The F Plus - 290: Smashed Words

Episode Date: October 12, 2018

With half a million works in their catalog, the marketplace at the strangely named Smashwords describes itself as “your ebook. your way”. And, as long as “your ebook” is a christian cyberpunk business-minded erotic novalla and “your way” is with rambling paragraphs and keyword-stuffed sentences almost nearly as difficult to follow as this episode description, then you, my friend are in luck. It's all descriptions of ebooks this time around, folks. Settle in. This episode, The F Plus knocks at the door of a woman in an illegitimate manner (and the whole spiritual realm is on alert).

Vagina myths, male bitch assness, and the shizzle associated with it. Oh, it's donkey fizzle telepizzle! Well, thanks for joining our book club. This is the F Plus Podcast. It's a terrible place, and you can't leave. But we have terrible things, and they're read with enthusiasm. In the room tonight, we have Boots Ring Gear. Actually, you know what?

I'm going to give everyone my real identity. My actual name is Tabitha Carrington, and I wrote the book 75 Best Minecraft Jokes. Thanks a bunch. Achilles Heelies. These are the adventures of those who have ventured to... Masturbation Island! Kumquats up! Sex positions for Christians. Wholesome but fun hot sex ideas for conservative ones.

Nutshell Gulag! When Arya, the daughter of the human rebel leader, is captured and sold as a blood slave, the vampire prince Braith steps in to save her, and both their lives are irrevocably changed forever. And Lemon. Mr. Average brings you his latest pleasure buster. Who else could bring a boring middle-aged couple together with a 60-year-old honeymooning couple

and throw in an auto-suck for good measure? Thanks, Mr. Average. Who else? Nobody, that's who measure. Thanks, Mr. Average. Who else? Nobody, that's who. Mr. Fucking Average. Hey, F+. Hello. Hi, Lemon. Hey, F+. Hello. Hi, Lemon.

Hey, F+, you know what? Chicken butt? What? I am sick of these fucking reboots. I really am. I know that I'm going out on a limb here, but we were just about to record, and as we were about to record, I got a text message from a friend of mine informing me that they're doing a reboot of elf come on you don't need to you don't need to do a reboot of all elf that's ridiculous we don't need that everybody knows the continuum of it we could just continue where elf left off exactly that's what i'm saying that's what i'm saying like they've

laid down such an important story foundation everybody Everybody knows he's from Melmac. Right. He wants to eat cats. And people don't want him to eat the cats. Like, we have to reestablish that plot line? Yeah. It's been three years of... No, they're going to wipe everything out.

It'll be Alf Legends. Okay. Anyway, yeah, I really am not into these these these reboots i i'm a little annoyed by it and to that end uh i found something that i think will get us through i think what we need what we need is new and this is probably a term you've never heard before what we need is new ips and i put quotes around that because IP stands for intellectual property. Internet protocol. Oh. No, good guess.

Good guess, though. Good guess. We need more websites. Well, I mean, yes. Agreed. Agree with that. Yeah, absolutely. Lemon's really keeping up with that, though. Yeah, no, no, no. If you have not visited pretend.world, you know, take a couple minutes. It's good. Netshell's cat likes it.

Anyway, we need new...'s cat likes it anyway we need we need new my cat likes looking the computer bonder again that's a problem though we need we need new ideas we need fresh new ideas

we need innovative new ideas and I think that I think that we have a solution Kaniya Sutra has provided me with a website And I think that we have a solution. Kainé Sutra has provided me with a website called Smashwords. Smashwords. Word smash! Smashwords is your e-book your way.

It is a self-publishing medium. It's not really much on, what do you want to say, website design. But some of the things here on the homepage are King of Cat, Romantic Piano Music Collection Volume 5. There's a book called How to Make Friends and Not Incinerate People. Great, good. And A Dinosaur is a Man's Best Friend, parentheses, a serialized novel, parentheses, comma, part four,

colon, quotation mark, Blues for a Drifter. Wonderful. I've read all of these books. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this seems like something like, you know, if just the Kindle market is just a little bit too fancy pants for you, then you can self-publish your e-book Your Way on Smashwords.

There's genres like coming of age uh educational fairy tale literature mashups uh that's my favorite genre uh themes and motifs is a genre that i enjoy very much that's a good genre um but uh we i think before so we're gonna be looking at some books we're gonna be looking at some books that are self-published on Smashwords. But before we get to that, Achilles, before we get to that, I want to go to the fact of Smashwords itself. All right. So I just have a couple questions. I know you have a lot.

Whoa. Wow. This page scrolls a long time. People ask a lot of questions. Yeah. There's a lot of questions that need to be answered here. Well, let me just... I'm just going to cut just a couple here.

What is Smashwords? Oh, wait. Do you mean the origin of the name Smashwords? No, no, no. I mean, what is Smashwords? The question I'm asking you is, what is Smashwords? What is Smashwords? What is Smashwords?

Smashwords is a global e-book distributor serving authors, publishers, readers, and major e-book retailers. Smashwords is ideal for publishing novels, personal memoirs, poetry chapbooks, short and long form fiction, and nonfiction.

If you've written it, we want to help you share it and sell it. We distribute books to Apple Books, 51 countries, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, which powers the bookstores of multiple other retailers such as FNAC in France and WH Smith in the UK, Overdrive, Gardner's, Baker & Taylor, Bleo.com, and the Access360 library platform, and others. Yeah, okay, but what does Smashwords offer readers? Smashwords offers book lovers an opportunity to discover thousands of independently published e-books. We offer affordably priced e-books for immediate sampling, purchase, and download.

Most Smashwords books are readable on any e-reading device. One purchase and you gain access to multiple formats. Okay, okay. You have a long answer to the question, what does Smashwords offer literary agents? Which is weird because that's a large paragraph that says nothing. Nothing. If you were a literary agent, you shouldn't be here. Okay, there's also a question of what are e-books? Nothing. If you were a literary agent, you shouldn't be here.

Okay. There's also a question of what are e-books? I'm so deep in this fact. Wait a minute. Why am I here? What is a website? Anyway, I have another question. Your site's called Smashwords, right? Uh-huh.

Okay. What is the origin of the name Smashwords? Oh, well, it's a manufactured name, unlike other names. And it captures in the yin and yang, the positive and negative, both interlinked of the writing process. It represents the angst that many writers experience through the creative process of writing. Huh? It represents angst? Yeah, smashwords. That. It represents angst? Huh? It represents angst? Yeah, smash.

Words. That's not what angst means. It's the smash burger of literature. Okay, okay. Yeah. So they're like rosemary covered words. I like that. Yeah, so it represents the angst

that many writers experience during the creative process of writing, revising, and editing. As any writer will tell you, the writing process can be painful. Get also ecstatically joyous. And finally, after the writer navigates the writing process

and releases their finished work, it means success, such as smash hit, or the phrase, absolutely smashing. Absolutely smashing. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Do I get charged for reading a sample? No, samples are free. Oh, okay. So are books returnable if I don't like them? No! All sales are final. This is why most authors allow you to sample much of their book for free so you can try before you buy. Idiot.

Cool. Can we look at books? Let's look at books. All right, all right, all right. We should look at books. You're absolutely right about that. So let's look at some books. And let's start off with a book called Je.

Je is a book. Je? Yeah, Je. Je? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Je. Is a book. Yeah. Juh. Juh? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Juh. Yeah.

Juh is a book in the Galactic Cyborg. God damn it. So it's a book by Jesse Rose Case. And if you love the work of Anna Hackett and Eve Langelis, you will love this. So, you know, cool anyway uh so yeah so uh boots will you tell me about this book here yes uh it means game oh cool great that's awesome yeah okay uh yeah yeah i'm uh my name is jesse rose case okay okay oh this book Yeah, yeah My name's Jesse Rose Case Okay, okay This book looks hunky

Yeah, it sure is Yeah, yeah, yeah This looks a little bit like a tingler on the front Yeah You're pissing me off, cyborg Zhu couldn't help but smile wider She looked so determined So she knew they were cyborg, thought Zhu.

Good. She'd know it was all him. He didn't understand her anger. There was no logic to it. She'd wanted him on every level earlier, and he'd been happy to oblige throughout the night. Nothing held back between them. Raw and hungry.

Just how it should be. Jude just stood there in front of her. That damn, as in a thing that stops water, that damn confidence oozing from him, smiling back at her, and Ava didn't like it. You need to know your place, female, he told her. Hell no, he didn't.

Ava gripped her guns and calmly I'm hoping that's her muscles. And a calm certainty overcame her. She was in control here. I know exactly what my place is, arsehole, and it's not on my knees, she sneered.

His smile got only wider, and that really pissed her off. But baby, you're so fucking good at it. Ava fired. Who knows who said that? Ava fired and kept firing until both guns were empty and smoking. Ejecting both clips, she reloaded in seconds. I love I love

seconds. There's an also by this author and it's just all like hunky dudes and planets. It's just all like Mass Effect porn. The Galactic Cyborg Heat series. Once called Anger A-N-G-R.

Oh, it's a silly value. That's just a point. There's no no why in there. Anger. Okay, so by the way, we are in the romance section here. So this is in fiction slash romance slash new adult. And nutshell. Yeah.

This story is called Finder Keeper of My Heart. Weird. And what's the summary of this book here? Emma Monroe, a Juilliard senior, snags a plum roll on Broadway a few weeks before her 21st birthday. She travels to Hawaii with her best friends to celebrate. When she gets lost in a jungle during an impromptu hike, she happens upon a waterfall and a naked hunk bathing underneath it. When she finds out his name is Avery Bell, she's dumbstruck. She happens upon a waterfall and a naked hunk bathing underneath it. When she finds out his name is Avery Bell, she's dumbstruck.

She believes she's meant to love someone named Avery. It all goes back to a message in a bottle she found when she was nine. A letter written by a soldier named Avery to his sweetheart named Emma. He'd written in the aftermath of the Pearl Harbor attack during World War II. I got all my plot ideas from TV tropes. Since then, Emma has been

searching and saving her virginity for her own Avery. But Avery Bell is as mysterious as he is irresistible. Emma learns about his family secrets and bitterness in the course of this vacation an accident and a tragic death will shake both of them to a core her singular faith in him her unwavering belief in love and destiny proves to be his saving grace wow she sounds like she's dumber than a box of rocks. This sounds like,

this sounds like if blue lagoon was about a loveless marriage, his personality is pretty terrible, but his name is Avery. And he smells cause he only bathes in waterfalls. Oh, I'm learning about your business. I'm learning about your bitterness. I'm learning about your bitterness. That's nice. Okay, so, yeah.

So, section one was the romance section. There's other books in the romance section. By the way, it's put together by Kanye Sutra. And thank you very much, Kanye Sutra, for this document. Other things in the romance section are the Mistress of Dendera. other things in the romance section are the mistress of Dendera and the necromancer's smile number two colon

a family affair wait no you know what never mind okay okay I'm not I can't skip past that one I was just looking at it okay so come quass up oh yes hello this is a it's a book by Lisa Oliver and it's called the necromancer's Smile No. 2.

That's a really poor Photoshop job on that cover. I really like it. But yeah, so will you read me a synopsis of this book here? Just because Necromancer Psy and Alpha Wolf Dakar are now mated doesn't mean things are going to go smoothly. When Psy's father visits with Psy's intended bride, all hell breaks loose in the Necromancer's mansion, and Dakar has some problems of his own he needs to resolve. Must read book one first. This is a direct continuation.

Okay. Cool. Can you, uh, so go down to the summary. You have to click on more to get this. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Could you read the last paragraph there? That starts with ghostly. Ghostly grandfathers scheming family

members new mates and a meddling mother-in-law this book has it all please note this is the second book in the necromancer smile trilogy this epilogue in this story is the prelude to book three and starts the thread of a new plotline. Necromancer Smile 3. Necromancer, you've got something in your teeth. Yeah, Lisa Oliver here has written a

lot, a lot of Hunky Man books, like the Passion Punch King. I think I played that video game. Snake Snack. I think she meant to call the necromancer Smize, because that dude's not smiling.

Oh, yeah. But he's giving me some smoky eyes. Yeah, yeah, no, I agree, I agree. Anyway, so that's the romance section. We're gonna go to the next section here, because the next section is called Wizards and Shit. Woo! Yeah!

Yeah, so this is a book in the Wizards and Shit category. It's by Don R. Budd. Oh, that is with two Ds. Great. Yeah, exactly. It two Ds. Great. Yeah, exactly. It's Don Arbud, and this is a book called Demon War. It's a book about three Sims characters and then demons behind them.

Anyway, Demon War. I got to tell you about this. Demons are real. Angels are real. Angels are real. They are locked in a deadly war with mankind trapped in the middle. Each side uses mankind for its purposes. Demon war is Tom Sanders' account of his battle with demons and the help angels gave him. It is a story that teaches survival skills for mankind to survive this conflict. him it is a story that teaches survival skills for mankind to survive this conflict are you ready to stand up and fight or will you allow yourself to be possessed by demons and lose your

will this the war is a life and death hostility also known as war and demon war is your only hope for survival read and heed the warnings the war the war is a life and death hostility the war is a life and death hostility okay and the war okay so so that's one fact right but the war is a life and death hostility but the demon but demon war the other thing is demon war is your only hope for survival in the war which again, is life and death hostility. Okay, good. Good. I'm captivated.

Yeah. How much to get this book in print? That's a good question. How much are... Okay, so $3.99 for the virtual version. Yeah, I don't think they print. I think it's just e-books. Yeah, you're right.

I don't think Smash Bros. does. Well, how much does it cost you to go to Kinko's? Yeah, fair enough. So this is just a site that competes with Kindle. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yep, 100%. Yeah. Okay.

Well, good luck, Smashwords. Maybe you're doing fine. Maybe you're just doing fine. I think I remember many years ago during our Kindle porn episode that there was some drama at that point that Kindle was making rules about Kindle porn. And so people were leaving Kindle porn for Smashwords where there was less rules. I think. I feel like I remember that. Anyway, nutshell.

Yeah. Let's see. I'm going to give you a choice, um, let's see, let's see. I'm going to give you a choice actually. Um, let's see. So we're again, we're in the, uh, wizards and shit, uh, category. Um, and, uh, boy, there sure is some shit in here. Um, so, uh, oh boy, these all sound really bad, but, uh, okay. So one is called the Rift Avatar.

Uh-huh. that's one option um and the second option is the first player parentheses alter game book number one close parentheses lit rpg series oh i that one sounds fascinating yeah i'd like to go with that one all right all right. Well, this, you know, so I guess the question is, like, is this worse than Ready Player One? And let's find out. So the first player, Altered Game, book number one, lit RPG series. Oh, this is a special book, because the document submitter's note says that if you read the author bio, this is one of the guys who made Stalker, apparently. Yay!

That video game with a really intense plot. Okay. This is Altera, where you can be the master of your own castle or a field hand on a farm. And this is Jack, who wants to make his way to a different continent, hidden in the virtual mist. And this is the, who wants to make his way to a different continent, hidden in the virtual mist. And this is the house that Jack built! And this is an ancient questline, buried under new versions of the game. Jack's goal? Create his own guild, buy a ship, and set off on the great journey.

The journey of his life. The dangerous gravediggers are not the only ones opposing him. Necromancers from Sinister Nightmare, Elite Alpha Citizens, and Relic Hunters are only a small fraction of the enemies that the first player will have to face. Cool, so, uh, nothing but descriptions of video game combat?

Eh, pretty much. And then he hit him with the sword, and a red text that said minus 20 came out of his head. And then he hit him with the sword and a red text that said minus 20 came out of his head. And then he hit him with a sword with 25 damage. 62 DPS, I don't know. In the perilous wasteland, the drifter Jack finds an abandoned truck where an old world game console is hidden. This moment marks the beginning of Jack's path to the lost continent, hidden in the virtual depths of the colossal Altera.

He still isn't aware of the enemies standing in his way. Did they just... No, they just said this again, okay? Not only are the Guild of Gravediggers and the Sinister Necromancers of Nightmare against him, but also the Secret Masters of the game world themselves. The Discovery's ancient quest lines they just said that, and long buried under new versions of the game.

Earlier he said that the Necromancer were from the Sinister Nightmare, but now the Necromancers themselves are Sinister and they happen to be from Nightmare. These are separate things to state. See, now that we know that both things are sinister, we have a lot better world-building concept.

Okay. All right. The discoveries of ancient quest lines long buried under new versions of the game give Jack access to the Dark Service. This is a special branch of character development which is no longer available in the modern version of the game What?

The messenger of a great goddess Possesses a night weapon And is venerated by an entire race Of NPCs Just how long Will this road Just how will this road end And it does indeed have an end

This book has all the excitement Of buying new DLC Just how will this road end? And it does indeed have an end. This book has all the excitement of buying new DLC. This book has all the excitement of listening to a friend of yours describe themselves playing in an MMORPG. So he found a video game console in a video game, and that... I don't know. Yeah, I don't know either. Oh, man. I don't care for it. I i don't know yeah i don't know either oh man i don't uh i don't care for it i really don't so i'm not i don't like it um i like some of the things that uh some of the people in this

chat have been finding um but we'll be getting to that we'll be getting to that in our non-fiction section we're still in the fiction right now. So let's see. So I think we're still in wizards and shit. And, oh, man. Okay. What's up? I found one.

Fuck this thing. All right, all right. Now what do you got there, Nacho? It's short, but it speaks to me. It's called Cecil Stalks His Prey. Enhanced feline Cecil keeps his mistress's house free and permanent and keeps his mistress's nerves calm as she prepares to display her inventions at the Great Exhibition of London. But when Her Majesty Victoria asks for her assistance,

of course they agree, and Cecil must put his cute little tiny kitty skills to work in a unique and unexpected way! Have an experience steampunk London through the ears and nose and eyes of a very special cat! Ellipses followed by exclamation mark. Yes. Okay, Achilles, I'm looking here at a book, which between this document being submitted... Oh, wait, no, no, no. This book is no longer published, which is very strange for an e-book.

I'm not sure how you can do this. But it is a book by Omelia Velez, and this book is called The Assembly of Thirteen, semicolon, The First Two Companions. Okay. semicolon the first two companions okay well uh what does a journalist a giant an assassin a healer two slave a prostitute

a duke a smith and a fighter have in common wow this is a good joke structure yeah bear with me uh magic Wow, this is a good joke structure. Yeah. Bear with me. Magic. Lots and lots of magic.

And an emperor traitor and some demons that are trying to kill them. Uh-huh. I get it. That's funny. That's really good. I like that. And they're best friends, but they don't know it yet. All characters are connected, and all events mean something. Okay.

Mom. No, keep going. I feel like that's, okay. Yeah, no, this is still the summary of the Assembly of 13, semicolon, the first two companions. Okay. For hundreds of years, the Athene, once a peaceful race of giants created to arbitrate justice to the people of Quetzal, has been cursed to obey the royal falsetto emperor. The new emperor.

Woo-hoo! The new emperor. The new emperor has been I'm not going to keep doing that. Of all non-human races using the athene as a murderous weapon. That's falesto. Huh?

Never mind. Keep going. A vow by an elder from each race started a chain of events meant to break the curse and start the Assembly of Thirteen to choose a new leader for Quetzal. The Assembly requires four companions, eight gift vessel magis, and a priest, and a country without religions, and all the gift vessels ordered to serve the Emperor.

On Earth is the future leader of the Assembly, June Dunbar. It's a good fantasy name. A hurt and broken woman living a lonely life in Livermore, California. Hey, author of this book, where do you live? I live in Pancreas-less

California. Okay, somewhere California. Okay. Somewhere different. Yeah. The second companion is a cursed and murderous Athene named Kara, who after hundreds of years as an assassin chooses to risk it all for a chance at freedom. Two unlikely protectors who need to choose to live. Okay.

The 13 are gathering ever fast. All are important. All consequential. But the two companions must fight warlords, soldiers, destroyers, and demons. They're in the way to find the eight gift vessels who must accept the roles in the Assembly of Thirteen.

Thrill as the author tries to write a conversation between more than four people. Yeah. This is that Mr. Show sketch about the two young people and their companions who went missing. It sure is. It's that sketch. Yes, absolutely.

What about the companions, though? I want to say that the author here, Omeya Velas, also has a link to Lulu, which is a completely different self-publishing site. So yeah, just spreading it around. Kumquatsop, you found

something just now, and it looked pretty... What did you find? Well, hello everyone. Hello. I would like to tell you about the three most wanted. My name is Corinna Turner, and

this is in the I Am Margaret series, book two. Good, that's a good series. Absolutely. 2,000 kilometers, three teens, a continent-wide manhunt, chance of

survival? No chance. Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had you on the hook there for, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Having outwitted the Eurogov by rescuing a

whole facility of teens from recycling, Margo is on the run. You'll never have to sort things into bins again. What a very strange carousel that would be. Together with John and Bane,

she's posing as a summer backpacker. Their only hope is to keep ahead of the government trackers and somehow cross the continent to the last free state in Europe. The Vatican.

Whoa. The Vatican. The last free state. The last free state in Europe. Corinna Turner has been writing, she is a Catholic Christian with roots in the Methodist and Anglican churches. A keen cinema goer, she lives in the UK with her giant African land snail.

Wow. Cool. Okay, where was I looking for? Where was I looking for? Oh, yeah, that's right. I was looking for the secret journals of Alien X. Hey, have you ever loved an alien? Have you ever been married to an alien? Find out what it's like.

I haven't. Well, you're gonna find out what it's like. I don't want to find out what it's like. In this ugly covered book by Raymond Crane. Landscape architect, Randy Builder's life has completely changed when he has taken control of by an alien being. M- wow. Wow.

There's no editors on this site. He is propelled into a world of scientific research where promotion in his occupation is inevitable. What the fuck? Where promotion in his occupation is inevitable. Oh no, guess I'm gonna get promoted. Is this the same person that wrote Birdemic?

Yeah, for sure. Did you get promoted in your occupation? And his sexual adventures take a rise in frequency. Yeah, so yeah, he's got a promotion in his occupation. And his sexual adventurers take a rise in frequency. But he's a family man, so he has to reconcile his new life with his obligations until the alien forces arrive en masse. He makes three soul-swapping visitations to Earth to discover his mission there.

Can creatures with gills inhabit the Earth? Traveling through the universe from the distant planet of Oberon, the fellow beings of Alien X and the Cloud people of Oberon create their own spatial environment with the inevitable conflict that ensues. Period. Planet Earth transformed. Period. Yeah. Woo.

I'm a writer. Boots, Nutshell was excited about this one, and I don't blame her for being excited about this one. This one's called Bone Wires. Bone Wires. Hi, my name's Michael Sheen. Hey, Michael. In the wasteland of commercial culture that is future America,

police are operated not by government, but by private companies. In Seattle, that role is filled by civil protection. Daniel Gray is a detective in Homicide Solutions. What used to be considered an important... Excuse me, I have a homicide problem.

Oh, I have a homicide solution for you. We'll dispatch technicians immediately. Homicide solution for you. We'll dispatch technicians immediately. Homicide solution. What used to be considered an important, even glamorous department for public police is very different for the corporate species and Gray finds himself stuck at a dead-end job.

That is, until the spine thief arrives. Yay! When a serial killer begins harvesting the spinal tissue of corporate employees all over the city, Detective Gray finds himself... It's not the Joker. Stop doing that. Is that a metaphor? No.

Okay. Detective Gray finds himself plunged in the first truly major case of his career. Caught in a dangerous mix of murder, betrayal, and conflicting corporate interests, Gray will find himself not only matching wits with a diabolical murderer, but grappling with his growing doubt toward his employers in the dawning months of the American tricentennial. A

thrilling mystery set in the same world as the Wonderland cycle. Oh, good, good, good, good, good. Yeah, we're all on the hook for that one. Yeah, Bonewires is a grim trip into the streets of an empty future. Oh, man.

Thanks, Michael Sheehan. You're welcome. You can buy this in print at curiosityquills.com. It's clear I'm not Michael Sheehan, the actor. It's spelled a little differently. Certainly, yeah. But you are wearing a members-only jacket in your profile photo.

I'm a member. Wow. Sorry, come quatsap. You found something right there? My name is Thomas Kennedy. I would like to tell you about the Boston Druid and the Wizard. Both? At the same time?

Yes. Through a series of events. Hey, I'm going to summon some... Whatever. No, I wanted to hear more of that accent. Yeah, yeah, I'm waiting. It was really promising. I'm waiting. This is your Saturday Night Live audition

reel right now. Oh, good. Did I get the part? You know what? Fuck it. We hired Jimmy Fallon. We'll do it for you. It's fine. Ha ha ha. Mm-hmm. The story opens as Brian is caught by a troll

and through a series of events unintentionally ends up as champion to the fairy queen and pedrode to medbvvv Can you spell that? Can you spell that? Can you spell the matter? What's the matter?

Don't you speak Welsh? I thought I did pretty good there. He pronounced it perfectly. I'm just curious. For those people that don't know, 13th century Boston Gaelic. That would be M-A-E-D-B-H. Yes. Mid-boot.

A 13th century Celtic teenage princess. Brian. Brian is 16 years old and lives with his mom and dad and older brother in a deprived part of modern Dublin City, Ireland. He must live his normal life in parallel to his role in Otherworld.

At school, Brian gets into a fight with Robbo, the school bully. Hey, new kid! It's me, Robbo! But Irish. I'm clearly Irish! What are you talking about? My bad. Clearly.

You know what? Cheesy, you mug. Sorry, sorry. I need to know more about rabo yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean rabo is obviously the school bully uh yeah a grandson of the local gangster oh i apologize lemon yeah the local gangster yeah yeah yeah local gangsters. Yeah. Brian also runs a band, but his brother, as band manager, is using the band as cover to make deliveries for Polar Bear, the local gangster and drug lord. Not Polar Bear, Robbo's granddad. Holy shit. This is starting to sound like Bill O'Reilly's book. This is starting to sound like Bill O'Reilly's book.

As Champion Brian is required to do battle with the Engap... I'm so afraid to get to that word. And when the Engap captures the Fairy Queen, Brian must undertake the rescue. undertake the rescue. At the same time, Druid Lachlan is on the run in Boston, USA, but is located by the Drimnag witches.

How does the Fairy Queen end up as his prisoner whilst still the prisoner of the Engapunk? I have no idea. And why does Lachlan call upon the dark forces of Underworld to invade Otherworld? How does Brian, the Queen's champion, resolve this? Also, what year does this actually take place in?

Brian's normal life complicates when he has to bring Medivh home. Also, Robbo's grandfather decides that Brian should be killed as Robbo's first hit as a trainee gangster. That's what he gets for blinking his flashlights like that. No, he's just all the other gangsters have to clown on him because he has to wear the little trainee badge with my name is Robbo written on it. My name is Robbo. How can I murder?

How will Brian handle the demands of both a normal teenage life and double jobbing as champion to the fairy queen of Otherworld? Yeah, that sounds like a normal teenage life. That was the last sentence, by the way. Hey, Thomas Kennedy, what other Irish

American fantasy books have you written? Oh, why, yes, of course. I've written Kate and the Raptor Dinosaurs. written Kate and the Raptor Dinosaurs. It's pretty Irish. I've also dabbled in Druids, Raptors, and Egyptians. Oh my. The New York Druid,

the Chicago Druid, and the Ugly Princess. The San Francisco Leprechauns. The Boston Druid and the Wizard oh that was this one these are just sports team names the Great Fury the Dublin Fosterling the God of Death Takes a Holiday you also wrote a book called

That's No Way to Murder a Lady oh wow cool Murder a lady? Oh, wow. Cool. Love of the dark side of the city. All right. There's a little bit there. There's actually plenty more in the fiction section.

A lot of it is a very video game kind of focused. You got Detective in Time there, The Queen of Shadows, The Moon Promise. One's called Anti-Life. Fucking sucks. The opposite of life is a death. But anyway, we're going to go into section number three, the nonfiction section. So I think I'd actually like to start with the first book here.

Ooh, that's an ugly cover. I think I'd like to start with the first thing here. I think nutshell here. So this is a book by Zillary zahn actual name yeah yeah yeah actual name zillary zahn uh this is a non-fiction section relationship sexual behavior uh what's what you got there uh where's the link sorry uh sorry uh you are Where's the link? Sorry. Oh, sorry. You are...

I don't know what I got. Something horrible, probably. So, yeah. So, in a nutshell, your book is called Secrets. It's by Zilleri Zahn. Wow, that's... Yeah, that's a cover. Mm-hmm.

What's the subtitle there of your book? Secrets? Secrets. Swinging and Espionage Tales of the 80s. Okay, alright, alright. Zillery Zahn, a PhD physicist, tells a fascinating and

intriguing tale of espionage and international sexual swing parties in which he participated for real in the 1970s and 1980s. Now, due to partial declassification of documents by the U.S. government, Zahn can inform the public about these events for the very first time. No, yeah, the government just wrapped his dick in red tape.

And so, the erotic espionage story unfolds. Zillery Zahn, a Ph.D. physicist, tells a fascinating and intriguing tale of espionage and international sexual... Hey, wait a minute. Wait, what? That's the same paragraph again. Okay, okay. The one that starts at a swing party.

Oh, yeah. At a swing party, Zahn finds himself bonding with an elegant, high-tech Silicon Valley entrepreneurial couple. Traveling with them throughout Europe, including some communist-block countries, he attends scientific conferences and international swing parties. Zahn describes these parties in authentic detail, placing you, the reader, in the midst of the scene. An elegant, high-tech Silicon Valley entrepreneurial couple. I can't see anything but beige in my head.

Just beige and... Sure. Okay. Unknown to Zahn at the time, the Silicon Valley couple were under investigation by the FBI for passing secrets to the Soviets. And so the erotic espionage

story unfolds. Shrouded in secrecy... Did Zilleri fuck the Rosenbergs. Shrouded in secrecy. Did Zillery fuck the Rosenbergs? Uh-oh. Shrouded in secrecy. You're going to have to read the book to find out. Shrouded in secrecy for over 35 years. I would tap both of them, absolutely.

This elaborate adventure can now be revealed. That's some good nonfiction. Yep. And then if you're wondering about Zillory Zahn, well, it says Zillory Zahn, a PhD physicist tells a fascinating and intriguing tale that's, you know, wait. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

So there's the next one in here is called Quit the Game, Breaking Free from the Pool of Lifestyle. You know, just do, just do that. Anyway, so Boots, I got a choice for you. Choice here is, I got two titles. You're going to tell me which of these you would like. First title is, How to

Achieve an Incredibly Strong Erection and Surprisingly Powerful Ejaculation. We've never heard of that before. Will I continue to be surprised by this? Like, will I be, every single time, I'll be like, wah! Oh my god! Every time I just feel like, whoa. That was very powerful.

So that's the one option. Your other option is called making money with porn easily. I want to make money with porn easily. That makes sense. Your name is Yee Dang. Yee Dang. Yee Dang. And this is the best uh the subtitle here

is uh making money with porn easily there's a lot of fonts there's there's five fonts on this book cover uh but the subtitle is the best and easiest way to make money with porn okay it is not a surprise to know that more and more people are getting obsessed with the human body. Citation. And because of this, it is quite safe to say that sex really sells. Did you come up with that? Unlike before. Oh, my God.

Aside from it being patronized by a lot of people, it also literally sells different products such as clothes exercise equipments and even diets tell me more i want to know who's patronizing sex patronizing sex and increasingly that's what the guy stops and says well actually well that was cute sex that you had i mean i can see where your sex was coming from but with all these information provided on how prominent sex is becoming these days many people are building an adult website just so they could make a decent amount of money online many people are given the impression that once they agree on building an adult website of their own, they would

also be selling their body to other people. But it should be made clear that this is not related in any way to prostitution. Nope, we're harvesting organs. Spines. Yee dang, what are some other uh books that you've written oh uh i'm a non-fiction expert no wait well sorry also by this author you are okay so i have to click on these because it's

also the same font problems on all these sure is so i wrote uh traffic furious get all the web traffic you'll ever need a 10-part video training series. That's right. That's right. Except for the title of the book is different depending on which page you look at. Oh, it is. It's also called Traffic Furious Ultimate Marketing Guide for Affiliate and Product Owner. The Evergreen Marketing Guide.

Get tons of traffic to your site starting tonight! Okay. This book is a lot more pink than the other ones. It's called Boost Your Breast Increase. What? Boost your, okay. I'm going to leave out the punctuation that they left out here.

Boost Your Breast Increase Your Breast Size by Two Cups, Naturally and Without Surgery. The Most Effective Natural Breast Enlargement Techniques that Have Already Changed the Lives of Over 7,591 women. That's a pretty specific number there, dang. Wow, he's trustworthy. It is a very specific number, and the actual value is more than that.

That's so trustworthy. And I also wrote 60 minutes ejaculation control. Can you imagine if you could stop ejaculating for 60 minutes? Morley Schaefer. Oh, my God. We are finding so many. Kumquatsop, you're going to get partial credit in this episode for document provider. Okay.

What did you just find there, Kumquatsop? Sexual role play for nerds! Good. Yay. Yeah, sexual roleplay for nerds is a refined and entertaining introduction to sexual roleplay. M'lady! Using the trope of the nerd stereotype, Tomas Redrose is able to distinctly dissect sex and intimacy

in a way that really breaks the ice to a wide audience. Written by and for a nerd, the auditor draws on his own personal experience with role play. Sexual role play for nerds. Oh, that's the same thing. Sure is. You have an accent grave in your name, so that's cool. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This experience is not one-sided, as he is able to faithfully and comprehensively include the perspective of his long-term sexual partner, who is female. It's super hot, I assume.

And a body pillow. Hey, Tomas, can you tell me a little bit about yourself? Tomas Redrose is the pseudonym of a real-life nerd, professional sex therapist, and monogamous sex enthusiast. It's on my business cards I hand to people. Not a business card, a calling card. I have a metal case with my calling card

that I hand to people at parties that says that on it. Oh, good. I really hope Patrick Bateman kills you someday. Say, Tomas, where do you live? Oh, I reside in Portland, Oregon with my family and cat. I do. Oh, you don't say. Yeah.

You don't say. Yeah. Man, okay, so I'm looking here at some more. So much here. Okay, yeah, so this one's called Date Him Like You Hate Him. Fucking asshole Yeah I'm just alpha dog Yeah this is how to keep your balls

And have a fulfilling love life In today's cutthroat dating world Bitch it's false Yeah If you like to be the kind of man beautiful women Just can't resist being attracted to no matter What you look like or how much money you make, then this new book will show you how.

It's called Date Him Like You Hate Him. However, this book is short and to the point and controversial. Okay, so here's some secrets inside, right? You guys want to know some secrets? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got some secrets. Okay, number one, how to manipulate a woman's menstrual cycle to get her attracted to you yeah okay awesome yeah literally become the moon

okay i got another one i got a secret biological hack you can play on your body to start sending off scents designed to turn women on in your presence. But only when she pulls your finger. Okay, also there's a ninja way to use the infamous friend zone to make her more attracted to you. Wow. Tell her that you're really tired and you don't want to drive home. Oh, it's the legendary boyfriend zone. You want to know another secret?

Yeah. Sure. Two more ways to turn the friend zone to your advantage. Wow. There's also how to rig your texts. What? That's all. Also rig your texts. What? That's all. Also, Chick Crack.

What? That's another thing. What? I'm just telling you things that I'm teaching you. Chick Crack. Chick Crack. Yeah. There's also a curious- Is that like one of the things they make with the crackers and the melted caramels and the thing

Yeah, salted butter on Chick Crack. I mean, it's real simple, but it's really pure flavor. Can't stop eating it. There's a curious mystery phenomenon that lets ugly, scummy, outright loser men effortlessly steal a typical handsome and successful nice guy's girlfriend outright from under his nose. Yeah, you have the fucking Chivos. Exactly.

Gamer score. There's a scientifically proven way used by master seducers to arrange it so a woman you date, one, won't flank on you, two, thinks about you constantly, and three, is helplessly attracted to you. Uh-oh. Uh- you. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Oh, I don't like the next thing that I wrote. Why is that? Oh, I hate the next thing that I wrote. Oh. Seems like you're a patriot. Yeah.

Uh-oh. Okay. You guys liked me so far, right? Oh, lots You thought that I was cool? You're going to be my best man That's awesome, dog Okay, anyway

I got a secret way of using the second amendment To get women tingling at the mere thought of you Oh Oh Just like the founding fathers intended to get women tingling at the mere thought of you. Just like the founding fathers intended. That's spider sense tingling, right? That's like, oh, fuck, I got to get out of here now. I hope I put a gun in my mouth.

There's other things. Fuck me, though. mouth um uh there's other things uh fuck me though i'm gonna i'm gonna stick a fork in my genitals okay hey hey hey yeah i want to know some secrets about celery yeah i gotta know that one oh shit oh shit you want celery secrets okay well, the Second Amendment will protect your celery rights. Okay. I also have a secret about how to use an ordinary stalk of celery to sexually arouse women around you. Stick it in a big frickin' Bloody Mary. Bitches love ants on a log.

It is their favorite snack. And like, what size radius? What's my area of effect on this? We call it the fog of celery. The fuck of war. Oh, no. How much does it cost? $2.99.

Excellent. That's a deal. Yeah. Yeah. I got legal fees Let's move into something a little bit different Achilles Boots found this one Your name is Brian Correa And what's this book called?

Hey there, Mormon Bachelor Party's Gone Sober? What? Also, I have literally used that stock art from that cover. Yep.

We'll use it one more time. Alright. Mormon Bachelor Party's Gone Sober is. All right. Mormon bachelor party's gone. Sober is a collection of 18 different bachelor party ideas for the man who doesn't sip on grandpa's cough medicine. Very good. Very good. Very good. You're right.

Drinking's lame, dog. Yeah. Each idea includes a full description, how to plan, what to bring, what to do, everything else you need to know. And a delicious recipe for mulled apricot nectar, don't you know? As long as you make it that morning and keep it refrigerated the whole time. No caffeine. So don't spend your time planning for the party. Spend your time having fun with the groom

before it's too late. Whoa. That's right. Once you get married, you can never have fun again. Absolutely not. Until you get married the next time. There you go. Mormons, right?

I got it, yeah. This apparently is the only book in the Mormon bachelor party tag. There's nothing else with that tag. Really got a quarter on the market then. There is a second book in Sober Bachelor Party, which is called How to Party Sober by Rachel Black. It's got 10,000 words. I think the other Mormon bachelor party book just called How to Play Sober by Rachel Black. It's got 10,000 words. I think the other Mormon bachelor party book

just called How to Play Settlers of Catan. You're not far off. Yeah, I grew up with some Mormons. All right. Time to go back to this book or this doc here. Thanks once again, Kani Sutra. So this next thing, nutshell, this next thing is called, hmm. You know what?

I'm not going to tell you. I'm going to give you that link there, and you tell me what your book's called. Your name is Collins. Your first name is Collins. And your second name is Anya Ribe. Anya Ribe.

In your eBay? Sure, maybe. Alright. Well... Kids, today we're going to learn about how sex has consequences in three ways sex alters human anatomy for the better or for the worse okay god designed marriage to be between one unmarried man and one unmarried woman for life all other forms of marital union all other forms of marital union... All other forms of marital union attract satanic

bondage. Those who harbor Satan's property cannot participate in the rapture of the church. Find out how to avoid this eternal tragedy in the pages of this book. So you can't steal things from Satan and then hide it

in a floor safe in your basement? No, no. God sees all and knows all. Sex is not just a physical exercise done for pleasure only. It is a spiritual communion. God designed sexual intimacy to bond one man and one woman to become one flesh, a marriage joined by him. So it's a threesome with God. First time sex alters. Oh, yeah. Praise him. Oh, by him. So it's a threesome with God. First time sex alters...

Oh yeah, praise him! Oh, praise him! Yeah! First time sex alters human anatomy, for good or for evil! When a man knocks at the door of a woman in an illegitimate manner,

the whole spiritual realm is put on alert. Wow. Records are taken and consequences follow. But when a man and a woman in a godly marriage have sex, it does not show anywhere because there is harmonious oneness in the anatomy of husband and wife. I do remember, you know,

the first time I had sex outside of wedlock and I started a pupate. Oh, baby, I'm going to alter your anatomy. Any person who has slept with a member of the opposite sex other than other except in the context of a marriage joined by God has a distorted anatomy. The person is carrying satanic property that can prevent from inheriting the kingdom of God. Cohesion is a covenant cut with blood and remitted when done in an ungodly manner by shedding of blood.

This book shows how the blood of Jesus can break the power of death for those who call on the name of the Lord for help. Wow. Non-fiction. Come, Questlove, you found a book. Oh, sorry, go ahead. I was going to read a little bit about me,

Colin and Uribe. Yes, please. Yes, please. Made without issues. I am the president of Evangelical Fellowship Institute Incorporated, a ministry dedicated to expediting the mandate of Jesus by stirring believers

to be conscious of and prepare for inclusion in the rapture of the church. Author of more than 20 books on the second coming of Christ, he is the coordinator of Rapture Watchers Fellowship, an online gathering of the Bride of Christ, the community of born-again Christians who are expecting the return

of Jesus Christ. Hey, he's got a Smashwords interview. I'm going to look at that just by my own... Oh my god, hello. Interviewed by Smashwords. One of the tags here is door of a woman. Yeah. And actually, speaking of Kumquatsop, you've recently found, while we were

recording this episode, you found a book called Jelking the Safe and Natural Way to a Bigger and Harder Penis Without Pills or Surgery. I just happened to be typing those words into my keyboard. He typed all of them in and then found the book. But yeah, so the plot summary of that book is sort of what you would expect

from a Jelking book, so that's fine. That's fine. That's fine. This book's published by Alan. Really? I just like that. It's published by Alan. Thanks, Alan. Anyway, so yeah, the summary of's published by Alan. Thanks, Alan. So, anyway, no, I just, so, yeah, the summary of this book is about what you would expect. I just want to know, what are the tags that you use for your book? Oh, of course, of course.

You have to, you know, properly cross-reference your joking books. Yeah, we've got penis enhancement. We've got big cock, bigger knob, dick, wang, todger. That's one tag that's one tag is it i regret to inform you this is the only book in that tag i'm very sorry uh we've got bigger penis

harder penis we've got uh thanks we've got Cock Pills by Agra Cialis. We've got Grow Your Penis Naturally. Sure. How to Increase Enus Size. Plenty of Sunshine and Fertilizer. How to Make John Ennis Bigger. Yeah.

We've got Jelk Natural Penis Enlarment. Jelking Cock Milking. Penis Enlargement Penis Growth. Penis Exercises Male Enhancement. You know's funny it's the only book in all of these categories Yeah And then underneath all of those tags can you just give me some of the, because if you hover over

any of these book covers you can get the actual title Of course Yes, we've got How to Beat Hair Loss in Nine Weeks Naturally. We've got How to Start Earning Online Following These Five Proven Tactics. We've got Pranic Healing.

We've got How to Manifest Anything You Want Using a Vision Board. Choosing Your Perfect Filipino Bride. Seriously? How to Che on your man and get away with it, the professional guy that shows you how to not give the game away.

Of course. Overlooked organic home remedies proving to reverse gray hair. We've got how to earn big money online by legally grabbing books in the public domain. Legally grabbing. Alien Abduction

Volume 2, and of course How to Use the Amazingly Effective Urine Therapy to Stop and Reverse Skin and Hair Loss Problems. I like that the How to Cheat on Your Man and Get Away With It and the Urine Therapy book, I think use the same stock photography models. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and, yeah. Yeah, and the How Did She Do It On Your Man and Get Away With It is in the Fiction Women's Fiction Feminist and Fiction Young Adult or Teen Family section. Great. I know that we're

in the, we're currently in the non-section or, sorry, the non-fiction section of this document. It's kind of a non-section. Yeah, it's a non-section. It is a non-section, and that's because Boots found something that definitely needs to be read. What's this here? What's your book called? What's your book called there, Boots?

My name's Brian Lee Mitchell, and my book's called Big Ass Shark. That's it. What more do you need? Six bucks. That's one big ass shark! Or maybe it's a really small boat! The cover of Big Ass Shark says, if Jaws made you never want to go back in the water, Big Ass Shark says,

if Jaws made you never want to go back in the water, Big Ass Shark will make you want to move inland. And that's by Paul Mannering, the author of Tank Bread. Sorry, I was searching Tank Bread. Tank Bread. Okay. Wow. Tank Bread is a four-part series.

Oh, man. There sure is a lot of books in here. Hey, I'm Gavin Rockhard. Oh, hey, Gavin. What's up? Yeah, I just stopped by. I got this real short book. It's only 4,000 words long.

It's called Hayes Trade, a footy teabagging. Oh, dear. Wow. Yeah. Does that mean by footy you mean soccer, right? Ozzy rules football. Lyle had a penchant for hazing and being hazed. Today, he gets punished for making a mistake during a footy game, resulting in a hardcore multi-man teabagging.

Sweat-sucking spectacular. Can Lyle handle his latest episode of Haze Trade? I don't know. I don't know. Hey, I'm also Gavin Rockhard. Oh, hi. I've got Chubb trade in a flash. Eating linebacker ass. Brian loves big chubby guys, and today he's got more than he can handle.

He stumbles across a massive linebacker who's ashamed of his body until Brian makes him realize how glorious his hefty frame can be. Can this huge-ass flab and firm... Sorry? ...jiggle-hunk handle Brian's brand of alpha worship? Hey, what's you eating there, Gavin? Lomback her ass. But I brought

enough for everybody. That's polite. Also, Chubb traded a flash Fatty Boomba Latty. Yeah, no, I've definitely heard the phrase rough trade. i didn't know that there were so many different kinds of trade there's fantasy trade there's brutal trade there's debt trade there's weird trade yeah the cookie jar collector weird trade colon the cuckold with

the micro penis fantasy trade uh ebony trade and ivory trade. Holiday trade in a flash. Santa Claus is a dilf. Hombre trade. The cholo must bottom. More chub trade in a flash. Two tubby to fight fires. El oso gordo. It's a badonkadonk.

Eating linebacker ass and fatty boomblack. Yeah. Ooh, it's a collection. Yes. linebacker ass and fatty boom. Yeah. Oh, it's a collection. Yes.

So the very last section that we have in here. And thank you. You know, for anyone who is putting together a document or thinking of putting together a document for the F plus, maybe you want something that might tip you over. Here's a cheat. Give me a list of titles at the end. Yeah. Yeah. Like,

yeah. Like, you know, thread titles, whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. If you close, if you close with that, I mean, I'm just saying, uh, thank you,

Kanye Soucher. That's all I'm saying. Uh, anyway, this is a list of titles from smash words. boots. If you'll start us off, please.

Sure. Sissy boy feminized and loving it. Sexophiles Romance got Charles. What is she doing here? Is she really going out with him? The Time Stone Stars crossover event requiem of the Antichrist. Wow, okay. In the House of

Area Man, a lonely signal burns. Am I playing Soul Calibur right now? That might be the second half of the previous title. Maybe. Vagina Myths, Male Bitch Assness, and the shizzle associated with it.

Oh, it's doggy fizzle televizzle. All right. Well, condoms and hot tubs don't mix. An anthology of awkward sexcapades. John Wick? Definitely. That's a Max Tucker right there. Oh, yeah.

Sorry. John Wick. What? All right. Yeah. You can say it's so. And it's just John Wick. Through? All right. Yeah. You can say it's so. And it's just John Wick. Through the dark gates of cough, the kung linguist, the pocket guide to her oral orgasmic

climax. The kunj linguist. Yeah, the kunj linguist. Oh, baby. I'm going to get at that kunj. I'm going to get that kunj so good. Oh, boy, I'm going to get at that cunt. I'm going to get that cunt so good. Oh, boy. Hey, it's Rhenus.

That's true. Yep, that is true. Good enough for me. Adventurer, star mines, lone wolves. I've got supernatural reality, emergence of the dream warrior I've also got witches blood book one bloodless wait a minute

you gotta start somewhere it's book one we gotta there's a whole arc you gotta build stakes yeah okay my third book is called most men are gay Yeah. Okay, my third book is called Most Men Are Gay. Then I got The Lonely Hedonist, which is true stories of sex, drugs, dinosaurs, and Peter Dinklage.

Goodness. Just the four things that you would expect. Okay, okay, was that a little bit too general for you? Did you think that was a little bit unfocused? My next book is very focused. It's called Miscellaneous Adventures, Volume 1. And finally, Cindy had a moron as a father and a marketer as a mother. Jesus.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, I have single mothers are for grown men only Okay How to have sex with your best friend's daughter Oh no The fuckboy expose Choosing your perfect Filipino bride The ultimate step-by-step guide to finding love happiness and security with the girl of your dreams

first and then before we go to nutshell um uh come class up what was the title of the first book that you found while you were searching through the site? Fertz! No, before Fertz. No, no, no. The first book that you found while you were going through. Oh, I don't remember. That was many whiskeys. I remember. I remember what that book was called.

Of course. How to get a woman to have sex with you if you're her husband. We signed a contract Nusha, what do you have? I have how to meet women at Starbucks Sex cures autism What? Okay, sure Gareth, where's the money?

When champagne has been imbibed oh dear my pimp wife how my loving japanese wife evolved into cold heartless pimp a pokemon story um and harry potter and the gospel of christ of Christ. Yay! You got one, Kumquat. What did we learn from any of this, F+,? You know, obviously, Amazon, the Kindle store is going to fail any day now. Yeah. Yeah, you're getting fucking flanked. And even going through this, I found a bunch of other e-book

sites, so there's a whole bunch of these. The thing that happens in the Kindle store is you accidentally come across good books. Here you don't. If history has taught me anything in about, I don't know, eight to ten years, Smashwords will control the entire backbone of the Internet. Oh, no, for sure. Yeah. For sure. Like, yeah, for sure. For sure.

Like, yeah, that's happened to us in this podcast a couple times, too. It's like, look at this dumb shit. Oh, wait, what? A trillion dollars? God damn it. Making their money off the works like stewing a hot car like by Joshua Thornton.

Or The Christmas Cuck Cake by Serena Sin. Oh no. She Says and I Say by Mario V. Farina. Black holes, why do they spin?

Yeah, I don't. So what do you think? Because there's a bunch of these different things. Like these little stuff. Because they're not really much involved in kind of doing these things. Why do you think someone would turn from one to the other? Like there was one that I saw. Lulu is another one that does this.

And obviously, you know, you can just make a PDF and, like, distribute this thing. Like, how do you think people... Do you think people just, like, choose five? Or do you think that there's a reason to hone in on one versus the other? Because the Smashwords thing does not look... It doesn't look professional, I would say. Like, it doesn't make me think this is a professional organization. I mean, because of course I did,

I was reading some of the, like, author interviews. Okay. They're pretty good. Yeah, and some of them actually were talking about how, like, oh, well, the Smashword platform allows me to track who clicked and read my shitty sex book. Oh, shit. You know how to find us. Right.

So, I mean, maybe there's some software they built that makes this a more compelling thing than uploading your... Like real-time spankalytics. Right. But I honestly expected this to be more porn. Like, I mean, if... Yeah, I hear you. I don't know. I mean, because there sure is a lot of categories

and it's kind of all over the place. Like, porn would make the most sense um and i mean there's a lot of it of course but uh oh if there's an adult content filter button near the top yeah and if you if you if you would if it's got for whatever reason has like four different stages of it if you set it to plus, almost everything that appears on your screen is porn. Oh. Oh, wow. Yeah, that is like a four-state checkbox.

Yeah, that's fun. Wow, we did get this episode wrong. Yeah, no idea. We were searching this site wrong. Next time you go to Smashwords, just play around with that icon until you get, oh, all sorts of hunky men. We found sex, though. lot of sex, though.

We found sex stuff. It's okay. The website, as always, thefbl.us. Our forum is Ball Pit. There's other such sites, such as pretend.world, dumb.men, trumps.pw, which you're only

allowed to go to if you are a member of the Trump family. And until next time, um, Trumps.pw, which you're only allowed to go to if you are a member of the Trump family. And until next time... F Plus Live! I don't even need to pitch that anymore. I don't want to pitch it. There's no tickets.

We're doing a live show you can't go to. Yeah, yeah. Bye! doing a live show you can't go to yeah yeah bye press press one for murder okay there we go oh man I'm sorry.