The F Plus - 271: The Screenplays of ComicsNix

Episode Date: December 21, 2017

ComicsNix is a somewhat prolific fan fiction author who became a brief point of internet interest after writing a story where Severus Snape has sex with all the Teletubbies. But that's passé now, so we're off to explore his other, more intellectual works — like the one where Batman has sex with Robocop in order to stimulate amnesia, or the complications that arose after Bella Swan summoned Satan to be her personal bodyguard. This week, The F Plus learns vengenge is a dish best served could.

So, Vegeta gets up and feels his buttocks detached from his body. They fall on the ground and melt like a couple of sad bananas, exposing Vegeta's pelvic bones. He walks around the house like a headless, butt-fucked turkey with cerebral palsy, and then masturbates furiously trying to cum. Oh boy, it's the F Plus podcast. It's a really exciting place, except for there's terrible things right with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have Boots Rangir. Ah, if you eat me, you don't eat, says Usagi to the vagina. John Zost, this grenade is very large, Robocop.

Don't go fast or you will rip out my hemorrhoids. Bunny bread! Cloud and Tifa search for a new heart. A quiet morning transforms itself when Tifa has an idea. What if we could resurrect Aerith and fuck her in the ass? Jimmy Franks? Dr. Claw is in Metropolis, but a man of steel is on his way. It will blow everyone heads.

And Lemon. Put this in the front page. Headline, Spider-Man fucks New Yorker's butt. And then he shut his room with a bang. Hey, F-Plus. Hello, Lemon. Hey, is everyone in this room feeling, what do you want to say, illiterate? Shit, no. Okay, wellesus that was that was very strong i just i'm sorry i didn't mean to offend you with the very concept why you

gotta bring that shit up again it's fine it's fine all the podcast nerds no it's it's you're right it's it's not it's not right that i've spent so many years forcing you into a podcast that's all about reading things even though you're lyricist. I've been making it up pretty well thus far, I thought. I mean, you've been doing like a B+. Like a solid B+. I'm glad Wikihow added the pictures. I'm more glad than anyone else. I guess

after all these years we've been chastising Bunny Bread for going off script, we should be impressed at how well he was able to think. You're welcome bunny bread constantly encouraging you to lower the bar shit yeah

not just ladies so yeah so I want to take us to a site that we haven't been to in quite a while and that site is called fanfiction.net

So we are here at the behest of Eiderduck. This might be the first submission from Eiderduck. And she wants to introduce us to somebody by the name of ComicsNix. And so I'm going to bring you over here to this profile of Comics Nix

and tell you a little bit about Comics Nix. Comics Nix, there's some sort of Marvel shitty drawing happening in his profile, and it says the author has written 35 stories for X-Men, Spider-Man, Half-Life, Dragon Ball Z, Death Notes, some Japanese characters, Half-Life, Dragon Ball Z, Death Notes, some Japanese characters, Superman, blah, blah, blah. And then he says, hi people, I'm back. New stories are on the way. Weekly, I hope. Here's a postscript. Hi people, apparently

my Severus Snape... My Severus Snooks Professor and Lover fanfic got deleted. I will republish it, but I don't know when. I think you can find the story if you search for it on Google. So he has written, I'm going to assume it's a comic six as a man for reasons that will be self-evident pretty soon. I get the sense that right out of the gate he introduces himself by saying,

my fanfic is too hot for this site that we're going to be in for a real treat. Also, he starts off the thing with a poll, which is, poll, do you want more chapters in my story, colon, Scooby-Doo and the Trip of Lust? Mm-hmm. Rest in peace.

Zoinks. Yeah, so on fanfiction.net, ComicsNix here has published 35 stories, including... He also liked a story that is interesting to me. One of the stories that he has liked or favorited is called Jerry Seinfeld Dies a Horrible Death by the Pete Peterson Experience. Too hot for this site. Yeah, but anyway, we're not going to do that.

We're going to read some of Comics Nick. So this first story, again, given to us by Eiderduck, is called Batman and Robocop, colon, The Day the Men Found Love. So, Jimmy Franks, I would like you to be the narration If you would, please Of course And then Bunnybread, if you'll take the role of Batman John Tosman asks you to take the role of Robocop And then we'll figure out what else we need here We'll figure it out

But I'm going to lead you in When Bruce Wayne pays a visit to Detroit A brutal murder is found menacing Batman's secret identity. The murder menaces his identity. You follow me? Gotcha. Now, Batman and Robocop must cross their hearts if they want to solve the crime and protect Bruce's crime-fighting life. The author says, hi, people.

I do not own Robocop nor Batman, making no money with them. You shouldn't either? So lead us in Jimmy Franks, what do we got? Batman and Robocop, the day the men found love. Dateline. Bruce Wayne was paying a visit to Detroit City because a cousin

of him was very sick. So Bruce Wayne went with his chauffeur there Chauffeur. Went with his chauffeur there. Chauffeur. Went with his chauffeur there, but was very cautious because he took his bat suit with him. When the chauffeur arrived with the limo, Bruce got out of his car and entered Cousin Oliver building. Fuck. What was he building?

Thank you, Oliver. I'm not sure where that was going. Don't mind if I do. Wasn't Cousin Oliver from Family Ties? No, it was the little kid from the Brady Bunch. Oh, the Brady Bunch. I thought he was the one who got molested

on different strokes. Yeah. Yeah, there it is. I mean, it seems appropriate to this story, but... Oh, good. Anyway, all of these references are too old for our audience,

so it doesn't matter. Let's cut that shit out and end point. It was a very tall and dark place full of gargoyles and lightened torches all over the wall. As Bruce went up the stairs, he noted the handrail

was full of a strage white sticky goo. Uh-oh. Maybe it's hair gel. Well, maybe it's hair gel, you know. He thought. The stairs creak very much. It looks like the place is going to fall apart. Then, Bruce Wayne found Cousin Oliver room in the last floor of the building.

But something was strange. The door was opened and incense's stench was flowing out of the room. Bruce ran inside the fast he could with the heart throbbing in fear of something bad. And it was... Bad? Cousin Oliver was naked on four on the ground with his ass filled with cheap trash burning incense. Oh dear! Not even the good patchouli. Bruce Wayne then went to the other side and saw Oliver's eyes bulging and bleeding and something strange scared on his forehead.

There was a circle with a flower upside down. Damn, those bastards killed Oliver. I must go to the cops. Said Bruce, shooting a photo of the forehead mark and collecting an incenses copy from the cousin butt. Let's take this. Dude, the cousin butt. Yoink. The way in the cousin butt.

He closed the door of the apartment and went to the police station. Apart-meement. Filled with doge. It's like covered with doge. When Bruce arrived at the police station, he told the cops what happened, but they just didn't care. Corruption was prevailing on Detroit City and no only gives a damn. Detroit City as opposed to Detroit State. A-right right let me talk

with the commissioner said bruce to the fat cop in front of him i don't think so the commissioner is dating a whore and i don't want to disturb answer the pig-faced cop with a cigarette on his mouth oh yeah all right say him that br that Bruce Wayne's been here. And Bruce started to walk away. What? Bruce Wayne? Commissioner, Bruce Wayne is here! Shouted the fat-ass pork. The commissioner emerged with a whore by his side from his room. His eyes got big and he went to shake hands with Bruce.

Mr. Bruce, what a pleasure. What brings you here? Looks like you put to good use the money I donated last year. Nice whore. Your slut is very beautiful. She wasn't cheap, was she? The commissioner adjusted his tie and swallowed a gob. Swallowed a gob? Mr. Wayne, I can explain. Don't need. I just want to report

a molder. My cousin got killed in his apartment. Apartment. Oh, my God, Mr. Wayne. Who could do that? I don't know. This is why I need you

to discover periods. Whoa. Don't be afraid, Mr. Wade. We have the best detective here on Precinct. He's our most awesome cop in activity, RoboCop. Come here. Why not call him Awesome Cop? The giant metallic bionic man emerged from an obscure room in the back of the building Come here! Why not call him Awesome Cop?

The giant metallic bionic man emerged from an obscure room in the back of the building and started to walk into the Bruce's direction. The pumping metallic steps was very distinct, thought Bruce. So, you are the best they have here, isn't it? Asked Bruce. Yes, Mr. Wayne. I can kill in five million thousand different spots on the human body. That's a lot of spots. Answer the metallic cop.

Hmm. I mean, hum. Okay, let's go. I want you to solve a mystery with me. And them, RoboCop followed Bruce Ray. When they arrived with a taxi to the cousin building, they entered it, going up the stairs to the room

of the murdering scene. But as they went in, no more body. Cousin Oliver vanished. What they are going to do? This is when they hear a scream outside the window. A woman is hanging outside of the building, grabbing a gargoyle and almost falling on the ground. Bruce hears that, but Robocop is there. How could Batman save the woman?

Bruce, them, says. Bruce hears that, but Robocop is there. How could Batman save the woman? Bruce, them, says. Bruce hears that, but Robocop is there. Yeah, well, Robocop was blocking this. No. Okay, okay. Robocop, use the phone and call the fire department. Wow, you what a fucking superhero. He's just a regular guy that has a phone built into him.

I know. I'll use my grappling hook to pick up a phone. I don't need phone. I have direct contact with them. Now I'm fucked. By the fire department? I think he wants

Robocop to go away so he can change into Batman's suit, I think. I think that's what's going on here. The woman screamed again, but this time she was falling Bruce had no time to think he simply picked his mask put it in front of Robocop and jumped from the window he started to fall seeing the woman falling too that man blindfold Robocop with his mask yeah it'll work it's no you don't know Robocop has a phone. He's real dumb. Alright, alright. Batman nose-dived very fast, reached her, and held the girl with his strong arms, and with a quick movement used the bat-rope on a gargoyle,

swing with the woman to the safety again. The woman was in shock, so Batman took her to a room and knocked the door. As the resident opened the door, Batman raced to the top floor again without being seeing. Without Ben... Without Ben seeing. He entered the cousin's room and Robocop was there. You saw everything, Robocop? Yes. When I come back to the precinct,

they will extract my memories and analyze, discover your identity. Holy fuck! Are you going to arrest me? No, you are an agent doing vigilante work in a city where we're cops. Don't abide the law. I defend law, not the system. There's a way to extract your memories before they know everything?

Yes, but it will involve your masculinity. My what? I need to fuck you, Batman. Yes! Ah, yes, of course. Comics,. Yes! Comics, Knicks! Comics, Knicks! This way, my memory's backup is ejected from my butt, and we can delete what is important

to preserve your identity. Hell yes. Hell yeah. I just hear the Robocop theme playing as he says, da-na-na-na. Like, with the sort of, you know, the modernization of porn, like, these are the kind of

vignettes that we've lost in the modern era. Yeah. It's a shame. It really is. I'm glad he's bringing it back. So we're sure this is not actually written by Paul Verhoeven, right? No, we're not. We're not.

Go ahead. No. My joke wasn't very good. Yeah, the rest of ours were, though, I'm sure. Bruce Wayne stood at all looking to Robocop's face. He must give away his manhood to be Batman again or face the consequences of his life-saving deeds. Why you memory backup is expelled when you fuck?

That's a good question there, Batman. This is a method to preserve my intimacy. If I want to sleep with a whore or a male escort, it's my right to delete my sexual encounter so no one acknowledge its existence. Wow. Okay. This is a very close peek into

comics Nix's psyche. I'm the world's greatest detective, and that checks out. Okay, I know the shock of RoboCop saying he had to fuck Batman is one thing, but I think this next line might be my favorite. Bruce put his own hand on his chin and thought of it. Let me think. That wasn't something Bruce would like to admit. Bruce have a reputation to preserve

Even if he likes young lads But Batman suffered much abuse in his life Losing his anal virginity will Only one more faithful act toward The welfare of humanity Well if I must Alright Robocop You can fuck me

But let's go to a motel I don't want to violate my cousin's private space. There is a problem, Bruce. I'm not with my penis now. I can't fuck you. You two are having a spat? He said some things he'll regret. Okay. What? Why you're not with it? Because today is a work day. I only attach my mechanical penis at weekends. with it. Because today is a work day. I only attach my mechanical

penis at weekends. Well, that's... The custody hearing, he only... That's going to be a problem. Let's go to the precinct so you can pick at it. Impossible. They only

liberate its use on Friday nights, and I must return them at Monday morning. Shit! Bruce Wayne! I'm going to actually skip just a little tiny bit, because it's largely what happens next is just sort of mechanical sex, which is fine, but we have other things to cover, so I'm going to just skip this entire section. There is one line I want to read first.

Oh, okay, okay, okay. Yes, by all means. This will be what Jimmy was reading, but I just looked over the line. Robocop then pushed a button on his left buttock, liberating a good dose of oil on his penis grenade. His grenade? Sure. Fire in the hole! That's a Ronco dick, that is.

sure fire in the hole that's a ronco dick no it is um anyway so uh we're gonna go uh we're gonna go uh post post coital uh so jimmy franks if you'll take it from the other day early in the morning the other day early in the morning the two lovers woke up they kiss ease one another and them batman saw something look robocop yourop, your memory's back up. Now we can save my identity. Yes, it's correct, Batman. But there was something Robocop wasn't telling Batman. Something sad. Aw.

Um, Robocop, I collected this incense and shoot this photo from my deceased cousin. Do you have something like this in your memory bank? I don't remember you doing those things. collected this incense and shoot this photo for my deceased cousin. Do you have something like this in your memory bank? I don't remember you doing those things. I don't remember you taking a photo of him. That's because we skipped so much good, beautiful sex. No, no, no. This happened at the beginning, and I definitely don't remember you pulling the incense out of his butt.

I remember you just fucking around. It was assumed. Come on, it's implied pretty heavily. When you find incense in an ass, do you just let it sit there, wait for it to burn up to the anus? I suppose it's like video game logic, where every corpse you come over, you just sort of explore it. You write it for whatever you can use, yeah.

If you're going to tell a murder story, you're not going to explain how everything happened at the beginning of the story. We're learning now how the story unfolded. Yeah. How Oliver got all the incense up his butt and then some of it back out. Did you say this was like Clue?

I just said it was like Clue, exactly. I miss mustard. Let me analyze. Analyzing. Uh-huh. Analyzing. Okay. Analyzing.

Uh-huh. Analyzing. Okay. Analysis complete. Yay! Crossing the information on both subjects, I found this connects with a group of new age hippies called The Return of Flower King. They worship 70s crap bands and sell secondhand

the Mamas and the Papas t-shirt to crazy old ladies living in the suburbs. Is that a crime? They look dangerous. I guess we should check them. I mean, you know, Mamas and the Papas. Batman called a taxi and both Batman and Robocop entered, going to the lunatic hippies' headquarters. After a while,

they arrived. That was a strange place, a big castle covered with grave flowers and smeeling incense everywhere. Yeah, typical hippie drug den. Yeah. It's the same smeel I felt at Oliver's place. Said Batman. Robocop then

analyzed the place with his thermal googles. There are three individuals inside. Oh my god, I had no idea. I had no idea Robocop was a glass hole. Oh, oh, my bad. I'm sorry. Go ahead, Toast. There are three individuals inside.

They have no weapons and look very aged. Hum. Strange. I think we should eavesdrop. As they approach the place, bats saw... As they... As they

porched the place, bats saw a circle with a flower upside down inside the building walls through a window. A circle with a flower upside... Okay, I mean, that's a pretty good logo. That was the thing that was etched onto Oliver's ass. They got their logo on Fiverr. It's the same symbol.

These people must be involved in the crime. Batman Locke picked the door, and them they entered. The Entrace Hall was narrow and full of old vinyls. As the hero's app pro-etched another door, a gas leaked in. Batman, it's a trap. Said Robocop in a monotone voice. See? Now we're seriously fucked, Robo.

Oh, man. Batman's got quite the catchphrase. The two men tried to open the doors, but all locked. They were felling dizzy. The gas was affecting them. After a min-two, they passed out. Fade to black. Wake up, you bastards!

Shouted the old hippie slapping Batmans and Robocop's faces. So you wanna invade... Wake up, you bastards! Shouted the old hippie slapping Batmans and Robcop's faces. Rob the cop.

It's Robert Cop. Robert Cop, yeah. So you wanna invade our divine shrine, do you? Batman got control of himself again. He and Robo were chained to a chair in the middle of a big room with three hippies looking at them and a legion of zombies behind waiting orders. Why did you kill Oliver?

Ask Batman. We didn't kill him. He is reborn like the others. We taught him the hippie way of life. They fight against the Vietnam. The corporate, you know, how like hippies fought against the Vietnamese. You remember that? I remember that.

The corporate corporations and the pottery industry. Now they will all be our sexual zombie slaves. Try the mad hippie. You bastards. You can't understand. Oh, wait. No, you can't understand, goddammit. Listen, Batman, you can't understand.

The dream must not end. The peace and love is eternal. End quote. Mwahaha is eternal. End quote. Mwahaha. Also end quote. Also end quote. A hippie off-screen laughed. It's like, oh, I'm sorry, I just remembered something funny.

The lead hippie snapped his fingers and the zombie legion moved towards the heroes. Fuck. Said Batman. These corpses are going to eat out our brains we have no hope Robocop it's all over if only I could kiss you again sorry Batman

it's sad our relationship ends this way the zombie ok time out so far the last three times he's used the word approach he's spelled it wrong differently let's just see how he does this time let's just find out So far, the last three times he's used the word approach, he's spelled it wrong differently. Let's just see how he does this time. Let's just find out.

The zombies are pro-axing the heroes. Apro-ax. Statistically, if you just keep mistyping it, you'll eventually just hone in on the right one. Consult your doctor before using Apro-X. Every time nearer, every time faster. And them, they stop. They are completely immobile, doing nothing, and only staring Batman and Robocop.

Come on. Batman, these zombies aren't gaunt. Gaunt? Aren't going to eat us. Gaunt to eat us. Looks like this, but why? The mad lead hippie, them shout. Why, you fuckers stuck it!

Come on, eat the bastards! Batman looked down, thought a bit, and understood. You, shit hippie, told me that you taught them the hippie way of a life, didn't you? Yes! This is elementary, my dear smelly, disease-laden, intelligent animal's friend. No, no, try it again. Try, try, try. And intelligent.

That's, that's, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cancelled out intelligent animal's friend. The hippie way of life means peace, love, and a meat-free regimen. These zombies only eat vegetables. The hippie understood, looked down, clenched his hands, looked up, and uttered, No!

And there's more. My friend here only eats car oil. I eat bats and rats. That's more. My friend here only eats car oil. I eat bats and rats. That's true, that's canon. But you three... That's why they call them bats and rats, man. Yeah. Criminals are a cowardly and superstitious lot. Also, they don't like the bubonic plague very much.

The superstitious mind hates... hates... hates... Oh, goddammit, I lost that joke. Alright. You know, if I were going to rob a bank and I saw some guy crouching down eating bats and rats, I'd think twice about it.

Yeah. Just saying. He's not employed by the bank, he's just there. But you three, I believe, are full of delicious fruits, green plants, and muesli inside your stomachs. But we are still made of meat, so... Shh! Okay. The three hippies looked one another in horror.

The zombies looked one another in joy. They held hands and jumped up and down. Yay! Now they're going to eat good and healthy food. The undead started to move in the hippies' direction. They were encircled and couldn't escape. Oliver was the first, ripping the lead hippie belly

and opening its stomach with his own nails. The hippie bowels fell on the ground and it was stuffed with delicious grass. Hippies don't digest. Little known fact. Okay, oh, you're right. You're right. You know what? Hippies don't have three Little known fact. Oh, you're right. You know what? Hippies don't have three stomachs like a cow would, so fair enough. But the zombies didn't want to eat because

there's blood. Don't be afraid, zombies. Their blood is full of vitamins and minerals. The iron is good for your heart. The zombies smiled and started to eat the three hippies alive, drinking all of their blood, eating the bones, and licking the skin.

They only left intact the meat because it is sin. Yep, hippies and sin. That's how it works. Oh, is this a Friday? They ripped open humans. Oh, it is a Friday. Yeah, okay. All right. All right. I mean, yep. Epilogue. After the crime was solved, it's time to depart. Bruce Wayne was holding Robocop's hands and looking in his helmet-covered eyes.

Robocop, you made me a new man. It's a shame we need to go separate ways. Will you remember me forever? Yes, Bruce. Yes. Bruce. Yes. Oh. Will you still love me tomorrow? And the two joined their lips during their last kiss.

Bruce then waved his hand, entered a taxi cab, and went away to Gotham. But Robocop didn't tell Bruce that his memories of their love night will exist no more. They must be erased together with the knowledge of his secret identity for the sake of Batman's crime fighting for the humanity. It will be as if it never happened. But one thing Robocop knew, he won't have the memories, but his passion and strong feelings will be forever in his heart. That can't be destroyed. The end.

Damn right. That's a true love story. God damn right. Analyzing strong feelings. Analyzing. Wow. Analyzing. I feel like I've really been taken to the emotional center of this couple.

Thank you so much for that. That's quite a journey. How do you feel about hippies, ComicsNix? You a fan? I'm not really sure. Yeah, I mean, that's so odd. Hating on hippies is so outdated. Is ComicsNix 70 years old?

Maybe this is Archie Bunker's fanfic. Yeah, that makes sense. And up next, all the family fanfic. Alright, the next story I'm going to bring you here is much shorter than the previous one. This one is called

Never Forget to Let the Cat Stay at Home. I don't know that I see dialogue in here. Oh, the very, very, very end. So, John Toast, if you'll just take the story, please. All right. Okay, so this is Never Forget to Let the Cat Stay at Home. When Jerry seeks protection at Samus' motherly lap,

Tom is behind, ready to catch the mouse. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Oh, that old chestnut. Uh-oh. By the way, he wants to point out that a Metroid and Tom and Jerry are not his, and he doesn't want to make any money with them. I don't want to make any money.

Stop trying to give me money for this. Quit it, guys. Stop trying to give me money for this. Quit it, guys! Samus Aran was drinking Galactic Milk Boom at a bar at the edge of Parlor Galaxy. Oh, good. This is Clockwork Orange all of a sudden. She left her drinks at home.

She left her suit in the women's locker because it's not good form drink with suit on. Yeah. She was with a short dress showing her beautiful legs. Her beatiful. A party was at the horizon, so she must stay good looking.

Yeah. After a while... What does that mean? Stay good looking. That's what I sign on every yearbook Oh man I've got a Party this Friday I hope I don't get Ugly before then

After a while A small mouse went through the bar's door It was Jerry and he was Running from Tom There were no small places to hide But Jerry saw Samus so he raced to her Climbed the stool she was Sieting and entered her Good smelling woman pussy no small places to hide, but Jerry saw Samus, so he raced to her, climbed the stool she was siet-ting,

and entered her good-smelling woman pussy. Woman pussy. One of my favorite pussies in the top ten. You know, an unconventional choice, but I appreciate your lack, your zest for innovation. Yeah, I just, I want to be

honest. Samus took a scare, no wonder, and looked to see what happened. Happened. Looked to see what happened. Happened. The phreatine mouse was shaking and shy, hiding from the cat that entered that second at the bar. It was Tom the cat. Yeah, let's focus on that part.

Have we established that the cat is Tom and the mouse is Jerry yet? Good. Samus knew the danger and didn't delated the small rodent. Tom was very angry and searched everywhere, looking for a clue where the mouse could possibly be. Samus had a hard time trying to hide Jerry because that shaking in her organ was causing tickles, and she smirked with funny eyes. What you smirking with over there, Samus Aaron? You got them funny eyes. Is that a mouse up in your pussy again?

No! No, Tom, that's not a mouse in my pussy! Okay, I'm just checking, Miss Samus Aaron. All right. Well, finally we get to hear what Samus sounds like. After all these years. Tom entered the men's locker, but no sign of Jerry. He then went to the women's locker. While he was there, Samus bought a small piece of cheese and put it inside her housed uterus.

Whoa! He went all the way to the uterus. Wow. Yeah, so he must have reached past Jerry to get there. Jerry took it with great satisfaction and ate until his belly got full. Tom searched,

searched, and then found Samus' suit. He looked inside, but carelessly he activated it and got stuck inside. Luckily, he was in the right position, legs down and head up. Unluckily, he activated... Unluckily, he

activated Samus Loneliness Striker. What does that mean? Well, it was a device prepared to make Samus feel comfortable. Uh-oh. I think Bad Dragon sells that. Hmm. Tom didn't

understood, and two small phallic objects appeared at the front and at the rear. Oh, whoops, I thought that was a joke. Never mind. And at the pelvic region of the suit, where, coincidentally, Tom's puss-ass was accompanied. Tom, you got such a puss ass.

Such a puss ass. The two phallic metal vibrating in shiny pieces tried to penetrate the poor cat. Tom got uneasy, and with all his strength to run inside the suit, trying to fleet the evil puss de-virginization contraptions.

Meows and screams could be heard at the bar, and Samus went to check the strange occurrence in the locker. At the last possible moment, Samus deactivated the lust-seeking devices, freeing Tom from the inglorious, but hurting fate. Tom was so scared, he jumped at Samus,

hugging her, trying to seek comfort, while flickering in a despaired manner. Turning on and off. Do they know each other? Fading out. Jerry was laughing his guts off, feeling relieved and avenged by the unhumanly assembled Confort Machine. Samus felt herself a motherly figure to these pitiful animals. They were misguided and homeless, she decided.

Lemon, you're the voice of Samus. Oh, yeah, you're right. Yeah, you're right, I am. Mouse and cat, you're gonna live with me. Was that the same voice I used last time? Yep, doesn't matter. Okay. Samus is a dirty hippie. And she took them home. Tom smilled, and Jerry gnawed his nails.

The hunt is just beginning. The end. So, I kind of thought that I had a little bit of a hook on your sexuality there, ComicsNix. Now, I'm leaving the story more confused than I started. I'm not really sure what... Why is this rated T? Yeah, sure. Yeah.

I think ComicsNix understands that everything is hot just literally everything i just i yeah i saw the t rating and i was just like oh this isn't gonna be weird or gross and well his fetish is anything at all does it involve sex or not well let's find out like this one's probably also rated T, so I think this should be a pretty light affair. And it is called Bella Swan Pregnant and Furious.

Hmm. So, Boots, you're going to take us through this. Okay. And then I think I'll go for Bella Swan, if that's all right with you, and call out the rest. There's going to be more characters as we move on, I assume. Okay.

First of all, a warning. Hi, people. Twilight is not mine. I don't make my money with them. God damn it. I'll put my checkbook away. You win this round Stop trying to give me your money

You're gonna eat it You're gonna shove it in your vagina Give the money to Stefini Bella Swan, pregnant and furious Bella was pregnant The baby already had 8 months And her belly was big Edward Cullen impregnated her and went to hunt werewolves,

letting Bella inside a baby clothes shop to choose the trousseau for the will-be-born. But the clothes were all very shitty. A common complaint. Hi, welcome to Shitty Baby Clothes. Why do we keep hearing all these same complaints? Yes, I know they're shitty. Do you not read? It's your fault.

You came in here. Our Yelp reviews are just the dumbest things. Like, what are they? The clothes are shitty, and then the owner responds, thanks for stopping by. Yeah, hey, appreciate it. Home with a two-piece onesie. Bella was upset because nothing was her taste.

The baby would be very badly dressed if she brings something so horrible. So she went to another clothes shop across the street. But that shop was strange. Full of Chinese symbols and gargoyles in the front building. Front building? It was in the rear building. Yeah. She entered, and the door closed behind her.

Bam says... Bam says onomatopoeia? I'm not really sure. I don't think she said bam. Bam! Oh yeah, there we go. Okay, yeah. And Bella looked around, and only torches were illuminating the place. Oh no, they trapped me! Shouted Bella, looking for an exit.

A voice in the shadows then talked. I'll eat your baby! Rerun? No! I'm gonna do it! Eat that baby! Nom nom nom nom nom nom! Bella got very frightened. No, that can't happen,

says the narrator. It will be the end. The life will have no meaning anymore. So she decided, Bella squat on ground and make a pentagram around herself with a chalk that was in her pocket. Stop, drop, and draw a pentagram. She then, sorry, I said then. The word then doesn't appear in any of these stories. She then started to evoke the Prince of Darkness.

Satan himself. Itself. Fire and brimstone. Yeah. Satan itself. Oh, sorry. Oh, whatever. Fire and brimstone started to twirl around the room, and the time around her stopped.

And bam! Bam. From the bottoms of hell, the devil appeared. Bella! You evoked me? What do you want? I want to be saved, Satan. They're going to kill my baby.

Saved? Why did you call that, you know, the god or whoever? Because I'm dating a vampire, and a child of evil is inside my uterus. I see, okay. A deal with a devil condemns the soul. Are you prepared it suffers the consequences? Yeah, bring me the pain.

A devil opened his palm, put it on her forehead, and transferred a bit of his power to her. Now, Bella, when you die, your baby's soul will be mine. Moo-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Bella looked in awe, feeling cheated. You said you would take my soul.

Devil sneered and said, Fuck you! And Brom! Devil returned to hell. Bella put her hand on her belly and felt an idiot. but she must save the baby for now the time returned to its normal pace and a band of thousands ninjas appeared in the room oh of course bella bella give me the unborn and go away so we can savor his baby bones

never said the leader ninja. Okay. Never. You'll have to eat me first. Said Bella as she charges in the ninja direction. She then jumps on his shoulders and do a backflip in the air, grabbing a chandelier. As pregnant women are wont to do. Chandelier. Yeah, no, no.

I mean, it's the always dynamic and exciting Kristen Stewart is just doing all sorts of cool shit. Oh, yeah, sorry. Now ninjas face the wrath of a prego. And Bella jumps from the chandelier and kicks the ninja in the face. But you were right. He is turned on by everything.

He is thrown away. The other ninjas wield their weapons and charge in Bella's direction. They start to slash the swords, but she deflects them with kicks. But there are too many, so she do a spitting kick, throwing all of them on the ground. All thousands of them.

You know, I think it's at this point comics, Nick's got really bored with the story. So she'd do a spitting kick, throwing all of them on the ground, all thousands of them. Right. Right. You know, I think it's at this point comics nicks got really bored with the story. Just like, I'll just do whatever. Like, ninjas, I don't know. The only way to escape is deep inside the evil baby clothes shop because the front door is locked. So she goes in and goes down the stairs. The maniac ninjas start to follow her, shurikens but she dodges and

picks some of them up in the air oh a strange mirror bella says i think it's a portal i shall enter and free myself from those scums and bella enters the portal mirror but the ninjas are chasing her and they enter in the mirror too the. The mirror transports Bella to a harbor. You should have seen that coming. Where pirates drink and sleep with whores. Ninjas and pirates, huh? At least we got the whores consistency. Hippies and whores.

The pirate that sounds like Bunny Bread sees Bella and shouts, LORG! A pregnant! Let's fuck her while the baby is inside. That makes sense. That makes sense. That is what pirates are into.

Quick, before it comes out. It's important. It's considered a delicacy in their culture. And a mob of thousands of pirates swinging swords starts to chase Bella. Oh, my God. The pirates are chasing me. I must escape or I'll be raped. Well, fun. And Bella throws sh my god, the pirates are chasing me. I must escape, or I'll be raped. Wow, fun.

And Bella throws shuriks at the pirate, hitting some of them in the head. Shuriks. Shuriks. And hitting some of them in the head, the pirates, hit by shurikens. What? Okay.

It's independent of the shurikens that she just threw. Yeah, the pirates hit by shurikens, them explodes, and a thousand ribs splashing blood all over the sea and the docks. Yeah, shurikens that she just threw. Yeah, the pirates hit by shurikens, them explodes, and a thousand ribs splashing blood all over the sea and the docks. Yeah, sure. They only attack the ribs. A thousand ribs, okay. Yeah, but the other pirates are vicious and continues the chase.

However, the ninjas appears from the magical mirror and see the pirates. Look, shout the ninja leader. Pirates, let's disembowel these bastards and serve them to our pet bulls. Ah, yes, yes. Ninjas always have pet

bulls. And the ninjas charge in the pirates' direction. The pirates then pull their guns from their belts and start to shoot ninjas, killing many. Dirty sailors! Chant the pirate leader. Kill the ninjas! And serve them as octopus

dinner! And the slaying and beheading continues between the dirty and scoundrels. Bella is throwing shurikens all over the directions, and them, she steal a pirate sword and cut the pirates and ninjas in half. Okay.

However, a bubbling starts to form in the water. All right, are we ready for this? Are we ready for this, everybody? Yeah, we are. Okay, here we go. It's the Kraken! Shouts everyone, and its hundred tentacles starts to grab ninjas and pirates.

One of the tentacles starts to grab ninjas and pirates. One of the tentacles tries to grab Bella, but she fights back, cutting and thrusting her sword at the gargantuous monster. Whilst a tentacle is fighting with her, another one creeps behind her and grabs her. Let me go, you giant piece of rotten tuna! shouts Bella, but the kraken is so evil, he moves his tentacle in his mouth, swallowing Bella as a whole. Bella slips on the

Kraken's tongue. And starts to fall inside his stomach. That is some miles away from his mouth. I actually did have Vor on my checklist, so fantastic. Great, well, we're getting there.

Only 40 more fetishes and I get my full boner. That's a lot of work. I know. I know. It's what the internet does to you. Yeah. A lot of pirates and ninjas are being swallow-y too, but they keep fighting them while they skitter inside the monster.

Bella sees herself surrounded by a pirate and a ninja while slipping down the Kraken's trachea, but with great skill, she fights the two of them, one with the right hand, the other with the left. Pirate is stinky and his sword is rusty. The ninja have a katana full of flowers and garlic. What? You heard me.

Soy-orne paradiddle. That is a Beck lyric. Bella keeps defending and attacking when, a great dexterity, she drill a hole in their skulls. Trepidation. Is that in your list, Lemon? Sure.ity, she'd drill a hole in their skulls. Trepanation, is that in your list, Lemon? Sure.

No, no, no, I was looking for trepanning, but that's close. She then picks their weapons and keeps fighting he others, but then she and the other bunch of scum and villainy arrives at the bottom of Kraken Belly, falling like thousands of ants inside an anteater's stomach. That's a very evocative image. Thank you. We've all been there. Kraken-corrodent juices starts to flow

in to digest the people. But there is a giant vessel, a vessel from Indian nation, inside Kraken belly, so Bella and pirates and ninjas go inside to not be corroded by acid as the belly fills with juice no i was just saying yeah so i'm gonna just gonna hit fast forward here for just a second uh sure yeah because there's a fairly long uh action scene we've we do have um our uh ninjas and pirates. Aliens show up, obviously, in a spaceship.

Hatch hours. Which we assume. Then Hitler is involved. Yeah, okay. So I'm a half-mask, all right. Right, and then Mecha-Hitler. Yeah. I'm back down a little bit.

And obviously, because there's Hitler, there's also Hit-Lee. Just because typing is hard. And then we don't really need context for it. Hit Lee is Bruce Lee's cousin, so just stop. Yeah, yeah. But I am going to give you the line, ah, you whore, I'm going to eat your soul till you lick

my ass. Well, that's Jimmy Franks' line, though. Oh, the way that's Bella's line. Okay. But yeah, so I think that we're going to skip down to Bella looks at the non-sky. Can you take that for me?

Non-sky. Well, no, she looks the non-sky. Oh, you're so right. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Bella looks the non-sky and she sees God, who sounds like Jimmy Franks. That's true.

God, I can't. Satan is killing me. That was the worst Jimmy Franks impression I've ever heard. No, that was Bella. I'm Bella. Your God. Oh, that's right. No, Bella. Satan can't kill you because I am at your side.

God is Santa Claus. I always knew. I always knew. And God waves his hands, throwing a big power at Bella. Bella's bowels start to grow again. What? Why? Well, we missed something.

I don't know. Okay. We'll never know. Okay. We'll never know. Okay. As she feels her muscles grow in size and power, her veins are pumping adrenaline

and her eyes are angry. Colon. Thanks, God. Now it's mammy payback time. Al Jolson punch. It's racist.

Yeah, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. One more time with that line. Thanks, God. Now it sorry, I'm sorry. One more time with that line. Thanks, God. Now it's my payback time. The jazz fighter. And Bella

strikes blow after blow in Satan's belly. He starts to spurt bowels, heart, lungs, and kidney from his mouth. Bella picks his teeth and with a flying kick, crumble them in a million pieces. In a million

of pieces. Yeah. Satan is now toothless and organless and Satan says, Bella, you better pat. Alright? You owe me your soul. How does he do that without having any teeth? I don't have any tooth or organs. Shut up.

Coughing blood and trembling Shut up. Okay. Coughing blood and trembling with pain. Ouch. Perfect. Yes, Satan. Cries out loud, Bella. Fell my soul in your ass. And Bella picks a passing lightning bolt and shoves it in Satan's ass.

So there was just one just flying by just happened. It was the 10-15 lightning bolts. That's convenient. Exploding him in a trillion of pieces all over the universe. His blood reaches the time-space continuum and everything starts to go back to the normality. The normality. That's some solid Simpsons logic right there.

The Earth recomposes itself. The heavens turn existed again. The ninjas and pirates and zombies and aliens and angels and demons and Nazis start to commemorate drinking vodka and big vats. They shout Bella's name. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella.

Savior of the galaxy. Savior of the galaxy. Bella. Bella. And they start to dance and get drunk and fighting again. Bella then goes back to Earth and God says, Ho, ho, ho. Thanks, Bella.

You saved the existence and rearranged the natural laws of the universe. I want a Barbie dream house. Oh, sorry. It's nothing, God. Every time you need. And Bella goes back to the baby clothes shop. Why would you go back to that same fucking shop? Shitty baby clothes.

I love this place. God damn it, bitch. Those clothes are shitty. Full circle. She then finds the perfect clothes to her son and buys them. When C gets out of the shop, Edwards arrives

with werewolves' severed heads in his hands. I'll be Edward. Hey, Bella, I'm late. Oh, Edward, you're on time. I had just the right time to buy everything our son

need. That's awesome. Let's go home and... No, he joined the Marines. Let's go home and clear up his bedroom. These wolf head will be great on the wall Cool And Bella and Edward hug one another

Kiss and go home Happily ever after Epilogue In the nothingness of non-existence Yes Yes In the epilogue, there was nothing. Mm-mm.

In the nothingness of nonexistence, two evil men talks. My master, how could Bella have killed you? God interfered, but don't be afraid. That woman and the old man will pay for that. And the two evil beings started to laugh maniacally. Sorry, maniacally. Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler.

Satan, Satan, and whatnot. Echoing their black-hearted and nefarious laughter all over the netherworld. The end? Holy shit. That was a journey. You know, there's a limit to yes and. You know,

there's... At least it did deliver on the title. We haven't hit it, of course, but there is a limit. I mean, be fair. Tell us those stakes were consistently raised. It's true. That is good writing.

Right? It was always very clear what was at stake and what the goals were. Yeah. All right. Jimmy Franks, I think you get to choose which story we are going to end on here. All right? Ready? These are three different Spider-Man stories.

Okay? Okay. So one story is called Peter Parker's Last Temptation. Okay. The next story is called Peter Parker's Last Battle Against Love. Or, sorry, no. Peter Parker's Last Battle Against Love. Sorry, no. Peter Parker's Last Battle Against Love. Oh.

He's aghast at love. I'm not sure what it's called, but Spider-Man Fights Santa Claus. Fights God? No, it is the season. And, you know, we did get an experience. We got close. We almost touched the face of Santa Claus in the last story. All right.

Fantastic. So maybe we should go all Claus in this one. Fantastic. All right. So this story is called Spider-Man versus Santa Claus. So Spider-Man versus Santa Claus. After Santa Claus kills Aunt May, Peter Parker seeks revenge. Jimmy Franks, just lead us in, and then

we'll see what happens here. Well, hi, people. It's almost Christmas, so I created this little story to commemorate this great event. I hope you all enjoy. Oh, hey, I want to give you all the money, because you own these characters.

I guess I do. I mean, I want to give you all the money because you own these characters. I guess I do. I mean, sweet. Spider-Man versus Santa Claus. It's Christmas. It's what? The people are dying. No, no. It's Christmas.

Oh, you're right. Sorry. It's Christ-a-mas. Yeah. It's Christ-a-mas. Christ-a-mas. It's a Christ-a-mas. Yeah. It's Christ-a-mas. Christ-a-mas. It's a Christ-a-mas. The people are dying.

Because Santa Claus is sending them bombs instead of presents. Common mistake. One day on the 25th of Christ... Oh, Jesus. Hold on. Can I get back up and take a run at this one? Just do it phonetically. That's all it takes.

One day on the 25th of an old god's name. Churstimus. Okay, got it, got it. One day on the 25th of Churstimus, Aunt Nimae receives a package with a bomb that explodes and chop her head off her neck. That's a good bomb! Peter Parker arrives. The moments she opens the package.

And I think Lemon is Peter Parker. No, Lemon's the package. No, I'm just the package. Oh, you're the package. I'm the package. Go ahead. Boom! No! Oughty! No, go ahead. Toast to it.

Alright. No! Outie! No, go ahead. Tell Stuart. All right. No! Outie Mae, don't die! Peter screams in vain as Outie Mae head flies through the window. Every time it's different. It's like he's allergic to the word aunt. God, man! Santa Claus will pay!

And Peter goes with Mary Jane to the airport to buy a ticket to the North Pole. They arrive there, and it's very good. Mary Jane, you forgot to bring cold temperature clothes! Screams in rage,

Peter at Mary Jane's. Sorry, Peter Parker! No, that's not you. Sorry, Peter Parker. No, that's not you. Sorry, Peter Parker. And Mary Jane get utterly sad. Happily. Peter brought his Spider-Man suit so he doesn't feel the freezing cold. So he give her his clothes to Mary Jane so she uses it above her own clothes.

So she is warm now, too. Maddie Jane, we must find Santa Claus who, worse cop, lures Dunk with Maddie Jane. Heyer, do you think Vengenge is the best solution to this problem? One of my favorite boxed wines is Vengemge. You know, Vengemge is a dish best served could.

I got 50 bucks. You still got that Vengemge? Can you get Vengemge? If you need Vengemge, I can hook you up. And Mary Jane sips the tea as Peter drives and rented Mercedes the snowy roads of North Pole trying to find Centau Claus. What? Trying to find Centau Claus worse. Yes, I must revenge my aunt me.

You're right. He's allergic to that word and peter clutches hand and form a claw a claw of justice a claw shaped like a spider that will destroy evil in the christmas oh yeah if i had a claw the claw hand like a spider the claw hand that spider-man is known for it I think it's the most distinctive move. Well, he's a pirate, isn't he? That all spiders are known for, really. Like, when you look at a hand, you go like,

oh, that looks exactly like a spider. After mom knits. Well, that's my boner talking. I really like the last half of that sentence. Get through that as fast as possible. You need a moment there? After Mom Nets, Spider-Man Spiders. I don't see where you're going.

This is perfectly... I think this is AP style. Okay, okay, okay. Are we laughing because it's so dry? Toast, we're just laughing because it's so dry. We're either laughing or we cry. I mean, it's really some hardcore moments happening here. All right, guys, guys, be quiet, be quiet.

All right. I got this, I got this. I can hardcore moments happening here. All right, guys. Guys, be quiet. Be quiet. All right. I got this. I got this. I can read anything. Yeah. All right. After Mom Nets, Spider-Man, Spider-Sense, Sense of Santa Claus. Spider-Man, Spider-Sense, Senses. Spider-Man, Spider-Sense.

Spider-Man, Spider-Sense, Sense of Santa Claus. Micromachines. He is nearby. I'll get him. Beware, Peter. I laveau you. Who are we, Jane? Marty Jane?

Marty Jane. Marty Jane, how's it going? It's me, Marty Jane. Come here, Peter. Hey, welcome to my... Hey, Peter. Welcome to my deli. Marty Jane kisses Spetterman buttocks with a lips.

Spetterman. And Marty Jane kisses Spetterman buttocks with a lips full of vermilion lipstick smelling macaroni. Okay. He's lost it. She's made macaroni that smells like vermilion lipstick? Yeah. And she said

goodbye and then presumably pulled down his uniform and kissed him on the ass cheek. I'm a driver. I'm a winner. I love having an ass that smells like macaroni. Things are gonna change. I can feel it. Hang on. I just spit-taked on my monitor.

Yeah, that'll happen. Okay. All right. Spider-Man-thon enters Santa Claus' worps. Fuck you, man. Sorry. Spider-Man-thon enters Santa Claus' wor Claus and starts to punch the elves on the face.

Tell me where the fucker is. Tell me. Cries as a madman the sepitter man seeking justice is It's different every time.

I'm here, Peter Parker! Utters the red-suit-clad old man called Santa Claus, see... You've been a bad boy, Peter, like the rest of the world as you can see in my computer system. Why can't he spell now?

It makes... Santa Claus can spell. It's a Christmas miracle. world as you can see in my computer system why can he spell now it makes all right no santa santa can spell oh yeah it's a christmas miracle all right you've been a bad boy peter like the rest of the world as you can see in my computer systems that show the good people from bad people so i can know who receives good presents and who receives coal but now everyone is bad so i just send bombs and kill all of them, even the children. Children. Thank you.

Yeah, there you go. You can't punctuate, though. It's just one failure. No! How do you know my name? I am Santa Claus. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What is that? Santa Claw. Oh my god.

Oh my god. And the Spudder Man and Santa Stats to fight. After a while, Spear Man wins. Yes! What a good action scene! When you've got a spear. Yeah, that's true. It's a built-in advantage.

It's a Spudder Man, Sam. It's a built-in advantage. It's a spear. It's a spear. It's a spear, man. Does whatever a spear can. Spear man wins. Santa Claus, sir, I will bring you to justice. You're going to...

He... Electric chair. Utters Peter, handcuffing him with a pair of web-made handcuffs. Hot. No! Screams madly out of his mind santa the computer made me do it over there oh the computer um let me see do peter starts to verify the computer. Pseudo-Peter. Santa, your computer been hacked. Look.

Bullshit. I wasn't looking at them pornos. And Peter showed the hack someone made on Santa Claus' computer. Peter learned Java at night school, and he turned to... Yes, yes. And he turned to programmers, so he didn't need to work for Joan J. Marceau anymore. I went to DeVry.

Oh my God, what have I done? I killed in a Senate, people. Yes, sorry, Santa. And Spitter Man takes santa to justice yeah after getting out of the police station the news arrived that spider-man jailed santa claus everyone is in turmoil because of that wasn't santa like bombing everyone like whatever whatever but i was hacked shut up no i didn't know how to read my email it's's different. Mixed feelings, you know? I mean, yeah, he did blow us all up with weird packages that somehow cut your head off and throw it through a window. Emails.

But also prezzies. Yeah. As Spider-Man swings the web of his hands between the skyscrapers, a male child screams at him. Spider-Man, you suck! Spider-Man sheds a tear. Spider-Man sheds a tear and cry. Wow. The end.

What did we learn from this episode, F-Plus? The single, the only consistent thing in these stories is that the word then is spelled them. It's his trademark. It's poetic license. It's like Cormac McCarthy and his lack of all punctuation. It's just like...

E.E. Cummings hit enter on the typewriter. This guy just says them instead of then. We've been doing this for a while. Is this a troll? is this someone who's just i give this one 50 50 i don't give a fuck if he is i think that i think that there's a sense to which um i think especially in the bella one that he seemed to kind of like like i mean you know

because i mean genuinely like it had satan and god and ninjas and pirates and vikings and stuff like that. As most good stories have. Sure, that's true. then, like, published his work, and then, like, necessarily was the product of that thing? That, like, the internet fed crazy and made it a different kind of crazy? You know what I mean? Sure, sure. What I don't get is why, okay, you're writing that. He wants to write a story, I guess, about Bella and giving her baby to Satan or something.

And then he, it was obvious at some point he's just like, ah, fuck it. Pirates, ninjas, there's a Kraken. But it's like, at that point, why don't you just stop writing? Why put it online? That's the thing I don't get. It's like... Is there fan fiction editor

going to be like, you gotta hit deadline, and they're like, oh shit, I gotta get this out. This is all written like... This is the kind of shit I would write in a college class when it was like it was due in like two hours yeah toast what college did you go to well now you know why i dropped out but um but no but it's just like just shit i just gotta put something on the page but it's like but you don't have to put something on the page so why is this here you really don't that's what i don't i mean yes editor is not breathing daddy deck there

we gotta get that bella story by midnight come on man i'm counting on you it's not even i mean because if you do like because if you look at i mean because the the everything about fanfiction.net is is pretty like old-fashioned it's It's just sort of like old WordPress. And so it's not even one of those things where you can get some sort of click count, because that's not... I don't think that's public to you. So you're just doing it because... Because you love art. I really don't know. I guess, yeah.

No, you're right. You love art. love art i really don't know i guess i guess yeah no you're right do you love art and and and i mean we do i mean like some somewhere somewhere in the middle of that is comics nix's boner uh and i'm sorry i'm sorry that that's your boner like you but to be fair you made that your boner like you weren't born with that boner like you've hewed that boner out of some poor materials but also like confusing craftsmanship yeah also i haven't i still haven't figured out where where comics nix's boner lies it's just there's so many varied things here if this is boner inducing, that's a lot of shit to cover. Star Trek 3, the search

for comic nicks is boner. It's like maybe his problem is that his boner is too prolific. Maybe this is just an experiment. It's like, really? Oh, okay. Quite the dilettante of a boner there. That too? I guess if this is where you're

going, you're the boss, Dick. And if you want a place where Dick's are the boss, you should come to Ball Pit. Or if you're looking for Actually, you know what? If you're looking for sex advice

that's different than this sex advice, you can go to greatsex.tips, generating new sex tips for you every time you hit the new tip button. What can you find there? Oh, well, let's see. Okay, I'm going to read you. Crunk Genuine says, I love it when a babe sculpts my soul.

It makes me reconsider the capitalist system. Yeah. Is it true that even clean girls can talk dirty just before he's inside you? Whisper, dirt. He's sure to blow his top. That is true. That is true. There's another tip.

I don't know if any of you want to experiment with the BDSM lifestyle, but great sex tip number 46,877 is be his darling dominatrix. Duct tape his head to your neighbor Brian and pontificate on the use of white space in Wikipedia site design. And who could forget great sex tip number 45,928. What about you go slow, then speed up? Yeah, that's good. 28. Uh, what about you go slow, then speed up? Yeah, then that's good. I also like tip

number 3,503, which is okay, uh, do it on the other side of the bed? Hey, Lemon. Yeah, what's up? If I were a member of the Trump family and really wanted to get some achievements, where would I go? Uh, you should go to Trumps.pw. Uh, it is a site only

for members of the Trumps family. You are only allowed to go to Trumps.pw It is a site only for members of the Trumps family You are only allowed To go to Trumps.pw If you are a member of the Trumps family But if you are, enter in your password Earn some points Bye Thanks for that commercial

It was fun Why are you thanking us for a commercial on your podcast? It's your podcast too, assholes. Where'd you find the Inspector Gadget story? That's the Doomsday Womb. Wombsday. Of course. Naturally. I already made that joke.

Oh, my bad. Fuck you. Sorry. Fuck you with the grenade. My gold. What the fuck, Piccolo? I'm heterosexual. Yes, but today you're heteroflexible

and I'm going to flex my cock inside your ass. What story was that? Most. That was present. That was a Dragon Ball Z one. Alright, I'm gonna hit stop. Dragon Ball Z.

My powerful cock, no!