The F Plus - 307: D'Deer In The Head'dlights

Episode Date: August 5, 2019

Ulele is a crowdfunding site for self-described makers to get money for projects they may or may not actually follow through with. How does this differ from the several dozen other websites who are doing that exact same thing? Well, first of all Ulule is French. Secondly, shut up. We've got a $300 VPN box and a jockstrap for your straw boater. This week, Boots got a new pillow.

How do we start? You've been in one or two. How does it go? Whatever bullshit you want to say, F+, terrible things happen. It's been a long time since I've done that. I don't know what to say. welcome to the f plus podcast terrible things entirely unfunded in the room today we have lemon becky and i created two playing cards featuring images from my exhibition. 50 bucks! Bring on the sluts! French toast?

Yes, just the dollar amount, not the cents. Kumquats up. Fry, Prejudice, and Sorcery is a medium-length fantasy and historical project inspired by the characters and story of Jane Austen and the Harry Potter universe. Zarla. What does it take to respect another's property not your own they have invested in for their own purpose advantage and convenience

unknown to the actual thief let's not always only think of ourselves but of others too on a global perspective as not one of us does live alone but amid others

in the same and Boots Rancor everything that Zarla just said oh no yay let's record you didn't respect

my property. 50 bucks! Bring it on the slats! Hey, F Plus. Hey, folks. Oh, hello. Hey, F-Plus. Oh, hello. Hey, Lemon, Kumquat, French Toast Zarla. You guys remember like six years ago, probably, we did a Kickstarter episode? The what episode? Kickstarter.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there was Obama Bam. Oh, yeah. Yeah, there was Obama Bam. Wasn't there that guy who made a shirt that had the Pledge of Allegiance on it? Yeah, yeah.

To be honest, it blends in with all the others. Was it Dickabilly that one? I don't know. Yes. And she's back. She's changed her name to Lisa Simpson, but we're not going to talk about that. We've done a couple other crowdfunding episodes, too. But you know what was really missing in those crowdfunding episodes? Crowds.

No, I don't, actually. They weren't French enough. Oh, good. True. So obvious. The answer was right there the whole time. I'm embarrassed. I know.

And so we're going gonna solve that problem today uh i put together a document uh on a site called ulule.com and ulule is a site primarily used by french-speaking people uh but does have english content on it some of this will be notably machine translated but i think there's, Oh no, whatever we do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So are these,

is this site exclusively selling, jumping really high in Sonic or that's a Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou,

Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou,

Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou, say his name, right? Well,

no, it's, it's, it's his site would be, Ooh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, Oh, that's true His site would be Ululula the Lay. Oh, that's true. I got confused. See? I just had to say that once.

Anyway, hey Toast. Yes? Can you tell us about the hat bag? I think I can tell you all about the hat bag. A hat bag? Did somebody finally invent a bag for hats? Finally. Just been carrying all my hats on my head for so long

like an idiot. Finally somebody made a bag for me. I once met a man with a hundred hat bags. I'm gonna tell you all about the hat bag. With a odd icon. Almost looks like a camera aperture.

I don't know what's going on. Anyway. Before you put your hat in the bag, you have to make the Green Lantern oath. My brightest hat. My blackest hat. Okay. But there's a disclaimer here. Watch out.

There will be only one round of production for the summer. Book yours quickly. Smiley face. I'll watch out for that, yeah. Fan of hats and travels. I often found myself not knowing what to do with my hats in train stations and airports. And from what I see around me, I'm not the only one. To be able to hold their passport, their tickets, their mobile, or simply

the hand of their kids. Some pile up all the hats of the family on their heads. It's my problem. So Team Fortress 2 was modeled on France. It's a French game.

It's very popular there. Or put them in a purse where it gets inevitably damaged this is how i got the idea to create the hat bag yay and you can't put the hat like when you go into the train station they're like excuse me sir take off your be respectful to the lady. But I can't put it in my purse, it'll get inevitably damaged. Well, let me elaborate on this. A hat holder made of leather tanned with vegetal

extracts. Handcrafted uses traditional techniques which will allow you to transport your hats without damaging them. And in a stylish way. Smiley face. Now now there's a picture of the handbag itself uh could you describe this for me please uh let's see that's oh you're looking at it you think you're looking at it you're actually looking at it but it's like a fetish it harness. The thing that you think is not the hat bag is actually the hat bag. So I thought, okay, a little inside baseball for the F+.

I was looking at the website, so I thought maybe I was missing it on the doc. But no, it's on the page. I'm looking right at it. It's kind of like that strap, like that weird yarn fetish gear, but for a hat. It's a really revealing jockstrap. It's suspenders for your hat. With a little chain and handle. You can swing your hat around.

So, you know, on the bottom of the page, you do get an extra when you buy a hat bag. Could you describe the extra that you get when you buy the hat bag? Let's see. Oh, well, you get. Are you talking about their beautiful pouch to store your hat bag when you're not using it? It's a hat bag. Yay! Hat bag for my bag. Bag for my hat bag. Hat bag, hat bag, hat bag for my bag bag for my hat bag the problem i have when i'm traveling is that i don't have

anything to put my hat bag bag and my family's hat bags i end up putting my children's hands in my hat bag hey toast yes if i wanted to donate let's say i don't know any amount if this there's all sorts of different amounts of money i could donate to your project but that amount better goddamn be 62 dollars i wanted to donate 83 canadian dollars or 62 american yeah um it's on the right oh yes okay for 62 the only the only reward amount the hat bag in its black storage bag made from organic cotton with the brand logo printed on it public price after campaign 60 euros a huge thank you for your trust and support okay, okay. So you just get the bag in the bag. A couple things. Yeah, it's $62.

Yeah, so I hold on to this, like, fetish jockstrap thing. Yeah. And how is that easier than just holding on to my hat? Like, how is it easier to hold on to this thing? That's not actually answered. But it's so practical and elegant. I know, I know. We all love it so much.

And hopefully, this campaign is still running. I wish I had a bandolier of hats. Yeah, seven supporters. For the first hat holder. Lemon, you're discounting this, but isn't the being assured that your hat will never get inevitably damaged worth the price? I i mean if you put a hat in anything other than the hat bag right hat hardest that's his natural state that's the natural state of a hat

um so now the problem i ran into and trying to to to do a crowdfunding episode in 2019 is that pretty much every crowdfunding site now no longer lets you search and discover failed projects. Oh, really? It's not surprising, but it's a bummer. It is a bummer indeed. So most of the rest of what we're going to be looking at is successful projects. But fortunately, an incredibly common thing on this site is projects making their funding and then disappearing forever.

Yay! Bye, suckas. You know, last week in relation to Garbage Day, by the way, Garbage Day, we raised $17,420.69 for the National Network of Abortion Funds. So in response to that, I had to talk to a lawyer, and the lawyer asked me about the podcast and said, would you call your podcast educational? I mean, yes. Yes. Well. Yes.

What are you talking about? Literally the most educational thing possible. I mean, it's educational in the same way like taking a ride on the subway at midnight is educational. You learn things. You were learning a thing. Maybe it's not a thing you want to learn. You have information that you did not have before yes uh but yeah we've learned something about crowdfunding for sure in this

fucking podcast hey uh hey lemon yeah what's up this next one's for you okay cool is that uh was my thing uh clowns on the ice flow it's called clowns on the ice Flow. I love that movie. Okay, great. Great. So Clowns on the Ice Flow. Look, since 2017, the association The Friends of the Mango Tree, you're familiar, they've set up a project of residence of artists, the Boat Frost, artists in the Arctic, right? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Aboard his boat, the Manguer, to offer to artists from all horizons the possibility of creating works in this remote part of the world in close relation with the local inhabitants. Paint for paint. The local inhabitants in the Arctic. I think that what I heard you say, Kumquat Zop, is that you would like a general presentation of the project.

Yes. Immediately. I have bullet points without bullets for you. Please. First of all, number one, clowns on the ice floe. Sold. Clowns on the ice floe. Stop drilling, you hit oil.

Put the red nose and venture into the white. Explore the course of time. Away from the agitations of the modern world. Find the wild body, the pure soul, the liberated mind. I'm sick of clowning about in the civilization. And share these bursts of joy and emotion in this lost in the middle of the ice and the wind. Laugh about ourselves, about the others,

and let the magic of life appear. Here is the adventure that I want to live in this white immensity with my fellow travelers, the inhabitants of a cun-nack, the fauna, the flora. The clowns will walk to rotate the earth under their feet. In their poetic impulses, they will give the fundamental emotions for our survival. To disconnect the... To disconnect to connect better. To disconnect to connect better.

Okay, whole thing. Here we go. To disconnect to connect better to our present what a beautiful mission. Viva the Clowns! One. Okay. This is definitely a pitch for an adult swim cartoon. Yes. I'd like you to tell me about your artistic project during the residency.

During the residency. Okay, yeah. So my project during this month of residency is articulated around two axes. Yeah, I spelled it that way. One hyphen. An educational component consisting of a meeting with the local population. I want to go to the village of Akonok to form a small group. Two people minimum and ten people maximum.

To train them to the art of clown through the exploration of body... Wait. Whoa. Whoa. What? What? What? So our mission is to find like... This is a really

weird Pillars of Eternity expansion. Find a remote tribe and be like, hey y'all, you're about to learn how to clown. It's the most valuable cultural gift. Discover if you're down to clown until you're dead in the ground. There's no escape to the end of the earth.

Did you think missionaries were bad? Well, check this shit out. The exploration of body language and non-verbal specific to clowns colon analysis of the march and its individual components, exploration of the different dramatic domains used by clowns. We're talking about melodrama, burlesque, and pantomime. Burlesque. Yeah, clown strippers.

Improvisation works by simple simulation game. We'll be able to propose at the end of the residency a small creation which will be the fruit of our clownish investigation during the four weeks. Which will be able to be played during the closing event of the residence. Ace clownish investigations. Hello clownish investigations, honk honk. You're in too deep. Just picture Phoenix pointing and then slowly raising his arm to honk his nose objection honk honk in order to present the clownish work that i propose to the inhabitants

and to sensitize to sensitize them to this art i have to sensitize them to this art. I will make a representation of my clown solo, Mr. Pick, during... This is fucking funded? Are you telling me this is fucking funded? If I got to watch a film of these guys clouding in the snow, I don't know. God damn it. During the presentation evening of The Artist at the Beginning of the Residence, this poetic, juggling, and silent performance has been performed in many countries and in extremely varied conditions from theater stages or national scenes. Go to hell, France.

Skip down to my previous achievements. All right. My previous achievements. Oh, I'm just looking at really happy First Nationers. That's... My previous achievements in the countries where I worked have shown me

that it is possible to offer quality restitution after a month of clown exploration. What was that last word? Listen, man. What? After a month of clown exploration, it's possible to offer quality restitution.

Good. So it's possible for society to recover from your... Dear native Canadian kids, sorry we basically put you in concentration camps, but here's some clowns. Pull yourself up by your cream pies.

In the context of the exchanges with the village specified in the agreement governing the residents, it is quite possible to create a workshop for the children of the school. I hate this so much. The language barrier is not a problem in that the exercises proposed and more generally the pedagogy that I propose is based on the nonverbal exchange. audiences who did not have the same culture references or did not speak the same language as I know showed me that the setting up of a common language does not only pass the articulated language, but can also be done thanks to the mime language. That was right. You're welcome.

Yeah. Language which is at the base of the learning for the child before the appearance of the language of the world. It's like how when every human being sees either a clown or a mime, they respond with, yay, I'm glad that thing is getting closer to me. Oh, you want me to engage with you physically? That sounds great. Well, no, I mean, we shouldn't discount this offhand, though.

Noam Chomsky wrote paragraphs, whole papers about how before language is formed in a child, they act like they're trapped in a box. Then they're like bicycling against the wind. And pulling a very heavy rope that has a dangerous animal at the end of it. And then language comes in and then that

fades, thankfully. But before that, that's all it is. One last paragraph for you, Lemon. Oh, good. It starts with, I think that the special conditions... I think that I'm the worst. I think that the special conditions, isolation, daily life aboard

a boat, abandonment of the modern means of communication, large wild spaces, gathered during this residency aboard the Manguere are ideal to put the artist in a space-time conducive to create. God damn it! Or engage in capitalism.

Yeah, I was just about to say. Well, we either all become clowns or we all eat each other. I mean, those are the two avenues. Yeah, how are those two things mutually exclusive? Just get locked in the isolation chamber like you want to, you prick. In isolation, we are all clones. Far from the urgencies and tumults of modern society that impose a rhythm too far off and removed from the notion of time and maturation necessary for artistic research,

I hope to bring out a singular language in the practice of my art and to put forward a dramaturgy of the human being closer to my convictions. So this is me evolving. I'm going to use these red people to evolve. So good news.

Good news. This campaign was funded. Oh, that's really good news. Good news. This campaign was funded. Oh, that's really good news. And apparently, based on the updates, it looks like they went and did it. Wow. Did they film it? Yep. How the fuck?

How did you manage to get your frost boat into the Arctic for $3,500? Like, that's not a lot to get eight people. Fuck it. Before we move on, I want to ask Lemon some things. Hey, Lemon, so this guy was trained in the circus arts, theater, clown, mask game, fairground, mime since 1995. Yeah, legally, I can't tell you I'm a pedophile. Do you want to guess what his formal training was in school? Oh, formal.

My formal training. It doesn't say formal. He graduated in biology and geology. Oh, of course. Yeah. Great. But then I trained in the circus arts theater clown mast game. That's some wise wide shot shit.

He's the director of a dozen multidisciplinary works. Stilts, puppets, clowns, circus, juggling. You know, can we just outlaw juggling? Then how can you impress a girl at a party? It's a gateway drug, right? It's a gateway to clowns.

Hey, Zarla. Can you tell us about Chunky Fighters? Chunky Fighters. Chunky Fighters. Can you give me a moment just to appreciate that it's such a fun... I just like the title. You know what? I know many Chunky Fighters.

Chunky Fighters! Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Okay. I know this is probably a bunch of bullshit, but I just like Chunky Fighters. Let's see. Start, dun, dun. Okay. I know this is probably a bunch of bullshit, but I just like Chunky Fighters. Okay. Let's see. Start on a light note here. Been traumatized by a power struggle in elementary school, the young Denise Pochon dedicates

his life to the study of conflicts of all kinds. Genius by profession, he plunges his body and soul. What a CV that guy's got. Well, you know. He's not an amateur genius. He gets paid to be one. He actually carries around Wile E. Coyote's business cards. And he plunges his body and soul into the development of a new generation computer and awesome power.

After nearly a lifetime, nearly two weeks. He creates a machine. He christened the Computron 4000. Denise aims to reference all the creatures of the world and make them battle it out a fight without mercy. Which is what geniuses do. Next, enough to classify them in order of dangerousness.

Thus, no more forced report will be lightly estimated. It is known before it takes place if a conflict is doomed to failure or not. However, a small error in the program. The summoned creatures are printed, not in 3D, but the three dice. Well, never mind. This is just a detail. Okay. I know you're trying for funny.

God knows I really would like you to get there. Chunky Fighters is a fun and exciting skirmish game from Nick Hayes with action, adventure, emotion, suspense, thrill, and almost not love. Game pitch, click to zoom. Yeah, he says

game pitch, click to zoom, and then there's like a peanut style comic here. And if you click it, you get a, this XML file does not appear to have any style information associated with it. Let's see. Each player... Every JPEG reads as a failed XML

file. That's great. Each player makes his team with the proud warriors at his disposal. Be careful. A good choice is necessary because the fighters have special abilities that make them unique. It is important to do a combination of warriors adapted to your strategy.

Then players compete by making their characters fight against their opponents. Each of these fighters is represented by four dice. Three dice for the body, the head, torso, and legs, and one die for its equipment. Variable strength. Strength. So fighters fight

huh genius yep took me two weeks to come up with this that's that's practically a lifetime from a technical

point of view the characters will be composed of four white dice at 22 millimeters uh big enough with three thick sheets of eight stickers

each oh good yeah so you get to put the stickers on the dice yourself. Fun! That's going to make them roll real well, too. Yeah, yeah. And then there's a bunch of rules to the game,

and I'll just save your time. Well, because you can't read it, because it's in these images that you're supposed to download in PDF format. Oh, that actually works, but we're not going to read that. Just skip down to where it says, note that the game has two modes of combat but that's all. That actually works, but we're not going to read that. Just skip down to where it says note that the game has two modes of combat. Let's see.

Note that the game has two modes of combat. The Higlander mode. You heard me. She retired off to the Higlands. The Higlander mode. Higlander mode, it canlander mode, it can only... No, it can be only one.

Sorry. And the mode Challenge. The goal is not to eliminate his opponents, but to achieve an objective of victory points by completing challenges. Good. Well, that explains it. So what do you get in the box for this? Box contents.

The first edition of the game will consist of two starter packs, starter number one and two, with each five action tokens used to mark the targeted fighters with special capabilities, two known fighters, Aldebaran Trom and Odile Salispas, or Jack Rock and Conrad Corsi. Good. So far you've spent, I don't know, 40 cents per unit.

Gotcha. One mystery fighter, randomly selected from 10 available fighters. Three fighter sheets, French and English, which list in detail the skills of the fighter. 50 cents. 10 challenge tokens, randomly selected from the 25 available challenges. Still 50

cents. You got printed on the same sheet as the action tokens. You don't even get all the challenges? What a ripoff. No. 15 rage tokens. So you can put a token on your forehead that said, I bought this. And then you flip the table. 12 sheets of stickers, eight each.

$90. Six dice of 22 millimeters. One pack of combat dice set. Dice you can use in combat. One rules booklet in French, English, German, and Spanish. We also hope, just after the release of the game, to offer six additional fighters to multiply strategies and teams configurations. This will depend on the success of the Ulule campaign.

But in any case, Red Robin Games will produce between 6 and 10 new fighters each year, or more if you like the game as much as us. They'll be available in numbered boosters. And they have pictures of the booster shots, or the booster fighters. Named

Lily Canjop. Hey, do you think that Cthulhu Dice needs more rules? Because we made more rules that Cthulhu dice needs more rules? Because we made more rules for Cthulhu dice and made it look worse. Coming soon to the bargain bin at the game store near you. And just read the next section there, please. If the collection goes beyond our expectations,

the author and Robin Red Games have worked on 97 additional fighters, each more freaky than others. The Teacher, which is actually an alien, the Men in Black, a team of two, the Blob, with annoying regeneration, or a Dragon,

whose body is composed of six dice. The game, now, is already very addictive, but with the boosters, the pleasure will be increased to a new level. I love the idea of upselling people on DLC on your Kickstarter. That's great. The more fighters are produced,

the more combinations and strategies you will play. The more crap you own, the more crap you own. And then right after this, it shows the various stretch goals that they accounted for, including up to 12,000 euros, which they met. Jesus! Oh, you're right. Oh. Oh, you're right.

But then it also goes down to an impossible different number of options for buying into this project. Is there a cloth map? There's not a cloth map. Only costs $25 to get, I don't know, 45 cents of cardboard. It's a plastic dice. You do get a play button that's Chunky Fighters oh wait

I don't like it actually so so you know I did say that this is a this is a French this is a French site and so we should

we should forgive the authors of these projects you know for some you know grammatical issues so just for a second

Zarla, can you tell me about the project owner here? About the project owner. Author Nicholas Nick Hayes is a game designer based in Los Angeles, California. Originally from Tucson, Arizona. This one was barely written better than the mime guy. Agreed.

Also, freelance illustrator when time allowed it did. Case in point. The French guy at least ran spell check. His daily tasks include designing new games. Hey, Toast. Yes? Can you tell me about 8-Bit the Musical? Do I have to?

I mean, yay. Don't have him do that. Except I didn't quite give you the full title. 8-Bit the Musical slash a video game. A musical video game. The world first 8-Bit musical on Xbox 360 and PC. Pass. Go on. There's a video here. I'm sure it it's great you should notice that this was funded in 2012 good 8-bit the musical is a musical game experience

taking inspiration from the graphics music and background of retro games it drops a player into an epic story staged as a pixel filled, with more background than a usual rhythm game. 8-Bit the Musical has a complex scenario and is rich in interactivity, which causes the spectator to be drawn in, even if they don't have the gamepad in hand. You get to tap two buttons. Yeah! Tib and Rob Bear are two brothers with an amazing story. While they were living a peaceful life in a world without danger, their universe began

to change. The behavior of animals suddenly... John, I have a request. Sure. There's sort of a random boulding that's happened in here. Okay. That's all.

Account for that. Okay. That's all. Account for that. Okay. The behavior of animals suddenly changed drastically. They all became incredibly stupid. The prophecy was true. The bugs had begun to spread. And only our heroes could stop this problem in the world as in the others.

Since their youth, their mother had trained them to deal with this terrible event. At time, it finally came for them to travel in search of the source in the others. Since their youth, their mother had trained them to deal with this terrible event. At time, it finally came for them to travel in search of the source of the bugs. Today, they tell their story in the human world through the musical they created so that no one will ever forget where our bugs came from and what had to be done

to reduce their dominance. 8 Bits of Musical is a musical experience very similar to traditional rhythm games. Tap a button. But significantly worse. The game pushes the limits of the genre while revolutionizing it by focusing on an intense scenario, which is often neglected in this type of game.

The principle is simple. As icons appear on the screen, press the corresponding button on your controller or keyboard. Yeah, this type of game. The principle is simple. As icons appear on the screen, press the corresponding button on your controller or keyboard. Wow. This is definitely neglected. Boy. Algorithm games definitely don't do that. Get this, but there's a twist.

There's not a twist. The characters will succeed, or not, in what they undertake depending on your own success. Chased by their awful fat mother. Oh, god damn it. She's awful fat. Who throws everything she finds at them, whether they dodge her attacks or not

depends on your rhythm skills, if you don't suck. The characters will dodge the enemy fire using a ship and can even attack back. The rhythm is just a tool driving too many different scenes, making you the puppet master of a ship and can even attack back. The rhythm is just a tool driving too many different scenes, making you the puppet master of a fantastic musical storyline.

Yep, never heard of this before. In a video game, you control the video game. Completely new. Each piece of music is divided into several sections. Using the Xbox gamepad, colored buttons and triggers, or certain keys for PC gamers, according to the melody or percussion.

We'll also put in many, many games to create as much variety of gameplay as possible. Each level will have small details as well as the possibility of acting on your other elements of the scenery with the arrow keys. You can be sure that you will never get bored. Are you boys acting on your elements down there? scenery with the arrow keys. You can be sure that you will never get bored. Are you boys acting on your elements down there? The soundtrack of a rhythm game has to be perfect. Unlike any other type of game, it is the heart of the whole system. We do our best to produce epic themes that are as awesome as the old 8-bit composers.

Here are some of the first music selections that were part of the game at its release. Click. And like every other link on this page, broken. Uh-huh. I'm not going to click to enable Adobe Flash Player. Doesn't matter, it's a broken link regardless. All gone. Oh, good.

So is the SoundCloud page, also broken. Yeah, yeah, they definitely took the money and ran. Yep. Yeah. The whole time that John was reading there, I was trying to find, because I was just trying to find a screenshot of this. And he absolutely took the money and ran away from this. There is no record of this thing at all anywhere outside of this page. Bye, suckers. Yeah.

John, tell us, say that the game will be available in two different formats? The game will be available in two different formats, digital and physical. Indie games are usually sold in a digital format. It's a fact that it has many benefits for both you, the gamer, and for us. Oh, both you, the gamer. Okay, that was pretty weird. However, we remain very committed to the physical format. And we believe that even games that are smaller than the last Call of Duty are entitled to their box, game manual, and collector's edition.

So we'll let you choose between these three editions. The box of their own labor. Oh, dude, I found it on Steam. Really? Oh my god. I found it on Steam. He renamed it Old School Musical. It does not...

It definitely doesn't look 8-bit in any way. It looks like Final Fantasy Super Nintendo. What, like theater or whatever it's called? It's got a very positive... Yeah, so this is obviously a great thing, and our podcast is dumb. It only took six years for it to come out, though. Well, you know, like when you've got a strong vision. I wonder why I changed the name.

I don't care that much. What else you got, Bruce? I'm going to give Kumquat this. You're just going to read a small bit of this. It's an awful lot of text. This project, I believe at some point, was called Hard Bacon, but they changed the name of it. What? That's the worst decision I've made so far. I mean, I always love enjoying, you know, I always enjoy discovering the drink market outside the U.S.

So Mike's Hard Canadian Bacon is really on my list. I've always enjoyed, I personally like Hard Pemmican. Maybe just read the content that's in the doc for this one. Oh. I kind of had to really filter out an awful lot of really boring bullshit.

How do you like your bacon, sir? Not another boring course about investment! About the project. Enroll in the most comprehensive online course for Canadian newbie investors. Built by hard bacon. Wow. It's guaranteed.

Yawn free. I'm going to hold you to that. Sorry. Not another boring course about investment will teach you everything you need to become a self-reliant investor, even if you're a total beginner with money. Total beginner? What is this, green paper? This course will teach you about money, money, money, from budgeting to building an investment portfolio that will kickstart your dreams. Still think it sounds boring?

Yes. a pinata to illustrate a hostile takeover, a leaking bucket to talk about interest rates, and throw actual pies to cheat you about investment portfolios? Y'all not boring. We thought so too. Yeah. YAH! NOT BORING! WE THOUGHT SO TOO! Yeah, see, I was gonna be really bored, but then you brought up the idea that I'm gonna see a leaky bucket. Three things in a same.

Cracking up a piñata, throwing pies, a leaking bucket. Is this like Good Mythical Money or something? Yeah. Goofiness aside, we're going to tell amazing stories to help you better understand the society we live in. For example, we'll recount the tales of how a monopoly tycoon amassed a fortune equivalent to five times the wealth of Warren Buffett in the 19th century. equivalent to five times the wealth of Warren Buffett in the 19th century. How a young Canadian immigrant turned $25,000 into $640,000 and then lost everything.

And why you shouldn't try that at home. Playing with the supply of money can lead to a revolution. Why some people are laying out cable in the Arctic Ocean to make trading faster between Tokyo and New York. If you know what I mean. High-frequency trading for kids. you can't really understand how the world works if you don't understand the financial system and you can't change the world if you don't get involved the world is not run by prime ministers presidents and kings it is run by ceos investment bankers, and the financial professionals who oversee your money. But the world could be run by you if you pay attention to where your money is going.

As a consumer, and more importantly, as an investor, companies say they listen to their customers, but they have to listen to their owners. My God, I feel so inspired i think yeah the the skills you'll learn in this course won't allow you to become a millionaire overnight but we're totally serious about you getting rich if you have a reasonable income and start to invest early in life becoming a millionaire is totally within reach for most Canadians. In fact, if you give up your daily double-shot mocha at Starbucks and invest that $5 every day, you could be a millionaire in 53 years, assuming a very realistic annual return of 7%. Thrilling.

And if 53 years is too long to wait before embracing your millionaire status, invest $50 per day, $350 per week, and you'll be seeing seven figures in 23 years. Not bad. If you don't spend money, then you have the money that you didn't spend. So the implication there is that if you save up the $20,000 of annual disposable income that you just have sitting around and invest it, you'll find yourself rich. Yeah, also...

Don't spend $20,000 on coffee in the morning. Yeah. Definitely you'll get 7%. That'd be great. We are very serious about... What's your guarantee that you're up to this? Oh, it's a yawn-free guarantee. Wow.

But I give you the yawns free of charge. They're free yawns. We are very serious about this course being interesting. I've managed to source almost all of your stock photography, just as you've been reading. Therefore, we have invented... Yeah, yeah, I could have spent $5 a day on photographs, but I invested it. Oh, you're right. You're right.

That's just prudent investment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Therefore, we have invented a yawn-free guarantee. If at any point you find yourself dozing, yawning, or otherwise feeling bored by not another boring course about investment, send us a message and we will reimburse you in full. No questions asked. I'm excited. I like this. I love this.

I love this so much. Fuck it. I've been saving up coffee for... I've been saving up money for coffee for 120 days and I've got $6,000 in my pocket. Wow, you're about to invest in your future, motherfucker. I want to give this $6,000 to you so that somehow I can

get a whole bunch of money back later. What do I get for this $6,000? Oh, yeah, I'll give you 7%. No, I'll give you the total Warren Buffett groupie package. Ew, do I have to suck Warren Buffett's dick? It's a privilege, not a right.

You will receive the premium Not Another Boring Course About Investment course and everything included in the premium course package. You will receive one bottle of cherry Coke and one package of chocolate-covered peanuts. Wow. Good investment, Boots. Yeah. I'm allergic to peanuts.

You'll receive one copy of the best-selling book written by somebody else. How Buffett Does It by this other guy. You will attend Berkshire Hathaway's 2017 annual general meeting in Omaha, Nebraska. It includes one plane ticket from Montreal, Toronto, or Vancouver, and a hotel room and a meal at a steakhouse. You get a good return for your money.

Yeah! Yeah! Cherry Coke and a corporate diner realty meeting. Doesn't this sound great? And a book. Hey, let's just go to the page for that for a second, because we need to look at how much funding they got. Oh, yeah.

Somebody tell me what that is in American dollars. Yeah, that's $50,657 committed on a goal of $7,463. Now, the app exists, right? And it exists on the page. It looks as generic as possible. And it is available for free. So I'm not really sure what you get out of this fucking thing. The bacon for business package.

Like, it's just shitty sourced like financial advice and giant scare quotes yeah it's these every every course in this that you get from this should immediately start with don't give your money to this kind of thing first i love the uh the the third the second screenshot down there's the first screenshot is like a swipey thing, and then the second is all accounts, looking at your bank balance. And the example here, his portfolio is Facebook, which is valued at $173. Dollarama is valued at $138. And Blackberry. Nice. Canadians. And Blackberry. Nice.

It's Canadian. Smart investments all. Gotta promote those Canadian businesses. I assume that the premium course teaches you to get money from suckers on crowdfunding platforms. Seems to work. Yeah, but not mine. These ones are claimed. All right, shut up, you motherfuckers.

My name is Art D'Artagnan. And I got a game here called Coco Rico. Coco Rico! I love that Pokemon. Coco Rico is a free-to-play browser game with cash prices in euros. About the project. Welcome, coach. It is time to prove your worth.

Nowadays, you should not pay to play, but rather play to be paid. There are activities for everyone, and there will be cash prizes. So what are you waiting for? Will you become the master of the fighting pits or the queen of the beauty contest? Or maybe the biggest egg producer, best known as the Egg King? What? Join fast. I don't think that's how that ends.

Adventures and save your seat aboard. Does he know where eggs come from? They come from kings. They're granted upon you by the kings. Number one presentation of the project. Kokoriku! It's a free-to-play browser game. It will combine strategy and management with a hint of RPG and a lot of collectibles.

Kokoriku! Will be an old-school browser game game implying that there will be no visual animation and only static graphics this is a feature of all browser games oriented on the on the competition and various rankings neopets can make a back come back we are willing to create a game based on our players. There will be an active integrated forum and polls will be held to follow the players' preferences. Oh, dear. Old school browser games use a mailbox to display the results of your actions,

and you will receive detailed reports for every single action of your animals. The game mechanics are meant to be easy to understand and the actions easy to carry out so that you can adapt the time you spend on the game easily. This way, Cocorico will also be suitable for people who do not have so much free time or those who already play other games. The game's basics will be simple and will grow more complex depending on your strategy there's a picture of shit yeah like a like a balsamic wire frame yeah uh so that that proves that proves something uh the player is a coach and owns a domain starting with a single henhouse the game will begin with the hatching of your first chick. There will be over 90 different types of chick, from the rapper chick to the viking chick, sad chick, or happy chick, or even

regional chicks. The same types apply to hens and roosters. All of them will also have random special abilities, which will allow you to compose different teams with your pool of animals. Isn't this exciting? Oh, it's so good.

No. No. No. I don't like any of this. Oh, God. Well, you just don't understand my vision and innovations. Number two, vision and innovations. Okay, now I'm in. Why creating another browser game?

Yeah, why? We have been thinking about developing our own browser game for many years already, but we were willing to be original and innovative enough before really starting the project. It was pretty innovative to just not make it. Yeah, it was then innovative to make it. We only started it when we felt we could bring something new to the browser games fans. What do you mean by starting it? When are you going to start it?

Once we get money. Lately, since the emergence of the free-to-play business model, we have noticed the tendency of these games to propose a cash shop with bonuses threatening the balance of those games, which is called pay-to-win, ruining the potential of many games. Of course, we understand the necessity to encourage the players to spend more in the game shops as the companies need to fund the lengthy and costly development and support for their games we are a group of experienced and avid players

some would say we are hardcore gamers oh well then fucking have all my money because yeah like that is the most trustworthy thing person I can think of. Well, thank you. I'm a gamer with a vision. So we tend to avoid this kind of pay-to-win games, and we try to find game systems more balanced and fair, allowing us to prove our skills and strategy without having to buy our success. Therefore, we decided to select a premium membership of three euros a month in order to support

the development of the game and access to comfort options. More details below. We believe it is the best way to support a browser game. So, uh... What sucks is that browser games have microtransactions. Our browser game has

microtransactions. Boy browser game has microtransactions. Boy, do we. Okay. So what do you get when you pay money? Well, there's number three, principles and functioning of the cash shop and premium membership. A, premium membership. The premium membership details are in the alpha version, so they obviously are subject to future modifications. Depending on statistics and evolution of this game during alpha and beta versions,

its cost would be non-definitive price. Boots, I want to give you $1,124 US. That probably translates to something in Canada. Let's just skip over straight to that. Okay. Yeah. You get all the previous rewards, which is... Okay, I got to read everything.

Yeah. All right. So... Okay, I've got to read everything. Yeah. All right. So... Oh, my God. Okay. You get a nickname reservation, beta access, one month premium membership after official release, one symbol or flag to display in your profile,

one rename an animal, one rename a hen house, your player title, natural sponsor, and your name in the game credits. You also get alpha access, one month of premium membership, four times rename an animal, player title, expert sponsor. And your name in the game credits. You also get alpha access. One month of premium membership. Four times rename an animal. Player title. Expert sponsor. You also get one month of premium membership.

Three times rename an animal. One time rename a hen house. Player title. Collector sponsor. You also get one month of premium membership. Similar flag. One 24-hour megaphone. Player title.

Enthusiast sponsor. You also get one month of premium membership, two rename an animal, one 24 hour megaphone one 48 hour megaphone one color for nickname, one color for animals a player title, unleashed sponsor now do those player titles stack on top of each other?

then you also get an additional three months of premium membership, a two time rename an animal one time rename a hen house, one 24 hour megaphone one 48 hour megaphone, one 48-hour megaphone, one seven-day megaphone, the title Furious Sponsor, the rest of your starting check if you don't like him. I don't know what that means. You also get four months of premium membership, one symbol or flag, 12 times rename an animal, nine times rename a hen house, one 24-hour megaphone. One 48-hour megaphone.

One 7-day megaphone. A 30-day megaphone! You are an intense sponsor. You also get involvement in the process of creating a new family. Oh my god, there's three more. What kind of families? What kind of families can I create?

Oh, you can create a Viking family or a rapper family. Of course. Those are the two options. And then some more things. And then you get 100 times rename an animal. 25 times rename a head house. I want to rename so many fucking animals. Five times 30 day megaphone.

Five color for nickname. Five color for animals. Player title, utopian sponsor. What? Involvement in the process of future updates and orientation of the game. Mandatory privacy policy. Now you work for us. But also in the cash shop.

Oh. Oh, there's more microtransactions. Yeah. So these are the various things you can pay for in the game change account name two euros change country two euros buy a symbol or flag to display in your profile one euro rename an animal 0.5 euros rename a hen house 0.5 euros choose colors for your player name, 3 euros. That makes sense. Choose colors for your animal name, 3 euros. You've got all these cash shops, and I understand why you have all of these microtransactions, because, like you said, you need to have some sort of funding.

And I think that by having this cash shop available, it means that your game will not have advertising, right? Okay. So now, since D-Straction wants Cocorico to have a fair system, the share of the income will be donated in the prize pools, which will supply various rankings. No, no, no. Oh, sorry. It's the next sentence.

Sorry. Yes, that means that you have a chance to earn real just from being at the top of one of several rankings. That's why we will count on you to deactivate your ad-blocking plug-ins. Okay. Our goal is to fund a minimum of one Euro in the prize pool for every 10 players shared between the rankings. We will see later to increase that amount.

If the income is sufficient, if we reach a thousand players, that would mean 150 Euros to be shared with between the ranking categories. To sum it up, there are ways to generate income for the game, a premium membership for comfort options in game and in game shop with customization options, and advertising income.

Wow, this is such a scam! Okay, let me tell you about our ambition. Number four, D-Straction's ambition. Our company's called D-Straction with two I's. Yeah, by the way, their advertising is brought to you by their advertising partner, Captch Me, who are not online.

Good. Nice. Mm-hmm. Riot is a formidable example of what reached to be done with a free-to-play game like League of Legends. I mean, to be fair, they didn't say good. They've created a unique universe and their game is competitively played by millions of players through championships and watched by

even more fans. Riot has become a huge company and LOL is generating an incredible amount of cash, allowing players and teams to become professionals. In the past. They can even become relatively rich

thanks to the tournament prizes and the sponsoring companies. Our goal is far from that, but we believe there is a possibility to have professional players also on browser games. A reminder with no animation. Yeah. Yeah.

Anime JS is just an offense. By rewarding the success of the most of the most involved in the smartest players. Maybe we can be the first cog in initiated movement towards a new game niche. Semi-professional at first. Boy. a movement towards a new game niche, semi-professional at first. Boy, so I spent a bunch of time trying to find your fucking browser game. Cocorico!

And boy, I sure couldn't. I sure couldn't. I found a board game on Board Game Geek called Cocorico, but I didn't find this. So that's interesting, isn't it? Well, thanks for the $3,000, suckas. Oh, here. What are the funds for? Just one last little bit for you.

Yeah. The project was born end of 2014. The company is still in the process of creation, stuck between the granted bank loan and a postponed loan on trust. The loan on trust commission wants to see how the community reacts to the project before committing to this loan.

Obviously, we understand this reaction given that the browser games community is not well known of the general public. That's true. Nobody's ever heard of games and browsers. That's just weird. I don't know. What?

So, theoretically, the mission is simple. Start a funding campaign and raise at least 2,000 euros in order to prove that there will be a public for this kind of browser games. So, I'm raising money to prove... I'm raising money to prove that I can get money without having a website. I can show to to prove that I can get money without having a website. I can show to a bag that I can get money. Right, right, right. Did I miss

the part where you explained fucking anything about the game? I know that you can rename chickens. And I know that there's no animation. But is there a game in here no like it talks a little bit about stats okay but not what those stats mean okay like one of the one of the stats is called bling bling sure sure there's life points appetite it's all in French pointe de vie life points

appetite chicken poulet bling bling production experience morale valor anyway good boy what a good game

hey hey lemon it's not less than red by the way Anyway. Good. Good. Boy, what a good game. Hey, Lemon. It's not red, by the way. It smells red. Oh, never mind. It's you. Yes, what is it? Tell me about my data keeper.

Oh, your data keeper? Yeah. Yeah, tell me about my data keeper. Yeah, I got no problem telling you about your data keeper. No problem whatsoever. So this is your data keeper. No problem whatsoever. So this is my data keeper. That's all one word. It's an electronic box to protect your online privacy.

Yeah, the logo of my data keeper is the Cody logo, but, you know, legally distinguishable. Let me see that. Yeah, it's... Yeah, it's the Cody logo, all right. It's the Cody logo on Pride Month. Yeah, exactly.

So anyway, my data keeper was at the Paris Maker Faire in 2018. We're really proud to announce that my data keeper will be at the Paris

Maker Faire 2018. The end of that. Did you know? Do you know what happens to your personal data online? They are collected by GAFAs and sold to private companies without you knowing it. White out. They're sold to private companies white out you knowing it. My data keeper, one word, is offering you a complete solution against the security issue.

An electronic device directly connected to your internet router. Simple and all-in-one. It protects your data automatically, 24-7, on all you devices. The objective? Give back the control and property over your personal data. So, I can think of two things that this could be. And one thing is valid, and one thing is bullshit. Let's find out what this is.

So, I know what you're going to ask. You're going to ask me, protecting my what? I was about to ask that. Hold on a second. Yeah, so whilst browsing- Protecting my what? Yeah, whilst browsing the internet, not a minute goes by without receiving advertisement for a product previously consulted. Advertisement agencies are collecting, buying, and analyzing one's personal browsing data from all kinds of devices, computers, laptops, smartphones, etc.

Based on these data, a consumer profile is created, leading to personalized advertisement. They need the users to clike on them. The more they clike, they get, the more money they make. This is totally valid what I'm saying right now. This is totally valid. I'm sure this won't turn. And it works. Advertising business expanding continuously. In France, it represents 4.1 billion euro and is owned by Google and Facebook up to 78%, according to this study. What about ethic?

Should we accept that companies are collecting personal data about their users without them knowing and or approving it? Should we accept that these companies are making money out of our users' personal data? We don't think so. Our project, My Data Keeper, aims to offer an accessible and easy-to-use product that protect your personal data. Okay? Now, some quote by Tim Berners-Lee.

No, no. Uh, Tim, oh no, you're right. No, I, I, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fucking hackney. Some other guy. Tim, yeah, this is Tim Bernsley. Oh, good, good old Bernsley.

Tim Bernsley. Oh, good. Good old Bernsley. Tim Bernsley. Oh, Bernsley. Skip down to an all-in-one solution for your digital security. No problem. I want to know what the solution is. This is an all-in-one solution for your digital security. You can protect your private personal data. I don't know if I mentioned that before, but my data keeper, one, protects all your data coming out of your dwelling.

They are automatically encrypted using cutting edge techniques. Like the Legos? Yeah. Yeah. You build constructs. We build this thing. Yeah. Um, they're automatically encrypted using cutting edge techniques and sent through a secured tunnel or VPN, thus protecting your IP address as well as your identity.

Right? So the box routes it through a VPN. That's all it does. Yeah! That's literally all it fucking does. So I wanted to get that far. Let's look on the right and see how much you have to pay to get this thing. Oh, my God.

So there's a bunch of different options. What the fuck? You can pay $8, and they'll put your name on Facebook. Why do you need a physical box for a VPN? Well, it's handy to have one at the router level so that your mobile devices are going through it. So I can understand that. For $23, you can get some stickers. For $45, you get a plastic card holder that is – Does this actually pay for your VPN access or do you have a monthly charge on that too?

They haven't clarified that. I'm sure there is because it's a VPN that's specifically tied to their fucking service. Oh, cool. If they go away, their hardware is useless. Get ready for those prices to go up. But no, I don't. So this is in Canadian dollars because it translates everything for me. But for $452, you get this fucking box. No, you can buy a... You don't get the box at any other level you could you could

buy a vpn device for your home network for like 40 that does the same thing as this but uses like open vpn yeah except for like for 112 you don't get the box obviously but you get to share your ideas with us by taking part on our online brainstorming. For $263, they'll send you a 32 gigabyte flash drive. For $562, you can go and have a drink with them,

but they won't pay for the transportation fees. Of course. Very cool. I really like the diagram of you have a house with some computers and some video games. And then there's like a carousel of email. It'll protect your thumbtacks, your pushpins. Yeah, and your EKG monitors and your barcodes and all that.

It's great. Also, this shit does not protect any of your information that you're putting on Facebook. Right, right. No, this shit does not protect any of the information that you're putting on Facebook. Right, right. No, it sure doesn't. So that all goes out to an arrow of some mobile phones or maybe some servers that are very colorful. And if you take the wrong path in this choose your own adventure, if you take the wrong path, you end up. Then you get like a double helix. Yeah.

Then you end up in like, you know, either Amazon, LinkedIn, Facebook, Google, Twitter or Apple. And those are bad and in black and white. That's like the matrix. But if you take the right path, presumably via their device, then you end up on a globe with three people. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So that was my data keeper. We got the final thing in the document and this is the first thing I found

on this site. And I was like, this is the greatest site in the world. And nothing since has actually lived up to that. $7,000 for the fucking box. We're going to start off with Kumquat on this one. Kumquat, tell us about the DeDeer. The

DeDeer. Oh de-deer. Oh! The de-deer! What the hell? The de-deer? Wow! The de-deer. Oh, wow.

Or is it de-deer, like of deer? Or, I don't know. The de-deer! Your all-inclusive bicycle bullet! DeDeer, like of deer, or I don't know. DeDeer, your all-inclusive bicycle bullet! For shooting bicycles. Yeah. Well, you know, sometimes they get a broken leg. You don't want to be exclusive in the bicycle. You don't want to be

exclusionary in the bicycles that you shoot. You want to shoot all the bicycles. That's true. Yeah. Help save our planet. Promote positive health and wellness to prevail worldwide. That was a quote from somebody. I don't know who it's from. Quotes and a parenthetical.

Introduction question, frowny face. How many times? Could you read the little tagline on that weird graphic? The Deere. Quote, dare you and we'll rideer. Quote, dare you and will ride you. Dare you and I will ride you.

I couldn't see that. It was in the spoke of one of the bicycle things. Yeah, it's red on red papyrus. Come on, it's easy enough to read. That's fair. Introduction question, frowny face. How many times has someone stolen your

bicycle or someone you know's bicycle one's personal investment of time one's personal exercise machine well personally I have experienced seven stolen bicycles the result frowny face

no return and unfound despite reporting each to the police summer 2014 really my last bicycle was stolen igniting deeper frustration and upset within me the upshot i had a flash of enlightenment where this actual concept was born from and of this same negative incident one i am pleased to introduce and share here with you, early birds, the very first audience to witness this bicycle's debut. The objective...

On the hook. ...is to institute all bicycles to build a beneficial, sound, sensibly efficient, conveniently versatile, secure riding plus ownership experience, freedom of unforeseen theft and other negatives that sour the natural enjoyment of effective riding.

A traditional, generational, and global luxury. A highly technical handiwork of necessity and mobility, extreme helpful to our individual existence. The Dedeer! Frowny face. As... Oh, I guess this is my idea.

Empowered, secure, and protected, the supreme luxury of cycling is always far healthier in favor of one's personal heart life physical stamina and mental endurance existing economically friendly cycling is always the finest to driving on any given day excluding obvious weather conditions contributing far less pollution into our invaluable atmosphere which truthfully sustains us think about it love! Moreover, always take care of you from the inside out. The Didier exclusive delivers all these blessings, plus

extra sparkle! Help protect our environment, which is, without doubt, is our primary existence of reality. Promote! Alright, what? Stop! Toast turn.

Toast? Toast? Toast? Okay. Come on. Promote the DeDeer. Promote the DeDeer. Yeah. Promote the DeDeer.

Which is a bicycle. Yeah, I still don't know what the product is. But there's a lot of yelling. So that's good. There's some diagrams, but nothing is helpfully diagrammed. Also, lots of colors.

Spread the word. One love in the truth. If we surpass our goal, we will do a draw including all contributors' names. Awarding one complimentary DeDeer bicycle. 100% free giveaway to the actual winner. So it's a bike.

Are we buying a bike? Here are some clear pictures of the DeDeer bicycle. Right. Sure. It's like somebody just highlighted a bicycle. Yeah. So you get two pictures of sort of the lower back third. Like a 1970s road bike.

Yeah. And then the third picture shows you what the front of the deer will look like. What? What? Yes. So in place of handlebars is some sort of deer skull? Is that right? It's like a deer skull, but it also appears to be

balancing like a Himalayan salt lamp. Oh, wow. It's got googly eyes. That'll help my chakras. Oh. So, yeah, please continue reading, Toast. In advance, we have partnered with a team of professional Oh. So, yeah, please continue reading, Toast. Oh, it has a lens on the back wheel.

We have partnered with a team of professional photographers to fashion the finest quality, worthwhile, early bird special return offers as a token in precise exchange in favor of your generous contributions invested in this exclusive venture. What? To specially thank you for your generous support, we award you the possibility of choosing between several exclusive reward offers.

Tell us about these reward offers, please. Advanced samples include the Dear Coffee Mugs, the Dear Greeting Cards, Spiral Notebooks, Posters, or Toddler T-Shirts. They're still available. These links still work. Oh, these links totally work.

You gotta get this coffee mug. These pictures are amazing. Didier prints iPhone or Galaxy cases, t-shirts, hand towels, or baby onesies.

Didier tote bags, pouches, or throw pillows. Didier tapestry, wood prints, or weekend tote bags. Didier fleece blankets, yoga mats, brown

beach towels, shower curtains, metal prints, or portable battery chargers. Didier acrylic prints, or frame prints. Didier duvet covers. Didier acrylic prints or frame prints.

Didier duvet covers. Didier canvas prints. That's it. Thefpl.us will have at least some of these pictures on here. Oh, my God. Wow. Oh, it's a metal print. It has a picture of what it would look like in your house,

and it has this nice white wall and a white couch, and there's that hideous-looking bicycle picture. Never have I seen more photos and still not understood what a product is. You can deck out your whole house in the Deer. Actually, yeah, let's sort of move down. Hey, Zarla. Sorry, I'm looking at these pictures. Can you tell me 20-plus advanced highlights to the DeDeer? Let's get an understanding of what's included in the product here.

Oh, it does have a lot of features. 20-plus. Number one feature is the deer head handle. Yeah. The deer's two eyes light up. Its antlers are actual handlebars that rotate back and forth, and its lower handles are actual gear shifts. What?

Wow. I get to ride my bike and hate fuck a deer at the same time. Scare children. Great. It has a leather tool bag designed for carrying extra tools or patches for your bicycle in case of the unexpected emergency. It has a water bottle built within its actual bicycle structure. designed for carrying extra tools or patches for your bicycle in case of the unexpected emergency. It has a water bottle built within its actual bicycle structure.

How do I drink out of it? You have to pick up the bicycle and turn it over. Strangle the deer head while you drink out of it. It's got like a really long curly straw and it goes from the bottom of the bike all the way up your mouth. It goes through the bike like the deer head. It has snap-on fenders, front and back, seasonal, removable fenders, plus colorful reflectors. It has a wheel center, colorful round rim reflectors. It has a quick-release screwer to release and attach wheels, plus a security lock built on the actual bicycle frame.

It has a cable lock, one at the back and front wheel that safeguards your wheels from theft. It has an extra lock to protect your pedals from turning. A saddle with an exclusive design on its side. But it's pedals as in, like, selling a thing at the market. Yeah. So, so far,

I'm glad that it has a seat. That's great that your bike has a seat on it. That's a seat post. Seat pole clamps. Okay. That's a brake lever. Okay. That's a chain ring, a cable lock for the chain set to stop thieves from riding away.

Plus a special design made of different colors. Once illuminated, they glow. It has a crank arm, a special pedal with diverse colored reflectors on the actual bicycle. It has a brake caliber made of quality material. Oh, good. All right. Well, then, great. It has a chain stage. Across this,

you can measure anything of necessity in the moment. It has a behind-seat stage, a small motor that drives the bike. Oh, it's an electric bike now. It has the down tube, a pump that resembles an umbrella handle that enables one to

restore air to the wheels for steady riding. What? It has a top tube at the bicycle side as a clock for right time. What's up? I know that you're familiar with bicycles. You're familiar with motorcycles. I thought I was. Do you not just always have an air pump attached to the wheel?

I mean, yeah. So it's like the basketball shoes with the tiny basketball that you squeeze to inflate the basketball shoes. But now this is an umbrella handle that you squeeze to inflate the bicycle wheel while riding. Is it like that? Yeah. That makes sense, right? Yeah. So how do the wheels rotate with the umbrella handle attached to the tires?

Well, I mean, it probably would get caught up with the 50,000 chains that are also attached to the thing. Chains and locks. Like, it's got nine different bike locks. Uh-huh. The back wheel in the center is an aqua green light, which illuminates the entire wheel, designed for safe traveling. And another electrical motor. Wow. It's the motor that powers the motor.

Wow. In favor of speedy transport of the bicycle's framework, plus manual pedaling, is an alternative option for the rider. Most rewards delivered within approximately 10 days' time, following the definite close of this exclusive official campaign. That's how long it takes to make a bike. All those features of the bike,

including the saddle and the seatpost, are asterisks, and the asterisks describe them as rewards. That's true. Oh. So those are additional features on the base bike, I guess? Yeah.

For a stretch goal, you can sit down. I want to know about to build an actual bicycle prototype. That's what I want to know about. Okay. Hold on. I'm going to read this, but I'm going to start with our goal! Okay, all right.

Good, good, good. Yep, yep. To build an actual bicycle prototype, courtesy of professional assistance, education, and advancement on behalf of a prototype development company that offers end-to-end prototype building services in the following areas. Consumer products, soft goods, medical devices, smart home, IOT, computer vision, AR,

BR, MR, robotics, and mobile technologies. And bicycles, right? I didn't hear bicycles mentioned in there. No, no, I want my bicycle to interface with my juicer. So, let me just see if I have this right. It's a

bicycle that I wear that is a medical bicycle that I can control from my phone that Also, it's soft. Oh, a soft bicycle that has LIDAR and also

is a robot. What's AR, BR, MR? Like, AR is augmented reality, right? Butt reality and... I can finally bring my bicycle into the store. It's my medical bicycle. I can integrate you into my butt reality. Yeah.

Each prototype design begins with a problem in need of a solution. All contributions raised, it will be applied to fuel this particular concept, as already we have partnered with a prototype development company that offers end-to-end prototype building services, including prototyping, patents, design, engineering, manufacturing, plus marketing services. Everything we require to build this precise Didier product of necessity. That does sound very precise. In precise accordance with this featured blueprint plan

to complete the final packaging and design. It's not a link. I want that to be a link. It clarifies at some point what the blueprint is, and we'll get to that. Oh, good. Then to market this prototype to select industry corporations, secure business agreements that conveniently enable the individual riders and cyclist lovers, cyclist lovers, to purchase its exclusive luxury available worldwide. Additional contributions, if any should remain, will be applied to support other Ulule campaigns, fundraisers present online, organized of unique artists and inspired entrepreneurs worldwide. There is unique art on this page, for sure. Fully one shall receive.

Oh, maybe they've... Okay. That's a cavalcade of insane images. Completely reasonable thing. I forgot there's a Q&A at the bottom. That's what the thing I was missing was. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stock photography of woman looking at the beach. Yeah. So here's the thing that sort of confused me about this, is that this project is owned by a Miss Williams, who's ostensibly this woman looking at the beach. Miss Williams if you're nasty. Yeah. So it says, Miss Williams, project owner is Miss Williams, a practical, experienced business professional and creative artist slash entrepreneur.

Project owner is Miss Williams, a practical, experienced business professional and creative artist slash entrepreneur. And it says, as the official project owner and featured artist, I have personally chosen to represent this amazingly talented artist, technical architect, and brilliant innovator of our time. So the person who's making this bike and has written all this text is a mystery. I spent hours trying to figure out what the brain was behind this project, and I cannot find it whatsoever. So sleuths of the internet watching this episode, if you can figure out the personality behind this and what other inventions they thought of, please do. And how many things I can buy from them. They're a self-taught artist. Whom has absolutely no art or technical background or experience whatsoever.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. Then that is bold and underlined. I really want to know that. Like, as a selling point, I think? Yeah. So there's lots of information you can find

about the Miss Williams here, who has written a couple books of poetry, is trying to make a movie based on the books of poetry, has a photography business, which includes all of the photographs, all of the pictures, I guess, that we've seen on this article for some reason. I was hoping she was making a movie about the De Deer.

Yeah, no, not yet. But maybe once this... Like a Knight Rider reboot but with the De Deer? Yeah. Maybe once this project is done. Actually, it's doubled its amount of funding since i looked at it this morning okay it's now up to 20 canadian dollars uh this project is based in toronto okay good um good and just one last thing to to cover here uh hey lemon uh yeah you i'm gonna ask you a series of questions you're gonna answer them for

me yeah absolutely any question you got, I got the answer for it. Any question at all. First question. As for the amount stated in dollars with each reward sample link provided, is that cost the exact amount I should precisely donate? Yes, just the dollar amount, not the cents.

If this fundraising goal is achieved, will this be the time I am charged for my donation slash contribution? Your contributed donation will be deducted precisely at the close of this entire campaign. For the exact amount I donate, will I receive an exclusive Dedeer reward of choice worth the exact amount in exchange? Yes, you will be awarded with an exclusive reward of your choice precisely of the same amount, equivalent

to your donation in contribution. Can I choose the different sizes, colors, or preferences more suitable to my personal taste, and then make a donation of that amount, minus the cents included? Or do I have to choose the reward selections included solely with each reward

sample link provided that i click on certainly you are free to choose options that are most suitable to your personal preferences and the needs and are not limited to any one reward sample provided or its various sections of the didier that you see. Are there additional features to the Didier bicycle, aside from its already enlisted, highlighted 21 advanced features? Yeah, there will be. The additional features included are actually a

surprise, especially for high-level contributors. What else will they put on that bike? Isn't that fun? I'm really curious. What else will fit on on that bike? Isn't that fun? I'm really curious. What else will fit on the bike? Another button. Here's a really good question. The actual blueprint plan of the DeDeer to be designed is precisely which image on this actual project page?

Okay. Okay, the actual DeDeer bicycle that will be built, the actual blueprint of its design is... So fucking obvious. The third picture down on the left side of the project page, the image with a gray and white horizontally striped background drawn in pencil along with a pencil crayon color added. Details notice of its precise design have been excluded for intellectual protection and original exclusivity of design. I was going to steal it. Every other photo apparently isn't the thing, but the third

picture down that I still can't find after she explained it. No, it's of that group of pictures that we were looking at that had like the deer head one on it. It's the top of those. Oh. Right. Okay. that group of pictures that we're looking at that had like the deer head one on it yeah top of those oh right okay okay it's not the one immediately after that which is the exact same picture but with like a photoshop noise filter okay oh yeah gotcha so that's just a picture of bike uh but with a bunch of colors on it. There you go. Okay. In order to receive advertising instead for my business or company,

along with the DeDeer exclusive, what is the minimum donation slash contribution acceptable in order to secure this business partnership and exclusive opportunity? The minimum acceptable donation is $657 for one twelfth of a page square equivalent in dimensions to 2.249 inches by

2.306 inches. Where the fuck did those measurements come from? What? That's so close to a square, but yet isn't a square. It's weird. What?

So, it is 2.249 inches by 2.306 inches for a one-time full-color worldwide international exposure advertisement ad. It's an advertisement ad for your business, company, or brand. Yep.

What? And that's the deterrent. How much? So obviously, like you said, so far it's got 39 days left. So, you know, good luck. By the way, is Ulule is it flex funding? Did you figure that out? No, it isn't. Oh, okay.

So they'll need to get their $22,388. Actually, there might be options, but this one says payment secure. If the project does not reach its goal, you will be reimbursed without fee on your bank account. Wow. Gotcha. I'm just trying to figure out, because apparently this thing is a double electric bike, and I'm trying to just figure out how much apparently this thing is a double electric bike.

And I'm trying to just figure out how much it costs to actually get the bike. Oh, never mind. Here we go. So, $234. $234 will get you an electric bike. Wow. With, like, nine different theft deterrent devices. This is the best deal I've heard so far.

different theft deterrent devices. This is the best deal I've heard so far. That's like a couple weeks of double mochas. Absolutely. Okay, so that's the 30% off one. Yep. Take a look at the next. Oh, okay. I'm wrong.

I'm wrong. $234 will only get you 30% off I'm sorry, I was wrong 30% off your purchase So you're investing in a coupon Investing, yes Right, right So you actually can't

You can't get a DeDeer bicycle out of this thing No, what? The very best thing you can do is if you give me $3,500, I will give you an 80% off coupon for your DeDeer bicycle, which presumably retails at, I mean, I guess at this point it would have to cost $5,000. Oh, you get an extra special thank you, by the way. That's pretty good. So, F+, what did you learn today? I won a DeDeer! It has a list underneath the rewards.

It says early birds, and there's one person listed, and their name is MBDesigns1, and their icon is the DeDeer. That's the creator, that's the creator of the project. Is it? Okay. Yeah, so he gave $15 to his own project. Way to prime the pump.

I think I've discovered how to make infinite money. It's a perpetual funding machine. That's the only person that's contributed to this. It's true. There's one comment. It's a comment from the creator to himself. It says, congrats with all my support eight days ago.

I've also had my bike stolen, and that's a thing that happens and makes you very mad. And then this guy was like, I want to make a unstealable bike. And it's the Homer. Right. It's absolutely the bicycle Homer. But I learned that if you put random bold words and sections

in your pitch on one of these sites, then you'll get a lot of money. Has anyone in the last 10 years thought of a board game that hasn't been funded? Has that happened in 10 years? Has that ever happened?

It's amazing. I went through a whole bunch of different crowdfunding sites uh and eventually landed on this one and uh i guess the thing that surprises me so much is is the is the percentage of successful campaigns you find on crowdfunding sites now like it's the thing i i thought this whole thing would have just been sort of dying out and be like yeah nobody really cares about it but but the only thing that seems to have died out is is is people making unsuccessful pitches people just like like it's like the really lazy people just want to bother with that and now

it's just like the enthusiastic people all just i don't i don't know where this money's coming from i don't understand i don't understand anything about 2019. Survival of the fittest. I'm watching Evolution in progress. Survival of the most shameless. Yeah, because, I mean, because, like, all of these stories, you know, from the, you know, the guy that ended up being the Steve Bannon sex robot guy. Oh, yeah. being in the Steve Bannon sex robot guy.

Oh, yeah. Like, there is such a long history of people having, like, absolutely idiotic premises and then just robbing people, and

to my mind, nothing bad has happened to any of them. Like, I feel like I've heard of class action lawsuits, but I haven't actually heard of class action lawsuits that resolve themselves. Like there was one guy, at one point, it was an Indiegogo project, and a guy had a project where, you know how when you're on a plane, a lot of times you're on a plane and you can't get Wi-Fi? You know how when you're on a plane, a lot of times you're on a plane and you can't get Wi-Fi?

Uh-huh. This was a product where you would charge it like you do any device. You would charge it with the internet. Yeah. So it was a physical box that had the internet on it, and then you would just charge it with the internet for four hours. And then you would get on the plane, and then it would have four hours worth of internet on it because it had been pre-charged. Of course. Because Indiegogo made a real reputation of itself for just not canceling anything.

Yeah. And if you ever want to go to somewhere disreputable and share your terrible ideas, come to Ball Pit. How do I get to Ball Pit? It's ballp.it. Ball Pit. How do I get to Ball Pit? It's ballp.it. Ballp.

Hey, Boots. I like to buy dumb shit like stickers. Oh, yeah. And the other thing that I really like to buy, look, here's the thing that I'm really into. I'm really into outdated physical music mediums. Oh, yeah. Is there a place that I can go to buy a relic of a music medium

that has been not around for at least two decades? Yeah. Hopefully, by the time this comes live, we'll have that particular thing you're talking about at a website called Theflplu.

Sorry. Theflpl sorry theflpl.us yeah as you might have heard Boots composed 24 different Garbage Day Hour themes and we've put them together on

a single cassette tape along with a touching rendition, a Elliot Smith-style touching rendition of Hanson's... I mean, yeah, I touch myself. That was... Available on a cassette tape for price TBD. Not enough. Yeah, find that, and then buy it,

and then stop listening to this. Bye. Fuck you! Thanks to dear listeners. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can sing just like our fathers Come on, Ireland Oh, I swear what I mean At this moment

You mean everything you in that dress all my thoughts I confess virgin dirty oh come home oh my god

oh my god please stop I'm Oh my god. Oh my god. Please stop. I'm not even joking. Okay. Can we do the intro? Yeah, yeah.