The F Plus - 328: You Are Likely To Be Yiffed By A Grue

Episode Date: July 23, 2020

Fapp is a furry erotic tabletop roleplaying game. Now, credit where it's due, they own the domain balls dot horse, which is a fantastic name. However, as you're about to find out, everything they enjoy is profoundly disgusting. This week, The F Plus requests a court-ordered explungement.

Culver's Butterburgers and Custard. Shit, dick, fuck, fuck, fuck, dick, balls, fucking, bouncy, dick, dick, dick. As we approach the tavern, a very loud man says, This is the F+, it's Terrible Things, right with enthusiasm. And in the room tonight we have Boots Rangier. Aficionado. Whenever you gain disgust, gain hard and primed instead. It's fun.

Please don't listen to this episode, potential employers. Bunny bread. Rock and roll. This is an affliction. Your bowels fill with a never-ending supply of noxious gases, fluids, or solids that continuously rocket out of your rump without you being able to do a single thing about it. Sign up now, folks. Portex.

Living suit. You can be worn by another character of your same size or smaller. Frankwest. Thus rise the Meldlords. And Lemon. Shameless. Whenever you gain shame, gain hard instead.

Oh, that's all right. I'm gonna put that on all my tap-outs. Shame is pain, leaving the body. And now you're down in the basement All dressed up in latex One red light bulb hanging from the ceiling And a lot of folks standing on a small chair In the middle of the room Now how you gonna explain that, man? The secret's out

You've been living a lie How you gonna explain How you gonna explain How you gonna explain Hey, F-Plus. What's up, guys? Hey, F+. Hey, Frank West, what the fuck is this? It's been a while. I come across a lot of things. I mean, you can't expect to remember something from, I don't know, within this year.

Sure. It's a long time ago. I've lost concept of time anyway. But I'm looking at a document right now. It's a document given to us by the Lesbiathan and Heavenator. And my question is, apparently you're to blame. Yes, it's the name of the doc. And I don't understand what this is.

So I don't have any idea how I found this, but it is like a tabletop game like dungeons and dragons uh but it's for furries who want to have fake sex in the game um with all of their fetishes and i came across and i was like there's a lot of stuff here um and then i was like julia you've been such a good dm to me um and i'm going to make you regret it by giving you this to make a doc out of it. Okay, fantastic. So in simple sort of, you know, you've all taken Rorschach tests before, you know, simple word association kind of things. You say furry, and I hear Patreon.

So let's start off with the Patreon. Do you know what a Rorschach test is? Yeah, I just do. I just misused it. That's all. Oh, okay. Knowing it and following the definition. Yeah, no, no.

You guys know basketball with the hitting? Yeah, so we are at patreon.com slash K-A-h uh it's asking me if i'm 18 or older yeah well i wouldn't lie boom well there's only one option which is yes and uh yeah so this is a patreon that uh it's got 94 patrons uh and uh two thousand seven hundred and seventy four4 per book. And Frank West, why don't you just tell me about FAP, won't you? FAP with two Ps. FAP-a-pa.

FAP-a-pa. FAP-a-pa. That's what we're calling it. No, it doesn't stand for anything. Yay. We just put it next to it. It has no morals. I know people can't see the illustration But I just like how there's no actual sky

But the fetishes get rendered Lovingly Yes it does fulfill all your wildest dreams For what a fantastic And far too silly Furry tabletop RPG can be If you don't have any such dreams, disregard. You will soon.

Oh god. Our adventures take place in a high fantasy setting in which foul and perverse magics have warped the very fabric of the universe. Fabric of universe.

Oh sorry, very fabric of universe. At the top of L universe. Fabric of the universe. Oh, sorry. Very fabric of universe. At the top of Lung. Rendering martial combat and most forms of magic ineffectual, which is very relatable to most of the people reading this, while simultaneously boosting the sensual drives and

characteristics of the realm's inhabitants. Sorry. Sorry. boosting the sensual drives and characteristics of the realm's inhabitants. My sensual... Sorry. Sometimes under a full moon, my sensual drive just goes out of whack. This leaves only one method of recourse for adventurers and monsters to get the upper hand

on their adversaries. Getting it on! Makes sense. Intrigued yet? You better be. It's a real... What's going to happen exactly? It's a real there's nothing in the rules that say dogs can't play basketball

kind of situation. Because we're going to have to fuck our way out of this problem. Hey, have you ever been the person at your table that got the person at your table that got kicked out of your table? Well, use the game for you Imagine a table full of those people

Oh, yeah So tell me about the FAP project, won't you? I would love to tell you about the FAP project We plan to release a new FAP book about every six months featuring new locations, monsters, characters and adventures each time. By backing as a patron, you get

to help fund our next expansion and determine what goes into it. Fund the next expansion. And what release can we look forward to in December of 2020? FAP. Hyperspace. So hyperspace.

If you get that pun right off the bat, you've been listening to this podcast too much. I know the risks, but go outside. I'm familiar with hyper cum, hyper balls. Our next expansion will thrust us back into the future, into the far reaches of space where no man has ventured before, searching the depths of the universe for the weirdest and kinkiest aliens to bump uglies with in hyperspace.

I feel like I wish you would use some sort of like double entendres in your writing every once in a while. I think it would really spice things up. It has all the subtlety of a Leisure Suit Larry game. You clicked on the... You clicked on the IM18 button like the rest of us. Yeah. Cool. So I see this Patreon.

You've got, like I said, $2,775 or $74. What happens if we get all the way to $5,000? $5,000. $5,000. Um, $5,000. This one's a stretch. But hitting this goal will let me to afford

to work on FAP full-time instead of having to grind at a day job to support it. Where do you work? At the porn factory? I'm doing the math real quick here. It says the Patreon is umptiesquat dollars per book. $5,000 per book at a

semi-annual release rate means you would get $10,000 a year. Right? Is that how Patreon works? I'm assuming Patreon takes a cut so it's probably even less than that. So it's like $7,000 a year? Very possible. And then you've got some recent posts that you've given to your patrons.

What sort of releases have you had? Well, we had the FAP Cursed Compendium. And how is compendium spelled? Well, we had the FAP-cursed compendium. And how is compendium spelled? Oh, sorry. The FAP-cursed compendium. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Any other releases you had?

We had the J.O. Crystal. That picture's blurred out because I'm not a patron don't worry i'm a patron is there more well i think i think a lot these are just patreon posts so some of these could just be uh like images maybe keeper kamala we did oh we did that. Okay. Kamala. There's the celibate rope. This rope has never had sex.

Cool. So good. I'm glad you got your funding. So now that we've got your funding all figured out, we are going to to be going to this is an interesting website uh fap.pbworks.com uh that's right we don't need to go to fandom or any of those other wikia services no no we're going to roll our own wiki uh with the fap wiki um uh the uh lesbiathan points out right here that these are not settings for FAP as the rest cost money we aren't willing to spend.

The missing segments are Ass Effect. Okay. Like the game. Yeah, and some other things. So this is a setting available in FAP called Duat.

Duat? Duat. D-U-A-T. Duat. Duat. Duat. I think Bunny Bread has pronounced it correctly. Yeah, I'm a co-founder.

This explains a lot. Portex, will you please tell us about Dwat? Dwat! Dwat! No, you guys are butchering it. Jesus Christ. Sorry. A land of high magic and adventure

long ago, set into its current state of being. That good opening sentence. A number of extremely powerful god kings have come to rule over this land, allowing their people to prosper when they are not at war with one another. Thanks, that's nice of them. The god kings.

Long, long ago, in the before time, the great god kings, each powerful rulers in their own right, were said to have gathered together at a council of the world's nations. As the head of their respective nations, they have begun to realize that the true power that leadership bestowed upon them, it seems that in the world of DRAAARGH, to be worshipped directly confers power unto you. It is subtle, and was not noticed for millennia until this time. The god kings noticed that they were granted power from three facets.

Number one, the number of people worshipping them. It is nearly impossible to notice the effects with smaller numbers, but with enough legions at their feet, the god kings began to feel power coursing through them.

This sounds like a great game, Mr. Molyneux. Mm-hmm. These other two are actually also weirdly normal, slowly adopting powers unimaginable. The god kings were,

for the most part, quite thrilled with the blessings they'd received. The heretic, whose name and likeness has been expunged from being, implored the god-kings to unite

and work together with his newfound power or cast it off entirely. Sounds like a great book you got, Mr. Gaiman. Arguing that they were vain beyond belief to think that such power belonged to them to use as they see fit, the god-kings did not enjoy this to use as they see fit the god kings did not enjoy this notion and together they banished the heretic from ever having been okay nerd so

horny nerd trap sprung here but this is sounding very warhammerish i think they just lifted this whole cloth from warhammer was there was there some sort of i don't know was there some sort of happening the happening yes that's a much better term. Many visions of things present, past, and future. The great god king Anubis. He's the one with the jackal head. Extremely sexy boy, that Anubis.

Why is it like analbis or something? Why didn't they screw with that? I don't understand. It's too much of a walk. These puns are supposed to be easier than that. Anus bis. Yeah, an, Christ. Anus bis. Yeah, anus bis. Anus bis. I guess if you lay it on too thick, people get fatigued.

Oh, yeah, you're right, you're right. Don't want to do that. Temperance in all things in this world. If there's one thing I think about furries, it's restrained. Oh, yeah, that's hot. Hey, guys, hey, guys, dial them back. Come on now. Kind of, yes. A nubilist saw a momentary

convergence between Draht and Jizzro. The two realms faded to touch for but a moment before parting ways. Once more into the ether, the god-king glimpsed into this realm to see what splendors it hid away. He liked what he saw

it's only gay it's only gay if the realms touch thus god king anal beads formed a war band of his greatest and most trusted followers and sent them forth to search for this land of wonder and return as quickly as they could upon finding it with the inception of the fappening well sorry it. With the inception of the fappening... Sorry. Thus was the inception of the fappening. And there's a bunch of... Just nothing really happens here.

As Anubis' warband returned, touched by the energies of Jizrel, they found themselves changed. And what's more, they were spreading this change throughout... This land would slowly reshape itself, becoming a child of Jizrel, with Anubis being the only god-king prepared for the event. And then the kingdoms of Dret are

just the Burning Kingdom, the Desert Kingdom, the Eternal Kingdom, the Hidden Kingdom, Mountain Kingdom, Sky Kingdom, Two-Sun Kingdom, Burning Kingdom, Water Kingdom, Luncheon Kingdom, Fossil Falls, Mushroom Kingdom. And they're all named after symbols of Egyptian gods. Burden Kingdom, Water Kingdom, Luncheon Kingdom, Fossil Falls. Mushroom Kingdom. And they're all named after symbols of Egyptian gods.

That's weird. I'm intrigued now. You're mentioning Jizzrel. Sounds like a cool place. Bunnybread, do you think you can tell me some more about Jizzrel? Yeah, let me tell you about my place of worship. Jizz!

Jizz! This is where we all watch Jizz. Jizz! Roll. Let me tell you about my place of worship. Cheers. Cheers. This is where we all watch Cheers. Cheers. Roll. A magical land like no other. Jizz Raleigh is a realm of fantasy that cross-sects the material plane in several key locations, which nigh impossible to locate from either end. That's a sentence, probably.

Yep. This enables the occasional traveler. Several key locations, which nigh impossible to locate from either end. That's a sentence, probably. Yep. Several key locations, which nigh impossible to locate from either end. That's what I said, motherfucker. That's how key they are. This enables the occasional traveler to stumble into just real, seeping them immediately into its inherent sexual energies.

Very, very rarely, however, does one wander out of the realm of Jizra Rasis Boomba. When they do, they can carry a piece of it with them, often bewildering the inhabitants of whatever realm they enter with the bizarre properties of a

Jizral native. The inhabitants of Jizral are extremely sexual, bestial creatures. Oh, this is the sexy way. This is the sexual.

Should I mention that? Should I mention that with jizz? No, no, I just want to know. Sex animals. Why did I get the war hammer shit? And now we get to the sex.

Gotta lead with the sex animals. Can't believe I'm telling you furries how to do your job. The Patreon count depends upon it. So anyways, they're extremely sexual, bestial creatures. The more civilized sorts are anthropomorphic animals, while feral and magical beasts of many natures also exist. They're also sexual. Yeah, yeah, hey.

By the way, we're not here just for the jerkin. We're also here for the jerkin. Physical changes. Upon entering Jizra, one immediately notices that their features and capabilities are altered to suit this realm. They become hyper-endowed. Hyper-endowed, folks.

And all sexes produce male genitalia. Huh. Yep. Just like crawlite. Yep. Maybe it's produce. Produce male genitalia. No, it's just a whole bunch of cucumbers that look especially, you know, fetching. Alright, let's

cling to that. That zucchini there is looking, is winking at me. Sexual urges and fluid production are ramped up to ludicrous levels. An average inhabitant... I'm sweating so much! Oh, no! My cum's out!

Connors, jizz, yo! Lights out! I am sobbing a lot, so I guess my fluid production is up. I just have so much blood! Why can't anybody else get gum? You don't want to see what kind of loogies I can hawk now.

An average inhabitant of Jizrah is endowed with a cock one-fourth their height. That makes sense. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. But it is not uncommon to see...

Like even when it's sticking straight out, it just has that height. It's that goofy. It's crazy goofy. Listen, just a very, you know, normal and, in fact, tiny size of a cock one-fourth their height. A lot of wheelbarrows being employed here. All right. But it is not uncommon to see them. Yeah, yeah.

To see them grow. No, a pogo stick. Okay. Use a nasty pogo stick. Yeah. No, no. yeah. To see them grow... No, pogo stick. Okay. Use it as a pogo stick. Yeah. No, no, but I mean, like, if... I guess you... But it is not uncommon to see them grow much, much larger.

Oh, thank God. Okay, good. They're... Yeah, they're... Okay, so I should have skipped that. You're right, you're right. Portaxi, you're correct. I'm sorry.

They are capable and in need of sexual contact from birth. From birth! What? Oh, no. This is the Bunny Bread story. Oh, don't do that. That's a bad idea, though. Do they tell us this?

Yeah. Do our dicks tell us this? Well, yeah. The dicks would say, Wah, wah! Feed me, Seymour! Yeah. Yeah.

Inhabitants of Jizzroll do not age physically past middle age. Oh, that's pretty hot. Yep. Once they start balding, it's fine. Diseases are few and far between, and are often sexual in nature. Inhabitants of Jizral are incapable of true death. They regenerate much faster than a normal creature. That's fine.

Yeah. So they regenerate much faster than a normal creature, is plural, able to recover from any sort of bodily harm within five days at maximum. Creatures capable... Creatures capable of devouring, transforming, or destroying others

never truly kill a resident of Jizral, often choosing instead to corrupt them into service or kinship, or absorb their physical being into their own body as a resource. Souls, however. That's worse than death, I feel. Pretty much. Pretty much. Souls of Jizral, though mallealleable are resilient and are never truly destroyed they are however often used as a currency by demon lords who warp and corrupt them to spawn their own

vile minions so jizral is hell jizral is jizzy hell yeah you can't die uh you your soul can be absorbed into demons and your dick is real big yeah yeah well now that i know that it's a society of the eternally uh middle-aged and horny i'm just imagining if they all look like paul giamatti just for all that's known as the key party realm so like it says like absorbs their physical being into their own body or as a research that research it's come right yeah or pre-come probably you don't know there's no other

resource you don't know there's a character this game has a character sheet there's only one stat that says come from 1 billion to 100 everyone everyone else is filling out the regular character sheets guys got shifty eyes this paper just says come on I want you to do a saving throw

against cum. Oh, is that my cum stat? I use cum on it! Apply your cum modifier. And this jizz roll, this mystical, wonderful land jizz roll, does it have any factions? I'm glad you asked

because I wanted to talk about that more than anything aside from my own penis. Factions of Jizral. There's Adonium. There's Baal. Hell. You know, good old-fashioned hell. There's Puritanica.

Which is, you know, yeah. Rigid Refuge. The Chancel of Whores. Delightful. Yes yes we love it the tribes of the savage lands so you got you got yourself pretty much the standard gamut there you know yeah kind of a bum deal for satan that he's like i guess just in here with it's like i was sort of doing my own thing but i guess i'm horny now i tried to break off but these guys are a little bit weird for me. So I've been looking into Puritanica, which is not a Mr. Show sketch. Puritanica is sort of the military faction of Jizzrel.

And it is located at home slash settings slash Jizzrel slash prudes. It's fun. Can you tell me about the culture of Puritanica? Sure. Puritanica. Oh, it's spelled differently on this page. I was going to say, yeah.

Puritanica. Puritanica. It's like that stuff you get in pudding that makes it sort of thicken with little lumps. The sole culture of bigotry and conservatism in a land of enhanced sexual splendor, the Prudes are a surprisingly large population

of civilized, and that's in quote marks Oh, very good. But civilized people Who are the real sexual zombies. Yeah. Who control a large empire in the region. The Prudes have a strict ban on magic of any kind and furthermore abolish all sexual activity except among the militia and royalty.

Because of the intense sexual nature of Jezreel, populants of the Prude kingdom, Puritanica, find it very difficult to resist their sexual temptations any slight portrayal of lewd or sexual behavior in public is rewarded with immediate incarceration you have to bounce the eyes i guess so okay so laws that's good so they will they will frequently uh come out of bathrooms see something they disapprove of and go oh my are these anyway these are all still furries right some of the constables

not only I think yeah these are also still furries but they're still also furries with giant dicks and they're pretty short yeah they still one quarter plus yeah they're furries but they're wearing full length skirts

they should all be falcons, then. Yeah. That's a joke for no one. Well, it's for you. Once convicted, a sex criminal has only three options available to them, semi-colon, rot in jail, become a slave, or join the militia at slave rank. Huh. Okay.

So, when you're arrested by the Puritans, you become the Puritans? No, you're punished with military service. Okay, gotcha. Yeah, that seems like a really good conscription service. I can see how that would work out well for you. Our military consists only of our horniest people. In a war against horny yeah people with good impulse control in your military

they're just doing military drills holding their enormous dicks in their arms like they're guns left shoulder arms just flinging it over your left shoulder no don't dismantle it like a continental soldier that puts you into the continental soldier rank.

Yes, exactly. Present arms for cleaning. Do you want me to go into all those ranks? I mean, I feel like there's some branches of service and some ranks that I think might be worth knowing about. Okay. So the prudes keep an immensely powerful militia of twinks and studs this this non this this faction of prudes i hope they get along has the the twinks and the studs who explore every way you're a twink you're that's how that's how

there's some interdepartmental hostility between them but it's good to have i think it's some interdepartmental hostility between them, but it's good to have rivals. I think it's some good-natured rivalry between the army and the marines. They explore every non-magical facet of their sexuality. Because they strive for purity, the Prudes only allow beasts among the ranks of their militia. There are four ranks in the Prude militia. Sure, sure. Just briefly, the names of these ranks? Okay, so you've got your slave rank. Again, that's like if you get a boner in public, that's where you're headed.

You got your common rank. That's like the volunteers. The noble rank. Then the general rank. Okay, that's how ranks work. So general is above noble? General is above noble, yeah above noble yeah okay gotcha so well the it says uh actually no i i see how the general because they're like military generals

and they answer only to the council of prudes which i like oh god tell me about the council of prudes okay um answer yeah the general rank militiamen answer only to the council of prudes Okay. militiamen encroaching upon each other's jurisdictions. Down to the council prudes, a small body of noblemen who decide the laws of the land and dictate the direction of commerce and expansion. The council prudes consists of ten elder councilmen, even though nobody ages past a certain point, and lesser

representatives, or maybe that's lesser representatives from a settlement in the Empire. We are the ten least horny old men in this state. Are we the baddies?

Our hats have dicks on them. Cool, so these prudes, they don't have any social flaws or anything, do they? Well, actually... When have prudes ever had social flaws? I mean, I wasn't going to bring it up, but you kind of touched on something there. Because of the abdunance of sexual energy that fills Jizral,

many prudes find it difficult to avoid engaging in sexual activity. It just kind of happens, you know. to avoid engaging in sexual activity. It just kind of happens, you know. The average person feels an intense need to either mate or masturbate upwards of 20 times per day. Sure, that's true. Sounds about right.

Yeah, but what is it in hell, though? Yeah, we definitely do. These urges can be crippling. How do they even masturbate with a dick the size of their whole body? Like playing a trombone or something. Effort! It does seem like...

Love finds a way at some point but uh these urges can be crippling thankfully it is not considered a sex crime to have an erection in public oh okay so my joke earlier that is not true that was an uninformed joke and i meant to write to you about it yeah as that is unavoidable i mean we've all been there but however it is a punishable offense to have any sexual flesh shown to rub against any object with sexual parts again that could happen by accident it's just or to touch or adjust one's sexual parts in any way so yeah prudes are extremely prone to nocturnal emissions because of their society's repression but such explungements do very little that is a good word take a lot take a nasty explunge that is the name of my new porno

grind man explungements uh so they do this to ease their sexual tension and if anything they make it worse no every settlement in the Pride Empire is required to have a night watch, which patrols their village throughout the night. You jackin'? You jackin'? And during the day as well in some large settlements, which is why they're called a night watch, to check for sexual activity. You fuckin'?

She's not knocking the doors every night. Just saying if you fuckin'. Not fuckin'? They are permitted to enter into and inspect homes to make sure such activity does not go on in private either. What say you got your dick in right now?

Hang on. So if you can't rub your sex parts all over things and you can also not adjust your sex parts. That's how I adjust them. If you're knocking someone's door to see if they're fucking, then you'd have to turn sideways, right? Knock on the door to see if they're fucking?

Because if your dick does the knocking, then you're going to fuck jail. If this dick doors a knocking, don't come. Don't come, period. The doors have a little thing where it goes out so you can... Yeah, I see. It's got like an indentation.

The two level doors, yeah. You just knock out the bottom one, then yeah i see oh it's got like an indentation the two level doors yeah you just knock out the bottom one then yeah that's how they open all right top of the morning tell you just checking up on your penises what's the uh what's the last sentence of the social floss um oh sorry the second to the last sentence yeah the members of the night watch who's catch a sex criminal in the act often demand a bribe or even flesh in exchange for their silence this in itself is a sex crime but very difficult to prove so that you know there's there's corruption in the night watch you're having sex that's a crime i'm gonna report you unless you have sex with me that's that's pretty much a porno uh plot line right there though what is hot about this?

Penises. I know they're all people with giant fish heads or whatever, and that's super hot, but what's hot about this? Every story needs a bad guy, especially porn. Yeah. We've all watched porn with bad You're going to root against that guy coming later.

We've all seen porn where the antagonists are boring. Yeah. And it's just no fun. Yeah. F plus, I would like to tell you about Vor. By which I mean not Vor, V-O-R-E, but V-O-R, V-O-R Vor. The god. So it's nice, right?

It's fine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Vor. Teaming with countless and new and exotic species, but devoid of any civilizations or sapient life, the realm of Vor is providing the ideal gateway from the endless prude campaigning back in Jizral. The only higher minds in this land

are those that migrated from Jizral when the two planes briefly touched, most of whom did so unintentionally, bringing with them the fappening, which now warps this untouched world slightly towards the lewd depravity of Jizral's own tendencies. which leaves the Jizral migrants in a peculiar situation, still harboring many of the physical and magical boons offered by their erotic home plane, but now bound to need to take up arms against the feral beasts of this realm and any fellows they might clash with with more conventional memes. There's several characters that are in the sidebar who are not described. I don't understand why they're

here, but I'm going to tell you about them. First of all, there's Buckshot, who's a jackalope cum slinger. Cum slinger. Cum slinger. You have to let it slinger. Yes, of course. And also Edgar, who's Raven Hidden Hunger.

Kalren is Gargoyle Mutagenic Mauler. There's Sal. Hey, Sal. Bunny bread, bunny bread. Yeah, yeah. Do you appreciate foxes? Yeah, but probably not on the level that I should. No, because Sal is a fox connoisseur.

Oh, thank God, Sal, we have to talk. Fox sommelier just pours foxes into a small glass for you. Actually, that's probably actually in there. Yeah, that's the barrel. Also, if you want somebody to hang out with, apparently Skithick's job is a skunk flesh crafter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, sounds like a fun evening. All you need

if he's in your guild, you just give him the flesh mats and he'll do it for free. Edgar, raven, head in hunger. Jackalope, cum slinger. Cum slinger. Slinginger.

Lemon, can I ask you to click on the log button above that Cumslinger. Yeah, yeah, Cumslinger. Cumslinger. Cumslinger. Lemon, can I ask you to click on the log button above that to see an experience log from a game that these people played? Sorry, which button? Where's the log? Above the Jackalope Cumslinger's portrait, there's a

log. Oh, yes, the word log. Okay. Oh, fuck. The experience log is an experience log of stuff that happened in their game. Okay, so a game of this happened. The description of it is things happened. Shit was intense. So assuming that I read top to bottom, which I think I do. Okay, so here we go.

Role play. Caravan Palace. Then there was an encounter with six bandits. Then there was tracking trouble. Then there was an encounter with six dick wolves. Then there was a new challenger. Then, here was a fun role play that we had. Brunch munchers.

Woo! I used to play that on the Apple IIe. The little green guy. Lost cargo, then cap bandit. Oh, oh, but then it was very embarrassing. Fortunately, we received 400 experience at the end of this because there was an ass disaster. That usually happens after brunch. That usually happens after brunch munching.

Oh, no. The ass disaster was followed by a septic showdown. No, no. No, stop. No. Well, then there was an encounter with a boss. Repeat? Whatever.

Who cares? Anyway, then there was an encounter with a boss of repeat, whatever, who cares? Anyway, then there was an anal exchange. Can I borrow your anus for a while? Yeah, I was just wondering, how does that play out? This campaign so far, it started in February of 2015. It has gone on for four months at this point. Merlin's magical mystery tour was next, then Sal's hostile takeover

then we were back in Black Den oh, then there was a different disaster than the ass disaster it was the dong thief disaster curse you dong thief we'll catch up with you on these days he's lost Looney Tunes cartoons

or not it's a guy who bumps into you and then when you look down, your dong is gone. Yikes, and away! Beware of dong thieves and loose women. Seven inch skidoo! We have dong thieves around here. From our dongs. After the dong thieves around here after the uh after the dong thief disaster we got a severe sorely overdue reward um then the klaxon was sounded and it was time for feed fucker frenzy

so it's like a cartoony dust cloud fight but there's just dicks and gum just no that's just an xbox gum just flying. No, that's just an Xbox game, actually. That's, uh, that's, that's... Fuck it. Uh, then there was some more shit, uh, but, uh, but, uh, for example, uh, we mostly ended, uh, well, in June of 2015, we had the journey to the Tower of

Dongs. They're getting good with these titles. It's like a procedural roguelike dungeon name. The Tower of Fuck, I don't know. Shit, tits, whatever. Guys, what should we put in the tower? Cum! Dicks! Cum and jizz or whatever.

Dicks have been working for us for a while. I think we'll just put dicks in it. That's fine. Say boots. Yeah? I want you to just look at this document here given to us by Ethan and Heavenator and you got some classes here.

The classes. The important thing about classes is the website that we're going to go to for these classes. Yes. It's balls.horse. So fucking jealous. so fucking jealous offer to buy it from yeah yeah uh i mean unless unless dick dot horse is available in which case this is an image board we're informed that this is not a complete list because you you need to pay money on the patreon for a whole list of

classes. Dick that horse is taken. What about dong.thieves? Ooh, that is a good one, though. Dong thieves! Dong thieves and dong liars! Every day is dong-a-ween. It's a TLD exclusively

for ministry fans. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. You're welcome. If you go to just the root of balls.horse. Okay, let's do that. Not really. Okay. Okay.

So, SupportX, you're an appreciator of the arts. okay so so Portex you're an appreciator of the arts oh my god okay fine let's see what's going on oh no yeah

wow what's this 201179 no I think that's the hit counter 201179 that's the hit counter

oh we're making it worse we're gonna get more foxes than balls post counter that's what it is and angels are gonna get their wings I can't make it any bigger though so there was That's the head counter. Oh, we're making it worse. We're going to give more foxes the balls. Post the post counter. That's what it is. And angels are going to get their wings or something. I can't make it any bigger, though. So the balls.horse, it's serving 20,179 posts.

Yeah, it's serving 29,179 posts. number is celebrated uh by uh seven or five sorry five sexy uh wolves uh where the numbers uh two zero one seven nine are drawn on their anuses or ball stacks the zero the zero is as like it's a it's a true feat in jizz to manage to manage to completely encircle an anus like that. That's coxmanship right there. Folks, be so glad this is an audio podcast. Anyway, I'm so sorry. So the class is a fat pup. Fat pup. Yeah, so there's a couple classes, right?

Yeah, so first of all, there's twink. Twinks are slender and nimble little sluts that know how to work their bodies to drive others crazy. Whether simply feigning submissiveness to lure their foes into a trap are truly the ultimate bottoms that they see. Their uncanny speed and finesse allows them to beat off the competition single-handedly. Cool. I see that the twinks, they get a whole bunch of different actions to them. Is there any actions that the twinks have that are worth mentioning?

Sure. There's elastic enticement. I am not enticed, sir. Yeah, the enticement is missing. There's pick and choose. When an enemy attacks you, choose which asset they attack. Rump dump. I put my hand up on your rump.

When I dump, you dump, we dump. All right, I got to read the description of this one. You make an ass or muff attack against an adjacent foe, and they gain fixation against you. Rump dump. Snatch. What's that one about? I love that movie.

I don't know. It's about Irish accents? Oh, twin cest. That's good uh there's a slip there the one of the things that uh twinks have uh is a is a move called uh slippery when wet which is basically that they jizz on the floor to evade their enemies like it's spy hunter oh i was thinking like frozone to To the tune of You Give Love a Bad Name. Yeah.

Any other classes? Other classes? Yeah. There's Technomancer. That's pretty sexy. Only found in modern and futuristic settings. The Technomancer is a specialist that utilizes hyper-advanced technology to augment and enhance their sexual capabilities, from gadgets and gizmos to digital transmissions and nanomachines. These learned technicians know their trade inside and out.

I know Kung Fu. So just like the Twinks, the Technomancers also have a bunch of their own actions. Can you just read me every action? Yeah, every action that starts with G, please. Get clone, get commit,

get fetch, get merge, get push, get stash. This is like another level of nerdy right here. This is your horniest of nerdy, right? Oh, God! This is your horniest way to visit GitHub. Oh, your pull requests are so sexy right now. Pull requests, I see.

My requests could use that kind of pulling, if you know what I mean. Also, Tesla Touch, White Hat Hacking, Regulatory Capture, if you know what I mean. Nanotech Augment. My stack is

overflown. Erectile Malfunction. Beep borp. It's actually a good one. I'm into that one. Alright, next class is Rectil. Oh, I just

got it. I can't believe I missed that for this one. Yeah, it's R-E-K-T-Y-L. Yeah. Followers of Malkai the Traveler, Rektil are a sect of nomadic wanderers that employ their own body's natural processes to emulate powerful magical spells. Sharing in their patrons' hunger,

the rotund and Ravenous Rectal are also quite skilled at vore. Rotund and Ravenous Rectal! Yeah, able to consume enemies whole to further fuel their abilities. Rectal often look like meager or weathered travelers,

most venturing the world alone, though some are known to take on apprentices or travel with Oddly? I thought oddly. I thought they were meager. Their art slowly warping their body to display a more pronounced midsection. I would describe most furries as their art is slowly warping their bodies, yes. to display a more pronounced midsection. I would describe most furries as their art is slowly warping their bodies. Yes.

That's a good point. Wider hips and oversized rump causing them to look strangely pudgy even when running on empty. Why is that hyphenated? Strangely pudgy. As if they were fat inside the suit. Here's the names of some of their abilities

devour taint what's that about please explain sir sir filth form flop food coma gastro plane interception

I like music. I can get through this one. Intercept meal. Yoink. Slime shape. Sudden snack. Unquenchable. Wandering gut.

Take it back here alright and finally the fourth of the classes that we have not that we're allowed to view obligated to view is the comslinger yeah slinger

yeah balls.horse slash fap slash classes dot html slash pound sign class equals come slinger say that again but slower unrivaled in their ability to quick draw come slingers are rough and tumble ranged combatants that utilize their bodies sticky and savory expulsions to splatter and batter their foes with uncanny speed and accuracy. Wow. They get abilities such as Cement Spurt.

Oh, no! That's rough, man. I mean, you better spurt fast and get away from it. Flame Spurt. Cursed Spurt. Freezing Spurt. Heavy Spurt. Holy Spurt. Poison Spurt. Shocking Spurt. Sticky spurt.

Sticky spurt. That's a rare one. This has to be the first class they came up with. What if jizz had elemental property? He's a jizzbenders. Yeah, no, jizzbending is an action. Spray and pray. Oh, it totally is.

Holy shit, I didn't see it. Love puddle. Deluge. Can't stop. Where's won't stop? Oh, there's reprieve. Refractory period. You're not being covered in jizz by this person.

That's just them going to sleep. is by this person. That's just them going to sleep. Yeah, there's more classes that are available at balls.horse. Love it. Love it. Yeah, such as the Beguiler and the Fiend and the Fleshcrafter and the Matron.

The Stud, of course, we've previously heard of, and the tantrist. I just want to know a little bit about the... Oh, no, I guess I don't want to learn anything about that. But the matron, one of her actions is TLC, so that's nice. Aw. She doesn't want not a single scrub.

She takes a horrible... So... Funny Brad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She takes a horrible... So... So... Funny Brad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Looks like we've got some boons and some traits, right? Boons and traits?

Yeah, some different sort of like... I guess these would be like status effects that you could have. Okay, one more. Yeah, so right there in the document down at about page 12 or 13. Boons and Traits. Yeah, yeah.

Alright, Boons, Farms, and Traits and Nates. Alright, cool. So there's some things that can happen to us, like, in a campaign. Yeah, no, if there's one thing I know about it, it's campaigns. Yeah, so anything that's worth mentioning right off the Yeah. So, uh, anything,

anything that's, uh, worth mentioning right off the bat. Okay. Okay. So tell me if you've been here before, fellas. Okay. Shit.

All right. So she got the tits, she got the ass, but you got the butter face. Raise your hands, fellas. Huh? We've been there.

Yeah. All right. My hands are, my hands are not raised. No, they are. It's your penis. It's raised. Nope. For the there? Yeah. My hands are not raised. No, they are. It's your penis. It's raised.

Nope, nope. For the record, my hands are not raised. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. It's raised. It's raised. I'm grabbing him by the wrist and trying to force his hand up. Just to get him in trouble. A common blessing requested by worshippers of Chiki.

A common blessing requested by worshippers of Chiki. This affliction causes one's cheeks to swell up and hang from their face to resemble the butt cheeks. Wait, what? Whoa, that's a different definition of butter face that I'm familiar with. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not raising my hand for the record. Now it's actually, yeah. Okay, good. All right.

All right, everybody's hands raised. Okay. With the moss soon swallowed up between the clefts, some, some also grow a small tail to rest atop these new rump cheeks. While it's certainly an odd look to sport, the effects aren't actually all that severe. No, no, I would consider that's actually pretty severe.

Oh, no, come on. Have you seen the rest of us? Does it sound like farts? Yeah. You gain the anal mutation for your maw and suffer a disadvantage. Why is this my fault all the time? Hey, maw.

They're all going to put your ass on your face. You're the one with the butter face. All right. So you gain the anal irritation for your maw and suffer a disadvantage on all stat checks to appear dignified in any manner.

Now. I'm not convinced I'm not convinced I'm not convinced they know what butter face is as a term. This is pretty

fucking stupid. Yeah. They've never they just looked it up briefly and didn't even look to Urban Dictionary for clarity. It's a butt stop rating. Yeah. it coming now oh face oh no fine i'll

type in whatever all right now i mentioned cheeky earlier yeah let's talk about cheeky's chagrin it's one of the many bizarre blessings of the demon lord of trickery this particular curse causes frequent triggered transformations to one's gender which at first appear random but those who spend time under this affliction soon learn what sets them off your gm will randomly determine four can of four conditions or damage types when you gain this affliction. These grant slash remove tits plus muff and cock plus sack, respectively. Thank you. Okay, so it seems like a powerful spell because there's four different modifications to my tits and muff and cock and sack.

Yeah. Seems like a lot. Seems like you've changed a lot. Tits and muff and cock and sack. Tits and muff and cock and sack. Tits and muff and cock and sack. And one. Pop your head, Frank.

It's time for the percolator. All right. Okay, so, we've gone through Cheekyy i want to tell you about my friend carl we all know our carl don't we yeah carl oh god have i not told you about carl oh shit oh shit you better want to sit down on your tits and your muffin your cock and your set i'm busy this week all right all right all right so carl carl is not just a man it is not just a myth it is an affliction whenever you let your guard slip even for a moment a voice that is not just a myth. It is an affliction. Whenever you let your guard slip, even for a moment,

a voice that is not your own escapes your lips, telling crude jokes, unleashing foul belches, and manipulating your body to become an old fish slob without you even realizing. Oh, my God. Carl is a psychic specter, a type of spirit that possesses people and slowly makes them more suitable for his purposes. Before moving on to the next vessel he fancies,

his sister Becky, has similar, albeit... So it actually is Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I'm actually turning into Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Oh, do I need to use a different voice? His sister Becky has similar,. My feminizing symptoms for those who possess it as well.

Thank you so much for changing that voice. Shut up, Dick. I'm sorry I'm not up on the Aqua Team

Hunger Force or whatever. That's a much better Carl voice. Yes. You did a great job. Yeah.

Anytime you fail an ego, we'll insight check. That's that fails by one. Oh, yeah. It don't matter. None of this matters. Wow. You have this affliction. You cannot raise those stats and only can spend one app on recollections,

but can do so even if you have two other classes. One. Once all three stats reach one, Carl, that's me, Carl Pretender Lad of Doodlyroochies will likely seek a new host to corrupt. While inflicted, the GM may rule the call.

Pick some of your actions. All right? Hey! All right. I think Bunny Bread is wearing sweatpants and flip-flops right now. I wasn't before, but they just suddenly grew upon me. Oh my god, where's my hair? Speaking like that summons them.

Yeah, so there's a lot of boons and traits here. Can you scroll down to Rocket Rump? Yeah, can I? That sounds delightful. Okay, Rocket Rump. Oh, god. Holy shit, there's a lot. You know what? Rocket Rump. Oh, God. Holy shit, there's a lot. You know what?

Rocket Rump's pretty good. But it's pretty good. But I really want to hear about Sped. That seems like a bad idea. I don't want to hear about those. Sped's even grosser than Rocket Rump. Oh, no. Okay.

Hey, folks. Gather round. I'd like to tell you about oh no. Okay. Hey folks, gather around. I'd like to tell you about SPED. Okay. This is an affliction that's happened to lots of us. I'm sure you know someone, or maybe they know someone, who's been, had this problem with SPED. This stands for Sudden Poop Explosion Disease. Oh God, I was trying to be defensive.

No, God, thank God. No, no, no, no, no, no. Come on, this is serious, people. Oh, my God, it's so hot. Frank West. Jesus. Anyways, Sudden Poop Explosion Disease results from a microscopic parasite that rapidly breeds within feces, causing infected hosts to utilize the fappening's energies in a manner similar to many rectals to generate massive amounts of shit seemingly without limit the harder the effect

ah wait a second what was i doing i should have been i think the creators of this rpg were affected with this yeah a little bit a little bit no this makes it sexy! Don't worry, guys! If we put it down, it's hot. It's somebody's fetish. That's how it works. I'm not disputing that. It's just... No matter what you write down, somebody's reluctantly horny. The harder the infected individual tries to suppress their need to unload,

the more they produce. If it's without limit, what the hell is the difference? Jordan Peele's Twilight Zone. Oh, my. Thankfully, the disease only spreads to those who ingest the output matter. Oh, thank God.

So it's not quite as contagious as many other afflictions. Still apparently more contagious than it should be. That was pretty gross. I hope the next one in the document, or the next one down in the document is also pretty gross, I assume.

Well, uh... Tits! I'm sorry, but you have tits. I didn't want to be the one to have to tell you this. You're right, tits are an affliction! It's an affliction. I'm sorry, dear.

We did everything we could, but you have tits. Some sort of weird ball sack on your chest? What is going on? These are boons or traits. Yeah. Oh, okay. You are in possession of a sizable pair, or several pairs, mind you, of tits. An udder or other sloshing milk producer.

It has to be sloshing, folks. No, now this is an affliction. Wait, am I not allowed to have an odd number? Uh, nope! Sorry. We're all about symmetry here. Our judges say nope. I'm sorry, get out of here, Total Recall. Fuck all.

Frank West, you just found something from the tits page. Yes, so the tits page gets you these three abilities. If you have tits, this is what tits gets you. You get an attack, a melee attack where you rub your sizable sweater muffins against a foe, titillating them to say the

least. I've had sex before. I know they're called sweater muffins. Was this written by a 1970s pedhouse editor? Probably. I never thought it would happen to me. I grew tits and then became a rocket ass or whatever the hell's going on.

I hit folks with them. I rubbed them against my enemy and caused their bow tie to start spinning. And there's boost. You can use a melee boost on an ally. You allow an ally to bask in the warmth of your bossom, rejuvenating them

to fight on, which restores stamina and willpower equal to half of your tit's damage. Oh, the tit's damage. But there is a drawback. You're top heavy. The weight of your tits can make it difficult to maneuver rapidly in combat, which means you can only move in straight lines.

Yeah, that makes sense. You have to lead with your tits like an executive toy. Tits turns you into a rook from chess. You see, guys, they walk like this. The women, they walk like this. Pretty good.

Having tits puts you on rock skates all the time. All of these pretty good pretty good having kids put you on roller skates all the time all of these all of these boons and traits are pretty sexy here but Bunnybread there's one more

boon and trait or whatever I need to know about that's dicking can you tell me about dicking dicking dicking

hang on one moment just search for dick it'll probably be the only thing that shows amazingly become the dick king Just search for dick. It'll probably be the only thing that shows. Amazing.

Become the dick king. Oh, yeah, like that promotional tie-in Burger King game for the 360. Only he's got a big dick. Oh, I get the difference. Yeah, I see. The other guy didn't have his penis hanging out. All right. Dicking! Dicking!

Dicking! Good thing. Good thing, listeners. Regardless of size, you are capable of working your shaft in just the right way to make those laid before you howl in delight. Attack.

Melee. Physical. You dick your foe rigorously. Excuse me. I'm just too drunk to talk. You dick your foe rigorously. Excuse me, I'm just too drunk to talk. You dick your foe rigorously. One more time, one more time. You dick your foe rigorously, pounding them with intensity

and great accuracy. You didn't nail them in the belly button or face once. No, no sex here. Not unintentionally, anyway. once. No, no sex here. Not unintentionally, anyway. Okay, cool. So that's that. There's also

some conditions. Portex, you can just take me through a couple of these conditions, please, if you wouldn't mind. Sure. So I got some conditions. First is corrupt. You lose one SP. I'm going to assume that means sex points

at the end of each turn. You do not attack an ally. Does not deal damage to allies present. Disgust. You suffer disadvantage on all attacks. Ends if you inch turn. Not adjacent to anything nasty. Seems difficult in this setting. If you're hungry,

if you do not currently have a target vord, you must spend at least one action each turn attempting vord, consuming an item. How can I eat you? Just pack the... Open mouth, close mouth. Try to bite.

Just gum everyone around you. I'm imagining getting like half their head stuck in your mouth like a snake or something. Like a teething one-year-old. Now this is where I got the idea for the game. Nasty creatures that are adjacent to you, including you gain disgust. Well, I'm nasty. Nasty. Wow, you disgust yourself.

Yeah, what am I doing with my life? Finally, shame. Furry-ass role-playing game. This includes creatures you move past or who move past you. It requires an action spent in grooming by you or an adjacent ally to cure some objects or areas can also be nasty. Yeah, they can.

Resting in presence of something nasty makes you immune to its nastiness until your next rest. Good for you, I guess. Sleeping in a nasty bed makes you immune to being nasty. That's just science, man. I guess you just get used to it. Veryl, your cock attacks

apply to the preggers mutation when dealing damage. Muff attacks also gain advantage against you. Oh, shit. There's so many fucking rules! Yeah. Of course there are. Four, you are trapped inside the target that There's so many fucking rules! Yeah. Of course there are. Four.

You are trapped inside the target that vored you. I'm assuming in, like, their skull or perhaps their hand. You enter their square and move with them. You can only target yourself and other targets vored by the same asset, which they explain means body part, vored by the same asset and the asset that vored part, vored by the same asset, and the asset that vored you, even if they are protected. Outsiders cannot target you,

but any attacks made against the asset that vored you strike you as well. Ass, belly, and maw, and belly and muff, and cock and sack are considered linked for these purposes. Flashbacks to 3rd edition grapple rules. Oh, well, see, the thing about that is...

Oh, oh, what happened? You can spend your action to escape by rolling power or speed against their stamina, emerging to any unoccupied adjacent square of your choice. These checks automatically succeed if both parties agree to it, or if one is defeated. A creature can only vore a single other character of their own size oh bullshit what do you guys you guys are normies vanilla and any number that are smaller exceeding this capacity makes the creature stuck vor removes vor a house vor removes grapple yes fawn actually it's better and sexier well i I guess stuff that gets rid of third edition

grapple rules can't be all bad. Wow. Take that third edition. If you're listening. You know where to find Isfahan third edition grapple rules. Furry cock game as you beat there.

So I mentioned, so I'm actually going to skip this section, but I mentioned that there's boons, there's afflictions, there's traits, there's conditions, there's mutations. So Lemon, we can skip mutations, but I just want to read one sentence from the preggers mutation. Absolutely, I think you should. So the mutation can be applied to body parts, to assets uh and the asset it applies this applies to is the body and the last sentence

is preggers naturally ends after nine months and has your gm may rule it has a chance to occur when dealing cock damage to a muff hey maybe you wanna maybe go back, around back and undo some cock damage to your mouth I'm guessing condoms don't exist in this setting They're very expensive

It'd be like a fucking parachute, would it not? These cocks and jizz are way too powerful for condoms to hold Yeah, so now that we know all of these afflictions and, I don't know, the word ass. My cock is too powerful for you, Traffler. We all have our character sheets. It's not fit for a beast.

Well, that's actually what I was going to say, is I'm going to hand each one of you your character sheets. Great. Some creatures of FAP. And we're just going to learn a little bit about you and just sort of exist in the world. Does that sound good? Yes.

Of course it sounds good. Why wouldn't it sound good? Great. So Isfahan, here's your character sheet and you are Swamp Shlong. Okay. I wanted to be Swamp Shlong.

Tell us a little bit about yourself, please. Oh, there's a drawing and it sucks. What? Do justice to Swamp Shlong. Oh my god. Oh my god. It's like... It's lovingly rendered.

Oh my gosh. Somebody spent time on this. Remember when we thought one shitting dick nipple was like wild? Okay, let me get through this so I don't have to look at this page anymore what if frieza was worse like the worst thing you've ever seen in your life okay so swamp slong swamp slong uh bulbous and brutal hunters of jizz roll swamps these

creatures are feared for both their incredibly array of implements to impale an unwary traveler with and their ability to rapidly convert victims into members of their own aberrant breed often even after escaping a swamp why can't i say that the longer you take the blind won't let you she shows swamp schlongs by the she show it's converting me to their own apparent breed a swamp schlong attack victims will find their minds clouded their bellies bloating and their tits hardening into thick needy members that makes sense yeah agitating these new adornments or participating in any other sexual conduct only expedites the transformation but such behavior becomes unavoidable as the victim's psyche

rapidly diminishes into that of a mindless fuckbeast. Oh, in this world? Yeah. After all, their brain has to step aside to make room for their most prominent feature, which is a penis head. I mean, the penis tits are also pretty

prominent. The penis tail? Also the penis? The penis penis? Yeah, it's a creature which takes over his body. Also, it has a dick. You also apparently get a thigh tattoo. That's a pretty sick tat. Yeah, you do get tits.

No, not bad. Hi, I'm Floopsy. Oh, hi, Floopsy. Floopsy, a shy hi, Floopsy. Floopsy, a shy and reclusive fella that's had more run-ins with the cult of filth than someone who claims to be uninterested in their disgusting lifestyle honestly should. Floopsy remains embarrassed about his love of stink and filth. Yay, he still tries to keep up appearances, bathing regularly, and taking care to clean out his tremendous amount of foreskin. Tremendous, quite impressive actually, enormo gigantitude of the foreskin, lots of it.

But his body just keeps getting more and more gross at an alarming rate, and every stray sniff at his own foulness drives him closer and closer to giving in. To what? He's gonna hang himself with his own dick? To shoot himself? Yeah. Yeah, that would be nice. Well, he's the, he seems to be the only person in this entire world that can feel shame.

That seems weird. It's like debilitating. He's just a regular dude. He's a creature. So this is a species. Yeah. Okay. No, it's perpetually on the verge of suicide.

Yeah. Well, what I read was that read like a species. This reads like a individual character. Maybe he created more of his aberrant kind. Just some dude named Floopsy. I mean, if I was named Floopsy. I wanted to see if there was an image of this on the internet So I copied the whole first few sentences

And put it in Google And what I got was the spark notes for No fear Shakespeare That scans Frank West I got your I got your character sheet here And I'd like you to be in our campaign I'd like you to be, in our campaign, I'd like you to be Sandasa?

Sandasa. S-A-N-D-A-S-A. Sandasa. Sandasa. Yep. Wow, he normally delights merely in exposing others to his tremendous bulge. Hey!

Pretty huge. Which is, I mean, like, everybody has it. That's nothing. We all have huge. Which is, I mean, like, everybody has it. That's nothing. We all have huge dicks. Maybe as these go. This is tremendous, though. This is like that Twilight Zone episode. It's five times the size of the rest of his body.

You ever seen a dick like this? Yes, yes. Literally everywhere. I look down sometimes, sure. There was a monster made of dicks back in that swamp. I slept on a dick bigger than that last night. It's nothing. Sandasa has grown more bold as of late,

taken to unsheathing that tremendous donger from his expansive undies and letting it rise to its full state of engorgement before onlookers... Well, it's like a trick? Like an audience? Watch the show? Halftime show?

Watch the show! You're gonna have to. Under this cup is the ball. Which one is my humongous dick hidden under, yeah. His years of mastery with the uncut behemoth have granted him the requisite skills needed to seductively tug and play with that foreskin to show off every inch of that pulsating flesh that makes even the most picky of size queens melt before his magic. Who would be a size queen in this universe?

Again, we're coming back to this. It's only the size of a building. It's not the size of a mountain, though. Yeah. While you were studying the blade, I was jacking off. I thought that's what studying the blade was you from something. Bunny Brad, for your

character, I've got two here. I'm going to let you make a choice. Oh, good. So for our campaign, would you like to be Slobbermaw? Or? Or would you like to be King Honeybuns? King Honeybuns? That's a king. Okay. No, King Honey Buns.

I'm attracted to royalty and power. That's his club. That's Bunny Bread's club name. How did you know? You're incredibly attractive. You're an attractive... There's a drawing of you and you're just an attractive creature.

It's just nice to look at you. I mean, like, on a scale of one to Bunny Bread, how am I... Oh, shit! Whoa! Look at how nice you look. Oh, look at my penis. That's got to be very comfortable. Oh, shit! Look at how nice you look. Oh, look at my penis. That's got to be very comfortable.

Not the piece! Oh, shit. Oh, the dick's in my eyes. What the fuck? Just in my eyes. Hello, I'm King Honey Buns. That's the right voice. Though they prefer to be respected and treated as kings,

these oversized, gluttonous insects fulfill the typical role a queen would. Ooh, I picked the right voice. In ruling over a group of honeypots. Honeypots. Uh-oh. I think it might be a honeypot man. Oh, well? Uh-oh. Yeah. Oh, well, no. Let's go with what we're all thinking.

While birthing future generations to serve them, it is unknown whether these creatures start their lives as honeypots and rise to nobility, or if they are births from previous kings as fully-fledged royalty to begin with. What is certain is the unwavering dignity and entitlement they wield,

content to rule over both honeypots and any other creatures they lay eyes upon, seeing every group of outsiders as potential vassals. So these bees are the fucking 1%, are they? Yes, you're catching on. of outsiders as potential vassals. So these bees are the fucking 1%, are they? Yes! You're all catching on. Though they are loath to enter combat themselves directly, preferring to allow their minions to do the dirt work

instead. These kings can really throw their weight around when they need to, utilizing their immense bulk penises, I don't know, and intoxicating royal jelly cum to complement

their authority. Dicks, fuck. Yeah, so it's a queen bee, and it's got a penis. Bee's got nipples, yeah? Yeah. I've got nipples on the all right everybody shut up shut up did you come in you you said you wanted to bring your own character i did you rolled your own i didn't assign you this writing this whole year

i had this one rolled up a year ago. Oh, good, good. Before any of the rest of this was created. Check out my very elaborate Google Sheets character sheet I've made for this. Anyway, that's me. Shit, dick, beast. Oh, hi. First some shit, then some dick, then some shit, then some dick. You got a shit, dick, beast. A shit, dick, beast.

You got a shit dick beast. A shit dick beast. A truly foul and malodorous cretin, the shit dick beast is a menace that delights in abducting susceptible young stink sluts to expose his namesake shit dick. Oh, shit dick, huh? With a front-mounted anus, he's capable of being effective. Now with a front-mounted anus. He's capable of manifesting. Now with a front-mounted anus! And kung fu grip!

Mounted? Did someone install it? Yeah. Hey, does he come with a CD player? Do I gotta do that with anus as well? It's a gatling anus. Okay. He's capable of manifesting a truly tremendous log of

scat that throbs, oozes, and provides feedback just like a real cock. Okay. I think you need to reevaluate your life choices. Also, you're a cock. I'm rolling for disgust right now. Hang on.

It gives you a type form to fill out afterwards. Yeah. No, it's... Like, the sound that comes from it comes back into the part of it where it amplifies. Oh! Wow! This cat sounds like the Melvins.

The nasty beast happily corrupts those innocent youths into indulging in his awful organ. And it's that awful, not the other awful. It's something awful. It's the leftover parts. Awful. Filling them near to bursting with the tremendous thing and breaking it off inside as a parting. This is disgusting. What about the shit next to you?

I don't like reading this. No. What did you pick? What did you roll up a year ago? Breaking it off inside as a parting gift until he's ready to cook up another one, often by snacking upon those ruined sluts themselves once he's done with them.

He's eating the poop that he left inside them. I want to tell y'all about Twerky! Hey, Twerky was once a mere feral Twerky! Make it worky? I hate the way this ass bob raged! This is my favorite Toy Story 4 creation.

That's literally an enemy in a Nintendo game, just so everybody knows. Alright, good, good. So once a mere feral turkey, this creature has been enhanced by the cult of filth to sprout a foul, filth-spewing mouth between its oversized rump cheeks.

This enhancement is questionable at best as it doesn't seem to be particularly useful in combat. Indeed, it seems like the cult just likes having the thing around to make out with. What did we learn from this at Plus? Oh, Jesus. You know.

I've not. When you're designing a tabletop game It's important to determine how crunchy You want the rules to be And I would say that everything about this Is extensively crunchy In as many possible meanings of that word As I can manage

Like you eat the dice While also just drowning in bodily fluids Yes Well that goes without saying So crunchy with gravy. Like, you can just look up the porn if you want. Yeah, but you can't roll dice to the porn.

You have to pay someone and be like, hey, draw this horrible thing. They've already paid people to do that, so like, what are you doing? What are you fucking doing? Well, look, I wanted to role role play but then the people were like doing whatever they wanted in the role play and i was like no i want rules yeah you guys are enjoying your porn too much you can look into it like this is a like dwarf fortress level obsession like this

motherfucker has been working on this thing for years like this, this doc, like, these wiki articles, like, date back many, many years. Yeah, like, it's like, some of these are, like, last edited nine years ago. Right. So he's just been world-building, world-building, world-building, world-building. What's the return on investment for all these years? I guess it's just

a passion project. You know, I mean, Mom buys the mac and cheese, and it can be microwaved so fuck it i mean like i know we were making jokes about the people who got kicked out of other dnd sessions but this is totally where this came from right like this guy kept trying to sneak this stuff into a regular session fine i'll make it out i'll make my own i'll make my own rpg with blackjack and there's no he saw a hole and he filled it. There's no limit to how elaborate furries will make their horny. They will rue the day they canceled shit dick beast.

I'm like, this, this, I mean, I'm assuming it's, I mean, I'm sure there's a couple other people involved, but we're going to just assume it's one guy, right? Well, no, it actually, I was going to say opposite. Well, no, it actually, I was going to say opposite. It feels to me like the kind of project where one person makes their thing and then another person comes in with their thing and they just shove them. Because I don't understand how else this whole time we keep coming across new keywords that I've never seen in the rest of the game. That's insane. You don't see that in a project made by one person.

Because this is the writing of somebody whose penis hates them. Like your penis just actively hates you. Like you're so like, you're so like, I, like I, I know, I look,

I know that you're obsessed with cum and shit and that's gross. That's a gross thing to fixate on. Uh, but that just keeps tunneling down and it's a curse you are cursed, you are a nasty person

they know a little bit though, because everyone's been a while they have a little bit of humor in there and you're like you know, right? You know you know you know what's going on here you just can't stop it well they could have not gone outside this is over years and years so yeah i would yeah i would

think that they know they just don't care well they care the dick don't maybe maybe the creator of shit dick beast is living his best life and we're the ones no no i prepped that one on i like i would i would i would say that the creator of shit dick beast is living his best life does it feel a terrible way you're not wrong and if you want to go somewhere to communicate with people that are spending years and years doing pointless shit you should go to Ball Pit any fun threads on Ball Pit lately? uh yes

okay bye damn I've never noticed the light of him. You can't give away the milk for free. Yo, where my girls at? A fuck shit stack is a stack of fuck shit on top of itself, nigga. Yo, where my girls at? Where my girls at? Where my grills at? Where my grills at? Where my girls at?

Where my girls at? Where my grills at? Where my grills at? Where is they? Fuck shit. Fuck shit. Fuck shit. Fuck shit.

Fuck shit. Fuck shit. On top of itself, nigga. Fuck shit. Fuck shit. I think I'll go with Rocket Rope since we never got to touch it. You know, that makes sense. I love to touch the Rocket Rope. Oh, I'm sorry, dear. Did you want to? No, no, no. I'm living soon, obviously. Oh, duh.

My fault, my fault. I feel stupid. Living Sue. Good Living Single reference here in 2020. Thank you very much. I am familiar with several Cosby shows. Living Single. Oh, never mind.

It was still. No, it wasn't. I mean, it's in the universe. No, I don't think it is. Yeah, the black people on TV, yeah. Yeah, it was Queen. I mean, it's in the universe. I don't think it is, actually. Yeah, the black people on TV, yeah. Yeah, it was Queen Latifah doing her Queen Latifah thing. No, because there was different world crossover stuff in there. No, there wasn't.

All right, we're looking it up right now. Yeah, come on. This is what we're made for. Was there a crossover? All right, all right. Because if I'm wrong, then I'm just being racist. Probably. And if you're right, you're probably being racist. Okay. They're a crossover. All right. All right. Because if I'm wrong, then I'm just being racist. Probably. And if you're right,

you're probably being racist. Okay. It was a crossover. What'd you say was in there? Different worlds. It was different worlds. Okay, different worlds. Okay.

That's what I'm arguing. Was there a crossover? Now, just having another person who simply was on a different world play a different character does not count. Oh, of course it does.

Apply the ground rules. This is what I care about in life. Oh, man. Oh, God, I'm racist. Yeah, I don't see anything about this. Damn it. Don't go up against me when it comes to 90s black TV. Look, the Living Single Wikipedia page

has an entire crossover section. Did they fight Marvel? A different world isn't in there. That's how racist I am. I think by St. Elsewhere rules, it's probably still the same universe. Thanks, Boots. You can always make a YouTube video about it.

Everything's ever been on television is a dream of that kid from St. Elsewhere.