The F Plus - 329: Mid Riff Movies

Episode Date: July 30, 2020

The forums may be gone, but the stupidity still abounds on the Internet Movie Database. Good reviews of garbage movies, bad reviews of good movies, and generally creepy undertones to everything. There's more blood, boobs, and beasts than a document from National Geography. This week, The F Plus' pokery is undoubtedly jiggery.

No words can describe the array of emotions this film made me film. I had to get in front of my camera and film everyone. Now film me being happy. Lights! Camera! VF Plus? Oh, it's terrible things, Brad, with enthusiasm. Well, at least in the room we've got Boots Reindeer. Oh, and patience is getting the better of me. Let's go beyond the icing of that opening scene and test the cake itself.

Whoa, hold on there, wait a minute. The cake tastes of shit? Oh, that's so amusing. Thanks so much, Lars von Trier. Lovely icing on a crap cake. Jack Chick, the dude that posted that other comment that said this movie sucked, is full of crap. Kumquats, ahhh! There's so much better stuff you could be watching instead of Shawshank like porn or Rikio.

John Toast. I hate it when someone makes a movie kind of pointless, but because the use of symbolism or extreme scenes is considered art, art my ass with $2 signs. I've met your friend on the internet, and his name is Adam Bozarth. The Force Awakens? More like the Treasury Department Awakens. Whoa! Wait, what? I don't get it. Wait, what? The Treasury Department? I mean, I like Shawshank Redemption, but as I was

watching it, I was thinking, I'd rather be watching Porn of Rick and Roll. What if I had two screens and one of them was always showing porn and one of them was always showing Rick and Roll? It's a sad movie where Star Wars becomes simplistic and childish. That is sad. That's very sad.

Oh, man. Hey, F Plus. Oh, hello. Hello, Lemon. Oh, I got some big energy. Okay, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, fantastic.

Oh, yeah. Chomping at the bit. We're just going to white knuckle through this episode. Just give me something to read, motherfucker. Well, I totally will. I totally will. But first, I have a question. My question for you is, what are your feelings on pop culture? Turd it.

Yeah. I hate how turd it is. It's just so off. I like turgid it is so no boots i love when you say that uh yeah so uh we're going to be uh today we're going to be going to a site that we've been to uh once before uh for this podcast uh a site called imdb that is the Internet Movie Database. Last time we were there was when IMDB shut down their forums. You know, yeah, exactly. Did they fail to follow through?

Are we, like, following up on them and holding them accountable? Yeah, we're a non-profit actionable committee. Jeff Bezos didn't get around to deleting them yet. It just grew back on its own like algae on top of a stagnant pool. What is this? No, no, the IMDb forums are still dead. intentionally, according to their mission, have maintained their entire movie review section. So people can review movies and TV shows, for that matter,

and also people. You just review people. And those things are there, as well as those asshole lists, like 30 actresses I get a boner for. Those are also there. But what we're going to be looking at today. Like you specifically? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

People really like to write that down. 30 actresses Lemming gets a boner for. 30 more actresses Lemming gets a boner. We've been following around. We've been measuring. Chuck, does this count as a boner? I'm not sure. Yeah, so this is a document by a first-time submitter, El Camizzi.

El Camizzi be putting it down. He's the hottest round. So this document is called Everyone's a Critic, Unfortunately, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Hate IMDb and the Entire Movie Watching Public in General. And the document starts by saying that is a document that literally came to the submitter in a dream. With also credit given to Girlkisser420. Yes. Thanks again, Girlkisser 420 uh for some editing uh assistance here um so uh this has uh some very nice sections to it and uh the first section

uh that we're going to be reading here is uh 10 star ratings of the worst movies on imdb aka i like the things you hate and i'm right oh good um, to that end, let's see here. Adam, you like epic movie, right? Epic movies? Yeah. Like Ben-Hur? No, no, no.

Not an epic movie. No. It's a movie called Epic Movie. Oh, and it's about one epic? Those are movies that, like like when they pop out of the chest they're purple and they're a little better than the blue movies oh epic movie yeah it was cal pen was in it cal pen yep it it parodied uh the chronicles of narnia uh yeah yeah and the da vinci code and and paris hilton inilton in general and you know Fred Willard

apparently didn't have better things to do that day okay epic movie so your name is straight man straight man damn mac something like that straight man Adam Mac

yeah that sounds right I was Dirt, manademic, bam-a-lam. Straight man, Adam Mack. Yeah, that sounds right. I was fortunate enough to go out and see a screening of this film. Realizing that the two directors had made their eighth movie, I thought, oh no, not again. Wrong. This movie was a billion times better for five simple reasons. Number one, no corny humor. Number two, excellent acting.

Number three, much, much better directing. Number four, good storyline. Number five, enjoyable mockeries. It's okay, it's got Colin Mockery. Delicious. I don't know how enjoyable I would call Colin. Okay, so he's not in it. If you don't want to see Harry Potter or Captain Jack Sparrow look stupid,

then pass this one. Otherwise, go see it. This probably won't be a classic comedy film, but has the potential to impress many critics who don't mind a good laugh. Well, apparently most critics mind a good laugh. I was going to say this, but I don't want a good laugh, so...

Do you mind? Do you mind? I mean, I just don't understand how they could make Captain Jack Sparrow look stupid. 2.4 stars from an aggregate total of 99,602 ratings. It is literally impossible to make Harry Potter look stupid. I mean, that's true.

Nothing where Oblash Sully the reputation of Harry Potter. Nothing I can think of. Nope. And, uh, come quats up, your name is Sam Grimes? Oh, come quats up your name is sam grimes oh yes hello uh my my name is sam grimes four seven six four nine and uh i am going to talk to you today about the funniest and rudest comedy since american pie and how did the bbfc 12a become a15 on video uh and that is

my title that is the title of the whole thing i? That is the title of my book. Really, I'm here today... Is that like an age classification rating? No, this is the title of my new movie which is going to compete with Epic Movie. This is the title of my movie. Are you ready for the title of my movie? The title of my movie is called The Best, Funniest, and Rudest Comedy Film

I Watched Since American Pie. This is Better than American Pie. I couldn't stop laughing at this film. And also how the BBFC 12A became an A15 on video. It's ridiculous. The film getting A15 on video and A12A. The film should have been A15. Altogether, I love the stakes on a plain parody.

This was perhaps the best BBFC need to consider giving a film like this A15 altogether. That's the title of my film. Thank you. Goodbye. That's the rating that the EU gave it. Also, I wrote this on January 29th, 2020. I'm very concerned about this. I'll bet they really

stuck at the snakes on the plane. The people that made that film probably feel really foolish. They're making our movie look dumb! Oh wait, I made that film probably feel really foolish now. They're making our movie look dumb. Oh, wait. I made that movie? I mean, the tone it was shot in was almost like a serious documentary. I believe it was fictional.

Well, I've got something to say. I'm Trev the actor. And it's not as bad as people say watch the unrated version oh i think people don't like this because they set their expectations too high yeah that's yep no problem it will it will make you laugh but it's not as good as Scary Movie. Bye, Watermelon. If you want to see a really bad spoof, then watch Disaster Movie, but this is pretty funny. Some jokes were obvious.

This probably wasn't that hard to write up, but it'll make you laugh. All in all, a good spoof. Not airplane good, but, as in human butt, better than Disaster Movie. I give this an 8 out of 10. So if you're going to buy it, buy the uncut because the theatrical is not nearly as good in any way, shape, or form. So watch this.

Yeah. Well, the only thing wrong with this movie is the fawn that gives tongue kisses to the gay beaver of the thread of the end I think that's three out of four oh okay three out of four the end like maybe that's not three out of four stars maybe that's ass of fuck

bad news the MPAA says we have to cut the gay fawn scene. And I know we all worked really hard, and we worked really hard on the puppet and the beaver puppet, and we all worked really hard to make it really offensive. Hey, to be fair,

it's the beaver that's gay. The fawn sexuality is left ambiguous. The MPAA doesn't see it that way. They think it's just gay, and they said it's got to go. Otherwise, it's NC-17. Okay, no.

We're going to the MPA and delivering them the Kinsey scale, the gold standard of sexuality. As fawn as pansexual, I say. So this is a movie that i forgot existed uh but uh it's a son of the mask it's known to curse lemon you've obviously never seen it you would not forget it okay uh yeah so uh so it's a sort of like franchise sequel to the Mask series starring Jamie Kennedy. What? I guess it's like...

It's starring a young boy, but it has Jamie Kennedy. Oh, okay. Well, sure. But the young boy... I mean, Jamie Kennedy's like top villain. We will share. Okay. Anyway.

They paid for Jamie Kennedy. They're going to put him on the top villain. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. So, Boots, you're a fan of Jamie Kennedy. They're going to put him on the top billing. Sure, sure, sure. So, Boots, you're a fan of Jamie Kennedy and Son of the Mask. That's a very apocryphal statement. Try to sue me, motherfucker.

Anyway, your name is Pooch and Stein? Yeah, my name is Pooch and Stein. Yeah. No one's going to give this movie credit but it rocks okay son of the mass 2005 has a 50 482 ratings give it a 2.2 but i gave it a 10 okay i know loads of people are going to disagree with me or think i'm crazy, but I really enjoyed this film. You're crazy. I know some people are going to put me on a podcast to make fun of me, but I'll take your arrows.

July of 2020. About 15 years from now, they're going to do this. I don't even know what a podcast is i remember loving the first one but that was so long ago i couldn't really remember the actual storyline when i was watching this so i wasn't comparing it to the original just enjoying it as one of those fun slightly mental movies that is just a laugh i used to watch jamie kennedy's show jkx an earlier version of punk but without the celebrities and much matter setups pretty sure i was a big fan but that's fine no i i'm an expert on this, you motherfucker. Okay, you might be right. You might be right. I'm sorry. He's absolutely hilarious. Although he does end up being outshined by the insane special effects

and the even more special baby. He gets outacted by a baby in Pixels, but he's really funny. Just watch this movie with a big bunch of friends and enjoy it for what it is, a madcap adventure with a weak storyline that somehow has a sweet ending. 10 out of 10. Hey guys, who wants to come over and watch

The Mask 2? Anybody? Thanks for coming over. The story I told you was a little bit of a ruse. I know I said we were going to have bad movie night. But. That will really have you in stitches.

Oh, and if you just happen to enjoy it, check out Malibu's Most Wanted, another J.B. Kennedy great, based on one of the most popular skits from JKX another J.B. Kennedy great, based on one of the most popular skits from JKX. J.B. Kennedy rocks! Oh god, does this mean that J.B. Kennedy's our Sacha Baron Cohen? God damn it.

He's your Sacha Baron Cohen. Oh no! Don't put that evil on me! Okay, so like, my name is Lex Webb. This film was not at all perfect but it was enjoyable to me What I cannot understand is why nobody can accept another person's opinion on this board

I post my opinion and everyone is gonna bash it saying the following You have bad taste, you're a child, go see a doctor or a studio plant, fuck you Whoa Wow You have bad taste. You're a child. Go see a doctor. You're a studio plant. Fuck you. Whoa. Whoa. Wow.

A studio, a studio plant. Presumably not from the studio that came up with the son of the mask. You're a rubber tree plant in the Fox offices. I'm 14 for the record. Just thought I would. You are a child. Doesn't that?

Not that that affects anything. Just thought I would post my... You are a child. Doesn't, yeah. Not that that affects anything. Just thought I would push my opinion. I thought it was an okay film and I just hope other people on this board can respect my opinion on this film. I say this because

nobody has respected anybody else's opinions and has been bashing it and calling them blants. Thank you. Wow. Wow. So this is,

this is like some fake news bullshit, right? Mm-hmm You're QAnon, but for Jamie Kennedy So we've covered two bad movies Which means it's time for an Uwe Boll movie Okay Wait, we're gonna do movies?

What? Yeah, yeah, yeah We're gonna move into the Uwe Boll 2003 opus, House of the Dead. 32,249 ratings give us a total of 2 out of 10 stars. And my name is Yavo Egele. And in March of 2016, I said this. I want to tell you why this is a pretty kick-ass movie. First of all, let's consider what the bare minimum

we should expect out of an entertaining horror movie. Okay? Number one? An entertaining horror movie. Out of an entertaining horror movie. Okay. Number one, blood.

Number two, boobs. Number two, boobs. Yeah. Number three, beasts. And this movie has all three in spades. The action scenes are hyper-stylized, yet original. Yeah. Blood and boob and beasts. It's got blood and boobs and beasts. Okay.

So, like, psychological horror isn't real horror? No. Does it have blood and boobs and beasts? It's got those things. He said entertaining Jack Check. Oh, I'm sorry. Okay, yeah. Go back to Silent Hill, you virgin.

I cannot be entertained while thinking. The action scenes are hyper-stylized, yet original and interesting. The zombie effects are reminiscent of Lucio Fulci's zombie. I'm sure. In that they also look really

old and cheap. Also, it's worth noting that he has spelled the name of Lucio Fulci's movie Zombie incorrectly. Yeah. No, that's the music video Lucio Fulci did for the Cranberry song. It's really good special effects.

Plus they have practical effects, a super bonus considering many films, even those made in 2002, were relying far too heavily on cheap CGI effects. I will offer that some of the acting is pretty ridiculous at best, but some performances, including Clint Howard's, are truly genre classic. Avoiding all story spoilers, as I think the film should be experienced in the purest way possible. I would like to point... Yeah, you don't want to... People fucking get eaten by beasts, and then also there's boobs.

Blood happens. Oh, man. I had my evening all set and somebody ruined 2003's House of the Dead by Uwe Bolle for me. Damn it. 13 years too soon. I would like to point out overall the story moves at a brisk pace and never tests the audience and their patience. the story moves at a brisk pace and never test the audience and their patience. The film offers a lot for horror fans and whatever your previous opinion of

this film is, or if you haven't seen it yet, I implore you to watch it again slash first time with an open mind and a youthful enthusiasm for the strange and the fantastic. If you thought this movie sucked the first time you watch it, watch it again. Watch Uwe Boll movies until you like it. Once you, well, you know, it really rewards you on a second viewing, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like re-watching one of the Conan O'Brien Simpsons episodes. You know, there's so many other jokes hidden in the background. Yeah, you'll just be watching it. It'll be like watching Citizen Kane again and just get something new out of it. It's like, wow, I thought he used this Matrix slowdown thing on scenes where nothing's happening too much, but he did it

again and I'm really feeling it now. Really, if you think about it, it's the Citizen Kane of entertaining horror movies. It does have blood, boobs, and pieces. Something Citizen Kane was surely laughing at. Adam, Sethen has some math he wants to bring to us. Adam Sethan

has some math he wants to bring to us the thriller eek this is the very first time I've made a review on a pure horror movie and boy what a spooky horror movie it is.

Of course, there's Manos, the Hands of Fate, which is also a horror film. However, Manos was more of a comedy and a disaster rather than a really spooky horror movie. Because the man had no budget, the plot was weak, and the story was weak too, etc. However, thanks to my handy-dandy trusty calculating device of mine, $7 million, how much it costs to make House of the Dead, divided by a measly little $19,000, how much it costs to make meadows? Hands of fate. Equals approximately 368.4210526315789473684205.

He does if he's going to be accurate. I mean, if you're going to put this in a plot graph You're going to want that level of accuracy He's already dealing with approximates I don't think the movie cost exactly 7 million to the dollar What if it did? Also does your calculator screen Stretch off 368.42

108 5263 157894736845309. I got it. I got it. Times more expensive than Manos to make. Judging between the two, House of the Dead is the better choice for a bad horror film. Okay.

Thanks. Thanks, buddy. Did that help anybody? Did it help me? Buddy I could show you how to do more significant digits On the Windows calculator app For what it's worth Seth also really loved an epic movie

10 out of 10 stars He also really loved 2006's Crossover And also 2006's Bottoms Up, starring Paris Hilton. His title for Bottoms Up is, hey, Bottoms Up, dude, hang ten stars. Thanks. He really liked Crossover because Wayne Brady was in it Okay, okay, yeah, I mean, fair enough

Yeah, of course He's calling Mark Rian Let's do one more out of the 10 star rating of bad movies This one is one I don't think any of us have heard of, or at least

I know I haven't. It's called The Hottie and the Nottie. It stars Paris Hilton. The end. It stars Paris Hilton. Which one is she? It's about

the idea that Paris Hilton is hot, and then there's like an ugly girl. Yeah. And that's about as much as I care to learn about this movie. But I know that Cab Cat really liked it. John, can you say Cab Cat, please? Sure. Well, my name is Cab Cat, as was said,

and this movie is, the title of my name is Cab Cat, as was said, and this movie is... The title of my view is amazing. This movie is the greatest movie I have ever watched in my whole entire life. It inspired me to be different like the ugly one. It also helped me learn that it is not okay to be ugly. I want to be beautiful like the ugly one. It also helped me learn that it is not okay to be ugly. I want to be beautiful like the hottie, but I am naughty. Oh, hello.

I am the grossest, ugliest person you will ever meet, but this movie showed me how to rock it. I am the new ugly rock now watch out i am coming wow people scream when they see me and i used to be embarrassed but now i feed off of their screams i am powerful i am unstoppable i am the new naughty. I am like a fire, and people's screams are like the kindling that feed me and make me grow. I am starting a new earth

where I will rule the world, and the world will be a better, uglier place. If you are an ugly, please watch this amazing, classic, romantic, comedy, thriller, adventure-filled, Ugly, please watch this amazing classic romantic comedy thriller adventure-filled, action-packed foreign horror sci-fi fantasy musical

drama. You won't regret it. If you want to join me in the Uglies, please tell me and I may accept you into my ruling. Goodbye hotties, hello natties. I want to see that movie. Yeah, I would watch a movie about Cab Cat for sure. It's Cab Cat's only reviews.

Hey, you guys want to hear some IMDb plot keywords for the hottie and the naughty? How many keywords does the hottie and the naughty have? 75. 75? Okay. And what sort of, like, I'm assuming he was saying comedy. Yeah, so like bra and panties female virgin that's one word visible midriff sorry visible midriff that's where we are right

now superficiality uh white bra desirable legs um yeah uh you can click is is this relevant to make it more relevant i'm going to uh uh just uh pivot on uh all movies with the hooded sweatshirt tag yeah i just want all all movies that have been tagged hooded sweatshirt Valentine's card sitting on a bench tooth decay flashback younger version of character hit with guitar

boyfriend girlfriend relationship that's a helpful tag unemployment repetition in title repetition in title repetition and okay in title thank goodness exactly repetition um a word i'm not gonna read okay great blister event event organizer i love event organizer movies uh we going to move on in just a second here. But Jack Chick, you were looking at the tag visible midriff. That would be visible midriff.

Okay. Yeah. Just right in the middle of the rift. Right. Yeah. If you wouldn't mind, if I could read the associated movies and television shows. Sure. It looks like there's only three.

There's only three. Okay. So we got to hear from number one, which is the hottie and television shows? Sure. It looks like there's only three. There's only three. Okay. So we have, we got to hear from number one, which is the hottie and the naughty. Makes sense. Sure. Yeah.

Obviously the, the greatest mid riff visibility film ever. Yeah. It raised so much visibility on the, on the subject actually. Um, number two was, uh,

um, a comedy drama film called Oh Lucy from 2017. And number three is The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy episode 1.3 from 1981. Yeah, the BBC show. A specific episode of the BBC miniseries. That was probably the introduction of Trillion. Yeah, that would make sense. And that is it

on Exposed Midriffs. There was no such thing as I Dream of Jeannie. Nope. They covered up her belly button. It's not Exposed Naples. No, it doesn't count. Yeah, you're right. Okay, so we're going to be moving on. That was the 10-star section.

We're going to be moving on into the one-star section. This is part two. This is all one-star ratings. And we're going to start off with a movie by popular foot fetishist Quentin Tarantino. For a movie called Pulp Fetish. Quentin Tarantino's done anything other than love feet. I'm not sure what that would be. Yeah, does he make movies? About feet, I

think. I think he starts off with the sort of like footage of the feet and then just pads it around that. So Adam, your name is Co-Josh. You josh along with somebody else. Yeah, with a team of other joshes. Yeah, yeah. He's is Co-Josh. You Josh along with somebody else. Yeah, with a team of other Joshes.

Yeah, yeah. He's my Co-Josh. Co-Josh is my co-pilot. And, yeah, so what did you think of the movie Pulp Fiction? What? Where? Who cares? Wow.

A lot of people have been fooled into believing that this was a great film. I've never seen anything like it, and I hope I never will. This is one slop of a film, and I'm disgusted to know that it has so many high reviews. It was a confusing ball of goo that amounted to nothing i didn't care for the characters and never will what a hopeless bunch of freaks i don't jump on the freak bandwagon uh-huh unless they're natural ones you know what i'm talking about not arrogant embodiments of deranged entertainment the glorification of smut is worse than the smut.

And that is exactly what this movie is. The sad thing is, I don't believe that some of these actors were acting at all. They were just being themselves. That's true. John Travolta was just shooting up heroin.

Travolta and Jackson in wigs? That's true. John Travolta was just shooting up heroin. Travolta and Jackson in wigs? That was scary. Wait, actors wearing wigs in movies? It's frightening to me when people wear hats made of hair. I don't like it. My God doesn't like it. I don't want to see it.

The only interesting thing About this movie Was the sequence of events I like the way that it started at one point And it ended in the scene But I dislike everything in between Okay You didn't really like the sequence of events

That was how the movie worked You want to watch Tim Roth Rob a diner You just wanted the diner robbery. That's it. That's all I want. I want to watch white people with guns yell at people in coffee shops for an hour.

I love it when she says, any of you pricks fucking move. And I'll say it to every motherfucking last one of you. I love it when men do long monologues about their wallet and where they got it. That's a movie. But long monologues in a car, blech! Oh, he's got a Band-Aid on his head.

Who cares? The problem with this film Is that it tricks the audience Into giving it great reviews That is a problem It's super hot Let me explain It is the super hot of movies Pulp Fiction

Pulp Fiction Pulp Fiction is the most innovative movie of all time Do you speak english sorry um mother it uses the peer pressure method you know this movie is for intelligent and cool people the famous line from fiction yeah this movie is for intelligent and cool people crap well i'd gladly stand among those who know that this was nothing more than a shock flick it was produced to see if the letter could be pushed a little farther you know pushing the

letter yeah yeah pushing pushing the letter you know it's not a famous idiom i've pushed the envelope so far the letter came out. And then I just started pushing that fucking thing around. Now I'm pushing the goddamn letter. Soon enough I'll be pushing the ink. Where does it end, Hollywood?

Unfortunately, it drags what little respect Hollywood has with it. this movie from 1992 that's interesting yeah and you wrote this in 2006 i could i'm afraid that this is one of you wrote this in 2006 and you were like this is the most like violent and sweary movie i've ever seen before yeah this was this is the guy who was both really unhappy that they took away the Hays Code and also hadn't watched a movie

since when the Hays Code was taken away. It's just like, what are they putting in movies now? How do I buy a movie ticket? I'm just a simple caveman. Your modern box office confuses me. You know, know Yeah I mean

His last line on this Is pretty special I'm afraid that this is one Of the major stepping stones To a pathetic industry That only produces film For vulgar lust Uh I mean

Uh okay I mean Sure I mean you're not wrong about that that's fine right yeah i was too aroused by this movie yeah uh uh boots uh you noticed uh that uh that there's a bunch of different spellings for bear midriff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you do spell Bear Midriff correctly, you do get 311 titles. Thank goodness. There's Bear Midriff. There's Bear Midriff. Yep.

Which now only has two titles, apparently. There's Man with a Bear Midriff. The best movie for Bear Midriff is Independence Day. Best one. Sure. Followed by Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Yep.

And Jumanji, which I'm pretty sure is The Rock in that case. Okay, so, Kumquat, stop. Your Zuma, Zuma's triple seven. You're very lucky.

Sorry, Karen Gillan. Nine? IMDB? Really? My name's Zuma777, and here I am on March 7th, 2013, talking about Pulp Fiction. Yep.

Sorry for the image, but if you take a bowl of crap, rearrange it, and put some sugar and a little cherry on top, what, what two you get? A fuck shit stack! A fuck shit stack! Ellipsis! A bowl of crap! Oh. A fuck shit stack. A fuck shit stack. Ellipsis. A bowl of crap.

Oh. On top of itself. I think it's a special bowl of crap at that point, honestly. This is the most overrated film of all time. I'm even feeling strange to call it a film. That's true. It wasn't filmed. It has no story, no feelings, no plot, no music.

There's definitely no music. Definitely no music. There's no musical scenes in Pulp Fiction. I couldn't figure out the mute button on my TV remote, so it didn't have any music. I certainly didn't listen to that soundtrack for like a year straight. I didn't realize that Quentin Tarantino made silent films. There wasn't any dialogue either. there's four different scenes of disgusting violent abusive offending and racist content put together in a mixed sequence i think there were more than four no i'm pretty sure there

were only four scenes in that whole movie okay all right i guess they're just four. So this crap scores a nine on IMDb is beyond me. Sometimes when people see a nine, they automatically deceive themselves into believing this is a masterpiece. And that maybe if they didn't like it. What is it about anybody thinking they're being tricked? Something is wrong with their opinion or taste. This movie is trying to trick me. Nothing's wrong.

Into liking it. Nothing's wrong. Pictures aren't moving? It's a bad movie from beginning to end. The problem is that sometimes Hollywood movies are overhyped for business reasons. Oh, wow. Yeah, you're right. They shouldn't do that.

They shouldn't do that. They should just let the market decide. I really wish that Quentin Tarantino would make movies that were for everyone. Do you guys remember all the PR push Pulp Fiction had where they had toys and the Saturday morning cartoon show? Yeah, the Fox Force 5 spin-off.

I was disgusted because, oh, what? We're promoting movies now? People are just going to promote movies? What's next, billboards? I know, what, are you just going to pay to put a poster someplace? It's disgusting. Yeah, business reasons.

Like what happened in Titanic. The thing that happened in Titanic. When they promoted Pulp Fiction in Titanic. And Avatar, which, by the way, were okay movies. Those definitely were okay movies. Those are my examples of okay movies. So he likes James Cameron's later period. Yeah.

But they didn't deserve the huge credit they received. I gave this a one because Samuel L. Jackson was the only thing interesting in this disaster. I'm not going to tell those of you that haven't seen it not to. You have to go through the experience on your own and make your fair like a bus fare judgment. All right. No, you can't. Why is this movie too bad for you? Don't listen to anyone's opinion. Especially the ones that

think that if you love this one, then you're cool. I really love the attitude of like, hey, this is this really well-renowned popular movie that is super well-renowned, popular movie that is super well-reviewed, and I don't like it,

so clearly something's wrong with everybody else. Yeah, yeah. Fucking conspiracy. Yeah, exactly. I also like the whole thing of like, this movie is terrible, it's horrible, I only like Samuel L. Jackson, one out of ten. Nevertheless, I think you should see it.

Don't take my word for it alright we're going to be moving on to a movie called The Godfather that is the 1972 movie The Godfather Francis Ford Coppola and my name is M. Bushwall. I caught up with this movie in February of 2006.

And here's what I feel about this movie. Bait and Switch is the name of this game. Does Godfather romanticize crime and criminals? Yes, it does. Take, for instance, The Godfather's name, Corleone, which translates as lion-hearted, suggesting that heroes are to be compared to Richard the Lion-Hearted,

legendary chivalrous hero of the Crusades and friend to Robin Hood. This can be no doubt that author Mario Puzo and director Francis Ford Coppola have made romantic idols of the Corleones. The film gilds them with mystery, honor, and gallantry. But of what holy crusade are the Corleones the leaders?

Yeah. No, we're already in the crusades. We're fucking here. I am not done with my paragraph. We're comparing it to the crusades. They can't be nearly as noble as the crusades. Yeah, they can't be nearly as noble as the Crusades. Yeah, they can't be nearly as noble as the Crusades. There's no such thing as irony.

You take this objectively altruistic thing, the Crusades, and sully it with organized crime. It's disgusting. Robin Hood is spinning in his grave. Lemon, I feel like you're getting away from the point here like if if you're gonna say such things what's your favorite retelling of the robin hood story it's men in tights obviously seemingly seemingly a war for survival against vicious enemies who would destroy their gang but why should we care what happens to a bunch of evil criminals? Godfather is just as

much interesting for what it fails to show the audience as what it does show. The filmmakers wrongly assume that the audience is sophisticated enough to infer the kind of lurid but emotional scene that made it the great success of earlier gangster films, nitty-gritty illustrations of the inside working of organized crime, loan sharking, extortion, and vice. Godfather, for the most part, ignores the subject matter. That's true. It's true.

It's true. Nobody. Why is this interesting, exciting movie not a documentary on the History Channel? God damn it. I didn't buy this ticket to be entertained. Godfather, where bad things happen to nobody. Godfather, for the most part, ignores the subject matter, the everyday business of crime,

in favor of what should be only the end part of its story, a war between gangs over the control of its rackets. The drama is essentially without motivation. The movie is simply not interested in showing us... Here's the thing, right? Godfather really only takes place in like a week. That's it. The duration of the movie, The Godfather,

is basically just a day in the life. Is it unmotivated? That afternoon that Michael spends in Sicily? Yeah, that afternoon that Michael spends in Sicily. That's because the heroes would seem much less chivalrous if their criminal enterprise were shown in any depth with any real understanding. For the most part, the movie plays as a revenge tragedy

in which the gallant protagonist could be members of any great family, whether criminal or enough, protecting their cherished owners. Why did the filmmakers deliberately sanitize the criminal aspects of the Corleone family? Oh, my God. That's so sad. Why? Why?

Why? Like, nobody was ever shot. No shopkeepers were ever roughed up. No buildings ever blew up. It's a tragedy. Look, look. I mean, I think we're judging too harshly remember when uh remember when uh don corleone said i'll make him an offer he can't refuse and

the offer was a lot of money and then he was like okay yeah i'll sign him on now well i can't refuse that and then it was then you know then they had a you know they went back to the wedding reception it was really nice the filmmakers the filmmakers are they had a, you know, they went back to the wedding reception. It was really nice. The filmmakers, the filmmakers, are they apologists for crime? I think they are. One confidence game employed by the filmmakers, which is also familiar among the annals of organized crime leaders, is a variation on the trick called bait and switch. Right? Right?

Right? It's a trick that the criminals play. I learned about this from a Streets album. We expect a portrait of ruthless and immoral criminal. Instead, we are made to believe the essential moral rightness of Don Corleone. What? You're so close.

When he condemns, as a contemptible enemy, the kind of criminal who trades in narcotics. In other words, we are lured into the theater with the promise of a true-to-life depiction of the actions of a bad guy, and then the filmmakers slyly pull a fast one and show us a good guy instead!

What? Don Corleone, the lionized hero. The guy you root for. Yeah. What? You're not supposed to identify with him. We're persuaded to ignore the fact that the Godfather is an extortionist and pimp. Even worse, we are asked to believe that extortion and pimping are not so bad,

especially if practiced by an honorable guy like Don Corleone, who, whatever his failings, is much too decent to trade in narcotics. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yes. What's got you so excited? I'm about to read a phrase and it's gonna make me excited. One thing that I know about me right now

is that I'm a fan of Antonin Scalia. This jiggery pokery was so effective. This of Anthony and Scalia. This jiggery pokery was so effective. This is Anthony and Scalia. This was supposed to be a movie about a bad guy, and everything he's doing, I don't find any moral questions. Why is everybody saying this is a bad guy? At this point, I'm just staring down at the mashed potatoes,

hoping if I eat them that time will speed up. All right, pass the Turkey. Let's get this over with. Yeah. The jiggery pokery that I had previously alluded to was so effective that around the time that this movie and its sequel came out, an Ivy league educated friend of mine on his way to a brilliant career on

wall street, bitterly denounced a critic of Godfather for making the claim that Don Corleone was not entitled to be regarded as a great hero like President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, General Douglas MacArthur, or Dr. Albert Schweitzer, who had received similarly

an adulatory treatment on film. My friend, having seen both Godfathers, was convinced that a mafia leader might be just as honorable as the heroic portrait the movies presented. Wall Street and the Crusades, both excellent things

full of excellent characters of good guys. My friend Richard Ramirez said that he loves the Godfather. So, I, Anthony Scalia, feel the need to on this occasion to remind the public of what the mafia does, even when they allegedly refuse to get involved in narcotic sales. The mafia is mainly in the business of vice. Well, that's capitalized. So vice.

Yeah. No. Yeah. The magazine. The magazine. Yeah. Now that I know that Don Corleone is a proud boy. It feeds off the weakness of a mass of little people who are corruptible, who are vulnerable to the appeal of easy sex,

cheap thrills, quick money, and the quick fixes of their problems. These little people pay for all their vices and their lives much more than they can afford to pay, and it ends up ruined for the greater glory of the mafia. Most record crime is not glorious. It's petty and mean and easily committed by anyone who is less courage or daring

than the average person. Courage and daring. How about you? What about their levels of... It'd be a shame if anything in here broke. Ha ha! Okay, so we know about their courage level and their daring level. What about

their dash and zest? Yeah, I gotta finish my character sheet. Okay, now you need to re-roll your zest statistic there. You're just not gonna really work. But it's easy to understand why the filmmakers left this out of the movie. It would be kind of absurd to call a scuzzy dirtbag by the name Lionheart. You're really... I looked up a fact once. Spoiler alert. And it broke my mind in twain. Wow. Dirtbag by the name Lionheart

And it broke my mind in twain how can I be stupid I know so many words Okay, okay, that was the dissenting opinion on tort reform Now Ruth Bader Ginsburg's gotta talk about The Godfather 2 for some reason I'd like to read what was this guy's name again M. Boucher it's just M. Boucher's tagline for his review of Pretty Woman

a slick advertisement for prostitution that lies and lies wow wow this review of the Amos and Andy show was the actors were like friends when I was a kid okay wow that's really okay Wow suddenly I know a lot more about M Bush walk it's really surprising. Okay. Wow. Suddenly I know a lot more about M. Bourgeois. It's really depressing to find your dad on IMDb. Oh, God. His review of M.A.S.H. was a snob appeal comedy that ushered in a mediocre new era.

I mean, that's kind of fair. Oh, no. Oh, no, Lem's turning into M. Bourgeois. That's the movie. Yeah. He didn't like reservoir dogs no no that's weird he also didn't he also didn't like he didn't like taxi driver what's the point what's the point what's the point of any movie really the character in taxi driver is obviously supposed to be, like, a likable person that you're supposed to identify with. He wakes up and he's going to shoot the president.

Oh, God. Okay. Yeah, that's all we need to read from The Godfather. Because it's time to talk about The Shawshank Redemption. Oh, good. need to read from The Godfather because it's time to talk about the Shawshank Redemption. Shawshank Redemption on IMDb has been reviewed 2,193,825 times

receiving an aggregate score of 9.3 but Jack Chick, Kyle Max doesn't really agree with this consensus. Mediocre people reward mediocre cinema. Agreed.

It bugs me that this movie is rated so high, not because it's a bad movie, but because it's a mediocre one. Apparently mediocre people reward mediocre cinema. This movie tanked big time when it was initially released, and with good reason wasn't until pseudo intellectuals across the country started hyping it as de facto favorite movie for lowbrows worldwide that it started dominating the imdb best movie list in reality shawshank is like a sewage pump for every idiotic prison movie cliche ever made

every guard is a monster. A warden is religious, therefore evil. Where did they get these wacky ideas? Not a single prisoner is actually guilty. Huh. I believe everything I'm told in a movie if a character says it. Or if they are,

they're so obviously redeemed that we're supposed to feel sorry for their unfair imprisonment. Murderers and sex offenders sit around in beatific awe as opera plays over loudspeakers. Right. The whole movie is so fake, so smarmy, and so

condescending that it's no wonder that so many Americans, with their odd addiction to fake, smarmy, condescending things, consider it their favorite movie. I guess thinking for yourself is a burden too great for some of us to bear. My name is Kyle Max, and I'm a prison guard. Oh. I'm a prison guard. Oh.

Hello, I am Joe X, and this is my backlash vote against Shawshank Redemption. Saying this movie is the number two movie of all time is like saying McDonald's makes the best hamburgers. Boom. They're both palatable, predictable, inoffensive products that are easy to digest. Oh, you're going to keep going with this metaphor. Okay.

That is, if you find the stunning speed with which a McDonald's hamburger flushes out of your digestive tract to be a happy occasion. All you need to know is that Shawshank has the exact same ending as trading places.

You mean, you mean where she, uh, where she, uh, crawls through the pipe full of shit. Yes. Okay.

So why not make trading places the greatest comedy of all time? What the hell? Why not make it number three on IMDb? It, too, is competent and utterly middle of the road in terms of quality and originality within its genre.

Instead of Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy laughing it up on a Caribbean beach, after besting the forces of evil, we get Morgan Freeman and Tim Robbins. It's the exact same ending. Okay. But they're not in the Caribbean

at the end of Josh Ankley Dempster. It's the exact same ending. No, they both ended on a beach. It's the same movie. Okay, so I haven't seen trading places, so is his point that it ends with

two similar looking actors on a beach? It ends with a black man and a white man on a beach. They're in a different place than they were in the middle of the movie. And weirdly, Jamie Lee Curtis is there. It's all about the destination, guys. The journey has no actual importance.

If I'm being honest, I would watch every movie if it ended the same way that Trading Places does. if it ended the same way that Trading Places does. You know, it's just a great movie. Just everybody's on the beach. We all win. You know, what's wrong with that? What's wrong with that? I'm not saying every movie.

I'm not coming down on anybody's bad, you know. But, like, that's a fun end. Who cares? No, but it would have been a huge improvement to Saving Private Ryan. Yeah. Beach party. That's why they stormed the beach in the first place. Drugs, drugs, drugs, ass to ass.

Where's my arm? I'm on a beach. And Jamie Lee Curtis is there in a bikini, and it's great. Earn this beach party. Earn it. And they're drinking a drink that they mentioned earlier in the movie, and it's great. What do you got there, Toast? Oh, I'm not Toast.

I'm I.C. And my title is more like The Shamshank Redemption. Also, spoiler. Warning, spoilers. I wrote this on August 8th, 2006. You promised only one spoiler. Oh, there's more spoilers. Watch out.

The spoiler is that there's spoilers. We already discussed the ending, so. Yeah. It's on the beach. Over long, boring, tedious, overacted, and very, very, very, very, very overrated. Hell knows what goes through the minds of people to vote the second best film ever. I first saw the cut down version lasting 1 hour 25 minutes and it was still too long. I wouldn't

mind, but it's so drawn out, fanciful, and pathetic. The things that happen in that prison would never happen just because some nerdy bank manager has hope. Give me a break. Which soap opera did that sad line come from? You're right. You're right.

You're right. You're right. Hope's never existed. Nobody's ever tried to break out of prison, and nobody's broken out of prison. You know, he's got a point. That scene where Tim Robbins turns to the camera and says, I wish I had hope was really a thing.

Clearly overreacted on this one. No wonder it was initially ignored, and it should be continued to be ignored. Robbins, who was accused and wrongly convicted for the murders of his wife and her lover, never ages. At one point, he has to remind us he's been in jail for 12 years,

because it only looks like a week. Did you see the way he really changed in 12 years from 1994 to 2006? He looks like a much older man. That's not the time frame of the movie. No, in real life. No, no, no. I'm saying the makeup. Oh, I see.

I'm saying the makeup in real life. I'm comparing. Yeah, it's less good than Tim Robbins actually aging over the course of 12 years. Yeah, the makeup artist should actually make him, should have made him age. You should have put him in a time machine. And of course he does. He's 12 years older. And the Shawshank, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I put on my filter. Come on. The Shamshank Dedemption. No one that's supposed to mean. Yeah. Yeah.

It's not a redemption. It's a dedemption. In the Shamshank Dedemption, he never aged one day in 12 years, and his hair is even cut the same style. His prison barber didn't decide to sort of change it up any. Yeah, he was not following the new fashions. I would have expected him to get at least a fresh new do, but just not.

Hi, Top Fade. Even when we then go forward something like 20 years he still looks the same never aged at all apart from a few bluey gray hairs at the sides blue gray and after he escapes after 20 years of tunneling through thick concrete with a small screwdriver yes that that was a screwdriver i think maybe this guy didn't actually see the movie. He meets up with his old buddy Freeman, who got out of jail legally. Freeman. Yeah, that's how he got the name.

He meets up with Gordon Freeman, who gets out of jail legally. And get this, both look younger than when they first went in. Well, the light is a little nicer on the outside. By my reckoning, Tim Robbins should now be about 70, and Morgan Freeman is early 80s. Yet both after serving their time, they still look barely 40.

And what a load of talk. I'm really caught up on this. What? Really? Like a lot. I mean, I gotta say, it's been a while and I don't remember the age makeup and I'm sure it wasn't that great, but that is his only point. And what a load of talkative rubbish.

The most... Oh, yeah, okay. There was a lot of talking. I wanted to watch men suffer in silence in prison. In real time. The most boring, overhyped up film in history. Complete twaddle. God knows

how on earth I watched all of it. But I did it for a bet, because I cannot stand it. What? Wasn't worth a UK tenor anyways. My vote, two out of four for mediocre drama. Get a life. But you gave it one star.

Two out of ten. Has anyone else noticed that the majority of these reviewers have been British? Or just talk like it. Like, I mean you know a twaddle is not necessarily a Britishism it's just sort of an asshole no but a UK tenor okay okay yeah

I'm gonna go ahead and just skip over part three part three was called I guess nerds are allowed to have opinions too and yeah they sure are and that's all fun, but it's sort of similar to other stuff that we've covered in

other episodes. So I think we're just gonna go in here to tour in section four. There's a review of a movie called Zootopia. And Boots. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's sort of like there's an animal movie, there's a rabbit and a fox. They're friends. It was a pretty good movie. It was okay. But Boots, what did you think of the movie Zootopia? What did I think about it?

Oh, I gave it two stars. Who am I? I'm Natalie Dumont. Yeah, and so I have to say Zootopia. Sigh. Not even the children are safe. Oh, my goodness. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Mr. Police. Wait, was Zootopia for children? I just thought it was exclusively for furries. Not even the children are safe. I thought that's what they made it for. They gave you all the clues. Preachy, proselytizing, pandering, predictable piece pretending to be children's fair. Oh, you almost had the full alliteration.

It's boring at that. What else would you expect from the denizens of Bubbletopia who constructed this propaganda from the glass studios? From their glass bubble. So the, the, the glass studio is inside of the bubble. So there's a bubble. Okay.

Okay. Yeah. I wish. And they're always throwing stones in it. I'm sorry, but I, I actually, I do live in Hollywood and I wish sometimes that these people could come here,

hang out and see how they are exactly like the people that live here they're stupid they think hollywood's the problem and they just complain about stuff and act like they're just experts but it's like you have no idea how hollywood is exactly like everywhere else but it's full of fucking morons. Hey, you know what? You know what, Bozarth? You know what, Bozarth? You said a lot of words there, but all I heard was Bubbletopia banter.

It's the same thing Bubbletopia is always saying. I promise you, they're as racist and ignorant here as they are there. It's just, they wear sunglasses here. That's easy for you to say from your glass studio in Bubble Topia. Nice try, liberal. I'm not moving. Hollywood agrees. The problem is Hollywood.

Teaching not to stereotype while stereotyping. I guess some groups aren't vocal enough to be protected. Can't have it both ways, Disney. Furthermore, this cartoon after school special has the morality of a criminal defense lawyer. The reason why people are bad is because other people were bad to them first. Right. Yeah. No, people shouldn't actually have a defense in court.

That's a terrible idea. Yeah. If the cops arrest you that just means you're guilty right everything else is just processing in the next installment of this fluff why not have the fat cheetah come all the way out yeah i'm actually down for that you're all with me here right i want to actually see the fat cheetah come all the way out, whatever show I'm at. Weird porno, but okay. Force that uncomfortable car ride home on the unwitting parents who want to raise their own kids the way they see fit.

What? Just in case you didn't know how awful I was. Yeah, yeah. just in case you didn't know how awful I was I really liked it when all the animals treated each other with respect P.S. practice what you preach, Bubbletopia welcome to the so-called sorry, welcome the so-called predators in your tightly secured not not so diverse enclave and see if they want to sing Kumbaya with you. And no, the sloths were not funny.

Okay, that's where I draw the line. This is terrible. That actually pushed the letter. That animal's standing up on its hind legs what the fuck i pushed the whole writing table so i uh i i decided to look up bubbletopia and uh it turns out to be a uh uh aboba bar in uh edmonton oh that's delicious okay okay but there's a picture on the on the front page here lemon that you're probably going to want to see, because I know you really like poutine.

I do like poutine. I do like poutine, and if I'm going to get poutine, I'm going to get that from a boba bar. What the fuck? Oh, no. Delicious. What the fuck? Yeah.

All right, not poutine.fyi. Probably by the time this episode comes online, we will be having this. Let's call it poutine. I'm sure they do. So it looks like it's French fries. There's a bunch of green onion. Then there's short ribs. I thought they were black beans.

Like, I can't tell. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I thought those were black beans. Like, I can't tell. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I think it's... It's blood sausage. Blood sausage. Yeah.

So many... I mean, thing is, like, there's so many Canadians that are committing poutine crimes. Like, I was kind of expecting that, like, everyone else would be committing poutine crimes, but, like, Canada would hold it down. No, not at all. I want to say it's topped with shredded Swiss. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or just, like, mozzarella, like a real greasy mozzarella. Yeah. Yeah. Some Cisco mozzarella. yeah some Cisco mozzarella um uh you just found a review of

Zootopia what did you think liberal brainwashing yes please uh one one for me and one for my friend liberal brainwashing this movie is an attempt to make children become Democrat.

And it isn't subtle. It sends a message that we should hold people blameless for their bad behavior. Sure, yeah. No, you're right. You're right. Absolutely. right, absolutely, yep. D.G. the sly fox in the movie, smiley face. And instead blame stereotypes for that person's bad behavior.

The writers of the movie try to act as if the move were aware of behavior that supports stereotypes. Per the naive bunny cop, political symbol for women getting in the military police via gender discrimination programs as attested by the assistant mayor Lamb, who defends the publicly discriminated against Fox, symbol for black people, who ironically end up behaving in line with the stereotype, swindling the store to make money dishonestly.

Wow. All right. So your argument is that the representation of black people should have been punished more severely for stealing a popsicle. Yeah. Yeah. This person didn't get past the first, like, what, 20, 30 minutes of the movie before they were just like, that is unforgivable.

That Popsicle is for elephants and not for foxes. How dare they resell this Popsicle on the black market? IMDb will hear about this. Also stereotypes, I guess. The very last section in this document is called please stop being horny on IMDB never we're gonna go to a movie

we're gonna go back to a movie that I think you're all familiar with it's a movie that I feel like I've heard a lot about lately and it's called The Hottie and the Naughty starring Paris Hilton ooh I've heard of that movie 10 out of 10 it's called The Hottie and the Naughty starring Paris Hilton. I've heard of that movie. 10 out of 10. It's probably my favorite visible mid-riff movie.

It is the number one mid-riff movie. If I recall, I think I recently went into a fugue state about that movie. So Jack Check, what did you think of The Hottie and the Naughty? As close to Paris Hilton as you could get. Oh God. Okay. Unless you know.

I can think of one movie where you get closer. What can we be referring to? I have no clue. Is that on IMDb? I'm gonna see Well, More Than Night in Paris the 1938 movie No, that's not what I'm looking for

Unless you know her daily itinerary, this is as close to cheeky Paris Hilton as you could possibly get. Far from being a rich, spoiled brat, Paris has got natural talents as an entrepreneur? Okay. That I admire. Yeah, she

started the chain of Hilton hotels. Oh, I didn't know that. That's where that name came from, yeah. That's cool. All right. She's a natural actress, very comfortable in front of a camera, very cool, calm, cheeky, and captivating. I enjoyed this fun-filled movie from its beginning.

What I like about the themes of this particular movie, Paris' character of being a faithful friend to someone unfortunate. I wonder if Paris Hilton can stay in any long term relationship in real life Paris philosophy about the human soul versus body and how we look on the outside the revealing flashback story technique that is used to explain present relationships

in relation to the past I hated it when they used it it is used to explain present relationships in relation to the past. I hated it when they used it in Pulp Fiction, but... If you want a good laugh at a little learning philosophy in how you... Sorry. A little philosophy.

Just a little philosophy. It's right up there with the Hedgelian dialectic. If you want a good laugh and a little learning philosophy in how humans judge others, watch this movie. I also recommend the movie Shallow Howl, which is just as good.

Ooh. That I don't necessarily disagree with on its face. Hey, my name is Vav anyway I have a review for gods of Egypt you know the Gerard Butler movie gods of Egypt that like everyone saw right yeah I gave gods of Egypt three stars The title of my review is The Tits. I'm giving two points because there was some good... You thought this movie was The Tits?

No, I'm giving two points because there was some good tits and ass from the girls who was actors in this film. Okay, let it be three because of Jamie Lannister. Film is a shame. Bad story, bad actors, everything is bad. I cannot say much more.

Maybe if you smoke a real big joint, it could be enjoyable, but I don't think so. If you really want to know who's Horace, let's see Immortals. That will show you that. Or watch a document from National Geography. There's a review we're not going to cover of the movie Teeth. First of all, let me say this right out front. Never watch the movie Teeth. It is dreadful. It is awful.

But the review of the movie Teeth, the title of it is, I haven't even jerked off since Easter. Ten out of ten. But last one in this section here. Kumquat Sap, what did you think of the movie Who Framed Roger Rabbit? I don't know. Oh no, thank you! I am

Casanero 1973 and I am talking about this movie in 12 February 2015. Three out of ten. When someone tells you the premise of this movie

your little heart just gets so excited your imagination just goes wild with the possibilities then you hear the dang rabbit's voice

please that's not how I remember that voice sounding Hear the dang rabbit's voice. P-p-p-p-please. That's not how I remember that voice sounding. And blam, your heart just breaks. And you have to have your arms tied so you don't pull out your hair by the roots. It helps if you look at in on mute and just have the close caption up. The way that they were able to pull this off is just mesmerizing. That red dress is amazing.

I used the finest Hollywood technology to give me an erection. Personal issues aside. Nope. These personal issues are quite serious. Moving on the side. Moving it aside, this movie is worth checking out just to see how wonderful everything looks. And if you find yourself wanting to commit murder upon exposure to Roger Rabbit's voice, hit mute and chillax so you got so horny from jessica rabbit that you want to murder roger isn't that the plot uh get that rabbit husband out of the way no it's sorry no it's because there's a cartoon

guy who's actually a huge i don't care care about this. Yeah, I remember now. And then, Adam, if you'll take that last section there of some titles. So these are just some titles of different reviews found on IMDb. Make sure to order nachos, because there's plenty of cheese. Ooh! An insult to the original death note. Dissu note.

Noto. Dissonoto. Sorry. Dissonoto. Dissonoto. Well, I guess I'm a diseased vulture then. I guess so. Flat tire. Read a book.

Not a sports page. Not a magazine. Wow. Read a fucking book. A fucking book, cowboy. You could rename this movie Final Destination 6 and no one would know. Take that,

tenant. Teeth? Castration anxiety Agreed This movie will make you purge By purge, I mean more like hurl vomit Nice Lord Von Trash Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

That's my stage name for my Dead Boys cover band. On the bass, Lard Von Trash. That's right. And this sounds like a song you guys might play. You mean

Cuxploitation, our song? 5 for 5 out of 5. A highly entertaining wild hilarious no disappointment to any LT fan with great music LT in this case would be reviews for Space Jam

Looney Tunes okay great flatulence in a galaxy far, far away. Bonjour, je suis un mérissou. I like that. That's actually a pretty good one. I like that. If you dismiss all whining from Fatoterrorist.org,

this movie is fine. Okay, Fatoterrorist.org. A Shrek too far? I laughed. My four friends laughed. My sis laughed. My mom laughed. And my grandma

laughed. Oh, thanks Shrek the Third. Oh, thanks, Shrek the Third. Oh, Jesus. And allow me to leave you with this one final thought. You people need to go to prison for your crimes against humanity. Agreed. That was an 8 out of 10 star review for Meet the Spartans. So, F+, what do you think we learned from any of this?

You people need to go to prison for your crimes against humanity. review for meet the spartans uh so f plus what do you think we learned from any of this you people need to go to prison for your crimes against humanity oh we keep learning that we keep learning that over and over and over again um i i mostly learned things about visible mid riffs did you learn about visible mid riffs or visible midriffs? No, no, no. I learned about both. I came into this whole experience hoping for more of high riffs, but I settled for what I got. I learned most movies trick you into thinking they're good. Right. You need to think for yourself and not actually examine the work.

I learned that some people will base their whole tastes and opinions out of spite on an internet forum or an internet review site. Most people are just like, the movie's fine or it's just mediocre, but the real reason I'm giving this a 1 out of 10 is because you all like it. Yeah, I've been struck recently of just how people can't can't uh seem to uh divorce like the thing that they think like that you build a narrative like you start off with an opinion and you just build a narrative around the thing you think like despite anything else that's around there like even when it's completely inconsequential so like these reviews like people will be coming up with some q and on bullshit about like, other

people like this movie and I don't like this movie and I could easily take this on fact and nobody loses or I can be like, oh it's actually a conspiracy by Mr. Tim Robbins to make me look like an idiot and get kicked out of that

party, Janus. Did you just describe American politics? Yeah, I think I did. I think I did. Like, in all of these ways that it shouldn't affect things, like, you still get this effect happening on every

single corner of the internet. That, like, anything that runs into my completely unfettered, like, breakneck opinion is an affront to God himself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, look outside. You can see it. I hate making a point that's supposed to be humorous, but then it just ends up salient, and then we just all have to sit with it for a minute. I mean, this podcast has been very prescient, and, you know, you can only predict the future for so long.

You're soaking in it. And if you want to soak in it, you can go to thefpl.us. I'm basically sold out of all merch, but we're going to make some more. And also, 24 Terrible Hours probably happening, hopefully.

We're going to call it Garbage Day. Well... Okay, this branding meeting is over. Okay, okay, okay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Hold on, we've got to have a group powwow about this one. Let's just hang up on the Zoom call. Can we just circle back on this real quick?

I'm really concerned about the time limit on Zoom. Can we take this to Microsoft Teams? Okay, bye! Hollywood is hot! Hollywood is hot! Hollywood is hot! Hollywood is hot! You mean Cuxploitation, our song? Cuxploitation takes you to a category.

It takes you to somebody's list of movies. Their favorite Cuxploitation films. Their favorite Cuxploitation... Eating Raul, a Cuxploitation films. Eating Raul, a cuxploitation film. Antichrist. Eyes Wide Shut, that actually is a cuxploitation film, that's fair.

That's fair. Sex, Lies, and Videotape is also a cuxploitation film. Never mind, this actually is a genre. Armageddon?