The F Plus - 29: The Netflix Revue

Episode Date: August 10, 2010

With six million registered members, Netflix has become a dominant force in the entertainment industry. In fact, the recommendations given to you each time you sign in to the Netflix home page is crafted that way by what Netflix considers to be your peers - faceless people who have some sort of opinion about the movie in question. This episode, we plan to find the next Harry Knowles... and then mock him for being fat and stupid.

Hey there, welcome to the F Plus Podcast, my name's Lemon. And I'm John. And John, when's the last time you've been to a movie theater oh it's been quite a while i god i can't even remember wow i keep meaning to see inception so i guess it'll be the next time but yeah as of now i haven't been to one for forever yeah i mean either i i use the netflix and i actually don't even like i actually don't even like go through the discs anymore like that just yeah For some reason, that's just a lot of hassle for me now, opening the envelope.

That's really complicated for me. I like the instant. The problem is that there's the catalog, there's the Netflix catalog, and then there's the instant catalog, but there's no indication of what's good. I'm a grown-up. I'm a guy.

So I'd like a grown-up guy movie. Maybe it's got some dirty words. You know what? You know what, Lemon? I know your problem. I know your issue here. See, Netflix is such a big site. You may not realize that the users on Netflix who watch the movies

can actually put their own reviews on the site and they can review any movie they want wow can they spell now have you ever oh well um moving on uh if you've ever wanted like a sentence um uh they review movies you know they put what their thoughts are on them uh you know if you wanted to know if a movie was for a guy or for a girl, or if it's for kids or not, beyond that it gets kind of hazy. But if you want to know those things, they're great for it. And if you also want to know what some random guy watching random movies has random thoughts about.

So is this going to be like an actual movie review or just an idiotic block of text? Let's get to our readers and find out. Yeah. In the room tonight, we have Acer Acoato. I'm still only found in a guy's thing movie. Vortex. Vortex is miscategorized. It should be in incredibly unfunny podcast readers

instead of funny podcast readers. Boots, rain, gear. I did a review of Across the Universe, but it turned out to be entirely about Ten Commandments and South Africa. Dog. Stop it, sis. I bet you'll find fun in two. Stupid funny, I mean. John.

I just want to remind ooh that if ooh are kid, ooh should not listen to podcast. Jack Jack. Because we are too many. Come quads up. Is more like Marilyn Monroe than Advil. And Lemon.

Zero of a thousand people found this podcast helpful. I want to add that I just read an entire movie review. I know. Even not knowing that, I knew it. I want to do Burn After Reading. Burn After Reading, one star. What a waste of my time!

Contrary to the opinion of other reviewers here, you can be a fan of the Coen brothers and still point out that the king isn't wearing any clothes. Yes, an excellent answer. But a poor story with no real direction or point, as far as I'm concerned. And what bugged me even more was watching the bonus features afterwards, where they interview the major players,

and no one seems enthusiastic about the film, and no one, the Coens themselves, Clooney, Malkovich, or McDormand, seems to be able to tell the camera exactly what this nonsensical story is about. I felt like I was being taken for a ride for an hour and a half with a very unsatisfying tale with mostly unlikable characters and an ending that resolved nothing.

I'm so glad I didn't pay money at the box office for this, but I'm pretty sure plenty of people did, and I'm even more sure that the Coens laughed all the way to the bank. Well, thanks. That tells me quite

a bit about the movie. I know that you didn't like it, and the reasons you didn't like it are that you didn't like it. The bonus features suck, that's why. And also, he was very aggravated that other people paid money for it.

Yeah, you know when I think of people in Hollywood rolling in money, I think of the Coen brothers. They're just riding that all the way to the bank, really. Just throwing gold coins at people. They're Scrooge McDuck and Scrooge McDuck. He reviews a children's family movie. Oh, good. Children shouldn't have families.

Let me give this a go. All right. Yeah. All right. Planet 51, 2.0 stars. This is one of those movies where the trailer we saw for weeks in advance was the best part of the whole thing. A well-contained summation of the rest of the film. It looked like a clever storyline with what appeared to be excellent

animation. And so we went to see it, but halfway through the movie, I was uninspired by its direction and plot. Maybe once again, I expected too much and perhaps little kids might enjoy it because it clearly wasn't written with adults in mind as so many animated offerings are today. I'm looking at you, Pixar Studios.

Damn you. It took you half the movie to figure this out, fucking genius. As with anything in capital L life, he must remain vigilant. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. He didn't know it was a fucking kids movie? He did, he did. He didn't know it was a fucking kids movie? He did.

He did. That just sucked into my head. No, because see, Jack, there's a lot of people that watch these CG animated kids movies think that they can be incredibly high class and they get really, really, really insulted

if it's not like... If it's something that isn't for like 20 year olds or 40 year olds. It's like, oh, this movie about talking magical animals was just too childish. Ugh. I am offended. I'm going to go back to watching

Inuyasha. You joke, but that is exactly how this shit turns out most of the time. I am offended by the production values of Air Bud 7. Curling. Fuck it. This is a kid's movie.

It's a NASA simulation with a philosophical bent. Jesus Christ! Okay, okay, okay. We're not done yet, though. As with anything in capital L life, we must remain vigilant and not be suckered into opening our wallets for something that appears to be something

it actually isn't. I think a stronger script with a better plot could have made this one more entertaining. But as it stands, I think the filmmakers took us all for a ride. Two out of five. You tell him, brother. You see, stand up for us.

What a good suggestion. This movie would be better if it were a better movie. Alright, come quite. Jeff Dunham, Spark of Insanity. Oh boy. I love reading reviews

from viewers who don't punctuate or use proper grammar ellipses that's why we're here laughter laughter laughter laughter

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laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter

laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter laughter He's got extra periods for other people to use. He's a philanthropist. Situation philanthropist. Whatever they claim is wrong with the movie, I know is exactly what makes the movie great. Or bad. Whatever they claim is bad with the movie,

I know makes the movie bad. Thank you! If they hate it, then I know it must be good, and if they love it, I know it must be crap. So fuck you, society. Has there been a single sense thus far that has had problems with the movie?

Okay, everyone, everyone. That last thing that he just said, I know they must be good. If they like it, it must be good. If they hate it, it must be crap. Okay, let that sink in for a second. Now read the next sentence. Jeff Dunham and co. is hands down funny

stuff, and this show is no exception. Clearly, he is the tastemaker of our time. He is. I'm going to go take in a whole bunch of Jeff Donovan Co. on the basis of his suggestion. My personal favorite is

Walter, his grumpy old man. And I'd forgotten how much I love peanut. Is it peanut like the racist black guy? Yeah, well, he's purple. Isn't penis the racist? Why was that? What? Jack!

I'm very quiet. I want to hear Jack finish his sentence. Isn't penis what? I'm going back to my gay porn. Fuck all of you. Yeah, this next sentence, we all just need a spotlight on Kumquat. Are we sure this isn't sarcasm? Put the spotlight on

Kumquat. Let's get a crescendo here. Four stars. Yeah, like, if he'd rated it... Okay, read it. Alright, everybody picture me prancing around with a recorder first, and then Ahmed the Dead Terrorist is a great

fully rounded funny character. If if if you don't mind putting aside your stuffy indignation at the idea of terrorist humor. Yeah, that's the limiter.

In the field of terrorist humor, it's all relative. He's a fully rounded character. of terrorist humor. It's all relative, you see. He's a fully rounded character. He has one line, and it's about what a racist character he is. Well, you know, because there are so many different contexts in which the words

I keel you could mean. That's true. That's true, I guess. What's next? I agree that the little superhero is the winkest link in this particular show, and I agree Mr. D needs to continue fleshing this guy out. I call him Mr. D.

But the DVD extra showing this character being created and built by Jeff himself is fascinating stuff. Oh, man. So they show the part where he actually, like, mouth rapes all the puppets? I didn't think about how to put that on there. You can't expect every character and joke to be a hit.

That part's true. With Jeff Dunham, I really should be able to expect that, yeah. should be able to expect that, yeah. But Jeff Dunham pretty consistently hits the mark with the material he's honed to near perfection with these little guys. I'm amazed by

his talent, and I like his sense of humor and razor sharp delivery. Razor sharp. Yes, I am very impressed with that part where you can tell his mouth is kind of open and he just has this rictus expression while doing his ventriloquism. He's an amazing craftsman.

I kill you. All right. Well, since we're on Jeff Dunham's Spark of Insanity, this is another one. John, will you take that? Okay, Jeff Dunham's Spark of Insanity. Okay. This is another one. John, will you take that? Okay, Jeff Dunham's Spark of Insanity, five stars. Jeff Dunham does what he does best, steps aside and lets the puppets do the talking. Simply hilarious.

This guy has his own DVD and we don't. Walter, Peanut, and Jose Jalapeno, on a stick, are joined by... Thanks for the reminder, fucker. You know that one joke he has for that character? Ahmed, the dead terrorist, and Melvin, the superhero. If you enjoyed Jeff Dunham arguing with myself in 2005, then this is a sure bet. The comedy is clean, his characters are unique, and this guy is funny!

I always like my racist comedy to be clean. Well, me too! Funny enough. Indoctrinate the whole family! I tried dirty racist humor once, and it just didn't really work out for me at all. You get to say fuck or nigger, not both. The NF write-up is a little misleading

because Bubba J and Sweet Daddy D do not appear in this special. Oh, that's terrible. Daddy D? I already know what that character is like. That's the black pimp racist picture. Yeah, that's the black pimp racist character. Yeah, that's the black guy there.

Okay. Great. Okay. But Achmed and Melvin do a good job in their stead of being total racist characters. Oh, I'm sorry. Be sure to catch the special features, which are of special interest to puppeteers and puppet builders. Dunham brings you through the process of building his character, Melvin, who appears in the show. From the first

putty sculpture, through the silicon negative mold, assembling the mechanics, and painting the face. The glimpse into the process really clarifies the level of artistry required of characters polite. Those fucking hideous characters. A wonderful

inside look that you won't find anywhere else. Excellent! Four stars! Even though I rated it five! Yay! Alright. Acer, another one on the same subject. This is Sir Adam. I don't know what's happening here.

Is it going to be He-Man? Oh wait, that's Prince Adam five stars it's really hard to review a stand-up comedy routine critiquingly it's great like this one is I would have to resort to the overwhelming

non-lack of keaches plastered on the covers of movie boxes and posters across the land what it boils down to is this and it's very simple Mastering on the covers of movie boxes and posters across the land. What it boils down to is this, and it's very simple. This is one of the funniest and most talented stand-up acts I have ever seen. You have your all-time greats like Prior and fill in your five here. But if... Listening to stand-up comics is hard.

Listening to stand-up comics is hard. But if they did hold three-way conversations at lightning speed and legibly What the fuck? Actively conveying three unique voices with three different personalities? They don't need to. Somebody who has incredible talents or has unrelated to Emily Rose.

Oh, see, because multiple, unrelated to Emily Rose. Oh, see, because multiple... Hess-related Hess. In short, it's fantastic. Excellent! Pull-a-muscle funny! And fantastic. I saw him live in May at the Comedy Club

Stardome in Alabama, and this dude is just as good. Wait, wait, wait. So this guy's in Alabama, and he likes Jeff Dunham? No. What are you insinuating? He's in a NASCAR as well. And catfish noodling. No, he's from Alabama, not Oklahoma.

Oh, right. Sorry. We still got him beat there. All right. All right. Last one. Oh, right. Sorry. We still haven't beat there. Alright, last one. Last Dunham right here. This is a review from Neixie. Jack Chick, I think this is yours. Oh, is it?

Oh my stars. You gotta read it as read. I gotta set it up for you. And now a reading from Stream of Consciousness Poetry. Okay, so this is from Nixie, and I rate it at five stars. Lol, the joke about having a Prius and putting those holiday cling decorations up, and Jeff being the ventriloquist in his shows as well.

A playing with Dalza Iyorge, dot dot. That before he brings out the puppets. There as a grumpy old man, Awaltera, the dead terrorist, some superhero, really dorky looking,

and Peanut, that purple monkey looking thing. Elmau, a yapping beanie bab-yap. What happens in D.C. stays in YouTube. Or just a few of my faves. At least Shamu only has one blowhole.

Elmau, talking about Arizona heat-a. Sounds like me just about hot weather in Jen. It's like a mush mouth and a valley girl have baby. Ruff went through so many. What is that supposed to stand

for? Rolling on the fucking floor. Oh. Rolling on the fucking floor. Oh. Rolling on the floor fucking. Yay. Either way is good. Jumped on a puppetry to bone to. So that was actually a trick question. Oh, finally.

I have been looking for that specific thing for a long time. I fuck you. I fuck you Ruff went through some stand-up alone and the then grumpy old man a Walter puppet which reminds me of one of the four guys from Grumpy Old Men the first half hour to me

was the funniest the grumpy man and terrorist a definite must watch at least listen to first half hour to me was the funniest. The grumpy man and terrorist. A. A definite must watch. At least listen to. But I had to stop doing what I was doing because the laughing was getting in the way. Yeah, not laughing.

I know how that feels right now. Oh yeah. At the moment I can sympathize. My dad loves this guy. That's why I rented it. We all have to put the other one up on my list. Well, midway, not sure which

one of the two puppets I like so far. The dead terrorist or the grumpy old guy. I think there is one more, but so far that part has me in stitches. There is a superhero one, yeah? Then there as Peanut the Perkable Monkey Thing.

Well, look up some Jeff has nose telling him to make a booger talk W slash A French accent. Well, tons of Prius jokes, and if it's on Comedy Central and sponsored by Toyota! LOL!

Get your Prius comedy. I feel like I didn't read that very well, but what the hell? That's unreadable. You did everything you could, Jack. Nothing can really be said. You actually made that make a lot more sense. Why were there so many A's with circumflexes over them?

Okay. You know the movie Phone Booth? Yeah. The guy in the phone booth. Stog, you want to take that? Okay. Phone Booth. Five stars. My wife and her friend hate this movie.

They didn't get past the first ten minutes. So nobody threw them to the other players during the first 10 minutes. I hate that guy on the screen. I don't know what his name is, but I hate him. I myself own this movie

and always enjoy watching it. If you go into it thinking you are the smartest person in the world who always knows the best thing to do in every situation And if anyone says or does anything something a little coordinate Corny or you think that a thriller needs to involve explosions and car chases and say keep your Sutherland's voice It's too clear doesn't even sound like a phone call. Oh, it's a stupid leave the room

Okay, yeah We just find schizophrenic movie reviews or something? Time cube reviews. But if you get swept up into the stage-like dialogue, the artistic cinematography, the honesty and emotions and perfectly timed comic relief in the midst of lip-fighting tension, then see this movie.

Everyone is different. in the midst of lip-biting tension, then see this movie. Everyone is different. Ha! Everyone is snowflake at phone booths. Yeah, you just have to throw that in in the middle and see a Sesame Street Muppet.

And now a comment about diversity. When a man calls you while you're in a phone booth and knows things about you and you are self-absorbed and in public relations, you just might stay on the line a minute to try and figure out who this guy is and what he wants from you even before there is a serious threat. It's not so hard to

imagine. I sat through New Moon, which was boring and long and about whiny, melodramatic, emo teenage drama, yet I didn't say a word. Okay. I had to sit through a shitty movie. Now all I ask you is to do the same. Is to watch Phone Booth, which is not a shitty movie.

No, no, no. See, his Internet Explorer has an error that puts a little flashing sign that says, Error your issues out here over the Netflix review box. Oh, okay. Where can I complain about my wife? I know. I'll write a Netflix review. Oh, my Pixar. Five stars.

My wife doesn't understand me. This was a pretty good movie. I wish I had a blowjob in the last year. I mean, am I asking too much? Alright, this is a review for G.I. Joe Rise of the Cobra. And Ace, you've taken this, and just savor that first sentence. I just love

that first sentence so much. Ooh. Oh, wow. Oh, God. Oh, this is going somewhere hellish. I need Doc Absorber's made out a pure alcohol for this one, I think. G.I. Joe, The Rise of the Cobra.

Can't do that voice properly. Definitely not one of the better toy-to-movie incarnations that I saw because my sweetie wanted to see it. That's why they're getting a divorce later. Not one of the better toy-to-movie incarnations. No. There's better ones. I'll give it snaps for

pretty darn good special effects, but that's about all. It's clearly aimed at a younger audience who won't question the movie. Sid, what did I tell you? What did I tell you? Did I not? Did I not tell you? This video movie isn't for my demographic.

I'm an adult. I told you. God damn it. It's clearly aimed at a younger audience who won't question the stupidity of most of the plot holes and fantastical storyline. The acting is very broad and cartoon-ish

and the character is pretty one-dimensional. As a result, I sat there not really caring if they get the bad guys or the bombs or catch the demented psychopath. And why is there always a romance between the hero and some chick that

creates more problems than it solves? Why is there conflict in storylines? Why does it have to be romantical? I can't get a girl. This is not realistic. It's doggy doing okay over there.

I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. Are you okay? Come on. Time. Catch a breath.

Dog giggled himself to death. It hurts to see Dennis Quaid trying to look like he actually cared about being in this movie. But I guess everyone needs a paycheck every now and then. What else would he be doing? I don't know. Philanthropy. Okay, alright. That does hurt. And let's face it, Channing Tatum simply cannot act.

But he's really nice to look at. Kudos to his agent. Oh. Well, SI451395, is there something you want to tell us? Sure. All right, yeah, I think it's dollar bill time. Dollar bill time.

Dollar bill time. Are we going to make it rain? I've heard so much about that. Dollar bill. Pineapple Express. 3.0 stars. For the smokers out there,

you will most likely love this more than non-smokers. This movie was made for the smokers. Non-smokers, let them have this one. Yay!

Yeah! Wait, who's four again? It has it funny parts. Very bold. It's stupid. It has crazy scenes. Good thing it was edited well.

The acting well, it was edited well. The acting well it fits the movie. This is definitely not for everyone, especially kids. I guess the best part is it was allowed to be made. I like how the movie existed.

Entertainment should be for all people, regardless to their taste. Let the stoners have this. I do not smoke, but found this to be an interesting movie. There will be a variety of different review, which will most likely tell you who does and who does not, but I could care the least to each itself. Dollar Bill.

Dollar Bill. In a competition of caring, he could care the least. He could! He's not going to. Maybe not, but he could. This one's Angels and Demons.

Demons. Dan Brown. Boots, you want to take that? Okay. Angels and Demons. Five stars. Tom Hanks and Ron Howard have done it again. Oh, God.

Bad things. This is just like my fan fiction. This was a movie and not a documentary really? the part where they go down and like unlock a painting? yeah this was not a documentary oh man I need to rewatch that then

remember that time in real life when Tom Hanks opened up Michelangelo's David and it had like a treasure map inside yeah pull that movie lever towards movie and not documentary, because that's... Personal feelings and beliefs should not be a factor

when reviewing this movie. If you watch this movie, you will be entertained for 138 minutes. The story is very good, but it'd probably not be 100% accurate. The acting was exceptional by all the actors.

It was clean, maybe too well editing, but you understood what was happening. It was not totally believable, but it wasn't supposed to be. If you're looking for a movie about something you may or maybe not

know anything about, check it out. This is Schrodinger's review. It's an account of a good and bad. Do not try to compare it to a book. Because no book could possibly convey this sort of story. No. Do not try to compare it to a book or any other movie.

It never said it was based on true events. Judge this movie on its merits only. Guys, I don't know if we should judge this movie as a documentary or... He is so concerned with letting us know that this movie was not based on a true story. He's spending more time justifying the review than actually reviewing. He's giving helpful tips to wannabe reviewers everywhere. So you can be as good as Dollar Bill.

I want to be. A request for a review to me simply means for me to tell you what I thought about Angels and Demons. The movie and nothing else. The movie and nothing else, I think he's trying to say. Now, everyone will not agree with my review. I have a hard time agreeing with it. I can't agree with it because you haven't reviewed it yet.

It doesn't assert anything. You may or may not like it. You can disagree with that. I like this guy's college thesis. In my thesis, I aim to prove whatever you need to think about this. This is the most wishy-washy clump of text I've ever seen. Now, everyone will not agree with my review,

and that's great, because you have that right. America! Wow, I didn't know that. I just want to tell everyone that this is a very good movie, definitely worth your time. Finally! And I can recommend it for your

viewing pleasures by DVD. So, like, to get my recommendation, purchase my DVD. I would buy the shit out of that. Dollar Bill Reviews starring Dollar Bill. The DVD is just a three-hour thing of him going, you shouldn't

overjudge this DVD. It's not a documentary. You shouldn't judge this DVD like it were a book. It's a good DVD and you shouldn't overjudge this DVD. It's not a documentary. You shouldn't judge this DVD like it were a book. It's a good DVD and you shouldn't be judging it so much. Why are you so judgmental? Anyways, I like this DVD. Don't compare this movie based on a book to a book. You're viewing pleasures by DVD or

any other form of instant viewing you may have, Dollar Bill. I don't have any instant viewing at all. It's really weird at the end of it, though, that he actually says I can recommend it for your viewing pleasures. In the beginning, he says, like, you might disagree with me, you know, we

all have different opinions, and that's cool, because that's America, but you will totally like this, I promise. That seems fine to me. Alright, this is Dalla Bill's take on Scream. I think I'll take this one. Please let him read it in vaguely, please.

Alright. Scream. 4.0 stars. I guess if you watch a movie when it was released in theaters and again when it was on TV, then select it once more from the instant viewing choices tells you it is worth watching. If you want something different with very good acting, something rare in an horror film, this is for you.

Look at some of the actor when they were younger that made it in this business just part of them though look at their tits myself once again Wes Craven has keep our blood pressure up

it has great script keeps trying to figure out who did it, which is what I look for. Most adults that like this type of genre will love it. And yes, teenagers will praise it. But I would suggest children not be

allowed to watch this one. Okay. But everyone else should okay. Must have this review. It stands viewing for sure. And this is good enough to have

in your DVD queue. Ooh will not be sorry. A yes ooh will probably watch it more than once in your lifetime also. Dollar Bill. Dollar Bill had five star bagel before having that review. Alright, this is Dollar Bill's

take on Don't Be a Menace to South Central while drinking your juice in the hood. Okay, if whoever wanted to get your laugh on, here is the movie. For the one who do not live in Los Angeles, let me give you the 411 on this movie. Yes, some do wear their hair like that. Yes, they really do drink a lot of malt liquor 40-ounce size.

Yes, they do have chicks like that in real life and sex is hot. I'd like to know who – I'm awfully confused who he's talking about when he says they in here. The Wayans Brothers. Me. A woman like that. I really do drink a malt liquor 40 Oz size.

40 Oz size. Yes, they do have chicks like that in real life. Hot and sexy with lots of kids by different fathers. Yes, they have heavy... Yes, they have heavy artillery. No nukes, I think. They might.

The black stereotypes have the bomb. The cri stereotypes have the bomb. The Crips have the bomb. Yes, they party like that. Okay, this sounds like it's a documentary. I thought it was a book. Once again, don't be a menace to South Central while drinking your juice in the hood.

Yes, this sounds like it's a documentary, but it's not. Just those crazy weigh-ins putting in the mix to make us laugh, and that's what ooh will do, guarantee. Oh, yay. It may remind you of Boys in the Hood, curly bracket, a classic close curly bracket, but not to be viewed by little children. We have enough problems. Do not give them any ideas! Thanks,

Dollar Bill. That's fantastic. That is just, that's gorgeous. I think people would want to call him Spill, though. Yeah. Yeah, because of the dollar sign. Okay, Poison Ivy 3, The New Seduction.

Oh, my. That's hot and sexy. That movie sounds great in and of itself. This is poor taxes. Oh, I need to put the sexy voice on? I'm the first person you think of for sexy voice? Me? Well, only if you do

the hipster dinosaur. Voice 93, the new seduction. 3.0 stars by Dollar Bill when he morphs into his hipster dinosaur puppet form. Since reviews are supposed to be in the movie in question, I can't assume who have seen

the first two movies. I will say it. To add your cue, it's worth it. It's not like you are paying $10 at the theater. Plenty of nude and sex scenes. Yay! No real violence.

The language is okay. It is an adult-only kind of movie. It is soft porn with short scenes. Alright. Great. That's right. They just get down to business. I'm not sure if this is a message

at all so I can only guess it is for entertainment purposes only well I mean I was looking at Poison Ivy 3 the new seduction for that I was gonna go look for a soft porn movie to get like you know educated or some shit the deeper ramifications on societal impact I was going to go look for a soft porn movie to get educated or some shit.

Yeah, the deeper ramifications on societal impact. Then they started fucking. I like how he drove his point home. Well, it's short scenes, though. I like staccato fucking. Guess what to say, Jack. They didn't start fucking.

They started showering. It's like porn for people with ADD. Jim Presley did surprise me, but that is what good actors do. That is what good actors do in Poison Ivy 3.

Yes, exactly. Thank you. No, no, no. Good actors always surprise you. So you're like, wow, I'm going to go see this movie. I hope this actor is really good. And then he surprises you by being terrible. And you're like, wow, he's a good actor. He sneaks out from behind a corner.

Well, Laurence Olivier always liked to hide in the bushes and jump out and go, and then scare people. Oh, man, if I could talk about the times that happened. I'm just walking down the street and then George C. Scott. Catherine F. Turner! Ah! Did you ever see Hardcore? Oh, gosh. Oh, hi, George C. Scott.

Check it out, but don't expect too much. Dollar sign, Bill. Dollar sign, Bill. That's how... Child's Play 3. Child's Play 3 child's play 3 3 stars parents

do not let the title fool you child's play 3 is not for children as if you can tell from the box or it's just this creepy looking demon poet beast. That's totally for kids.

The bad language and there is not a lot and there is a lot is not for kids. There are a lot of young kids in this movie so do not be surprised with the acting.

It does have a good story, and it will entertain you, and that's why we select movies right. got real scary lots of blood scenes and violence and all this is a movie worth watching since you are not paying theater prices. Why a doll was put in this movie is strange to me. What's the point of the movie? It's the entire hook. It's the whole gimmick. I guess to confuse you and think it's a children's movie. Well, he goes on to say, so why is it strange to you, Dollar Bill?

Why a doll was put in this movie is strange to me because children can't watch it. Children should be allowed to see all dolls. Yes, that's how it works. Including real ones. No! I knew you were going there.

Hi kids, this is Daphne Catherine. She's your new babysitter. Why is that so weird, Mom? Oh, that makes me sad. Just put a talk boy in it. Hi kids, we're home early. But for mature people,

it an okay movie. But if you do not like cursing in your movies, I suggest you stay away. Otherwise, go for it. Go for it. Some of who don't watch the movie to others of you who watch the movie he's so useful good enough to be a

DVD selection dollar bill yeah Gilbert Godfrey's Dirty Jokes. Kumquat, will you take that? Oh my god. I didn't want to know that existed. This is still Dollar Bill?

Is this Dirty Jokes about Gilbert Godfrey written by Dollar Bill? He didn't close with his name. Wait, is this still Dollar Bill? Yeah, it's still Dollar Bill. He's just not... I guess it took him a while to decide

to say it. No, it's before he had fans. Nobody was telling him you need to sign your name so that we know. Gilbert Godfrey Dirty Jokes 4.0

stars. Please remember this is not comedy. What? What? Confusingly enough, it's a documentary. It's just what it says. Dirty jokes. Jokes aren't comedy. Plain and simple. it's just what it says dirty jokes

jokes aren't comedy plain and simple most guys will love it it's a guy thing you guys you guys need to go like this I need to know some woman may be able

to deal with it a laugh most want. His joke are way over the top and I loved it. Do not have children in the house when you watch this. Or at all. Do not conceive a child while watching

this DVD. It is like... Yeah, fucker harder! It is like Patricia for the soul. You will have defects. Yeah, the kid's gonna come out just like him. Who may want to have

a couple of drinks close by because who will thing who are in a nightclub? I will? Psychotropic effects. Who will laugh? Some are really sick, but you

get just what who expected when who saw dirty jokes on the cover! Adults? He's going out of his way to explain like, okay, now jokes on the cover! So wait. He's going out of his way to explain like, okay, now this thing has dirty jokes in it and you know, you shouldn't have kids in the room, blah blah blah, and then at the very end he's like,

but you should know that anyway, after it all it says dirty jokes on it. Be like, well, yeah, so why are you telling me? I just, you know what, fuck it, just keep going. Well, don't worry. He has some very different things to say here. Adults and mature people only. Okay for most couples.

Oh, it's a couples movie. I see. It is. So is the soft hardcore. But remember, guys, dirty jokes aren't comedy. Alright, so this is a review of Primer, which got

two stars. Primer, two stars. This is not your average movie. If you are a, curly bracket, geek equals someone who is much smarter than others, and curly bracket.

Who will not understand this movie? This is heavy stuff. That is fucking deep. That's deep. Think about it. If you're smarter than most people, you won't understand. This is like... If you're smart, it takes lack of intelligence to...

The implication is that you have to be smarter than any other people. It just says smarter than others. So as long as there are people that are dumber than you, you just hit the mother stone. If you're the dumbest person in the world, you will understand it. But you have to understand that in that statement, he has just called everybody on earth, save one lucky person, is a geek. It's true. Everybody's smarter than somebody else. Planet of the E.

This is heavy stuff way over my head. I watch about one half of this movie, still had no idea what I was watching. This film is like someone taking a camera and filming what happening while these white guys do their thing. Oh, okay. No, I understand what the plot of the movie is.

It's like that happened. Yeah. But it didn't. I don't get it. I must be a geek. If you are into high tech, go for it. If not, stay as far away from

this movie's plural as possible. It will make you feel dumb because you will have no understanding of what is happening. This can only be recommended for people with very high IQ with some period and color pill. Animal 2, 3.0 stars. Okay, ooh, I have chick flicks and then you have Itta Guy Thing movie.

Those are the only two types of movies, chick flick and Itta Guy Thing over. Those are the only two types of movies. Trick Slick and Itta Guy Thing. Itta Guy Thing, watch out! The winner of best Itta Guy Thing picture goes to... Those are the only two sections of Hollywood video. Okay.

They're all scented differently. No, no, no. There's no movie you could ever possibly watch with a girlfriend. What's that? What is that word you just used? I don't get it. No, that's not true. See, guy thing movie watchers

will be expected to watch chick flicks with their chicks. A guy-thing movie? This is a guy-thing movie. If you like prison films, plenty of fighting, bad language, here it is. Yay. Okay.

I'm back. The storyline was nice and the acting was believable to me. Ving Rhames was the same cool do-not-miss-with-me feeling who got from his other movies. He is quickly becoming one of those actors I will watch in any movie, even if I never heard of the movie. So, real ladies, who will not like this?

Fake ladies, sign up, I guess. All the single ladies. Put your hands up. will not like this. Fake ladies, line up, I guess. All the single ladies. Put your hands up. Who will not like this but two of the gangbanging ladies. That's really how I

classify my whip. If you've been in a gangbang, you'll like it a guy thing. Wait, no. Between the gangbanging ladies, what can I say? Here is your cup of tea, Android. I love it single. Gangbang tea. Whatever category you fall under,

I suggest children not be allowed to watch this movie. Dollar bill. See, you still gotta put that in there. I gotta add a little thing also from Wikipedia. Animals of 2005 direct-to-video film starring a bunch of people.

And there isn't even a thing for Animal 2 on Wikipedia. So, like, this guy is watching some really exotic, bizarre... No, I'm pretty sure it's a sequel to Rob Schneider's The Animal, isn't it?

No, no, it isn't. Oh, okay. I have it on my MBC here. It's a sequel to Rob Schneider's The Animal, isn't it? No, no it isn't. Oh, okay. I have it on my MBC here. I'm going to read this and I'm going to attempt to get through it, but okay. You can do it. You're a champion. Come on. Is it a chick flick or it a guy movie?

Guy. It's a gang banging ladies movie. Awesome. Oh my. This is what summer movies should be. G.I. Joe was two times better than Transformers and ten times better than Harry Potter. What made this movie so great?

Well, if you take The Empire Strikes Back, mix it with a little James Bond, add a dash of Firefox. Throw that web browser in there. Come on, get it in there. Go to the URL. Enhance! Enhance!

No, Firefox was a Clint Eastwood film. Oh, okay. Go to the URL! Enhance! Enhance! No, Firefox was a Clint Eastwood film. Oh, okay. It was awful. So, we're not nerds here, though. The first thing that came to mind was a web browser. Alright, and I think who can do the best Netherlandish accent?

Oh, sure. Everybody sounds like me to everywhere. Yeah, do you think Canadian accent me to everywhere, Derry. Do you think Canadian accent is the best? Close enough. It's not any more a Canadian accent than a Dutch accent. Oh, sure. I'm from the place of the world where they talk about petrol, Derry.

You know, that's our token for our place. That is not America, Derry. Take it out. Who? You. Me? Oh, fuck.

Where, where, where, where? This review may contain spoilers. Yes. Yeah. You're from the Netherlands. I will not waste a lot of time explaining why I gave this movie the highest possible rating. waste a lot of time explaining why I gave this movie the highest possible rating. I believe that I simply have to counter

all of the 1 out of 10s that already have been posted, which in my opinion are totally and completely over-exaggerated. To name a few of the most commonly used Negs people... Negs? Oh, we have a pickup artist. Uh-oh. Yeah.

Poole Reviews. Good movie. Not enough tits, bro Man, G.I. Joe Rise of the Cobra's You look so weird when you scrunch your nose like that What's up with that? Two days of sarging At the movie theater

Sarging slaughter My name is Duke And I like Smirnoff eyes Bad acting, bad CGI Bad script, oh and one of my favorites Story character discrepancies With the G.I. Joe universe I mean come on

No it didn't have the depth and smart plot That a movie for, The Dark Knight had. Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh, you mean for that guy in that outfit? The guy in the outfit? D. Nidge Roberts from the Netherlands? You just got the lemon cackle. Oh, no.

He's talking about For Instance, The Dark Knight. Yeah. Here, let me read that again so it sinks in to all of you because I don't think you quite understood. For instance, the Dark Knight is like Dinner with Andre with costumes. Tell me more. No, it didn't have the depth and smart plot that a movie like, for instance, the

Dark Knight had. But this movie in the end is about action figures come to life that fight the living crap out of each other. So what in God's name are people expecting? If I hate ABBA and rom-coms would i go see abba the movie i guess not make a good point ash so why are people going to the theaters to see if a movie is some but to see if a movie about something as shallow as G.I. Joe and expecting to experience a revelation.

What were you folks hoping to get? Hamlet? This movie might be hard to watch with a straight face if you generally dislike CGI and fest in big-budget movies about an 80s toy line who are hoping to have their opinions about these sort of things change dramatically forever. Double ellipsis.

No, really! Don't get me started about the people who don't understand why certain relationships slash costumes were changed. Wait, this isn't you getting started? We're two paragraphs in. Oh, God.

I have one real idea get alive all you zombies and ghosts get the fuck out zombie ghost the idol the hasbro toy lines

bumblebee's a camaro wolverine isn't wearing yellow spandex, and in this movie, Cobra Commander isn't wearing a blue Ku Klux Klan... Whoa! How would you possibly misspell that? It's the KCC! KCC. Oh my gosh, Dave! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, John John slap yourself again please would you like white

Jack, shut up! John, go to the corner. You're having a time out. Want to get the best popcorn chicken? Come to the hood. Shut up! Oh my god! Oh no! Why? What?

Why? I regret nothing. It's like you're trying to kill me. It's like you're hoping I drop dead in the middle of this podcast. And Jack thinks it's incredibly funny. I hate both of you forever. Alright, let's continue.

Oh, God. Cobra Commander isn't wearing a blue Ku Klux Klan-like hood. What a shock! I found that this movie has a lot of trouble trying to be anything else than a movie about G.I. Joe. So guys, and one girl, quit your whining. Hey, they knew we were reading this.

Yeah, I know. That's weird as shit. In my opinion, they couldn't have made this movie that much better. To me, this was like a warm nostalgic bath caked in a beautiful visual eye candy. And I might not have been expecting too much, but I was truly surprised in a good sense. What kind of bumfics can you get at Bath & Body Works to get that? I wasn't blown away, at least not in an emotional sense. I was in an audiovisual sense.

In an emotional sense. This movie did not tell me it was my father. Three stars. I was in an audiovisual sense, though. Like Transformers 2 on steroids in that department wait so transformers 2 was too toned down for you this movie was a lot like what i had imagined gi joe could be like if made in live action i'm happy to be part of the generation that grew up with the likes of jesus fucking christ grew up with the likes of G.I. Joe and Transformers and to have faithful live action movies made out of them.

I mean, would you rather have been a part of the generation that had to grow up with tripe like Power Rangers and Pokemon? Oh, I'm so hating Pokemon Trainer. I am happy. Yeah. I regret the choices I've taken. Yeah. Our movie tie-ins. I regret the choices I've taken in life. Our terrible movie tie-ins

were way better than their terrible movie tie-ins. Yeah, that's... That was so weird, because in the 80s, there wasn't, like, a single kid's show on TV that wasn't, like, just a 30-minute toy commercial. Yeah. Oh. I will actually dispute that point because of Gummy Bears.

That was a candy. Gummy Bears actually the reason Gummy Bears came about, literally the story behind it was Michael Eisner came up to some Disney artist one day and said, my kids just came back from summer camp ranting about this candy that they really love.

Make a cartoon about it. That is a true story. Eisner is great. He's a visionary. Stay tuned for the adventures of Wifflebat. Come on, Wifflebat! I mean, would you rather have been a part of the generation that had to grow up a tripe

like Power Rangers and Pokemon and see the resulting god-awful S-H-star-T that they put in the theaters? To me, like the probability of a sequel, is a no-brainer. What? To me is a no-brainer. Yeah, to me is a no-brainer. To me is a no-brainer. To me is a no-brainer.

To know me is to have no brain. And to love, love, all right. no-brainer. To me is a no-brainer. To know me is to have no brain. And to love, love, alright. Fizzlebat's catchphrase is, buy me! Buy me, buy me, I'm a wifflebat. Alright, so this is a review of G.I. Joe, The Rise of Cobra

by Bottom Line Guy. One star. You know a summer blockbuster sucks when you're sitting on in an la theater with a measly 15 people on the fifth day of the release you know a movie stinks when the two 13 year olds parentheses the movie's target audience get up three-fourths of the way through it shake their heads and leave the theater simply put gi joe the rise of the cobra is the most emotionally detached cgi crap fest since van Helsing, director of Summer's last film. They threw $175 million at the screen, yet most of the CGI looked like an Xbox 360 game.

And that's what gets it all, the Xbox 360 games! Sexy games! I think the beginning of that was a failed Jeff Foxworthy routine. Seriously! If you pay too much for your ticket, you might be a movie blockbuster. That looked more amazing than what was portrayed in this film. And the script,

holy cobra venom! We were laughing uncontrollably most of the time. The script had three modes. Unfunny, one-liner mode. We weren't laughing when it was this mode. Cliche mode. Say exactly what you think.

Feel mode. I swear the cartoon series had better scripts. No, they didn't. I know that movie is shit. I think he might have been playing the Xbox 360 video game version of it. I think he was playing the Xbox 360 video game mode. Right. Simply because he had no lines.

Even the gifted Joseph Gordon Glevitt ooze suck here. And remember, if you blow up an arctic ice flow, hoping that chunks will descend like depth charges to destroy your enemy's submarines, water is more dense than ice,

which is why I vote you morons! That guy is so angry about G.I. Joe. Far, far away and never come back, Joe.

Wow. That guy was really, really angry about the G.I. Joe movie. He was. He was. It offended him on a personal level. I always like when people say the 80s had burst out. Like, Jim was about something. The Get Along gang was about something. That's an insult to Xbox 360 games.

I did not finish the review. I haven't finished the review yet. There's still one more line. 562 of 721't finished the review yet. There's still one more line. 562 of 721 members found this review helpful. Oh my god. Wow. That's sad.

Society is crumbling before our very eyes. and there we go i feel edified thanks i do i do this week um i learned that the whole idea of people being able to put their two cents in at any time on the internet is both a great success and a dismal failure at the same time. See, it's a great success. Okay, it's a dismal failure. Let's start with that. In that, you know, there's this whole idea. It's like anybody can get their two cents in.

You know, anybody could have a voice and all that. And that's the idea, I guess is that that would with more discourse and more ideas spreading the marketplace ideas would get better but no i mean one log of shit is just spoiling the whole pool here anyone and it's a and there's a whole lot of logs in these pools now anyone's allowed to get their two cents in but then inflation happens exactly But it is a rousing success because for, say, I don't know, a podcast that loves to read these things, there is infinite amounts of material. We found guys on there on the Netflix things, on the users,

that had like 20 pages of reviews, and they were all long. And it was in a case of like, let's find something and get some material. It was more like, we have too much. We have to call what's good i think the thing the thing my favorite little theme that we had in this episode um was people that were defending like just you know obviously shitty movies like obviously shitty like gi joe movies right and then they're like they're like don't say this movie sucks i mean yeah it sucks but i like it so don't say this movie sucks. I mean, yeah, it sucks, but I like it, so don't say it sucks. If you actually like the shitty movie, just like the shitty movie.

I think it's a shitty movie, but why can't you admit that it's not a good movie? Yeah, and I've ragged on some, well, personally, I haven't gotten on a soapbox somewhere and yelled about, I don't know, Leonard Maltin or whatever. But even those reviewers that are shitty and I think have shitty opinions on movies, at least they can construct an article. At least they have an idea and they know, like, an introduction and a body and a conclusion and they know how to organize a thought. These things are just like, I'm going to rant about something totally unrelated and at the end say i liked it that's every review oh it's so great beautiful website it's beautiful and horrible at the same time and i love it website is always thefbl.us uh post your own um and i really i want to say this i'll give out a prize. I don't know what the prize is. I'll figure it out. It'll be a good prize,

but I really want reviews of this episode. If you can do a proper Netflix style review of this episode, I don't know what I'll give you yet, but I'll give you something. Cause that's what I'm looking for. So say the podcast, not for kids rant about your significant other. And at the end,

say, I like it. That's how you do it. And we're on, by the way, we're on Facebook. We're on Twitter. We're on Stitcher now. Isn't that what I'm calling right? Stitcher.

We're on a whole mess of things. Review, spread it, do what you can. Help us out. And thanks for listening. Annoy people. Tell them to listen to our podcast. Exactly. That's how you do it.

That's what we do. Oh, hell yes. All right. Goodbye. Goodbye. As an excitable anime character, I can see why that would be a little too calm for him. Doesn't have the thrill of a Pokemon battle. Just as a quick aside, I'm

not actually an excitable anime character. It's just a character that I blame. I refuse to believe that. Don't fucking, don't tear down my wall. You're spoiling the fucking magic. What? Look, I've already put out the milk and the cookies

with anime faces on them. Shut up. You're going to confuse our 10 or 12 podcast listeners. Next time you're going to be telling me John doesn't really eat five star bagels. Keep going. Don't stop believing.