The F Plus - 30: No Sense of Decency

Episode Date: September 22, 2010

With a two-party system, and an entrenched media bias favoring the status quo, often it is difficult for less established candidates to have their views heard. As a duty to the country more than half of call home, The F Plus attempts to correct this oversight, and reads the words as written by three overlooked candidates for political office: A fundamentalist libertarian, a man with his own religion, and Basil Marceaux: A man who, even by F Plus standards, is completely unclassifiable. This week, we go way beyond the beltway, and start to wish more people used soap.

Hey there, welcome to the F Plus Podcast. Terrible Things, Red with Enthusiasm. My name's Lemon. And I'm Kumquats Up. And Kumquats Up, as a guest host, a temporary guest host, I feel like I need to ask you weird and impersonal questions that are kind of illegal. So who did you vote for in the last election? Well, I'll tell you.

Okay, good. I could not in good conscience vote for a single candidate. Really? Because they did not meet my threshold, my required minimum threshold of crazy. Of crazy? So when you vote, you're looking

specifically for crazy candidates? I mean, I want, like, washcloth eating, like, gibbering crazy. Wait, don't you live in California? Yes, and I mean... And that's still not crazy enough? You know, we had the Mary Carey thing.

Right, yeah, I remember that. I mean, you know, taking dick isn't really crazy. I mean, Gary Coleman, but... Gary Coleman's pretty crazy, or was pretty crazy, though. Yes. But, I'm just saying, no candidates that I could find.

If I was to ask you what three things you look for in a candidate, what would they be? Well, primarily it's fixations. I really want somebody who is so obsessed with something, like a single-minded fixation on something. Now, this could be you know regular everyday objects it could be like uh you know a fence post uh or this could be uh you know animate objects you know it could be like a particular person uh like like like pigpen uh from the charles schultz universe um yeah yeah just the fixation on something. Fixation. Okay, what would number two be? Questionable standards of health and hygiene.

Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's what most of us are looking for, I think. Yeah. And then what would number three be? Well, I'd have to say number three would be tendencies towards secessionism. Okay, okay. Well, I got bad news and good news for you. All right. Tendencies towards secessionism. Okay. Okay.

Well, I got bad news and good news for you. All right. Bad news is that this episode, we are not reading the personal blog or Twitter of Tom Tancredo, which I think would probably fit all of these gaps. But we are reading other third party politicians politicians who have run for office, and I think they might fit your bill. I think you might like these guys. My question to you, sir, would be, do you have any intrepid souls who would be willing

to read this material for us? Let's find out! In the room tonight, we have A.C. Rockawaddle. Hello, my name is A.O., and I'm here to say... Psst! Vortex? Agent Allsoldier, no. When he get two orders from the different general,

you must follow the first one so the agent can get you to listen to the last Republican principal from the government president... Boot train gear! Boot train gear! Boot train gear! This section of the podcast is good for just about anything. Music, reader intros, whatever you want.

Funny bread. Hello, ladies. I've been soap-free since 1983 and loving it. Hey, everybody. My name's John Charles Wilson and I don't give a fuck. Vote for me. Cum quads up. Climbed out of the podcast butthole. And lemon. Free soap! Free soap! Soap is a political prisoner. and lemon free soap free soap

soap is a political prisoner alright so are we ready for are we ready to look at some alternative politics so but in America there are two parties there's a Republican

and a Democratic party and if you're not part of those two parties. There's the Republican and Democratic Party. If you're not part of those two parties, it doesn't really matter. This is Basil Marceau. Oh, yes. He's the governor of Tennessee. He's really quite special.

Are we allowed to do Basil Marceau impressions while we read this? Please tell me that's the case. Of course. I mean, so long as you can actually understand the text. Well, he doesn't, but okay. All right. I'm going to click on this. And this will be, wow.

This is like a GeocCity site or something I See some words here that when put together and some of the money from real words just don't make the slightest bit of sense Yeah, that's his art Okay I'm Michael Marshall's tater. I the fourth week on berated the first three minutes The first way called the first way in 2008 who was asking for your support

for the following Republican proposition. You want to stand in the back wall? He's got a pro-sition, first of all. Pro-sition? Yeah, I said pro-sition. Oh, I was just slurring so much you didn't get my beautiful diction.

The diction's kind of killing the text a little bit. I think you need to clean up. Okay, okay. I'll just read it as me. I'm sorry. Okay. As a force recon Marine is the first Freedmen's Bureau agent slash great man of 2008

who is asking for your support and vote for the following Republican position. U.S. Senate of Zach Womp in 2010 makes the court system, Congress, Army, Navy, Air Force, to fly the same flag as the Marine Corps, which is the three-color U.S. flag. Make sure that if national insurance is put in place, make sure that if national insurance

is put in place, I will make sure the roots of such bill would not include would not include would not include any type measuring of the waste like other counties

quoted on 1309 waste is like waste is like your your fatness why you call me fatness measuring of the waste that's not gonna make sense though because the Marines are normally like

no fatties allowed. No fat chicks policy. We don't want no fat Marines. Well, you know, I mean, if you're schlepping up a 500-pound pack upside, you know, an upside-down mountain or something. Upside-down mountain. Whatever wacky adventure Marines get up to.

We don't want fatties. Acer, what do you think of America and its geology? I mean... Do you think we have upside down mountains a lot? Fucking awesome. Basil, what are your other positions? As Tennessee governor in 2010, using the Civil Rights Act

that's just one, of 1966 for the first time in history to find out two things. One, why democracy invaded the U.S. to find out two things. One, why democracy invaded the U.S. state on July 16th. Ah, voting! That was just even mean.

Voting! Have we really gotten to the point where someone so incoherent stogs like, wait, what are you talking about? Can we just stop here for just a second? And let me ask you this. Why have you not voted for this guy already? I have.

We can't yet. Go out there and vote for him. I don't care. So that's the first thing. Why democracy invaded the U.S. state on July 16, 1866. What else? To stop constitutional right violations in our state At all cost I will tell you all this

Vote for me And if I win I will immune you From all state crimes for the rest of your life Of you life Except violating Except violating a citizen rights, this would be a special punishment. Making Tennessee

the first state in the United States to actually listen to the U.S. and state constitution and all cities. What's that? What's that constitution? What did you say? Constitution? You want me to immune this guy from all crimes? We will get Tennessee a hearing aid. What's that, Constitution? What did you say, Constitution? You want me to immune this guy from all crimes? Tennessee A.

Because the last Republican form of government, which was 1866, thought they would rather have 50 murders on the street than one constitutional violator. Now, in 2008, all office holders break their oath the next day.

Yes. Yes. Oh. Uh-huh. Hey, hey, Basil, Basil Marceau, what is a good senator or governor? A good senator or governor? I'm glad you asked, person.

One, follows the oath to the Constitution. I can't read anymore. How does that work? This thing sucked all the brains out. No, there's a, there's a, the oath is like, it's kind of like a line, like a path. There's like signs. And so if you want to get to the Constitution, you just have to follow the oath there. Oh, I see.

So, follow the yellow brick oath. Right. It's like that question. Yeah. Yeah. See, I'm not a Constitutional Stalin like some. Right. Two, has well being

for the citizens rights and safety three people person he's got that one covered you gotta admit wait number four is gonna clinch it for him four honest and smart

five going to clinch it for him. Four, honest and smart. No! Five, a good listener. He's already shown he can listen to the Constitution. He's got the funniest webpage that hasn't been happened all day. The fucking voice is dancing around in his head. As much as I love Basil Marceau, I think we need

a break from him. This is Kevin Craig for Congress. Kevin Craig is both a libertarian and crazy. Ooh, that's a combination you rarely see. What? But here's the thing. He's a libertarian candidate, but he's also a Christian fundamentalist.

He wants Jesus to be the same thing as the law, so I'm not really sure how that works with the... Judge Jesus! Just stop raising Jesus' taxes, I guess. Da-da-da-da! I was hoping you would take

Would Jesus Celebrate Memorial Day? Because this is a very edgy post right here. Oh, shit. Oh, wow. It's got a picture of Muhammad Ali in it, so that's pretty good. I like any political articles written that have pictures of Muhammad Ali next to them. I don't know why

more don't. Yeah. You would think. Would Jesus celebrate Memorial Day? Would Jesus celebrate Memorial Day? The United States has three holidays which honor those who chose war over peace.

Veterans Day, those who fought and lived. Memorial Day, those who fought and lived. Memorial Day, those who fought and died. And Independence Day, those who took up arms to abolish the government. So is that like both lived and died? Abolish the government. It's over. Goodbye.

Armed Forces Day is a runner-up. Well, you don't want to contaminate your data pool. Shouldn't a Christian nation like America have a day to honor those who withstood the temptation to violence and vengeance and chose peace instead of choosing war?

Yes, I say yes! I was going to say yes too then. Okay, yeah. Choose war! What about those who were conscripted I was going to say yes too then. Okay, yeah. Me for yes. Choose war. What about those who were conscripted as in the Vietnam conflict? They had no choice, right?

Yes? No. No, I'm going with no. He's winking and elbowing. They had the power to refuse even though they may have lost their status or even gone to jail. Jesus underwent worse forms of torture. Remember when Jesus refused to serve in Vietnam? Oh my god. Well, do you remember seeing him there? Uh, no.

No, no, he's a pussy. He's a big ol' pussy. Yeah, I call him a fag. Jesus. Even those who are drafted have a choice and can choose to do violence to no man. Luke 3.14. No matter what the penalty is. Cassius Clay converted to Islam

and as Muhammad Ali said he would not fight in a Christian war. What an asshole. Until the United States Supreme Court unanimously overturned the decision. Ali lost his right to work and faced five years in prison and a $10,000 fine. That's $67,286.73 in 2010.

That's the one that really gets you the 73 cents. Yeah, I was fine right up to those cents. Inflation can swing that. Hang on here. Oh, what? Just digging in the couch cushions. Well, I found the other $67,000. 73 cents. He gave up the best years of his athletic career

to make a point. Would Jesus honor those who chose to fight or did not choose not to fight? Wait, there's too many nots in there. I forgot. If you did not choose not to fight? Wait, there's too many nots in there. I forgot. If you did not choose not to fight, then you'd have to have chosen to fight. Chose to fight or did not choose not to fight.

Would Jesus honor those who chose to fight or those who chose to fight? Think about it. Not! Okay, I'm going to ask the guard on the left if he could ask the guard on the right if he is a liar. We're almost done with philosophy 101 here.

Didn't Jesus say, blessed are the peacemakers? He's referring to guns. Yeah, people who make 9mm. Jesus never said, Bless and honor the war makers.

Damn! Yeah, we clearly never read the Conservapedia. It's all in quotes, though, because maybe Jesus said, Blessed are the war makers, but that's not bless and honor them, so, you know... Yeah, so why would they get better special privilege

over the peacemakers? Yeah. He's the fair guy. It is appropriate to weep with them that weep, Romans 12, 15. We should mourn the senseless loss of fathers, husbands, and sons, and, perhaps more so,

mothers, wives, and daughters. But every good human being, and especially those who claim to follow the Prince of Peace, should reject war and choose peace. Choose peace! They're good for you. Choose peace! Kevin Craig has another one here that I really like. The idea of medical marijuana has been debated from a whole lot of sides.

But I like the argument of whether or not Jesus would allow medical marijuana. It's a good point. Yeah, exactly. So that's what we're going to do here. Bunk Girl, do you want to take this one? Oh, this is awesome.

Kevin Craig for Congress Marijuana and multiple sclerosis UC studies find promise in medical marijuana, LA Times Making marijuana illegal is unchristian This is where his own opinion starts First, it requires politicians

to take the Lord's name in vain Here's how What? Okay. Sweet Jesus, I love marijuana. You're required to say that too. You have to say it, yeah. All who are opposed say nay. All who are in favor say sweet Jesus,

I love marijuana. I love marijuana. You left us out the sweet Jesus part, so. Politicians raise their right hand Toward heaven and take a solemn oath To abide by the constitution So help me God They violate that oath when they criminalize

Marijuana or act to override State laws favoring medical marijuana A century ago When federal politicians were asked to make alcohol illegal, they correctly and properly replied, the Constitution doesn't give us the power to make alcohol illegal.

You'll have to amend the Constitution to give us that power. Anti-alcohol advocates did so, and amending the Constitution to give Congress power over alcohol created Al Capone and organized crime. Al Capone and organized crime. Al Capone was born right then. Power of Italian stereotypes.

Somewhere in the parking lot of a seedy bar, like a naked man just appeared. What am I doing here? It's like the first scene in Terminator. Just behind a dumpster and there's a Tommy gun. He goes into the biker bar and has to take the leather jacket.

So that amendment was repealed. And with it, all federal power to outlaw alcohol. The Constitution... Dissolved into a puddle of ooze. Oh, no! Oh, what a world! What a world! He was banished to the

outer realm. It's like when all those misogynists died when women's suffrage went through. Yeah, that was pretty cool. The Constitution has never been properly amended to give the federal government power to put people like Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, and other founding fathers in prison for growing certain plants. But nobody cares about oaths these days.

Second, that was all one point, the criminalization of hemp violated the biblical prohibition against engrossing commodities to enhance the price, and still does. Yeah, you need to get them to amend the Bible, the whole thing. It's a Bible special edition. Yeah. With the Ford by Iron Man. I think the 700 Club actually said that. Bible 2.1.

No, no, it's like the New Age Bible. Kids these days, and Jesus said to the other guys, hey, what's happening? Don't be like that. We can sit on a chair that's turned backwards. If newspaper publisher William Randolph Hearst had owned hemp instead

of trees, hemp would have been used to make his newspapers and would be America's number one cash crop today. But Hearst was invested in trees. Damn you, trees. Whoa. That is really weird.

What the hell does that even mean? He used his influence to slander marijuana and get politicians to pass laws against it. Hearst's trees would have been worth much less with competition from hemp. If, if we go back to the time that William

Randolph Hearst walked out into his front yard and saw a bunch of trees and said I wonder if I could make some kind of flat surface that things could be written or printed upon and then he invented paper. But if he had went to his backyard

He would have gotten some much better ideas. You're by the sewer route. The entire Hearst newspaper empire is because he needed something to do with all that paper. He just made a bunch of paper and was like, shit, now what I'm going to do with it.

Well, he had a vault. It was like, he put all the paper in there and then he'd jump into it Scrooge McDuck style. There's got to be something more than this. Well, he did a lot of paper cuts

swimming in paper that way. Oh, yeah. He only did it once. Third, inflicting pain and suffering on patients who could benefit from marijuana is like inflicting pain

on Jesus Christ himself. That's a direct quote from the Bible, isn't it? Matthew 25, 31-46. That almost turned into an actual rational point until it was just like, it's just like hurting Jesus. Are we talking about the Big Lebowski now? Yes.

We are always talking about the Big Lebowski. If I could treat Jesus' glaucoma, I so would. A Christian should not vote for any politician who promises to punish people solely for possessing or using or even selling marijuana. Here's the quote that he was talking about. When the Son of Man comes in his glory and all the holy angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory and all the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate them from one another as a shepherd divides his sheep from the goats, and he will set the sheep on his right hand but the goats on his left, And that's why you should vote for people or not vote for people who are against marijuana if you're a Christian or maybe if you're not a Christian.

Right. Jesus, I'm not marijuana. He just made his own up. Look at you! Yeah, there's sheep on the left side and then there were goats on the right side, so therefore marijuana. He hasn't really planned on anyone clicking these links, did he? I could have looked like.

Kumquat, I believe you had something that you wanted to paste into, you wanted us to read? Yeah, so I've been exploring more of Mr. Marceau's works, including some that were taken down unceremoniously from AOL when they shut down their hometown service.

What the fuck? He's an American and a patriot. Come on. It looks like AOL did it. However, thanks to thewondersofarchive.org who apparently is a freedman. Oh, excellent. Do you know where democracy came from? France?

I don't know. I'm going to go with the Magna Carta. I'm going to go with when Mama Democracy and Daddy Democracy were. I'm pretty sure it was the Magna Carta. The Bible? I'm going to go with when Mama Democracy and Daddy Democracy. I'm pretty sure it was sent down from Jesus Christ. He answers. I bet you didn't know this. Greece, a democracy, went to Troy

with a horse filled with Democrats. You mean the musical? What? And the devil went down to Georgia, I think. Greece, the musical, went to Troy, the university, and then they had a horse. No, the musical went to Troy, the university, and then they had a horse. No, I thought it was Grease the musical toured

to the city of Troy, where Helen is. Is John Travolta involved? He's always involved. God damn it. Went to Troy with a horse filled with Democrats and party with the Troyians.

Party with the Troyians during the day and at night they climbed out of the butthole and killed everybody. So they have a lot in common with the people at the F+, then. I don't think. Hey, I climbed out of a horse's butthole. And for that, you're going to die, pal. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. Oh, I really hope that he's a grade school teacher. Where did democracy come from? Well, a horse's ass. That's a bunch of people who killed everybody. Oh, just wait. And killed everybody and at the same time burned it to the ground.

What, the butthole? Yes. Then, then sent Julius Creaser to Rome, another republic, to Rome, another republic and invaded them, forced them in democracy. Thomas Jefferson

signed the Republic Constitution in 1875, and then in 1891, became the father of democracy, which makes him a traitor. I know why, but that's another story. Thomas Jefferson climbed out of the butthole. I didn't even know he was

Greek. He climbed out of the butthole. I didn't even know he was briefed. I'm out of the butthole. What in the crap is going on? Nobody knows. Nobody knows. Basil Marceau knows. He just won't tell us. He'll know later, apparently. He says he knows why, but that's another story, apparently.

But that, my children, is a tale for another day. All right. Um, all right. One more thing from Basil here. Things of importance. Number one, can a higher court say no to second traffic stops and a County court say yes over ruling the higher court?

No, they cannot, but they every day in Tennessee. Are you duly convicted? No, I would take 12 stuns to protect a citizen. Would a lawyer? No, they will not! They do not even

read Knowles vs. Iowa? 10 vs. Puckett! Is Andrew Ryan reading this? Number two, the state fuel budget is a concern of mine. It may hinder safety on the side of government. I would introduce a bill to make all the state vacant land that are open field, and along the highway, a farm and this farm will plant corn products and other plant life that can be used for alternative fuel.

I'm sorry, alternative fuel. The fuel is altered in sorry, alternative fuel. Alternative fuel. The fuel is altered in some way. Right. Well, no, it's fuel to get you high. Oh, I thought it was alliterative fuel. It's fucking fuel. Man, you get high off his fuel,

you're free with his fucking fuel, you ain't got a foosball, ferrets. The 13th says criminal are slaves, so we will take non-period hyphen violent criminals who are duly convicted and allowed them to work to plant, take care of, harvest, put are the product

into trucks where they will, where they took to the refiner, give them some of the product to pay for processes, and we will take the rest of money, or alternate fuel, B2, delivered to cities, counties across the state.

What? Oh my god. I don't know exactly what he's trying to do here, but I'm all for it. Number three. I would like to update the monetary car insurance to match the Federal Insurance Act where they say

if you do not know the name and address of the person who will get the check when you pay the money to your agent, it is gaming and not we can gamble in Tennessee. Right now, we are gaming. My plan would lower car insurance by 45%. Well, yeah, since you

laid it out so perfectly, it makes sense. I checked the math and he's right. With this plan to follow federal act is to insure your car and nobody else because the only name we will know who will get the check is ourselves who pay money to

agents. We have no insurable interest in any other person. Oh. Neither do we, apparently. Citizens who get a food stamp and SS check cannot afford to buy where the food now can afford to pay insurance. We would need to find

a way to pay the insurance for them. Oh. Uh, wait, are we going to do it with the farm? With the litter of fuel? I don't even... Number four might be my favorite. Number four.

My friends are beer stores. My friends are beer stores. Clearly. My friends are beer stores say they must check 200 DL a day and that

400 minutes a day per clerk, which is over six hours at $7 an hour, that $42, with it mandatory, then we must pay them. Okay. No argument here. So the argument is that the cost of checking

driver's licenses for... Oh, is that what that is? It's not something that he wants to change. It's just things of importance. Boots, you don't really want to unravel this. At any point, you're like, I think I see it now. His friend's beer store

pays $42 a day to check IDs. It pays the store directly? That's 400 minutes a day per clerk spent checking IDs. That's what he says. 400 minutes. How shitty are they at checking these IDs?

Okay! Here we go! Des, you are a person. Is that correct? Des is a beer store. In fact, just down the street is the beer store. Now, you're not

making the same expression in the photo as you're out there. Looks like you're wearing a different shirt, too. So, I'm sorry. I can't lie. Just close your eyes and stick out your tongue and we'll see, okay? Number five. I believe we must hate the U.S. flag because we fly the wrong one. And when we fly the right one, we and the government fly it wrong.

Can we start honoring the U.S. flag again? Well, yeah. Oh, I mean, no. No, no, we cannot. Because he says he believes that we must hate the flag. So no, we cannot. This is a question. This is a question.

I hate the flag. He shit flags. Number six. Either as senator and when I run it for 2010 governor post, I will recall all gun permits and registrations, and we will not hold any registrations in the state. The right to bear arms against our government and not burglars must be protected after the Supreme Court ruling. What does that even mean? Well, look, when you buy a gun, they hand it to you and they say, no, you're not going to use this on any burglars, are you?

No, sir. No, no, no. Just the government. I can just see it now. You know, some paranoid gun collector got just waiting in his bed. Somebody breaks down the door. You better not be the government. Oh, I'm a burglar. My gun doesn't work now. Wait a minute. You didn't run for senator one year, did you? I actually kind of did.

Bang! Yeah, fuck you! Fuck you, potential senator! He was the president of the high school debate club. That's kind of questionable. I think you're allowed to wound him then. I find it hard to take a campaign fund from anyone

because if they give me money, they expect something, and then they seal it with a handshack. I think this is right. Oh, no. So to keep everything honest, let's put all funds in one bucket. That sounds delicious. KFC, bucket of funds! Counties and state Then divide those buckets

Among whoever Once wants to run And nobody owes anybody What? I like his money bucket idea Yeah when you chop down buckets it's kind of like Those one worms that they regrow So

It's a planarian. Yeah, there we go. Thank you. Number eight. Education. Something he has an authority on. He is. Oh, this is going to be a good one sentence. Alright, here we go. Education, space comma,

let us put phonics back in school. If you cannot read, you cannot do history, math, English. It's all one class for him. Hey, gotta go, man. I'm late for history, math, English. Just a clever plan to show everyone how important education was. Genius.

So where are we at now? Here we are now. Let Nicky Mand mandatory in high school to read the minutes to the U.S. Congress, the Congressional Globe, and the real history of the U.S. Oh, no. Wait, so

you're going to read the minutes of what you did in high school every day to Congress? Yeah. Yeah. Did you not understand what you just read it's interesting as hell have you not been following his website I mean I would pay money all day

to read his own minutes finally number nine look for my citizen's enemy oh what who is his citizen in stores today my album drops this Tuesday. All right.

This guy is slightly more understandable. Oh, I would hope to God so. He said he was more incomprehensible. I'd be like, well, fuck, I quit. You know, anyway, he ran for mayor of Minneapolis in 2008. His name was John Charles Wilson. He is an author, a minister, a politician, and a transit historian. Wow.

Quite the role played there. Yeah. Boots, do you want to read this homepage here? Hi, I'm John Charles Wilson, author, minister, politician, transit historian. Homepage. I'm pro-union, and I select EFCA. Learn more by clicking here. Employee Free Choice Act. Hi, my name is John Charles Wilson. I am an author, minister, politician, and transit historian. You may have heard that somewhere. Living in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Thank you for visiting my personal website.

You're welcome, John. Thank you for visiting my personal website. You're welcome, John. This is a photo of me at an anti-war protest at Lake Street in Hiawatha, 27th of October, 2007. Say no to imperialist war, my sign says. I am a non-traditional communist. Dog.

Who's a good dog? Okay. I run on the good dog party. I am a non-traditional communist. I believe that Laura Ingalls Wilder is God. Oh, wow. You didn't see that turn coming, did you? Oh, my God.

The next point, though. Children should have the same rights as adults, except regarding things where it would endanger public safety. In other words, no toddlers driving cars. Oh, you fashion. They're doing child safety. Age of consent laws should be repealed. Oh my god.

Uh oh. I don't like where this is going. Cleanliness and health should be free choices rather than social mandates. Ah! Don't just allow something to pass! God damn it! I can't tell you how many times I've been arrested

for stinky armpits. Well, I get the feeling that you just go into a restaurant and you get some damn chicken McSnot or something. It's just like, that's my right. All people should have as much personal freedom as possible without endangering public safety. Essentially, I am a libertarian regarding personal freedom and a communist regarding state ownership in the economy. Oh, and I stink like a bitch.

A communal libertarian. Yeah. That makes perfect sense, sure. Those two are not the same. Yes. Can you get some of that libertarian communal healthcare and find where my skull pieces went? Soon after

attaining my freedom, I had to go underground because my parents didn't respect my right to make my own choices as an independent adult. Oh, that's why he doesn't want people to have to wash. He lives underground. The mole man. Oh, your odor.

Throughout most of the 1990s, I lived underground, often homeless, moving from city to city to invade harassment by my parents and neighbors who judged me for my beliefs. He had to go from city to city to avoid his parents. Where it's like tracking him down to be like, you're an embarrassment. Wait, wait,

it becomes clear. That's because they judged me for my beliefs, hatred of cleanliness. Hatred of cleanliness. He stank so bad. You could smell him in the same city. My parents were unique in that they're the only people that were...

Well, now I take it back because it shouldn't be too hard to track them down then. You just follow the fucking stink lines or something. I'm running on the personal filth platform. Apparently. After I found out my mother was dead in 1998, I tried to settle down

and lived in Fargo, North Dakota, and Duluth, Minnesota, before moving to Tucson, Arizona, to try to start an internet business and failing. Oh. Well, the internet business model was based on not bathing,

so... Now you can not bathe from the comfort of your own home. You were selling anti-soap Buy my stinky pamphlets That left me homeless again for a few years I finally resettled in Ames Iowa in a few months before my father died in 2005

I then moved to Rochester, Minnesota, then to Brooklyn Park, and then Minneapolis, where I currently reside, and I am now following my dream of a political and religious career. 19 years later than I would have if it hadn't been for the harassment. Are you still angry at your parents?

Yeah, I'm still really mad at my parents. Take a bath! I was trying to make me clean myself. She sent me another loofah spot. Okay. I have self-published an autobiography titled The Conscience of a Communist.

Oh yeah, no, it's called The Conscience of a Communist. And ran for mayor of Minneapolis in 2009, getting 137 votes or 0.3% of the total. Hey! Good for you. And it's presented like it's a success here. Yeah, actually votes or 0.3% of the total. Hey, good for you. And it's presented like it's a success here. Yeah, actually, it's 0.3%. It is! I mean, that's more votes than I got.

I'm not rounding up. I did run, but he got more votes than I did. Did you run? Well, that's immaterial. Did you run? No. Well, that's not a valid comparison. Run! F-plus for mayor! Well, that's not a valid comparison. Run.

F plus for mayor. Well, we could run on a personal hygiene platform as well. Well, you could just run on a we'll make fun of you if you vote us in. You read everyone else's speeches in funny voices. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, I'm going to lower taxes.

The 12 other people just make big jokes about it. And that new distinguished fiscal restraints me. I'm going to complete the dang fence. Vote for me. I'm pro-education. I ran for mayor in 2009. I got 0.3% of the votes. But that's not going to bring me down.

Because I am considering running for governor of Minnesota in 2010. And I will definitely run for mayor of Minneapolis again in 2013 and governor of Minnesota in 2014. Unless... Unless... There's a condition on that.

Unless I actually win an election and then I will stick with the office I am elected to I will not immediately quit mayor and run for governor in spite of public demand

I gotta say this has really cleared up a great mystery for me I had no idea that Charles Schultz based pig pen upon an actual person. I was going to say, it could have been a mystery. It smelled so bad.

It's a real shame that the fat boys broke up. Let's learn about how you became a communist. Portex. Yay! How I became a communist yes it's a politician i became a communist in september of 1981 after reading an article in the daily world as the communist party's

usa's newspaper was called at the time about a daycare center which had lost funding due to reagan's budget cuts and there were the where a three-year-old boy asked for a cookie that was formerly snack time before the cutback. What happened? The teacher told him, the president doesn't want you to have a cookie before he cried himself to sleep. Wait, what? The teacher cried himself to sleep.

Oh, wow. Can I have a cookie? No, the president doesn't want you to have a cookie. A guy who looks like that is really upset about dessert. I'm losing cookies. Oh, boy. Okay. In May 1982, I saw my first vision

of Laura Ingalls Wilder, who told me that she is God. Oh shit. He said that he considered her to be God earlier, and that wasn't like a... That wasn't like him saying, like, I really idolize her. It's literally she is

God. This is news for me, too. Yeah, Little House on the Prairie is Laura Edelstorf's name. Okay. You told me she's God. I was right to be a communist, and she would give me a message to preach to the world.

I realize this isn't a traditional communist belief, and instead of joining the Communist Party at USA, I needed to start my own political party. So, for the first amendment of freedoms of speech and religion Party of the USA, I needed to start my own political party. So, for the first amendment of freedoms of speech and religion, earned me the political imprisonment in the mental health system

from 1983 to 1987. The tyranny of the bathtub. This is the room for all the secular communists. And this is the room for all the communists who believe that Laura Ingalls Welder is God. It's a slightly smaller group. Why would they do that to me? Why would they do that?

I'm not crazy. They're the ones who are crazy. When I got out, I was harassed so much by my parents, roommates, and neighbors that I went underground from 1990 to 2005. With the deaths of my mother in 1997 and my father in 2005, I returned to the Twin Cities in 2006 to fulfill my dreams. I founded the

Edgar Tonight National Party on 9 March 2009 and ran for mayor of Minneapolis, Minnesota as its first candidate, getting 137 votes or 0.3% of the total. Excellent. Yay! Go me!

You did it! I think we need to learn more of um more of his religion uh let's go to the minister section uh stog will you tell me about laura ingalls wilder please minister due to visions i began seeing in may 1982 i I believe that Laura Ingalls Wilder is God. You're so funny every time. Yeah, it's never not funny. It's like a fucking Mad Lib or something. Name, we're Ingalls Wilder. Noun, God.

I do like how he has to stipulate that it's due to the visions. Like, most people believe that Laura Ingalls Wilder is God just because it's sinister told. Well, that was Little due to the visions like most people believe that laura engels wilder is god well that was a little house on the prairie is a great great book due to disputes over my first amendment rights do yeah due to to speak freely of laurism i was a political prisoner in the mental health system from 1983 to 1987. After getting out, I intended to resume my ministry, but harassment drove me underground from 1990 to 2005, and poverty kept me getting the Loras Church going as a organization.

Loras Church. I was about to make that joke. And, um, no, it is real. I'm not, yeah, okay. Rad. Rad. I self-published a 24 page book titled The Principles of Lauraism

in 2001 as a step toward that goal. We have to read that sometime. We have to. It sometime. We have to. It will soon be feasible for me to formally organize the Loris Church USA as a non-profit organization. Really? Why is that?

Are you going to have money somehow? I don't think you're very employable, guy. Alright, no, I'm sorry, I'm interested. Mr. Wilson, I'm very interested in your church. I want to join your church really badly. But do you have any doctrines? Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm interested. Mr. Wilson, I'm very interested in your church. I want to join your church really badly. But do you have any doctrines? Yeah, I do.

The primaries of Lauraism are as follows. Laura Ingalls Wilder is God. Communism is the best form of government. That follows logically with Laura Ingalls Wilder being gone.

Yeah. H-concept laws should be repealed. That's not good. Laura Ingalls Wilder wants you to fuck children. That's not a thing that should be happening. You really read between the lines in those little house depravities. Yeah, subtext.

Stop laughing, asshole. And then Lemon crawled out of the butthole to laugh at Laura Ingalls Wilder. A new nation to be called Edgerton shall be built upon the area within a 240 mile radius of Minneapolis, Minnesota as a homeland for the Loris religion. Wow, really? Yes. Oh the Loris religion. Wow. Really? Okay. Yes. Oh my god. It keeps going. In the same way that the Jews have Israel and the Mormons

have Utah. I'm just going to clarify. I like that the Jews have Israel the same way that the Mormons have Utah. Utah was just given, like, go there. The Mormon Holocaust. Holy land.

Fight off the surrounding states for it. Has everybody gone to his party's webpage? I really liked the frequently asked dumb A-star star questions. Ooh, all right. All right.

So, Kumquat, you're going to answer some questions, all right? I would love to answer some questions. You're going to ask us some questions. I have question number one. Why the name Edgertonite? Why a nation of Edgerton? Why the name Edgertonite? Why a nation of Edgerton?

Well, the party's founder, John Charles Wilson, is a lifelong transit fanatic who, in his early teenage years, the early 1980s, had an extreme fascination with a bus company called North Suburban Lines, which ran on Rice Street in St. Paul, Minnesota. The former name of the company, before 1975, was Rice-Edgerton Lines. This fascination predates both John's conversion to communism and his visions of Laura Ingalls Wilder. Oh, so this was crazy back when it was underground.

Okay. Yeah. You're rude to laugh though. And I know you were worried about this, though. It has been incorporated into his political and religious beliefs. As promulgated by this party. I like that.

I like that. The, the political party and the, uh, religion are intertwined. Um, Oh, I'm sorry. I have another question. Does one have to believe that Laura Ingalls Wilder is God to be an Edgertonite National Party member?

No. All right, I'm in. The ENP is a political party, not a religion. The only requirement is basic 70% agreement with the party's political goal. That's a D. How do you know?

Do you have to score yourself? It would be a D. It's on the honor system. Joining the Laura-ist religion is a completely separate thing. In fact, as of 16 March 2010, half our membership is Episcopalian Christian. So there's two people.

Number four. Okay there's two people. Number four. Okay, yeah, sure. How many members does the Edgerton National Party have? There are two members. I thought so. Once again, I make a joke and it turns out that that's actually what the man wrote. Yeah, you're the oracle.

Yeah, did I actually write this as a goof a couple years ago and I just forgot? Because I'm starting to wonder here. So we need to go back to Basil here. Of course we do. Why wouldn't we? Right.

Basil Marceau is the butt sex questions. So Bunny Bread, I have some Basil Marceau here. You're going to have, let going to have four different things to read with four different fonts and colors and treatments. You're going to have to decide what each font means. He's remarkably well-ordered

for a schizophrenic. All right. I know. A lack of support Basil J. Marceau For your next Tennessee Senator Or Basil J. Marceau For your next Tennessee Governor 2010

Right? I like that he's running for both things simultaneously Busy man He can do both I mean look at him Look at this kind of multitasking he's running for both things simultaneously. He is. Busy man. He can do both. I mean, look at him. Look at this kind of multitasking he's doing right here. He's typing and having spasms at the same time. Straight up.

Let me for you say... Oh, wait. Is this a slightly different... Yes, okay. Slightly different. Okay. Well, elect me for your senator, number 10. Or elect me for your governor, 2010. Okay. I'll open the door for Tennessee food retailers to allow their products in more supermarket. Make it.

Super make it. Super make it. Super make it. Better super make it or super fake it. I go to the super make it and go get a... I go to the super make it and go get a Did you ever go to the local grossier and see all the products on their shelves?

Why should their shelves be closed to small business? If you go to other markets like tire stores, drug stores, super stores where they sell a lot of super, jewelry stores, clothing stores, etc. Not one of these stores charges a fee to sell a product to them.

Why should food market be allowed to? What? Did you say that again? Why should food market be allowed to? Okay. I think the question should not be allowed.

It makes more sense when you hear it again I would introduce legislation to do away with this practice with all of Tennessee being developed and taken over by a large company and all the mom and pop stores are just about gone there's no place for Tennessee small business

involved in selling retail food and merchandise to sell theirs goods without putting up theirs life-saving or to borrow lots of money. The small business can't compete. Yeah! My legislation will not allow

any extorted products in this state. If it continue, they would be fined. What would you be fined for? I don't understand what you would be fined for. The extort ex. You would be fined for bringing extort products

into the state. When you think about it, jewelry stores don't have food stored on there that maybe you could charge extra for whenever there's another store next to them. So, der! They don't have the climate made out of meat. Right. God, Lemon, you're such an an idiot that's a little tiny font it probably requires a little tiny voice

blow repair we need to do something with all the tires that goes to the landfill you have to see in several states using chop-up tires in their asphalt in their asphalt to save it up to 30%. What's been for Tennessee's legislators took this in their idea? What's been for Tennessee's legislators look into this idea?

What was the way out to a dead end track? Damage! Damage! He's just saying what we're all thinking. Finally someone has the balls to stand up and say whatever the fuck that is. Right.

Yes. We need to make Tennessee the cleanest state in USA. When elected, I would continue the efforts of today's policies and look for best strategy through studies and expert advice to make us the cleanest.

That was his attempt to speak. That sentence makes me want to see a debate between him and Mr. Wilson. Fuck that, he can debate himself. Oh my god, that would be so good. That would be so good. He would say the word clean.

It would just be, ah! So bad. It could be filthy if it chooses to. Let's see here. How should we finish things up? Yeah, yeah, no. I'm just trying to think of... A purple voice. Yeah, I'm feeling it.

Purple means regal, so I guess you have to... Oh, I was thinking of Grimace from McDonald's. He's God, dude. Saints Row 2, maybe? Yeah, there you go. Who was the main character in Saints Row 2 The British guy

He sounds like Jason Statham No a woman who was fascinated With a double barreled rocket launcher He sounds like a woman Who was fascinated with Jason Statham Credit cards and credit card interest rate When elected I will do everything To stop the continuing use of a fly-by-night or con.

Companies that think charging customers 25% to 30% interest and the use of $30 late fee and $30 over-limited in their practices is okay. I'll knock. After calling 1,000 people asking if they ever received a credit card from a company who says here a four hundred dollar hello here a four hundred dollar please call me you have to pay 250 dollars sign up fee put we will bill you on your card and you have to pay at least 30 a month all right it's time company prey on the poor and people they will

no one pay if there are a way to stop this practice in this great state of tennessee it will be done let me tell you 175 citizens were affected. I called 175 people. They said fuck off. 175 people are affected by horrendous gibberish every day. Someone needs to fucking stop that.

But then what will we read? That's true. That's true. That's true. Man, Saints Row 3 is sounding awesome. I call you with a 400 dollar. Yeah, Booth, there's one last one here. Okay. One last little bit. You can take that one.

Elect and support Basil Marceau for your next Tennessee governor. Hi. Hi. Hi. This is a clickable link. Hi.

Hi. I work at colon click here but look at the rest of my site first. There will be no link back I also help distribute free site number 2001409 god bless

image of a big X in a box yeah what the hell is that hi hi hi what the fuck are you doing Hi. Hi. Hi. What the fuck are you doing? God bless.

Hi. Hi. Can our country be republic when the founders free use in 1776? Then when the founder became a traitor to a republic and became a Democrat. Then a democracy republic took charge of our timeline. Then split in 1825 and 1866, the Congress said we were invaded by the dumb amendment party.

The Congress said we were invaded by the dumb amendment party. Today we say a pledge to a republic. The democachy must live on. And we say no oath to it. There's no question mark, but the paragraph did begin, well, the sentence began with can. Can you legally call that a sentence? No, I'm pretty sure that's a can as in the noun.

Yeah, that's just like a bunch of words that happen to be... Can our country sell it to China? It's just words that just happen to be close together. They don't necessarily form a sentence or even a thought. All right, anyone need to be educated? Tell me more. The dictionary says in a democracy,

all members are a democrate. Democrate, maybe. I don't know. I am a Republican. What does that make me? A traitor. It does not matter who win the president spot

if a democrat win he work off a democracy principles and if a republican win he work a democracy principles what the shit am I looking at but a republican must follow the principles

of a republic. And if we did, a Democrat would never win. What? The real question. What? I don't know. What the fuck is happening? That made you think.

That made you think. But the real question is coming up. The real question is why the U.S. government does not follow the U.S. Constitution by making sure all the states remain a republic form of government at all costs. why the US government does not follow the US constitution by making sure all the states remain a republic form of government at all costs that's not a sentence though that's not the end of the sentence because there's no period

yeah right who dropped the ball at all costs lots of space who dropped the ball the coast guard the army dot navy that's our favorite website Lots of space. Who dropped the ball? The Coast Guard. The Army.Navy. That's my favorite website. The Army.Navy.

The Marine until now. The people and all this. Thomas Jefferson. Fault. He took us down the wrong road. Where the real founders were kiled and jailed. Oh, they were kiled. They were kiled and jailed.

Oh, they were kiled. They were kiled. They were kilned. Better than being kylied. I suppose. Where would we be if we went down Alexander Hamilton Road, a Republican timeline? Does this

come back to the future, too, when it splits off in the alternate 1985? Alexander Hamilton Road, it intersects with Thomas Jefferson Road. So you just kind of, you know, you'll get there eventually. Yeah, the Taco Bell, you just take a left right there you're fine. We would all

say a pedge to a republic and not half of us who are democrat says a pedge to a republic but belong to a democracy oh my god what the fuck is that

what the fuck the last paragraph here is so good it's so good it ties this whole thing together this is where it all makes sense this is where it all makes sense. This is where it all makes sense. Yeah, this is like the wrap-up scene in The Usual Suspects.

Right, Kobayashi. The last of Tlaz, the Sedition Act, passed on July 14th, declared that any treasonable activity, including the publication of these sections

of the page are good for just about anything. Text, graphics, whatever you want. Yay! Oh my god, Ben! I can't wrap my brain around what just happened here. Non-Euclidean political

statements. Awesome. And there we go. Three stunning candidates all worth your vote. Hey, Kumquatsop, what do you think you learned today? Well, I'm not really sure, quite honestly. Sure, yeah. It's hard.

Yeah. If I could pick one thing, though, it's that think about everything that's ever happened to you. Actually, right now, do that. Think about everything that's ever happened to you. Ah! Oh! Oh, okay. That was fun.

Exactly. All those little instances, well, so far, you know, they haven't really driven you totally crazy yet. But apparently, there's a very tiny percentage chance that at any point in your life, there can be something that happens to you that just drives you completely insane. Such as riding the bus, or taking a shower, or reading a Laura Ingalls Wilder book or getting pulled over by a police officer or. It's true. I mean, where do you think I mean, spitball with me here. Where do you think that comes from? Do you think there's some specific I I mean, how is me riding the bus and getting on the bus and then getting off the bus and just having that be a thing different than

John Charles Wilson getting on the bus and going like, this is great! Everything is perfect now. Well, I don't know. Were there kids on the bus when you were on the bus? Sometimes. Did you then go to form a political party based on wanting to

Erase the age of consent For the kids on that bus For some reason I didn't I don't know I just don't have the drive I think it's the problem Thanks of course to our readers And Boots Reindeer

For recording this John will be back next week hopefully The website is always thefpl.us. Find us on the Facebook and find us at F Plus Live, which is an exciting thing, October 1st. For those of you that are

either going to be in Minneapolis or visiting Minneapolis on October 1st, you'll be able to find us by the smell. We're going to be doing a live show. It be awesome and uh we'll see you next time and now a word from our sponsor one day one of my brothers started calling me truck and that was to become my nickname a couple of years later i found out they gave me that name because i have a big and long head sometimes they call me balloon head water head and even pumpkin

head they'd say boy you should be very smart and have lots of sense because you have a very big head. And I'd tell my father and he would whip all of them who were laughing. The preceding was an excerpt from Mr. T, The Man with the Gold, an autobiography by Mr. T. Here, there's another terrible stories read with enthusiasm. Come to F Plus Live, October 1st in Minneapolis. Visit thefbl.us for details.