The F Plus - 330: The Rites of Price: Amazon Edition

Episode Date: August 7, 2020

User reviews on Amazon drive a lot of purchasing decisions, so let's have another look at the two most important categories: Cosplay accessories and erotic gay shapeshifter novels. And then when that's done, we're playing The Rites of Price. This week, our dick plumped.

Welcome to my shop. Unfortunately, all I really have here is the F+. That's terrible things, but we're going to read it with enthusiasm. And in the room tonight, we've got Booth Reindeer. Green-eyed lesbian monster destroyed my asshole. Monster 25 hot and demon horror erotic stories. Stog! I'm a book nerd.

That means I live in a crazy fantasy world with unrealistic expectations. Thank you for understanding. Victor Laszlo. Banging Santa Claus's wife's sweet asshole. Your friend on the internet who goes by the name Adam Bozart. This LARP sword displays the curved blade and circular guard of the katana favored by samurai and ninjas. And Lemon. Eternal Flames, book five,

Sowing the Seeds of Love. Money is a motherfucking joke. Forty-pawed eagles sewn into a coat. Zoo with the crib mermaid in the moat. Buy another strip mall every eighth. No, get money. Money ain't a motherfucking bribe. It's a sport I invented to win when I watch.

And own all the rights and the lights and the locks. Even own all the yikes and the sprite. You just drop, get money. Hey, F-Less. Hi, Lemon. Hello, Lemon. Hey, you all seem chipper and bright and happy to be... Let me ask all you folks a question.

How do you feel about consumerism? Well, I participate in it. Sure. It got me through high school. Are you admitting that you sold weed through high school? Is that what you're telling me? That depends. Are you a cop?

Did that line work when you were selling drugs in high school? If you are, you have to say yes. So today I want to bring you a document, one of several. You know, Boots and I were just talking about this before hitting record. But sort of like as you go through, you know, this podcast has been going on for quite a while and we have a document submission hopper that stretches back years. And what will happen is there sort of be someone that just sort of like really heats up the charts for a minute. And that person at the moment goes by the name of SecretGagant69. Nice.

at the moment goes by the name of SecretGagant69. Nice. In the last two months, SecretGagant69 has submitted I don't know, let's say 40 documents. And one of those ones that we have here is something I want to bring you, which

I think is an interesting thing. So SecretGag in 69 starts, Inspired by the blog The Worst Things for Sale, which chronicles a bunch of dumb things for sale on Amazon, I decided to make a doc for a bunch of different dumb items for sale on Amazon. The doc also includes something else that we'll get to, but we're going to start in the section that you personally have bookmarked, Victor,

and that's the cosplay clothing and LARP section. Oh, yes. So what we have here, and I don't know, Victor, I don't know if you do or do not have this specific item, but it is the California Costumes Men's Steampunk Adventurer Costume. It comes with a little steampunk hat. You've got goggles that seem to be non-functional but you know they're definitely on your hats they're completely opaque so yeah yeah how does he get the goggles on the

hat does he like put it directly over the top of his hat how does he pull him down then i don't i don't know i don't know this dashing steampunk adventure costume is composed of a vest, pocket chain, pants belt with attached satchel one pair of shin wraps hat with decorative goggles so the goggles is actually tied to the hat

maybe the hat has eyes and he wants to protect the eyes by putting goggles over them like a Mario kind of thing where the hat can make zombies you can tell this guy protect the eyes by putting goggles over them. Like a Mario kind of thing? Yeah. Where the hat can make zombies. You can tell this guy's a bit of a prankster because he's got his goggles tilted to the side. There's a whole bunch of stuff that's not included.

But Boots, your name... Like a second glove. My name. Your name is Larry in San Francisco? It is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. is Larry in San Francisco. It is. Yeah. Yeah. So.

So Larry in San Francisco, you bought this product. What did you think of it? Yeah. I thought it was a Halloween costume for grownups. Sure. You know, you think about when you think about Halloween costumes. Now extend that idea to grown-ups wearing them oh what is that legal uh i actually i purchased this uh three out of

five stars i actually returned this item without wearing it or even trying it on except that i tried to assemble the hat it's probably a decent value for the low price, because I ended up spending a lot more money on other real steampunk clothes for the wedding I was attending. This was not authentic for the wedding I was attending. Those have real gears, not the fucking

K'nex gears that come in those little building kits. Which had a steampunk theme. This is not something you'd wear to a wedding, though. It's made of a bunch of synthetics, which don't look like real clothing up close.

And some of the steampunky gears are just painted on a polyester component of the outfit. I wanted to go to the steampunk wedding, but now I look like an idiot. And who are you wearing? Spirit Halloween. The hat is a bunch of components you have to Velcro together.

A bunch of components. Might be fine for a low-rent costume party. Three people found this helpful. for a low-rent costume party. Three people found this helpful. Okay, so you've got your steampunk adventurer costume, but that means that the lady in her life still probably needs a costume. Well, no problem, because what I've got right here

is the Quality Music Shop Chainmail Designer Bikini Aluminum SS2 Silver. Now, it says Chainmail Designer Bikini Set, and the photo is porn. Oh, my God. Yes, that is. Wow. That's on Amazon. Wow. There is full-on nipples and labia

in this product. Wow, I need to get that out of my browser history. No, it's fine. They didn't have underwear back in the Dungeons and Dragons days. Are you saying because you don't want Mrs. Laszlo to spoil the surprise accidentally? I think Mrs. Laszlo stumbling across this would spoil any surprise.

So, yeah. So it's chain mail. It says bikini. It's basically just, and I wouldn't even call it chain mail. It is some metal things that go generally broadly around your vagina uh da ziner medieval collection other uh this chain mail armor is completely handmade antique styling new sexy chain mail set includes the broad top and the bottom panel skirt features chain links throughout design with adjustable class chain and out around your neck and waist be ready for your next cosplay festival comic-con where that's a comic-con costume or

whatever you choose uh and a stog what did the logs done electric think of this uh this was reviewed in the united states on june 8th 2019 uh i was looking for a square chainmail and came across this picture that clearly shows nipples and a hairy vagina muff. This is not appropriate for a site like Amazon as it is pornographic. And Daniel V? Get over it.

Everybody's offended by a picture. It's a naked woman. Get over it. If males can be advertised shirtless, why not females? It's a nipple big whoop. It's two nipples and a muff, dude. The female form is beautiful

and should not be deemed pornographic in these cases. How many people found this helpful? 21. The world's greatest feminist. You can see a naked woman in a nature documentary. I don't see what the problem is here. Victor?

I'm Victoria. 5.0 out of 5 stars. Victor Victoria. Came for chain mail. Got muffin titties. 5 star. 10 out of 10. Would buy again.

41 people found this helpful. So she does come with the chain mail. I feel like we fit our use of the word muff quota for the episode. No, we haven't. Okay. Control F muff. Oh, okay. Control, control, F, muff. Oh, damn it! That's it.

If you want to hit stop on the podcast now, I totally understand. I want to tell you about Shreddy's USA Flatulence Filtering Men's Hipsters. What? Cool. What? Is there another... is that a regional thing like how sometimes hoagies are called grinders do you have a different word for shreddy's usa flatulence

filtering men's hamsters underwear the cereal well okay so the picture is just sort of a pair of boxer briefs uh that's all the picture is. But the product description lends a little bit more elucidation. It says, the hipster is a popular contemporary style of flatulence filtering underwear. Fucking hipsters. It's like a face mask, but for your butt. This style offers good flatulence filtration and a very comfortable fit the taut waistband and material content provides more support than ordinary underwear i will not shreddy's god's perfect farting system

shreddy's flatulence filtering underwear features a Zorflex activated carbon back panel that absorbs all flatulence odors. Due to its highly porous nature, the odor vapors become trapped and neutralized by the cloth, which is then reactivated by simply washing the Shreddies. Like, Shreddies. Okay. The fart gets trapped in the thing, and then it comes out in the wash. Look, it's a company that makes both cereal and underwear i don't see what what's so hard to understand here fart underwear yeah one of the related products uh is it's a much cheaper uh but it's just a

17 pair of underwear that says fart loading 45 please wait sometimes you get a box of underwear and sometimes you get a bag of... Sometimes you get a six-pack bag of cereal. Ooh, well that's fun. Boots, what did Andrew P. Fritz think of this? What did Andrew P. Fritz... I am Andrew P. Fritz.

Three out of five stars. Stops viscous fart smells. Not particularly comfortable for guys with big butts. First of all, these were amazing at stopping fart smells. I personally tested them, dropping several SBDs around my GF and family, and got no reaction. I couldn't even smell it myself.

What's the point? Andrew P. farts more like. Yes, but I knew. Farto ergo sum. And trust me, I normally have very smelly gas. I can set off my friend's electronic foul air warning device on his room filter, so I have evidence that

my farts are bad. Tell me about your Cliffs for Sale account. While I am extremely happy with the fart filtering, I was disappointed in the fit. I am a guy that normally wears Fruit of the Loom or Hanes.

You download zero-day underwear. H-A-N-E's boxer briefs. I stole his briefs. I always find those very comfortable. The closest thing I could find to that fit are these hipsters, which are more the style of jockey brand underwear. I always find that this style rides low in the back, feeling uncomfortable and showing some of my butt. I like this product and would encourage the manufacturer to make some boxer brief styles or something that is more comfortable. If they did, I would become an avid fan.

Oh, man. Brand awareness It would be a Shreddies influencer Detective it could be me I have such horrible farts and I can't stop farting I smell like shit all the time With the right effort Shreddies You could get P. Fritz on your side

Andrew P. Farts My name is Johnny B. Five out of five stars, but beware airport security. What? First off, these things are incredible. Truly. Got to test them out for the first time on a 12-plus hour flight to Seoul. Oh, that's okay.

So much more comfortable than having to run to the bathroom. So as not to offend my fellow travelers, these should become mandatory on all flights. Oh, shit, yeah, that is showing up in my dystopian fiction for sure. Here's your flight underwear, motherfucker. Yeah, I can't wait to wear a micromodal diaper because some guy thought it was a good idea at the TSA. How bad are your goddamn farts that you voluntarily go to the bathroom? Yeah.

Jesus Christ. That being said, coming back into the USA, I had to go through another standard security checkpoint to transfer to an American flight. This time they had me go through the full body scanner, the one where you have to lift your arms. Uh-oh, said the nearby agent. He pointed to the generic human form diagram on the scanner, and sure enough, it showed a huge, yellow, glowing area around my crotch. I tilted my sunglasses down and said, ladies. That's what was in the briefcase in Pulp Fiction. Now we finally know You seen a wall that says farting motherfucker on it? I didn't watch that part

I don't like that part I only like the beginning and end That joke only works if our release cadence Is what we think it will be. Yeah. I could do nothing but laugh as an elderly TSA agent started to describe the thorough pat down I was about to receive. Try explaining this to me. Yeah, yeah.

I hope you laughed like the Pillsbury Doughboy when your dick got touched. They still gave it 5 out of 5 stars. Try explaining to someone that what they're seeing and feeling is a special fart, anti-fart underwear. Okay, okay, okay. You're getting

strip-searched at that point. Oh, it's my anti-fart underwear? Get in the fucking room. Never heard of it is all I got back. After being fully felt up in front of a long line of people, they let me pass. Lesson learned, carry these through security first, and then put them on in the restroom later. But seriously, buy them. Might trip the bag scanner, though, too.

I don't know. My name is Jerry Castagno. I'm a bit player in an Elmore Leonard novel. It's really good. And I like to report that, holy crap, these work for people with severe Crohn's. Okay. All right, all right.

That's a fair use case. Okay, gotcha. So my husband has severe active Crohn's and is extremely gassy. Crohn's gas isn't like anyone else's has. It's got a superpower, and that is to find you and make you sorry you were breathing through your nose. What? Make you sorry you were breathing through your nose. In this household, we breathe through our mouths that's right i saw your tweet i saw that vinyl that vinyl cut that's stuck to your wall there's two rules you take off shoes, you breathe through your mouth. Live, laugh, love, breathe through your mouth.

You'll thank me later. We tried these out on a lazy Saturday morning, fresh from the package. My husband put them on after a shower, and I mostly forgot about them. After we had dinner that night, I noticed my husband getting a little shifty on the couch, so I knew the gas was coming. I waited an hour and nothing. Two hours, nothing. Finally, we went

to bed and I asked how he liked the underwear. He began laughing. I've been dropping bombs all night. I didn't believe him. I decided to give him the hot box test. Oh, new fetish acquired. That's a real thing.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. You want me the hot box test. Oh, new fetish acquired. That's a real thing with a real name. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. You want me to fart on purpose? Oh, I thought this was a different hot box. Just do it and I'll stay under the covers. Uh-huh, uh-huh. I've read the story. You're bananas, but okay.

So this is after Jerry put uh the earplugs to protect her ears from the uh detonating sound of crone's farts huge sound and not one odor i moved even moved closer and took a deep breath man thanks for coming to F Plus 5. These are perfect. I told my husband that this was the best Valentine's Day present ever. If you're thinking about it, get them. Pardon my pussy.

From my husband, who normally wears Hanes black boxer briefs. These are about right size-wise. I wear or have XL, and these fit similarly. Very comfortable around the waist without leaving marks. Also, no sticking like you usually get with boxer briefs.

The fit resembles a little spandex in that they're stretchy a bit in the material below the waist, which made for less swampy conditions. Also, I was worried a smell would sneak out of the bottom and it never happened. Let's put my mind at ease. All right, we're going to... No, no, no. Before we move away, I want Victor to ask me this question. Okay. From the Q&A section of this Amazon page.

Hey, Boots. Yeah? Will they lose their quality if they are not washed? Oh, God. Wash this with baking soda, which is recommended. And they went from a flare-urant underwear to being expensive regular underwear. Doesn't seem right to not wash it. Maybe that's the only way to keep the filter intact.

Is this one of these underwears I have to wash god damn it it's too much work bespoke hipster underwear I hate buying alpaca fur underwear it's so hard to wash is it like a cast iron pan

where you have to season it? So that first section was cosplay clothing and LARP. Our second section is called erotic gay shapeshifter stories written by women. It's gay shapeshitter. Shapeshiter. Shapeshiter. That's probably a typo. And we'll forgive him for it.

No, no, no. We're totally in for it. Yeah, no, we're driving SecretGagant69 into the ground on this one. Take that, motherfucker. You big dumb idiot. Thanks for the document. Thanks for the work. That's what you get from spending a lot of effort giving us good shit, motherfucker. Use the keyboard before, idiot. hope you learned your lesson motherfucker what spellcheck

spellcheck would ruin an f plus document oh my god spellcheck would totally ruin an f plus doc uh yeah so uh so the first uh the first um uh book that we have here is a book. Victor, I think if you would tell me about this book, I would love that. It's called The Dragon Boss. It's the first of the Shifters of Cartwell book one. The Dragon Boss? First of the book one. That said that.

I don't know. The Dragon Boss. Yeah, Dragon Boss. Dragon Boss. Accidental dick pic in your resume? first of the book one that said that i don't know whatever dragon boss yeah dragon boss dragon boss accidental dick pic in your resume too late you've already hit send okay now walk me through that accident what was happening on your computer at the time well this is why you don't multitask guys lucian bolt has given up on a permanent safe place. All he needs is a temporary one. On the run from the dark web criminals?

Yeah. On the run from the dark web criminals. He's figured out how to outrun them. They don't do cardio very well. All he just has to do is get on his bike and ride away. Yeah. From crime.onion. All he needs is a... his bike and ride away. Yeah, from crime.onion. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

It's that rain sewer scene in The Fugitive, except for through an Ethernet cable. All he needs is a temporary one, so he can earn some quick cash and run again. Better to flee than linger in the truth. Because of his electronic whispering abilities, his family has been murdered.

A person like him doesn't deserve happiness. Don't whisper in the internet. Then Lucian meets Nox. Things change. As the boss of Whole Fish Seafoods, Nox has everything except a family. Is this like Neuromancer except gay kinda

kinda 50 years ago wolf shifters murdered his mate and child believing himself a failure Nox has sworn off taking another mate until he meets the job applicant that stumbles into his office

oh that's inappropriate. Looking for a maid in your office? Lucian smells like wolves. Suspicious, Nox frisks him and plants his seed in Lucian. Very inappropriate. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. He was applying for a job.

One more thing. One more thing. One more thing before you go. Only to find out a week later that Lucian's not the non-magic human he claimed to be. And that Lucian is now pregnant with a dragon child. Oh, okay.

Yeah, it makes sense. Yeah, this is some omega verse shit for sure i got some some dick birth oh oh i get it i get it i get i get why this is called the dragon boss now why doesn't he fly away from the dark web criminals then why does he have to run like can he he has wings can he just fly away? Can he roast them with his dragon breath? He's pregnant. He's fucking heavy right now, dude. Oh, yeah. What if the dark web criminals are also dragons? Oh. Dragoncrime.onion.

Maybe you need to keep reading and find out in chapter six. With Nox, Lucian glimpses what a happy future could be like. And with Lucianan nox has someone to protect again as the sparks between them grow and as the dark tendrils of their past coil ever closer and lucian and nox find their way to a future together i'm gonna say yeah i'm gonna say yeah but i think that it's going to have some difficulties seeing us how there's many books in your series however the dragon box is a 74 000 word standalone dragon shifter novel with sentient shopping carts a kraken and a dragon who will not fail his mate sentient shopping carts that's you heard me right motherfucker they're the shopping carts? You heard me right, motherfucker. They're the shopping carts you can fuck.

I love it. I love it. No cheating, no cliffhangers, but there definitely is a happily ever after. Book one of the Shifters of Cartwell series. See, I want a book that's dedicated to the culture of the shopping carts. How do they communicate? dedicated to the culture of the shopping carts uh you know what uh anna weinhardt has a whole lot of books so maybe one of them will focus in on the uh anna anna weinhardt is a prolific writer holy shit lady uh but we're gonna move away from her because uh

uh Because Boots has title rules. Okay. All right. What am I doing? First of all. Am I doing the next one of the document? First of all. Yeah.

Yeah. No. You know what? Never mind. Boots, I'm just going to ask you a very simple question. Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. What's book 28 of Contra's Menagerie? Yeah. It's called Armadillo Packin'. Armadillo Packin'. Armadillo Packin'! Yeah, it's book 28 of the Contra's Menagerie series by Charlie Richards. Oh, this is about a guy who plays Arma all day.

It might be. The A, the M, and the D in Armadillo are capitalized. Hey, yo, Armadillo Packin'. Armadillo are capitalized. Hey, yo, Armadillo packing. Armadillo. Ronald Oleander, Ronnie to his friends, has been looking forward to this road trip for months, ever since he

aced the test for his motorcycle license. You aced the test. Yeah. He got all the questions right. You parallel park like a boss. Way to check your mirrors, son. When I think of badass, I think of someone who gets all the questions right. With the wind on his face, he follows Noah and Adam, his older brother and his brother's mate, through winding back roads their destination in a small town in wisconsin where

they're meeting up with adam's older old biker gang ronnie has been wait so okay whatever ronnie has been warned the place is homophobic and never to go anywhere alone except when he arrives the first thing he notices is an enticing smell. Ronnie wanders around the back of the diner to investigate and finds a pair of humans pounding on a smaller guy. Breaking up the fight,

he sends the jerks packing. When he focuses on the beaten man, he discovers that he's the source of the smell. So one man was getting beaten by two men, and he found out about that because of the smell? Yeah, he was releasing a smell. No, a guy was being beat up by two humans.

You're right. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I will never use another synonym in your presence, Boots. I am sorry. It's important that there are two humans beating up a guy. I've heard that there's a lot of bad blood between guys and humans. It turns out that the smell was he stole a bag of McDonald's cheeseburgers,

and they just basically followed the smell to where he was eating them. Robble, robble. In fairness, have you met any humans? They're the fucking worst. Guys are cool, though. Good point. Yeah, humans fucking suck. I like guys, though. Anyway, the guy is the source

of the smell and is also not only a shifter, but his mate Hector Ramirez, an armadillo shifter. The guy is his own mate? Yep. The guy is his mate. The guy is his mate. I mean, honestly,

the same could be said about me many, many, many, many, many nights. Twice today for me. What we have here is a guy who is his mate. At barely 21,nie didn't expect to find the other half of his soul so soon only only a book 28 and he doesn't feel ready still he can't deny his instincts for better or worse can ronnie accept wait for better or worse can question whatever

can ronnie accept not only a maid but figure out a way to stop the people after him so you know what oh my god i am i am i'm on the hook i am on the hook but you are asking you are asking for a full four dollars for your 73 page book so like i'm interested, I'm interested. I am. I am. But, like, I feel like if I had a little bit of a text sample, I might be a little bit more interested. Do you think that this text sample will illustrate why there's a moose in the background of this book about a shapeshifter armadillo? Are those present in Wisconsin, moose? They might be. They might be. I mean, they're up in, like, you i mean they're up in like the you know they're up in the north woods so sure do you know what shapeshifter means adam

look if you aggro the moose uh he's just you can't base they're like bears if you aggro the moose they'll just fucking tear apart anything in its path you can't stop this the cover is the covers from a still of when canada decided to film its own spin-off of True Blood. Lemon, you're going to be the voice of Ronnie, I guess. Hell yeah. All right. Great. Ronnie stretched his arms over his head,

flexing his thick biceps as he inhaled deeply. A sweetly musky... You mean that volleyball scene? Yeah. A sweetly musky scent filled his nostrils, making him freeze. It smelled faint, but it was oh so delicious.

Lowering his arms, Ronnie tipped his head back and took another deep breath. His mouth watered, and he hoped it wasn't coming from the diner, since they didn't plan to eat there. Except the breeze was coming from behind him.

After a quick glance at Noah, who was standing in the cradle of Adam's arms, who was on the phone while petting his brother's chest absently, What? Batting his head and rubbing his tummy. Who's touching who and where? Ronnie headed in the direction of the intriguing smell.

Ronnie stopped at the edge of the building and inhaled again. The odor had grown stronger, and he felt his blood flow south. His dick plumped, and his pulse sped up. Well, it plumps when you cook it. How many paragraphs of fiction could be improved by just adding his dick plumps? Lemon, read the thoughts in italics. Huh. Weird. Hearing the sounds of thuds distracted Ronnie from his odd reaction.

He cocked his head as he peered along the alley between buildings. Two men stood over something on the ground, partially hidden by the diner's dumpster. As Ronnie watched, the nearer guy moved his leg back and kicked at what was on the ground. Wait, that's a who? What the fuck?

Exactly. Growling low in his throat, Ronnie felt his moose stir. Oh, see? Ah-ha! He's a moose. Just because he sounds like he's from the Jersey Shore doesn't mean he's not a moose. His inner moose.

His moose plumped. Stay at Riverdale. His animal had turned out damn dominant, so it had been good that he was leaving his herd. He had no desire to challenge his sister's mate. With his bowl bellowing in the back of his mind, Ronnie was in complete agreement. He strode swiftly toward the man, cracking his knuckles as he went.

Oh, probably did that thing where he moved his neck from side to side, that noise too. Do bowls crack their knuckles? Is this what they do? He's a werebull. Hey! Ronnie bellowed, anger filling his voice.

What the hell is going on? Is he a sweat hog? He transforms into a sweat hog. Mr. Carter! What the hell's going on, Mr. Carter? The pair snapped their attention to him. Ronnie could guess at what they saw,

a six-foot-three, muscle-bound alpha male, and they would be right, except with his biker leathers and closely shorn beard, he looked far older than his 21 years. Ronnie had also been told by more than one trick that he would never have been pegged as a

gay. As gay. Yeah, I totally believe that. Wow, for only $4. Are gay people allowed to have beards? I don't know. I would have assumed yes, as this book has made me reconsider.

Look, look, look, look, look, look. Biker leathers and a beard? That sounds as straight as it comes. No, no, no, no. It's very simple. It's very simple. Just unpack that sentence, right? Because he might look gay.

He might act gay. He might be gay. But when you peg him, it's very simple. Just unpack that sentence, right? Because he might look gay. He might act gay. He might be gay. But when you peg him, it's not gay. Checkmate, liberals. Found the loophole. You got us. Boots, I have a question here. First of all, I was just looking at Charlie Richards.

Charlie Richards has written a Loving Nip, book 22. Wolves of Stone Ridge, book 52. Paranormal's Love, book 30. Not only does he have series that go into 60 or 70 books, but he has many, many series that do that. He's killing. He has 60 or 70 books, but he has many, many series that do that. He's feeling... But crucially, Boots, crucially, if you look at the actual Amazon page for Armadillo Packin, what I want to know is...

What I want to know is, Boots... What's the age range? What is the age level? What is the age level for this book? Oh, yeah. If you are anywhere between the ages of 18 and 18, this book is for you. No 19-year-olds. Get the fuck out.

You're too old. This book is not for 25-year-olds, 33-year-olds, 47-year-olds. No wonder this book never showed up on my search list. It's not even for 70-year-olds. Get the fuck out, all of you. It's very specific. You read this bookolds. Get the fuck out, all of you. You read this book the moment you graduate or you lose out forever.

This was the gay porno book passed down from generation to generation. You're a man now, son. Stog? Yeah.

One of the things that uh i enjoy uh very much uh is uh fucking ugly graphic design um and uh and you know uh gay porno books uh you know are of varying qualities but this is the ugliest cover i've ever seen in my life um stog stog can you tell me about I'm talking about Eternal Flames Maddox book 11 This one is called Taken I don't know what you I don't know what you mean by the cover being ugly I think it looks great Ugliest book

It looks like a great DVD That you could get Out of the dollar bin Okay It looks like It looks like Baldur's Gate prequel adventures with Minsc and Boo.

They're just basically the younger bisexual adventures of Minsc and Boo. There's Boo! Oh, hey, Lemon. The monsters are apparently super important. Just so you know, there's a bunch of links at the top where it says,

Buy Maggie Walsh, Cree Storm, JP Graphics Designs Illustrator. Oh! You can click on that. You guys go ahead and read whatever bullshit you're going to read. All every one of them! Oh, my God! Okay, okay, okay. We'll have the links, theftl.us.

Definitely, definitely, we'll have the links for you, and I recommend it. But if you're listening in the car, you need a fast track here. Amazon, you're looking for JP Graphics Designs. Fuck! The first guy is visiting his friend in prison, and there's a solar eclipse inside of his belly. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Somebody is always working against deadline.

Every man who's in the foreground is smaller than the man in the background. I have mastered MS paint. I like the way the word falling looks like it's falling down from the sky. It's really

thematic. He has at least five typefaces. Anyway, I'm sorry. You should read that. Jesus! Well, now I can't read this since you're posting this shit.

I don't think it's fair if you motherfuckers have not clicked over to page two, I don't think it's fair to anybody. Right, right, right. Boy, this guy's color palette is default swatches. I'm not kidding. Click to page two. Oh, no, I know. I'm there. I'm there, baby.

I am on page five. I'm sorry. Stog, stog. I am on page five. I'm sorry. Stog, Stog, you had something for an audio podcast. Yeah. This is a romantic book about a guy and his puppet that he controls with his dick. It's called Eternal Flames Maddox Book 11. It's about the guy who runs the best damn page in the universe website. This is his book.

Maddox, by the way, involved in a number of lawsuits. What a great turn that would have been. Is that a fact? What a surprise. I would never have seen that coming. Anyway, Taken doesn't understand why the green ferryman keeps showing up and why he wants to take taken away and

force him to become his mate but taken knows he cannot allow it because he's already found his true fated mate the guy's name is taken and he's getting taken like making but taken what a coincidence I'm taking taken then I'm making and he's getting taken. Like making, but taken. What a coincidence.

I'm taking, taking, then I'm making bacon. It's like bacon. Why couldn't my name be billionaire? Yeah, it's like bacon. It's like taco with him. Even if he can't find the courage to tell the man of his dreams that they are fated to be one,

the problem is that by the time Wolf figures out the little hamster shifter is his one and only, Taken is kidnapped and it's up to him and the others of Maddox to bring his mate home. Hamster shifter. Can the Griffian warrior find and rescue his mate or will he be too

late? BR. Just put a hard line break in there, thanks a bunch. I'm interested, I'm interested. I'm interested. I don't suppose you want to just share a little bit of text with me, would you? Oh, yeah. Are we going to have a big climatic battle between a griffin and a hamster?

Yes. Is that what happens? Oh, damn it. Quit spoiling everything, Boots. Well, the book description does. Now there's no reason to read the book one of you must run on this wheel quick we need something to sleep 20 hours only the chosen one can run on the wheel well the description has battle royale tags so that's

probably where this book is heading it's just like getting into that craze. Here's an excerpt from the book. Here's part of the sizzle reel. This will definitely sell the copies. Taken wished he could say something to Jason or Dolly, the manager, about this, because this was not the first time Jason had left after his shift, and he had only done half his work, leaving a mess for Taken, but he knew he would never say a word.

Taken hated confrontation of any kind. He also hated how shy he was taken but he knew he would never say a word taken hated confrontation of any kind he also hated how shy he was but he couldn't help it it's just the way he was being a small breed shifter in a world of people who always seemed to be bigger than him was just very intimidating and now being in maddox where there was a lot of large predatory shifters and magics had taken's jittery side and overdrive this book has two authors yeah yeah they're they alternate between each sentence you know and yet and yet all of those uh really expressive details just bubble up to the surface anyway taken smiled as he thought about the very handsome Griffion, Wolf.

The man exuded masculinity. He was so big and tall and just, just sigh. Wolf was beyond handsome. He was gorgeous with the short chestnut hair and sapphire blues eyes that taken could just stare into all day. Wolf was a Griffion warrior who stood over seven feet tall and had to weigh well over 300 pounds, but not a one of, not a one of those were from fat.

No, no. Every yummy pound of him was all perfectly sculpted muscle and taken. He wanted to lick every inch. So he was, he was about seven feet tall, but he didn't have just a foot of fat. No, he's... Foot four

was just made out of fat. He doesn't even have bone structure. He just has muscle. Okay. He just lives at the gym now. Yeah, I mean, that makes sense. That name is one of the worst character names yeah

wow it's pronounced tuck home okay never mind it's good then it's good then uh we got uh we got one more one more book one more book i like honestly uh this is a much catchier title. The art is fucking way better. Yeah. So I think this is going to be a classy read. Classy read indeed. And the title, very succinct, is called Freakin' Fire!

Cool. Victor, can you tell me about this book here? I can. Freakin' Fire, Gay Dragon Romance. Victor, can you tell me about this book here? I can. Freaking fire. Gay dragon romance. In his big tent, he had something wild no man had yet to tame. Jeffrey, a circus performer, always longed for a permanent family,

but being shoveled from big top to big top hasn't afforded him much opportunity for a loving home. But when he first lays his eyes on the scaled man in Edgar's freak show, something clicks within his heart. Oh. That was a period. I just read it as a question mark. Oh, okay. So Cirque du Soleil and Freaks crossover, that's pretty good, actually. Dragon shifter Michael has endured years of dark captivity held in between his forms,

powerless to break Edgar's hold on him and others within the Freak Show. Never did he think another life was possible. Come, come, come. Uba-gaba, uba-gaba, coded in, come. Until Jeffrey entered his trailer. Now the two men will have to find their courage and will Ooba-gaba, ooba-gaba, coded in. Until Jeffrey entered his trailer. Now he can't stop jacking off. Now the two men will have to find their courage and will in order to stay together. They have everything to live for, everything to lose.

Not the circus. Related topics assumes that if you're looking at this, you're interested in Neil Gaiman. I don't think you're wrong probably amazon good target bezos you're pretty much there yeah filthy circus stuff yeah uh so that was uh that was the uh gay ship shapeshifter stories uh there is an entire section called phone accessories for nerds, and that's cute and it's fine and whatever. But I cannot wait any longer to get to. The rights of price volume two,

Amazon edition. That's right. The rights of price is the only game show that we are personally aware of where contestants guess the price of different products presented to them. Our group of ridiculous will be presented with actual items from Amazon and must bid as close as they can to the actual retail price without going over. As an added feature, the host of the show will neglect to pay attention to the score, or even how scoring works in the first place.

So, without further ado, let's start the game, which is distinguishable from any other game with which we are personally aware. Well, we're at our first item. Our first item. I'm going to bring out Boots if you'd bring out our first item here. That's right. You're not just one of the contestants. You're also one of Bob's beauties.

It's me. So this product here is Naked Magic and Marijuana, the Naked Magician series. It is not that. Okay. You're right. You're right. You're right. This book is actually, actually called Naked Magick and Marijuana.

Better. It's from the Naked Magician series. Are you a solo practitioner of magic? Not McGick. Or someone who aspires to be one? Do you smoke marijuana? Or are you considering it? It's like you've known me my whole life.

I'm now in the in-group. Please tell me more. I'm getting my CompTIA certificate for Marijuana Plus. We're going to push those Venn circles together. Are you interested in learning how you can combine marijuana with your magical operations in order to amplify their power and effectiveness? The answer is emergency. Just take emergency. Just drink emergency beforehand.

If so, this may be the book you're looking for. The basic premise of the book is that any magical operations that you normally conduct can probably be enhanced and supported by the spirit of marijuana. A big claim, maybe, but you don't have to take the author's word for it he's not saying that you need to smoke marijuana to improve your magic or that you should he's saying you could explore and experiment with using cannabis and come to your own he's saying he's saying it'd be a lot cooler if you did. I saw that movie.

So this book isn't about going outside naked and smoking a joint? Nope, it sure isn't. I thought my tiny shriveled dick in the cold morning would make my magic more powerful. I got a couple conclusions that Michael

Coates, the author of Naked McGickin Marijuana came to you can make your own conclusions, but here's Michael Colestrain's conclusions number one, the spirit of marijuana is powerful and hardy teacher plant that the first evolved on earth approximately 50 million years ago

and that is known as a potential potent amplifier of intention amplifier of intention like how when you're stoned, you're like, I sure want to get off the couch as a potential potent amplifier of intention. Amplifier of intention? Yes, it is. Like how when you're stoned, you're like, I sure want to get off the couch. I really meant to get off the couch. That's what he means. I totally meant to.

Oh, okay. My intent is to get off the couch. Gotcha. Number two, the energy that powers your magical work is your own individual consciousness awarded awareness supported by the collective field of consciousness. The spirit of marijuana is awareness supported by the collective field of consciousness. The spirit of marijuana is another expression of this collective field of consciousness. One plus one equals two.

There's power in numbers. Cool. Wow. Yeah, stated, stated. Number three, magic is powered by your consciousness. Yes. Number four, someone once said that magic happens with a tremendous amount of imagination. Whoa, whoa, here's what someone once said.

This is a killer song. Someone once said that magic happens when a tremendous amount of imagination interacts with matter. Oh, it's a Rush song. Yeah. Yeah. Number five, the spirit of marijuana can insist you to more fully and consciously dwell in the now

Number six cannabis is a psychoactive plant capable of helping you enter an altered state of consciousness Oh shit, it gets you high too Oh Wow, this This marijuana sure is making these Doritos

taste more flavorful. And finally, number seven, cannabis can function as a potent amplifier of your intention. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Didn't you say that already? Maybe, maybe. I don't know. That's how potent it is. Number one.

That's how powerful it is, man. We're trapped in a loop. We're trapped in a loop. We're trapped in a Mobius loop. We have to find a way out. Yeah, so you got 144 pages here, and I want you to tell me, what is the price of Naked McGickin Marijuana? Easily $100. Are we bidding on the physical book price? I'm sorry, yes.

Great question, great question. We are bidding on the physical book. The physical book,, yes. Great question, great question. We are bidding on the physical book. The physical book, make it McGickin. $100. Who goes first? Stog, Stog, what's your bid? $100.

One crisp hundo. Price is right rules, so you know. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Okay. He really wants this book. Yeah, I do. He thinks it's a valuable book. Okay, well, that's fair.

Okay, Boots, Boots, what's your bid? I'm going to go for $5. $5? All right, that's quite a discrepancy. Adam Bozerth, your bid? $35. All right. And Victor Laszlo, your bid?

$5.01. Motherfucker. Motherfucker. You need to watch where price prices right, Boots. Correct answer was $17.88. Yeah, Victor got it. Wow, that's cheap for a textbook. $17.50, huh?

Our next item up for bid, let's bring it out here. We've got another book. Adam, will you tell me about Energy Magic Complete? It's like the Complete Beatles, but not having a reason to spell it like that. Energy Magic Complete, a guide to short-term and long-term positive manifestation using bio-universal energy. The Bio-Universal Energy, the Bio-Universal Energy Series Book 10. In 2012, Eric and Katrina Rasbold released a book called Energy Magic that taught the basic premises of using bio-universal energy,

personal power, and divine energy to create positive life change. Within two months, the book was a number one bestseller on Amazon.com. In its category later, they combined energy magic with the book CUSP to provide the ultimate guide to changing your life through positive manifestation. I think that's enough information of the energy magic Complete. So now we're going to put this item up for bid. We've got both a physical and a virtual version of this. Boots Reingear, how much for the physical book Energy Magic Complete? $11.

All right. Victor Laszlo? $4.99. All right. Adam Bozarth? $69. All right. Adam Bozarth? $69. All right. And Stog? This is going to be

a $50 for me. All right. That is the point goes to Adam Bozarth. Correct answer is $961. $961. Yeah, but think of all the jobs you can get with this book. Oh, God. Oh, God.

You can buy one used one for $775. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Next item. We're going to just skip through these descriptions because I've got so many items I want you to bid on. item, we're going to just skip through these descriptions because I've got so many items I want you to bid on. Our next item is a six-foot square Buddha Maitreya, the

Christ 51-degree copper meditation pyramid system for healing with copper connectors, apex and base poles, and four-inch capstone. That's right, it is a pyramid made out of tubes.

Finally, something for giants to step on in the morning. It's one of Buddha Maitreya's, the Christ Shambhala healing tools. This will help out with your orgone energy. Victor, Victor, six foot, six foot pyramid, six foot copper pipe pyramid. How much would you bid? Dude, copper's fucking expensive expensive I'm going to go $90 $90 okay fantastic

Stog probably $60 you probably have to construct it yourself so it's like it gets cheaper you do have to construct it yourself that is true Adam Bozer $75 alright and Boots Reingear?

A penny. Son of a bitch. Point goes to Victor Laszlo. Correct answer, $652. You got to. You got to invest. Copper's expensive, dudes. Especially the kind that...

Way more expensive than I thought. Especially the kind that tunes into orgone energy. You have to pull along. You didn't tell us that it came with a complimentary soul therapy meditation music Oh yeah, that makes a big difference. Oh yeah, you're right. That's where the actual...

Boots would have bid $15 in one cent if he had known that. This is the high-grade copper. This is the one you have to pull wires out of a hundred buildings to get. Did we ever... I'm just going to link to this right right here this isn't part of our episode but did we ever cover the topic of uh dudes who wear copper pyramids on their own heads like literal pyramid heads we've talked about orgone pyramids a lot yeah 10 years and we left this out Next item we have up for bid is the SRI

Yantra Crystal Quartz Shri Yantra Blessed and Energized for Spiritual Powers Correcting Vatsu Doshas in balances comma Enormous Wealth and Prosperity

It's for luck and wellness I just love the idea of Amazon selling tokens for Enormous wealth and prosperity. It's for luck and wellness. I just love the idea of Amazon selling tokens for enormous wealth and prosperity. It's for luck, fortune, and wellness. It is for luck, fortune, and wellness. There is another picture that shows that it's a piece of, it says crystal quartz, but let's be honest, glass. It is a very, very small, uncomfortable-looking glass butt plug that is literally the size of a quarter. Read the shit in all caps at the bottom, please. Oh, right.

The shit in all caps at the bottom. Only water from River Ganga is used for the energization purpose. No need for special installation. It is already done. Approximate size, 1.5 inches by 1.25 inches. Quartz crystal. Weight approximately 75 grams. You said this was a butt plug, but I think I can fit like a dozen of these up my butt.

It's 75 grams. So it's like genetically modified or grandma's. I don't know. GMs, so it's like genetically modified or grandmas. I don't know. I mean, Victor, just so you know, the usual rate for grocery sales is about a buck a minute. So, you know.

Post it up there. This crystal weighs 75 grandmas. Victor Laszlo, my butt's full of chakras! That's right. Alright, here we go. Let's put this item up for a bid. Adam Bozarth, what is your bid? $400.35

Gotcha, alright Fantastic Boots, Rain Gear? $0.02 Okay, it's dog $401 Ooh, very, very good Victor Laszlo $0.04

Motherfucker Ooh, very, very good. Victor Laszlo. Four cents. Motherfucker. Yet another point for Victor Laszlo. Correct answer, $24.99. And goddammit, this does come with free shipping. Thank goodness. Thank you, Jeff. I tried to leave three cents in there for Booth, just in case. That's very sporting of you. Thanks, Victor. case. That's very sporting of you.

That's very, very sporting of you. We got some more crystals. This is one kilo of crystals. Hell yeah. That's really hard to fit up my ass. You can still do it. I'll try. I'm sure you can still do it.

You got a whole kilo of crystals. That's over 1,000 grams. Over 10,000 plus powerful crystals. This is wholesale from Moose Dock. You got crystal healing. You got metaphysical. Over 10,000 powerful crystals. How do we do it?

Volume. Metaphysical Rodozite? Rodozite. Yeah, sure. That's a good one. That's my favorite one. Sure. Okay, great. Awesome. Rodozite crystals are my favorite crystals due to their natural dodecahedral shape and powerful amplification abilities.

They are lovely little fireballs of energy and like holding a handful of little stars. Beautiful, right? Alright, Victor, you're going to go up little stars. Beautiful, right? All right, Victor, you're going to go up first here. Victor, what's your bid? For 10,000 plus powerful crystals?

10,000 plus, more than 10,000. More than 10,000 powerful crystals. $100. $100. All right. Booth Reingear? $1,000. $1,000. All right. And one cent. All right, Booth Reingear? $1,000. $1,000. All right. And one cent.

All right. Stock? I imagine I have to custom order the PCBs in order to be able to solder these onto the circuit board. So I'm going to have to say $125. $125. And Adam Bozerth? Well, given that there are some rare black, orange, and red inclusions, I'm going to say $2. Alright. Boots,

you are terrible at this game. You were so fucking close. It is goddamn embarrassing. Correct answer was $995. Wow. Really? Yeah. $10,000 powerful crystals. That's pretty good. Good job, idiot!

I hate Price is Right rules. Who won that one? Snatch defeat. I don't remember. I think it's me. I thought that one's going to start. I think it's Rob. But not boots. That's the important thing.

The important thing is that it was definitely not boots. I was off by $5.01. I gave you the chance to bet $100.01 and you passed. And not only that, I started with Victor and I went right to you. And you fucked the pig anyway. God damn it. Next item we have

here is the Steampunk Tarot. The Steampunk Tarot is where the past and the future converge. Turn of the wheel and the spin of the cog, the oracular machinery lumbers into action. The curtain slowly draws back. The time has come to reveal your destiny.

People that are into steampunk are also really into good writing. These are real, right? These work, right? These are real working steampunk tarot cards. They work as well as any other tarot cards. They're real tarot cards, Adam. Okay. Good. They've as well as any other tarot cards. They're real tarot cards, Adam. Okay. Good. They've passed the board of certification. They're not from the Halloween store.

Definitely based for future on the deck of cards. I can do that. Yeah, I mean, simple. It's a tarot deck, but it's got steampunk shit on it. Boots, Reindeer, what's been? $66 and 60 cents. All right.

Fantastic. Brad and Bo's earth. Five golden cogs. And what does that translate to in us? I'm going to say $70. $70. All right. Stock.

It looks like it's, it looks like it's custom artwork, and I can only jack off to like half of these cards, so I'm going to have to say it's like $75. $75. And Victor Laszlo? $1. $1. That is another point for Victor Laszlo.

Correct answer, $26.99. That's pretty good. No, I's the... I thought we were bidding on the price for the hardcover book. Yeah, this is just the cards. Yeah, it was just the cards. Are you trying to deny me victory again? Oh, yeah, for the book.

I mean, you would have lost anyway, but it's just the cards. The cards themselves are $26.99. The hardcover book, $52.22. Paperback book. Yeah. Yeah, okay.

So we've got some more here. This is the wild round. The rules are the same for the wild round. The points are doubled because we've all been paying attention to the points, right? I'm pretty sure I'm ahead of boots.

Okay, good. Definitely true. This is an excellent product and this is a product that everybody needs. Everybody needs this product. It's the Golden Gold Pay Dirt Eureka Pigeon Pay Dirt Pack.

Imagine being the poor schlub at a fucking Amazon Development Center having to haul this, you know, thrown out your back to throw in a bag of fucking dirt. Fuck off, Jeff. Fucking risk your life during COVID. Shipping dirt. Gold panning dirt. Like, not fertile dirt. Just, like, not soil.

Just fucking... So... Yeah, I mean, there is a product description. I'm just going to skip it because it's a bag of dirt. And who knows? It might have gold in it. Yeah. You need to have dirt in it.

Yeah, some of it might go down the drain. Look, I'm not about to turn down a bag of delicious-looking dirt. What are you talking about? Excellent, excellent Alright, Stog, what's your bid for this bag of dirt? It's Amazon's Choice It's the Amazon's Choice for Pay Dirt Guaranteed Gold Not only is it the Amazon Church

Amazon's Choice for Pay Dirt Guaranteed Gold But it is the Amazon's Choice for Pay Dirt Guaranteed Gold If you misspelled the term. Guaranteed. Anyway, Stog, what's your bid there? 30 bucks even. Okay, Adam Bozerth.

$999. That makes sense. Boots right here. It looks really small. I gotta say five bucks Five bucks, and Victor Laszlo Five dollars and one cent Son of a bitch You almost had it, Boots

You almost had it You were so close Is it $4.99? Correct answer, $22 Free shipping It is I'm not really sure of the size. The product does not explain

how big the bag is. All we know is that it's got guaranteed gold. This is the Clone of Willy. The Clone of Willy's silicone penis casting set for a DIY dildo. You're going to get a hot... Your own plaster caster, except for

your silicone caster in this particular case. There's a, I don't know if we've ever talked on this podcast about plaster caster. She's a fascinating woman, lived a fascinating life. My favorite thing about plaster caster is that she was a woman that spent most of her life

doing clones of dicks of rock stars. And Gene Simmons wrote a song about her to say, yes, yes, of course, you love my delicious cock. And Plastic Caster went, no, not your dick, you.

Yeah, ew. Anyway, Clone of Willie's Silicon Penis Casting Kit for the DIY dildo. You get a hot pink dildo. You're going to mix some ingredients into I think something that's probably really sticky and hot.

Sort of like a hot Jolly Rancher. Then you're going to coat your dick with that. Put it in a cup and then fuck the cup. You're going to fuck a bag of pop rocks it looks like. So there are other colors. You got your hot pink.

You got your jet black. There's other colors. We're talking about just the hot pink version here. Victor, what's your bid on this product? $19.99. $19.99. Adam Bozarth? One cent.

Stog? This looks like your typical sex world fair. um i'm gonna have to say 24.99 okay okay uh and boots ringer 25 dollars boots you got a point oh fuck that yeah this is the greatest day of my life correct Correct answer. You just got yourself a clone of Willie, goddammit. Sweet. Of course Boots finally wins when it comes to homemade dildos. Every goddamn...

Boots had his birthday recently, and I've been wracked with guilt of the fact that I have not given him a gift. I finally got something. Now that he won this bid, $38.69 gets you the Clone of Willy Silicon Penis Casting Set for DIY Dildo. Hot pink. We've got... Whoa! Yeah.

Whoa! That title got better when I scrolled down. So this is a book. The book, pretty simple looking book. Not much to the graphic design. The ugliest book cover I've ever seen. Oh, I don't know. Red on green.

I think we saw some uglier ones. Red on green. It's Christmassy. So this product is called On the Art of the Cinema. You know, just sort of a book about cinema, you know, and I assume sort of insights into. I can't think if there's anything else that you should know about. Can we read the description of the book? I'm trying to think if there's something else.

Well, okay. You know what? You're right. You're right, Adam. I guess seeing as how I can't think of anything else that would be interesting about this book, I guess I'll just read the description. Hey, I want everybody at home

to place bets on what you think is gonna happen. Go to Ball Pit, write them down in the thread and say oh here's what i thought was going to happen at the end of this book description yeah just pause pause the episode okay so i'm just gonna tell you a little bit about this book in his preface the author states the cinema is now one of the main objects

on which efforts should be concentrated in order to conduct the revolution in art and literature. The cinema occupies an important place in the overall development of art and literature. As such, it is a powerful ideological weapon for the revolution and

construction. Therefore, concentrating efforts on cinema, making breakthroughs, and following up successes in all areas of art and literature is the basic principle that we must adhere to in revolutionizing art and literature. Kim Jong-il, 1942 to blank, is a leader of North Korea, 1994 to blank. Kim Jong-il succeeded his father, Kim Il-sung, who had ruled North Korea since 1948. Update that author bio, dog. Wow, that was amazing.

Let's go home laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing

laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing

laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing

laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing

laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing

laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing

laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing

laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing

laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing

laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing

laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing laughing doing a little bit of uh there is a uh printing uh what was done in january 1989 i need a price on that victor laszlo price on the january 1989 printing oh 1989 so so this would have been this would have been before the author was the undisputed emperor of North Korea.

Right, right, right. $749.98. Gotcha. All right, fantastic. Boots, rain gear? Freedom. That is the price we must pay for this book. Adam Bozerth?

Redacted. And Stog. You know, in North Korea, I could probably get this for like a dollar, but in the U.S., it's probably going to go for so much more. So I'm just going to have to say like a couple of hondos, I guess. All right. That is another point for Victor Laszlo. Correct answer for the January 1989 printing, $965.90.

Wow. They did do a reprinting of it in 2001, you know, when Kim Jong-il was alive, and that version is $27.50. Kind of a lot happened between 1989 and 2001. I would agree with that. Yeah, I would agree with that in several ways. Especially in the perspective of King Chung. And in cinema. This is a book called...

I don't need to tell you anything other than the title of this book. The title of this book is, Does God Ever Speak Through Cats? Adam Bozarth. Of course he does. Well, yeah, but how much for the book? I'm sorry. Which version of the book are we doing?

You know what? Let's do the Kindle version. Let's do the Kindle version. Okay, price for the Kindle version, I'm going to say is $7.99. $7.99. All right, Stock? One time the cops grabbed me and forced me to the back of their squad car, and they were constantly yelling at me to tell them where the guns were,

and I wouldn't tell them. So they overdosed me with ketamine and let me loose in some random north neighborhood. Dog origin story. I stumbled through the neighborhood for like three hours and then finally fell in someone's backyard. And the neighbor's cat came up to me and started meowing at me because he thought I had food or something. You don't say. It told me every time it meowed at me, it sounded like it was the voice of God.

So I'm just going to have to say this book is really good, and I'd have to say $60. I like to change my bid seeing as how the author is a former monkeys writer. Oh, really?

For the television show The Monkees? So I'm going to change my bid to $8.99. Okay, okay, okay. I didn't know that. It says so in the description. David was a former Monkees writer. Victor Laszlo? Oh, it does say that right there.

Well, then based on that, $3. All right. Well, I was keeping track of prices, but then I got so lost in Stog's story, I forgot what happened. So all I got to tell you is that the correct answer was $4.99. I'm going to guess $4.99. Wow. All right. Thank you for bootstrapping.

Good job, Willie. Spatch's victory at the last possible second. How did you get that? How did you get that so well? Now you get two copies of this book. I don't think anybody's gotten it exactly right yet. Yeah, there we go. Perfect.

Do I get all the prizes? Hey, Boots! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kindle versions cost $4.99. The paperback version, slightly more expensive. That's $77.80. Adam Bozarth, you were looking at a review of Does God Ever Speak Through Cats? My name is David Faster Wallet, and this reeks of witchcraft.

Oh, I like that. I like that. I like that. I'll see you on the crypto thread. I've stolen your wallet, and I'm running away faster with it. David, faster wallet. David, I don't need it. I really actually do like it.

It is proven and known that Satan will use any number of tricks to try to steal our souls away from our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Cats have been long associated with satanic witches. The Bible tells us not to suffer witches. To put them to fire. Yeah. You ever met Glenn? He doesn't suffer witches gladly. Yeah. God does not

speak to cats. Take that, Kiki's Delivery Service. As in the book of Job, God speaks through us through the wind. I hope that Mr. Evans finds redemption in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and stops advocating for hearing the voice of God

through demon-possessed cats. Hashtag praise him. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Your review is going viral, David Fasterwallet. Hashtag praise him. What you got there, Victor? I am Bill S., 5.0 out of 5 stars. Short answer, yes.

My neighbor's cat once looked me dead in the eye and began to telepathically dictate a lost chapter of the book of revelations to me oh god he explained that he was the angel angel gabriel in cat form and god had chosen me as his prophet and i vote this is tummy soft i tried to write it down but couldn't figure out how to use a pencil at the time i'd had a lot of acid earlier that day. Also some Vicodin, opium, and a handful of large orange pills. Did you try to touch the cat's beans? Obviously. Some of my unusual experiences that day could have been related to the drugs, but the cat part was definitely from God.

418 people found this helpful. Those large orange pills were just vitamin C. If I remember correctly, I believe that the folks that I've got together in this room right now, the Boots Rangier and the Adam Bozarth, this dog, and the Victor Laszlo, I don't think any of you are dog owners. None of you... No, not currently, no.

I have a dog, yes. Oh, you do have a dog. Okay, okay, okay. So when you're looking, Victor, when you're looking at your dog, and you're just sort of looking at that face and sort of watching that dog look around is there something that you think could improve um your dog's basic appearance is there something that you think would make your dog look better specialized tactical armor that is correct. The correct answer is Japanese-style samurai armor. What if your dog was dressed up in Japanese-style samurai armor?

Is it made from bamboo? It's made from genuine leather. Does it have to be a Shiba Inu? No, it doesn't have to be a Shiba Inu. It can also be a Korg. Shiba Inu or a Korg are the two dogs that this will be. This will definitely make me hate having a dog

less. Think of how well behaved this dog is right now in the photo. It's wearing samurai armor and not biting it that's why it has to be a shiba inu uh turnaround on this product is going to take you about 10 to 15 business days we do not ship with dhl that's just important to mention in the product description i guess all right uh so your

bid uh we're looking here for the leather samurai armor. Boots, rain gear. What's your bid there? Whatever it costs on AliExpress plus $10. All right, dog. One time someone knocked on my door and it was a dog with hands and he ran inside my apartment, opened the refrigerator and started eating everything inside of it. And then when he was done, he ran out the door and down the hallway and I never saw that dog again.

If I ever met that dog again, I'd easily pay $75 to physically embarrass this dog in front of everyone else. All right, I heard the $75. Adam Bozart? Five pieces of leather scrap and three pieces of scrap metal. And Victor Laszlo? $1. That is one more point for Boots or Angier.

Correct answer, $299. Oh, and I forgot. I don't know. If Stog tells me a story, everything gets wiped from my mind. But you get a point out of it, so no fucking complaint. $300. Only $300 to protect your dog? Only $300.

Stop telling stories, Doug. Only $300. No. But most importantly, the $300 version, that's the leather version. The leather version, $300. The foam rubber version, that's $150. Okay. Quite a deal, but that brings us

to the end of The Rights Is Price, and if I look here at the scores, I can see that I didn't actually keep score, but I mean, it's probably Victor. It's probably Victor. I'm definitely Victor. And so, Victor, as the winner of The Rights Is Price, you get to read the titles of weird erotica titles sold at Amazon.com.

Strange sex stories. My dildo is haunted by Odessa Piper. Creamed by cray creatures by Chelsea Chains. Pregnant with boss's baby by Miley Main. Alien creep and alien shifter romance by Calista sky his human nanny monsters love curvy girls book one I'm straight right Alexander and John Harris but in his oven alien impreg

romance by Julian Clearwater. Love at the Comic Con by Sherry Velarde. Kissing the Golem by Danielle Summers. The Vampire Mistress, a lesbian retelling of Dracula by Samantha Calcutta. Amazing. Fair. I don't... Heathcliff Family Romances books 1 through 4

I'm going to assume that's the cartoon Heathcliff and not the not Wuthering Heights a sweet billionaire romance box set by Julia Keneany Gay MC Biker MM MM first time biker romance short stories

Gay Big Bike book 1 by Jayme Larkin definitely a real story and not just cross posted this is my first time on the Gay Big Bike Book 1 by James Larkin. Definitely a real story and not just cross-posted from literature. This is my first time on the Gay Big Bike Book. Loki's Harem, a short erotic comedy by Dreamy Romantica.

The Wife Finder by Melissa McClain. U.S.'s Harem Part 2. Computer Core Bondage by Blake Skye. Her Pretend Billionaire Boyfriend by B. Livingston. Oh my gosh. Her Fake Irish Husband Escaped Ireland Book 2 by Michelle Browder.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Victor, I'm going to have to ask you to read that title one more time. Her Fake Irish Husband Escaped Ireland Book 2 by Michelle Browder. I don't know. I think all the titles are really nice. There's A Match Made in Ireland, there's Her Irish Inheritance, and A Match for the Matchmaker. Really good titles.

Honestly, Victor, I think the book title that you just read, Her Fake Irish Husband, is probably going to be the best title. How could it get better? I think you should stop reading. I don't think it's going to get any better. We should probably just stop at this point. Let's just wrap up. Unless you have, I don't know, one more book. I have one more book that I won,

and I am super excited about this book, and you should all buy it and read it. It is called Tom Hiddleston. Okay, all right. What happened? It is called Tom Hiddleston. Okay. All right. What happened? It is called... Jesus Christ.

Okay. All right. All right. Tom Hiddleston sucks my ass. Eight hot triple X rated fan fiction erotic stories by Rafen Falcon Furman. Rafen Falcon Furman. Rafe and Falcon Furman. It's eight stories of Tom Hiddleston sucking your ass.

Finally, something I can remember Tom Hiddleston for. Over and over and over again. F plus, what did we learn from this? Boy, Amazon. Amazon, Amazon, Amazon. My brain is just shot from all of this this has been a barrage of just nonsense you can buy tits on amazon yeah i can buy the despicable me indoor hd wi-fi carl flex cam cheerful i can talk like a minion over two-way audio to entertain my family and pets at home just speak into the tinned app and car Carl Flexicam translates your message through the camera speaker to a minion voice.

I finally have something to annoy two spooked cats with. Okay. This dog's now hijacking regions. Yeah. Just running into the cockpit of the region. This is what happens when you don't invite me for episodes between four months. That's a good point. That's a good point.

That is a good point. I could buy a tiny triangle of chain mail that doesn't cover my bush. Again, could and should. His dick plumps. His dick plumps. Like that was... His dick plumps. That was the thing. It's a really good verb.

Just want to insert it into so much. His dick plumps. Ultra Girl, the super horror suck really deep 20s superhero and heroin erotic stories. And if you're looking to get your dick plumped, you can do that on Ballpit! Yay!

That's B-A-L-L-P, apparently. Which thread on Bellpit plumps your dick the most? You know what? There's a lot of threads that have been plumping my dick lately. I feel like the

Related to Nothing I Just Like This Picture has been very good. Also, have been plumping my dick lately. I feel like the related to nothing I just like this picture has been very good. Also, I think that the completely pointless thought of the day has been around for a while, but I think is more interesting than it's been for a while. I find it more

fun to scroll through than Twitter. You might not know that there is an actual $10 secrets forum which has a bunch of fun stuff too that is only accessible to paid people.

Pay $10 and learn all of our secrets. All of our dick plumping secrets. Bye! You know what? I do not keep any dick plumping secrets. Bye. Bye. You know what? I do not keep any dick plumping secrets. All of my dick plumping is out in the open. This dick is an open book.

Literally. Remember, Amazon sells things for cheap, but then everything else gets more expensive. Wave of love is a transient heart. Water's the shell and we are the nut. But I saw a man struck outside the barrel. It's already dead I know you have the dove I'm not getting wet

The barrel, the barrel Looks like a date is set Show the ferret to the egg I'm not getting there long The barrel The barrel It's already dead I know you have the dove