The F Plus - 251: 凸(◎益◎)凸

Episode Date: May 26, 2017

If you visit RantRampage.com, you'll find that the middle 390 pixels are filled with thousands of grievances filed by anonymous people on every available subject. That's followed by dozens of comments by more anonymous people who are wholly disinterested in having a productive conversation, but they sure do have a lot of things they hate. This week, keep dreaming Lesbian Losers!

Get your own cuttle girlfriend, you effeminate cuttlefish. You want to take another take on that? No, I don't. Can you do a British accent this time? Wait, that didn't go well. Wait, he didn't? Piss me off. Fucking jerk.

Get on my nerves. This is the F Plus Podcast, an infuriating place for terrible things read with enthusiasm in the room tonight we have boots rain gear now mind you this is one of the nicer chucky cheeses jimmy franks fuck you microsoft hope your product pushing dicks get caught in a blender jack chick fuck my grandma she told me to go to sleep in polish john toast get these red Get these rednecks and their Popeye's chicken to where they belong, in the motherfucking swamp along with some nice gators. From Lou Reads the Internet for you, this is King Lou Fernandez. My dating range is 18 to 25.

After 25, a woman is done. Don't care how nice or attractive a woman is, after 25 she's finished. She wastes her youth. That's what the Chinese people call Christmas cakes, because no one eats Christmas cakes after the 25th. And lemon. Feminists and Muslims sitting in a tree, destroying the patriarchy.

Oh, man. Super works, right? Yeah, it's really good. It's really good. Well, here comes Johnny with his specker in his hand. He's a one-ball man and he's off to the rodeo. hey f plus hey hello uh hey uh looks like we have a room full of gentlemen in the podcast uh everyone feeling all right yeah wait gentlemen prefer Wait, this room is just full of guys? Oh, that makes me so mad. Oh, no.

John, tell us if you're mad right now. I am angry. I'm about to rant. Wow, I believe it. I'm going on a rampage. Yeah, no, you're super selling it. Keep rolling. Feel it coming through.

You're super saying it. Oh, man. Keep that sort of anger away from the public. They might be afraid. I'm angry. No, I can tell. So I have a site that I want to introduce you all to. It is a site brought to us by a friend of ours by the name of Montreth.

Oh, yeah. Who's that? I'm so angry. is a site brought to us by a friend of ours by the name of Montreth. Oh, yeah. I've heard of her. Whoa, I'm so angry. No, now you're angry. Chantel's angry at you. So this is a site. I remember a number of us were involved in a podcasting marathon called 24 Terrible Hours. And if you, the listener, have not heard that, you might want to go through because we suffered.

God damn it. those 24 hours we dealt with a breadth of subjects um you know from from different corners of the internet covering covering um topics of of import and now we're just gonna kind of do like people being angry in the internet because that's fun yeah you know what it's it's kind of a palate cleanser you know it's just i think it's just the i the like ideal like platonic form of the internet post it's just like i'm angry about this one thing exactly so uh rant rampage is a site uh that looks very old uh you got uh 600 pixels right there in the middle of your screen taken up by rant rampage uh and it says pissed off let it out you'll feel better better. Jimmy Franks, will you tell me a little bit about us?

I'd love to. Thank you. Rant Rampage is a safe and fun place to let loose with your rants about boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, family, lovers, work, you name it. We believe that everyone deserves a private place to vent, and we created

rantrampage.com to be 100% anonymous. You can make your own rant or read and rank other people's rants. Rank? Oh, there's rant ranking. Rant rank. Yes. I ranked rant. Can you only get to Rant Rampage through, like, Tor browser?

How is it 100% anonymous? Would you like to know more? Oh yeah, I would like to know more. What else do you have to say? RanchRampage.com reviews all rants and comments on the site but does not represent or endorse the accuracy or reliability of any such content. RanchRampage.com

reserves that right to edit or delete any posts. The fucking most annoying and frustratingly fucking fact about Dota is no matter how much you try no matter how serious you get, no matter how lucky no matter how much and what you do to win you're always gonna have to fucking rely on your

teammates! Fucking C server where the average IQ of the people is fucking 10 these teammates that you have to rely on are just fucking unbelievably stupid! Wow. Wow.

It's a fucking miracle how they don't get how Dota works. They're just in their own fucking bubble, thinking everything will just work out fine if they farm good. I mean, come on. I fucking hate this mechanic of the game. It makes me want to fucking throw my PC out the window and just fucking nuke the whole

sea out of frustration. Fuck! So that was posted three months ago. You can, of course, bookmark this using the service of your choice, Google Plus or Pinterest or what have you.

I'm going to pin that. This post received a rating of 5.0. Wow, that is the best possible rating of this donor rant. Perfect rant. Good rant, Jack Chick. It had one vote. Wait.

Jack, I have a comment about your rant uh quit i'd just like to point out now it has a rating of 4.0 mean uh jimmy and the numbers uh hey lou yes uh what uh what do you want to uh read about here Lou. Yes. What do you want to read about here? I just want to read rant 56,612.

Which is... In my catalog of rants. In my catalog of rants. Which is called Go Away Lesbians. I'm not interested. Somebody was so surprised that you're not you wanted lesbians to go away they dropped you can't fire me pussy I quit

that's alright I read it too laid back they're more like go away lesbians I'm not interested okay stop hitting on me I'm a heterosexual male who not interested in you.

You're a bunch of ugly, used up old prunes who can't yourselves a man of your own. And after you hit the wall, you honestly think a guy like myself and some desperate, bitter, used up man hating dykes who can't get a D on a Friday night. Keep dreaming, lesbian losers. Nobody likes you. Keep dreaming, lesbian losers was Stan Lee's original catchphrase. Keep dreaming, lesbian losers.

The Hulk rocks into the desert alone. Keep dreaming, lesbian losers. This episode, Spider-Man gets mobbed by angry lesbians. Nobody likes losers this episode spider-man gets mobbed by angry lesbians nobody likes you everyone can see past your bullshit honest you honestly think me a man is going to be interested in man haters hell no please go fuck off and die you are cordially invited to go fuck off and die i I'm just repulsed at the fact two lesbians hitting on me today while I was doing laundry. Rating 0.00.

No ratings. Quit. So are you about to use that machine? Stop! Leave me alone! John's house, what do you done? Stop. Leave me alone. John's house. What do you have? I am so angry.

This is rant 56682. My little brother beat me in a race. Please see photo. This kid is grabbing his mom's vagina. That's how we won. That's not in the rule book. Okay, look. My parents are making me hold up my end of a bet

I made to my little brother. He's 10. I bet him 100 bucks that he couldn't outrun me in a foot race around the block. I made fun of his lack of athletic ability all the time, and I race him all the time. And up to that day, he has never came close. In the end, I lost by like ten feet!

Holy crap. The little ass embarrassed me so much because I had family and friends over! He is so slow too! Wait, so you had family and friends over, therefore their gravitational pull slowed you down? Is that how it worked? Sure!

Okay. I assume so, yeah. I was winning for the whole race until the final stretch, probably the length of a football field, when he caught up.

We were both sprinting to the finish line and I looked over and he looked at me like he was struggling, so I said, lucky me, I wasn't running my fastest.

So I started springing my hardest. Oh, my God. Just... Boing, boing, boing. I put Acme Springs on the end of my hardest. I put acme springs on the end of my sneakers. There's a wily coyote going on here.

Then I smacked it to a tunnel, painted it into a wall. Five seconds later, he caught up looking like he was going to pass out, and I grunted really loud because I, my feet, peeked at their max speed. Hmm. After I grunted, he looked over, stunned,

sped up a little bit more, and got a few feet ahead of me. I grunted again. Wow, this is a grunt battle. And said, Damn, you can't be doing this. It's not possible. That kid is inhuman.

Inhuman. He beat you and you grunted? How could that be? This is his moment. He's trained for this. Okay, let's see. At this point, every breath was a grunt.

Oh, wow. You must be going really fast then. Glad my holy man's here. Because I was really pushing my body to do something. Eventually looked back at me, shocked as I am panting, trying to get my retarded feet to catch up to him. This was a pick I took before the race. I'm in the middle, and my brother that I raced is on the right. The other kid is his friend.

Is this a bunch of bulls? Oh, it's not. In the picture, it's not his mom. It's a grown woman who's complaining about this on the internet. It's her sister. Wow. And I guess he got the right to grab her crotch. So you bet a 10-year-old $100? And the 10-year-old just had $100 laying around?

He's probably selling drugs. Please, I believe they call that trapping these days. Oh, fair enough. No, you don't understand. I was going to have him on the hook forever. Now I have to pay him $100. The woman in the photo looks like she's 35.

Yes. My little brother turned me out after he beat me in a race. Alright, Boots, what do you have? I've got Yeah. Yeah. My little brother turned me out after he beat me in a race. All right. Boots, what do you have? I've got rant number 56168. Oh, that's my favorite rant. Yeah. Banned from DeviantArt.

Yay. That takes some doing. Yeah. Updated with my bird emblem. Good. Thanks. My freaking account got banned because of a

lying tickle fetishist who knew that I'm 12. Oh, I want to see the I want to see this episode of Criminal Minds. It's Rob the Parrot's asshole brother. Crap! Crap!

I am so mad wow go to sonypop.dvnart.com and spread hate all over go my minions go oh my god so gross

kappa is ageist Go, my minions! Go! Oh, my God. So gross. Kappa is Aegis! I have rights! I am human! And he needs to be loved. Yes, yes, yes. Just like everybody else does! How sweet is that? So why does the government treat kids like freaking animals?

Are they not into DeviantArt? Bring it on home! WHY?! Why? Even the bloody schools treat us like crap. Rating 4.6. I hate those ageist butt heads. OMG, better hope the Muslims don't see this.

Sounds kind of Quran-ish, Quran-ish to me. It does it does seem Quran's ish anti-tickling DA is very user-friendly. I can see why people love it, but then being human they had to place garbage on it I'd rather be a bird so I wouldn't have to be classed as human because there are so many bad people on earth. And if I was a bird with this mind, I could fly, not have a government to tell me what to do, and to top it all off, not be the same thing as all the scum. Human. Whoa, whoa. Rob the parrot is in a dark period in his life.

Can you blame him, really? Spell the blood. A is slowly turning into another YouTube TBH. So your problem with DeviantArt is there's, like, kids and perverts on it? On DeviantArt? Is that what your problem is? Yeah, because that's what changed. I just want to play games

Okay, this is rant number 56,101 I am at this point so close to crying my eyes out And stabbing myself a million times in my head Because all I want to do is play games, but no! My laptop says no! Move the pointer towards Steam and it just slaps it away? No! No!

No! I have a useless HP Ultrabook, because God help me, I was no genius in choosing decent laptops with decent specs, that has an Intel HD, and I gave the registered trademark symbol to Intel, an Intel HD graphics 4000. Ugh. Ugh. I bought Overwatch and their minimum requirement is an Intel registered trademark HD graphics 4400

kill me now I thought you know maybe it'll still work but no laptop says no laptop says your rendering device has been lost smiley face smiley face going the other way smiley face going the other way smiley face going the other way smiley face going the other way all right it's doing like a little like head nod thing with

smiley face go the other way, it's just spinning rapidly. Angrily bashing out emoticons. I'm dying for a new laptop. Mine's about to hit a full four years, but Dad says no! And I'm not financially able yet because I'm a student and on my last year in university. Good God, kid. Oh, come on.

Well, that's the problem. Come on. Okay. Okay. I'm a senior in college. Okay. Yeah. My dad says no. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Lemon, were you thinking this was like a high school student? I was really thinking middle school. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, last year in university and part-time jobs are no because my parents, from my parents, because you got to focus. And yeah, I believe that story. And I'm so tired of being forced into doing things I don't want to do. Like, ugh. I've never felt this mad before. Really? And, like,

all I wanted was to take a break and try streaming, but no, because Asians have such a closed minded field of vision. I'm so done. What? Okay.

Okay, sprinkle a little bit of weird racism and we're done. What? Okay. Okay, sprinkle a little bit of weird racism and we're done. Well, it just helped. Okay, too long, didn't read, bought Overwatch and can't play it because laptop specs suck and got all heated up because this is the last straw

from parents being strict. Asian culture. Oh, so he's talking about his parents. He correctly nested his parentheses there, so that's nice. I think

that's a first for the F+. I think that might be, yeah. No, parentheses that end, that is weird. Okay, so this is exciting. Jimmy Franks. Oh, wait, end. That is weird. Okay, so this is exciting. Jimmy Franks. Oh, wait, wait. There's a poll at the end of this. Yes, yeah.

Tell me about the poll. Question is, this one's going out to our listeners. Am I being ungrateful? Yes, you dumb bee. No, maybe. I feel sorry for you. Or YOLO, so live your life. Hey, Jimmy Franks, you want the results of that?

I do. Nobody submitted anything. Yay! Wow. Wow. They all just say percent. Well, actually, one of them just says YOLO to live your life, so which one of you? It was me.

I knew it. Alright, Jimmy Franks, time for a choice. Excellent. Okay, here we go. Your choice is between rant 56,199

I fucking hate cosplayers. Yeah. Well, I mean, I wrote that one, so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or rant 53,609, my life story part one, colon, why I hate tickling. Oh, wow. Oh, boy. Oh, wow. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

You know, why I hate tickling. Why I hate tickling. Alright, terrific. I gotta know. I kind of wish this was a false choice and those were actually both the same story. I fucking hate cosplayers.

I love tickling them. I'm surprised that the why I hate tickling got only narrowed down to only one part of the life story. Parts one through eight. Well, it's an origin story. I used it up all good.

It's the hero's journey. It all started with my hatred of tickling. Why do you hate tickling? Day 53609. My life story part one. Why I hate tickling. DeviantArt is truly the worst website on the internet.

After all, it is home to Yoshaku. Or Brittany. What's wrong with Yoshaku? I hear you, dear reader, asking. Oh dear, will I put hours into this? Get ready to eat some popcorn and watch the drama unfold. Will I put hours into this? You mean your post? Oh dear, will I?

Okay. Well, it all started when I was searching for a Flowey the Flower picture for my Undertale vs. Peg plus Cat webcomic that I was not even started with. Okay, okay, okay. Okay. Do you know what Yoshachu is?

No, I do not. It's a hybrid of Yoshi and Pikachu. Yoshachu? Yes. Somewhere Portak's just put her fist through a wall, and she's like, why did I do that? Broke another monitor. And Peg Plus Cat is a show that my five-year-old daughter decided that she's too old for.

Daddy, this show's for babies. Yeah, I was enjoying it for a couple minutes because there's a girl and a cat, and the cat talks in the boot's voice, which is very funny to me. Oh, good. Well, it all started when I was searching for a Flowey the Flower picture for my Undertale vs. Peg Cat webcomic that I was not even started with. I was making preparations, with Flowey being Cat's enemy and Frisk slash Chara being Peg's enemy.

Simple, right? Wrong! If you want to know why I hate Yoshichu, with Flowey being Cat's enemy and Frisk slash Chara being Peg's enemy. Simple, right? Wrong. If you want to know why I hate Yoshichu, then you will first want to know why I hate Peg plus Cat. If you want to know why I hate Peg plus Cat, you first want to know why I get hashtag triggered whenever I see tickling occur. Hot meme there, buddy. Good job.

This is a lot of, okay. This is quite the unraveling. You see, dear readers. Oh, go ahead. Did you have something? I mean, well, so I was going to make this webcomic with these two IPs that I absolutely hate because I don't know why. Just really confused.

Look, I'm a complicated person, all right? I'm about to open up to you. Okay. If you want to know why I hate Peg plus Cat, you first want to know why I get hashtag triggered whenever I see tickling occur. Oh, my God. Okay. You see?

Yep. Dear readers, I was tickled before. No. Say it ain't so. And I am being thoroughly honest here.

I hated it. So what you're saying is you're going to make a web comic about it. Then about one year later I see Peg plus Cat crop up on my list of media that I hate. What kind of

list is this? What are you? A.K.A. The Tickling The Tickling Tropes on TV tropes then even later I'm searching for that flowy the flower vector I mentioned earlier

and then I see a massive piece of crap a gimp created image of flowy tickling almost all the monsters now how did you know that it was GIMP and not Photoshop? I checked the metadata! Okay.

Hashtag triggered! I'm done! This site, unlike a lot of these other anger-centered websites that we've visited, has many comments. I'd like to read some of these comments. Can I read some of these comments? Yoshichu? Okay. Someone link her to this site. Yoshichu? Okay.

Someone link her to this site. Yoshichu? Okay. Someone link her to this site. Yoshichu? Okay. Someone link her to this site. Yoshichu? Okay. Someone link her to this site. Yeah. Error rush spelling. You deserve a cookie! You deserve a cookie! Alicia needs braces! Error rush spelling. Error rush spelling.

I need to reset the timeline, Frisk. I need to reset the timeline. Jimmy Franks. Did you want to know, so there's a poll at the end of this one too. Did you like this politically incorrect rant? Yes or no? Cyberbullying. Did you want to know, so there's a poll at the end of this one too Did you like this politically incorrect rant? Yes or no? Cyberbullying Did you want to know what the results were? I gotta know

100% yes 100% of the people liked this politically incorrect rant Oh my god, I feel so validated Thank you Thank you, Rant Rampage They never mentioned Bill Maher at all though New rule That is one thing I liked about that post you, Rant Rampage. They never mentioned Bill Mar-a-Wall, though. New rule. That is one thing I liked about that post.

Alright. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Jack Chick, we'll get to you in just a second, but first, Lou, Lou, tell me about Juice, please. Jack Chick, we'll get to you in just a second. But first, Lou, tell me about juice, please. All right.

This is post 51,567, entitled Juice. There's not enough juice. Lemon, mango, grapefruit, pear, orange. Just gotta have juice smoothly. Fresh squeeze is the best with ice. I'm just fed up. Nowhere does lemon these days. What is the world coming to ice I'm just fed up nowhere does lemon these days what is the world

coming to I'm so pissed off start to do more lemon juice damn it I'm losing my mind or what lemon juice I can't wait for the remix of that is that a rant is that a rant I have a comment in response to that

yeah what's your comment? Juice, juice, juice, motherfucking juice! Juice, juice, juice, motherfucker juice. Thank you. Juice, I got enough to go around. Hey, Boots. Know the ledge. This site here,

this Rant Rampage, this is a cool site. This is a cool site. I like the design. I like all the red and the little bit of green. Do you know of any other more cool sites? What? I'm just saying, when you're on

Rant Rampage, can you think of any other more cool sites? Oh, there's a lot of sites by the Cools people. There's a lot of sites by the cool people. There's coupon codes. Confessions. Online personals. No strings attached.

Bubble box. Gift ideas. Gift ideas. Pacific host coupon. Drink recipes. Student dating. Blood factory. Dating sites. Drink recipes. Student dating. Blood factory. Dating sites. Jokes. Aren't we all

a blood factory when you think about it? So many 403 errors going on here. Blood factory is definitely not a site. Yeah, that was the first one I clicked on, too. Well, that's disappointing. Well, actually, I should mention that I clicked on no strings attached first because I really am into puppeteering and I wanted to see what was going on in the world of that. Yeah, what is going on in the world of puppeteering?

Apparently, ladies with handcuffs. Oh, yeah, ladies with handcuffs. You guys want to know the, you know, I don't want to read this. So you want to know the joke of the day? And I looked at it and I got sad so Jack Chick do you have a rant for us?

I do what really is gravity? I have come to the conclusion that gravity is not what you think oh here we go if we if we humans

are not being held to the ground for the fact that we are not magnetic, then what are we? I want to coin the word bionetic. This is really the only stop that this bus comes to. Jesus. Hey, everything is held down.

Gotta call us something. Here's another ellipsis. If you were to reach the center of the earth, would you be compacted into a small ball? I perceive maybe because gravity is forcing down from all angles in the center. That is okay.

Here's another ellipsis. I'm not really sure that's how gravity works I mean I don't I don't know I don't know because because I mean in fairness in fairness no human being has ever gotten into the center of the earth but but I don't think that the center

of the earth is a black hole I don't think if you fell to a hole going through the earth, period. Next sentence. Would your speed falling to the center create a sling effect to shoot you back out the other end? Duh, of course. Or think about this.

Would you be stuck in eternity whipping back and forth through the hole before someone stops you? Okay, get out your doobies and ponder this. Oh, you don't get to cover up how shitty all that was by just saying oh, but like weed, right? It's like, no. I think I get it. The poster was saying if there was a

hole straight throughout the earth, how would it be like to fall through it and reach the middle? Then, because the fall was so fast, you'd continue to exhale in the outward direction like

a rifle. Right, and that's how you time travel, right? I think eventually you'd slow down and converge to the center. At first, maybe the falling and excelling yo-yo effect would eventually be less traveled to finally a stop. Actually, humans are magnetic. Chelated metals in aquas transfer fluid, i.e. bloodbath. Oh, good point, good point.

I'm just so sick of all these fucking bootsplainers around. I am a rampage. I have a message. What's your message? Listen up, emo haters. This is topical and

timely. This was posted four months ago. It isn't a phase. It's a way of life. And we are all amazing people. If you got to know us and BBB, they are an amazing band. Screamo is awesome.

They are the good music. Emo and Screamo are the kings of all genres. They are the good music. Emo and Screamo are the kings of all genres. They are very talented. I mean, listen to the bands that started it all. Rites of Spring, Fire Party, Policy of Free, etc. I mean, okay. I mean, Screamo is way better than metal. Like Sadia and BBB and Orchid and Alsana.

Yeah, take that, Jig Jack Chick! Fuck you! And asking Alexandria have many more meaningful lyrics and more talent metal is just killing. I'm sorry. Are you saying more meaningful lyrics than things like part bionic, part organic, not a cyborg? Call him

Psychotron? Kill the Christian. Kill the Christian. Kill the Christian. Kill the Christian. Kill the Christian! Exactly, there are lyrics where we're like, I'm sad. Emo kids have some of the greatest fashion

next to scene. Or goth, of course, or at least we don't bully everyone. If I see it... I like how quickly you weren't even done with that sentence before you backed out on it they have the best I mean you know or at least we don't bully people

we don't have the best fashion no we don't if I see you insulting my emos and seamsters I will defend them if you insult goths I will also defend them Bauhaus is a great goth rock band and we are all so misunderstood. I mean, how can you judge us

when we won't judge you? SWS falling in reverse beats your mates for life. I don't think anyone from Bauhaus would hang out with you. U will never get us, but that's okay because we don't like U. If U insults any of the greats...

If any of the greats emo and screamo bands, I'll get on my BMTH shirt from Hot Topic, MCR Panic, at the disco at Fall Out Boy wristbands, tight skinny jeans, converse, studded belt, skull earrings, broken heart necklace, do my hair all emo, and start killing you! Okay, I mean, that might take a while before you get onto your killing rampage. Like, like

chopping you up with a knife. I'll find you haters. Okay, thanks, bye! Emo is shit, motherfucker, you fucking asshole. Oh, you're one of those bullies. No, fuck you too, you asshole, you fucking asshole. Oh, you're one of those bullies. No, fuck you too, asshole, you motherfucker. The two people above me are assholes. You guys don't judge me up.

I'm a scene queen. Lavender lush. Leave us alone. Emos aren't shit. Listen to Perfect Weapon by BVB. And we're breathing while you're sleeping go leave us alone our hearts beating while you're sleeping go on go now you're on your own there are so many words

yeah it's so much comments a lot of times are longer than the op uh oh there's some really uh emo haters can kiss my ass emo haters can kiss my ass emo haters can kiss my ass and then i apologize for posting three times just as i apologize for calling you an excuse for an anti-anti-emo person. I'm glad we cleared that up. Excellent. Excellent. Oh, what was I thinking?

In the poll that says, letter Y does every number one hate emos, nobody voted for they are gelos. It's too bad, because they really are. Okay, so, Lou. Oh, me? Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why don't you just tell me about you, please?

Well, I'd love to. All right, great. Just tell me about you. Give me a moment. Yeah, the page takes a while to load. There's a whole lot of no CSS to load here. I think this website is just constantly being ranted on. It really goes against the idea of the website,

because by the time the page loads, you're not mad anymore. I'm usually mad at the website. Yeah, well, then it changes your mad... This fucking site sucks. It redirects the rage, I guess. Yes. This is post 43,544. Me.

I have secrets from literally everyone. No one knows who I really am. Not even my parents. I'm sick and have a twisted sense of humor. I'm not a good person. When my mom and everyone else always insists, I am. No, I am not. I'm the

shiver you get up your spine when you know something is about to happen in a horror movie. I am the twist in your gut when you feel like you're about to throw up. And that's just not because you saw me. Is this a Johnny Cash song?

I am the red hot rage you get for no particular reason. And you clench your fist beach side. What else can you do? I alone tempt you. Take that, shoreline. If you're angry at the beach, that's me, I guess. I was never a good person and I knew it. And it's getting hard to keep up

a pleasant personality. You're doing great so far. These are just Megadeth lyrics. Thank you. No, I don't care about your problems. That's for rant websites like these. Wait, your problems? I care about my problems.

I don't care about your problems. I still don't understand what the point of this website is. Other people are r care about my problems i don't care about your i still don't understand what the point of this website is no i don't no i don't care what you did this summer i sat around and waited for the sun to rise every night because of my fucked up insomnia i am sure no i don't care about my grades you or me i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care about my grades. You or me. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I just want to lay down. I just want to lay down and never get up.

I want people to forget I existed so I can start over. That's not how that works. I want to go somewhere cold so I can stay covered up all the time. Stay covered all the time. I want to left alone unless someone is needed. I want to move somewhere besides this dead end town. I want to be free. But I also don't want to be here at all.

Yes. I am a horrible, selfish, listless, and soulless person. Everyone thinks I'm not. And I'm getting tired of it. Wow, so that's a difficult thing that you have. Like, I'm super shitty. Everyone doesn't think I'm super shitty. I think this guy needs to listen to the song of Pierre on the soundtrack to I'm Really Rosie by Carole King. Is that Screamo?

No, that is probably more like Jumo. I like that the only comment, the first line of it is, so be you. I think that's the problem here. Like he's being him the whole time, and it's not helping. I want to be left alone unless someone is needed yeah i think that's how most people end up at like the army recruiter place i want to die i can help that happen uh hey i've got journal entry number 58003, a toe-y story.

So I was getting on with my girlfriend, talking some good, hot, not-just-in-her-vagina sex here. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Wait, let me bring in the Married With Children audience for this one. Yeah, keep going. Keep going. It's been pretty good due to the newness of our affair did i mention she's cheating on her husband oh yeah somewhere in the 17 year words i used

earlier i probably mentioned it already anyway so so we're at that point where sex is still fun not just something you have out of pity whenever it's someone's birthday or a person dies. Yeah. Woo! Yeah. Pity dead sex, yeah. So you're not having good sex. Anyway, I'm on top.

Her legs are spread upright. Nice. I spread them up in the correct manner. Spread them correctly. They have to be at a right angle or I can't come. Spread upright. Just give her a thumbs up. It's like capital spreading, my lady.

Now to the sex. Oh, no. Comfortable to thrust in and out, but I'm not going too fast. Things begin to heat up and I accidentally get one of her toes in my mouth. I've always thought any finger slash toe sucking was nasty, but this time

I sucked a little. She said, You like that, you little toe sucker? Mommy's little man. Oh, God. Turned into toe sucking That's gross Turned into Tommy Chong

Hey man You like sucking my toes man And fuck did I come right then Nice Yeah I'm talking toe curling moaning orgasm One of those deals where it feels like you're coming twice in a row

oh damn I got my own self hot just telling this yeah at least someone did maybe I can see her later her husband's supposed to be working tonight why don't they get

2.73 for this? I'm giving you 5. But boy am I upset. Yeah, he's really upset about something. Yeah, the only toe a guy should want to suck is a camel toe. Oh!

Dice man? I like this comment. I bet the nail polish on her toes grinding against your teeth that is if they haven't rotted out from the meth uh toast yes what do you got there i have a fucking razor companies oh do you need to blow your nose before you read this? Fuckig. You sound a little congested. It's the career of razors. It is allergy season. And anti-fuckig basic companies.

Not going to do that. You mean like the scooters? Like the... New fuckig razors. Order every month. No, I got the new razor fuckig game mouse. Gaming mouse. It's great.

It's got like 18 buttons on it. Excellent. Why the fuck do Razers top... Okay. Okay. All right. I got to... Okay, give me...

Okay, I got to take a second. I didn't expect it. I didn't expect it to be this kind of typos. All right. It's hard to tell because you've sliced your fingertips so much. Yes. I'm just covered in cuts at this point. Why the fuck do razors top Watking after only two or three uses, even after they are washed?

Razors with two Zs are made of metal. They should be able to stand up to hair. Agreed. I mean, agreed. Fucking bastards. Skite's hair is stronger than metal. I will build a sky scraper that has girders made out of hair instead of metal.

And if Lechesse and Inspections has a problem, I will tell them to go fuck themselves and make sure the horrors... Oh, they hadn't planned on that. I say, we're leaving. Who gave you license to do that? Ah, you know this isn't up to code. Fuck you! Fair enough.

Well, let's go. I've never heard the like. And I'll make sure the whores they hire for their next taxpayer-funded drug party are loaded with STDs. What? So how will you make sure of that? Hmm.

That's for you. Load them. Load them up. Load them up with STDs. Keep going. Beep, beep, beep. Yes, yes, beep, beep. Yes, yes, please, yes.

No, I would like all of the herpes. All of the herpes! Do you have simplex and complex? As for razor companies, I should go to their corporate... and start looting them for their computers, equipment, and money, and then pee and poop all over their office and leave their shit product lying around coated with STDs. Fuck the Razor Racket!

What? That was Racket with three Ks. So I guess racism now too? Why not? You know, whatever. My name's the first commenter. As long as you don't try to eat the... Thanks. Oh, no, the Razor Racket got him.

No! Somebody silenced. Somebody beat him with a club made of hair. It's impervious. Hey, you, stop typing. Wait, hang on. Okay, type in the captcha. Okay, hit post.

Okay, now you're coming with us. Guys, you cannot go up against the razor racket it's dangerous uh jack chick you know what pisses me off what people who don't take advantage of the internet

you know you just you get it into bed and then you okay let's just say that one let's just say that one of my friends asked me a question is george washington gay or why do fish have scales the fuck do you think i know that shit why in the living hell would i know if George Washington was gay or not? Why the hell would I know why fish have scales? Because they fucking do? Why the fuck would you even ask a stupid question like that to me?

You could easily search it up on Google, and you'll probably find more than 10 fucking pages and 700 million word essays on why fish have scales. So people just come up to you. They just come up to you and they go, hey man, what was Tom Petty's third album? Hey man, what was this one character actor

in this one movie? I can't remember his name but he looks kind of like this. Was it Bill Paxton or Bill Pullman? I can't remember. Oh, I always get them confused. The fuck do you think I am? Albert Einstein? Bitch, please. I may be smart as fuck,

but I wouldn't know why the hell fish have scales. They just do. And plus, why the hell would you even ask that? Why are you even fucking curious about something as stupid as that? Use the internet, bitches. You guys are dumb as fuck. I'm out. Bye. Wait, I had so many more

questions. He's gone. Never mind. Rating 0.00. This was the most interesting thing I've read today. Then why didn't you upvote it, you dumb fuck? Sick burn. You're not taking advantage of the upvote it, you dumb fuck? Oh! Sick burn.

You're not taking advantage of the upvoting on the internet. That wasn't a compliment. Hey! Hey, uh... This is number 64494. Oh, hey, what's up? What's up? Most Loki wives are delusional bitches.

Finally! Finally! I'm glad somebody has the courage to say it. Hey, what's up? What's up? Most Loki wives are delusional bishes. Finally. Finally. I'm glad somebody has the courage to say it. Stop bragging about your sexy times with Loki. Shit talking me, shunning me, and telling me he doesn't want me. You're all shit. You know you're shit. And that's the truth of the matter.

That's it. Okay! And for more information on LokiWives, there's a podcast called The F Plus. You have to go real far back for that one. Real far back. Number 106, apparently. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a long time ago. I just love when we have these unintentional callbacks to old episodes. It's like, oh, hey, this other creepy thing from this other episode we did. My name is 36503, and I want to talk about overrated games by the ESRB. Where do I begin? Oh, yeah, like Spore. I don't know that they are a reviewer of games. Oh, you probably heard this kind of people before.

Parents who let their kids play games targeted to older audiences because they think it's not that violent and they try their kids would be fine playing it. I know of a story just like that. Yeah, totally. You probably do. Yeah. I have a lot of people in my school like that.

I'm in elementary school with grades K through six. That's fine. We'll still make fun of you. elementary school with grades K through 6. That's fine. We'll still make fun of you. There are literally kids in my school who are in the second grade and are always getting the new Call of Duty game for the Xbox slash PlayStation. I am in sixth grade class with nine people.

I'm in a sixth grade class with nine people. I go in a sixth grade class with nine people. I go to a pretty smart school. Five of which play M-rated games. Me and three of my friends can't for reasons. The first friend can't play M-rated games because, well, he doesn't have any good devices to play them. The second friend of mine can't play M-rated games because of that exact same reason as the first friend.

But wait, there's more! The sixth grader of tomorrow! The third friend of mine can't because of a number of reasons. I'm contractually obligated not to go into those at this time. My lawyers advise me not to. Now, the reason I can't play M-rated games is because they're rated M.

My parents don't even explain why. Now, believe me, my parents are great parents, but that doesn't make sense to me as why! They don't even tell me. Every time I want them to buy me a game on Steam that's rated M, they just say no, not even saying why. For starters, M-rated games have the ability to turn off the violence? What? They do!

Call of Duty is well known for its violence turn-off button. Yes, it's called uninstall. Violence on, off. Bullet storm, now without bullets. It's just about the weather. I shot my flower gun at the Wiggly boy.

It sure is windy out here today. So they can do that with the click of a button. A lot of them are there for the soul. The soul! The soul! Purpose of letting younger people play. I have been playing the same games for almost three years now. Here are the two games I have on my PC.

Minecraft and StarCraft. The only reason I am allowed, is the wrong allowed to play Starcraft Which by the way is a tiny bit of blood Is because my dad plays it and sometimes we play on land Together on it Otherwise my mom would put a Screeching Holt to the game Oh it sucks when you get a

Screeching Holt They're real tough to beat There's a Holt raid You'll be eaten by a screeching Holt. Holt! I also have a PS2 and a Wii, both of which are completely obsolete. And the Wii only has a couple good games, which are pretty much all Mario games. I was talking to my dad, this is quite a rant, this morning,

saying I was looking forward to purchasing an Android game called Ravensword, but then he told me that's a bad idea, because most Android slash iOS games have in-app purchases that would be needed to proceed. This is what Mike is going to be like.

I'm taking notes. Go on. Alright. Up to $20 a game costs $8, so I decided to find a different open world RPG. Then I thought of an open world game that everyone loves. Skyrim. It was a perfect choice.

I ran to my PC and opened Steam and searched it. It was only $30 since it had been out now for over four years. I thought for sure it would be rated teen since the trailers didn't show anything too bad. But nope, rated M. I sat there looking at the rating like What's he gonna say? What's he gonna say? Fudge cakes! Then I said to myself, how much longer can I

live with the two same games before I drink bleach? So, if you're a kid Right, yeah, no, that drink bleach. So if you're a kid, if you're a kid who gets to play M rated games, next time you complain that you don't have a thousand game, just remember that some people have barely any games available to them at all. Rating zero.

And a check check. What did you think of my rant? Did you think it sucked? M-rated games should be rated 50 years or older. Then only buff grandpa could play them. I have the exact same problem, bro. Or at least you have some games to play. I can't forward slash apostrophe T even listen to the radio.

I have the exact same problem, bro. Oh, that's nice. That's nice. This poll brought to you by the Strawman AP. This kid is definitely dead by now. I can't even listen to the radio because I'm a member of a doomsday cult. Yeah.

Which one? I live in Syria. Hey, Lou. Yes? Now, I know that there's a couple of us now in this episode, a couple of us here. And so that means that with us all going to Rampage at the same time, it takes about a minute and a half to load any page. It certainly does. But they've never had the server load of six. I'm in.

Okay. Okay. Now that you're finally in, do you have anything you want to say here? Yeah. This is 63714. Overly sexual girl dating my innocent best friend. You won't believe what happens next you won't yeah click here she has a weird she has one weird trick she is one weird trick yes that's right

doctors hate her she's one weird trick uh she is a cheater and a bitch. Oh my goodness. Mm-hmm. She thinks it's all about her. She calls me a bitch because I told my best friend all about her plans. I was wrong. Ibascus. I didn't want him to be hurt.

I'm still in the wrong, apparently. Ibascus. I still don't belive her and that i'm too passive aggressive apparently how do you keep i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm not the bitch i'm not telling people about her or spreading the rumor i think you might be. I'm aunt letting people read our messages. You are. You are the one in the wrong, and you need to shut the fuck up. It's not cool to be a damn cheater.

Adn, a liar. Adn, then call me a bitch and shit. Iba kusu, I call you out. Rant Rampage? Fuck, I thought that was a text message. Hi, I'm in the comments.

I need to meet her. I like the poll. Is flirting cheating? Yeah. No. Hey. Hey. Hey, what? Teeth.

What? What? Titanium teeth. What? Teeth. Titanium teeth. I got some of the complex. Maybe, but we'll find out.

Dental hygiene needs to be reinvented oh god oh my why did i why did i dial up this ted talk all right that's the end of that also the government wants to be a bunch of whiny control freaks and restrict beverage sizes ingredient ingredients maybe they should just ban something actually harmful and do away with processed sugar reasons follow a i know dental hygiene as it stands in its traditional form flat sucks first off okay too much fluoride is not good for you oh you're this kind of crazy. Cool. No, it's cool. We got the food babe on Rant Rampage. Jet fuel doesn't dissolve teeth enamel, okay? Tired of all this fluoride turning my teeth gay. And let's be honest.

Who honestly, when they wake up first thing in the morning, wants to stuff a wad of chemicals on a brush into their mouth? It makes me yak and dry heave. I can't stand it, but I do it because I have to because of B. Cavities. Teeth

suck. They are so lacking in the evolutionary department. They can be excruciatingly painful and a simple fucking cookie can do them in why wow you have shitty teeth if that's the case like cookie punches you in the face is that how you feel raisin disrupts teeth i think that's the first time we've ever had a british person post on this podcast oreos cause 412 ever had a British person post on this podcast. Oreos cost $4.12.

That was the day my teeth fell out. Because of the processed sugar, they use that shit and everything in Western diets and then wonder why people are running around with diabetes. Tooth decay. I wish they'd stop yelling it when they run around. Ah! Ah, diabetes!

It's okay! If you assholes of the government that are reading this site want to keep telling us what not to eat, then ban processed sugar and force people to use natural cane sugar, honey, or an actual safe substitute. Yeah, newsflash, it's all still fucking sugar.

Like, it's not... Aspartame, we all know, is out of the question. Of course. What the hell? What? Splenda, Stevia, or I'll say Xylitol, especially, look promising. Just get that processed diabetic cavity salt off the fucking shelves. So, okay, so fluoride is a government conspiracy,

but the government should conspire to remove a whole bunch of stuff from everyone's diet? Is that what you're saying? Okay. Peak frames are an inside job. to remove a whole bunch of stuff from everyone's diet? Is that what you're saying? Yeah. Okay. Peak frames are an inside job. Also, it's impossible to get toothpaste that doesn't have fluoride in it. That's true. Yeah, you're right.

I have a message. What's your message? I have a message to the female crowd Oh Uh oh Nice Toast I don't think you put quite enough Accent on the word female What you mean

Female There it is Do you know of any females who want to hear this? Hey, after you read this, can I interview you a while about writing in cold blood? That's not fucking that's typing.

A woman shouldn't be spreading her legs for any viewable media. Oh my god. No matter what the cost. No money can make a woman a millionaire by spreading her legs for the media. It just supplies an incentive for guys to jack off

all over the world. I don't, I mean, I don't want to speak for everybody, but I don't think we need incentive. I mean, I'll give it a shot. I don't think I'll get the whole world in one go, but, you know, I'll try. You know, it's not about...

Thank God that woman spread her legs! Otherwise I wouldn't know what to do with myself! You know, Lou, it's not about the destination, it's about the journey. Yeah, you know, I think people will respect me in the end when they see what i've done it's uh you'll leave a mark that's two foot two foot area once a photo shot a shoot is done the prints go everywhere and no actually no the prints don't go everywhere the prints go everywhere mostly freely anyway

the woman has to keep making photos after photos after photos to get rich the money begins to wear down how do you think pornography works you weird victorian time traveler listen this rant was made two weeks ago back when magazine pornography was still taking at one point at one point was somebody like oh yes i'm going to i'm going to uh continually pose for a nudie magazine so that i will be rich my wildest dreams you probably couldn't get a letter into the people at Puritan or Cherry anymore, so this is the best thing he could do to complain. So she's got nothing but fan guckers everywhere about her past photos

and no incoming residuals. How pathetic. The poor women who spread their legs for a small fortune and ultimately loose. Please, ladies, do yourself a favor. Never spread your legs for any media unless the price is going to keep you rich to the day you die. And what's like, you like what leg spreading porn i like a nice cross-legged porn really it's much more fancy and dainty these women are disgraceful no class horse and they're being put on a pedestal by society. Brined and stupid.

Brainwashed. It's nice that the Amish finally expanded out and got onto the internet. This is the first thing they do before they start Rumspringa. Now that I can get on the internet. This shit sucks. How do I complain about it? All right. The very, very, very, very, very, very, very last piece that we're going to be reading tonight.

And I, you know, you know, you guys know that we were all we were all leading up. We were all leading up to rant number 63,353. Of course. Right. Yeah. So. So, Jimmy Franks. Yeah. This is rant. So, Jimmy Franks. Yeah.

This is rant number 63,353. And how does it go? Stupid ass language plus homeroom teacher. His name is Mr. Ivan. Seriously, this language teacher is tempting me to take out my knife. Like legit, I have plotted his death. Oh, God. Oh, my God.

Westside story teacher? He was so, so, so, so nice when it was the beginning of the year. But when I reached semester two and I started sitting beside this girl called Nadja, he started being mean. Not mean in the obvious way because that'll get him in trouble. He's mean as in he's biased to the more well-known students. This one time he said this as a feedback to Nadja's speech.

Nadja, it can be said that half your speech is literally hum hum hum like that. Like, how am I going to understand? I'm sorry, but your articulation is terrible and blah blah blah. Like bruh. Like bruh. Nudge is not smart and all, which is why she ain't complaining. especially because he knows as a teacher that some people will laugh at that. It's so fucking immature. When it comes to the cooler students, he would be so much nicer and tolerant even if they're just as lazy or dumb. He's a star fucker, this Mr. Ivan. You know what else disgusts me about this?

He still says sorry, like fuck you. We know you ain't sorry if you're not patient, then why are you a teacher? It's like you're here to let go of stress and pester kids because, to your twisted-ass brain, people you consider stupid won't fight back. You're right, you're right. People get into teaching because

it's a stress-free life where you're always kept out of confrontation. Fake people are fake, so it's so damn obvious, and he's still covering up like, come on brother No one forced you to be a teacher The door's fucking open, get out

Next time he crosses me I want to do something because I can't stand him For reals, I cannot keep things to myself And this is one of those He did something to me Then he better expect something coming back to him Heck, I stared deep into his eyes When he did that to Nadja

because I was just so damn annoyed and I couldn't stand him anymore at all. Time to polish up your armor, Mr. White Knight. Yeah, I didn't know Nico from Grand Theft Auto 4 posted on this forum. We'll take him down. I kill you for my Carson!

He avoided my eyes, a Carson boy. I know I look scary because I have a very strong resting bitch face. Doesn't matter. He still treats me and other poor kids like crap. I was just ready to use a freaking saw to cut his skull and

throw off his brain because lol, it's not like he uses it. Lol. Lol indeed, lol indeed. Why do you have saws in homeroom? He isn't even human to me anymore. If he really crosses me again, I'll make him fall

or steal his pens or something. My vengeance is not to be messed with. Maybe talk to the counselor about it. Wow. Whoa, man, those aren't your pens. It's okay, he's not human to me. Did you get vertigo from how far you walked back on this?

I'm going to kill him and fuck his skull, or I'll steal a pen. Option number one, cut off his head with a saw. Okay, let me come up with a plan B. He can't expect to get away with this shit. Like, how many victims have he had? When it was time to take my report, he was all smiling to his parents and brah. It was so hard not to punch him on the face. What a fake ass.

Not like directly into the face. Just kind of like. Like with one knuckle. I hate people who lie and I hate people who cover things up. I also hate people who change themselves because they don't want to be judged. I hate growth. So this might not matter so much to other people, but it boils me up so much, and I hope I didn't sound too psychotic. No, you're fine.

A hundred percent. You're great. Nope, nope. I don't know. Did you post about murder fantasies? Seriously, though, Mr. Nope, nope. I don't know, did you post about murder fantasies? Seriously, though, Mr. Ivan, fuck you. At 13, she was already

fantasizing about stealing pens. By then, it was too late. Yeah. By the time this note was found, the body had already been discovered. So, F+, what have we learned from any of this? It's okay to be mad. Yeah, man, it's good.

Gotta get those feelings out. Get them out. Yep. We still have teenagers on the internet. I learned that. Sure do still have teenagers on the internet. I thought we kicked them all off. Most popular

posts right now are Teenage Hood is one of them. Fourth Wave Feminism is the most popular post. Yeah, it would be, I guess. Oh, oh, oh. Actually, sorry. That was Fourth Wave Feminism

Ellipsis because the actual post. Holy shit. The actual post is fourth wave feminism is the final wave of feminism. We're going to learn a little bit more about what we learned, but hang on. It's almost over, guys. Make sure you have enough healing items for the battle. Fourth wave feminism is the final nail in the coffin. This new wave of feminism will have disastrous consequences on generations to come we're we're

in end stage feminism how do i know this all you have to do is look at history and other countries that have embraced the cancerous corrosive less's ideology called feminism oh yeah the long and storied history throughout the ages of feminism. Yeah, you know, that's been very common, you know. Well, like all of the Amazon porn that I read. Yeah, by the way, Amazon women. No, you were right

the first time. In countries where feminism runs rampant, Muslims took over. Well, I'm learning stuff now. The same game of feminism is conversion of everybody

to Islam. I mean, really, if you read any Steinem, that just becomes very, very clear, very rapidly. Well, I learned that one of my favorite things is still live live where it's like the when right oh my god people hate something like like everything that they hate is they think

it's all in one group like they all agree and they're all together so yeah you know the yeah the feminist muslim right because ancient romans gave their women power and it practically destroyed their society i like i don't't like Muslims, nor do I like Sharia law, but with the way this new wave of feminism is running things, I wouldn't mind Muslims enforcing Sharia law, because it would put them in their place.

Wow. That's how it happens, folks. The website is always thefpl.us and if you haven't heard any of the 24 Terrible Hours, you should familiarize yourself with at least a couple of them, because there's fun in there. Our

forum is Ball Pit, and that's fun. Bye! Bye! Goodbye. Wait, that ending was terrible. Oh, I'm so mad! You can pass up Wait, that ending was terrible. Oh, I'm so mad! I'm so mad! We're very professional. It's because we care.

We're not just amusing ourselves. We're clearly trying to build our brand. Yeah. Listen, if we don't keep this up, we're going to lose our actual honest-to-God sponsor, rantrampage.com. Well, actually, that would be a conflict because I already secured a deal with an online student loan brokerage

called Grant Rampage. Oh, that's right. You're the mascot grant rampage i am grant rampage for grant rampage.com the government has free money for you i don't actually give you the money this just happens to be my name please stop asking me for money. The website is Grant Rampage. I am the person Grant Rampage. Please don't. Please leave me alone. But don't leave alone Grant Rampage.

They want to give you money. But not me. Grant Rampage.