The F Plus - 248: All World Keyboard Wrestling And Roughhouse feDeration

Episode Date: April 10, 2017

There's a lot of enthusiastic wrestling fans in the world, and some of them dream of one day becoming professional wrestlers in their own right. In the real world that would take a lot of diligence, luck, and willingness to adopt a lifelong addiction to painkillers - but this is the internet: a place for dreamers. Enter eWrestling Encyclopedia. It's a place where ideas are more important than physical spectacle, and those ideas are things like "Another wrestler that already exists except he has my name instead of his own name". Thought provoking stuff. This week, The F Plus loves it when rappers make albums.

Oh, hey, so you can edit this out, but I have weed delivery coming in like 10 minutes, so I'm going to have to disappear for a second. Or you can leave it in. I don't care. Yeah, that's fine. Get them on the podcast. I got a card. It's legal.

Have you explored different weed delivery services? Is there a specific weed delivery service that you like? Oh, my goodness. I have. We'll talk. Take another nose dive. You won't be the first.

Yeah, this must be a curse. Oh yeah, brother. Welcome to the F Plus Podcast. It's a terrible place. There's terrible things and they're red with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have Boots Rain Gear. Aren't thou bored? Bunny bread. I do steroids. They're red with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have Boots Rain Gear. Art Thou Bored?

Bunny Bread. I do steroids. Adam Bozarth. So when this kid graduated at the top of his class in 2001, the first thing on his agenda was to move as far away from New York as possible. Enter Anime City. From one of my favorite podcasts. I don't even own a television.

It's J.W. Friedman. You're listening to the styling, profiling, limousine riding, jet flying, internet trolling, hyper inflamed colon son of a gun. Woo! And Lemon. Edwards became the AWL Gold Rush champion when he cashed in on his AWL White Boy of the Month contract on a bunch of other white boys with the exception of one black guy from Michigan. How do you apply for White Boy of the Month? It tells if you're white. You give all your money to Milo Yiannopoulos

and kiss it all to death. Kick in the lights. Kick in the lights. Kick in the lights. Hey, F+. Hello. Oh, yeah. Hello, Levin. Oh, no. Interesting.

I'm looking at this group, and I see here, I see Bunny Bread, I see J.W. Friedman, I see Adam Bozarth. I see some very masculine voices here in the room. Masculine. Yeah, exactly. Yes, you are, too! So, guys, do you think that you've all, like, harnessed your testosterone? It harnessed me. Yeah. Hey, what he said. like harnessed your testosterone? It harnessed me.

Yeah. What he said. My testosterone. I harnessed that testosterone, daddy. Interesting. So am I wearing the harness or are you? Who's this character? It's me.

The American Dream, daddy. the American Dream Daddy. The American Dream Daddy? How to retire this character. I want to introduce you to a site that's going to excite you very much. It is a site about wrestling, a field that I believe Jay knows a little bit about. But this is uh the e wrestling wikia um that electronic wrestling yes so here's here's the thing about um the e wrestling wikia do you know how people say that wrestling is fake shut up don't say that shit shut up it's predetermined, man. Is my daddy fake? So e-wrestling actually is fake. This is a wikia full of federations and wrestlers who write about themselves as though they're actually wrestling.

And fame and fortune awaits, presumably. Let me just read you a little bit from the homepage here. Oh, is this Wrestling the Hedgehog? eWrestling.wikia.com. The eWrestling Encyclopedia is the first fully interactive eWrestling knowledge base. It was formed in July 2005 and is hosted by Wikia. An editable wrestling website, EWE is a collaborative attempt to document the past, present, and future of everything

related to the hobby, in quotes, of e-wrestling. This includes information on the characters, federations, inter-federations, and handlers, and anything which can be written about to an acceptable level. The e-wrestling encyclopedia strives to change the face of e-wrestling and to prevent the inevitable situation where the stars of today will be forgotten in ten years' time. We plan to become an indispensable tool to all handlers and e-federation fanatics,

and with your help, we might be able to do just that. God damn! Yeah, exciting, huh? Yeah. Fantastic. fanatics and with your help we might be able to do just that god damn yeah exciting huh yeah fantastic so let's start off uh with a wrestler by the name of ryan shane uh boots i think i'll let you do this one here there's going to be a whole bunch of like inline css that doesn't quite work you're just going to want to skip past all that i think there's really objects in here i want to i want to know about his padding right and his vertical align desperately are you are you trying to say that his hidden structure is not actually one of his features as a wrestler 1.2 m's from padding right if you want to know. All right. Yeah, we're going to talk about Ryan Shane, known as Ryan Alistair Shane. His ring name is Ace Shane.

He's 6'3", 225 pounds. He's from Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada. His date of death is Death Date. That sounds ominous. What about his place of death, Boots? Oh, death place. It's like Parts Unknown. Stay away from there.

Yeah, he resides in Manhattan and Niagara Falls. Hey, Lemon, you've been to Niagara Falls. Isn't that a lovely town? It sure exists. Barely. It exists in our hearts. Anyway, he's handled by Shane Pelletier.

Okay. Who is his trainer? Oh, his trainer? Yeah. His trainer is Axel St. James. Oh, damn. A true legend of the biz. Yeah, he debuted April 28th, 2009,

and he retired. Retired. Well, yeah, so tell me a little bit about it, Ryan, please. Sure. Ryan Alistair Shane, born March 2nd, 1986, is a Canadian professional wrestler currently signed to Empire Wrestling Association, IWA, as well as known for his time in the now-defunct Combat Zone Wrestling. Is Combat Zone Wrestling the one? Combat Zone Wrestling exists. That's the real one with all of the blood, right?

That is a real wrestling promotion, yeah, and they're known for people hitting each other with barbed wire covered objects and things like that. There's a Vice documentary that's hosted by Damian Abraham from Fucked Up about that, and it's unpleasant. I like to call it wrestling for really, really aggressive people that I don't want to be around.

Anyway, it's known under his old alias of Ace Shane. While only being in the sport of professional wrestling for a little over two years, Ryan has made significant impact on his craft. The cause of five early retirements, Ryan has proven time and time again

that he is all business and craves competition. But is really bad at retiring. That's not great. I don't think you're an asset to the league if you're handicapping people. That seems like a fiduciary burden that you are. Yeah, making them pay for early retirement years that they wouldn't have had to otherwise. people that seems like a fiduciary burden that you are. Yeah. Making them pay for early retirement years that they wouldn't have to

otherwise. Ryan is a strict follower of the straight edge lifestyle. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Cool. Which he incorporates into his wrestling promotional videos and theme. Cool. X on my hands.

I'll take the oath. Chokehold. No, no. Yeah. X on my hands. I'll take the oath. Chokehold. No. Positive growth! CM Punk already did this in real life anyway. He truly believes it is best way to live and that's because he is a follower. He is better than you.

Oh god. Fuck. Deal. That's fine. Great. Okay, so you got some early life. You've got some professional wrestling. You want to talk a little bit about where you were in the Supreme Wrestling League. That's fine. But I want to know about your internet championship run, please. Yeah, everyone wants to know about that. Oh, Jesus.

No. Okay, sorry. Donning the nickname, The Cult of Personality, Ryan Shane. Fuck. Oh, I hate that song so much. Well, guess what CM Punk's theme song was. Okay. Fishbowl.

So anyway. Toxic by Britney Spears. It was Cult of Personality. Too hot, can't come down. With a taste of my lips, yo. Okay. Ryan Shane sent out a challenge to then sw internet champion the cocky canadian gage padula on his show this is your life after claiming two victories in a row over the champion

ryan's ego reached an all-time high creating a south park replica of his opponent and dropping several Canadian stereotype comments. Oh, shit. How dare everyone. Wow, what year was this? At the end of an episode of SW Thursday Night Thunder, Ryan claimed the internet title after a countout victory, a kick leaving Gage unconscious outside the ring. The next week, Ryan faced off with the internet sensation Matt Starr. In a bloody war,

Ryan emerged victorious through a Dairy Queen or a disqualifier as Matt left him destroyed thanks to a few chair shots. Thanks, chair shots. Chair shots. The blood rush snapped something inside Ryan,

making his will even stronger. Out to prove he was the greasiest internet champion of all time. The greasiest of all time. Wow. The greasiest professional wrestler. That is a difficult title to achieve. No, he's the greasiest. It's like having this most mullet-y or something. It's the greasiest professional wrestler. That is a difficult title to achieve. No, he's the greasestest. It's like having this most mullet-y or something.

It's just amazing. Ryan successfully defeated the late John the Extreme Killer, and a few weeks later, his niece... Wait, what happened to John Killer? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. His name is John Killer, but his nickname is The Extreme. Well, yeah, yeah, and, wait, wait. His name is John Killer. Yeah, but his nickname is The Extreme. Well, yeah, yeah. And he's also dead.

So who killed John Killer? Someone super fucking extreme. Maybe it was Ricky Steamboat. So Ryan defeated John Killer? Yeah, John the Extreme Killer. And a few weeks later, his niece, Katie Mayhem. Katie Mayhem? Mayhem. With the defeat at SW Heat Wave, Ryan lost his coveted belt to Katie Mayhem in the rematch

after a two-by-four he had lit on fire was reversed against him. Ouch. What the fuck? match after a two by four he had lit on fire was reversed against him i like that the two by four turned on him yeah not this time pal i've been taking money from katie mayhem while he was defeated the numbers proved that ryan had the most successful title defenses out of any member of the SW roster, making him, in his mind, there's no actual punctuation here, the most successful internet champion ever. That's nice, honey. I'm glad that you believe it. Glad that you think that. Well, that's great. I mean, I loved hearing about your wrestling career.

I thought that was very helpful and informative. And that's why I think I'm done hearing about your wrestling. Tell me about your out of wrestling life. Oh, sure. Out of wrestling, Brian is a world-traveled athlete competing in Japan, Canada, England, Mexico, Germany, Australia, and currently the United States of America. Okay, so is Ryan a sports fan? Is he a sports fan? Is Ryan a sports fan?

Ryan, ironically, is not a sports fan, but has admitted to watching a bit of American football and mixed martial arts at times, though never was hooked. He is a student of his craft, though, watching as much wrestling as he possibly can. Great. Awesome. Cool. So wrestling, not a sport.

A craft. A craft, yeah. A craft that he has mastered. Like gimp bracelets. Yeah, and furniture upholstery. Pottery, whatever. Keep going, keep going. I want to learn more about him. Okay, Ryan is an advocate of tattoos

and quite a fan of the art. It's time to stand up for tattoos. Enough is enough. Would Ryan like a blowjob? Every tattoo he has ever done has been from a different shop by a different artist, and each has a different meaning behind it, which Ryan has brought up on television. That's all tattoos!

Yeah, great. Yeah. They're all different, but they're all the same design. While his arms are completely covered, he has yet to confirm that he will stop getting tattoos. That's not, that sentence doesn't make sense. My body don't exist. I'm just arms and this mouth is talking. It has been said that Ryan has strong anti-capitalism thoughts

going on in promotional videos as well as a few of his very rare interviews that it is a monster that will never be satisfied. Oh, Jesus Christ. He has boycotted all main stream bands. All the main stream bands. I know nothing

about modern professional wrestling, but I know that this is a carbon copy of CM Punk. Yeah, no, this is infuriating, and I'm really just trying not to just keep jumping in, but yeah, this is CM Punk with a different name. Unless CM Punk stole it from this guy.

Good point. Tables have been turned. Hasn't it, capitalism? I've got a question here. Before we continue, I've got a question here. Because this page is fucking enormous. But it keeps bringing up the indie scene. But indie is spelled I-N-D-Y.

So I'm assuming this is the Indianapolis scene. Totally. We're small, but we're passionate. Viva la shame! And then that last paragraph there on his out-of-wrestling life, please. While it does not fit his attitude, Ryan is

an avid gamer and comic book reader. Ding! Relatable! He has even gone so far as to mention them on screen, from his various comic hero or villain logos on his clothing to even playing various games in promotional work. Holy shit, buddy! A man in his 20s that plays video games?

No way! Oh my god! a man in his 20s that plays video games no way oh my god all these pages are white because you flipped the script I thought it was because we came all over alright so that's so that's that's Ryan

that's Ryan Shane can I say one more thing here about him though that's great There's a list of his theme songs and one of them is called Three Question Marks by Parentheses Four Question Marks That's Chick Chick Chick's rival band

I guess so Chick Chick Chick and Question Mark and the Mysterians got together. Their less confident side project. Yeah, they're called Ha ha ha! Yeah, so I like that

you have achingly cataloged every wrestling attire that you've worn. That's helpful. But we're going to move on because we can't just stick here on Ryan. But we're going to move on because we can't just stick here on Ryan. So we're going to move on to Sean

Kabalar. Sean Kabalar. Jay, tell me a little bit about Sean Kabalar. And I know that this is an audio podcast. This isn't a visual podcast. It's an audio podcast. But can you try to describe what Sean Kabalar looks like?

He looks like? He looks like nobody I've ever seen. No. I mean, he's a very unique looking fellow. He's blonde. He has kind of like a button nose. He's dressed kind of urban. He has a hat.

It says shady on it. His eyebrows are really dark. Would you describe his hat as thick or slim? He's definitely slim. His hat says shady. He's pointing. Is there a stain on his sweater? There is, and it may be from pasta. Maybe from pasta mania.

I'm not sure. What you going to do when pasta mania runs wild on you? But, yeah, so he's he is uh he's eminem the rapper and uh i'm looking here at like the little header on his page and i think it says hang on one second five years later and you're still my bitch that's his catchphrase i had to lean in really close because it's hard to see. I seriously hope that's because it's from his rap album, because this dude definitely has multiple rap albums.

Absolutely. I love it when rappers make albums. Wait, no. I'm going to have some more gin. Sorry. Some good joke telling, Lemon. I love when rappers make albums all right so uh so tell me tell me about uh sean cabal sean cabal are um well he's the perfect vision born sean michael cabal are 17 march 1980 manhattan new york usa 28 years ago an icon was born a young baby by the name of sean

cabal are was born who no one would have ever thought would become one of today's biggest celebrities. Growing up young, Sean always liked to get into trouble and provoke fights at school. I guess you can say he was your casual troublemaker as a kid who always thrived for a little attention. Growing up in Manhattan, New York. Oh, okay, that one. Okay, yeah. Wasn't as rough as anyone would think Yes, Manhattan

Land of the Crips Many people think of New York City as the most dangerous city in the United States But there's no actual reason for people to think of it that way However, that is the place No, Sex and the City deployed I mean, it's just, wow God, I remember that time That I looked out the window

And I realized I was right next to the M&M store. And I was like, oh, shit, roll up the windows. Yeah. One time I thought I saw girls filming in my neighborhood and I had to go home and call my mom and tell her I loved her. Here's the deal, right? Like a lot of shit goes on that's pretty boring, but things really start to change around ninth grade. Sean decides he doesn't want people around them to be buddy buddies with him but to fight them and as crazy and unbelievable as it

sounds sean is unbelievable unbelievable as it sounds sean used to beat up his friends for the fun of it ever since he was a kid sean always thrived for violence and gained some sort of sick pleasure of hurting someone. Oh my God, that sounds amazing. I gotta stop sucking Ryan Shane's cock so I can suck Sean's cock. Hey, I just noticed that Sean Calabar is six foot tall and 216 pounds.

Beefcake! Which, you know, M&M. He, Sean Cavillard, hit the wrestling world of professional at the age of 21. However, that's when he went professional, obviously. What? Thank you.

Those are two sentences that really get you. Sean Cavillard head get hit with head in the head doctors say tbi me fight doctor sean began wrestling mainly backyard wrestling since he was about 7-10 years old ever since his first match sean knew exactly what type of wrestler he wanted to be when he grew up. He didn't want to be no powerhouse. He didn't want to be no submissionist. But he did want to be a hardcore king. Holy shit.

It's Manhattan. Born and raised. Hardcore king of Bel-Air. Sean lost most of his friends due to being such a sick individual. Dude, you're not an asshole. Nobody really want to be friends themselves with someone who might nail you with a baseball bat for the hell of it while you're eating breakfast. So I guess you can't blame them for staying away from him. After all, would you be friends with someone as unpredictable?

No. Didn't think so. I wouldn't. I don't like getting hit with baseball bat while I'm eating my cereal. Did I challenge your preconceptions about mindless violence? I suppose in a way. Yeah.

Just blow your mind while you're eating waffles. Tell me about his entrance, would you? Oh, yeah, yeah, this is good stuff So if you've never seen Sean Cavaller, Cavalar, make his way to the ring Shit happens Lights go to pitch black as gray lights begin flickering in the arena. Suddenly, the way I am blasts throughout the arena as the lights continue flickering. Sean then walks out from behind the curtains with a hoodie covering his head.

He then begins to walk down the ramp, making his way to the ring, taunting the crowd around him. Sean then walks over to the steel steps nearest to him, then walks to the middle of the ring apron. He then stays still as he looks around, then gets to the middle of the ring apron. He then stays still as he looks around, then gets in the ring through the middle rope. Oh, it's his patented looking around move. Damn. He walks right near a turnbuckle. Then he turns

around and just leans back on it as he patiently waits for his opponent to come out. Wait, what if he's announced second, though? Doesn't matter. Don't matter. He's always gone first and second. Then he's waiting a fucking long time.

Yeah, when's your next match? My God, I loved you, Sean. You were very interesting. But we need to move on to Joey Harris. Joey Harris's logo is the words Joey Harris, but in the Metallica font. So I'm excited for that. And if you're wondering, hey, how can you do S in the Metallica font? Not very well.

It's kind of a typographic challenge to turn S into the Metallica font, not very well. It's kind of a typographic challenge to turn S into the Metallica font. Anyway. I've got to say, just as a really quick aside, looking at this page, it's kind of fun being on Wikia, because the sort of clickbait articles you get are like, Supernatural's biggest plot holes. New Pokemon Go coming December 12th. What the Arrowverse crossover ratings tell us.

Anyway, Mr. Adam Bozarth, if you will tell me about Joey Harris, please. Yeah, one second. He had to run out and come back in to do this. Yeah, no, no, no. He looked to the left end of the right, though, and taunted all his opponents. Oh, no. I have to make my entrance. Oh, of course.

I have to make my podcast entrance. Yeah, jump through the metal ropes or whatever. Joey Harris was raised in Seattle, Washington with his two parents. Whoa, a nuclear family. Holy shit. Shit, I'm all mad, I'm dead. Actually, nuclear family is one of his moves. He was raised with his parents. Whoa! A nuclear family? Holy shit! Shit, I'm all mad, I'm dead. Actually, nuclear family is one of his moves. He was raised with his parents.

He wasn't raised by his parents, he was raised with his parents. Early in his life, his parents were taken from him in a homicide after which Joey fled. No! No! No! That's not what it says.

Shush. Having suffered serious mental distress as a result of the traumatizing event. Details of Joey's early life are foggy. However, it has been stated that he enjoyed the grunge music scene. Listening to bands such as Nirvana, Stone Temple Pilots, and Alice in Chains.

Also well documented is his hatred of Hulk Hogan. Yay! Documented by whom? Peter Thiel. And disregard for rules and regulations of authority. These days, Joey has developed a taste in a broader variety of music, though he is very fond of the metalcore genre. His favorite band is Killswitch Engage.

Wow, yeah, you've certainly moved on from Alice in Chains. Yep. Congratulations. Big, big leap. Here's shittier Alice in Chains. On the surface, Joey is a fun-loving, anti-authority prankster who will go out of his way to give hell to anybody who tries to order him around or control his life. He is very individualistic with his opinions and often believes he is right. When others attempt to persuade him with different opinions or beliefs, Joey also believes that nothing in the world is black and

white there are gray areas in life that can't be explained he believes neither good nor evil truly exist only perspective it is by this reasoning that joey justifies his unorthodox methodology in completing his tasks by any means possible. And how is this communicated via wrestling? Okay, because he's Raven. He's finishing his shift at the car wash. Once again, they did this in real life and the way it's communicated is you wear a flannel shirt and cut-off shorts and like

a Dinosaur Jr. t-shirt and you sulk a lot. I'm pretty sure it's all written on frisbees that he throws in the crowd. That would be better. FYI, my references are all from the 80s. I remember

the first time that I saw the wrestler Raven and I was like, oh my god, it's a wrestler in jean shorts? And that's his thing? Yep. He wore jorts. He was Generation X, man. Just like Joey Harris. Although an official diagnosis. He was Generation X, man. Just like Joey Harris. Although an official diagnosis has yet to be released,

it is believed by many that Joey Harris suffers from a unique form of either schizophrenia or disassociative identity disorder. This has been speculated on after some very disturbing events in which Joey became much more violent. Disturbed personality. Actions recorded of this new personality include muttering and conversing with himself. That's good enough for me. That's the idea, yeah. And random outbursts of violent or inappropriate behavior. Pretty uncommon in wrestling where you abuse steroids.

Whoa! That guy fucking hit that guy! Holy shit! And he's wearing shorts! He's dressed inappropriately in public. Now let me tell you of my training. For the most part, Joey is self-trained in professional wrestling with help from James Downey. Harris has also trained in various forms of martial arts, including Muay Thai, Jiu-Jitsu, and Kaiporia. Yep. Yeah, yeah.

Diarrhea. Got it. And Kaiporia. In his early career. It's not how Kaerera is really spelled Caipirinha in his early career Joey practiced more of a

Luch Libre Luch Libre Luch Libre it's French Luch Libre Luch Libre Luch Libre style Luch Libre. It's French. Luch Libre. Luch Libre. Luch Libre style of wrestling. Masked French wrestling.

But has since utilized many different technical aspects these days, Joey Harris practices more of a ground and submission wrestling style. Wow, excellent. Ground and submission. Yep. His slogan, Joey Harris' slogan is, this is the year where hope fails you. An entire year, huh? This is the year.

Hey, Lemon, this is the one. These pages are so fucking long. Yeah. I know. Hey, Lemon. Yeah, what's up? Who gave us this doc? Oh, I'm so sorry.

This document was given to us by Montreth And in fact, her first one in a little while Isn't that right? Yeah, no, Montreth Was very excited about this document Was texting me A lot while she was compiling this document And then gave it to me

And then I went, oh shit, well I can't use this Until we have Jay on the show again Well let me tell you, Montreth Thanks a lot for putting together this document, because I dig it the most. Oh, yeah. I just like that I've noticed how angry this document is making you. Everything is just such an obvious ripoff. I'm seething over here. By the way, Adam,

what wrestler did you just find right now? His name is Rated R Shaman of Sexy. Oh, good. James Cobain, a.k.a. James Cobain, a.k.a. the Rated R Shaman of Sexy.

But he has some other names, isn't that right? Yes, Saint Anger, RRS, or the artist formerly known as the Rated-R Shaman of Sexy. That's after he left the Independent Wrestling Federation and didn't

have the rights to his own name anymore. That's when he wrote slavery on his chest in a lipstick, right? Those were some of his best matches for sure. I like those assless chaps he'd wear everywhere.

I don't know how the fuck you find anything on this site. It's Wikia. You can take a correspondence course. A couple weeks, it's fine. And by the way, the rated R shaman of sexies trainer is Mr. D-D-D-D! That's all.

I like the photos of this, because he started off... What wrestler did he start off as, Jay? It looks like it's Edge in the original photo here. Or it could be John Morrison. It's hard to tell, but yeah it looks like it's edge in the uh the original photo here or it could be john morrison it's hard to tell but yeah i think it's edge so then at some point like he put panties on his head when he was saying anger and then he turned into a leather face at one point yeah he did oh yeah it's it's definitely because uh one one of Edge's nicknames was the rated R superstar, so there you go.

Good, good. Well, that guy improved on his thing, so congratulations. Bunny Bread. No. I think we need a female presence in this podcast, finally. Will you tell me about Syria? Yes. It's a great George Clooney movie that you don't know nothing about.

Jay, you can't say that Syria is a rip-off of any other female wrestling. No, not at all. I'm 100% just going to keep my mouth shut and nod. What's Syria's real name? Her name, let me tell you about this girl named Syria, right? What's Sirius' real name? Her name, let me tell you about this girl named Siria, right? Jennifer Angelina Stiles Odala, born June 13, 1970, in Louisville, Kentucky, USA,

is an American professional wrestler personality, valet, and professional wrestler. Better known by her ring name, Siria Stiles. So she's a wrestler personality, she's a valet, and she's a wrestler. Yes. Yep. Triple threat. Yep. Yeah, sure, you can wrestle, you can personal,

but can you valet? I'm a wrestler, an assistant wrestler, and a wrestler. She is currently signed to Attitude Wrestling Evolution, where her husband, Richard Rainier, is the president. That's a Dragonlance name. That is a

fucking Dragonlance name. Rye Chard. That is Richard with an apostrophe after the I. Do you think his nickname is Dick? His photo is of Taxi driver. Taxi driver.

Except for later on when he's Kane. Are you talking to me? Me? Early career. Stiles was born in Louisville, Kentucky. Syria. Graduated with a bachelor's degree in English English I bullshit And then worked as a

Junior high substitute teacher In the St. Louis Missouri area No she didn't She had a strong interest In the arts Which later influenced her To train with the

Traveling carnival There we go Becoming a professional Fire breather And belly dancer Bunny bread Your incredulous Is ill placed

Because for some reason You're assuming that This person Is the one writing The wiki No no no your incredulous is ill placed because for some reason you're assuming that this person is the one writing the wiki no no no it's just one of the scholars is all oh okay some sort of Mary Sue

thing no okay I know enough about wrestling to know that the scholar was actually the same guy that did the frisbees I grew up wicked into the arts and worked my whole life and made my way through art school and then immediately decided to join a traveling carnival and become a fire breather. That's a great career path. And then take chair shots.

Yeah. Tell me about the time when Syria was in World Attitude Wrestling. That's the time that interests me the most. I would love to tell you all about these things. Syria joined World Attitude Wrestling in late 2008, but never officially debuted due to Richard's departure. This started the basis of her Syria character being in the Waverly Hills Sanatorium, as she was originally born in Louisville, Kentucky.

That doesn't have anything to do with the first part of the sentence, but fuck it. The Sanatorium, huh? Yeah, yeah. Okay. As a Syria character, she was born in the infamous Waverly Hill Sanatorium to an instituted lady

who was raped by a highly respected doctor. I love that you get to make up a backstory and then you make up a more improbable backstory later. She makes up a character who makes up her own backstory. Her mother was later killed and

exported via the hospital's wild, renowned death tunnel like many of us before her! After a series of unfortunate events, this being one of the tens of thousands to take place at Waverly Hills for over 90 years, the everlasting, revived institution

was finally shut down. The medical staff were found guilty as charged for first-degree euthanasia. First degree euthanasia. It's much worse than the third or the fourth degree. We had to charge the entire staff. That's accidental. Euthanasia.

Euthanasia and self-defense. Yes. We call that euthanasia. The suffering orb was coming right at me. On over 10,000 patients since the hospital opened its doors. Since her birth. Syria grew up in an orphanage in Montreal. Her history well known in putting her at a disadvantage during her childhood.

She ran away from the orphanage at age six. Traveling with carnies most of her life. And making her way through her early years by performing at carnivals as a freak show attraction. Siria stumbled upon a wrestling event held at the carnival one day and has been passionate about the sport ever since. After years of wrestling in the independent circuit, Siria has moved up a step into the big leagues of wrestling. With her surreal and precise circus-trained acrobats, her exceptionally gifted wrestling ability, and, and, and, she brings in acrobats.

Yeah, of course, as one is wont to do. And with no compassion for others, Syria was billed as an unstoppable force inside of the ring. That's what it is. She has a team of acrobats and no compassion for others, so she's just flinging small people at her opponents. No, it's just with no compassion of others, she's billed as an unstoppable force,

so they're not considering how other people might want to be billed as an unstoppable force inside the ring. Yeah. There's only room for one Syria, motherfuckers. But I'm an unstoppable force, too. Hey, y'all. I want to tell you about Austin Stevens.

Is that okay with y'all? Okay, cool. Yeah, I'm Austin Stevens. And I was born in San Louis Obispo in California. I was previously with Extreme Backyard Wrestling. Yeah. That's not sport. So was I.

So he was born Austin Kyle Brian E brian evershine yeah yeah austin stevens is an american professional wrestler currently employed by world wrestling headquarters on its showdown brand austin stevens was born august 6 1990 in st lou Louis, Obispo, California. Okay, so early life. All that is known about Austin Stevens' early life is that he was born in St. Louis, Obispo, California. He was raised with a sister, and he started

wrestling at the tender age of two years old. That sounds about right. Yep, definitely. That's when most people get into it. Let me tell you about a sister. Ask anyone that knew the two. They are completely in love. So much so that when you actually find out they are blood-related brother and sister, it honestly sickens you.

The two are inseparable. Hey, now. Austin and Ashlyn were raised together. now. Austin and Ashlyn were raised together other than her kidnapping the brother and sister never spent a day apart but it's clear they needed to with two O's.

After finally getting his sister back in December of 2007 the feelings between the brother and sister became clear and it caused the problems of both their careers and personal lives but they remained together even after rumors surfaced that Ashlyn was pregnant by her own brother.

And they say it's a soap opera. Let me tell you about Extreme Backyard Wrestling. Some would consider him to be the very best superstar that Extreme Backyard Wrestling ever had. At least the owner of the company would. Christopher Raines in his

own words said, and I quote, Austin Stevens is the best I've ever seen. Oh, okay. No less than Christopher Raines. Insane wrestling though. Oh, that is good. That is good stuff. Austin came into Extreme Backyard Wrestling at the age of 16,

and he flew through the ranks like no one had ever done. And he is so easily impressed, owner Christopher Raines-Stevens came to the company with his little sister, who was 15 at the time, semi-colon Ashton Stevens. Together, Austin and Ashlyn took down the tag team rankings and had the longest reign in Extreme Backyard Wrestling history with the tag team titles out of any other gender team. Despite the owner turning against him and stripping him of the title every time he won it, Austin remained. That's weird.

That's a weird move. Yeah. Congratulations. Fuck you. Look over there Got your title, fuckface Gotta do what's best for business, folks Austin remained in the company and fought

At one time, his sister ended up involved in all of it Being kidnapped by Reigns and held hostage When Austin finally battled off the sinister owner of Extreme Backyard Wrestling, he got his baby sister back, but that was only the beginning of problems in his life and Extreme Backyard Wrestling career. He was released from the company because of serious

acts of violence on more than half of the superstars of the company. Oh my goodness. Sources say that he went insane and started attacking everyone when he saw company owner Christopher Raines sent his pregnant

wife to the hospital. Steve was released February... What? This is just like when the Islanders stole the British Bulldogs mascot dog. No, no, no, no. I'm not even going there. The New York Islanders did that?

There's something called the Extreme Backyard Wrestling Federation, and there's a president of it. And I just assumed that was like, you know, like a 15-year-old, like maybe, you know, a little bit, a little bit heavy set. But now they're talking about his wife.

And that means there's like a grown-ass man with a wife who's like hiring teenagers to have fake fights in his backyard no he was married by zachary austin kyle bryan evershine father i just i just hang out in backyards while teenagers hit each other what yeah nothing sexual about it it's very don't worry about my penis don't worry about what my penis is. You worry about your penis. Yeah. It's a real American beauty thing. Your penis is all sitting there. It's as to you.

Anyway, sorry. Yeah, so, okay. All of the music that he has released was banned from the radio. That's enough of that. Here's a heading. It's called Divorce. No one knows why the divorce between the two happened. Wait, why did the marriage happen?

Why did a divorce between him and his sister happen? Why did it happen? Everyone says that they seemed like their love never faded at all, comma, capital U, until the day of the divorce. The two kept it silent until the day it became final. However, Ashlyn continues to stay in Zach's house, and she has stated to friends and family that she will continue to be a mother to her two children

and the best sister that she can possibly be. Sister slash wife. That's creepy. What part of that was creepy? The part where she's Aunt Mom. Yeah, exactly. One of my moves is a tilt-a-whirl, 1440 degree head scissors takedown. Damn, that's a lot of degrees.

It is. I have many quotes. Are most of your moves named after shitty carny rides at the 4-H fair? What's your theme song? I got a feeling they are. Oh, my theme song is Papercut by Linkin Park. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a good one.

What's your signature weapon? Oh, it's a kendo stick, obviously. It fits with everything else. I was in the movie racer x apparently okay uh we're gonna move on from here to oh this is really terrifying really really scary okay um uh boots yes do you think you can tell me about Blood Rain? Blood Rain. Blood.

Blood Rain. You'll have to guess which spelling of rain that is. Uh, that would be R-E-I-G-N? Very nice. Oh, cool. Okay, there it is. I found it. Okay.

Blood Rain has been one of the most controversial superstars in wrestling history. He is known for not holding anything back and is not scared to share his opinions. Yay! For a year, Blood Rain clearly showed a hatred for the Catholic religion. Oh, fuck. Blood Rain later decided to move on no oh okay that that is how that works okay decided to move on not longer letting his past control his life his hatred was explained and ever since then he become on of the most dominating superstars in HVW.

Yeah, cool. Holy vacuum wrestling. Yeah. Blood Rain has held the title in almost every federation he has been in. The only one he hasn't was PWO because he only had a total of two matches there. People with sausages. Powerful wrestling organization. Probably.

Probable wrestling organization. Presumptuous reference. Blood Rain has held the WOF Alternative Championship HVW Continental Championship, HVW Extreme Championship, HVW Tag Team Championship

and the FTWO Tag Team Championship for the wrestling organization Fuck the World Organization Fuck the world organization. Fuck the world organization. Blood Rain currently holds the HVW Tag Team Championship

by himself. At the F2WO Tag Team Championship. His current theme is Releasing the Demons by Godsmack. Great. Boy, Godsmack should just release a second album called uh music for wrestlers to come into entrance themes the album entrance themes license this uh oh boy okay i need you to you to tell me just a little tiny tiny bit about your childhood

and pre-debut, please, Blood Rain Okay, sure, Blood Rain didn't have the glorious childhood he would have killed Sorry, Light I'm very drunk at this point Like any caged animal, Blood Rain's desire to escape grew stronger over time. That day took

what seemed Mike Decades to arrive. Yo, my name's Mike Decades! Mike Decades is his bitter rival. Buy my mixtape! It's only $4! Oh, it's one of his Nicki Minaj

alter egos. Oh, click. Did we skip Blood Rain's parents' names? What are Blood Rain's parents' names? Blood Rain was the child of Sylvia and Charles Rain. Charles was the priest of a Catholic church in London, Ontario. As you can imagine, Blood Rain's family were very religious. I would imagine that, yeah.

And the fact that their youngest son didn't share that faith. Yeah, I'm a priest. It's just a fucking job, okay? It wasn't taken away. Yeah, I go to their church. I say the words. I molest the kids. Whatever.

I punch the clock. Blood Rain was forced to listen to readings of the Bible. Oh, no. An attempt to drag his interest away from Egyptian mythology and onto the god that his family told him he should worship. Huh.

Okay, that's a weird choice. Uh, yeah. Blood Rain escaped. Have you never heard of Satanism? I don't understand. Blood Rain escaped the church and lived on the streets for countless years. Yeah. Three. Three. You couldn't count that, huh?

Blood Rain saw a few wrestling events at a sports bar and showed interest. This interest was spotted by a local trainer, and he offered Blood Rain a chance to learn. Blood Rain showed instant potential, the ability to fight with almost any style he wanted. There was a guy named Blood Rain eating chicken wings in a bar who wasn't a professional wrestler yet. Just some dude at a Buffalo Wild Wings with a credit card that said Blood Rain. Coming close

to the end. I know that Montreth really wants us to read about Titan, but before we get to there, Mr. Adam Bozarth, do you think you can tell me about Angelo de la Muerte? Angelo. Yeah, and if you'll actually go to the page, do you think you can describe what Angelo de la Muerte looks like? If you had to describe him, how would you describe Angelo Teletubbies? Which member of

Jane's Addiction would you pick? No, that's not Jane's Addiction. Wrong man, but right idea. Thank you. You're the best. I really hope something in the personal life section talks about

how he fell on black days. Okay, Adam, if you'll tell me about Angelo Delamorte, please. My name is Angelo Delamorte. I'm part of the Men's Day International Wrestling Evolution, MEW, and LWA,

and ISGA, and his current place of work is evolution, M-E-W-L-W-A-I-S-G-A. And his current place of work is a mech. That's M-E-C-C-A. And he is an extremely successful rookie out of Italy. His insanity, his multiple personalities, his complete lack of consideration of his own well-being have given him a larger superstar position in the

wrestling world. Below is what is known about him. What is your place of birth there, Angelo? My place of birth is Italy. The entire peninsula of Italy includes Sicily. Does that mean, does that include

Sicily too then? Oh yes, it includes Sicily too. The island is Sicily, yes. You were talking a little bit in your introduction there about Mecca. Would you tell me, can you tell me anything about Mecca? Oh, see, let me follow the link. Yep. See, Mecca Wrestling has been Oh no

Mecca Wrestling has recently Taken over by Shifty Consanto Lombardo This page will be filled in ASAP No Not Mecca Get out of here Mecca

Lombardo's moving in on my turf Why did we ever trust A man named Shifty He seems stupid in retrospect Okay so Angelo tell me a little bit about your personal life Please To everyone's knowledge

He came to the IWA His name was only known attribute The moniker of Angel of Death, translated to Italian with a slight variation was all he had. Except for he misspelled Della, but I mean, I guess... Shut the fuck up.

That's the slight variation. Through the weeks, his history started to unfold. Formerly of Rome, Italy He was raised in a heavily mob oriented rich family Yes they were mob oriented rich family By the time of his

By the death of his family He escaped that life with his inheritance And he began to chase his wrestling dreams He was in Norway for a while And Germany and the US and Japan. The no record exists of his indie years, though his years have been trained momentarily

by the Dark Prophet before he showed up in IWA. Aside from that, his former fiancée died of leukemia sometime, as goes well. Her name was Cecilia! Cecilia, no! He also had eight more girlfriends who died!

Oh, goddammit! Eight more girlfriends, no! He also appears to have multiple personalities stemming from his early years in his mom family. His three personalities are ADM, Jacques, and Fate. His birth name and real location

of birth is unknown. Every single one of these wrestlers so far has had multiple personalities, by the way. Well, you know, there's a shot that one of them might make him interesting. Yeah. Traumatic brain injury does crazy things.

It's as though a life of living on the road and smashing dudes in the face in front of a cheering crowd attracts schizophrenics. Perhaps. Oh, the dark prophet Is from Minneapolis And he is Glenn Danzig Should I tell you about The grandma incident Oh yes please tell me about the grandma incident Yes please

Not much longer After Laughlin was at his brother's grave Angelo was there as well However this time it was at night He had a knife and a shovel with him And though it was not televised He began to brag about The sexual molestations that had occurred

Between himself and Brian's dead grandmother Brag about, huh? Yeah. He then showed the things left of the dead woman, her body mutilated by the knife when he was finished digging up Brian's brother. He mutilated the corpse with his knife.

This is the happiest mutilation! Sure. Abandonza! After the cameras finished rolling, he repaired the bodies where they were. Ba-ba-ba. And then he sent a shockwave. You know what they say. Italians mutilate with their hands.

They sent a shockwave through IWA. Immediately, the website had comments from fans asking who this Angelo De La Mota was. The lack of information only left the fans wanting more. After De La Mota won, he immediately went over with the fans. Who's that grandmother mutilator? He's amazing.

I want to know more. Does he have T-shirts? I want the T-shirt that says, fucking kill grandma. Here, Nana, I got it for you. Tell me about when he was losing his mind, won't you please? Okay. Angelo

Delamoyette went through a few weeks of hell during the IW break following his last victory at the last IWA uproar pay-per-view event. He drove himself into a suicidal, psychotic episode, right? Now his former mentor has

returned to watch over his scheduled matches and making sure he gets to and from the medical facilities between matches. He was kept heavily sedated and restrained, like so many professional wrestlers are, very heavily sedated and restrained. Seems very good for absolutely just as a hobby uh everything was set up for the next shocking moment of his career the matchup versus himself uh that's a that's that's a monty python sketch yeah or the end of double dragon

after throwing himself Through a tool of flaming tables Stop a piece of umtacks He killed the ADM Inside of him And now he prefers to be called Jacques He had only yet to lose in the matches

He's a consistent Bad mouthing Current champion Christian Cala was perhaps the only reason he never got a shot. For the world title,

I spit on you. So there's many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many words in your bio here, but Angelo, I want to ask you, do you have any moves at all? Do you have any sort of signature moves

or special moves or any moves that you're known for? Any special moves that are yours and yours alone? Oh, I've got a couple. My signature moves? Is that what you mean, or is it a finishing move?

Let me see. Well, I just want to know any sort of moves that you have, if you have any that you wanted to shout out. Okay. Well, my finishing moves are the inevitable fate, which is a shooting star oppressor, the mortal gocha, which is a crucifix bomb, and the hand of fate, which is basically the walls of Jeterico

how you feeling right now Jay? a four figure leg lock at least they called it out and said it was exactly what it is and also I like it to take my sock and put it on my hand and put it in the man's mouth I paint the little face on it. I call him a senior stocking.

It's all right, it's all right, it's all right. It's all right. It's all right. Yeah, but any sort of other moves that you have? Any sort of other moves that are specifically, specifically yours alone? Yes, under, We got other moves Like the Hurricane Rana

Hurricane Ron Con Rana The Power Bomb The STF The Swanton Bomb The DDT The German Suplex Which is usually done in a series of threes

Because it's the funniest wrestling move, I guess. The rule of German suplex. It is pretty hilarious when it happens in threes. The vertical suplex. The flying colossal line. The moon assaulter. See, you got to make sure you know that I can do these moves. And which buttons to press in the video game.

I like that one of your special moves is slap. Yep, and a baseball slide. And a lion salt, or whatever that is. Of your entrance themes, one of them is bold, but I don't care about that one. What's their second last one? Oh, well, that would be one of my favorite songs while I was in, uh, the mech,

and that would be Dead Body Man by the Insane Clown Pops. Yay! Woo! Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding Violent J. Mr. J.W. Friedman, I want to know a little bit about Titan. Oh, no. Titan. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Montreth, of all of these people, Montreth was the most excited about Titan. So can we learn about Titan? I know that he was from Montreal and in the Extreme Championship Wrestling. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, let's see. His professional wrestling career, perhaps? There's a lot of Canadians in here. Absolutely.

Lemon, I don't think you're pronouncing Titan's name right. Okay. So, Jay, would you tell me about Titan? Okay. Here we go Yep Titan was born Montreal And was the son Of Josianne

And Jake Richard And is said to be He was born Mount Royal He was born Mount Royal Richard He had been proclaimed as evil by the doctor who first saw him. Titan has an unusual childhood and is said to have killed his aunt at the age of two. Yep. Okay.

If you get killed by a two-year-old, sayonara. Excuse me, but there's an important part about this case, sayonara excuse me but it's on you but there's an important part about this case and it's right however many people believe that titan was not aware of the actions at this age and thus should not he'll be responsible for her death titans next victim came at the age of four when at his birthday party he is said to have raped one of the girls at his party almost to death before snipings slicing her belly open and lighting her on fire from her organs dripping with gasoline.

At the age of four. Whether or not he did that. He's advancing pretty quickly. However, many of them... What's the name of the MMA guy that this is a rip-off of? All of them. Pretty much. War Machine? No, War Machine didn't rip off of all of this pretty much

no no no war machine didn't do this shit I'm going to jump ahead a little bit because I think it's important for us to know that Titan's vicious childhood led to his mother leaving him and his father only to return and become pregnant second child

which resulted in them being fleeing together and leaving Titan as an orphan at the age of six after moving from several homes. Titan's mother died shortly after the birth of her second baby. Okay. One of the things that's happened here, it says,

it is said that he went on trial during these six years 1,500 times. Wow. Oh, it does say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's more than most. The six years between six and 12? Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're a tumultuous time in a boy's life. I think we should learn a little bit about the professional wrestling career of Titan. Okay, how about this? Shortly after his 12th birthday, Titan joined a wrestling school. Due to his young age, Titan became the joke of the class and was picked on by the other students. The champion of the school decided to bind Titan into a fight. Titan accepted this request and is said to have broken his

neck. The trainer at the school taught Titan the basics he needed, like neck breaking of children. Two years later, Titan snapped the spine of his trainer by executing a powerbomb into a DDT.

The trainer died on impact to the ground. And Titan later nicknamed that move. Was he pregnant at the time? Yeah, he was. And Titan later nicknamed that move the final exit. Which became his finisher. I don't think you can name that a move if it's just a murder. My special finisher is that I murder guys.

My special finisher is that I murder guys My special finisher is the gun Anyway After all that happened Titan then spent three years On the Japanese wrestling circuit Before moving to America In a one million dollar deal for him To enter a wrestling tournament With one thousand and twenty four men Is he fleeing extradition? to America in a $1 million deal for him to enter a wrestling tournament with 1,024 men.

Jesus Christ. Is he fleeing extradition? I guess so. Titan won his first nine matches in his rumored to have killed eight of his opponents because this is Kumite. Nobody was watching those matches, I guess. I got one more short thing to

say here. Yeah, what's that? It's just that the one opponent who didn't die was a wrestler named Steam, who later turned out to be Titan's half-brother. This is the Racer X of this situation. He is. And both of them have all-caps names, so I'm surprised they didn't figure it out sooner. Then there was a second cousin named nasa holy shit uh man there's an entire uh this document once again uh put together by montreth um there's an entire section of this document we

haven't gotten to uh because well there was so much other fun to have sorry sorry one one last thing about titan because we need like the end of the story uh just like the last uh two sentence paragraph before banner i just just just so you know that the banner for Titan says Titan and that's Garen fucking damn T close parenthesis Titan then went missing and it was assuming he was kidnapped

however he returned and once again ruled XCW before the Federation closed. No, I was just around. It's okay, cool. He's been kidnapped! Nope, I'm actually

in charge of the company. It was just in the basement playing Nintendo. Before we conclude, there is a bonus section here that Montreth has included in the document, and it is from the new Next Level Wrestling Forums, 2nlw.proboards.com,

and this is a wrestler intro. Shoot it down the wall, so hurt it, bang, bang! I am the warrior! I am the warrior! Warrior, warrior, appears at the top of the ramps in a tuxedo as he strolls out.

He shakes his fists at the audience who are all expressing their distaste at his appearance. No matter. He is the warrior and he does not care what people think. He strolls out of the ring and points to the ceiling. A microphone lowers. He couldn't find one that's something about tights. He clasps the mic and raises his hand for silence. The crowd is hostile.

The master indomination of chaos has arrived and destroyed the champion standard bearer like my Gilgamesh quads giant humpbob amongst the cedars of Babylon. So it's cringed, slipped the opposite of me and squeezed the life from his feral farm. The K.I.D. Jets start up.

K.I.D. Warrior smiles wickedly. Nobody is left to challenge the Krayj. He rules supreme. He has broken down all semblance of authority to rise to the inferior wrestlers like Restlessless Jack will try to ignore Craig and hope he will spare them a Craig spares no man or woman. No, the crowd chants for Reckless Jack.

The crowd demands Reckless Jack. Yes. Reckless Jack. Yes. Call for Reckless Jack, you fickle whores. Bring him forth so that Crane may rip his flaccid arms and devour them with his mighty jaw. What did Crane do to

Bally? He will do to Jackie and everyone else who dares oppose him. Nobody here is able to stop the master of anarchy. Warrior, warrior raises his hands. Four kettle drums are wheeled out to the top so behind each drum

is a man dressed in tuxedo shit each is only a pen and drumstick they flake the top of the ramp to one each side warrior warrior clears his throat and points to the top of the ramp behold but he does not get any farther

than that when end of post and then the match begins great I got chaos great End of post. And then the match begins. Great. I got chaos. Great.

This is one more post from New Next Level Wrestling of a very exciting moment that happened called Still in the Back of my mind. The scene opens up backstage with 2NLW announcer Roxy Redhead. The European chick stands with a red shirt, tight stonewashed jeans, and red shoes. Her hair is lowered down and she makes a kissing gesture at Dave the cameraman. Before he looks in. Just then. Just then, just then, he speaks. Alright, blokes and blokets, tonight I've got a special treat for ya. The 2NLW Scion champion himself

is about to be interviewed. Here is Carl the Baby Baller. His name is the Baby Baller? The Baby Baller. No, it's Carl Baller, nicknamed the Baby. Carl the Baby Baller. There's nothing wrong with that.

Nobody's getting arrested here. Here is Carl the Baby Baller. I mean, the kid I think. Crimity. Whatever the bloody hell his name is. H apostrophe is. Bloody hell his

his name is. The camera turns over to Carl Baller, and as soon as the fans get a glimpse of him, a large pop occurs. Baller, and as soon as the fans get a glimpse of him, a large pop occurs. Baller is wearing a Phillies baseball cap, a tight white wife beater,

baggy cargo pants, and matching sneakers. Matching what? Baggy sneakers. Baggy cargo sneakers. Of course, of course. I got so much weed in my sneakers, bro. The 2NLW Scion Championship is wrapped around his waist as he snarls at the camera. Mangy mutt.

Alrighty, let's get down to business. Carl Baller, how do you feel right now being the Scion champion? She points the microphone to his lips. Strange. No words come out of Baller's plural mouth. It is like he is thinking of something. Maybe that is why he is snarling at the camera. Um, well, whatever.

Your match with... Oh, God. Oh, God. Your match with Silly is considered to be one of the greatest one-on-one encounters in 2NLW history. At Entropy... What? Six-star match. Easy in the Wrestling Observer.

Entropy? What? Six-star match. Easy in the Wrestling Observer. At Entropy a couple days ago, you defended your two-NLW Scion title against Zilly that almost went to the full 60 minutes to a draw until you took him out with your headshot from the top rope. What made you think of that? What made you think about hitting him? What made you think about trying to end your hour-long wrestling match? Knock, knock.

What the hell are you doing, Carl Baller? It is an interview. You're supposed to talk. Anyway, KB still looks at the camera, fire in his eyes. You would think he is happy that he just defeated one of the greatest two NLW superstars that the company has ever had. He still does not talk for some odd reason. Asshole. I bet that

if Furious G Carl Baller snatches the microphone out of her hand and posts it up against the and posts her up against the nearby wall. Cool. He's got some tape. He puts, he pulls the

microphone, he pulls the microphone to his lips angrily and breathes very heavy. The 2NLW Scion title rubs against her stomach as KB looks at her angrily. A Welsh security guard. Good luck, Bunny Bread. A Welsh security guard happens to walk by and spots what happens. He dashes. What's the problem, eh?

That's Wales. The last four words just form a shadow over Karl Baller. Someone familiar used that on him a couple times, and KB was pissed about it. He drops the young interviewer and charges at the security guard. He tackles the man and starts swinging wildly. Roxy screams and runs off screaming for help. About 30 seconds later, KB gets off a now bloody guard who looks to be unconscious. Our heavy breathing champion.

What does he look to be? Oh, he looks to be unconscious. Unconceal. Unconceal, yes. Our heavily breathing champion looks at his damage and talks. Our heavily breathing champion looks at his damage and talks. He'll pay. That man will pay.

KB turns the corner and walks off and the scene fades to black. Image not found. The end. Oh, twist ending. Okay. Carl Baller here has a full 10 stars from this forum. So, F+, what did we learn from all of this? I hate wrestling.

Yep. I really like wrestling, but wrestling fans are the worst. I was – when I was in San Francisco a while back, I was having a chat with Kumquat Sop. And Kumquat Sop is a – he's a motorcycle enthusiast and he enjoys motorcycles. And therefore he talks to other motorcyclists. And he says the difficult thing with it is that when you talk to other motorcycle people, you have to spend about ten minutes figuring out if that guy's an asshole first. Is there a similar problem with meeting other wrestling fans? There is. Yeah, and pretty much the rule is never talk to wrestling – or sorry, never talk about wrestling to anyone on the internet.

And you're fine. Okay. How's that going? I've seen your Twitter feed. Hey, I stopped Twitter about two months ago, and there's a reason. I learned that Vegeta is a former competitor in the Ultimate Crossover Tournament Fighting League. Yeah, I learned earlier that Sephiroth beat Naruto, so... Vegeta was also the president of the UCTF

from 1999 to 2005, I guess. Also, there's at least 20 wrestlers in here named Sonic. There it is. Yes, wrestling the hedgehog. I thought Look up Steve Austin the hedgehog If you ever want to have some fun I thought I knew

Every shitty Font that existed in the world But this website Has introduced me some new ones The website is always The website is always thefbl.us Our forum is Ballpit. And we've got some other

sites you can visit, so you should do that. Maybe buy some stickers. And do you even lift bros? Bye-bye. Do you even lift bros? Do you even lift bros? You can get close. You can get close. Yeah. Could we talk about Cypher? Wait. Now, by Cypher, do you mean Dan Cypher Kilburn? I think that's exactly who I mean. Dan was born on July 1st, 1986, parents to James and Marion Kilburn.

Wait, he was born and was immediately parents to two people? His parents were verbally abusive to him almost his entire life, and later that verbal abuse soon turned into physical. His parents always were angered with him because he did not wish to take up the family business of dentistry when he wanted to start a business of his own. Oh, my God. Is this Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

Dr. Glenn Yankum, DDS. Well, no, this is literally Kane. I mean, his name has go born anyway. But, yeah, he had an interest in economics and engineering, which was a rather strange combination for a kid of his age to hold interest in. During high school, he was constantly teased and bullied around for his size. After his growth spurt, he was teased and bullied for being so skinny. One famous story that Cypher would talk about all the time

was that the two high school bullies, Jordan McQueen, who would later take the ring name Steve McQueen, Good name! Very good name. Yeah, that was slick. One of the jocks in his school, and Jonathan Stewart, who would later take the ring name

Communist John. Yeah, that's sexy too. Subtle. Subtle. Very subtle. Amongst the gang of four other teenagers who brutally beat Dan. At home he feels like a tourist. They brutally beat Dan to the point of a coma.

Yeah. When he was 15 due to being accident prone. With medical bills piling up and their dislike for him his parents kicked him out of the house and left him homeless

for four years. They died in 2003. Yeah. Problems during his time as being homeless. Fuck you dad. Those problems though they forced him back a grade

and he didn't graduate until the age of 19. Fuck you, me. He's still going to school? Good for him, I guess. I mean, his big villains were guys from high school. They were jocks. I guess, so he kept going.

Also jocks from 1972. Steve McQueen. I like that his parents kicked him out for two reasons. The first is that he was accident prone, and the second is that they didn't like him. Well, look, look, here's the things about Dan, though. He's tough as nails, but there's also some trivia about him. You want to know just a few interesting things about him? Yeah.

Okay, so Dan's favorite drink is grape soda, and his favorite food, ham pizza. Oh, shit, I would have guessed bacon. Oh, damn it. Ham pizza? Damn it. So cool. So cool. Great.

Dan has accidentally admitted to having a crush on Sailor Venus, a character on the TV show Sailor Moon, but only once. He's denied it ever since. Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. So this is a badass, huh? Yeah. And most importantly, Dan is very keen in archery

and chess. Wait, I want to know, it's an important thing. I want to know this about all wrestlers, but most importantly about Dan, what's his favorite dual monsters card? It's good to know that Dan's favorite Duel Monsters card is Air Knight Parshot. Although he's never used it in an actual duel. And after he retired from the game, he kept three copies of the card as a collector's item.

Shia calls them shiny. This is the funniest fact. Well, son, they didn't have Pokemon cards, but they had dual monsters. Is that okay? Air Knight Parshad. Does Dan have a favorite casino game? He does. It's Air Knight Partner.

Dan's favorite casino game is No Limit Texas Hold'em. He quit Duel Monsters to play the game as a full-time hobby. Full-time hobby. It is with a heavy heart that I leave the Duel Monsters. I retire. I must say, while I had many great times with Duel Monsters, the lack of awkward novelty sunglasses and green visors has been a huge detriment to my enjoyment. I feel so at home when I hear...

Is he rich at all? Like, Dan, is Cypher, is he rich? Dan's a multi-millionaire sure but barely his net worth is at 2.1 million when counting his current house company assets etc combined he's never dated ever he's never dated ever despite having an on-camera relationship during his early WOF days and living with Shion Akari and Sakura Hayate. Currently, they sound kind of Asian. Holy shit. Sounds like a manga.

That doesn't mean he never got a little busy, you know? They sound like they got boobies. I cannot have a relationship due to my warrior's code. What's your signature match there, Dan? Oh, gosh. Okay, so here's the thing about Dan. Dan's signature match

is a schoolhouse brawl match, which he still uses long after his gimmick regarding high school past disappeared. Oh, he can't let go of high school, huh? He's like 33 and he still does a schoolhouse brawl match just like when you go to see Blink-182.

They're all in their late 40s but their song's about like, you know, like going to the mall shop after school.