The F Plus - 291: Hi Reddit, I'm On Drugs Right Now

Episode Date: October 22, 2018

Some people use drugs as a method of self-discovery. Some people use Reddit as a way to discover things they don't know enough about. What happens when these two things combine? Stupid things, obviously! We're looking at a number of different subreddits, but primarily r/drugs — a place where people who are high can describe exactly how high they are, while other people leave asinine comments that get 300 upvotes. This week, itl think ibecsuse it feel jo and sjd do mand there is no back but thicscsdi i will enterbdu thef shower the aneturies whmait fir ne in there ;

hey it's the f no nope nope nope nope nope that was a the rare self veto waito. Wait, wait, wait. Actually, I do want that, though. I want that laugh. Oh, hey. Welcome to the F Plus Podcast. It's a... Shut up.

Shut up, man. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Okay. The F! Shut up! Shut up! Okay, the F-Flush podcast is a terrible place, there's terrible things, they're right with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have Boots Reingear. Yeah, 3D printed bong, impossible side effects. John Toast.

How about we just agree that we're all fucking up? It's fun. So my goal is to make the perfect house setup for accommodating a wild-tripping artist, trying anything and everything to make masterpieces. Stog! Don't let burned popcorn get you down. Just eat it anyways. Who's Mac Miller?

Oh my god, it's Victor Laszlo? Just make sure you leave your socks on or it's gay. And Lemon. Women, come suck in me boots. Oh, you probably thought I was going to say something about the women, but no, no, I knows Chinos way better than how the Vaginos.

Chinos. Ladies and gentlemen, no idea. I think it started Irish. I think maybe they got Italian in there. Sort of. It was racist. Whatever it was.

Little Pakistani, buddy. Hey, F+. Hi, Lemon. Oh, hey, how are all of your consciousnesses? Oh, it's doing okay. Pretty good, pretty grounded. Grounded, okay. Yeah, right in the middle.

Not up, not down just that doesn't feel particularly expanded to me oh no I have a very small consciousness I'm sorry it's closer to being contracted my consciousness is the size of a peanut it's cold today okay

you know there's no shame in that, Victor. It's fine. Well, I think that we should take this opportunity to expand all of our consciousness on a site that I love, that you love,

that all of us love. It's a site by the name of Reddit. It's where I go for all my cat memes. place for it uh boots what was the subreddit you showed me today it was um that was uh awful taste but great execution awful taste great execution that's a good one it's probably the best subreddit so so if you want good reddit do that yeah that was that was uh that was an example of good reddit which is something i hadn't seen in well over a year um but we're not going to be looking at something like that

we're going to be looking at something uh much different from that um this is a uh subreddit called r slash drugs yay what's it about, Lemon? 458,000 Redditors are active on r slash drugs. There's 458,000 friendly faces, so that means that there's no unfriendly faces on r slash drugs. 400,000 Redditors and 58,000 cops. No bad trips here. Sourcing drugs is not allowed here You will be banned for asking Or providing drug or paraphernalia sources Whether legal or illegal

And yeah, so it's a fun community Where people talk about their experiences on drugs And how much they've learned from drugs This is a document given to us very recently By Chai Tea Latte Thank recently by Chai Tea Latte. Thank you, Chai Tea Latte. Yes, thank you. And this document has been titled,

Hello, Reddit, I'm on drugs right now. Wow, you're cool. It first caught my eye because I hear that title in John Lovett's voice every time I read it. Hello, Reddit. Hello, poetry. I'm on drugs right now! I just wanted to lead us in with this, if I may. This is one of the many, many, many, many,

many comments. It's by a user by the name of Lishiyu two years ago. And I got 20 upvotes here, and I feel like us drug users are some of the most rational and sane people in the world. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I know that this subreddit isn't indicative of all drug users, but it's at least a pretty decent sample size, right?

Right? Yeah? Right? Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. It's a good sample size yeah reddit self-selected for um you guys are always talking about harm reduction and harm reduction

and giving people excellent advice like be careful for your first time etc you never judge anyone for what they do or what they take i'm sure that'll prove out in this episode yeah you're quick to call out bullshit when you see it. You're all very open-minded to discussion, not to mention you guys tell the best stories. Some of you are seriously talented writers, and I've gotten so much entertainment from reading this sub. I use drugs because it's fun, and I enjoy exploring different states of consciousness. What's the point if we don't enjoy the small amount of time we have on this planet? I wish more people thought like that and gave some drugs a try and experimented more.

I think the world would be a better place for it. I don't know. Maybe I'm just high as fuck. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe you're high as fuck. I just wanted to say that you guys are great

keep up the cool stories and keep enjoying life that's a really nice message exactly and so that's the message that we're going to carry through so to that end Victor your name is either

smoke that's weird and you to that end, um, uh, Victor, uh, your name is either smoke. That's weird. Um, and, you wanted to share one of these cool, funny, well-written nonjudgmental stories with us. Yeah.

So the time I got high at work and I got my arm caught in a Bridgeport mill. Oh, way to go. Homer Simpson. Good job. Why specifically a Bridgeport mill? Is that, is that something special?

Well, listen to my story, dude. Okay. Back in 2016, I was doing a lot of drugs. The main drugs I was abusing were coke, alcohol, MDMA, Xanax, and Oxy. On this particular day, I took an 80-meg oxy before I went to work. My task for the day was to put an end mill in a bridge port mill and drill off a few millimeters off these sockets. There were hundreds of sockets, so it was an all-day job, and it's easy as fuck to do. Okay.

But then guess what? I fucked it up. Okay. But then guess what? I fucked it up. So a couple hours in, I'm so high on oxy that chips of metal are hitting my arm, making it bleed like crazy,

and I didn't even notice. Oh my God. My buddy working on the mill next to me says, buddy, go get some sleeves. Yeah, that's the solve. Obviously the number one rule when using any machine with a drill is not to wear any gloves or sleeves. But I was so high, I listened to this idiot and put on some

sleeves. About an hour later... Yeah. About an hour later, the oxy was hitting me so hard, I started dozing off while using this mill. Then when I went to put a new socket in the vice, my sleeve caught onto the drill and torqued my arm so bad my arm broke.

And then I got scared, so I ripped my arm out of the drill. Oh my god! On my way pulling my arm out, the end mill drilled into my right hand. So I pulled my arm out and it was fucked, to say the least. My arm was clearly broken badly. My wrist got torqued the most, so it was completely crooked and fucked. My middle and ring fingers were dislocated. There was a hole in my right hand from the end mill,

and circulation to my right pinky got cut off and was completely black. Oh my god! No blood was in my pinky until I got to the hospital. At first, I didn't feel any pain because of shock, but when I looked

down at the damage, that's when I felt the pain. Even on 80 mg of oxy, getting your arm stuck in a mill hurts. But on 100 mg of oxy, everything's cool. Double up my dose, doctor. The doctor

examined me and said I had a double fracture to my right radius, torn ligaments in my wrist, tissue damage to my right hand, and a broken pinky and two dislocated fingers. Despite all that, I was actually really lucky. People have died in similar situations. Also, you're fired, right?

Like, you've been fired. Nah, he's not going to be fired. So, actually... I'll bet you anything his company paid for all of it. I guarantee you his company paid for that, and they would have a really hard time firing him for that. The buddy might have got fired. Suggesting him to go to sleep.

His buddy should have known that he would have fallen asleep in front of a CNC machine. I'd just like to point out my favorite thing about all of that was that he spelled torqued. T-O-R-K-E-D-S. Peter torqued by the monkeys. Yeah, no, I like that he, I like that he, I'm imagining that he's sometimes on a cocktail of cocaine and Oxycontin. I'm sure that's a little bit bewildering.

It's a chemical tug of war right there. I'll tell you, that kind of shit is pretty common. We find people that do that a lot, and I... It's confusing. Why are you... I'm imagining it's hard to be sympathetic about their self-care, isn't it?

It's like, what's your goal? It's always my... Just high in general? I don't know. Coc cocaine was to even out the oxygen yeah like that that simpson scene where homer's mixing the sleeping pills and the amphetamines yeah in the in the discussion further down higher beings 333 brags about the time that he sliced his hand open cutting a bagel on percocets but it's a similar experience way to one up that motherfucker the time that he sliced his hand open cutting a bagel on Percocet stuff.

That's a similar experience. Way to one-up that motherfucker. Go back to work. Hey, hey, guys. Hey, what's up? I was just wondering the best drugs slash stacks to increase confidence. Uh-oh. So, hi, guys.

I'm wondering what combo you would recommend to increase one's social confidence, Uh-oh. One of the best drugs for talking to girls, Internet. It's cocaine. I'm really nervous talking in front of people. Should I get out of this fuck? It's cocaine. It's fine if I fuck up this conversation because you're not real. I realize this is not the ideal way

of overcoming these problems, but I just want to get the ball rolling. What ball do you... The 8 ball. Give us a point of reference what what have you tried well okay what i've tried is mdma plus ghb whoa i actually i actually don't know what ghb is that's so much okay do you know what mdma is yeah that's actually okay imagine that and multiply it well like a bunch ghb is your is your standard TV procedural drama date rape drug.

Oh. Yeah. There's a Tom Segura piece about almost dying on GHB that is amazing. Jesus Christ. So is the MDMA for you and the GHB for the girl? It would help. I hope not. Victor approves. I hope not. I really hope not.

I didn't say I approved. I said it would work. There's a difference. Okay, so let me elaborate. Okay, MDMA plus GHB. Shit time overall, although my MDMA tolerance is gigantic. Speed plus benzos. That's the other way to go with it.

That's basically the same thing. He's graduated from just doing one drug at a time. Because his tolerance is so gigantic. He's multi-classing here. Because his tolerance is so gigantic. He's multi-blasting here. Has potential, but I think I tend to overuse both and make a massive tit of myself. Would recommend if you keep low doses.

If you keep doses low, rather. Alcohol, turn into a retard. Okay. Sorry. Okay. That's a weird combination. Not on the MDMA and and ghb all right so what so so what two drugs did you combine this time um coke plus cat ketamine ketamine good plus alcohol had a great time recommend it was just like a rum and coke and some ketamine.

Wow. You're the most accurate sniper in the world, I bet. Finally, I found a drug that will make me good at Fortnite. Got fired from my job as a tattoo artist. Kept falling into a very aggressive REM sleep. Eyes spinning around in their sockets. Recommend in before hepatotoxicity. Don't overdo the booze.

Here's my wish list. Alright, Santa. Here's the drugs I want. Steroids already lifting for five plus years. You got to get those gains. Supposed to give big confidence boosts while on cycle beta blockers and nootropics. No knowledge. Hell yeah. Okay.

Oh, hell yeah. Okay, show up. Supposed to give big confidence while on cycle and then beta blockers and nootropics? I don't know that one either. Nootropics. Oh, hell yeah. Supposed to give big confidence while on cycle, and then beta blockers and nootropics? I don't know that one either. Nootropics. Oh, man. I'm so jealous of all you people that don't know what nootropics is. Is that like StarTropics?

Yeah, it's StarTropics for the new Nintendo. No, it's like higher power snake oil for the Manosphere set. Like all of those sort of like Proud Boys and shit. Like the stuff Alex Jones sells? Yeah. I think Alex Jones actually does sell things that are marketed as nootropics. Yes. Oh, yeah.

So drugs, supplements, and other substances that may improve cognitive function. Yes. Drugs that make you smarter. And get ready improve cognitive function. Mm-hmm. Particularly, yes. Drugs that make you smarter, man. Yeah, and get ready for the Info War. Yeah. Yeah. I've got no knowledge of those. So, Druggies, what exerience do you have with these or any other compounds? TLDR, what are your best combos for increasing confidence and decreasing social anxiety?

Definitely nothing involving amphetamines. anxiety. Definitely nothing involving amphetamines. This guy's completely convinced that you need to unlock drugs potential by combining them with other drugs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like Resident Evil with the green

and the red points. Yeah, I was thinking of the red and the green. He's potioning here. The top response is cocaine, cocaine. You know, you do a little cocaine to get high, and then you do a little cocaine to get low. I want to read Smokey Daplug's response. Okay.

We're going to say Addies and Zannies at right dose. Scroll down before reading to all see speed plus benzos has potential. Oh, yes, it does it does yeah my name's tractor fart i got two points low dose kratom is good like two grams to four grams of green mang da should mellow you out and put you in a happy place making you the coolest cucumber on the block. And by cool, I mean you are a corpse. You are a dead body.

Can I do Camille CIA hers? Okay. I have a suggestion. What's that? Scream! Literally imagining a dog running around his apartment I boots rain gear have a suggestion What's that? Salvia

Yeah, that's a good date icebreaker Yeah, nobody put crocodile in there So, Isfahan, what do you got? Yeah, that's a good date icebreaker. Yeah, nobody put crocodile in there. So it's fine. What do you got? Okay. Y'all are bringing the funny stories. So I got to bring my own funny story. Oh, cool.

Hello. Good story. This is a story about hijinks. Did you get to? This is a story about the time I robbed a kid. Oh, joy. I love it. Okay.

I know what you're thinking. What the fuck, Chuck? But bear with me. So I've been smoking every day for like months at the time and ran out of bud for the first time in a while. Plugs are either dry or partying, so no one can drop. I feel like I'm 50 years old here. Yeah, I know. What do you want to say?

Sorry, go ahead. I begin asking around for plugs and eventually find one. Kid is sketchy and is like, I can drop, but you're kind of far out, so I'll be $30 for two grams. Reluctantly, I agreed, because desperate. Wait inside my house for the kid. I always meet my dealers by my front gate as my house is close. And if I decide to opt out, I can just not come out and ignore them. And they don't know where I live.

Rude. Okay, so I see a car pull up. And I assume it's him. I got out there. And walk up to the window. And see the youngest fucking white kids I've ever seen in the front seats. Sixth grade. Tops.

Do white kids get any younger? I don't think so. Is there a grade below sixth? They motioned me to get in the car and I did. Oh yeah, good idea. They gave me a blind... Yeah, this guy's really concerned with security.

I don't come outside unless if I get nervous. Oh, there's a car pull-up. I'm gonna jump in. Hey, why'd you guys lock the doors? I'm sure it's fine. Welcome to the Weed Express, little buddy. They gave me a blind bag, and I opened it before I gave them the money.

It was barely a gram, these little fucks. La-mow. So I just ask if I can buy a couple more G's, and they pull out, like, half an ounce in a bag and begin to take some out. I open the door, snatch their bag of bud and dip. I didn't even run. I wasn't scared at all and knew that these kids were afraid of me.

They kind of just sat there in disbelief until eventually leaving. Later found out they stopped selling because I sketched them out hella hard. Robbed them out of spite, BC. They tried to short me hella. Wouldn't be bad, but I was already paying extra for it. In the end, these kids learned their lesson. Who knows what if they tried to short someone else

who's more crazy? They could get seriously fucked up moving drugs like that at such a young age. I robbed them, because otherwise they'd get robbed in the future. It'll teach them to not be robbed. I'm actually doing them a favor when you think about it. I'm the one that didn't kill them. Yeah, they got robbed in the future. It'll teach them to not be robbed. I'm actually doing them a favor when you think about it. I'm the one that didn't kill them. Yeah, they got robbed by a hero.

This is how Mr. Rogers used to convince kids to stop selling drugs. They left that out of the documentary for some reason. Yeah! Kids, don't sell drugs. If you do, you'll get ripped the fuck off. Possibly stuck up.

Remember your ten crack commandments. Okay. They they probably stole their parents car in the night to drop as well never seen them again wow you are fun what a fun cool guy you are what the fuck chuck a classic hero a real human being my question is still what the fuck tease please says this is fucking hilarious and got 450 upvotes so we're definitely in the drugs yeah yeah yeah everybody who was giggling at that exact moment upvoted that

yeah that original post has 773 upvotes Boots what do you got oh me yeah I'm obviously my name is Boots, what do you got? Oh, me? Yeah I'm obviously My name is Fuck God Throwaway 1995 Oh, I love you Fuck God

Throwaway You want to go to an I Hate God show after this? Please say no Please say no, I don't actually want to go Okay, I've been there for three hours Alright I took three tabs there for three hours. All right. I took three tabs of acid three hours ago.

Why don't I feel anything? Not sure how many MCG I consumed, but it was between, I guess it's micrograms. That is micrograms, yes. Okay. But it was between 350 and 750. I feel nothing. This has never happened before. I got these blotters from a vendor on the DN that has very high reviews.

The dark net. So weird. I took some MXC a little while before the acid. Could that have destroyed or delayed my trip? What, like a beta blocker? Edit. I'm retarded. I confuse my acid blotters with my fentanyl blotters?

I think I see the problem here. Are they next to each other in the cabinet? Yeah. Label your jars. I keep them in a duo tag. There's a divider in between them. Oh, the Scooby gang. Fuck me over once again, switching those labels. In the same

acetaminophen bottle, just like, uh... I almost OD'd on Fent. Just got back from the hospital. I am okay. You actually did overdose on fentanyl. That's not almost. I just went to the hospital to tell them that I almost did it.

Walk out. Bye, guys. Can you add this to my medical history, please? Just wanted to keep you updated. That's all. See you on Tuesday. Have you guys ever had your blotters mixed up? Second edit.

Been up all night trying to pee, which I just did. I unknowingly consumed 1,500 micrograms of fentanyl. 2,000 micrograms is fatal. And combined it with MXC, which potentiates opiates. Victor, you had a point there? Yes? 1,500 mics of fentanyl is also fatal. No, it isn't.

Stop telling me these lies. Zombie redditor. I suppose it's possible that this dude weighs like 700 pounds. I'm going to consider that possible, but otherwise, yeah, this is... I'm really not a fan of this introduction of Unbreakable. Like of the Unbreakable man. Less exciting. I'm not sure how I didn't die.

This is by far the dumbest thing I've ever done. Hopefully the dumbest thing I will ever do. Thank you to all you who inquired about my condition last night. This was a very lonely and existential ordeal. Be careful with drugs. I'm going to smoke a cigarette of relief and pass the fuck out. R slash ask drug rules.

Number one, ensure information is accurate and reduces harm. John Toast, you had a question that you wanted to ask all of us, right? I think your name is Skid, Skid, Skid. Is that right? Is that what your name is? Oh, yeah. My name is Skid.

About to make these rifles burst. Skid. About to make these rifles burst. Hey, my name is Rap Gun Sound Effect. Skitty pop pop. I've got a question. Do politics look just as retarded to you on acid as they do to me like seriously we are just one generation out of millions and the world

is doing better than ever before but most politicians behave like children unable to make compromises or seeing the picture always claiming how badly we would be off without them using the fears of the masses for their personal gain. Ah, centrism, I love it.

Are you afraid of the capitalists? Bernie Sanders will save you. Are you afraid of people of another face slash clure? Trump will save you. Are you afraid of our planet collapsing? Are you afraid of our planet collapsing? Vote Stein. Yeah, that's... Is she's gonna hold it up like fucking that's like this this was posted in 2008 whatever 2018 oh so like come on none of these politicians will save you or anything not just because they

have literally very little power and still do need to gather majorities, but also that we simply do not need to be saved as life is already beautiful. We are richer than ever. Each and every one of us is able to live a comfortable life if we do at least put a little effort into it. And even if we do not, social welfare will usually save us because our nation is just so rich. If you are a liberal, go and hug a Trump supporter If you are a conservative, find an Antifa guy to hug

We do all strive for the same For being loved and being safe Actually, if you are a conservative, please do find an Antifa guy to hug Please do, actually For being loved and for being safe And we can accomplish the best when we work together If we not fight, smiley face, cheers Let's move away from that thread.

Fuck you. Let me at him. Let me at him, Lennon. That's definitely the worst thing we've read today. What do you got? That sucks. Okay. My name is Gay Story Throwaways. Zzzz.

You fell asleep at the end of your username. Yep. This story is tagged with the cannabis tag. Oh, good tag. And, uh, help! Weed is making me gay and perverted! Hey guys, throwaway.

But I started smoking weed this year, and I fell in love right away. Now shit is getting weird. I've been getting really high and feel very feminine. It's making me feel gay. It makes me feel gay and I start thinking about gay things and how I should do gay sex. I never felt this way before and it's really confusing me. Oh my god.

I never felt this way before, and it's really confusing me. Oh, my God. I always felt masculine and pretty normal, but now I want to wear women's clothes and do gay things. Okay. All right. Like gay sex. I also been looking at weird porn on the internet a lot. Won't say here, lol.

But really weird stuff. We use a throwaway account. Yeah. say here lol but really weird stuff i throw away account yeah i could i got a few more posts out of gay story throwaways anyway but really weird stuff i wouldn't normally like and it turns me on so much and i fap to it i also feel like i don't need to have real sex and that i am attracted to myself what is going on okay so you're you're gay, but gay for yourself? So, like, you're trying to, like, push your dick back around to your butt? Is that...

Just going on a little journey, see where it lands. You know, we're not, we're not, you know, we're sort of like, Reddit, of course, has the ability to cross-post, so even though this did show up in the r slash drugs subreddit we're actually going to be taking a little

journey to r slash Ambien Ambien gets its own subreddit So Stog you've got 72 upvotes and what do you want to talk about here? I want to talk about a Zopi-Glode 4.5 milligram prescript

and screw the trunk and lift the sound of the sore Okay, so that's the title. He read that very accurately. Five dollars? Get out of here. Okay. Okay. very accurately five dollars get out of here okay okay i feel like i feel like i'm not accurately describing the situation well enough so i'm just gonna give this another try but first i'm gonna have one of these uh delicious zopa clove 4.5 milligram things. Mm-mm, yummy, yum, yum. Goes down in my tummy. Anyway, ZopaClone 4.5 milligram prescribed. You have to screw it up. Oh, God.

Okay. That's what it says, folks. You have to screw it up. Oh, God. It's the sound of the sword is a record I

complain I think you're because real Joe there's no bag for the this shower is going to be there. That was marvelous. That was marvelous I don't even know what it means

But I love it all the less R slash Ambien I love you Ambien Hey, am I interning Psychosis due to Xanax? Am I? Yep. I don't know.

Are you? Clearly. I'm going to need more information. Okay. I'm Jitsuki, and I got 22 upvotes. Hello, guys. Long time paster here. Short and sweep.

I bought 10 negagrams X Xanax bars, of someone. But I am freaking out. They were on my desk, and I live a love, and now I have vanished into Think Air. Would that be nanograms? Nanograms? Perhaps. I'm sorry. I've vanished into Think Air.

I've spent two hours straight looking for them. I only took one. Also, so I'm no blacking out, I just need help on where would a typical Zanusi hide their stash, even if I live and loan lol? Hide their stash, even if I live and loan lol. I would think two nanograms of Xanax, you wouldn't even be able to see that with the naked eye. Homeopathic Xanax. Homeopathic drugs here. That's what makes it just stronger.

That's why it's so strong. Yeah, I know. Okay, edit, just to clarify, okay? I am very literate and not dyslexic. but it's hilarious seeing what state I was in. Xanax is easy to get where I'm from about 50p per two megabyte bar or milligram bar. Like a clip bar? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just, you know, like a little bit of energy.

That's what they call the two milligram Xanaxes. I bought all my drugs on floppy disks. If you do a Google image search, you'll see they come in a little thing where you can break them off in half milligram. Oh, okay. They're scored so that you can break them into. So they sort of look like a little candy bar. All right. Well, thank you.

Thank you. I'm glad you're here. I almost sure I took fuck loads and just freaked out. Thanks for that, guys. I wish I had all of you as friends because I never know when to stop. Good. Hey. Yeah, there it is.

There it is. This is r slash drugs cross posted into r slash psychonaut. John Toast, what's your question you want to ask here? Hey, guys. I was wondering. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't introduce myself. My name is Tanner 1947. Okay.

Hi, Tanner. Hi, Tanner. I want to know what's the best way to approach opening my third eye? Hi, Tanner. Hi, Tanner. I want to know, what's the best way to approach opening my third eye? Is that your butthole? Yeah, dude. Like getting all this weed. It's making me think things.

So I have been interested in opening my third eye for two years now. But I always knew it isn't wise to do so if you have a low vibration. I mean, we've all heard that, right? Yeah. So the past two months I have been meditating every day for an hour. It has definitely changed me in a very positive way. All my negative thoughts are gone. I haven't been angry or gotten into an argument in two months.

But I'm just always happy and thinking positive thoughts and bringing in positive energy. So my question is, should I open my third eye? Yeah, you know, yeah, sure. I think you probably should. That's a great idea. Yeah, do it. You should probably get some milk and magnesium for that. I don't know. It kind of sounds like everything's going real good right now.

Well, I've been a vegan for about a week now. And I'm also about to start using non-fluoride toothpaste to help decalcify my pineal gland. Oh, God. Victor, any thoughts? That'll get your third eye going. Is there usually a lot of calcium

in your pineal gland? You tell me. There's no... There is sometimes calcium in your pineal gland? There's... You tell me. There's no... There is sometimes calcium in the pineal gland. It does tend to calcify, but what the fuck does that have to do with fluoride toothpaste? Have you tried CLR?

Fluoride toothpaste is sodium fluoride. Not calcium. And it keeps the third eye closed, apparently. And your teeth are connected to your pineal gland. Yeah, just rip them out. Yeah. Get a pair of pliers and just start going to town on those bad boys.

Do you guys want to hear what my problem is? Yeah, sure. Look, my problem is I just don't want to open my third eye and end up going insane from seeing demons. Now, I understand. I don't want that. I don't want that for you either. I understand you can only see negative energy in demons with a low spiritual vibration.

And if you are depressed slash negative slash angry slash sad, you shouldn't open it. Well, I'm glad you understand that. I'm glad you understand that at least. See, but I'm none of that anymore. Should I forcefully open my third eye? Put down the knife, sir. Put down the knife.

Fucking salad fork. Or could I... Again, this is about your butthole, right? Yeah, salad fork. You know what I mean? Or should I keep doing what I'm doing and stick with my vegan diet, meditate every day, and just see where it goes from there?

Please help. I think this guy is seen from beyond one too many times. Hi, I'm Tanner1947, and I'm every college roommate on somebody's freshman year. Thank you. And Isfahan, you've got that first response there, please. Hello, my name is a bunch of numbers. A bunch of them. Yep. All right.

First, you need to blow the kumdalini of your chakras by aligning them. Not that. Damn it. You align them to blow them? You've got to blow that kumdalini right now. Give yourself a blowjob. This is best done by desensitizing your penile

and stimulating it using N-Bomb Z. N-Bomb Z. And a gentle touch. Oh my god. Stimulate it by using N-Bomb so like Dr. Dre's the chronic? And a gentle touch.

Okay. Now we get on to the real shit. Now you will need anti-chemtrail matter and defluorided water. Any bingos yet? Any bingos? No? Okay. Adding N-bomb Z to normal water should work. Mix it all together, then plug it. And that is how you open your

third eye. Source. So your answer is get high and jack off. Okay, thanks, doctor. The answer is just to mock the original poster. No. I mean, yeah, no, it's a troll, but it's fucking lovely. It's really good.

So the N-bombs is to shove a nitrous canister up your ass, and your colon apparently actively transports the nitrous into your pineal gland, which decalcifies it. This is from r slash drug circle jerk. Yeah, no, take it, take it take it take it yeah oh how to how to do duty it's damon yeah what yeah what did you what did you just find victor what i just

i just found how to boof nitrous oh god no so so victor by the way victor the way, that second word is cowboys. Yeah, yeah. So my cowboys and I, beyond that super probation, caught boofing M-bombs in my homie's ass in school, test kitted his ass so I can open his Ford Eye. I'm 14, but I do deems so it's i eat 100 100 i'd just be trying to learn to boof nitrous to open my ford eye and be super enlightened oh wow ford twice yes yeah so victor would you reckon would you recommend nitrous boofing? Does that sound like a good idea just in general? I Yeah?

No. Probably waiting on some peer-reviewed documents to come in. We should let Isfahan read his last sentence of his advice here. Oh, okay. I do have

a bibliography here. Source. Triceps McKenna's book stone those apes the correct way. Also, it should be said that this is no use if you have your first two eyes closed. That's deep, man. That's really super fucking deep.

You can't shake hands with a closed fist. Whoa. You can't shake hands with closed eyes either. Think about that. Can't hug Luke Newt. Can't think of anything else. All we are is dust in the wind. Boots, what do you got there?

What do I have here? You got an awesome combo. Yeah, I got an awesome combo. I got the most awesome of combos. Yeah, what's that? My name is MylooseChange. Okay. I think I've stumbled across an awesome combo.

Cannabis, Xanax, Percolated Italian Espresso, The Matrix Trilogy, Darkroom, HDTV, and a great sound setup with a must-have subwoofer. Okay. Which pill takes me home again? The Zanny Bar. It was like I kept switching between Mr. Anderson and Neo myself, depending on which dose

was dominating my blood plasma levels, and I've never felt so engrossed in part of a movie like this and a Neo myself, depending on which dose was dominating my blood plasma levels, and I've never felt so engrossed in part of a movie like this ever in my life. I felt like I knew Kung Fu. Doesn't say that. So you're telling me, and I know this is crazy, but you got high and a movie was way more interesting to you because of that. I know!

I mean, this is really newsworthy. Thanks for sharing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I watched an episode of DuckTales afterwards and it was the same thing as Scrooge. Scrooge McDuck is such an interesting person. I felt like I was switching between Launchpad McQuack and Scrooge McDuck.

A little bit of gyro gear loose in there. NB, try not to eat too much. It will fuck up all the highs. Salad with bacon or a bit of gyro gear loose in there. NB, try not to eat too much. It will fuck up all the highs. Salad with bacon or a bit of chicken. Vegan. Tifu. Corrected. Tofu.

But throughout is the only way to go as it keeps the hunger away and also keeps hydration levels up. Plus, the sugar in the Thousand Island dressing goes a long way. That's what I've always heard. P.S. With the espresso, slam sit. Don't sip. It's easier to maintain an accurate caffeine high this way,

and you know exactly when to redose. I was doing a half cup, 15 milliliters every two hours sharp. Wait a minute, so you get higher if you do drugs faster? Wow! Okay, Professor, thanks for the advice. Teach me to read. Makes him a life hack. I would climb to the top of a mountain to learn this knowledge.

Post-script script. Do remember to consume almost frozen H2O throughout. Just lick your ice cube. Yeah. ADHD trip. Tip. Sorry.

It's a tip, not a trip. I only took my morning dose of Ritalin. It took away from the experience. Oh, that's good. Here's a hack, because I'm not insufferable enough already. Yeah. And the Sej with a large double cheese pepperoni pizza in Casino with Robert De Niro.

Robert De Niro. It will bring you back to reality. Robert De Niro. I'm glad at least that there's no more gawker to give you your paychecks. It's not deliveries. De Niro. I'm glad at least that there's no more Gawker to give you your paychecks. It's not deliveries, it's De Niro. And then TMI, I kept getting semis because I couldn't stop thinking about how much fun I was having. The next sentence you have is in bold, so it's probably the most important sentence.

Yeah, and it's titled important. Probably the most important sentence. Yeah, and it's titled Important. Sorry, don't be to be mean, but don't bother trying this if there is no subwoofer. Gatekeeping here. Ain't nobody got high off treble. All right. So serious. So serious question for y'all.

What are the actual downsides of making it legal to murder somebody for saying they like the Matrix? Is there an actual downside to that? Is that... I can think of upsides. I'm having a difficult time thinking of downsides. Okay. But you gotta watch the whole trilogy all together of course yeah and the animatrix with a with a fucking subwoofer uh animatrix uh stog you got a short one there but it's an

important one yeah um so um my name is uh do those nips come off nope nope slap across the face. Are you sure you've checked? No, you're right. Okay, you know what? I should actually check. Yeah, you should check. Ouch!

They don't. They don't. Okay, that's good. Mine don't either. I've tried, but it didn't work. Anyway, my question is, every time I take adiphenamine, I fuck dudes. That doesn't look like a question. That's just a good thing to know.

Hey. Maybe if I elaborate, it'll provide a better, you can give me better answers. So, yeah, I don't fucking know why or what but Amph makes me super gay and down to fuck I know why I mean I'll pour my soul into sucking dick but I'm like 85% straight when sober so

what gives a fuck oh man you're gonna love this guy he pours his soul into sucking dick it's the most artisanal blowjob you've ever received. He will weep upon beholding this dick sucking. Oh, was that it? Yeah.

Oh, well, in that case, it's fine. You want to talk about coffee, right? Oh, yeah, coffee. Yeah, I just thought maybe you want to just talk coffee, right? Oh, yeah. Coffee. Yeah. Maybe you want to just talk about coffee just for a minute anyway. Yo. Can we just talk about coffee for a minute? I guess 987 of us say yes, you can.

Oh, when I brought it up, it was 989. Yeah, I didn't like it quite as much. Okay, fam. So I just want us some coffee. So in scraped up some change and went to the gas statio, petrol statio for my British homies.

Thank you. Thank you. All right. This guy can only communicate in YouTube video intros. And I was spilling makeup. I was spilling makeup. Big ol' mess, but I'm on like 10 milligram capins, and it's the shit.

So anyways, this coffee is like half caramel, half vanilla. Bruh, it's the bomb.cot. Not a valid TLD. Hey, Lemmon, can you make me a website at bomb.cot? No, I can't. I can't. That's not valid. Damn.

That's the worst feeling for Lemmon is not being able to. I'll settle for that. Let me hear one of Ipu motherfuckers talk that mess about coffee while my ass on here fogs me IRL. What do you think 10 milligrams of K-pins is? Any guesses? Klonopins. Oh, that makes sense. Well done.

Maybe that's getting you higher than the coffee? No, this coffee is great. Fight me IRL. Yeah, right. Klonopins. That's what I was thinkingRL. Yeah, right. Clonopens. That's what I was thinking too. Okay. What is clonopens?

ETA. Best believe I cleaned up my mess. Mama raised me better than that. Okay. Let's just have a moment of silence for Jow Great Koffa is lads. Let's take off. Er, snapbacks. Juat for a sec

and honor the most used drug on this plainy earth. Where we are all human lads let to Jat sink. We in this together. I love you fellow humming. I love everybody. Except for the people who I want to fight in the IRL.

Especially if you're going through some shit. you need extra love. You probs think it don't matter from a fuck syrup internet stranger but your life is important and worth something like in the real... So this is a story about spilling coffee, right? Yeah.

And cleaning the fuck out of that coffee. Getting behind spilling coffee is the new craze. His mom taught him so good how to that coffee. Getting behind Skull and Coccus and cleaning it the fuck up. His mom taught him so good how to clean coffee. ETA. I want Ro, go get more bull ill probs fall out lol.

I got a mickers added instead. Ha ha ha ha ha. I love being fucked up. I love you. I love all the positivity. I love you. Lesson three. I love all the positivity. I'm getting

I'm early wasted, y'all. Yeah, you are. Yeah, you definitely are. Best love will you truly. Lesson three. Yo, I'm watching this nature show about Snakeia. It's the shit.

I know I'm gonna... This is when I take my phone off vibrate and turn it on to no alarm. I know I'm gonna regret this shit, but hashtag YOLO. Is Snakeia, like, a place where you get furniture for snakes? Yeah, Snakeia.

It's really hard to assemble because you need hands. This sub is amazing. My bar-tard shitpost blew out, and that is awesome. Thanks, fam. I love the idea that someone would get high specifically so that they can get upvotes on Reddit. Just eyes on the prize, man. Yeah, I got lots of upvotes. just eyes on the prize man uh yeah

I got lots of upvotes and uh and uh uh yeah as an idea of just uh how good reddit is as a place uh belligerent squids got 606 points for asking how high are you motherfucker it's an important question yeah yeah um yeah

uh so uh once again uh if uh you go to Thefbl.us you can submit a document Just like Chai Tea Latte did And thank you so much for that And we mentioned it recently but A cheat code to get your doc Considered, give us a list of titles

Before we get to those titles I want to bring us a Piece here called That one time I went on to court That one time I went to bring us a piece here called That One Time I Went to Court on Mushrooms. Oh, hell yeah. I'm going to start this off, but it's a little long. So if anyone wants to interrupt me with a tag, you are definitely welcome to do so.

So my name is Mr. Mons of Nibiru. Seven months ago, I got 1.2 thousand upvotes for that one time I went to court on mushrooms. Again, tag me out if you feel like it. Around about eight years ago, I had the fortune of a co-worker who could get anything. I tested him with this request. He came through with a lot for cheap. Now, at this point, I had been tripping once or twice a month for about half a year. So I figured these new little cat buggers wouldn't faze me.

So one day, I decided to settle my parking ticket at court. Everything I had up to that point I could control, I knew a micro-dose or so I thought. Yay! Yeah! I picked the two smallest stems and the tiny little curled up red cat, set out.

Okay, that's... Oh, fuck! I knew I could micro microdose, so therefore I took two stems and a cap. That's not microdosing, my man. That's one and a half mushrooms. Well, I mean, you say that, but I'm sure this is going to work out for him. So I tapped in. I tapped in.

Let's see how this goes. Okay. Let's see. First thing that hit me was an unbelievable impulse to shit. Not uncommon, but uncommonly strong. I knew that, being downtown, the nearest public bathroom was a block away at the library. I had a book

to return anyway, so I had business there anyway. The block was nothing but blur. Coats were streaking, cars were talking, the sky descending. I desperately needed shelter for shitting. Dun dun. I dropped off my books and headed upstairs, the not-crack bathroom,

and mightily performed my duty. As soon as I did this, the stall walls began glowing from the inside. A vibrant light underneath the decades of paint jobs. I could see years of painted and mightily perform my duty. As soon as I did this, the stall walls began glowing from the inside. Eh, that'll happen. A vibrant light underneath the decades of paint jobs. I could see years of painted-over graffiti in three dimensions. A homeless man banged on the door. Yo, my response.

He went away cussing. I left the library. Knowing this was a bad idea, the earth was gravity-resistant. I never felt more confident. Even the vertical gray of downtown was solid and away beautiful. But as I walked up to the courthouse, that ugly, blocked, gray, red bar-accented building, I knew I shouldn't be in there. I kept walking. Tag!

Brutalism! Brutalism! On the next street running adjacent to the courthouse, a dilapidated green mid-80s minivan comes careening by with a mattress up top, the haphazard bungee snapping on a narrow turn, and it fell right off. Totally missing the idea that this missed me about 15 yards, I run over to help, and I am met by what I perceive to be the inbred meth family of the year.

Because we all know they love mattresses. Yeah, that's one thing we know about inbred people. That guy knows what I'm talking about. No, he actually doesn't. He's shaking his head no. Mattresses. The dog pound's just standing there confused. You know what people on high meth really like?

They love mattresses. Monsters in pajamas, maybe. Twelve teeth between them all rotted. Absent and absurd. Blaming each other and absent of the fact that they barely missed injuring me by means of negligently ballistic mattress.

This was traumatizing. Where can i go that is safe well no place safer than court makes sense yeah yeah the place to consent to prison absolutely yep passing through the bars and metal detectors was initially pleasant i knew they would protect me from the mattress meth monsters just outside and i was here on official business anyway go ahead and kick me out somehow i take a number and sit down i take out my other book always carry one with me. Seven Deadly Sins and Cardinal Virtues of Science Fiction, and begin to read. Tag.

Oh. Take it, Victor. Wow, Daddy! Oh, sugar mama. Tag right there. I'm glad we have that recorded. Weedly, weedly, weedly, weedly, weedly, weedly, weedly. As the derelict captain in the story began to berate his crew,

the letters started to sleek-rively disappear. This made reading, comma, interesting. Then they changed into other letters, comma, fascinating. But at the point of the letters coming off the page and rearranging all together, comma, terrifying. I shut the book, hoping the madness would end.

It intensifies. For the extremities that had just sealed off the living text turned out to be bubbling leather gloves. Bubbling as in with fire, not air. Revealing my hands to be bubbling leather gloves. Bubbling as in with fire, not air. Revealing my hands to be horrifying reptile claws grasping at my book. Tag.

Fuck it. Yeah. I'll take that. I'll take that penalty. Absolutely. I get out of there quick. Run to the bathroom. Piss, shit, spit.

All at the same time. Anything to get rid of this. Yeah. All in my pants. Remembering I had to drive home. A homeless man pulls up in the urinal next to me in the process and says Hey there, what you doing?

I'm peeing. Nerd! Stay at a ruby down. And says and says well I'm telling you that's why I feel like doing with his piper yeah yeah that's that's yep that's what he said

yeah that's what he said that's what all homeless people say fuck you Gandalf I'm really not in the mood fuck let's get out of here back out through the red red bars of the exit try not to look anyone in the eye having just looked myself in the mirror i know my pupils are full full blown and black don't look don't look almost there then i. Almost there. Then I look. Directly at a cop at the exit.

He just shakes his head at me. Oh, you. Son, I'm very disappointed in you. Get yourself home. Get a nice breakfast. And then we're going to close off with some actual thread titles. These are, I believe, all from r slash drugs. Actual titles of threads we didn't have the time to get to. Isvan, what do you got?

MDMA made me finally apply to college again. Good job, Grandpa. And then missed my first class, presumably. MDMA taught me I'm a sociopath. Yeah, that seems... I don't understand why it's literally impossible for me to resist the urge to do cocaine when I know it's there. Please help me quit. There should be a word for that.

Like, starting with an A, I'm thinking. I'm a da, da-da-da, I'm a da-da-da. Affinity, I have an affinity for it. Affinity, there it is. Abduct it? No, that's already a word. Affinity. I have an affinity for it. Affinity. There it is. Abduct it? No, that's already a word. Shit, what should be the word for that? The English language does have limitations, but anyway.

The time I saved my friend from an overdose and the EMS workers beat him up. I hate that GTA mission. Mr. Plinkett is in fine form today. Boom! You're out of your coma, bitch! Fuck you! The time I became a door. The time I spent four... I broke on through to the other side. The time I spent Fourth of July

tripping with a hooker and some heroin addicts. Yeah. The time I should have told my coke dealer I was a bitch. You ain't a bitch, is ya? Now before I give you this coke, do you have anything to declare? Uh, uh, no? Are you or any member of your family a bitch?

You gotta tell me if they're a bitch. Does your family have a history of being a bitch? Please identify the president on the wall. The correct answer is President Bitch. Are you now or have you ever been a bitch? Card carrying. Have you ever been a bitch since 1977? Do you have any bitch fruits or bitch vegetables you want to declare?

Were you a bitch in a foreign country? The time I did too much cocaine and got a handjob. That'll happen. Too much hand job. That'll happen. Too much of a hand job. That one actually sounds pretty good. The time I went to Chipotle on six tabs of acid. I was probably behind you. Just like riding them like Santa Claus,

like they're leading your sleigh? That's probably what he thought was happening. Han acid, han acid, han acid and acid. We all pay prices to stay high. For me, today, that price was farting out of my dick. Now it's not exactly money I'm looking for.

I'm a special man with special taste. Did your dick turn into one of those tube men outside of car dealerships? Just like that. Is Xanax vegan? Oh my god. Just go away from my car. Leave me alone.

This is like somebody's Miami blow. Everyone has a haircut. Whoa, dude! Oh my god. That's so deep. Galaxy brain meme. What about bald people?

Do bald people have a haircut? Why is summer legal? Fucking Congress. Try cutting my pizza with scissors. Yeah, it worked out pretty efficiently, didn't it? It's way better than a pizza cutter, isn't it? You have to get shears fell asleep while eating a burger

thank you Mr. President I feel one with it I can feel it coming in the air it's a I've been waiting for this moment all my life oh no

hold on no no really hold on I'm calling the paramedics I'm sorry coming in the certain tongue that actually exploded during that drum solo I met with Kanye to tell him the HBO show Westworld was

stealing his beats on the yeah Kanye West is a genius and he invented arpeggios right right yeah man and in that conversation he was still the most incoherent man it just it was really I don't think it really set the tone well

Westworld started up, and every time it's like, no one man should have all that power. My final question, perhaps the most important question of all, should I be on acid for this party? Yes. Yeah.

Well, you don't have to be on acid for this party, but it sure helps. Well, what did we learn from any of this, F-Plus? Getting high. 420 blaze it. 420 blaze it, yeah. Actually, I'll take back my joke answer there, because I legit learned about some drugs. Yeah, I did.

I learned some drugs. Which drugs did you learn about, John? What was that one? K-pop, I think, is what it's called. K-pop. Is that the K-pop that you guys are talking about? It's one hell of a drug. I learned about Gangnam Style today.

Is that the K-pop drug you kids are talking about? No. No, Special K is good. It's really good. Yeah. It's really, really good. It's really good. It's really, really good. It's good. There's not a lot of problems if you use a lot of it. No permanent effects. It's fine.

I really like reading stories about people taking Ambien. I really do. It's fascinating. Doug's going to spend the next week on the Ambien subreddit. Yeah. I mean, when you think about it, when you think about it, it's sort of an underrated drug to abuse. Because, I mean, obviously, like, people take Ambien and have really strong hallucinations.

And that's been a known thing for decades. And so, you know finally reddit made the connection they were like oh wait we can actually choose to do this specifically to hallucinate like pioneers yeah or like in the case roseanne make you racist well there is that too um yeah i uh i uh i'm always angry that these people are the reason why it's so difficult for me to get Xanax. It genuinely makes me fucking annoyed that I have a specific drug that I need to take for my anxiety, and because of all of these retards,

I have to go through a whole hour with a doctor of like, well, have you tried just being on Zoloft all the time? Yes. No, thank you. I got this other thing. But these fucking morons got to stay out of my way all the time. That's really all I got. That's really all I got other than like, you know, whatever you want to do is probably totally fine at the point that like micro dosing seems to be a thing.

That's a good idea. That seems very strange, like because micro dosing is a regiment where you are on drugs all the time. And if that doesn't on its surface sound like a bad idea, then you're probably not thinking about it. Right. And if you want to microdose on some K-pop, you should go to Ball Pit! Stock, Stock, what was the title you just posted?

More 10 milligram doodle to school your noodle, and then there's a picture of what looks like some sort of dragon, and above that there's the word gosh. Ten milligram doodle to scoodle your noodle. Yeah.

Yeah, ball pit's a good forum. We've got merch to sell you. By the time you hear this, we very well might have hoodies, and if we do, they're fucking great. And if we don't have hoodies quite yet for sale, we will very soon, and they're fucking great. Also, passports

and fetish catchers. So those are fun things that you can get, or not, but live your life and enjoy it. Bye! Bye! Bye! Really enjoy it. Yeah, like really, like really,

like really just enjoy enjoy by the drugs by the drugs by the drugs One time I took two Advil instead of just one. Nice. Good for you. I'm definitely on the toast side of the scale more so than the boot side i'm so glad to have someone else i'm so glad to have a square friend here like yeah absolutely

like i don't like like a lot of these stories are kind of from the past like i very rarely do drugs anymore like as a full-grown adult man like with a job in fact uh early earlier this week i strained a ligament in my knee and the uh doctor prescribed me 800 milligrams of motrin and i was taken home and thinking that's probably too much motrin i'll be all right with less so that's how i am