The F Plus - 277: My First Time (Lying On A Website)

Episode Date: March 15, 2018

The website MyFirstTime.com was launched in 1997 to collect stories of formative sexual experiences from its visitors. Those stories are, on average, outright fabrications written by people whose pornography habits influence their worldview. As you read the actual content of some of the more popular stories posted, you'll recognize that's a good thing. This week, The F Plus will touch your pinacolada with our hands. Whooopee!

Hey, F+. Hello. Hi, Lemon. Hey, uh... Oh, shit, I didn't have anything. I'm sorry. Talk amongst yourselves. I don't...

Never mind. Sounds like somebody was a little unprepared. He certainly was unprepared. Oh, my God. He'll probably just come to me. In my mind And hope someday I can share this place With you Well, hello. This is the F Plus Podcast.

A nighttime place for terrible things read with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have Boots Reingear. As she touched my penis, I thought it might be the end, but I concentrated on what could be for later. a few minutes she invited me to enter her vagina with my penis john toast sometimes i feel like john arbuckle from the garfield comic strip it's fun first time when i was able to do i cannot hold more than two minutes the enjoy was less than expected come quass up!

I'd just like to add that science should invent a holodeck like on Star Trek. That way both men and women can have sex with holographic men and women. It would feel exactly like the real thing. He's your friend on the internet and his name is Adam Bozarth. Anyway, this is why I joined the monastery. And Lemon. I got in the back seat of the car and she did did oral on her, and I did oral on me. Oh.

Congratulations. Marilyn Manson, I heard that story. Can I say that? Somebody on the playground totally told me he actually did that. No, he did. No, he did. He had surgery. Yeah.

Also, he was. He had surgery. Also, he was in that cereal commercial. Yeah, he was Paul in the Wonder Years. And he got enough money to get his rib removed. And as soon as he sucked his own dick, he became Marilyn Manson. Duh. Do you think Marilyn Manson was the guy that spread all those rumors.

Hey, F-Blood. Hi, Lemon. Hi, Lemon. What's up? Hey, fucking virgins, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You see,

listeners, there was a movie called Kids that you should under no circumstances watch. But unrelated to that, I want... We've referenced it like a dozen times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's why I'm saying that to the listeners of like, hey, here's this movie they keep referencing, I should probably watch it. No, don't. Seriously, just don't.

Do as we say, not as we do. a document delivered to us by somebody of mine named Nakir Draken. And this well, the document as provided is called My First Time. The document as I've titled it is called The Totally 100% Super Duper True Stories of the First Time These People Had

Sex. Not always virginal. With that many qualifiers it has to be true certainly certainly certainly must be so so this is from my first time dot-com my first time dot-com has gone through some, what do you want to say, a design refresh of late. And they've tried to make it a little bit more palatable, which doesn't help us. But fortunately, we have the Wayback Machine and we have this document. So, yeah. So if you will, I think Boots, actually, if you'll start us off with the about section. This is the about section on MyFirstTime.com.

And just tell us, lead us in here, please. Sure. My First Time. About. If you did it, then you probably remember it. So tell us about your first time. Was it passionate and tender or awkward and clumsy like most of us? Chances are, if you've made it this far down the page, there's already a memory or two lurking in the shadows of your mind.

See how that's a correlation, but okay. So go ahead. Indulge yourself. You can probably remember them now and where you were. If you're lucky, you might even still know them so you can ask for the details you can't remember. Do not do that. Oh, boy. Yeah, if you don't remember any details.

I eventually got it in, right? Yeah, maybe. Okay, go call the next number. Okay, first of all, I don't know if you know this, but I lost my virginity to you. So I'm trying to tell the internet about the first time. Do you remember that? What's your current address? Anyways, can I use you as a reference?

Ask those questions very, very carefully. And watch out for flying objects. Take a trip down memory lane. All we ask is that you write a letter as you go. Write a little as you go. This is your chance to immortalize that special moment you shared together. Record it for all of eternity. Who knows?

Maybe someone could learn from your mistakes. Cat got your tongue? Maybe you should read a few of the submissions to my first time, all in lowercase. The first submissions to my first time, mine personally. Submit to my first time. To get your thoughts rolling and of course you may submit yours anonymously it's entirely up to you my first time is in there somewhere somewhere that's that's a very uh web 1.0 about where it's like hey you can you can share your thoughts here don't be shy

you can just type it in and it will stay here. Hey, be gross on the internet. I know it's against your impulses, but – Yeah. All right. Well, cool. So this sounds good. Is anyone ready to share yet? No?

Okay, cool. Well, that's fine because – You've got to break the ice. As Boots said, we should probably read a little bit before we get into sharing our own stories, which I'm assuming we'll all be really excited about doing. So let's start things out with Pimp Daddy. John Tells, can you be Pimp Daddy, please? I can be Pimp Daddy.

My sex, I'm Pimp Daddy. Pimp hyphen Daddy. Your sex is Pimp Daddy? My sex is Pimp Daddy. My height is Pimp Daddy. My weight is Pimp hyphen daddy. Your sex is pimp daddy? My sex is pimp daddy. My height is pimp daddy. My weight is pimp. My sex is male. Where it happened in my front lawn.

Language is English. I'm an earthworm. That's debatable. My ref number is 5-4-1-9-7. So, it started of with a nice woman named Misty. She said bagging titties. 36 WDD. She said bagging titties.

She just walked up and said it. She came over to mow my lawn and I asked her if I could touch her bagging bobbies. Wow. She was surprised. Did I touch your bagging bobbies. Wow. She was surprised. Did I touch her bagging bobbies, can I? She agreed, so I began stroking them. I got a giant capital B boner.

Yeah, it's the... No, it's the guy from Family Ties. Yeah, they do. Then she giggled and said, let me help you with that. Then she began sucking my penis. Then I asked her if she began sucking my penis. Then I asked her if I could insert my penis in her vagina.

Here's a crazy idea. Let me toss this one out. This is Vulcan Kindle porn right here. She once again agreed. I'd like to insert my penis into your vagina? Does that sound weird? I don't know. I'm an innovator. So I still there going in and out.

She is moaning, which is the best. As she starts reaching her climax, I ask her if she want me to continue. She agreed. Again. Should I keep going? So I went quicker to please her more. She got very wet, and I sucked her vagina, and then her sift was over. Her shift?

You think I was supposed to say shift? No, her sift. No, her sift. No, her sift, you virgin. All the confectioner's sugar was on the cake. Her panning was done, and she found a gold nug nugget and she yelled, Go! And ran off. So I said goodbye. We gave kisses and hugs, still having a boner.

Then the next girl came and said what happened. I am a very happy old man. Wow. Wow. Wow. It's so John Cougar Mellencamp, that story. Wild night is calling. Adam, do you have a story?

Yeah. This is my story thought. It's called, I thought we were only gonna kiss. I'm a male, and this happened in the laundry room. Okay. Okay. Yeah. All right, well, the night before I lost my virginity, me and my gif decided to skip school just because we never got to be together. By now, we had been together for about a year.

We had never, ever before gone further than a kiss. Well, whatever, anything went ass-planned. Everything went ass-planned. I see what you did there. We got to school, really changed cloths, and left next thing you know, we were at destination point. You have now arrived at your fucking destination. You have now arrived in the 1950s. We were at our destination point,

the pool. Well, after an hour or two, we got bored, so we decided to go to the building I live at. They should really make up a name for the building that you live at. I pick a building I want I live at. They should really make up a name for the building that you live at. I pick a building I want to live in. The night before

we kind of agreed that we both wanted to do sexual things together but all we needed was some were private but there was no tur. Tygo. We dropped our book bags by the bushes

so Pupple wouldn't realize we were skipping. So we sneaked in the building and we went to the penthouse hut. The penthouse hut? It's a little shed made out of penthouses. The penthouse hut. That's nice. I used to live in a hustler lean to

that's where he kept all the woods porn i used to live in a screw yurt i just i dug a cherry trench We went to the penthouse hut Since it rained the roof was all wet So we were Going back down and I realized In really dark half Which ended up Leading to the laundry room

I put her against the wall and started kissing her about 10 minutes into it she stopped me and said nothing's gonna happen here i said to her okay whatever babe we keep kissing wow we keep on kissing then suddenly both of our shirts were off and we were touching each other i licked from her neck to her boobs and when I felt that it was right and I went down to her pussy and finger her and ate her out, then she gave me

hand and head. But since I left my codom... She gave me hand. She gave me hand and head. But I left my kodum in my poop bag. Kodum.

Kodum. She didn't want me to fuck her, but she kept saying I sucked for her leaving the kodum. But we ended up agreeing for me to putting my dick in her once, but once only whatever, it was so hard to get it

in there and when it finally went in she moaned and i said wow that feels good and without me or her saying anything she started riding me up and down five minutes later i was about to come and i said get off get off she kept, and I blew all inside her. And she got off, and we went to the shower and fucked there again after we went back to school, and the whole school found out. We did stuff like the next day, but no one knows what really went down. Wink, 2, 4, 10, an amazing day. Now this moment right now, I am right next to my GF writing this story and I'm sorry

for the spelling. I'm on an eye touch. Bye bye! Lemon, you didn't warn us how erotic this was going to be. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. She gave him hand and head. Oh my god. And head. Oh, after he found out.

And he put it in and she went, wow. It took forever, but it finally went in. Wow. Wow. Wow. Get off, Joff, get off! Come closer. Do you have a story?

Oh, yes, hello. Yeah? I would like to tell you about the demon drop. Great, great. What gender are you? I'm a female. Yeah. Ski hill? No, it's a roller coaster.

Oh, yeah. Sandusky, Ohio. One of the big rides Was this vertical drop Called the Demon Drop I fucked it Perhaps you spoke too soon, Toast Well, that damn ride

Blew up my hymen Oh, well, okay Oh, it, okay. Oh, it's a Todd Zolan's origin story. I don't know whether to retract my joke or double down on it. I'm really confused. I ran away from my hymen and jumped into the air at the last minute. Get down!

And the blood had soaked my white shorts. My friend Lisa in the bathroom verified what I thought my virgin pussy had been torn open by the shock. Oh, okay. I washed my shorts in the sink, and that was that. A couple days later, Lisa and her boyfriend were over, and we talked about what happened. He was 15 like Lisa, and we were all virgins. Can I see what happened? I parted my legs and lifted my skirt and let him and Lisa play doctor. They had their fingers in me, and I let them.

Yep. Sure. I believe it. Yep. I got off the bed and unzipped Lisa. Oh, dear. It was John From her throat to her pelvis There was a smaller Lisa inside I forgot to mention Lisa was a centibite

You will show your things What I said as she gave me The look You're not shy, are you? I pulled down her shorts and her boyfriend wanted to pull down her bikini, so he did. Lisa had a great body

and a close-cut bush. I played doctor and parted her legs and her boyfriend, I could tell, she had never been penetrated at 15. My mom checks me out every year, she said, so I have to be good, she said. What the fuck?

Is that a Stephen King story? Mm-hmm. She pulled up her shorts and I had to play doctor with her boyfriend, so even though you're refused, we had his basketball shorts around his ankles in seconds. He sprang into action!

Hey, female, what do you think a doctor is? I was gonna say the same thing! Also, what do you think a hymen is? It's my mom, right? It's a big vertical drop. Okay. His cock was hard, and I pulled his skin

back on his shaft, showing his big head. That's what I'm talking about, Lisa said. It's made to make a woman happy, he said. Damn, I want it so bad, said Lisa. Wish I had been the one to blow my

cherry at Cedar Point in Sandusky. Lisa, is it okay if that puts it in me? That's a wish a lot of people had I'm sure He won't be cheating on you since You're here It won't hurt me at all

Alright but no kissing So I bounced up on the bed Pulled my skirt up and tossed my panty on the floor He got over me And Lisa had his shaft in her hand And used it like a sex toy Rubbing all over me getting me all wet. Wish it was me.

It's not fair, she said. Wasn't it you? I don't know. I don't know who's me. There's no quotation marks in this. Yeah, there's no attribution for anything. Slowly, he was in it. Cormac McCarthy.

He was in it, was wild, a big hard boy tool pushing things around in me. Stings? In it was wild, a big hard boy tool pushing things around in me. Things? Yeah, you know, just like car keys, loose chains, just whatever you keep in there. No, a big hard boy tool, so wrenches, screwdriver. Soy sauce packets. Little bits of fluff. Just for a point of reference, the Demon drop debuted at Cedar Point in 1983. Excellent.

All right. This could be from 1985. It never hurt, and I was groaning, saying, harder, harder. I got a pull out, he said, no, and I orgasmed, and I felt him come, and I moaned, arching my back, pulling him to me. He was getting soft, and I demanded more. He was getting soft and I demanded more. Lisa pulled him off and started kissing him. That was my first time and now I'm older waiting for a boy to marry me so I can

have more. Jesus. Wow. Hey, are you sexually repressed at all? Not even your boyfriend. I've been waiting for a nice rollercoaster to marry me. Hey, I know of a story you like Yeah Uh

Isfahan What's up? I got a choice I want to give you here I got two stories here in front of me And I want you to choose which one you would rather read Would you like to read Sexy Teacher and Chains? This takes place on a teacher's desk.

Or would you like to read Jizz Master? That takes place on the school bus. Sexy Teacher and Chains seems more like Van Halen-y to me. Sure, yeah. And probably less likely to have actually happened. Because there's a lot of jizz masters out there, but... Well, yeah, so you're saying Sexy Teacher in Chains sounds a little bit too Van Halen-y, so you want to go with Jizz Master, which sounds more

Queen's Wretch. No, no, Sexy Teacher and Chains. Oh, okay, okay, okay. That wretched queen. Isn't that how it's... It's Queen's Wretch. Who gives a shit? Fuck that thing.

Alright. Alright, so Sexy Teacher and Chains. Take it away, won't you? Yes, hello. This is a Sexy Teacher and Chains story. I'm a male. It happened at the teacher's desk. The language is, let's say, English. Lowercase English. So this. Lowercase English. So this is how it happened. My school

has a strict no skateboarding policy at school, and me and my rebel friends, with their caps backwards, decided to get there early and skate. Nice. We did, and I was in the middle of a trick when my incredibly hot science teacher came.

She's blonde, 5'6", 36 de-boobs. De-boobs. Nice. De-boobs. 36 de-boobs. De-boobs. And incredible ass. I was in the middle of it.

I want to know what kind of trick. Like, skateboarding tricks don't last very long. I was, no. And so he started the trick because she wasn't there, but by the time he finished it... We were on the half pipe, and I was like doing the thing where I hold the board up while standing on my arm.

And I was just holding it there. And I was in the middle of that. Doing a little metronome. I was in the middle of that trick. Die. Die, die, die, die, die. So I didn't know she was there. My friend saw her and ran. She led me to her classroom and told me to sit at a desk.

Oh, yeah. She lectured me, but then her tone changed. She felt my chest, and she said she liked rebels, and she liked guys who told the truth all the time. She took my shirt off and felt my muscles as I pulled her close to me. I think I've watched the video for this. You're somehow older than her. What do you want to do with your life?

Yeah, and I also have a fully grown black mustache. We pulled her close to me. Our lips met, and gradually our tongues did We tongue kissed for a while As I slowly took her shirt off She took her bra off without breaking the kiss I felt her boobs And played with the nipples

They are so beautiful We stripped down And she pushed me on Her desk She started to suck and lick Weren't we outside skateboarding? She took me into the classroom me on her desk. She started to suck and lick... What? Weren't we outside skateboarding? She took me into the classroom.

Things are about to get super erotic. Things are about to get super erotic right now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Go ahead. Yeah, there was a scene change in a porno. What? We stripped down. She pushed me on her desk. She started to suck and lick my

8-inch dickie cummed on her desk. She started to suck and lick my eight-inch dickie-combed in her mouth. Nice. Eight-inch dickie-combed in her mouth. I told her it was my turn to please her and fingered and sucked her pussy-end asshole until she came. Why does everybody in this site

leave the A off of and? By then, I was already hard-end, thrust my dick in her pussy. After 30 minutes of pleasure, I came in her. She got me hard by giving me a foot job. I licked and sucked and fondled her feet. She told me to do anal. I did, and we had to stop after a while.

I'm great at telling stories, by the way. At school, I got in trouble for swearing in class, but got off with a warning. I was called to my science teacher's classroom and she told me I was a bad boy that deserved to be punished. She tied me up in chains and spanked me and all that other stuff.

Chains! Chains! My storytelling skills are only improving. Unless you went to Catholic school. Yeah. She let me down and we went to her house we have done a lot in the two days since it first happened and we are now secret lovers until i finish school then we can go public and then i fucked all the secretaries every friday oh man that was uh man that was good That was good. That was good.

Is everyone feeling real good? Yeah. Is everyone feeling real horny? Okay, fantastic. So now that you're feeling horny, now that you're properly primed for it, let me lay you in with this real sexy story. Okay. It's called Diapers sex yeah well i guess as long as the story's not too long i could oh i'm male and this happened at his house about a year ago my

best friend ryan invited me over for a sleepover. It was his first, which at age 14 I found surprising. Ryan is a small boy, only 5'4", and probably weighs 115 pounds. When I got there, we were just hunting and played some video games until it was time to go to bed. Around 12, his mom called us up, and he told me to just go wait in his room. I did so, wondering where he was. Then about five minutes later, he came back. He told me to just go wait in his room. I did so, wondering where he was. Then about five minutes later, he came back. However, I noticed a bulge in his pants.

He was wearing a diaper. I awkwardly asked him about it, and he blushed and finally had me swear never to tell anyone. Maybe you should have agreed to that before the diaper? Oh, shit. I wish you hadn't told anyone. Mom, I'm going to have a friend over the house. Could we make this the one night I don't have to wear

a diaper? No! I'm not buying another mattress! Mattress? diaper no absolutely not i'm not buying another mattress uh i was shocked but even more shocked when his mom came in seeing that i had discovered the secret what the fucking secret um and told me i should try one out just to see how ryan feels every night. Curious. Real things that happened. I held his mom's hand, who was only about 36 years old

and very petite and blonde with a great body for her age, and we walked to her bedroom. There, she gave me an adult pull-up and plastic pants and told to try them on. So I went to the bathroom and put them on.

Then I walked back into Ryan's room in just my diaper and plastic pants. Huh. He had a big grin on his face. I kind of felt weird. But the diaper was actually making me horny, and I really loved the feel of it. For the next hour, me and Ryan just talked

until he said he needed to pee. I expected him to go to the bathroom. I don't know why I expected that. Yeah. But instead he wet his pull-up. Then he asked me to go ask- Oh, well, Ryan, I don't want to gloss- It's a good thing you're wearing that diaper.

What? Let's not gloss over that. What? What? I mean, come on. We all thought that the kid was just a bedwetter, and that's why nobody was, like, coming to hang out with him, but it sounds like he literally just pees

himself. Yeah, he just pees whenever he has to pee. I know we're not shocked by this anymore, but let's just make sure it is a shocking moment. Are you saying that this particular guy, like, this particular kid has some sort of... No, like, you're wrong, and the next sentence is going to prove to you that you're wrong.

I'm just seeing a hole in the story. Mm-mm. Then he asked me to go ask his mom for a new one. You know, for this being a secret, they really are involved in, like, getting him involved in the middle of it. Go get another one for Mother. I did so, but she said she was out of pillbox and only had diapers left.

She said it would have to do, and she gave me three diapers just in case, along with baby powder for Ryan. When I got to Ryan's room, I noticed he was standing waiting for me. I told him there were no more pull-ups. He said okay and took one of the diapers into the bathroom. Two minutes

later, I heard him call for me. I opened the bathroom door to see him standing naked and hold the diaper. He said, I can't get it on alone. Could you change me? Oh, Jesus Christ. Since he was very cute and small, I said

sure. I had him come onto the bed and lay down. I lifted his legs and started to rub the baby powder on. His penis rose to a full four and a half inches. I noticed, but confined to diaper him. Confined is the right word.

I'm stuck in a sex story on the internet. Give me out. Oh, God. This was such a strange sentence. When I was done, he said, this feels incontestable. Could you fix it? What?

Did he say it in a baby voice? This feels incontestable. Could you fix it? It's incontestable. Could you fix it? It's incontestable. Oh, God damn it. It's only halfway done. Skippity skip. Then after a few minutes, I felt my glorious load release in his ass.

Whoa. Whoa. We got there, guys. Thanks for that skippity-skip one. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Skippity-skip, I now go over to his house on a regular basis to be diapered by his sexy mom and have wonderful sex with him. Best sleepover of my life. Yeah, do you like that?

Definitely written by somebody who is not a 58-year-old man. Absolutely. Yeah. Oh, man. Okay. So that was the first section. Oh, wait. You know what?

I'm sorry. There actually is one more in the first section that is necessary. Boots, could you take cute feet? Cute feet. Where's that? Cute feet. Oh, there it is. Right above. Cute feet.

My sex is male. It happened in the basement my rough number is 27099 and this is in english my free end from school was sleeping over we slept in the same bed we started to talk about girls and it made us real horny. All of a sudden, I feel his socked foot rub against my hard cock. I grabed his foot and ripped off his sock, pressing it against my balls.

His foot... I pressed the sock against my balls? Yeah. His foot drives me wild, and I soon cum all over it. Yeah. Cumberbatch it.

Like a cummerbund. Yeah. He pulled his foot away, and I put his hand on my face and started kissing me. I started kissing me. I put his hand on my face and started kissing me. And started kissing me. Wow. It's a weird action.

It's my trademark. This is my secret sex move. He gives off light moans and asks me if I will suck his dick. I kiss him on the lips and take his panta and his other sock. I kiss him on the lips and take his panta and his other sock. I started kissing his feet and toes and slowly work my way

up his thighs and lick his briefs. I've already correctly pronounced it as Slowly. Mr. Slowly. Mr. Slowly. Good job. It's a small town in the north of England. Slowlyly on Hampshire.

I start kissing his feet and toes and sloughly work my way up to his thighs and lick his briefs and pull them off. He pushes my head down and I start to suck his cock and he starts moaning loader wrapping his legagas around me until he comes in my mouth.

We did this for three years. Wow, that's a good blowjob. Jesus Christ. We were very dehydrated by the end of it. Happy New Year. I've probably been fired by now. I've probably been fired by now. We did this for three years until he moved away.

Yeah. Wow. That was good. The movers pulled him apart. Where do you want this? He just moved to the other side of the couch. Yeah. So as we were looking into this, the recent one,

ComeQuestUp found a story called Come As You Were. It's a very long story, but ComeQuestUp, you found one particular paragraph in the Come As You Were story you wanted to share. So, uh, at this point in our sordid tale, dear readers, we are at a party.

Okay. This was the coolest party ever and I had a brainstorm I said that we should have a diaper changing contest again on each other this guy loses virginity

one of the girls said that she had done a lot of babysitting and could tell us all about changing diapers. And since it was my idea, everyone chose me to be the practice dummy. And oddly enough, nobody had

any objections. My friend went into the kitchen and found the potato salad that no one wanted. And the girls held me back while he spooned some down the back of my diaper for realism. Okay, alright, alright.

Then, he pushed me back on a chair and made me squish it up my crack and around my balls. Fuck you. It felt really gross. I know. Then, the babysitter

girl had me laid on a blanket and she untaped my diaper. Then she used it to wipe my around my dick and balls and up my crack. And so she had all the potato salad shit off of me. Boots, mute him! Cut his mic.

I just love Lemon having his nose rubbed in. It's like, hey, I'll have to go back and read this, and then I can stop him for sure. So that was section number one. That was that section. Section number two that Nakir Draken provided is called Family Matters. We're just going to go ahead and skip that entire thing. You can go to THAFPL.us.

We have the document. If you want to read that, hey, man, that's on you. Although two stories in a row, both fucking my aunt and I've been fucked by my nephew are in all caps. So, you know, enjoy without us. It's like the classic, the story told from both sides. It's really the Rashomon of our modern age. And it's interesting because both the aunt and the nephew seem to type in all caps, which is interesting.

Must run in the family. Yeah. So, but yeah, so we're going to skip to section three, and section three is called General Horniness, part two. Adam! We got promoted. Adam, this story is called

I Am A Bad Boy. Can you take that for me, please? I was at my Grammy's house, and I was wandering downtown when I met the girl of my dreams. She was 5'9

and had blonde hair about down to her shoulders. How do they remember these exact dimensions? That's weird. A man remembers. Anyways, I was going into a store to get some gum when she came up to me and asked if I wanted to go to a movie with her that evening.

I said yes, and when I met her, when I meet her that night, she looked amazing. She had a low-cut, yet not too revealing summer dress on, and her tits looked great. I gave her a hug, and she whispered in my ear that she didn't want to watch any damn movies. She wanted to fuck. Did you get her name at any point? No. Girl at the 7-Eleven.

Yeah, so we went to a little park that she knew and started to make out. After about ten minutes, I started to feel her tits. I was expecting her to slap my hand off or something, but she didn't. Yeah, yeah, no. No signals

yet. No. Like, really, going forward. I took a real big chance. I wanna fuck! Don't touch my tits! Not the kind of girl! I pulled off her shirt and started to suck her nipples. She pulled away and said.

Her nipples. Her nipples. Her nipples. She pulled away and said, now it's your turn. And unzipped my pants. God, she felt so damn good. She sucked and licked until I blowed my load in her throat. Then I ripped off her pants and took a little licky-licky head of her pussy. licky licky head of her pussy before

she even knew anything I removed my tongue and I stuffed my dick in her tight twat she screamed a bit at a popped her cherry yeah this is total virgin behavior she screamed a bit

at a popped her cherry at a popped her cherry as I started to pick up at the speed she started to She screamed a bit at a popped her cherry. At a popped her cherry. Yep. As I started to pick up at the speed, she started to moan and scream my name. She was saying shit like she heard that sex was amazing, but she didn't know that this felt this good. That's what she said? Yeah.

This random girl who woke up that morning said, I'm going to lose my virginity to a stranger at the corner store. Hey, man, I heard the sex was amazing. But she didn't know that it, that is, that is felt this good. Didn't know that is felt this good. I was pumping her and felt myself drift closer and closer to an organism. Yay! Yes. Yes.

I think I wrote this in fifth grade. Hot story, bro. I was pumping her and felt myself drift closer and closer to an organism. I wanted her to come before so I stated to fingray her asshole too. That put her over the edge and she came. Then I came just seconds after her. We are still together to this day.

So good. Wow. Wow. That spelling of finger, I guess, is the international English spelling of finger. I like that just about every sexual congress that's happened has almost the exact same section of events. Yep. I started to pump, and she started to moan harder. Right. Yeah. But,

but even before that, it's always like, it's always like there's some sort of shirt and then somebody does something to one person. And then the other person was like, well, now it's my turn. Yeah. And somebody comes before they're done having sex.

Now it's my turn to get the diapers. Yeah. And we are still together. So, John toast. Hey guys, I got a new song. I wanted to demo to you. And we are still together. So, John Toast. Hey, guys. I got a new song I wanted to demo to you. It's called Biggest Dickas.

You want to hear it? Is this related to the episode? Hell yeah. Sure, let's go with that. This kind of isn't the time or the place, Toast. I mean, sounds like fun. This really looks like an R. Kelly song to me. Well, I was at a party, pissed out of my head.

Started necking with a fat boot, then she ragged me upstairs and ripped my pants off. By this time, my pina colada was ready to explode. Then she did it. She touched my pina colada with her hand! Oh, shit! I erupted everywhere! All over my leg and all over my friend's

bed. I had to walk to the bathroom past everyone looking like I had been ectoplasmed by slimer. With my wood swaying in the wind, too. I remember that day for the rest of my life. I can't wait till I actually have sex. Whoopee.

So good. So good. You know, I was trepidatious, but you're right. It's really good. It's really good. Thanks. Thanks. I'm going to go to an open mic

next night and try it again. Will you guys come? What did you just find? Fuck me as hard as Pokemon! And how does this story go? We fucked hard while watching

Pokemon! Sex is Yummy! Yay! Almost a haiku. I think you wrote a better song than I did. Hey, uh, hey, Kumquats, what is the most viewed story on MyFirstTime.com?

In the sidebar. Okay, somebody else how I fucked my mom there we go alright 1.3 million views 1.3 million people wanted to read

how that guy fucked his mom specifically how he fucked his mom by this time my piña colada was about ready to explode

it looked like I love the classics, you know? Oh, all right, Isahan. Hi. Another choice here. I got two stories. They are both written by males, surprisingly enough. The first story takes place at my room, and it is called Trekkers. Trekkers, with a Z.

The second story takes place on the bathroom floor, and it's called Hot Bitch. Oh, shit. I think I and it's called Hot Bitch. Oh, shit. I think I got to go with Hot Bitch. Yeah, you got to go with that Hot Bitch. Right. I'm a male. This happened on the bathroom floor, bro. Cool.

Sanitary. We'd only been going out for about two weeks When I went to her house To supposedly Work on homework Man I chose the right voice for this Yeah Well that changed I got there and her parents were home

So we sat down and started making out I stated to get hard Oh sorry We sat down and stared making out And then After and stared making out. And then after we stared making out, I stated to get hard. And somehow, she could

tell. So she said, we should have sex. I was like, yes! Yes! She peonted me in the direction of the bathroom, where her dad kept a box of condoms. Oh, weird.

She told me where the were. See the big fight at the condo. Dimexian infracourse. She told me where the were. I started waking to the bathroom. I got there, and she came running down the hall. I thought her parents were home or something, but she slamed the door and locked it from the outside. Whoa.

How did she do that? Is she like an escape artist? That's amazing. Her right arm is a Slim Jim. So her parents' bedroom door locks from the outside? Yeah, that's how... The builders are very, very not good at their jobs. I picture her hand becoming like a cartoon stretchy...

Like her arm becoming a cartoon stretchy arm and stretching out the window, outside the house, through the front door. Her dad is Mr. Fantastic. Her parents just have a secret prison bathroom. She locked it from the outside. She said, I won't unlock it until you get naked. I guess she says all the rest of this because the quote marks never end. I see it okay. So willingly, because I had been waiting for a couple months for this moment, I did what she said.

Then I told her I was done. She didn't want to risk getting cum or anything on the floor, so she wanted to do it in the bathroom. The bathroom doesn't have a floor. Jesus Christ. With no objections, she opened the door. Lay down, face up on the floor, she said in an aggressive tone. I wanted to play sex games with I thought she was doing and said no and stated undressing her. Nice. Good job, buddy.

This bathroom was huge, so she pushed me down. Ouch. Damn. As in the thing beavers build. So that's not sexy at all. Yeah. I have a concussion. Get thrown naked to the bathroom floor.

Well, it's okay. It's a really big bathroom, so it's fine. Yeah. No, that's why it's so sexy. Damn. This bitch is reality. Cirrus. And she just wants to have sex.

Why did they die? She took off her shirt and DD cut bra. Me being already naked and having the condom on, she laid down, and we started mecking out again. Meck out. Meck out. Mecking everyone inside. She set a spy-i-fike agenda. Oh, the lost Spice Girls album.

I was to make out with her while, as in feminine whiles, thacking the rest of her clothes, cloths off. I did as she said. Then we were still making out, but she was touching my now mother fucking hard cock trying to get it to come. Yeah, use the word mother some more. Split it up into two words. Put a space in mother fucking. Space between mother and fucking and describe your penis?

The mother fucking hard cock. We stopped making out and she mothed my cock. And we don't want this to get any holes in it when we put it in the closet. I guess that means I have moth balls now.

That's what I got. Approved. I shot a fucking huge load into her mouth. She started dirty tally, calling me a motherfucker for shooting my load without her pemy on. She started moving it around. Then she finally stood up. She told me to guid her pussy to my cock. I did.

She grabbed hold of the sink and started pumping, so I shot a load, Aggie Ann, and she had an or- Yes! She had? She had? She had an orgasm. I always try to plant orgasms in the spring,

but they always fail by the autumn. We never forgot that day. We are still going out and still have sex. Our parents never know. We do it in that same place every week. Oh, yeah. The conjugal bathroom floor.

Oh, God. We are still together. The one thing that I'm trying to just mentally picture Is like okay so they're Already fucking And then she gets up and then she's like Guide my pussy to your cock What does that action look like

It looks like in flight retooling Yeah Yeah. He just reads juvenile lyrics to her. Call me Big Daddy. Gotta back that ass up. Oh, who was he playing with? Back that ass up. Oh, good. Oh, who was he playing with? Back that ass up. Oh, good. Okay, cool. Uh, hey

guys, would you like to hear about a comedic sexperience? Oh, boy, would I? I'm sure it'll be the least funny thing we read. Okay. Okay, this happened in her house. Oh, I'm female! Okay, great. Uh, so I'm female. Okay, my girlfriend and I were going out for about three months at the time and decided that it was okay for us to have sex.

Well, I took her into her other house. She has two. And I started talking really dirty to her. And she was doing the same to me. Simultaneously. Simultaneously. Hey, wanna sex you, wanna sex you, do it sweet, that's that, pussy over here, pussy over there.

It's Vahan Dirty Talk. I started striping her slowly. It's a Pepe talk I started I started striping her Slowly It's a Pepe LePuc at a situation When I got to Undoing that Damn bra

I scratched her about four times Trying to get the stupid thing off Another woman Just clawing at it After it was off I went to her panties off. Another woman is clawing at it. After it was off, I went to her panties and pulled them down her leg. And I looked inside.

And there were bloodstains that looked like they were her mom's old underwear. Why am I getting all of these? What? How would that denote it as being her mom's old underwear? Who's giving these to Lemon? I don't. It seemed like I didn't.

Okay, let's see how this goes. I acted like I didn't see it. And by the way, it didn't make me get any hornier, I'll tell you that. I got her panties off and I started eating her. Not out, just eating her. This is a war story now. And she was moaning oh and ah sort of things. Oh and ah.

Oh and ah. After about 15 minutes of that, my tongue got a cramp. So I decided to break both of our virginities and slide it in. Slide what in? Slide it in. The tongue.

The cramped tongue. Man, that first feeling was better than any masturbating that I had ever done. Man. It felt so good that in about ten minutes, I came. Oh, I guess I'm just male and I don't know how to fill things out. Yeah, it's a sex. Obviously, I had sex with a female. This is a female, not a man.

Excuse me, buddy. But she wasn't fully fulfilled. And I didn't want to leave her hanging. And I wanted to go at it some more. So, we started making love again. My big hard dick that never gets off. It lasted, excuse me, Adam, excuse me. It lasted for two and a half hours.

Jesus. We went into so many positions my whole body ached by the end. I was wondering how long it would take her to get off. And believe me, I knew! Her tight

little pussy squeezed my seven and a half inch cock and that made me cum again. And we both yelled and it was the greatest experience of my life i what what was the what was comedic about that i guess she's got two houses that's kind of funny uh my tongue cramped uh yeah it's the all right it's the debate and switch of the story which it says it happened in her house we found it actually happened in her other house. Oh, yeah, you're right.

That is a mislead. See, you didn't expect that. You know, that's some of Jimmy Carr's best work, I think. Pretty good. pretty good uh that's it yes hello uh would you please read the story

entitled cum explosion you want cum quad to read the story made for him well yep please please hi cum explosion You want Kumquat to read the story made for him? Well, yep. Please, please. I come explosion! It was a rainy evening. All cold outside and hot inside. Very hot inside.

I get it. My parents were out that day, and I had to take care of my baby brother. He's two years old. I was so hungry. Okay, I don't like this. It's fine, it's fine, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

I was hungry that I ordered pizza from our nearest pizza parlor. 20 minutes later the pizza delivery guy came. Story over, bye. He was nowhere near me. Somewhere out in town. He just came

boom my god he was drop dead gorgeous his pale blue eyes and curly hair and swimmer like body turned me on instantly I greeted him with a sensuous smile and

unbuttoned the first two nits of my tight fitting sleeveless top till he could see my black pinkish bra. Gosh! I felt sexy! During the point, like, when he hands you the credit card slip to sign? Like, when were you doing this part? Yeah.

What color is black pink? Blackish pink? Black pinkish. Black pinkish? Black this part? Yeah. What color is black pink? Blackish pink? Black pinkish. Black pinkish? Black pinkish. Yeah. Gosh! I'm gonna get you, black pinkish!

I caught him staring at my firm, sexy boobs! I offered him to come in my house! Boom! Thanks, I just came. He dropped the pizza on the floor. What the fuck? He's a terrible pizza delivery guy, I'll tell you that much. I'm still gonna fucking eat it.

My baby brother was sleeping. He was so high. Your baby brother? He was a pizza delivery driver, of course he was sleeping. He was so high. Your baby brother? He was a pizza delivery driver. Of course he was high. I've never met one who wasn't. Then he pulled me close to him. That's what you do when you're high.

I could feel his chest agace into my breast. He wrapped my hands around mine. I could feel his hand going to my back and unbuttoning the hook of my bra. In just a few minutes, we were both naked. I could say that he is a real man. I won't, but I could.

Promise keeper. We kissed so hard. And it was getting really hot. I felt all wet. He laid me on the dining table. Where the pizza was supposed to go, but dropped it. Now it's on the floor because we're fucking. A place where I always wanted to do.

So wild and horny that it turned me on. Yeah. I held his cock tight and started stroking it. Slowly. Slowly. Slowly. Fast.

Faster. I could hear him moaning in pleasure. He held my wrist. He started fondling with it and licking. He started off with my belly button to tits. There you go. Yeah, that's a real man indeed.

And then gently sucking my nipples. And my whole breast. It's John Hinton. It was so good. And my whole breast is drawn in. It was so good. I mourned in pleasure. Yeah, hell yeah. For the loss of my breast. You ever do that where you fuck so good they grieve?

Shit. Ah! Oha! I went down and started doing him. He took me up and started inserting his dick into mine. Wait, what? Plot twist. Yeah. Yeah.

Ouch. Is it behind? Cold docking. I think because he dropped the pizza, he's going to get his pay docked. Why? Yay! Why? Yay! Why?

Why'd you do that? Toast, you may have said yay, but you needed a moment, I could tell. I was just savoring the reaction of everybody else. You're pretty good. Oh. The first few stroke was painful but gentle. After a while, he started stroking it harder. Stroking what harder?

One of your dicks, I don't know. They're dicks that are in a quantum state of the same dick. These dicks have fused! I was so high that I cummed! I erected so badly that it nearly wet my dining table cloth this statue is a shame

I erected the story structure so badly look they're fucking so hard that they're just smashing their genders together it's really erotic he then continues stroking harder and finally cummed. He cummed into my mouth and all over my face. Sure.

This is like having sex with the going to the store guy. The best part The best part Was that he come down to my ass And my tits He was after the mouth and the face All over Before leaving He's a contortionist

Yeah Ding dong What? Ding dong Ding dong The doorbell rang That's what doorbells do What? Excuse me! Ting-tong! Ting-tong! The doorbell rang! That's what doorbells do.

Okay. The pizza guy came! Again! What? What's happening? Handed the pizza! Oh, he fucked the pizza? No, he handed it. He gave it to him before he headed it.

The pizza that's on the floor? Come explosion lady has come unstuck in time. No, guys, don't you see what happened? It was a fantasy. I smiled, unbuttoned the two knits, the first two knits of my blouse, but, but,

he left, and I sighed and slammed the door oh you bitch and as she's walking away her glasses fall off her face she can't read the pizzas now there was time now dare you I like Essohan's theory

she's the Billy Pilgrim of porn stories hey boots hey boots the Billy Pilgrim of porn stories. Hey, Boots. Hey, Boots. You're looking at the same document I'm looking at, right? I am. Has there ever been a Memento porno parody? So you're looking there at the story that Kumquat's Apple just read,

that cum explosion. Yeah, yeah. Can you scroll down just a little bit and guess which one I'm about to give you? There's three options that all seem like likely ones but i yeah i feel like you're probably gonna give me the pot help me get laid one i'm sorry read that again oh sorry pot help me get laid yeah would you take that please okay uh i'm male just happened in my basement yep all right all right before i right, before I start, I should tell you a little bit about me and the woman I made love to. I was 15 at the time, 240 pounds.

Whoa. Yeah. Black hair, blue eyes, and about a seven-inch dick. It's six now. I assume it's seven inches. I can't actually see it. Seven inches past my gut. I had a very depressing life

because my mother and others. And I did not think anything of myself. She was 50 at the time also. She was kind of easy, but I loved her anyway. I'm really likable, right? Mm-hmm. Good.

I guess I should start now, huh? Yes, please. Now that you've set the stage so well. Well, I just started school. A very specific school. Oh, you fucking prick! Well, I knew no one and I didn't want to know anyone I was a loner plain and simple

well I met Michelle at driver's education she started flirting and that led to her spending tonight with me by flirting I mean well from the first time we ever talked alone,

we were kissing like mad. Like that, yeah. A few days later, she spent the night at my house and she grinded against me a lot. All we would do is sit around and get stoned, playing with each other. All we would do is sit around and get stoned playing with each other. Well, I told her I wanted to give her a full body massage. I have a habit of making females feel like princess.

In as much as I'm a troll that steals them away from my house. But it isn't all roses. It sucks when they won't leave you alone. My problem is I'm too attractive. Well, she agreed and removed her clothes. I started slowly paying attention to her nipples and her clit. Just like your eyes flicking back and forth. Are those nipples? I guess I didn't see those.

It's surprising how close they were to each other. She's also contortionist. After I finished, she wanted to return the favor. So I laid down and smiles and pulled her down to me. She asked, what are you doing? Nothing. I said with a grin. I slowly slid

inside her and spent the next three hours making passionate love to her. No lust intended. What the fuck does that mean if there's one thing you can do while stoned it's fuck for three hours yeah no really slowly after that she went cock crazy and my after that yeah and my new my new nickname was bugs buddy

my new nickname was bugs buddy of course because you dress up in drag yeah very pretty she ended up getting pregnant she went psycho over jealousy which i don't understand since she cheated on me with four on me four times and i loved her so much my dumb ass kept running back i think you're a little bit off message there but no i'm just so get into the story man it's happening it's really good oh you're gonna fucking love it because because i know how the story, man. It's happening. It's going to be really good. Oh, really? Are you? I fucking love it. Because I know how the story ends. Because this is my story. Yeah.

So, boy, it's going to pay off. I'm so glad. Boy, it sure is. You're going to love this. Everybody listening to this podcast, this story is really going to pay off. Because I know how it ends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no.

Boost your microphone. It fell down the well. Well, seeing as how that horrible thing happened to your microphone, I guess we'll just have to switch over to Adam. Adam, you have a list of titles, isn't that right? Yeah. What's your list of titles there? This is my list of just miscellaneous titles. Yay! Okay. Jerking off.

It's great. Incest, mom. This was not incest. Oh, okay. Doing the bank teller. This is my favorite dance. The Energizer Bunny. Cyber loving.

Creamy car sex. Ew. Lay a palooza. Like a palooza of getting laid. They don't call me Terry Threesome for nothing Batman Why do they call you Terry Threesome?

Best Bud's beating it Yeah That's just cute You know, that's just fun Best Bud's beating it Best Bud's beating it, only on ABC Followed by Ralph, you bastard Best Bud's beating it. Best Bud's beating it. Only on ABC. Followed by Ralph, you bastard.

Followed by... Pussy bull! I made a virgin into a whore! The way I like it! Porno quality sex! Oh, that's a good movie. What's the sequel to that movie called? No Hard Dick. 20 reps in my vagina.

Fucking my own wife. Can you believe it, folks? It happened, but we're not gay. Excellent. Good, good, good, good I would be sad if we hadn't gotten to that at some point in the episode Shiny glance So, Adam, I'm sorry to ask you this in the middle of your list

But I'm just curious, what's your favorite Newbery Award winning children's book? The Boy Who couldn't come. Fill me up, Rambo. My username? PaulSex. No, I'm sorry. Your username has been banned. You're going to have to make a new account. My new account is JohnnyWad.

Oh, that username is also banned. How about Italian Stallion? Or Itty Lion Stallion. Fuck. It's a lion. Fuck. Okay. Fuck.

Sex on the beach in the hotel room. On the beach? On the beach in the hotel room. On the beach? On the beach in the hotel room. Okay. Two bikinis, two pussies. Well, the math checks out. One dick leaves. Pull to master!

For the Sega Genesis. Yeah. And then, come Questop, you said you had a surprise. I'm terrified. I don't know if I want to. My girlfriend Caitlin and I both love Harry Potter. I've always had a fascination with Hermione. When I was just 10, I saw her in The Prisoner of Azkaban and fell in love with her.

Caitlin is aware of my love for Emma Watson and actually kind of likes it. One day, about three years ago, I was alone in my bedroom watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and masturbating at Hermione in her sexy dress. I enjoyed it so much and pretended I was having sex with her. This was until Caitlin walked in on me.

She was appalled and said she felt betrayed. I said I was sorry and wanted to make it up to her. I asked if she wanted to have sex to try and she said yes, only if I turn the TV off. So we got naked and started fucking. My mind was still on Emma Watson's rocking body. I began moaning Hermione instead of Caitlyn and pictured myself fucking her instead. I came a lot faster and she dumped me afterwards for thinking this. Kind of an asshole-ish move to fuck her

for the first time and thinking someone else. But that doesn't matter because my new girlfriend Mikayla loves roleplaying and her favorite by far is to play Hermione while I play their I, Harry or Ron or Draco or even Snape. Cool. Not a lot of girlfriends

will let you play different roles like that. Well, she gets to play the one. It's nice you got to experience that for your first time. Yeah. What you got there, John? I've got a story entitled, Hawny! Hawny!

Where are all these girls that suck dick and fuck? I am so fucking horny and need to beat off about three times a day and even beat off with my friend Eric. But nobody is grabbing my dick and taking it up the pussy. I read all these stories and get a boner and jerk into my socks. Come on, girls, do me too.

I will eat your pussy and wear a rubber. Just want to come inside ya. Now I got to fuck my hand And we are still together The very last story that I need to bring you Because I believe in real time Up to the minute journalism This story is called

I'm coming Do you want to know where this happened? Where? Do you want to know where this happened? My room right now Do you want to know where this happened? Where? Do you want to know where this happened? Where? My room. Right now. It's happening right now.

And I have to tell someone. Terry, my girlfriend, is sucking my dick. Wait, Terry Threesome? It's been going on for about ten minutes. And I'm coming right now inside her mouth. And it feels

so damn good. She is looking at me with those beautiful blue eyes and enjoying my dick just like a popsicle. Sex is great. Oh, I'm sorry. Just like a popsicle. There you great. Oh, I'm sorry. Just like a posicle. There you go.

Now it's hot. Sex is great. What do we learn from any of this, F-Plus? Sex is great. I am a meat posicle. There sure are a lot of people whose first times were suspiciously porno-like. Yeah, everybody's

first times really follow the same beats as a pornography does. Yeah, that's interesting. You're right. It is similar to pornography. Why do you think that is? I don't know. Because there are 14, 15 year old kids writing this. This clearly isn't pornography.

Clearly. You're right. It clearly is not pornography. Clearly not meant to titillate. You know, it's odd with the subject meant to titillate you know it's it's odd with the subject matter to say this but i think this website came from a more innocent time of the internet when somebody was just like i'll just start a site where people can tell their first times and it'll be a nice sharing experience where we'll get honest stories and then cue later and then it's just like it's just filled up with porno transcripts. All right. Yeah. That experiment's out of the way.

My first time, I went down on her, and then we fucked for two hours. Yeah. Mate, on that topic, so, like, there's, like, this new design that my first time got, although they kind of, like, kept a bunch of these stories. But they, like, took it into this, like, new design, which means that somebody's looked at the site, I don't know, in the last, well, it looks like copyright 2015. So somebody looked at the site two years ago. And they didn't bother to go, oh, shit, like, the most read story is how I fucked my mom. Like, maybe we should rejuke these stats a little bit. Followed by sex with my two cousins, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe we shouldn't do, like, homepage-featured sex with my two cousins. Maybe we shouldn't do that. I mean, it's a dicey situation anyway, because it's all about, like, talking about teenagers having sex, you know? That's true. Like, where do you draw the line? I draw the line at not doing it. Do you think that the...

Do you think that there was... Do you think that this was started with any sort of, like... Well, I think it's actually important to look at the archive.org link, because that looks like a straight- up GeoCities website. Oh yeah, for sure. You mentioned this a little earlier, but this totally is. Remember when guest books were a thing?

Yeah. This is that. Somebody was like, what if we had a guest book, but like a sex book? Literally on the front page of the guest book. On the front page of the guest book on the front page of the archive website it has like a little like spinning golden

Playboy Bunny logo and it's like top 25 sites you know their feature on the internet can you jerk off to it I dare you I dare you motherfucker you know in the context of looking at this as something somebody came up with on their angel fire page it is yeah yeah but yes you're right

the fact that somebody redesigned it in ostensibly 2015 it was like yeah this is a great idea i can ship it free money and why bother keeping this shit because it's like i mean you could just start over and you'll end up getting that same material again like it'll be not only the same subject matter but also the same quality level yeah because you're never going to run out of people who are like starting to go through puberty and they're horny and they know what sex is, but they don't know the difference between like first time sex and writing us trying to claim that their first time was we went through the entire calm Kama Sutra. I'm looking right now on the ball pit thread called related to nothing.

I just like this picture. It is up to 678 pages. Best thread ever. Doing pretty good. Let's see, what's this page got? It's got Zack Taylor-Rocca going, Grilling in the name of... That's a fun thread.

Sanguinary Novel's been doing some really incredible shit right now. There's this thing where it's like image manipulation. Image manipulation with audacity. And buy shit? I don't know. Buy shit. Or do. Do. Actually, you know what?

If I had my choice, between don't and do, I'm going to choose do. If you had to buy stuff, do. Do it. It's a brave stance you've taken, Lemon. Thanks. Thanks. Bye-bye.

You can buy stamps for your audience. Bye. Bye. Think calm. Think. Thanks. Baby girl ain't no verge. What you mean she ain't no verge? Baby girl ain't no verge. What you mean my bitch ain't no verge? Baby girl ain't no verge.

Baby girl ain't no verge. Baby girl ain't no verge. Baby girl ain't no verge. Baby girl ain't no verge. I guess a Brandon felt left out, and suddenly I felt his seven inches enter my thigh ass. Seven inches of what? Did we start? Did I?

Sounds like y'all are reading something. Actually, I'm going to eat. I'll be right back. my thigh ass. Seven inches. Did we start? Or did I? Hey, it sounds like y'all are reading something. Actually, I'm going to, I'll be right back. All right. Oh my God.

He's got a robot out. Sorry, I usually do this beforehand.