The F Plus - 267: We Resentfully Attend

Episode Date: November 19, 2017

As the previous episode on this subject (#129) can attest to, the people who blog about their weddings on Offbeat Bride are really into nerdy things. And it's okay if you don't believe me on this, because they'll be more than happy to provide evidence. Much more evidence than you could ever possibly need! Do you like it when people reference other things? These people do! This week, The F Plus has a hard time picking a funniest moment, since we are comedy writers.

You can shave your sideburns, or you can braid them. Bowling wedding? He showed off his tattoo that is both Florida and a gun. Then it turned into ninja rap. Yes, from THB and Ninja Turtles 2. Hi. Welcome to the F Plus Podcast. It's a podcast about love.

Wait, no. It's a podcast about terrible things read with enthusiasm. In the room tonight, we have Boots Reingear. I bake the cake and all the wedding desserts, which include the TARDIS and Yoda cookies, lightsaber pretzel rods, golden

snitch cookies, Borg cube fruit cake petit fours. Fuck! The adorablest level is over 9,000 at this point. Oh god! We had a couple of games throughout the evening. My favorite was our Hunger Games and Apples to Apples tournament to decide

which table got the most votes. You can't cut us all off, Lemon. Zarla, Shenanza. Chris likes to refer to my arms as T-Rex-like, so he wanted to incorporate that into our wedding. Hence, Mona the dinosaur, the T-Rex ring bearer, and the lollipop favors. And Zarla took mine, but I'm Lemon. Bye!

I'm sorry. I mean, wait, no, not bye. Let's start. Obviously, it's the beginning of the podcast. It's the beginning. We don't know any of this, and we're just going into it. Hey, F+. Hey, Owen. Wow.

Hey, Owen. Hey, Owen. Wow. Wow. Wow. Hey, Owen. Hey, Owen. Wow.

Wow. Hey, so it is in this recording. It's October. It's sort of the end of wedding season. Did any of y'all attend any weddings this year? Nope. Just one. One? Okay.

How was it? It was an outdoor masquerade it was actually really fun outdoor masquerade yep okay did you wear those little like uh weird masks like eyes white masks okay and then did you fuck listen what what i'm listening family podcast no it really isn't it really isn't listen man if this is the standards that you have for a family podcast you need to go to jail i say that and i gave my daughter an F plus T shirt. The fried chicken one? No, the recent one with the red panda's butthole on it. Oh.

So, yeah. So I want to talk to you about a site that we have covered before. It is called OffBeatBride.com. Their slogan is alter your thinking with OffBeatBride.com Their slogan is Alter Your Thinking with OffBeat Bride. Alter your thinking. Oh, I get it. Yeah, episode 129,

our first venture here, if you're curious. This is a place where... you know what's the mistake that sometimes people have when they're throwing a wedding is that they have a fun party for themselves and their guests. That's a mistake that they make. I know I've made that mistake. Yeah, exactly. That's a mistake that they make. I know I've made that mistake.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. What Offbeat Pride is trying to fix that by just an aggressive theme that is meant for Instagram photos that you share other ways. So in the site here, it says, what wedding planning advice and inspiration do you need today? Hashtag DIY dress fall weddings, feminism, guest list, Halloween, Harry Potter, zombies. I don't think that's entirely fair, Lemon. I mean, there's Pinterest, too. You're right. There is Pinterest.

And there's also Offbeat Pride. So we're going to start off in a town by the name of Portland. So, oh my, that is a mustache. Wow! Okay! We're at number one, and we already have a very curly mustache. Are they just going to get curlier as we go on through the document? I hope

so. So, nutshell, Portland Restless. I feel like he might have just grafted that curly mustache onto his regular goatee just for the wedding. Just paste it on. He's got a whole roll of mustache as he takes off the shelf and puts on. So, nutshell, why don't you tell me about this wedding here, this Portland wedding. Oh, well, this Portland wedding is Kate and Matt's nerdy art deco and TARDIS blue wedding. Is there any tags that this has?

Oh, boy. Yes. Hashtag real weddings, Western US. Hashtag atheist. Hashtag blue hair. Hashtag geeky. Hashtag long haired groom. Hashtag Oregon.

Hashtag Portland. Hashtag peculiar. Hashtag Portland. Hashtag peculiar. Hashtag silver dress. And hashtag tattooed bride. I thought that guy had a ponytail. Okay, so yeah, tell me, so who's the offbeat bride? Well, the lovely blushing offbeat bride is Kate, fiction book editor for Bear and Black Dog Editing.

And her offbeat partner is Matt, who's tech support. I wonder who wrote this. Alright. Tech support for Kate's family. Okay, so give me the wedding at a glance, please. Well, our offbeat

wedding at a glance, Matt and I are both atheists and feminists and we wanted the whole wedding process to reflect that. We had a secular celebrant from the Center for Inquiry instead of a priest or judge, and because we still wanted a shared family name, we both added a second last

name upon marriage instead of one partner taking the others. We're also both quite nerdy, so we tossed around some nerdy themes early on And couldn't decide Yay So our wedding ended up having hints of all our nerdy obsessions Oh good Lord of the Rings

Doctor Who, Buffy, Firefly and more Yay That's the thing about like Nerdy references and stuff Is I'm always like what if there were more of them Like I could use more nerdy references. I feel like there's not enough. Vampires are enough.

A little too focused. Okay. Uh, that's the good, good. I like that. Uh, so,

uh, will you, uh, tell us about the ceremony, please? Sure. Let me just scroll down. Yeah.

Yeah. There's, oh, there's, there's lots of pictures of them lifting up their shoes, which apparently is very funny. It's always hilarious. More. There's more. There's still more. I saw the word.

Is this scrolling through? You see things in blue like weighted companion cube. We did a couple games throughout the evening including ceremony bingo, more on that later and the shoe game, parentheses always hilarious. Okay, tell us about

the ceremony. Like I mentioned before, we're atheists, so it was really important to us to have a ceremony that was meaningful without God, especially since my father- That's impossible! How could you possibly do that? Especially since my father is very religious. I wanted the ceremony to be so smooth and perfect

he almost didn't notice there weren't any religious messages. Our celebrant Bill was wonderful to work with and totally opened to us writing a complete ceremony from scratch. And he got really excited, and our idea includes quotes from our favorite books, movies, and TV shows peppered throughout the ceremony. Great.

That sounds good. So tell me more. I knew he would be. We contacted him because his CFI bio had the word 11 Z's in it. Obviously a Lord of the Rings fan. That actually could be a Look Around You reference. For the ultra nerd.

That's right. We ended up having a ceremony bingo in the program for people to mark off the quotes they recognized. Two people got bingo. We were so proud. Oh man, you actually get XP from this wedding. Can you believe you have to leave TV tropes to go to this wedding?

Well, not anymore. A lot of the quotes have been used in ceremonies by offbeat brides before. Stuff like the mewage speech from the princess bride and the bit about needing a hand to hold from Doctor Who. Matt and I read individual short vows before the call and response that were our favorite quotes, and mine included I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone

from Lord of the Rings. And then probably at that point you had an original thought, right? Like you had an original thought that was your own? No. We both had readings of quotes from Isaac Asimov. But my absolute favorite was our rewriting of the typical call and response, the will you take this person to be et cetera, et cetera.

All right. Matt. Yes, yes. So, Zarley, you're going to be dramatized. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll fluff my mustache. I'll do the footnotes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, talk.

Moon of my life. My sun and stars. Game of Thrones. I would not wish any companion in the world but you. The tempest. The tempest. Somebody stands up in the audience and screams every time. That's very realistic.

Well, they are playing bingo. Don't forget they're literally playing bingo. That's true. That's literally what happened. Every atom of your flesh is as dear to me as my own, and pain and sickness, it would still be dear. Jane Eyre. If by my life or death I can't protect you, I will.

Lord of the Rings. For this night and all the nights to come. Game of Thrones again. Yeah! This is entirely made up of quotes from Game of Thrones, The Tempest, Jane Eyre, and Lord of the Rings. We ended, of course, with apest, Jane Eyre, and Lord of the Rings. We ended, of course, with a resounding

so say we all after the pronouncement and walked out to I've got the world on a string. So would it be! Well, that was a good starter there.

We walked bitter shins around each other. Good starter. Thanks a lot, Portland. More pictures? Discworld! Sorry. So we're going to move on from there to a, it's called a California Pokemon wedding.

But it actually says on top, a pagan Pokemon party with a net and mat. Classic Triple P way. We were talking just before we hit record about the idea of a new porno site called paganpegging.com. It's a rival site, Pagan Peggans. The catchphrase is is ride that broomstick love it love it nice the market's out there yeah yeah yeah so um so uh so frank west tell

me about the pagan pokemon party a pagan pokemon party uh the offbeat bride annette Pagan Pokemon Party. The Offbeat Bride, Annette. Empathy Extra. And Offbeat Bride Track Member. Alright, so let's go to LinkedIn.com. Her Offbeat Partner, Matt, a Google Image Search Specialist. No, GIS is mapping. No, I... Oh, okay. Alright, I... Oh, okay. Okay, that's right.

Matt himself is a Google image search specialist. We can all have our own interpretations of that. Sure, sure. He's real good. He's a geographer. Our offbeat wedding at a glance. We had so many ideas for the wedding, it was difficult to fit

all our nerd creds into one event. Yeah, sure is. We had to, but by God, they tried. The important thing is that everybody knows you super belong to their group even while you're doing your thing. That's right. Virtue signaling. We went with Pokemon for the game aspects. We told guests they were Pokemon trainers, and everyone got a starter pokemon at their place setting but i'm not so i'm just a person that's well now you are you're a pokemon trainer because

please please i don't have a joke for this one i hate it they could participate in activities like dancing with the bride or groom playing a cardboard game or challenging each other to trivia to earn tradable pokemon it's good when your wedding is so great and fun that you have to gamify it yeah yeah that is good we cut out over 300 of these little guys include them onto black circles that would fit in the custom Pokeball pockets in the back of the wedding programs. Guess we're trading Pokemon amongst each other and getting more involved to see if they could catch them all. So we had a hard time choosing one thing. Clearly. Clearly.

They didn't even notice you were there. They didn't even notice you were there. I walk down the aisle to Pink's Bridge of Light because I have a serious obsession with the Happy Feet movie. Huh. Yeah, I mean. That is a serious obsession. Yeah. That's something that somebody should look into.

Cool, he's carrying a sword and a pokeball the ceremony was predominantly pagan with a close friend of ours officiating as our high priest at the point where they normally walk ask if there are any objections to the union he surprised all of us by drawing his sword and challenging anyone to speak up and then he grabbed the bride and ran off? Hey, Frank West. Yeah? I'm on Glassdoor right now, and I'm searching for average salary for empathy experts. And it keeps getting confused and telling me that I must have mistyped this. I mean, to be fair, I also don't know what a solutions expert is, but there is a salary for that. It sounds like somebody who hides bodies for you.

Listen, Lemon. Yeah? Counselor Troy got a position on the bridge. All right, all right, all right. It's the future. So the ceremony was for his predominantly pagan, right? Mm-hmm. Where is that?

I don't know. Close friend of ours officiating. He drew his sword, which was really cool, and everyone applauded. I wrote the ceremony myself. It included a storytelling aspect when Matt and I called the quarters. Perfect for an author and her artist husband. It wants me to figure out what called the quarters means, but I'm not

going to. Did he flip quarters in his shot glasses and drink them? No, it's addressing like the four directions of the compass and stuff. And tell the four quarters the compass to drink shots. Our ring box was a pokeball. Of course and we jumped over a broom together at the end, which now hangs by our

front door with our hand-fasting cord wrapped around it. Is it like an umbilical cord? I hope somewhere there was an angry aunt that was annoyed that you weren't having a traditional pagan wedding. It's like hand-fasting isn't sacred anymore. In my day, we went sky-clad at our wedding.

There's a lot of sword stuff in these pictures. Yes. Sure is. Okay, so Zarla, I'm going to give you two choices here. Oh, man, no. Never mind. I got three. I got mind. I got three. I got three.

I got three. I got Ashley and Jake's steampunk adventure trolley wedding. I got Mass Effect meets Star Trek at this theatrical science wedding. Or I've got dramatically gorgeous dark fairy wedding. Oh, man. Or I've got Dramatically Gorgeous Dark Fairy Wedding. Oh, man. I'm going to spoil it for choice. Nice choice.

These are all really pretty good. I'm going to go with the Mass Effect one just because I don't actually know anything about Mass Effect or Star Trek. I'm glad you picked that one because I was just looking at occupations of the bride and groom, and this one has one of the best ones I've ever seen. Okay, let me see here. I'm very excited. Oh, oh, oh! Oh!

I see it. Tagged with real weddings. Real weddings. Hashtag geeky. What the hell kind of tag is that? Is there a fake wedding tag maybe? Fake weddings. So the offbeat bride is Lydia, who is a writer and designer.

And her offbeat partner is Matthew, who is a futurist. Yes! Yes! Perhaps connected to the theme, I'm not sure. He only uses the font Futura. That's it. I'll make daydreaming my job if I have to. So, our offbeat wedding at a glance.

We had a science and fiction theme, pulling heavily from NASA, Carl Sagan, our favorite sci-fi franchises like Mass Effect and Star Trek The Next Generation. Okay. The theater put up our tagline on the marquee, written in the stars. Our officiant wrote a beautiful secular ceremony that touched on our primary philosophy. The universe is vast. We are very small. Because we have each other, we are not alone in all

that vastness. Alright, fine. Our closing was inspired by two of our favorite video game characters, Garrison Talley from Mass Effect. My mom and I made my dress with an accent fabric taken from Talley's costume. Matt's jacket was made by a talented cyberpunk

designer on Etsy based on Garris' colors and style. The officiant had an elusive man costume on. Oh, good. Tell us about the ceremony. Let's see. Scroll past all these pictures. Scroll, scroll, scroll.

After the ceremony, Matt's grandmother said, weddings keep getting weirder. That was one of our favorite compliments of the whole day. Yeah. Compliment. Good job. That says so much right there. Well. What you think?

We held our ceremony in the movie theater and began with a set of video readings from Carl Sagan and a spoken word piece from Northern Exposure. Wow. Okay. Okay. A spoken word piece

from Northern Exposure. Okay. A pale blue dot taken from the newest Cosmos series and Chris doing light is light over video from NASA. I don't know what that means. Sure. As the video came to a close, we lit up lanterns and walked down the aisles on either side of our

guests coming together in front of our officiant while an animated loop from Elusive Man's solar office a Mass Effect 2 reference, played on the screen above us. Are they like space lanterns? Otherwise you're just ruining the illusion here. Tell us about your reception, would you please?

Can you guys wrap this up? We've got to show Avengers in an hour. Our reception. Also, there's no way that the beginning of their planning session with us was like, okay, how hard is it to get the planetarium? Tell us about your reception. Our reception focused on food

and fun, as evidenced by our rousing game of Aliens vs. Colonists. Wait a minute! What? That was really just a sci-fi reskin of the excellent game of Werewolf. Shit! Shit!

We larped at our wedding! Take that, Grandma! I like that they have the little thing you're supposed to sign and want the people to sign it with A, LaMau. Oh my god! Yep. Wow. This is right in the center. See, Poneko made all my laser-cut dreams come true.

Designed a Garrison Talley cake topper, Enterprise guest book, and light-up centerpieces. That's great. I see in one of the photos that you played a text adventure on the movie screen. Earth is lost. We held the reception in the same space as their ceremony. They were able to take

attention to the screen. Oh, that's the intro to the game. They had to put up instructions on the fucking screen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how you have fun. God, like, you don't do that to your grandmother.

It's not good. What is that cake designed to look like? Let's see. Cake. It's the same picture that has the signatures on the weird blob of... The brick that got thrown through their window later that night? If it is a cake, because they've got another picture of a white round cake. Oh.

So what's that thing then? I'm not sure. I don't know what it is. There's another shot of it below with another shot of, I guess, what should be the cake. But what the fuck? All right. I can't tell what either of these cakes are. Hey, Boots, will you?

It's a beige rectangle. Hey, Boots, it's time for a destination wedding. Oh, good. Yeah, yeah. I'm glad to get away from here. Right, exactly. America's annoying. So let's get out of here.

We're going to go to Cyprus. Be nice, yeah? Great. All right. So you're about to take us to Cyprus. And specifically, we are going to be going to a Lovecraft-themed wedding. Oh. Oh. Oh.

So this is Nuri and Victor's Lovecraftian destination wedding in Cyprus. Well, right off the bat, I'm pretty sure I see a non-white person in the crowd, so they kind of didn't do a great job. Oh, you're right. The officiant

should have kicked her out. This is tagged with tentacles, by the way. Yeah, I'm going to point out my favorite tags here. There's a bunch of tags, but there's bearded groom, disability, flower crown, kilts, tentacles. Oh, clicking, clicking, clicking, tentacle wedding. And gray dress. Okay, so the offbeat bride is Nuri, who is a PhD student.

No discipline mentioned. And Victor is the partner, is a translator. Alright, gotcha. They were married at the Ethnographic Museum of Paphos and Paradisos Hills Hotel in

Lysos, Cyprus. Okay. Here's our offbeat wedding at a glance. I called our wedding theme Falling in Lovecraft. Good. Good. Solid pun. Solid pun.

I really hope that that took a couple days to really grind that pun out. I'm a big Lovecraft-flan. Big Lovecraft-flan. I'm a big Lovecraft-fan and wanted that to influence my aesthetic without being too obvious. The guest list was the first target. I like the idea that everything looks like

a normal wedding on the surface until you looked a little deeper. Like my tentacle gold bracelet the manatory phrenology at the door the cthulhu headed cufflinks and paisley tie and even the use of moss and willow for the centerpieces were inspired by the creatures of lovecraft you know what okay that's, that's fine. That's fine. It's just little, like, decoration flourishes. That's fine. That's okay. Go ahead.

The message I want to send with our wedding is, looks normal on the surface, underneath unspeakable horror. We'll drive you mad. Yeah. When it came to the sweets table, however, I told our baker to hell with subtle, go nuts! And I couldn't have been happier let's just scroll down

yeah let's do that lots of tentacles lots of tentacles this wedding earned its hashtag oh good kilts kilts knives hey wait a minute Lovecraft didn't like the Scots what are these kilts doing here

there's a lot of Scottish stuff happening in the middle here so there weren't a lot of people Lovecraft didn't like the Scots? What are these kills doing here? Yeah, there's a lot of Scottish stuff happening in the middle here. There weren't a lot of people Lovecraft did like. You're right, you're right. That's a good point. Oh, the cake has tentacles all over it. Yeah, that makes sense. And the little chocolate mousse things also with tentacles. There's sort of tentacle-looking cream pie things.

I don't know. I kind of like the googly eyes on the chocolate mousse, honestly. I'm disappointed by this whole theme, actually. I would have gone with Bride of Reanimator. Ooh, like that very much. All right. The upside of recovering from broken legs is that you are exempt from dancing, which isn't my jam. There were lots of Lovecraft-themed board games on hand, as well as Cads About Matrimony.

I'm not sure if she meant to say Cads. It's not. Nope. It is Cads. It's not. Cads About Matrimony. How was the wedding? We're gonna play munchkin.

Yay. I might have overstuffed the guests because once cake cutting time came around, their faces were a mix of lust and grim determination. Oh, no. Now we get into the horror part

of the wedding. I'm gonna fuck cake, and I am serious about it. Which describes exactly what went on after the wedding. A mix of lust and grim determination. When you said it was a tentacle cake, I thought like, oh, well, I guess I'll have a slice. like, oh, well, I guess I'll have a slice. The Shoggoth chocolate pudding, Elder One's lemon tarts, the edible googly eye cookies

were more amazing than I could have imagined. What we didn't eat that night, we snacked on over the weekend. In total, we had a pretty long wedding, nine hours, but kept the party going the next day with a private sail around the island

and a trip to the spa the day after. Yeah. Remember, it's a destination wedding. You're stuck with us. You're some motherfuckers. Well, you are. There's a sign that says, don't feel like dancing. Why not play one of these swell games?

So literally, like, while music is somberly playing in the room, there's just people hunched over their munchkin decks. Oh, cool. I have played all those games. Yeah, sure, of course. That's okay. At a wedding? That's okay. I don't know if there should be more fish or less

fish at this wedding. Hey, F+. okay um i don't know if there should be more fish or less fish at this wedding uh hey f plus i would like all of you to raise your lightsaber for jennifer and alex's star wars extended universe wedding that's right we're not just doing the movies, you fucking noobs! Finally, Timothy Zahn gets his day. Yeah, I'm looking forward to the Yuuzhan Vong part of it. The bad thing is, when Disney bought Star Wars, this wedding stopped being canonical. Oh. Excellent. So,

let's see here. The offbeat pride was Jennifer, a pharmacist. The offbeat partner, Alex, video game programmer. Left out the word aspiring. Date and location of wedding, Jade Asian Palace Flushing, New York. Here's our offbeat wedding in a glass. Our wedding was a Star Wars themed wedding with elements of

Chinese and Jewish traditions. Yeah! Why not? Sure. We had a lightsaber choreography show put on by Empire's Saber Guild. I hope they were a union, goddammit. You didn't hire some scab, Saber Guild. Our groomsmen were dressed as Imperial Knights, and the groom was dressed as Emperor Fel from the Star Wars Legacy comics. The bridesmaids and I were a bit more subtle, but had many of the elements seen in Star Wars movies, including complex braided hairstyles, headbands, and long, fingerless gloves.

fingerless gloves! And of course, everyone who attended the wedding received a lightsaber that was raised and lit at the end of the ceremony, echoing the scene in the comics when Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade were married. Y'all remember that. I hope I explained

the symbolism of what they were doing. No, Aunt Mary, it didn't happen in the movies. God. Okay. So the extended universe was a... I actually thought that was written on the program. Would you like me to tell you about the ceremony?

Yeah, sure. Yes. All right, great. Our ceremony was officiated by our friend Aaron, who dressed as Warlord Zzzz from The Courtship of Princess Leia. He did a great job incorporating elements of all sci-fi within his speech about marriage. As with the Jewish tradition, we had the breaking of glass happen right before we kissed. The music leading up to the ceremony was a combination of some of our favorite video game and movie music.

We included the Tetris theme, which one? There's two. The Star Trek soundtrack, Sherlock Holmes soundtrack, I don't know what that means, and Portals still alive why would you play that at your wedding because we're doing science we had darth vader be our witness along with best man joaquin

that's right we got joaquin pho Phoenix some drugs and had him show up to our wedding. I'm going to tell you about the reception now. The reception was the main event. Keeping with Chinese tradition, we had a banquet-style menu that featured ten courses. Because the Bride's Mother is Italian,

the menu included six dishes that were Chinese and four dishes that were Italian. For favors, we got custom-made ten-sided dice that had our names and wedding date on the one pip side. Empire Saber Guild put on... Wait. What? On the one? Yeah, on the one. The critical failure.

Yes, exactly. You get their wedding. Yep. I mean, that's a level of self-awareness I wasn't expecting. Empire Saber Guild put on a full lightsaber choreography show, complete with recorded dialogue and a plot. That's right, a plot similar to Gladiator, but was also a play on WWE Wrestling with characters like the Asteroid, parentheses. I'm going to explain the joke now. The Rock.

Get it? The Asteroid. Don't get it. Yeah, the Asteroid. Asteroid is another word for rock, you see. They're synonyms. That's not. No, they're the same word. No, the asteroid. Asteroid is another word for rock, you see. They're synonyms. That's not... No, they're the same word.

No, one's a rock with context. Here I am, asteroid you like a hurricane. Yes, and also macho man. I like that they record the dialogue because they just be like wheezing and puffing too much while they're dancing around. People don't hear anything. The music of the reception was keeping with the theme as well. The first dance was Left My Heart in Republic City, a Legend of Korra song that has the feel of East Meets West,

A legend of Korra song that has the feel of East meets West. Which Star Wars is itself an East meets West tale combining science fiction cowboys and samurai Buddhist themes. This just turned into Ain't It Cool News. I don't need to be talking about blowjobs in like a paragraph here. Oh, God. No, Harry Styles. No. All right. You sound pretty.

Yeah. What are you doing? All right, you sound pretty. What are you doing? The mother-son dance was to Oogway Ascends from Kung Fu Panda. That's Harry Knowles. Anyway, sorry. That's the scariest look at you block I've ever seen. I think Harry Styles is in a British boy band.

Oh, yeah. Sorry, Harry Styles. Yeah. I mean, maybe he's like that. We don't know. No, come on. That's not fair to Harry Styles is in a British boy band. Oh, yeah. Sorry, Harry Styles. Yeah. I mean, maybe he's like that. We don't know. No, come on. That's not fair to Harry Styles. I don't know Harry Styles, but it's not fair for any human being to be compared to Harry Knowles. I don't care.

I don't care how many people he's killed. He is not Harry Knowles. Well, that was that. Okay, so that... Oh, let me just skip past and not do a geeky wedding. Oh, wait. Good luck. Oh, that's...

We ended really abruptly. Everybody at home is like, why did you just cut off? Episode's over goodbye everyone yeah have we learned anything so far okay so now ten minutes of traffic noise alright

okay I think I'm gonna go back to you Frank West got another choice for ya we didn't do the steampunk trolley adventure wedding back to you, Frank West. Got another choice for you. We didn't do the steampunk trolley adventure wedding, but we still have a chance to do Diana and Shannon's steampunk

zoo sci-fi wedding. Or Christina and Matthew's steampunk and science bookish wedding. I like the idea of just, like, animal smells coming through in your wedding. So that's what I'm having. That is a good idea.

Yeah, you're right. All right. So we're going to San Diego, and here is a San Diego Steampunk Zoo Sci-Fi Wedding. Oh, God. Yeah. One of those brides is Travis Tritt. Is that...

That can't possibly be the Iron Cross. No, okay. Okay. You're right, actually, it super looks like the Iron Cross. Please tell me. Is she holding a revolver? Wacky steampunk neo-nazi lady.

Wait a minute. Searching offbeat bride for the word Nazi. Oh, man. I'd just like just a bit of a spoiler to zoom in on that picture and take a look at what's written on that cake. Is it that it's a lie? Yeah, it's a lie. Oh, wow. I knew that before looking!

What a surprise! Amazing! I'm good at guessing. I hope that means that the cake is actually just, like, frosted cardboard. Frosted styrofoam. Yeah. Yeah, tell me about the wedding,

Frank West. Okay, the offbeat bride is Diana, writer and artist. Her Offbeat Partner is Shannon, software engineer. And it took place at the San Diego Zoo. Our Offbeat Wedding at a Glance. Time machine keys, bling table, pouring molten gold. Who would have thought that something we had wanted to be so simple could have turned into an obsessive do-it-yourself art marathon?

Me, that's what you're all, that's a total, that's the nerd thing. We've been together 19 years before we could legally wed. So we didn't think of this as the typical wedding. We are definitely not traditional. Shannon really doesn't like to dress up, and I love dress up all the way to cosplay. So we had to blend our two styles together. Okay. I'm guessing you leaned in one of those directions.

I'm not finding much for Nazi weddings, and I'm also not finding any Inglorious Bastard themed weddings. So, F+, that's what we're up to next. This has got to be like a generic Tarantino-themed wedding. You're right, you're right, you're right. I mean, if you start searching on other websites, I am sure you can find an alt-right marriage website, but I don't know that we want to go with it. For our venue, we wanted something fun and casual with minimal fuss.

We had just bought and sold a house and moved just weeks before the wedding. It was going to be small and started out as ten people in a friend's backyard. But then we decided we really wanted our dear friend's Beatles cover band, the Baja Bugs, to play, since Shannon is a Beatles aficionado and I love them

too. The Baja Bugs? I... What is their style of cover? I assume it's like Tejano like help? Is that right? See, I like that too. Okay.

Well, you can book them. You can book them the Baja Bugs. After some fussing, we ended up with the perfect venue. One of our favorite spots, the San Diego Zoo. They had a beautiful round room beside a koi pond and waterfall. But here was the best part. The zoo would take care of everything. Flowers, food, bar, etc.

Just the thought of not packing up tables and chairs made it a no-brainer. Not only that, but proceeds go to support zoo projects, and we are real lovers of the animals that we share this planet with. To seal the deal for us, the zoo wedding package included a day at the zoo for all our guests. Sure, fine, great. No problem. Yeah, good, good. So, and that's where it ends, and it's a perfectly

no, wait, we know we wanted a themed wedding, but which theme? There's more, no, there's more text. There's, unfortunately, yes, Beatles? Yes. Love of animals? Check. But we simply had to incorporate a steampunk sensibility. God damn that witch's curse! Did you really?

Did you really have to? It's like a Brewster's Millions scenario. And our favorite activities through the years Bird watching, video gaming Time travel, anything Reading to each other, watching sci-fi And more Thus are

Thus are Steampunk Zoo Sci-Fi Fusion Wedding With Beatles was born Also no results on the site For Brewster's Williams Brewster's Millions. Here was the rub. Most of our guests did not know what steampunk was.

Oh, you lucky, oblivious few. So we created a steampunk bling table so folks could join in. The table was a huge hit. People we never imagined would costume in any way were wearing goggles, eye patches, pocket watches, monocles, and steampunk medals. Also, there was a mandatory screening of the TV show Steampunked. The reality show where you have to dress up in steampunk outfits or get kicked off. Each centerpiece was a balloon airship that sat atop a cargo net full of our favorite books, movies, games, comics, and TV shows. Each balloon was completely different from the others, ranging from Victorian romantic to corporate industrial.

They included an avatar slash Princess Bride steampunk collage balloon. Avatar slash Princess Bride, huh? Yeah. No matter which Avatar you're talking about, I just can't see those two things going together. Avatar slash

Princess Bride. A vintage African stamp giraffe print balloon, a Tesla-fied evil sci-fi corporation logo balloon, a vintage bird and animal print balloon, a steampunk Beatles clock balloon, and a simply pretty lace balloon bedecked in antique beads. Our guests voted on their favorites and four tied for first place,

so there was something for everyone, which means that not many people voted. This is so confusing. It's like, it's like, nerd, but then, like, it doesn't actually have any sources. Nerd adjacent.

It's just a very concept of nerd things. Yeah, it's just nerd concept well I think that is the clash between the one person who definitely wanted nerd shit and the other one who's like maybe we should have a wedding in our friend's backyard what are you like I don't know

the Beatles okay cool I'll work that in and because they're coming we'll have to have some sci-fi stuff for me to balance it out. And the end effect looks like a Michaels threw up on a Wells and Verne. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the sewer underneath Tiffany & Co. I like that they have matching hats, and the hats are both wearing goggles. Are they wearing

goggles too? The goggles are on the hats. Wait a minute, there's only one pair of goggles on either of you. You call yourself steampunk. We are not much for rituals, so we researched. We spent a lot of time on offbeat bride life is getting better and made our very own personalized and comedic ceremony that

incorporated our favorite quotes we thought only a few folks would get our gags and references but the laughter was spontaneous and uplifting in all the right places. The so say we all from Battlestar Galactica at the end of the ceremony was resounding. I would like to mention that I also saw so say we all in a picture from one of the other ones. I think it has maybe been mentioned in every single one of these.

Yeah. Yeah. The cake is a lie. The cake is a lie. Boots? yeah yeah the cake is a lie the cake is a lie boots this is Heather and Bobby's Lord of the Rings meets Game of Thrones fantasy wedding how do you combine those two together

they somehow merge that oh he is wearing a full suit of armor oh they all are yay man okay bye Oh, he is wearing a full suit of armor. Oh, they all are. Yay. Oh, man. Oh, man. Bye.

Oh, my God. Oh, it's shiny armor. Oh, my God. Yay. Oh, my gosh. Wow. Yeah, so that's... Oh, wow. What?

Yeah. Okay, Heather and Bobby's Lord of the Rings meets Game of Thrones fantasy wedding. Hashtag castle. Hashtag Colorado. Hashtag geeky. Hashtag pagan. Hashtag not enough weed in the world. Oh, man.

Yeah, I'd be smoky in the middle of the ceremony. I'm still here. I'm still here. I still know I'm here. Oh, oh my God. Both of these occupations are great. The Off-Free Bride

is Heather, who's a hypnotherapist and actor. Her partner is Robert, also known as Bobby. He's a gunsmith. Yeah! That's a real job!

Yeah, and I'm, and how much you want to bet it's the kind of gun you load with a stick? Make blunderbusses? We got married at Dunafon Castle in Idle Dale, Colorado. All right, all right.

This is a man who knows his way around a gun blade. All right, so I'll just ease you in to the ideas of our wedding at a glance. Bobby and I are geeks. Dungeons & Dragons, Battlestar Galactica, Elder Scrolls, Doctor Who, Zombies, Comic Cons, Cosplay, you name it, we're probably into it.

Cool, so I have your whole personality now. Thanks. Just listing it there. It's convenient. So when it comes to our wedding, when it came to our wedding, it wasn't a question of what should we do, but how do we narrow this down? We decided on a Lord of the Rings meets game of thrones theme because we discovered we could get married

in an actual castle suddenly we had visions of armor swords dragons and elves everybody in armor we decided to ask our guests to come in costumes. We wanted to give them as broad a range as possible. The bride's side bore. Oh, the bride's side bore the sigil of the Phoenix and her colors were crimson, copper and ivory. The groom's side bore the sigil of the dragon and his colors were green, silver and black.

Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, minute wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait what were the first three colors the first three colors so her colors were crimson copper and ivory and the second three colors were green silver and black wow I just

time traveled right there he's not going to fancy it up. No, no, no. That is not the work of a gunsmith. The girls wove phoenix feathers into their gowns, you know, from phoenixes, and hair, and the men wore dragon pendants. My bouquet was designed to look like fire pouring from my hands and the groom's armor was

dragon green. Fire isn't green. Just so you know. Dragon green. Right. But you said fire pouring from your hands? That was her bouquet. Yeah, that's her bouquet. I'm looking at your bouquet. Yeah.

The fire isn't green. I see what you mean. Okay. It does have some leaves in there. Oh, yeah. Each of the grooms wore unique armor. The groom was the hero, of course. There's a bard somewhere.

Pearled elf ears. Every time I roll my character, he turns out to be an asshole. Necklace designed after Galadriel's ring? I don't... Sure, yeah, whatever. Crimson and ivory. These dudes basically... They almost definitely already had armor hanging around.

Oh, the food was in three stations. We had the Hand's Feast Station, which included traditional turkey legs and less traditional orc pot pies. We also had the Lothlorian Land Station, which included fish and lembas bread. And we had the Shire's Harvest Station, which was entirely

vegetarian and vegan. Nice. Great. There's a guy with horns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pan attended the wedding. That's nice, huh? Good for him. Get a bit of the Tempest back in here.

There was a prize for best costume. It was an authentic dragonglass dagger. And six dragonglass arrows. Wait, somebody came dressed as a dagger? No, the prize was a dagger. Oh, okay. Gotcha, gotcha. Yeah, authentic replicas from the Game of Thrones series.

The cake had four layers with the bottom layer of dragon scales and the top two reflecting the embroidery in my dress. We had a middle layer as the one ring with our house motto on it, a light in the darkness. You know with that much fondant, it's got to taste good. That's a lot of fondant. The cake's not for eating. The hell you say.

Yeah, we got a smash cake for the bride, too. It lines up, takes pictures. She's just covered in it. There's a 3d dragon okay our guests wrote their names on blessing stones which we used to introduce which we used instead of a guest book they could also write advice on pieces of parchment which were then locked away in a treasure chest at the end of the night along with dozens of other souvenirs and a bottle of wine of the same brand and vintage we'd had on our first date to be opened at our one-year anniversary.

We were sent off to He's a Pirate from Pirates of the Caribbean. Yeah, sure. You just transported forward a couple hundred years. years yeah why not uh some music from morrowind yeah sure uh the dragonborn we have a lot of elder scrolls happening in here that's good that's good um glad that there is uh this goes on for a long time lemon i'm gonna save you i'm gonna save you because we're going to go to washington There is. This goes on for a long time, Lemon. Sure does.

I'm going to save you. I'm going to save you because we're going to go to Washington. Take you to Washington and Zarla. This is a Washington wedding. It's Maddie and Jacob's garden and arcade geeky wedding. That's with people typing in the word geeky on Offbeat Bride. That's so strange. I think arcades. I think about gardens. Yeah, fair.

Yeah, where are the jock weddings on this website? Oh, search and jock. Tags Converse, Gamers, Ring Warming, Salt Ceremony? Converse? Tattooed Bride, XKCD. gamers, ring warming, salt ceremony. Converse?

Tattooed bride, XKCD. So, XKCD, they all dressed as stick figures. The offbeat bride was Maddie, a student. Her offbeat partner was Jacob, a legal assistant spreadsheet

wizard. I just want to real quick. I know that, you know, but I was just searching off read by the word jock. I got this comment from Shannon. And Shannon says, sorry about the very late comment, Shauna. Our lives have been a bit topsy turvy with little Prince. Well, technically dragon. We named him Drayson, which is old English for dragon.

Yeah, we're nerds. He has a normal middle name, just in case he turns out to be a jock or something. Heaven forbid. It's a kid who's going to be beating up his parents and taking their lunch money. I don't want to watch Star Trek, Dad. The only other result is, immediately following our first kiss, our DJ launched into bridal party introductions set to the jock jam mega mix.

At least that's like ordinary bad wedding I would cling to that It's like oh familiar Yes do pump up the jam Yeah except for it's like people that are owning Like pump up the jam It's like that's our thing Okay so the date and location of the wedding

Is the Rose Garden at Point Defense Park The Old Spaghetti Factory And Dorky's Barcade in Tacoma, Washington. Old Spaghetti Factory? The Old Spaghetti Factory. Yeah, okay. That's where the Joker is hiding. Our own sweet wedding at a clan. The beginning of the ceremony kind of sets a theme for the whole wedding.

Geeky music played by our friends and family. Jacob and the wedding party walked down to the theme from Star Trek First Contact. Yeah! Yeah! Who knew that Star Wars and Star Trek could finally get along? Oh my god, John Williams is so romantic. A friend of Jacob's from high school played piano for both songs, and my brother joined him on viola for the Han and Leia theme. The third and final event of our wedding was held at Dorky's Barcade,

which is an enormous arcade and bar. We had beer, cider, root beer, floats, and snacks. The band that played was Jack Smack and the Celiacs, which is made up of my dad, my uncle, who is also officiated, two of my aunts, and sometimes Jacob's brother. I want to know what your cake is. I need to know about your cake. The cake has a bunch of XKCD quotes on it.

No, no, no, no, no. Read me the cake. Oh, right. Let's see. Our normal approach is useless here. Our cake was amazing. It was gluten-free and decorated like this AXKCD comic. The best part was that the top and bottom tiers were rainbow.

We didn't tell anyone about that, so it was a big surprise. Oh, good. We did a bouquet toss, but it opened up to anyone who wanted to catch it, and my grandma caught it, which was very cool. Very cool. We also asked everyone to wear Converse shoes. What? Why?

And a lot of people did, including the wedding party. Jacob and I had awesome matching blue suede high tops. And there's a picture of everybody wearing Converse shoes. Is that like a... I don't even know what that is. I feel like a little bit... Because I almost exclusively wear Converse All-Stars. I just find them comfortable, and I feel very confused.

Like, wait, this is somebody's fetish? Do I have to switch to Skechers now? What is going on? Jake's such a spreadsheet wizard. He wanted to document the people that put the Converse shoes on, the ones that didn't have other shoes, and the ones ones that changed their shoes, and put them in a spreadsheet, and then put them in a pivot table and show off his amazing Excel skills. Wizardry! Tell us about the ceremony.

As I said, our ceremony was officiated by my Uncle John. The three of us wrote it with help from the internet. That's an ominous sentence. We aren't religious, so there wasn't much of a template to follow. Uncle John had done a couple weddings before, so he had some excellent ideas. We just passed our wedding off to other people, whatever.

Gers. They did the important nerdy stuff themselves. Yeah, that's what matters. They passed all that vows and shit to someone else. 20 years from now, they'll remember Han and Leia. Jacob sang the Book of Love while my dad played guitar. I read Sonnet 17 by Pablo Neruda in Spanish. It was in Spanish because the only people there who spoke Spanish were Jacob and I,

and so I could say emotional stuff without feeling too exposed. You don't want to get too emotional at your wedding. Yeah, we accidentally put some real sentiment in there, so we hid it behind a language and I wouldn't know it. So it didn't seep into the main stuff. We just don't want people to get distracted from the important shit.

And it's better in Spanish anyway. Keep going, I see a very important word in the next paragraph. We did a ring blessing, which involved passing the rings up and down the rows of people. It made everyone feel involved and made exchanging rings even more meaningful. It's also a good way to let religious people be religious without actually having religion in the ceremony. Wait, what? Oh, yes, this taps into my religious mind. That's weird for religious people. that is something I recognize from church.

When we exchanged rings, Uncle John asked, does your heart beat only for this man-woman, which is from the traditional Klingon wedding ceremony? Yes! We also did a salt ceremony. I don't know what that is, but at the end he pronounced us married, and I said yay, which was not in the plan, but maybe should have been. You're married! Oh, yay!

That's too much emotion. Too much emotion. Okay, cool. Oh, man. Okay, we are coming down to the end of this document. Oh, I forgot to mention that this document was I see raptors on top of this cake. There's raptors on top.

There's this document put together by Cheapskate. Forgot to mention that earlier. Thank you very much, Cheapskate, for this document. Sort of. It's not a sort of document. It's a sort of fax. Yeah, exactly. Okay.

Oh, man. Okay. Yeah, okay. So, man. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So, nutshell. Yes. Okay. This is okay. I got to...

Okay. Here we go. We got to make a choice. We got to make a choice. Choice number one is zombies, Vikings, and a hawk. Shelly and Eric, no funny weddings. Poor bird. And the other option is Lisa and Adam's southern gothic nerdy wedding.

I'll go with the Viking zombies. All right. And a hawk. I just like to point out at Lisa and Adam's wedding, Lisa's occupation is ghost and vampire tour guide. And Adam is a computer doctor. Doctor in computerology. Zombies, Vikings, and a hawk. Shelly and Eric, no funny weddings.

Oh, thanks. The offbeat bride is Shelly, radio personality slash pole dancing instructor. Her offbeat partner is Eric, an insurance salesman. Cool. And then oh, and then like, oh, production stills. Oh, you start off with a production still. That's...

I like the one dude in the middle who didn't get the makeup on. And he's just lying down. Guys, what the fuck? What the fuck? Why are you guys drinking and talking at this wedding? We have to pose this shot where my wife is holding an axe and I'm standing over you looking very powerful. Dave, what the fuck?

You barely, your neck's a little red. Like, what the fuck is that? Paige keeps on kicking me back up to the top of her. Our offbeat wedding at a glance. We have humor in common. We're comedy writers. So that was the theme for our wedding. We wanted it to be hilarious.

Our venue was an old-timey ex-porn theater with beautiful blue and red lights. The guys entered the stage to the Halo video game theme, since that's how Eric and I fell in love, playing Halo. That's hilarious. Instead of a traditional wedding march, a group of 20 zombies came instead of me. Oh, okay. And then he married them, I guess.

Followed by five zombie survival team guys who started smashing heads and taking the zombies down. The music changed to the Walking Dead theme, because that's so romantic. And I emerged with an axe in my hand and I killed off the remaining zombies

and took the stage where my father was waiting to give me away. Eagerly. Anxious. The image where she's swinging the axe down, you can see the groom is like, are we taking a picture now? I've been standing

with my foot up for a really long time. Do I keep doing that? Eric is a hilarious writer, so he wrote a funny take on a traditional ceremony. We also had a hawk fly in as the ring bearer from the back of the theater. The ring bearer pretended that he had lost the rings, put on a glove, and then summoned the hawk to the surprise and delight of the 200 people in attendance.

Okay. Oh, yeah. That sounds... I'm sure... We had a traditional Viking sword exchange and made it official by updating our Facebook statuses on stage. Oh, shit. It's the first black person. The whole episode. Just putting that out there.

Dinner was a burrito bar from Chipotle. Come on! I don't even get fucking food at your goddamn wedding. Fuck you! Now it's tacky. Jesus Christ! Give me a real taco! And we cut the cake with a

sword. The music was provided by guests on the RSPV. VP. They each requested a song, and we downloaded them onto a random mix on our iPod. When we left the venue, everyone got a pair of Groucho Marx glasses with our names on them.

Instead of throwing rice, they blew whoopee cushions at us. For our getaway vehicle, I rented the Gamer Bus, which is a traveling school bus full of video game setups. Those are all mishmash of fucking everything. We're back in our element, gentlemen!

Tell us about the ceremony. I guess. Okay, I'm trying, I'm attempting to scroll down the page. The page keeps on kicking me back up to the top. No, yeah, it's... Oh, goddammit. Yeah, no, you're, yeah. Come on.

Speaking of come on, look at that cake. What is with the Groucho glasses? Hey, look, we know funny. They said it would be hilarious, and they're wearing Groucho glasses. We know funny. Yeah. These glasses are fucking funny. I wouldn't want to be a member of a wedding party that would have me as a member.

If I find those redneck teeth, man, this is gonna be the best funniest wedding in the world. I'm surprised somebody's not wearing one of those arrow-through-the-head things. We kept the ceremony structure traditional, but added our own jokes throughout, like, do you, Eric, take this Shelly

to be your wife, to have and to hold, to revive at all costs on Xbox, and I'm at the top of the page again. God fucking damn it. Do you have, like, a bad blocker that's preventing you from seeing this? I'm trying to rescue you. Bad block plus.

Bad block. Control F Xbox, there's 65 hits. I'm sorry, so what was the... You can read it in the doc, too. What was the hilarious vow? To revive at all costs on Xbox and let her get the last shot when fighting a boss level

and sickness and health for even more richer and when the internet and power goes out for as long as you both shall live. It was very personal and funny. It was incredibly personal. It was personal and funny in a way that you failed to demonstrate? I don't... She said it was funny. It was personal and funny. I promise.

Okay, I want to hear what the funniest moment of this wedding was. My funniest moment. It's hard to pick one, since we are comedy writers. Something we've hammered into the heads of everybody who came to see this wedding. I don't know why you need to keep restating that. Like, this material is self-evident. It's not like, I mean, this is basically like watching 30 Rock right now. This is real good.

You gotta let it speak for itself. Everything was an attempt at funny. You may now hand fart the bride was a great line, since Eric and I have a party trick we do sometimes where we make fart sounds while holding each other's hands. That's not a party trick! But also fun! That's funny, because you said it was funny.

That's not a party trick! The trick is that it makes everyone leave the party. I hate this so much. Hey, Nutshell, what was the most important lesson you learned from your wedding? The most important lesson we learned from our wedding?

Narrow your ideas down. We forgot to cue the fire dancer and she sat backstage all night. That's why they didn't have the redneck teeth. Also, looking back, the reception was wild and I felt like I was constantly needed somewhere else, so I couldn't give

guests the attention they deserved. This was a huge regret. I wish I would have set up a photo booth and, instead of the traditional dollar dance, done the dollar selfie with guests. Yeah, that's way more fun. Good, good. And they get a picture with you. That way you get to greet everyone who came. They get

a picture with you. That way you get to greet everyone who came. They get a picture with you. God. Does she have the Groucho glasses on at the same time? That one really hurt. Yeah. That one really hurt a lot. I guess in retrospect it would have been nice if I spent time

with anybody or did anything. I could have merchandised myself better. Fuck. All right. Last thing. I was going to make a joke in the middle of that about how they should have done whooping. And I was like, wait, they did do whooping cushions.

I forgot. That feels so long ago. They know funny. They know funny. Here we go. I'm hitting enter. All right. So this last thing Cheapskate has put in the document under the headline, possibly the most horrifying of all.

Oh, man. It's a high bar. I mean, we really. Wow. We really, I feel like, swam through fire. But here we go. Frank West, what do you got there? Daniel and Russell's NormPod wedding experience all around San Francisco.

What is a NormPod? We're going to find out. I googled it and got this wedding. Okay. Nice. So I'm guessing it's like an amalgamation of their names. No, norm pod is... I feel like that's something that's off before...

I'm going to search up. I feel like it's got to be a variant off the norm core, right? It sounds like a San Francisco startup. Get your own norm pod. It's connected to the Internet of Things three different ways. Tag with wedding boots? The offbeat bride is Danielle Sopra and co-owner of Outlaw Soaps. Sopra.

Sopra. That's a job title. Sopra. That's a job title. Yes. Her offbeat partner is Russell, co-owner of Outlaw Soaps. Excellent. And it happened in San Francisco. Yeah, it did. Our offbeat wedding at a glance. We traveled around

San Francisco for a two-part ceremony wedding. It started at the Pier 39 Carousel in San Francisco. We had a two-part ceremony. Commitment of the community to the couple and commitment of the couple to each other.

Swear your allegiance to this wedding, bitch! Yeah, you want to get an invite, don't you? Our band, Jerk Church, played rousing renditions of our favorite songs. I'm assuming by your band, you actually mean the band that you're in. Sorry, if you're the owner of this website, please contact your hosting provider, webmaster at jerkchurch.com. The biggest audience they ever got.

It's the biggest audience they ever got. After the carousel and some wedding photos at the end of the pier, all attendees boarded three charter buses and a passenger van according to assignments designated on their wedding gift bags. Get on the bus song scene here. Not clicking it. Thanks. The buses dropped everyone off at Washington Square Park where we had a receiving line with us, the wedding party, and our family.

And then the giving line. After the receiving line, we re-boarded the buses and went to Fiddler's Green Irish Pub for a reception, including a cash bar, banquet stands, and... Yay! Thanks so much! Oh, I get

to pay for my own drinks! That's great! At least I got to drive around in a bus all day oh you're right you did kidnap me i forgot about that part i'm gonna ride around a bus in san francisco hey uh hey guys yeah you may be surprised to learn this uh what's up but jerk church really suck oh Oh, yeah? They suck, but they sort of make up. They sort of try to make up for it by specifically having a... Oh, wow, yeah. There's tits.

Well, I mean, be fair. This video was shot at Burning Man, so of course there's tits. Oh, okay. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, you actually can't avoid that. There's also dongs in this video so yeah I like gender parity in my nudity

well jerk church set up at the other place they went and played another song which transitioned into don't stop believing yeah I'm listening quietly obviously but I'm listening to a little bit of Jerk Church and it's making me wistfully longing for

Macaulay Culkin's band. Oh, you mean the band that it covers of... Yeah, pizza-related covers of pop songs. Like, at least that had a theme. This is just aimless. This is worse than a

drum circle. Well, speaking of worse than a drum circle, after Fiddler's Dream, we went to Marina Green, where we interpretive dance to Africa by Toto played out of a megaphone. Wait, wait, wait. You put

like a Bluetooth speaker inside of a megaphone? I don't... Really? Or Jerk Church played Africa by Toto into the megaphone. Sure, that would be good. I can't tell you which one happens. I can't tell you which one I would prefer because that's hell and there's no way to compare. And I watched as 130 of my closest friends struggle drunkenly to fly dollar store

kites and gale force winds the guy just faced down in this picture he's giving up we had planned for the wedding to end at that point but we ended up going to the tiki bar at the end of Pier 39 and having food and cocktails until they Imagine if the people at the tiki bar think you're tacky. Thanks. Thanks. Bouquet camera by GoPro. Fuck. Fuck!

Fuck! What did we learn from this, F+,? People try to make their weddings really wacky and unique, and yet all of them reference the same five or six pieces of pop culture. five or six pieces of pop culture. I know this sounds really hypocritical, but the thing is, they're always going, I'm so nerdy, I'm so geeky, I'm such a dork, but they always list the five most

mainstream nerdy things you could possibly think of. Like, Doctor Who, I'm so nerdy. Or Star Trek, nobody's heard of that. It's like... The most niche and nerdy thing mentioned was XKCD. Yeah, it was. And even that's pretty mainstream

in nerd circles. Hypothetically, you could do Crypt of the NecroDancer kind of wedding, and that could be... Well, no, that'd be annoying, too. Oh, I'm sure there's Undertale weddings in the offing. Oh, that's true.

You could just have a Crypt of the NecroDancer dance party. That would be fun. Cut the wedding part out. You partition the whole dance floor into a bunch of different squares and every beat you have to be

in a different square than the one you were previously in. This is how we dance. That sounds immediately violent. Imagine the noise that would make just thud, thud, thud.

I think I said this in in our last offbeat pride thing but it's like i mean and and be fair you know like i'm sure that we're looking at this through a lens that maybe is is or that that is distortion of what it actually was it's possible it's possible that some of these things are fun but they're not presented as fun. Nothing here is presented as, there's never a story about like, yeah, we had a really great time. I saw my cousin who I haven't seen in a long time. He's up to some shit. Never that. Never that.

It's all about weddings as a production instead of weddings as a celebration with your friends. of weddings as a celebration with your friends. I feel like the only time in here somebody mentioned a compliment to it was a point where they clearly didn't. It was like grandma said, grandma said, weddings are really weird now. And that was the best compliment we had. I guess that's in a way that's something that these weddings have in common with other certain weddings of the same type where the wedding is only for like the bride and groom and nobody else. So it happens with like normal weddings too, same type where the wedding is only for like the bride and groom and nobody else.

So it happens with like normal weddings too where they just make this insane crazy wedding where it's just their specifications that nobody else enjoys and nobody else wanted to go to. But it only matters to them. They're the only ones who care. That's the thing. I think, yeah. Catholic weddings.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. If you've only been to Catholic weddings and like that's like your idea of normal, then like, I mean, rebel in a different way. The other thing that I enjoy about this is, like, that you don't see it a lot, but if you actually, like, search tags, like, you know, Offbeat Pride, they're looking for those clicks. They want those clicks. And so, like, they write, like, clickbait, like, listicles. This thriller flash mob wedding makes us bow down to the spectacle.

I looked up some stuff and nothing came up. Really? That is actually very surprising. I'm a little bit shocked, actually. The website, as always, thefpl.us. Our forum is Ballpit Had to help you out there

I'm seeing you struggling Thanks I was confused I forgot Ballhole And if you like Seeing categories of lots of drawings You can take yourself to Inktober dot review There is a bunch of Seeing categories of lots of drawings, you can take yourself to inktober.review. There is a bunch of drawings drawn all over the month of October.

It's fun to look at. Farewell. Welcome to System On Air. Welcome to System On Air.