The F Plus - 279: Masters of Bating

Episode Date: May 14, 2018

If you're looking for a place where old men are chattin' about jackin', you could do a lot worse than JackinChat dot com. These are men who have transcended masturbation as you might know it and recognize it as the only pure form of human expression; an expression best conveyed with sexually explicit emoticons. This week, The F Plus is going for The Full 24 Hours.

I am going to present you with a document given to us, Bruce Reingears, just posting naked photos of Dave Navarro in Discord right now. Hey, welcome to the F Plus Podcast. It's a terrible place. There's terrible things right with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have boost rain gear. Sometimes I'm better in the shower and I'm extra horny. I want to use my imagination and reminisce about women from my past. I shampoo up my cock and rub it against the shower wall. It's a great way to start the morning. Adam Bozarth. What a blessing to know other devout Christians who embrace our Lord's gift of masturbation are here.

Jack Chick. I have a two-terra Patrick by an external hard drive. Ha ha, get it? No other devout Christians who embrace our Lord's gift of masturbation are here. Jack Chick, I have a two-Terra Patrick bite external hard drive. Ha ha, get it? Terra Patrick bite. Come, Quasar. This is the best time for porn in the history of jacking off. And Lemon, the best place to jerk off, right next to a bud. Hey, F+. Oh, hello.

Hey, Lemon. Hey, how do you feel about internet communities? Really excited. I really like the one on Ball Pits. Ball Pits, yeah, that's one community. You know, I think that one of the things that this podcast has shown and demonstrated over and over again is that when groups of people get together and talk about a common interest, that goes really well. Everybody. Just like everyone.

Everything comes out happier and more sane. That's an overarching theme of the podcast for well. Everybody. Just like everyone. Everybody comes out happier and more sane. That's an overarching theme of the podcast for sure. Yep. Yep. Yeah. So recognizing that that is a truism, we're going to introduce you to a document given a first-time submitter, Napoleon Blown Apart. And this is a site called JackinChat. So we're here to talk about Jack Chick?

Maybe. Maybe. I think that's probably likely. It's your site for Jackin and Yakkin. JackinChat. JackinChat. The logo is the I and Jack and is a sperm. And then there's like a little cum sploosh behind the logo.

And it says masturbation online community for adults. Welcome to Jack and Chat. Jack and Chat is an online masturbation community for like-minded adults who enjoy the act of masturbation. Jack and Chat is open to both men and women. Over the age of 18, Jack and Chat is for the open discussion of masturbation, sex, sexuality, or anything else on your mind. We offer free masturbation-themed chat message boards and more. You agree to our terms of service.

message boards and more. You agree to our terms of service. And one of the things that you will immediately, immediately find when you click through the homepage into literally any page on Jack and Chat is there's lots of photos of dongs. So if you, the F Plus listener, are interested in just sort of like looking along at the sites as we're looking at it, just know there are going to be lots and lots and lots of photos of presumably British dongs. What makes you think that it would be British? To be fair, a lot of these photos really sort of highlight the nutsack over the dongs for some reason. Okay, okay.

Well, that's where the sperm comes from so we get the full package well let's yeah so let's uh let's just dig into this and and uh uh learn a little bit so um so uh the first uh thread here is called excessive masturbation um and uh boots i want you to start off with Britsterbator. Britsterbator. I'm a Britsterbator. Crikey. Crikey.

Crikey. All right. I'm able to edge five to six hours and unload. Hours? Hours? Hours? Yeah. So, Bob, what did you do when you got off work yesterday? Jacked it.

Focused. Notice, there's a lot you can accomplish when you work from home. I mean, you're talking about Microsoft Edge, right? Decent browser. Yeah. Five to six hours and unload and with no rest keep my dick semi hard slowly working it up again and within five to ten minutes be rock hard again and keep jacking off the second round i'm able to keep jacking off another 45 to 60 minutes, sometimes longer. Okay.

Where'd my Sunday go? Now, which version of Sunday do you mean? Did you make yourself a Sunday and then you're wondering why it melted? Where did my day of sun go? Sorry, 45 minutes, sometimes longer, and have another nasty ending. Ew, gross. You don't like my term, nasty ending? Is a nasty ending included in the price?

I'm working on jerking off a few hours on load and keep jerking off with no breaks. You know, like I just said there. That's what the gig economy does to all of us. Just keep repeating the cycle. Sounds real fucking horny and nasty to me. Any comments? Whoa. The longest edge is 23 hours, 45 minutes.

Oh! Fantastic. Wow. 24 terrific hours. Keep your jizz off a hard body competition. Do you think this guy was just edging during all of Garbage Day? Just like the whole thing? I kind of hope so. Wow.

It was always really hard when Boots would sing cha-cha-cha. Yeah. It was really hard. I am Duality84. Wow. That is absolute amazing jerking talent. Keep up the good work. And keep pushing yourself to masturbate even longer.

Eclipsing that 24-hour mark of stroking and edging. Masturbation emoji. Masturb edging. Masturbation emoji. Masturbation emoji. Masturbation emoji. I really wish we had Frank West here to tell us how that sounds. Yeah. Yeah. I just like that Duality84 is like the jerk-off coach.

Yeah. It's good work there, buddy. I want to keep seeing a good effort out of you. I want to see you be able to push that edging limit over 24 hours. Yeah, he's just yelling at you through a megaphone like a cockswain. Wow! Wow! That is a rowing joke.

Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Jack? Hi, I'm Nudist Bader, and I'm responding to Fun with Kirk, who said, I'm totally an addict. It's becoming a problem. I'm always late to stuff, and last week I missed a wake I was supposed to be at.

Supposed to be at. Leave me alone. He's still going to be dead. I love this stuff but it is really hurting other aspects of my life. Is this one of those wakes I'm supposed to be at, or is this one I can skip? This is a skippable wake. Only because you haven't prioritized masturbation in your life.

You only feel that you are missing these other things. Once you embrace your addiction, nothing else matters. This is like that boiler room speech. Yeah. The only way out is spew. Oh boy. Well, uh,

I am HP2 Damie. Okay. Well, for me, there is no such thing as excessive masturbation. I'm always looking to beat my cock. If I'm home, in my car, at work. Being arrested, being arraigned. I go to sleep beating.

Wake up to continue. Get dressed for work. My cock and balls stay out. Even as I walk out the door and get to my car and beat until I park at work. His neighbors love him. My name's Unregistered. I hope everyone is stroking the shit out of your cocks. Yeah.

I hope everyone are in hours of edging. Here's what you do. Just edge for eight hours and 12 minutes starting at midnight. Maybe that's what I did. I don't know. Okay. Anyway, tenses are weird. There's nothing more glorious than still not coming as the sun comes up.

Oh, so good. So good. Intense session with me pounding my fist on the mattress on wow pics. What? Wait. World of Warcraft, real sexy. Session with me pounding my fist on the mattress on wow pics. What? Wait. World of Warcraft, real sexy. So intense that a couple times I walked to another room standing with my cock thorbing,

pumping my fist in the air because of all the intense stroking. Pump, pump, fist bump. Pump, pump, fist bump. Pump, pump, fist bump. Yeah, no, I've thorbed too. I'm just remembering the situation's dance instructions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, no sleep.

An hour break and back at it. Stroking rules. Wow. You're living the dream, Unregistered. Wow. and back at it. Stroking rules! Wow! You're living the dream, Unregistered. Wow! I wish I could be there. I wish I could be that excited about anything in my life. Hey Jack, I have a question for you.

Yeah, what's going on? What's your proudest masturbation event? By Jack, of course, I mean Jerk A-20-O's. You're from Melbourne. I sure am. I'd heard rumors that a mate at school had jerked off ten times in one day. This guy was better than me at everything at school, so I decided wanking was where I could beat him.

Nice. Oh my god. Of all things. I faked a sick day off school and set to work as soon as the house was empty. I only got to nine before I ran out of time and come. I didn't beat him, but I had a fun day and was proud of my efforts. Just point out you were 32 years,

32 years old when you wrote that story i'm just imagining like al bundy and the touchdowns i'm cream master really like the band cream i had a proud moment last week i had been horny all morning Saturday because I had not come for two days. A long time for me. I watched porn on the web for hours. I could feel how full I was of everything. Seminal and prostatic fluids and sperm. Prostatic fluids.

I think that's blood, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. And sperm. Prostatic growth. I think that's blood, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. And sperm. And pre-cum. And was dripping out non-stop. I reached down below my balls and felt my prostate. I stroked deeply against it

with two fingers. I felt and saw a big dollop of juice, pre-cum sperm pump out of my slit in the cock head. Wow! Wow! So erotic. Great. Yeah. Then I wondered

how much more, if any, I could pump out by stimulating my prostate with one hand while stroking my cock with the other. I got into the best position for this on my knees and started stroking. I put a shot glass under my cock to catch whatever came out. I didn't have a graduated cylinder for my pre-cum. To my surprise, I pumped out another big dollop

and another and another until I filled the shot glass and there was even clouds of sperm in the glass. Yes, I would assume there were. And also produced an outgoing orgasm. Yeah, I mean, you know, you really, you know,

when you take over managing a bar, you really got to control the amount of pour, you know. Yeah, I mean, you know, you really, you know, when you take over managing a bar, you really got to control the amount of pour. You know, you got to keep track of. I mean, margins are important, you know. I had literally drained my balls and glands, but was still horny, and I had not yet come. I slurped down the shot glass. What? And it got to work on my

order. You knew that was coming. Yeah. Yes. I was very proud to have such control over my genitals. I don't actually think you do have control over your genitals.

The genitals have control over you. Yeah. Nonsense. It'sitals kind of control over you. Yeah. Nonsense. He's just one of those normal guys who spends literally all of his free time masturbating. What? By the way, this was the best way to acquire a taste for

drinking your own sperm. Do it when you are still horny. Wow. I'm a 54-year-old man from Canada. Is that like the perpetual motion machine? Yes. This is what they're getting up to in Ottawa these days.

Oh, hello. Hello there. Hey, who are you? I'm Dick Guy. Oh, Dick Guy? Wow. Congratulations on nabbing that name on this forum. Can you tell me a little bit about Oh, Dick Guy? Wow, congratulations on nabbing that name on this forum. Can you tell me a little bit about you, Dick Guy?

Yeah, I'm an 80-year-old heterosexual male from Minnesota. Oh, man. 80 years old. So, hey, Lemon, how old is your dad? Get a model train. My name's Dick Guy. All right. With nearly 60 years of jacking off behind me.

Wade, you're past it. You're beyond it. It would be difficult to pick the best one. But for sure, everybody, everybody, grandkids all get around. Yeah, no, we're listening. Who am I kidding? I don't have, grandkids, all get around. Yeah, no, we're listening. Who am I kidding? I don't have any grandkids. But one of the most memorable would be this one.

In 1956, when I was 19, I had a job at a summer camp in northern Wisconsin. One of the days between the camper periods and only the camp staff was there, I borrowed one of the camp trucks and went fishing by myself. I laid back on the rock, and with the hot sun shining directly down on me and no one around for miles, I dropped my shorts and began stroking. Okay, sure, okay. When my cum was about to erupt, I stood up and let it fly into the river. I don't know if the fish enjoyed the protein lunch, but I certainly enjoyed the great orgasm in the beautiful outdoor location.

Wet, gross American summer. Yours truly, dick guy. The original script for A River Runs Through was a little on the nose. Come quets up. Your name's Masturbation Master, and I have a question for you. My name's CJ Baker. I'm from Nebraska. Do

any of you guys prefer jacking off to fucking your wives? I like both, but really, it seems I'm enjoying jacking off to fucking your wives? I like both, but really, it seems I'm enjoying jacking more than fucking my wife. What do you guys think? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I'll tell you why I think I'm masturbation master one. I have been married for 18 years, and for the last six years, I have not fucked, doink, my wife. Pussy emoji, dick emoji. I don't like any of that huging and kissing and or foreplay crap anymore. Middle finger, Smiley. My hand never gets ahead ACH, like the bank transfer, presumably. Aye, laddie, that's a head off.

Yeah, yeah. Hand is always ready. No foreplay needed. He gets hard. I lube him. Then start stroking my awesome cock as I've done all of my life. Awesome cock, it rains on the floor. I don't want to fuck pussy anymore.

I just masturbate as much as I want, anytime I want, to keep feeding my masturbation addiction. Boing. My wife, Love, knows I love to masturbate way more than fucking her pussy. And she accepts it. Ah, boing. I said, doink! Related to that, Adam, you are smooth a tool. Of course you are.

Of course you are. I have a question I want to ask you, okay? Hey, wanking in the garden, anyone else do it? I am right now. I'm smooth the tool. Nothing better than winking in the garden when you're open to the elements and the neighbor's prying eyes. Oh man, it's great feeling and you have a great.

And, uh, uh, smooth. What's your signature? My cock is for wanking. This cock is for wanking. Wanking. This cock is for wanking. Your rank is amateur jack and chatter. Wow. Jack chat pro am. Oh, so, yeah, hi.

I'm unregistered, but I'm still allowed to post here. There's something about using the word penis. Go on. Although I frequently use other words like cock or dick, et cetera. Something I really like about using the word penis double dash especially when I'm having a C2C mic or cam

and mic chat with another guy and know that might sound weird but do others feel this way? It can be quite arousing to use it. Penis, penis, penis, penis. Even just while I'm stroking and watching porn by myself. Penis, penis, penis, penis. Even just while I'm stroking and watching porn by myself. Penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis.

Look at his penis and my penis. Hello? Hello? Someone there? And Boots, your name is Hard Eight Time? Yeah, my name is Hard Eight Time. I mean, Tim. Word.

Word. I believe the word penis, masturbate, ejaculate, and erection are holy words. I always capitalize them when writing. I often close my eyes tight. And I did right there. In fact, I did capitalize. I often close my eyes tight and repeat these words while I am pleasuring my penis. Isn't it amazing what a simple word can do? Yeah, it's magic.

Penis. This is a thread called Computer Jacking. And Jack Chick, your name is Kent. My name sure is Kent. You're 29 years old and you're curious. Yeah, so this is all about computer jacking. Mm-hmm.

Some fucking William Gibson shit. Yeah. My favorite way to jack off is to get naked and lay on my bed. Then when I'm edging, some really hot porn is usually all it takes to keep me at the edge until I'm ready to cum.

So I take porn mags to bed, maybe with some toys, and I also watch video on the TV. Thing is, there's so much great porn on the internet. Oh, interesting. Okay. Ellipsis ellipsis. And cyberjacking in the chat rooms. Cyberjacking?

What? Alright, Johnny Mnemonic. Okay, so we found the cop. Either that or he's a shadow run larper. Or it's Lawnmower Man. Hey kids, what are you getting up to in here? Cyberjacking in the chat room? Hello there, fellow cyberjackers. Cyberjacking.

That the computer is really a good place to jack off. But sitting in front of a computer is not really such a great jacking position. Not as comfortable as the bed. And you gotta try to keep cum off the chair. How is that hard? And your hands get pre-cum and cum on them.

Okay, well now you're just complaining about masturbating. I'm apparently very bad at masturbating and can't figure out a solution. So you gotta try to not get sex juice on the keyboard. Yeah, no, I think that, yeah. When was this written? 2008? That's still too late for that.

I just can't think of another way to aim my penis except for at the keyboard. Hey, my name's Sean White. Are you tired of getting sex juice on the keyboard? There's got to be a better way. I sometimes end up using a rubber as a cum catcher when I'm computer jacking. You have quite a way with words. Homecatcher when I'm computer jacking. You have quite a way with words.

I have one of those hung up in my rearview mirror as well. But mostly for spiritual reasons. Yeah. And I keep a towel handy. Anybody got any tricks they use to make computer jacking more comfortable and convenient? Anybody ever take a laptop to bed or someplace other than a chair to jack off? Anybody ever squirt their screen or their keyboard? Here's a handy tip.

Just masturbate in five minutes and get it over with. What? How can I impress people on the forum if I do that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Way to be a casual, Bozarth. That's the bejeweled of masturbating. Get good. Uh, yes. Hello.

Hello, I am unregistered. Okay. I think, A, the portability of laptops certainly makes them more wanker-friendly than a desktop. With a battery and Wi-Fi connection, you can bait anywhere around the house. I don't like to be stuck stroking at a desk, so I take my laptop to the bed or the couch. The only trouble is my porn collection has

long since outgrown the built-in hard drive. The two bulging external jizz drives make things somewhat less portable. That is a joke that has not aged.

Yes, yes, I remember that the iOmega was an outmoded format. Mind, it's one thing to squirt over a cheap keyboard, but giving your laptop a cream pie can be a bit more expensive. Oh, girl,

give your laptop a cream pie? Yeah, you're a really bad little RJ44 of port, aren't you? Well, my cum has to ruin something. That's actually his custom license plate frame on his car. It ain't going to ruin itself. And boots? Yeah. Because I'm Fappy.

Oh, no. No. All right. Well, you know, this podcast was long enough. No. No. All right. Well, you know, this podcast was long enough. No. Well, what did I learn? I'm 40 years old. The best setup Eve found is to get full motion articulated wall mount for a flat screen TV with long reach.

articulated wall mount for a flat screen TV with long reach. I used that to install a computer monitor over the bed, hooked up to a normal PC and speakers mounted on the headboard. I have it situated so I can fold up and hide behind the curtains if need be. This lets me have a nice big monitor

about two feet away from my face at the perfect viewing angle when laying down. Input is done with a wireless mouse and on-screen keyboard. One two feet away from my face at the perfect viewing angle when laying down. Whoa. Input is done with a wireless mouse and on-screen keyboard, one-handed, obviously. This is a great setup to watch regular videos, but it really pays off for watching porn and baitying. Boy, other people must love to come into your bedroom.

It's never happened for some reason. I mean, the social worker every once in a while to check on where those disability checks are going, but that's about it. There's no way this guy put it up himself, too. Damn it. Come over. All right. Let's move away from talk about cum because we don't need to do that. So instead, we're going to move into –

It will never come up again, I'm sure. That's exactly right. So instead, we're going to move into the for her section. Ooh. That sounds exciting. Excellent. Yeah. So, Adam, your name is feminine male lesbian and you are a 50-year-old heterosexual woman from Louisville, Kentucky.

Oh, wait. No, you're not. No, you're a man. Yeah. The for her section is also male. Male lesbian. Okay, great. Yeah.

I'm wondering how many of you ladies have ever done this with your guys. My ex-wife kind of stumbled across doing this by accident and kind of as a joke for the first time. I was laying in bed on my back naked. She was also naked and climbed on top of me, straddling me and grinding on my hard cock

and she leaned down to kiss me on the lips and around my neck. That's a joke? You following? This is a funny joke? What are you confused about here, Lemon? Yeah. What a jape. Then, she raised up, still grounded, and dry humping on me

until she moved back a few inches so that my cock was situated between her legs and the base of my cock and my balls were right up against her pussy. She grabbed my dick and started stroking it, and then at one point she looked down and she said, Look, I have a dick, and I'm jacking off.

Look at me. I have a dick. Because of the way that we were positioned and the way that she was stroking me, it did kind of look like it could have been her way that she was stroking me it did kind of look like it could have been her cock that she was stroking. Sure. She told me she wished she had a dick so she could jack

off like me all the time and she said it would feel real good to her if it was really her cock. So I could spend literally my entire adult waking life masturbating. I have so much to teach you. She said that without any verbal irony. As I was close to cumming, she could tell.

And she told me that she was jacking her cock. And she was going to shoot her cum all over me. And then she did too, too, LOL. She came on my stomach and chest and managed to get a good part of my load on my face too. And then she asked me how I liked having her cum on my tits and on my face. Okay. Yep, yep, sure. Of course I told her I loved it.

This has got to be something we would do with regular, little, sorry. This got to be something we would do a little regularly. Sometimes in that same position. Other times she would turn around reverse cowgirl and that way my cock would be between her legs in front of her pussy, but in the right direction and where it looked like she had

both cock and balls. So she would stroke me and caress my balls like they were hers. And from that position we could make almost... She really works with this metaphor, doesn't she?

We could make almost like perfectly like they were actually hers. Sometimes we would do this in front of a mirror. Those were hot times. Y'all ever seen Who's Lying Is It Anyway? Y'all ever seen Who's Lion Is It Anyway? I need a thing and it can't become...

Hey, Lemon, could you read the first response to that one, please? Yeah, you bet. The end. Would you like the second response? I would. The end. No ladies ever do this with your men you guys saying i'm a weirdo

uh now my name's crim crim master crim master creme master i have an asexual wife and a busybody daughter, so I'm horny at home all the time and have no privacy to relieve myself. One day at work, I was almost whimpering with horniness and wished I had a private office space so I could lock the door and build to a nice, juicy orgasm. Then it hit me. The men's washroom had private spaces with locked doors. Capital. Hooray!

Hooray! They were called cubicles. Nope. What? You were not in the bathroom, my friend. Did they just get toilets in Ottawa? Yeah. And the handicap one was nice and spacious and sported a headboard that I could lean against.

Is it toyed and fondled and stroked. Yes, my headboard, yes, of course. It's a Victorian sort of like a dark oak. Distressed, of course. So delicious it's denying the handicapped person access to the stall.

I also have special needs. It's awesome. I also have special needs. Anyway, I toyed and fondled and stroked and pumped my lovely cock and balls. It even had a rail that I could... Yeah, keep it on there, champ. It even had a rail that I could clamp my flashlight onto so I could fuck away with a bandaid. It had a rail and a clamp.

Flashlights have clamps, huh? Yeah, no, it's like the tactical accessory. Yeah, no, it's like the tactical accessory. You buy the tactical flesh slave. Gary's taking his toolbox into the handicapped bathroom again. Expect him back in 45 minutes. It would be fine if he didn't wink before he left.

Yeah, it's out of order. And if he kept it down, he's so noisy in there. It's clogged. Cling! Cling! Cling! Yeah, don't open up the clog. Alright, alright. I made sure to go at lunch

when I am not expected back at my desk for a while. When no one uses the bathroom. Mmm, correct. I also go to another floor so no one on my unit recognizes my shoes and pants bunched up around them on the floor.

Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Who's that guy that always comes up from the third floor that's just gary for marketing just don't don't question don't question and don't go in there i now use that unit almost every day i keep all my lubes and ball clamps and ligatures and knocking anal beads and other toys in a canvas bag locked in my file cabinet. I... Yep. I'm not done.

Sometimes I put up pics from sex mags on the stall wall in front of me. I am considering mounting a DVD player. Every day he walks into the bathroom with a duffel bag. God, imagine this guy, the iPhone must have really changed this guy's life. Talking to my wife and telling her, hey, I'd like some time to masturbate is too complicated. But she's asexual. She wouldn't understand.

All she says is she wants cake. Uh, as I walk down the floor below to my favorite spot in the building, the men's washroom down there. I feel my cock swell every time. I love going to work!

Ew. Anyone else have a similar story? Ladies' stories are very welcome, too. Wow. Wow. Yes, I'm a friend. Knowing a woman is so horny

she must jill off at work is very sexy. Hello. Hello, my name is... By the way, my signature is do you crave big balls? I don't crave big balls, but my name is MeJackin. MeJackin.

It's MeJackin. I'm MeJackin. In the early days of my flying career, I used to fly single pilot airplanes. I used to fly single pilot airplanes. I would sometimes have to do reposition flights where there would be no passengers, but I would strip naked and fly. I would engage the autopilot and stroke to my heart's content. My heart's whatever. It's not a possessive. So it was great when I would go through turbulence.

It would get my balls shacking. And that extra element of the stroke, of to the stroke. I had a stroke. sometimes i would be coming and try to talk to atc at the same time not always keep not always easy to keep the orgasm out of your voice those fights were always would you take the orgasm out of your voice please yeah those flights were always quite fun. My name is unregistered. No.

No, I don't do that. There are already far too many wankers where I work. Scream. It used to be a lovely office park. Okay, so the next thread. Again, 52 pages in this – or 54 pages in this document. The next thread is called Would You Suck Your Cock If You Could? The Napoleon Blown Apart mentions, this is by far the most popular thread I've found, clocking in at 95 pages and spanning 2007 to 2017. Wow.

Where it ended. It died somehow in 2017. Tragic. Wow. How many times can guys say, yeah? Well, 95 pages worth. My name's Naina. I think men have a better view of their equipment.

Stroking it is sensual. Looking at it must be very erotic. What about sucking it? Hi, I'm a big titzer for me. Oh, my shipment's here. My name's real subtle. I not only would, but I can and do it. I'm in the military, and I had to go over to Iraq twice a year for time each.

Not a lot of women there to be had, plus sex is prohibited anyway, so I started working on limbering up, and before long, I was able to suck my own dick just like when I was a kid. Nice. This brings up more questions. It sure does feel good and makes me hot knowing my dick is big enough to get at it. My name is Rosie H.

When I was younger and weightless, I could lie on the floor, slid to a wall, and slid my butt at the wall. That would help me bend enough to get my whole cock in my mouth.

I would suck myself off and swallow all I shot. I did that for many years while I was in the military. Take away. Everybody in the military sucks their ink. Do they teach this in boot camp

or something? Is this something they teach you before shipping out? In the field, you are going to have to give yourself autofalasium. That was some of the cut content from Full Metal Jacket. Now, due to an accident, I can't bend my back, so I have others to suck it for me. What an inconvenience. And then I come across your love to stroke for women.

Obviously. Obviously. I might love to stroke for women. Hi, Nina. I saw your post and enjoyed reading others' responses. I love that you would enjoy being with a man that would be willing to suck himself off for you. I sure miss those

days. I love to masturbate for a woman after orally satisfying her, of course, and enjoy watching her too. I would love to talk to you more about it. I'm from St. Louis and great

to see you are my neighbor from Illinois. Hope to hear from you soon. Brian. Wait, does he think this is a letter? He has a job interview. What do you think you'd do if I

gave you three women to stroke? Or five women to stroke? I don't know. I only love to stroke four women. I haven't considered any other amount. A fifth women? Lemon, are we going to skip over wiener whacker? No, take it.

Go ahead. I used to be able to and I did often. Seldom dated. Stayed home to blow myself. Yeah, yeah. Excellent.

Excellent. Excellent. So, Kumquats up. Oh, yes. Oh, why, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, Give us the title first. What? The title. Oh, obviously the title is Christian Masturbators. Great. Yeah. Hello, everyone. I am new to this site, but I have been chatting in the chat room for the better part of two years now and figured I should finally sign up and participate on this side of things as well. figured I should finally sign up and participate on this side of things as well.

While it may seem odd to see a pastor here, I'm the senior pastor of Baptist Church. The truth is that pastors get horny and masturbate just like everyone else. Oh, really? Really. I think that there's record of that happening, yes. I enjoy masturbating as much as the next guy. I often get asked by people... I think you probably enjoy it slightly differently than the next guy. I guess depending on which next guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I often get asked by people in the chat room if masturbation is a sin or not, and as far as I can tell from scripture, it is not. There's nothing that prohibits the manual stimulation of one's genitals to the point of orgasm. The lust is still a sin.

So as difficult as it is, I try to separate the act of masturbating from lustful thoughts. So I was wondering. So wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I like to think of Lot's wife turning into a pillar of salt when I masturbate. It's really hot. Yeah. I just manually crank myself much like you might do in some sort of human farm. Like just not think about anything.

Just to keep the temperament level. So I was wondering, are there any other Christian men or women here who enjoy masturbating regularly? I'd love to hear from you and hear about how your masturbation habit fits in with your Christian faith. Or maybe if it doesn't, or even if you've never thought about one in relation to the other. I just hope to read some good dialogue about faith and sexuality. God, I really hope that there's a response where somebody's like, yeah, jerking in church all the time. Jack, Jack, take that first response by unregistered. All righty. Hey, OP man. that first response by unregistered. Alrighty.

Hey, OP man, good to see you again. High five. We had a great chat one night several months ago. Probably the most meaningful conversation I've had with Jacky Hoff ever. Probably. Probably. You can't be sure. Hi, Christian Masturbator here. If you have

Yahoo and you want to chat, feel free to hit me up. My email is lovegirlsfeet at ymail.com. I think we should speak in fellowship. Oh, man. Hey, the older you get, the more gay you get. Yeah, I think that sounds right.

I'm 60 years old, and I'm from Danvers, Salem. I'm in my 60s now. I first had gay sex in my teens, then found pussy and stopped with gay sex. My late 40s started up with gay sex every now and then, but not steady. Now in my 60s, could care less about pussy, but just want cock! The end. Never mind. Okay.

Oh, no, I have a better question for you. I had a better question for you. How would you react if a good friend of yours secretly had a love doll? Oh, God. Oh, man. You mean hypothetically, right? Right.

Hypothetically. Boots,. Yeah, no, of course. Hypothetically. Hypothetically. Boots, Boots, what do you got for me on that subject? Yeah, I'm unregistered. If you discovered that a friend of yours had an inflatable love doll, would you mention it to him? Ask to borrow it? Offer to gang bag the doll with him?

Or what? Christ! Not any of these. Not any of these options. It's when you have too many groceries and they need to call over another checker. No, it's like... So if you found an inflatable fuck doll, would you kiss it?

Or would you put clothes on it? Or would you make it drive your car? Well, you fucked it. I think I'd break the ice with him on that subject by asking to use it when he isn't. What the fuck? Mind if I stick my dick in your things?

I'm like really hard up for money and stuff And I can't get my own How many of your possessions would you Not mind me Sticking my dick in Just hypothetically speaking Is there anything like I shouldn't put my penis in

If you could just make an itemized list of everything in your house That you don't want me inserting my penis in? If you could just make an itemized list of everything in your house that you don't want me inserting my penis into. I'm just going to go like this. And if something gets in my dick's way, it's the object's fault. Or ask him to take pictures. Oh, wow.

Ask him to take pictures of me making love to it. I think that would be really hot to... Boy, I don't know if this guy knows what a friend is. Hot like a red hot pepperette. Regardless if it's a boy or girl doll. Maybe if it accidentally sprang a leak and deflated while we were using it together, I would get to take its place

until he got a new one. Just hypothetically. Maybe he'd never get another one. My friend will kiss me. Oh my god. It's the weirdest fantasy. Oh, my God.

What would your reaction be if you found out about your friend's love doll? Oh, my God. Oh, you want to go get a patch kit? I've got this slime kit in my glove box. No! patch kit. I've got this slime kit in my glove box. No! Come quest up. You got a response for him.

My name is unregistered. I tackle it from behind and fucking show him how it's done. Flexing. Cheering myself on as I pump the doll like a footy legend. Go me. Go me. Go me. He's listening to one of those

motivational CDs in his headphones. Hooray for you! No, no, no. Motivational 90s jock jams. It's just gonna be like C&C Music Factory. Yeah, you haven't seen a soccer legend until you've seen David Beckham go to town on a blow-up doll. I bet my dick like Beckham.

Hey, the next thread is called what objects do people fuck? Oh. Uh, I, I already know the answer to that. So, like, there's ones I can fuck then, and that's cool. And, uh, Adam, you have the delightful name of Puss Eater. Ew. Well, he sounds fun. Puss Eater?

Yeah. I mean, I, I, I, it's better than the alternative. Puss eater. I mean, it's better than the alternative of puss cedar. So, you know. You guys need your puss seated over here. Well, obviously it's off balance. You didn't seat your puss. Yeah. What objects do people fuck so i got this curiosity going as to what object people may be fucking i don't know quick question quick question is it hard if i fuck your pot of gold

no stay away from my pot of gold i know what I've done to vacuum cleaners numerous times. Vacuum pumps blow up dolls and so on. Lately, I've been fucking a piece of one and a half PVC water pipe. Sounded nice and smooth. I love fucking it and putting a little Vaseline on me cock and fucking it. Oh my god! And fucking it, and putting a little Vaseline on me cock, and fucking it. I just got done fucking the hell out of it, and I may fuck it again today. I fuck it every chance I get.

Oh my god. Alright, good. My name's Yorksland54. I'm from Yorkshire. I once made my own sex toy from a large car sponge, condom, crocodile clip, an O-ring, and lube, of course. That's been superseded by the flashlight. Flashlight. I've also used the banana as described above and other fruits, too.

Oh, God. Wait, you know what I've used? Large grapefruits with the segments gently eased apart in the middle. Great. Great. Matt, thank you. Thank you, by the way, Jack Jack, for asking me what my favorite is. Yeah.

Because I'll tell you. Yeah. My favorite is to fuck a melon. Why is that, Lemon? Oh, good. Thank you again. My favorite is to fuck a melon. It's so soft, wet, and cool, unlike a

pussy, which is soft, wet, and warm. Ew! It's too warm Fucking other humans Way too warm So hi my name is Pipe Smoker And I wanted to respond to Puss Eater Real quick

I wish you would line that One and a half PVC water pipe With my wife's sock And then mail it back to me afterwards. What? So this is, I think, a really important thread that I briefly just wanted to discuss here. Boots, you're going to take the post by Hard Rocker. But you're going to take the post by Hard Rocker. And then, Adam, you'll be the first unregistered.

And then, Jack Check, you'll be the second unregistered. Okay. All right. Topical. Yep. This thread is called Torture Policy. Do you think that high officials of the Bush administration should be prosecuted? A policy of illegal and barbaric torture is now a matter of public record.

What? For masturbating? Wait, does this not have to do with CBT? No, let's keep going. Let's keep going. Okay, okay, okay. And then it's too bad FDR staff wasn't prosecuted for rounding up Americans and putting them in internment camps. Those poor Americans lost their homes, their jobs and their businesses all because FDR sidestepped due process. Difference between Bush's and FDR's administration.

Bush did it to enemy combatants. FDR did it to American citizens! Our country has had far worse leaders than GWB folks. Maybe some of you need to read history. Real history!

Not the revisionist crap that is taught. I'm, uh, not trying to be rude but what does this have to do with the topic of the board? I mean, I'm against torture and I'm not a GWB fan. Glad he's gone.

But I thought we were here to discuss jerking off and sex. It's kind of a buzzkill. MVP! MVP! Also, like, poor unregistered That's jerking off and sex. Kind of a buzzkill. FVP! FVP! Also, like, I mean, like, a poor unregistered is like, oh, torture policy, and just, like, unzips the pants.

Gets into it and is like, oh, no, oh, fuck. My next 30 seconds are ruined. And now I gotta start over from the beginning. Hey, my name is JSO6877. Enough of the politics. There are other places for that crap.

This is supposed to be about jacking. Hey, Kumquats up. Your name's QQ, and I want you to talk to us about the most annoying chatroom regulars. Listen to these most annoying chatroom regulars. Number one, 90 celebrity guy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck that, dude. Yeah.

He goes by a variety of names he was just on this crazy lad 56 posting salma hayek is such a fucking phenomenal body and dust till dawn i was like wtf is dust to dawn yeah and thenDb'd it and saw it was some 1996 movie. You know, dude, as a masturbator, you owe it to yourself to watch from dusk till dawn. New foot fetish acquired. Yeah, so I immediately realized it's that same guy who talks about Britney Spears and Alanis Morissette and shit. Wait, you're mad because he saw a movie you haven't? Okay. Yeah.

What else makes you infuriated? What else is going on? Raging hormones? Man, number two is vocational fucker. Yeah. That dude's cool. Vocational Fucker. Yeah. That dude's cool. The Vocational Fucker's super cool. He does training.

Yeah. Yeah. Uh, just fucked my secretary last night. PM me to chat about it. Or just fucked an intern last night. PM me to chat about it. Or just fucked a news intern last night. PM me to chat about it. Or just fucked a newscaster last night.

PM me to chat about it. This guy's a grade-A lunatic. What are you looking for, buddy? Jerking. Okay. It's what I'm looking for. Yeah, number three. Some nerd loser. Okay.

It's what I'm looking for. Yeah, number three. Some nerd loser. Anyone else always the nice guy? Never get pussy. PM me to jerk out your frustrations. The reason you don't get pussy is because you spend your tall time online with your pizza face acne and 4 inch dick. It's not like Isabelle Fontana is wetting herself

wanting to fuck you and thinking Mamma Mia. I can't. He got two one ice. AF Plus. It's time for poetry. Oh no. Terrifying.

Great. Then you get to start. Your name is Grey's Anatomy. My name is Grey's Anatomy, yeah. Good, good. Yeah, and this is your, what's, tell us your, oh, wow. So, by the way. Hey, how many posts do you have? I have 3,888.

I'm a 75-year-old bisexual in the central U.S. And I've got a poem that I guess doesn't have a title. It needs to be mentioned that all of the users are ranked by the amount of spoo. So, like, as people level up, they get more spoo? You have a lot of spoo in your badge. I'm an enormous cum splotch. He's a full stain. A full stain.

I'm a double washer. I'm a double washer. In here is a poem. Cocks and computers go together without regard to the weather. So when you key into the site, adjust your package so it's just right. Your softy grows and lengthens out. And when you see your boner sprout, around that shaft, your fingers wrap.

After that, it's fap, fap, fap. Y'all think computers go together without regard to the weather. So when you key into the sound. That was, like, for an F-plus poem, that was actually structurally fine. Yeah, kind of.

Fine, it was fine. It was definitely on the high end of things that rhyme and match meter. And then Adam, if you'll take Des Pratt. Sitting at home, I'm thinking just a little perv with the forum jack and chat. It's helped

me build up my nerve. I can express myself in all the things I've held within my mind. No one judges. Now there's an F plus poem. Now we within my mind. No one judges. Now there's an F-plus poem. Now we're on rhythm. No one judges. They're supportive.

They're really all quite kind. It's nice for me to learn I'm not alone when I think this way. I like looking at cocks and pussy. They all make me want to play. It's a good thing my cock is attached and doesn't need to take a breath. If that was the case so many times,

I'd have choked it half to death. Wow. Okay, yep, nope, I was wrong. I fully admit that. My name's unregistered. Eugene, Eugene, when you wear bikinis. It clearly says Eugene.

As men, we instinctively tug on our weenies. Eugene, Eugene, when you wear your bikinis. As men, we instinctively tug on our weenies. Yay! They'll twitch this hot bitch, knows when she shows her bum, the male population blows gallons of gum. Sorry, I couldn't resist, boasting the poem or coming to her butt. The very last section here is a couple of um uh user profiles because i mean

all these people obviously have um some some very interesting uh user profiles this this site is healthy real healthy yeah it's all about healthy uh masturbational habits and never mind i don't want to do that part. What did we learn from this, Plus? I didn't expect it to be mostly old guys. Yeah! Real old!

Real old! I mean, mostly gay. I did expect that. Is it mostly gay? I think it was all over the place. Yeah. It was all over the place. It was all over the place, so to speak.

There was a lot of, you know, I lust after cock kind of stuff. I thought it was interesting because it felt like there was a lot of bisexual action. I thought that people were just very comfortable with being like, yeah, male body is beautiful and I like cocks. I'll jerk anything yeah yeah yeah yeah i i like i do like the ones that just uh like i like the ones that are just like divorced sex yeah yeah just like i don't know i i found the cool thing you know waste my time with this other garbage i i the most telling for me was the one that was like, I used to be able to suck my own dick, but I can't anymore,

so I had to get other people to do it for me. Yeah. Yeah. The general level of, oh yeah, these people are fucking revolting is pretty unsurprising, really. I, sometimes I wonder how people, I mean, because, like, you know, when it was the, you know, the hair fetish forum or something like that, like, I understand how you sought out that kind of site. I do find it strange that this community would come together like it feels it feels weird that

like these men would have this longing in their heart and be like boy i sure would like to talk about jack and with other guys um no this this this feels this feels old internet. This feels like I have an activity. Ah, an interconnected series of documents about which you can talk to other people about activities. Some of the active topics right now are Asians in lingerie, spunk over another cock, I need a blowjob. Kylie Minogue. Which one do you fuck first? I was a little disappointed that we didn't do the Harry Potter section. Oh, what the fuck? There was a whole Harry Potter section.

We can never go back to it. It was just like, hey, has anyone ever thought about being creepy to Emma Watson? Brilliant! You are a creep innovator, sir. I duff like that. And if you want to be creepy to vaguely almost famous people, you should sign up on Ball Pit. Wait, what? I don't know.

Are we the famous people? Emma Watson is equally famous, I guess. Yeah. We got stickers and other merch. Plenty of things to come on. I mean, I guess if you feel like it. Buy one, come on in, throw it out, buy another. Do whatever you want with it.

Don't tell us. Don't return it. Okay, bye-bye. I'll be your winger. I'll be stoking. I'll be stoking. I'll be stoking. I'll be stoking to the north. I'll be stoking to the north.

I stoke it to the south. I stoke it everywhere. I even stoke it with my... These guys in their 50s like watching other guys jerk off. Things I have to look forward to. Yeah, well, and he actually says, since hitting my 50s, I find myself enjoying watching guys jerk off

and being watched myself. Why? I sure wasn't like this in my 40s. And then MWM Jacker says, okay, wait until you hit 60. Jeez. Oh, dear.