The F Plus - 26: Ranch Dressing & Other Delights

Episode Date: June 28, 2010

Since 1998, throngs of internet users have come to AllRecipes.Com to learn how to make the meals they've been dreaming of, and share recipes of their own. It's a site visited by literally millions of people, including clinically depressed housewives and lifelong bachelors with erectile dysfunction. What do these people like to feed themselves? Really horrific things. This episode, The F Plus has the sodium levels of the South China Sea.

Hey there, welcome to the F Plus Podcast, Terrible Things Read with Enthusiasm. My name's Lemon. And I'm John. And hey Lemon, have you ever heard of comfort food? Oh yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm a Midwesterner, so I know comfort food. Yeah, right. Well, I mean, is there any particular types of comfort food you like? Like anything that, you know, you're feeling like a little starch, a little fat, you know, you'll go for? Well, honestly, you know, I can, you know, I can go for, I'm Irish, so I can go for the potatoes, you know, your hash browns, tater tots, I like tater tots, french fries, you know, that sort of

thing. Yeah, sure. Now, you know, that's comfort food. Now, there's a whole new subculture coming up that we're going to look at, and let's say to take the things like the hash browns you said. Let's put a little cheese on them. How about a little ranch dressing? Do you have some french fried onions

in your pantry? Throw those in. How about some corn? Wait. It gets better and or worse. Sauerkraut, whatever. Some spices, salt and pepper. Why are you doing this to me? This is what I like to call discomfort food.

I thought, oh. Now, here's the thing. There's a website called All Recipes. Now, wouldn't you like to see this kind of recipe repeated again and again with different food types but still the same level of horrible? No, not really. Of course you would. Now, that's the great thing about All Recipes. It was even featured on a Google Chrome ad, so a lot of people can see the horrible.

You can just mix up this horrible mix of food and serve it to your family every day to make sure they get diabetes or their hearts fail, whatever. So, yeah, let's get right to it. Let's see what our readers have and see if we can get some more discomfort food to you. I thought you liked me.

Let's eat carrots together until... In the room tonight, we have Acer Aquatel. I am a trained cooking professional. Do not try this shit at home. Portax? Portax in a bag. Serve zero.

Boots Reindeer. I tried Boots Reindeer at home. While I kind of liked it, I replaced him entirely with a robot. Bump Girl. I like waffles. Jimmy Frank's Esquire. Yummo! Jack Chick.

All of this will be something I make at least once a month. Yummy. John. Ingredients. Starch. Starch. Starch. Cream starch.

Starch. Starch. Starch. Cream starch. Dog. Taco in a pocket. Eat a taco from your jeans pocket. And 11. Super easy salad by Jen Smith. This salad is so easy to make, you won't believe how good it tastes. I usually serve it with sandwiches and an ice-cold drink. For a light, warm weather meal, the soft, crisp green of the cucumber

complements the brilliant whites and reds of the radishes, making a very pretty, creamy salad. Food is porn for me. Salad? Salad, that sounds healthy. Yeah, it does, doesn't it? I'm looking forward to this. There's more.

Prep time, 20 minutes. Cook time, two hours. Ready, Ian? What? Are you adding a piece of the salad individually to the bowl? One. Ingredients, two medium cucumbers, quartered and thinly sliced.

One medium onion, chopped. One bunch radishes, thinly That's probably what takes the two hours. Thinly slicing the radishes. Those radishes don't give up, man. You just gotta keep hammering at those fucking things. In there with an exacto blade. Three quarter cup panache. Oh no, I think you've hit the radish. Those radishes don't give up, man. You just gotta keep hammering at those fucking things. In there with an exacto blade. Yeah. Three-quarter cup mayonnaise.

Oh, no, I think you've hit the problem. Wait, what was that? Three-fourths cup of mayonnaise. Mayonnaise. That is the salad, after all. Creamy salad. Not only do we have mayonnaise and a half cup of ranch dressing, so that's

like a gallon of mayo. It's like the second you hear ranch dressing, you know where this is going. Salt to taste. Ground black pepper to taste. Oh, so why not some salt? Fuck it. I'm going to dress myself in ranch.

Okay, Jimmy Franks. Now that you've told me the ingredients, how would I prepare such a thing? Well, let me tell you. In a bowl, toss together the cucumbers, onion, and radishes. In a separate bowl, mix the mayonnaise and ranch dressing. Throw away the first bowl, eat the second.

Get a straw. Yeah, I get the feeling that this would be like making cereal for a regular person. You just dump the little bits of cucumber in there and just drink it. It turns the mayonnaise green! It's so fun! Ew!

I really wish this were a wiki because I would have added after separate comma, much larger comma. Season with salt and pepper, mix into the vegetables, and chill in the refrigerator for at least two hours before serving. That's the

opposite of cooking. Do not eat it after an hour. Mayonnaise sickles, just like Mom used to make. Because when you take the mayonnaise and the ranch dressing out of the refrigerator, while you're preparing the food, it will warm up and needs to be chilled down again. Okay, I want to point out something here. Let's put this in perspective.

Taking out all the seasoning and the sauce, it's two cucumbers, an onion, and some radishes. This thing is 316 calories. 332 grams of fat. But that's actually for one serving. One bite. Well, no, a serving. I say this yields six servings. Oh, does it really?

Oh, it does. Oh, my God. Wow. Acer, will you read the pink dippin' sauce? Alright, I'm just trying to keep my gorge from rising here. Mark halfway through it.

It is dippin' sauce. It is not dipping sauce. This is rainwater. I tell you, no, it's fun for kids. I'm Mrs. Rainwater, and I'm gonna tell you about my pink dippin sauce ew a pink sauce that is great on just about everything

my family likes it on chicken, fish game meat, beef rice family's full of freaks we have found similar sauces at local Chinese restaurants. I don't believe you. Did you find them near the dumpster?

I think they saw sweet and sour sauce, and they were like, it's pink! This sauce will take you four hours to prepare. Four hours to prepare this sauce. Pink? Alright. And just keep this in mind. This will also prepare you 16 servings. Now,

mix together 1 quarter cup white sugar, 1 quarter cup mustard powder, 1 half cup vegetable oil, 1 half cup mayonnaise, 1 quarter cup ketchup, and one quarter cup water. Would you like to know how to make it?

Oh. So, mayonnaise and then the stuff that makes mayonnaise. Stir together the sugar and mustard powder. Whisk in the oil, mayonnaise, and ketchup until well blended. Gradually whisk in water. Cover and refrigerate for

four hours before serving. Use within five days. Because otherwise it'll get nasty. Yeah, so the flavors can blend. No, after five days it becomes sentient and we'll regret it. Green dipping sauce for prep time. Four hours, one minute.

Two stars. I only made this because it had pink in the title and I was hosting a bridal shower where the theme was everything pink. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. But eww. Da-da-da-da-da. One taste and it was down the drain.

I'm not sure who would want to dip something in this oily mixture. Da-da-da-da-da. But it wasn't me. And five users found that review helpful. I like the review under it as well. I think Stog needs to exclaim it. It's pink!

Two users found this review helpful. Yeah, what the hell? I had no idea the pink dipping sauce was pink until Ro told me. Those were a couple reviews of things that maybe weren't so successful,

maybe didn't get good reviews. But here's something that did, in fact, get very, very good reviews. A total of four and a half stars out of 42 reviews. And it is delicious, I can tell you all. Really good. Really, really good. It's called Lucy's Mac and Corn. It's by Casey.

This recipe came from my high school cafeteria's cook, Lucy. It's my favorite school lunch dish. Casey's mom found that half stick of margarine and reduced fat Velveeta results in equal taste with less fat. Oh, yeah.

The less fatty version is half stick of margarine and reduced fat Velveeta. Please notice that the total fat per serving drops all the way down to 21.8 grams per serving. I like the idea of some kid going through the high school cafeteria being like, this is the best thing I've ever had.

What's the recipe to this? What is this? It's mac and corn. Wow. Oh my god. My mind has just been blown. Here's what it's got. One 14.75 ounce can of

creamed corn. Then one 11.25 can of corn. It's a corn on corn dish, you say. I don't know about you. I put corn in a bowl. I want to put some corn on top. I like to wash my corn down with a can of corn whenever possible.

This corn is too creamy. This corn isn't creamy enough. This corn is just right. There's one cup of macaroni, one half cup of butter, and eight ounces of cubed processed cheese food.

I am coming to this grocery store and I would like eight ounces of cubed processed cheese food. Relinquish its humanity. I would like eight ounces. Mix together the creamed corn, whole kernel corn, and uncooked macaroni. Just throw it all together.

Stick your dick in it. Yeah, just whatever. Stick it in the blender. You don't need a spoon. Mix it with your elbow. Slice the butter or margarine and mix it into the corn mixture along with the cheese. Place in a buttered casserole dish.

Cover. Duck and cover. Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit, 175 degrees Celsius, for 30 minutes. Uncover, stir, and bake uncovered for 30 more minutes, and then presumably eat it after that. So, yeah, so that only takes, what, an hour to cook for that magnificent thing? Exactly. I mean, that's, you know, it's

surprising, and you don't have to, like, actively you don't have to, like, stop at halfway and add more corn. Well, you could if you wanted to. Well, no, I think after the first two corns, I think she just assumes that the corn is pretty much a given in the last three ingredients.

One cup macaroni, plus corn. One and a half cup corn. With corn. One and a half cup corn butter. Eight ounces cube processed cheese food dot dot dot dot dot with corn. See, the first one here, Noah's mom, who gave the review five stars, sort of basically epitomizes the entirety of all recipes.

Five stars to the recipe. The review begins. With just a few changes, this recipe is awesome! Definitely cook the pasta first, then add the butter and cheese. Stir to allow its melting, then add the corns. This cut the cooking time to 15 minutes covered and 15 minutes uncovered.

I added some milk and stirred before the last 15 minutes. I did reduce the butter a little. I used some leftovers from the best slow cooker cream corn recipe. This recipe is very adaptable. I know you just adapted the shit out of it. You changed the fucking recipe. I used the cheeses I had, which was some American slices and some grated cheddar.

I made completely different. This recipe is great. This recipe is awesome. I changed it a little, and I came out with pizza, but I love it. She added corns. That's gross. I'm going to be Jason.

Alright. Yummo! Yummo! That's his battle cry. Yummo! Yummo! Super easy and always a crowd pleaser. You should not drain the corn. The liquid will cook the noodles.

Also, I typically make in a crock pot on low for about three to four hours. My family has been making this recipe for the last ten years, and once someone has it, they expect that we bring it to the next potluck. It has become a staple at holiday dinners. That's because it's there when you arrive and it's there when you leave. No, it's a staple. We take it there, we just blend it up and put it in

plastic bags and pass it out as a starch IV. Everyone loves it. You know, I'm really upset that Alyssa hasn't made a custom version of this recipe, because I really thought that this recipe was missing bacon bits, and she corrected that for us. All of the five-star reviews are from people that didn't follow the recipe.

Welcome to all recipes. That is truly all recipes in the comics. You know what's great is if you use a version with the bacon bits And then also the one with the margarine and the Velveeta You know you've got something that's not too chemically different From napalm It's called Lucy's Mac and Corn Cocktail It's called coronary surprise

It's a dirty corn bomb Stock will you read this sexy drink Oh sure I will it's called coronary surprise it's a dirty corn bomb stock stock will you read will you read the sexy drink oh sure I will this is my boss man 69 strip go naked by boss man

69 this party size version of the classic vodka, beer, and lemonade cocktail is recommended to consume for a Nebraska football game. Yeah!

Only Nebraska. No, no. If you fucking watch Wake Forest, he will shoot you. I don't know, honey. What do you think I should drink tonight? Well, is a Nebraska football game about to happen somewhere? Somewhere in the world. Prep time, 10 minutes.

Cook time, one minute. Wow. In 11 minutes. I'm going to cook it. 55 servings. Original recipe yield, three 1⁄2 gallons. Excellent. That's how I like my cocktail.

3 1⁄2 gallons. In a Tupperware container. We're going to go swimming in it. 3 1⁄2 gallons. Ingredients. Dirty 12-fluid ounce cans or bottles of keystone light beer oh no

oh it gets better it gets better keep going 1 3 4th liter of vodka and 12 and 2 12-ounce

cans of frozen lemonade concentrate thawed. Oh, good. I was just going to leave the cylinders of lemonade floating in this horrible mix. That's awesome. That's the pride you just got there.

I call this dick punch punch. Yeah! Yeah! Dick punch! Yeah! By the way, I'm betting that vodka is better the more plastic it is contained and the lower it is to the ground. I can't figure if that's one three-quarters

of a liter of vodka or one and three-quarter liters vodka. Whatever you like, babe. I mean, obviously Russian vodka because and three-quarter liters vodka. Whatever you like, baby. One and three-quarters. It's obviously Russian vodka because it's liters, because it's communist vodka, but everything else is ounces. How about both? If you're adding vodka

to 30 cans worth of Keystone Light, I'm really pretty sure that they don't care about the quantity that much. He's fucking pouring 30 bottles of Keystone into like a kiddie bowl. Yeah! No, no, no.

Don't know how you write bar. Stop. It's exactly what it goes into. Oh, God. Stop. Directions. One. In a four to five gallon

sports drink dispenser. Oh, you're kidding me. Combine the light beer, vodka, and lemonade concentrate. Stir gently to disperse the lemonade. Put the lid on. And serve. Do your cake stand, duder. No, the best part is that after the game, if Nebraska wins, you can dump it all over somebody.

I'm guessing that's the game, if Nebraska wins, you can dump it all over somebody. I'm guessing that's... It's like dumping Gatorade all over them, but infinitely worse. I can add a lot of dry for the next month. No, that's the sole purpose of this recipe. It's not any... Because serve doesn't necessarily mean eat. I think it just means dump. Hey, guys. I'm

JC. Hi. This is a great drink that can be made just in a pitcher and served on the rocks with floating raspberries to class it up What? You're fucking kidding me I first had this drink over 25 years ago and I just woke up

I'm going to make a prediction that this is one busted lady. It's still a refreshing summer drink by the pool. Usually I tone the vodka down a tad. If serving mid-afternoon with family... Oh, yeah. Keep on classic, though. Here you go, little Lacey. I varied the recipe into two cans of frozen lemonade,

yellow or pink, two 12-ounce cans of beer, and we used one cup vodka. If it's for the cocktail party, I use one and a half cups vodka. Cheers! For the vodka, I use Grey Goose. And instead of Keystone Light, I use Schlitz.

Cheers to your coma. Because be careful, according to Danny Girl 1011, it tastes like lemonade. No shit. How? That goes straight to your head. No shit. Winsma has such a sad story to tell. Oh, God.

Winspa says, five stars, this is so good. My mom used to make these all the time. Aww. And then she died. Yeah, she used to. Instead of going to my softball games.

Then she'd get out the spatula and it was bad time for an hour. I would love to go, but I'm swimming and teeth don't lie. I hate this. Hey, someone read Little Sis. Three stars.

I think I might know why. Wait, wait. This is okay. Pick it to a party, and I was the only one drinking it. So wait, she's dragging the alcohol. I'd like to picture as she was dragging around that open Gatorade sports container, she just had one long curly straw

in the corner of the room. You guys know what a roux is, right? A what? Oh, like a sauce? Yeah. It's a sauce starter. Yeah, right, exactly. You guys are supposed to call it a rux. It's a roux, only a rux.

That's a raux. So, Jack, this is a very classy roux. And it's also easy. It's an easy and classy roux. Would you read that for me? Oh, God, that title.

Some French chef just shot himself in the head. More than one. More than one. So, this recipe is the microwave Rue. It's by Flat's Cat.

It's the quick and easy way to make Rue. Almost goof-proof. Flat scat. Flat scat. Flat scat. No, it's flat scat. Flat scat. This will serve 20 ingredients.

One cup vegetable oil. Two-thirds cup all-purpose flour. Okay, starting out good. That's how you make a roux. Now what? Direction. Pour the vegetable oil into a microwave-safe glass bowl. Why are you doing that?

Whiskey the flour until no lumps remain. Step two. Cook in the microwave at 70% power for six minutes. You are shitting me. Oh god, keep going. Because it gets better. This will create white roux. No it won't!

You will like a darker roux. Carefully stir. And return to the microwave. Do a little chant. Look at 70% power two to three minutes at a time until the desired color has been achieved.

It was close. It won't create a white roux, but it will create a white goo. One cup of vegetable oil. Two thirds all-purpose flour. Vegetable oil. Okay, there's one comment on this, and it offers an alternate suggestion,

which may be further off from the original concept of a roux than this recipe. Go for it. Okay, I'll take it. It's lubricator. Lubricator. I'm lubricator. Oh, I'll take it. It's lubricator. Lubricator. I'm lubricator. A simple recipe is to spread flour on a baking sheet.

Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Watch while baking until color of your choice. If burnt, discard and start over. Oh, thank God. So I'm just going to shotgun that shit. Cook with oil or butter. Just cook. Just cook some shit with oil or butter.

Your choice. I use olive oil and cook my vegetable in it. Then add the browned flour. Makes it well. Eleven people out there in the world are going to die. They found this helpful. I love I love

I think it's just I think it's just eleven F plus fans that find these to be helpful. I think Lubricator was just telling all the guys to burn some flour, take some olive oil, and then stick their dick in the mixture.

Put their vegetable in it, I think. Thank you for your valuable feedback to other Allrecipes home cooks. Your vote will be added in a few hours. I just voted that shit up. Acer, do you like cookies? I love cookies. Do you like cookies? Oh, you would not believe how much

I love cookies. That wasn't me repeating. I wanted to know if you like cookies and cookies. Oh, I love cookies and cookies. It's called cookie cookies. Recurse of cookies! It's a cookie. I love cookies so much. Wait, maybe they're cookie cookies! I love cookies! I love cookies and I love Maybe they're cookie cookies. I love cookies.

I love cookies and I love cookie cookies. Gilbert Godfrey will do the ad for it. Cookie cookies. It's a cookie and a cookie. Cookie cookies. Oh, man, Chris, this thing is a cookie and a cookie at the same time. I cannot believe this shit. Cookie, cookie, cookie starts with K and C.

I've got to stop pre-reading these recipes. I keep making all the gag noises. Is this supposed to happen? Yeah, naturally. Yeah, you've got to time your gagging right. My name is Alain Bachman. I won't be able to stop eating

this sweet, salty, crunchy and chewy snack. I sure as Alain Bachmann of Champagne Illinois. It's a quick way to dress up plain corn chip. What? What? Did she put herself

in the third person? Yes. This is a recipe from a magazine. Oh. It's from Taste of Home Oh god What the hell is this The magazine is just called Fat All Capital Letters I've actually

I've actually read Entire recipes of Taste of Home And it's fucking so amazing Because like they don't really have I mean they have just like like, these crappy recipes, but they'll just have pages of people talking about, like, we had a hot dish casserole,

and my son said the cutest thing about it, and it just goes on for pages and pages. It smells like pee, mommy! Okay, I don't know if it's just attrition from all these horrible recipes, but this one I just cannot fucking believe. What the hell is this?

It's a cookie. That's a demon pile of shit. You know what? Just keep on reading. I can't say shit about it. Please. Let me tell you about these cookie cookies. Oh, God in heaven. How great they are.

They're cookies. It will take you 15 minutes to prepare. That's nice. I can get that. I can write a will in that time. How long will it take to cook these? You'll need these ingredients. It takes zero. Zero anything to cook these.

Oh, good. One 10.5 ounce bag of corn chips. One cup light corn syrup, one cup sugar, one cup creamy peanut butter. What? But you don't put those things together, do you? Well, if you like the directions,

we can put this to rest. Direction. Spread corn chips in a grease 10 inch by 10 inch by 2 inch baking pan in a saucepan over a medium heat Bring corn syrup and sugar to a boil

Remove from the heat Stir in peanut butter until smooth Why? Why are you doing that? It's like someone set out to make haystack cookies and just said, fuck it, halfway through. Pour over corn chips. Cool it.

Break it to pieces. You know what makes me really excited, though, about this recipe? What the fuck? Ellen Bachman had bad kids. Hey, kids, would you like some cookie cookies? Sure, Mom. Here, have some puke, kids. I'll teach you to make fun of Mom.

Hey, Mom, you know what? I just came home from school. You know what I'd like you to do? I'd like you to make creamy peanut butter even sweeter and then pour it over some fucking Fritos. That's what I'd love tonight. That would make me happy. It's a peanut butter Frito pie. John, those don't necessarily

have to be Fritos. Those could be also ranch-flavored Doritos, for example. Thank you. Guys, I tried this recipe with Cheetos, and it was delish. No, that's not a real thing on there. That's Joe.

I couldn't tell. I couldn't tell. I think my heart stopped for a minute. I'm really excited about the concept of taking. I think my heart stopped for a minute there. I'm really excited, though. I'm really, really excited about the concept of taking, like, okay, so I have a cup of corn syrup, but it's not quite sweet enough. Let me add a cup of sugar to that corn syrup. Yes.

Ah. And that's not enough, so I'm going to add sweetened peanut butter. Yeah, I know. What doesn't have enough sugar already? He advises that you never use reduced fat peanuts. Oh, I know. What doesn't have enough sugar already? He advises that you never use reduced fat peanuts. Oh, of course. Choosy moms choose to give their kids diabetes. There are five reviews on this.

Three of them are five stars. One of them is three stars. That's fine and good. Obviously, these people are insane. But this person, something is broken about this person because this person gave it one star. But their review starts with, I had such high hopes for this recipe. You and me both, sister.

I love the way sweet and salty and savory mix all together. Oh, and this is Jessica, the 53,214th person on the internet named Jessica, who worries that this recipe just didn't work for her because the texture of the quote-unquote sauce was off. What sauce? What did you expect?

It was off compared to all the similar recipes. This is the worst cookie sauce I've ever had. Oh man, the last two statements here are amazing. Just a peek into Jessica's psyche. Didn't blend. It just tasted like corn chips

and extra sweet peanut butter. And then she apologizes. Yeah, she says at the end of that, she says sorry. I mean, way to blame the victim here. Like, it's your fault. I'm so sorry I had high hopes for this recipe.

I'm sorry that sweetened peanut butter and corn chips tasted like sweetened peanut butter and corn chips. You know, I think this proves that the 50,000 models of Jessica's we just need to scrap them. I like the first comment. I'm high on for the steak, but it tastes too much like beef. I'm sorry. I like that first comment by Dee. God, yes, I have to read

this first one by Dee. We didn't read this. Go right ahead. Spread the joy. We make these a lot, and we call them Fritos dessert. Ew! Jesus! They made it so much they give it a nickname. It gets better.

You have that after Fritos dinner. Never use reduced fat peanut butter. The sauce gets too hard. Add a little extra peanut butter to get more flavor. Add the one flavor you need. And, and, for a little extra treat,

sprinkle milk chocolate chips over the warm topping. Best eaten when still warm. Just shovel it out of the oven into your mouth. I just want to throw up. You're supposed to let it cool and break into pieces and they're eating it warm.

They're literally just scooping a handful of dripping food. Peanut butter on chips. I just want us to savor the sentence, we made these, we make these a lot, but we call them Fritos dessert. And then follow that directly

with best eaten when still warm. I like when they sprinkle milk chocolate chips on it, so it's just like, mmm, this peanut butter on Tostitos tastes great. You know what? It could use chocolate. Get some whipped cream on there, too. Let's get some fucking Rolo.

Let's just put that in a big fucking vat and have some fucking Texas pie with it. Hey, Martha! Go turn on CSI Omaha and get me some Fritos dessert! Chase that down with a strip and go naked. Anything you have to cool

and bake into pieces is basically candy. And they're saying best eaten when still warm. I.e. it hasn't cooled and hardened into candy, so you can't break it into pieces, so you have to grease your hand first. Scoop it out. You just go to the shed and you get a

fucking spade and you just shovel that shit right in. This is good cookie magma! It's like how fun-sized Snickers taste best when they've been in the cushions for a year. Alright. Alright.

Alright. Alright, we can move on. We can move on. I don't think we can. I'll never move on from this. Although I just now read, I just now read, I lit my asshole on fire. I am sorry. I was just going through all of Stock's comments, and I just realized, I just noticed, wine recommendations, Bud Light with Nerds Candy.

This is Mighty mighty chicken stuff. I hope you're ready to listen to it. Is this the best recipe you're ever going to try? I believe you. This is a dish I came up with due to boredom. That's good. Easy and best of all, the leftovers taste better than the original prepared dish. What does that mean?

How can that be possible? Now, this here recipe, this here, this is rated four stars on allrecipes.com. Makes eight servings. Each serving has 811 calories and 46.9 grams of fat. So you know it's stuck to your ribs and it's going to keep

witching. Here we go. Here we go. First off, So you know it's stuck to your ribs and it's going to keep witching. It's like a fucking vomit. Here we go. Here we go. Okay. First off, you're going to take you a pound of skinless, boneless chicken breast halves. All right? Next up.

It's important that it's skinless. Otherwise, it would be fattier. You need three three-ounce packages of chicken-flavored ramen noodles. That's a weird turn, but okay. Alright. Then, you're going to need one 13 ounce package of ranch flavored tortilla chips.

Oh no! It's like a double women right there. You got ranch and tortilla chips. Oh god. Alright, keep going. This is fucking you got ranch and tortilla chips. I mean... Robert Culliver. This is fucking chicken and cheese and tortilla chips. I know y'all thinking... What the fuck is this?

Y'all thinking... What am I thinking? So what you're going to do is you're going to take you one can of condensed cream and mushroom soup. Follow that up. Two cups of sour cream and one cup mushroom soup. Follow that up. Two cups of sour cream and one cup of milk. Then,

we're going to take you a 16-ounce package of frozen broccoli florets. You're going to call those little suckers out. Now it's healthy. Finally, you're going to take

four cups of shredded cheddar cheese. Okay. All right. Now you're going to preheat your oven to 325 degrees Fahrenheit. This is like... Place the chicken in a large saucepan with enough water to cover by at least two inches.

Mix in the seasoning packets from the ramen noodles. Bring to a boil. And cook until the chicken is no longer pink in the center. So you got your chicken flavored chicken there. Remove the chicken and set aside to cool. Add the ramen noodles to the boiling chicken water. Cook until tender by two minutes. This is chicken fried chicken.

Drain. Chop chicken into, no, this is chicken boiled chicken. It's a chicken on chicken dish topped off with cheese. Chop chicken into bite-sized pieces when it is cool enough to handle. In a medium bowl, stir together the cream of mushroom soup,

sour cream, and milk. Grease a 9 by 13 inch bacon dish. Begin layering the ingredients as follows. A third of the tortilla chips, half of the noodles, half of the chicken, half of the broccoli, third of the cheese, and half of the soup mixture.

Layer the second time, and top with the remaining tortilla chips and cheese. Bake for 30 minutes in a preheated oven until heated through and bubbly. God, I sure do like these nachos, but they're not fatty at all. 628 people have saved

this recipe. I know! They're all dead now. They're all dead now. Oh my god. You know, it was like what I loved about that was that the way Jack was doing it, it was like he was telling his terms

as a terrorist and like the AC sounded like the negotiator. Okay, sir, just don't hurt anyone with this. I'm going to feed you a can of cream of mushroom soup. Okay, sir, we can talk through this. We can talk about it.

It's okay. Nothing sad. My family loved this recipe. With five children, that is saying a lot. Since I couldn't find ranch tortilla chips, I used plain ones, but put a dry package of ranch dressing in the sour cream. Ew! ones, but put a dry package of ranch dressing in the sour cream slash soup. Ew!

I like my three kids are great, comment. I like my three kids are great, name. Oh my god! We must be cultured. Oh god! The cellcom suggests that you have a chardonnay with this.

Why? Wait, is that a comment? Oh god It suggests that you have a chardonnay with this Why Wait No that's in the recipe It says what to drink chardonnay Oh god Just pour that in with it Just Pour that motherfucker right on in there You just eat the whole thing

And you drink the chardonnay and you just kind of bounce around a bit And mix it all together I recommend that you drink the Chardonnay and you just kind of bounce around a bit and mix it all together. I recommend that you get your Chardonnay in a box. Did anyone read My Three Kids Are Great? What does My Three Kids Are Great say? My Three Kids Are GR8. Gave it

three stars, firstly. Secondly said definitely an odd assortment of ingredients. I gave it a try based on the other reviews, but it's pretty bland. Okay. Really? I would not have expected that. But it has the butter flavor and the cream flavor. And it's boring.

And the ranch burrito flavor. Okay, but I won't make it again. I've never made a main course with a bag of potato chips as an ingredient. That's the main course. You had dessert after that, I'm sure. Well, then you've not lived. I wonder what the husband thought.

Yeah, my husband called it white trash casserole. You may know him as Lemon on the F+. I knew it. Lemon, you traitor. I gotta tell you something, though. Her kids aren't great. Taco in a Bag by Jihirchik. I love Taco in a Bag by Jihir Chick. I love Taco in a Bag.

And I love you too, Jihir Chick. Oh, I love you too. I had this recipe at the Cover Bridge Festival in Indiana. My family loves them too. The chip bag serves as a shell for the tacos. What? You need a shell for multiple tacos? Otherwise, you have stuck many tacos inside a bigger taco shell.

There are six photos. Tacos within tacos. Okay, how do you make tacos? Well, first of all, the prep time is five minutes. The cook time is ten minutes. You'll have it ready in 15. The back time is two minutes. Ingredients involved.

One pound of lean ground beef. One one-ounce package of taco seasoning mix. Four two-and-a-half ounce packages of corn chips, which seems to be a common ingredient on this site. Two cups of shredded lettuce. One chopped fresh tomato. One cup of shredded cheddar cheese. One- tomato. One cup of shredded cheddar cheese. One third of a cup of salsa. One half

cup of sour cream. You may be wondering how you would combine all these ingredients together to make an actual taco in a bag. I would tell you! I'm going to tell you! You know, I'm kind of upset that they don't say to reserve the bag on the packages of corn chips.

Just wait. Step one. Place ground beef in a large skillet. Cook and stir over medium heat until browned. Drain excess oil. Mix in taco seasoning and prepare according to the directions of the package. Drain excess oil, really? All right. Let prepare according to the directions of the package. Drain excess oil? Really? Alright.

Let's talk about the people making this, not the actual time. With the bags unopened, gently crush the corn chips. Ooh, just need that shit. Crush them under your feet for bonus fetish material. Put it on YouTube, because I don't totally love that.

Snip the corners off the bags using scissors and slit open the bags along the side edge, because it's hard to open Doritos bags. Eat the bag corners with your favorite cupcake. or cupcake. Spoon equal amounts of beef mixture, lettuce, tomato, cheddar cheese, salsa, and sour cream into the bags on top of the crushed chips. Serve in the bag, which you've already

done, and eat using a fork. What? I'd like to point out that none of the cultures actually open the bags this way. See, I like that. As an additional bonus, would you like to know what kind of drinks you could have with this? I would love to. I absolutely would love to.

If you're going to have a wine, it should be a Syrah. Syrah. If you want to have spirits, it should be a strawberry margarita. Also served in Frito's bags. Taco in a bag, one hand, goblet of Syrah on the other.

Not a Syrah. Whatever will be will be. Cut open the top carefully and pour in the rum. Not a Syrah, because a Syrah is a blend, and that's not very classy. You need to actually make it be a Syrah. Yeah, exactly. I was really thinking that you kept the bags opened

so that when you've mixed all the shit in there, you roll it into a funnel and just pour that shit right into your mouth. Bye. Sure hi. I think that's teacher junior hi. No, I don't care. Teacher junior hi. You want me to pronounce vowels and put them in there?

Yes, it's just for high, alright? It's what it is. I love this idea. We were painting the house and I wanted something quick with a little cleanup. I did like another reviewer and put these in gladware

and just a shake instead of a chip bag. I also used Doritos instead of the corn chips for more of a kick. I added some guacamole and lots more cheese. We like it that way.

It was delicious and so easy. Thanks for the post. Oh, God. Ew. Portex? Portex. I'm playing Log Goddess.

It's all capital letters. Log Goddess! There's three S's. It's actually a goddess. Log Goddess. I's actually a goddess. A goddess. A goddess. I am a snake beast. So I modified this to serve a quick adult

dinner. Oh. Made everything according to the directions except instead of serving in a bag, I served in two plastic containers with lids, shook well, and we ate right out of the container. Oh, I thought she was gonna serve it on her lady's butt or something.

That's what I call her butt, a container. Okay, I'm sorry. Dinner, and then clean-up done, lickety-split. Also, I added some zesty ranch dressing. FUUCK! FUUCK! FUUCK!

Also, I added some zesty ranch dressing. Fuck! Damn it! You thought we could get through this without ranch dressing. I thought we could read one recipe that didn't have ranch dressing. You were mistaken. Boots. I mean, there was even a fake out on an earlier one.

I just used sour cream. Oh, good. I also added ranch flavoring. Fuck! Boots. One busy mom in Texas. That's a one busy mom. I thought that was mom and tics. One busy mom in tics.

In Texas, these are called Frito Pie. Everything's called Frito Pie in Texas these are called Frito Pie everything's called Frito Pie in Texas that is not a Frito Pie I had me a chocolate cake called that Frito Pie that is something different though they're very similar in how horrible they are

that's a nice blonde in Texas he recognized over half of these recipes in Texas we call it Texas Jell-O. True. Oh, you have not been to the Texas State Fair. They do things with food that you... Yeah, that's... All right.

They're delicious. They are not. So popular that they serve it on the school menu for lunch. Oh, that's a sign of quality. To make it even quicker, use canned chili. With, I'm gonna sneeze, hold on. Oh. I'm gonna vomit, hold on.

Anyway. Just dump the chili into the bag, the whole thing. Okay. It looks just like this recipe, that's odd. Yeah, just dump the chili right into the bag, so it looks like a soggy-ass diaper. Eat straight out of that chili. Dump the chili right into the bag. It looks like a soggy-ass diaper. Eat straight out of that chili. Dump the bag directly into the toilet.

Dump the bag around your face and suck. Cut out the damn middleman. Okay. Use canned chili, with or without beans, your choice, in place of the taco meat, and top with shredded cheddar cheese. Heat and eat.

Wait, you heat the bag? Yeah. Throw the bag in the microwave, by all means. You eat the bag. It might be much easier than that. You do it at the same time as you microwave your roux. Alright. Alright. Alright, my name is Shellbell.

I'm a Frito addict! These are great as written, or with canned chili instead of taco meat for the traditional Frito pie. If you want gourmet, or if you want healthy, run far, far away! But if you want something fun, easy, and different, this is your recipe. These are so good!

Oh, this is by Chelsers, by the way. These are so good! The recipe is great the way it is, but using Doritos instead of regular corn chips kicks it up even more! I want a bag! Smiley face. Oh, God, what's with all the trailer park emeralds? Let's get ready to corn chip!

Put the Doritos in the mix. Bam! Now put the gun to your head. Bam! Emerald audience. This is by a young man named Eddie Stone. He's a man of distinguished wealth and taste and impeccable breeding. Excellent and fun!

My kids and my husband loved it! We are nacho cheese Doritos! I also added a can of corn, drained. Dark red kidney beans, rinsed and drained.

Do the meat while it was simmering in the taco spices to help stretch the meal a bit. 900 calories simply not enough for me. Really? He doesn't actually say that.

We can't distinguish. Later, we had extra meat It doesn't actually say that. We can't distinguish between fantasy and reality. They said we had extra meat mix left over and my husband heated it up for a snack. He said it wasn't nearly the same without the chips. He may never

go back to home tacos the old way again. Oh, how gauche. It was... It was certainly easier on my kids than regular tacos. Their shells would break on the first bite every time. Ooh, the kids are the tacos. Add children for seasoning.

Oh my god. Okay, I'm just going to go to LG. That was the last order because it's got a wonderful visual. Yeah, no, please. Okay, I'm LG. Our church made these last night for a children's

activity in the park. We all love them, especially the little cleanup involved. We did provide plates, and some kids dumped theirs out and ate it that way. Well, that statement was half correct. Those kids were just like, well, this has some stuff in it, but you know what? I don't want to live in a world where I'm eating taco in a bag. I'm just going to tell this out. Hello, I'm Chell with the

High Caloric Factor. These are great for a treat every once in a while. It's one of these individual for a family friend's picnic. I bought a lot of Doritos for this and they were

devoured by kids and adults alike a definite success and I'll be making this again thanks for sharing Jennifer I made 20 of these I made 20 of these individually for family and friends at a picnic and they were devoured by kids and adults alike

I would like to think it's because they're all so fat that they devoured each other. I'd like to point out that this lady lives in, uh, what is it? Oh, Montreal? Uh-oh. Oh, no. Oh, hey, that's a nice city in Texas. She's from St. John's, Newfoundland.

Ah, that explains it. Okay, uh... I'm sorry, newfies who are listening to this podcast. Oh, sure, there. Those guys are just fucked up, Derry. That's not at all what newfies sound like. Yeah, that's... The other thing that you need to know

is that you can make custom versions of other recipes. You can make your own version. And there is one custom version of taco in a bag called Walking Taco. Okay? Now, it's pretty much the same. It's pretty much the same. It's still got the pound

lean ground beef. It's still got the taco seasoning. It's still got the Fritos. It's still got the lettuce. She opted not to go for the tomato. She did. Great idea. She opted not to go for the tomato she did go for the cheddar cheese

but she stipulates in the recipe salsa and sour cream must be in a squeeze bottle that's the main change to the recipe wait a minute the second main change to the recipe is Wait a minute. The second main change to the recipe is that they make this in large quantities

with a choice of Doritos or Fritos and sell it during athletic events for $2 per bag as a fundraiser. As indeed. You know, I want to put my own variation on there. I want to have taco in a can, or just taco in a shoe.

It's just the exact same thing. This was a real nice plan, babe. We're mighty glad we came. The visuals we had were good, you bet. The company was the same. And there we go. Food they wouldn't serve in Scotland. John, what did you learn today?

I learned that there are levels of food terribleness that Americans, there's no bottom to the level of terrible food the Americans will go to these days. You know, like it's just, you'd think there'd be a level where people just say, I'm not putting that in my mouth, but there isn't. It just keeps going and going. There's just a whole subset of Americans that will just eat fucking anything as long as it's got starch and ranch dressing in it. Well, it's also about, you know, it seems like it's also about, you know, I don't like doing the dishes. I don't really even like doing putting the dishes away.

I can be a lazy man at times. even like doing putting the dishes away i can be a lazy man at times yeah and and yeah the idea of the idea of well you know you could fucking like cut an onion up but then you'd have to like wash the board you'd have to wash the knife you might put in a bowl you'd have to wash the bowl fuck that open up a bag put the shit in the bag there you go it's not really even about the food. It's that more time for, I don't know, prison break. I got to catch those reruns, man. No, it just gets me is that the recipes here are on a level where it's like you said, not wanting to do dishes and not wanting to take all that effort. I understand that. Sometimes you don't want that.

Sure. But with a lot of these, with quite at least half of these recipes, you could go out and get fast food. You can get a pizza or a burger meal, and it's not as bad as the things they are cooking here. Yeah. Like time to be worse than McDonald's.

And that is something that's America. I mean, little Caesars is not good, but it's $5 and it'll feed you and you can throw away the box. Don't put taco in a bag. Please don't put taco in a bag. And, you know, again, being in the South, there's horrible food here, but it's like horrible good for you food. I mean, well, it tastes good.

Maybe not good for you, but I mean, like, I love green bean casserole. Wouldn't eat it all the time, but it's like it's cream of mushroom soup. Green beans are great. Get some of those French fried onions on there. It's good stuff. Yeah. But I mean, at least it's got green beans and cream. I mean, like, they just take a bunch of starch and cheese and put it in a bowl.

It's like, it's like a KFC bowl. Like the whole, whole routine and patent on what it does on that. But a KFC bowl, except you don't get the satisfaction of somebody else making it for you and giving it to you. You take effort and time and get the ingredients to make something like that in your own kitchen. Fucking amazing. The website is always

thefpl.us Friend us on Facebook and like us in other places. Yes, and if you made some recipes from this episode, please send us pictures. Yeah. Sorry about the effects that these foods will have to you.

They're going to be haunting my dreams. Until next week, bye-bye. I brought back for you last summer and all you have left is one reminder of the time we spent when I was blind. All you can taste is that one craft dinner that I prepared when your chances were slimmer. I want to just read just the names of some of the ones that we decided not to that we didn't get to Nectar Cake with a K Summer Hummer Carrot Turnip Casserole

Fast and Easy Hamburger Casserole but then later on there was Hamburger and French Fries Casserole