The F Plus - 237: Craigslist Has Forums?

Episode Date: December 28, 2016

While Grindr may have revolutionized the way people have anonymous gay sex, Craigslist is still a useful repository for people looking for gross furniture, seedy "modeling" jobs and unpaid gigs for exposure. But in addition to all that, they apparently have forums for some reason. In this episode, we're looking specifically at the Ettiquite forums of craigslist, to learn how we can all be better mannered participants in the human race, mainly by gaslighting our husbands. This week, The F Plus popped your pussy and toggled your tits.

I see a bat, dingo, hyena, coyote, and raccoon. Alright, fine. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, but I wanted to say things anyway. I'm the raccoon, guys. I'm the bat. I'm the top hat. Welcome to the Monopoly podcast. We're playing Monopoly. Somebody got it. I'm a boot.

I want to be the thibble. Alright, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Please! Please! Please! Please! Good evening. This is the F Plus Podcast. All right, here we go. Here we go. Please, please, please, please. Good evening. This is the F Plus Podcast, America's foremost source for terrible things read with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have Boots Reingear. At the end of this episode, Lemon's going to say laissez-flair.

Nobody's going to call him on it. Fuck! Boots says what we're all thinking. I noticed that thank you thank you boots thank you that's gonna be okay how did you know? Because that hasn't happened yet.

Amazing. John Toast? FYI, there is a spice called cayenne pepper and also another spice called chipotle pepper. Jimmy Franks? Sometimes it is also important to be kind to older ladies who are past their sexual prime because they are still very entertaining.

Frank West. I want to thank you all. I finally realized that this site is clearly not for me. Bunny bread. Hi, I'm Single White Hyphen and featured in the upcoming Big Butt Satan Sluts Part 5. And Lemon. Fuck you, is that cussing?

Because the internet is so piss off and grow balls. So grow balls. So grow balls. Grow balls, new from Mattel. Is that a Pokemon? Hey, F-Plus. Hi, Lemon. Hello, Lemon.

Hi, Lemon. Hey, you've all, everyone in this room, you've all been on the internet before, right? Like, you're all... No, okay. Like, you're familiar with... I've been on... I've been on... ...through a tin can and a string.

Sounds like it, yeah. Yeah, I'm using telepathy. I've used CompuServe. Does that count? No. Technically, I think it does. I think it does. Well, I want to remind you of a site that, in fact,

very much still exists, still going strong. It's called Craigslist. You're familiar with Craigslist, except for here's something that I just learned super recently. Did you know that Craigslist has forums? No. What? No.

Before that, I saw it as just a place where you could get a used couch and an anonymous handjob. At the same time. I thought it was an FBI honeypot. You could also get an anonymous couch and a used handjob. I have found myself in the human garbage dump called Rants and Raves once or twice. Does that count? That sounds like a good place. Yeah, so we are going to be visiting today.

We are going to be visiting forums.craiglist.org What? It is a site that has no use for CSS. It feels that it is a luxury that does not need to be spent time on. Yeah, but it has frames. It does have frames.

All of the things that we're going to be reading today from this document, this document provided to us reading today from this document, this document provided to us by Nikkei or Draken, we are going to be in Craigslist forums etiquette.

We are in the etiquette forums of Craigslist. To start us off, Jimmy Franks, what's going on with your nephew? I see my nephew a few times a year. I just saw him today and he is getting fat. My sister, his mother, is fat.

He's eight years old and loves to stay inside and play video games all the time. He doesn't go out and get exercise. I want to say something, should I or none of my business. John Toast, explain some etiquette, will you please? I'm tough nut. What's up, tough nut? When you see him, encourage him to get outside. Take him places where he will get some exercise.

Play catch. Go for a run or a walk. Talk to him, but don't put him down. Ask him what he'd like to do outside. So do you have to be carrying him the entire time that you're talking to him? No, it means don't euthanize him. Oh, okay.

Well, that would be poor etiquette if you murdered him. And illegal. It's not murder. He was begging for it by being fat. I mean, the problem

is it's only his nephew. If it was his kid, then sure. Yeah, that's different. Make him not scared of being outside by holding him up above your head

and your hands and screaming the entire time as you run not actually in the text listeners to see you sorry sorry i gotta i remember i remember where we are okay um ask him what he'd like to do outside maybe you could get him into a sport little league or swimming. Those are the two sports. Boots, would you stay on topic here and bring some proper etiquette? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sea guy. I'm sea guy. We are a nation of

fat fucking pigs. Yeah, yeah. Etiquette. Y'all zone out in front of the tube thinking the Jersey Shore, the real Jersey Shore, is nothing but 18-year-old hotties cavorting a bar-based volleyball courts by day and throwing themselves around like tabloid whores at night.

The reality... I mean, I watched a little bit of that show that doesn't really describe it very well. There was like hot tubs and head-butting walls. That's what I remember. Yeah, but it's not bad either. The reality is that beaches are infested with butterball lard barges

that need DOT permits to travel the coast. Lard barges? They need EPA variances to launch from the beach and Coast Guard hazmat waivers before they flush themselves with seawater. Hey, but seriously, folks, I got to tell you. The Phyllis Moran... My fat line, please. I don't know what the Phyllis Moran is The Phyllis Moran

Is permanently stationed off the Jersey coast To keep these floating fats and oils Platforms and drifting into the approaches To the New York Harbor So they're fat You're saying How fat are they I think I just told you Hotties are an endangered species at the Jersey Shore. How fat are they? I think I just told you.

Hotties are an endangered species at the Jersey Shore. Not extinct yet, but definitely displaced by the ass-high grunting Boston butt roasts who root about... Probably wrong root, but I'm not sure. Maybe they're fucking. Maybe they're Australian people fucking. I don't know. They root about in the sand for watermelon rinds and Twinkie wrappers.

Lazy sloths need 90 days of boot camp with their lips stapled. We should begin with the national role model of all fat fucking pigs. Our first fat pig lady, Moochelle. Oh? Oh? Yeah, she's a fat woman, Michelle Obama. Yeah, she's an extraordinarily fat woman. Oh, man.

That's her defining feature. The hypocrite tells our kids to eat apple pie at school. No, apples. Sorry, no. To eat apples at school. Sorry, I just... Yeah. Then she herself sucks the deep fryers dry at McDonald's for lunch.

Is she known for that? Yeah, okay, I remember that. Yeah. That's the famous scandal from news this year, I believe. Yes. That was the scandal. That was the big news article. I believe it was called Dollar Menu Gate.

She ordered everything. This don't remember says it's all ages. Oh, no. Sorry. Does this not make a joke out of nutrition and health? And you want to know if you should say something about your nephew? Like what? Push back, bitch?

Yeah. That's going to work, you think? I love this post so much where somebody says something innocuous and then somebody pops in and it's like, here's all my fucking issues in your face. Yeah. Get ready for the truth.

I mean, there's plenty about sort of the simplicity of Craigslist that I enjoy, but the fact that I can't click on Seaguy's name to see all of his posts is definitely a failing of the site. Yeah. It's a problem. Bunny Bread, we're going to move away from this topic. Why? Well, because it's more of this.

Let's try people. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So we're going to move away from this topic into another one here. And it is a post by Chocolate Gelato. That's how you get fat, person. Okay, all right, that's fine. We're not into fat shaming. It's not where we're doing here.

So Chocolate Gelato, what do you have there? Hello, my name is a chocolate gelato. We are into Italian shaming, though. Damn right. I'm also fat in a mansion. Damn it. Bellissimo. You tricked me again.

Oh, lo siento. Bene. Okay. How do I control the disgust I have for my ex? I regret ever meeting, ever touching, ever having anything at all. It is so bad I am actually feeling ill. I believe something that resembles his scent. I get so upset.

This started about a few days ago, huh? Why is this happening? How do I get to see him in person? There's a huge issue pending. It has to do with his lack of responsibilities and denial and etc. and his periods. How do I go through with

a meeting? Is he in prison? Yes. Okay. How do I go? Why you skip ahead? How do I go through with a meeting? I agree. He needs to be involved with. I cannot do this, but I might end up in a family court vomiting if I smell him or see him near me in any way. Readers, I just want to make a note.

That wasn't like an accent flourish from Bunny Bread. It really does say nearning. I just want to point that out. Or see him Narnia-ing me in any way. I cannot hand him something. That's this. No. Well, good way to end the sentence.

Ciao. Jimmy Franks, does Evil Twist have anything to say? Oh, totally. Etiquette. Do not vomit. That's a good etiquette, totally. Etiquette. Do not vomit. Okay, well. That's a good etiquette, yeah. Why is it people never remember the things they liked about their exes?

Obviously, you didn't find him unappealing. What does it say about your taste that you ever found this man desirable? Maybe it's you, not him. Good etiquette would also be to not show that you are upset. One must maintain appearances. If you get upset, you will just look like a crazy woman. Or in current terminology,

put on your big girl panties and deal with it. I'm not a crazy woman. I'm a shit boy. Man. Oh, excuse me. I'm a Luigi Mario. Excuse me. I believe you mean scusi And now to feed some spaghetti to some dogs Bella Bella Mafia I'm an immigrant in New Jersey

Boots I'm going to read something But I want you to tell me what I'm going to read, okay? Okay. These are two related threads, but I'm only going to read one of them. So one of those threads is called, he puts the goddamn season salt on. Oh, yikes. I wrote that one. And the other one is called He took the goddamn season salt to my mom's!

Season salt. The legendary journeys. Let's go with mom. Alright, he took the goddamn season salt. We're gonna know how to follow with the sequel if we don't know the original. It's not actually a sequel. I mean, it might be, but they're from different, like,

one's from Single Hyphen and the other one is from Everything Before He Eat. Because he puts the goddamn season salt on everything before he eat. Or else he gets the hose again. Yeah.

A couple weeks since that reference has been made. Anyway, okay, he took the goddamn seasoned salt to my mom's I'm a single hyphen he took that goddamn seasoned salt over to Thanksgiving dinner at my mother's now you have

heard me complain about this guy before he just puts that orange colored seasoned salt onto every morsel he's about to eat. Nothing will go into his mouth without seasoned salt, and I am getting so sick and tired of it. Same as me complaining here. I have done so to my mom. First I go to the internet, then to my mom.

And so when he took the shaker out at her dinner table, as invited guests, it was rude of him. She flew off the handle something fierce I have never seen before. And my husband just says, sorry about that. Took mom the better part of an hour to calm down. And by that time, all our dinners were cold because we didn't dare eat without her. This seasoned salt is really tearing my marriage apart. Oh my god.

He's been cheating on this bitch named Mrs. Dash. Cheating with. Anyways. Don't think about it. Okay. I won't. Um. Don't think about it Okay, I won't Now it goes on to destroy my family too

And I can't take much more of it Yeah, so Thanksgiving Super fun at my house Boots, you are 9888 90 OP 0 I am Boots, you are 988890OP0. I am.

I'm 9889OP0. He likely has undiagnosed health issues, of which the excessive salt intake is a symptom. Google the issue. There are several diseases for which excessive salt intake is a primary symptom. If you think that the salt issue is tearing your marriage apart, you can continue to come here, bitch, moan, and complain like a shrew, or you could be a loving wife and do some research on an issue

that may well save your husband's life slash health and your marriage uh jimmy franks um you have a terrific name which is caps guy it's bossy's caps guy oh here we go strap in hey do you have any sort of like posting style or like a particular? No, I swear a lot of hats. I speak in a calm, modulated voice. This is how to break your husband of the seasoned salt habit. Buy some dried ghost peppers or dried scorpion peppers. They are two of the hottest peppers around.

Grind them up in a little spice mill. Take a jar of seasoned salt. Remove one quarter tablespoon of the seasoned salt and replace it with a quarter tablespoon of the hot pepper powder. Blend well. Every few days, repeat the procedure until the bottle is one half and one half. By then, your husband may decide that seasoned salt is just too damn seasoned for his taste buds.

Put your husband's life in danger. Be sure to check around the house for any hidden bottles and replace every bottle with the same formula. Holy shit. He has hidden bottles? Holy shit. He's just sneaking this shit when you're not looking. He's just snorting it.

Put some that's in the baggie in the toilet tank. Every day is salt Easter. Nobody gets behind me and my seasoned salt. Soon your husband will be back to regular salted pepper, and you had better not complain about how much of those he uses If he happens to enjoy the hot pepper salt Then at least you will have your own private joke And maybe it won't bother you so much that he is still using it

I think it will I think that's probably a lot of us He'll be dead I predict his eyes will be watering And he'll be coughing before you get to one tablespoon Of the hot pepper powder addition He may think his bottle went bad and go buy a new bottle. You know what to do should that happen.

Kill him. Man, you know, I used to love this Lowry salt, but then I put some on my chicken wings and I felt burning and pain and agony for an hour and a half. It must be expired. I don't know. I like the here's some helpful advice. Do a really bad attempt at gaslighting.

Yeah. A really, really shitty attempt at it. Spice raising. Hey, I'm Nudge Nudge Wink Wink. Okay, hey. What's up? What's up? Does he sprinkle it on your, you know...

Okay. Genitals. Oh! Okay, alright. Yeah. Oh, I see. That's clever. Frank West, does Wet Dreamer have anything to add to that? Hey, I'm Wet Dreamer have anything to add to that? Hey, I'm Wet Dreamer

Spinkle some on your pussy next time you have sex See if he likes your pussy seasoned or natural If he says WTF, tell him we put it on everything else

That's pretty good Wow You have to tell him, well, you put it on everything else. That's pretty good. I think an awful lot of sex is happening between this couple. You guys are the Jay and Silent Bob of Craigslist. Yeah, they're cool. I like doing this struck back boots you don't know how to approach this is that right yeah I'm a bunch of hyphens

okay oh I was hoping you would count I don't know how to approach this i found a bunch of porno dvds in my son's shed today what really bothers me is the name of some of them they're horrible some of them are satan sluts monkeys and heat and horny dirty sluts, monkeys and heat, and horny, dirty sluts, etc. Is this how they all are? I mean, I don't know, but like, I mean, if the price is cheap enough, I would buy Satan's sluts. Like, that sounds fun.

Oh, it's just taking me to Reddit. That's never a good result. To be fair, if I was looking for Satan's sluts, I'd go to Reddit. Fair enough. I'm also posting this in psychology. Sure. Why not? Good for you.

And then, Frank West, you are Lucy Lovelace. Please don't dox me. Oh, you want me to read it. They are perfectly normal. I know. I am a per... I'm sorry. They are perfectly normal.

I know. I am a professional sexual technician. I am a sex producer. Did you try getting turned off and on again? Thank you for calling. Thank you for calling the sexual help desk. Thank you. Thank you.

These women in the DVDs are not really in heat or sluts. Just trying to make money. I know that might be shocking. They probably despise sex, just like most people despise going to work. Yeah, that's the same. Another long day in the fuck mines.

Oh, lord, she's coming out with come long. It's a hard job. But someone has to do it. I have also appeared in several films like that. One called Horny Whores, where

I was the star, but the movie did not sell very well. Frank West, I forget. How do you spell whore? I think it's H-O-A-R. Oh, yeah. Whore. I think it's H-O-A-R Oh yeah Hoar Hoar Hoar

Hoar Hoar Hoar This was a Al Pacino themed Hoar is the Hoar is the all girl

gore cover band I've watched that I've watched that right now I believe hoar is a word that means like white with age. They spray menstrual blood on the audience. It's no different from war, from what I know. Fair enough.

So that was section one. Section one is called Family Issues. Family issues include doggy humping the visitors. Wait, so... Yeah. All right, so there's a lack of punctuation in there. family issues include doggy humping the visitors wait so alright so there's a lack of punctuation in there is it asking for advice on how to doggy hump visitors

or is it a problem with their doggy first time but you know Bunny Brad I'm going to give you a choice. You got two different threads you can choose from here. The first one is a thread by Jolinka, and it is called, I am tired of fat people hitting my car. Like punching it?

Or like hitting it and quitting it. Those are really stupid. They just roll down. You shouldn't have made it out of chocolate gelato. And thread number two is called, Is this annoying or helpful? Fat. No, wait, I've already made my fat jokes this evening.

Is it annoying or helpful? All right. Is it annoying or helpful? Terrific. Because there's a thread I'm looking forward to in that one. So, uh, so Bunnybread, uh, your name is, am I annoying or helpful?

Yeah. And not to spoil things, I think I know what you're looking forward to. Hmm. Is this annoying or helpful? Hello, I'm Ammy-annoying-or-helpful. Often, when someone posts a video online, they hold the phone vertically, which means it cuts off 70% of the video with huge black bars on the sides.

Yes. I want to say, hold your camera sideways so it films the whole thing oh i just said it is that annoying for me to say or helpful no one asked me for my opinion i'm giving my two cents without being asked but i don't know if it's actually being helpful and someone realizing that if they hold it sideways, then they get the whole image. Okay, so, okay. I mean, like, I mean,

I don't annoy people with that, but okay. Listen, I'm Spandex Weenie. Hello. Yeah. Is this annoying or helpful? Okay. Your posts are rather stupid and never helpful. Oh, thank you. Isn't Facebook more your speed? Spend more time here

and leave us alone here. Got it. Spend more time here and leave us alone here. Done and done. Your posts are stupid and never helpful. I'm not sure you'll understand this. We don't want you here.

He popped my pussy and toggled my tits. Wait, who is that? Who is that? This is Alfred Hitchcock Presents. Oh, excellent. A master of 20th century cinema weighing in on aspect ratio. He popped my pussy and toggled my tits.

He popped my pussy and toggled my tits. Try singing those pussy and toggled my tits. Try singing those words over the theme music to the iconic series Alfred Hitchcock presents. Go ahead. Okay. He popped my pussy and toggled my tits. He popped my pussy and toggled my tits. He popped my pussy and toggled my tits.

He popped my pussy and toggled my tits. He popped my pussy and toggled my tits He popped my pussy and he toggled Tits Thanks Alfred, thank you I don't know the theme song Alfred Hitchcock presents. Good night. That's how it goes.

I wonder what the alternate lyrics are. Okay. It's way too many syllables to fit into the theme. It's a lot like it's the night before Christmas, really. Okay. Okay. Obscene Wi-Fi network names.

I'm a single hyphen. As most of us know, the computers we connect to the internet all use a complex system of data exchange. We all know that, right? Totally. It's a complex system of data exchange. We all know that, right? Totally. It's a complex system of data exchange.

Many times, my computer will search for a Wi-Fi signal, and it will pull up a list that I am able to select my preferred network. In this case, I look for my own network, which is a generic, non-suggestive name. However, this does not stop my neighbors from using words like pussy, testicle,

slut fucker, whore bathhouse, anal babes of Sodom. Hey, get off of my Wi-Fi network! Then password protect it, asshole. I mean, these are names that my seven-year-old can pull up simply by trying to connect to the internet. And I think they should be regulated better.

Of course, once your seven-year-old is on the internet, he has no chance of seeing any of that. Yeah. This is the horrors of the internet that they're always talking about. I'm not in the habit of explaining a pussy grabbing to my seven-year-old. Yeah, that's Wi-Fi network's fault.

But he's hearing it everywhere, including while searching for a Wi-Fi signal. And that is obscene. There's actually nothing that helpful other than another single line says, My Wi-Fi name is Kill Todd, the name of neighbor. You know, I think we could ask Jack Chick about if Anal Babes of Sodom do a good show. I think he's seen them.

Okay, so... Bunny Bread I think your name is Should you just tell people what they want to hear? I'm sorry, nope Your name is No More Criticism Your thread title Should you just tell people what they want to hear?

Actually, my name is Slutfucker, but all right. That's obscene! They should regulate you! I don't know, the first vowel was censored. It could have been Slitfucker. Slatfucker. Slotfucker, a guy who really likes casinos. Really likes casinos.

Oh, this one's paying out should you just tell people what they want to hear hmm hey folks it's me no more criticism again and i just want to tell people what they want to hear but should i in life as an adult should you just tell people what they want to hear honestly i didn't have much parenting growing up so in learning how to make friends in a polite society i'm learning that people don't like constructive criticism so should you usually just lie and tell them how great they are for example my friend is starting a podcast and he sent me the first episode. It was terrible.

Full of um and ah and bad audio, and he rambled on and I listened to 20 seconds and cringed and turned it off. Yeah, that certainly sounds like the F-plus, alright? Yeah, and then the care D is trying to... There's something about Adonis. Yeah, and the care drink. Send us a message via this post.

Really, really subtle burn there. The old B would have given suggestions to improve, but my response was how amazing it sounded with no criticism at all. Just how great it is. How well did you talk through the grinding of your teeth?

Is that the right thing to do in this world? Just tell people things to make them happy? Serious question now. Some of us have very sensitive temperaments, okay? the right thing to do in this world just tell people things to make them happy serious question now some of us have very sensitive temperaments okay so just back the fuck up just be nice for once in your goddamn life i don't need to hear your bullshit fine your hair looks great thank you i don't i don't stammer i never stammer like. Like when I'm introducing any part of the show, I never go, uh, uh, uh.

I don't have that problem either. Yeah. You and I are the best. I'm a CW 4-4-9-9. Hi, Lemon. Agree. People use honesty as an excuse for being rude.

Criticism does not propel someone to success, maybe spite and anger. Teachers' best results do not come from pointing out flaws. It comes from their understanding of the subject and their ability to offer suggestions for improvement, present goals, and provide a model of a point of reference for perfection or attainment. What corporate etiquette instruction video did you fall out of? Jesus.

The Craigslist one. I'm going to do research for my corporate etiquette video. Having passed on the opportunity to criticize someone should not make you feel as if you failed to do your duty. Criticism is by its nature destructive to one receiving it. There really is no such thing as constructive criticism. There is sometimes a need for professional criticism. Did you... there's... One more time with that sentence!

There really is no such thing as constructive criticism. So advice just doesn't exist? How did we go from the Craiglist forums to the deviant art bylaws? Gene Shallot has destroyed whole worlds with his words.

His mustache is feared throughout the nation. I mean, to be fair, he doesn't criticize that often. It's great! If he, she enjoys the activity, they will improve on their own, regardless and in spite of your offered criticism or the spared feelings.

As a counterexample, we have an entire podcast. I mean, not like an episode, I mean the entire podcast. Our mic quality's gotten a little better. On the other hand, friendship requires that we accept people as they are. Talents and flaws included.

Don't ever try and better yourself, folks. No, no, no. Because there's no such thing as constructive criticism. So the question was, do I just have to tell people what they want to hear? And in a million words, CW says, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, sorry.

I think I misread that. Let me read it again. Yeah. Lots of words, lots of words. It's a translation error. Hey, y'all, I'm 10 misread that. Let me read it again. Yeah. Lots of words. Lots of words. It's a translation error. Hey, y'all. I'm 10 hyphens. Oh, shit. That's the most hyphens so far.

Yeah, that's a shitload of hyphens. Yeah, I'm 10 hyphens. Yes, a little girl once asked me if she was pretty. I replied, of course not. You're fat. Oh, damn. Her mother said I hurt her a lot. I was just being lot. A lot. I was just being truthful, after all.

I have to leave with myself 24-7. I would have killed myself if I hadn't told that little girl she's fat. How do you sleep at night? If six-year-old girls don't know that they're fat. No one does a fat girl that you didn't call fat. Yeah, if I didn't tell that girl she wasn't pretty and that she was fat,

I would have been a mean person. And also the tautology. And also the tautology that the pretty and the fat are mutually exclusive. That's also cool. Yeah, huh? Shut up, fatty. Oh, god damn it! You caught me!

If I have lost a few friends because of this, so be it. No, I bet you haven't. I bet you haven't lost any friends, so be it. No, I bet you haven't. I bet you haven't lost any friends. No, I bet you're holding still at that same number. What number do you think that is? I'm going to say zero. Ten, one for each hyphen.

I mean, bear in mind, the dudes in your Counter-Strike clan aren't actually your friends. You take that back. Lemon, Counter-Strike only has five people on it. Listen, guy, I got 13 friends on Facebook. Even God chose not to write a commandment, thou shalt not lie. Even God chose not to write a commandment. Yep. But false witnesses, I misunderstood that one.

Yeah, there's layers. There's like layers of wrong. Like, it's like a wrong lasagna. Okay, let's get into some serious topics, okay? Finally. Yeah, okay. I mean, we had our fun. We had our fun. But let's get to some serious topics, okay? Finally. Yeah, okay. I mean, we had our fun. We had our fun.

But let's get to the real meat of it. It's a very special episode of the F Plus Podcast. Where we all get locked in a fridge. So, Jimmy Franks, what do you got? Oh. Yeah. This is SoCal123. Bonner

when receiving a massage. You must be the first person who's had that happen to you. What is the proper etiquette when receiving a massage by a beautiful girl in a massage business? And a wicked Bonner pops up. She rubs my legs over and over. It's Bonner the pup.

Hello. My Bonner lies over the ocean. I think Wicked Bonner opened up for Anal Whores of Sodom. Hey, come on, guys. This is serious. Oh, you're right. You're right. I'm sorry.

Look, I'm not sure what to say. No pervert answers, please. Hmm. You ever sprinkle any Mrs. Dash on your bonnet? Why is this so darn hard for you guys? I'm a single hyphen. Why do you think you have to do anything? Just let the massage continue

till masseuse is done. WTF's hard about that. Just cause you get a boner a boner, a boner. Just cause you get a boner doesn't mean you or they need to do anything about it

putz oh shit, don't sign your post but he didn't get a boner he got a boner look, alright, it's very different okay it's very different for us guys, for me stimulating my thighs, which

I enjoy automatically creates an erection. Does it create yours? Whoever's in the vicinity. Yeah, no, it's all right. I get a bottle whenever I'm massaging him, yeah. Last week I was getting a massage, and the harder I tried not to get an erection, the worse it got. You say let the massage continue, for which I do, but it's a little embarrassing having a huge erection

over a very thin sheet covering me as she massages my thighs just a few inches away. Thank you, Thing. So do I not say anything? I mean, it's weird for me to ignore the big elephant in the room, so to speak. Is that what you call it? That's what I call it. Hey, guys, I get a boner when I get a massage, and it's a problem because my dick is so big.

It's also very gray and wrinkly and has ivory shooting out. When he gets a massage, he puts his dick through the one that your face goes in. Sir, we've talked about this. No, I need all of this space! No, all of it! No, seriously! Do you have one with a bigger hole? Could you stop making elephant noises?

Nah, man. He calls it the big elephant because ladies never forget it. Zing! Also, poachers hunt it for its ivory. Well, I mean, liked it, I guess. Lemon liked it, I guess. That's why we keep you around, John. Also, also for job advice.

That's why we keep you around is for job advice. John Toast, you're a single hyphen. And what do you want to say here? Crying during a job interview?'re hired thank you i'll do my best i'm a i'm a hyphen this was said before okay it's been an emotional week for me and maybe i should have just canceled the interview but i really need to get out of the old job badly and then the emotions got the best of me when she asked what I was unhappy about

in my job I burst into tears before I could reply she was not at all understanding and it was like she got angry when she saw my tears she even said I don't have time for this and she handed me be in tissue.

She stayed silent the whole time until I finally shut up and pulled myself together. Should I send a follow-up email to explain what happened and see if I'm still in the running? Hey, WLP, how fat are you? Sorry, I got three hyphens

and it matters. What the fuck? Where do you see yourself in five years? So did I get it? Which desk is mine? She hands over application and she's got a headshot and it's just her crying on the application. Why does she have a headshot? Oh, this is just what your face looks like.

I know. Okay. What job is she applying for? For the professional crying job. Is it one of the headshots where it's like four? So like there's one where she's a cowboy. There's one where she's contemplative. The headshot.

Tell us about a time where you had conflict at the workplace and you dealt with it. No, you don't need to demonstrate. No. That is really how you overcame that problem? Okay. You know, I picture crying through the whole interview. And then like, what is your greatest weakness? And then suddenly straight faced.

It's like, well, sometimes I come in too early. I just care too much about my job. I have flagged this post and I will tell you why. Oh no. There is a recurrent troll on this website who constantly posts stories about women in peril. This troll has a damsel in distress fetish, and usually the distress involves

bowel movements, spontaneous and public, or excessive flatulence orders, or stains on clothing, and of course excessive trauma, and even mundane tribulations of the vulva and vagina. Each and every day, this troll is ruining our forums with his dreck, and

he is now known as our damsel in distress troll. So, okay, okay. So here's how you respond to trolls. This dude likes a specific, or this dude responds to a specific thing. Nobody can be that specific thing.

Hey, foot fetishes, everyone wears shoes all the time now, okay? And of course, you know what trolls hate is calling as much attention to them as possible. They just like, oh man, my whole gig's ruined. Well, time to quit the internet again.

Alright. Boots, this is a play in two acts. Your name is Mr. Majuskel, and my name is Hyphen. And I just want to say this. I'm a man. When I see a woman breastfeeding in public, I can't help but watch. Sometimes I go out of my way just to watch. Of course, the women try to keep it secret as much as they can,

but I feel like they could go somewhere else if they wanted. Asshole. That's what I have to say. You have anything to say? Yeah, I'm Mr. Magiscule. I'm breastfeeding in public. Okay. When a baby needs a drink, mommy don't know what to

think about who's looking at her breast. The mom can baby feed and you're free to see if you're in the east or in the west. If you enjoy the sight, go ahead. It's quite alright. There is not one cause to be shamed. For you or your

mom or baby, and I do not mean no or maybe, it is quite lovely sight in sun or rain. So go ahead observing. There's nothing more deserving than a view from which everyone can gain. Hey, Todd. Man. Man, Life of Pablo was a weird album. And intermission.

And we're back. All right, here we go. my name's hyphen again dumb um mr magic school again thank you for your note thank you for your note for for whom are you planning to vote will you pick someone smart or dumb will you be beaten on your drum drum can you make little poems like these or is your brain filled with antifreeze? You hurl an insult at me without Knowing what I'm all about I got five on it

Because you see I'm really quite smart While all you release is a fart One syllable jab lacks gift of gab I suspect that you are in rehab Ooh. One syllable jab lacks gift of gab. I suspect that you are in rehab. Maybe when you've cured your addiction, you can try to match wits with restriction and use rhymes and even count time to make your point better than could a mime.

Hmm. Huh. Words are certainly... I can't type. I don't know how you do that. Words are certainly not your strong point. Maybe you've smoked one too many joints and damaged your brain, so now feel no pain.

When I inflict this attack, you I disdain. Whoa. Fire! So does this guy have like a tick where he thinks everything asked of him is a rap battle like anytime anybody talks to him I don't know why you think everything is a rap battle

I'm gonna hit you with this baby rattle oh okay uh okay so uh uh part number two was called miscellaneous topics part number three is called going Down the Mr. Majuskel Rabbit Hole. Oh, good.

Just pulled that thread and the sweater just keeps on unraveling. Absolutely. Okay, so Frank West. Yes, that's me. This thread is called

Audience Participation. You're going to start it off as Mr. Majuskel. I am Mr. Majuskel. Audience Participation. Hello, my friends on the etiquette forum. Hello. You're not my friends.

I am in a foreign posting at the moment and have been looking forward to returning to my home base of California very soon. However, I just received word that my services are highly desired and thus would be highly compensated elsewhere. The offer cannot be ignored. As much as I would like to pretend I did not receive it, I must respond. So I am asking the members of the etiquette forum to help me draft a letter either accepting or refusing positions in the cities I have listed as subposts.

Oh, this is a good idea. Okay. Please draft a letter from Mr. Majeskal to whom it may concern, responding to any subpost you choose with the reasons why I am accepting or rejecting this job offer. So I have to draft a letter

as you to whom you may concern. That's right. For just this one letter, you get to be the Mr. Majesco. Do I have to respond in rap battle format? That dream I had. It is likely I will choose one of them and model my real letter of response on it. So go crazy. Yours sincerely, Mr. Majesco. who's one of them and model my real letter of response on it. So go crazy!

Yours sincerely, Mr. Majesco. My name's single hyphen. Look! An attention whore! Yep. My name's state the obvious. Are the skills of an attention whore highly desired?

I mean, sure. I mean, yeah, there's always reality shows that are casting. That's true. It would be highly compensated. Yeah, that checks out. Nah. Okay, so this thread is called Downstairs Neighbor Bangs on Ceiling. Single hyphen is going to start this thing out.

And Jimmy Franks, if you'll take that one, please. Last night when I was exercising, a neighbor downstairs started pounding on the walls again. It was like everything started shaking. I got so scared. This is the third time now he has done this When I'm trying to exercise Do you think if I complain to the landlord This could make it stop

The exercise My name's Dave Let's see 1,900,000 No, 190,059 And banging Let's see. 1,000,900. No, 190,059. And banging? Try banging someone and see if he bangs the ceiling.

If he does, get a keg and call it Bangapalooza and have some T-shirts made up. I don't feel like you're really taking my problem seriously, but okay. Why do you think that? I said try banging someone. I came here asking for help. I don't feel like you're really taking my problems seriously, but okay. Why do you think that? Is that trying to bag someone? I came here asking for help. All right, I'll give it a shot. You want help? Then that's fine, because Bunny Bread's going to help you, because Bunny Bread is the one, the only, the Mr. Magical.

Hello! Oh, good. Should I living in Paris? I dating beautiful lady opera singer and she telling me she likes thing. I know that big moment in love making because intensify her climaxing. Hmm?

What happened to your Italian stereotype? I know a piece on next door from some noms. Nice young lady. So some concerning for me about never hearing my opera singer during a making of loving. One night home alone, neighbor knocking on my door and crying and saying she very sorry. But having to asking, please majestical, Mr. Majestical,

keeping opera singer more quiet because neighbor Sophie alone in bed and hearing lovemaking get very sad. She collapsed in my arms crying. I sing. Okay, it's okay. I will making her being more quiet so you're not getting sad and bringing Sophie in for cup of tea. Maybe making feeling better, but very soon beautiful Sophie making me feeling better and we're making love all night really this time all night

until early morning and it was very very good I think you're Polish now are you Polish? just because I go up four octaves doesn't mean that's how Polish people speak so sometimes noisy never story can have very very good outcome with making love all night and good.

Today. You know what? You put it that way. It makes a lot of sense. Thanks. You welcome me. I feel a lot better now. I fixes.

I think that melting pot of accents turned into a puddle on the floor there. I think that melting pot of accents turned into a puddle on the floor there. John Tost, if you'll tell us about a cock blocker, please. Oh, we're going to hear from Cap Santa? No, I think one of those guys is enough. Ho! Ho! Ho! My keyboard is broken! Well, I am Stiletube.

And you wanted to hear about a C pound sign CK blocker? Hell yeah. Well, I saw the new Star Wars pic with a woman Sunday. I learned Saturday that another guy competing with me for the same woman took her to the same film in 3D. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Bum-bum-bum. He knew full well I was taking her to the same film Sunday. He also knows I can't watch Pound Sign D movies

due to eye issues. Could be just me, but it seems she's just not worth keeping around. Shaking my head. I think that's suck my hog. Suck my hog. Spank my honey.

Oh! Oh, is there a new Lords of Acid album out? So much halitosis. I am single hyphen looking for partner. You have to tell her your intentions. You have desire to show her your

steel tube. I get it. Because that's your username. Ah, yeah. Penis. It works on one level. Then next time you see her say something like, just so there's no miscommunications.

Then plant one on her. What, a bomb? She's going to blow. Not in that way. Bad way. The worst is she smacks you, but then you know. Oh, that's, oh, good. Yes, absolutely.

That's great advice. You wonderful, wonderful man. I. Oh, that's, oh, good. Yes, absolutely. That's great advice. You wonderful, wonderful man. I'm gonna, wait, I'm sorry. I was assuming you were a man there for some reason. You could be of either gender. Who knows? Well, I am still Stiletube, and I say thank you. I appreciate your thoughts.

Um, and I think we're gonna have one more thread here. And I think we're gonna have one more thread here. And it is called New Dilemma. The 19th of the Beck albums. Oh good, I need a new dilemma. So,

I'm single hyphen, and I went to a friend's house and saw in the corner of the living room a big pile of cat poop. It really smelled bad. I couldn't understand why they hadn't cleaned it up. How can I get him to do this?

Cats don't really poop in piles. They just... This one did. That was a human poop. You have a harder conversation with your friend than you thought. And then Jimmy Franks finished this up with Mr. Majuskul, the very last, last, last thing in the document. It was not cat poop.

It was modern art sculpture. And it was made of steel, so it did not smell. Old factory hallucinations are the first sign of a brain tumor in your prefrontal lobes. Go get a lobotomy immediately. Do you have any follow-up you want to do there? It was a sculpture with

no odor. Did you smell it? As I said, old factory hallucinations are the first sign of a brain tumor in the prefrontal lobes. Go get a lobotomy now! So, F+, what did we learn from any of this? I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm gonna go get a lobotomy.

Lobotomy's for everybody! Shit in piles. Thanks, Boots. This appears to be a nice place for civil discussion. Absolutely. Somebody got into a real real like like like flinging shit fest with cap santa in one of these well and it's not i mean it's not inactive at all it's really not like like uh if you go the first couple posts were from 2011 that we read and the

rest are all from like within a couple days of each other last month. Yeah, so if you go to the etiquette forums, on the right side, you get an ASCII donkey with udders that says, Watch Your Manners. Clearly, nobody's paying attention to that donkey. And then there's just a bunch of... Just looking at thread titles, you can see that this is just a terrible, terrible time for people to be doing. I mean, because obviously we know, you know, we know that, like, Mr. Majesco, like, is a troll. But, like, everyone's just, like, in such this, like, circle jerk of, like, anger and, like, violence that, like, I don violence that I don't...

I mean, how do you... How do you have a discussion? Why are you here? Why are you here? Are you saying that to the whole internet? It's a fair question. Well, I learned the proper way to treat one of these sites because

it seems to me like Mr. Majuskul, because all of his posts were recent from the ones we read sure he found this site this corner of craigslist that nobody really liked it's just the small group and like it's just people just taking pot shots at each other like you said and then he's just like well i can just do whatever the fuck i'm one we gotta post rap battles and like tell people that like oh poop smelling means you need a lobotomy. I mean, I can do whatever the fuck I want. I swear, the first time he did that, he was probably like, well, I'm going to get banned. And then he'd look back and he's like, wait, I'm not banned?

Shit, let's go wild. Yeah. No, no, no, it's internet anarchy when you recognize that there are no rules. internet anarchy when you recognize that there are no rules because i mean in any forum with a decent amount of traffic or like people looking at it a mod would come down and get them but it's like who the fuck cares it's craigslist etiquette so just do it i mean it's and it's weird too because i mean because this is this is coming from craigslist a popular website um you know then there are still are people, I mean, just looking at this thread list, you can see people, like, trying to use it for what it's intended for,

right? And so, like, Treelot comes in here, and she's like, oh, hey, an etiquette forum, great, I've been wanting to know, should you tip the guys at Home Depot Christmas? And then it's like, don't tip illegal aliens. So, I guess just everyone gets to learn one by one. Like, oh, this site is useless. Okay. You know, if anybody says of anything that, like, laissez-faire, just set it and don't put rules, like putting too much restrictions, like hurts free, whatever.

I want to say it's like, I get your point on some things, but then I want to show them this. And it's like, they're going too far. You know? You can't let everything be open. Yes, we have learned that the laissez-faire site moderation is damaging to society as a whole. The website is

ghefbl.us where I moderate comments and our website is ball pits. Hey Boots, what do you like to do with balls? I like to snuff them. I like to sniff them.

John likes to sniff them. I like to snuff them. Yeah. I mean, you know, maybe there's websites where you can do both of those things. Bye. Bye.

Damn dot dog. Party, party, party, party, party. bye damn dog party