The F Plus - 252: It Is Always Cold In Chili's

Episode Date: June 2, 2017

The stated mission statement of Corporate Office & Headquarters is to provide visitors with customer service contact information for a variety of different corporations. However, the site allows comments, so the actual mission is that. This week, The F Plus doesn't want the update, Doug.

So we had a new slogan at some point? Yeah, welcome to the F+. I was expecting the porn to be more horrible. Can anyone stupid? This is the F Plus Podcast. A terrible place with terrible things. Red with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have Boots Rangier.

Thousands of isolated people who connected with the world via Scrabble have plunged into loneliness and despair. Frank West. Would you please restore my capacity to get onto the internet through Internet Explorer? John Toast. Being a Christian I am shocked that you would patronize Prince Poultry

who bury their chickens alive. Poor Tex. I was buying a pile of lettuce ice cream, and Lemon was very rude to me. Please fire F+. He's your friend on the internet, and his name is Adam Bozarth. Remember, I am unable to get onto the internet to get to MicrosoftMSN.com. And Lemon. DirecTV, go to the dump and get out of the box to return it after telling it to put in the trash

posing in the box. Send DirecTV to the dump. Throw your dish network in the trash can. Is that some Lost Bad Boys lyrics? Hey, F+. Hi, Lemon. Hi, Lemon. Hello. Hey, do you folks think that you're good citizens?

Yeah. I like to synergize. I'm a good netizen. I don't think other people are. What makes you a good netizen, Boots? Well, I always leave comments on people's guest books on their websites oh that's nice that's very considerate of you in their in their dream book right i had a cool side of the day did you wow i click through on the web rings um yeah so uh i want to uh us to a place where we can be good citizens to help inform the citizenry about commerce and about corporations.

It's called the Corporate Office HQ. Corporate Office HQ says Corporate offices and headquarters Find phone numbers, addresses, and other contact information for U.S. corporations This is great because Google doesn't exist And I would describe the design of Corporate Office HQ as We don't need to try very hard at this I would describe it as default. Oh, yeah.

That's like you first start up, first template WordPress gives you. That's good. Actually, WordPress now gives you a slightly nicer one. But so this was a document provided to us by Puppy Time. And I think that it's going to be a useful thing to read from. So I'm just going to tell you just a little bit about this here. So about the Corporate Office HQ, there is a growing trend by companies, large and small, to make contacting them more difficult. Many companies have hidden or even removed contact information from their websites.

If they do provide it, it's often nearly impossible to get a real person on the phone. We believe this trend is dangerous. How can any company expect to maintain a high level of quality or service without gathering feedback from its customers? Corporate Office HQ was born from a specific incident similar to the story above. You know the story? You remember the story that I told? Yeah, I guess. Yeah, it's similar to that story. There wasn't a You know, the story? You remember the story that I told? Yeah, I guess. Yeah, it's similar

to that story. The story about there wasn't a real person on the phone? In 2012, Chick-fil-A removed the contact form from their website after their president

made anti-gay remarks. This left thousands of customers without a way to express their displeasure with Mr. Cathy's remarks. We created this site to give people

alternative options to contact Chick-fil-A. So carrier pigeons, smoke signal, rock window. If you're having problems contacting business, please contact us. We will do our best to help you find their contact information. So at this point in the document,

Puppy Time points out that for some reason, this site allows comments this is exactly the kind of results one would expect i was wondering why we were here and now it's also clear it's worth they have a section like every standard blog does of like most recent comments but they've just named it recent complaints and that's just the name of that section we're not beating we're not just leave And that's just the name of that section. We're not beating, we're not beating clients. Just leave it. You gotta appreciate the level of self-awareness.

If we took it out, we'd have to go in and make a change to the CSS. Well, we're gonna start here with the restaurant Chili's, and Frank West, your name is Barbara Adkins, and what do you have to say? It is always cold in Chili's. That's the title of your novel.

Good night, everybody. So what did we learn? That's the poem of the year. Happy chilies are all alike. Every unhappy chilies is unhappy in its own way. I am tired of complaining about it. I'm going to quit going there. I freeze to death.

I end up ill. My fiance's food is so cold he can't finish eating it. Yeah. I think you need to read this in like a Civil War letter. Damn awful. It's always too cold in Chili's.

I end up ill. I have never had this problem at another restaurant. Just Chili's. They have lost a customer that used to go there about five times weekly and spend at least $50. That's at least $13,000 per year they are losing. Not to mention how many people I am going to tell about how cold it is in Chili's. That's like a liter of sodium a month.

Oh my god. Maybe this is actually like a side of beef that's in the freezer at the Chili's. I'm getting retail flashbacks. This is the person who would come to the table every day and you'd serve them and you'd go over the top because it's like, oh, they come here every day. Then it's like, wait, why did you stop coming

and why don't you tip? It's like, it's too cold. It's like, what the fuck? I posted on that website about it. You see? Hello. Hello. My name is Marlon Baker. Okay, hi Marlon.

My name is Marlon Baker. I'm a man of 30 years old I'm not getting hired in the food service industry And I've tried so many times I'm very confident and I love to be there all the time I try very hard I love to make an impact on the staff And myself

I love the food and the woman Toast are you Are you laying down a vocal track for a New Wave song right now? Keep feeling fascination. With chilies. I also want to add that I want to make a living out of this. I feel that they are calling for the jobs enough in the food service world could give me a chance as an entry-level candidate.

Hmm. Okay. Okay. I'll start on Monday. Thank you. Well, fair enough. I guess this is binding. And then, Adam, your name is Ramon.

My name is Ramon. Real veterans don't cry over petty stuff. We have our on demons. On demons. Good point. Don't cry over petty stuff. We have our On Demons. On Demons. Good point. Good point, Ramone. On dancer.

On dancer. So you can take that to your Chili's, motherfucker. Never forget. This is NPR. You're listening to On Demons. All right. So that was Chili's. I think that's good.

But I think we need to get a little bit more high tech here. So we're going to move into a corporation known as Google. And Vance Joaquim, you have a complaint here, right? Oh, wait. No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Not Vance. I didn't mean Vance. I'm Mitch.

Yeah, you're Mitch. Mitch has a complaint. I'm Mitch. I'm sorry. Not Vance. I didn't mean Vance. I'm Mitch. Yeah, you're Mitch. Mitch. I'm Mitch. I'm Mitch Cornacchia. Mitochondria? I'm Mitch Cornacopia. Mitch Cornacchia. Hey, a-holes. Why no mention in your Google search logo about December 7th, 1941. Pearl Harbor!

You celebrate every other stupid holiday or event, but not this greatest one that enabled your stupid company to even exist? There is a direct line. PC effing

idiots. Hey, Mitch, got a quick question. P.C. effing idiots. Hey, Mitch, got a quick question for you. Yeah? Can you draw the line that goes between Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor to the forming of Google? Like, how does that go? Yeah. Yeah.

Google was under the water, and all the bombing made it lodge loose, and it floated to the surface. Google was under the water and they... All the bombing made it lodge loose and it floated to the surface. Clement, it's simple. 1941. I'm with you. I'm with you, Frank West. 1941. 1941. Yeah.

Pearl Harbor is bombed. Yeah. 19, I don't know, 80 whatever. Google. Boom. Yep. Oh, shit! Oh my god! 1980? 1980-whatever. Okay. He doesn't need to research that joke!

1980-13. No, no, no, no. I will not have any inaccuracies in this. Pamela Murica. Oh my God, your name is Pamela Murica. What? Murica.

Murica. Hi, I'm a character in a one-woman show. What would you like to say? Speaking of inaccuracies, looking among the Google Store apps, I noticed one called Analog Clock. Oh, here we go. Sorry, but there's no such thing as Analog Clock or Watch. Analog is correctly distinguished from digital only when referring

to signal type. Technically. It became widely misused because of the stupidity of the human race in general. Jesus, we all are going down to that one, guys.

The collectivist idiocy has left us with the term analog clock. You stupid shh. I understand that's also the reason you're unemployed is because of the stupidity of the human race in general. And the technical takeover by young

educated yahoos. I believe that's pronounced, yeah. Any first year engineering student would have known this. Technical takeover. A clock or watch is either a digital display or a dial display. Okay. Language, civilization, and culture are dead.

Woo! Good. I'm glad and I'm glad you're unhappy about it. One year later, Amy, actually, you are incorrect. In schools, we teach the dial display is called analog, and the digital display is, of course, what the name implies. So unless you want to call thousands of educators in the school systems uneducated. And I do.

Part of the human race, aren't they? But guess what? Guess who comes back? Yeah, like two and a half years after her first comment. An entire year after that. Yeah. September 11th. She's back.

Maybe those educators should have taught you to read. You're going to get so burned when I post again in a couple months. Took you a whole year to come up with that one. Guys, my name is Pauline. Hey, Pauline. Live your life as if you had 24 hours to save the world and just do it. Advance us past a world riddled with problems and plagued with disease.

T-E-A-M. Together, everyone achieves more. To whom it may concern. I'm going to live my life like Crank 2 High Voltage. That's a good policy. I do frequently shock myself. Enjoy jail. Who wants to fuck me in an arena?

Nobody? Oh, boots. I wish you'd never. I wish you'd never. I wish you'd never. I couldn't even go through the joke. It was the horse racing track. Quite the Floridian slip there.

I mean, I thought... I am very concerned about the online dental games and online doctor games that are circulating on the internet. Oh, yes. I am too, but probably not for the same reasons. Online dental games? I guess I'm not concerned but probably not for the same reasons. Online dental games. I guess I'm not concerned.

Honestly, if the people listening and the people participating in this have not heard of these, just Google something like frozen and pregnant dentist. Yeah, frozen doctor on the Google Play Store. You will be really confused. And there's a bunch of them Anyway I wouldn't The first paragraph is like

Google use your powers to change the world If the world is going to end in 24 hours What would you do? And then she's like And what I mean by that Is these weird flash games on the internet What I mean by that is that the games involve painful tools And cruel and torturous actions.

My experience at the dentist office was like that eons ago back in the caveman days. I'm immortal, apparently. Highlander. The modern dentist that I go to have added spa treatments for the comfort of the patients. You get a blanket. Well well now you're living in the future she's just blinking in and out of existence missing a tiger they use laser air abrasion and chemicals to remove tooth decay they use a dental dam of plastic inserted into the mouth when the dental work begins so flying debris does not fly down your throat.

They also give you a toy alarm to signal the dentist with if there is pain. Is this good or bad? Is this happening? This is a dream. Will you please help to promote online dental and doctor games that are enjoyable to play?

What the? What's the connection? So your problem isn't that they exist, your problem is that they aren't good enough? They're not being played enough. To whom it may concern was addressed to whoever sitting next to her on the bus. Dear Google, modernize your

weird, perverted dentistry games. Soothing dental exam. Only $2.99. Games that include non-invasive and pain-causing tools and treatments are preferable. After all, isn't virtual reality supposed to give us the imagined,

the futuristic, the wishful possibility? But I was just complaining about the team not realistic. Okay. William Blake once said, oh boy. Oh god. I long to be a dentist. These doctor games are weird. What is now proved was only once was once only imagined. We

don't want the real deal aka negative slant, aka viewpoint, aka perspective, aka reality of what the dentist or doctor's visit is like. So, so now you're saying that it's hard to type when i'm running on this log i really want to see a blog where this lady just goes through different time like just different mounds of crazy porn it's just like i don't

understand why this is happening at all. Having a threesome with that girl won't help her get over her illness. Where did you get your medical license? Now, if she has enough money to pay for the pizza, she should have enough for the tip. She shouldn't need to do this. This makes no sense. Okay, your cooperation and collaboration with practitioners in the field, oh, there's a research now, will better enable that goal to

speed up in progress. Yeah, sure. Furthermore, options for miscellaneous services, products, and treatments will make the game worthwhile, exciting, and give the game player a feeling of satisfaction options like minty fresh mouthwash, soft cotton swabs to massage the mouth

and gums, water spray and suctions, and breath freshener, et cetera. So many doctors are looking at weird internet shit just to comment on it, but I'm sure... Victor is. Yay!

Yay, Victor! It's part of his job. Sure, yeah, it's part of his job, is what it is. I'm Thomas Barton, J.D. Google buys YouTube for 1.65

billion dollars November 2006. A new start. Ten things Google knows to be true. Number one, focus on the user. Number two, it's best to do one thing. Really, really. Google knows to be true, number one. Focus on the user, number two. It's best to do one thing really, really well. That's why Google only has one website.

A noble set of sentiments. These two things serve as preamble to a simple question. Why can I watch a video on Vimeo about a young man who must fight a shark for his engagement ring in Crystal Clear HD while I continually encounter HD video on YouTube that is herky-jerky in playback? I was not a subscriber to Vimeo.com and really never heard of it when I stumbled upon it tonight. I was using the same computer with the same 15 meg

cable company internet and yet I had a completely different HD experience. By the way, that's not megabytes. It's 15 ladies named Meg. Megabytes. It's 15 ladies named Meg. Megadisc. I seem... 15 megabits.

I seem to recall Brian Williams on CNBC Business TV saying that YouTube had $8 billion of revenue this past fiscal year. I doubt very much that Vimeo has any significant fraction of that amount of revenue. I fiscal year. I doubt very much that Vimeo has any significant fraction of that amount of revenue.

I am frankly mystified and perplexed that such a situation exists. I just saw articles today on the web about Larry Page and Sergey Brin. Oh, you mean the two people who don't give a shit about what happens at YouTube at all?

It doesn't affect their day-to-day lives in any way? Yeah, okay. What? Nothing. No, they're at the offices. They hang out with PewDiePie. Yeah, they're tight. I think one described the changes in Larry Page's business outlook. Perhaps I

will go find it and see if he now embraces being perceived as a technology leader and pathfinder while at the same time his video service is markedly inferior to a site which a generally satisfied

YouTube customer found by chance. Maybe nine years hence, Vimeo will be the widely perceived industry leader and Google will be considering its acquisition. Vimeo's got one hell of a street team, don't they? Well, I mean, Google does want to get that coveted Thomas Barton JV demographic. I found another website.

I don't understand. This site is way more popular and uses less bandwidth. What's going on? Clearly your model's fucked up. I don't know nothing about bandwidth. I just know that a man fought a shock for an engagement ring and I felt it because the quality was great. Yeah, I want to go back to that.

I want to watch that. I'm talking about burying the lead. Did Parker not normally actually get made? Is it on Vimeo? Oh, shit. I want to watch that. Talking about burying the lead. Did Parker not want to actually get made? Was it on Vimeo? Oh, shit. I would hope so. And now I'm available on Vimeo. I like to make movies. Yeah, so that was

Google. We're going to move on to Netflix. And Frank West, you have a comment you would like to leave about Netflix, right? Yes. My name is Caleb Johnson. And Frank West, you have a comment you would like to leave about Netflix, right? Yes My name is Caleb Johnson Dear Netflix

I was suggesting that you add the TV series Dragon Ball Z Oh, that was you Yeah, I'm the one who did that Here is my reason It is one great show that many will love. It needs to be brought back because many kids of this generation doesn't know what life is not knowing the Super Saiyan powers of Goku. I've noticed that Netflix has...

I've said that a lot. Wow. Kids just don't have anyone to look up to anymore. Where have all the Gokus gone? have anyone to look up to. Where have all the Gokus gone? Kids today want their fight scenes to last through one episode,

not 17 episodes. I've noticed that Netflix has recently added Naruato. Naruato. Naruato. Naruato senpai. You want a good pizza pie?

Narato. The ninja narwhal. It looks like a delicacy that's like fermented fish eggs or something. Oh, it's Narato. It's great. Look, I know it smells bad, but you'll love it. And I still wonder why a real anime show such as Dragon Ball Z hasn't been added. I honestly think that it would be an awesome show to watch on Netflix.

Thanks, Caleb Johnson. What book report did he write? In conclusion, I think Dragon Ball Z is... No, he likes Dragon Ball Z, but he hates Naruto. This dude is like 35. It's true. Charles Netflix looks at that note and is just like, Wait, a lot of people like Dragon Ball Z?

What? No one told me! Let's add this! People like it! You know, I certainly wouldn't be where I am as the head of Netflix if I hadn't had Super Saiyan Goku as a role model as a kid. You're on to something, Caleb. Well, I have something to say. I am Aaron M. Wilder.

Okay, hi. Hi, Aaron. I sound wilder, don't I? Yeah, absolutely. Hey, Aaron M. Wilder. The M stands for madman. I only have one request is make a movie. How Netflix started it.

How you crushed blockbuster and Hollywood videos. I still remember one of the owners of Hollywood videos. It started when I was eight years old and my father was working at pizza Mia on 19 at school. Wow. Unknown. I was eight at the time and the year was 1997 when i was a guy i told him my name aaron wilder and then i told him do own this place he said yes you may say

that guy was very nice he was about six foot tall weight is unknown but he was why are you giving full statistics on everything? I'm listening. That's unknown. With brown eye, black hair, had a very nice suit. I looked at him. He showed me around. This is a pen name for Stephen King. I asked for candy. What was the nutritional facts of the candy?

Those are unknown. He told the employee yes. And what he said was like heaven to my ears. This is all what I remember that one day when I went back to the next day. I didn't see him from that day forward. What did he say? What did he say that was heaven to your ears?

It was so heavenly. The magic spell that turned him into this. That's unknown. It's too pure for this world. He can't comprehend it. When he tries to remember it's just sort of like a blissful I want to know what Hollywood video is!

Walked up to him and said, when it was like heaven to my ears. He just left out the quotes. What he said was so pure I could not comprehend it. It was like touching the face of God. Things go bad with

Pizzamia. Two owners didn't agree how the business should have been operated, so they lawyer up and sewed each other. Sure. Sewed some thread into them, I guess. Until they ran out of money. The date is unclear for me. Then two years later, Hollywood Videos closed down.

Coincidence? I think Pizzamia closed down in one or two years. Then in 2000, the Hollywood Video closed down. I think it closed down in one or two years. Then in 2000, the Hollywood Video closed down on Phoenix, Arizona. Closed down again? And Aventon Indian School Road. Closed down again? So this is the Netflix documentary right there. Yeah, that needs to be in the Netflix movie.

To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if it's not coming in the Netflix movie. I would love to see a Netflix documentary that was exactly this. A very specific story. jacuzzi. Making a muddled mess of a story. And then after all this happens, there's just a card that says, and that's how Netflix destroyed Blockbuster. I mean, I feel like Richard Linklater could do all right with it. All right, all right, all right, all right.

So later on, you know, in these comments, there's a bunch of people pitching original series to Netflix, and they're really creative, as you would imagine. But my name is Contact Me Please. Okay. Contact Me Please. Contact Me Please. Contact Me Please.

I am bring double bill to each month actual phone number. My grandson applied for Netflix in error. We should only need one Netflix per household. Okay. Please contact me and correct period period period. This error goes back many months

space period. I will look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience. Email address fuck at hotmail.com Fuck! How? That must have been he got right on when Hotmail started to get that. Fuck. My name's Amber.

Hi. Hi. Since Netflix does not create accounts for you it is your responsibility to not set up a ton of accounts. It's not their fault that you set up two accounts. Why should they fix anything? Nothing's broken. You signed up for a service and they rendered it. Maybe you should call so they can help you cancel it.

Amber, my name is Reza. Amber, you are butts. People have... You said it to my face! You said it to my face, Reza! You are butt. People have real issues, and

unless you work for Netflix, you need to shut the hell up, butt. What? Monocles firing out of my eye like a cannon. What? Launched into the walls. No one asked you for your stupid opinion.

This is the internet. It's implied. My name is Really. Are you a worker for Netflix? Amber? Oh, left and right. Welcome to Netflix, Amber. It's all about Amber.

YouTube Red, it's Netflix Amber. Thank you for calling Netflix, I'm Butt. Shut the hell up, Butt. Shut the hell up, butt Shut the hell up, butt We're going to be moving on To the corporate offices Of Home Depot And more people spending their time productively

Frank West, I think you got this one here Your name is Steve Hey, I'm you got this one here. Your name is Steve. Hey, I'm Steve. Hey, Steve. Can anyone stupid win independent? I can. That's the end of the sentence.

I think a lot of people are pretty good at stupiding on the internet. Can that be the new tagline for the podcast? Don't you mean may anyone, stupid? Well, that would be less stupid. Was it a nerd? Went in to pay my $29,000 company bill, only to be turned away because I don't have my driver's list with me. Driver's list? He was going to pay a bill of $29,000 with no ID.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, hot scam, bro. Oh, I would pay this $29,000 bill, but where's my driver's license? Oh, I guess I'll have to come back tomorrow. Oh, damn. With all your shit, obviously. I do this all the time. Hi, I'm a normal person and not a criminal. You don't need to know who I am.

Well, I don't know why you'd say he's a criminal. I am paying in cash. I told her. Uh-huh. It was in a giant bag with a dollar sign on it. I'm just wearing this briefcase full of stacked $20 non-consecutive

bills. I came in in a black and white striped shirt and I had a big sack with a dollar sign on it. Hang on, let me pull out the suitcase from Pulp Fiction. It's right in here. Why do I need my driver's list greater than? I lost it during

the D.B. Cooper heist. Jimmy James? I left it in the van and the heist gone wrong. Company policy, I was told. So I left mad and no bill paid. LOL, I guess you really showed me. Like, you still have to pay that. You don't understand a credit bureau.

She wouldn't let me. Okay, stupid bitch. Whatever. I guess I'm not paying then. Sucks to be you guys. You want me to go back home and get something and come back?

No way. There's a bunch more Home Depot, but I want to skip over to Apple. Why would anyone want to complain about Apple? It's perfect. Nobody wants to complain about Apple. It's designed in California. They just don't

understand it properly, that's all. Cupertino. They just work. Adam, your name is Gears of War, perhaps? My name is Gao. Use Samsung Android. You spend money to buy

Apple products, and when you got problem, all fall into deaf ears. email slash problem but reply no defucks shafucks in your problem i also have problem in my iphone doctor i have a problem in my iphone my name is gal well then it. Wait, is that how the joke goes? Also, are the deaf ears, I'm picturing the deaf ears are like the giant ears like on Double Dare. Yeah, yeah. You gotta fish out your...

Pull out the earbuds from the deaf ears. I can hear you. Poor text, your name is Mary. I just read comments. I'm not the only one that don't like Apple. I did, till you just took over my phone that I paid for. And made me update. You can have it!

And here's what, you can have commas. Comma, comma, comma, comma, comma, comma, comma, comma, comma, comma. I wish I could do something about this. Extra comma. Another extra comma is because she goes into the next post, which is also her. Oh, dear. Yes, you're correct. Someone tell me why I had to update my phone.

Was okay with it. Now I hate it. Don't. Don Quotey. Like update at all. Bunch of exclamation points. Now trying to get husband to get it out of here. Hate it so bad. Doug, just get it out of the house.

Doug, pick up the bag it's in and get it out. I hate the update, Doug. Get it out of here. I don't understand, Mary. Is it this bag you want me to take out? Doug, pick up the bag and take it out of here. Wait, but that's the bag that got your phone in it. You want me to take the phone out? and take it out of here. Wait, but that's the bag that got your phone in it. Stop talking back to me about

the phone and take the bag out of here. I don't want it. Can you explain to me why you want me to take the bag out of here? I just don't want it at all, Doug. I like this trucker comedy tape. You're listening to left-handed radio.

This is the Branson version of Dave's Not Here. Actually, I think Cheech and Chong are the Branson version. That's not... It hasn't loosened up that much yet. Hate it so bad. You guys telling me what to do. No way you can have it. You make the big money.

Well, not on me. I was okay with it. And then you put the update. No way you can have it. Tell your CEO, Timothy D. Cooks. Tell him what to do. Close. Hello, I'm Timothy D. Cooks, does tell you what to do.

Close. Hello, I'm Timothy D. Cooks. You? I make the cell phones of the world. Timothy D. Cooks, you go to your room. I shan't. I never will. What a very helpful owl.

Toodle-oo. You can have Apple. Well, I mean, he kind of does. Like, he is the CEO. You can have Apple. Well, I mean, he kind of does. Like, he is the CEO. You can have Apple. I was going to take Apple, but you are going to have Apple now. Cool. Do I have to pay taxes?

No? Okay, awesome. Do you have your driver's license? You are sad not for the people for the money and be the big guy. Oh, that's a Morrissey lyric. Telling me why I would want to hear it. What is that word? Wound.

Wound. I don't. I need an email. Took a picture for people to see for We Talked, and they don't like it either. Well, if you need an email, might I suggest fuck at hotmail.com? Ironically, you

probably could email Tim Cook about anything. I think that his email is online. Oh, another letter! Yay! My name's L. Dean Boswell. Dear Mr. Tim Cook, CEO.

My beloved. I've been at sea, but I never forget your face. I doubt very much that this letter will ever cross your desk, but if by some miraculous event it does, I ask that you consider Apple's next step. For in the beginning was not only Adam and Eve's Apple, but in the beginning of computers was also the Apple computer.

I don't edit. I do not edit. Yeah, man. Editing is a form of lying. Mr. Cook, in the beginning of Apple, Mr. Jobs or some other visionary had the genius to push your computers in schools so that countless generations would grow up learning on the Apple computer. Then, one day, when those same children became adults, they would be purchasing your product!

That was brilliant! I agree! Master stroke! Sir, since you have already shown that your company has a heart for the children, I would like to introduce you to your next possible step with computer systems and children.

Their protection! Um, okay. So is this like RoboCop, or? I talk about shooting it at schools because I'm a monster, and sir, I believe that I have the solution. I have written and copyrighted

the concept for a computerized device that, when introduced to schools across the country will save lives this concept could also be used in theaters, malls, airports, corporate buildings or most any business with a brick and mortar location if I have piqued your interest

please contact me via my email catfuckitlive.com no oh dear Please contact me via my email, catfuckitlive.com. No. Oh, God. Oh, dear. To arrange a meeting where I can provide more information.

Wow, saucy. Thank you. Thank you. I will respectfully Dean Boswell, catfuckitlive.com. Actual phone number. Call 916- Hey, Mr. Apple Guy, I have an idea. Hey, Tim Cook,

have you ever thought about the future of Apple? Tim Cook doesn't live in the past or the future. I never have. Goodbye. Stop living in the moment. Yeah, I think I like this one. Alright, BootsRainGear,

your name is Kathy Shackleford. Yes, as it always has been. Your name is Kathy Shackleford. I'm Shacky... Shacky Shackleford. I'm Shacky Shackleford. Got him. Hey, Apple. I need a Capplefern. Got him. Hey, Apple.

I need a computer like yesterday. I've been sick and not getting well. I do not understand many things on the computer. Including how to leave comments that make sense. There has been so many people whom have took over my computettes, whom should have helped me. All hail computet. All hail computet. Computet?

It's the girl computer. I can do math! It's so hard to trust anyone. I only learned the basic in college to past my future. What? Oh dear. Yeah, I only learned the basic in college to past my future. What? Oh dear. Yeah, I only

learned the basic in college to pass my future was in criminal justice. Great. But I law to cook, so when I cure cooking, in which am very good at it, but I was very

overweight and made that I would not make it in cooking because of my side. I had the weight loss surgery and my life took S turn for the worst. That's a winding turn. Yeah. I believe I can still help others, but my compute is old and many things it would not work to do to work do to I do have Windows 7 or

8, etc. I want to explore that sentence a little bit more here. One more time? It would not work do to I do have Windows 7 or 8, etc. Oh. I can

not afford one and-o. I can not afford one and-o. I, ma, pleading for to gurt a new computer and for someone to help me understand slash I can get cooking, but computer I phone and I do not understand.

We are kindred spirits in that regard. If you can not help me, let to to some program. Fuck. Jesus. Why are you having a hard time with this? Read the text on the screen, Boots. Okay. If you can not help me, let to to some program and any to help me with this. I thank for even listen to me.

Life is good. So what happened? I am very happy for what I have. Sincerely, Kathy Shackelford. No, no, no. Oh, my God. You are not Kathy Shackelford. Who are you?

You were Kathy Shackelford. She got married in the middle of that post. Kathy Shackleford. She got married in the middle of that post. Sincerely, Kathy Shackleford. So, guys, I was reading the comments and this chick used to be fat. Can we give her a computer?

I think she was cooking for criminal justice, I think? Well, she was criminal justice and then she transitioned to cooking as her career. But then she was overweight, and she thought, well, I'll never be successful as a cook being overweight. Which is somehow the wrong thing. That's the wrong thing in the whole comment, somehow. Like, what the fuck? What do you think of that idea?

Like, every cook is fat. What the fuck? What the fuck? Look at that idea. I can't read Curtis' face. What the fuck? Document once again provided to us by Puppy Time. Yay, Puppy Time. There is a long comment in here called Apple, the most amazing comment at all. It's a little bit too long to fit inside of this podcast, but Adam, if you'll just pull a couple sentences out of this comment, please. Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

I think at one point she repeats two giant paragraphs, so that'll help chop a bunch off. Excellent. Oh my god. My name is Brandy Don Wilmoth Taylor, and do not know what to do.

The experimental illegal technology needs to be removed from my household. I need to know who to report the technology transparent and how my body for the rest of 13 years off and on, especially the last 10 months to year since I have been reporting this to law enforcement. They are now taking the transparent technology, placing poisons in my food, drinks, playing basketball with the technology, throwing biological stuff on and off my body, covering me in gasoline fuel ECT. This is illegal. What? Wait, I'd love to see a cartoon about food, drinks, playing basketball.

Wait, I'd love to see a cartoon about food drinks playing basketball. I wanted to ask Brandy if she was caught in a space jam of some sort. Hold on, I lost my place. Why? Just pick a random sentence somewhere. It went away for a second. I am talking about artificial intelligence. In reverse, a way to control and manipulate the United States public along with the international countries.

I have the same personality as the princess in England that just had her baby. Well, I have had many beautiful personalities placed on my body prior to being the first daughter. Turning three and someone else taking over the personalities. I have also had ones that were too big to fit my 80-pound body. What they are now doing is piling up personalities. Not all of them fit

and overlap. Very hard to tell unless you are being looked at by a doctor. Just looks like they are hiding damages and starving me in need to kill the baby while still inside of me. I have actually went to the restroom while four personalities biological drone espionage was thrown on my body at one time. What the fuck? Please help me relocate my children along with my family.

I do not know what that works, how that works with digestion and without physicians in the United States. Understanding the biological self-sustainable units explaining this sounds like I have mental problems, which I promise. thank you for your time and consideration in helping my family, if not personally, to perhaps the organizations that you may donate to for these problems or health and human rights organization. You donate your money to help

relocate out of a harmful situation that may understand about technology. I am the real life Bella from Twilight. I am someone that the United States military and central intelligence uses in international espionage. And in Aryan circle combinations,

they are sometimes called hats. I recently had my halo read by law enforcement, which caused the law enforcement to start using transversal technology in an illegal and harmful manner towards me. Okay. I just like the point that manner is spelled like a fancy building. It's an illegal and harmful manner towards me. Okay. I just like the point that

manner is spelled like a fancy building. It's an illegal and harmful manner. I am the reason for Edward Snowden recently falling from the Central Intelligence to the United States Constitution being placed on hold. My father had Harry S. Truman's personality

biologically placed prior to my birth. At my birth, I had Jimmy Carter because of my birth. 1976. This might be Francine Kelly. I truly could run through the whole story, but the truth is that

Twilight is Aryan Circle Code for what they put me through in combination starving me on United States soil during pregnancy ECT sounds crazy, but watch Cirque du Soil by Paramount filmed in Spain. My family owns Radio Shack in Cleveland in Liberty, Texas that I grew up in.

Here's the phone number. I am a free citizen of the United States of America, but I also part of something I was not aware of setting machines to make a standard for the middle class. It is a form of control that the United States citizen called everything and I was told.

Our next company. Are you returning your iPhone? My youngest baby, Stephen Don Gribble. They tried to rip outside my cervix with transcribed technology. I'm not quite aware that I was part of this intelligence program. I can help you set up your FaceTime.

Without knowing about it, where they place the president of the United States of America at the time as a permanent biological personality, Barack Obama, is an American American. And to keep me from learning, look appropriate.

I'd like to move on now to another corporation called Mattel. No, I want to hear more from Francine. Well, then, schedule a conference call. Thank you for your time. No problem. So,

did you say Mattel? Yes, yes. Oh, good. Yeah, we're going to Mattel. Fucking Hot Wheels and Barbies. Yeah, Hot Wheels and Barbies. Boots, your name is, good. Yeah, we're going to Mattel. Good. Fucking Hot Wheels and Barbies. Yeah, Hot Wheels and Barbies. Boots, your name is Shameka Hatcher, and what do you want to talk about here? Yeah, I'm Shameka Hatcher. Mm-hmm.

I'm very confused as to why your company feels the need to add a transgender doll to your Barbie collection. Um, I mean, one. Okay, you know what? Go ahead. I gotta go. Why are you adding genitals that are detailed?

Do you really think young girls should be exposed to this? I'm talking about the age of three. Are you really serious right now? All right, here we go. Incognito. Hey, Google. Barbie.

Detailed. Genitals. Good luck to you. Yeah, those are not detailed. They're not even like Photoshop DeviantArt shit comes up. It's just all like... Oh, thank goodness. Smooth. Yeah, no, I was surprised.

I was fully expecting terrible porn. Now I'll have to find it in my own time. It is really... You're listening to the F+, I was fully expecting terrible porn. It is really sad your company has to conform to very low standards to keep

the money flowing. In the pockets of big transgender. Big trans. That's my favorite superhero, actually. I am one of the thousands of mothers with little girls that will no longer purchase from your

company. Thousands of mothers with little girls that will no longer purchase from your company. Thousands of mothers across the world. I've begun a petition on this concern. Where's that? I will not say. No. Maybe Brian Stockton, Kevin Farr, or Robert

Stockton, who are all CPO executive. CPO executive CPO Chief We're leaving out R2D2 Chief Penis Officer Executive liked the idea and have a sick mind to push this item and others like it

Sincerely One Angry Mom Hey Kevin Farr here. Hey, Kevin Farhair. Hey, Brian, I got an idea for you. What if we took the Barbie doll? We put some real... We put a big dick on it. You know, that's what I'm always saying

about these fucking Barbies. I mean, they're beautiful, but you take the panties off. I know, I know. So what if we do this and we'll make some moms really pissed and we'll lose a lot of sales? It'll be great.

But they're going to have the greatest pussies. Is she complaining because Ken doesn't have genitals? All right, so, John Toast. Hello, I'm Mel. Hello, Mattel. It's Mel. Mel from Mattel. Anyways, I love all your products,

and here is a request that I and probably heaps of people would love. Are you ready? Okay, I'm ready. I'm Mattel. Strapped in. Katie Perry Barbie doll. Are you ready? Okay, I'm ready. I'm Mattel. Strapped in. The entirety of Mattel. Katy Perry Barbie doll. I mean, that seems... It's a good thing I strapped in.

I don't get it. That seems redundant, honestly. I'll give you a moment to recover. What about a Barbie Katy Perry doll? I understand that you have made one of these before there was only one hey I've got an idea for you do the thing you did before

think about it but there was only one in the whole world and it was really expensive I'd absolutely love for there to be a Katy Perry Barbie doll if you do decide that you will make a Barbie of Katy Perry,

it should be available everywhere because I live in New Zealand and I'd want to purchase an amazing product like that. Don't you like my New Zealand accent? I don't need it. It's so fancy. Yes.

Yes, I do. I understand that the recent Katy Perry Barbie had a very complicated dress, so maybe you could make the dress less complicated, if that saves a lot of effort. I really do hope that you will make

the Katy Perry Barbie again. It would be amazing, testorific! Yeah! So a less complicated dress. So like a dress down Katy Perry doll? Just like a casual, like, you know, sweater Katy Perry doll? I guess? Okay.

Yours sincerely, Katy Perry fan and Barbie enthusiast. Change his name. What I'm gathering from this is that they made a one-of-a-kind Katy Perry collector's thing. Right. And this person thinks the reason they only made one is because it was too hard to make. We should try to mass-produce these someday.

Oh, jeez, I don't know, man. I mean, we got lucky to capture the essence of Katy Perry once. I can't imagine doing it twice. Do we get to put the giant dick on this one, too? I know. We used all the materials for the Katy Perry Barbie on making the genitals for the transgender Barbie. Now we've got nothing left. Mattel is also involved with Scrabble

Scrabble and Scrabble has a so that's how these posts got on here Scrabble has a Scrabble has an app and at one point they changed they changed the Scrabble app so they changed the Scrabble app

I hate it oh if anything changes Oh, if anything changes I get upset I'm on the internet Frank West, what do you think about the change That they made to the Scrabble app My name is Neil Why are you trying to

Insult our intelligence By shoving an immature Inferior and pathetic version of the beautiful game known as Scrabble in our faces, and still have the temerity to call it an upgrade.

Scrabble is my waifu. Temerity? 46 points. The Ficky Man's Chess. Apart from causing unbelievable anger and suffering to millions of scrabblers in the world with this step,

you have also astronomically increased the negativity and hatred towards all Mattel-slash-EA products. Take a rational approach and restore Cat Scrabble

Alright, I'm going to challenge restore. Can you use it in a sentence? Oh, no, you can't. Before it's too late. Dear Mr. Stockton Farr and Stockton, No, you can't. Before it's too late. Dear Mr. Stockton Farr and Stockton. Is this

one episode of the Three Stooges? Would you be so kind as to remove this abomination which must be making Alfred butts squirm in his grave and reinstall the previous version,

which did justice to his intelligent invention. Butz. His full name is apparently Alfred Mosher Butz, which is fantastic. Whoa, that's even better. That's definitely better. Mosher Butz, but I barely know her. Thank you so much for listening, and I look forward to your positive butts.

I'm in response. You didn't specify what it is you don't like. My name is Val. Thanks for nothing, Mattel. You made thousands and thousands of people very unhappy and sad. Do you even get what we are saying? We don't like this new version and won't be playing it ever. I particularly feel for those who are disabled and housebound

whose one pleasure in life was to play our good old Scrabble against Scrabble buddies with a simple, plain old board. Yes, it was simple as play, but have you ever looked at a normal Scrabble board? What have you done

in this absolute, insolvent individual design of Scrabble barn? What have you done in this absolute insolvency and grand total of time in this travel? Space Princess is back. With all the flinging colors and for the age of this is a major problem too, I hope you are all happy

with yourselves for upsetting so many from all walks of life around the world. Off now to play Lexus, which isn't nearly as good as our old Scrabble, but I can assure you it's a much better option than the crap you forced on us. My name is Liz B.

The big corporations must think they own the world. They can do whatever they like. But it does not mean that your decisions are right or that your choices will be welcomed. Oh, God. Occupy Scrabble Board. Jumping down the game of Scrabble is a case in point. It is a game for people with a degree of intelligence

who neither want nor need the glitzy, flashy effects your revised version now includes, and it is adding insult to injury to try to claim that this version is better because, inter alia, we have the option to play advert-free. How could it possibly be an improvement when the vastly superior original version didn't have adverts?

You must think we're stupid. Well, we're not. Um, I beg to, you know, forget it. We know that this is all about putting pounds and dollars in your pocket, not about people who play the game, the friends they have made along the way. What the fuck?

Guys. How dare you as a corporate entity try to earn money? Was I honestly born yesterday? Do you guys know what all of this reminds me of? This Scrabble stuff. It reminds me of how people talk about politics now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All this stuff from 2013 is like this latent anger we were all waiting to unleash.

Something's not right. It must be Scrabble has colors. The sums aren't right It must be Scrabble has colors The friends they have made along the way And you have torn asunder By your crass assumption That you could save money In developing a game

Not keeping the links that people have with each other The statistics they accumulated over years Of hundreds of thousands of games And assuming that we'd be happy to play under your rules Just wandering alone as a drifter, just I'm a man with no past. They were raised with Scrabble history. They took it away from me.

Our friendship forged in the fires of the iOS Scrabble game, but was torn asunder by the evil meddling of Mattel. You have stolen my legacy, Mattel! I'm sorry. I can no longer play Scrabble with you. The colors, they're too wrong. You can obviously see that we're not happy.

And we will continue to protest until you do the right thing. And at the very least, give us the opportunity to play whichever version we prefer. If you do that, then you'll learn more than you did by whatever limited market research was undertaken. by whatever limited market research was undertaken. It also seems that you think everyone will be playing this game on an Apple product or of some description. Well, that's another mistake. Why not offer your kiddie app to Apple users and bring back the original Scrabble for Facebook users?

Playing on PC or laptop. The bastion of intelligence that is sophistication i also have a question which i know you won't even try to answer that's true that's true that happens to you a lot i'm a peon how on earth can your version on Facebook possibly have the same number of likes as the original version when it's only been going on a matter of weeks? The answer is obvious because you hijacked all the likes that more than 3.6 million happy, satisfied Scrabble players gave to the vastly superior original version. It's a big conspiracy. You're going to cover the whole thing. I consider that to be fraud because your company has done

absolutely nothing to deserve those likes. And I know something about not deserving being called. You messed with the moron, Mattel. Oh, the life of a lawyer who tries to do fraud claims. Just, like,

well, I gotta open myself and get some jobs and it's just like, no like no see look how many likes it has like yes yes ma'am i i hear yes no i i'll look into it sure that's just not reviews were generally positive what the fuck hi are you calling about a video game okay see you do you have like a like a postscript and then addendum to this as sort of like a side note uh like you know not entirely directly related to this yeah yeah just a postscript i mean it this as sort of like a side note, like, you know, not entirely directly related to this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, just a postscript. I mean, it's just sort of a finisher,

but, you know, not 100% related. There is only one way your company could get me to like Scrabble again, and that is by reinstating the original version. Okay. Okay. Hey, I have an opinion. Oh, thank God! My name is Margaret. Hi, I have an opinion. Oh, thank God!

My name is Margaret. Hi, Margaret. How arrogant can this company and Electronic Arts, or whatever it's called, get that they can't even be bothered responding to all the negative comments they've been getting since they took away the old Scrabble format. They haven't but okay.

They could at least tell us what their intentions are whether they are intending to What are you getting at by changing Scrabble? Whether they are intending to improve this ghastly version or give it away and revert back to the old, tried-and-true one. Oh, ghastly, Margaret, you are a caution.

And as for blocking people who post negative press coverage on their fan page. Whatever happened to freedom of speech? Whatever happened to freedom of speech? It's now the mash. Hey, listen. Hey, listen, boss. I got a hot scoop. People don't like that new scrabble.

Stop the presses. Alright, time to make a choice. John Toast, you get to make a choice here. You got three different corporations. You can only read about one of them. Which of these corporations would you prefer to read about? Would you prefer to read about

Chipotle, eHarmony, or Crystal? And that's not the hot sauce. That's the hamburgers. Oh, Crystal Burgers. Okay. Crystal Burgers.

I don't know. I was just confirming that's what you meant. Oh, shit. I'm actually now actually curious what the Crystal Breakers complaints are. These breakers aren't actually made of crystal, I'm gonna say.

They look just like White Castle. Me, me, me, me, me. Yeah, so your name is Matthew, and you've got a problem with crystal. Hi, I'm Matthew Guider. I've got a problem with Crystal. Hi, I'm Matthew Guider. I've got a problem with Crystal. Okay. Such a bitch.

Broke up with me. God damn it. She took all my stuff. Hello, I visited Crystal today at this address in Tennessee, and I had a terrible experience. My constitutional rights were infringed upon. Oh my god. Wow. Interesting. I took all my state's rights infringed upon. Oh my god! Wow! Interesting.

I took all my state's rights away from me. Take his identification and put him in the gulag. Congratulations, HuffPoWriter. I am on the hook. And I was not happy over the outcome, and I went in to ask an employee to give me change for a $20-9 bill. Well, of course he can't give it to you.

Was he trying to hit zero and hit nine? I think $20-9 bill is playing at the Gathering of Juggalos this year. And when I handed her the money, a manager seemed irritated. It was very unprofessional. She told her employee to check the bill to make sure it was not

a counter diet. Yeah. Okay. Good job. That's standard. There's a nine on this 20. It's a denier. Denying a nine on this 20. It's a denier. Denier alert.

Go to jail. So I ask if... I'm sorry. So I ask if they treated all their customers as if they were criminals and she took offensive... Offensive? She took it offensive. Offensive. She took it offensive.

And responded in a very deep voice. Is this all real of Real DeBalbo? What, bitch? I'm just doing my job. I'm offended. And said, we have to check them, and that's when I walked away and turned around as I was leaving the counter

and told the manger that she didn't have to be rude and I kept waking. I couldn't. I was so aware now. I couldn't make it to the door and a guy that was standing in the lobby got mad because I told her that this goes on.

I told her. I think this guy is complaining that they caught him using an actual fake $20 bill. It wasn't suspicious at all how they were like, let me check this first. It's not fake. What are you trying to say? He leaves it with them and tries to walk out

and they try to stop him and he's still acting offended. This is brilliant. Well, keep going, keep going. Because I told her that she didn't have to be rude, and the guy rushed towards me in a violent manner, and pretty much I had to walk out the door without my back turned. He was very aggressive, and it's all on camera. I will be following the lawsuit.

If we can't resolve this issue, I feel threatened, and I was scared when I walked to my truck. The guy came outside and took pictures of my truck and watched me until I got into my truck. When I started to pull out of the parking lot, the guy that doesn't work there and the employee started yelling at the parking lot, didn't come back, don't come back. That made them mad. Well, if you had any respect and was professional, then you would resolve the issue, because no matter what I said to them, they had no right getting angry and kicking me out just because I

decided to exercise... They didn't actually kick you out according to your story. Decided to exercise my constitutional rights, freedom of speech, and the manager does not have any right. Yeah, just cover up any crime. It's like, it's my freedom of speech. Freedom of crime.

Freedom of crime. Put all the money in the bag and please recognize that this is a natural expression of my constitutional right to the freedom of speech. I'm inserting my second amendment rights. Good news! Alan Dershowitz took the case!

And the manager does not have any right to let a customer treat me that way. Wait, right to let a customer treat me that way. Wait, so it was a customer who attacked? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that shows that she is not qualified to have that position if she's not going to remain calm and be professional.

The position of customer? Yeah. You're fired from being a customer here. Well, we fired. Oh, sorry, I don't work here taking an extreme degree. You can't fired them. Oh, sorry, I don't work here. Taking an extreme degree. You can't fire me.

I'm hired. How did you do that? That's amazing. And be professional. The manager that let this happen is not concerned about providing excellent customer service. If she's willing to put Crystal Reputation on the line. Oh, wow.

Oh, yeah. Absolutely. I am putting my Crystal Reputation. The high standard by Crystal Burger will be sullied forever. Oh, no. The place that's cheaper than White Castle. She's immature and doesn't know how to talk and deal with the general public. And when er, a manager or a shift leader that plays a big role in, ooh, take on that responsibility.

And we're devolving. Please contact me as soon as possible. 1-865-415-FUCK. I have to stop the employee and the guy that were being aggressive and made me leave. And I told me not to come back. And I will also explain more detail about the incident. Oh, well, good, because you left a lot out. Oh, no, you listened to the turn into moron curse file.

This happened like less than a month ago. So what I think happened is that he tried to pawn the counterfeit bill and he was like, oh, shit,'s up, I'm going to leave. And somebody, like a random citizen was just like, hey, no, that's fucked up. Come back here. It's a stop. I don't think he actually had a counterfeit bill.

I think he... Yeah. I think he... Because I think he picked up the bill and he just didn't relate that to us because maybe he's... I don't know. I feel like maybe this guy's not the best writer what are you talking about i just read that as because they have policies where

different denominations like they'll run the pen on it yeah and so this person did it to this bill and then this fucking idiot was just like god damn it how dare you well there's yeah there's no way that they there's no way they kicked him out just for saying hey well you checking for that to be counterfeit because like that's literally what everybody says yeah everybody goes it's real like yeah i know i just have to or if my boss yells at me asshole shut up so that's what makes me think that he had to be kicked out because he's like, he's so defensive. I was coming to the conclusion at this point that the site is automatically censoring emails and phone numbers because they're all censored in the same

way. So like, that's just an admission that there's no possible use because no one could ever actually contact you. No, no, no. Call him at 865-415-FUCK.

All right. Uh, we're gonna close with a choice for you. Can I choose to quit the podcast? Yeah, absolutely you can. Finally! See ya! You have chosen wisely. We'll put the job posting up on the

THEFPL.us. On ZipRecruiter, which is not a law firm. Big shout-out to our sponsor this week, ZipRecruiter, which is not a law firm. Big shout out to our sponsors this week, ZipRecruiter. Huge fans of those guys. ZipRecruiter is a site that restores your cuticles.

To hear our commercial for ZipRecruiter, please listen to the first ten minutes of any Dollop episode. Anyway, so I've got a couple of options here for you, Portax. You can choose whichever one you like. Option number one is

Microsoft. Option number two is Toys R Us. Oh dear. Option number three is Big Lots. Choose option number three. Which option would you like to choose? I don't know, you guys.

Did Big Lots change its name? Is it called Big Lots Choose Option Number 3 now? Up to you. You can go with Microsoft, you can go with Toys R Us, or you can go with Big Lots, but you should go with Option Number 3.

I just, um... Whichever way you want to go. You're a shit Monty Hall. Just like, holding up your hand and pointing, like, door number three. This fucking door, idiot! Alright, I...

Something in my gut and my ear simultaneously is saying to pick option three. I am frequently in your gut and your ear. So your name is Llewellyn Anthony, and you have a complaint about Big Lots. Would you like to share it, please? I am Llewellyn Anthony. Hi. To whom it may cosern.

Cosern. Am going to try I The head office never reads this. Anyway, I have bought a mattress. Full set was delivery on small truck.

Everything was damaged. Return that same day. For a big company, they should buy proper die-levery trucks. Then the guy dropped everything off. The driver told me he was rushing before a rain. Hi, I'm Marcella Garza.

I work at Big Lots for Seasonal Worker, and my day, I think, Jan 1, 2012, not sure, but the Hanford car calls were overstocked, and he say that the main office had done look at my apply. Then he call me back, say,

you won't hire me, and I want to know why. I am a hard. My phone, here is numbers. I'm Rhonda Strange. I have been trying to apply for a job on the website, but it keeps saying my account has been locked

to try again in 24 hours. I have tried it the next day, and it is still showing to be locked. What do I need to do to unlock it in 24 hours. I have tried it the next day, and it is still showing to be locked. What's hard do I need to do to unlock it? Please help. Hello, Llewellyn Anthony again. Boynton Beach Florida. Salesman

Michael Come visit beautiful Fort Lauderdale, Florida It's right next to Kissimer St. Cloud What have we learned from any of this, F-Plus? I learned Florida. Florida?

Florida. It's like a breakfast at Tiffany's pronunciation of Florida. Florida. It isn't a new observation, but people really love leaving their nonsense into vacuums. Yep.

They sure do. This place just must SEO the shit out of themselves. But there's no ads. Oh, wait, I have ad block on. There's probably ads. Oh, there's probably ads. Yep, there they are. Never mind. Oh, wow. Yep, yep, yep.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. There goes yep, yep. Just look at Bill. There goes Frank's computer. It just kept appearing. Oh my god, yeah, oh god. The site can no longer be found. No wonder they looked like vanilla. We blocked the entire content.

Hey, question for you. You have to wait ten seconds to actually access the page. Question for you, Frank and Boots. What's your sidebar look like? The actual sidebar? Here we go. Well, Google has introduced some new

things. I could get free fax number lookup, so that's fun. My ads, and I don't know if this is a corporate office or if this is me, but my ads are all InfoWars. That's just you.

They're Google, so that's just you. I like to fight. I like to complain about Apple. This is what a man does. A man comments. I'm an iPhone, and I'm coming. As I scroll down the page, I get the same Heroes of the Storm ad over and over again, probably about ten times, so that's fun.

Oh, yeah. I've seen that one. Which is weird, because I'm getting mortgage- This episode is brought to you by Adblock. Remember, Adblock and Adblock Plus are confusingly completely different companies. I'm getting ballpark hot dogs?

Lucky. Pretty long summer, I guess. Can I close out with two comments from Luke Simpson on the Chipotle website? Please do. Hello. I need to get a hold of someone in marketing. I have the ultimate marketing campaign for Chipotle website. Please do. Hello. I need to get a hold of someone in marketing. I have the ultimate marketing

campaign for Chipotle. I love Chipotle and with my idea I can make increased sales and increase awareness of Chipotle and all that it does. And all I want is 10 minutes to give a pitch about an idea to market Chipotle in a whole new way.

Thanks, Luke Simpson. Eight days later, I'm looking to lose 45 pounds and plan on doing it by eating only Chipotle. It is... Yay! Is it possible? And if it is, would you guys want to make an ad campaign about it a la Jared Gerard, the subway kind of deal? It'd be kind of a sweet idea, right?

Not the best legacy to go with. Hi, it's me from 2014. Do you know yet? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was simple to guess. I guess so. By the way, my whole new idea is this is losing less pounds. One of the

other ones from Chipotle is I'm sorry to hear about your experience at Chipotle. I noticed that you were in Ohio, so this concerns you. There is a petition to remove fluoride from water here. That's where you're getting all the Alex Jones ads. And if you've consumed way too much

fluoride from your municipal water supply, you should come to Ball Pit. Hey, how can I go to Ball Pit? You can just go to B-A-L-L-P dot I-T. That's right. You can register for a account for free, but if you want to post, you spend $10. Ball Pit is a progressive web app with a

score of 94 out of 100, which means nothing to anybody, but it's exciting to me. It means that you can run it chromeless in your phone. That's something. The website also is thefpl.us. There's fun to be had there. And, I don't know, go

do something else with your time, maybe. Audition to be the new Portex. Counterpoint, just keep listening to this episode again. Actually send in auditions to be the new Portex to EF+. I would enjoy that. Maybe you can be America's next top forecast.

Bye-bye. Maybe you can finally animate stationary voyagers. Bye. And does it show? Yeah, it shows. What's your preferred choice of lubricating your machine, Adam? That would be Simpler Times Lager from the cheap section of Trader Joe's. That's right. The beer that tastes like gasoline, Simpler Times Lager. Simpler Times.

The beer that tastes like gasoline. Simpler times. Simpler times. F Plus is, as everyone knows, sponsored by Trader Joe's. Yeah, just a huge shout out to Trader Joe's. We're actually not sponsored by Trader Joe's. We're sponsored by Trader Giotto.

Specifically Trader Giotto.