The F Plus - 250: WAM!!!

Episode Date: May 19, 2017

There's a lot of peculiar naming conventions in unusual internet fetishes, which makes the Wet And Messy fetishists very appreciated. They like it when people are wet and messy! And they have many many many words to prove it. They also have a whole lot of pictures to prove it, but we needn't concern ourselves with that. This week, The F Plus learns something about Southern Hospitality.

Oh, boy. Oh, my God. This site's gonna be... You picked it. I did. I did. You make smart decisions. You're a smart guy. Yeah, no, when you actually go to the site, we're gonna be reading just get the dock open.

Like, you're gonna want to have the dock open, because we're gonna be mostly reading from the dock itself. Are there bad things happening on this? Oh, no. Oh, my god. Hello there listeners. This is the F Plus Podcast. A sensual and erotic place for terrible things read with enthusiasm.

In the room tonight we have Boots Reingears. His nose was filled with the smell of, could it be a bakery? Buttery and sugary dough. His sweet syrupy smells flooded his senses. His nose was drawn between her legs to the sources. Jack, chick. I make him fuck the jelly glass! Good.

Vortex! Kitchen bros before kitchen hoes. Frank West! Do you ever wear a watch whilst getting messy? Here's a photo of mine. And Lemon. I'm Julia. You must be Ox. getting messy. Here's a photo of mine. And Lemon. I'm Julia. You must be Ox. That's my stage

name. You can call me Sean. They start to fuck. Oscar. Awesome. To my world You do this I'm staying right here You do this I'm staying right here You do this I I'll stay in my head You do this, I'll stay in my head

You do this, I'll stay in my head You do this, I'll stay in my head Hey, F+. Hey, Lemon. Hello! Hi, Lemon. Oh, my. Hey, what's your favorite song by Wham?

Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go. Careless Whisperers. Ooh, that's the one that's not waking up before you go go I didn't think of that also last Christmas very nice I am impressed Mr. Reindeer well

in this episode we're going to be talking entirely about Wham but and this is a very clever mislead you're going to be talking entirely about Wham! But, and this is a very clever mislead, you're going to recognize how hilarious this joke is. I hate you, Berman. I'm on the edge of my seat. I'm not talking about the band Wham! Wait for it.

I'm actually talking about the acronym Wham! W-A-M, which stands for Wet and Messy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Alright, alright, alright The F-Bus, that sucked Fuck it, I'm doing it Our tribute to George Michael Yeah, so this is I believe yet another document

Provided to us by And it is always a username that I enjoy Which is Girlkisser420 Nice Girlkisser420. Nice. GirlKisser420 is a terrific name, and also his avatar looks like what I imagined Bunny Bread looked like when he was nine. So it makes me happy.

He's a GirlKisser. Yeah, so this is wet and messy. We're going to be looking at three different sites. One of them is called UMD.net. That's not the University of Maryland. It's UMD.net. It is a URL you should not visit. Why?

I don't understand. Why? Really, just to, you know. Just click that? What I'm saying, when somebody from the F-plus goes, probably don't go to this site. I mean, that means something. don't go to this site. That means something. We're going to UMD.net.

UMD's tagline is the dirtiest site in the world. Yeah, so that's why you shouldn't go there. Are you sure? It has in superscript SM instead of T-A-M. SM is a service mark, which is different. That's one of their taglines, the dirtiest site in the world.

The other one is, remove your shoes, jump in the ooze. This Ninja Turtles reboot is wrong. The guy that runs the site calls himself the Mess Master. Anyway, we're going to be going to a couple of different sites, but we're going to start here on UMD and primarily read out of the doc. So, yeah, so my name is Jay Roulette. My avatar is terrible. And here's my commission.

Okay, so this is in the Wham! Drawings new thread. Okay. It's got 2,166 views. So here's my commission featuring Mackenzie from the video game Tony Hawk's Downhill Jam. So is she actually skating into jam? Or is it... That's a great question. Because I feel that they're, like, inviting this, if that is the case.

Tony Hawk's Downtown Marmalade. Oh, I'm sorry. My username is actually Sinking Feeling, but my avatar is terrible. Yeah, so Tony Hawk's Downtown Marmalade. She's racing and decides to take a shortcut, but she's going so fast

she's out of control, and accidentally takes a T-tour into a Marmite factory. Now start to British like three minutes. Jack Chick, your name is Mandy Morbid? Birthday cake boob

smash. iPad. It's my birthday today, but instead of blowing out candles on my birthday cake, I'm gonna smash it with my giant boobs and make a huge mess. Portex, you are

pied porn stars. You have two different threads. You have two different threads you want to talk about. I play the flute and all the porn stars just follow me around out of the town. Dance around following you. Yes, exactly. First off, something hilarious.

Hostage humor. Julie must make her abductors laugh to get released. That's a different fetish. She is so bad at jokes and none are funny. So she only gets pied and slimed. What's the through line on that plot? I don't really understand.

Boner. Boner goes right through that plot. It's like a Cupid's arrow, but full of jizzy times. My second post is when a pie man calls. Carmella is dared to spend a night in a house haunted by a ghost whose rose pie is...

She takes the dare and you know what happens. No, I don't. Tell me, I don't know. I come for days. Another thing in this thread was a sinking feeling saying, my favorite piece of art done by you is this, and then something terrible.

My favorite piece of art done by you is this. And then something terrible. Okay, so umd.net, it does have a personal section. So that's great. That's where people can meet each other and find love. So, Boots, your name is Whamiliate. It's like humiliate, but with wham. Whamiliate.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what are you looking for? Oh, hey there. I'm just looking for a girl pie me in the face, Vaughn, Ontario. Your Canadian accent is suspect. What? Are you sure you're Canadian? I don't know. I learned it from John.

Okay. What part of North Dakota are you from, Canadian? Anyway. Well, Millie, I'm a 19-year-old boy trying to find a girl to smash some pies in my face. Mmm. It doesn't matter your age.

If you're comfortable hitting me with some pies, send me a message. Okay, cool. Okay. I have a message. You're fucking creepy. Get out of here. I don't think you fit the criteria of people who can send me a message, though.

And, uh, Frank, you're Wooly282? Uh, please don't dox me. Oh, yes, no, I'm reading. Yes, sorry. I've always wanted to have a messy food fight with another guy. I'd like to lose badly and end up getting face fucked with an explosive ending.

Face fucked? Face fucked? Okay. Face fucked by a pie? Or face fucked by dynamite? Yeah, with an explosive ending. Wow. Wow. That's like the porno parody of Itchy and Scratchy right there.

It's a dick filled with dynamite? That makes sense. Dynamite dick and that's it. I like the exasperation like you've explained this so many times. Jesus, Lemon, I'm going to stop inviting you to my wet and messy film showings if you just keep asking questions.

Yes, no, go ahead. You know what? Don't show up. Then left in a pile of food and cum. Depending on who you are, that food already had cum in it anyway. Majetic. Hi, my name is Dunk Tank Vanessa, and I am not creepy at all.

Oh, good. You're a representative sample, then. My subject line is, Dunk my wife for free Not creepy No, not creepy Dunk my wife, please Tough crowd My wife is available for any dunk tank event

She s35 Yo blonde teacher I've been I've been trying to go to blonde school for a while, but they just haven't accepted me in. You gotta be 35, yo. I think it

comes with experience there, but been dunked a lot. Much dunk tank experience. Yep, go on. Go on. How does that look on a resume? We'll sit in your dunk tanks.

An event. Party. Custom shoot. Personal dunking. Fundraisers. Bachelor-esque party? Bachelor party. I've got a lot of different dunk tanks, but none of them are to code. Is there like a certification that you

require for the dunk tanks? She's very pretty. Great shape. And will taunt throwers. Will wear any outfit you want to fit event. New York, New Jersey, Connecticut area. Please let us know. Please.

So we can get her dunked this spring slash summer thanks dunk vanessa adult themes too so honey um so i had a little surprise for you i've been bad um i signed you up to get into a duct tape for perverts. Wait, don't be mad. Did you misuse my account of Dunk Tank Vanessa for something lascivious? Hi, I'm Cam. Hey, Cam. Hi, I'm Cam. Locking for a person who

shares my interest of wet and matchy losses. I love to see expensive watches getting messy. Looking for someone who shares my interest of wet and matchy losses. I love to see expensive watches getting messy. Looking for someone who shares this. I love that your lisp came through in your typing. I use text

to speech. A belly quiz boy, I would imagine, is a wet and messy fetishist. Hey, is anyone looking for a job? Me, I am. Great, okay, cool, excellent. I got a job for you, Portex. My name's Hoolaham.

Hi, folks. Hoolaham. Hi, folks. I'm shooting my next episode of the Pie in the Face game show on the weekend of April the 8th. Ironically, it's just a Jeopardy style quiz show. They answer

questions about various pies that have been thrown at faces. Yeah, you just trick perverts into going on the most boring game show. Yeah, so I'm looking for help because, let's face it, all of my solo videos are terrible.

I agree. The rest of your videos are terrible too. No, that was me fishing. I was... All of my solo videos are terrible. Yeah, no. All right. Don't fucking feed him this shit all of my oh

fuck i bet they're great i bet they're great you know always in my corner poor tag looking for someone to be my assistant which basically means throwing pies at and dumping slime on me and really just enjoying the hub the idea of humiliating an unwilling victim all right well okay yeah see here's my resume i'm mostly i'm mostly draw stupid looking cartoons i don't know if that's gonna fit into your okay not not a whole lot of pictures of you putting pie in your pussy in your resume. Do you want to maybe do you need a coach? Is there on-the-job training of any kind? Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

I gotta say seeing the word unwilling in quotes is very depressing. I'm planning to shoot two episodes so the ideal person would be available one full day, either Saturday or Sunday is fine. I provide.

Ooh, I provide. Ooh. Oh, dear. I provide a ski mask to ensure your privacy and can take any other necessary precautions. I can take any other necessary precautions in order to make sure that you are comfortable and shield your identity.

So, as long as you are okay with partially appearing in frame with seeing me nude, then I want to hear from you. I will pay for your travel expenses to and from the I will pay for your travel expenses to and from the shoot location

which is in north central New Jersey see that's going to get a little more expensive because I'm going to now move as far away from you as humanly possible so I hope you're okay with that you may also know that I shoot bonus footage that is sold on my store

and is unsuitable for YouTube. There is no sex involved, and I also pay a portion of sales to the assistant and a free copy of the final product. So, brownie points if you're willing to help here.

Throw the brownies at me, please, too! Kill me. I'm also willing to rewrite the script to your comfort level with this. What's my motivation here? Like, we need to get to the character's head here. I love that it's just the mental gymnastics that you can go through when you go, Okay, there's no sex, so what is there? So, if you're interested, shoot me a message!

My life is about to change quite a bit this year. Once the cops figure out where I am. So I'm worried this may be my last shoot ever. Oh god. And god knows I don't want it to be a sad solo one. Jesus,

what? I think that the obvious implication here is that he's having children. That's not obvious. That's such a typical Pua line. Hey, baby, I've only got a few months to live. Could you

pie me in the dick just a couple times? That's pretty typical Pua, yeah. Okay, so that was some of that, but we're going to look into the UMD.net community. Once again, thank you, GirlKids420, this document's so far. Boom.

Okay, so Boots, your name is BigSplosher, and you have a question. Yeah. BigSplosher. Ever been caught splashing? Me. I'm Big Splosher. Okay.

Has anyone ever been caught splashing? It just happened to me. The missus came home early from work to find the living room covered in plastic and me, naked, completely covered head to toe in ten cartons of custard, frantically masturbating.

I feel like she knew already. I feel like that was not a secret. It does seem like the kind of fetish that would have a whole lot of accoutrement to it. Honey, how come there are crumbs in the bed, and on the carpet, and in the bathroom, and also everywhere else? There's like just piles of gack and silly putty just everywhere or something? Honey, why did you just buy ten cartons of custard?

How do all the people at the bakery know who you are? I'm not done. Weird. Okay. Why not? That took some explaining. Oh, boy. It's a new holistic baking method, honey.

It's fine. It's a cleanse. Bye, cleanse. I mean, it's fine. It's a cleanse. I mean, kinda. Has that sort of thing happened to anyone else? If so, I would love to know how you handled it. Ta-ta. Ta-ta. I would say,

dust cloud, shit hole. Well, hey there, I'm Mambob. Okay. Wet and messy Bob. Yep. A couple times directly in the mud. And a couple more where my various stashes of supplies have been discovered. I even had a cousin find a stash of private pics on my computer.

Ooh. Well. That was probably the most awkward of them all. Even the time the cops stumbled upon me waist deep in mud. Wow. Did you have your Armani suit on when you did it? Fortunately, at that point, I still had my jeans on

and made up a plausible story about being out looking for somewhere to hunt. When he looked at my license and recognized the postal code as being far out in the country, he bought it. And yet the cousin finding the pictures on your computer was the most embarrassing, huh? Mm-hmm. I was looking for places to hunt in this mud hole. Could you push me further deeper down in the mud? I think there might be a deer down here. It can smell my shirt.

That's why I took it off. I was just holding his head underwater to suffocate it. Hey, great news, Portax. Well, great news, because this has been horrible, so I don't take any good news. No, no, no. So now you get to control the episode.

So I'm going to give you a choice. You got two different things you can read. All right? Okay. Number one is a post by Kinky Caleb that is called Human Nachos Vote. With an exclamation point. Human Nachos vote. And the other one is by Wham Gear,

and it's called Let's Build Some Messy Machines. Oh, dear. That's what JB from Mythbusters is up to these days. They canceled the show. I got nothing else to do. I guess... I guess we'll go with the human nachos vote. Human nachos vote.

Okay, good call. Good call. I just wanted to say that let's build some messing machines that has a sentence which is you know me as Sticky Tara's husband Steve. You know me as Sticky Tara's husband, Steve. You know me. Anyway, human nachos vote. Take it away, Kinky Caleb.

My name is Kinky Caleb. I'm inspired by Keatsy's current status. I asked if he'd like a little push in getting turned into nachos. Yeah, I mean, who among us hasn't been there? He was on the fence about being turned into nachos.

Yeah. Sometimes you just need a little encouragement to get turned into nachos. Sometimes you come to a fork in the road, and it takes some courage to take the road covered with Doritos. Let's see, are there going to be olives? Guac is extra.

Guac is always extra. He agreed, but we need your help. Especially you psychiatrists out there. There's two polls, and we need your help. Especially you psychiatrists out there. There's two polls and we need you to vote on. The first is which of us you get

turned into nachos. Hint, one of us currently has it as their status. Pffft. And then the second is the toppings to be used. The top three topping choices will be used by the highest vote-getter. You mean the winner of the vote-getter?

The one who gets the votes. Yeah, the highest vote. Whoever is the highest when they came up with this idea gets to do it. With picks posted, whoever gets the fewest votes gets punished by having to top themselves with the least popular topping. Pics posted as well.

We're giving it a week for voting, so help us out. So, if you win, you get covered in nacho toppings. If you lose, you get covered in nacho toppings. If you lose, you get covered in nacho toppings. You don't get to... So, like, could we...

In that case, could we make, like... Could we suggest a topping of, like, spiders or something? So, like, oh, you lost. You're now fucking covered in spiders. Because that would be pretty great. I'd enjoy that. If you lose, you have to watch the other guy get covered with nachos and feel really bad about it. That could have been me, man.

I was a contender once. Is anybody curious as to what the topping vote was? Yeah, I am curious. So yeah, so nacho cheese was the clear winner with 46 votes. That's not a taco. Come on. It's nachos.

Oh, I'm sorry. I mean, you're right. I'm not arguing. It is nachos. I mean, you're right. I'm not arguing. It is not a taco. Then we had a tie for second place with retried beans and sour cream. Gotta do those over again. Both of those got

11 votes. Taco sauce got 3 votes. I'm not really sure what Taco Sauce is, but that's fine. Whatever the fuck goes on tacos! So you might be thinking, that's salsa, but no, salsa's not

the next position, just two. It got one less vote than Taco Sauce. I wish Taco Sauce won just so they'd have to find the plus. It's the stuff that comes in pre-made tacos at grocery stores. The taco package is the old El Paso taco sauce. I don't think

they're legally allowed to call that salsa. Okay. And then in last place with zero votes is black beans. That makes sense. That makes sense, but not particularly messy black beans. Now, refried beans. Retried beans. Retried beans. Well, yeah, the retried beans

are the most messy. Those are the messiest of them all. Hey, so I was looking at the personal forum on UMD.net, and I see that there's a post made 22 hours ago by Quiet Man that says the title is Orlando Pie Guys,

My Face is Your Canvas. All those Orlando Pie Guys walking around. I consider myself a pie artiste. Okay, so scrolling through this document, the number of collisions between the wet and messy

fetish and the wristwatch fetish are numerous which is surprising. That's not a collision I would expect. It might all be the one guy though. Yeah, well, very fair. He's just an outlier. He's just throwing all the data off. Then there's

a whole section on wet and messy and cosplay, so obviously My Little Pony shows up. Then there's a whole section on wet and messy and cosplay, so obviously My Little Pony shows up. Then there's a thread on the Kids' Choice Awards. Oh, God, what? I mean, yeah, we don't need to go into that other than there is the Kids' Choice Awards. But anyway, this topic is called Loser Has to MK.6 My name's...

Play Mortal Kombat 6? Is there a Mortal Kombat 6? I guess maybe it's named something else. We're up to 10. Okay. So, the loser has to MK6. My name's LolAtme. Since we seem to have stalled yet again,

I thought I would... What? Sorry, it just says check the pictures for Britain's finest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going to. No, don't say blank. There we go. Click on blank.

Okay, so my name's lolatme. Since we seem to have stalled yet again, I thought I would start the next thread. The rules are as follows, thanks to somebody. Anyway, player one sets a dare and puts themselves up to it. Player two

expresses interest to also do dare, saying I'm in. Oh, I just figured it out. It's Mark six. This is the sixth iteration of this post. Oh, loser has to be six. Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so that player three chooses either player one or two as the loser and sets a new dare, which they are also up for doing. The current dare by Mudhunterwelly1 is the following. One-piece swimsuit, trousers and wellies, jelly in the swimsuit, custard in the wellies. Okay, what is... I think that's an old-fashioned name, actually. Wellington's boot. Oh, Wellington boots, okay.

Is what Portex draws when she draws me. Yeah. No one has said they are in yet, to my knowledge. So let's fix that. So, Frank West, your name's Leatherpup? Leatherpup360. Bboy360's

alter ego when the moon rises. Might be Bboy360. The new dare is to turn yourself into a human sundae,aring a speedo And using the following One large tub of vanilla ice cream Soft

One large tub of chocolate Soft Chocolate sauce Another ice cream sauce of your choosing A ton of sprinkles Whipped cream And cherry pie filling I am DannyE8183.

Wearing just some tight underwear to be decided, the loser must first break at least six eggs into the underwear front and back. Next, they should make a sweet mess over themselves with some several sweet ingredients. Example, chocolate, strawberry syrup, treacle, honey, whippy cream, chocolate spread, etc. After they must pie themselves with cream pies to the head, face, chest, crotch, and ass. Oh, it's a singing robot.

At least one each place. Then they should break some more eggs over their head for good measure. Auto-tune my fetish. Finally, take off the underwear and put them

on their head. Boing. I hate Devo's new material. I just don't think they needed to make a reboot of the speak and spell. On the other hand, they kind of did. I mean Joe Green. Oh, and your name is actually I mean Joe Green. I mean Joe Green. Oh, and your name is actually I mean Joe Green. I mean Joe Green.

It me. It me, Joe Green. I mean. Loser must bind themselves to a chair as best as they are able. Then maneuver their face into a pie on the other side of the room.

Set a timer and give yourself additional pie for every minute this takes. Pie timer. I called the pimer. I'm Aussie Mud, wearing a one-piece swimsuit and tights. Let's fill the swimsuit with five liters of custard five cans of baked beans and five cans of porridge no no five liters of porridge oh five liters of porridge

five liters how do you get porridge in liter increments it's easier than house then a pie sandwich to the butt and groan increments. It's easier than house. Then a pie sandwich to the butt and groin. A pie sandwich to the head and two pies to the face. What the fuck is a pie sandwich? It's something you put on your butt and groin.

I'm pretty sure it's when you pie the front and back. Oh, that makes sense. Pics must be taken and posted on this thread and in the looser gallery. Not the tight gallery. No. Hello, I'm tested one, two, three.

With a bikini or two-piece lingerie, place two whole eggs in each goo. The speaking spell is in beta right now. Four eggs in front and four eggs in back of bottoms. This church choir is fucked up.

Pour an entire bottle of chocolate sauce overhead. I'm just saying, when I grew up, this was not part of the Easter service. I need you to really deliver this next sentence. Yes. Yes.

The. Yeah, good, good. Oh, I love that part. I love that part. I love that part. I love that part. You must bust eggs without hands by smashing them. Sitting and laying on them in the chocolate sauce mess. Post at least one Pick for

Proof To the cops My name's Tide and Messy Next dare While totally naked Head dunk with a mixture of Cool whip and mayonnaise Don't taste it Then Don't taste it.

Then, smear it all around your face, hair, ears, and crotch. Stay covered like that while edging for 15 minutes. Yay! What do they call that on the streets? They call it the backflip imperverence

Kids try it and they wake up the next day Passed out in a double deer set It's called hot sauce carousel If you happen to come before 15 minutes You have to stay covered like that In the goop for another 15 minutes. You have to stay covered like that in the goop for another 15 minutes. Oh, my. Oh, no.

Oh, dear. And by the way, I went over to the thread, and if you're wondering, there was those rules in the beginning about how this thing works, and we did skip over that, but just know that, in fact, this game happened, and there's many photos to prove it.

There sure are. People certainly did actually do all of these things. Okay. So, we've got... We are... Oh, we are moving from the UMD

forums to another forum called Wet Look Forum. I'm sure it's less gross. It's a place for barbers, I assume, the Wet Look Forum. Yeah. So, Jack Chick, Hi! You've got two different

videos that you are looking to watch. You want to see one of these two kind of videos. Which video would you like to make a specific request for? Would you like to look for the video called Halloween's Coming? Or Bob's Your Uncle Replay

forward slash? Mmm. Mmm. That's a tough decision. Sure is. I'm pretty stoked on the metal implications of Halloween Absolutely

But I think I gotta go with Bob's Your Uncle Replay Bob's Your Uncle Replay So your name is sopping and yeah, take it away, tell us about this video that you want to see There is an example already out there in your Bob's Your Uncle

series of overloaded and sinking boats. Let a producer get a dinghy not an inflatable and proceed to load it up with pretty girls clothed. Some addresses of skirts and blouses would be

my preference. Anyhow, let the girls pile into the boat Which will logically Become overloaded and take on water The sinking should be Slow and deliberate As we watch the waterline creep up On the clothing Eventually the women die

Creep being the operative term here Wow What do you think the women die. Creep being the operative term here. Wow. What do you think, producers? I can't do this anymore. Too old. All right, Boots?

Yeah? I got two, or three videos. Three videos. They're all thematically similar. There's one pitch for a film called Cowgirls. Okay. By Wet Cowboy. Okay. There's one pitch for a film called Cowgirls

by Wet Cowboy. There's another film called Western Saloon Girls by Lord Sopping, which is maybe perhaps different than the other sopping, I'm not sure. And then there's another one. He's received his

knighthood. Sopping's always felt like he's stood in the wet and messy shadow of his dad, Lord Sopping. So he's like an Elton John sort of figure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then there's another one by Lord Sopping a year later called Can-Can Girls. Oh. Okay. I'm going to go with, I think, I think the earlier

Lord Sopping in his heyday probably had the best classic Western saloon girls. Alright, alright. Tell us about your movie pitch, please. Okay. Western saloon girls. How about an Old West

theme with saloon girls getting doused with beer and whiskey in the midst of a barroom brawl or getting knocked into a horse trough or how about a line of french can-can girls doing their dance along the side of a pole and ending up by leaping one after the other into the water. Ooh la la. French can't cover. So they're doing their dance alongside of the... Okay, and then they jump into the water. Yeah.

So it's like a Mel Brooks segment? Ooh la la. Nothing... I mean, I don't understand why you're confused. Mel Brooks made a bunch of pornography, right? Not that I've seen. And then Mel Brooks will look into the camera and go, ooh, la, la. That would be a Mel Brooks move, yeah, absolutely.

All right, so that was some pitches for films. But this next section Girlkisser put in here is called clips that are for sale oh no oh no wait wait wait i i can i can i can hear the terror in your voice it is misplaced because we are not on clips for sale right now okay we're not on clips for sale right right now from From the perfectly... Excuse me? Wait, Boots, what's going on? He told me we're not gonna go on Clips for Sale. No, no, guys, guys, guys,

please, these videos are posted to whamjerk.com Oh my god, he's not... It's in the catalog! Whamjerk.com Hey, it's me, the Whamjerk. Jerk it or get out. of whamjerk.com. Hey, it's me, the whamjerk. Jerking her get out. And whamjerk42

star 9 spots you sneaking into the girl's locker room where she's hiding out for a smoke break and starts to belittle you and your pathetic tiny penis. You start hitting her with pies while jerking off in front of her. And she has to strip off her ruined clothes.

What? There are so many logical leaps to get to this conclusion. How many? Is this just the fetish grab bag that we stumble upon? Wham, jerk. There's so much lore. This is very lore heavy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright, uh, Portax, which of these, uh... You and Sered are sharing gallons of white slime and four cool whip pies while she guides you through jerking off non-nude. Oh, non-nude. Yeah, that makes sense. All right. So, Portex, which of these two movie summaries would you like to read about?

One is called The Customer's Always Right Eight. I don't know where that relates into the end. The Customer's Always Right Eight, The Food Critic. That's by Messy Girl. Or, The Hunger, parentheses, M-O-V. Hmm. It's a big file.

And that is by Dixieland Fetish. Hmm. Hmm. Uh... file. And that is by Dixieland Fetish. Hmm. Uh. You know, I think we'll go with the customer who was always right eight. Alright, the customer is always

Oh my god, I clicked a link. Why did I click a link? I don't know. You didn't have to. So silly. Okay, so your name is Messy Girl. And tell us about it. I'm I'm Messy Girl. And tell us about it. I'm Messy Girl. Fuck this face. That's not in there.

That's not in there. It's implied. My Mara, a.k.a. My Pyrogative. The way that I want to live. Is a food critic. And she doesn't take too kindly to Vika's pies. And Maria. I guess not Mara. Maria.

Same person. Tells her that the pies will get a bad review. Vika goes off on Maria. She first slams her face over and over in a pie on the table as

followed by ripping up open Maria's top and smearing blue buttercream all over her big tits and her face. Oh my goodness. Blue buttercream, huh? Blue buttercream, okay.

Then comes my pies. Blue butter, never mind, I'm out. Then comes more pies to the face. Then comes more pies. I don't know, We ran out of ideas. Stagehand just pulls them on screen

and batter poured over her head. Maria is also given a custard wedgie. What? Custard wedgie. A what? A custard wedgie. Custard wedgie, Jack-Jack.

Custard wedgie. Jack-Jack, I'm on the site. Just go there and you can see pictures of what a custard wedgie looks like. You know... Just go right to the site. I actually did that, and you're... Yeah. Mmm. Mmm.

Yeah. Everybody listening right now, go to umd.net slash download underscore info slash the e-customer hyphen is hyphen always hyphen right hyphen eight. Don't do that. We are sponsored by them. Huge shout out. I don't know why we

took that money. Man, that was a lot of money. That's a good idea, Lemon. Have we considered advertising on the F-Plus? Shut up. Bad Dragon isn't a law firm. Anyway, fuck.

Bad Dragon is not a law firm. Once Vika is done with her, Maria looks like a defeated blob. Yay! Agreed, she sure does. I see that in the mirror every day, really. But when Vika turns her back, that's when Maria grabs her from behind for some sweet revenge. Oh, it's like a swimming with sharks kind of story.

Like, Mike is the Kevin Spacey and Maria is the Frank Whaley. She's actually played by Kevin Spacey. They do have so much money. Shut up, listen, and splot. money. Shut up, listen, and splot. Micah is tied to a chair wearing only her

panties and a chef's hat. Oh, yeah. Maria lets Micah have it with all kinds of messy items and even the slop from the floor. To add to her humiliation, Maria makes Vika oink like a pig and spanks her, presumably also like a pig. Anyway, messy humiliation at its best with these two. And then all the other customers in the restaurant applauded.

Total runtime, 22 minutes, 29 seconds. The cost is $15.99. But if you buy three, you can get one free. The whole plot's been spoiled. They always give away the best parts in the trailer. Hey, messy girl. First time, long time. I just got a question for you.

You said that Myra was a food critic in this restaurant, this pie restaurant. It's a pie restaurant. I'll spend disbelief for that. But how come the restaurant looks like somebody's shitty apartment? That was the decor. That was the look they were going for. Oh, it's a theme restaurant.

There's one in a shack out in the woods. There's another one in my basement. All right, all right, all right. shack out in the woods and there's another one in my basement. Alright, alright. So, uh... Before we step away, I'd like to point out that on the UMD forums there's now a thread called the Messy Girl

20th Anniversary Q&A. Oh, finally. Yeah, Messy Girl... So many memories. AMA, parentheses, but it's probably all about pies. I'm hoping there's like a retrospective. EG, ask me anything gross. Like a retrospective going on.

Like, the time of my life. Yeah, there's a film festival. That is kind of how the questions I'm finding are. The only one I found that was really interesting was the question has there been any substance that you or the ladies would never use in a shoot and the response is a very resounding ground meat

apparently frequently get asked to do ground meat why is that the I don't want to think about that alright here we go Frank West, your your

Pai Pai Pai Boiva Please stop doxing me. You have like 30 sock puppets on this side. And what's your question?

Wait, my name is what? Pie Boiva. Yes. Can the smartest man in the world stay clean on Spallata Island? Vincent Price presents... I think you might be a Virginia

Pie boy Charlie is the smartest man in the world Once he Sneezed on a test and got a perfect Score That's hot too One time he visited the CERN Gift shop and was offered a job

In the gift shopERN gift shop and was offered a job. In the gift shop? At the gift shop. I mean, well, that's I mean, something, you know. That's a thing that happens, selling tiny hadron colliders. They work. He went on Splatter Island and stayed clean.

One of these is false. Which one? Find out. Scene contains 20 pies, 2 slimes, 1 water I really hope that that video Is so much about the build up About the life of this man Who's the smartest man in the world

Charlie doing smart people things I also like your not subtle Flowers for Algernon nod there. That's good. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is totally a boots. A boots? Yeah, no, this is a you for sure. Great. I love things that are meant for me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your name is Casey Cums Twisted Fantasies. Yep, sure is. Yes, it, yeah. Your name is Casey Cums Twisted Fantasies. Yep. Sure is. Yes, it is now. Yeah, and your movie's called Stains MP4. Okay. I don't know why they have to specify file type. I can't jerk it to MP4.

In case you're on dial-up. Well, okay. I'm Casey Cums Twisted Fantasies. Stays.mp4. Oh, it starts with a quote, okay. Oh no, babe! What am I gonna do?

I was planning on wearing this shirt to the book club today. Oh no, the kitchen hose isn't working. I'll just use a cup. Do we have any vinegar? OMG, babe, help me! Kitchen hose? The kitchen hose. The hose that comes up

from the floor of the kitchen. No, of course, I'm sorry. I'm just being very silly right now. You kill somebody in the kitchen and you need the hose out of the blood. I'm really looking forward to the fan response of, God, you guys are stupid. You don't know what a kitchen hose is. the fan responds up. God, you guys are stupid.

You don't know what a kitchen hose is. Stop looking at my tits and help me, lol. OMG, OMG, OMG. Oh, I'm soaked. Are the stains out? I can't tell. You think I should take off this shirt? Babe, stop staring at my butt and help me, lol. As I bent over the coward topless in wet pants and scrubbing my shirt,

I put the wet shirt back on. What about now? Do you see any stains? Yay, success! But obviously I won't be wearing this outfit to the book club today. Lol, I need a smoke. Does she keep saying lol like in the video? Is that what the... Because that would be the worst thing about it. I don't know, poor tax, maybe you want to click that link there. Oh, you're actually downloading this? there that goes to clipsforsale.com

slash studio. I'm supposed to leave in an hour. Oh, Jack, check you gave it away. We are in Clips for Sale now. Oh, no! No! I'm supposed to leave in an hour and have time for what? What do you want to do again? You want

me to get all messed up? What? Okay. You want me to get all messed up What? You want me to get all Suiters up again? Suiters me up With a kitchen hose Suiters me up Before you go Shoot me with a kitchen hose

With Girlfriend experience, wet look, wet and messy Soapy smoking To view other video formats Please visit with girlfriend experience, wet look, wet and messy, soapy smoking. To view other video formats, please visit our categories. Playing with wet tits. Stop looking at my tits and help me, lol.

That's how people talk. Sorry, stop looking at my tits, help me, lol. From this animated gif, this woman is terrible at drinking wine. Did you actually just go to Clips for Sale? Oh, I totally did. I wanted to see the animated gif. It was fun.

Check, check. That link was purple before I opened the document. I'm sure it was. Stop staring at that link and read the doc lol. Lemon, I feel like you should read the next one. Oh, do you mean Sploshing a Human Wiener? Why, I

certainly do! Sploshing a Human Wiener is starring An Li. This is the HD version. Ooh, the remaster. It says all the great special effects added in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's click this link. Let's watch this animated gif. Oh, the remaster. It says all the great special effects added in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's click this link. Let's watch this animated gif. Okay.

So, my name's Asian Mean Girls. We are legion. Warning. This video is real. Hardcore splashing and not for the squeamish. The combined odor of all the condiments made for a rather gross and intense experience.

Why did they have to? Watch for the hilarious surprise ending as our cameraman literally runs to the bathroom, camera still running, to vomit in the toilet. That's hot. Yay! Yay! I'm just a My idiot houseboy.

What? I didn't sign up for this. Hilarious. My idiot houseboy forgot to buy hodas instructed for the upcoming holiday barbecue. Since he remembered to buy everything else, including

mustard, ketchup, barbecue... Oh, was that hot dogs? I don't know. Ketchup hot barbecue sauce. I'm trying to figure out what hotas are. Never mind. It's apparently hands-on throttle and stick.

It's the other flight stick controls. Yeah. Okay, yeah, for my upcoming holiday barbecue. Makes sense. Who else wants to play Microsoft Flight Simulator? So he remembered to buy everything else, including mustard,

ketchup, barbecue sauce, and etc. I decided to cover him from head to toe in a sea of condiments and turn his pudgy naked body into a human wiener. Oh, so it wasn't it wasn't he

had a human wiener it's that he is a human wiener. I was just having fun with some wordplay with you there. He was forced to just lie there as I rained down one condiment after another on his face,

chest, genitals, legs, and etc. Basically smothering him in a drippy, gooey, smelly glob of condiment nastiness. Exactly what, wow, that's a lot of them.

Excuse me, Miss Asian Mean Girls. Yes? Do you have a version that just uses his etc.? Let's click on the etc. tag. I will pay commission. I like it when you dump Cool Whip on my appendix, bitch. Yeah, so this is the tags of Fdom, Asian, bitch, female domination,

degradation, ball busting, and ball abuse. One of the related videos is called Secure the Perv Part. Great. That makes sense. There's probably a lot of people trying out for the perv part. Yeah.

I'm auditioning for the perv party. It's all bust for you perf part. Yeah. I'm auditioning for the clips for sale video. Yeah, it was, uh, the previous for you, loser. The previous

video we did, one of the related videos was clown punishment 4k. So, oh yeah, I saw that.

It was a woman deep throating, uh, clown balloons. But it's in 4k, so you get to like the full unpleasant effect of it. in 4K, so you get the full unpleasant effect of it.

Okay, so... Boy, there's... Man, there is so much of this. We've got one... I think maybe one... Yeah, it's all really good. I'm really glad that all of this is happening. Those apposados are nice.

Possibly. Oh, yeah. All right, so Boots, what did you want to hear right now? I want to hear about the Wizard of Valentine's Place Part 2, mobile version. The Wizard of Valentine's Place? Okay.

Oh, man. One of them is called Pies Like Us. Wow. Wow. called Pies Like Us. Wow. Wow. That should go in Jerking.Online, I think. Yeah, could you just transform that into the pie?

I'm going to add that to Jerking.Online right now. But Frank West, would you read The Wizard of Valentine Place, please? Wizard of Valentine Place, part two The Wizard of Valentine Place, Part 2, Mobile. Twenty fucking dollars? 1999. Yeah, it's very expensive. And a steal at four times the price.

Do they have gift cards? No. I know what all of you are getting for Christmas. Thanks, Portex. Alex is now the principal of the school. When she was a young wizard, she loved to pull pranks at the school. But now that she runs the place,

she's installing one of her best pranks as an official school holiday. It's called Roller Skates and Pie Day. And it's gonna be messy. She can't wait for all the nerds to get creamed. Know what I'm saying? What?

But first, she needs the help of Goddess Suvanna. So much backstory! Well, you didn't watch the first part, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's part two. In the beginning of time, Goddess Uvada created justice,

loyalty, and pies. Frank, ignore these people. You know, you're speaking to the enthusiasts here. The need to go over how to properly humiliate every dweeb in school. You have to say

oops right before landing that first fight. And that ameliorates it, I assume. Yeah. What the fuck? Oops. Oh, okay. So that all the jocks and cheerleaders can laugh at how you threw that pie on purpose. Then you need to smear it in.

Just make it super obvious that you didn't really slip. Show the crowd that you know how to really rub it in. And don't forget the hair. You want the nerds to have sticky pie in their hair for the rest of the day. I think our principal might be a pervert. There's a shot, I'm looking at the gif, and there's a shot where, like, the pretty blonde lady, like, she's got a pie coming towards her face, and she definitely has this moment of regret. She really tries to duck away from the pie, and it follows her down. Okay. Okay. Oh, my God. down. Okay.

Oh my god. Okay, okay. Before we get to the next section... Sorry, this channel has a bunch of videos where they step in pies. Okay. Seems kind of... Whatever.

Okay. Before we get to the next section, hey, Jack Chick, what's your movie called? What's your movie called? Oh, God. Don't click that. A hot dick Swiss cheese fondue blowjob.

This morning, as usual, I asked my friend what he would prepare me for lunch. I got a beautiful Swiss cheese fondue, space period. For lunch? For lunch. Swiss cheese fondue for lunch. Okay. This is from BBW Best Store, so I suppose that's part of it.

He out his penis. I coated it with cheese. And I did not hesitate to regale me with his penis cheese, Spitzman. With his penis cheese. With his penis cheese. With his penis cheese. Just regale me with the penis cheese story again. Oh my god.

I enjoyed the bread from the end with the addition of sperm. I'm sure you'll love it too how are you now? me? I'm not as confident for some reason I'm just not, yeah, I'm kind of on the fence so mom and dad tell me about the time, tell me about how you guys got together

tell me the one about the penis cheese please, I love it, it's my favorite thankfully I'll be closing that link now well son, it wasn't so much a relationship as it was a merger From our two Clues for Sale channels In the beginning He out his penis Okay so the

Very last section that we have here This is a very large count The very last section The very last section that we have here Is called Clowns I'm sorry what's it called? The very last section that we have here is called CLOWNS! I'm sorry, what's it called? Oh, well, let me back up again here. Okay, it's called CLOWNS!

Oh. Yeah. Revisiting the clown section. Man, there's a whole bunch of really good stuff in here. Okay, so... Oh no, the second one. The second one, I recognize here. Okay, so... Oh, no. The second one. The second one. I recognize

this. Okay. Well, then, take it, Boots. Yeah, you go for it, Boots. It's Bippy and Boppy again. Error loading media file could not be played. Oh, no. Damn. Windows Media.

Okay. Boppy is pie fucker messy male clown masturbation wmv boppy always had a thing for pies especially big phobia fantastic ones and once again bippy forgets what a true boob he is and leaves him alone with not one but two of her precious cream pies of course this temptation is all too much for the clowny goofball to take Boppy Pops

quite the clowny boner yay that boner's always clowning around it's got like the nose and like a little wig and a curly collar Yay! That boner's always clowning around. It's got like the nose and like a little wig and a curly collar. Bobby pops once a clowny boner after being taunted by the tantalizing

treat. Finally, he frees it from his trousers and is already rock hard. Bobby beats his clowny meat trying to stay away from the pies but he is too far gone. He teases the pie with his hard cock,

slowly entering... But we all try to stay away from the pies, but it just doesn't happen that way. What? What? What? He teases the pie with his hard cock. Nope, nope, he doesn't do that. That's not what happens. Come on, please! Please! That's what it says?

Nope. The words don't lie, Jack Chick. I'm gonna believe clips for sale over you, Jack Chick. He teases the pie with his hard cock. Slowly entering the pie. Now down here at our bakery, our pies are fucked clown fresh every morning.

Soon he's like a crazed clowny, fucking the pie like a true maniac. With his crotch covered in foamy pie, he has a seat and continues to stroke away, holding the other big foamy pie with his other hand. Waiting right until he comes, he plasters the remaining pie into his face in total creamy delight. What a mess. Losing! You've got some pie porn to do!

Again! Again Keywords Bobby Male clown masturbation Wham Wig fetish Pie sex Food sex Eight dollars please Wig fetish Yeah that's what it's

That's what it's Yeah I got a wig on Okay so Who wants to Who wants to read a screenplay Okay great From that terrific terrific response. Wonderful. Good.

Excellent. Fuck you. We're doing it anyway. Here we go. No, that's okay, London. I think we can move on. It's fine. So, this is called Unproduced Script for Pie Scene. We have now left

clips for sale, and we're back on the UMD.net Remove Your Shoes, Jump in the Ooze. script for pie scene. We have now left Clips for Sale, and we're back on the UMD.net. Remove your shoes, jump in the ooze. My name's Simp99. Is this like the too hot for Clips for Sale? No, it's that Hollywood was going to make it too commercial. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is for the fans. They wanted to put in product placement. Oh, it's the worst. Michael Bay presents. Okay, so my name's Simp99. I'm from New England. I wrote this script for Filthy Rich a little over a year ago. But since it looks like he is getting out of the wham biz,

I figured I'd post it here and let anyone with the resources to actually shoot it have the draft. It should work well with any producer with access to southern models or even girls who can do a good southern accent.

Cortex. I tried to write it in Rich's style and I think it did pretty well capturing his goofy and lighthearted sense of humor. So, a slapstick guide to southern hospitality. A southern woman is looking

through her mail. Bill, pizza menu, Bill, Chinese food menu, Bill. Suck it! What? Bill! suck it what's this a pamphlet your guide to southern hospitality i suppose i should read this for some reason it might explain why no one came to my New Year's Eve party last Halloween. She's dumb because she's from the South.

She even begins to read the pamphlet aloud. Southern hospitality tip number one. The Southern hostess is obligated to receive guests warmly. No sooner does she say this than the doorbell rings. I wonder who that could be. Hi, I'm a complete stranger and I need a place to stay for the night. And then she closed the door and it was over. Yeah.

I'm a complete stranger. You might think you know me But you definitely don't Aren't you Frank West? You're that guy who plays all the video games On the internet Or introduced myself in any way shape or form Well my name is

I thought I was voice over But I'm just Vo I guess Yeah your name's Vo Victor Orgasm The local inn and tavern is completely full. Might you have an unoccupied guest chamber? What year is this? Jesus fucking Christ.

Is this going to be about the birth of Jesus? All right, keep going, keep going. Let's do it. Gee, I don't know. I'm all alone here, and I... Haven't you read the pamphlet yet? Oh, right! The southern hostess is obligated to receive guests

warmly. She changes her attitude and brightens up considerably, eager to please. Of course, you're welcome to stay in my guest room tonight. One question. What's with all those pies? And that's where the tape cuts out, Sergeant. It's the last we ever saw.

I'm on my way down to... Okay. Okay. Nope. I'm on my way down to clown college in Florida. They don't provide pies. It's bring your own pie. It's a community clown college.

Right. It's just, you know, these budget cuts from the government. Yeah, he couldn't pay his own clown tuition. If I leave them in the car, they'll all melt. Besides, it's not polite to arrive at a person's house empty-handed. I bet your pamphlet says something about that.

She references the pamphlet says something about that. She references the pamphlet? Southern hospitality tip number two. Guests are expected to present a small gift to their hostess, who must accept the gift graciously. Oh, I understand. It's one of those pies for me? Let me have it, please.

She gets pied. Right, no, so she receives a pie, right? She just gets a pie. She gets pied. Right, no, so she receives a pie, right? She just gets a pie. No, she gets pied. There's no random sexual subtext to this, right? And she is shocked the narrator needs you

to say no. That is not what I meant. How dare you? And after I offered you a free place to stay for the night. You call that accepting my gift graciously? Here, try again. Pie's her again. I never.

A pie to the face is not a gift. Jesus Christ, lady! I am supremely stupid. I don't think I'm communicating crap for most of you. I just don't feel like I believe these characters. For a Southern person, I really don't understand southern hospitality either. I just assume what this pamphlet says is true. It's really weird.

Actually, where I come from, it's traditional to greet people with a pie in the face. Does your pamphlet say anything about meeting people from other cultures? Southern hospitality tip number three. The southern hostess is accepting of all customs

point of order point of order suspension disbelief god accepting of all customs no matter how strange they may seem where y'all from anyway stoogeville ohio ready to try again remember be gracious oh oh thank you thank y'all so much that pie was even more delicious than the first two. That's the nicest gift anyone's ever given me. Mmm. Really? Have another then. Pizer. Great.

So are we going to put a sound effect here or are we just going to stick with Pizer? Okay, this one's good. Here we go. You're really too kind. Gets pied. I'm such a lucky girl. Gets pied again. You're really too kind. Gets pied. I'm such a lucky girl. Gets pied again.

You're so thoughtful. Gets pied. Just what I wanted. Gets pied. You're doing great. Just one little detail is missing. Better consult your pamphlet again. This thing is covered in pied.

How can I read this? Okay. Southern hospitality tip number four. This thing is covered in pipe. How can I read this? Uh, okay, uh, Southern Hospitality tip number four. It is traditional to address gentlemen as sir and ladies as ma'am. I don't know that this is a gentleman.

He's got a top hat and, like, a monocle. Ready to get this etiquette thing down perfectly? He's got enormous shoes. Can't be a boy. Okay, let's skip down just a tiny little bit. We're gonna miss our own right. Let's skip down just a tiny little bit

to the model saying the southern hospitality thing is messy. Okay. This southern hospitality thing is messy. Uh, okay. This southern hospitality thing is messy. It is when I'm involved. Here's the last tip. Southern hospitality tip number six. The southern hostess never refuses a reasonable request.

Better put that to the test. Why would you take that host pie and hit yourself in the face with it? Why certainly, sir! She pies herself. Oh shit, why'd I do that? I've kept you standing on my doorstep. Because the request was so reasonable. She pies herself.

I've kept you standing on my doorstep long enough. Please come in and take your leisure. Actually, I've changed my mind. Helping hot southern women with their hospitality is way more rewarding than clown college. I've got to get going. I need to plant a pamphlet in the mailbox of the blonde down the block. Good luck, darling.

Y'all come back soon now, you hear? Because that's a fucking thing southern people say all the fucking time. Oh, God. Fuck. That was hot, y'all. Jack, check your name is Cobra Commander don't dox him either

where is that you're Cobra Commander you're the first see he's looking at the website again sorry I wasn't looking at the doc yeah yeah look at the website hang on they say this video is unproduced but I'm sure looking at the doc. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now look at the website. You're best tober. Hang on. Hang on. They say this video is unproduced,

but I'm sure I've seen this exact thing happen in the gift shop of a... Come on. Come on. Here we go. Here we go.

Come on. This is going to be really funny. Don't abandon it. Keep going, Boots. Keep going, Boots. You can do it. I'm out of here. Okay. The gift shop. The joke's going to be really funny. No, no, no. Don't abandon it. Keep going, Boots. Keep going, Boots. You can do it. I'm out of here.

Okay. The gift shop. The gift shop. I am on the hook. That's a stillborn joke right there. What's the... Please. What's that restaurant chain

that's all over the fucking states? McDonald's? Who did Cracker Barrel? No, the... The one... Baker Square. No, the gift shop. Yeah, no, the one where

everybody gets pied in the face. Yeah, I know that one. Cracker Barrel? Is that what you're talking about? Cracker Barrel. Nice one, Pete. We did it, F+. We did it.

It's like way off the bat. Cracker Barrel. F+, what did we learn from this? Boots is really funny. I enjoyed this episode very much. Well done. Goodbye. Leaving podcasts forever.

I think... Well, I mean, something that happens all the time with things like this is if someone who's not as used to seeing this type of weird shit on the internet, if you try to explain the concept to them of, oh, no, no, no, see, when this person just on TV gets a pie in the face, that's not porn. But when this person on the internet gets a pie in the face, see, that's obviously porn. Like, to a lot of people, the distinction is very difficult to spot. Yeah. I mean, I feel like,

I feel like when you, uh, try to explain, I mean, you know, and, and unfortunately I get in these conversations every once in a while, but like when you try to explain like the sort of concept of these sort of fetishes to,

you know, people that are unfamiliar, they always assume that it's like, oh, like, they like to do this and have sex with each other? Like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You need to divorce yourself of this concept immediately.

The whole thing of humans having sex with each other is not going to factor into any of these. They also really, they all seem to like, and especially the humiliation ones, really, really specific and narrowed down

stereotypes. There's never a normal person getting pie. That's true. I don't know what that's about. I don't... I mean, there is... There is... I mean, there's definitely an aspect of humiliation one way or the

other, I think. But then there's also... There's also situations... Like, the smartest dude in the world getting pied, it's like, oh yeah, high and mighty dude. But, like, southern woman? I don't know, like... Those just don't exist. Like, I don't get why...

Well, isn't that just broadly just like, I want to humiliate the thing that I'm attracted to? I think that was to explain why she was so stupid. I think it was supposed to be the joke. I mean, I think that the interesting thing there isn't so much the

subject, but more that the thing that they're all obsessed with is pying right like right like there's not like oh my god you got syrup dumped on you like that doesn't happen it's all about i gotta use reject yeah yeah you didn't spend enough time on the site dude oh i spent plenty of time on the site i'm more saying that that in all of the fiction that they're writing they're writing about pies i i will say that that's all of the fiction that they're writing, they're writing about pies. I will say that that's a thing that happens, is that the sort of action of somebody getting a cream pie in the face is a thing that happens a lot, which I understand that sort of ish.

But then because there's nowhere to go from there, and because, you know, God knows we need to make 12 minutes of pornography right now, it's just like, well, I'll fucking put some more shit on you. I don't know. This stuff, this stuff, this stuff. Well, she doesn't just get pied once. That would be ridiculous. She obviously needs to get pied, like, 12 times.

Yeah, the website as always is thefpl.us where every episode that we do we post the documents that we're reading from. So this one is 27 pages. There's lots more I mean, you know, honestly similar stuff, but equally

entertaining. Don't read it. Our forum is Ball Pits, and we have some other sites including 2un.ltd That is a site that you can go to right now. If you're ready for this. Yeah, if

you're ready for this. And yeah, we'll see you next time. Bye-bye. Bye. Goodbye. Cracker Barrel. Pie. This girl built a cupcake on top of a penis and then ate and then This girl built a cupcake on top of a penis,

and then ate, and then put her pussy on a cake. Those are good song lyrics. That's what my band... Is that to the tune of Meatball on Top of Spaghetti? On top of my pussy, all covered in cake. Yeah, it's post-PO-ed era butthole surfers still weird but you know yeah but just like like annoyingly weird that's that band that did pepper right thanks yeah you're saying that to piss me off aren't you there's you're the one who was in my room last night