The F Plus - 342: Root Beer Advocates

Episode Date: January 14, 2021

You might have guessed, but Root Beer Review is a site that hosts reviews of different root beers. What you might not have inferred is that all of these reviews are (probably) written by the same person, and the other people on the website have opinions, not just on the root beer, but on the person reviewing the root beer as well. This week, The F Plus smells terrible like vitamins and raisins.

My name's Ron. You ever had Barks root beer? That shit's the best! I like Ron. You know what? I like the cut of his jib. He's the best guy on this website for sure. Barks is the fucking best, man. I'm not debating it at all. There's not a hint of sarcasm here here am I there am I everybody chug along Brian's still glued to the radio Louie's looking

out the rear window the guy's got around two ordering fries but root beer is my best buy

give me some root beer chug along chug along chug along chug along chug along chug along

chug along give me some root beer here am I there am I everybody chug along an episode about root beer Chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo, chuggaloo place. You'll get a halfway decent burger when you get there. Same with IBC. John Tost. Perhaps your taste buds were on vacation that day, or perhaps you had a bottle that was not representative of this excellent beverage. Or perhaps you have no business reviewing group beer

at all. Jimmy Franks. I can't believe you changed the bottle style. It's so disappointing. If you value me as a customer, change it back. Achilles Heelies. Baron Beaver. So Canadian. Or so it seems. Your friend on the internet

goes by the name of Adam Bozarth. Lovely that you can afford Virgil's while looking down on everyone else who isn't thrilled with shopping at ridiculously priced stores like Whole Foods and Gelsons and then judging them for it. Well done, Snowflake.

And it's been a couple years, but she's still hanging in there. It's the intern. I have had root beers, root beer extracts, root beer candy, root beer liquor, and root beer iced green tea, but never, ever did I expect to come

across root beer flavored milk. And lemon. Momar Gaddafi's Cream My People. It has a liberating taste. Holy moly. I hate it. Yeah, you should hate it. It's hateful.

It's really hateful. Give me some lucha. Give me some lucha. Give me some lucha. Give me some lucha. Here I'm on, there Ilug. Give me some chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug. Here a mug, there a mug, everybody chug-a-lug. Hey, F+. Hey, Lemon.

Hi, Lemon. Hi, Lemon. Oh, hi. Well, you know, it's the start of a new year at the time that we're recording. And I just want to know, have you expanded your sort of like culinary horizons recently? A bit. I watched someone cook a hot dog for 120 minutes in an air fryer. Me too.

Yes, yes, yes. Kendrick Lobstar put a hot dog in an air fryer. But regardless of that, I want to point you to a site that I was only recently made aware of. This was a document given to us by Alchemizzy who also gave us a really good movie review

document. Anyway, so this document is have you ever been to like Beer Advocate or any of those like review websites? Yes. Yeah. Okay. When I was like in my early twenties,

I used to put posts on beer advocate. So, Ooh, you know what? I was also a prick. So that's fine. Was, you know what?

If I leave the door open, you're allowed to walk through. Getting right in there. So, but separately from that, this is a document all about a site that's a little niche, I guess I would say. A little specific. We are going to be going to a website called rootbeerreview.com. Yes. It is Reviews of Rootbeers by Rootbeer Lovers. That. Yes. It is reviews of rootbeers by rootbeer lovers. That's it.

That's all they got. They have 600 pixels on the left-hand side, and they are filled with nothing but rootbeer reviews. This is just perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And if any of you listeners are connoisseurs of indie games, and most of you probably are, the site looks straight up like a template from Hypnospace Outlaw, and I am not joking.

It does. It does. It's a little bit. I'm not exaggerating in the least. As well as the content. So I think let's start out here. Boots. Yes.

I've heard of the Jones Soda Company. They have some nice photography. So tell me about the Jones Soda Rip Beer, won't you please? Sure. Jones Soda, our review score is 2.0 out of 10. The visitor rating gives it a 4.7 out of 10. 21 votes cast. And then, wait.

Okay, there's a quote here. Somebody want to be I will be Rasputin oh good an uninspired attempt to amalgamate cotton candy and root beer and then good

I am Rasputin okay is that the Rasputin yep I don't know what accent I'm doing so he was unstabbed undrowned I am Rasputin. Okay, is that the Rasputin? Yep. I don't know what accent I'm doing, so sure. It's a Rasputin. He was unstabbed, undrowned, and unburied, just to leave that review. Oh, those Russians.

Ra-ra-ra-rasputin. In case you're not familiar with Jones Soda, they are that hipster soda company that made unique craft soda popular by affixing unique photos to their labels and writing witty quips on the bottle. Jones Soda is kind of like a hipster who was the first kid in town to wear skinny jeans

but then failed to notice that everyone else was wearing them. What? And that they look better too. Okay. And another thing, they're kind of like hipsters. The thing I hear about skinny jeans is that they're good. I hate that this person is the first person to wear them, but also everyone else is wearing them.

And they look better in them. I can't parse where the spite's going. It's going for them. Like what it's going for. Yeah, hipsters. The root beer smells identical to those gummy artificial root beer candies, which is either a compliment to the candy manufacturer or an insult to Jones, depending on your opinion.

The flavor is simple and very sweet with an aftertaste of cheap gumball. Jones is unique in one way. After swallowing, it leaves the unmistakable feeling that someone has sprayed a sticky layer of aerosol root beer mist into your mouth. Hmm. That's familiar. We imagine that if Walmart sold a store brand soda, and I'm sure they do, although I don't really care to check, that their cheapest diet cola would taste something like Jones soda root beer.

Sorry, Jones, but you can't fool us into thinking your soda tastes good just because you put a frog or muddled tea or a snowboarder on the label. Hey, this is Patrick, and this is one of the best root beers I've tried. This article and author is clueless about how a quality root beer should taste. Disregard this article and author as a root beer expert. Jones Root Beer is by far a top three choice And then Adam, you are the root beer aficionado So we have to believe you Imagine if this was the first root beer that someone had ever tasted

It would truly be tragic if they never tried another root beer again after tasting how terrible Jones root beer tastes. It smells terrible like vitamins and raisins. And it tastes exactly like raisins. Zero out of ten stars. You could do better, Jones. Our dog won't even drink it. Worst root beer ever. Don't waste your money on an overpriced, crappy-tasting root beer.

How did he feel about Jones Soda's raisin flavored soda though? It smells like vitamins and root beer And then in turn you are a real root beer aficionado which is your actual name. His name is root beer aficionado. You took the name a real root beer aficionado Oh it's like the real Ghostbusters

You obviously know nothing of good soda. Oh, this episode of The Crown is getting really good. Easily the best root beer I have today tasted with the sole exception of the fresh of the tap stuff. Which is the sole exception!

You can get from the A&W chain. Everyone here who attempts to suck up to you is clearly an idiot. This root beer has that sweet, smooth, laid-back, classic flavor as it starts. With just the perfect amount of carbonation. But it finishes with what I can only call a woody bite. It tastes very natural. It has a rich bite with none of the bitterness or loss of texture

that is the providence of so many other much bigger bronze. It is very much at home in a glass bottle. Overall, you just want to pour it in a mug and chase a good burger with it yes it sounds like this I think this lady wants to fuck this root beer a soul exception soul exception

was my favorite 90s alternative band yeah uh hey everybody i want to tell you about carabao rip your oh what's what's this so oh it's uh you'll figure it out you should be familiar to you nostalgia for no reason oh Oh, you bet. So it's got a review of 5.5, a visitor rating of 8.1. But anyway, Caribou is a beer brewery in Prince George, British Columbia, Canada, that's known for its affordable canned beers, if you know what I'm saying. Caribou normally brings to mind backyard drinking

sessions with an electric bug zapper for entertainment, an ice cooler in the back of a pickup truck, and quite possibly a fire in a barrel. You can imagine my surprise when I saw there's a brood root beer! Are those all other products that they manufacture? Like, can I get

a fire in a barrel from Caribou? You can get the full kit if all you need to do is collect 10,000 miles and then you're all set. Caribou is a slightly alcoholic at 0.5%, which right away indicated it would be different. Its ingredients, it's got sugar, it's got rip your flavor,

it's got sodium benzoate and citric acid. No water? It doesn't have water? That's a thick root beer. I think I might have misread the label a water is an ingredient okay well it's got no water anyway they're uninspiring but who knows what magical changes the fermentation process could impart you know the fermentation process that gave it 0.5%. So I reserve judgment until tasting. Smells like a root beer and tastes like a root beer. No doubt about that.

It has no unique characteristics, no special flavors, but that doesn't mean it's no good. Far from it! If you need to satisfy the voice in your head saying, I need a root beer right now. Oh, that voice is so loud. I use a hammer usually. It will quench your craving like a Molson Canadian. It was absolutely the, it was, yeah, yeah, it's as delicious as a Molson Canadian. It was absolutely perfect.

After a hot 40 kilometer bike ride, which I had just completed, by the way. Jesus Christ. That's right. Flexin'. I bought it at the Half Moon Bay General Store. You need to know this part. This is important. I bought it at the Half Moon Bay General Store on the Sunshine Coast in British Columbia,

which is in Canada. As an added note, Aristophanes was surprised to learn that his friend's sister's family owns the store. It's lovely. You should visit it. Aristophanes? You know, I've heard good things about corner gas, but I don't see it. I didn't laugh once.

Nothing better after a 40-kilometer bike ride than a sliceable root beer. A thick and hearty alcoholic root beer. A root beer loaf. John Toast, what did you think of Teddy's Root Beer, by the way? Oh, Teddy's Root Beer. Well, our review was two out of ten, and the visitor rating was two out of ten, one vote cast. We're getting a lot of hype over this Teddy's Root Beer.

Don't drink this root beer. Oh, dear. The bottle is emblazoned with several claims and slogans, all of them either misleading or simply false. I will address them individually. Caffeine-free. Most root beer is caffeine-free. Why not add pesticide-free or BPA-free

or chicken tumor-free while you're at it. I mean, they're not actually all. I mean, you could put caffeine. There's nothing preventing you from putting caffeine in a red bread. Silence! Okay. Sorry. I'm sorry, my leash.

I'm sorry, my leash. Please put down the spear. Only from the finest ingredients. High fructose corn syrup, caramel color, flavor, dot, dot, dot. I love the implied, like, do you get it? They're not quality. Handcrafted. Meaning what?

That the shift worker in Coveralls used a forklift to reload the high fructose corn syrup hopper? America's favorite. Perhaps the owner's daughter's name is America? Hmm? Wow. The bottle was flat with no combination and no head formation after pouring. It was very dark and opaque,

suggesting a concentrated flavor, so I was surprised to discover that it had no aroma whatsoever. The taste reminded me of a melted freezy, alarmingly sweet, syrupy, and cloying. I did detect a creamy vanilla taste, which is the only reason this root

beer gets a 2 out of 10 instead of a 0. Ooh, wow. Wow. Yes. Ya burnt. Shots fired. Wait, no, shot fired. Sorry. Be thankful for my mercy. Teddy's root beer. I could have ruined you with this review.

You were this close to losing it all. After drinking a third of the bottle, I dumped the rest down the drain. Some more information made in Everett, Washington. This is also where Boeing assembles the 747 jumbo jet. Perhaps the aviation lubricant and root beer lines were accidentally crossed during

bombing? Oh, come on. Fuck off. Fuck off. Go back to writing for the independent, you hack. Aviation lubricant. Okay. Aviation lubricant. Well, you gotta get it greased up so it can go through the act. Aviation lubricant. Okay. Aviation lubricant. Well, you gotta get it greased up so it can go through the sky.

It's gotta slide right through the air. You know what? You're gonna stick it to the clouds getting stuck up there. I assume there's just a big tub labeled aviation lubricant. And they just pump it into the plane. I do leave that on my nightstand.

If either of those things had happened, it would have made the news. This is all just a callback to the plane fuckers episode, right? Absolutely. I acknowledge that the bottle may have been flat. To be fair, if I see Teddy's again,

I will give it another try. Reluctantly. Well, you know, Anne Rice, it's good to see you's again, I will give it another try. Reluctantly. Well, you know, Anne Rice, it's good to see you writing again. Thank you. Now to have a beignet. Yeah. Hey, it's me, Curly. This is a really good

root beer. The main post above is just the ramblings of someone that wishes they had started their own company. That's right. Lies and slander. A&W root beer is lighter in flavor than this root beer. Dot, dot, dot. I found it to be just right,

and I am glad I bought two bottles and not just one. Dot, dot, dot. Have a great day. Give this a try. Thanks. Oh, hey there. I'm Doug O'Donnell. Hey, Doug.

I'm 66 years old, and I've been drinking root beer since I was a young boy. Want some root beer? Of course you do. Oh, my God. I was born a root beer drinking man. At age 15, my first job was working for an A&W root beer stand in Madison, Wisconsin. No, no, no, no. Your eyes might be going, Doug.

It was in Madison, Wisconsin. Thank you. might be going, Doug. It was in Madison, Wisconsin. Thank you. I've always loved root beer. For the first time since I was a teenager, I've found an outstanding root beer in Teddy's.

This root beer has a unique taste. It is the best tasting root beer I've had since my childhood. Keep it up! Feels like the first time! This is

Harold Sousa. Teddy Root Bean has the best tasting root beer out there. When you pour it out, go slowly, it foams up a lot. It's nice and creamy. Any rich, new taste in fine root beer, try it and you will like it.

I'm starting to really love this community. Thanks, Barry. You're welcome. My name is Marco Jordan. I completely disagree and you must have purchased an expired bottle. Two months ago,

I purchased Teddy's on sale and after you stick a bottle in the freezer for one hour, it is the most refreshing. Be quiet. Listen. You stick the bottle in the freezer for an

hour, and it is the most refreshing drink you could imagine. I don't know, man. I can imagine a pretty refreshing drink. Swimming in boobles after only one gulp. Oh, yeah.

Vin Diesel's new album, Swimming in Boobles. Bottle does not last long because I keep on nipping at it. Just take a little chunk out of keep on nipping at it. Just take a little chug out of the glass. Just bite. A slash

W mug and the rest are okay, but Teddy's is the best. M stopping by grocery store after work and Wow. Marco. What happened to Marco? store after work in... And we never heard from him again. Marco!

What happened to Marco? He was writing that review while texting while driving. Hey, yo, yo, yo, what's up? It's your boy Chris. Hey. Generic. Nothing special. Yeah, it's the best! You trippin'! Oh, shit. Epic rap battles of history.

Hello, this is Tom Moody. Wow. Hi, Tom. Long time since I have tasted a root beer this good. Love it. Looking where to buy it. Cases at a time. Grew up in the 40s, 50s.

Drank lots of so-called root beer, but this is old-fashioned root beer. Those who don't like it are free to drink something else. More for me, plus, plus, plus, plus, plus, equal, yeah. Hey, it's me, Steve

White. It's Steve. Very good-tasting root beer. Oh, no, he's in a well. He's me, Steve White. It's Steve. Hey, Steve. Very good tasting root beer. Oh, no. He's in a well. He's trapped in a well. I purchased six liter bottles from TSC Tractor Supply Company. That's a big ass bottle. In Norco, California.

Only a buck each plus the taxes. All TSCs carry all their flavors. Steve White. Steve White. Very good. So Adam, I'm actually, this is one that I've seen at my local co-op pretty frequently. I've never bought it, so I'm hoping that maybe, you know, maybe this will change my mind. But this is the Virgil's Micro Brewed Rip Beer.

Yes. Our review is 8.0 out of 10. The visitor review rating is 7.5 out of 10 out of 111 votes. Cats. Virgil's certainly comes with a lofty reputation. And after the drumroll died down, we came to the conclusion that it really is pretty darn good. but it really is pretty darn good. It seems to represent a little bit of every quality that is good in the root beers we've tried.

Virgil's is dry with an earthy mineral sand flavor. Okay, I am sold. As if spiced with a hint of essence of bauxite. Delicious. Are you a Goron? You eat rock? It's the Brock Monsters from Neverending Story. It is a little tinny, well-carbonated, sharp and fresh,

although it also has a slightly rich, cloying aftertaste that will satisfy lovers of creamier root beers. We think that the flavors of, quote, nutmeg, imported anise, and wintergreen. Claimed on the bottle could be stronger, but we aren't complaining. Overall, this root beer lives up to its reputation. Excellent work, guys. Just one other interesting observation. Why does the man on the bottle look disturbingly like jesus when viewed at a distance whoa okay i've seen that can before he has a beard so well yeah yeah he looks like jesus because he has facial hair that's it okay okay like i think you've got a gentleman

well you like you you've properly answered the question then good job oh well good okay so uh this was um this was a uh review um the the name of this fella here is or person i should say uh is uh aristophanes uh aristophanes has posted a lot i think aristophanes might be the most it It's Aristophanes. Okay, great. Cool. Yep. I'm dumb too. Whatever. Somewhere a classical studies teacher died of a heart attack and doesn't know why.

He will be missed, I suppose. Aristophanes. Anyway, so Aristophanes posted, I think might be the most prolific rootbeer.com reviewer. And Night Owl shows up. Night Owl wants to respond to this review by Aristophanes.

It's K-N-Y-T-E, Owl. The intern, will you take that one, please? You're on crack. I find it at Kroger, a regional grocery store chain The intern, will you take that one, please? You're on crack. I find it at Kroger, a regional grocery store chain for the same price that pretty much everyone else sells dad's root beer for $4.58 per four pack. And then you just respond to yourself for no reason? Wow. Just wow.

You're as much of a snob towards connoisseurs as you think they are towards the middle class. Let me guess. You think Section 8 housing projects represent the middle class, right? What? If you think of specialty stores like World Market, Fresh Market, and Earth Fair as yuppie stores because they specialize in imported, hard to find specialty and organic products. And you might as well stop drinking micro brewed root beers right now and go back to drinking IBC mug

and an A&W for the rest of your life. It's kind of hard to hear you over the sound of your grinding ax. Because specialty stores are about the only places that carry high-end gourmet and micro-brewed root beers on any regular basis. Also, Virgil's is one of the most affordable micro-brewed root beers available. There are at least five other brands that I know of which cost $2 or more per

pack. What the fuck is going on with you? More per four pack than Virgil's regardless of where you buy them. If Virgil's is your idea of overpriced, you might as well never drink micro-brewed root beer again. And then what kind of life will you have? Guys, I'm kind of scared.

Lightning crash, orchestra sting. Again! We got another thing from Night Owl here, but before we get into that, my name's Donna. And I picked this up for my son when I was on vacation because I knew he loved root beer. I'd never heard of it, but the advertising caught my eye. My son hated it because he said it tasted

like licorice. I, who never much cared for root beer, fell in love with it. I'm hooked, and I'm looking for a place where I can buy it close to home! It's the best soft drink I've ever had! Now I crave it! So much flavor!

Oh my god, Donna. Oh, shit. my god Donna oh shit Donna in the kids commercial what's going on actually Adam take the sanity cruiser please if you've never liked root beer and you like Virgil's well you still don't like root beer kudos to your son Kudos to your son! That was a bad, bad, bad, bad! What is this good one? What is with all this backhanded sniping on the root beer website? Alright, and then

again, we are still in the same, this is just, you know, every one of these reviews has a comment section, and comments can get a little heated. So, Toast, your name is Daryl? Yes. I have sampled over 50 different root beers.

V. Urgels is a joke way overpriced. Don't waste your money. Night Owl, do you have something to say about that? Stop buying it from special stores who sell it at a huge markup. Just picture Night Owl just like playing it in an organ while they sell it at a huge markup. Just picture Night Owl just playing it in an organ while they sell it. Dad's root beer sells for nearly $5 per four pack at three different stores in my area.

None of them specialty stores either. While stubborn root beer sells at $6 per four pack before sales tax at Walmart. Virgil's sells at $4.58 per four pack at three different non-specialty stores He's got notebooks filled with the price of Virgil's at every different store. This is like one of those like ShopRite ads

from like the 90s. What if Bruce Wayne's parents were killed by a bottle of root beer? You beat me to the joke. Jimmy Franks, take Trey, please. Yes. I don't think they should be allowed to call this root beer. I think they should have to call it black licorice soda. You're the son from earlier.

Oh, it all connects together. I bought a case on the interwebs because I'm a total root beer nerd, so you can imagine how disappointed I was when I cracked it open and basically poured liquid black licorice in my face. Hot. Hot. Dad's going on about the root beer again. I hate black licorice. My BFF and I are constantly trying new root beers to try to one-up each other.

So far, he's winning with Sprechers. to one-up each other. He's winning with Sprechers. I'm in a close second with Henry Winehart's, but this black licorice soda comes in dead last. I feel like I paid a lot of money for a root beer and was lied to.

If I'd known how overwhelmingly licorice-y it was, I wouldn't have wasted my money. I don't suppose Night Owl has anything to say about that, do they? Da-na-na. Da-na-na-na-na. Squish.

Then you might as well stop buying root beer because licorice is a common ingredient in many, if not most, root beer recipes. I do not like licorice. I like licorice. beer recipes. I do not like licorice. I don't like licorice. And personally,

don't buy the licorice. Guys, I don't know how to say this one. Licorice? Thank you. And personally, don't buy licorice. It tastes overly pronounced in Virgil's, unlike brands like Dr. Brown's and Sioux City.

Furthermore, I've often found that the more you delve into store brands and generic root beers, the more prominent and expensive ingredients like licorice becomes in their flavor profiles. Okay, okay. Yeah, as far as Virgil's being overpriced goes, in my area, there are several brands that are more expensive. I don't suppose you have any research to share, do you? Regardless of where you buy that microbreed brand,

it's like Main Root, Bundaberg, Bulldog, Sarnac, Stubborn, and Boylan are all more expensive. And even mass-produced brands like Dad's. Dang. That's good. Old City Root Beer and Sioux City are usually roughly the same price, give or take 50 cents to a dollar, depending on where you buy them. Virgil's is very affordable and competitively priced compared to other micro-brood brands. This is another situation of Hank Hill

showing up in the comment threads. Does he work at Virgil's? Bundaberg and Sarnac with arms open. Don't tell Night Owl about store brand Dr. Peppers because we're going to be in trouble. My name is Good Drinks. Every root beer is different.

It's a type of soda and they all balance the flavors differently. My personal favorites are Virgil's number one and Henry Winehart's number two. Virgil's number one and Henry Winehart's number two. Virgil's Cream Soda is my top two for that category as well. A Wisconsin brand with a yellow jacket or bubblebee on

it is tied with it. And number one in Black Cherry Cream Soda. Henry W's is my top two for Orange Cream Soda, but Virgil's isn't because it tastes more like sparkling orange Sprite and isn't creamy enough for me. Does have

a nice crisp bite to it. I'm sorry. Is this the root beer website or not? What are you talking about? What are these? Cream soda? I don't know what any of these words mean. Sparkling orange soda? I don't know what any of these words mean. Sparkling orange soda.

Fine, go ahead, go ahead. If... Clearing my tongue. Clearing my tongue. If you don't like the anise licorice, then you won't like it as much as the other root bears that are heavier on the wintergreen. Virgil's is actually a bit light on the wintergreen taste, but it's a good balance and very unique. Id much rather have Virgil's root beer than an IBC Daddy's A&W or supermarket brand root beer.

Looking forward to trying Dr. Better by Virgils Dr. Better? Okay, alright And then Night Owl shows up again But we can just assume That Night Owl shows up again It's pretty much the same content Except for it's longer than the other Comments that Night Owl has left

But Wait, before we move on though Let's see, does Night Owl talk about. Wait, before we move on, though, let's see. Does Night Owl talk about prices? Yes, they do. Oh, yeah. As it happens. As it happens. He didn't say anything about the prices. Nope, nope, nope. You didn't even glancingly mention that.

But Night Owl sure fucking did. But before we move on, in this thread, Jimmy Franks, the Sanity Cruiser, has one more review. Horrible soda, which seems to have been improperly labeled as root beer. The only root beer in which I have tried it is worse than Virgil's is Bundaberg. Bundaberg and Virgil's is the root beer as Taco Bell is the Mexican food. Okay, but...

Yuck. Yep, yep, yep. There should be laws. It's like, you know, they should have sort of like zoning criteria. There should be officials. All right. I cannot believe how long

we just spent talking about the last right here. And again, you were worried about not having enough material here. Holy shit. Okay, so this next one's River City Rapier. I'm just going to take this one real quick. My name... Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. River... Yeah, what?

Did the rapier's girlfriends get stolen and they have to punch their way through? Yeah, my name is, once again, Aristophanes. And River City Rip Beer is... Okay. Thank you. River City Rip Beer is a classic. It's made for root beer people for the root beer crowd.

It's got little awareness of the flash pal marketing, normally coupled with soda sales. The front of the label is laughably bad i suspect it was made in microsoft office 2000 using clipart but the back has an adorable iconographic set of instructions for making a rip your float oh i gotta get my hands on this the flavor flavor is robust, but not particularly complex. It has a classic flavor profile and does not attempt to gussy it up

with the newfangled concepts of the designer soda world. I agree that it would be great for a root beer float. Old-fashioned and to the point. My dad would appreciate this. I bought this in Portland, Oregon.

And Night Owl, anything to say about that? I've said that I doubt that this reviewer is an expert. That he is often condescending, occasionally even offensive. And has an obvious bias. All that stuff that I just said About the Jews in my review Obvious bias Towards obscure and expensive Gourmet products not widely

Known in or available To his average reader I point to this review As exhibit A Of his ineptitude. Product presentation may be somewhat relevant to how well it sells,

but little else. No one knows or cares what his dad's root beer standards are, so that's useless information included for no reason. But we can be thankful that at least he got through a review without throwing out his favorite word, cloying, at least once.

Oh my God. What did I do to you? For the 10 leaders of this review who actually have access to this product, did it really help you decide whether this root beer would be worth your money to try? Yet another biased, useless joke of a review. Wow. I love you, Naomi. Wow. joke of a review. Wow.

I love you, Nite Owl. I'm liking you more and more. Nite Owl just perched on a gargoyle head on top of a parapet. It's like, someday I'll clean up the root beer review site. A big fizz is gonna come. You'll ask me what to... I think every product review ever made should get a rebuttal.

You'll ask me for help picking out the best root beer, and I'll look down and say, no. Okay, Jimmy Franks, what did you think of Henry Weinhardt's root beer? I heard he got canceled. He got 113 votes. What did you think of Henry Weinhardt's root beer? I heard he got canceled. He got 113 votes. Ooh. Henry Weinhardt's root beer.

Our review, 3 out of 10. Visitor rating, 8.4. Looks like you fucked that review up. Oh, man. I got getting ratioed on the root beer review forum. Root beer reviews is over, party. This is Aristophanes again, and there are not a lot of good things to say about

this root beer. While it was so unremarkable that I could barely recall enough about it to write a review, the words tinny, bland, flat, smooth, and light came to bind. I bind them. I bind them. I bind these.

It definitely lacks pizzazz. And like many other root beers, they seem to be relying on the old-fashioned bottle design to convince the consumer that this is a tasty, old-fashioned root beer rather than the stainless steel factory product that it really is. Really? Fucking really?

Okay, I'm sorry. I have to break from the... Your criticism is that root beer comes in a root beer bottle? Look, I'm an old-fashioned guy. I like an old-timey bottle with an old-timey root beer in it. Wait, John Toast, put that mask on. You look kind of like Night Owl. No, no, no, no.

No, you can't see much of your face. Wow, he ripped his actual face off. I like my root beer with sarsaparilla and sassafras in it, alright? It's gotta be made by a guy with arm garters. Working behind a counter made of hickory.

Okay, I'm Tefty. Okay, WTF is wrong with you? That's a good question. I'm glad somebody finally asked it. I go to the next page and you rave about Shasta Root Beer, yet HW, you give terrible reviews. Normally, I do not even care to post of tell my

opinion. No, I'm sure you don't. I'm sure you keep them to yourself. Absolutely. Listen, I do not even care to post of tell my opinion. I think it's a waste of time. Yep. But you, sir, are a joke to society and should be

punished for your crimes of falsely reporting on root beer. Shame, shame, shame, shame, shame, shame. How dare you? How dare you take the name of HW's near perfect perfection root beer? And Shasta? Fucking Shasta? and Chester? Fucking Chester?

Tefti's gonna be played by Mark Ruffalo when they make a movie out of this. Oh, that's gonna be awesome. Yeah. Was it drugs that altered your taste buds? I do not know, but something is definitely wrong. The root beer emperor has no clothes. You know, at the very end, though,

I mean, what about Michael Shannon? Can we do that? Oh, well, I think Michael Shannon's going to be, like, he's going to be big root beer, and Mark Ruffalo's going to be fighting against the message. What are you talking about? I'm just making fucking root beer. Send the idea to

Funny or Die. Can Michael Stuhlbarg play Night Owl if it's not Michael Shannon? My name is Dan M. Sab Miller has ruined this once. Great root beer. Anything to turn a profit for the shareholders

of their conglomerate. Oh shit, stay woke, Denim. First thing they did was shut down the Wineheart Brewery in Oregon. Moved operations to Texas, where labor was cheaper. Oh, root beers are bastards! Oh, root beers are bastards! And the first change with reformulating was to start using much high it's cheaper high fructose corn syrup all you hw followers are but frogs in a pot on the stove

you don't you don't poach an entire frog guys i i thought that i i thought that what i thought I thought Wikipedia was the best website on the internet but I think it might be this it might be this root pierce I need to fact check whether or not you poach entire whole frogs I'm sure the French do it I don't want to be corrected in the comments

you will you will be regarded whether or not you're correct you'll be corrected in the comments I think he's making like a you know hot dog You will. You will. You will be regarded. Whether or not you're correct, you'll be corrected in the comments. You know what? Night Owl's showing up. I think he's making like a, you know, hot dog. Sorry, frogs in boiling water. A hot dog in an air fryer for two hours. Won't jump out.

Got hot dogs on the mind. Never mind. Okay. So, yeah. I just wanted to, since you mentioned it, actually, I just wanted to talk about Shasta Rip Beer. I don't, I mean, you know, we've only spent a little bit of time on this. I think that Aristophanes might be actually the only reviewer on root beer review.

So, yeah, this is just the voice of God, and some people don't care for it. Anyway, Shasta root beer, it has the distinction of being one of the only canned root beers that I would consider drinkable. It has a very strong root beer aroma when opened, which is always a good sign. There's no metallic taste, which is rare for tin brews, and excellent carbonation. While Shasta lacks complexity, it makes up for it in creaminess. In many ways, it is like A&W root beer. It's creamy, it's satisfying, and it's artificial. Sweetened with a fruit-dust corn syrup. One thing to note it's satisfying, and it's artificial. Sweetened with baguette fructose corn syrup.

One thing to note is that the can design is dreadful. The design is ugly. Can is... Looking at rootbeerreview.com right now, but anyway, the design is ugly. And the can is plastered with tacky claims, such as

very low in sodium, dimensions of dangerously high in sugar, and no caffeine. Is any root beer caffeinated? Don't let this deter you, though. The next time you see Shasta in a pop can dispensing machine, you should buy it. And, uh, toast, what does, uh, uh, Gummy Bear have to say? Hi, my name is Gummy Bear. Hi.

Okay, Gummy Bear. Hi. Hi. I really like Shasta root beer. Hi, my name is Gummy Bear. Hi. Hi. I really like Shasta Root Beer. Shasta Root Beer relaxes me, so I have to drink it all the time. My question to you is, does Shasta Root Beer come from Mount Shasta, or is Mount Shasta advertising Shasta Root Beer to get more customers?

Answer at my email. Real email, redacted. P.S. No caps or spaces. P.S. No caps or spaces. P.S. No caps or spaces. Come here. Come to my house. I will fight you. He's on a fact-finding mission. Email me.

Have the mountain email me, please. I have to drink it all the time. Like Crank. He's going to be drinking root beer Crank 3 root beer Alright, alright, let's write it Let's write it. Don't fucking green light it

It'll lose more money, it's fine Um Uh Healy, will you take the review of Diet Stewart's please? Yes, I would love to. And Diet Stewart's Diet Stewart's. Also Aristophanes Yes, Diet Stewart And Diet Stewards? Also Aristophanes? Yes, Diet Stewards.

Just to quickly interrupt the Aristophanes things, I saw that all the reviews up until like 2018 are Aristophanes. And then after that it's taken over by Ed Min. Which is just probably Aristophanes, but just changed. Oh yeah, definitely. Oh, actually

what I can tell you right now, meet the RitbyReview.com team. These fine people have all contributed their expertise and opinions. Aristophanes fell in love with Ritbeer at a young age. As a child, he would wait in anticipation for the bubbly treat while out to dinner with his family. Even now, he feels excitement at trying a new Ritbeer. And then he's the creator of this website.

The other people that contribute to this website are Flat Top Tony, Josiah Haley, Rasputin, and Cloris Leachman. That's Bea Arthur. Oh, shit. No, that's... Oh, goddammit. Sorry.

Wrong Golden Girl. I'm sorry. Wrong Golden Girl? Wait, no. Cloris Leachman. Never mind. girl i'm sorry wrong golden girl wait no closely never uh flat top tony uh as a reviewer has zero posts so oh okay i like that aristophanes like bio reads like a the intro to like a like the setup for a villain or something they called me Beer Reviews. You think I'm a villain, do you? Oh, no. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Our review, one out of ten. Visitor rating, two and a half out of ten with four votes cast. Diet Stewart's is the diet version of the mass market Stewart's root beer.

Thank you. I don't know why this product even exists. Thank you very much for helping me out with that. Now I know. Now I know. The end. Yes. I don't know why this product even exists.

I can understand diet cola. Some people drink five or six colas a day, and the calories add up. But a diet root beer? Who needs that? What the calories add up. But a diet root beer? Who needs that? What the fuck? Wait. I think we're all about to turn into Night Owl here. Yeah. Does anyone worry about being

fattened by all the root beer they consume? Yes! It's sugar. It's mostly sugar. You're drinking sugar. It's fucking bad for you. You plebeians. It's like having a low-fat Kit Kat bar.

Why? Okay, I mean, yeah, sure. Yeah, fine. Okay. I will admit that Diet Stewart's starts off okay. It has a nice classic bottle design and off, okay. It has a nice classic bottle design and it smells okay.

Typical with a whiff of carbon dioxide. But not bad. Is he like putting it in a snifter and getting the head from it? You have to let it breathe, yeah, absolutely. He's holding his hand over it and swirling it around.

Taking it off, just putting it right up in his nose. And then butt-chugging. And getting bubbles up there. I'm going to let you into more of my process here in a moment. When I poured it into a glass for visual inspection, however, I began to get suspicious. You know the joke about the snifter? I think, you know. Yep.

What mysteries do you hold? It looked thin with no head and a pallid tea-like color. There might be sugar in this one. The taste, oh, lack of taste, was worse. Diet Stewart's has absolutely no flavor. Honest. Honest? If I were to do a blind taste test,

I would say it tastes most like watered-down, flavorless, carbonated diet cider. Certainly not root beer. That is a flavor. You just said that it had absolutely no flavor. Then you said honest, and then you said what the flavor was. Do you have any qualifications?

And I'm an expert On root beer I'm sorry It has an aftertaste of pulverized Alkaline battery Upon inspection They make you taste that at root beer Connoisseur school

It's like how they mace cops. It's a blindfold test. If you can drink a battery, you can drink a beer. He spent a month in Belgium at the root beer sommelier course. Upon inspection of the label, I learned that this is a zero calorie root beer sweetened with root beer and with no recognizable ingredients asides from water wait sorry so so they first they made a zero calorie root beer and then they sweetened it with root beer i don't know. I don't believe you.

Strangely, it contains some dessert plant extracts for what purpose I cannot fathom. Definitely not the taste. Is he talking about Stevia? What plant do you serve for dessert? It's like strawberry. Okay, alright.

I don't know. I poured the rest of the bottle down the sink. I will never drink this vile shadow of an excuse for root beer again. Ew. Ew. Please look at this picture of a strange mouse in a dress next to my root beer. You bet. Oh, yeah.

It's like one of those little mice that my grandmas or aunts would have to like put their needles in when they're so yeah that was a voodoo doll all right uh so steward coming to what very well might be our final review uh on this website uh we've uh we've uh it's other reviews have talked about it, but this is the Bundaberg root beer. It's been reviewed 131 times, but not as definitively as from Aristophanes. Comes in a little red stripe

kind of short thing. I'm assuming it's Australian. I actually have had Bundaberg ginger ale just to be forthcoming here. I have their ginger beer in my fridge right now. Ginger beer. I might have said ale, but I've had their ginger beer and it's very good. It's very good that you're

disclosing your conflicts of interest. I'm sorry, members of Congress in the House, I will have to recuse myself from this root beer review. You know what? Actually, seeing as how you have disclosed your conflict of interest, Toast, if you'll take this review by Aristophanes.

Oh, sure. Hello, I'm Aristophanes. You've heard a lot from me. You certainly have. Our review is 8.0 out of 10. The visitor rating is 5.3. Bundaberg is family-owned outfit based in, you guessed it, Bundaberg, Queensland, Australia. They certainly seem to have a passion for real brood products, so I was excited to try it out.

I was also excited because I purchased it at a coffee shop with smolderingly beautiful baristas and an intolerably chic client base. I can hear Night Owl's blood boiling already. Can we pause the recording so I can go take a shower real quick? Root beer baristas. I don't stop. This is a creep. Weird.

He's only been obsessively reviewing every root beer on this site. What a guest. There's one barista's name, Kathy. Her hair smells terrible. Smells like licorice and alkaline batteries. It might be snooty beyond belief,

but it was almost guaranteed to be good. Bundaberg is sold in a cute, shorty bottle. It's up to say, everyone will know how expensive this root beer was because, hey, look, it's in a short bottle. Oh, no. You are tempting fate, Aristophanes. You're just baiting Night Owl here.

Yes, I will lure him out and finally defeat him. It also has a cool pool tab for opening the cap. I noticed the glances from the other customers, which silently communicated a strange mixture of, I'm envious of your root beer's cool pool tab, and do you know how many calories are in that? I think Aristophanes is really misinterpreting the,

will you shut up so I can drink my coffee in peace? I think they were looking at you because you're going oh wow Take every time you take a sip going Like steps out of line after getting it's like thank you my beautiful lady barista. Let me pop this open. Oh delicious What a most expensive bottle Just continuously alternating his index finger from one cheek to the other. It's also worth mentioning that Bundaberg markets the same drink as Sarsaparilla. I'm a little suspicious because Sarsaparilla and root beer aren't supposed to be the same thing.

However... Says only assholes. However, my bottle said root beer, and it tasted darn good. So I'm going to let this issue slide. Is there a sarsaparilla review.com so we could just read that and it's all

in cowboy voice? I mean, to be fair, Adam, you know, it's our podcast. We can just do an entire episode in cowboy voice regardless. Why don't we do a jelking episode, but all cowboy voice? While we're pulling on my penis. The flavor is sprightly, dancing on the tongue like rain sprinkled from fairy

wings. It is reminiscent of American sweetened iced tea. Oh my god. I hate it. I hate it. Sweetened by Americans. Pray tell, McDonald's employee, could you bring me some of your American sweet and nice tea?

God fucking damn it. Okay. It is reminiscent of American sweet and nice tea with a hint of lemon. A quick peek... Australia had to import in the Nestea in order to sweeten it.

A quick peek at the label reveals that it's spiked with ginger, vanilla, licorice, molasses, and sarsaparilla. All good things. I don't know what spiking means, but... I'm not. We gotta move on.

It's just one thing after another. Bundaberg is unique. It's tasty. It's like a carnival. Tasty like a carnival. You know, I've licked every part of a carnival and it tasted just like this. I'm always licking carnies

until they ask me to stop and they infrequently do. Maybe it's not the best representation of the classic root beer, but it's interesting and well balanced and not to mention superbly marketed. Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to throw a thin scarf over my tight v-neck t-shirt, don some sunglasses, and catwalk to my next destination. Aristophanes, out. What does he think catwalk means?

When you shake a little tush on the catwalk. But he made it a verb. All fours. All fours and hissing. I like that. He's like licking his paw and rubbing it against his forehead. The back of his hand.

Aw, Aristophanes. Let's get my little root beer in a dish. This is the Sandy Cruiser again. What's up, Sandy Cruiser? Bundaberg is the absolute worst root beer i've ever tasted oh i could not care less about the short bottle or cute pull tab bottle cap oh calling this crap root beer is akin to calling celine dion's music rock and roll oh i bought a 12 bag of cost Costco and brought the remaining 11 bottles back.

Yeah, hey, man, it's Jeff Rigby. I'm with you, man. This is the second worst root beer I've tasted. The first is Carver's Root Beer. It's sold in the UK and ASDA, Walmart. Reading the website owner posted has made me discard all his reviews on root beer. posted is maybe discard all his reviews on root beer. More proof of

Aristophanes' ineptitude as reviewer. Bias towards expensive Fufu Barbe's and Micro Brews. By reviewing Butterburg's ASA root beer, he's acknowledging it as root beer.

I've said before. Are you okay, Nino? My throat hurts. I've said before. I choked on some root beer. I've said before. Are you okay, Nino? Now my throat hurts. I've said before. I choked on some root beer. I've said before that I don't take issue with him reviewing micro-brewed gourmet root beers at all. You kind of seem to, though. You seem to have a couple issues with his reviews.

No, but I feel he does his readers a disservice by over-focusing on them while ignoring and thumbing his nose at a dozen or more mainstream brands of all types, mass-produced microbrewed and hard-root beers that more of his readers are actually drinking. It's for all these reasons, plus the elitist condescending

tone he so often adopts when reviewing mainstream or mass-produced brands that you're right to not trust his reviews. Don't trust his reviews. He wrote that in his own blood before he died.

It's tattooed on his chest in memento. And after that review, Night Owl turns to their scrying orb and is like, Quick, put the bloodstone back, otherwise all my powers will leave me. You must get the bloodstone, my minions. You got boots? Oh, yes, hi there, I am TJ? Oh, hi. Yes, hi there. I am TJ. Oh, please don't be TJ Miller.

Please. Please don't be TJ Miller. I'm TJ Miller. Oh, God damn it. This was going to be a nice episode. I'm going to call the police. Hopefully they'll show up before you're finished. It would be interesting to know the age of the commenters who bashed Bundaberg root beer.

If they're young, under 40, they have probably never tasted true root beer. Instead, they have grown up drinking the American version. Wait, what? It's okay. Sorry. Which is absent the true herbs and roots originally used to make root beer. While I agree that Bundaberg is quite different, I love it for it's the closest thing I've found to real root beer. My name is Matt Petite.

Matt Petite. I'm Little Matt. Little Matt. Kids, the taste that's throwing them off is yeast. It's not found in today's root beer, but it's always found in truly old-time home-brewed root beer. This is the closest I've found to the root beer of my youth. Jimmy Franks, if you'll please take Harold McMullen, please. Sure.

Yeah, this is Harold McMullen. Please, please. The clear winner for root beer is Virgil's. It's the only micro-brewed root beer that you can taste the separate flavors sliding down your tongue. Go on, go on. Enjoying a wonderful sip of this rooty nectar. I don't care for this. Rooty nectar.

I don't care for this. Anise. Licorice. Vanilla. Cinnamon. Clove. Sweet birch. I thought this wasn't going to be a gross episode. Call me that again.

Call me that again. Not big. Berry oil or allspice. Balsam of Peru oil. Cassia oil. Oh, man. You can taste all of these. Balsam of Peru oil. Cassia oil. Oh, man, you can taste all of these. Every time I take a sip, I feel like a wine sommelier. But with red beer.

I love that you said wine sommelier. Not a water sommelier. You Virgil's folks will know what I'm talking about. Just a dreamy beverage. I drink it constantly if I can afford it. No other root beer comes within a meter of Virgil's. Enough said. I love that you showed up in the thread for Bundaberg root beer just to talk about Virgil's and only Virgil's.

Not even Virgil's in contrast, but just like... Harold, what did you think of Bundaberg's? P.S. Bundaberg's tastes like vinegar. Do you have anything else to say? I'm sorry, I had to log back in and say so bad I couldn't even spell vinegar correctly. It was vinegar.

I'm sorry. Bundaberg's tastes like Venager. What did we learn from this episode, F-Plus? Night Owl is going to return justice to the Root Bee Reviews. That's what I've learned. Which superhero

world has Night Owl as a character? Is that Spider-Man? That's Watchmen.'s the Watchmen. Great. Watchmen. Nathan? Yeah, Night Owl is definitely a person that's on a quest. Here's something that I genuinely felt throughout the episode.

Because we started out and I was like, oh, we're going to be reading about Ripier for a while. I feel like, I wonder if that'll be i don't know like like like thin and then and then i was like oh night owl showed up and like is shitty and they're like that's fun and then by the end i was like i think i might be on night yeah i can't say that for myself no okay okay it's like when you're watching a movie or a show and it's like as it goes on you sympathize more and more with the villain. Yeah, yeah. They got a point.

They got a point. He's the Hank Schrader of this. I learned that high fructose corn syrup definitely affects your taste buds negatively. Oh, totally. It seems to. It affects your synapses so maybe i'm just a plebeian maybe i don't understand but this this really cemented home

how when it's like when when people like taste something or do something and they say like it's got like earthy tones but with a fruity aftertaste and i just realize it's just like i have no idea what the fuck that means i I can't picture that. I can't, I can't like simulate that in my mouth. I can't picture what that tastes like. And so it's like, this really just drives at home when they're just drinking this root beer.

And it's like, Oh, it's got earthy mineral tones. And I'm just like, it's fucking root beer. Like, it's like, is it good?

Or does it taste bad? Like there's not like, it tastes like sugar and it's slightly astringent. Done. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it's not like it's it's it tastes like sugar and it's slightly astringent done yeah yeah yeah yeah but it's just like i i feel like it's just on other stuff it's like you know like with wine and all that it's like it's got this you know it's got this kind of pretense of being you know having all these like this diversity of flavors that you can't describe that way and but even so like in that case or this case i just i don't have any idea what the fuck it means yeah anyway yeah i mean i came into this thing like because i i'm like i'm familiar i'm familiar with beer advocate and so i came into this thing expecting beer advocate like i

expected people to just be pompous about root beer that's what i was that's what i was i felt like i was walking into like the idea of more than one person devoting their lives to just fucking with this fucking guy like the amount of drama that's happening in this shitty little microcosm is it's terrific it's it's for all of the bad that the internet has done for us like that's great what a wonderful world. I also learned from the bottom of this document that Gene Simmons, Rowdy Roddy Piper, and Chumlee from Pawn Stars all have their signature root beers.

What's Rowdy Roddy Piper's name? Rowdy Roddy Piper's has a soda called Rowdy Roddy Piper's All Out of Bubblegum Soda. So I guess it tastes like ass. He's no longer with us, right? He is no longer with us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rest in peace, bubblegum.

It looks like it says bubblegum soda. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Meanwhile, Gene Simmons' rip here is called Moneybag, which is what Jimmy Simmons calls his testicles. Our website is thefbl.us. Our forum is Ball Pits. And other websites exist as well, including good ones and also bad ones. Goodbye. And now we'll name all the websites in order, starting with...

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Art Fruits. Art Fruits. Art Fruits. Art Fruits. Art Fruits. Art Fruits. Art Fruits. Art Fruits. Art Fruits. Art Fruits. Starting with... I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember.

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I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember. I remember Homebrew lightning, they alcohol, even good old Mountain Dew. Moonshine, great mountain dew. I didn't say what I learned, but... Sorry, what were you saying? I was just going to say I didn't say what I learned, but I realized I didn't learn anything. I just forgot some stuff. I forgot some stuff. There's only so much in there.

Only so much in there. Only so much in there. The thing went black when I hooked it in the socket. Woo! Root beer. Woo!