terrific. One of our cons is safe spaces. Ugh. Great. You're against safety.

That's terrific. You prick. Okay, anyway, back to the whole thing about the meme shit. Yeah. Yeah. One guy says, Liberalism is good. The other thousand guys laugh uncontrollably.

Done. Enough said. Do you like my dank meme? It's good. That's super dank. I picture there's some kind of picture of an idiot there

and then the text is over it. Or just like laughing smart people. Let's have more fun. So this thread is called Post Useless Facts About Your Nation. That's supposed to all be useless facts.

Isn't that the fucking mission statement of this? No, no, no, no, no, no. Those were serious things. Now we're going to get a little bit less serious. I'm sorry. I was mistaken. Okay. So, Mom, I'm from the nation of Huswayi,

which is capitalized. Capitalized nation. It's a Franz-lised capitalist nation. Post useful facts about your nation. It's a Franz-list capitalist nation. Post-justice facts about your nation. If Husuai were as densely populated as its most densely populated city, being Lachlan with 10 million inhabitants, living in a city only 35 times the size of Vatican City,

Husuai's population, taking into account the strict environmental laws which restrict building in certain areas would be the highest in the world huh? did you like my fact? did you like my fact? I want another one

okay we sell our milk in jars yeah great fact also there is a loophole in our laws that mean HUSOI's border control team are legally exempt from hate crime laws oh yeah it's fun the guy under me's avatar is portal okay so it's weird that that uh there's nothing about cakes and lies in their facts, though. Well, not in this post.

I get a feeling. Well, tell me about it, Boots. Take Daft Universe there. Sure, I'm Daft Universe. I'm Daft Universe. Where did that voice come from? That better fit the text, Mr. Reindeer. I just overthrew the other guy who was Death Universe.

Anyway, bread can't be made on Wednesdays. Buildings move regularly. Our sea has 1.0003% more salt in it than most Cs. We own our own C. It's so wacky. I'm a mad portal fan. Who are you now?

I'm also a terrible RPer. Sure, whatever. Frank, you're an emissary, right? Yes, I am the emissary from the Intergalactic Universe Corporation. We consume

some of the greasiest food in the world. Oh, you're Scotland. Well, our police are essentially part of the military. That's it. those are fun facts you have any other things about like being porn addicts oh do I

oh I see that I have posted I've heard that your country is all porn addicts I'm sorry I post a lot you have other useless facts to share I do give me a moment galact wow that's a word to share. I do. Give me a moment. Mm-hmm. Galact... Wow, that's a word. Galacticans

are all porn addicts since all TV programs have nudity, swearing, and basically inappropriate content in them. Even the news is uncensored. Uncensored. Galact... So, Galact... Galacticans... It's a mouthful. Even the news is uncensored. Uncensored.

So, Galacticans... It's a mouthful. ...are porn addicts because TV is porn. Yes. So they're addicted to it because it's there. That's powerful. See? That's the kind of social satire that we were looking for there. You know?

It's about our coarsening... I love it. I love it. I love it. Jimmy Franks. Yeah. You mean Zadafel? Oh, yeah, that is what I meant. What do you, what do you got to say?

Well, this is Zadafel from corporate police state. You want a fun fact about my state? I do want a fun fact. I love these fun facts. Zadafel's army is instilled with deeply racist motives to promote the mistreatment of enemy civilians and POWs. That is a fun fact. Thanks, Zatafel.

You betcha. What's, uh, nevermind. Is there any information you want to share in your signature? Let me tell you. Let me tell you let me tell you about uh zadafel okay what's that well i'm i'm pro right wing israel the donald guns free speech capitalism switzerland germany britain leaving the eu temporary ban on muslims until everything gets sorted out if you know what i mean

republicans and russia Sort it out if you know what I mean. Republicans in Russia. And it's not like you even need to ask, but I'll tell you, I'm anti-Hillary Sanders. Democrats. Radical Islam. ISIS. Illegal immigration. Black Lives Matter because they obviously do. Obama.

MSNBC. Left wing. Radical anything virtually turkey trump protesters who have no valid points zetta fell out okay cool so i'm a gross dude why would you say that is it unrelated to your post in general outside of the terrific uh uh sheen that i put on here i'm terrible in other ways um oh oh oh cool hey you remember that super fun um uh guy with the memes and the dancing swastika flag? You know? The Pantopia?

Achilles Heelies, will you take that guy, please? Sure. I was hoping that Pantopia had a panty-based economy. Oh, that would be good. The Grand Premier has a name this time. That's exciting. Well, in 2014,

our Grand Premier authorized the shooting down of a jet carrying the band Nickelback. Oh, snap! Grand Premier Cart... Take that, Shaggy. Grand Premier Cartopa claimed they were cultural criminals and accused them of trying to spread their degenerate, imperialist music to Pantopia. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Rumors say that after the... Way to take down one of the most popular bands. Mm-hmm. Like, just really, like, good job there. Do you have thoughts on the Spice Girls and Hansel? They don't even play their own fucking instruments, okay? I mean, my country thinks that they don't even play their own fucking instruments, okay? I mean, my country thinks that they don't even play their own fucking instruments. Rumors say after the shootdown of the G6 carrying the band,

Obama made a secret call to Kartoppa, praising him for his actions. On international Pantheopian Airlines flights, one is allowed to smoke Pantopian marijuana in a special smoking room on the plane. That's actually not up to your country at all. Oh, never mind. If it's Pantopian

Airlines, never mind. Then you're fine. You're fine. Great. Weekly masturbation is mandatory in some Pantopian socialist republics to promote good erotic health. Hey, that sounds like a fun country to live in. Everyone come to Pantopia. Get jacked, criminal!

Hey, wait. When's the last time you jerked? Hey, you. Hey, you. Hey, you. Get over here. You're under arrest. Jerking will continue until morale improves.

Jerking is double plus good. It is rumored that in the 1990s, the Pantopian government used LSD and mind control procedures on captured members of the Brothers of Freedom Terror Group. Many captured members of the group say they remember very little of the late 1990s and early 2000s. Experts say these experiments were Pantopia's version of MKUltra.

So that's fun. I mean, it was your version of MKUltra because that's literally MKUltra that you're describing right there. So, yes, you're correct. Those are well-qualified experts. Congratulations. All right.

Sorry. Got to go work for us. Okay. Okay. Fuck off. Later. Got to go back to the jerking minds. Jerking in a coal mine, going down, down.

It's time for my compulsory masturbation. This press conference is over. Everybody's jerking for the weekend. Oh my god. Hey, what are your government's current plans uh my name is who's why again all right this is a database of government plans essentially so keep updating your posts as your government develops new priorities here's who's current priorities okay bullet point number one. Fund what's going well to make it even better.

Yeah. I don't know why I have other bullet points. That's weird. Defund what's going poorly to make it even worse. Okay. Bullet point number two. Repair relations with enemy nations. Number three. Take in refugees and asylum seekers from war

torn and tyrannical nations And number four, invest in the IUC International Underground Currency Sure, why not Bitcoin Yeah, Bitcoin! Bitcoin!

And Jimmy Franks You have some hyphen points there. You are from the nation of Ataria. Ataria. Yes. Ataria. This is Ataria, the New York Times Democrat. Current plans of Ataria.

Make more antimatter plants. Make antimatter plants. Make antimatter bombs. Test weapons on the moon. Antimatter on the anti-moon. Find different dimensions. Spread socialism. And take more land. Good.

First you get the antimatter, then you get the women. I make more antimatter plants. Plants made entirely of antimatter. What kind of plants? Put them in the bombs. Okay. I need more land to make the plants.

And Boots, what do you have there? Yeah, I'm Turtle Shroom 2. Oh have there? Yeah, I'm Turtle Shroom 2. Oh, hey. Yeah, I'm Turtle Shroom 2, and I got an idea here. Excellent. Yeah, it's kill all the commies! I escalated quickly I hope you continue to update your post

as things change your nation so many rioters that was really big text it sure was my name's uh archa archipelago bay i'm an attache for a civil rights love fest country okay here's the things that we're working on pretty good pretty good uh you can subscribe to my newsletter So direct democracy Yes yes absolutely

I'm so glad you're with me I'm going to keep taking you with me though Expanding public health care Finally someone who's Looking out for the people of this Single payer motherfucker Absolutely you ready I'm on board

Boosting the military budget Yes you know what the national defense is very important We want to have a safe place For our healthy, happy citizens Healthy, happy people I got one more, polygamy Well now I'm interested Finally, I've got the creepo vote.

It's a vote-sharing program. If you vote for me, you can fuck my wife. Oh, boy. I think it's if you vote for me, I can fuck your wife. I'm fine with that too. Uh, okay. I think Achilles Heelys has something to say. Oh, what does Achilles Heelys have to say?

Alright, well, my plans are build up the military industrial complex, acquire weapons of mass destruction, invest heavily in poultry agriculture so the price of chicken tendies

in GBP drops, stabilize the rare Pepe market, Fuck you! God damn it! I thought we were away from my fucking thread! You son of a bitch!

I make every thread this thread. Why? Why does Pepe need to show up in this thread too? Well, don't worry. I'm going to research a cure for the friend zone. And spread euphoric

bronyism to other nations. And finally, export the beta uprising to other nations. Alright. I know for sure if I kill myself

I'll never hear those words again It's the only way I can know for sure Are you sure there isn't a hell lemon? You're banking a lot on this Good point Oh Jimmy Franks

Yep Your name is Pant-Pantalm. Pantalm, you're a bureaucrat from the psychotic dictatorship of Pantalm. Psychotic dictatorship. Yo. It was frightening. I'm not going to do that voice for the rest of the show. Oh, really?

Priorities of Jesus Christ. priorities of jesus christ domestic brutally suppress occult movement these are the domestic priorities of jesus christ i am running for office and this is my platform listen if i'm ever crucified brutally suppress occult movements, okay? I, when you've elected, I will enforce church attendance. I will execute all infidels of Christendom by crucifixion. Ooh, ironic.

And I will find God. Wait, does that mean you're not religious right now? That's weird. No, he's... Look, Wait, does that mean you're not religious right now? Because that's weird. No, he's... Look, first I'll kill people in God's name, then I'll find God. He's gonna, like, just look under rocks and shit. Oh, there he is.

Of all the people who have ever existed who shouldn't need to find God, Jesus Christ should be at the very top of that. He is. No? Stellar. My stellar priorities are declare war on

alien civilization. Good idea. What are you going to do after that? I will make first contact with alien civilization. Yeah. Otherwise they won't know that anybody's at war with them. make first contact with alien civilization. Yeah. And then I will... Otherwise they won't know that anybody's at war with them.

I will call them up and say, Hey! I declare war on you. The Klingons! We've been at war with you for a year! And then I will colonize Alpha Centauri, Sirius, and Bernard's star systems. Well, what are your military goals? My military goals are thus.

Continue extermination of the pony races. Cool. I'm okay with that. Fine. Now, is he talking about, like, bronies? Or is he talking about, like, the horse races? Like, off-track betting? Yeah, you know, he thinks it's unconscionable.

You know? Shetland ponies are show animals. They're not racing animals. Commence extermination of additional alien races. Maintain military factories, and declare war on anyone

That isn't a human Oh I'm sorry it wasn't priorities It was priorities of Jesus Christ Prioritize I'm glad that we were able to tackle so many of these serious subjects I don't know if you guys remember this But I'm still that we were able to tackle so many of these serious subjects. I don't know if you guys remember this, but I'm still from the nation of Huswayi! I love the nation of Huswayi. Reality TV in your nation?

Okay. In Huswayi, we love reality TV because we adore slut-shaming reality TV stars. We just love to slut-shame in general. Oh, I hate the nation of Huswayi. What? You loved it like a sentence ago. What changed your mind? I remembered.

Oh! I like your short memory. Do you like me now, though? Yeah. Okay, cool. Watching reality TV and then slut-shaming the stars is something teenagers call one of their favorite past

times. They call it one of their favorite past times. Time they did that. Our teenagers are dumb. A famous reality TV show known all over the world is Celebrity Scandals. Okay? You like it?

You're on board, right? You like me, right? Yeah, yeah. Good. Okay, so let me tell you about Celebrity Scandals. It's basically Big Brother, but you get to watch the celebrities have sex. It is purely uncensored. I don't think I like you.

Oh. This is quite a rollercoaster, me and you are having. Excuse me, but is it okay if I immigrate? Yeah! We've been meaning to just bring you into office, like whatever you want. Treasury? Secretary? Energy? Transportation? do you want? Treasury? Secretary? Energy?

Transportation? Whatever you want. Oh, gosh. I just take a kind look and a pat on the head. Minister of Anime Studies. Boots, your name is Europe and Oceana. You're a diplomat. That's a real, you know, never mind I withdraw my objection immediately

Okay, thanks Europe and Oceana Great Reality TV is not popular at all in our nation Reality TV is all staged and is way too fake,, corny

and cliche for us that word is not cliche oh sorry and cleech for us we prefer much more realistic dark, harsh shows movies

and documentaries dark comedies Dark, harsh shows, movies, and documentaries. Dark comedies are popular in our nation. This is Tribe 38, a bureaucrat from an inoffensive centrist democracy. Oh, inoffensive. Great. Cool. Awesome.

I'm not going to be offended by you. That's right. Reality TV is very popular in our nation. Our most popular reality show is Commie Deathmatch, where communists are sent to coliseums to fight several kinds of predators. They all die. Several kinds of predators? So, like, movie predators? Several kinds.

There's the movie predators. There's the movie predators. There's the sexual predators. There's the actual like animal predators like bobcats. You got your mountain lions and wolves, some coyotes. Angler fish. Got them all. Sexual predators. Put them in a coliseum.

Put them all in there with those commies and let them duke it out. Hey, that sounds. Oh, my God. You're. No, we're going to drop a bomb on them because they all die. We're just going to let them fight for a while and then we're going to blow them up. Nobody's getting out.

That was cool. And then, Frank West, if you will pronounce the emoticon in Tribe 38's signature there. Oh, if you support capitalism, put this in your signature. Hmm. Appreciate that.

You're welcome. That is a top hat and monocle of Otakon. You guys still like me, right? Because I'm Huswaii! Oh, no. That's the worst catchphrase. The singer! I'm Huswaii!

You guys still like me as the national anthem. Social justice warriors in your nation! Oh, no. Please stop slapping me. Social justice warriors are completely hated in Hussuayi since we are perfectly equal.

Being a social justice warrior in Hussuayi can lead to our citizens showing their hatred for your hypocritical ideas. We are anti-discrimination towards the people social justice warriors are protecting but we discriminate against social justice warriors a lot i'm the best so good i'm so good at being a human being anyway i just want

to talk about social justice warriors uh but does Great Britannia have anything to add there, Achilles? It's Richard Garriott. Sorry, what? Welcome to space. Grand Britannia. Yep. You're a postmaster general.

A fantastical, imaginary nation. Any attempt... Oh, you're... I'm sorry. Sorry, no, go ahead. Any that attempt to spread their divisive ideology would face five years jail time minimum for the disruption of social order.

In accordance with section 12 of the cultural and civic values charter, an attack on the social stability of the nation. So... and civic values charter an attack on the social stability of the nation. So proclaiming that people have rights is a violation of their rights? Is that what you're saying?

Absolutely. Okay. Thank you, civilization NPCs. You found iron. Frank West, you are even less of Maconia. Is that? Okay, that is actually, the country is named even less of Maconia.

Okay. Yep, yep, yep. Sure. It's a capitalist paradise. Yes. of maconia okay yep sure it's a capitalist paradise yes in maconia being an sjw means thinking hey wouldn't it be nice if people had the vote and we didn't sterilize the poor the overton window in maconia is simply too far right for sjws to make much of an impact you don't complain about the representation of women in video games

when it is still considered acceptable for the state to execute people without trial. I mean, that's true. No, I agree. Yep, that is accurate. Cool. Most radical egalitarians would be called right libertarians in the West. What? Hmm.

What does that mean? What? What does that mean? Means that we are so good and awesome and right wing that even your right wingers aren't right wing enough for us. Wow, Glembekistan, cool. skipping over a piece called furries in your nation I'd just like to point out that furries in your nation features the nation of Donald J. Trump

America I know all the best furries I know the foxes I know the horses and they all say I'm great and some of them I imagine All right. I know the foxes. I know the horses. And they all say I'm great. And some of them, I imagine.

Let's see. So there's some time where they role play as their country in like sort of a thread that goes on for a while. But here is an important choice that we're going to have to make here, F+. Can we just get a note about the country roleplaying from the submitter of this document? Please and thanks submitted this document. So it says country roleplaying, and then it says all the non-pony roleplaying

is unimaginably boring. So we have a choice to make. And I think Jimmy Franks, you should probably make this choice. All right. All right. Would you like to read the thread entitled Anti-Pony Alliance? Or would you like to read the thread entitled the coalition of pony estates god damn it god damn you

lemon what what I'm just giving you a choice just choose whatever you like this Faustian bargain fine uh I'll take number two okay uh get this over with laughing laughing why are you so mad do you need me to bring Huskoi Eo back

laughing no let me give you a back massage Why are you so mad? Do you need me to bring Husqvarna back? No! Let me give you a back massage! Yow! Alright, so yeah, your name is Ermanian? Sure. This is Ermanian. Cool.

From the Coalition of Pony Estates in Character Updated. Apparently I've done a bunch of these. Do you have some sort of official paperwork you want to bring us? Yeah, so this is from the letterhead. This is the Declaration of Creation of the Coalition of Pony Estates from the desk. Oh, God. From the desk of his royal bronyness, King Alexander I of Antinai.

And a tie-ee! Okay. Friends, friends ponies bronies I'm proud to have arrived on the political scene coincidentally at just the right moment to see the rise of a glorious new movement yeah the pony age is upon us all

around the globe ponies and their allies myself included strongly in the latter arising up and swallowing countries whole in great bursts of friendship and harmony truly there has been no better time in history than right now to be a pony or brony and i say it is time to size the opportunity to come together as one in worship of the ones whose light guides us both literally and figuratively, the wisest of any of us, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.

I'm going to guess it's my little pony character. I'm going to pause for applause here. That's what the teleprompter's telling me. How long is the pause on the teleprompter? Hours. Hours, okay. Can you just tell him? Okay, thank you, appreciate that.

It's really hard for ponies to clap, so you got to give them time to figure out how to balance on their back legs. Okay. I hereby found a group that I hope will lead ponies to ultimate friendly victory over the forces of the grumpy, rude, and unpleasant. I hereby found the Coalition of Pony Estates, a group for those nations whose leaders and members are themselves poniest, that is to say, who believe in the cause of pony estates, a group for those nations whose leaders and members are themselves pony-ist, that is to say,

who believe in the cause of ponies, and slash, or are, and I and others like me already am, are under the wise guidance of the Regal Sisters. The goal of this organization is going to be

to make sure that pony estates around the globe no longer live in isolation or fall into friendless eggheadism and bookworming without experiencing the magic of friendship between nations. What was the B word that you used there? Bookworming? Yeah.

Okay. I don't know. I also suggest henceforth that we also consider this coalition of pony estates to be banded together in more than merely name. I urge member nations to stand together and help one another grow and prosper, Wow. Wow. encouraging friendship between our citizens and ourselves. So I urge you, one and all, all those who truly wish to make something amazing, friendly, and bona fide,

to join us. And together, we can make not only all of Equestria, but all of the world a brighter place. Thanks. Thanks, King Alexander I. King of Antinai. So a number of countries have signed this treaty.

What are some of the countries that are in here? Well, obviously, Antinai and Shota Island is the founder. The Greater Pony Herd is the co-founder. We've got Shrilland, Consclespia, Solbella, Hippostania, Lacania, Lacostlia, Princess Luna, Ponystan, Yellow Apple, Edisiopia, Imoran,

Lubiak, Muffinvania, Bensha, Tasha, Salverity, the Republic of Lanos, Austria, Bohemia, and Hungary. It's very important to include them. Corsino, Orkligstad, Superbutuayan, Crystal Spires, Coral's Land, the United States of Peace, Heidelberry Island, Sycopolis, Equestrian States,

Scallon, Hobbyist Republic, which is an offshoot of Hobby Lobby, Crystal Grove Point, and Yesophalia. Now, I feel like it's important also to include the Observer Nations, Crumpia, Sarissia, Holy Marsh, Emeritaria, Seltrinia, Minrods, and Johannes. No, nations of the region of Mistry are considered COPS members. I don't even fucking know. RP members. These members belong only to Corp.

Fuck it. I don't care. Eurasia, Earth Sphere Coalition, Rest in Haven, New Freedom Stand, and Indostan. I'm fucking done. A bunch of your countries don't seem to exist. Like, I clicked on... Most of the links didn't work.

Oh, did you look at the map? Because there was a map apparently. They're all broken image links. Oh, cool. Even better. All right. I mean, there's a non-broken... Well, that's an accurate representation

of their man. There's one non-broken picture and it's a meme. So there you go. Not enough of those. All right. This is five years old. So we are coming down to the end of this document here.

And we need to close it with something, what do you want to say, that we can meditate on. Something that we can think about. Something we can carry with us. Is that what you call J.O.? J.O.? so uh frank west uh do you have an important piece you would like to share i do okay what's that i'm the sector union and just for reference i posted this on may 26 2013 the sarah i'm sorry i thought i was ready but i but I wasn't. The thread has a title. Please read the title of your thread. The title of the thread is The Sarah Palin Fetish Conspiracy.

Oh, good. Great. The 2016 U.S. presidential election may be three years away, but I said something weird is going to happen. So far, correct. While I worry that the next U.S. president after Obama might be a Democrat, I fear that a Republican is going to win the next election, and something tells me it might be Sarah Palin.

Not vice president, but president. I mean, you're not completely wrong. How great would that reveal be? Trump just pulls off and unzips his mask. A lot of conservatives tend to have some sort of sexual fantasy of the physical characteristics of

Sarah Palin, may even liberal Democrats. People have voted Obama because he was black. If people voted for Obama because of that, people might as well be voting for Sarah Palin because she's a MILF.

Oh, gross. You know, when I was growing up in the 50s, I never thought we'd have a MILF president. Why did we let John Cougar Mellencamp run for office? So, if she is ever a candidate for the next election, I'm pretty sure she might use her looks to win supporters.

They would not care about her future policies and her ideals. That's a hard sentence to read totally straight. Her charm and charisma will blind male voters and win her over. This is not a good thing! This is why we get dummies for president. The reason George W. Bush

was elected was because he was a clown. That's fucking insightful. Good job, Politico reporter. I see you've looked at all the data. Congratulations. Wow, that's fucking insightful. Good job, Politico reporter. I see you've looked at all the data. Congratulations. He turned the White House into a comedy show. People say he was a war criminal. In my opinion, he didn't know what the hell he was doing.

He was just president. What? These guys just come to me with all this piece of paper? I like whatever they're like sign them and i'm like okay easiest job ever man that's my judge i'll be driving my own fucking car and obama was elected simply because he was making a racial difference in u.s history absolutely yep nope good good recent presidents are getting voted for stuff like this this is a disturbing trend the current generation of the u.s doesn't give a rat's ass about politics they just want some cool-looking guy or gal to be president and get freedom in return. Cool-looking guys and gals like Sarah Palin and John McCain.

The reason McCain chose Sarah Palin as his vice president was to win over the equality voters, mainly liberals, that he's got a woman on his side. Oh, what a good job! I think your political simulator game is working out pretty good. What are we going to do to win over all the liberals? But Obama's race still overwhelmed it,

and Mitt Romney didn't stand a chance with Paul Ryan. Wait. Oh, okay. Sure. So it's very likely that Sarah Palin might use her looks to win the next election. If this keeps happening, we're just gonna have a bunch of presidents that can't do shit. Rumors say Justin Timberlake might run for president. Your thought.

Well, it would make your mandatory masturbation time go a little easier, I guess. I don't know. I stopped reading when I saw liberal and Democrat used in the same sentence. Try again. Besides, Sarah Palin isn't even a gamilf. She's just a grandma. What do we learn from this fucking side of us? Nothing.

I don't like I don't, like, I don't, almost none of these people are, like, role-playing as a country. They're role-playing as themselves if they were a country. Actually, what I really liked about this is there was, there were two things that we saw,

and it was a mix of the two, and they didn't seem to, like, they seemed to get along fine. There was two things. There was one of them was a nation that the two, and they didn't seem to... They seemed to get along fine. There was two things. One of them was a nation that is just the United States or Britain. And the other thing, which was Malatorra. It was only the two. It was one or the other.

I got a feeling that this is a place for people that aspire to be political cartoonists but have no sense of humor and can't draw I don't see how that's ever stopped speaking of obvious jokes sorry no we

okay they have no sense of humor and they can't hold a pencil I'd say it's weird because I messed around on this site for like a month at one point just with the actual game thing that's going on and I didn't see any of this I had no idea this was there Can you describe the game thing?

It gives you fake scenarios, and you make a choice, and then it changes your country's political leanings one way or the other. That was the main thing. It was kind of fun. And you can join with other nations. This is what happens when... This game didn't have all that much content,

and it was kind of just thought up quickly as a promotional tool, but then it got way popular than the book it was promoting so it just existed for like 12 years at this point so these are the dudes who hang on to something that doesn't have a whole lot in it and they just keep doing it

yeah right they've made this completely something else that's yeah that's cool cause like they all like build it felt like every single person that we read like like spent uh they sat down and they went all right i am going to build the fiction of this world dinosaurs i'm done like the shit is so paper thin like every single one of

them like doesn't need a full sentence to describe what the country is about. Yeah, the closest we got to someone really putting effort and thought into their roleplay was the guy who was a really hardcore conservative and made a fake liberal country run by his idea of SJWs.

Right. That's the closest we got. And if you're looking for a place to be dominated physically and intellectually, you should come to F Plus Live! All of the people in this recording will be there. I'm looking to be dominated. All the people will be there. Bring Frank West back to your

fuck dungeon. Ooh! Murder sex dungeon. It'll be a great time. Go. Bye. Bye. Frank, what's this character's name? I really like him. Will he be an F plus one? Lemmy. His name's Lemmy? Frank, what's this character's name? I really like him. Yeah, yeah, he's good.

Will he be an F plus? Lemmy. His name's Lemmy? What? Lemmy was reincarnated as that guy? Is Lemmy Kilmeister? No, a different Lemmy. Oh, okay. Sometimes people think I'm the other Lemmy, and then they see me.

But before they see me, it's the highlight of my day. I only dress as a slightly less fancy Nazi. I have four balls.