The F Plus - 302: Don't Forget (I'm) The A-Hole

Episode Date: April 14, 2019

People need a moral arbiter in their lives, and while that's understandable, it's an odd move to trust Reddit to do it for you. And yet, r/AmITheAsshole is there, and it's handling hundreds of conflicts a day. This week, The F Plus gets disgusted by an ugly 8.

Oh my god. Full metal animal house. Hello Joker, would you like to hear a folk song? Sometimes I can be perfectly sweet, got this sugary meal stuffed up in my sleeve. And I'll talk of ponies and rainbows and things And I'm just who you want me to be Welcome back to the F+. A terrible place, there's terrible things. But, on the plus side, they're right with enthusiasm.

In the room tonight we have Bunny Bread. Am I the asshole for not praying with my mother on her deathbed? Okay, long story short, I'm Pope Francis, so whatever. Let's get that out of the way. Boostering gear! Am I the asshole for serving meat to my vegan husband to save his life? Frank West? Am I the asshole for being jealous of a video game character?

Achilles Heilles am I the asshole for being pissed my parents are not making me food jack jack am I the asshole for eating pizza while my boyfriend eats something else like he says I am am I the asshole for drinking out of my co-workers world's greatest dad mug asshole for drinking out of my co-workers world's greatest dad mug. And lemon. The pee flowed down the street and there was a moat of pee forming in the gutter as if it had rained.

It was like the toppest of keks! What were you, the asshole? Yeah, he was. Yes. I said the word kek, I'm an asshole. Also, it's lemon. was. Yes. I said the word kek. I'm an asshole. Also, it's lemon. Whoa.

Whoa. Hey. I mean, it's fair, but still. That guy's an asshole. That girl's a bitch. Baby, it's natural. No getting away from it So sing it out with me

Then let it go Fuck that guy, he's just an asshole. And I won't let him in. Hey, F+. Hello. Hey, Lemon. Hey, do you all think that you're living moral lives? Shit, yeah! Certainly, Brother Lemon.

Yes, at least as enthusiastically as bunny bread is i mean i'm here aren't i yeah yeah yeah the the f plus the paragon of morality thanks bunny bread um so uh there is a uh site that i want to introduce you to today that I think will help us all learn how to be better people. Is it called Reddit? More moral people. Yeah, of course it's called Reddit. No! Of course it's called Reddit.

We're going to go to a specific subreddit called r slash mi the asshole. I'm going to explain r slash mi the asshole for a second. r slash mi the asshole is a catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you. Tell us about any nonviolent conflict that you have experienced, semicolon. Give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or if you're the asshole. The logo of it is

the Reddit alien on a butt holding up two signs, one of which is a checkmark, and the other one which is a butthole. And it says r slash m-i-the-asshole. It's moderated by u slash snossagefest, who is a shitler. That's good.

That's great. Hey, so I'd just like to say I'm a person with experience. I've witnessed this subreddit before. Okay. And I can say with confidence that the answer is yes. Spoiler! All right, good. Spoiler.

That was going to be there on Reddit, I think. Spoiler! Alright, good. Spoiler. That was going to be there on Reddit, okay? Yeah, so this is a document actually submitted to us twice now. We have a document from Cheapskate and a separate document from Ambious on r slash I'm-a-the-asshole. And we're just going to kind of combine a little bit of these, starting off with Cheapskate. And I think we're going to start off with this one here.

So, Boots, your name is deleted. Oh, okay. And what do you want to ask here? Yeah. Am I the asshole for criticizing teammates' play in video game? Oh, always. Always. You didn't give this one to me.

Yeah. I am a gamer and my latest gaming obsession is NHL 17. Oh, that's why you didn't give this one to me. Several of my friends and acquaintances also play with me daily. As a group, we pit ourselves against other groups of players and more often than not, we lose.

I do not like losing and when the less experienced players make a mistake, I use that for positively framed keeping moments. I'm sure that's exactly as you described it. Oh, my. The game is hard, and it takes practice, so patience and dedication is required to be competitive. However, I like to begin paragraphs with the word however.

However, the players do not take the games as seriously as I do. And that's their fault. I play with an intense, singular focus. I mean, it's a video game. Varying degrees of not so much. And when I see one of them make a mistake again and again, after learning how to avoid the mistake, positively framed teaching moments take a backseat to immediate and unfiltered criticism. Nothing abusive, of course.

No name calling. Just, you're fucking up. Fix it. Oh, so nothing abusive. Nothing abusive. Just helpful. Helpful constructive criticism. You're fucking up. it okay two exchanges come to mind

when I feel I may be in the wrong Oh one my brother relationship is relevant because familiar relationships come with historical posters are like amateur authors. Yeah, yeah. Fuck's sake. When he makes mistakes, is a the game is cheating kind of person. After I make a mistake in a recent game, he mockingly parrots back a criticism I have levied against him. I go ad hominem and respond with something to the effect of

coming from a person who blames the computer for every mistake he makes. You don't have any right to criticize anyone. Yeah, something to the effect of that. It actually came out more like. Yeah, this guy sounds like a real joy to be around. To his credit. Most hockey video game enthusiasts.

Yeah, exactly. To his credit, after that, he has stopped blaming the computer and owns his mistakes. This actually makes me really happy. I'm capable of that. Because this is learned behavior from our less than ideal male role models growing up. Anyway, am I the asshole? Yep. Example number two.

Myself and another player in a game while two others not in the game are having a conversation they are attempting to engage the other player in this conversation I boot them from the party and lock it down I feel extraneous conversation is distracting after the game I joined up with them

and apologized as I obviously should, and explained why. But not before they, rightfully, booted me to give me a taste of my own medicine. Turnabout is fair play, and we all had a laugh over it afterwards. They couldn't stop- 20 years ago, we all spoke in sync. You know, this guy's an asshole, but not in the way he thinks. They couldn't stop talking about their dirty fucking dangles, boys.

That's a joke for two of you. Oh, man, we're going to get a lot of... Real snipey sallies. Fast forward to last night. Same situation. Me and another player are in a game. The same acquaintances are having a side conversation in the party. Those monsters! One suggests that they move to another party. The other acquaintance are having a side conversation in the party. Those monsters!

They move to another party. The other acquaintance says, nah, I just muted them. Apparently joking, which I did not pick up. I say, if you're going to mute us, please go to another party so we don't have to take time to mute you two. This set acquaintance won off.

He tells me, I am an asshole for getting on people's case. That this is a game, not something serious like work and that if he was with me right now he would kick my ass. This set of, sorry, I tell him that I have misaligned I tell him I may have misaligned

priorities, but it's none of his business what I care about or how much I care. Well, it kind of is though because you're thrusting yourself in this guy's life. Make me lose at video games. I'll never be a pro

streamer now, Lemon. Jesus Christ, if you're going to be an asshole in a video game, just own it. Just be an asshole in a video game. Video games have so many channels for you to be an asshole. You don't need to make more up.

And if he did try to kick my ass over this, he would be even more wrong than he already is. He unfriends me. He unfriends me and tells me never to contact him ever again. After an hour or so, I text him, apologizing for behaving like an asshole, which he accepts

and apologizes for his behavior as well. Who's the asshole here? Huh. Huh. No one. No one. He apologized.

I apologized. But can I win still? I still want to win this. Yeah. Edit. It's a guy who's never going to see this. Edit.

Thanks, everyone. I'm inclined to believe that I am the asshole. Glad I apologized. Wonderful. Yeah. Growth. Growth. I'm sure he never did it again.

Yeah. He put video games right after this. There's one thing I know about gamers. It's that generally if someone tells them to stop. about gamers it's that generally if someone tells them to stop Achilles your name is King nemesis sup and what did you do what did you do recently I told my good friend I was pretty much superior to him in every way. And what is this post tagged with? Everyone sucks. He's just a big, real big fish fan.

What's the problem? Yeah, what is the problem with that? What could possibly be the problem with that? Hey guys, is Jack the asshole for talking about real big fish? Fifth Wave Scub is coming up. It's gonna happen. Any day now. So, I have always

gotten along perfectly with my friend until I disagreed with one of his political views. I'll refrain from saying what it is just in the interest of keeping the discussions focused on whether I am the asshole or not. In truth, I am pretty apathetic on the issue. He sent me a political meme along with a laughing emoji.

I say, really? I think, insert opinion here. Thank you for not sharing your political opinion on Reddit. I wouldn't want you to think that I'm an asshole. So he replies back to me, dude, you really think that? Like, honestly, that's ridiculous. He then sends me a handful of angry paragraphs with links after each one, I skim it and reply, I guess I can see your point

in hopes of diffusing the situation. Well, so far, you're actually coming off alright. I think I like you, King Nemesis. Let's stop right here, shall we? We can just shut the whole thing down. Let's just... Let's close right.

We did it! We all learned that everyone sucks by now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't think much of it until the next time we decided to hang out. He asked if I agree with him after what he sent me, and I say, no, I do not. He says that he can't believe I would think something so absurd. So I tell him I really don't care all that much about the issue, and I think it's fine if he has another opinion.

Squiddy, what were you saying about people on Reddit being amateur writers? Oh, man. Is it good writing practice to include specifics in a story? I forget. Believe out of possibilities. I wish he just had more, like, flourishes. I like lots of extra adjectives.

So we're all on the same page. This is a flat Earth guy, right? Yeah, Jack. If you and your round Earth can, I don't know, stay in the 21st century. He demands that I explain my reasoning, which I agree to, but am interrupted in absolute rage after a few seconds.

He rants about how wrong I am and how stupid it is to hold such an opinion, trying to be reasonable. I again say that I see where he's coming from. I then make multiple attempts to casually shift the conversation in another direction to no avail. After the casual route doesn't work, I straight up say, Dude, can we just talk about something else? I'm sorry, we disagree, but I came to have a good time, not argue.

He disregards this. Hours go by before I finally make an excuse to leave. Oh, man. Has the hours gone by in this post so far? Well, I could skip ahead or something if you want me to. Sure, that would be fine. Yeah, just skip

to freaking losing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I freaking lose it! Oh, why why tell us now better than what I exclaim the next raging barrage of insults I scream was something along the lines of I'm better than you in every fucking way possible first of all you're dumb as fucking rocks you fuck down you fucked out a class because you couldn't understand basic fucking courses. Not to mention... I passed all the fucking courses, thank you.

Well, I know a bit about that because I've had three different girlfriends since we got to know each other. And you still bitch and moan about how lonely you are. And you still bitch and moan about how lonely you are. I had to stop bringing Sarah, not real name of X, over because she thought you were a creepy fucking loser. Well, yeah. Sucks not having a single ounce of social skills, doesn't it? Kind of. What more can be better than that at?

What more can I be better than that at? I don't know. English? The fact that I wipe my ass with your salary? Yeah. You had daddy's trust on the fallback. How'd you do it? I get paid in toilet paper. I think that might be why I'm the asshole, but...

Could be. You had daddy's trust on the fallback on. You still haven't amounted to shit. You think I had it easy? Oh, you got a problem with me saying this? Then throw a punch, man. Uh-huh. So he was just standing slack-jawed through all of this?

Uh-huh, uh-huh. Just completely silent, just absorbing all of these owns. And then all the neighbors behind him clapped. Well, everybody in the movie theater clapped. Yeah, the clapping and Albert Einstein and yes. Am I the asshole? Also, am I on Troper Tales? Oh, wait.

You're the coward and you know I'd kick the shit out of you. Don't ever fucking disrespect me like that again. You will always be dirt. You're dirt Sheila Absolutely livid I then stormed out of his house He said wait come back Come on Please my god kin

Come back to me Allow me to worship at your feet I have these laurels to lay as I have obviously demonstrated so far I feel terrible about saying all that which is why it's framed so extensively

I framed it so fairly that's why you said all those things you shouldn't have said and so extensively. I framed it so fairly. That's why you said all those things you shouldn't have said, and that's how you framed it. If I could take it all back, I would. Yeah. I hate egotistical people. So it was really great. I wiped my ass with it.

You'll always be dirt. I hate egotistical people because they're fucking beneath me. It's not my fault that I only associate with dirt people. In a way, it makes me a hero. It's not a charity, really. It was really cringy writing that all out, though part of me still feels it was justified. I tried to conduct myself in a reasonable manner.

I gave him every opportunity to chill out, to take the hint, to agree to disagree, hours upon hours. Eventually, I completely blew up and said the worst thing I could to him because you just would not stop. So who's it going to be, Reddit? I guess we've stumbled across the fundamental problem with this subreddit.

Is that there's a presupposition. Presupposition is the word I was trying to come up with. That in any circumstance, only one person can be the asshole. No, but there's also the, like, both the asshole or something. There's another acronym for it. Like, everybody's an asshole. That's actually what the tag on this post means, is everyone decided that we were both assholes.

Oh, this is an everyone sucks situation. That makes total sense. Oh, we're learning a we're learning about reddit you guys yay good i like that that can that can push out other information that we have in our brain that's a win-win this post does have another problem with the subreddit which is that this guy comes on and says am i the asshole people like yeah you are an asshole and then the entire comments is like well no, no, actually, I'm not. Yeah, he's really arguing

back again. He seems like a fun friend. Yeah, totally non-asshole. I like that Ogeone is the top commenter there and he has a title of asshole aficionado.

He never forgets about the asshole. He was on the cover of that magazine three months running. He had the asshole cutter in his hand. So don't you just assign yourself flair in Reddit? Or is that... No, I think the mods have to do it. That means he's on this a lot.

Frank West, can you tell me more about how Reddit works, please? Where do you think I go for all my atrocity tourists? So, BuddyBread... I figured you'd go to Ball Pit. There's definitely a place for it. I just noticed there was a section called Ask the Mods. Man, they just really like these puns. Bunnybread,

your name is Club Party 44. Bunnybread. Uh-huh, uh-huh. What do you want to talk about here? Hey, I'm Club Party 44! Cool. Awesome. Okay, so

am I the asshole for looking through my girlfriend's phone to see if she was cheating on me? This is a lot of text for that voice, man. You saw how much text was on this post. Strap it. All right, feel free to change your voice at any time. Oh, my God. That's just his normal voice. Yeah.

What's the problem? Sir Eddie! Oh my god. This happened two years ago, right? But it's still on my mind. For the record, I am no longer dating this girl. This was my senior year of high school, and my girlfriend was a sophomore. Oh, I'm very Reddit.

Someone just keeps kicking Shaggy in the balls over and over again. Zoinks! That would sound a lot more... Yeah. Like, wow! It's all so important! Did I have an anxiety disorder, Scoob? So it's very hard for me

to be something to let something go if it's, like, bothering me. school so she was in the music program at our school right just like I was she was an orchestra I was in band she's a generally flirty person which is fine there's nothing wrong with that and didn't bother me too much you know until the second you know half hour so then she started getting the extra flirty with this one guy she was a flirty person which is fine but then she was flirting with someone which was a problem like a whore with this one guy who was in orchestra with her. The whore taking classes. But my girlfriend

at the time we were dating about three and a half months into the relationship started talking to him a lot, right? And being all extra flirty towards him

to the point where other people were coming up to me and asking if something was up with them, you know? Or if me and her broke up.

Okay, wait, wait. They were dating now, you know? Hold on. Okay. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Okay, wait, wait. They were dating now, you know? Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Okay, I'll pause while carving her name into my penis. Great. So this happened two years ago. Three and a half months into the relationship. And he's still...

I call him dad now. It takes a long time to craft a reddit post, man. Especially this big brick of text. Was I the asshole then? Alright. So one day, after about a month of this was going on, it was

really getting to me. She claimed I'm going to get off the edge of it. I think you need a month of this was going on, it was really getting to me. She claims I'm going to get off the edge of it. I think you need to check your tuning harmonica. I grab my balls as hard as I can. Oh, this is good. So, I confronted her

about it as soon as she stepped out of the shower. And immediately, she got really mad. But soon switched to being a victim. Yeah, as a woman, can I just say as a woman, I really love it. Confront you in the shower more often? Yes. Confrontation, right as I'm stepping out of the shower, is the best. My favorite thing in the world.

Because the only other choice is literally in the shower. That's how I confront my dad all the time. Hold on, let me write that in my daytime. It's the only time anyone actually knows where I am. other choice is like literally in the shower. Hold on, let me write that in my daytime right now. It's the only time anyone actually knows where I am. Right, and so I forgot that you're incorporeal most of the time. Right, exactly.

The heat just compacts it all together. Yeah. So, she got really mad, but soon switched to being the victim and talking about how she hated him. I have no doubt she willingly cheated on me, but I still have some residual guilt about going on her phone

without permission like that. It's a shitty thing to do regardless, but I feel like it also might be a case of the ends justifying the means. I did it to see if she was cheating on me, and she was! But that's still a shitty thing to do. I don't know. I tried to explain this the best I can.

I've never been good at explaining things, so I hope to clarify by answering questions if there are any. Also, I'm going to go kill myself. Uh, Sco-itty. Yes? Uh, so your name is gone in 3.14. Yeah, just move on from that. Oh, no.

That's your name gone. Okay, so I get the incel one. Thank you. Am I get the incel one. Thank you. Am I the asshole for breaking up with my eight girlfriend in hopes of finding a nine or ten? Oh, fuck. Yes. No, no, no, no. Yes.

No. Yes, yes, yes. No. What do you know? Let's hear him out. What are you talking about? He's just reaching for the brass ring, man. What are you talking about?

No. Haven't you heard about extenuating circumstances? What if it's like a really ugly 8? An ugly 8? Not even like a full 8, like a 7.9? You know what? I want to go on the record. I am an ugly 8. I'm going to own that shit.

I am an ugly 8. Fucking disgusting 8. I don't even understand. Why is he even bothering with 3D women? Listen. Every time I see a girl that's under a 9.5, I puke. I just pass them in the face, because you can't do any more harm. It's true, but it's a serious medical condition.

Are you sure it's the women's fault? It's because they're always kicking me in the groin. That's fair. Hi, R. Am I the asshole? Girlfriend 24F Ashley and I started dating about five years ago, shortly following a harsh breakup with my first love.

We were part of the same friend group and I was attracted to her personality more than anything. We started... Oh, yeah. We started hooking up and we were moving towards being exclusive. I was never 100% there,

but she was, so I decided to go for it. I love hooking up with a girl's personality. Me too. I'll fuckoking up with a girl's personality. Me too. I'll fuck the shit out of those personalities. Throughout the relationship, I've always had a wandering eye naturally because I'm so young. Sorry. A lot of nights thinking about what my life would be with another girl.

Fast forward to 2016 from some time in the past. I got fed up with feeling eaten at my... I'm sorry. Let me start over. I don't see why this is hard to read. I got fed up with the feeling eating at my insides and broke it off with my girlfriend. Destroyed our friend group. She slept with my best friend.

Anyway. So he's acting group. She slept with my best friend. Anyway. So he's acting like he broke up with her. Yeah. After she fucked some other dude. Okay. I mean. It was a mutual agreement after she plowed like five of my friends.

She? Yeah, but right after that, I was like, I'm gonna get with somebody else. Hold on. So, ugh. I wasn't even aware of the information that she was plowing the friends,

but okay. Mind you, she is a fantastic girl, aside from the above. Sought after by a lot of guys. Every one of these titles is a total mislead. Yeah, okay. How is she an age? She's intelligent, loving, great motherly instincts. I want to fuck those motherly instincts.

What a lot of guys would consider wife material. Sometimes I think that she's everything I want in a girl, minus looks somewhat. Because she's an eight. Never mind, I'm back on your side. This guy's cool.

We got back together a few months later because I'm an eight, and was getting depressed. Not sure if because I missed her or missed being in a relationship. Fast forward to now. So you can't get with anybody else. Okay, gotcha. You should be looking for tens. Fast forward to two years later.

Gained some confidence thanks to R slash Keto. Yeah, you're the asshole. I stink though. Stinky asshole. Smell like an alpha. Same feelings are back and I'm on the verge of breaking it off again. Wait a second.

I'm back together with her? Okay, good. Sorry. I just had to check. Wait, have you been together for five years and he's only broken it off once? Oh, God. I'm so young. Some feelings are back and I'm... Same feelings are back and I'm on the verge of breaking it off again.

I feel I would never be happy not knowing if there's a better girl out there or not. I know this isn't all fair to her to lead her on like this or ask her to be there if I realize I fucked up again. I can't slash won't do that. Also, she lives with me because she can't financially afford to live on her own. I would basically be kicking her out on the street to live with her mother or a friend Her mother and friend

live on the street as well? Am I an asshole? They're like sevens, man They're like right outside, actually Listen, they don't even give homes to anybody less than an eight Shit, no Am I an asshole, obviously

for breaking it off with an eight to look for a 9 or a 10? No, you're fucking lying to yourself. You're fucking lying to yourself. This is your only girlfriend. This is the only girlfriend you've had by your own admission. In like five years. Yeah, in five years. Like, in the time that you broke up with her, you didn't hook up with anyone else.

You got back together with her, but you're the up with anyone else. You got back together with her. But you're the asshole because you just want to play the field, man. Anyway. Yeah, but is he an asshole, though? Thank you for reading this. Hey, now that's a sought-after asshole, Lemon. That's right. TLDR.

Girlfriend of five years lives with me. Contemplating kicking her out. Because I can't stop thinking about what the what ifs of finding a nine or a ten Alright, alright, alright You know, that was sort of a Pretty easy case, I think This will be a more difficult case A more nuanced case

Jack Chick Yeah Your name is Blonde Marilyn Yeah And what do you want to ask here? Jack Chick. Yeah. Your name is Blonde Marilyn. Yeah. And what do you want to ask here? Am I the asshole for commenting on my date's weight? Probably not.

I need context. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. You probably clicked this thinking this is a very straightforward case of OP being an asshole. But hear me out. Okay. Hear me out okay hear me out okay i've been on like three previous dates with this guy and a couple times he made comments about his weight saying that he put on some pounds and wasn't happy about it i responded benignly the first couple

times saying stuff like you were probably too thin before you look healthy so now we're on the fourth date and i really want to sex this guy and i'm a little on the drunk side we're talking about sexual preferences and I admit that I'm a chubby chaser I like fat guys honestly you fucking turn me around on this exactly like commenting on the date's weight. This is like you showed up at the doorstep and said, God damn! This is, woo! The obvious implication is you are a fat guy. Yeah, but you just said before that you're going to fuck him, so he does not care. So like he didn't say so, but I can see.

He's got options. He's like a six. So, like, he didn't say so, but I could... That boy ain't got options. He's like a six. Right, so clearly, I mean, the, you know, I, blonde Marilyn, am a ten, because, you know, why would anybody bother with... Shit, yeah. He didn't say so, but I could tell he hated that, and I made him feel bad.

Shit, I have kept my big mouth shut. Have I talked to you about how big my mouth is? It's awful. I cannot stand it. Quick but important detail. My date really wasn't slashes and fat. He's chubby, so maybe being lumped in chubber chase or prey territory was more offensive to him than it would be to someone who is overweight or clearly fat. Quick question. Could you see his boner past his

fat? I mean, it's fine then. Like, he's fine with the whole chubby chaser thing. Hey, I'm Ruben515. Here's what I have to say about that is I'm allowed to treat people like garbage so long as I allow them the opportunity to fuck me afterwards.

See, somebody gets it. Somebody fucking understands reality. Funny, Brad, that's your Reddit account. No, I'm not Ruben51. Oh, that is me. And do you see that they still smashed? I mean, there's... The update, like, is that

I later had sex with him that night. Am I still an asshole? Oh my god, who gives a shit? Hey, how's it going, Reddit? I deleted this post, but Chief Skate saved it in this document. Am I the asshole nipple problems?

Wait. Am I the asshole nipple problem? Asshole nipple problem You know what? I've got problems with my nipple assholes Yeah This is the first one where I actually do need you to explain I'm gonna follow that up with another statement

Am I the asshole hello? What? Oh, now we get it Oh good, somebody's got it So I'm male, 30. I've been with my girlfriend, 37, for three years, and it's mostly a wonderful, but also at times a very difficult relationship. We are both stubborn, and often with, we had some kind of benevolent moderator between

us. On the topic at hand, my girlfriend has self-proclaimed sensitive nipples. Her nipples have proclaimed that? Yeah. Okay. She believes more so than others. Personally, I'm not much

into much nipple stuff either, really, but I can deal with it, but I don't love it. What? I just love the idea of, like, I'm not into nipple stuff. Yeah. I'm not into doing anything, really, to a woman's body.

I'm not really into body things. I mean... However, okay, so we have a very playful relationship whereby both of us frequently engage in a light bit of torture. Not waterboarding or anything. But she'll poke around me at me in ways I don't like

and then I respond in kind. Sometimes this involves the nipples. And every one of us loves to be involved and bothered in. Okay. Okay. So this is a good relationship. This is very good. Neither of them sound like serial killers at all.

No, it's gonna be fun. I'm sure this other girl exists. Most of the time this happens and the conclusion is, hey, okay, stop it now. And then the other backs down. The problem is that every so often and it seems, I'm gonna drop this list now, and it seems

very difficult, if not possible to me to know how, she goes completely over the top in her reactions. Case in point, yesterday she gets back from work, seems in a perfectly good mood, we're lying in bed at something on the iPad and I have my hand on her boob.

In this instance, although I previously stated we both engage in light torture, that wasn't actually on my mind. Then I fucking waterboarded her. Some razor blades under the fingernails. Yeah, bamboo shoots, man. You clearly never had sex. Into the brass bowl.

Then we set it on fire. Then we got the batleth out. Don't torture with a batleth, you fucking amateur. Don't judge Klingon, sir. Virgin. However, for what she admitted was half a second, and what I think was perhaps one full second, I ran my finger up and down her nipple, to which I was greeted with,

and you should read this in a very serious voice, akin to someone genuinely accusing someone else of assault. This was not delivered light, hard-headedly. Light, hard-headedly. Light, hard-headedly. Okay. What? Is this the first time we've been giving, like, director's notes on our reading? Yeah.

Okay, then, Lemon, you enter on stage right. Okay, great. Thank you. Okay, so do not be greeted light hard-headedly or as mere annoyance. Here I go. Lights. Great. Cool.

Fantastic. You're a fucking asshole! I don't want to be near you! She pulls away, rolls over. No! You're a fucking asshole! I say, whoa. Okay.

Take it down a notch. Was it really as bad as you are reacting? No! You are such a fucking asshole! Leave me alone! or something to that now after a few minutes of receiving this i'm thinking okay well i know deep down i'm aware that she doesn't love this but sometimes she does and it's just good clean oh you better continue then just to be sure and sometimes this is how we interact with each other and also she does

it to me this is how it feels a reaction to be more appropriate i pinned her had i pinned her down or something refused to stop but i didn't this is so hard to read it was a single time done quite innocently because hey what boyfriend doesn't like his girlfriend's nipples. And quote. You earlier. Yeah. Okay. Oh, that was all things I was thinking. That entire thing was a thing. I think that's what she said after, are you a fucking asshole? Leave me alone. Yeah, yeah. Meanwhile, is anybody else?

Is anybody else? Is anybody else? She yells at him and he just stares into the distance thinking this entire paragraph. Is anybody else feeling like this is just the next James She yells at him and he just stares into the distance thinking this entire program. Is anybody else feeling like this is just the next James Joyce? Yeah, no. It was a whole Richard III moment.

Stage lights dropped. I addressed the audience. It's even in there. Iambic pentameter. Yeah, I went to wonder years with it. But anyway. Okay, so this just keeps going. She just yells at me for a lot.

And then it says the argument went around in circles. And as of 9.30 a.m., starting at 6 p.m. last night, it's still ongoing. Whoa. She is a workout. Can we ever let go of her nipples? No. No, I don't know what the problem is. Okay.

All right, then. Well, we should probably write to this guy. Her side, she feels that I don't acknowledge how she feels, that I do not understand her side, and I am lacking empathy. She feels that I do not accept how bad it made her feel, that I am not conciliatory, that I am not apologizing properly, nor am I promising to not do it again.

So I'm going to go out on a limb and say there's other things going on here. No, hear me out. No, okay, okay. When you say other things going on, you mean like the other double? Okay. So maybe one was more sensitive than the other,, you mean like the other nipples? Okay. She got two of them.

So maybe one was more sensitive than the other, and now it's the one that was really pissed. I think if this lady would just get rid of her nipples, this relationship could be safe. Yeah, tell the bitch to drop the nips. You know... Now, Squiddy, I know you claim to be familiar with Reddit,

but as you can see, clearly all of the information is laid out for us. There is no more information to be had. I am so sorry. If there was more information, it would be here. Squiddy, sometimes a nipple is just a nipple. You know, gosh, sometimes as a woman,

when I get yelled down by men, I just like to shut the fuck up. Well, you've gone to the right place. I feel very gross right now. Welcome to Reddit, boots. I feel gross in that home. I know I don't fully understand her because I'm the sort of person

that even if I experience something unpleasant will reserve the losing of my shit for when it really crosses the line the problem I have with my dear girlfriend is that her line appears to me as if it changes with the wind finally I accept that I find it very hard inwardly to not think she is acting

crazy or to belittle What? What? What? Sorry. I'll shut the fuck up again. This is be acting. My bad. Thank you. Stop acting hysterical. I bet you do shopping, too. I love that this post is like,

Shoo, choo, choo's blocks of text. Her side, two sentences. My side, several more paragraphs. Her side, she's a woman or whatever. Okay, back to me. Oh, she probably said something about shoes or some shit. Period, I don't know. Who can listen?

My girlfriend didn't like it when I stabbed her nipples several times. After being told so many times not to do it. But she was being playful. So that was... Misogyny. I'm moving on to my 12%. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say misogyny. I'm moving on to my 12%. Oh, I'm sorry.

Did I say misogyny? I meant Reddit. Okay. Well, Squiddy's got now a 12% beer in her hand, so that's good. Hey. Hey. Welcome to the party. So, Frank West.

That's me. Yeah, you're a deleted user. But a year ago, you had a question that, whoa, has a lot of words. There's a question with a lot of words here. That's unusual. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone on Reddit being very wordy about their relationship, which is not problematic at all. It's just somebody has sensitive nipples.

But what do you want to talk about here? Am I the asshole for continuing to argue when someone backpedals? somebody has sensitive nipples. But what do you want to talk about here? Am I the asshole for continuing to argue when someone backpedals? I'm pretty sure... I think we can skip the next 12 paragraphs. Well, let me read the first sentence. I'm pretty sure I'm an asshole when I do this.

Oh, okay. Well, we're done. The smartest man already, ladies and gentlemen. Alright, Frank West, get back in your cage. So I'm more asking for help understanding why it's an asshole thing to do and what I should do instead. Oh, we're back to square one, okay. Social skills, zero, zero, one.

I don't exactly have great social skills. Please help me. Oh, my god. While I don't really get in major arguments that often with people, I do get into somewhat trivial arguments with my close friends and family at least once a month. And a common aspect of these arguments

is that I'll continue to argue if they backpedal, unless they also give a good apology. I give a specific example that happened a couple days ago give a good apology. I give a specific example that happened a couple days ago. I'll do my best to be as accurate as possible. But I don't think I'll...

Unfortunately, I don't think the quotes are 100% verbatim. But I think they're close. Squiddy, I'm gonna go to the liquor store. Do you need anything? No, my 12% is the abyss staring back, apparently. It is... Do you want some?

My boyfriend and I, who both play a lot of video games, were talking about video games over the phone. Oh, good. That's a good news. When we talked about video games, we then decided that we enjoyed video games. We talked about Dragon Age Inquisition, and I had mistakenly thought that my boyfriend had played it before,

and he corrected me, telling me that he played it only for an hour before stopping. We're in for a whole post like this? Wait, wait, wait, I want to hear about how little he played a video game. I know that I'm not getting into the details as much as I could. More, more details! Oh my god,

I'm salivating. Please, tell me about how you entered the disc into the slot. But he didn't like Dragon Age too much, which discouraged him from continuing the series. You didn't say! I like the entire series quite a lot.

Clutch my pearls! Anyways, after that, we moved on. What did you move on to? What did you move on to? What did you move on to? We talked about Xenoblade Chronicles, which is one of his favorite games. I'm looking forward to playing it someday. Is this argument even about video games, or is this just a preamble? Here's shit that I played.

You ain't played it? Oh, I played it. Oh, okay. Let's break up. I'm going to need to know your gamer score before I know who the asshole is. Hey, what is the Xenoblade 360? He talked for a while about everything

that he loves about it, and at one point he said, oh yeah, the reason that I stopped playing Inquisition is because Xenoblade Chronicles does it better! Why was Frank West chosen to read this and not me? That's really quite the mystery. It wasn't clear what it was, but I think I was referring to the side quest system in the gameplay. I don't know much about Xenoblade Chronicles, but here's everything I know.

I don't care, you! Please tell us how much you don't know about Xenoblade Chronicles! Please tell us how much you don't know about Xenoblade Chronicles! His tone and words were dismissive and we argued and I got irritated and he said he was dismissive about how much Dragon Age is good and this is the part where I think I was an asshole. I told him he was insulting Inquisition because of the way he

phrased it. And he gave it as a reason for why he stopped playing after an hour. Guys, shut up! I want to hear this! We then got into an argument about what he originally said. Give it to that asshole!

And if you need to know that, just see above. And after a minute or so, when it to that asshole! And if you need to know that, just see above. And after a minute or so, when it was clear that this wasn't going to be resolved with a sorry I was rude, why, why, why not? Because it's about a video game, thank you! Oh, right. I'm sorry, Bunny Bread, thank you for putting me back on the...

God damn it! I'm willing to drop this if you want. I don't think there's any point in continuing to argue about this. What? He was very... But the video game... This is where you went wrong. This was the problem.

He was very quiet for a minute. And when I asked if he was okay, he said, in a forced, calm voice, that he was sorry for being rude and dismissive and that he didn't want to talk about it anymore tonight. Good night. That was a really insulting inquisition you did to him. I really hope they said good night the way you did, because that was

a sick burn. For sure. No, they said like, huzzah. I didn't expect some sort of Dragon Age Inquisition. No one expects a Dragon Age Inquisition. We bought

nine, nobody feels good about it. There's seven of us in this Someone was gonna We all wrote it down Wait I didn't get I drew the shortest straw I didn't get to do it Oh well We have since apologized to each other

And he even sent me a gift on Steam Because of the summer sale To apologize I wonder what it was. It was a Dragon Age Inquisition. What a champ. Although I actually feel uncomfortable when I receive apology gifts, especially when I consider myself to also be at fault.

I thank him for it, though, of course. Of course. Because that's the only reasonable human being thing to do, is to thank somebody for a gift. But anyway. Due to the summer sale. Yes. That's very crucial. Yeah, yeah. If it was full price that would have been completely different.

Blah, blah, blah. I think for him, regardless of what he actually said, it probably was the train. Oh my god, I hope she got Train Simulator. What? Well, how much do you see though? I mean, you can just get Train Simulator. I'm sorry. Train Simulator plus $3,500 worth of DLC.

Train simulator is what they get. They get you hooked on it. It's a gateway simulator. Yeah, I think you give someone train simulator if you want to make their life worse. On the other hand, I've backpedaled before, and I remember a few times in high school where I tried to lie and pretend I didn't know.

I didn't say what I know I said. Either way, assuming I know someone's thoughts is rude too, right? What would a kind person do in my shoes? Dump them. Yeah, kill yourself, both of you. Except they're not apology? Explain my point of view? Let them tell me theirs and

drop it? Don't bring it up in the first second. This is about not... The boyfriend didn't like a video game. Well, no, what I think... The boyfriend didn't like a video game, then the boyfriend said goodnight. The boyfriend didn't like a video game and liked another video game more. Well, so. The boyfriend didn't like a video game, then the boyfriend said goodnight. The boyfriend didn't like a video game and liked another video game more. Well, so I think there's really

only... And neither of them had played more than an hour of the other one's video game. So what would a kind person do? Kill them both. No, guys, I have the solution here. What they need to do is they need to dress up like different Phoenix Wright characters. Oh, yes! Right, and then they have to dress up like different Phoenix Wright characters. Oh, yes!

Right, and then they have to get their friend to be the judge, and they present their evidence. You gotta write a phone app that says objection, but they're only allowed to use it once every half hour. I'm breaking up with you. Take that!

So everything we've read here was from the first document I was talking about, Cheapskate's document, which has 41 pages. Cheapskate, always an over-provider. We haven't yet gotten into Ambius's document, and we should. Ambius's document is broken into three categories.

Part one is called I'm an Asshole, Validate Me. Part two is called Drama, and part three is called Shitposts. But I think there's something that I like about this thread, Boots. So, Boots, I got a thread here, and

I'm gonna make you read it, cause... Great. Cause you make me mad Yeah, my name is hidden mask One no, sorry just that once one month ago No, sorry, that one's one month ago. The one you're trying to... Hidden Mask, one month ago. Hidden Mask. Am I the asshole for picking anti-feminism as my speech topic

in an English assessment causing my feminist teacher to become biased? Now I become biased! Now I become the destroyer of worlds. I made her gain an opinion. This teacher in my school has been constantly giving me hell due to my views on feminism, which I expressed in her English speech assessment. I'm a 15-year-old male. When I did this speech, I was 14.

Yeah. A 15-year-old male should tell women what to do with themselves. I know exactly what you look like. Ever since I did this speech, my English teacher, who's a feminist, has been clearly making my grades worse. Right. I'm not stupid. She's stupid. Been telling other female teachers to watch me and treat me worse. She doesn't need to do that. Trust me. teachers to watch me and treat me worse. She doesn't need to do that. They're just me. And she's

been increasing pupils grades the size of the white boy. The grades increase, yeah. In my English class who share her views just because of this one speech. She has done so many

bad things to me and my classmates so I just have to list them in some kind of chronological order. Please don't. Right, am I the asshole? My teacher sucks. Okay, gotcha. Alright, speeches start. I do anti-feminist men's rights speech using facts.

Yes! Yes! Yes! Facts! It's good to use facts. Can't somebody use facts in a speech? Yeah. I get a decent grade on my written speech, but my voice speech grade was bad. But admittedly, that was my bad. I don't know how that happened.

That bad was your bad. That bad was my bad. When I had to answer questions, the teacher kept asking irrelevant questions, which I couldn't answer. She wouldn't let anyone else ask questions. I got a good reception from the men who happened to be standing amongst these children

for some reason. But the women were unhappy. Feminist speech by woman much pretty much the same quality written wise but it was just not said in a good tone generally just sounded like she was wine winning and fake crying yes she got way better grades than I did International Women's Day comes around. She does a whole lesson on it. Tells us to pick our female role model in our life.

A feminist pupil says Hermione Granger, not Emma Watson, but the character of Teachers agrees. Then, yeah, then say my dog, who was very old at the time and sickly, but she kept powering through it. No, the dog was very old.

The teacher says it was an unreasonable choice and disrespectful. For some reason. Yeah, that's a mystery. Next written assessment comes around and we have to study articles. Both articles were about feminism and women's rights. Oh my god, really? Absolutely nothing reasonable to write about them.

Yet again, feminist pupils seem to get good grades. Because they took the assignment in good faith. They wrote shit. They took the assignment in good faith, unlike you, and for some reason that resulted in better grades. Okay, gotcha. Wait, this is a 14-year-old boy?

It's 15. 15? thank you! I was 14! He's now even smarter. Anyway, International Men's Day comes along. What? Yay! When is that? No! Yay!

It's a thing that exists on Reddit. Every day is International Men's Day. Yeah, every day is. It exists on Reddit. Come on. It's where we go our own way. Which is unfortunately also the same way that women are going. It's November 19th.

November 19th is International Men's Day. So, you know, mark your calendars. The way they go is unfortunately not into a lake. Holy shit, this site is ugly. What the hell? Okay.

International Men's Day comes along. 15-year-old's philosophies. The teacher does nothing about it. We just have a normal lesson studying a book. So with five minutes until the end... A book with words. So with five minutes until the end of lesson, words! So with five minutes till end of lesson I make a big deal of it.

I start by asking her if she knew it was International Men's Day that day. She said she didn't know. I say it's important to know. She says she didn't know. I say she should

have done something. She just keeps repeating herself. She threatens to send me to isolation for disruption. Sweet. And on July 25th, she didn't get me a hot fudge sundae, even though it was hot fudge sundae day. God damn it. She threatened me with a month of the shoe.

Middle school has solitary now? Yeah. Well, this guy fucking deserves it. Yeah, yeah. I would build solitary for this fucking kid. Yeah. Solitary. Pro menopause.

Just for Glenn. She makes me stay behind after a lesson and talk to her. She tells me what I did was wrong. She says she would have done something if she knew about it. But I know that's total BS. Head of English department walks in asking what happened. Teacher shows me negatively. Here's this negatively.

I have to say sorry I wonder why I got bad grades on his writing I don't know because he said that his writing quality was equal to his classmates he defined honestly he's a fucking 14 15 years old. Like, the fact... Ugh. Anyway. I have to say sorry to get no punishment. The head was quite clearly an SJW or a suck-up. One of those two.

If you looked at him... If you're not looking at him, he's neither of them. He seems quite privileged, so probably the reason he thought I was the bad one. Yeah, he was the one that's privileged. Non-school uniform comes around. What? Oh, no.

Okay. That's a weird lady child. Non-school uniform comes around, and the English teacher wears a The Futurist female shirt. That's a day when you don't have to wear the school uniform. So I avoid Icon to the whole lesson. Look at you guys who went to school. I plan to buy

the Future is Male shirt for the next non-school uniform. Good bullet point. A thing that didn't happen happened. I hope there's a subscript on that t-shirt that says, also the past. Yeah. Still fucking male.

These are the ways I'm going to be an asshole later. You can just prejudge me on these ones. After all this, my science class gets substitute for the rest of the term. And the substitute is the other feminist teacher in our school who was quite high up in power and she seems to do similar things to my english teacher whoa and tells me off for no reason at all it will keep shouting at me you know infects her with her feminism yeah the brain waves yeah and her t-shirts oh yeah yes that's that's my whole story but i got a tldr damn right yeah feminist teacher targets me for my anti-feminist views

proceeds to target me with other teachers and become biased to people who share her political views female classmates proceed to verbally harass me on social media, which I never talked about at all, but this is in my TLDR anyway, and on school grounds. Am I the asshole for thinking this is all wrong and that she should be punished for it? And then he includes a link to his speech, which for some reason,

which some reason was voted down, despite it having facts. Feminism! Yeah, there's a lot of citations under those things. There's so many facts. Like, for example, this sentence. Overall, women should not think that the media is trying to make other women look bad and only them because men are also being shamed by the media in their front covers and images.

Well, duh, that's just math. You know, facts. So, hey Lemon, are you interested in what other subreddits this guy posts to? I can guess, but I would love you to tell me. So there's slash r slash men's rights.

Slash r slash crappy design. Well, that's kind of a fun one, actually. That is Lemon's thing. And slash r slash crappy design. Well, that's kind of a fun one, actually. That is Lemon's thing. And slash r slash PewDiePie submissions. Oh! Hey, get your kids off YouTube.

The internet makes everything worse. The internet makes monsters. Anybody out there with kids, remove them from society. Just go live off the grid. You can probably find a log cabin somewhere. Just get it

going. I heard that other people in his class were equally as good writers as he was, but they just, you know, they cried, right? So here's a fact. In the past years, there has been a push for equality. This has affected

how women have been worse off than men. For example, women have started to try and stop harassment in their workplace. Due to this push of equality, the quote has started to become obsolete as the problems are starting to be resolved. If people hadn't been trying to, for equality, See, he doesn't use periods because he hates women's menses. Wow.

Squiddy, I got a choice for you. Oh, yeah. It's pretty good. You're going to like... Wait, wait. Before we move on from this guy, I do want to say he cross-posted this Am I the Asshole to r slash men's rights,

and the people at men's rights told him he wasn't an asshole. Oh, my God. Yes. Whoa. Oh, my God. They're eating their young. What is happening here? That's incredible.

It's incredible. For some reason, this thread got locked by the moderators. Okay, so Squiddy, I'm going to give you a choice here. We're looking at the Ambious documents. Again, thank you very much, Cheapskate and Ambious, for these documents. These are both fun, with scare quotes as big as you like. They're both fun with the scare quotes as big as you like. So topic number one is called,

am I the asshole for bullying my nephew and calling my sister-in-law a little bitch? That's one option. The other option is, am I the asshole for bailing on a date midway through because she was fat? Oh, that one, please. Wow. Yes. Oh, no.

Oh, no. It's the shorter one. One of these docs has much bigger assholes in it. Wow. How come... Okay, so the ratio of women to men, like, I don't want to go all feminist on this, so the ratio of women to men...

I don't want to go all feminist on this, but the ratio of women to men in this Am I the Asshole? is pretty skewed men. Yeah, weird. Is it Reddit, though? It's very Reddit. It's like 80% men.

Because I'm on Reddit all the time. It's at least 70-30. Yes, hello, Kat. it's a bad place it's a bad place like what else also also fun fact oh shit women are more like men are more likely to be assholes men are from red therefore subreddit can we get t-shirts that say men are from Reddit, women are from Pinterest? I don't think t-shirts, but stickers? I'll do greeting cards.

I'll do greeting cards. Or stickers or something. Pinterest. Men are from Reddit, women are from Pinterest. Or Instagram, I suppose. Anyway. Am I the asshole for bailing on a date Midway through because she was fat

Probably not I assume not I'm a man 22 and she said She's female 23 And I met this girl On tinder And she looked really hot All face pics

Though which was suspect and they had a good amount of filters on the pic from what I could tell. I didn't care too much because basically every girl uses filters on pics and she was funny and had a nice face. Well we met up last night at this resto bar

place and right when I saw her I was like what the fuck this girl is huge uh-huh like 250 pounds probably I'm 5'1 and she def weighed more than me I gave her a hug and we went into the place I was pretty bummed out about this but she was really happy to see me and had an outgoing personality from what I could see. So I just thought I'd stick it out. But just staring at her

more as we were talking and I knew I couldn't do this anymore and I didn't want to waste any more time with her here as what? I didn't want to waste any more time with wait, I didn't want to waste I didn't want to waste any more time here... Wait. I didn't want to waste... You didn't want to waste any more... Yeah. Don't waste any more time.

Didn't want to waste any more time here with her as I'm not attracted to fat women. So she went to the washroom and I texted my buddy to call me in ten minutes pretending our other friend had a medical emergency and is in the hospital and I need to get there. Oh my god. Oh. So he calls and I play the part on the phone apologize to her profusely and quickly

pay the whole bill and run off into the night like a superhero who just ditched a fat girl he is all of us nightwing definitely not the hero we need but the hero we deserve He is all of us. Yeah, Nightwing.

Excelsior. Definitely not the hero we need right now. But the hero we deserve. Nicely. I went straight over to my buddy's place, the same one who called, to have some brews and catch the end of the rap scam. And I told him what happened. And he's like, bro, that's a dick move.

You're an ass. But it was kind of joking when saying it. But it got me thinking, am I an asswipe for doing this? So it didn't occur to you until then? But man, I'm having an existential crisis. Bro, what if I'm an asswipe? Like, that's toilet paper, man. That's no good.

Also, she texted me this morning Saying she had a good time And asked how my buddy is doing Edit Seeing a lot of mixed opinions here Made a bet with my buddy That I'm not an ass Here he says I am Everyone weigh in

No pun intended. Okay. Second edit. Lots of comments, but not even up boats. Up boats! Up boats! Now you're fat shaming the boats.

Let's get more visibility. Let's get more visibility. Canoes and shit. Let's get more visibility so I can really see if I was an ass or not. Yeah, fucking you want to go trending. Up boat! Up boat! So, hey, I got a question for you, Specialist Turn. What do you do at Fuck Jerry?

What do they have you doing over there? You in charge of the soch? What? Street team. Steals jokes from fat chicks. Achilles. Achilles. Oh, this one makes me sad.

I really like this title a lot. I really like this title a lot. No one's thinking of you sad. Oh, this one makes me sad. I really like this title a lot. I really like this title a lot. Oh, no one's thinking of you sad. Hello, my name is Pollock Zoo. Yes.

Am I the asshole for being mad at my mother for not breastfeeding me? Asshole's not the first word I use. There's a lot going on already oh Jesus okay so I'm an adult now disagree I'm 25 I have certain

immune system issues oh my god he's that other guy's friend yes I have horrible allergies and asthma these issues developed when I went away to college and lived in the city for the first time. What does that have to do with anything? My mother. Now you work at the what motel?

Checking in. I had surgery a few months ago on my sinuses to remove polyps so I could breathe, but they're already starting to regrow. Sinuses or the polyps? That's your mom's tits' fault? Your mom's lack of tits' fault? Clearly. Anyway, my mom didn't breastfeed me.

Okay. Based on what she says, she had no real reason not to. Maybe you're just fucking ugly. Think about that. She didn't want you near her tits. No, I'm clearly an 8 out of 10 Jesus Christ

I didn't get burnt in this Maybe you're a real needy baby Little asshole It could be that She just didn't want to do it Oh my god It's almost like it's An incredible undertaking

And like sap somebody's life for years to do that. Almost like it's a huge imposition on somebody else's life. Counterpoint, she's weird and I think she honestly has body issues and doesn't like to be touched, which made for an interesting childhood experience. Oh, God, we all had interesting childhood experiences. I'm glad I heard that. I just feel like her decision was super selfish. I'm well aware there's no way to know whether that would have prevented my immune system issues,

so I'm not arguing that at all. But you did bring it up. What are you doing there? So the previous two paragraphs were what? Also, women 25 years ago, 35 years ago, were often encouraged not to.

And it was really weird for women to breastfeed in the 70s and 80s. But she didn't want to do it. How old are you, sweetie? Oh, I'm super old, by the way. Okay. But I can't help feel resentment that there was some chance that breastfeeding could have helped somehow. My God.

Maybe built me up more. I don't know. As you can probably tell, I have zero medical training, and I'm just speaking based on my own amateur research. Oh, okay. When you say research, you mean none at all, right? Sheila, I'm sorry I came in my pants. My mother didn't breastfeed me.

Sheila, I'm sorry I came in my pants. My mother didn't breastfeed me. I've actually talked to my mom about this and she's super dismissive, which is normal for her. Me as a whole. Am I justified in feeling this way? Or A-I.T.A. for holding animosity over something like this.

And I promise this isn't some kind of pro-breast milk campaign. Oh yeah, because it's super grossing everybody who has ever breastfed out. Don't worry about it. I could have breastfed on you. Again. Again.

Again, I have no medical or scientific training, and I would be happy to accept that my thinking is way off base. I just want to point out that I was clutching my breasts the whole time. Me too, sister. But I assume you weren't touching your nipples. That would be terrible. I would be so mad at everybody if I was touching my nipples.

Squiddy, you could have helped my allergies from moving to a new city. No, I... Oh, my God. The minute you start talking in that voice, I am clutching. Okay. I'll keep that in mind. Hey, what's up? What's going on, Reddit?

My name's Backcountry Intellect. Yeah, what's going on? Hey, am I the asshole for ignoring the fact that I have a kid? No. We all been there, right fellas? Okay, yeah. Let's hear it. Let's cut through tits.

Am I the asshole long story short i slept with a girl maybe six times over a couple months that's nothing you two times was basically one time and like from the get-, you wouldn't use a condom? What? No. Condoms is how they control your thoughts. Right? I mean, I know I'm clean, so. Yeah. I ain't never seen nobody cleaner. Exactly.

I wash, like, once a day, for Christ's sake. We weren't close. Just meet up now and then. Her friend told me she was pregnant. It was mine. Yeah, bullshit. I was semi- I was semi-friends, semi-friends

with her mate. Semi-friends, you meant at the truck stop. Yeah, so I soon put an end to off-laying mainly because I was scared. I was a young 21. Right, you was like a 20. Yeah, the young version. 21 parentheses young. the friend later told me she quickly got

back with her ex and said the baby was his uh which she already had kids and had not long stopped seeing before we had a beautiful one now several years later i bump into baby mama's sister Who I did not recognize And brought her up I know I'm an asshole for this But I had forgot my baby mama's name To be fair Yeah, yeah, yeah

Well I'm sure she has a real common name Like you know Like Mary Or like Ann or like Marianne. You know, I only know the two names. How are you going to remember that shit? Yeah, it's like three whole syllables and shit. How am I going to remember that and also where all the ammo picks-ups are?

Yups. Okay. So, shit shit, oh my god, I'm the worst. Yeah, so she got to be fair, right? Oh yeah, so to be fair, she has a real weird name. Right! I still don't know. It's probably like neither Mary nor Ann. But now I have baby mama's name. I can Facebook stalk her. And sure enough, that kid's most definitely mine.

Right, right. So he has some sort of Facebook genetic test going on? I think that's definitely me. Well, look. All right. So I got two hands, right? So does the kid. Yeah.

Microsoft AI said 78% match. I'm still going to ignore the fact that I have boy, the kid has a dad and a mom. And I think it's for the best. Although I really feel funny inside seeing pictures and just thinking about it. So that's like a version of spiritual growth, right? Sure. Am I the asshole for having

a semblance of a thought? Well, and this one's been called the shitpost. Having sex leads to children. Basically, everyone has decided this is not even worth thinking about. Yeah. So Jack Chick, we're going to close it with you. And I've got two options for you to close this on. Okay.

Now, I want you to leave the F Plus audience with a good note. Leave them feeling happy. We always have before. Yeah, yeah. We're leaving Reddit, so we should be in a good note. Leave them feeling happy. We always have before. Yeah, yeah. We're leaving Reddit, so we should be in a good mood. So your options are, am I the asshole for breaking up with my girlfriend because of her hoes? Excuse me?

That's H-O-S-E. Oh, okay. Damn it. Oh. I thought she was like a pimpdress. She might still be. Spelling is terrible. So am I the asshole for breaking my girlfriend because of her hose,

or am I a shark? I mean... What? Are you an asshole for being a shark, or are you just a shark? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You don't fucking ask no clarifying questions. We're doing the shark. No questions asked.

Oh, yeah. Come on, you could have had pantyhose in different area codes. Fantastic. So, your name is... As opposed to a jet. So, your name is Admin Danger. Yo, am I a shark? She's gonna be later.

I guy on my team is trying to get with this one girl I am also trying to. She's a senior. I am also trying to. She's a senior and I am a junior and he's also a senior. How else could you write that sentence? Do you have multiple rows of teeth? With this high school bullshit. No, he's a San Jose hockey team.

Dumbass. Whenever I hang out with her, I always send him Snapchats and text about it to piss... Sorry. Nope. Whenever I hang out with her, I always send him Snapchats and text about it to piss him off.

He is always whining about saying I am an asshole. Is he in the right? Or is he just being an asshole like he can't just claim a right? So. Yes, I, yes, yes. So did you like bite anyone in half? Yo, so I also ate a whole lot of fish that were swimming.

Yeah, yeah. How many license plates are in your stomach right now? If you were to stop moving, would you die? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Okay, yes, Shark. Yes. Hey, yo, my name is Pastel Edo Maracucho.

Okay. You fuck a fucking dick I will punch your Fucking face Please do not punch me In the nose because That's my weak point Aside from his white belly I have a very Attractive dorsal fin

It's true have you seen it The Coltrane says I have a very attractive dorsal fin. It's true. Have you seen it? The Coltrane says, Jesus, I'm starting to think I'm way too old to be in this sub. And Dr. Jack Sahib says, Are you 19? I want to know more about Dr. Jack Sahib. Where did he go to medical college?

So, what did we learn today, F-Plus? That Jack Chick has eaten Richard Dreyfuss many times. Yep, that is... Not many, I mean like once. Yeah. I mean, yeah, that's... You didn't know that before? Look, hey, I don't pay attention.

Also, I drink on occasion. Really? That's sinful. I did learn that Reddit is good at calling people out for being assholes, I guess. Yeah. Sure. Well, you know, calling somebody an asshole is a form of violence, so Reddit's into that. True.

And they also all come in going, I'm an asshole. Am I an asshole is a form of violence so reddit's into that true and they also all come in going i'm an asshole am i an asshole that definitely happens a lot who's a good boy i gotta i gotta say so squiddy you said you were familiar with yes i am yeah sorry i'm petting the dog is this is this like emblematic of like how this thing usually is? No, it's usually very... When it comes to... Because I don't think I'm subscribed to Am I an Asshole? I think I see it in R-All.

And it's usually things that are pretty split. And there's a lot of white knighting and a lot of just devil's advocate shit happening. Because I feel like i feel like and i don't know if this is if this is like the selections that we were given or if it's or if it's like what the subreddit is like but it feels like not a lot of people bought into the premise like all of cheapskate documents was like i am in a relationship that is fundamentally fucking broken oh the best the best am I an asshole ones are fantastic. Most recently, there was one that made the news that was am I an asshole for making fun of my husband's micropenis? Oh, I saw that one.

Yeah. Yeah. It actually made national news because, first of all, reporters are fucking lazy. Which was thrilling for the husband. because, first of all, reporters are fucking lazy. Which was thrilling for the husband. But it was a man who had waited until his wedding night by putting off his wife who wanted to, like, before they were married, wanted to fuck him.

And then produced his, like, one and a half inch penis. Now, there was discussion, of course, of whether or not this was real at all, which it probably wasn't wasn't i mean 50 50 but i mean the ones i see are the very exciting ones let's no because that actually is a moral quandary at that point because like that's actually a situation where there are two sides exactly yeah it's called don't wait to fuck the guy after you're married no she tried to anyway she tried to fuck the guy and he kept putting her off

according to this rando on the internet. She didn't have to marry him. Wasn't she already married at that point, though? Well, oh, man. No, I mean, like, hey, that's a weird thing.

Look, if you guys are going to debate my micropenis, you can at least call him it by name. No, no, no, no, no. Frank West Jr., we're not calling it that. You'll call it Jr. And Dean West, if you insist. I don't know. I always called it Ball Pit.

That's B-A-L-L-P-E dot I-T. Hey, what sort of threads can a human being find on ball pit? Well, we have a nice big thread about micropenis. I don't know. A nice big thread about micropenis. It's kind of a medium to small thread. There is a poster who has been grading some papers and is sharing segments or snippets of the papers he's grading. Anonymized, of course.

But those have been absolutely wonderful to read. Wait, do they involve Adonis by chance or no? No, no, no, no. It's people that want to be food writers. The ones that have been shared on Ball Pit, they're not good. They're not good at all. Okay, that's fine. No, we don't have to protect Nutshell anymore.

It's fine. She's a shitty writer. We know this. Whoa. Whoa. I'm sorry. Looks like someone's the asshole. Somebody's the asshole.

Hey, look. I'm grading her paper. She sucks. Her cat rolls around on the keyboard all day. Well, Pip, by the way, I did go through some CSS revisions. There's now a night mode so that you can view it in either dark or light mode. Discreetly. Yes, or you can have it where it switches between dark and light.

While you're breastfeeding your baby. While you're breastfeeding your baby, which you should do. And if you don't, then you're a fucking whore. Goodbye. Nobody's far but mine. Nobody's far but mine. Nobody's far but mine. If I die and my soul be lost, nobody's far but mine.

Listener, thank you for joining us in this special place where you might be offended. Oh, God, I don't like it. Achilles, take over. No, no, not that. Please, will you breastfeed me? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Achilles, you got this. You got this. Do it. Do it. Really? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Achilles, you got this. You got this. Do it. What? Really? Yeah, yeah, do it.

Oh my god. Okay. My mother is to blame for this one. In the room tonight. You might want to introduce the name of the show. No, I can't. And the tagline. No, you got it. You know what they've gotten into. Yeah, come on.